1
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:13,040
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back to another episode of I have

2
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,239
Speaker 1: some thoughts our Mini too that it focused all on

3
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,400
Speaker 1: pop culture with a mental health Aliand so I'm excited

4
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,320
Speaker 1: to be joined again today by Bria, our production assistant.

5
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,239
Speaker 1: So brio, what do we have on our roster today?

6
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:29,320
Speaker 2: All right, lots to get into today. So for our

7
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,480
Speaker 2: first story, we are actually going to step into Love

8
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:36,160
Speaker 2: Island world. Oh so, last summer there was a man

9
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,080
Speaker 2: named Jaylen Brown and he starred on Love Island USA

10
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,600
Speaker 2: Season seven. Well, less than a year later, Jalen has

11
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,200
Speaker 2: announced that he's actually married.

12
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:45,320
Speaker 3: So a little.

13
00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,440
Speaker 2: Background on the timeline. Love Island USA Season seven wrapped

14
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,440
Speaker 2: in July of twenty twenty five, and then Jalen met

15
00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:54,880
Speaker 2: a TikTok creator named Joya a few months later. Now,

16
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,800
Speaker 2: if you're not favor with Joya, she comes from a

17
00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:02,000
Speaker 2: family of content creators, including her older twins Jayla and Janey,

18
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,959
Speaker 2: who's famously known as Aunt Tiene. Well, last week, Joya

19
00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,679
Speaker 2: and Jaylen announced that they are married, and many people

20
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:09,720
Speaker 2: are wondering if the.

21
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,560
Speaker 3: Relationship moves too fast.

22
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,520
Speaker 2: A lot of people are also pointing out the fact

23
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,800
Speaker 2: that Joya actually comes from a family where they actually

24
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:21,199
Speaker 2: married pretty young. I think Jaylen married her husband about

25
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:25,160
Speaker 2: like three months after meeting him, and then Janay was

26
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,959
Speaker 2: in a long term marriage, I believe, for a few

27
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,920
Speaker 2: years before she announced that she got divorced a couple

28
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,080
Speaker 2: of years ago too. So it started a broader conversation

29
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:38,800
Speaker 2: surrounding whether fast relationships are automatically unhealthy or if people

30
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,880
Speaker 2: are projecting their own fears. So the first question that

31
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:47,400
Speaker 2: I have for you is why do people often assume

32
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,520
Speaker 2: that fast moving relationships are less emotionally healthy?

33
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:55,720
Speaker 1: Wooh, great questions. Often we don't know the full story

34
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,920
Speaker 1: behind anybody's relationship, right, and so all any of us

35
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:03,320
Speaker 1: are doing in this intimately know the details, is projecting right,

36
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,240
Speaker 1: and so our ideas about what might work for us

37
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,120
Speaker 1: is only for us right. What works for other people

38
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,840
Speaker 1: is very very different. Now, I do think that a

39
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,640
Speaker 1: lot of times, just like with anything that does not

40
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,720
Speaker 1: go well, we often hear the horror stories, and so

41
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,079
Speaker 1: I think many of us have the horror stories of

42
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,520
Speaker 1: people in our lives or things that we've heard online

43
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,040
Speaker 1: from relationships that did not end well because maybe they

44
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,040
Speaker 1: met quickly or like got involved really quickly. But there

45
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,640
Speaker 1: are tons of other stories. I think that where there

46
00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:34,040
Speaker 1: are success stories, right, and the length of time that

47
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,000
Speaker 1: you get to know someone in our dating does not

48
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:40,200
Speaker 1: necessarily indicate the health of a relationship or how long

49
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,760
Speaker 1: lasting it's going to be. And so I think the

50
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,800
Speaker 1: best thing is for all of us to do what

51
00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,360
Speaker 1: works for us and to kind of be guided by

52
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,400
Speaker 1: our own values and our own thoughts about what feels

53
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,200
Speaker 1: okay for us.

54
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:56,040
Speaker 2: No, definitely, And in that same vein when it comes

55
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,880
Speaker 2: to relationships, what do you think really matters the most

56
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,920
Speaker 2: if you had to like rank them or even like

57
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,480
Speaker 2: put a couple together. Is it the time, is it

58
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:10,079
Speaker 2: the emotional maturity or is it just intentionality throughout the relationship?

