1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:05,640 Speaker 1: We're having a baby, y'all, baby number four on board 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:14,560 Speaker 1: dead As. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. 3 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,480 Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our 4 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,439 Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, 5 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one 6 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,479 Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We 7 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk 9 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead 10 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 1: as is the term that we say every day. So 11 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, 12 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about 13 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:52,880 Speaker 1: to take Phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead 14 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. I'm gonna take us back to 15 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: February six. Kadina and I have been away from each 16 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: other now for about two weeks because I had to 17 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 1: go film Season three or Sisters. So I'm in Atlanta, 18 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: she's in l A. And just like the last time 19 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: we moved from New York to l A, I was 20 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 1: filming while she was moving us across country. So not 21 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 1: doing that again. She's moving us across country. I'm filming. 22 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,399 Speaker 1: I'm getting calls from the movers to call off my 23 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: wife because my wife is going crazy on everybody right 24 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,759 Speaker 1: off's head. And I'm like, sorry, guys, I can't do 25 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: that because whatever she said y'all did, y'all did that 26 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: ship and I'm on her side. So we mean, you know, 27 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: me and the movers are going back and forth, Me 28 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 1: and k going back and forth, and we beefing. And 29 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: this Wednesday night, Sisters comes on and we're trending because 30 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: of a bathroom scene, particular bathroom scene that involved the 31 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 1: blue light. It's called the Blue Light Special. If you 32 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 1: haven't seen it, go watch it. This is the scene 33 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,399 Speaker 1: where Zach and the team and finally get the dude 34 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: one in the bathroom and there's a blue light in 35 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,360 Speaker 1: there and end up picking for team up and doing 36 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:21,520 Speaker 1: my thing right. So at the end of shooting we 37 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: were done shooting February thirteen. I had told Codeine that 38 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: I wasn't going to be done filming until after the 39 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: weekend the fifteenth, which would be after Valentine's Day. So 40 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: she was like a sorry baby, and what I'm saying, 41 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,919 Speaker 1: we'll get together and stuff like that. After Valentine's Day, 42 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,519 Speaker 1: So February thirteen, we ended up rapping. Didn't tell conein. 43 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,239 Speaker 1: So I drive from the uh from the studio to 44 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 1: now our new home. We had just finally moved into Atlanta, 45 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,920 Speaker 1: and the house don't got nothing in it. It's like empty. 46 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: I walk up to the door and we don't have 47 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,920 Speaker 1: no doorbell at this time, so I'm just standing at 48 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: the door trying to figure out how I'm gonna, you know, 49 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: got to get in because I don't have the key. Yeah, 50 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 1: we literally just moved in, So I'm knocking at the door. 51 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,920 Speaker 1: Nobody's coming to the door. Then I see a figure 52 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: with a blanket just walked by the door and stop 53 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 1: and look at me, and I'm like, yo, it's I 54 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,239 Speaker 1: was it was. I was like that was straight out 55 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,519 Speaker 1: of like a whole horror film. Like you see stuff 56 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 1: like that all the time, Like a girl will be 57 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: walking past like an open window and standing there and 58 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,920 Speaker 1: you had like your big bubble coat. And it was 59 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 1: just a shadow of a big figure in my doorway 60 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: and she's standing looking at me. I'm looking at her 61 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: and she just turns to her sideways and I'm like, 62 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: open the door. She comes to the door slow. So 63 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: I go downstairs, say what's up to the boys. She's like, 64 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: I'll meet you upstairs in the bedroom. So I get 65 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 1: to the bedroom and she goes, I'm chilling in the bed. 66 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: We don't have no mattress yet, we're on the air mattress. 67 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: We're on the air mattress. So Codeine turns all the 68 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: lights off, she turns the fireplace on, and then lastly 69 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 1: she clicks on a blue light. And now here we are. 70 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: We are here, we are forever, forever, forever. And I 71 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: know so you're having my baby. But and it means 72 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: so much to me. There's nothing more presious in the 73 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 1: world than to raise a family hate. If there's any 74 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:46,719 Speaker 1: doubt in your mind, you can't count on me. I'll 75 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: never ever let you die. Baby. Believe then meet you 76 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 1: and you and I, You and I we do right 77 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 1: from the star. Oh, hey, you and I. I forgot. 78 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:10,279 Speaker 1: I forgot the next part. It will never be a 79 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 1: part the day right, I really don't remember. But now 80 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: our baby is strong, healthy and strong, and our dreams 81 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: are reather triple whatever, my lady, that's the part I was. 82 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: The problem was I was waiting for the Oh yeah, 83 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: I was waiting for that the whole time, and then 84 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,799 Speaker 1: you forgot all the Because I don't love the single 85 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: words of the song. I'm one of those people. I 86 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,480 Speaker 1: don't sing the words. I just say the sounds of 87 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,839 Speaker 1: the words as the real singer sing the words because 88 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: I know I can't sing right. So I just being 89 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 1: a call like you, and I'm excited, baby, I can 90 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 1: tell you forever. Let's talk about this movie because the 91 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,479 Speaker 1: people want to know. The people want to know. I've 92 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 1: been on you about having another baby for four years now, 93 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: at least, I think the minute Cas was born. The 94 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 1: funny thing, we had cats at home with our midwife 95 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, and it was literally like an amazing experience 96 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: that Devot was just like, we could totally do this again, 97 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: and I was like, when like not now, I'm like, 98 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 1: I just had cats, cannot recuper rate. It was a 99 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,679 Speaker 1: beautiful experience. So it was did kind of feel deep down, 100 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: um in that moment. I was like, man, if I 101 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,600 Speaker 1: could have had all my boys this way, then it 102 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,039 Speaker 1: would have been amazing. So I kind of felt like 103 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: that was an experience that I would not have been 104 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: opposed to having again. I agree, I also feel like 105 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: we have an amazing testimony going from where we started 106 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: having kids, you know, with Jackson and then Kyrone. Is like, 107 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,600 Speaker 1: we gradually got to this home birthday experience, but that 108 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,799 Speaker 1: testimony can just be a way for us to share 109 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,240 Speaker 1: with other people what we've gone through. So, although I 110 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: wish we could have had all three because it would 111 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 1: been more peaceful for you especially, I feel like there 112 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 1: was a reason why we had to go through that 113 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 1: and make all of our boys are different. Um their 114 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: birthday experiences are all different. So so I'm excided to see, 115 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: you know, what this is gonna look like for us 116 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: because now we're in a new space, a new state. 117 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,680 Speaker 1: We have three boys. But I do want my fourth 118 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: child to be born in Brooklyn. I don't know how 119 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: are we gonna do that? How are we gonna do that? 120 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: How do we make that work? I would have to 121 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,960 Speaker 1: call well, see, I was looking to call up my 122 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: former midwife, Takia, who's not retired. I have to find 123 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: a way to Brian allegedly, she's alleged that might be indefinitely. 124 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: I I kind of feel like I need to respect 125 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: her space and that she's retired now. However, Takia she'd go, 126 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: you trying to pull up? Are you trying to come 127 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: out of retirement for me? I'll never forget to his voice. 