WEBVTT - Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:04.960 Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.840 my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:12.160 experience on Purpose in person. Join me in a city 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:17.240 near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:20.439 could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:25.079 or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:29.159 spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.400 meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:36.040 for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.360 meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.520 Head to Jaysheddy dot me forward slash Tour and get 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:48.519 yours today. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Today's 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:52.920 episode is a little different because instead of hosting, I'm 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:56.800 the guest. I joined Tinks on her show Office Hours 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:00.040 for a deep and insightful conversation where I am and 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:04.880 says some of the most thought provoking questions about relationships, dating, 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:08.839 and the stresses of life. I always love these conversations 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:12.120 because I feel like the questions that she's asking me 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:14.080 are what some of you are asking me. It's what 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:16.720 you're worried about. It's what you're thinking about. So, if 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:19.440 you're struggling with dating right now, if you're struggling with 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:21.800 your relationships right now, if you're struggling with a breakup, 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.720 this episode is for you. If you're navigating a big 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:29.960 life decision, a big life transition, feeling overwhelmed with the 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:33.720 news and what's happening around you, this episode is for you. 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:37.600 I hope you enjoy it. The number one health and wellness. 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:45.840 Podcast, Jay Sheetty, Jay Sheetty Shetty, Welcome to office hours. 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:46.960 It's so nice to have you on. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:48.840 Thanks for having me. I'm so grateful to be here. 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:52.360 This is so exciting. God, I love Calm. I have 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:55.240 to say I love that app, even though I'm not 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:58.000 a meditator. Will get into that later. I have to 0:01:58.040 --> 0:01:59.760 say that app is like one of the most used 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:02.080 on my phone. How has that experience been for you? 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:04.920 That makes me so happy? Yeah. I joined Calm as 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:08.200 their Chief purpose Officer three years ago now, and it 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.440 all came from this beautiful friendship I had with the 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:13.959 founders of Calm so Michael Acton Smith and Alex They 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:16.959 both founded the app, and we kept hearing from both 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:19.120 our worlds that I should connect with them, and they 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:21.280 were hearing that they should connected with me, and we 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:24.680 got together and it's been incredible to record a seven 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:28.400 minute meditation five days a week, every week for the 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:31.120 last three years. Wow. And so if someone wants to 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:34.079 build a meditation practice, there's seven minutes a day set 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:35.280 up for you every single day. 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.800 That's so cool. That's pretty fazing. Do you do you 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:40.639 are you sort of like a consultant as well for them? 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:41.920 Do they bounce ideas off of you? 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:46.600 Yeah, we'll discuss everything from what we're expanding with, how 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:50.040 the brain's looking and looking at health right now. We've 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.760 been have so many amazing conversations. I'm so proud of. 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:54.960 I mean, what we've been able to create together, but 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:58.120 what they've done, because it's really showed us how meditation 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.920 can be stories, can be walks, and can be practicing 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:03.720 so true. And that's what I loved. I didn't want 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.640 people to have this limited view of what meditation was. 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:08.880 I wanted them to have this really practical and live 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:11.280 view of it. I know, it's incredible to see that. 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:14.760 It's funny that you say that, because I'm someone who's like, 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:16.360 you know, when you have a pet and you have 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.400 to put their medicine in peanut butter to get them 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:19.080 to eat the pelt. 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:19.520 Like that's me. 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:22.760 With meditation, I'm like, I don't meditate, you know, I 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:25.960 don't meditate. It's too hard for me. But with Calm, 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:28.320 I actually am able to I do it because that's 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:31.560 what meditating is. It's you know, breath work and thinking 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:33.240 about you know, clearing your mind. 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:36.280 But I really need the Call app. So that's so interesting. 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.720 We can actually dive in right there, Like, what do 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:42.440 you recommend for someone who is stuck with meditation aside 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.440 from Calm, or talk about a little bit more about 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.800 Calm who thinks that meditation simply won't work for them, 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:48.720 Because I guess that's. 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:48.960 Kind of me. 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:51.640 I mean, I do Calm. I use the I like 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.320 the sleep going to Sleep ones. Every single night. I 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:56.680 listen to it and if I'm anxious on the plane, 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:58.880 I listened. There's a lot of great short ones on 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:03.920 the app for someone who wants to really get into meditation, 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:04.640 who feels stuck. 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:05.320 What would you say? 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:06.960 Yeah, I find it so funny when people come up 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:08.360 to me and they're like, you put me to bed 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:10.600 every night, And I love that feeling. Yeah, yeah, it's 0:04:10.600 --> 0:04:13.560 such a nice feeling and having that intimate space with someone. 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:16.240 But for anyone who's struggling with meditation, the first thing 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:20.960 I'd say is everyone struggles with meditation. It's almost like 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:21.960 trying to work out. 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.479 I feel like you would never I imagine you can 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:29.120 meditate for just like perfectly, and you're so good at it. 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.960 And sometimes I even think about when I see like 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:34.720 you on Instagram or whatever, I'm like, that guy meditates 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.960 so well and I know it, but it's just it's hard. 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.880 It's been nearly twenty years. I better meditate. 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:43.360 Well now, I know, but I just I automatically think 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:44.920 of the to do list. When I try to do 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:46.960 it with no call map, I'm like, oh my god, 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:47.919 I have to call the plumber. 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:49.760 Oh my god, I have to do that, and it's 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:51.560 just so hard to kick into it. 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:55.400 But I really love calm, So maybe it's about marrying 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:55.760 the two. 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:57.719 So I want to I want to share a few things. 0:04:57.760 --> 0:04:59.919 The first thing is that there's three types in that dea. 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:05.520 There's breath work, there's visualization, and there's mantra. And I'll 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.320 explain all three and I was trained in all three 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:10.320 during my time as a monk, and so I love 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:12.840 helping it be a menu for people because I think 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:15.680 sometimes people just don't know where to start. And so 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:18.480 I remember my first day in the monastery in India 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:21.840 and I saw a young monk teaching younger monks how 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.360 to meditate. And so I walked up to this young 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:26.719 monk and asked him, what are you doing and he said, 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:28.720 it's their first day of school. I'm teaching them how 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:31.479 to breathe. And I said okay, And he said what 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:33.320 did you learn on your first day of school? And 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:37.160 I said maybe one, two, three, ABC, I don't know. 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:39.360 And he said, well, here, we teach them how to breathe, 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.039 because the only thing that stays with you from the 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:45.480 moment you're born to the moment you die is your breath. 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:49.560 And he said everything else changes, your family, your friends, 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:52.480 where you live, all of that can change, but the 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:55.200 breath stays with you that whole time. And then he 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:59.560 said to me, what changes when you're happy your breath? 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:03.080 What changes when you're sad your breath? What changes when 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:06.160 you're late your breath? What changes when you're angry? Your breath? 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:09.719 And he said, every emotion in your life is connected 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:12.480 to your breath. So if you learn to master your breath, 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:15.200 you learn to master life. Now he was ten years 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:18.480 old and something like that, like ten eleven years old 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.120 and sharing all this wisdom. And the reason why I 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:23.400 love that story is because you stop looking at meditation 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.560 as this thing you have to do, and you recognize 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:28.760 it's actually a way of living. It's who you are. 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:32.240 You have your breath. And if you look at the 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:37.880 best athletes, the best musicians, the best people out there 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:40.000 in the world doing incredible things, they've all learned to 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.000 master their breath. You can't run for that long without 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:45.320 knowing your breath. You can't play a wind instrument for 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:47.560 that long without mastering your breath. And when you look 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:50.680 at it that way, you recognize we're all athletes. We 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:54.520 all require and demand so much of our bodies. And 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:57.719 so for anyone who's struggling to start with meditation, my 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:02.800 tiny request is just notice how you inhale, and notice 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:05.080 how you exhl. And so if we in hell together 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:09.400 right now, things together, you could probably feel something happening 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:11.920 in your nostrils. You can feel the change of your body. 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:14.720 And the practice I like people to get comfortable with 0:07:15.480 --> 0:07:17.160 is as you're listening to this if you can. Of course, 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.200 if you're driving, don't do this, or if you're on 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:21.600 the treadmill, maybe you don't do this. But place your 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:25.800 left palm on your stomach, and as you breathe in, 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:31.240 feel your stomach come out, and as you breathe out, 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:36.760 feel your stomach go in. As you breathe in, feel 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:42.040 your stomach go out, and as you breathe out, feel 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:48.000 your stomach go in. Now things, were you thinking about 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:49.040 what you're going to eat later? 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:51.360 No, I wasn't think it was. 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:53.880 You went right. And what's beautiful about it is we 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:56.720 use the sense of touch. So we were touching our stomachs. 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.760 We could feel something changing. And I think sometimes we 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:02.200 think meditations in the mind, but what I like to 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:06.880 remind people is that meditation is a very physical, feelable thing. 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:09.680 And so both of us there for a second felt 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:13.760 everything stop, felt everything slowed down, and felt disconnected even 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:15.920 from the space we were in. And so use all 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:18.840 your senses. Light some incense if you like, so that 0:08:18.880 --> 0:08:21.880 the sense of smell is engaged. Hold your stomach, hold 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:24.760 on to something if that helps you feel connected. Don't 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:26.560 feel like you have to do it all in your head. 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:29.040 Yeah. Wow, No, it's so true. 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:31.960 That's my favorite part of the sleeping meditation that I 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:35.280 do it from the call map is like breathing, you know, 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:38.720 then hold and breathe out. And it's crazy, the power 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:41.839 of breath because even just doing those two breaths now 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:44.240 did calm me down, kind of refocus, like I was 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:45.920 running from something. I'm kind of you know, mine's all 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:47.840 over the place as usual, We're all doing a million 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:52.800 things and we don't think about breathing that much and 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.920 we don't focus on it. But it's incredible the power 0:08:56.160 --> 0:09:01.720 of just a few breaths that can transform your moment absolutely. 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:05.680 Our usual experience of life is our mind is moving 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:08.760 fast and our body is sitting still. So true, our 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:11.240 mind is racing from the moment we're up and our 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.760 body is sitting in a chair. And what meditation teaches 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.240 you to do is still your mind so that you 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:20.520 can move your body. Yeah, and that's what we need 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:21.679 to get to. We need to get to a place 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:23.640 where we're moving our bodies still in our mind as 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:27.200 opposed to the other way around. Yeah, and I completely 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.360 agree with you that if anyone I think the best 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.240 time to use it is use it when you feel 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:35.960 like you just rush to jump onto that train, or 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:38.360 when you were just rushing into that uber, or when 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:41.280 you were just rushing into a meeting. Take a second 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:45.080 to just do three deep in heals and excels, and 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.120 all of a sudden, you'll start to gain confidence in it. 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:49.720 I think people think meditation has to be something you 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.880 do outside of your real life. I think about it 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:54.880 completely the opposite. I do it in the back of ubers, 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:57.200 I do it when I'm on trains, I do it 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.120 when I'm running into a meeting and I'm feeling out 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.560 of breath or late. I'm doing it in my life, 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:03.400 and I think that's a great way to start because 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:06.480 it builds your confidence. It gives you some momentum rather 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:09.280 than oh I haven't meditated today. Yes, it's like, no, 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:13.800 I just used breath because my breathing was faster, shallow, 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:19.520 and more random when I was feeling tired, anxious or nervous. Yeah. 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:22.040 No, okay, Well, so maybe I do meditate a little bit, 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:23.880 Because I do. I have been doing that lately. 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:24.240 I do. 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:28.920 I try to do three really just intentional breaths, because 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:33.439 you know, with the phone, our minds are really it's 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:35.480 a lot, like there's this trend on social media right 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:39.280 now where people are like, unfortunately, my brain can no 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.360 longer tell the difference between getting an email and being 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:44.880 chased by a bear. And it's like, I totally feel that, 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.120 you know, and I feel like our nervous systems are 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:48.920 kind of all out of whack. 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:51.200 We're looking at the phone all the time. 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:55.280 We're obsessed with the news updates and everything, and it's like, 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:57.880 and you're right, And usually we're sitting in a car, 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.320 or we're sitting in our desk or whatever, and you 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:02.120 start to freak out, and then you just go, Okay, 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.440 now I'm here. I'm going to do three breaths, and 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:06.680 I'm going to move on on that point. I do 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:09.400 want to ask you, there is just twenty four to 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:13.000 seven news. It's a bombardment, a lot of negativity, and 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:14.680 a lot I know a lot of people in my 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:20.440 community are feeling super super overwhelmed right now. So, aside 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:26.920 from intentional breathing meditation, how would you suggest people dose 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:30.680 themselves on the news or how do you personally filter 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:34.920 the information you receive so that you're informed but you're 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:36.120 not freaking out? 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:41.280 Yeah? I think I read something that said, we're exposed 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:45.839 to more tragedy in twenty four hours today than we 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:49.320 were in our whole lifetime twenty five years ago. That's crazy, 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:51.160 and if you think about that for a second, it 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:56.160 feels true. We consume around thirty four gigabytes of data 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.960 per day. Do you remember when your hard drive wasn't 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.160 even one gigabyte? And when you're looking at that, just 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:04.840 to make it make sense for people, I read an 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:09.080 article that was saying, that's like reading one hundred thousand 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:10.320 words every day. 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:10.880 It's crazy. 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:15.319 It's like watching twenty five episodes of Stranger Things in 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:17.959 one day, just back to back to back. So we're 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:21.600 consuming so much information, and like you said, not all 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:26.319 of its help. A lot of it's news, notifications, negativity, noise, 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:29.200 and I call these the four ends. They put us 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:32.520 into a minus state. Every time a notification comes in, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.360 you're like minus one energy. Negativity comes in minus two energy, 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:39.160 news comes in minus three energy, and the rest of 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:43.400 the day you're literally climbing back up to Zero's actually 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:45.920 how I feel. That's how you feel right. You feel inundated, 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:48.760 and you almost feel buried by these four ends. You 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:52.560 feel buried by notifications, negativity, news and noise. So what 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:55.760 do you do about it? For me? And I know 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:58.760 this sounds bizarre, but it has changed my life and 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:01.320 I have to bring it up. There has to be 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.920 a way that the first five minutes of your day 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:07.160 are not on your phone, okay, And whether that's getting 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:09.480 a hatch, which is what I've been using right next 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:12.280 to my bedside, which has this natural light alarm that 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.520 wakes you up. And again, I hate the word alarm. 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:16.839 Let's just think about this for a second. The only 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.680 time an alarm helps you is when there's a fire 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.600 or and there's something going wrong, which means the fact 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:24.840 that you wake up to an alarm or an alert 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:28.199 means something bad's about to happen. So if your alarm 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.160 tone doesn't fill you with calm or fill you with stillness, 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:34.840 change it. The second thing I'd say is that morning 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:39.040 five minutes, thirty minutes if you can, is so powerful, 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.200 And I'll tell you why. Your brain's just waking up. 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:46.960 You would never let one hundred people into the bedroom 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.880 of your mind, right, Just think about that for a second. 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:53.160 You would never let one hundred people into your bedroom 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:56.640 before you've brushed your teeth, washed your hair, or put 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:59.040 on your makeup. But me and you, all of us, 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.920 let in a one hundred people into the bedroom of 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.920 our mind as soon as we pick up our phone. Now, 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:08.000 all of a sudden, imagine a hundred people, your family, 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:12.160 your friends, your boss, crowded around your bed, yelling things 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:15.080 at you. Did you get that report in? Oh? What 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:17.120 do you think of this picture I'm about to post. 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:20.040 Oh you forgot to wish your uncle a happy birthday? Right, 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.800 whatever it is? And all of a sudden, everyone's yelling 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:26.480 at you, and your days starting on a negative, your 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.560 day starting on being reactive. So what I try and 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:32.560 focus on doing, especially with news, because that's what your 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:37.080 question was about. I believe it's so important that news 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:40.840 doesn't find us. Wow. I think we live in a 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:44.200 world where most of us don't find news or look 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:47.600 for news. News finds us, which means it appears on 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:51.520 our feed. It means we have the news channel on 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:54.560 our television at home or on a screen open on 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:57.720 our laptop without us even wanting it. We don't go 0:14:57.800 --> 0:14:59.960 in search for it. It's just there in the back 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.520 ground of our life. And if news is the background 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:05.200 of your life, tragedy is at the forefront of your life. 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:08.000 That's the first thing you're seeing. And so what I'd 0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:10.960 say to people is be really clear about who you 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:14.120 get your news from, what time of day you feel 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:17.760 comfortable consuming news. When someone tells me their of anxiety, 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.840 the first two questions I asked them is what did 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:23.520 you watch last night? Wow? And when did you last 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.560 consume the news? Those are the telltale signs. They tell 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.120 me they watched a murder mystery last night or something 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:32.000 like that, or some true crime, and then they tell 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:34.600 me they just check the news. So I'm not telling 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.120 you to not be informed. We're trying to save you 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:40.680 from being overwhelmed. So for me, I find the time 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:44.280 I'm best at dealing with the news is three hours 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:47.120 after I've woken up, okay, because that gives me the 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.600 time to set my day up so that I have 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:53.520 a strong foundation and a strong place from which to 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:57.880 process difficult sad, tough, challenging news, as opposed to if 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:01.600 I'm looking at it immediately now, I'm already thinking, gosh, 0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.360 today's going to be the worst day. This is terrible. 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:07.320 Where's everything going. I haven't had a moment and it's 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.600 almost like thinking about it from the perspective of when 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:14.040 do you feel comfortable dealing with something challenging, When do 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:17.640 you feel strong enough to say, Okay, I'm ready to 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:19.800 deal with the day now. And I think for me 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.040 that takes three hours to do it, and I don't 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:23.960 try and do it just before I go to bed either, 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.240 because that's really challenging. So pick who you read your 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.680 news from. Find your news, don't let it find you. 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:33.080 Be really clear about what type of news. Do you 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:35.800 like social media news or do you actually prefer reading 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:38.680 news from a website? And do you like watching the 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:41.320 news on TV? Or are you someone who actually just 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:44.200 wants to read a newsletter. I think it's so important 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:47.760 that we trade and make these choices rather than letting 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:50.200 the news bombards when it wants, how it wants, or 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:51.120 wherever it wants. 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:54.040 That was really helpful practical advice. 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.440 I really like finding the news versus letting it find you, 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:01.560 because I've personally been struggling with that too, and I 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:02.560 really really like that. 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:03.600 And the timing thing. 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:06.680 I'm really bad about the phone first thing in the morning, 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:08.480 and I need to fix that because it's just a 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:10.320 It is such a clear difference when you don't do 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:12.440 the phone first thing, you feel better. 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.120 And you know, we lie to ourselves. 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:18.240 We say, oh, well, maybe something happened overnight that I 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:18.639 need to know. 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:21.440 Nothing happened. Nothing, It's exactly what you said. 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:23.880 It's you forgot to wish your uncle happy birthday, your 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:24.960 boss needs something. 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:27.280 Nothing happened like you would know. 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:30.520 And I think that's a big lie I tell myself, 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:33.280 and I really want to be better about that, and. 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:35.119 We all do that. I empathize with that thing, so like, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.000 I think that's real, especially for those of us who 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:39.800 live away from family, who are not close. And I 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:42.440 know my wife feels that way. Yeah, it's a real thing. 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:44.400 So I want to validate that. I don't think it's 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:47.040 makes you weak or not strong. I think we all 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:50.520 have that. Yeah, And I think the reality is, let's 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.840 find a way of getting that news, that very very 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:56.520 important news. Whether it is you going back to having 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:59.280 a landline, or whether it is you having two separate phones, 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:01.960 one you wake up with near your bed that only 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:05.600 your emergency contact and your family member has access to 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.280 and nothing else is on there. There's ways of doing 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.440 it in a way that protects us and protects the 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:14.239 people we love, so I don't want to invalidate that 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:15.840 feeling because that's real as well. 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:16.920 Totally okay. 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:20.080 So on the topic of morning routines, I feel like 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:23.040 you're a guy who has a very I need to 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:26.080 know in detail the morning routine, like aside from no phone, 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:31.119 walk me through waking up the first hour couple hours. 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:32.879 So I'll walk you through my morning routine and then 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:34.920 I'll break it down into how I think people can 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.560 use it, okay, their life, because I don't think my 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:41.240 morning routine should be a standard, and no one's morning 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:43.440 routine should be a standard. So I wake up around 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:45.720 six am every day. That's my time that I feel 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:49.280 happy and comfortable doing consistently. That's five days a week. 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:51.439 I always look at every routine in my life as 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:53.480 five days a week. I don't believe it has to 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:55.920 apply to my weekends because I feel that there's a 0:18:55.960 --> 0:18:59.800 recovery and rest that's massively needed on a weekend or 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:03.199 whatever your weekend tends to be. So I wake up 0:19:03.200 --> 0:19:07.240 at six am, I'm usually in my meditation room meditating 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:10.560 by six fifteen, and so sixty six fifteen is brushing 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:13.840 my teeth, showering, just getting ready putting on some comfy clothes. 0:19:14.400 --> 0:19:17.239 And for me, the thing that's helped me most in 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:20.320 the morning is I have a little post it note 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:23.760 next to my bed, and I'll put different questions on 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:26.040 it that means something to me. So the first thing 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:27.440 I see in the morning is a question, and the 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:30.000 questions as simple as what are you grateful for today? 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:32.879 Or the question is what are you excited about today? 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:36.840 Or the question is how are you feeling? And what 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:40.040