Speaker 1: We're having a baby, y'all, baby number four on board
Speaker 1: dead As. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: as is the term that we say every day. So
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about
Speaker 1: to take Phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. I'm gonna take us back to
Speaker 1: February six. Kadina and I have been away from each
Speaker 1: other now for about two weeks because I had to
Speaker 1: go film Season three or Sisters. So I'm in Atlanta,
Speaker 1: she's in l A. And just like the last time
Speaker 1: we moved from New York to l A, I was
Speaker 1: filming while she was moving us across country. So not
Speaker 1: doing that again. She's moving us across country. I'm filming.
Speaker 1: I'm getting calls from the movers to call off my
Speaker 1: wife because my wife is going crazy on everybody right
Speaker 1: off's head. And I'm like, sorry, guys, I can't do
Speaker 1: that because whatever she said y'all did, y'all did that
Speaker 1: ship and I'm on her side. So we mean, you know,
Speaker 1: me and the movers are going back and forth, Me
Speaker 1: and k going back and forth, and we beefing. And
Speaker 1: this Wednesday night, Sisters comes on and we're trending because
Speaker 1: of a bathroom scene, particular bathroom scene that involved the
Speaker 1: blue light. It's called the Blue Light Special. If you
Speaker 1: haven't seen it, go watch it. This is the scene
Speaker 1: where Zach and the team and finally get the dude
Speaker 1: one in the bathroom and there's a blue light in
Speaker 1: there and end up picking for team up and doing
Speaker 1: my thing right. So at the end of shooting we
Speaker 1: were done shooting February thirteen. I had told Codeine that
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to be done filming until after the
Speaker 1: weekend the fifteenth, which would be after Valentine's Day. So
Speaker 1: she was like a sorry baby, and what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: we'll get together and stuff like that. After Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: So February thirteen, we ended up rapping. Didn't tell conein.
Speaker 1: So I drive from the uh from the studio to
Speaker 1: now our new home. We had just finally moved into Atlanta,
Speaker 1: and the house don't got nothing in it. It's like empty.
Speaker 1: I walk up to the door and we don't have
Speaker 1: no doorbell at this time, so I'm just standing at
Speaker 1: the door trying to figure out how I'm gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: got to get in because I don't have the key. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we literally just moved in, So I'm knocking at the door.
Speaker 1: Nobody's coming to the door. Then I see a figure
Speaker 1: with a blanket just walked by the door and stop
Speaker 1: and look at me, and I'm like, yo, it's I
Speaker 1: was it was. I was like that was straight out
Speaker 1: of like a whole horror film. Like you see stuff
Speaker 1: like that all the time, Like a girl will be
Speaker 1: walking past like an open window and standing there and
Speaker 1: you had like your big bubble coat. And it was
Speaker 1: just a shadow of a big figure in my doorway
Speaker 1: and she's standing looking at me. I'm looking at her
Speaker 1: and she just turns to her sideways and I'm like,
Speaker 1: open the door. She comes to the door slow. So
Speaker 1: I go downstairs, say what's up to the boys. She's like,
Speaker 1: I'll meet you upstairs in the bedroom. So I get
Speaker 1: to the bedroom and she goes, I'm chilling in the bed.
Speaker 1: We don't have no mattress yet, we're on the air mattress.
Speaker 1: We're on the air mattress. So Codeine turns all the
Speaker 1: lights off, she turns the fireplace on, and then lastly
Speaker 1: she clicks on a blue light. And now here we are.
Speaker 1: We are here, we are forever, forever, forever. And I
Speaker 1: know so you're having my baby. But and it means
Speaker 1: so much to me. There's nothing more presious in the
Speaker 1: world than to raise a family hate. If there's any
Speaker 1: doubt in your mind, you can't count on me. I'll
Speaker 1: never ever let you die. Baby. Believe then meet you
Speaker 1: and you and I, You and I we do right
Speaker 1: from the star. Oh, hey, you and I. I forgot.
Speaker 1: I forgot the next part. It will never be a
Speaker 1: part the day right, I really don't remember. But now
Speaker 1: our baby is strong, healthy and strong, and our dreams
Speaker 1: are reather triple whatever, my lady, that's the part I was.
Speaker 1: The problem was I was waiting for the Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I was waiting for that the whole time, and then
Speaker 1: you forgot all the Because I don't love the single
Speaker 1: words of the song. I'm one of those people. I
Speaker 1: don't sing the words. I just say the sounds of
Speaker 1: the words as the real singer sing the words because
Speaker 1: I know I can't sing right. So I just being
Speaker 1: a call like you, and I'm excited, baby, I can
Speaker 1: tell you forever. Let's talk about this movie because the
Speaker 1: people want to know. The people want to know. I've
Speaker 1: been on you about having another baby for four years now,
Speaker 1: at least, I think the minute Cas was born. The
Speaker 1: funny thing, we had cats at home with our midwife
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, and it was literally like an amazing experience
Speaker 1: that Devot was just like, we could totally do this again,
Speaker 1: and I was like, when like not now, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just had cats, cannot recuper rate. It was a
Speaker 1: beautiful experience. So it was did kind of feel deep down,
Speaker 1: um in that moment. I was like, man, if I
Speaker 1: could have had all my boys this way, then it
Speaker 1: would have been amazing. So I kind of felt like
Speaker 1: that was an experience that I would not have been
Speaker 1: opposed to having again. I agree, I also feel like
Speaker 1: we have an amazing testimony going from where we started
Speaker 1: having kids, you know, with Jackson and then Kyrone. Is like,
Speaker 1: we gradually got to this home birthday experience, but that
Speaker 1: testimony can just be a way for us to share
Speaker 1: with other people what we've gone through. So, although I
Speaker 1: wish we could have had all three because it would
Speaker 1: been more peaceful for you especially, I feel like there
Speaker 1: was a reason why we had to go through that
Speaker 1: and make all of our boys are different. Um their
Speaker 1: birthday experiences are all different. So so I'm excided to see,
Speaker 1: you know, what this is gonna look like for us
Speaker 1: because now we're in a new space, a new state.
Speaker 1: We have three boys. But I do want my fourth
Speaker 1: child to be born in Brooklyn. I don't know how
Speaker 1: are we gonna do that? How are we gonna do that?
Speaker 1: How do we make that work? I would have to
Speaker 1: call well, see, I was looking to call up my
Speaker 1: former midwife, Takia, who's not retired. I have to find
Speaker 1: a way to Brian allegedly, she's alleged that might be indefinitely.
Speaker 1: I I kind of feel like I need to respect
Speaker 1: her space and that she's retired now. However, Takia she'd go,
Speaker 1: you trying to pull up? Are you trying to come
Speaker 1: out of retirement for me? I'll never forget to his voice.
Speaker 1: He was like, so, Tequio, you're gonna tell me what
Speaker 1: to do. She was like, no, you're gonna tell me
Speaker 1: what to do. And I was like, then what fun?