128 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: He was like, so, Tequio, you're gonna tell me what 129 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: to do. She was like, no, you're gonna tell me 130 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: what to do. And I was like, then what fun? 131 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: I was confused. I really was confused. So wait a second, 132 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: she's not going to deliver the baby. She's like, Caine, 133 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 1: you deliver the baby and I will be here. I 134 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: was like support, And meanwhile, I'm just like, tell me 135 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 1: when to push. But it went just like that. But 136 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: it literally did like I was totally in control of 137 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: that whole situation. Thank god, there were no complications. I 138 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: entrusted my body to do what it was designed to do, 139 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: and it did not feel me. It's very peaceful, and 140 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: she was so peaceful. So so we had to figure 141 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: that out. I don't know how we're going to have 142 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: this baby in Brooklyn, but you know, we'll figure it out. 143 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 1: So set. I know the people want to know how 144 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: we got to this decision. Um, this is not an 145 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: easy decision for anyone to make. This so many different 146 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 1: variables when we talk about age, the amount of kids 147 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:07,320 Speaker 1: we have um finances and careers like those are the 148 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 1: four disgusted into consideration? And I know a lot of 149 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 1: it is is you making that decision. So let's let's 150 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 1: start with age. I want to ask you. I'm gonna 151 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,200 Speaker 1: interview you. Let me let me play for Dean for 152 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: a minute. I got my laptop. Most important. Look at 153 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: you looking all organizing when you really got questions? Let 154 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 1: me let me sit here, all right, pull them up 155 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 1: a minute. Be sitting here. M You're right, I should 156 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: be sitting. Actually, you gotta cross your legs. I don't 157 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 1: be sitting like that. There you go. Okay, So um, yes, um, 158 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 1: what made you decide at thirty seven years old that 159 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: you wanted to have another baby for Devial, well for 160 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: Devel because I don't think it would have been for 161 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: anyone else. But I'm not there. Um. But it was 162 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,320 Speaker 1: a difficult decision for me, mainly because I kind of 163 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: felt a sense of relief after having cats. I had 164 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 1: cats literally a week before my thirty fourth birthday, So 165 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: in my mind, I was like, okay, cool, I'm done 166 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 1: with kids. I'm thirty three. You know, I can just 167 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: bounce back from this, hopefully, you know, and just be 168 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:19,440 Speaker 1: on my merryway raising my three boys. UM and of 169 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: course once medically, you know, according to medicine, when you 170 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 1: hit thirty five, you then enter this realm of um geriatric. Yes. See. 171 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: The funny thing is when I told my when I 172 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: mentioned the word geriatrics, I mentioned it to my O B. 173 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: G Y N. And she was offended for me, she 174 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: was offended for every woman thirty five and over. And 175 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 1: she was like, that is not a good terminology to 176 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: use for that. UM. But you know, there's certain risks 177 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,439 Speaker 1: that are associated with pregnancies over thirty five. There's also 178 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: UM a decline in the quality and number of eggs 179 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 1: that women have, So that was concerned of mine. I 180 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,440 Speaker 1: was like, man, is that something that I want to 181 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: have to do? UM over thirty five? You know? And 182 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 1: that was in Part two a lot of the not 183 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: the pressure I felt, but in my timeline of life. 184 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 1: I felt like, man, I want to have my children, 185 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 1: you know, in my twenties early thirties, so that way 186 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,199 Speaker 1: I can avoid having to deal with that. Because with 187 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: thirty five and over pregnancies come many different testings for 188 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,199 Speaker 1: high risks things like that. I think a lot of 189 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: those tests because they don't pay attention to Black women, 190 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: are not done on black women because I know a 191 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 1: lot of women over thirty five who are Black, who 192 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 1: have healthy kids and who have tons of eggs, and 193 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: who have kids well into their forties. That if you 194 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: think about a lot of people, think about your mom, 195 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 1: my mom, your grandmother, my grandmother, they have tons of kids. 196 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 1: And I wonder if a lot of those tests who 197 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: are done with those statistics don't include Black women, you 198 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Because even just because the Black 199 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,959 Speaker 1: maternal healthcare, there's really excuse me, with Black maternal healthcare, 200 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: there's really little care that goes into the care of 201 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 1: Black women exactly, which which is harsh reality, but it 202 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: is reality. But that also makes me wonder, like some 203 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,760 Speaker 1: of the things they say or have said to us. 204 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,439 Speaker 1: For example, it was said to us that why you're 205 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,560 Speaker 1: rest feeding, you won't ovulate, so that's almost like a 206 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: form of birth control. And then we had cats, right, 207 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: so it makes me wonder like who is that? And 208 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: then all of the Jamaican women and your family was 209 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: like who told you that? Right? I mean, I guess 210 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: everything is is, it's it's relative to the person, you 211 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 1: know what I mean? But now you're right, You're right, 212 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 1: I would it would be interesting maybe in season six 213 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 1: of the podcast as we go into the pregnancy and 214 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: will kind of take you guys on the journey that 215 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 1: we've had or we will be having UM to bring 216 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: maybe two key back or an expert to talk about that, 217 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: because that's an interesting, interesting thing. But you decided Yeah, 218 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 1: also too, I kind of felt like I wanted to 219 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: be able to be the mother that I have been 220 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: to Jackson, for example, who's now ten. You figured he's 221 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: going to be now ten years apart from this baby. UM, 222 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 1: and I don't want to kind of lose steam. You know. 223 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: You hear about people having multiple children, and then you 224 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: have a child later on in life, and it's like, 225 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 1: are you able to keep up with that child the 226 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: same way you did when you were in your twenties, 227 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,360 Speaker 1: you know? Um, And it's just the thing because it's age, 228 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: its energy, it's just having more to do. UM. So 229 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 1: many factors going to that. So I was a little 230 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: concerned about being able to be everything that I wanted 231 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,319 Speaker 1: to be for a fourth child that I was for 232 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 1: my first child. Because I want each of my children 233 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 1: to experience me in some sort of wholeness. Um, So 234 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 1: that was a concern for me, but it wasn't It 235 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 1: wasn't a deal break. And so obviously because you're pregnant. 236 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 1: So let's talk about career right. Um. As a man, 237 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: I'm fortunate enough to never have to stop my career 238 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: to carry a child, but you, as a woman, have 239 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: had to do it three times already. Right. Were you 240 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: concerned or are you concerned about having to stop again 241 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: to have a child. So it's interesting that was a 242 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: major confercern for me. I want to say when I 243 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: had Cairo and Kass because of course, in the very 244 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 1: beginning with Jackson, we were still kind of establishing ourselves. 245 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: I was establishing myself in my career path, my career field, um, 246 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,559 Speaker 1: and I felt like, okay, At, I can definitely bounce back, 247 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,319 Speaker 1: have a baby and be fine. Um. And then there's 248 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 1: the pauses that had to happen with Kiro and Kaz. 249 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: But I think what saves me now in this circumstance 250 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: is being able to have a career field that gives 251 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: me flexibility. It gives me autonomy over my time. I 252 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 1: don't have to necessarily leave my home to work now, 253 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: and that's actually even pre pandemic. You know, we were 254 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: traveling a lot, yes, for work and making appearances and 255 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 1: speaking places and hosting events. However, um, we have a 256 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: career um path now that gives me a lot more flexibility. Yes, 257 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: I can create my own content. I can kind of 258 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: do my own things. So that made it a lot 259 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,560 Speaker 1: easier for me because I felt like I wasn't in 260 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: the confines of I have to look a certain way, 261 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 1: I have to be a certain wait to get this job. Now. Naturally, 262 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: if I want to do more acting gigs and stuff 263 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 1: like that, I'll have to take a little bit of 264 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: time off to then bounce back from that. But it's 265 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 1: not completely stopping my professional life. So being you know, 266 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 1: being an entrepreneur and having your own your home business 267 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: as opposed to being a slave to the entertainment industry 268 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: or the standards of what you have to look like 269 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 1: in the entertainment industry, or being a slave to corporate 270 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: American and have to legitimately working nine to five plus 271 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: extra hours to to constantly move up. You felt like 272 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: being an entrepreneur helped you feel like it was okay 273 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: to be a mom and still run your business. Absolutely, yeah, 274 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: I mean you think about it a lot of the 275 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 1: stuff that we do, and we even this podcast for example, 276 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: you know, and we're in a space now where we 277 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: can't necessarily go to a studio freely and we're still 278 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 1: dealing with COVID restrictions. We just have everyone come to 279 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 1: us now, you know, we can do it from our home. 280 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 1: So once the baby is here and we're filming season six, 281 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: or if i'm you know, big pregnant and we're doing 282 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,320 Speaker 1: season six or even season seven, I don't have to 283 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: worry about child care necessarily. I mean, just in this 284 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 1: moment meant but there are a lot of different ways 285 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:05,280 Speaker 1: to maneuver, and having that flexibility made me feel like, Okay, 286 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: now this is something that's actually feasible for me, and 287 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,280 Speaker 1: I don't have to have that mom guilt associated with 288 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 1: leaving my child for hours, not being able to be there, 289 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: having to worry about childcare and all that. Um and 290 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 1: also to my my career having to be put on hold. 291 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 1: You know, I'm confident that I also too, after the baby, 292 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: will be able to bounce back and you know, get 293 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: back in front of the camera in whatever capacity. Um 294 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,600 Speaker 1: I want to, and then I feel like I'll be done. 295 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 1: Um I feel like I'll also too. I'll be honest 296 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 1: in that I always wondered if I was kind of 297 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: using this, I don't know if I'm going to have 298 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 1: another baby as a scapegoat to not like go for 299 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 1: my acting career as well, because I kind of feel 300 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: like part of me felt like, well, damn, I'm going 301 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 1: to have to stop again to have another baby, so like, 302 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 1: why go full force? Let me wait until I'm actually 303 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 1: officially done because everyone in a sense, I think I 304 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: definitely was. I can honestly say that, I think in 305 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 1: a part of hard to me was just like, well, 306 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: you know, damn, if I have another baby, then I'm 307 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 1: gonna have to restart all over again. Then you have 308 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 1: to get your name back out there again. I was 309 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: just afraid of having to do all of that to 310 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: then start all over again, or being forgotten in that moment. 311 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 1: You know how the industry is. You you go and 312 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 1: have a baby for a year, then there's new people 313 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: coming along and that they're looking for a job, you know, 314 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 1: so you figure there's nine months to carry this baby 315 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: or ten months. Then you have the whole postpartum phase 316 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 1: and it's getting back in shape. It could be a 317 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,200 Speaker 1: whole daunting year and a half to two year process, 318 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: depending on the personage and how hard you work, you know. Um, 319 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,360 Speaker 1: and then you also have the confines and the standards 320 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 1: of looking a certain kind of ways. So then you 321 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,439 Speaker 1: have women who are forced to feel like they have 322 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 1: to crash course back into at six week check up. Okay, 323 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: let me start dieting and exercising because I have to 324 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 1: be back to film in a month or two. So 325 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,199 Speaker 1: they say every woman knows, like inside deep down like 326 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 1: when they're done. I never had that feeling after cast. 327 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 1: I always kind of felt like I could have another baby, 328 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: like I'm not completely done. So now I feel like 329 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:04,840 Speaker 1: after this child, once I have that completely done feeling, 330 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 1: then the sky is going to be the limit for me, 331 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,800 Speaker 1: especially when it comes to my career, because I feel 332 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 1: like I don't have to reset, restart, redo anything over again. 333 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 1: I can just focus on myself, on my body, on 334 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,440 Speaker 1: my mental and go from there. So full transparency. Did 335 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,439 Speaker 1: you feel any pressure for me and me saying I 336 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,679 Speaker 1: want to have the baby to say, you know what, 337 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 1: let me just do this for Devlow? No good question, Um, 338 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't. Actually, nope, I didn't because I 339 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 1: think on the converse side of that, you also made 340 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 1: it very clear that you were you were content with 341 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: our three boys. Were you were content with our three boys. Um. 342 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: You also made it clear to me that you fully 343 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: supported me a hundred and ten percent in whatever like 344 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: role what I wanted to take, UM. And also too, 345 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,119 Speaker 1: I know that you empowered me to make the decision 346 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 1: for myself because you fully understand and you've seen and 347 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,400 Speaker 1: witnessed what it took to get all three boys here, UM, 348 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,640 Speaker 1: And I know that you respect that. So I never 349 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 1: at any point felt any guilt like damn this, like 350 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,679 Speaker 1: I have to come on the fence about this, but 351 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 1: I you know, because I honestly feel like as a 352 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,720 Speaker 1: as a as a couple, as a married couple, we 353 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: do have to have the conversation. I do want to 354 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,119 Speaker 1: acknowledge how you feel, UM, But I do feel like 355 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: as much as it's a collective decision, you've made me 356 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 1: feel empowered to feel like it was ultimately my decision, 357 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,639 Speaker 1: which I respect. So that made it easier for me 358 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: to then say, you know what, I'm going to make 359 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 1: this decision for myself and for my family and my husband, UM. 360 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 1: And then our boys are just freaking amazing speak of 361 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:40,640 Speaker 1: our boys, right, how much were you concerned about finances 362 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: when they came to having another chap Because I remember 363 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,720 Speaker 1: when we had Jackson, you said, I'm not having any 364 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 1: more kids in this apartment, like we have to we 365 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: have to do better in order to provide a better lifestyle. 366 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 1: And then we ended up having three boys in that apartment. 367 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,199 Speaker 1: So do you think us moving from the apartment to 368 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,639 Speaker 1: l A than now having our home here where we 369 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 1: have an a space, did that in any way make 370 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 1: you feel like, you know what? I think I'm in 371 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 1: a better place now to have absolutely Jackson. Um. I 372 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 1: feel like it's funny because it was the three of 373 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: us for five years, right, Um in part because we 374 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 1: had a traumatic birthing experience with Jackson. Um. I also 375 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: think in part because we were just so in love 376 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: with Jackson that time was just flying by and we 377 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: were like, oh, shoot, it's about five years and it's 378 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,879 Speaker 1: just been the three of us, Maybe we should have 379 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:31,680 Speaker 1: another baby. But also, too early on, even before meeting you, 380 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,919 Speaker 1: a part of me felt like I wanted to have 381 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:38,160 Speaker 1: children and give and it would be a quality over 382 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:42,400 Speaker 1: quantity experience. So I didn't want to have several children 383 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: and not be able to provide adequately or in abundance 384 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: for several children. I wanted all of my children to 385 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 1: be able to have the same kind of lifestyle, the 386 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,000 Speaker 1: same kind of opportunity, not feeling that there was a deficit, 387 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,920 Speaker 1: and not feeling like there was a strain. With Jackson, 388 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,360 Speaker 1: we were hustling, Yes, we were hustling. Jackson came at 389 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: a point in our lives where we were struggling in 390 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,919 Speaker 1: our marriage because we were newly weds. He was a 391 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 1: honeymoon baby. So not only were we recouping from this wedding, 392 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 1: we were recouping from the recession. We were recouping from 393 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 1: moving back from Michigan to moving back to Brooklyn from Michigan. 394 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,160 Speaker 1: There were so many scenarios that Jackson was born into 395 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,600 Speaker 1: that made it very stressful for us. Um. I think 396 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,439 Speaker 1: what saved us was Jackson in a sense, because that 397 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 1: was like our collective, that was our collective, Like if 398 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,399 Speaker 1: there's anything to fight for, it's Jackson. And he was 399 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 1: just such a sweet, amazing kid and still is to 400 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 1: this day that it made that much easier. Jackson saved 401 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 1: us been in so many ways. We both were so 402 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:44,480 Speaker 1: focused on Jackson, that we lost sight of each of 403 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,000 Speaker 1: each other, you know what I'm saying. So we had 404 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,520 Speaker 1: to learn how to, you know, be what we needed 405 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,439 Speaker 1: to be for each other while being parents, and I 406 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,879 Speaker 1: think we learned that that year five of our marriage. Yeah, definitely. 