Speaker 1: If you want more speaking engagements, collaborations, or visibility for
Speaker 1: your brand, I got to tell you the truth. This
Speaker 1: is Terry Lomax and I've been a public speaker for
Speaker 1: over twelve years. I've lended national media, a ted talk,
Speaker 1: in six figure collaborations without a publicist or a big
Speaker 1: social media following. And here's what most people don't hear.
Speaker 1: You don't need a publicist or a massive audience to
Speaker 1: get booked. Most people are waiting to feel established first,
Speaker 1: and that waiting is costing them visibility. How many times
Speaker 1: have you looked up and seeing people with less experience
Speaker 1: getting opportunities you were fully qualified for.
Speaker 2: Here's the truth.
Speaker 1: Opportunities don't go to the most qualified. They go to
Speaker 1: the people who can clearly communicate their value. Once I
Speaker 1: learned how to organize my story and position my expertise
Speaker 1: using a framework, everything changed. If you want my exact
Speaker 1: pitch emails, word for word, my winning subject lines, and
Speaker 1: the Saucy Solutions framework, visit get that pitch dot com
Speaker 1: for a limited time use her space for a special
Speaker 1: listener discount. If this is your year to stop hiding
Speaker 1: and start getting booked, I'll see you inside. Visit get
Speaker 1: that pitch dot com or click the link in our
Speaker 1: show notes.
Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space. I'm doctor dom, a college
Speaker 3: professor and licensed psychologist.
Speaker 1: And I'm Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. Now,
Speaker 1: before we jump into today's episode, we want to share
Speaker 1: something special. For the first time in eight years of podcasting,
Speaker 1: we're taking a much needed summer break. But stay tuned
Speaker 1: to see what that means for you.
Speaker 3: That's right, lady, After nearly a decade of showing up
Speaker 3: week after week, we're giving ourselves a little time to rest, recharge,
Speaker 3: and refill our cups. But don't worry, we're not leaving
Speaker 3: you hanging. Over the next few weeks, we'll be dropping
Speaker 3: these many episodes filled with reflections, insights, encouragement, and some
Speaker 3: of the conversations we think you need right now.
Speaker 1: When we return, you can expect even more of what
Speaker 1: you love. Authentic conversations, powerful storytelling, practical tools for healing
Speaker 1: and growth, and fresh perspectives on everything from mental health
Speaker 1: and relationships to self discovery and personal development. Thank you
Speaker 1: for being part of this community and for growing alongside
Speaker 1: us over the years. Now let's get into the mini
Speaker 1: episode Okay, So lady, I already told don this story,
Speaker 1: but I want to get you caught up on the
Speaker 1: group chat, okay, because this experience almost took me out.
Speaker 1: All right, So lady, if you don't know, I have
Speaker 1: a five year old babys she's pretty much grew up
Speaker 1: with the podcast, and she recently became obsessed with camping.
Speaker 1: I don't know where she heard this idea. I don't
Speaker 1: know where she saw it, but she wanted to do it.
Speaker 1: And I was not raised that way. Okay, we glamped.
Speaker 1: I was in Girl Scouts. We did a different type
Speaker 1: of camping experience, right, We had cabins, we didn't do
Speaker 1: the whole surviving in the wilderness type of vibe. But
Speaker 1: Babyzy's told me that she wanted to go camping and
Speaker 1: pitch a tent and sleep outside and lord, kids, they
Speaker 1: will really make you grow. So me, being the mom
Speaker 1: that I am, I'm like, all right, girl, we're gonna
Speaker 1: do this camping. So I did some research and I
Speaker 1: found this family campground and they have a camp night,
Speaker 1: which is so funny because I saw it around the
Speaker 1: same time that she had. So I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: that's great. So I literally just went through the house
Speaker 1: and I saw that we had a beach tint that
Speaker 1: we used before, and we had some other supplies. I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, cool. I packed up a suitcase
Speaker 1: and thought we were ready to go.