Speaker 1: I was confused. I really was confused. So wait a second,
Speaker 1: she's not going to deliver the baby. She's like, Caine,
Speaker 1: you deliver the baby and I will be here. I
Speaker 1: was like support, And meanwhile, I'm just like, tell me
Speaker 1: when to push. But it went just like that. But
Speaker 1: it literally did like I was totally in control of
Speaker 1: that whole situation. Thank god, there were no complications. I
Speaker 1: entrusted my body to do what it was designed to do,
Speaker 1: and it did not feel me. It's very peaceful, and
Speaker 1: she was so peaceful. So so we had to figure
Speaker 1: that out. I don't know how we're going to have
Speaker 1: this baby in Brooklyn, but you know, we'll figure it out.
Speaker 1: So set. I know the people want to know how
Speaker 1: we got to this decision. Um, this is not an
Speaker 1: easy decision for anyone to make. This so many different
Speaker 1: variables when we talk about age, the amount of kids
Speaker 1: we have um finances and careers like those are the
Speaker 1: four disgusted into consideration? And I know a lot of
Speaker 1: it is is you making that decision. So let's let's
Speaker 1: start with age. I want to ask you. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: interview you. Let me let me play for Dean for
Speaker 1: a minute. I got my laptop. Most important. Look at
Speaker 1: you looking all organizing when you really got questions? Let
Speaker 1: me let me sit here, all right, pull them up
Speaker 1: a minute. Be sitting here. M You're right, I should
Speaker 1: be sitting. Actually, you gotta cross your legs. I don't
Speaker 1: be sitting like that. There you go. Okay, So um, yes, um,
Speaker 1: what made you decide at thirty seven years old that
Speaker 1: you wanted to have another baby for Devial, well for
Speaker 1: Devel because I don't think it would have been for
Speaker 1: anyone else. But I'm not there. Um. But it was
Speaker 1: a difficult decision for me, mainly because I kind of
Speaker 1: felt a sense of relief after having cats. I had
Speaker 1: cats literally a week before my thirty fourth birthday, So
Speaker 1: in my mind, I was like, okay, cool, I'm done
Speaker 1: with kids. I'm thirty three. You know, I can just
Speaker 1: bounce back from this, hopefully, you know, and just be
Speaker 1: on my merryway raising my three boys. UM and of
Speaker 1: course once medically, you know, according to medicine, when you
Speaker 1: hit thirty five, you then enter this realm of um geriatric. Yes. See.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is when I told my when I
Speaker 1: mentioned the word geriatrics, I mentioned it to my O B.
Speaker 1: G Y N. And she was offended for me, she
Speaker 1: was offended for every woman thirty five and over. And
Speaker 1: she was like, that is not a good terminology to
Speaker 1: use for that. UM. But you know, there's certain risks
Speaker 1: that are associated with pregnancies over thirty five. There's also
Speaker 1: UM a decline in the quality and number of eggs
Speaker 1: that women have, So that was concerned of mine. I
Speaker 1: was like, man, is that something that I want to
Speaker 1: have to do? UM over thirty five? You know? And
Speaker 1: that was in Part two a lot of the not
Speaker 1: the pressure I felt, but in my timeline of life.
Speaker 1: I felt like, man, I want to have my children,
Speaker 1: you know, in my twenties early thirties, so that way
Speaker 1: I can avoid having to deal with that. Because with
Speaker 1: thirty five and over pregnancies come many different testings for
Speaker 1: high risks things like that. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: those tests because they don't pay attention to Black women,
Speaker 1: are not done on black women because I know a
Speaker 1: lot of women over thirty five who are Black, who
Speaker 1: have healthy kids and who have tons of eggs, and
Speaker 1: who have kids well into their forties. That if you
Speaker 1: think about a lot of people, think about your mom,
Speaker 1: my mom, your grandmother, my grandmother, they have tons of kids.
Speaker 1: And I wonder if a lot of those tests who
Speaker 1: are done with those statistics don't include Black women, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Because even just because the Black
Speaker 1: maternal healthcare, there's really excuse me, with Black maternal healthcare,
Speaker 1: there's really little care that goes into the care of
Speaker 1: Black women exactly, which which is harsh reality, but it
Speaker 1: is reality. But that also makes me wonder, like some
Speaker 1: of the things they say or have said to us.
Speaker 1: For example, it was said to us that why you're
Speaker 1: rest feeding, you won't ovulate, so that's almost like a
Speaker 1: form of birth control. And then we had cats, right,
Speaker 1: so it makes me wonder like who is that? And
Speaker 1: then all of the Jamaican women and your family was
Speaker 1: like who told you that? Right? I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: everything is is, it's it's relative to the person, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? But now you're right, You're right,
Speaker 1: I would it would be interesting maybe in season six
Speaker 1: of the podcast as we go into the pregnancy and
Speaker 1: will kind of take you guys on the journey that
Speaker 1: we've had or we will be having UM to bring
Speaker 1: maybe two key back or an expert to talk about that,
Speaker 1: because that's an interesting, interesting thing. But you decided Yeah,
Speaker 1: also too, I kind of felt like I wanted to
Speaker 1: be able to be the mother that I have been
Speaker 1: to Jackson, for example, who's now ten. You figured he's
Speaker 1: going to be now ten years apart from this baby. UM,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to kind of lose steam. You know.
Speaker 1: You hear about people having multiple children, and then you
Speaker 1: have a child later on in life, and it's like,
Speaker 1: are you able to keep up with that child the
Speaker 1: same way you did when you were in your twenties,
Speaker 1: you know? Um, And it's just the thing because it's age,
Speaker 1: its energy, it's just having more to do. UM. So
Speaker 1: many factors going to that. So I was a little
Speaker 1: concerned about being able to be everything that I wanted
Speaker 1: to be for a fourth child that I was for
Speaker 1: my first child. Because I want each of my children
Speaker 1: to experience me in some sort of wholeness. Um, So
Speaker 1: that was a concern for me, but it wasn't It
Speaker 1: wasn't a deal break. And so obviously because you're pregnant.
Speaker 1: So let's talk about career right. Um. As a man,
Speaker 1: I'm fortunate enough to never have to stop my career
Speaker 1: to carry a child, but you, as a woman, have
Speaker 1: had to do it three times already. Right. Were you
Speaker 1: concerned or are you concerned about having to stop again
Speaker 1: to have a child. So it's interesting that was a
Speaker 1: major confercern for me. I want to say when I
Speaker 1: had Cairo and Kass because of course, in the very
Speaker 1: beginning with Jackson, we were still kind of establishing ourselves.
Speaker 1: I was establishing myself in my career path, my career field, um,
Speaker 1: and I felt like, okay, At, I can definitely bounce back,
Speaker 1: have a baby and be fine. Um. And then there's
Speaker 1: the pauses that had to happen with Kiro and Kaz.