407 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 1: So that was a lot of turmoil that we went 408 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,439 Speaker 1: through at that point in time. And then, Um, like 409 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,879 Speaker 1: I said, I just like, I'm like, we're in this 410 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,120 Speaker 1: apartment's we're going to outgrow it, Like I don't want 411 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,640 Speaker 1: to have any more children here. And then like you said, 412 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: King Cairo, Um, and then kas was like being right 413 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 1: after that, six months later, I was pregnant and I 414 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: was like, well, we didn't even think about that. Um. 415 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 1: Just to be clear, people women be concerned about the 416 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 1: bounce back. I don't think there was any more of 417 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 1: a sexier time for me than right after you had 418 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: given birth both times with Jackson than Cairo. And then 419 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:34,640 Speaker 1: Cass like that just likes me fluffy, y'all. He likes 420 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 1: to be soft. And I know that there's a standard 421 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 1: for Hollywood. I know there's a standard for Hollywood and 422 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,679 Speaker 1: beauty in general, and most of the time that standard 423 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: is European values. You know what I'm saying, but um, 424 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,879 Speaker 1: that just was not my standards. Like I I like 425 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:55,640 Speaker 1: you when you you got someffy and fluffy and lackating, 426 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: got drinkie milk and you a protein. All right, brothers, 427 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: A mother's breastmolk is the most nutritious, the most nutritious 428 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,640 Speaker 1: fluid on the planet. That's a fact. That's a whole 429 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 1: fact um. But yeah, so yeah, so so financially, going 430 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: back to your initial question, I definitely felt like with 431 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,440 Speaker 1: our three boys, we were hustling. We were in the apartment. 432 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: I mean, do you remember them days we would I 433 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 1: don't remember the parties, pulling out the double stroller, laundry, 434 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 1: groceries upstairs, up and down. It was just it was 435 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,359 Speaker 1: a lot, and you didn't want to have It was 436 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,960 Speaker 1: a lot, and it was no way. I had no 437 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 1: desire because you never wanted to have to You only 438 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 1: wanted to have one. In my mind, I was like, 439 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 1: we have our one child here and then eventually we'll move, 440 00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:41,640 Speaker 1: we'll get home, but us to not be unsure about 441 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: where home base would eventually be. Stuff like that. We 442 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,440 Speaker 1: also didn't want to uproot him and just have him 443 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 1: gone on. That's the country with us either. Um. So yes, 444 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,439 Speaker 1: in the space that we're in now, I feel like 445 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,640 Speaker 1: we're feel more more comfortable. I feel like financially we've 446 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 1: set ourselves up. Um where our boys you know, our 447 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 1: set um. You know we haven't net day we have 448 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,400 Speaker 1: a home, um, and I don't feel the strain of 449 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 1: that um hustle and bustle that we did back when 450 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,679 Speaker 1: Jackson was born. So so how much of the family 451 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,240 Speaker 1: dynamic are you who came into play as far as um. 452 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: You know, when you have kids, it's like when you 453 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:20,760 Speaker 1: add another child, you add a different dynamic. And I 454 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,840 Speaker 1: always wanted to have four kids, and that that was 455 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 1: always mine. I didn't care at the time in college 456 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,400 Speaker 1: it was I wanted four boys, like that's all I said. 457 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 1: I only make boys, said he only made boys from Earth. 458 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: So anyhow, this baby is a boy, y'all just know 459 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,919 Speaker 1: that he manifested that prior to this whole daughter talk, Okay, 460 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,919 Speaker 1: And I'm going to be clear to people, I always 461 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,159 Speaker 1: talked about wanting to have a daughter because my views 462 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,360 Speaker 1: on the world and everything has changed since the time 463 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: I was in college. And um, I wanted to have 464 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,400 Speaker 1: a young lady to you know from from you that 465 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,919 Speaker 1: we could groom to be someone great and amazing. And 466 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,840 Speaker 1: I've been proclaiming that I wanted a daughter since you 467 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:05,880 Speaker 1: were pregnant with cash and it didn't happen. And if 468 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,320 Speaker 1: you are pregnant now with a girl, I'll be excited. 469 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,720 Speaker 1: But if you're not pregnant with a girl, i'd be excited. 470 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,960 Speaker 1: Like having four boys. For me, it's just as exciting 471 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,880 Speaker 1: as having three boys and a girl. But I will 472 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: say this publicly that I'm done having kids after this, 473 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,840 Speaker 1: Like I'm pregnant. You know I'm done. He's done. Four 474 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 1: is my limit. I'm excited. So because it's funny people 475 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,200 Speaker 1: say people who have multiple children. I remember even talking 476 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 1: to a close friend of man beyond cause she was like, 477 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,720 Speaker 1: you have two kids, it's cool because it's like you're 478 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 1: not out number. The game changer is three. Now you're 479 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,160 Speaker 1: out numbered. So she was like, you can have four, 480 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,639 Speaker 1: you can have five, and it won't even make a difference. 481 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,240 Speaker 1: Just like throw another kid in the mix and then 482 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: well they'll survive doing it. And they're doing it and 483 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,919 Speaker 1: their children are amazing and they're loved and they have 484 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,639 Speaker 1: I think when when she probably thought she didn't have 485 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,280 Speaker 1: enough love, then alon came more love, you know what 486 00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 1: I mean. So so yeah, I'm just excited and I 487 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 1: feel like with all the pressures of you know, going 488 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 1: for a girl, because naturally, when you have all you 489 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 1: have three girls, or you have four girls, go for 490 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,000 Speaker 1: the boy you have. The opposite is go for that, 491 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 1: you know. So that's just naturally what people are going 492 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 1: to want. That's naturally people are going to root for um. 493 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 1: They're natural going to think that, assume that that's what 494 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 1: you're doing this for. Um. But for me, I've seen 495 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,919 Speaker 1: even more so now how much of a blessing it 496 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 1: is just to be able to carry a full term 497 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:34,080 Speaker 1: healthy baby. Absolutely absolutely, And don't cry. Come on, don't cry. 498 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: It's the hormone. You'll remember the race called crop. It's 499 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: coming back. I got another story, Aboulet case cry unless 500 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,159 Speaker 1: you want to finish. No, let me get myself together. 501 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:49,440 Speaker 1: Get yourself together, Okay, go ahead, tell your story. So 502 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 1: y'all know about prenatal hormones. I had a wife who 503 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 1: was pre natal and postpartum at the same time. That's 504 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: a fact. So um, I come in the house late 505 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,960 Speaker 1: because this is when we had just had Cairo and 506 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: codeine was how pregnant with cats, and she'd be like, baby, 507 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 1: call me when you're on your way home. So I 508 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 1: called them on my way home. She wouldn't answer because 509 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,400 Speaker 1: she was either sleep or dealing with the kids. So 510 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,360 Speaker 1: I get get home and I knocked on the door 511 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 1: and she'd be standing there by the door, and I like, um, 512 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 1: what's up baby, And she'd be like really sound like that. 513 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,160 Speaker 1: And I'd be like, baby, why are you crying? And 514 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:44,360 Speaker 1: you'd be like, I don't know. They flew in some tissues. 515 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: Undine gets so emotional when she gets pregnant. She and 516 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: it's not only crying emotions. She has angry emotions, super 517 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,240 Speaker 1: super happy emotions. So needless to say, y'all will have 518 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 1: a ton of cons can't wait. He can't wait to 519 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 1: be documenting all of this. But my tess came from um, 520 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,719 Speaker 1: like I said, having a full term, healthy baby. I 521 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: know people who are struggling to have just one, and 522 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 1: I know a couple who delivered a full term baby 523 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 1: that passed away. So the talk of wanting a particular 524 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,800 Speaker 1: sex of baby, to me, it's just yeah, it's like, 525 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:41,480 Speaker 1: you just want to have a healthy baby. And that's 526 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 1: literally how I feel and that's what I'm manifesting for us, 527 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,280 Speaker 1: and that's what I prayed for. End up praying for 528 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:54,480 Speaker 1: my friends who I know desperately just one and have 529 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 1: suffered gallantless miscarriages. Um, I have spent hundreds and thousands 530 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 1: of hours on in vitro and just can't have one baby. 531 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,480 Speaker 1: So my heart goes out to those people who are struggling. 