Speaker 2: Suitcase girl, girl.
Speaker 3: All right, I'm just down.
Speaker 1: Let you tell you no, you are so right, because girl,
Speaker 1: why I didn't Here's the thing.
Speaker 2: I did not know what I didn't know. So here
Speaker 2: we go.
Speaker 1: We get there, I'm lugging a suitcase through the mud,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking around at everybody else. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: they don't have suitcases. Okay, something's not adding up. I
Speaker 1: noticed people have all these I just hear a lot
Speaker 1: of noise. I hear someone they're in a tent, and
Speaker 1: I hear like a modem, and I'm like, what could
Speaker 1: they possibly have there? I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1: All I know is I'm out there trying to pitch
Speaker 1: this tent.
Speaker 2: Babies. He's not help, but she's doing her own thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because she's five.
Speaker 2: Why she's five, right?
Speaker 1: You got to execute exactly, That's exactly how it goes.
Speaker 1: So we get there and I'm pitching the tent. It
Speaker 1: took forever. It was so difficult, but we got it,
Speaker 1: so we get inside. We got mud all over the place,
Speaker 1: but it's fine. I put the blankets down down. We're
Speaker 1: in there, chilling, and then of course torrential downpour begins,
Speaker 1: and not only does it begin to rain. We're sitting
Speaker 1: there and babies wants to play a game, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why am I getting wet? I feel water, So I'm
Speaker 1: looking up. Girl, there's water that is dripping through the
Speaker 1: ceiling ceiling of the top of the tent, and I'm
Speaker 1: feeling I'm looking for something on the bottom of the tent.
Speaker 1: So I think we were trying to get something. And
Speaker 1: I reached down and the bottom of the blankets are
Speaker 1: getting soaked. I have like a couple of blankets and
Speaker 1: I have sleeping bags, and I'm just like, what is happening.
Speaker 1: So I'm literally in the tent and then my daughter
Speaker 1: starts crying about something, her ear hurts or something. I'm like, baby,
Speaker 1: this is not this is not the time. Like we
Speaker 1: got to figure something out. So I explained to her
Speaker 1: what's going on, and then I'm sorry. I start calling
Speaker 1: hotels and the erics. I'm like, we can't stay here
Speaker 1: because if it's over, we're already getting wet. Now if
Speaker 1: we sleep here, we will be soaked and sick in
Speaker 1: the morning. So I explained to her, like, okay, baby,
Speaker 1: we have to find a plan B And I just
Speaker 1: felt so defeated, and I remember looking around Tom and
Speaker 1: I was just like, I wish there was a different
Speaker 1: adult here to handle this.
Speaker 2: This is overwhelming.
Speaker 1: So long story short, I packed up everything because all
Speaker 1: the hotels were booked. It was around prom season, so
Speaker 1: everyone was booked, and we drove home with wet shit
Speaker 1: in the trunk.
Speaker 2: I was exhausted.
Speaker 1: So we literally drove down that day a couple hours,
Speaker 1: pitched the tent, put everything in the trunk, drove back home,
Speaker 1: and again it's downpouring, And so my thought was not camping.
Speaker 2: Is not for us.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what the thought was, but I want
Speaker 1: to know first, have you ever experienced or had an
Speaker 1: experience where the one thing, the one time you did it,
Speaker 1: it went wrong and so you wanted to swear off
Speaker 1: the whole experience.
Speaker 2: It was like, f this, I ain't doing this no more.
Speaker 3: It's a great question, and of course nothing is coming
Speaker 3: to me right now, and I'm sure after we're done
Speaker 3: recording this episode, five different incidents are going to pop
Speaker 3: up in my mind and I'm gonna be like, oh shit,
Speaker 3: Like I knew I should have had a I knew
Speaker 3: I should have talked about that. Right now, nothing, nothing,
Speaker 3: nothing is coming to me. But I mean, I think
Speaker 3: as you're sharing your story, I think the thing that
Speaker 3: that the couple of things that immediately come up for
Speaker 3: me are like one, I think it's so cool that
Speaker 3: you haven't done this type of camping before and you
Speaker 3: were willing to try it for.
Speaker 2: Your baby, right, thank you.
Speaker 3: Like the openness and the willingness to try new things.
Speaker 3: I think it's so it's so important and it's it's
Speaker 3: a good it's a good life lesson for baby Z. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and that's that's just just hearing the first part of
Speaker 3: the story.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you for sharing that, girl.
Speaker 1: Yeah that felt that feels good as a mom because
Speaker 1: I had a couple of people say that as well,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, thank you for me. It
Speaker 1: was just like my baby says she wants is we're
Speaker 1: gonna try to make it happen. But I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: And when I thought about this, right, I feel like
Speaker 1: this is way bigger than camping, and I think It's
Speaker 1: about what we do after disappointment, right, because how many
Speaker 1: times have we had a dream and idea and it
Speaker 1: dies because of one bad experience?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: We might fail once and then suddenly, oh I'm not
Speaker 1: a camping person. Oh I'm not athletic. Oh I'm not
Speaker 1: good with money, or you know, I'm not meant to
Speaker 1: have my own business.
Speaker 2: Right, we say no after a hard day, and so I.
Speaker 1: Think it it presents us with an opportunity to ask ourselves.
Speaker 2: I was like, why do why do we quit so quickly? Right?
Speaker 1: Why do we let one experience define us in our
Speaker 1: experience our future experiences.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good point. I think. I wonder if
Speaker 3: part of it for me, why I'm having a hard
Speaker 3: time coming up with the story is because I don't
Speaker 3: like failure, and so I tend to be that person
Speaker 3: that like might be I might be saying all kinds
Speaker 3: and nasty words. Yeah, if I started it, I gotta
Speaker 3: keep at it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So, like I think about I think about going hiking,
Speaker 3: and I have a fear of heights, well, not necessarily heights.
Speaker 3: I don't mind being high up. Necessarily, I have a
Speaker 3: fear of falling. And that's what keeps me from going
Speaker 3: into like heights. And so I remember it was a
Speaker 3: few months ago for a friend's birthday and we were
Speaker 3: all hiking. There was a group of us hiking, and
Speaker 3: that trail started to get a little steep. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: I didn't have any hiking gear with me, like it's
Speaker 3: just us, right, And I remember having some moments where
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm about to turn around and go
Speaker 3: back down, go back the way I came, because this
Speaker 3: is looking like a bit too much for me, out
Speaker 3: of my element. Like I like, I had that conversation
Speaker 3: a couple of.
Speaker 1: Times with yourself, not with anyone.
Speaker 3: Else, myself, not with anyone else, with myself. In my mind,
Speaker 3: I'm like contemplating life, like, girl, what were we about
Speaker 3: to do?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: And then I'm looking around at everybody else, and everybody's
Speaker 3: doing it, Like now, I don't know what's going on
Speaker 3: in other people say its because some people look like
Speaker 3: they are just like there are a couple of folks
Speaker 3: that are way ahead and they look like this is
Speaker 3: their thing. They do this all the time. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't have no idea what's going through anybody else's mind.
Speaker 3: But everybody is still going. So you know what, I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna be the one that does it. And I said,
Speaker 3: and I did say out loud at one point, like
Speaker 3: I listen, y'all, this is a struggle for me. But uh,
Speaker 3: but but I'm hearing I'm gonna keep doing this, yeah
Speaker 3: and so and so I think for me, that's part
Speaker 3: of why I like what's coming up is that, like
Speaker 3: I keep, I keep going, I don't like to fail.
Speaker 3: And so even if it's gonna take me a little
Speaker 3: bit longer or i'm gonna have, like I said, use
Speaker 3: some nasty words to get me through it, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: I'm gonna find a way to make it happen. As
Speaker 3: we're having this conversation, something that kept coming up for
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Speaker 1: I love that you share that, and I think that
Speaker 1: makes perfect sense because I feel like we're both competitive
Speaker 1: with ourselves where it's like, oh no, this ain't gonna
Speaker 1: own me, because that's what I said. Oh, after that girl,
Speaker 1: I started looking at it. I started researching. Okay, and
Speaker 1: so we we we went home, but I said, this
Speaker 1: trip ain't gonna kick my ass like this is this
Speaker 1: will not be the memory that we have of camping.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna figure this out.
Speaker 1: So I literally instead of you know, saying camping isn't
Speaker 1: for me and black people don't camp because that was
Speaker 1: another thing my friends was like.
Speaker 2: Girl, we all be camping, we do glimping. We won't
Speaker 2: be out there. I said, listen, my baby said she
Speaker 2: wanted to do. We want to.
Speaker 3: I had another friend to you because that girl going so.
Speaker 1: Look, I literally open chatchpt because you know, me and
Speaker 1: chat go together real bad. And I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: this is I sent a picture, this is my tent
Speaker 1: set up? What am I missing? And the first I
Speaker 1: learned that a wagon would be very helpful as opposed
Speaker 1: to a suitcase.
Speaker 4: Y'all.
Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't, not motherfucker know. I just it
Speaker 2: was the biggest thing I could use. At the time.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I can stuff all this
Speaker 1: stuff in there. So no, we're not doing suitcases. We
Speaker 1: gotta we have an official collapsible wagon. Now. Also, what
Speaker 1: I learned was the beach tint that I used in
Speaker 1: the sand is not the tint that you want to
Speaker 1: use when you go out to the campground, especially when
Speaker 1: it's raining.
Speaker 4: Duh.
Speaker 2: I didn't know though, I had no idea. I just
Speaker 2: said as a tent because I.
Speaker 3: Was like, wait, I just learned something here.
Speaker 2: I know a difference I didn't know. I got some tarp.
Speaker 1: I was googling. I got some tarp. I got us
Speaker 1: a blow up bed. I got us a portable so
Speaker 1: that the modem I heard another person's tent it was.
Speaker 1: It was there called I forgot what it's called, y'all,
Speaker 1: but it's like a portable elect electrical box type of
Speaker 1: thing where you can plug in your blow up bed
Speaker 1: and blow it up a generator, like a portable generator.
Speaker 1: So girl, we had that. So the next camping trip,
Speaker 1: okay that we did it was fire. I'm ready to
Speaker 1: go again, And I told I sent down pictures. So
Speaker 1: we had our blow up bed. We had so much space.
Speaker 1: The other tent. We was touching each other anywhere we
Speaker 1: sat in the tent. This tent we had space for
Speaker 1: our bags, We had tarp underneath. Baby, I was ready
Speaker 1: for the rain, because if it rained, I had a
Speaker 1: thing for the top. I was ready. We had our
Speaker 1: little lantern and it was amazing. And so the second
Speaker 1: trip was completely different, right, And I think the biggest
Speaker 1: lesson here was like I wasn't bad at camping. I
Speaker 1: was just unprepared and uninformed and so or yeah, uninformed
Speaker 1: and informed, uninformed, And so what I what I did
Speaker 1: was I did my research, I changed changed it up,
Speaker 1: and I had a better experience.
Speaker 3: It sounds, yeah, that that better experience, that that second
Speaker 3: experience sound definitely sounds like the better experience. And so
Speaker 3: you think back, what is the thing that kept you
Speaker 3: like that made you say, Okay, we're gonna try this
Speaker 3: again instead of saying it didn't work. So we tried.
Speaker 3: I tried it once that we can say I could
Speaker 3: check that off the list. We tried camping and we're done.
Speaker 3: What made you say like, let me do this again?
Speaker 1: Definitely definitely baby Z. Like I didn't want her to see.
Speaker 1: I didn't want this to be a failure for her.
Speaker 1: This is her first memory of camping. I didn't want
Speaker 1: that to be the experience. So I would say definitely her.
Speaker 1: And to be honest, even though I'm competitive with myself
Speaker 1: and I don't want to fail, and I'm determined and
Speaker 1: not persist.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I really don't know if I were doing.
Speaker 1: It by myself, if I would have felt inclined to
Speaker 1: do it again, because I don't care that much about camping,
Speaker 1: but she cared about it. So that's what was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: we're going to Amazon, I'm gonna get all the supplies.
Speaker 1: Like that is what really drove me. So I would
Speaker 1: say that's really what it was. And I also like,
Speaker 1: I'm not about to let this shit beat me. Like
Speaker 1: that was another thing, like I'm not about to know
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this. And now girl, now I'm ready
Speaker 1: to go fishing. And I told you too. I was like,
Speaker 1: now we should go on a camping trip.
Speaker 2: Girl. I ain't never been fishing in my life.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, we're about to do a black
Speaker 1: girl's fishing trip like out.
Speaker 3: Door face on a video because I was over here
Speaker 3: like fishing. I don't know about that.
Speaker 2: Girl. I don't want to cut no fish. But I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm such a girly girl. I'm like, I'm with.
Speaker 1: The ships now with survival of the Survival of the fittings.
Speaker 3: Now I'll figure out how to cook the fish. You okay,
Speaker 3: you got to catch it, Okay, we could, I'll figure
Speaker 3: out how to cook it.
Speaker 2: That's all right. This Remember you heard it here ladies
Speaker 2: when I text Dom about fishing.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: But I think some of the lessons we can take
Speaker 1: away right from this experience one feel disappointed, filthy emotions.
Speaker 1: I was so fucking fish driving home, like, feel it.
Speaker 1: Don't skip it right. Bad weekends happen, bad experiences happened.
Speaker 1: Cry if you need you. I definitely felt like crying. Laugh,
Speaker 1: if you need to do who you gotta do right,
Speaker 1: and then get curious like instead of I'm terrible at this,
Speaker 1: or oh am I ready for this? Ask what don't
Speaker 1: I know yet? That unlocks the possibilities? What don't I
Speaker 1: know yet? Use your tools? I was on chat in
Speaker 1: Google trying to figure it out. Yep.
Speaker 3: And then once you figure that out, change the strategy
Speaker 3: and try it again.
Speaker 2: That's right, And lady, we just.
Speaker 3: Want you to remember, like the moral of this story
Speaker 3: is maybe you're not actually failing. Maybe this is your
Speaker 3: opportunity to learn some other life lessons m h so
Speaker 3: that you can then try it.
Speaker 1: Again exactly because you just might be using a beach
Speaker 1: tent for a camping trick.
Speaker 2: Den do.
Speaker 4: It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Speaker 4: Are you currently a resident of the state of California
Speaker 4: and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please
Speaker 4: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
Speaker 4: That's d R D O M I n I q
Speaker 4: U E b R O U S s ar d
Speaker 4: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I
Speaker 4: look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for tuning into
Speaker 4: Cultivating her Space. Remember that while this podcast is all
Speaker 4: about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's not a substitute for therapy.
Speaker 4: If you or someone you know needs support, check out
Speaker 4: resources like Therapy for Black Girls or Psychology Today. If
Speaker 4: you love today's episode, do us a favor and share
Speaker 4: it with a friend who needs some inspiration or leave
Speaker 4: us a quick five star review. Your support means the
Speaker 4: world to us and helps keep this space thriving.
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me and move
Speaker 1: in alignment not urgency. What's meant for me? Respond to
Speaker 1: me chep thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday. For
Speaker 1: more inspiration from cultivating her space. In the meantime, be
Speaker 1: sure to connect with us on Instagram at her Space
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