Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce
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Speaker 1: Head to Jaysheddy dot me forward slash Tour and get
Speaker 1: yours today. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Today's
Speaker 1: episode is a little different because instead of hosting, I'm
Speaker 1: the guest. I joined Tinks on her show Office Hours
Speaker 1: for a deep and insightful conversation where I am and
Speaker 1: says some of the most thought provoking questions about relationships, dating,
Speaker 1: and the stresses of life. I always love these conversations
Speaker 1: because I feel like the questions that she's asking me
Speaker 1: are what some of you are asking me. It's what
Speaker 1: you're worried about. It's what you're thinking about. So, if
Speaker 1: you're struggling with dating right now, if you're struggling with
Speaker 1: your relationships right now, if you're struggling with a breakup,
Speaker 1: this episode is for you. If you're navigating a big
Speaker 1: life decision, a big life transition, feeling overwhelmed with the
Speaker 1: news and what's happening around you, this episode is for you.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy it. The number one health and wellness.
Speaker 2: Podcast, Jay Sheetty, Jay Sheetty Shetty, Welcome to office hours.
Speaker 2: It's so nice to have you on.
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. I'm so grateful to be here.
Speaker 2: This is so exciting. God, I love Calm. I have
Speaker 2: to say I love that app, even though I'm not
Speaker 2: a meditator. Will get into that later. I have to
Speaker 2: say that app is like one of the most used
Speaker 2: on my phone. How has that experience been for you?
Speaker 1: That makes me so happy? Yeah. I joined Calm as
Speaker 1: their Chief purpose Officer three years ago now, and it
Speaker 1: all came from this beautiful friendship I had with the
Speaker 1: founders of Calm so Michael Acton Smith and Alex They
Speaker 1: both founded the app, and we kept hearing from both
Speaker 1: our worlds that I should connect with them, and they
Speaker 1: were hearing that they should connected with me, and we
Speaker 1: got together and it's been incredible to record a seven
Speaker 1: minute meditation five days a week, every week for the
Speaker 1: last three years. Wow. And so if someone wants to
Speaker 1: build a meditation practice, there's seven minutes a day set
Speaker 1: up for you every single day.
Speaker 2: That's so cool. That's pretty fazing. Do you do you
Speaker 2: are you sort of like a consultant as well for them?
Speaker 2: Do they bounce ideas off of you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll discuss everything from what we're expanding with, how
Speaker 1: the brain's looking and looking at health right now. We've
Speaker 1: been have so many amazing conversations. I'm so proud of.
Speaker 1: I mean, what we've been able to create together, but
Speaker 1: what they've done, because it's really showed us how meditation
Speaker 1: can be stories, can be walks, and can be practicing
Speaker 1: so true. And that's what I loved. I didn't want
Speaker 1: people to have this limited view of what meditation was.
Speaker 1: I wanted them to have this really practical and live
Speaker 1: view of it. I know, it's incredible to see that.
Speaker 2: It's funny that you say that, because I'm someone who's like,
Speaker 2: you know, when you have a pet and you have
Speaker 2: to put their medicine in peanut butter to get them
Speaker 2: to eat the pelt.
Speaker 3: Like that's me.
Speaker 2: With meditation, I'm like, I don't meditate, you know, I
Speaker 2: don't meditate. It's too hard for me. But with Calm,
Speaker 2: I actually am able to I do it because that's
Speaker 2: what meditating is. It's you know, breath work and thinking
Speaker 2: about you know, clearing your mind.
Speaker 3: But I really need the Call app. So that's so interesting.
Speaker 2: We can actually dive in right there, Like, what do
Speaker 2: you recommend for someone who is stuck with meditation aside
Speaker 2: from Calm, or talk about a little bit more about
Speaker 2: Calm who thinks that meditation simply won't work for them,
Speaker 2: Because I guess that's.
Speaker 3: Kind of me.
Speaker 2: I mean, I do Calm. I use the I like
Speaker 2: the sleep going to Sleep ones. Every single night. I
Speaker 2: listen to it and if I'm anxious on the plane,
Speaker 2: I listened. There's a lot of great short ones on
Speaker 2: the app for someone who wants to really get into meditation,
Speaker 2: who feels stuck.
Speaker 3: What would you say?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I find it so funny when people come up
Speaker 1: to me and they're like, you put me to bed
Speaker 1: every night, And I love that feeling. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: such a nice feeling and having that intimate space with someone.
Speaker 1: But for anyone who's struggling with meditation, the first thing
Speaker 1: I'd say is everyone struggles with meditation. It's almost like
Speaker 1: trying to work out.
Speaker 2: I feel like you would never I imagine you can
Speaker 2: meditate for just like perfectly, and you're so good at it.
Speaker 2: And sometimes I even think about when I see like
Speaker 2: you on Instagram or whatever, I'm like, that guy meditates
Speaker 2: so well and I know it, but it's just it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's been nearly twenty years. I better meditate.
Speaker 2: Well now, I know, but I just I automatically think
Speaker 2: of the to do list. When I try to do
Speaker 2: it with no call map, I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I have to call the plumber.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I have to do that, and it's
Speaker 3: just so hard to kick into it.
Speaker 2: But I really love calm, So maybe it's about marrying
Speaker 2: the two.
Speaker 1: So I want to I want to share a few things.
Speaker 1: The first thing is that there's three types in that dea.
Speaker 1: There's breath work, there's visualization, and there's mantra. And I'll
Speaker 1: explain all three and I was trained in all three
Speaker 1: during my time as a monk, and so I love
Speaker 1: helping it be a menu for people because I think
Speaker 1: sometimes people just don't know where to start. And so
Speaker 1: I remember my first day in the monastery in India
Speaker 1: and I saw a young monk teaching younger monks how
Speaker 1: to meditate. And so I walked up to this young
Speaker 1: monk and asked him, what are you doing and he said,
Speaker 1: it's their first day of school. I'm teaching them how
Speaker 1: to breathe. And I said okay, And he said what
Speaker 1: did you learn on your first day of school? And
Speaker 1: I said maybe one, two, three, ABC, I don't know.
Speaker 1: And he said, well, here, we teach them how to breathe,
Speaker 1: because the only thing that stays with you from the
Speaker 1: moment you're born to the moment you die is your breath.
Speaker 1: And he said everything else changes, your family, your friends,
Speaker 1: where you live, all of that can change, but the
Speaker 1: breath stays with you that whole time. And then he
Speaker 1: said to me, what changes when you're happy your breath?
Speaker 1: What changes when you're sad your breath? What changes when
Speaker 1: you're late your breath? What changes when you're angry? Your breath?
Speaker 1: And he said, every emotion in your life is connected
Speaker 1: to your breath. So if you learn to master your breath,
Speaker 1: you learn to master life. Now he was ten years
Speaker 1: old and something like that, like ten eleven years old
Speaker 1: and sharing all this wisdom. And the reason why I
Speaker 1: love that story is because you stop looking at meditation
Speaker 1: as this thing you have to do, and you recognize
Speaker 1: it's actually a way of living. It's who you are.
Speaker 1: You have your breath. And if you look at the
Speaker 1: best athletes, the best musicians, the best people out there
Speaker 1: in the world doing incredible things, they've all learned to
Speaker 1: master their breath. You can't run for that long without
Speaker 1: knowing your breath. You can't play a wind instrument for
Speaker 1: that long without mastering your breath. And when you look
Speaker 1: at it that way, you recognize we're all athletes. We
Speaker 1: all require and demand so much of our bodies. And
Speaker 1: so for anyone who's struggling to start with meditation, my
Speaker 1: tiny request is just notice how you inhale, and notice
Speaker 1: how you exhl. And so if we in hell together
Speaker 1: right now, things together, you could probably feel something happening
Speaker 1: in your nostrils. You can feel the change of your body.
Speaker 1: And the practice I like people to get comfortable with
Speaker 1: is as you're listening to this if you can. Of course,
Speaker 1: if you're driving, don't do this, or if you're on
Speaker 1: the treadmill, maybe you don't do this. But place your
Speaker 1: left palm on your stomach, and as you breathe in,
Speaker 1: feel your stomach come out, and as you breathe out,
Speaker 1: feel your stomach go in. As you breathe in, feel
Speaker 1: your stomach go out, and as you breathe out, feel
Speaker 1: your stomach go in. Now things, were you thinking about
Speaker 1: what you're going to eat later?
Speaker 3: No, I wasn't think it was.
Speaker 1: You went right. And what's beautiful about it is we
Speaker 1: use the sense of touch. So we were touching our stomachs.
Speaker 1: We could feel something changing. And I think sometimes we
Speaker 1: think meditations in the mind, but what I like to
Speaker 1: remind people is that meditation is a very physical, feelable thing.
Speaker 1: And so both of us there for a second felt
Speaker 1: everything stop, felt everything slowed down, and felt disconnected even
Speaker 1: from the space we were in. And so use all
Speaker 1: your senses. Light some incense if you like, so that
Speaker 1: the sense of smell is engaged. Hold your stomach, hold
Speaker 1: on to something if that helps you feel connected. Don't
Speaker 1: feel like you have to do it all in your head.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Wow, No, it's so true.
Speaker 2: That's my favorite part of the sleeping meditation that I
Speaker 2: do it from the call map is like breathing, you know,
Speaker 2: then hold and breathe out. And it's crazy, the power
Speaker 2: of breath because even just doing those two breaths now
Speaker 2: did calm me down, kind of refocus, like I was
Speaker 2: running from something. I'm kind of you know, mine's all
Speaker 2: over the place as usual, We're all doing a million
Speaker 2: things and we don't think about breathing that much and
Speaker 2: we don't focus on it. But it's incredible the power
Speaker 2: of just a few breaths that can transform your moment absolutely.
Speaker 1: Our usual experience of life is our mind is moving
Speaker 1: fast and our body is sitting still. So true, our
Speaker 1: mind is racing from the moment we're up and our
Speaker 1: body is sitting in a chair. And what meditation teaches
Speaker 1: you to do is still your mind so that you
Speaker 1: can move your body. Yeah, and that's what we need
Speaker 1: to get to. We need to get to a place
Speaker 1: where we're moving our bodies still in our mind as
Speaker 1: opposed to the other way around. Yeah, and I completely
Speaker 1: agree with you that if anyone I think the best
Speaker 1: time to use it is use it when you feel
Speaker 1: like you just rush to jump onto that train, or
Speaker 1: when you were just rushing into that uber, or when
Speaker 1: you were just rushing into a meeting. Take a second
Speaker 1: to just do three deep in heals and excels, and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you'll start to gain confidence in it.
Speaker 1: I think people think meditation has to be something you
Speaker 1: do outside of your real life. I think about it
Speaker 1: completely the opposite. I do it in the back of ubers,
Speaker 1: I do it when I'm on trains, I do it
Speaker 1: when I'm running into a meeting and I'm feeling out
Speaker 1: of breath or late. I'm doing it in my life,
Speaker 1: and I think that's a great way to start because
Speaker 1: it builds your confidence. It gives you some momentum rather
Speaker 1: than oh I haven't meditated today. Yes, it's like, no,
Speaker 1: I just used breath because my breathing was faster, shallow,
Speaker 1: and more random when I was feeling tired, anxious or nervous. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, okay, Well, so maybe I do meditate a little bit,
Speaker 2: Because I do. I have been doing that lately.
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 2: I try to do three really just intentional breaths, because
Speaker 2: you know, with the phone, our minds are really it's
Speaker 2: a lot, like there's this trend on social media right
Speaker 2: now where people are like, unfortunately, my brain can no
Speaker 2: longer tell the difference between getting an email and being
Speaker 2: chased by a bear. And it's like, I totally feel that,
Speaker 2: you know, and I feel like our nervous systems are
Speaker 2: kind of all out of whack.
Speaker 3: We're looking at the phone all the time.
Speaker 2: We're obsessed with the news updates and everything, and it's like,
Speaker 2: and you're right, And usually we're sitting in a car,
Speaker 2: or we're sitting in our desk or whatever, and you
Speaker 2: start to freak out, and then you just go, Okay,
Speaker 2: now I'm here. I'm going to do three breaths, and
Speaker 2: I'm going to move on on that point. I do
Speaker 2: want to ask you, there is just twenty four to
Speaker 2: seven news. It's a bombardment, a lot of negativity, and
Speaker 2: a lot I know a lot of people in my
Speaker 2: community are feeling super super overwhelmed right now. So, aside
Speaker 2: from intentional breathing meditation, how would you suggest people dose
Speaker 2: themselves on the news or how do you personally filter
Speaker 2: the information you receive so that you're informed but you're
Speaker 2: not freaking out?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I read something that said, we're exposed
Speaker 1: to more tragedy in twenty four hours today than we
Speaker 1: were in our whole lifetime twenty five years ago. That's crazy,
Speaker 1: and if you think about that for a second, it
Speaker 1: feels true. We consume around thirty four gigabytes of data
Speaker 1: per day. Do you remember when your hard drive wasn't
Speaker 1: even one gigabyte? And when you're looking at that, just
Speaker 1: to make it make sense for people, I read an
Speaker 1: article that was saying, that's like reading one hundred thousand
Speaker 1: words every day.
Speaker 3: It's crazy.
Speaker 1: It's like watching twenty five episodes of Stranger Things in
Speaker 1: one day, just back to back to back. So we're
Speaker 1: consuming so much information, and like you said, not all
Speaker 1: of its help. A lot of it's news, notifications, negativity, noise,
Speaker 1: and I call these the four ends. They put us
Speaker 1: into a minus state. Every time a notification comes in,
Speaker 1: you're like minus one energy. Negativity comes in minus two energy,
Speaker 1: news comes in minus three energy, and the rest of
Speaker 1: the day you're literally climbing back up to Zero's actually
Speaker 1: how I feel. That's how you feel right. You feel inundated,
Speaker 1: and you almost feel buried by these four ends. You
Speaker 1: feel buried by notifications, negativity, news and noise. So what
Speaker 1: do you do about it? For me? And I know
Speaker 1: this sounds bizarre, but it has changed my life and
Speaker 1: I have to bring it up. There has to be
Speaker 1: a way that the first five minutes of your day
Speaker 1: are not on your phone, okay, And whether that's getting
Speaker 1: a hatch, which is what I've been using right next
Speaker 1: to my bedside, which has this natural light alarm that
Speaker 1: wakes you up. And again, I hate the word alarm.
Speaker 1: Let's just think about this for a second. The only
Speaker 1: time an alarm helps you is when there's a fire
Speaker 1: or and there's something going wrong, which means the fact
Speaker 1: that you wake up to an alarm or an alert
Speaker 1: means something bad's about to happen. So if your alarm
Speaker 1: tone doesn't fill you with calm or fill you with stillness,
Speaker 1: change it. The second thing I'd say is that morning
Speaker 1: five minutes, thirty minutes if you can, is so powerful,
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you why. Your brain's just waking up.
Speaker 1: You would never let one hundred people into the bedroom
Speaker 1: of your mind, right, Just think about that for a second.
Speaker 1: You would never let one hundred people into your bedroom
Speaker 1: before you've brushed your teeth, washed your hair, or put
Speaker 1: on your makeup. But me and you, all of us,
Speaker 1: let in a one hundred people into the bedroom of
Speaker 1: our mind as soon as we pick up our phone. Now,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, imagine a hundred people, your family,
Speaker 1: your friends, your boss, crowded around your bed, yelling things
Speaker 1: at you. Did you get that report in? Oh? What
Speaker 1: do you think of this picture I'm about to post.
Speaker 1: Oh you forgot to wish your uncle a happy birthday? Right,
Speaker 1: whatever it is? And all of a sudden, everyone's yelling
Speaker 1: at you, and your days starting on a negative, your
Speaker 1: day starting on being reactive. So what I try and
Speaker 1: focus on doing, especially with news, because that's what your
Speaker 1: question was about. I believe it's so important that news
Speaker 1: doesn't find us. Wow. I think we live in a
Speaker 1: world where most of us don't find news or look
Speaker 1: for news. News finds us, which means it appears on
Speaker 1: our feed. It means we have the news channel on
Speaker 1: our television at home or on a screen open on
Speaker 1: our laptop without us even wanting it. We don't go
Speaker 1: in search for it. It's just there in the back
Speaker 1: ground of our life. And if news is the background
Speaker 1: of your life, tragedy is at the forefront of your life.
Speaker 1: That's the first thing you're seeing. And so what I'd
Speaker 1: say to people is be really clear about who you
Speaker 1: get your news from, what time of day you feel
Speaker 1: comfortable consuming news. When someone tells me their of anxiety,
Speaker 1: the first two questions I asked them is what did
Speaker 1: you watch last night? Wow? And when did you last
Speaker 1: consume the news? Those are the telltale signs. They tell
Speaker 1: me they watched a murder mystery last night or something
Speaker 1: like that, or some true crime, and then they tell
Speaker 1: me they just check the news. So I'm not telling
Speaker 1: you to not be informed. We're trying to save you
Speaker 1: from being overwhelmed. So for me, I find the time
Speaker 1: I'm best at dealing with the news is three hours
Speaker 1: after I've woken up, okay, because that gives me the
Speaker 1: time to set my day up so that I have
Speaker 1: a strong foundation and a strong place from which to
Speaker 1: process difficult sad, tough, challenging news, as opposed to if
Speaker 1: I'm looking at it immediately now, I'm already thinking, gosh,
Speaker 1: today's going to be the worst day. This is terrible.
Speaker 1: Where's everything going. I haven't had a moment and it's
Speaker 1: almost like thinking about it from the perspective of when
Speaker 1: do you feel comfortable dealing with something challenging, When do
Speaker 1: you feel strong enough to say, Okay, I'm ready to
Speaker 1: deal with the day now. And I think for me
Speaker 1: that takes three hours to do it, and I don't
Speaker 1: try and do it just before I go to bed either,
Speaker 1: because that's really challenging. So pick who you read your
Speaker 1: news from. Find your news, don't let it find you.
Speaker 1: Be really clear about what type of news. Do you
Speaker 1: like social media news or do you actually prefer reading
Speaker 1: news from a website? And do you like watching the
Speaker 1: news on TV? Or are you someone who actually just
Speaker 1: wants to read a newsletter. I think it's so important
Speaker 1: that we trade and make these choices rather than letting
Speaker 1: the news bombards when it wants, how it wants, or
Speaker 1: wherever it wants.
Speaker 3: That was really helpful practical advice.
Speaker 2: I really like finding the news versus letting it find you,
Speaker 2: because I've personally been struggling with that too, and I
Speaker 2: really really like that.
Speaker 3: And the timing thing.
Speaker 2: I'm really bad about the phone first thing in the morning,
Speaker 2: and I need to fix that because it's just a
Speaker 2: It is such a clear difference when you don't do
Speaker 2: the phone first thing, you feel better.
Speaker 3: And you know, we lie to ourselves.
Speaker 2: We say, oh, well, maybe something happened overnight that I
Speaker 2: need to know.
Speaker 3: Nothing happened. Nothing, It's exactly what you said.
Speaker 2: It's you forgot to wish your uncle happy birthday, your
Speaker 2: boss needs something.
Speaker 3: Nothing happened like you would know.
Speaker 2: And I think that's a big lie I tell myself,
Speaker 2: and I really want to be better about that, and.
Speaker 1: We all do that. I empathize with that thing, so like,
Speaker 1: I think that's real, especially for those of us who
Speaker 1: live away from family, who are not close. And I
Speaker 1: know my wife feels that way. Yeah, it's a real thing.
Speaker 1: So I want to validate that. I don't think it's
Speaker 1: makes you weak or not strong. I think we all
Speaker 1: have that. Yeah, And I think the reality is, let's
Speaker 1: find a way of getting that news, that very very
Speaker 1: important news. Whether it is you going back to having
Speaker 1: a landline, or whether it is you having two separate phones,
Speaker 1: one you wake up with near your bed that only
Speaker 1: your emergency contact and your family member has access to
Speaker 1: and nothing else is on there. There's ways of doing
Speaker 1: it in a way that protects us and protects the
Speaker 1: people we love, so I don't want to invalidate that
Speaker 1: feeling because that's real as well.
Speaker 3: Totally okay.
Speaker 2: So on the topic of morning routines, I feel like
Speaker 2: you're a guy who has a very I need to
Speaker 2: know in detail the morning routine, like aside from no phone,
Speaker 2: walk me through waking up the first hour couple hours.
Speaker 1: So I'll walk you through my morning routine and then
Speaker 1: I'll break it down into how I think people can
Speaker 1: use it, okay, their life, because I don't think my
Speaker 1: morning routine should be a standard, and no one's morning
Speaker 1: routine should be a standard. So I wake up around
Speaker 1: six am every day. That's my time that I feel
Speaker 1: happy and comfortable doing consistently. That's five days a week.
Speaker 1: I always look at every routine in my life as
Speaker 1: five days a week. I don't believe it has to
Speaker 1: apply to my weekends because I feel that there's a
Speaker 1: recovery and rest that's massively needed on a weekend or
Speaker 1: whatever your weekend tends to be. So I wake up
Speaker 1: at six am, I'm usually in my meditation room meditating
Speaker 1: by six fifteen, and so sixty six fifteen is brushing
Speaker 1: my teeth, showering, just getting ready putting on some comfy clothes.
Speaker 1: And for me, the thing that's helped me most in
Speaker 1: the morning is I have a little post it note
Speaker 1: next to my bed, and I'll put different questions on
Speaker 1: it that means something to me. So the first thing
Speaker 1: I see in the morning is a question, and the
Speaker 1: questions as simple as what are you grateful for today?
Speaker 1: Or the question is what are you excited about today?
Speaker 1: Or the question is how are you feeling? And what
Speaker 1: I find is those questions allow me to start off
Speaker 1: the day proactively about me rather than reactively to everything
Speaker 1: I have to do. And so those post it notes
Speaker 1: remind me to be before I do anything. Who do
Speaker 1: I want to be? What is my being about today?
Speaker 1: The question could say who what are you hoping to
Speaker 1: channel today? And I can say love or kindness, whatever
Speaker 1: it may be, And all of a sudden, I'm set
Speaker 1: for the day. And then I'll put on some It
Speaker 1: could be bird sounds, it could be Montra music, it
Speaker 1: could be something that's super calming, almost like spa music,
Speaker 1: Like I'll be literally getting ready to that, and then
Speaker 1: six fifteen I'm meditating. So I meditate for one and
Speaker 1: a half hours to two hours every day. Usually an
Speaker 1: hour a half ins in the morning, So six fifteen
Speaker 1: to seven forty five I'm measured meditating, and then eight
Speaker 1: am I start working out, and so aight am to
Speaker 1: nine am I'm working out. That's changed over time. It
Speaker 1: used to be tennis, it's been pickaball, it was hiking.
Speaker 1: Now it's strength training because every podcast guest I talk
Speaker 1: to keeps talking about value of strength, and I'm in
Speaker 1: that decade that everything back is in. So all I've
Speaker 1: been doing is strength training for the past six months
Speaker 1: now probably consistently, but three probably really consistently. And so
Speaker 1: that becomes an hour and then nine am I start.
Speaker 1: I eat some breakfast and start my day. And it's
Speaker 1: a savory breakfast because I've had too many guests talk
Speaker 1: about glucose spikes, so my whole life is a savory breakfast.
Speaker 1: So by nine am, that's when I feel I have
Speaker 1: a strong foundation to stop my day. I love that.
Speaker 2: Yes, I know, I so many people talk about the
Speaker 2: savory breakfast.
Speaker 1: It's huge.
Speaker 2: It's huge, I know. And again you feel you feel
Speaker 2: the difference.
Speaker 3: I think, you know.
Speaker 2: The annoying thing about all of this stuff is that
Speaker 2: it really does work. And then so it's just like,
Speaker 2: you know, I try to be so real with my
Speaker 2: community and pass on these tips and talk to experts
Speaker 2: like you, but you know, sometimes you fall off and
Speaker 2: that's okay. And then so I really like what you
Speaker 2: said about the weekends too, because I think when you're
Speaker 2: only looking at something for doing it five days or
Speaker 2: four days or whatever, you know, your week looks like
Speaker 2: it's nice because then you have a little bit of
Speaker 2: that Lily way.
Speaker 3: Time and it's okay, it's it's okay.
Speaker 2: I think with all of these practices that are, you know,
Speaker 2: aimed to make us feel better, I think the point
Speaker 2: is they have to make us feel better. So it's like,
Speaker 2: if your routine is getting to point where you know
Speaker 2: it's not sustainable, you guys, it's okay to be like, Okay,
Speaker 2: well I need to change this.
Speaker 3: I need an extra half hour of sleep.
Speaker 2: I like what you said about you know, that's when
Speaker 2: you're comfortable, you know, you have to figure it out,
Speaker 2: and that's it also changes over time too, So I
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want it to be the exception and not
Speaker 1: the rule, right, I look at it as seventy percent. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want seventy percent of my week to be as
Speaker 1: optimal as healthy as possible. Yeah, and then the twenty
Speaker 1: five to thirty percent that's left over, I'm okay for
Speaker 1: that to be more mixed up. So five days a
Speaker 1: week I'll have a savory breakfast. It does make a
Speaker 1: difference as someone coming from a former sugar addict, right, Like,
Speaker 1: I used to wake up wanting to eat a sugary
Speaker 1: breakfast and then eat something sugary at lunch and then
Speaker 1: have something sugar in the evening. Having a savory breakfast
Speaker 1: has completely curved that desire, and it's setting me up
Speaker 1: not to have those crazy crashes later on in the day,
Speaker 1: and now my energy is actually sustained throughout the day
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 3: I love Glucose Goddess.
Speaker 1: Yeah, me too.
Speaker 2: Love Jesse her book and like I you know, that
Speaker 2: is something I haven't meta in person, but her teachings
Speaker 2: really had an impact on the way that I eat.
Speaker 2: And again, I've fallen off right now, I'm kind of
Speaker 2: in an off period, but just having that knowledge is
Speaker 2: so helpful.
Speaker 3: I really think she's smart.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: Okay, Switching gears a little bit.
Speaker 2: You have this super super successful podcast.
Speaker 3: What's one interview that took you by surprise.
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for you to come on, Thanes.
Speaker 3: Okay, I know we need to do it.
Speaker 1: We need to do it here, come on, say that again.
Speaker 1: What's it?
Speaker 2: What's an interview or a guest that took you by surprise?
Speaker 1: Ooh, that's a great question. Who took me by surprise?
Speaker 1: I'd say the person who took me most by surprise
Speaker 1: was Brian Chesky, who's the founder of Airbnb and this
Speaker 1: year of Airbnb. And the reason is because I thought
Speaker 1: that he might have the archetype of a tech founder. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because that's what he's done. And so I wasn't sure,
Speaker 1: and I tried very hard to not go in to
Speaker 1: any interview having any judge. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: there's a certain archetype that you expect to meet or
Speaker 1: that you expect to converse with. And when I met him,
Speaker 1: I realized that he's an artist and a design in
Speaker 1: a tech person's body. You've met Brian.
Speaker 2: I've met Brian, and it's so true. And I listened
Speaker 2: to that interview and it was a great interview. You
Speaker 2: really it was an amazing conversation between you two.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, it's easily one of my favorites. Because
Speaker 1: I think it shows you. I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of people out there right now who are artists and
Speaker 1: designers who are thinking, well, I can't find a company
Speaker 1: or a build a tech company, or I can't work
Speaker 1: at a company like that because I don't know coding
Speaker 1: or engineering. And it's like, well, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you can be an artist in a tech company. That's
Speaker 1: what Steve Jobs was, That's what Brian Cheskey is, and
Speaker 1: that's why I love Brian so much. He reminded me
Speaker 1: of the closest thing we have to a Steve Jobs,
Speaker 1: visionary type of someone who just thinks so outside the box.
Speaker 1: He was super vulnerable about his love life, his relationships.
Speaker 1: He's forty years old, he's a billionaire, he was looking
Speaker 1: for love and I thought it was so brave of
Speaker 1: him to be so open about that. And yeah, I
Speaker 1: love him. He's become a great friend. He's an awesome
Speaker 1: guys so great. Yeah, that was the most surprising one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you go really deep with your guests. Do you
Speaker 2: ever find yourself getting emotional when you're interviewing people.
Speaker 1: I can get really emotional, Like I think the most
Speaker 1: emotional I get is at weddings. I was just at
Speaker 1: my friend's wedding two weeks ago. Okay, and this was
Speaker 1: a wedding I was just attending. But when I'm officiating weddings,
Speaker 1: I'm so scared that I'm going to ruin the ceremony
Speaker 1: because I'm going to cry. So I've got to stand
Speaker 1: there in my head, I'm going, don't cry, don't cry,
Speaker 1: don't cry. And that's what I do in the podcast too,
Speaker 1: because I feel that people are so genuinely expressing something
Speaker 1: that they may never have shared somewhere else before, or
Speaker 1: it's really hard and courageous and brave of them to
Speaker 1: go there, and my heart I almost feel like crying sometimes.
Speaker 1: All Right, I'd have to stop myself from crying because
Speaker 1: I'm not even crying because of what they're sharing so emotional.
Speaker 1: It's because I respect the bravery. I respect the courage
Speaker 1: it takes to put your life out there, and you
Speaker 1: do that, I respect you for doing it. So many
Speaker 1: of our peers, so many of our friends, do that.
Speaker 1: I respect them for doing it because it's a really
Speaker 1: courageous act. It's a really difficult thing to do. And
Speaker 1: so my tears are almost preempting the fact that when
Speaker 1: you open up. There's going to be so many different
Speaker 1: reactions and responses, and I feel really grateful that people
Speaker 1: trust me to do that with and I mean, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think one that was amazing was Tom Holland when
Speaker 1: he opened about is Sobriety.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was another one I listened to.
Speaker 1: That was great, And it was just amazing because the
Speaker 1: amount the hundreds of thousands of messages we've had from
Speaker 1: that episode saying you help me or Tom helped me
Speaker 1: get through my sobriety or get back on or have
Speaker 1: more grace for myself. And then you cry because of
Speaker 1: that message because you're thinking about all the people that
Speaker 1: are affected. So there's a lot of crying in private
Speaker 1: because I know great.
Speaker 3: I think it's great.
Speaker 2: I think you people feel really safe with you, and
Speaker 2: I think your vulnerability like inspires vulnerability in your guests.
Speaker 3: So it's just really really really good work. Okay, So,
Speaker 3: if someone was.
Speaker 2: New to your podcast, what's a standout interview that they
Speaker 2: should start with?
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Speaker 1: I would have said Brian, but now they said it already.
Speaker 3: Let me think the interviewed everyone amazing.
Speaker 1: Which one of you listen It sounds like you've been
Speaker 1: listening something.
Speaker 3: No, I think I think that.
Speaker 2: I thought that Brian was great. The Tomlin was great.
Speaker 2: My friend Claudia was just on your podcast. This was
Speaker 2: great and it was super vulnerable, which is the side
Speaker 2: of her that people don't see that often.
Speaker 3: So it is great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, clearly amazing. She was exactly like what I was
Speaker 1: just describing. I had to hold back my tears. I'd say,
Speaker 1: if someone was new to my podcast and they had
Speaker 1: to listen to one, it's such a great question. Let
Speaker 1: me think, I want to give a I want to
Speaker 1: give a really thoughtful answer to one that I would
Speaker 1: really have. Oh, there's there's a couple that I think
Speaker 1: I really loved. One that I'd say that that stands
Speaker 1: out to me. And I say it because it was
Speaker 1: such a shifting moment for our show. It was Kendall
Speaker 1: Jenner on the show, and it's because she hadn't really
Speaker 1: done that many interviews at that time, and she hadn't
Speaker 1: really I don't even know if she'd done a podcast
Speaker 1: at that time.
Speaker 3: And she doesn't really and she doesn't really have.
Speaker 1: This amazing conversation, and it was such a pivotal moment
Speaker 1: for the show it that it stands out for me,
Speaker 1: and so I'd say, listen to that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who's someone you haven't interviewed?
Speaker 3: Who you still want to interview.
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for you, of course, And I mean that,
Speaker 1: I genuinely mean that, waiting for you. And then I
Speaker 1: mean I've always said my number one pick is Cristiano Ronaldo.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that would be amazing.
Speaker 2: That's my number one manifest for you, because I would
Speaker 2: love to listen to that conversation.
Speaker 3: I really don't. I don't think I've seen him in
Speaker 3: many interviews.
Speaker 1: He hasn't. It's it's definitely a language barrier too, of
Speaker 1: wanting to get the best out of him. He's had,
Speaker 1: He's had a couple of great ones over ten years ago,
Speaker 1: now interviews that really I spoke to him. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that's and I'm a manchitut I fan, Okay. I would
Speaker 1: be like high fiving my fifteen year old self.
Speaker 3: Of course, and I love that.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you talk a lot about love, so I
Speaker 2: want to get your opinion on a few things. So
Speaker 2: do you think that that we all have one soulmate
Speaker 2: or multiple loves of your life?
Speaker 3: This is a debate we have in my community all
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 1: I love that. I think you'll fall in love with
Speaker 1: three different people in your life. Oh okay. The first
Speaker 1: is the firework. It's big, it's loud, it lights up
Speaker 1: the sky, but it fades away. The second is the candle.
Speaker 1: It's slower, it's quieter, it has a longer shelf life,
Speaker 1: but eventually you might leave it because it doesn't have
Speaker 1: the spark. And the third one is the mirror, the
Speaker 1: one that shows you all your flaws, shows your reflection,
Speaker 1: and shows you who you truly are. And the firework
Speaker 1: will probably fade off its own accord, or the firework
Speaker 1: will probably fade itself. The candle you might leave before
Speaker 1: it fades, and the mirror you might think it's broken
Speaker 1: because you don't like what you see. And so I
Speaker 1: think we often hop and jump and skip between all
Speaker 1: three of these because it doesn't fulfill one part of us.
Speaker 1: One doesn't have the spark, one doesn't have the longevity,
Speaker 1: and one is too honest, and I think I've been
Speaker 1: in love with all three in my life. What I
Speaker 1: found was that the mirror was the most powerful one
Speaker 1: because as soon as I didn't realize the mirror was
Speaker 1: broken and it was showing me exactly who I am,
Speaker 1: which is what my wife's done for me. And as
Speaker 1: long as the person holding the mirror is compassionate and
Speaker 1: empathetic and not shoving it in your face but holding
Speaker 1: it kindly there, it can be the most beautiful relationship
Speaker 1: that you'll ever have. But I don't believe in the
Speaker 1: one soul mat that you're destined to be with, because
Speaker 1: I really think that there's a soulmate for each frequency
Speaker 1: you operate at. So there's a soulmate for your lowest frequency,
Speaker 1: which when you're operating on that frequency, you'll find really attractive.
Speaker 1: But as soon as you upgrade to your mid frequency,
Speaker 1: you'll think to yourself, how was I ever with that person?
Speaker 1: And then you have that frequency, and then you have
Speaker 1: your soulmate of your highest frequency, which you could argue
Speaker 1: is your ultimate soul mat that requires you to step up.
Speaker 1: You have to do the word and do that work
Speaker 1: and so I think you'll find a soulmate. And if
Speaker 1: you think about even the word soulmate, I really believe
Speaker 1: that a soulmate is a mate for your soul and
Speaker 1: that could be a friend, it could be a romantic partner.
Speaker 1: And that lower vibration, that lower frequency soulmate is almost
Speaker 1: like a cell mat, a prison mate that kind of
Speaker 1: keeps you stuck. And I think a lot of us
Speaker 1: can empathize with having lived with a cell mat for
Speaker 1: some time where you thought you were in love, but
Speaker 1: actually you were in prison and you were being held
Speaker 1: back from your potential. You were being trapped based on
Speaker 1: what you believed was possible for you, and maybe you
Speaker 1: settled for less than you deserve because you believe that
Speaker 1: was your soulmate and cellmate for life. And so I
Speaker 1: want people to be much more freer with knowing that
Speaker 1: your real partner is out there and they're not this
Speaker 1: perfect person, and they're not this person that has it
Speaker 1: all together, and they're not going to show you the
Speaker 1: best parts of yourself either. This idea that the best
Speaker 1: person will bring out the best of me, They'll show
Speaker 1: you the worst of you so that you can bring
Speaker 1: out the best of yourself. That's what we're trying to
Speaker 1: work on, and my wife's definitely done that for me.
Speaker 1: The key is they do it in a non judgmental,
Speaker 1: empathetic and loving way, not in a way that's like
Speaker 1: I see all your flaws and pointing them out in
Speaker 1: a manipulative or controlling way.
Speaker 3: Sure. Sure, how long have you guys been married.
Speaker 1: We've been married this year for nine years and together
Speaker 1: for twelve.
Speaker 3: How do you guys meet?
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, so we tell the full story on the
Speaker 1: first ever episode of my podcast. So that actually, if
Speaker 1: you want to know, yeah, that's the first one, start
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, that's probably the right answer I question. Okay,
Speaker 1: but yeah, we met before I became a monk. I
Speaker 1: was serving at my local temple in London because I
Speaker 1: was training in my final year of a college, knowing
Speaker 1: that I was going to do that, and I met
Speaker 1: a woman who was around my mom's age, and I
Speaker 1: was asked to show her around with some chores and services.
Speaker 1: And I showed her around and at the end of it,
Speaker 1: she said, I have a daughter that I'd love to
Speaker 1: introduce to meditation and spirituality. She's around your age. Would
Speaker 1: you connect with her? And I said, well, I'm going
Speaker 1: to become a monk, so I'll introduce her to my
Speaker 1: sister because they were a similar age. That happens to
Speaker 1: be my wife's mom. And she brought in my wife
Speaker 1: like a week later to introduce me to her. I'd
Speaker 1: asked my sister to come along. I saw my wife.
Speaker 1: This is like years ago now. I thought she was
Speaker 1: absolutely stunning and beautiful, and it was like no focus
Speaker 1: on being among, focus focus. And then when I came
Speaker 1: back from being among three years later, her and my
Speaker 1: sister were best friends, and so my sister was our
Speaker 1: matchmaker in the end. And that's the short way beautiful.
Speaker 3: That's beautiful.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people listening to that story
Speaker 2: who are single might think, I would love to meet
Speaker 2: someone organically like that. That's the dream, you know, that
Speaker 2: doesn't happen anymore. So I'm curious what you would say
Speaker 2: to someone who was having that thought. And then, secondly,
Speaker 2: if you could give your thoughts on apps, because I
Speaker 2: think a lot of people in my community are feeling.
Speaker 3: Pretty drained from them right now.
Speaker 2: And you know, my belief is that things like your story,
Speaker 2: natural connections meeting people still happen, and the dating apps
Speaker 2: can be great, but they've also made us believe that
Speaker 2: that stuff doesn't happen, but it does.
Speaker 3: Like we still go live in the world.
Speaker 2: We still meet someone's mom who has a cute daughter, like,
Speaker 2: we still do all that stuff.
Speaker 3: So I'm just curious your thoughts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think times are changing too, Like if you
Speaker 1: look at it twenty five, thirty, maybe even longer now.
Speaker 1: You know, fifty years ago, most people met someone who
Speaker 1: lived in one mile radius from where they grew up, right,
Speaker 1: so you'd get introduced to someone through your parents or
Speaker 1: through your friends, or maybe you'll bump into them while
Speaker 1: walking to your building or whatever it was. And I
Speaker 1: think we always romanticize things in the past, okay, And
Speaker 1: I want to point that out because I think we
Speaker 1: all have this, and by the way, we have this
Speaker 1: as humans. We always say the good old days. Right
Speaker 1: in my time, things were amazing, And you know you're
Speaker 1: old when you start saying stuff like that, like, oh,
Speaker 1: the music when I grew up was really better than
Speaker 1: today's music. And by the way, twenty years from now,
Speaker 1: people will be saying that about Sabrina Carpenter and being like,
Speaker 1: when I had you know, yeah, And so it's like
Speaker 1: the same thing that goes round around, And so first
Speaker 1: of all, I like to just cut out this nostalgic
Speaker 1: false belief because what it does is it gives you
Speaker 1: a safety blanket of being like, oh, back in the day,
Speaker 1: things were amazing. Today it's worse. And I think, I mean,
Speaker 1: you could look at that, you could cut down slice
Speaker 1: that both ways in the world and not. There'll be
Speaker 1: plenty of historians and researchers who say today's better than ever,
Speaker 1: and some will say it's harder than ever. And ultimately,
Speaker 1: when it comes to dating, I think the point is
Speaker 1: that mindset doesn't help. And so yes, I really believe
Speaker 1: that what people are looking for. And I did this
Speaker 1: last week. So it's funny you asked. I became Matches
Speaker 1: relationship advisor match dot COM's relationship advisor last year, and
Speaker 1: the reason I did that was because I developed a
Speaker 1: core values test in my book Eight Rules of Love
Speaker 1: two years ago, and I wanted to partner with an
Speaker 1: app that would help people match based on core values.
Speaker 1: My goal wasn't that you should have the same values.
Speaker 1: My goal was your values should be something you're aware of.
Speaker 1: I think too many people are with people that they
Speaker 1: find out their values. Three years later. Wow, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: you wanted to have kids. I had no idea. Oh, really,
Speaker 1: you wanted to become an entrepreneur and quit your steady job.
Speaker 1: I had no idea. Oh I didn't realize you actually
Speaker 1: want to live in the farm and not at the city. Like,
Speaker 1: no idea. We're just so unaware of these very big
Speaker 1: things about someone. And so we did this event last
Speaker 1: week in La on Thursday night. It was for one
Speaker 1: hundred singles in La, and I was really excited to
Speaker 1: see how it went, and the goal was for people
Speaker 1: to meet in person. But with that, Ethos and I
Speaker 1: started out with this experiment where I was standing in
Speaker 1: the middle of the room. I was surrounded by one
Speaker 1: hundred singles, and I read out loud eye statements and
Speaker 1: if it applied to them, they had to step forward,
Speaker 1: and if it didn't apply to them, they stood where
Speaker 1: they were. Okay, so imagine a hundred people founded, and
Speaker 1: I read out the first one, which is something like
Speaker 1: I consistently miss read flags, and a bunch of people
Speaker 1: stepped forward. I asked them what red flags they missed,
Speaker 1: and people were honest but tiptoeing, And then I asked
Speaker 1: another question, and it got deeper every time. So the
Speaker 1: next question I asked was something like, I sometimes forget
Speaker 1: my friends in a relationship, so when I'm dating someone,
Speaker 1: I forget about my friendships. And it was so funny
Speaker 1: because this group of girls were there with their friends
Speaker 1: and they all push this friend forward, and honestly, I
Speaker 1: was like, this is hilarious, and all three of the
Speaker 1: friends were like, yeah, she always does that. And then
Speaker 1: I gave it the mic and she goes, yes, I'm
Speaker 1: the friend that loves my friend. I was like, how beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then it got really deep, and then I asked
Speaker 1: the question I've been cheating on my cheated on by
Speaker 1: an X? And people stepped forward and shit, the reason
Speaker 1: I'm sharing this is what I found was that all
Speaker 1: of these people at every stage were willing to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: It took a second, it took a beat, it took
Speaker 1: a moment. It wasn't straight off the bat. People tiptoed
Speaker 1: forward at the start. At the end, people were coming
Speaker 1: forward and opening their hearts. And what I've realized is
Speaker 1: that the reason why we think online dating doesn't work
Speaker 1: is because we want instant intimacy, we want instant vulnerability.
Speaker 1: We want instant openness, and even that night, I had
Speaker 1: to wait and be patient for people to feel safe
Speaker 1: with me, with each other, with the space. And I
Speaker 1: think that's what we should be focusing on, is can
Speaker 1: I create a safe space where someone feels they can
Speaker 1: be that way with me. The other thing I'd say
Speaker 1: for anyone who's feeling exhausted with the apps again, is
Speaker 1: I'm not surprised. Of course you are. It's exhausting to
Speaker 1: be rejected, reject, accept, move forward, ghosted, whatever it may be,
Speaker 1: everything in between. But I'd say the real challenge is
Speaker 1: not the app and it's our mindset. And what I
Speaker 1: mean by that is we live when we're dating. We
Speaker 1: live in one of two states. We're either passive, so
Speaker 1: we say things like it will happen when it happens.
Speaker 1: I'm not worried right now. Secretly we're really scared and
Speaker 1: insecure and pretending. And the other side is where pressured.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, did you see that person just got engaged.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five, How am I still single? There's all
Speaker 1: this pressure, So we live in being passive or feeling pressure.
Speaker 1: And really, what I was saying to everyone that night,
Speaker 1: and what my goal for everyone listening today would be
Speaker 1: is I want you to be in a state of peace,
Speaker 1: peace with your past, peace with your present, and peace
Speaker 1: about your future. Because guess what, Pressure doesn't attract love?
Speaker 1: How could pressure ever attract love? And how could being
Speaker 1: passive ever attract love? So how do you get peace? Peace?
Speaker 1: Is saying I know what happened in my past wasn't
Speaker 1: a waste of time. It hurt, it was painful, it
Speaker 1: was the worst, but it wasn't a waste of time
Speaker 1: because it showed me who I don't want to be
Speaker 1: with and who I don't want to become. And by
Speaker 1: the way, I'm not going to put pressure on myself
Speaker 1: because I actually believe that when I live in a
Speaker 1: state of peace and calm, I'm now operating at that
Speaker 1: frequency that attracts a peace and calming relationship into my life.
Speaker 1: Whereas if I feel pressure, I'll attract drama and if
Speaker 1: I'm passive, I'll attract trauma. But if I'm at peace,
Speaker 1: I'll attract someone who's calm, and I'll attract someone who's
Speaker 1: matching my frequency.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm nodding. If you're listening to this, I'm
Speaker 2: nodding crazy in a crazy way because I agree so much.
Speaker 3: I think I'm at peace. I really do. I had
Speaker 3: a dating coach, and I feel like I'm at piece.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: I think the dating coach I had on recently and
Speaker 2: she was like, maybe you're you're secretly like because I
Speaker 2: said something like I'm really I said something like, when
Speaker 2: it happens, it will happen. But I genuinely feel very
Speaker 2: at peace for the first time really in the past,
Speaker 2: I don't know, only like the past couple months. I
Speaker 2: feel really good, like I feel so you know, as
Speaker 2: you said, my past is my past for a reason.
Speaker 3: It got me to where I am today and in
Speaker 3: the future.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm excited, but I'm also just grateful for
Speaker 2: where I am now. I think a big problem that
Speaker 2: I have with the dating culture and like the way
Speaker 2: that we view finding the one or whatever partner, is
Speaker 2: that it really like encourages people to forget to be
Speaker 2: grateful for where they are, and for me, I focus
Speaker 2: so much on creating a life that I love so
Speaker 2: that you know to your previous point that I'm vibrating
Speaker 2: at my highest point that I can be, so that
Speaker 2: you know I love them. The saying like water seeks
Speaker 2: its own level, and so I always think about that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I want to be up here when I
Speaker 2: run into another person who I'm compatible with and they're
Speaker 2: up here.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't know. I wonder, I wonder dating.
Speaker 3: I'm at peace, Caroline, you do.
Speaker 2: I think really I am for the for the for
Speaker 2: the first time, which is cool, it's it's a nice
Speaker 2: place to be.
Speaker 1: But I think I feel it, and I feel it
Speaker 1: for whatever it's with in your presence today for sure.
Speaker 1: And also I was going to say that I love
Speaker 1: what you're saying because a lot of the times people say, well,
Speaker 1: how do I know it's love? And if you're already
Speaker 1: living a life you love, you'll know it's love totally
Speaker 1: because you're already living at that level. Everything is operating
Speaker 1: at the vibration and frequency of love. So when something
Speaker 1: new comes in, you actually know what frequency it's vibrating
Speaker 1: it exactly. You don't have to guess anymore because it
Speaker 1: makes sense. It aligns. You know, whether it's jealousy, lust, envy, confusion,
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, because you already love everything that's
Speaker 1: going on. But if you're hating everything that's going on now,
Speaker 1: everything feels like lost, so because everything feels better than
Speaker 1: where you're at.
Speaker 3: Wow, I really like that.
Speaker 2: That's actually so true and I think that that will
Speaker 2: resonate with so many people I know. For me in
Speaker 2: my twenties, that was so the case. I was desperate,
Speaker 2: desperate to have a boyfriend because I didn't really like
Speaker 2: myself and I didn't really like my life. I felt
Speaker 2: like I wasn't living up to my potential. I didn't
Speaker 2: feel creatively fulfilled. I didn't like myself as a person.
Speaker 2: And instead of dealing with all those things, I was like,
Speaker 2: how can I get a boyfriend? Needs to chase boys,
Speaker 2: need a boyfriend, need a boyfriend to validate, to validate
Speaker 2: my existence. And it's such a great turning point when
Speaker 2: you can stop and kind of pivot in your life
Speaker 2: and think and really focus on, you know, loving yourself
Speaker 2: and being loved to your point so when it comes
Speaker 2: in you'll.
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, you recognize it.
Speaker 2: Love that, Yeah, I love that so much. So you're
Speaker 2: gearing up for a massive live tour. What can people
Speaker 2: expect from this tour? It's so exciting.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited that it's the first time in six
Speaker 1: years since we launched the podcast that I actually get
Speaker 1: to go do this yes on stage across North America
Speaker 1: to start with, and I think people don't expect surprise.
Speaker 1: Guests in every city love some of your favorites, some
Speaker 1: absolutely new ones. So really really excited about that. People
Speaker 1: can expect to actually have a human connection. I want
Speaker 1: everyone to be able to ask questions. I want to
Speaker 1: make it really interactive. People will be able to come
Speaker 1: and be a part of the experience. I don't want
Speaker 1: people to leave there with community. I think that's something
Speaker 1: that I found when I'm touring that's different is that
Speaker 1: people don't walk out of that room with the same
Speaker 1: people they came with. They're walking rout having conversations with
Speaker 1: people next to them. If you think about it, everyone
Speaker 1: in that room is going to be someone who listens
Speaker 1: to on purpose. They're listening every day, they're listening every week,
Speaker 1: they're listening every month. Imagine being in the same space
Speaker 1: and now you're not walking, or you're not in your kitchen,
Speaker 1: or you're not at the gym, You're actually in this
Speaker 1: same space listening to the conversation. I can't imagine what
Speaker 1: kind of connections will come out of that. So I
Speaker 1: think it's going to be super exciting. It's going to
Speaker 1: be meaningful. I'm going to be leading meditations on stage,
Speaker 1: so for anyone who's been struggling, I'll be guiding those
Speaker 1: meditations as well. I think it's going to be a
Speaker 1: really meaningful, impactful evening and I can't wait. I'm so excited,
Speaker 1: so exciting.
Speaker 2: What's the hardest part of doing a huge show? And
Speaker 2: like planning something at this scale, do you get nervous?
Speaker 2: I can't imagine you too, But what is there any
Speaker 2: challenges that you're looking forward to overcoming?
Speaker 1: So I went on a world tour two years ago,
Speaker 1: so we did need forty cities in like three four months,
Speaker 1: and that was much harder than I expected it to be.
Speaker 1: And I have a lot of clients who are musicians
Speaker 1: who tour and do like one hundred hundred and fifty shows,
Speaker 1: two hundred shows, and they always used to tell me
Speaker 1: that they'd be exhausted by show fifty. So I didn't
Speaker 1: even do fifty shows, so I can really empathize with
Speaker 1: people who toured that long. To me, it becomes about
Speaker 1: everything is sacrificed. And I don't mean that as like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm sacrificing everything is about the craft. So,
Speaker 1: for example, when I was on tour last time, my
Speaker 1: day would start around two or four pm. For working,
Speaker 1: I mean it would start later because I'd start with
Speaker 1: a group meditation for people who'd opted in for the
Speaker 1: big smaller meditation. I'd start a Q and a session
Speaker 1: for that group. Then the show would start like seven
Speaker 1: point thirty. So I'd stop eating at midday, and then
Speaker 1: i wouldn't eat until midnight.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: And then I'd wake up, jump on a plane, and
Speaker 1: go and do it all over again in another place.
Speaker 1: And so I never went out a night. I never
Speaker 1: went out to a restaurant because I was on vocal rest.
Speaker 1: And so to me, the key is for that time,
Speaker 1: you've got to be totally zoned in. And I love that.
Speaker 1: I really enjoy it. I think about it like an
Speaker 1: athlete at the Championships or super Bowl, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: where it's like you've just got to be focused on
Speaker 1: that one thing and there's a beautiful thing that comes
Speaker 1: out of that. You get really in the zone. You
Speaker 1: recognize what talents and skills you have, You recognize your
Speaker 1: ability to fast that I didn't know I could do
Speaker 1: that anymore for that long and so it was just
Speaker 1: like a really beautiful reminder to build different muscles, sure,
Speaker 1: and build different strengths and find a new sense of confidence.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, everyone was like, did you travel to
Speaker 1: this place? What did you see? I'm like, I didn't
Speaker 1: see it.
Speaker 3: I saw my hotel room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw my hotel room. I saw a plane, sure,
Speaker 1: and I saw the venue. And I love that. I
Speaker 1: don't have any that's beautiful, Like that's what it's for.
Speaker 1: I'm not traveling for pleasure. I'm traveling to serve and
Speaker 1: it's really exciting.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 2: Okay, before we go, I have to ask you, do
Speaker 2: you have any guilty pleasures like junk food, move b shows?
Speaker 2: Like what it when? You're like, you know what, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna treat myself, Like what.
Speaker 1: Do you do? So there's this place in La called
Speaker 1: Mister Charlie's. It's basically plant based McDonald's. They do chicken nuggets,
Speaker 1: they do a chicken sandwich, it's plant based. The fries
Speaker 1: and like, I've now got to once every two weeks.
Speaker 1: I need that. Okay, it was once every week, it's
Speaker 1: now I've got to once every two weeks. And then
Speaker 1: I'm a I love Van Luin because and so my
Speaker 1: Van Luin order. My wife believes this should be on
Speaker 1: their menu because I have a very specific order. So
Speaker 1: I go and get a double chocolate fight brownie scoop
Speaker 1: of ice cream with hot fudge on top, with sprinkles,
Speaker 1: cookie crumble, honeycomb candy, and I think that's about it.
Speaker 1: So those are my two food guilty pleasures I love.
Speaker 1: So every two weeks, I'll do that now on one
Speaker 1: day together. Yeah, so that day, ignore it. Just don't
Speaker 1: talk to Jesse for a week, preturn like it didn't happen. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then TV wise, I find like, no, I think
Speaker 1: I watched good stuff. I mean like I just watched
Speaker 1: Why Lowest, the new episode TV so I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: This year it used to definitely like at one point
Speaker 1: I would never miss an episode of Selling Sunset.
Speaker 3: Wait, I love that, Okay, but I love real.
Speaker 1: Estate, so I would skip. And I was telling Jason open.
Speaker 1: I met Jason recently and I was telling him. I
Speaker 1: was like, I love Selling Sunset, but I always skipped
Speaker 1: to all the homes because I loved season real Estate.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, that's what every guy says, and so
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, Jason, thanks for judging me,
Speaker 1: but it's true. So yeah, that's what I love that.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well Van Lewin, if you're listening, we need the
Speaker 2: Jay Shetty on them. I know that's crazy that that
Speaker 2: hasn't happened yet. Jay, thank you for coming on. This
Speaker 2: was so meaningful and I just I think you are
Speaker 2: so wise and uh, I love your energy. Where can
Speaker 2: people find you? And where can people get tickets for
Speaker 2: the tour?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd love for people to come see me on tour.
Speaker 1: It's Jay Shetty Doped Me Forward Slash Tour. J Shetty
Speaker 1: Doped Me Forward Slash Tour. And then you can find
Speaker 1: me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, wherever you watch social and
Speaker 1: then on any podcast app I Heart Serious and all
Speaker 1: the other ones, Apple, Spotify, everything. So yeah, thanks things,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I had such a great time. That was
Speaker 1: one of my favorite conversations I've had. And you are
Speaker 1: the best and on purposes waiting for you. Thank you
Speaker 1: so we look forward to having you on the show
Speaker 1: so much. Thanks for listening, guys. Bye. If you love
Speaker 1: this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall
Speaker 1: Jenna on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing. You're
Speaker 1: in a child, You.
Speaker 2: Could be reading something that someone is saying about you
Speaker 2: and being like, that is so unfair because that's not
Speaker 2: who I am and that really gets to me sometimes.
Speaker 2: But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like,
Speaker 2: but I know who I am.
Speaker 3: Why does anything else matter.