532 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 1: I understand the loss of a baby as well, having 533 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 1: a miscarriage myself. UM. So yeah, that just makes you 534 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 1: want to talk about that. Yeah, it's just one of 535 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 1: those things where I understand, um, and I do understand 536 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:28,600 Speaker 1: the gift and the blessing in being able to um 537 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 1: bring forth a healthy baby into this world. So I 538 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 1: see that to say, boy girl, it's all good in 539 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 1: between kas In this pregnancy Kadein and I lost baby, 540 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: and it was it was rough for you, Um, it was, 541 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: it was rough for me. But it did kind of 542 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:53,520 Speaker 1: teach us, you know, the value of appreciating just life, 543 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 1: you know. Um, I think in part two it did 544 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: make me real lies that trying to choose the sex 545 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 1: of a baby is very trivial when you're just trying 546 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,640 Speaker 1: to give life, you know, give give birth and create life, 547 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 1: and a shout out to Kariga and his wife, Yes, Felicia, 548 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: they've been champions for parents who have lost when you know, 549 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 1: there is no word in the dictionary for a parent 550 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 1: who's lost a child, like for a child who lost 551 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 1: a parent, they call him orphans, but there's no word 552 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 1: to describe it because it's almost indescribable to pain someone 553 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 1: must feel to lose a child. So shout out to 554 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,280 Speaker 1: Kariga and Felicia. And they're actually expecting another baby. I 555 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: saw that are and I'm so congratulations. Actually cried what 556 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 1: I saw. I was like wow. And actually I spoke 557 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: to Korea a couple of weeks ago and we're going 558 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 1: to have him on. That definitely would be amazing to happen. 559 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 1: We'll be able to have him and his wife for 560 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: I hope, so because I'm not sure when the babies do, 561 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: it looks like she maybe do sometime soon. So depending 562 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,240 Speaker 1: on in season six falls in their schedule and this 563 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,280 Speaker 1: new baby, we will hopefully be able to get them on. 564 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,320 Speaker 1: Hopefully also to give them in the same space because 565 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,720 Speaker 1: it's such a powerful We met them at Broccoli Fest 566 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 1: a couple of years back, made about two three years now, 567 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: and um was following their journey. Um, we just she 568 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,960 Speaker 1: just found out she was pregnant when we met. Yeah, 569 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 1: and then I was following their journey. I really admired 570 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,160 Speaker 1: how much Kariga was just loving on her um and 571 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 1: they were so excited to become parents and they unfortunately 572 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 1: lost their baby girl UM right after delivery and have 573 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,360 Speaker 1: been speaking about the loss of a child and being 574 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 1: angel parents. So shout out to Kariga and Felicia. We 575 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 1: definitely want to have them on in the future. Yes, 576 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: So I just want to give a huge shout out 577 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:47,920 Speaker 1: to Karia and Felicia and baby Yes. Yes, yes, it's 578 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,360 Speaker 1: important that we are We sat her name because um, 579 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,720 Speaker 1: what I've learned about that process and being an angel 580 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: parent is that the child is still here, the spirit 581 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: is still here. Absolutely, And watching watching them, uh just 582 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:05,880 Speaker 1: be happy even in loss and be able to come together, 583 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 1: yes and just share. It was amazing to watch. It's 584 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 1: literally I feel like whenever I watched their pages on Instagram, 585 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm watching them with come at you, 586 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,480 Speaker 1: like she's in everything that they do as she should be. 587 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 1: So yeah, that's that's something that into perspective when you know, 588 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,640 Speaker 1: now I'm going to spend the next couple of months 589 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:30,240 Speaker 1: to grow a life. I know, I know, um, and 590 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: it's it's kind of it's particularly stressful, I think for 591 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,880 Speaker 1: a woman, just because you want to make sure that 592 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,800 Speaker 1: you're doing everything in your power to ensure that you 593 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,320 Speaker 1: are bringing forth a healthy baby. Some things are out 594 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,959 Speaker 1: of your control, which we naturally know. But if it 595 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: means taking your prenatal vitamin, working out, things like that, 596 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 1: like you've been on me, I've been super sick in 597 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,479 Speaker 1: the very beginning of this, this entire pregnancy. It's been 598 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:58,360 Speaker 1: just lots of nausea, lots of vomiting, lots of fatigue. Um. 599 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,560 Speaker 1: But you have been very also rooting for me to 600 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,360 Speaker 1: say goody and and work out, and even on the 601 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:05,720 Speaker 1: days when I don't feel like it, you're like you, 602 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:10,400 Speaker 1: let's just go walk. Literally he was on that on 603 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 1: that here we are. You still on my ass so 604 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 1: forever forever, you know, you know so um so yeah. 605 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,680 Speaker 1: And then the boys, I mean, it's exciting. It's an 606 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,800 Speaker 1: exciting time for them now too, because it's like they're 607 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:31,200 Speaker 1: about to be brothers and big brothers again, and it's 608 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,840 Speaker 1: going to be amazing to watch them with another baby 609 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: and It's funny because I guess Cairo being an older 610 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 1: brother and then also a younger brother, it's quite unique. Um, 611 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 1: so he will be a big brother again. But Cas 612 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:47,360 Speaker 1: is my baby. Okay, oh boy, I'm interested to see 613 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 1: how he's going to react. To react, He's going to say, no, no, 614 00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,560 Speaker 1: you want to you want to be a big brother. No, no, 615 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:01,360 Speaker 1: you want to see the baby, No, just be him. 616 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 1: Just don't touch my plato. Cats is very possessive over 617 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: his plato. Okay, to the point where Uncle Brian came 618 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,279 Speaker 1: by the house one day and was here chilling with 619 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 1: us for like a week, and he's cast is at 620 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,280 Speaker 1: the kitchen counter playing with his plato, and Brian sit 621 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: next to him eating and he's like, you know, Cats, 622 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:22,839 Speaker 1: can you go call your cousin for me, tell him 623 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,239 Speaker 1: to come upstairs. And Cats looks at him and he's 624 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:31,480 Speaker 1: just like, I will, but don't touch, don't touch my plato. 625 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:33,000 Speaker 1: So yeah, it's safe to say that Cats won't be 626 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,279 Speaker 1: sharing at the very least I think he'll be. But 627 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:38,120 Speaker 1: he won't share. Yeah, he won't share for sure. All right, 628 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:39,960 Speaker 1: let's take a break real quick, come back and do 629 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,080 Speaker 1: some listening. Let us we've gotta pay some bills because, 630 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,080 Speaker 1: as y'all know now, we have more kids coming. So 631 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,520 Speaker 1: we'll pay some bills and we'll get right back to you. 632 00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 1: All right, listen to at the time I've composed myself. 633 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:08,840 Speaker 1: I've I've gone through a couple of tissues. Oh God, Josh, 634 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:17,520 Speaker 1: don't zoom in. Okay, I'll be all the things all 635 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,399 Speaker 1: at one time. Okay, all the things all right, let's 636 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,000 Speaker 1: jump into our first listener letter. Hey, Kadeen and Devour. 637 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 1: My name is Dianna. I have a three year old 638 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,359 Speaker 1: little boy with my partner of four years. The main 639 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,120 Speaker 1: issue I'm having is I have so much mom guilt. 640 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 1: Up till last year, I was in school getting a 641 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:39,120 Speaker 1: post bachelor's teaching certificate that means to my child's entire life. 642 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,239 Speaker 1: I've been in school, so many of my evenings i've 643 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:43,320 Speaker 1: been have been busy as well as my days because 644 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:45,800 Speaker 1: I was working full time. Right now, my son is 645 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,239 Speaker 1: in speech therapy because he's still not really speaking like 646 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,160 Speaker 1: other children his age. I feel like a large reason 647 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,080 Speaker 1: for that is because I'm not doing enough for him 648 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,000 Speaker 1: as an infant and young toddler to spark his language growth. 