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Speaker 1: Ninety nine percent of arguments have nothing to do with

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Speaker 1: facts that is actually a fact. And dead ass. I

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Speaker 1: swear I don't be trying to piss you off the valve.

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Speaker 1: It just be happiness sometimes that remains to be seen.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadein and I'm Devout and we're

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Speaker 1: the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our voice and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therby most days. Wow. Oh,

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Speaker 1: and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of them life's most taboo topics, things most folks

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk about through the lens of a

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Speaker 1: millennial married couple. Dead ass is the term that we

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Speaker 1: say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're

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Speaker 1: actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We take pillow talk to

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Speaker 1: a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. Just

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Speaker 1: know that there's two sides to every story, Y'allso go

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Speaker 1: ahead with your story, Tundvale. You see you see how

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Speaker 1: I didn't even get a chance to say anything and

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Speaker 1: she's already ready to argue. You see that I was

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Speaker 1: making a disclaimer. Okay, I'm gonna tell y'all how me

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Speaker 1: and k had one of them. First of all, this

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Speaker 1: here is the answer to the number one question I

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Speaker 1: get on social media. Do you and KaDee ever argue? Yes? Fuck? Yeah, yes?

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Speaker 1: And it gets crazy sometimes it does, okay. And the

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Speaker 1: reason why people say we don't ever see I argue, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because we're too big the arguing to pick up a

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Speaker 1: phone and show you that we arguing. That's the only

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Speaker 1: reason why you don't see it. But we being here arguing,

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell you why. I don't remember the date,

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Speaker 1: but we did have a podcast where I talked about burnout,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about burnout, and I told you we

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Speaker 1: were going to do a whole podcast about how to burnout.

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Speaker 1: Turned out to be a burnout in our marriage, right.

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Speaker 1: Kadeen was what Kadeen is still the matron of honor

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Speaker 1: and her best friend Tiffany's wedding was also. I know

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Speaker 1: that's your best friend, but Tiffany was more like my friend.

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Speaker 1: But that's now argue about who French is whatever. Any who,

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Speaker 1: my college roommate my college sweet mate Stephen Bowing and

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Speaker 1: his ex wife Tiffany Bowen. We met them around the

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Speaker 1: same time. But Tiffany and I used to argue all

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Speaker 1: the time when we used to go on couples retreats

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Speaker 1: because we have the same personality. Yeah, you all are

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Speaker 1: very similar. So because of that, we created a bond

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Speaker 1: where it's just like, that's my homie. Everybody used to

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Speaker 1: be like y'all always arguing. We like to debate, we

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Speaker 1: like to challenge each other, and we like to challenge

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Speaker 1: popular thought. If there's one thing about me, if you

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Speaker 1: guys haven't noticed, is that I'm never just gonna say

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Speaker 1: what everyone else is saying just to be a part

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Speaker 1: of the chamber or the conversation, because a lot of

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Speaker 1: times we'll be like, oh, don't you have something to

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Speaker 1: say about X, y Z that's happening out in current events,

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Speaker 1: and you're just like, no, I'm not gonna jump in

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Speaker 1: any argument or every argument, nor am I going to

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Speaker 1: piggyback off of somebody else's thoughts idea. So I only

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Speaker 1: feel to engage in conversations if I have an original thought,

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Speaker 1: which is why so often I've always been like the

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Speaker 1: topic of conversation because they'd be like, what the fuck

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Speaker 1: is the val talking about? It's an original thought. I

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Speaker 1: don't feel like I'm helping if I'm going to just

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Speaker 1: keep saying what everybody else is saying so people can say, yeah,

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Speaker 1: the val is right. Nah. If I agree with that

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Speaker 1: everybody else is saying in my opinion, doesn't really matter

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Speaker 1: any as much. But if I think it's different than

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Speaker 1: I'll say something. But that's neither here, no there. Tiffany

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Speaker 1: and I have the same personality. Were also both very

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Speaker 1: type A workaholics, and you and Steve were both very

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Speaker 1: laid back, like I don't on a vacation. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to drink and tan and have fun. I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like debating about politics. So me and Tiffany became real close.

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Speaker 1: But Kay and Tiffany became really really close as they

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Speaker 1: shared a lot of bonds as moms and wives of

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Speaker 1: NFL players. And you two best friends because me and

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Speaker 1: Steve are close, like, we're extremely close. So she is

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Speaker 1: what was the matron of honor in her wedding. Steve

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Speaker 1: and Tiffany got divorced. Tiffany remarried shout out to Dane,

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Speaker 1: great guy, and here's the thing. If there's ever two

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Speaker 1: people who you need to watch co parents, oh for sure,

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Speaker 1: and create a space for each other to be happy

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Speaker 1: to move forward after divorce, it's Tiffany and Steve. That's

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Speaker 1: the blunt. I don't know how they were able to well.

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Speaker 1: I mean they did go to therapy, but amicably split

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Speaker 1: and then support each other in business and business ventures,

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Speaker 1: children relationships afterwards. It was just amazing to watch he

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Speaker 1: remarried and she was getting married in Jamaica. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be They're so bad. And the reason why I

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Speaker 1: gave you that whole backstory is because Tiffany is my friend.

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Speaker 1: Like I know she's your friend, but she was my

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Speaker 1: friend when I started my training business and I was

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Speaker 1: starting to build. She hired me to be her trainer.

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Speaker 1: She didn't say, yo, let me get the homie discount.

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Speaker 1: I used to drive to Harlem. She paid me my

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Speaker 1: market value, and we used to spend an hour and

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Speaker 1: a half three times a week building and like helping

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Speaker 1: her build her body, but also just talking about what

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Speaker 1: we wanted for ourselves, Like it was therapy for both

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Speaker 1: of us. So I really wanted to go to this

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Speaker 1: wedding and it was in Jamaica. We had a long year,

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Speaker 1: so I was just ready to just get away. I

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Speaker 1: told you guys the story about how I was burnt out.

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Speaker 1: I passed out in my room when we were filming.

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Speaker 1: Sisters and Crystal came in and the medic came in

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Speaker 1: and all this stuff happened, and I thought I was

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Speaker 1: having a stroke. At this time, Kay was already in Jamaica.

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Speaker 1: That was a Friday. Kad left for Jamaica on the Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: the boys had gotten sick. My parents flew in to

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Speaker 1: help me because they knew I was filming and the

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Speaker 1: boys needed needed help moving from practice to school. So

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Speaker 1: my parents flew in and Kay did her best. She

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Speaker 1: also got my grandparents to come in, so there were

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Speaker 1: four adults and my sister came in. Five adults, but

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Speaker 1: everybody got sick that Friday. I'm driving home. I'm disoriented.

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Speaker 1: I'm still trying to get home because it's a about

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Speaker 1: an hour ride from the studio to the crib and

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Speaker 1: I'm driving. I'm driving, and I'm like, let me call

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Speaker 1: Kay so I could talk to somebody on my way home.

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Speaker 1: I called. I said, hey, baby, I had an incident

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Speaker 1: at work. I'm not feeling well. They almost had to

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Speaker 1: call an ambulance. I told him not to because I

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Speaker 1: wanted to finish filming and I'm telling Kay all this

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Speaker 1: stuff that's going on, and Kay's first words back to

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Speaker 1: me were, so, you're not gonna make it to Jamaica.

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Speaker 1: And that was the beginning of the snowball effect. That

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Speaker 1: became the biggest miscommunication we've had in five years. It's

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Speaker 1: been about five years at the very least, maybe seven years,

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Speaker 1: because the last time we had an argument like this

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Speaker 1: or a miscommunication that became this big was in the gym,

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Speaker 1: which we talked about in the book, when you told

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Speaker 1: me you were pregnant with Kiro right well, right before

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Speaker 1: you told me you're pregnant with Kiro, because once she

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Speaker 1: told me she was pregnant with Kiro, that's when the

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Speaker 1: whole all the arguments went out the window. But she

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Speaker 1: said You're not going to make it to Jamaica. Instantly,

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling taking for granted, I'm feeling alone. I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: like okay, so clearly my health isn't a priority right here.

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Speaker 1: All you care about is me getting to Jamaica so

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Speaker 1: that I could be there with you. Because everyone else

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Speaker 1: has their partner there, and I'm just telling her. I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure. Yeah, I'll see how I feel in

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Speaker 1: the morning, but as of right now, I really don't

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Speaker 1: feel like well. I don't know if I should travel

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Speaker 1: because I also don't know if I have the flu

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Speaker 1: or if I have COVID or whatever. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to give it to people. And I'm talking to her

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Speaker 1: about how I feel, and she goes, well, whatever you do,

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Speaker 1: make sure you called Delta to get your money back.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, dang, she's just talking about the flight.

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Speaker 1: She still hasn't even asked me if I'm okay. And

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Speaker 1: I got home, I told her I was home. My

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Speaker 1: parents were here. They gave me some hot tea and everything.

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Speaker 1: I went to sleep, and that was the last conversation

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Speaker 1: I had had with Kay, because Kay was in Jamaica

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Speaker 1: doing her duties as a matron of honor. The rest

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Speaker 1: of the story, I'm going to bring k in on

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Speaker 1: because I want her to give her side while I

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Speaker 1: give my side to y'all, don't get lost. But that

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Speaker 1: was the beginning of the biggest miscommunication in our marriage

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Speaker 1: in the past seven years. Listen, I am alone at

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Speaker 1: a crossroads. Baby, I'm not at home in my own home,

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Speaker 1: and I tried and tried. You should have no, So no, listen,

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Speaker 1: when you tell people they should have known, that's probably

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Speaker 1: the first mistake that you make. Yes, in communication, spiraling

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Speaker 1: out of control. Yes, assuming that people should know how

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Speaker 1: you feel is a problem. Yes, So let's take a

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Speaker 1: little break, pay some bills, and we'll come back and

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Speaker 1: we'll give y'all. We'll do a little dance here. We'll

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Speaker 1: do a dance and dissect. Yeah, we'll do a dance.

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Speaker 1: We'll go back and forth and talk about what happened.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think it's necessarily that we're going to

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Speaker 1: decipher who was right or wrong, but at least we

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Speaker 1: can understand better. Are we not going to have to

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Speaker 1: decipher that. Let's take a break and come back anyway? Anyway,

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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, we're back. Um, And where did you

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Speaker 1: leave off in the story? So Friday night you came

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Speaker 1: home right. So, Initially, when Devout called me, my first instinct, yes,

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Speaker 1: was to be disappointed, because literally the entire time that

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Speaker 1: I was there, from the Wednesday, I was looking forward

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Speaker 1: to him getting to Jamaica so that we can be

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Speaker 1: together eight because we had not been away except for

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Speaker 1: Saint Lucia before that weekend. But at that point, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's a wedding weekend. Y'all know how wedding weekends are.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's in love. The atmosphere is amazing. Jamaica is our

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Speaker 1: favorite place to visit. Its where I'm from. We're both

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Speaker 1: dual citizens, so my entire family was also there, my

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Speaker 1: brother and my sister, my parents, My best friend Christina

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Speaker 1: came and devots absence to kind of hold stuff down

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Speaker 1: because she's also friends with Tiffany Brendon, my sister's fiance

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Speaker 1: was there. So everyone was literally like, damn, we can't wait.

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Speaker 1: An avowed to get here, so anything that transpired between

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Speaker 1: Wednesday and Friday, we were all like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: Devo would love this, So wait till Val gets here,

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Speaker 1: Wait till he gets here. So the initial reaction with

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Speaker 1: disappointment when I heard that you weren't feeling willing, you

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to make it. And that's in turn

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Speaker 1: why I said, dull shit, make sure you hit delta,

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Speaker 1: because I know it was also going to be timely.

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Speaker 1: You were supposed to check into a flight and get

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Speaker 1: on a flight within a couple hours, and that plane

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Speaker 1: ticket was like twenty five hundred dollars, and I wanted

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Speaker 1: to go so bad. I bought two plane tickets, one

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Speaker 1: on a Friday night yea, and one on a Saturday

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Speaker 1: because I wanted to. I wanted to get if they're

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Speaker 1: so bad that I wanted to make sure, okay, if

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Speaker 1: I can't get there the Friday evening or at least

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Speaker 1: already have my plane ticket on Saturday to go, I

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Speaker 1: really wanted to go right, So part of me was like, shit,

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Speaker 1: that cost the grip. So I was like calling immediately

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Speaker 1: to cancel your flight. But I also stayed on the

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Speaker 1: phone with you because you said you weren't feeling well.

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Speaker 1: You're passed out, so I was concerned about you driving

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Speaker 1: home alone. So I said, all right, let me step

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Speaker 1: away from and things. We're kind of winding now activities

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Speaker 1: for that night. So we were on the phone pretty

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Speaker 1: much do your entire drive home. I had even said

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Speaker 1: to you, do you want me to call our driver

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Speaker 1: to pick you up? You said no, I'm just trying

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Speaker 1: to get home. I'll get home faster if I have

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Speaker 1: to wait for him. So at this point I'm just

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out and decipher how bad things are.

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Speaker 1: So you also were extremely quiet. And the reason why

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Speaker 1: we're going to have a back and forth in this

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Speaker 1: because I want you guys to hear the perspectives but

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Speaker 1: also hear what the person was actually going through. So

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Speaker 1: we were on the phone together, but Kadeem was quiet,

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Speaker 1: she was disappointed. I was driving, trying to focus because,

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Speaker 1: like I said in the other story, they had to

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Speaker 1: give me some IVS. I mean they had to give

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Speaker 1: me a liquid IV I had to take some medication.

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Speaker 1: I still had to finish filming and we didn't get

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Speaker 1: done till twelve thirty. So on top of being fatigued,

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Speaker 1: remember I had lost fifteen pounds from the Monday to

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Speaker 1: Friday through dehydration for nobody else's fault but my own,

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Speaker 1: because I wasn't taking care of myself. So I was

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Speaker 1: really really out of it. And at that moment, all

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Speaker 1: I really wanted was my wife to be like, baby,

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Speaker 1: are you okay? Baby, are you okay? Talk to me,

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Speaker 1: Let's talk this through. Just give me some energy. I

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Speaker 1: wanted her to uplift me in that moment on this

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Speaker 1: forty five minute drive home. But instead all I got

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Speaker 1: was quietness, and when she did say something, it was

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Speaker 1: make sure that you call Delta to get your money back.

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Speaker 1: So for me, it just felt like, damn, she really

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Speaker 1: doesn't care how I feel in this moment. She's just

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Speaker 1: more upset that I'm not going to be able to

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Speaker 1: be there with her. That's how I felt driving home

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Speaker 1: and for forty five minutes. Naturally, I wasn't going to

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Speaker 1: be speaking the entire time for forty five minutes, but

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Speaker 1: I did ask, do you want me to call the

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Speaker 1: nurse because we have a mobile nurse who was come

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Speaker 1: to the house and give ivs which I had gotten

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Speaker 1: on that Monday before I left for Jamaica, because I

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Speaker 1: too felt like, yeah, I got a little tickle in

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Speaker 1: my throat. I don't want to be sick in Jamaica.

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Speaker 1: So she came to the house and gave me a

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Speaker 1: loaded IV So I didn't just ask about the Delta

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Speaker 1: flight return. I did say, are you able to drive?

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Speaker 1: Are you good? And I know you were saying just

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Speaker 1: like I'm just trying to get home. I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: get home. I said, do you want me to call

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Speaker 1: the nurse and see if she can come first thing

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Speaker 1: in the morning for you like, I didn't just disregard

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Speaker 1: how you felt. Oh no, the nurse thing happened on Saturday,

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Speaker 1: because I didn't tell you about my weight until Saturday morning. No,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't about the way you would told me that

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Speaker 1: night that she felt like you were dehydrated because your

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Speaker 1: blood pressure was low. And when I gave my sister

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Speaker 1: your blood pressure, she said, oh, yeah, he's probably definitely dehydrated.

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Speaker 1: Friday night, it was like one hundred over like seventy

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Speaker 1: or something, one hundred over sixty, something like really really low.

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Speaker 1: And when I said it to my sister that Friday night,

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Speaker 1: she was like, oh, it sounds like he might be dehydrated.

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Speaker 1: So that's when I said, I would try to get

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Speaker 1: the nurse to you first thing Saturday morning, because I

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Speaker 1: know your concern was working. But again, you probably felt

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Speaker 1: like I wasn't showing enough and I was, and you

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Speaker 1: were very disoriented. Disoriented I was, I was, I was medicated,

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Speaker 1: and I was just out of it. I just in

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Speaker 1: that moment, like I'm saying, when it's miscommunication, what I

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Speaker 1: heard didn't sound like concerned. What I heard sounded like

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Speaker 1: frustration that I wasn't going to be in Jamaica, and

283
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Speaker 1: I had tried to do everything to get there, so

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Speaker 1: I felt bad, and I was also upset at myself.

285
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Speaker 1: I told Kay I told my parents. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I can't blame anybody else from my state right now,

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Speaker 1: but me, I told you that I told my parents

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Speaker 1: that my parents. Aren't you okay? I said, I'm no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not okay, And I'm mad at myself because I'm

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Speaker 1: always on top of everyone else about their healthy I'm

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Speaker 1: always on top of k about getting sleep. I'm always

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Speaker 1: on top of k about drinking water and working out,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't do that right. I'm on top of

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Speaker 1: my father about his health with diabetes. I'm on top

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Speaker 1: of my mom with her swollen foot and her blood pressure.

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Speaker 1: I'm on top of everybody else. And I was just

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Speaker 1: pissed myself. So there was also a lot of self loathing.

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Speaker 1: And at the time I didn't know it was burned out,

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Speaker 1: so I didn't know what was going on with me

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Speaker 1: emotionally right. So I went to sleep that night. I

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Speaker 1: was upset at Kadeen, and I was upset at myself

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Speaker 1: because I felt like Codein just didn't care. I felt

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Speaker 1: like she was only focused on me. Not being there

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Speaker 1: for the wedding. So when I woke up in the morning,

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Speaker 1: I went to bed. That's not nine at light, it

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Speaker 1: was like even. And I called you at six am

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Speaker 1: Saturday morning because I was concerned. I barely slept at night.

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Speaker 1: I was concerned because I was like, damn, you know,

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Speaker 1: I want to make sure he's okay. But I remember

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Speaker 1: calling you at six in the morning. I set my alarm,

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Speaker 1: called you at six in the morning, and I said, hey,

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Speaker 1: I know you're probably still sleep, go back to sleep.

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Speaker 1: I just want to see, just hear your voice if

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Speaker 1: you were okay. Do you remember that happening. No, I

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Speaker 1: remember I called you. Yeah, so six am I called.

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Speaker 1: Don't let me start pulling out phone worcords because you

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Speaker 1: know I will listen. You could pull out phone workers.

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Speaker 1: I'm just throwing a joke because it's really not that

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Speaker 1: serious now because we discussed it, I know, but I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying my part of the story. Don't get mad.

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Speaker 1: I used getting a little viral, little volatility that even

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Speaker 1: a word I heard, a little volatility. Just called you

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Speaker 1: at six in the morning to check on us. Said,

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Speaker 1: I know you're probably still sleep. You need your sleep.

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Speaker 1: Go back to sleep. Call me when you just your

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Speaker 1: body wakes up. Yeah, right, And you called me around

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Speaker 1: ten am. Yes, I woke up facetimes you and around

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Speaker 1: ten am, and you were just like, hey, how you feeling.

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Speaker 1: I slept so almost twelve hours slept. Point No, it

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00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,200
Speaker 1: wasn't twelve hours because I wasn't home that early. Remember,

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Speaker 1: I had to drive home. I had gotten a shower

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Speaker 1: where I took some more medication. She was. I remember

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Speaker 1: this only because it was such a big argument that

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00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,920
Speaker 1: certain like the details like stick in your head when

335
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 1: you feel like you have to like prove a point.

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Speaker 1: But all I do know is that I did sleep

337
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Speaker 1: a long time, and I don't remember getting a phone

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00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,680
Speaker 1: call because I was I was on night night quill.

339
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,560
Speaker 1: I was dehydrated. I remember saying, you drank like four

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00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,680
Speaker 1: bottles of water and didn't even use your bathroom once.

341
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,520
Speaker 1: That's how I knew I was dehydrated. I drank so

342
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,600
Speaker 1: much water and I didn't have to use your bathroom.

343
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 1: I woke up. I FaceTime K. We had a conversation.

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00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 1: I think at that point you were getting here and

345
00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,719
Speaker 1: makeup done, or you were doing something not quite yet.

346
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,479
Speaker 1: I FaceTime you that time that morning when you woke up,

347
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 1: my mom and sister were nearby. I think we had

348
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,400
Speaker 1: just finished having breakfast. We're sitting on the balcony, so

349
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,919
Speaker 1: we were all looking at you, like, how do you

350
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:18,359
Speaker 1: feel you It looked pretty good, I think we felt

351
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,320
Speaker 1: and I said I felt better. Yeah. Right. So this

352
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:25,919
Speaker 1: is where another miscommunication came in. I felt better. That

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00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,880
Speaker 1: didn't mean I felt good, and me feeling better meant

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00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,199
Speaker 1: that I felt better than I did yesterday. Yet the

355
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,080
Speaker 1: day before I felt like I was having a stroke.

356
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,480
Speaker 1: I legitimately was like scared to death when he told

357
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 1: me my blood pressure and I thought I was I

358
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,840
Speaker 1: was like, yo, am I having a stroke? Like? Did

359
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,919
Speaker 1: I overwork myself to the point where my body is

360
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,719
Speaker 1: not functioning? So I was afraid? Yeah, rightfully. So when

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00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,560
Speaker 1: I woke up the next morning and I felt better,

362
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,719
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I feel I feel better. Started

363
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,640
Speaker 1: going throughout the day because also when he talked about

364
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,200
Speaker 1: the burnout episode, the whole reason why I didn't day

365
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,680
Speaker 1: on campus and I traveled back and forth, it's because

366
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,280
Speaker 1: Jackson and Cairo was like, man, Dad's always gone, So

367
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,600
Speaker 1: I wanted to be present in those moments. Because the

368
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,639
Speaker 1: following week, I had to go back to work again.

369
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:16,439
Speaker 1: Jackson had practice. Kiro also had football practice, so I

370
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,560
Speaker 1: took Jackson to practice, took Kyro to practice, came back

371
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,120
Speaker 1: until Jackson had a game, went to Jackson's game, came back,

372
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Speaker 1: sat down and watched some football, and I believe you

373
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,679
Speaker 1: spoke to my mom because my mom had said to me, Devout,

374
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Speaker 1: are you really gonna go to the game. And I

375
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,120
Speaker 1: said to my mom, I said, Mom, I'm a dad

376
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,960
Speaker 1: that like their mom is not here. You're here with

377
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,360
Speaker 1: the babies. Jackson can't go to his game by himself,

378
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,879
Speaker 1: like like he just can't. So I took him to

379
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: his game and I was there. I stayed the whole

380
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 1: time for the game. He played well. Came back home.

381
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,080
Speaker 1: I started to feel back to where I was feeling disoriented,

382
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Speaker 1: because you know how it is when you first wake up,

383
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 1: you feel good, you hydrated, Then you start moving a lot,

384
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,080
Speaker 1: and then your head starts throbbing and you start to

385
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 1: feel like oh. So I went back and I fell

386
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,439
Speaker 1: asleep throughout the day, like random times throughout the day,

387
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 1: I was falling asleep, and before I knew it, it

388
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 1: was like the evening time. And then my mom was like,

389
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,040
Speaker 1: we need to humidifier. And I think this is where

390
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,840
Speaker 1: things started to ramp up for me as far as

391
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:22,000
Speaker 1: me getting upset at you, which was I remember calling

392
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 1: you or texting you and not hearing back directly from you.

393
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 1: And then I was just like, let me FaceTime her

394
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,120
Speaker 1: to see if she can tell me where the humidifier

395
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,439
Speaker 1: was smelling. The humidifier wasn't working. That was what I

396
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,080
Speaker 1: also didn't know was that there were service issues over there.

397
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 1: So I'm FaceTime and cadin not getting no answer. Yeah,

398
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,120
Speaker 1: I ended up figuring out the humidifier by myself. Finally

399
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,639
Speaker 1: facetimes men. I think it was like eleven thirty. It

400
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 1: was like nine o'clock that night. She FaceTime and we

401
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 1: spoke for maybe thirty seconds. You told me where the

402
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,160
Speaker 1: humidifier was. I said, I fixed it. We got off

403
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 1: the phone. Then I didn't speak to you for the

404
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 1: rest of the night. That's all about two am. I

405
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: think I facetimed you, and I was sleepy Saturday. All Saturday,

406
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:04,400
Speaker 1: I was sleep by it. So I was a little

407
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:08,360
Speaker 1: upset at that point too, because I'm like, Dolo had hurt,

408
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,160
Speaker 1: I wasn't feeling well. He had texted me and called

409
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 1: me all day. He FaceTime me twice. I was so

410
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,640
Speaker 1: like out of it. I didn't want to speak to anybody.

411
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 1: Crystal text me, called me like, yeo, I'm just checking

412
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 1: on Y'll say you didn't look good. And when I

413
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,440
Speaker 1: didn't answer the text of her phone call, she tried

414
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 1: to FaceTime me. I didn't want to talk to her neither.

415
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,200
Speaker 1: I just wanted my wife, like I didn't want to

416
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 1: speak to Brian Jordan Jr. All my castmates who saw

417
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 1: me that day facetimed me that day because they were

418
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 1: just like, yo, d I've never seen you like this,

419
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 1: Trinity Cheeto. The only person that didn't FaceTime me to

420
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 1: see who I was okay was you. And I think

421
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 1: that was the biggest issue for me, was that all

422
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 1: of these other people that really don't matter to me

423
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 1: as much as my wife. And I'm saying that because

424
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 1: I don't want to say they don't matter, right. Crystal

425
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 1: is the one who found me sleep and passed out

426
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 1: and called the medic and took so she definitely matters.

427
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: Brian is like, if y'all know me and Brian on

428
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 1: Junior's relationship, y'all know that's like my little brother. He

429
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 1: FaceTime me, was like yo, D like did you can't do?

430
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: You got to do better for yourself, Like I felt

431
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 1: like Dan. The only person who really didn't FaceTime me

432
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,400
Speaker 1: was my wife. And then on top of that, my

433
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 1: brother in law is there, my sister in law is there,

434
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 1: Brendan is there, who's gonna be my brother in law,

435
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 1: my father in law, my mother's there, and nobody even

436
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 1: called a FaceTime me to see if I was okay.

437
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 1: I was hurt, like I was legitimately hurt, and I

438
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: felt like I didn't know what was going on on

439
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: that side, but I felt like you guys were so

440
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 1: engulfed in your world of Jamaica and enjoying each other's

441
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 1: company that what was going on with Devout didn't matter.

442
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,600
Speaker 1: So on that Saturday when you FaceTime in the morning

443
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 1: style backtrack, that was that was account on Saturday, right,

444
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: So Saturday, six am, I remember like getting up. I

445
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,680
Speaker 1: had set an alarm because I wanted to make sure

446
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 1: I checked on you overnight and I don't know if

447
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:01,719
Speaker 1: I was going to be sleeping straight through or not,

448
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 1: but called you six am just said hey, I want

449
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 1: to hear your voice, make sure that you are right

450
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,159
Speaker 1: go back to sleep. Call me when you get up.

451
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 1: You face time me. Around ten am, I was on

452
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 1: the balcony. It's an inside joke on well not really.

453
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 1: If y'all seeing the meme with the Jamaican guy on

454
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 1: the balcony by the balcony, nobody didn't know how to

455
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 1: pronounce balcony. He was. Bobby told me, I've listed tongue.

456
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 1: I love that one. That's one of my all time

457
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 1: favorite videos. Anyway, I was on the balcony with my

458
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 1: sister and my mom and we FaceTime to you, and

459
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 1: that's when you had told my sister your blood pressure again,

460
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 1: and she was just like the valu, you got to

461
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,959
Speaker 1: do better. You're definitely dehydrated. So mom was just like,

462
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 1: you know, make sure you're taking your fluids and whatnot.

463
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: You definitely looked better, and I'm like, okay, maybe he

464
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 1: just needed some rest. So this is the day of

465
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,199
Speaker 1: the wedding now, so I, as matron of honor, was

466
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,639
Speaker 1: trying to do, you know, my matron of honorly duties.

467
00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:00,040
Speaker 1: So I'm moving around throughout the day because the I

468
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: wasn't there, and I knew he probably was having a

469
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 1: little bit of fomo, probably because he just wasn't there,

470
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 1: and aside from not feeling well, I was trying to

471
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: kind of keep him abreast of what was happening, so

472
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 1: he kind of felt like he was in the loop. So,

473
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,880
Speaker 1: you know, I sent him a video of Tiffany when

474
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 1: she got her hair and makeup done. I was texting

475
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: him throughout, sending him pictures of myself, like just little

476
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,600
Speaker 1: things like that so he can kind of feel like

477
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,200
Speaker 1: he was included. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, because

478
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 1: that might have been adding insult to injury where you

479
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: probably felt like, damn, I'm getting like kind of salt

480
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 1: rubbed in the wound because I'm not there and y'all

481
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 1: are over here having a good time. Meanwhile I'm over

482
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 1: here struggling with the house full of sick people and

483
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 1: I don't feel well myself. Can I tell you how

484
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: it felt or you want to just continue let me

485
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: continue with then. Yeah, So I was trying to like

486
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: just you know, send him little videos and stuff like that. Here.

487
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 1: Once about two o'clock hit, then I was really in

488
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: like trying to get dress mode taking pictures, so I

489
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 1: didn't always have my phone with me either. And then

490
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: also to the wedding was outdoors, were on the cliff

491
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: on the edge, and you know the grill in Jamaica,

492
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,719
Speaker 1: So there were service issues sometimes too. But I had

493
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 1: my close by, my hair stylish Channelle was there. She

494
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 1: had my phone where I can just you know, intermittently

495
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: take a check and stuff. So once the wedding started

496
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 1: at four pm, which was the start time, it was

497
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: literally like ceremony, then we're taking pictures, and then after

498
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,719
Speaker 1: pictures you get whisked the way to sit for like

499
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: two seconds, and then you're walking into the reception. So

500
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: it was literally back to back events. So if I

501
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 1: was on a hiatus in de VAL's mind between the

502
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:25,120
Speaker 1: hours of like two pm and at least seven thirty

503
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: eight o'clock, it's because there were so many things going

504
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: on back to back for the wedding. Still, I tried

505
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 1: to give little touch bases here and there. I had

506
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,919
Speaker 1: even contacted your dad because I said, I know how

507
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 1: de Val is. Deval is the kind of person that

508
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 1: will say he's all right, I'm all right, I'm good,

509
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: and I'm always used to him being okay. So I said,

510
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,679
Speaker 1: let me hit his dad up. So I called his

511
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: dad and I say, hey, how was everything over there,

512
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 1: Because the Val had also mentioned that a few of

513
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: the family members weren't feeling okay. His dad was like, oh,

514
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: do we're about a poople. We got it under control.

515
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 1: Everything's fine, Everything's all right, you know, you know, we

516
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 1: can handle it. I too, also didn't want to keep

517
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 1: calling his mom and dad, so they fell like I

518
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 1: didn't believe that they can take care of some sick children,

519
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,119
Speaker 1: you know. But also too, I wasn't trying to be

520
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: insensitive to the fact that I wasn't there, and then

521
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 1: now they're dealing with my four children, two of whom

522
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,160
Speaker 1: were sick at the time, and then they were also

523
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: getting sick, plus the Val also being sick. So when

524
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 1: I didn't contact the Val after that, well, nine o'clock

525
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 1: you do FaceTime you about the humidifire, Yeah, And then

526
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: I went back. It was the rest of the reception happening,

527
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: and then I didn't face time you again. I think

528
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,680
Speaker 1: it was until about two am. I was sleep when yeah.

529
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 1: So then because they had like an after party, it

530
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 1: was literally like a succession of events and then you

531
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,880
Speaker 1: were asleep at that time. I was knocked out. So

532
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: we didn't speak until the next day. Yeah, So what

533
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 1: bothered me during that day was you didn't call or

534
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: you didn't face time. Me thought the day, see how

535
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 1: I'm feeling nothing. You just kept sending me pitches about

536
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: the wedding, So to me, it just seemed like the

537
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,239
Speaker 1: wedding was more important than anything that was going on

538
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,439
Speaker 1: over here, which I didn't think because your replies to

539
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 1: everything I sent was like you were engaged in what

540
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,479
Speaker 1: was happening, so I didn't even think that. That's why

541
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: I kept sending more. Now, I just want to point

542
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 1: out that when I was telling me, when you were

543
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: telling your story, I asked you if you wanted me

544
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 1: to give my account in between, and you said you

545
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 1: wanted me to let you finish I'm talking. And then

546
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 1: while I'm talking, You're gonna respond to everything I'm saying.

547
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 1: This is just an example of how arguments be happening

548
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: in this house, because I'll say to Cadem, I'll let

549
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 1: you talk. Let me know when you want me to intervene.

550
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: She'll say, let me get my thought out. I'll let

551
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: her get a thought out. The minute I start talking,

552
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: she wants to rebute everything I say without letting me

553
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: finish my thought. Okay, this is just an example so

554
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: that you can see you why sometimes you don't even

555
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 1: see how I truly feel about things because before I

556
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: can finish my thought, you want to defend your stance,

557
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,440
Speaker 1: and that's that's part of where the miscommunication comes from.

558
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: If I can't finish my thought in totality, you're defending

559
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,239
Speaker 1: something that hasn't even been presented to you yet. So

560
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: at this point it's like you're defending something that I

561
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: don't even finish telling you what would happen? Okay, go

562
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,679
Speaker 1: for it, you know what? And I also too. I

563
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: know we've had this conversation several times, so seen as

564
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 1: though we're telling people this for the first time. That's

565
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: my bad. I should let you give your thought in totality,

566
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: So I appreciate that. So over here, my dad is

567
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: just like me. My dad could be in a house

568
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: fire and you say, Scoop, how's everything going. It's cool, bro,

569
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 1: it's cool. You know what I'm saying, Like he's always

570
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: And he said to me that he was going to

571
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: say to you. Kay's in Jamaica. She can't help us.

572
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: Me telling her what's going on over here, how bad

573
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 1: is over here is not going to help her. At all.

574
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 1: She can't help us. Let her just enjoy her time,

575
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: and then when she gets back she can help when

576
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 1: she gets back. During this whole time, I'm also concerned

577
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: about the fact that my grandparents drove in from Virginia.

578
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 1: My grandfather is seventy five this year. My grandmother is

579
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 1: I believe seventy, and they were getting sick. So my

580
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: concerns here were like, I don't want my grandparents to

581
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: get sick. You know, what if it is COVID, what

582
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: if it is the flu. You know what I'm saying.

583
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: I'm stressed out. My parents are both sick, the kids

584
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 1: got to go back to school on Monday, and on

585
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: top of that, I have to go back to film

586
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: on Monday. And while this is happening, I'm not getting

587
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,199
Speaker 1: any calls of concern from you. I'm just getting pictures

588
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,919
Speaker 1: of the wedding, you know what I'm saying. So to me,

589
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: it just kind of seemed insensitive that It's like, man,

590
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,679
Speaker 1: I'm going through a lot over here. I told you

591
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 1: everything I went through last night. It seemed as if

592
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,439
Speaker 1: you weren't concerned. I have to be accountable because I

593
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: always tell you I'm okay, even when I'm not so

594
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,119
Speaker 1: you you feeling like I'm okay and I'm going to

595
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: handle it. It's not really your fault because I always

596
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 1: tell you that. I did also feel like the times

597
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 1: you called my dad, you could have called me. Now

598
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 1: you just explained why you called my father. So I

599
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 1: understand that, but think about it in real time. My

600
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 1: father's not even saying to me. I spoke to Kay.

601
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, so and so in this

602
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: in real time, I'm not hearing that anybody heard from

603
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: k Just Kase sends me pictures. When I try to

604
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: call a text, I don't get no response. And now

605
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: it's eleven thirty, twelve o'clock at night. I haven't heard

606
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: from my wife all day, and I'm exhausted, I'm gonna

607
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 1: go to sleep, and I hadn't heard from you, So

608
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: I was upset. So, if I'm being one hundred percent honest,

609
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 1: in that moment on Saturday, I felt like if the

610
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: tables were turned, I would have got on a flight

611
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: first thing Saturday night, as soon as the reception was over,

612
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: and I would have been home Sunday morning. That's what

613
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 1: I was thinking, like, if I knew that my wife

614
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: was going through all of this at home and everybody

615
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 1: was sick and all this stuff was happening, and then

616
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: my wife has to go back to work on Monday.

617
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to get home as best I can because

618
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: I want to be able to be of support to

619
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: my wife. And when I didn't even get anything from

620
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: you all day Saturday, it was just like, she really

621
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 1: doesn't care. And then Sunday morning happens, and you called

622
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 1: me Sunday morning, and I was in a bad, bad mood,

623
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 1: and then we had another conversation Sunday morning. So on Saturday,

624
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: it wasn't that I wasn't in touch with you. You

625
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 1: didn't want me to be. You wanted me to be

626
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: in touch with you a certain kind of way. And

627
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: I mistook that on my end as just like, oh, well,

628
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 1: de Val can't be here. You know, things don't seem

629
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: that bad at home, because when I spoke to your mom,

630
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: your mom said to me Verbatim, Kay, Deval's a grown man,

631
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: and he's going to do what he wants to do.

632
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: And we've made provisions for him to take a nap

633
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: here and there, and he won't. He wanted to go

634
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 1: to the game. He went to the game. So she's

635
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: so in hearing that, I'm like, okay, So hearing that

636
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: fits from her, hearing that from your dad, and then

637
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 1: seeing you on Saturday morning, seeing that you looked better,

638
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, he probably just really needed some

639
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: hydration and some sleep, and he was able to get

640
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: up and keep it moving. Also, too, I had reached

641
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: out to the nurse about coming to give an IV

642
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,479
Speaker 1: to you on that Saturday. She said she couldn't make

643
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: it Saturday morning, but she was going to come to

644
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 1: you in the evening. So I was arranging all that

645
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 1: from Jamaica to make sure that you would at least

646
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 1: get someone seen, because I know you didn't want to

647
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 1: go to a hospital or anything. You were just trying

648
00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: to get better for Monday. Speaking to your mouth, speaking

649
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: to your dad and all that. It's a Sunday morning now,

650
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 1: like there would have been no way for me to

651
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: get out with the wedding being Saturday night, there would

652
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: have been no way for me to get out of

653
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: Jamaica Saturday night. Right, The earliest I probably could have

654
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: left would have been on Sunday. So when we spoke

655
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 1: early Sunday morning, I think it was around maybe eight am.

656
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 1: That's when you blew up on me on the phone,

657
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: and I was just like, yo, I can leave now.

658
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: I can catch the first flight out that's available. It's

659
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: a two hour drive from the girl to the airport,

660
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 1: and I'll just jump on. I think there was like

661
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 1: a six o'clock flight that was like the earliest flight

662
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: I could have taken out. And you were pretty much

663
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: just like, I don't want you to take that two

664
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: hour drive alone to the airport and then travel by yourself,

665
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: so don't even worry about it because you can't do

666
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: anything by the time you get here. So I said,

667
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: are you sure, because I can leave at this point.

668
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: At this point, they were just doing like a boat

669
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: ride that day or something, and I was planning to

670
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: come home on Monday anyway, and you were just like, no,

671
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: I don't want you traveling alone. So I probably should

672
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 1: have followed my mind in that moment and still came home,

673
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 1: because again this was another version of devout saying go ahead,

674
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: do that everything's okay when everything is not okay, and

675
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: you can tell everybody. Your reply to me on Sunday, well, no, Well, well,

676
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 1: initially what I thought was, first of all, I didn't

677
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 1: know what the flights was I didn't look at the flights.

678
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: I felt like you should have came home on Saturday,

679
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: right after the night of the wedding. I felt like

680
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 1: you could have caught a late flight home. I don't

681
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 1: know what the flights, yeah, right, So I felt like

682
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: you either could have came home Saturday night or early

683
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: Sunday morning. The reason why I told you not to

684
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: do all of that once you said it is because

685
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: you didn't even say to me, babe, do you think

686
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: I should come home. I had said to you, I

687
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: wish you were here. I said if it were me,

688
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: I would have came home. And then you reluctantly said, fine,

689
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: I'll come home. You didn't say, hey, babe, I'm gonna

690
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 1: come home. I said to you, I said, you know,

691
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 1: it's funny that and this and this is really what

692
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 1: pissed me off when you were going through everything with

693
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 1: your postpart preclampsure. I was supposed to go to Soul

694
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: Train to pump this is my first time presenting at

695
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: an award show, and Kadein had got sick the two

696
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: days prior, and that whole time when Kadeen was sick,

697
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 1: I didn't sleep at all. I drove there. I drove

698
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: her there at night, I came back, dropped the kids

699
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: to school, dropped the kids to practice, went back to

700
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: the hospital. Every night I did. I own said. About

701
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 1: two or three hours when it was time for me

702
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 1: to leave, I said, Babe, I'm not going to Soul Train.

703
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay here. You then said to me, no,

704
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,719
Speaker 1: you have to go. This is a great opportunity. I

705
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 1: went to Soul Train. When I got to New York,

706
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: you immediately got upset at me and said that you

707
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 1: were upset because you really didn't want me to go,

708
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: but you felt like I should have stayed. So my

709
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: thing was is, when the tables were turned, you felt

710
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: like I should have stayed, even though you told me

711
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: to go. But then when you had an opportunity to

712
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 1: do the same thing, you chose to stay there instead

713
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: of come home. And I felt like that was kind

714
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: of opportunistic that when the tables were turned, you knew

715
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: what I should have did, even though you told me

716
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: not to. But then when you had a chance to

717
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,959
Speaker 1: do the same thing, you didn't choose the same thing.

718
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 1: You chose to stay there in Jamaica. And the reason

719
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: why I told you not to come at that Sunday's

720
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,880
Speaker 1: because we had spoke at that point it was Sunday

721
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 1: like eleven twelve o'clock. Well, if it was eight am,

722
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: it's a two hour ride. You said you weren't going

723
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 1: to be able to get to Jamaica get on until

724
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 1: a six o'clock flight. How long is the flight like

725
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 1: maybe three hours? Something? Three hours? So you get home

726
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 1: at nine. After you get home at nine, Black would

727
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: drop you back here. You would get home at ten o'clock.

728
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: That's the whole day for you to travel by yourself,

729
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: that whole time, to not even get here in time

730
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 1: to help with anything because at that point the kids

731
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 1: would be in bed. It seemed like a risk. I

732
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 1: didn't want you to take traveling by yourself to be here,

733
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 1: not to be able to help. So I felt like,

734
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,319
Speaker 1: once again, I'm considering your safety and your health and

735
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 1: everything for you, but no one is ever considering me.

736
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: On top of that, I did feel like when your

737
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 1: mom needs me, your dad, your brother or your sister

738
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 1: or Brendan, they call me, they FaceTime me, Hey, bro,

739
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 1: this is what I need. I'm there. When I needed someone,

740
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: no one reached out to me. So it wasn't just you.

741
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: I felt like your whole family was there in Jamaica

742
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 1: enjoying themselves. The only person that sent me a text

743
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:12,720
Speaker 1: twice was mom. Mimi sent me to texts, but other

744
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: than that, no one reached out to see if the

745
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 1: Val was okay. I'm not in attendance. Something must be

746
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: wrong with de Val, but no one reaches out to

747
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: de Val. But the minute someone needs something, let me

748
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: call de Val. I just felt like that was fucked up.

749
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 1: So when Sunday came and then you had said to me,

750
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:33,800
Speaker 1: I was explained to you how everything was going on

751
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: the weekend, we were upset and that I said, my

752
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: biggest concern, Kay, is that I go back to work

753
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 1: on Monday and I'm not well enough to work and

754
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: I get sent home and the production stops. And you

755
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: said to me, well, then maybe you shouldn't go into

756
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 1: work if you're still sick. And I just felt like

757
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 1: in that moment that that was selfish that you would

758
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 1: tell me maybe it'd be best for me to stay home,

759
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: And I was just like, well, when are you going

760
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 1: to tell yourself it was best for you to come home.

761
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 1: It just seems like everything was always on me to

762
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: stop what I'm doing when I'm trying to take care

763
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 1: of everybody else, when all you wanted to do is

764
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 1: have a good time in Jamaica. You see what I'm saying.

765
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,840
Speaker 1: That's how I felt in the moment. Was that your intentions, No,

766
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 1: but that's how I felt. I just felt like I'm

767
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: here handling everything as always, and you go out to

768
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: have a good time and then you tell me maybe

769
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: I shouldn't go into work. I was thinking, I can't

770
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 1: not go into work. It's a week before Thanksgiving. If

771
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: I don't go into work, the production can't go on.

772
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: There's three hundred staff members who are probably looking for

773
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: these checks to pay for bills through the holidays. I

774
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 1: can't just not show up. So I'm trying to do

775
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: everything to be able to be there for myself, for

776
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,359
Speaker 1: my family, and for everyone else. And I felt like

777
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 1: you and that moment were only thinking about being in

778
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,720
Speaker 1: Jamaica for the wedding. So that's what hurt my feelings.

779
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 1: On top of the fact that I still was just

780
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,959
Speaker 1: burnt out, like the whole year had me burnt out,

781
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: and I hadn't heard from your family either. You know,

782
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: it just felt like I'm handling everything and you and

783
00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 1: your family get a chance to enjoy Jamaica, and that

784
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 1: you were sending me pictures or videos of everyone enjoying themselves,

785
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: and I was not enjoying myself here. I was struggling,

786
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 1: and I was stressed, and I was worried. So Sunday

787
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: that's when I blacked out, and we would argue with

788
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 1: each other and screaming and cursing at each other and

789
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: mad at each other and hanging up the phone because

790
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 1: at that point I felt like I couldn't even express

791
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: how I felt without you trying to defend your reason

792
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: for staying. And at that moment, I didn't want to

793
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: hear any defense or any justifications. I did want my

794
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 1: feelings validated, and in our relationships and most relationships. I

795
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 1: even saw a meme on social media, a woman posting

796
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: a meme that said, there's a lot of men losing

797
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 1: good women because they'd rather justify their actions than validate

798
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: hurt feelings. And I feel like, when the tables are

799
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 1: turned and a man's feelings are hurt, there's no validating

800
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 1: his feelings. It's always well, I did this because of

801
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 1: these reasons, And it's like, I'm not saying that your

802
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,879
Speaker 1: reasons aren't valid, but you can't tell me that your

803
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 1: reasons didn't hurt my feelings. And I felt like in

804
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 1: those moments, you were telling me my feelings shouldn't be

805
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 1: hurt because you had every right to do things the

806
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 1: way you did. That's why I got sort of set

807
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: on Sunday. On top of that, I wasn't trying to

808
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 1: be a burden, so I was trying my hardest to

809
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 1: be in good spirits and I couldn't shake it. I

810
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 1: just was not in good spirits that whole weekend. May

811
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: I interject or may I speak? Now? Yes, that was

812
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,359
Speaker 1: a mouthful, so I can't even remember everything you said

813
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: because I had a lot of points that came and went,

814
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: and I realized in just listening to you, now, this

815
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 1: is something that I learned about when we have our debates.

816
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: I need to take notes because I feel like I

817
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 1: need to interject sometimes on a moment, not to defend myself,

818
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 1: but to just give you clarity about something you say.

819
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 1: So I don't forget because now I'm like thinking, I'm

820
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 1: going to forget everything I wanted to say while you

821
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: were saying it. I'll start with first off, do you

822
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 1: understand the oxymoron and you saying what you just said.

823
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,399
Speaker 1: I was trying to make sure that everybody was okay,

824
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,879
Speaker 1: so I wasn't really saying how I felt. But then

825
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: you also was saying I was trying to say how

826
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: I felt, and I was telling everybody that I didn't

827
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 1: feel good, but I did feel okay enough to go

828
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 1: back to work. So in that I feel like there

829
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 1: was just like this duality of you saying like, I'm okay,

830
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 1: but I'm not okay, and I really didn't know which

831
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,879
Speaker 1: one it was. And I'm always accustomed to and I'm

832
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: always accustomed to you being okay. So what where I

833
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 1: went wrong in that moment is that I just aired

834
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 1: on the side of devots typically always okay or devot

835
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: will figure it out, because you always do. And I

836
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 1: had never seen you in that moment where you were

837
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: literally literally on the brink of not just a physical snap,

838
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 1: but like a mental snap, and I didn't know that's

839
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: where you were with it, you know, because of course

840
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,879
Speaker 1: I'm not in the same space as you. So that's

841
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: where confusion comes. When it comes to my family. You said,

842
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 1: Mom texts you twice, my dad Sakari Tristan Brandon Christine.

843
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:59,439
Speaker 1: Everyone literally I would say, literally like every hour two

844
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 1: hours was just like, damn, I wish the vow was here. Damn.

845
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 1: I like, we literally thought about you the entire time,

846
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 1: and they would ask me, how's the val doing? Did

847
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 1: you speak to the value? Is he cool? How's everything?

848
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: Are the kids still sick? They were asking me those questions,

849
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 1: and they didn't hit you directly, which is what you

850
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: preferred and you wanted. How was I supposed to know?

851
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: Right right? You weren't supposed to know that because I

852
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 1: wasn't going to say, hey, everyone's asking for you all

853
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,799
Speaker 1: the time either, because I felt like that would be

854
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 1: also adding insult to injury that you're not there and

855
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 1: you wanted to be there so badly. So it's like

856
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 1: I was trying to tow the line between having you

857
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: feel included like you were there, but then also being

858
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 1: sensitive to the fact that you might have been having

859
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 1: a little bit of phonemer that you weren't there. So

860
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 1: I didn't want to tell you every two point five

861
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 1: seconds that everybody kept asking for you, and everybody would say,

862
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you that Tiffany cried the

863
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 1: morning of her wedding because you couldn't be there. She

864
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 1: was like, I literally felt like my brother, like my

865
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,919
Speaker 1: only but she's an only child. She's like, I feel

866
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 1: like my brother is not here for my wedding day,

867
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 1: for the happiest day of my life. I don't want

868
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 1: to rub that in your face. Hey, you're not feeling

869
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 1: well and be you can't be there. So I was

870
00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: just like, damn, I'm not going to keep telling you

871
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 1: every single time somebody's asking for your every time somebody's

872
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 1: just like, damn, I wish de Vo was here. But

873
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 1: to your point, they're adults. They could have taken the

874
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: initiative to text you directly if that's what they probably

875
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 1: knew you needed. But them touching base with you, I

876
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: guess through me, they were just like, Okay, at least

877
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: we're checking on the vow to make sure he's okay.

878
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 1: Because I'm your wife, I'm naturally going to be in

879
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: touch with you. So that gripe that you've had with

880
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: my family not checking in with you, that's something that

881
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 1: you've spoken to them directly about. And you had a

882
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 1: whole conversation with my family after that, which I appreciate

883
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: because a lot of times family stuff confess her you know,

884
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:34,760
Speaker 1: you and I have an argument, it spills over onto

885
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: family and then it can cause animosity and linger. But

886
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 1: Devo spoke to my sister, my brother Brandon about how

887
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 1: he felt and everything was at least clarified, right, So

888
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 1: that was another thing. You making the correlation between me

889
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 1: having the postpartum episode that I had with Coda and

890
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 1: having to be hospitalized and this, I think we both

891
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 1: are guilty of knowing that we may not be okay

892
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 1: in that moment, but wanting something so bad for the

893
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:06,879
Speaker 1: other that we say go ahead and do it right.

894
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 1: So it's not that I was thinking back to that

895
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,759
Speaker 1: moment of when I had the postpartum preclamsure while I

896
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 1: was in Jamaican and thinking, oh, well, I told the

897
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 1: vow to go to Soul Train, but I really wanted

898
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 1: him to be here. I didn't think about that in

899
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: that moment to make the correlation. But since you've made

900
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 1: the correlation after the fact, it wasn't for lack of

901
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 1: me trying to be selfish in the moment and saying, damn,

902
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: devoalt don't go to Soul Train and miss out on this.

903
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 1: You know, new big first time opportunity. Your mom was

904
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,839
Speaker 1: going to be presented or you know, be your date

905
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: that night, so if you didn't go, it would disappoint her.

906
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:42,319
Speaker 1: You know, she was looking forward to that. I had

907
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 1: made plans for her here, her makeup or dress, so

908
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 1: I had done all this to help your mom get

909
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: ready for a soul train. You didn't know that this

910
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 1: was going to happen, And in that moment, I felt like,

911
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 1: you know what, I'll be okay. I'm in the hospital,

912
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 1: so I have I'm under the care of somebody who

913
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 1: worst case scenarios, something goes wrong. Once I get home,

914
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: I have my parents here, I'll be okay. The same

915
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 1: way I thought, okay, well, if the vows at home

916
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 1: and he has his parents there who were fully functioning

917
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 1: adults that are I trust with him and my children,

918
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 1: his grandparents are there, his sisters there, I felt like, okay,

919
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,240
Speaker 1: he would be okay because he has the help. When ultimately,

920
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 1: in both situations, we both just wanted each other, yeah,

921
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 1: and that was where the conflict roles. But everything else

922
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 1: could be happening around it, and we can get upset

923
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: about everything else that transpired, but ultimately boiled down to

924
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: when you're in a moment where you feel like you

925
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 1: are at your lowest. You don't feel well, you're physically off,

926
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:32,319
Speaker 1: emotionally off, mentally off. You just want your person, yes,

927
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 1: and at least we can agree on that. But in

928
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: the moment I didn't see it as such because I'm

929
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 1: always so used to Devol being okay. And that's why

930
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 1: now and after this whole argument, moving forward, I try

931
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 1: to be very very deliberate about saying, Devo, are you okay?

932
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 1: Do you need anything for me? How is your mental space?

933
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 1: How do you feel mentally? I'm always asking now because

934
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 1: after that whole break, now I know that you can't

935
00:43:56,360 --> 00:44:00,720
Speaker 1: always have everything. You superman in my eyes. You're superman

936
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 1: to our children, you're superman to a lot of people,

937
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 1: but you're also a human being, and I need to

938
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:11,360
Speaker 1: be more mindful of really investigating that and knowing when

939
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: I need to ask those questions to you, and not

940
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,720
Speaker 1: just assume that because for the past twenty years Devout

941
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 1: always had it in hard times or not, that you're

942
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 1: always going to have it okay. Well, my issue with

943
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 1: your family is that they don't reach out to you

944
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 1: as a screener. When they need something, they call me directly.

945
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,399
Speaker 1: So when I'm not doing well. I don't need them

946
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,839
Speaker 1: to look to you as a screener before contacting me.

947
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,240
Speaker 1: To me, that's just not that. That to me seems

948
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 1: very opportunistic. When you need something from the value, you

949
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 1: can call the vout directly. But if the vale is

950
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 1: hurting or Devout need something, let me ask Kane. If

951
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: k say he's fine, and I don't have to call,

952
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 1: that seems like a cop out. That's what I explained

953
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 1: to your sister. That's what I explained to Tristan and Brendan,

954
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: and they agreed. Brendan was like, YO, like, nah, we

955
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 1: should have reached out to you, and Cicari said, yeah,

956
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 1: we should have reached out to you. So my feelings

957
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: were hurt on top of the fact that I wasn't

958
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,760
Speaker 1: feeling well and I was not in a good mental space.

959
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 1: A lot of this stuff was an extra sensitive version

960
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: of devout, and I can admit that because I was

961
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 1: going through something like I was going through something. Even

962
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 1: prior to me getting my feelings hurt, I was already

963
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 1: on the edge because of the burnout from the entire year.

964
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 1: So I can honestly say if it was a normal

965
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 1: day and nobody reached out to me, I probably wouldn't

966
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: have cared. You understand what I'm saying. So it was

967
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 1: like the perfect storm of events that put me in

968
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:42,959
Speaker 1: this situation where I wasn't acting as myself and that's

969
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 1: why I called. And this is important anecdote to the story.

970
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 1: After I did it, upset and we got into our

971
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:52,840
Speaker 1: cursy match, and your sister heard me explain how I

972
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 1: felt about everybody. This was on the Monday, because and

973
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 1: this is what I explained. On the Monday, I was

974
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: now back at work and I was trying to get

975
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: through the day, trying to get through the day, and

976
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 1: it was lunchtime, and once again I had facetimes. You

977
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 1: want lunchtime, and you were out on the beach in

978
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 1: a bikini, and then you started talking to me about

979
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: something that happened during the weekend, and I had to

980
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 1: just be honest with you and be like, hey, I

981
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:19,280
Speaker 1: don't want to hear about anything that's happening that happened

982
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,839
Speaker 1: on the weekend. That was not a good time for me.

983
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: So you telling me about the fun moments kind of

984
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 1: triggered me, and I snapped again because I was like,

985
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. And then I explained

986
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:31,759
Speaker 1: to you why I didn't want to hear it. And

987
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:34,719
Speaker 1: while I was explaining it to Cary overheard me explaining it,

988
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: and she got her feelings hurt because she heard me

989
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,760
Speaker 1: say that everybody can call me when they need something,

990
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: but when I needed everybody, no one was there for me.

991
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 1: And she felt like she didn't want to ever be

992
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 1: a burden. And I was like, I was not saying

993
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 1: that she was a burden. What I was saying was

994
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: when I needed the people who I'm always there for,

995
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 1: nobody was there for me. I wasn't calling anybody a burden,

996
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,719
Speaker 1: but she received it that way. Oh No, What what

997
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 1: you said that made her feel away was that you

998
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 1: said everybody's in Jamaica having a good time when you

999
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 1: afforded them the opportunity to go, and you weren't there,

1000
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 1: So she felt like she was being some sort of

1001
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 1: financial burden because you paid for the trip, which in

1002
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 1: turn wasn't necessarily true, but I think that's how she

1003
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,440
Speaker 1: took it. She felt like she was being maybe some

1004
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: sort of financial burden because you afforded her the opportunity

1005
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: to go, and that's when she kind of felt bad.

1006
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything about affording body of the trip,

1007
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: I said, I afforded everybody the opportunity to live their

1008
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 1: life that they did because your parents are your parents.

1009
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 1: Your mom is retired and gets to live with us,

1010
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 1: your dad now lives with us. I do a lot

1011
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:40,360
Speaker 1: of stuff financially for your whole family. No. Absolutely, people

1012
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 1: have the freedom to move about. I get it. But

1013
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 1: people have the freedom to move and go on places

1014
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 1: on Jamaica because of the work that I put in

1015
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 1: to allow them to move freely. Yeah, so I did

1016
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 1: say that, but I was speaking to you, But I

1017
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: never said that I didn't want to do that. None

1018
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,280
Speaker 1: was that. I enjoy being able to be that for people,

1019
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: but then when I needed someone, no one was there

1020
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 1: for me. But I also did apologize to Sakari because

1021
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: of what my words, how my words made her feel.

1022
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 1: And my biggest issue was that I can be big

1023
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: enough even when I'm in my worst moment to call

1024
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 1: people and say, you know what, I should have never

1025
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 1: said that that way, and I should have. You shouldn't

1026
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 1: never even heard that conversation. You never expressed to me

1027
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 1: that Zakari was there listening. Right. You interject a lot

1028
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,720
Speaker 1: when I'm talking, but at no point did you say Devout,

1029
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 1: slow down. Zakari was there, So to me, I kind

1030
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,480
Speaker 1: of felt like, why did you not even at least

1031
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 1: let me know that? But but I was like, fine,

1032
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: I have to own the fact that I said something

1033
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 1: that hurts someone's feelings. The thing that bothered me the

1034
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,960
Speaker 1: most about that whole weekend is that at no point

1035
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: did anyone acknowledge that my feelings were hurt. All I

1036
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 1: kept hearing was justifications about why you did what you

1037
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 1: did and why you didn't call and why there was

1038
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 1: no calls and you called my dad and you called

1039
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 1: my mom, and I'm like, here once again, it's now Monday,

1040
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 1: I'm calling. I have to apologize or I have to

1041
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 1: make sure everyone else is okay, and still the vows

1042
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 1: feelings aren't even being acknowledged. And to me, I just

1043
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 1: felt like, throughout the whole course of that weekend, it

1044
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: was event after event after event of Devout trying to

1045
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: make sure everyone else is okay, and everyone else just

1046
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:27,800
Speaker 1: saying de vo is fine, so we don't have to

1047
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:31,719
Speaker 1: worry about it. And I can't blame anybody else but myself,

1048
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 1: And this is the truth. I don't need it now,

1049
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 1: thinking back, on it. And this is why I've been

1050
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,319
Speaker 1: able to move forward and not be upset at you

1051
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: or be upset at anybody else, is because I am

1052
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:48,720
Speaker 1: to blame for that. I never, at any point said,

1053
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,160
Speaker 1: and this was part of what you said in the

1054
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 1: very beginning, your partner is not a mind reader. If

1055
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:56,359
Speaker 1: you don't when you say you're okay, don't expect your

1056
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: partner to what know that you're not okay? Right right

1057
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 1: when you did that to me and soul trained and

1058
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 1: told me that I can go, even though I waited

1059
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:06,840
Speaker 1: to the last minute to leave, and I drove you

1060
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 1: from the hospital back home and made everything show was good.

1061
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 1: And then I got there and you were upset at me,

1062
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 1: and you are upset that I was going, and everything

1063
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 1: I felt the same way. I felt like I'm not

1064
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 1: a mind reader, kay, Remember I said that. But then

1065
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 1: this opportunity came and I expected you to be a

1066
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 1: mind reader, and I realized that I can't do that.

1067
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:27,239
Speaker 1: So that's how I've been able to move forward. Isn't

1068
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: saying that I expected you to be a mind reader

1069
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 1: based on the fact that when the tables were turned

1070
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 1: and you felt the way, you knew what it felt

1071
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: like so I felt like that she knows what it

1072
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 1: felt it feels like to be on this end of it.

1073
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: Why was she not then based on how she felt, say,

1074
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: you know what, when that was the other way around.

1075
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 1: I was upset and I did tell the vout to

1076
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,880
Speaker 1: go let me just take my ass home. And I

1077
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:53,200
Speaker 1: felt like you chose to do what was convenient for

1078
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: you at the time, which was going to Jamaica. And

1079
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:58,359
Speaker 1: that's what continue to hurt me, you know what I'm saying, Hey,

1080
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:02,800
Speaker 1: I completely get it. We've rehashed this time and time again,

1081
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 1: and I think I can ultimately chock it up to

1082
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:14,320
Speaker 1: me just not really investigating how you felt and maybe

1083
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 1: knowing you enough to know that you probably were going

1084
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,920
Speaker 1: to say the cheer okay when you're not. When we

1085
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 1: had the conversation on the phone on Monday. Now, because

1086
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 1: the day I'm traveling back, you asked me for photos

1087
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: of myself that morning because I was. I told you

1088
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,200
Speaker 1: I was putting on my swim suit, going to buy

1089
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:30,839
Speaker 1: the pool, just to kill some time before we were

1090
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,880
Speaker 1: getting picked up for the airport. Sent you photos. You

1091
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 1: sent back all the hard eyes and emojis and all

1092
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 1: that good stuff to them. You can wait till I

1093
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 1: got home. So when I sat down on the pool

1094
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 1: chair close to my sister and we were facetiming, we

1095
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 1: were just talking about a bunch of random things. I

1096
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:48,239
Speaker 1: think it was just kind of like a touch base.

1097
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 1: You sounded okay, you were back to work, and then

1098
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,760
Speaker 1: I started to mention something about a story that happened,

1099
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 1: and that's when you snapped. And to be honest, the

1100
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 1: reason why I didn't just stop you in that moment

1101
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 1: was because A I was kind of shocked at like

1102
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:00,120
Speaker 1: where it went, because I felt like I was getting

1103
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: two different versions of you the entire weekend. I was

1104
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 1: getting you were either super upset or you were fine,

1105
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 1: and you were yourself, And I was confused because I

1106
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 1: was just like, what the fuck is going on? Like

1107
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,280
Speaker 1: one minute you seem like you're okay, the next minute

1108
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:15,320
Speaker 1: you're flying off the handle. And I didn't know what

1109
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:18,800
Speaker 1: was going on. So when my sister overheard what you said,

1110
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 1: she was just like WHOA, Like, okay, I never want

1111
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 1: to be like seeing as somebody who's just like a

1112
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: moochair or somebody who is you know, just along for

1113
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 1: the ride, Like you know that's not me, Like I

1114
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 1: don't function like that, and she said, if that's the

1115
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 1: way the val really feels, and that's going to change

1116
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff for us. So I was like,

1117
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 1: I almost didn't know what to say to her because

1118
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,760
Speaker 1: I was just like, I couldn't even believe what was happening.

1119
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: And I was just so confused by the entire weekend

1120
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:47,360
Speaker 1: because I kept getting so many different versions of you

1121
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:48,919
Speaker 1: that I was like, I just have to get home

1122
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 1: and just talk to you face to face to see

1123
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 1: exactly how you felt, because it just none of us

1124
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 1: were accustomed to the devot that we got that weekend

1125
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 1: as things progressed and got worse through Sunday and Monday.

1126
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 1: So when I finally got home and we were able

1127
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 1: to talk about everything, I was able to see more like, Okay, wow,

1128
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,799
Speaker 1: this is exactly how you felt, you're telling me now

1129
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 1: in the flesh. In that moment, I saw how hurt

1130
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 1: you were by the entire weekend. I saw that the

1131
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 1: culmination of all the events of the year really just

1132
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 1: took a huge mental toll on you. Filming that last

1133
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 1: two weeks in November that you did, having had the

1134
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 1: year that you had, knowing how stressful the situation was,

1135
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,799
Speaker 1: I probably should have taken it upon myself to be like, damn,

1136
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: I know how stressful filming at TPS is. Let me

1137
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: try to make certain provisions to make sure that you

1138
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: were going to be okay. Then I also kind of

1139
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: felt like your dad then that me getting back sooner

1140
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 1: wasn't necessarily going to cure whatever you had going on.

1141
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 1: So I was like, let me lead into whatever medical

1142
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: professionals I know that are in Georgia that can actually

1143
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 1: help you. In turn, me trying to get the nurse

1144
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:53,319
Speaker 1: to come to the house and me trying to make sure, like,

1145
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:56,239
Speaker 1: did you need extra freaking you know, liquid IV? What

1146
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 1: did you need to make sure that you were going

1147
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 1: to at least be able to make it to work

1148
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:02,680
Speaker 1: on Monday. Me telling you that maybe you can't go

1149
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 1: to work on Monday was me trying to stay devout.

1150
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,719
Speaker 1: I know you're always thinking about everybody else, and if

1151
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 1: you are physically not in a space to be able

1152
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 1: to work, if you're mentally not in a space to

1153
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 1: be able to work, then you may have to consider that.

1154
00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 1: And you didn't want to hear that, but it was

1155
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,399
Speaker 1: really me just saying not to just blow you off

1156
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 1: and say, well, figure things out and don't go to

1157
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:23,760
Speaker 1: work because I'm having a blast here without you in Jamaica.

1158
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: Because the first thing I said when you said you

1159
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: couldn't come was that shit like, I'm so mad you

1160
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:29,560
Speaker 1: can't come because I'm so disappointed. All I wanted was

1161
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: for you to be there. So it wasn't even about that.

1162
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 1: I was more so at this point saying, if you

1163
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,239
Speaker 1: can't work, you maybe need to take a day and

1164
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 1: actually get better. Take the weekend, take the Monday, take

1165
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 1: the tuthday. And I'm like, people adjust all the time.

1166
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 1: Why would they not be able to adjust? If you,

1167
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:49,879
Speaker 1: who was always fine, always on point, always delivering, why

1168
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 1: wouldn't it be Why wouldn't people be able to make

1169
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 1: adjustments if that's what you needed for your health. But

1170
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 1: I think you took it as me just trying to

1171
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: find every way to disregard how you felt, and that

1172
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 1: was an no. I didn't. I didn't take it as that.

1173
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,319
Speaker 1: What I took it as was you and I have

1174
00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 1: different responsibilities in life, right, And I feel like you

1175
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:13,360
Speaker 1: don't understand the full scope of the stress that goes

1176
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:16,759
Speaker 1: on being the provider and protector. For example, you wake

1177
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,799
Speaker 1: up on a random Monday if you don't feel like

1178
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 1: posting anything, if you don't feel like going into meetings,

1179
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: if you don't feel like doing nothing, you have the

1180
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 1: autonomy to say I'm not doing that. I can't do

1181
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 1: that because the mortgages do on the first, the cardinal

1182
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:32,160
Speaker 1: to do on the first. So I operate in a

1183
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 1: space of especially being an entrepreneur with a multi media,

1184
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:40,839
Speaker 1: a multimillion dollar media business, I can't just say I'm

1185
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 1: not going in because we do have people that work

1186
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 1: with us. We have partners that work with us who

1187
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 1: require payment. We have you know, we have people who

1188
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,720
Speaker 1: make money based on the things that we do. So

1189
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 1: I do feel like in general, but also in this

1190
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 1: moment in particular, it felt okay for you to say

1191
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:03,239
Speaker 1: just don't go in because of the lifestyle. I've been

1192
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,800
Speaker 1: able to provide you to say that, but I can't

1193
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:09,360
Speaker 1: do that, and I felt like it was insensitive for

1194
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 1: you to say that to me because you don't understand

1195
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:16,359
Speaker 1: the stresses that I go through every day, whether it's

1196
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,400
Speaker 1: not feeling well to take Jackson to practice. There are

1197
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:22,600
Speaker 1: there are moments in the day where I feel like

1198
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:25,399
Speaker 1: I'm just not enough as a father, I'm not enough

1199
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:28,280
Speaker 1: as a husband, I'm not enough as a business partner

1200
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:31,319
Speaker 1: because I'm always like, for example, you know how many

1201
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 1: times I've had to cancel a FaceTime session for running

1202
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 1: lines or missing a table read because I will not

1203
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 1: miss Jackson's practice. No, I'm saying, so I offered to

1204
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 1: take him, and you're like, no, I'm gonna take him

1205
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:48,800
Speaker 1: like jack the value you can take, but but I can't.

1206
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why I can't. When I missed

1207
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:54,160
Speaker 1: his banquet, he said to me, He said to you,

1208
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:56,520
Speaker 1: this is why I'll never be an actor, because you

1209
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 1: miss moments like this. Yes, I'm under a different type

1210
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 1: of dress then you are. So I just felt like

1211
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 1: in that moment, and here's the truth about that. You

1212
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: can't possibly know that level of stress because I take

1213
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 1: it upon myself to remove that level of stress from

1214
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 1: which is why I say I can't be mad at

1215
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 1: anybody but myself. Right from that Friday when I wasn't

1216
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:22,840
Speaker 1: feeling well, Remember I kept saying to you, baby, this

1217
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 1: is all my fault. I can't blame nobody but myself.

1218
00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 1: I was running myself into the ground absolute literally not

1219
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 1: just physically, but also mentally. Another reason why, and this

1220
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 1: is just I'm going to just throw this anecdote in

1221
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:40,400
Speaker 1: here because I think it's important for young entrepreneurs to

1222
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 1: understand this. The money I was going to make from

1223
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 1: that filming that time, a large portion that was gonna

1224
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 1: go pay bonuses for Christmas. My thought process was, if

1225
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 1: I don't finish filming, how am I going to tell

1226
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:57,160
Speaker 1: the people that have worked for me hard for the

1227
00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 1: past ten and a half months that I can't give

1228
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 1: you the bonus that you deserve and worked for because

1229
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: I couldn't make it through the last five days of filming.

1230
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. You had no idea. That

1231
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 1: was my thought process, so I can't even blame you

1232
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 1: for last shot after and I was so confused, and

1233
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 1: it was me also trying to be the strong Okay,

1234
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 1: you know you got this, you got this, Hey, send

1235
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 1: me some pictures. I'm I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

1236
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 1: And then and this is where the mu the miscommunication

1237
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:31,120
Speaker 1: comes in. I'm trying my hardest to be strong, and

1238
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:33,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying my hardest to say, babe, there's nothing wrong.

1239
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 1: I'm fine, until something triggers me and it's just like

1240
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 1: I'm not fine. Why the funk? Would you, And then

1241
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: it's just like ye, and it's just like I have

1242
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 1: I have to moving forward. And this is going to

1243
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: be a large part of my ministry when I speak

1244
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 1: to men who want to be in leadership positions. You

1245
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:55,960
Speaker 1: have to find a way to communicate to your partner

1246
00:58:56,400 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 1: when you're not okay. It's not weak. It's and not

1247
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 1: only just your partner, your business partners. Oh yeah, for sure.

1248
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:04,959
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, you have to find

1249
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,760
Speaker 1: a way to communicate to people that yo, I might

1250
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: need a minute, right because even your children, we can

1251
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:15,919
Speaker 1: we can agree to disagree on that. When I said

1252
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:18,200
Speaker 1: not being super you don't have to be as transparent

1253
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:21,080
Speaker 1: with your children, but you can also let them know, like, hey,

1254
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 1: just is how daddy's feeling. I'm going to do my

1255
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,240
Speaker 1: best to do what I need to do. I just

1256
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 1: feel like different levels to it. I feel like I

1257
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 1: agree with you or not. I just feel like children

1258
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:35,080
Speaker 1: aren't emotionally mature enough to understand when dad says, you know,

1259
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 1: I got to go to work to provide. I've tried,

1260
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 1: and even though I've tried, I see Jackson's eyes well

1261
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,280
Speaker 1: up and he'll say to me, no, I get it

1262
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 1: and his eyes well up and then I'm not there

1263
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:46,840
Speaker 1: for something and he says to you, mom, this is why. Yeah,

1264
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:50,200
Speaker 1: And it's like, dang, he really can't understand me. Trying

1265
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 1: to ask my children to understand. I just got to

1266
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 1: try to be there as much as I can. I

1267
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,439
Speaker 1: got you, but my business partners, you're grown adult. Yeah

1268
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: you if you have kids, you understand my wife. We're adults.

1269
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 1: We can have that conversation. So I feel like, moving forward,

1270
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 1: I have to do better because I feel like I

1271
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 1: caused everybody around me a lot of grief while trying

1272
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:15,480
Speaker 1: to be super strong, and there was no benefit to it,

1273
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 1: especially for me. You know what I'm saying that there

1274
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:21,840
Speaker 1: was no benefit because we didn't come to any reconciliation

1275
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 1: until you came home and Kadina and I decided we

1276
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 1: need to get There was a time I don't think

1277
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 1: anybody knew, but you and I decided we needed to

1278
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:34,720
Speaker 1: go away, out of the house, not to an island

1279
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 1: in all this, We need to go away, stay in

1280
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:39,800
Speaker 1: an airbnb, and let's just sit and talk for a

1281
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 1: couple of days. Because I came home that day and

1282
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 1: I felt like something had broken me. I felt like

1283
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 1: I was abandoned. I felt like no one really cared

1284
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 1: about Devo the person. They only cared about what Devou

1285
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:54,960
Speaker 1: can provide. And I hated feeling like that, and it

1286
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 1: was depressing the shit out of me. And I was

1287
01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 1: just like, why do I feel this way? Is it

1288
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 1: them making me feel this way? Or is it something

1289
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:07,120
Speaker 1: I'm making myself feel? And that's what I really wanted

1290
01:01:07,160 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 1: to talk to you about it, And having the conversations

1291
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:16,160
Speaker 1: and hearing your perspective from that side made me realize

1292
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 1: that there's no way in hell kdem could have known

1293
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 1: things were as bad on this side because I do

1294
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 1: a good job of letting codein feel like everything's always okay. No, seriously, no, no, seriously, Like,

1295
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:35,720
Speaker 1: think about all of the men recently who have committed suicide,

1296
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 1: and everybody was just it was just like, why now

1297
01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 1: I was nowhere near suicide? So I don't even want

1298
01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:43,400
Speaker 1: to equate what I was feeling in that moment to

1299
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 1: what they're feeling. But they also did a good job

1300
01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 1: of making everyone feel like everything was okay until it

1301
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 1: wasn't okay. Yeah, And I'm guilty of that, yeah, not

1302
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:55,040
Speaker 1: to the extent, not not to the extent of where

1303
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 1: I was thinking about harming myself. But it did make

1304
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 1: me realize, like, holy shit, how do I expect people

1305
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:02,960
Speaker 1: to be there for me when they don't even know

1306
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,800
Speaker 1: that they need to be there for me. That was it, Devot,

1307
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:08,920
Speaker 1: that was it. And that's when after you expressed all

1308
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 1: of these things, then I had to reach out to

1309
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 1: a couple of people in our life, in your life

1310
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 1: to say, I know Devot always presents that he's okay,

1311
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:22,600
Speaker 1: but he's not. So just love on him a little

1312
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 1: bit more, touch based with him, a little bit more,

1313
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:27,919
Speaker 1: see how he's doing. Because I felt like that's something

1314
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:30,200
Speaker 1: that you needed in that moment. I also felt like

1315
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 1: this moment in Jamaica and the whole argument that happened

1316
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 1: was very triggering for you because your entire life, everyone

1317
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:40,680
Speaker 1: always assumed since you were a kid, that Devout got it.

1318
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 1: Devot is going to be okay, Devout is the firstborn leader.

1319
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 1: He's going to take care of everybody else after him.

1320
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:50,400
Speaker 1: Like you were given that responsibility which you've spoken about

1321
01:02:50,440 --> 01:02:52,920
Speaker 1: and we talk about more in the book, where you

1322
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 1: were given all this responsibility early on because your parents

1323
01:02:56,280 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: just had to work and they had to kind a

1324
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:01,000
Speaker 1: way to provide for you and your brother and your sister,

1325
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:04,400
Speaker 1: So you were forced to just always be okay and

1326
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 1: people expected it and just knew that you were always

1327
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 1: going to be okay because you would always figure things out.

1328
01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 1: So I think that that whole situation was triggering for

1329
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:15,240
Speaker 1: you because here was another moment where you legitimately weren't

1330
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 1: feeling well and you needed people, but everyone expected you

1331
01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:22,200
Speaker 1: to be okay because you always are, and you weren't. Yeah,

1332
01:03:22,240 --> 01:03:26,120
Speaker 1: I agree, and in full transparency, I can. I can

1333
01:03:26,160 --> 01:03:29,000
Speaker 1: be accountable for myself, but I do also think that

1334
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:33,200
Speaker 1: you and your family need to be accountable for the

1335
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 1: fact that there is always two seconds in a day

1336
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 1: where you can say, let me reach out to the

1337
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:40,200
Speaker 1: person that matters to me. And I felt on that Saturday,

1338
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:42,040
Speaker 1: I know you had a lot going on, and you

1339
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 1: had said to me on that Saturday, will I had

1340
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 1: responsibilities as a matron of honor, as if I was

1341
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:48,120
Speaker 1: supposed to just understand that, And I felt like, I

1342
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:50,520
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck about that. You have responsibilities as

1343
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 1: a wife, Like like your responsibilities as a wife come

1344
01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:58,640
Speaker 1: before any other title you have except for motherhood. I agree,

1345
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 1: And I felt like in though that moment you chose

1346
01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:06,720
Speaker 1: that that was more important, and I felt like, and

1347
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 1: this is just me speaking where I felt like you

1348
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 1: weren't holding yourself accountable. I just felt like you were

1349
01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 1: saying to me that I didn't have time, devot. I

1350
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,600
Speaker 1: didn't have time devot, and I'm like to pick up

1351
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:21,560
Speaker 1: the phone and check on somebody takes thirty seconds. You

1352
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:24,000
Speaker 1: can't tell me that there was no point during that

1353
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:26,160
Speaker 1: day on the Saturday, because I didn't see you the

1354
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:28,760
Speaker 1: whole Saturday except for early in the morning, and then

1355
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:31,320
Speaker 1: Sunday we spoke early in the morning, I FaceTime you

1356
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:33,280
Speaker 1: FaceTime me, but for the rest of the day I

1357
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:35,480
Speaker 1: hadn't even seen my wife. Well, I was sending you

1358
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,880
Speaker 1: photos and stuff, so I thought that like me texting

1359
01:04:37,880 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 1: you back and forth and trying to keep you in

1360
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 1: the loop with me, trying to be in touch with you,

1361
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:43,280
Speaker 1: and then I know that I know that it was

1362
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 1: very far and few between. I think we had one

1363
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:47,560
Speaker 1: interaction between the hours of like four pm when the

1364
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:52,520
Speaker 1: wedding started, and then nine thirty right and it was

1365
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:54,760
Speaker 1: a quick like touch base about something, and then you

1366
01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:57,600
Speaker 1: didn't hear from me again. So I understand how you

1367
01:04:57,600 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 1: feel and I'll say that I could have every hour

1368
01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:01,919
Speaker 1: just picked up the phone and said, hey, you're checking

1369
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:04,160
Speaker 1: on you. Hey, just checking on you, Hey, just checking

1370
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:07,120
Speaker 1: on you. But I was also battling with do I

1371
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:09,240
Speaker 1: keep doing that to remind him that he's not here,

1372
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:12,680
Speaker 1: or do I just kind of let it be, like

1373
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:14,680
Speaker 1: you know, I was, because I didn't know what what

1374
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,760
Speaker 1: you were feeling. Legitimately, I hear what you're saying, but

1375
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:20,120
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, that just sounds like excuses to me,

1376
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:23,080
Speaker 1: because when I was got a soul trained, there wasn't

1377
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:25,840
Speaker 1: and I didn't check on you every hour, but there

1378
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:27,840
Speaker 1: was no point where a long period of time didn't

1379
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:30,120
Speaker 1: go by where I didn't I didn't call you and say, yo,

1380
01:05:30,120 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 1: I'm a sole trained look at this. I said, how

1381
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:34,680
Speaker 1: are you feeling? Bade? And I feel like I've always

1382
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:37,960
Speaker 1: done that, like I've always put your health, your mental health,

1383
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 1: your well being first, even when it was the most

1384
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:43,000
Speaker 1: important thing in my life at that poement. That's my

1385
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 1: first time presenting in an award show and taking my mom,

1386
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 1: I still had the mental fur to two to say,

1387
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 1: let me check on my wife. It wasn't no, you

1388
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:56,040
Speaker 1: not be a basket case. Y'all. I mean we both basketcases. Clearly,

1389
01:05:56,320 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 1: you know, extra basketcase that nobody had ever seen before

1390
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:02,200
Speaker 1: in this particular moment. You never like that, right, You're right,

1391
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 1: So it's different. You're right. I'll admit that, like I'm

1392
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:06,840
Speaker 1: used to you being a basketcase, so I know how

1393
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:09,280
Speaker 1: to move. I will admit that, like I'm I'm not

1394
01:06:09,320 --> 01:06:11,880
Speaker 1: going to absolve myself. That's what I'm not trying to do.

1395
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:13,919
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to insolve myself either, because I could

1396
01:06:13,920 --> 01:06:16,080
Speaker 1: have done more, you know what I'm saying. I could

1397
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:19,720
Speaker 1: have And I do feel like sometimes the communication, the

1398
01:06:19,840 --> 01:06:23,919
Speaker 1: miscommunication just comes from you know, like just just check

1399
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:26,720
Speaker 1: on me, bro, Like just just check on me. And

1400
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:31,160
Speaker 1: the miscommunication also comes from let me be honest, right

1401
01:06:31,440 --> 01:06:34,240
Speaker 1: by babe? How you feel the overarching topic here, y'all

1402
01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:36,360
Speaker 1: listen to this entire back and forth. Feel like for

1403
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:37,880
Speaker 1: the whole hour, I feel like it's good because I

1404
01:06:37,920 --> 01:06:39,920
Speaker 1: don't even want to do listener letters. I want to

1405
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:41,800
Speaker 1: do moment of truth. So let's do things a little

1406
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 1: unconventional for this show, right, So we won't do listening

1407
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:46,240
Speaker 1: letters because I feel like we both had This is

1408
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:49,560
Speaker 1: like our listen we was our own listener letters exactly.

1409
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:52,640
Speaker 1: We're representing y'all with what the disagreement was. So let's

1410
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:54,400
Speaker 1: take a quick break and so we can jump right

1411
01:06:54,440 --> 01:06:56,840
Speaker 1: into whatever our moment of truth is for that episode. Deal,

1412
01:06:57,360 --> 01:07:10,000
Speaker 1: we'll be back, all right, y'all. So we're back, So

1413
01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:12,200
Speaker 1: go ahead, jump into a moment of truth. Baby. So

1414
01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:15,680
Speaker 1: this is my moment of truth as a man who

1415
01:07:15,720 --> 01:07:19,920
Speaker 1: claims to be a leader and a provider and a

1416
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:23,080
Speaker 1: protector of my family. I have to be honest when

1417
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 1: my wife says, Yo, how you feeling. I have to

1418
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:28,200
Speaker 1: be honest to say, babe, I don't feel good. And

1419
01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:32,280
Speaker 1: if you've noticed, I've been more honest and upfront with

1420
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:34,880
Speaker 1: you and my business partners about stuff. Who are not

1421
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:39,919
Speaker 1: that's not rubbing me the right way, right. I've made

1422
01:07:39,920 --> 01:07:43,200
Speaker 1: it a choice. I mean, you guys don't know everybody

1423
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:46,080
Speaker 1: in the podcast crew, but this year I've made it

1424
01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 1: a point that when I have an issue with someone

1425
01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:50,560
Speaker 1: or something doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, I'm gonna say

1426
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:52,600
Speaker 1: the real time because I don't want it to fester

1427
01:07:52,760 --> 01:07:55,520
Speaker 1: and it become a thing where months later go by

1428
01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:57,960
Speaker 1: or years later and devout blows up and they're like, Yo,

1429
01:07:57,960 --> 01:07:59,400
Speaker 1: he didn't say nothing the whole time. That's on me.

1430
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:02,480
Speaker 1: So my moment of truth is for gentlemen, if you

1431
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 1: honestly don't feel good about something or don't feel good,

1432
01:08:06,320 --> 01:08:10,320
Speaker 1: say something in real time, don't expect people to know

1433
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:14,640
Speaker 1: because that's a huge miscommunication. That's a good one. So

1434
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 1: Triple had a list of you know, how to communicate

1435
01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:19,080
Speaker 1: effectively and I kind of skim through it, and I

1436
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:21,040
Speaker 1: think one thing that I can take from it is

1437
01:08:21,640 --> 01:08:24,920
Speaker 1: finding a way to assert yourself without being disruptive, dismissive,

1438
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:28,200
Speaker 1: or demoralizing, clearly stating your issue and how you'd like

1439
01:08:28,280 --> 01:08:31,320
Speaker 1: to resolve it. So for me, I feel like I'm

1440
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:35,320
Speaker 1: still trying to figure out what this dance is of

1441
01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:40,240
Speaker 1: expressing how I feel without having the feeling to want

1442
01:08:40,240 --> 01:08:42,920
Speaker 1: to interject every time you say something that may in

1443
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:46,960
Speaker 1: my mind need clarity and when there is a miscommunication

1444
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 1: that arises, I feel like in general, and this can

1445
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:52,400
Speaker 1: work for men or women, really try to listen and

1446
01:08:52,439 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 1: if it requires that you it might see an extreme.

1447
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:57,559
Speaker 1: Like I said, take notes on the bullet points or

1448
01:08:57,600 --> 01:08:59,960
Speaker 1: moments that you said, Like I don't want to free

1449
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:02,000
Speaker 1: get something, and I also want to be able to

1450
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:06,559
Speaker 1: yeah as a debate team person, right, I get that,

1451
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:08,400
Speaker 1: So I get it. Yeah, I feel like that's what

1452
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:10,519
Speaker 1: I need to do sometimes because you just see me

1453
01:09:10,600 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 1: interjecting as a being disrespectful or just trying to be

1454
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:16,840
Speaker 1: disruptive or dismissive of how you feel in that moment,

1455
01:09:17,120 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 1: But in me it sparks a moment of like, oh no,

1456
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:21,600
Speaker 1: like I think you might have misunderstood, because ultimately what

1457
01:09:21,640 --> 01:09:24,120
Speaker 1: we want to gain is understanding right of how the

1458
01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:26,360
Speaker 1: other person feels so we can move accordingly. So if

1459
01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:28,439
Speaker 1: I feel like you may have a misunderstanding with something

1460
01:09:28,479 --> 01:09:31,879
Speaker 1: you say in that moment, I need to then interject

1461
01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:34,600
Speaker 1: and say, hold on, you're mistaking how I feel, or

1462
01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:37,640
Speaker 1: you're mistaking what I did. Where I should like we

1463
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:42,599
Speaker 1: practice today, you saying your piece, asking if you're okay

1464
01:09:42,600 --> 01:09:44,519
Speaker 1: and you're done, and can I interject or can I

1465
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:49,760
Speaker 1: now speak that way? It gives a better strategy, I think,

1466
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:53,160
Speaker 1: for a nice kind of dance where we go back

1467
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:55,760
Speaker 1: and forth, where it's not a back and forth that's

1468
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:58,880
Speaker 1: combative or it feels like you're just being defensive, which

1469
01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:00,759
Speaker 1: I get to tend to be late bold a lot

1470
01:10:00,880 --> 01:10:04,000
Speaker 1: whenever we have disagreements, So moment of truth time if

1471
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,040
Speaker 1: it needs, or if it requires, for you to keep

1472
01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:10,600
Speaker 1: track of your ideas and your thoughts mid conversation so

1473
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:13,759
Speaker 1: that way you can then not necessarily refute your argument,

1474
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:16,040
Speaker 1: but just say how you felt and how the other

1475
01:10:16,080 --> 01:10:18,720
Speaker 1: may have misconstrue what you said. Do that, take your

1476
01:10:18,760 --> 01:10:21,400
Speaker 1: notes and be able to eloquently express how you feel

1477
01:10:21,720 --> 01:10:25,280
Speaker 1: so that it becomes ultimately understanding and clarity. No, I

1478
01:10:25,360 --> 01:10:27,240
Speaker 1: understand where you're coming from because I never even thought

1479
01:10:27,240 --> 01:10:29,400
Speaker 1: about it until you said it. Once again, this is

1480
01:10:29,439 --> 01:10:33,080
Speaker 1: me thinking that everyone's mind operates like mine. Being a

1481
01:10:33,080 --> 01:10:36,800
Speaker 1: member of the debate team, you can't interrupt someone while

1482
01:10:36,840 --> 01:10:41,160
Speaker 1: they're debating. So if we're having a conversation, I typically

1483
01:10:41,240 --> 01:10:44,200
Speaker 1: let you get all your thoughts out yes beforehand, So

1484
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:46,040
Speaker 1: then when I start to talk and then you cut

1485
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:49,040
Speaker 1: me off, it is a sign of disrespect, especially in debates,

1486
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:50,840
Speaker 1: because it's like I can't even finish my thought without

1487
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,240
Speaker 1: cutting me off, And it's like I just let you speak,

1488
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:55,760
Speaker 1: and then I'm used to remembering the points that I

1489
01:10:55,800 --> 01:10:57,840
Speaker 1: want to review and then going back to it. But

1490
01:10:57,960 --> 01:10:59,559
Speaker 1: I know it may not be an exercise that you've

1491
01:10:59,560 --> 01:11:01,840
Speaker 1: done your life literally an exercise. I get that. Yeah,

1492
01:11:01,880 --> 01:11:04,240
Speaker 1: because when you had your whole run of show for

1493
01:11:04,280 --> 01:11:06,439
Speaker 1: what happened on Sunday, I was like, oh, shoot, okay,

1494
01:11:06,479 --> 01:11:09,200
Speaker 1: they're Soul Train Awards. Okay, Soul Train Awards, and I'm like, okay,

1495
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:11,519
Speaker 1: the flight, I didn't move the Okay. So I'm literally

1496
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,800
Speaker 1: and then i find myself almost now not listening to

1497
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:15,880
Speaker 1: you because I'm trying to remember what I want to

1498
01:11:15,880 --> 01:11:20,000
Speaker 1: talk about. I'm glad you said that what happens. I'm

1499
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:21,680
Speaker 1: glad you said that because that's how I feel. I

1500
01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:25,800
Speaker 1: feel like I'll be talking sometimes and you'll stop listening

1501
01:11:25,840 --> 01:11:27,599
Speaker 1: to what I'm saying, and you want to argue the

1502
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:29,240
Speaker 1: one point that you want to get across, and I'm like,

1503
01:11:29,240 --> 01:11:31,400
Speaker 1: did you not listen to anything else I say? And

1504
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:35,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, argue with you about a minute point that

1505
01:11:35,400 --> 01:11:37,080
Speaker 1: wasn't even my whole point, and You're just like, but

1506
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:39,280
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that you understand this. Yeah,

1507
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:42,599
Speaker 1: but now I'll understand why that's exactly what happened. So again,

1508
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:44,719
Speaker 1: something new that we learned today, and this is important

1509
01:11:44,760 --> 01:11:47,200
Speaker 1: for everyone to see, Like, this is why we never

1510
01:11:47,280 --> 01:11:51,920
Speaker 1: claim to be experts, because we are still learning about

1511
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:54,760
Speaker 1: each other and we are still loving on each other.

1512
01:11:55,000 --> 01:11:57,719
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that everything is perfect all the time.

1513
01:11:58,000 --> 01:12:00,599
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't mean that when you see on social

1514
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,479
Speaker 1: media or since we wrote a book that man when

1515
01:12:03,479 --> 01:12:05,800
Speaker 1: they have disagreements they just sit down like a dough. No.

1516
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:08,320
Speaker 1: Sometimes we'd be screaming and hollering and cursing and walking

1517
01:12:08,360 --> 01:12:11,120
Speaker 1: away and it's like, yo, let's realist back in. But

1518
01:12:11,920 --> 01:12:15,679
Speaker 1: we also both are dedicated to the process of learning

1519
01:12:15,680 --> 01:12:18,240
Speaker 1: each other so that we can be better the next time. Absolutely.

1520
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:21,439
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, hope this helped if you were able

1521
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:25,519
Speaker 1: to pull any you know, tips and things that you

1522
01:12:25,520 --> 01:12:27,840
Speaker 1: can utilize within your own relationship. I think it's just

1523
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:29,680
Speaker 1: at this point not just a man and woman thing.

1524
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:32,240
Speaker 1: It's a person thing, Like, yes, what style of arguments

1525
01:12:32,320 --> 01:12:34,679
Speaker 1: or style of debate are you? And now that Jackson

1526
01:12:34,720 --> 01:12:36,599
Speaker 1: has joined the debate team, you can give him tips

1527
01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:38,840
Speaker 1: about it because I sure don't know what I'm talking about.

1528
01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:42,240
Speaker 1: Hey at the time. All right, y'all still writing for

1529
01:12:42,280 --> 01:12:44,120
Speaker 1: listening letters, So I'm going to still tag that there

1530
01:12:44,200 --> 01:12:45,680
Speaker 1: even though we didn't get a chance to get to it,

1531
01:12:45,720 --> 01:12:48,120
Speaker 1: because we had real life listening letters right here today.

1532
01:12:48,280 --> 01:12:49,920
Speaker 1: If you want to be featured as a listener letter

1533
01:12:49,960 --> 01:12:51,599
Speaker 1: and you had some argument with Bay and you said,

1534
01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:53,080
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't know if he's right or

1535
01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:55,040
Speaker 1: she's right, or she's right, or she's right, or he's

1536
01:12:55,120 --> 01:12:58,080
Speaker 1: right or he's right. Whatever. Go ahead and email us

1537
01:12:58,120 --> 01:13:00,559
Speaker 1: at Data's Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E

1538
01:13:00,680 --> 01:13:03,920
Speaker 1: A d as A d V I C E at

1539
01:13:03,960 --> 01:13:07,800
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. And be sure to find us on Patreon, y'all.

1540
01:13:07,840 --> 01:13:11,599
Speaker 1: We are there giving you exclusive dead As podcasts, video content,

1541
01:13:11,880 --> 01:13:14,000
Speaker 1: and so much more of the Ellis family there, so

1542
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:15,840
Speaker 1: be shure to sign up and you can find us

1543
01:13:15,840 --> 01:13:18,120
Speaker 1: on social media. The podcast page is dead As the

1544
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:21,000
Speaker 1: podcast and I'm Kadin. I am on Instagram and TikTok

1545
01:13:21,160 --> 01:13:24,000
Speaker 1: and that's at I am Devo on Instagram and Facebook.

1546
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:26,639
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

1547
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:31,840
Speaker 1: review and subscribe dead Ass, y'all. Dead Ass is a

1548
01:13:31,840 --> 01:13:35,680
Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and is produced by Denrapinia

1549
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:39,360
Speaker 1: and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass,

1550
01:13:39,400 --> 01:13:41,040
Speaker 1: to podcasts and never miss a thing,