59
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:14,360
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good question, Ria, Hmmm. I feel like

60
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:19,640
Speaker 1: emotional maturity and intentionality are probably what matters the most, right.

61
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:23,280
Speaker 1: I don't think time really is any indication, because if

62
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,040
Speaker 1: this is somebody who is going to be a good

63
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,800
Speaker 1: fit for you, it doesn't really matter whether you date

64
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,520
Speaker 1: six years or whether you date six weeks, right, Like,

65
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,320
Speaker 1: if they're going to be your person, they're your person.

66
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,760
Speaker 1: But I do think emotional maturity and intentionality go a

67
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,720
Speaker 1: very long way, right, Like, how do you handle conflict

68
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,360
Speaker 1: in the relationship. What happens when we disagree? Now, I

69
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,480
Speaker 1: tend to think that it is a good idea to

70
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:49,320
Speaker 1: go through a holiday cycle with somebody before committing seriously,

71
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,120
Speaker 1: just because I think there are lots of things that

72
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,440
Speaker 1: come up around holidays that give you a good indication

73
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,680
Speaker 1: of not only who this person is, but who the

74
00:03:56,720 --> 00:04:00,720
Speaker 1: family is. Right, So how our decisions made about where

75
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,680
Speaker 1: we go for the holidays, what happens if there's conflict

76
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,120
Speaker 1: with the family during holidays? I think that that is

77
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,120
Speaker 1: a good idea. But again those are my ideas, right.

78
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,400
Speaker 1: That may not work for everybody, But I do think

79
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,520
Speaker 1: the intentionality and the emotional maturity really help you to

80
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,440
Speaker 1: navigate anything that might come up. How do we have

81
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:21,240
Speaker 1: difficult conversations? Like I think being intentional about Hey, these

82
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,479
Speaker 1: are what I plan for my life, and this is

83
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,240
Speaker 1: how I want to include you goes a much longer

84
00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:30,000
Speaker 1: way than somebody dating for six years.

85
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,320
Speaker 2: For sure, And that's so true because we also hear

86
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,200
Speaker 2: stories where people date for six seven years and then

87
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,440
Speaker 2: like a switch flips, It's like who is this person

88
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:37,920
Speaker 2: that I'm.

89
00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,640
Speaker 1: Even exactly our dating for a very long time and

90
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,080
Speaker 1: then there is no intention of the relationship getting more serious, right, Like,

91
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,279
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people unfortunately find themselves there,

92
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,840
Speaker 1: you know, just kind of thinking that, oh, because we've

93
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,159
Speaker 1: been together a very long time, this relationship will go

94
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,560
Speaker 1: to the next level where I want to. Whereas I

95
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,360
Speaker 1: think it's important to have those conversations very early on

96
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,440
Speaker 1: about Okay, what do we see as kind of like

97
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,000
Speaker 1: the end goal for this relationship?

98
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:01,160
Speaker 3: Exactly.

99
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:05,039
Speaker 2: Yeah, So for our listeners, if they find themselves in

100
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:08,240
Speaker 2: a position or situation where they maybe feel like their

101
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,400
Speaker 2: relationship is moving at a faster pace, what are some

102
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,560
Speaker 2: questions that you might recommend that they ask themselves to

103
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,520
Speaker 2: see is this healthy or are.

104
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,360
Speaker 3: Things just maybe moving a little too fast? Yeah?

105
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,479
Speaker 1: So I think one question is does this actually feel

106
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:27,080
Speaker 1: good to me? Does this relationship feel reciprocal? Do I

107
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,880
Speaker 1: feel like I'm able to be my full self? Do

108
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,920
Speaker 1: I really feel like grounded in this relationship? Or am

109
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,560
Speaker 1: I more infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship?

110
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:36,960
Speaker 2: Yep?

111
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,039
Speaker 1: Right, because sometimes that happens, right, Like we get really

112
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,720
Speaker 1: excited and it's like, oh my gosh, but applies and fireworks. Right,

113
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,240
Speaker 1: But I think it is important to flow down and recognize.

114
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,440
Speaker 1: Is it somebody who you really feel restored by and

115
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,919
Speaker 1: it feels reciprocal or are you just really excited about

116
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:54,279
Speaker 1: the relationship. Also, I think how you handle conflict in

117
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,640
Speaker 1: a relationship is really important. Right, So have there been disagreements,

118
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,480
Speaker 1: have things gone awry and you were able to get

119
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,560
Speaker 1: back on track? I think being able to handle disagreements

120
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:07,400
Speaker 1: and conflicts is also really important in a relationship, for sure.

121
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,440
Speaker 3: Totally agree.

122
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,240
Speaker 2: So for our next story, unfortunately we're moving into something

123
00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,160
Speaker 2: that's a little less happy and rosy than marriage.

124
00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:16,920
Speaker 3: We have to talk about Boosy.

125
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,520
Speaker 1: So has he done? Now?

126
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,200
Speaker 2: Over the weekend, Boosey took to social media and called

127
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:29,000
Speaker 2: for the NBA to ban male players from wearing fingernail polish. Now,

128
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,359
Speaker 2: he was likely referencing Jared McCain. He's a guard for

129
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,600
Speaker 2: the Oklahoma City Thunder. He very famously wears nail polish

130
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,000
Speaker 2: on the court and even has a partnership with beauty

131
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,680
Speaker 2: brand Sally Hanson. Now, as you are aware, I can

132
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:45,360
Speaker 2: tell Boosey does have a long running history of homophobia.

133
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:49,320
Speaker 2: But unfortunately his comments are not in territory to male

134
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:52,680
Speaker 2: communities and black communities alike. So it's really started a

135
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:57,240
Speaker 2: broader conversation of how have these rigid ideas of masculinity

136
00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,440
Speaker 2: functioned and these communities from your perspective, like why do

137
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,880
Speaker 2: people turn to assign deeper meaning to things like fashion

138
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,080
Speaker 2: and grooming and nail polish?

139
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it is so outdated and just really

140
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,360
Speaker 1: very stereotypical and not in a healthy way. That's why

141
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,160
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, what has Boozy done now? Because

142
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,120
Speaker 1: it's always like some ridiculous kind of thing that he

143
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:24,200
Speaker 1: says or does that just really feels like is there

144
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:25,000
Speaker 1: nothing else there?

145
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:25,560
Speaker 2: Right?

146
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,520
Speaker 1: Like is there no sense to be had from this person?

147
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:34,560
Speaker 1: So I am a newly minted Jared mccayin stan I'm

148
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,000
Speaker 1: such a fan of him. Just his story I think

149
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 1: is incredible. You know, Like many people will know he

150
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:43,240
Speaker 1: recently got traded from the Philadelphia the seventy six ers

151
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,520
Speaker 1: and last year kind of was on the track to

152
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,640
Speaker 1: be Rookie of the Year and then got the sidelined

153
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,040
Speaker 1: by an injury. Got back this year, had some struggles

154
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,239
Speaker 1: and then was traded. But he got traded to Oka

155
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,360
Speaker 1: See and just had his first like Western Conference finals

156
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,120
Speaker 1: thought last night, actually, which was very exciting. So well,

157
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,120
Speaker 1: I just think that he is somebody who is just

158
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,320
Speaker 1: so joyous and just so sure of who he is

159
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,840
Speaker 1: and what he stands for that I love that he

160
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,000
Speaker 1: has been able to bring that energy to the NBA.

161
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,880
Speaker 1: It's just like, I am who I am and it

162
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,760
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, right, And really I think encourages other people

163
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,480
Speaker 1: to be more of who they are. But of course

164
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,120
Speaker 1: it is no kind of shocker or no surprise that

165
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,400
Speaker 1: a feel that is as dominated as the NBA would

166
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,840
Speaker 1: have kind of veins of homophobia. And think that I

167
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,480
Speaker 1: don't know that any players have necessarily gone on record

168
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,480
Speaker 1: really critiquing him. It feels like more people being excited

169
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,760
Speaker 1: about him, and like that he makes people laugh and like,

170
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,160
Speaker 1: you know, he just sounds like it's a joyful teammate.

171
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,000
Speaker 1: So I'm really glad to hear the ways that like

172
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,319
Speaker 1: players that he's been close to have really affirmed him

173
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,600
Speaker 1: and have been excited for him. But I think any

174
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,840
Speaker 1: feel where there are that many men who don't necessarily

175
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:53,600
Speaker 1: have more progressive kinds of ideas, you will hear these

176
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,880
Speaker 1: veins of homophobia and patriarchy and those kinds of things.

177
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,440
Speaker 1: But I really think that somebody like Jared is somebody

178
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,840
Speaker 1: who comes in and kind of challenges that we know. Sadly,

179
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,440
Speaker 1: Jason Collins just passed away, but he was the first

180
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:10,480
Speaker 1: player who came out, though he came out after I

181
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,560
Speaker 1: think he retired, right, And so I think that that

182
00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:16,839
Speaker 1: also speaks to the culture and that maybe didn't feel

183
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,959
Speaker 1: safe or okay for him to come out when he

184
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,200
Speaker 1: was an active player, but that he did feel like

185
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,720
Speaker 1: it was important to talk about that after he was retired.

186
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,679
Speaker 1: And so I do hope that we are with players

187
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,120
Speaker 1: like Jared and people being more of who they are,

188
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,520
Speaker 1: that we are pushing further and where we will see

189
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,760
Speaker 1: just that it is okay to be whoever you are

190
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,720
Speaker 1: and to wear nail polish and to be experimental with

191
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,360
Speaker 1: fashion like all of that has no indication. We know

192
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,440
Speaker 1: that that doesn't have any indication on sexuality or orientation,

193
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,760
Speaker 1: and it is really people just being who they are

194
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,439
Speaker 1: and being excited about sharing their interests. And so I hope.

195
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,400
Speaker 1: I doubt that the NBA will even respond to Boosie,

196
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,560
Speaker 1: but I do hope that we will see more of

197
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,720
Speaker 1: a trend of players like Jared who are just excited

198
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,680
Speaker 1: to be who they are and excited to share that

199
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:02,440
Speaker 1: with other people.

200
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,400
Speaker 2: No, for sure. I feel like I rarely even see

201
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,000
Speaker 2: bousy in the news unless it's for something that.

202
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,680
Speaker 1: It's never good. It's never good.

203
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I mean to that point, the self expression

204
00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:17,920
Speaker 2: of it all, it's so important, especially like as we're younger,

205
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,600
Speaker 2: and I'm wondering from your perspective, like what emotional consequences

206
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,839
Speaker 2: come from teaching boys that softness or self expression is

207
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,439
Speaker 2: unsafe or it could be ridiculed?

208
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,840
Speaker 1: Ooh yeah, I think lots of detrimental consequences, right, Like

209
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:35,160
Speaker 1: even the common refrain of old boys don't cry or

210
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,760
Speaker 1: just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, right, Like, I

211
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,760
Speaker 1: think what people intend to do is try to instill

212
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,960
Speaker 1: resilience and like it's okay to bounce back after mistakes,

213
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,559
Speaker 1: but you can't bounce back unless you've actually felt what

214
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,840
Speaker 1: the hurt was before. And I think that those kinds

215
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,560
Speaker 1: of refrains and that kind of idea really makes it

216
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,080
Speaker 1: so that boys and eventually men don't actually know what

217
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,000
Speaker 1: it means and what it feels like to actually sit

218
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,720
Speaker 1: with their feelings, right. They're often in courage to rush

219
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,960
Speaker 1: past any difficult feelings, and I don't think that that

220
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,520
Speaker 1: bodes well for them, individually or who they are in

221
00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,680
Speaker 1: relationships right, and eventually does not bode well for society

222
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,240
Speaker 1: because we have now then raised a group of people

223
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,360
Speaker 1: who don't know what it feels like to actually experience

224
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,880
Speaker 1: your emotional selves. And so I think that there are

225
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:22,880
Speaker 1: some really detrimental consequences just in terms of mental health

226
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:27,200
Speaker 1: and self esteem and people feeling extracized, encouraging maybe a

227
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,679
Speaker 1: spirit of bullying. Like I don't think that there's anything

228
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,600
Speaker 1: good that comes from telling boys that they can be

229
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:35,640
Speaker 1: whoever they are, be interested in whatever they're interested in.

230
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:40,920
Speaker 1: Totally agree, absolutely more from our conversation after the break.

231
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,880
Speaker 2: So for our last topic, we are going to touch

232
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:51,080
Speaker 2: on Young Miami because she went on a livestream recently

233
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,320
Speaker 2: and shared that she actually does not have.

234
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,480
Speaker 3: Plans of getting married.

235
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,760
Speaker 2: Paraphrasing her reasoning, she believes that a couple of things,

236
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,360
Speaker 2: marriage is just a title. At the end of the day,

237
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:05,200
Speaker 2: men are going to cheat anyway, and the worst is expensive,

238
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,480
Speaker 2: so like, why go through all the trouble for it?

239
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,360
Speaker 2: The comment sparks a lot of debate online surrounding the

240
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,320
Speaker 2: changing views on long term marriage. And this isn't a

241
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:18,400
Speaker 2: new conversation. We just are hearing more commentary about how

242
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:21,400
Speaker 2: marriage is really just a piece of paper and doesn't

243
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,800
Speaker 2: really mean anything, or going into relationships with these expectations

244
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:29,480
Speaker 2: that you could or might get hurt throughout. So how

245
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:34,600
Speaker 2: can these past experiences or even constantly witnessing unhealthy relationships

246
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,839
Speaker 2: impact someone's openness to.

247
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,440
Speaker 3: Marriage or long term commitment.

248
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I think, you know, like you said, Young

249
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,240
Speaker 1: Miami is just one in a long line of people

250
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,840
Speaker 1: who I think are witnessing things that are not unhealthy

251
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,120
Speaker 1: and then realizing, you know what, this is actually not

252
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,000
Speaker 1: for me. But I think that that is a very

253
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,839
Speaker 1: limiting view. And I think, of course, like if you've

254
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,680
Speaker 1: had your heartbroken, nobody wants to sign up to be

255
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:01,239
Speaker 1: in the heartbreak line again, right, Or our past experiences

256
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,760
Speaker 1: shape what we do in the president in the future.

257
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,160
Speaker 1: But I do think that there are also lots of

258
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,640
Speaker 1: examples of successful relationships, right, And so I think it's

259
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:13,000
Speaker 1: fine for us to kind of interrogate and question these

260
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:17,480
Speaker 1: longstanding ideas we've had about marriage being the only thing, right, Like,

261
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,920
Speaker 1: I don't think that that is ideal or healthy either,

262
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,440
Speaker 1: But I also don't know that it is completely healthy

263
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,160
Speaker 1: to be on the complete extreme it's like, okay, never right, Like,

264
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,960
Speaker 1: I think, if you make that decision for yourself, totally fine.

265
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,079
Speaker 1: But I don't know that we want people to foreclose

266
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,480
Speaker 1: on partnership if it feels like something that is important

267
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,320
Speaker 1: to them because they've had a bad experience or they've

268
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,280
Speaker 1: witnessed something that didn't work out in the end. Because eventually,

269
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,000
Speaker 1: ultimately all relationships are not meant to last. Right, But

270
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,840
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that they weren't meaningful, or that we

271
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,480
Speaker 1: didn't learn something about ourselves, or that there was any

272
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,920
Speaker 1: love loss. Right, Like, sometimes things just in we change

273
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,360
Speaker 1: and things get different. But I think that that's a

274
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,160
Speaker 1: hard pill to swallow. People don't want to like sign

275
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,600
Speaker 1: up for you know, like this thing might not last.

276
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,439
Speaker 1: But the tricky part and the hard part of being

277
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:10,720
Speaker 1: human is that we cannot predict those kinds of things, right.

278
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,280
Speaker 1: It would be great if we could, but unfortunately we can't.

279
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,760
Speaker 1: And so a part of the human experience is sometimes

280
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:19,280
Speaker 1: signing ourselves up to maybe be disappointed and betrayed and

281
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:23,320
Speaker 1: things don't always end well. But when they do, then

282
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,760
Speaker 1: think about all of the positive things that you can

283
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,760
Speaker 1: also unlock. Right, So having people to share your life

284
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,480
Speaker 1: with again, all of this is if this is what

285
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,840
Speaker 1: you desire. Now, I am in full support our conversation

286
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,120
Speaker 1: we had on the podcast about is having a boyfriend embarrassing?