649 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,719 Speaker 1: Because I'm just so busy with school, and I tend 650 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,280 Speaker 1: to him I and to let him use the tablet 651 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 1: too much while I work or just relax after a 652 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,239 Speaker 1: full day of work in school. Not to mention his father, 653 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,319 Speaker 1: My partner spends a lot of time telling me how 654 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,480 Speaker 1: much of an inconvenience it was for him to spend 655 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,359 Speaker 1: evenings with our son alone, and how he never has 656 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 1: time to himself. At this point, now I'm done with school, 657 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,120 Speaker 1: The issue being with my partner and I arises again 658 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,120 Speaker 1: whenever I do do something for myself like going to 659 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,799 Speaker 1: get my hair or nails done while he watches our son. 660 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,879 Speaker 1: What do I do to combat this guilt and come 661 00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:36,319 Speaker 1: to some kind of understanding with my partner? Yeah, I 662 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: mean I understand mom gil all too all too real, 663 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:40,160 Speaker 1: And I definitely had that a lot in the very 664 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: beginning with Jackson because at that time, um, we were 665 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,200 Speaker 1: in a space where I had to work at Matt 666 00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,160 Speaker 1: Cosmetics because I was a manager there at the time, 667 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 1: and health insurance I got through the company, so it 668 00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,640 Speaker 1: was imperative that I worked at the company because we 669 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,040 Speaker 1: need health insurance. And for that first year and a 670 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:05,239 Speaker 1: half you were on Jackson duty. He stay at home. 671 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,600 Speaker 1: Dad for a good year and a half. U and 672 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 1: I sobbed to and from work at least twice a 673 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,560 Speaker 1: week just because I felt like I was missing out 674 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:19,680 Speaker 1: on everything. I'll never forget them. Was it Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving? Giving? 675 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,520 Speaker 1: Black Friday? Jackson was too and not even too yet. 676 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,240 Speaker 1: He was a year or a couple of months. Actually, 677 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,000 Speaker 1: he wasn't even a year yet. He wasn't. Yeah, he wasn't. 678 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,359 Speaker 1: He wasn't too wasn't. He was getting ready to leave, 679 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,719 Speaker 1: and that was one of those schedules where Macy's was 680 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:40,759 Speaker 1: doing like the extended hours, so they were open, and 681 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,440 Speaker 1: I remember walking kame to the door and she was crying, 682 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,239 Speaker 1: and I was like, what's the matter, And she was 683 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:51,760 Speaker 1: just like, I feel like the worst mom ever because 684 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,120 Speaker 1: I got to leave on Thanksgiving to go work. I 685 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:56,960 Speaker 1: remember looking at Yes, and I was just like, I promised, 686 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,080 Speaker 1: you're just gonna be the last holiday you work. Really, 687 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,239 Speaker 1: that's the fact a retail so um. I was just 688 00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,320 Speaker 1: putting that in next. I remember how guilty you felt, 689 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:05,879 Speaker 1: even though you were doing what you had to do 690 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,320 Speaker 1: for the family. At the time, you felt so guilty. Yeah, exactly, 691 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:10,799 Speaker 1: because I was gonna do whatever I had to do 692 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,719 Speaker 1: for my family. For me, it was more important to 693 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,800 Speaker 1: be able to make sure that we had health insurance. 694 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:15,920 Speaker 1: We had a child. I was like deval and I 695 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,759 Speaker 1: we could wing it, but you have a child, you 696 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,279 Speaker 1: want to make sure that the insurance is in place. Um. 697 00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,920 Speaker 1: But one thing that brought me so much, um consolation 698 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,560 Speaker 1: was knowing that my husband, my partner, was taking care 699 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,920 Speaker 1: of my son in my absence, our son in my absence. 700 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:34,520 Speaker 1: You never made me feel guilty, which it seems like 701 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,400 Speaker 1: her partner here is making her feel guilty about the 702 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,800 Speaker 1: time that he spends with his son. But you always 703 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 1: made me feel like I have it under control, baby, 704 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 1: don't worry about it. But you also told me to 705 00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to find a way for you to be 706 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,480 Speaker 1: able to cut back so that way you can then 707 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,799 Speaker 1: have more time at home with Jackson. That didn't take 708 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,640 Speaker 1: away from the complete guilt, but at least it gave 709 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,160 Speaker 1: me some kind of consolation at the same time. UM, 710 00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 1: it seems like what you Dana have going on with 711 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:03,239 Speaker 1: your partner is this whole like well, I'm like, it's 712 00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:06,160 Speaker 1: like a babysitting in my child situation going on here 713 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,719 Speaker 1: where I think your partner needs to understand that this 714 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,319 Speaker 1: is this is what's required, especially if y'all are working 715 00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,239 Speaker 1: to be together, it needs to be it's it's required 716 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,960 Speaker 1: that you spend time with your child, but it's not 717 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 1: a babysitting situation. But I also think on a deeper level, 718 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:22,160 Speaker 1: he needs to understand that postpartum is very real and 719 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,000 Speaker 1: it and it presents itself and manifests itself in different ways. 720 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,160 Speaker 1: Right a lot of time, I think mom guilt may 721 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,680 Speaker 1: be a little bit of postpartum, and if you never 722 00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:33,920 Speaker 1: get an opportunity to work through that or address it 723 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,560 Speaker 1: or address it, it can be three years down the 724 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,320 Speaker 1: line and you're still feeling the residue of not dealing 725 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,920 Speaker 1: with those issues. When the baby is first born, especially 726 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,880 Speaker 1: for moms who have to go back to work, I 727 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,120 Speaker 1: think it's what they give you six months, three months, 728 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,760 Speaker 1: not even most some jobs the minimum is six weeks. 729 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: So six weeks and now you have to have separations 730 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:55,600 Speaker 1: from your child because you have to go to work. 731 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,080 Speaker 1: You never deal with that, so for the next year, 732 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,000 Speaker 1: two years, three years, you're feeling guilty because you've never 733 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,960 Speaker 1: dealt with your depression that you've dealt with from postpartum. 734 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,160 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, and now your your child, 735 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,560 Speaker 1: you know, is not developing fast enough, which to me, 736 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:12,359 Speaker 1: I'm not a specialist, right, but some people expect their 737 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,359 Speaker 1: children to do things at a certain time that they 738 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,919 Speaker 1: just don't do. For example, remember when Ricky was saying 739 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,160 Speaker 1: to me, um, she had a three year old who 740 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,880 Speaker 1: they thought one of my former clients, she has six children, 741 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,680 Speaker 1: and one of her children three years old, they thought 742 00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 1: had a speech impediment or a problem because the child 743 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,200 Speaker 1: was not speaking. They took him to therapist. Speech therapist 744 00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:34,000 Speaker 1: took him to everything thought she he thought she was autistic, 745 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,000 Speaker 1: thought she had all these issues. Randomly, one day chick 746 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,040 Speaker 1: just started talking and would not stop talking. Sometimes kids 747 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,000 Speaker 1: just don't want to do what you want them to do, 748 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,480 Speaker 1: and we tend to put this pressure on an autoistic them, 749 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,759 Speaker 1: put a label to keep up with what other kids, 750 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,960 Speaker 1: and you're doing something you can't do. You cannot compare. 751 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,200 Speaker 1: You can't even compare your children, like children from the 752 00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:56,600 Speaker 1: same to the same two people. You can't even compare 753 00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:00,319 Speaker 1: them and their milestones because children do reach different mouths time, 754 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,919 Speaker 1: and we tend to do that sometimes either comparing each 755 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,320 Speaker 1: child to each other or just comparing your children to 756 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,600 Speaker 1: your friends kids and things like that. So that's a 757 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,920 Speaker 1: good point. Yeah, you can palm. Comp that with the 758 00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 1: mom guilt and the fact that she's not getting the 759 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:16,759 Speaker 1: support she has from her partner, it's really not a 760 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,799 Speaker 1: good situation for that family unit because then the mom 761 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 1: guilt turns into life guilt or girlfriend guilt, and then 762 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,560 Speaker 1: if he's constantly putting pressure on her, she's never gonna 763 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,360 Speaker 1: have something to deal with those things, and then the 764 00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:29,960 Speaker 1: child is going to suffer because the child is going 765 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,400 Speaker 1: to feel like I'm the reason why my parents aren't 766 00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,680 Speaker 1: working out. So and also too, I think one bit 767 00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:37,600 Speaker 1: of if you want to take away a little bit 768 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,440 Speaker 1: of um, like I understand that it's it's okay, It's 769 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:46,160 Speaker 1: gonna be okay, Dianna. Your child is three, You're you're hustling, 770 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,040 Speaker 1: you're doing school, you're working, you're doing all these things. Now, 771 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,520 Speaker 1: I'm sure to provide a foundation in the life for 772 00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:55,319 Speaker 1: your child at three, he's not going to remember much 773 00:41:55,360 --> 00:42:00,600 Speaker 1: about what's happening right from one to three, right exactly. 774 00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:04,160 Speaker 1: So like the speech therapy situation aside, he's not going 775 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,200 Speaker 1: to remember much of this time. So I know that 776 00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:08,719 Speaker 1: we feel like, oh my goodness, how I'm trying to 777 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,800 Speaker 1: do the best I can. And you know, my baby 778 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:12,640 Speaker 1: at two is gonna feel like I'm not there. My 779 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,239 Speaker 1: baby at three is gonna feel like I'm not there. 780 00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,600 Speaker 1: They may have moments like that, but just know that 781 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,520 Speaker 1: you're working towards providing a better life for your child. 782 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,719 Speaker 1: So when your child is six and seven and eight 783 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:25,000 Speaker 1: and can remember mom being present or dad being present, 784 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,439 Speaker 1: those are the times that really really matter. Um, So 785 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:30,600 Speaker 1: if you want to find a little silver lining around 786 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,840 Speaker 1: this situation, just know that you do still have time 787 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,680 Speaker 1: for your child to feel like, wow, mom Um is 788 00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,360 Speaker 1: really investing in me. And I think it's worth a 789 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 1: conversation with your partner too. It's not who life whose 790 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,680 Speaker 1: life sucks more in this moment situation or you know 791 00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,440 Speaker 1: who's babysitting the child today. I feel like when you 792 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,759 Speaker 1: can't because you're working and you're in school, and then 793 00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:52,320 Speaker 1: taking some self care time, which I think is also necessary, um, 794 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:53,920 Speaker 1: that he really needs to pick up a slack and 795 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,120 Speaker 1: understand too that there's nothing wrong with putting your child 796 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,960 Speaker 1: on the tablet like you have work to do and 797 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,480 Speaker 1: you have to there's some learning do learn all of 798 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:05,960 Speaker 1: our children have been able to grow their speech patterns 799 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,600 Speaker 1: through learning games. We got ABC Mouse, We've done the 800 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,719 Speaker 1: what was the the Starfall? Like, We've done so many 801 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,680 Speaker 1: games on the tablet because that's the new reality. So 802 00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,000 Speaker 1: many kids now are going to school virtually. They have 803 00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: tablets in all of these preschools. Now, it's old school 804 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 1: to think that if I have my child on the 805 00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:25,279 Speaker 1: tablets a bad thing. Yes, if your child is you 806 00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:27,960 Speaker 1: have been horror movies, yes, But if they're working on 807 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:29,719 Speaker 1: learning games, that can help them a lot. And it 808 00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,200 Speaker 1: helped out children a lot. All our children do very 809 00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:36,759 Speaker 1: well academically. And the mom guilt is normal. I don't 810 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,759 Speaker 1: feel like there's something wrong for you for having mom, 811 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,440 Speaker 1: and it's never gonna go away. You're gonna find something 812 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,440 Speaker 1: else to feel guilty about as your children grow. But 813 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:47,120 Speaker 1: communicate with your partner. Let let him know, let him 814 00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,080 Speaker 1: know exactly what you need and what you want. You 815 00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:51,560 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, so that you can grow together. 816 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,760 Speaker 1: So communication is the biggest thing for sure. Good luck, Tianna. 817 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,839 Speaker 1: Thanks for writing in number two. Coming to you again 818 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,759 Speaker 1: from Memphis, Tennessee. You too have always you must be 819 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,200 Speaker 1: just as the second person's listening letter there one. Now, 820 00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,920 Speaker 1: we must have did a good job if they all right. 821 00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,200 Speaker 1: YouTube always have thoughtful and open opinions and great advice, 822 00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,120 Speaker 1: So I'll throw this one out there. The reason I 823 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,800 Speaker 1: say father quote unquote is because it feels weird to 824 00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:17,680 Speaker 1: call him dad father without the quotes. My last memories 825 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,040 Speaker 1: of him weren't great, and that was when I was 826 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:23,040 Speaker 1: four or five. I just remember he wasn't there for kindergarten. 827 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,720 Speaker 1: I'm the oldest of my mom's three and the oldest 828 00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,520 Speaker 1: son in all. In all, he has ten kids, which 829 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,759 Speaker 1: I learned of when I was around twenty eight. He 830 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 1: reached out a few times over the years, starting when 831 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,480 Speaker 1: I was eighteen. I never I never respond because I 832 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,600 Speaker 1: honestly don't know what we would talk about, like how's 833 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,760 Speaker 1: the weather or what you've been up to. His oldest 834 00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,960 Speaker 1: my oldest half sister, was forty two. His youngest, I 835 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,920 Speaker 1: think are instead of twin boys who should be about eight. Now. 836 00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:51,759 Speaker 1: I don't hate him, I'm pretty much indifferent. I used 837 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,360 Speaker 1: to wonder what it'd be like having a dad in 838 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,520 Speaker 1: my life, but I've have so many amazing uncles and 839 00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,920 Speaker 1: other cousins and older cousins that I feel like I 840 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,200 Speaker 1: don't need one. I think the way I came up 841 00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,239 Speaker 1: is why I'm such an involved father now. So my 842 00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,600 Speaker 1: question is, do you think I'm missing out on something 843 00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:10,960 Speaker 1: and not talking to him? Yes, talking to him by 844 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,680 Speaker 1: not talking to him, Yes, you feel like he's missing 845 00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,920 Speaker 1: out on something. This is his father, right, If his 846 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,600 Speaker 1: father is reaching out, his father is doing the work. 847 00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:22,759 Speaker 1: You have to then respond for there to be a relationship. 848 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,040 Speaker 1: You can't say I don't have a relationship with my father. 849 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,200 Speaker 1: My father's reaching out and I don't want one. I'm 850 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,799 Speaker 1: not saying you have to be best friends. But there's 851 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,280 Speaker 1: a lot of things you can learn about the person 852 00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:35,920 Speaker 1: who is responsible for giving you life, good, bad, or indifferent. 853 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,040 Speaker 1: But you can learn because there are certain things that 854 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:41,719 Speaker 1: are inherent that come from your your bloodline, that you 855 00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,200 Speaker 1: need to learn about. And not for nothing. Why not? 856 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,440 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, like, what do you 857 00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,920 Speaker 1: get out of ignoring the person who's reaching out to you, 858 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,200 Speaker 1: who gave you life. I see no purpose in it. 859 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,719 Speaker 1: If he's a toxic person who's only going to reach 860 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:55,479 Speaker 1: out to you to ask you for you know, ask 861 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,600 Speaker 1: you for stuff, or if he's physically abusive or mentally 862 00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,600 Speaker 1: or emotionally abusive, that's friend. But he says he doesn't 863 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,840 Speaker 1: even remember and doesn't know, So why not figure out 864 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:09,160 Speaker 1: what it is sending the olive branch. You think it's 865 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,080 Speaker 1: worth at least engaging in conversation, even if it's the 866 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,080 Speaker 1: house of weather what you've been up to. I think 867 00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:16,120 Speaker 1: he's making the effort to try to be absolutely and 868 00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,239 Speaker 1: sometimes you know in parents, mothers or fathers in their 869 00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:22,520 Speaker 1: older years kind of feel like, you know, they can 870 00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,879 Speaker 1: see that immature. So he might have seen that he 871 00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:27,880 Speaker 1: you know, was at the loss not being involved in 872 00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,239 Speaker 1: his son's life and having so many children. Maybe he's 873 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,040 Speaker 1: trying to kind of just extend those olive branches where 874 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,040 Speaker 1: he can. This is the truth, man. You can't hold 875 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:36,960 Speaker 1: people to where they were when they made a decision 876 00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:40,279 Speaker 1: that changed your life. People grow, people grow. I've learned this. 877 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,480 Speaker 1: Me and my patern me and my my maternal grandfather 878 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,399 Speaker 1: don't have a relationship. He doesn't reach out. I'm gonna 879 00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,960 Speaker 1: reach out to him, And it hurts, yes, because that's 880 00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:52,200 Speaker 1: my maternal grandfather. But the times that I did reach out, 881 00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:53,759 Speaker 1: I learned a lot about him, and I learned a 882 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,239 Speaker 1: lot about myself because I learned that there's certain things 883 00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:58,879 Speaker 1: about him that I see in myself, and those things 884 00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:02,440 Speaker 1: that I see in him that I didn't see it myself. 885 00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,839 Speaker 1: I try not to do that so that I don't 886 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,920 Speaker 1: put those same traumas on my children and hopefully my 887 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,920 Speaker 1: children's children. So I don't have no hate for my grandfather. 888 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:13,759 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I don't really know much 889 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,160 Speaker 1: about him. I know that he's a stubborn dude. But 890 00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,799 Speaker 1: not having that relationship isn't helpful at all. You know, 891 00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:21,960 Speaker 1: It's just a blank space that you you try to 892 00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:23,840 Speaker 1: fill in with your own narratives that you can. You 893 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,319 Speaker 1: feel like in the interactions that you've had with him, 894 00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:29,000 Speaker 1: you felt like you weren't going to gain anything from that, 895 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,560 Speaker 1: so it wasn't worth pouring more into it. Um. Yeah, 896 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,719 Speaker 1: I feel like when I did speak to him, I 897 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:37,719 Speaker 1: learned a lot about his character. He played a lot 898 00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,799 Speaker 1: of the blame game. Everybody else was the problem. So 899 00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,920 Speaker 1: when when I saw him pointing and not taking no accountability, 900 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,560 Speaker 1: I started to realize that I can't really learn anything 901 00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,840 Speaker 1: from me if not really accountable. I can't relate to 902 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,800 Speaker 1: that like I can't and if he's not going to 903 00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:52,880 Speaker 1: be accountable for anything, I'm not going to sit here 904 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,400 Speaker 1: and let him blame people who are not in the 905 00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,600 Speaker 1: conversation with us, because now you're involving someone who can't 906 00:47:57,640 --> 00:47:59,919 Speaker 1: explain to me why they made the decisions they're made. 907 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,120 Speaker 1: But what it did teach me, what's how important it 908 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:06,520 Speaker 1: is accountability is for me when I'm dealing with my children. 909 00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,680 Speaker 1: So when my kids check me on something, I can't 910 00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:13,040 Speaker 1: then just point to somebody else. So I got to 911 00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,239 Speaker 1: be account that we had, Yeah, and we talked about 912 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,560 Speaker 1: Jackson pointing out something that I was doing wrong to you, 913 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,200 Speaker 1: and I had to own that and say, you know what, 914 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,520 Speaker 1: Daddy shouldn't do that. You shouldn't do that to your brother, 915 00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:24,879 Speaker 1: and I shouldn't do that to your mom. So let's 916 00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:28,040 Speaker 1: be better together. And I whenever something happens like that 917 00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:31,480 Speaker 1: with accountability, I always think of my grandfather because I'm like, 918 00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:33,799 Speaker 1: it seems like he never wants to be accountable, and 919 00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,960 Speaker 1: then him not wanting to reach out to me or 920 00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:40,680 Speaker 1: my kids hurt. So here you have a dad who 921 00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:43,560 Speaker 1: wants to reach out and you're choosing to ignore him. 922 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:45,439 Speaker 1: Imagine you could be and the thing is you feel 923 00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,719 Speaker 1: like you have the privilege to ignore him because he's 924 00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,399 Speaker 1: the one reaching out. But then if he wasn't reaching out, 925 00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:53,799 Speaker 1: think about how that would feel. So if he's reaching out, 926 00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,360 Speaker 1: use that opportunity. So there is a lesson, a lesson, 927 00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:02,279 Speaker 1: however a strange the relationship is, there's a lesson in it. Yes, 928 00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,480 Speaker 1: And if you find out he's toxic and he's bringing 929 00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:07,360 Speaker 1: something negative to your life, let it go. But until 930 00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,520 Speaker 1: you find that out, ignoring him doesn't help. That's a fact. 931 00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:13,319 Speaker 1: These were some good listening letters today, I think so 932 00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:14,759 Speaker 1: if you like to be featured as one of our 933 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,359 Speaker 1: listener let us email us at dead as Advice at 934 00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,600 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Should I spell it today? That's D 935 00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,200 Speaker 1: E A D A S S A D V I 936 00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:25,719 Speaker 1: C E at gmail dot com. Did I do it good? 937 00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:27,560 Speaker 1: You did I? You did? Our minds be better? You 938 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:29,040 Speaker 1: gotta have more. You gotta have the D E A 939 00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,920 Speaker 1: D A S S. You know you work on it though, 940 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,520 Speaker 1: you know it's the right. We change it up today 941 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,040 Speaker 1: for you all little bit. You know I wasn't jump 942 00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:37,560 Speaker 1: in the gun now all right, So time for the mom. 943 00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:40,160 Speaker 1: Oh here should go with the mom for her freaking acronyms. 944 00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:46,799 Speaker 1: Don't start calling it my cute. What the thing is? 945 00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:51,040 Speaker 1: We were using the palm pull out methods and now 946 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,919 Speaker 1: we got one on the way. So the palm didn't work, 947 00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,719 Speaker 1: not a mom didn't work. But technically we didn't use 948 00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:59,200 Speaker 1: the palm that night because the blue Light special I 949 00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,279 Speaker 1: was in there and there was no problem at that. 950 00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:07,120 Speaker 1: But this baby makes this entrance. We're gonna talk about 951 00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:16,520 Speaker 1: the s d B baby. Snip them ball snip them 952 00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:21,319 Speaker 1: balls them. Yep. I did see another episode and if 953 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:25,680 Speaker 1: you have another baby, I would consider consider don't even 954 00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:29,319 Speaker 1: start with that. I would consider start to tow the line. Bro. 955 00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:37,520 Speaker 1: He's starting to get more than sickness now thinking about 956 00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:42,960 Speaker 1: it knowing the truth to I think we should. We 957 00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:46,279 Speaker 1: should let y'all know, um, because I'm sure people are 958 00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:47,680 Speaker 1: gonna ask, are we going to find out where the 959 00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:52,600 Speaker 1: baby is? We're not. We're not going to find out. 960 00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,319 Speaker 1: We're gonna wait till we're gonna We're gonna find out 961 00:50:55,360 --> 00:51:00,000 Speaker 1: when that baby comes makes their entrance. And I think 962 00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,520 Speaker 1: gets more exciting that way. As much as I'm like 963 00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,200 Speaker 1: like itching and dying to know, um, we're gonna wait. 964 00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,400 Speaker 1: Can the truth because my moment of truth since we 965 00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:14,319 Speaker 1: brought that up. As much as I've been saying I 966 00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:17,480 Speaker 1: want a daughter, I really just don't care. I'm excited 967 00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:19,600 Speaker 1: to have a baby. I can't wait till the baby 968 00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:23,080 Speaker 1: gets here because I know if I have a girl, 969 00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:25,400 Speaker 1: she's gonna be my princess. She's gonna sit on my shoulder, 970 00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:27,200 Speaker 1: and it's gonna be me and her against the world, 971 00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,480 Speaker 1: and then you're gonna be jealous and all that. But 972 00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:31,840 Speaker 1: if I have another boy, I'm gonna thrown with the 973 00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:36,080 Speaker 1: wolves over there there, let's go, and I'm just have 974 00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:38,600 Speaker 1: a pack of four boys behind me. I think that 975 00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:40,719 Speaker 1: would be kind of dope. I'm envisioning. Okay, say we 976 00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:42,640 Speaker 1: were to have another board, right, can you imagine like 977 00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:46,480 Speaker 1: me with like just four just like grown handsome young men, 978 00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:49,120 Speaker 1: just like two on this side, two on that side. 979 00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:51,640 Speaker 1: That would be so dope, And then of course many 980 00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:56,920 Speaker 1: would be amazing too. We're playing with house money. Are 981 00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:58,920 Speaker 1: all playing with house money. And we thank you all 982 00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:02,080 Speaker 1: for all the world wishes and everything because we announced 983 00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:03,920 Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, so we appreciate you all. 984 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,680 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Like y'all gonna help me get 985 00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:09,839 Speaker 1: through this race. Car crying and all, okay, because it's 986 00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:11,960 Speaker 1: been it's been a roller coaster, but I'm excited. I'm 987 00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,880 Speaker 1: looking forward to it, and we're just praying for a happy, 988 00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:20,560 Speaker 1: healthy baby, a safe pregnancy um and a smooth, pain 989 00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:25,239 Speaker 1: free delivery. So that's your moment of truth. That's what 990 00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,440 Speaker 1: I'm praying for, that's what I'm manifesting. So well, that's 991 00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:29,600 Speaker 1: gonna happen, and we're happy to take you all along 992 00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,120 Speaker 1: with us for the journey. So thank you so much. 993 00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,920 Speaker 1: So this is the last, This is the last episode 994 00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:37,520 Speaker 1: for the so we're gonna be on a two month 995 00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:42,759 Speaker 1: hiatus while Kadan gets through this second trimester. This is 996 00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,719 Speaker 1: typically the good trimester. Typically, I'm still waiting for the 997 00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:47,719 Speaker 1: morning sign. Make sure you catch up on all the 998 00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:51,040 Speaker 1: episodes season six. You already know we're gonna take you 999 00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:52,759 Speaker 1: out through all of the stories in the Journey of 1000 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:57,120 Speaker 1: Pregnancy in season six. So we'll see y'all in two months. Absolutely, 1001 00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:00,000 Speaker 1: And in the meantime, if you're looking for some Ellis content, yeah, 1002 00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,480 Speaker 1: be sure to follow us on social media at dead 1003 00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,160 Speaker 1: as the podcast as d E A D A S 1004 00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:08,000 Speaker 1: S T H E p O D C A S 1005 00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:11,360 Speaker 1: T and who are you, I am and I am devoured, 1006 00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,919 Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, 1007 00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:18,120 Speaker 1: review and subscribe absolutely. Oh and catch us on YouTube 1008 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:22,400 Speaker 1: stories there too. On thess is follow our our pregnancy 1009 00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:26,960 Speaker 1: journey on YouTube, will be documenting all the way I 1010 00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,320 Speaker 1: love y'all Jorda song. Thank you so much for listening 1011 00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:33,600 Speaker 1: this season, Yes, and we'll see you in season six four. 1012 00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:37,440 Speaker 1: Baby Dead as dead Ass is a production of I 1013 00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,640 Speaker 1: Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Noorapinia 1014 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,080 Speaker 1: and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead 1015 00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:46,000 Speaker 1: as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing