WEBVTT - Ryan & Lana - Abstinence

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<v Speaker 1>First Date follow Up powered by the Advocates Injury Attorneys

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<v Speaker 1>online at Advocateslaw dot com.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan is on the phone today for our first Date

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<v Speaker 2>follow up. He's getting ghosted by a woman named Lena,

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<v Speaker 2>and in a few minutes we're gonna call her seems

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<v Speaker 2>to tell us why she's ghosting him and maybe get

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<v Speaker 2>him another date. But first, Ryan, how long has it

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<v Speaker 2>been since you heard from her?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, it's been like a couple of weeks.

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<v Speaker 4>That's definitely a ghosting.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So how many times have you reached out to

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<v Speaker 1>her in that time?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, just a few times. I don't like to

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<v Speaker 3>like text too much, you know what I mean? Like

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<v Speaker 3>you like, I think three times I text her and

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, yeah, that's I'm not doing any more than that.

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<v Speaker 1>So what do you Let's go back to the date then, like,

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<v Speaker 1>how did you guys meet? What happened on the date?

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<v Speaker 3>So we met on Hinge and then I felt like

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<v Speaker 3>a really good connection. We both love concerts and like

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<v Speaker 3>new adventures and trying new things, traveling stuff like that,

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<v Speaker 3>and like she's very witty and she's very interesting. She's beautiful.

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<v Speaker 3>So we went to a burger spot on the water nice. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, it was a lot of fun. Like it

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<v Speaker 3>was nice and like kind of outside kind of area.

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<v Speaker 3>We were having some drinks, you know, just talking, and

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<v Speaker 3>afterwards we went and walked around and like kind of

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<v Speaker 3>took in the scenery and we you know, we had

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<v Speaker 3>a really great kiss. And it was just like, I

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<v Speaker 3>don't understand why she goes to me because it felt

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<v Speaker 3>so romantic and like idealized, you know. I mean maybe

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<v Speaker 3>some people would think it's cheesy.

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<v Speaker 5>I don't know, but that's.

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<v Speaker 3>What I was looking for.

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<v Speaker 1>But it sounds romantic actually, So after all this time,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, she's ghosting you two weeks later, the date

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<v Speaker 1>sounds great, But what is it about her that makes

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<v Speaker 1>you want to see her now?

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<v Speaker 3>You know? I just felt like I had a real connection.

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<v Speaker 3>We were like kind of similar goals. We both want

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<v Speaker 3>to travel. I just felt like we we went well together.

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<v Speaker 1>Did something happen on the date at all that may

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<v Speaker 1>have made it go in a different direction?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I will say, you know something kind of not

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<v Speaker 3>popular now is I have made a decision recently to

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<v Speaker 3>abstained from sex until marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, and you told her this.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, yes I did, And this is new.

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<v Speaker 2>You have I'm always heard okay, okay, right, and you

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<v Speaker 2>think maybe she had a problem with that because she's

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<v Speaker 2>like I need you right now.

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<v Speaker 4>Ryan.

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<v Speaker 3>It's you know, it's possible because like I don't think

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<v Speaker 3>that's the thing that's common now, Like, you know, some

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<v Speaker 3>people do it, but it's like, especially you know here,

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<v Speaker 3>like I don't feel like that's one of those things

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<v Speaker 3>that people do anymore. But the reason why I kind

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<v Speaker 3>of went that direction is, you know, I slept around

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<v Speaker 3>and it felt empty, and it felt like I was

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<v Speaker 3>just kind of using girls for their body and I

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<v Speaker 3>wasn't connecting right, you know, And it's one of those

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<v Speaker 3>things after a while, you're like, gosh, like what do

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<v Speaker 3>I really want? So, you know, I asked myself when

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, I want somebody that I could build

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<v Speaker 3>a future with, and I feel like Lana has that potential.

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, I can respect that.

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<v Speaker 2>My last breakup, I decided that I wasn't going to

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<v Speaker 2>give myself to anybody unless I thought that their energy

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<v Speaker 2>was good, you know, or that like I wasn't necessarily

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<v Speaker 2>a marriage thing, but it was kind of the same thing,

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<v Speaker 2>but it was more about I don't want to like

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<v Speaker 2>mix my energy with bad energy, you know, because I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like it does. I feel like you know you

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<v Speaker 2>do do it does somehow become a part of you. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>you exchanged more than just what you can see. That

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<v Speaker 2>energy is also exchanged between the two of you. So fair, fair,

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<v Speaker 2>for fair points for both of you. Look at you, guys.

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<v Speaker 4>Thank you, because that's for sure. I'm maturing Ryan.

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<v Speaker 1>Everybody connection too.

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<v Speaker 4>So why do you think she's using you?

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<v Speaker 6>Then?

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<v Speaker 3>I think, you know, I just don't know if she

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<v Speaker 3>was comfortable with that. I mean, that's my thought, but like,

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know for sure because everything else went pretty well.

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<v Speaker 3>But when I said that, she she didn't have a

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<v Speaker 3>bad reaction, but it was just kind of like she

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<v Speaker 3>tend stuff a little bit, you know, and then it

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<v Speaker 3>kind of like pad a moment passed. So I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>I guess it's fine.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll see if we can figure it out for you,

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<v Speaker 2>and we'll plays song come back and then call her

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<v Speaker 2>and see if she'll tell us why she's ghosting you

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<v Speaker 2>and maybe get you another date. Okay, Okay, sounds great,

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<v Speaker 2>All right, man, pleas I'll come back get your first

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<v Speaker 2>day follow up next. Right in the middle of the

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<v Speaker 2>first day follow up and if you're just joining us.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan is on the phone. He's getting ghosted by Lana,

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<v Speaker 2>and in a minute we're gonna call her see if

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<v Speaker 2>she tells us why she's ghosting him and maybe get

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<v Speaker 2>him another date. But first, Ryan, why don't you recap

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<v Speaker 2>to everybody your situation.

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<v Speaker 3>So I met Lana on Hinge. We connected really quickly.

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<v Speaker 3>I felt like a good connection with her loss of

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<v Speaker 3>similar andrest. We went to a burger spot on the water,

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<v Speaker 3>had a bunch of cocktails and had a lot of fun,

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<v Speaker 3>and we went for a walk.

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<v Speaker 5>We kissed.

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<v Speaker 3>Everything seemed perfect, But I feel like, maybe because I

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<v Speaker 3>want to stain from sex until marriage because of my past,

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<v Speaker 3>that she might be ghosting me.

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, are you ready for us to call her?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 4>Here we go. Hello, Hi, man, I speak to Alana. Please.

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<v Speaker 4>This is Lana.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi Lana, how are you? My name is Jubel and

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<v Speaker 2>I host a radio show. It's called The Jewbell Show.

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Lana, the whole show's here. I'm Nina. Hi, I'm Victoria.

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<v Speaker 3>How are you hid?

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<v Speaker 5>Thank you?

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<v Speaker 4>Have you ever heard the show before?

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<v Speaker 3>I have not.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'll let you know something. We do a segment

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<v Speaker 2>on our show. It's called the first date follow up.

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<v Speaker 2>What that is is if you go out on a

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<v Speaker 2>date with somebody and then you ghost them, that person

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<v Speaker 2>can email us to get you on the phone and

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<v Speaker 2>ask why you're ghosting them.

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<v Speaker 4>So we got an email about you.

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<v Speaker 6>Oh and this is from Ryan.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yes, it is Wowway.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes people say another name, so we know they're ghosting

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<v Speaker 2>multiple people. But you're obviously just ghosting Ryan right now.

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<v Speaker 5>Uh.

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<v Speaker 6>I would say that I have not exactly been ghosting Ryan.

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<v Speaker 5>That wasn't my intention. I was taking time to process

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<v Speaker 5>what he told me. At the end of our date.

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<v Speaker 6>Ryan said that he is waiting until marriage, and that

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<v Speaker 6>is not something that I've ever done in a relationship.

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<v Speaker 6>I have always had intimacy with all of my partners

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<v Speaker 6>and it's a really big part of a relationship for me.

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<v Speaker 5>So it was not my.

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<v Speaker 6>Intention to completely ghost Ryan. I really was trying to

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<v Speaker 6>take time to think about if this could be something

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<v Speaker 6>that would work for me. I had such a good time. Yes,

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<v Speaker 6>it was so magical, and he's such a spiritual guy

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<v Speaker 6>and we really connected. I felt like he was really

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<v Speaker 6>seeing me. But I'm afraid that if we get into

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<v Speaker 6>this relationship without you know, the intimacy that I'm usual

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<v Speaker 6>will one, this sounds bad, but what if we're not

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<v Speaker 6>good together physically and we find out too late?

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<v Speaker 1>That's fair.

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<v Speaker 6>And another thing that I have been thinking about is

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<v Speaker 6>what if it becomes something that gives me, you know,

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<v Speaker 6>reason to stray, our thoughts to stray because I am

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<v Speaker 6>a sexual person.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so you're processing a lot of different things.

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<v Speaker 5>Yes, absolutely, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Could understand that. Yeah, I mean, it's not something that

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<v Speaker 1>you hear all the time, and especially if that's a

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<v Speaker 1>way that you connect and share yourself with another person.

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<v Speaker 1>And then that's a lot of pressure too, right because

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, wait a second, so we're doing this, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna get excited and want to unwrap the present, but

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<v Speaker 1>I can't marry you.

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<v Speaker 2>So what if we could convince Ryan to sleep with

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<v Speaker 2>you before you're married? Would you swallow with him again?

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<v Speaker 1>But would you?

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<v Speaker 6>I would love to sleep with Ryan, But if this

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<v Speaker 6>is a boundary that he is setting I and I

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<v Speaker 6>were to get into a relationship with him, I would

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<v Speaker 6>I would want to respect that. I would not once

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<v Speaker 6>I am in the relationship, I would not. I would

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<v Speaker 6>have given up any plans to sleep with Ryan.

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<v Speaker 4>What if we could convince him to go back on

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<v Speaker 4>his morals. Though, well, she's.

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<v Speaker 1>Respecting his boundaries, maybe you should respect his boundaries.

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<v Speaker 2>I'll respect his boundaries for now. Lona Ryan is actually

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<v Speaker 2>on the phone listening and wants to talk to you.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh hi Ryan.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I know it's probably like the most awkward way

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<v Speaker 3>we could meet again. But I want to say, first

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<v Speaker 3>of all, I respect that, like you respect my boundaries.

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<v Speaker 3>It was nice to hear that without you knowing I

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<v Speaker 3>was there, because like that, that proves to me that

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<v Speaker 3>if we can make it work, that this could work.

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<v Speaker 3>But I just want to say, like for me, I

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<v Speaker 3>don't see intimacy as just there's physical, emotional, mental intimacy

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<v Speaker 3>that can be built. Like you know, we can have

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<v Speaker 3>days where we just cuddle. Is to lass, like all

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<v Speaker 3>that's on the table still, I'm just not trying to

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<v Speaker 3>take it all the way.

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<v Speaker 1>So like where do you draw the line?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I think that's something that we have to discuss, right.

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<v Speaker 6>I respect that, and that does make me excited to

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<v Speaker 6>hear that you have interest in being intimate with me.

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<v Speaker 6>I am My biggest concern is still I just am

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<v Speaker 6>really concerned of.

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<v Speaker 5>Straying and that's not your fault, not your fault at all.

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<v Speaker 6>That's something that I need to decide and you know,

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<v Speaker 6>make a plan with my morals that I will not

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<v Speaker 6>you know, if we were to be in a relationship together,

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<v Speaker 6>that I will not feel that I'm not getting what

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<v Speaker 6>I need and then look for what I need elsewhere.

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<v Speaker 3>I think I can find ways to take care of

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<v Speaker 3>what you need.

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<v Speaker 4>At least sort Ryan.

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<v Speaker 2>Not that I'm trying to get you to rethink the

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<v Speaker 2>promise that you made to yourself, but I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 2>get you to rethink it. When I decided to do

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<v Speaker 2>this similar thing, I didn't make it about marriage because

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like you should really get to know somebody

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<v Speaker 2>for it, and it can be a long time before marriage,

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<v Speaker 2>so that's a long time not doing it. But me

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<v Speaker 2>and my therapist came up with I will not give

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<v Speaker 2>myself to anybody until I know I have a secure

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<v Speaker 2>connection with them.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I think that's fair. I think that's a healthy

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<v Speaker 3>way of taking of the two.

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<v Speaker 2>So, because does it have to be like a ring

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<v Speaker 2>and a ceremony and all that for Ryan to get

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<v Speaker 2>it out?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, I don't think it has to, but there definitely

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<v Speaker 3>has to be that line where it's like, I know

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<v Speaker 3>I'm building a future with you at the very least.

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<v Speaker 1>I think there's a lot of talk that we're getting

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<v Speaker 1>ahead of ourselves here a little bit. You guys like

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<v Speaker 1>each other, and I think there's definitely stuff that you

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<v Speaker 1>guys can explore to even see if you're gonna make

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<v Speaker 1>it all that way. People just tell me not to

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<v Speaker 1>get ahead of myself, and I feel like we're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>ahead of our selves here too, So I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>that there's a possibility of you getting your needs met

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<v Speaker 1>in a certain way. Lana, and Ryan, you know you're

0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:09.559
<v Speaker 1>open to exploring that stuff too. I don't see any problems.

0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:11.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I think that will work.

0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:15.400
<v Speaker 5>I do think that it may be cheesy, but I

0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:16.000
<v Speaker 5>think that it.

0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:19.359
<v Speaker 6>Is very sweet that you brought me on the radio

0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.280
<v Speaker 6>to call me for a second date. I think that

0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:28.640
<v Speaker 6>is very romantic and I'm willing to try it. I

0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.199
<v Speaker 6>think that we have such a good connection.

0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:33.520
<v Speaker 2>Solana, you'll go out with Ryan again. We'll pay for it.

0:11:34.200 --> 0:11:34.720
<v Speaker 5>I will.

0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:38.760
<v Speaker 3>I would love to see you again. Ryan. Awesome, that's great.

0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:42.160
<v Speaker 3>I'm glad to hear that. It's like, it's I'm so excited,

0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:42.440
<v Speaker 3>you know.

0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:43.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you guys are cute.

0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:47.720
<v Speaker 5>I'm excited too, me too.

0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:51.880
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. Congratulations, Ryan, you did it. You got another date.

0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:59.200
<v Speaker 3>Double's First Date follow up