287
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:37,360
Speaker 3: Right?

288
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,600
Speaker 1: Like, I think I am in full support of people

289
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,320
Speaker 1: again interrogating whether this is something that fits for them

290
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,200
Speaker 1: or whether this is just a lie society has told us.

291
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,680
Speaker 1: But if it feels like something that you do desire

292
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,840
Speaker 1: you do more partnership, then I do think it is

293
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,240
Speaker 1: okay to go after that with the understanding that at

294
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,440
Speaker 1: the end of the day, we are humans, and humans

295
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,800
Speaker 1: make mistakes, and even with the best of intentions and insight,

296
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,800
Speaker 1: sometimes relationship just end.

297
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,360
Speaker 2: No. Yeah, I love what you said about not being

298
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,000
Speaker 2: able to predict because you really just never know and

299
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,560
Speaker 2: you kind of have to like step out on trust

300
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,720
Speaker 2: and like faith and trusting yourself that you know how

301
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,080
Speaker 2: to handle these things, but also trusting your partner too.

302
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 2: If people are in this situation, how can you tell

303
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 2: the difference for someone who is toying with the idea

304
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,360
Speaker 2: of is marriage for me? Is long term commitment for me?

305
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,760
Speaker 2: How can you tell the difference between I'm making this

306
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:31,600
Speaker 2: empowered decision of what it is that I want versus

307
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,800
Speaker 2: I'm making a fear based decision if I'm scared of

308
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,040
Speaker 2: what is on the other side.

309
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,120
Speaker 1: Ooh, that's such a good question. And I don't know

310
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:43,400
Speaker 1: that I necessarily have an answer for that, except that

311
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,360
Speaker 1: you make the best decision that you can with the

312
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,920
Speaker 1: information you have at any time, right. And so that

313
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,240
Speaker 1: could be about partnership, that could be about career, that

314
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,280
Speaker 1: could be about lots of different things, right, Like, we're

315
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,720
Speaker 1: always just making our best decisions of what we think

316
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,000
Speaker 1: will work or what is the best gift for us.

317
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,640
Speaker 1: And if that's a point you decide or the other

318
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,600
Speaker 1: person decides, hey, I don't want this anymore, I think

319
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,560
Speaker 1: then that is where you have to trust that you

320
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,800
Speaker 1: have enough of a support system, that you are resourced enough,

321
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 1: or that you can figure it out how to put

322
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,680
Speaker 1: the pieces back together. Right. But I don't think any

323
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,800
Speaker 1: of us can make a fool proof decision because it

324
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,880
Speaker 1: involves another person, right, at least one other person in

325
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,720
Speaker 1: terms of a partnership, And so you are making your

326
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,920
Speaker 1: best guess and putting your best foot forward, and so

327
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,280
Speaker 1: is the other person. But at any point something could change.

328
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,920
Speaker 1: And so I think that that is also really important

329
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,200
Speaker 1: for people to know that if you decide to go

330
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,400
Speaker 1: forward with a marriage or a long term partnership and

331
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,680
Speaker 1: then something changes, it is okay for you to make

332
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 1: a different decision. I think a lot of people get

333
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,400
Speaker 1: stuck in things just because it feels, oh, I made

334
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,200
Speaker 1: this decision, and you did. You made the best decision

335
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 1: you could at the time. But if things now change

336
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,680
Speaker 1: and you find yourself in a different place, it's okay

337
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:51,960
Speaker 1: to make a different decision.

338
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,280
Speaker 2: Yep. I love that saying that, like you're always allowed

339
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:55,840
Speaker 2: to change your mind.

340
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:56,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

341
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,200
Speaker 2: Well, that wraps up our stories for thely.

342
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,000
Speaker 1: Hey, thank you, Bria. If there are things percolating in

343
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 1: your atmosphere that you think we would love to talk

344
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,400
Speaker 1: about here on I have some thoughts, Please send those

345
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 1: to us again. You can do that at Therapy for

346
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 1: Blackgirls dot com, slash Filbobs