Speaker 1: But I think what saves me now in this circumstance
Speaker 1: is being able to have a career field that gives
Speaker 1: me flexibility. It gives me autonomy over my time. I
Speaker 1: don't have to necessarily leave my home to work now,
Speaker 1: and that's actually even pre pandemic. You know, we were
Speaker 1: traveling a lot, yes, for work and making appearances and
Speaker 1: speaking places and hosting events. However, um, we have a
Speaker 1: career um path now that gives me a lot more flexibility. Yes,
Speaker 1: I can create my own content. I can kind of
Speaker 1: do my own things. So that made it a lot
Speaker 1: easier for me because I felt like I wasn't in
Speaker 1: the confines of I have to look a certain way,
Speaker 1: I have to be a certain wait to get this job. Now. Naturally,
Speaker 1: if I want to do more acting gigs and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, I'll have to take a little bit of
Speaker 1: time off to then bounce back from that. But it's
Speaker 1: not completely stopping my professional life. So being you know,
Speaker 1: being an entrepreneur and having your own your home business
Speaker 1: as opposed to being a slave to the entertainment industry
Speaker 1: or the standards of what you have to look like
Speaker 1: in the entertainment industry, or being a slave to corporate
Speaker 1: American and have to legitimately working nine to five plus
Speaker 1: extra hours to to constantly move up. You felt like
Speaker 1: being an entrepreneur helped you feel like it was okay
Speaker 1: to be a mom and still run your business. Absolutely, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you think about it a lot of the
Speaker 1: stuff that we do, and we even this podcast for example,
Speaker 1: you know, and we're in a space now where we
Speaker 1: can't necessarily go to a studio freely and we're still
Speaker 1: dealing with COVID restrictions. We just have everyone come to
Speaker 1: us now, you know, we can do it from our home.
Speaker 1: So once the baby is here and we're filming season six,
Speaker 1: or if i'm you know, big pregnant and we're doing
Speaker 1: season six or even season seven, I don't have to
Speaker 1: worry about child care necessarily. I mean, just in this
Speaker 1: moment meant but there are a lot of different ways
Speaker 1: to maneuver, and having that flexibility made me feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: now this is something that's actually feasible for me, and
Speaker 1: I don't have to have that mom guilt associated with
Speaker 1: leaving my child for hours, not being able to be there,
Speaker 1: having to worry about childcare and all that. Um and
Speaker 1: also to my my career having to be put on hold.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm confident that I also too, after the baby,
Speaker 1: will be able to bounce back and you know, get
Speaker 1: back in front of the camera in whatever capacity. Um
Speaker 1: I want to, and then I feel like I'll be done.
Speaker 1: Um I feel like I'll also too. I'll be honest
Speaker 1: in that I always wondered if I was kind of
Speaker 1: using this, I don't know if I'm going to have
Speaker 1: another baby as a scapegoat to not like go for
Speaker 1: my acting career as well, because I kind of feel
Speaker 1: like part of me felt like, well, damn, I'm going
Speaker 1: to have to stop again to have another baby, so like,
Speaker 1: why go full force? Let me wait until I'm actually
Speaker 1: officially done because everyone in a sense, I think I
Speaker 1: definitely was. I can honestly say that, I think in
Speaker 1: a part of hard to me was just like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, damn, if I have another baby, then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to restart all over again. Then you have
Speaker 1: to get your name back out there again. I was
Speaker 1: just afraid of having to do all of that to
Speaker 1: then start all over again, or being forgotten in that moment.
Speaker 1: You know how the industry is. You you go and
Speaker 1: have a baby for a year, then there's new people
Speaker 1: coming along and that they're looking for a job, you know,
Speaker 1: so you figure there's nine months to carry this baby
Speaker 1: or ten months. Then you have the whole postpartum phase
Speaker 1: and it's getting back in shape. It could be a
Speaker 1: whole daunting year and a half to two year process,
Speaker 1: depending on the personage and how hard you work, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: and then you also have the confines and the standards
Speaker 1: of looking a certain kind of ways. So then you
Speaker 1: have women who are forced to feel like they have
Speaker 1: to crash course back into at six week check up. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me start dieting and exercising because I have to
Speaker 1: be back to film in a month or two. So
Speaker 1: they say every woman knows, like inside deep down like
Speaker 1: when they're done. I never had that feeling after cast.
Speaker 1: I always kind of felt like I could have another baby,
Speaker 1: like I'm not completely done. So now I feel like
Speaker 1: after this child, once I have that completely done feeling,
Speaker 1: then the sky is going to be the limit for me,
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to my career, because I feel
Speaker 1: like I don't have to reset, restart, redo anything over again.
Speaker 1: I can just focus on myself, on my body, on
Speaker 1: my mental and go from there. So full transparency. Did
Speaker 1: you feel any pressure for me and me saying I
Speaker 1: want to have the baby to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: let me just do this for Devlow? No good question, Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't. Actually, nope, I didn't because I
Speaker 1: think on the converse side of that, you also made
Speaker 1: it very clear that you were you were content with
Speaker 1: our three boys. Were you were content with our three boys. Um.
Speaker 1: You also made it clear to me that you fully
Speaker 1: supported me a hundred and ten percent in whatever like
Speaker 1: role what I wanted to take, UM. And also too,
Speaker 1: I know that you empowered me to make the decision
Speaker 1: for myself because you fully understand and you've seen and
Speaker 1: witnessed what it took to get all three boys here, UM,
Speaker 1: And I know that you respect that. So I never
Speaker 1: at any point felt any guilt like damn this, like
Speaker 1: I have to come on the fence about this, but
Speaker 1: I you know, because I honestly feel like as a
Speaker 1: as a as a couple, as a married couple, we
Speaker 1: do have to have the conversation. I do want to
Speaker 1: acknowledge how you feel, UM, But I do feel like
Speaker 1: as much as it's a collective decision, you've made me
Speaker 1: feel empowered to feel like it was ultimately my decision,
Speaker 1: which I respect. So that made it easier for me
Speaker 1: to then say, you know what, I'm going to make
Speaker 1: this decision for myself and for my family and my husband, UM.
Speaker 1: And then our boys are just freaking amazing speak of
Speaker 1: our boys, right, how much were you concerned about finances
Speaker 1: when they came to having another chap Because I remember
Speaker 1: when we had Jackson, you said, I'm not having any
Speaker 1: more kids in this apartment, like we have to we
Speaker 1: have to do better in order to provide a better lifestyle.
Speaker 1: And then we ended up having three boys in that apartment.
Speaker 1: So do you think us moving from the apartment to
Speaker 1: l A than now having our home here where we
Speaker 1: have an a space, did that in any way make
Speaker 1: you feel like, you know what? I think I'm in
Speaker 1: a better place now to have absolutely Jackson. Um. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's funny because it was the three of
Speaker 1: us for five years, right, Um in part because we
Speaker 1: had a traumatic birthing experience with Jackson. Um. I also
Speaker 1: think in part because we were just so in love
Speaker 1: with Jackson that time was just flying by and we
Speaker 1: were like, oh, shoot, it's about five years and it's
Speaker 1: just been the three of us, Maybe we should have
Speaker 1: another baby. But also, too early on, even before meeting you,
Speaker 1: a part of me felt like I wanted to have
Speaker 1: children and give and it would be a quality over
Speaker 1: quantity experience. So I didn't want to have several children
Speaker 1: and not be able to provide adequately or in abundance
Speaker 1: for several children. I wanted all of my children to
Speaker 1: be able to have the same kind of lifestyle, the
Speaker 1: same kind of opportunity, not feeling that there was a deficit,
Speaker 1: and not feeling like there was a strain. With Jackson,
Speaker 1: we were hustling, Yes, we were hustling. Jackson came at
Speaker 1: a point in our lives where we were struggling in
Speaker 1: our marriage because we were newly weds. He was a
Speaker 1: honeymoon baby. So not only were we recouping from this wedding,
Speaker 1: we were recouping from the recession. We were recouping from
Speaker 1: moving back from Michigan to moving back to Brooklyn from Michigan.
Speaker 1: There were so many scenarios that Jackson was born into
Speaker 1: that made it very stressful for us. Um. I think
Speaker 1: what saved us was Jackson in a sense, because that
Speaker 1: was like our collective, that was our collective, Like if
Speaker 1: there's anything to fight for, it's Jackson. And he was
Speaker 1: just such a sweet, amazing kid and still is to
Speaker 1: this day that it made that much easier. Jackson saved
Speaker 1: us been in so many ways. We both were so
Speaker 1: focused on Jackson, that we lost sight of each of
Speaker 1: each other, you know what I'm saying. So we had
Speaker 1: to learn how to, you know, be what we needed
Speaker 1: to be for each other while being parents, and I
Speaker 1: think we learned that that year five of our marriage. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: So that was a lot of turmoil that we went
Speaker 1: through at that point in time. And then, Um, like
Speaker 1: I said, I just like, I'm like, we're in this
Speaker 1: apartment's we're going to outgrow it, Like I don't want
Speaker 1: to have any more children here. And then like you said,
Speaker 1: King Cairo, Um, and then kas was like being right
Speaker 1: after that, six months later, I was pregnant and I
Speaker 1: was like, well, we didn't even think about that. Um.
Speaker 1: Just to be clear, people women be concerned about the
Speaker 1: bounce back. I don't think there was any more of
Speaker 1: a sexier time for me than right after you had
Speaker 1: given birth both times with Jackson than Cairo. And then
Speaker 1: Cass like that just likes me fluffy, y'all. He likes
Speaker 1: to be soft. And I know that there's a standard
Speaker 1: for Hollywood. I know there's a standard for Hollywood and
Speaker 1: beauty in general, and most of the time that standard
Speaker 1: is European values. You know what I'm saying, but um,
Speaker 1: that just was not my standards. Like I I like
Speaker 1: you when you you got someffy and fluffy and lackating,
Speaker 1: got drinkie milk and you a protein. All right, brothers,
Speaker 1: A mother's breastmolk is the most nutritious, the most nutritious
Speaker 1: fluid on the planet. That's a fact. That's a whole
Speaker 1: fact um. But yeah, so yeah, so so financially, going
Speaker 1: back to your initial question, I definitely felt like with
Speaker 1: our three boys, we were hustling. We were in the apartment.
Speaker 1: I mean, do you remember them days we would I
Speaker 1: don't remember the parties, pulling out the double stroller, laundry,
Speaker 1: groceries upstairs, up and down. It was just it was
Speaker 1: a lot, and you didn't want to have It was
Speaker 1: a lot, and it was no way. I had no
Speaker 1: desire because you never wanted to have to You only
Speaker 1: wanted to have one. In my mind, I was like,
Speaker 1: we have our one child here and then eventually we'll move,
Speaker 1: we'll get home, but us to not be unsure about
Speaker 1: where home base would eventually be. Stuff like that. We
Speaker 1: also didn't want to uproot him and just have him
Speaker 1: gone on. That's the country with us either. Um. So yes,
Speaker 1: in the space that we're in now, I feel like
Speaker 1: we're feel more more comfortable. I feel like financially we've
Speaker 1: set ourselves up. Um where our boys you know, our
Speaker 1: set um. You know we haven't net day we have
Speaker 1: a home, um, and I don't feel the strain of
Speaker 1: that um hustle and bustle that we did back when
Speaker 1: Jackson was born. So so how much of the family
Speaker 1: dynamic are you who came into play as far as um.
Speaker 1: You know, when you have kids, it's like when you
Speaker 1: add another child, you add a different dynamic. And I
Speaker 1: always wanted to have four kids, and that that was
Speaker 1: always mine. I didn't care at the time in college
Speaker 1: it was I wanted four boys, like that's all I said.
Speaker 1: I only make boys, said he only made boys from Earth.
Speaker 1: So anyhow, this baby is a boy, y'all just know
Speaker 1: that he manifested that prior to this whole daughter talk, Okay,
Speaker 1: And I'm going to be clear to people, I always
Speaker 1: talked about wanting to have a daughter because my views
Speaker 1: on the world and everything has changed since the time
Speaker 1: I was in college. And um, I wanted to have
Speaker 1: a young lady to you know from from you that
Speaker 1: we could groom to be someone great and amazing. And
Speaker 1: I've been proclaiming that I wanted a daughter since you
Speaker 1: were pregnant with cash and it didn't happen. And if
Speaker 1: you are pregnant now with a girl, I'll be excited.
Speaker 1: But if you're not pregnant with a girl, i'd be excited.
Speaker 1: Like having four boys. For me, it's just as exciting
Speaker 1: as having three boys and a girl. But I will
Speaker 1: say this publicly that I'm done having kids after this,
Speaker 1: Like I'm pregnant. You know I'm done. He's done. Four
Speaker 1: is my limit. I'm excited. So because it's funny people
Speaker 1: say people who have multiple children. I remember even talking
Speaker 1: to a close friend of man beyond cause she was like,
Speaker 1: you have two kids, it's cool because it's like you're
Speaker 1: not out number. The game changer is three. Now you're
Speaker 1: out numbered. So she was like, you can have four,
Speaker 1: you can have five, and it won't even make a difference.
Speaker 1: Just like throw another kid in the mix and then
Speaker 1: well they'll survive doing it. And they're doing it and
Speaker 1: their children are amazing and they're loved and they have
Speaker 1: I think when when she probably thought she didn't have
Speaker 1: enough love, then alon came more love, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. So so yeah, I'm just excited and I
Speaker 1: feel like with all the pressures of you know, going
Speaker 1: for a girl, because naturally, when you have all you
Speaker 1: have three girls, or you have four girls, go for
Speaker 1: the boy you have. The opposite is go for that,
Speaker 1: you know. So that's just naturally what people are going
Speaker 1: to want. That's naturally people are going to root for um.
Speaker 1: They're natural going to think that, assume that that's what
Speaker 1: you're doing this for. Um. But for me, I've seen
Speaker 1: even more so now how much of a blessing it
Speaker 1: is just to be able to carry a full term
Speaker 1: healthy baby. Absolutely absolutely, And don't cry. Come on, don't cry.
Speaker 1: It's the hormone. You'll remember the race called crop. It's
Speaker 1: coming back. I got another story, Aboulet case cry unless
Speaker 1: you want to finish. No, let me get myself together.
Speaker 1: Get yourself together, Okay, go ahead, tell your story. So
Speaker 1: y'all know about prenatal hormones. I had a wife who
Speaker 1: was pre natal and postpartum at the same time. That's
Speaker 1: a fact. So um, I come in the house late
Speaker 1: because this is when we had just had Cairo and
Speaker 1: codeine was how pregnant with cats, and she'd be like, baby,
Speaker 1: call me when you're on your way home. So I
Speaker 1: called them on my way home. She wouldn't answer because
Speaker 1: she was either sleep or dealing with the kids. So
Speaker 1: I get get home and I knocked on the door
Speaker 1: and she'd be standing there by the door, and I like, um,
Speaker 1: what's up baby, And she'd be like really sound like that.
Speaker 1: And I'd be like, baby, why are you crying? And
Speaker 1: you'd be like, I don't know. They flew in some tissues.
Speaker 1: Undine gets so emotional when she gets pregnant. She and
Speaker 1: it's not only crying emotions. She has angry emotions, super
Speaker 1: super happy emotions. So needless to say, y'all will have
Speaker 1: a ton of cons can't wait. He can't wait to
Speaker 1: be documenting all of this. But my tess came from um,
Speaker 1: like I said, having a full term, healthy baby. I
Speaker 1: know people who are struggling to have just one, and
Speaker 1: I know a couple who delivered a full term baby
Speaker 1: that passed away. So the talk of wanting a particular
Speaker 1: sex of baby, to me, it's just yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: you just want to have a healthy baby. And that's
Speaker 1: literally how I feel and that's what I'm manifesting for us,
Speaker 1: and that's what I prayed for. End up praying for
Speaker 1: my friends who I know desperately just one and have
Speaker 1: suffered gallantless miscarriages. Um, I have spent hundreds and thousands
Speaker 1: of hours on in vitro and just can't have one baby.
Speaker 1: So my heart goes out to those people who are struggling.
Speaker 1: I understand the loss of a baby as well, having
Speaker 1: a miscarriage myself. UM. So yeah, that just makes you
Speaker 1: want to talk about that. Yeah, it's just one of
Speaker 1: those things where I understand, um, and I do understand
Speaker 1: the gift and the blessing in being able to um
Speaker 1: bring forth a healthy baby into this world. So I
Speaker 1: see that to say, boy girl, it's all good in
Speaker 1: between kas In this pregnancy Kadein and I lost baby,
Speaker 1: and it was it was rough for you, Um, it was,
Speaker 1: it was rough for me. But it did kind of
Speaker 1: teach us, you know, the value of appreciating just life,
Speaker 1: you know. Um, I think in part two it did
Speaker 1: make me real lies that trying to choose the sex
Speaker 1: of a baby is very trivial when you're just trying
Speaker 1: to give life, you know, give give birth and create life,
Speaker 1: and a shout out to Kariga and his wife, Yes, Felicia,
Speaker 1: they've been champions for parents who have lost when you know,
Speaker 1: there is no word in the dictionary for a parent
Speaker 1: who's lost a child, like for a child who lost
Speaker 1: a parent, they call him orphans, but there's no word
Speaker 1: to describe it because it's almost indescribable to pain someone
Speaker 1: must feel to lose a child. So shout out to
Speaker 1: Kariga and Felicia. And they're actually expecting another baby. I
Speaker 1: saw that are and I'm so congratulations. Actually cried what
Speaker 1: I saw. I was like wow. And actually I spoke
Speaker 1: to Korea a couple of weeks ago and we're going
Speaker 1: to have him on. That definitely would be amazing to happen.
Speaker 1: We'll be able to have him and his wife for
Speaker 1: I hope, so because I'm not sure when the babies do,
Speaker 1: it looks like she maybe do sometime soon. So depending
Speaker 1: on in season six falls in their schedule and this
Speaker 1: new baby, we will hopefully be able to get them on.
Speaker 1: Hopefully also to give them in the same space because
Speaker 1: it's such a powerful We met them at Broccoli Fest
Speaker 1: a couple of years back, made about two three years now,
Speaker 1: and um was following their journey. Um, we just she
Speaker 1: just found out she was pregnant when we met. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I was following their journey. I really admired
Speaker 1: how much Kariga was just loving on her um and
Speaker 1: they were so excited to become parents and they unfortunately
Speaker 1: lost their baby girl UM right after delivery and have
Speaker 1: been speaking about the loss of a child and being
Speaker 1: angel parents. So shout out to Kariga and Felicia. We
Speaker 1: definitely want to have them on in the future. Yes,
Speaker 1: So I just want to give a huge shout out
Speaker 1: to Karia and Felicia and baby Yes. Yes, yes, it's
Speaker 1: important that we are We sat her name because um,
Speaker 1: what I've learned about that process and being an angel
Speaker 1: parent is that the child is still here, the spirit
Speaker 1: is still here. Absolutely, And watching watching them, uh just
Speaker 1: be happy even in loss and be able to come together,
Speaker 1: yes and just share. It was amazing to watch. It's
Speaker 1: literally I feel like whenever I watched their pages on Instagram,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm watching them with come at you,
Speaker 1: like she's in everything that they do as she should be.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's that's something that into perspective when you know,
Speaker 1: now I'm going to spend the next couple of months
Speaker 1: to grow a life. I know, I know, um, and
Speaker 1: it's it's kind of it's particularly stressful, I think for
Speaker 1: a woman, just because you want to make sure that
Speaker 1: you're doing everything in your power to ensure that you
Speaker 1: are bringing forth a healthy baby. Some things are out
Speaker 1: of your control, which we naturally know. But if it
Speaker 1: means taking your prenatal vitamin, working out, things like that,
Speaker 1: like you've been on me, I've been super sick in
Speaker 1: the very beginning of this, this entire pregnancy. It's been
Speaker 1: just lots of nausea, lots of vomiting, lots of fatigue. Um.
Speaker 1: But you have been very also rooting for me to
Speaker 1: say goody and and work out, and even on the
Speaker 1: days when I don't feel like it, you're like you,
Speaker 1: let's just go walk. Literally he was on that on
Speaker 1: that here we are. You still on my ass so
Speaker 1: forever forever, you know, you know so um so yeah.
Speaker 1: And then the boys, I mean, it's exciting. It's an
Speaker 1: exciting time for them now too, because it's like they're
Speaker 1: about to be brothers and big brothers again, and it's
Speaker 1: going to be amazing to watch them with another baby
Speaker 1: and It's funny because I guess Cairo being an older
Speaker 1: brother and then also a younger brother, it's quite unique. Um,
Speaker 1: so he will be a big brother again. But Cas
Speaker 1: is my baby. Okay, oh boy, I'm interested to see
Speaker 1: how he's going to react. To react, He's going to say, no, no,
Speaker 1: you want to you want to be a big brother. No, no,
Speaker 1: you want to see the baby, No, just be him.
Speaker 1: Just don't touch my plato. Cats is very possessive over
Speaker 1: his plato. Okay, to the point where Uncle Brian came
Speaker 1: by the house one day and was here chilling with
Speaker 1: us for like a week, and he's cast is at
Speaker 1: the kitchen counter playing with his plato, and Brian sit
Speaker 1: next to him eating and he's like, you know, Cats,
Speaker 1: can you go call your cousin for me, tell him
Speaker 1: to come upstairs. And Cats looks at him and he's
Speaker 1: just like, I will, but don't touch, don't touch my plato.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's safe to say that Cats won't be
Speaker 1: sharing at the very least I think he'll be. But
Speaker 1: he won't share. Yeah, he won't share for sure. All right,
Speaker 1: let's take a break real quick, come back and do
Speaker 1: some listening. Let us we've gotta pay some bills because,
Speaker 1: as y'all know now, we have more kids coming. So
Speaker 1: we'll pay some bills and we'll get right back to you.
Speaker 1: All right, listen to at the time I've composed myself.
Speaker 1: I've I've gone through a couple of tissues. Oh God, Josh,
Speaker 1: don't zoom in. Okay, I'll be all the things all
Speaker 1: at one time. Okay, all the things all right, let's
Speaker 1: jump into our first listener letter. Hey, Kadeen and Devour.
Speaker 1: My name is Dianna. I have a three year old
Speaker 1: little boy with my partner of four years. The main
Speaker 1: issue I'm having is I have so much mom guilt.
Speaker 1: Up till last year, I was in school getting a
Speaker 1: post bachelor's teaching certificate that means to my child's entire life.
Speaker 1: I've been in school, so many of my evenings i've
Speaker 1: been have been busy as well as my days because
Speaker 1: I was working full time. Right now, my son is
Speaker 1: in speech therapy because he's still not really speaking like
Speaker 1: other children his age. I feel like a large reason
Speaker 1: for that is because I'm not doing enough for him
Speaker 1: as an infant and young toddler to spark his language growth.
Speaker 1: Because I'm just so busy with school, and I tend
Speaker 1: to him I and to let him use the tablet
Speaker 1: too much while I work or just relax after a
Speaker 1: full day of work in school. Not to mention his father,
Speaker 1: My partner spends a lot of time telling me how
Speaker 1: much of an inconvenience it was for him to spend
Speaker 1: evenings with our son alone, and how he never has
Speaker 1: time to himself. At this point, now I'm done with school,
Speaker 1: The issue being with my partner and I arises again
Speaker 1: whenever I do do something for myself like going to
Speaker 1: get my hair or nails done while he watches our son.
Speaker 1: What do I do to combat this guilt and come
Speaker 1: to some kind of understanding with my partner? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I understand mom gil all too all too real,
Speaker 1: And I definitely had that a lot in the very
Speaker 1: beginning with Jackson because at that time, um, we were
Speaker 1: in a space where I had to work at Matt
Speaker 1: Cosmetics because I was a manager there at the time,
Speaker 1: and health insurance I got through the company, so it
Speaker 1: was imperative that I worked at the company because we
Speaker 1: need health insurance. And for that first year and a
Speaker 1: half you were on Jackson duty. He stay at home.
Speaker 1: Dad for a good year and a half. U and
Speaker 1: I sobbed to and from work at least twice a
Speaker 1: week just because I felt like I was missing out
Speaker 1: on everything. I'll never forget them. Was it Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving? Giving?
Speaker 1: Black Friday? Jackson was too and not even too yet.
Speaker 1: He was a year or a couple of months. Actually,
Speaker 1: he wasn't even a year yet. He wasn't. Yeah, he wasn't.
Speaker 1: He wasn't too wasn't. He was getting ready to leave,
Speaker 1: and that was one of those schedules where Macy's was
Speaker 1: doing like the extended hours, so they were open, and
Speaker 1: I remember walking kame to the door and she was crying,
Speaker 1: and I was like, what's the matter, And she was
Speaker 1: just like, I feel like the worst mom ever because
Speaker 1: I got to leave on Thanksgiving to go work. I
Speaker 1: remember looking at Yes, and I was just like, I promised,
Speaker 1: you're just gonna be the last holiday you work. Really,
Speaker 1: that's the fact a retail so um. I was just
Speaker 1: putting that in next. I remember how guilty you felt,
Speaker 1: even though you were doing what you had to do
Speaker 1: for the family. At the time, you felt so guilty. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: because I was gonna do whatever I had to do
Speaker 1: for my family. For me, it was more important to
Speaker 1: be able to make sure that we had health insurance.
Speaker 1: We had a child. I was like deval and I
Speaker 1: we could wing it, but you have a child, you
Speaker 1: want to make sure that the insurance is in place. Um.
Speaker 1: But one thing that brought me so much, um consolation
Speaker 1: was knowing that my husband, my partner, was taking care
Speaker 1: of my son in my absence, our son in my absence.
Speaker 1: You never made me feel guilty, which it seems like
Speaker 1: her partner here is making her feel guilty about the
Speaker 1: time that he spends with his son. But you always
Speaker 1: made me feel like I have it under control, baby,
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. But you also told me to
Speaker 1: I'm going to find a way for you to be
Speaker 1: able to cut back so that way you can then
Speaker 1: have more time at home with Jackson. That didn't take
Speaker 1: away from the complete guilt, but at least it gave
Speaker 1: me some kind of consolation at the same time. UM,
Speaker 1: it seems like what you Dana have going on with
Speaker 1: your partner is this whole like well, I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: like a babysitting in my child situation going on here
Speaker 1: where I think your partner needs to understand that this
Speaker 1: is this is what's required, especially if y'all are working
Speaker 1: to be together, it needs to be it's it's required
Speaker 1: that you spend time with your child, but it's not
Speaker 1: a babysitting situation. But I also think on a deeper level,
Speaker 1: he needs to understand that postpartum is very real and
Speaker 1: it and it presents itself and manifests itself in different ways.
Speaker 1: Right a lot of time, I think mom guilt may
Speaker 1: be a little bit of postpartum, and if you never
Speaker 1: get an opportunity to work through that or address it
Speaker 1: or address it, it can be three years down the
Speaker 1: line and you're still feeling the residue of not dealing
Speaker 1: with those issues. When the baby is first born, especially
Speaker 1: for moms who have to go back to work, I
Speaker 1: think it's what they give you six months, three months,
Speaker 1: not even most some jobs the minimum is six weeks.
Speaker 1: So six weeks and now you have to have separations
Speaker 1: from your child because you have to go to work.
Speaker 1: You never deal with that, so for the next year,
Speaker 1: two years, three years, you're feeling guilty because you've never
Speaker 1: dealt with your depression that you've dealt with from postpartum.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, and now your your child,
Speaker 1: you know, is not developing fast enough, which to me,
Speaker 1: I'm not a specialist, right, but some people expect their
Speaker 1: children to do things at a certain time that they
Speaker 1: just don't do. For example, remember when Ricky was saying
Speaker 1: to me, um, she had a three year old who
Speaker 1: they thought one of my former clients, she has six children,
Speaker 1: and one of her children three years old, they thought
Speaker 1: had a speech impediment or a problem because the child
Speaker 1: was not speaking. They took him to therapist. Speech therapist
Speaker 1: took him to everything thought she he thought she was autistic,
Speaker 1: thought she had all these issues. Randomly, one day chick
Speaker 1: just started talking and would not stop talking. Sometimes kids
Speaker 1: just don't want to do what you want them to do,
Speaker 1: and we tend to put this pressure on an autoistic them,
Speaker 1: put a label to keep up with what other kids,
Speaker 1: and you're doing something you can't do. You cannot compare.
Speaker 1: You can't even compare your children, like children from the
Speaker 1: same to the same two people. You can't even compare
Speaker 1: them and their milestones because children do reach different mouths time,
Speaker 1: and we tend to do that sometimes either comparing each
Speaker 1: child to each other or just comparing your children to
Speaker 1: your friends kids and things like that. So that's a
Speaker 1: good point. Yeah, you can palm. Comp that with the
Speaker 1: mom guilt and the fact that she's not getting the
Speaker 1: support she has from her partner, it's really not a
Speaker 1: good situation for that family unit because then the mom
Speaker 1: guilt turns into life guilt or girlfriend guilt, and then
Speaker 1: if he's constantly putting pressure on her, she's never gonna
Speaker 1: have something to deal with those things, and then the
Speaker 1: child is going to suffer because the child is going
Speaker 1: to feel like I'm the reason why my parents aren't
Speaker 1: working out. So and also too, I think one bit
Speaker 1: of if you want to take away a little bit
Speaker 1: of um, like I understand that it's it's okay, It's
Speaker 1: gonna be okay, Dianna. Your child is three, You're you're hustling,
Speaker 1: you're doing school, you're working, you're doing all these things. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm sure to provide a foundation in the life for
Speaker 1: your child at three, he's not going to remember much
Speaker 1: about what's happening right from one to three, right exactly.
Speaker 1: So like the speech therapy situation aside, he's not going
Speaker 1: to remember much of this time. So I know that
Speaker 1: we feel like, oh my goodness, how I'm trying to
Speaker 1: do the best I can. And you know, my baby
Speaker 1: at two is gonna feel like I'm not there. My
Speaker 1: baby at three is gonna feel like I'm not there.
Speaker 1: They may have moments like that, but just know that
Speaker 1: you're working towards providing a better life for your child.
Speaker 1: So when your child is six and seven and eight
Speaker 1: and can remember mom being present or dad being present,
Speaker 1: those are the times that really really matter. Um, So
Speaker 1: if you want to find a little silver lining around
Speaker 1: this situation, just know that you do still have time
Speaker 1: for your child to feel like, wow, mom Um is
Speaker 1: really investing in me. And I think it's worth a
Speaker 1: conversation with your partner too. It's not who life whose
Speaker 1: life sucks more in this moment situation or you know
Speaker 1: who's babysitting the child today. I feel like when you
Speaker 1: can't because you're working and you're in school, and then
Speaker 1: taking some self care time, which I think is also necessary, um,
Speaker 1: that he really needs to pick up a slack and
Speaker 1: understand too that there's nothing wrong with putting your child
Speaker 1: on the tablet like you have work to do and
Speaker 1: you have to there's some learning do learn all of
Speaker 1: our children have been able to grow their speech patterns
Speaker 1: through learning games. We got ABC Mouse, We've done the
Speaker 1: what was the the Starfall? Like, We've done so many
Speaker 1: games on the tablet because that's the new reality. So
Speaker 1: many kids now are going to school virtually. They have
Speaker 1: tablets in all of these preschools. Now, it's old school
Speaker 1: to think that if I have my child on the
Speaker 1: tablets a bad thing. Yes, if your child is you
Speaker 1: have been horror movies, yes, But if they're working on
Speaker 1: learning games, that can help them a lot. And it
Speaker 1: helped out children a lot. All our children do very
Speaker 1: well academically. And the mom guilt is normal. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like there's something wrong for you for having mom,
Speaker 1: and it's never gonna go away. You're gonna find something
Speaker 1: else to feel guilty about as your children grow. But
Speaker 1: communicate with your partner. Let let him know, let him
Speaker 1: know exactly what you need and what you want. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, so that you can grow together.
Speaker 1: So communication is the biggest thing for sure. Good luck, Tianna.
Speaker 1: Thanks for writing in number two. Coming to you again
Speaker 1: from Memphis, Tennessee. You too have always you must be
Speaker 1: just as the second person's listening letter there one. Now,
Speaker 1: we must have did a good job if they all right.
Speaker 1: YouTube always have thoughtful and open opinions and great advice,
Speaker 1: So I'll throw this one out there. The reason I
Speaker 1: say father quote unquote is because it feels weird to
Speaker 1: call him dad father without the quotes. My last memories
Speaker 1: of him weren't great, and that was when I was
Speaker 1: four or five. I just remember he wasn't there for kindergarten.
Speaker 1: I'm the oldest of my mom's three and the oldest
Speaker 1: son in all. In all, he has ten kids, which
Speaker 1: I learned of when I was around twenty eight. He
Speaker 1: reached out a few times over the years, starting when
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. I never I never respond because I
Speaker 1: honestly don't know what we would talk about, like how's
Speaker 1: the weather or what you've been up to. His oldest
Speaker 1: my oldest half sister, was forty two. His youngest, I
Speaker 1: think are instead of twin boys who should be about eight. Now.
Speaker 1: I don't hate him, I'm pretty much indifferent. I used
Speaker 1: to wonder what it'd be like having a dad in
Speaker 1: my life, but I've have so many amazing uncles and
Speaker 1: other cousins and older cousins that I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't need one. I think the way I came up
Speaker 1: is why I'm such an involved father now. So my
Speaker 1: question is, do you think I'm missing out on something
Speaker 1: and not talking to him? Yes, talking to him by
Speaker 1: not talking to him, Yes, you feel like he's missing
Speaker 1: out on something. This is his father, right, If his
Speaker 1: father is reaching out, his father is doing the work.
Speaker 1: You have to then respond for there to be a relationship.
Speaker 1: You can't say I don't have a relationship with my father.
Speaker 1: My father's reaching out and I don't want one. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying you have to be best friends. But there's
Speaker 1: a lot of things you can learn about the person
Speaker 1: who is responsible for giving you life, good, bad, or indifferent.
Speaker 1: But you can learn because there are certain things that
Speaker 1: are inherent that come from your your bloodline, that you
Speaker 1: need to learn about. And not for nothing. Why not?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, like, what do you
Speaker 1: get out of ignoring the person who's reaching out to you,
Speaker 1: who gave you life. I see no purpose in it.
Speaker 1: If he's a toxic person who's only going to reach
Speaker 1: out to you to ask you for you know, ask
Speaker 1: you for stuff, or if he's physically abusive or mentally
Speaker 1: or emotionally abusive, that's friend. But he says he doesn't
Speaker 1: even remember and doesn't know, So why not figure out
Speaker 1: what it is sending the olive branch. You think it's
Speaker 1: worth at least engaging in conversation, even if it's the
Speaker 1: house of weather what you've been up to. I think
Speaker 1: he's making the effort to try to be absolutely and
Speaker 1: sometimes you know in parents, mothers or fathers in their
Speaker 1: older years kind of feel like, you know, they can
Speaker 1: see that immature. So he might have seen that he
Speaker 1: you know, was at the loss not being involved in
Speaker 1: his son's life and having so many children. Maybe he's
Speaker 1: trying to kind of just extend those olive branches where
Speaker 1: he can. This is the truth, man. You can't hold
Speaker 1: people to where they were when they made a decision
Speaker 1: that changed your life. People grow, people grow. I've learned this.
Speaker 1: Me and my patern me and my my maternal grandfather
Speaker 1: don't have a relationship. He doesn't reach out. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: reach out to him, And it hurts, yes, because that's
Speaker 1: my maternal grandfather. But the times that I did reach out,
Speaker 1: I learned a lot about him, and I learned a
Speaker 1: lot about myself because I learned that there's certain things
Speaker 1: about him that I see in myself, and those things
Speaker 1: that I see in him that I didn't see it myself.
Speaker 1: I try not to do that so that I don't
Speaker 1: put those same traumas on my children and hopefully my
Speaker 1: children's children. So I don't have no hate for my grandfather.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I don't really know much
Speaker 1: about him. I know that he's a stubborn dude. But
Speaker 1: not having that relationship isn't helpful at all. You know,
Speaker 1: It's just a blank space that you you try to
Speaker 1: fill in with your own narratives that you can. You
Speaker 1: feel like in the interactions that you've had with him,
Speaker 1: you felt like you weren't going to gain anything from that,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't worth pouring more into it. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like when I did speak to him, I
Speaker 1: learned a lot about his character. He played a lot
Speaker 1: of the blame game. Everybody else was the problem. So
Speaker 1: when when I saw him pointing and not taking no accountability,
Speaker 1: I started to realize that I can't really learn anything
Speaker 1: from me if not really accountable. I can't relate to
Speaker 1: that like I can't and if he's not going to
Speaker 1: be accountable for anything, I'm not going to sit here
Speaker 1: and let him blame people who are not in the
Speaker 1: conversation with us, because now you're involving someone who can't
Speaker 1: explain to me why they made the decisions they're made.
Speaker 1: But what it did teach me, what's how important it
Speaker 1: is accountability is for me when I'm dealing with my children.
Speaker 1: So when my kids check me on something, I can't
Speaker 1: then just point to somebody else. So I got to
Speaker 1: be account that we had, Yeah, and we talked about
Speaker 1: Jackson pointing out something that I was doing wrong to you,
Speaker 1: and I had to own that and say, you know what,
Speaker 1: Daddy shouldn't do that. You shouldn't do that to your brother,
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't do that to your mom. So let's
Speaker 1: be better together. And I whenever something happens like that
Speaker 1: with accountability, I always think of my grandfather because I'm like,
Speaker 1: it seems like he never wants to be accountable, and
Speaker 1: then him not wanting to reach out to me or
Speaker 1: my kids hurt. So here you have a dad who
Speaker 1: wants to reach out and you're choosing to ignore him.
Speaker 1: Imagine you could be and the thing is you feel
Speaker 1: like you have the privilege to ignore him because he's
Speaker 1: the one reaching out. But then if he wasn't reaching out,
Speaker 1: think about how that would feel. So if he's reaching out,
Speaker 1: use that opportunity. So there is a lesson, a lesson,
Speaker 1: however a strange the relationship is, there's a lesson in it. Yes,
Speaker 1: And if you find out he's toxic and he's bringing
Speaker 1: something negative to your life, let it go. But until
Speaker 1: you find that out, ignoring him doesn't help. That's a fact.
Speaker 1: These were some good listening letters today, I think so
Speaker 1: if you like to be featured as one of our
Speaker 1: listener let us email us at dead as Advice at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Should I spell it today? That's D
Speaker 1: E A D A S S A D V I
Speaker 1: C E at gmail dot com. Did I do it good?
Speaker 1: You did I? You did? Our minds be better? You
Speaker 1: gotta have more. You gotta have the D E A
Speaker 1: D A S S. You know you work on it though,
Speaker 1: you know it's the right. We change it up today
Speaker 1: for you all little bit. You know I wasn't jump
Speaker 1: in the gun now all right, So time for the mom.
Speaker 1: Oh here should go with the mom for her freaking acronyms.
Speaker 1: Don't start calling it my cute. What the thing is?
Speaker 1: We were using the palm pull out methods and now
Speaker 1: we got one on the way. So the palm didn't work,
Speaker 1: not a mom didn't work. But technically we didn't use
Speaker 1: the palm that night because the blue Light special I
Speaker 1: was in there and there was no problem at that.
Speaker 1: But this baby makes this entrance. We're gonna talk about
Speaker 1: the s d B baby. Snip them ball snip them
Speaker 1: balls them. Yep. I did see another episode and if
Speaker 1: you have another baby, I would consider consider don't even
Speaker 1: start with that. I would consider start to tow the line. Bro.
Speaker 1: He's starting to get more than sickness now thinking about
Speaker 1: it knowing the truth to I think we should. We
Speaker 1: should let y'all know, um, because I'm sure people are
Speaker 1: gonna ask, are we going to find out where the
Speaker 1: baby is? We're not. We're not going to find out.
Speaker 1: We're gonna wait till we're gonna We're gonna find out
Speaker 1: when that baby comes makes their entrance. And I think
Speaker 1: gets more exciting that way. As much as I'm like
Speaker 1: like itching and dying to know, um, we're gonna wait.
Speaker 1: Can the truth because my moment of truth since we
Speaker 1: brought that up. As much as I've been saying I
Speaker 1: want a daughter, I really just don't care. I'm excited
Speaker 1: to have a baby. I can't wait till the baby
Speaker 1: gets here because I know if I have a girl,
Speaker 1: she's gonna be my princess. She's gonna sit on my shoulder,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be me and her against the world,
Speaker 1: and then you're gonna be jealous and all that. But
Speaker 1: if I have another boy, I'm gonna thrown with the
Speaker 1: wolves over there there, let's go, and I'm just have
Speaker 1: a pack of four boys behind me. I think that
Speaker 1: would be kind of dope. I'm envisioning. Okay, say we
Speaker 1: were to have another board, right, can you imagine like
Speaker 1: me with like just four just like grown handsome young men,
Speaker 1: just like two on this side, two on that side.
Speaker 1: That would be so dope, And then of course many
Speaker 1: would be amazing too. We're playing with house money. Are
Speaker 1: all playing with house money. And we thank you all
Speaker 1: for all the world wishes and everything because we announced
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, so we appreciate you all.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Like y'all gonna help me get
Speaker 1: through this race. Car crying and all, okay, because it's
Speaker 1: been it's been a roller coaster, but I'm excited. I'm
Speaker 1: looking forward to it, and we're just praying for a happy,
Speaker 1: healthy baby, a safe pregnancy um and a smooth, pain
Speaker 1: free delivery. So that's your moment of truth. That's what
Speaker 1: I'm praying for, that's what I'm manifesting. So well, that's
Speaker 1: gonna happen, and we're happy to take you all along
Speaker 1: with us for the journey. So thank you so much.
Speaker 1: So this is the last, This is the last episode
Speaker 1: for the so we're gonna be on a two month
Speaker 1: hiatus while Kadan gets through this second trimester. This is
Speaker 1: typically the good trimester. Typically, I'm still waiting for the
Speaker 1: morning sign. Make sure you catch up on all the
Speaker 1: episodes season six. You already know we're gonna take you
Speaker 1: out through all of the stories in the Journey of
Speaker 1: Pregnancy in season six. So we'll see y'all in two months. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And in the meantime, if you're looking for some Ellis content, yeah,
Speaker 1: be sure to follow us on social media at dead
Speaker 1: as the podcast as d E A D A S
Speaker 1: S T H E p O D C A S
Speaker 1: T and who are you, I am and I am devoured,
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,
Speaker 1: review and subscribe absolutely. Oh and catch us on YouTube
Speaker 1: stories there too. On thess is follow our our pregnancy
Speaker 1: journey on YouTube, will be documenting all the way I
Speaker 1: love y'all Jorda song. Thank you so much for listening
Speaker 1: this season, Yes, and we'll see you in season six four.
Speaker 1: Baby Dead as dead Ass is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Noorapinia
Speaker 1: and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead
Speaker 1: as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing