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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes. We'll get

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Speaker 1: into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My wife's best friend developed feelings for me.

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Speaker 2: Totally go away.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I'm aware I'm going to sound arrogant and like

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Speaker 3: a self absorbed person.

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Speaker 2: Get over it.

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Speaker 3: My wife and I have known each other for a

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Speaker 3: total of twenty ish years. We've dated for nine, married

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Speaker 3: for five. She's known her best friend d since the

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Speaker 3: end of high school slash early college.

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Speaker 2: They're like sisters.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from users same poet eight

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Speaker 3: nine nine zero And if you want to submit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay story Time

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Speaker 3: Summer it.

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Speaker 2: So I think we'll call de Denise.

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Speaker 3: Denise has horrible luck with guys, harmful relationships, toxic relationships.

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Speaker 3: She's had it all and then some. I know this

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Speaker 3: because she vents about it to my wife and me

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Speaker 3: all the time. Recently, she just got through a particularly

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Speaker 3: rough relationship which she decided she was no longer going

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Speaker 3: to date and just be single for a while. She

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Speaker 3: began making comments to my wife about how lucky she

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Speaker 3: is that she has me, and then it must make

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Speaker 3: her feel so good to have a supporting, caring, loving

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Speaker 3: man in her life to take care of her. This

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Speaker 3: is when her behavior began to change. She's been very

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Speaker 3: clingy to me, and she never was before. Now when

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Speaker 3: she comes over, she's got her head on my shoulder,

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Speaker 3: she sits in my lap. She tells me all the

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Speaker 3: time that I make her feel safe and comfortable, and

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Speaker 3: she always asks how my day is going, and if

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Speaker 3: I'm happy to see her, or how I think her

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Speaker 3: body looks in her outfit, which she kind of did before,

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Speaker 3: but now she draws attention to her feminine areas.

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Speaker 2: A joke was made by my wife about Denise being my.

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Speaker 3: Second wife to do all the stuff my wife doesn't

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Speaker 3: feel like doing. Denise jumped onto this and now refers

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Speaker 3: too often of herself as second wife. My wife thinks

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Speaker 3: it's funny, and it was until Denise sent me a

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Speaker 3: picture of a ring she wanted quote because even your

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Speaker 3: second wife needs a ring. I have brought all of

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Speaker 3: this up to my wife because I don't want to

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Speaker 3: keep her in the dark. About anything, and she just

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Speaker 3: says things like ah, that's just her or man, she

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Speaker 3: doesn't mean anything by it. My fear is that Denise

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Speaker 3: is getting what she's never gotten from any of her

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Speaker 3: past relationships, like comfort or validation or safety, and that

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Speaker 3: she will become attached to this kind of fantasy. I

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Speaker 3: don't want my wife to think I'm doing anything behind

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Speaker 3: her back. But as I've stated, she just brushes it

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Speaker 3: all off. Am I just being too observant? Or is

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Speaker 3: there something there? My wife isn't seeing thoughts and there's

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Speaker 3: some comments, so cal Sunshine ten says, just have two

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Speaker 3: wives problem solved lol. Momo Lafofo says, as a female

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Speaker 3: with a lot of guy friends, there's a huge difference

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Speaker 3: in confiding with someone and then sitting in someone's lap.

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Speaker 3: That to me seems like there's more to it. I

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Speaker 3: chat with your wife and see where she stands with it.

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Speaker 3: Op says she brushes it all off. I've brought up

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Speaker 3: everything that's happened and left nothing out. Momento Fofo says,

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Speaker 3: you're also allowed to have boundaries. Just because she's okay

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Speaker 3: with it, and even if your wife is doesn't mean

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Speaker 3: you are, and that deserves to be respected. I find

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Speaker 3: it odd she doesn't see anything weird about it. Females

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Speaker 3: are hyper aware of what they're doing, Opie says, are

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Speaker 3: you suggesting that my wife may see something there and

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Speaker 3: not care?

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Speaker 2: And there's an update?

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Speaker 3: Thank you for everyone's input and advice on my situation.

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Speaker 3: On that note, there are some questions I keep seeing,

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Speaker 3: so I'll answer some below. Regarding the sitting in my lap,

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Speaker 3: this has only happened twice. Both instances were at parties

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Speaker 3: where there was no seating left where I was sitting.

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Speaker 3: I actually offered her my seat, which she said thanks

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Speaker 3: and sat on my lap. Yes, both times were in

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Speaker 3: front of my wife and she thought it was funny.

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Speaker 3: So rather than make a scene by getting her off

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Speaker 3: of my lap, I waited till an opportunity presented itself,

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Speaker 3: like needing more food or drink, or need to go

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Speaker 3: to the bathroom, et cetera. So is Denise hot or

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Speaker 3: am I attracted to her by society standards? She would

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Speaker 3: be very attractive by society standards, My wife would not

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Speaker 3: be as attractive. On that being sad, my wife is

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Speaker 3: exactly what I want in a woman. Just speaking physically,

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Speaker 3: at the moment. My wife is short, very pale skin, long,

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Speaker 3: curly brown hair, and not skinny because of the children

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Speaker 3: we have had together. I love my wife the way

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Speaker 3: she is, and we're working together to help her lose

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Speaker 3: the baby fat she wants to lose.

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Speaker 2: Denise, on the other hand, is taller than me.

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Speaker 3: I'm five ten, tan, skin straight, dirty blond hair and skinny.

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Speaker 2: Again. Attractive, just not what I'm into.

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Speaker 4: I think we get a clear definition of this, and

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Speaker 4: I think the wife maybe have low standards of herself.

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Speaker 4: Is like, you know what, I think this is good

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Speaker 4: for you. You know, she's really attractive and I think

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Speaker 4: you like her. Hopefully that's not the case, but that

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Speaker 4: could be the case.

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Speaker 3: I'm just hoping it's like she's hyper secure in her relateationship.

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Speaker 2: Now onto the update.

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Speaker 3: Talk to my wife about everything going on and my

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Speaker 3: concerns about it, using some points people brought up in

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Speaker 3: the comments. Turns out my wife is aware of the

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Speaker 3: situation and is actually partially behind it. Apparently she brought

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Speaker 3: up the idea of quote using me to show her

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Speaker 3: best friend what to look for in a guy. Was

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Speaker 3: a good idea, but this has all gone a little

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Speaker 3: farther than she thought it would forgive her please. She

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Speaker 3: had good intentions. Okay, thank god. So we're both going

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Speaker 3: to sit down with Denise and talk about everything next

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Speaker 3: time she comes over.

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Speaker 2: Comments from Gligster seventy one.

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Speaker 3: I think you all should just get unclothed and.

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Speaker 2: Trust each other.

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Speaker 3: I mean, hey, I think that's a horrible idea given

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Speaker 3: the context we've gotten now, Bingbong sixty nine, your wife

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Speaker 3: is the weird one here, and there's a second update.

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Speaker 2: Let's just get into it.

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Speaker 3: Denise came over. We all sat down at the table.

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Speaker 3: Kids are at their ants for the night. I stated

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Speaker 3: that I wanted everything to come out, all the cards

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Speaker 3: on the table.

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Speaker 2: I want to know everything. So here's what went down.

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Speaker 3: Denise has always had awful luck with men. She ventsd

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Speaker 3: to me and my wife about it all the time.

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Speaker 3: During a conversation when I wasn't president, Denise had said

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Speaker 3: something along the lines of quote wishing she could find

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Speaker 3: a man like yours because she will never know what

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Speaker 3: it feels like to be genuinely wanted and appreciated. My

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Speaker 3: wife then made a bad decision, and in trying to

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Speaker 3: comfort her, friend suggested treating me more like a boyfriend

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Speaker 3: than just a good friend, nothing physical, just the support

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Speaker 3: and comfort and validation for a little to get an

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Speaker 3: idea of what to look for in a man. Your

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Speaker 3: wife is off thousand percent the weird one here, my guy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that is a weird thing to do. You could

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Speaker 4: another thing you could have done. Hey, just look at

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Speaker 4: the relationship I have with my man, and you know,

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Speaker 4: try to resemble something like that on the friendship level

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Speaker 4: that I have with my man and like, you know,

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Speaker 4: a romantic level, you know, try to mimic that.

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Speaker 3: Denise said she was fine with that, but when she's

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Speaker 3: started to get it from me, she wanted more and more.

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Speaker 3: I only have so much to give and started to

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Speaker 3: cross boundaries to get it, like the lap sitting and

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Speaker 3: other stuff. I asked my wife about it, and she

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Speaker 3: said it caught her by surprise, but didn't exactly make

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Speaker 3: her uncomfortable with her friend. It was actually the mentioning

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Speaker 3: of Denise wanting a ring that she finally started to

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Speaker 3: see this was getting out of control. Wife said she

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Speaker 3: realized she messed up, but didn't want to say anything

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Speaker 3: to me about it.

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Speaker 2: I explained to.

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Speaker 3: Both of them very thoroughly about how ridiculous this entire

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Speaker 3: thing is how there are better ways we all could

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Speaker 3: have helped, and how this could have destroyed friendships and marriages.

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Speaker 3: They should have come to me and we all could

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Speaker 3: have figured out ways to help each other together. There

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Speaker 3: were apologies from both parties. Denise is still our friend

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Speaker 3: and she'll be coming over in a few days for

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Speaker 3: us to discuss how she can potentially work on herself

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Speaker 3: and things to look for in men she has an

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Speaker 3: interest in dating. My wife is very sorry to Denise

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Speaker 3: and me about the entire thing.

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Speaker 2: Dude, good to the wife.

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Speaker 4: Wife's really doing damage control here, really, Yeah, she said

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Speaker 4: that was my bad. I'm really sorry about how everything

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Speaker 4: is going on. I think communicated this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I would call that more accountability because damage control is

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Speaker 3: like ope, I feel op he is the one who's

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Speaker 3: like this was all messed up and then like her

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Speaker 3: admission of like yeah, I've done this, and now he's

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Speaker 3: the one being like this is so crazy.

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Speaker 2: We feel like he's.

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Speaker 4: Pointing out the damage that has been done and she's like, Okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm digging responsibility in this doing damage stroll.

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Speaker 2: Yeah I do.

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Speaker 3: I do like the way that she was like that

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Speaker 3: that was c that was not the best the best

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Speaker 3: move of me.

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Speaker 4: Here, I see what happened. I thought my friend would

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Speaker 4: have a little bit more common since then, the pool,

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Speaker 4: this kind of stuff. I just don't know if maybe

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Speaker 4: Denise should be coming back this soon. Oh you think

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Speaker 4: we should give a little time out, just.

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Speaker 3: A little space to maybe reset. Okay, Cuz like that's

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Speaker 3: kind of an intense situation.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, trying to get with your best friend's husband. I'd agree.

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Speaker 3: So in the end, my wife made a mistake, she

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Speaker 3: is remorseful for, learned from and will come out better

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Speaker 3: for it. Denise will have help working on herself and

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Speaker 3: working towards a healthier future. And then there's me. I'm

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Speaker 3: tired and I want to drink lol. Thank you again

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Speaker 3: everyone for your good words and advice. Excuse me, I'm

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Speaker 3: sorry if this isn't the outcome you hoped or thought

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Speaker 3: or predicted. But life is unpredictable and I'm glad this

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Speaker 3: is over. Oh and there will be no men nargettour

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Speaker 3: Jego Pinn says. Many are saying he fumbled a three way. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: I think Op's a solidude and he handled it awesomely.

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Speaker 3: Not everything on the internet is a plot of achornography.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, any I mean, I'm sure anyone's saying that I.

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Speaker 3: Hoped, I would hope being sarcastic because it's absurd.

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Speaker 2: Chloe B.

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Speaker 3: Ninety five says, I'm sorry, but your wife owes you

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Speaker 3: a lot more than an apology. If the roles were

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Speaker 3: reversed in this, so many people would be telling you

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Speaker 3: to call the police and get a divorce lawyer because

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Speaker 3: it would be a wife who'd been pestered and physically

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Speaker 3: used by her husband's friend despite her clearly not wanting

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Speaker 3: him to do it. But because your wife and her

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Speaker 3: friend are women, no one is pointing out how serious

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Speaker 3: this is to you. And in that scenario, everyone would

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Speaker 3: be questioning why the husband would want to be friends

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Speaker 3: with a man who is a man who spicily bothers

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Speaker 3: his mates wived. But again, no one's saying this to you,

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Speaker 3: and you seem to think it's okay for your wife

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Speaker 3: to continue her friendship with this woman, and frankly it isn't.

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Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, this is going into like way crazy territory.

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Speaker 3: I'm cutting this off. This that comment. Some people just

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Speaker 3: get a little extra about stuff and like, was her

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Speaker 3: behavior inappropriate?

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Speaker 2: Yes. Did it cross lines?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 3: And I think it is it like prosecutable offense?

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Speaker 2: Are we really gonna Yeah? I don't know. I feel

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Speaker 2: like in someone's lap counts as that.

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Speaker 4: I feel like the wife did set up Denise for failure,

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Speaker 4: saying oh no, no da. Now she's looking back at it.

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Speaker 4: It could have been innocent. I think it was all

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Speaker 4: in a intent, But this is what happens. You say

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Speaker 4: things in a sinc intent, come back you reflect, Oh

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Speaker 4: maybe that wasn't in a sick content, and I need

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Speaker 4: to do damage's goal. Love this story. Add it to

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Speaker 4: the sop book. My husband became intolerable after his work promotion.

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Speaker 2: Was he a big shot?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 4: My husband forty two male, and I thirty eight female,

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Speaker 4: had been married for eleven years. I have and have

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Speaker 4: one kid, eight female. We have a nice four bedroom,

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Speaker 4: two house with a yard, a puggle, three male, and

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Speaker 4: a generally nice enough middle class American lifestyles. Previously, my

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Speaker 4: husband and I made about the same amount of money,

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Speaker 4: each making a decent too high middle class earning. We

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Speaker 4: live in a low slish medium cost of living area,

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Speaker 4: make around sixty five each a year and made the

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Speaker 4: teeniest bit more about a year and a half ago,

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Speaker 4: my husband got a promotion that was unexpected and unevoltable.

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Speaker 4: He tried to turn it down, and just recently he

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Speaker 4: got another one. By the way, this comes from poor

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Speaker 4: wife throwaway and if you want Sami own stories over

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Speaker 4: the Arsis showcase story, I'm subredding. So my husband works

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Speaker 4: in software and never wanted to be a manager. Literally

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Speaker 4: avoided any kind of promotion or thing that could lead

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Speaker 4: to a promotion or supervisory position for basically ever since

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Speaker 4: I've known him. But he's now the junior VP of

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Speaker 4: tech at a small software company, making a little more

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Speaker 4: than twice what he did eighteen months ago. I mentioned

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Speaker 4: that he never wanted this route because hey, he likes

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Speaker 4: his company. Plus there aren't a ton of other options

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Speaker 4: around for him, even his old salary level position, so

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Speaker 4: he was kind of stuck into taking it. Be I

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Speaker 4: think some unhappiness with this being forced and him trying

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Speaker 4: to accept maybe part of what's driving his behavior, but

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Speaker 4: he says it's not, and I could be totally wrong.

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Speaker 4: Ever since my husband started making this new money, he's

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Speaker 4: been a super fool of himself, be super picky about everything.

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Speaker 4: And see he stopped doing his chores around the house.

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Speaker 4: At first, he's not really working more hours that he

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Speaker 4: does get more hours off calls, but not extensively, irregularly,

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Speaker 4: only in emergencies until I call him on it. After that,

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Speaker 4: he started doing his chores again, but leaving passive, aggressive

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Speaker 4: post it notes about mine, like if I left the

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Speaker 4: dish in the sink that he used at nine at

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Speaker 4: pm overnight and didn't wash it until after work the

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Speaker 4: next day, I was falling down on my responsibilities with

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Speaker 4: the dishes, since they're my chore. He said, if I

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Speaker 4: was allowed to criticize his chore, then he could criticize

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Speaker 4: things that bothered him. And he said he left the

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Speaker 4: note because he didn't have the time to keep it

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Speaker 4: in his head, to talk it to it, to talk

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Speaker 4: to me about it, saying this in what I saw

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Speaker 4: as a condescending manner. He also started criticizing the general

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Speaker 4: organization of our house, where the kitchen stuff was placed,

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Speaker 4: how the files for our financial stuff was organized, but

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Speaker 4: he didn't want to redo it or come up with

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Speaker 4: a new system. He just keeps putting stuff in random

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Speaker 4: places and then telling me so I was putting it

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Speaker 4: in the wrong place. If I move it back to

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Speaker 4: where it belonged. I offer to make new systems with

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Speaker 4: him if he wants things in new places, but I

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Speaker 4: can't keep track of stuff randomly misplaced. Example two. He

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Speaker 4: used to help her daughter with her homework and actually

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Speaker 4: be more patient than me. Now he kind of huffs

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Speaker 4: and puffs at her when she doesn't get it sometimes

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Speaker 4: or something right. And I started asking me privately not

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Speaker 4: to let him help her and to help her instead,

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Speaker 4: which I'm happy to do. But she used to always

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Speaker 4: ask for Dad for this, so it's a bit sad.

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Speaker 4: I observed him myself after he asked the first time,

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Speaker 4: just casually, and he doesn't get you mad or mean

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Speaker 4: spirited about this, but is way more impatient and kind

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Speaker 4: of snyderly treats her like she's stupid now or something.

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Speaker 4: Example three. We went to counseling a few months ago

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Speaker 4: to try and deal with this, and he didn't want

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Speaker 4: to try what the counselor said, so we started lambasting

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Speaker 4: her degree, her experience, her salary, her rights were reasonable,

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Speaker 4: all these kind of things to her face. Needless to say,

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Speaker 4: we never went back. I would say he was basically

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Speaker 4: harmful to this poor woman. I cut the session short

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Speaker 4: and left in a huff, apologizing to her and took

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Speaker 4: an uber home. I was so mad. He apologized and

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Speaker 4: just said he reacted out of anger, but he's never

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Speaker 4: been willing to see another therapist, saying he will be

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Speaker 4: the same thing. Example four, he bought a new car

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Speaker 4: without asking me. Granted, he's making more money so we

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Speaker 4: could afford it, and this would have been fine if

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Speaker 4: we had talked about it, but we have a rule

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Speaker 4: to talk about all purchases over one hundred dollars, so

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Speaker 4: this made me really mad. I love this rule. After

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Speaker 4: I confronted him, he suggested to separate our finances to

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Speaker 4: keep some of his new money for himself, since I

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Speaker 4: was being so controlling this man who literally doesn't give

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Speaker 4: two crabs about money usually and never wants to do anything,

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Speaker 4: so it seemed way out of character. After that, he

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Speaker 4: starts complaining how our finances are lopsided and it's not

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Speaker 4: fair that I get equal, say, if I make half

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Speaker 4: as much as he does. Dakota, when two people go

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Speaker 4: and get married.

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Speaker 2: What are they It's a union?

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Speaker 4: It's a union, correct, and keon as a union. If

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Speaker 4: one person makes money and the other person makes money,

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Speaker 4: who gets whose money is that our money? Exactly? That's

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Speaker 4: how I view marriage. And oh you make you don't

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Speaker 4: even make as much as me. Where is this selfishness

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Speaker 4: common from? I gotta assume it's just mister big shot

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Speaker 4: hot pants thinks because he's making one hundred and thirty

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Speaker 4: k a year, he can just walk all over everybody. Now,

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Speaker 4: Joe Bess says, my ex did the same thing after

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Speaker 4: he started earning more, bought a new car without me.

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Speaker 4: Then he got hair off your part time and had

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Speaker 4: to gravel. Then he got hair off and they probably

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Speaker 4: got laid off and then had to get a part

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Speaker 4: time job. Yeah, all right. Edit, he sort of has

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Speaker 4: taken this back, though there were multiple fights about this

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Speaker 4: sort of thing, and I don't know that one won't reoccur.

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Speaker 4: He has also not done anything to actually separate finances

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Speaker 4: or made any other purchases over the one hundred dollars

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Speaker 4: mark without consulting me. But he has come to me

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Speaker 4: for two things he wanted to buy and has been

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Speaker 4: pretty pussy about having to ask me, which is unusual

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Speaker 4: for us. Where's the line? How long do you work

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Speaker 4: with him? How long do you let him deny that

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Speaker 4: you should go to therapy until you're like, I cannot

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Speaker 4: deal with this anymore. Honestly, I think we might already

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Speaker 4: be at the point where he's like, well, I think

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Speaker 4: we're it's a little lopsided.

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Speaker 2: We should separate our finances.

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Speaker 3: I think you should immediately go, why don't we just

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Speaker 3: separate entirely?

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Speaker 2: See how that feels. Why don't you see how.

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Speaker 3: It's like to be all alone with your salary and

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Speaker 3: if you enjoy that life better and you can make

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Speaker 3: all of your decisions for yourself without without checking.

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Speaker 2: In with with me or anyone.

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Speaker 3: And it'd probably be even better to not have him

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Speaker 3: around to, you know, like subtly belittle or sometimes explicitly

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Speaker 3: belittle your daughter.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Joe Best, there at a scary point in the relationship.

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Speaker 4: I agree, Hannah. Oh yes, Steve Orse Steve or Steve voice.

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Speaker 4: I don't think we're there just yet. I think we're

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Speaker 4: really close to the fence. We're about to jump over it.

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Speaker 4: But we definitely need to talk talk, talk about this.

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Speaker 4: He even started trying to micro manage my Starbucks. Well,

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Speaker 4: sure it's not one hundred dollars at a time, but

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Speaker 4: it's more than one hundred dollars a year. I'm not

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Speaker 4: a crazy spender. I never have been, but I but

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Speaker 4: I live like we're doing well middle class and did

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Speaker 4: before he got the promotion, because even then we were

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Speaker 4: doing great. I haven't suggested any extra purchases. Really, so

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Speaker 4: I don't get it. This is my husband just having

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Speaker 4: a midlife crisis or what? How do I get through

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Speaker 4: to this man? I want to say, these examples are

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Speaker 4: spaced out over a bit of time, and we still

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Speaker 4: have many good days where my husband is a nice,

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Speaker 4: lovely person who apologizes for these things but then does

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Speaker 4: something similar later. WTF. I feel like he's got mental

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Speaker 4: issues all of a sudden, but has no history or

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Speaker 4: that it is this just the work stress. Could be

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Speaker 4: a brain tumor. I mean, brain tumors make people do

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Speaker 4: wild things.

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Speaker 3: Never discount a brain tumor on this show, just like

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Speaker 3: you never discount lupis when you Watchhouse.

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Speaker 2: My wife is unhappy with her new job.

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Speaker 4: It was like she needs a new man too.

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Speaker 3: A few months ago, my thirty mail wife thirty female

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Speaker 3: started a new job. To give some background, my wife

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Speaker 3: works in a broad field, but in a very specific

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Speaker 3: niche part of that field.

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Speaker 2: Think of a.

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Speaker 3: Lawyer that practices a very specific kind of law. She

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Speaker 3: worked in her previous job for five years, and while

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Speaker 3: she enjoyed the work and the flexibility her job had

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Speaker 3: because she could work from a home anytime she wanted,

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Speaker 3: those were pretty much the only good things about her job.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user w N fifteen

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Speaker 3: ninety nine, and if you want to submit your own stories,

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00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,879
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime. Subbured it so

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00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 3: the management there was terrible. Her other coworkers were cliquish,

417
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 3: and the benefits were bad lots of instability. My wife

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00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 3: generally felt unsupported in her role there. There were many

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Speaker 3: days that she would come home and practically be in

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Speaker 3: tears because of how frustrated she was with her job.

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Speaker 3: She had passively looked at different jobs a few times,

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Speaker 3: but kept going back because she enjoyed the work and

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Speaker 3: the flexibility despite things getting worse. The final straw came

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Speaker 3: a few months ago when her old job announced that

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Speaker 3: all staff members would have to take a six percent

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Speaker 3: pay cut. At that point, she revved up her job

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Speaker 3: search into full gear and quickly found a job with

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Speaker 3: the county government. While the job is in her field,

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Speaker 3: it doesn't have quite the same duties as her old role,

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Speaker 3: as she's not interacting with clients and is doing more

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Speaker 3: office work. However, it came with a healthy pay raise

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Speaker 3: and it's only ten minutes away from home, plus it

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Speaker 3: has all the benefits and job security that a government

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Speaker 3: job offers. However, she's been at her new job for

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Speaker 3: two months and she doesn't like it. Since it's doing

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Speaker 3: less interacting with clients than she's used to. She feels

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Speaker 3: very bored and that she's not challenged and making a

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Speaker 3: difference like in her old job. Much like at the

439
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,440
Speaker 3: old job, she comes home practically in tears because she's

440
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 3: so unhappy. I totally sympathize with having a job you

441
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 3: don't like and aren't being challenged at. I've been there

442
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 3: before and it totally sucks. However, I personally feel that

443
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,239
Speaker 3: she's got to give it more of a chance. As

444
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 3: she's only been there for two months, going back to

445
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,719
Speaker 3: her old job isn't a realistic option and probably not

446
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 3: one to go down given her unhappiness there.

447
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 2: In terms of other jobs in her.

448
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 3: Field, they don't really exist unless she wanted to take

449
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 3: a larger pay cut than we could realistically swing, which

450
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,199
Speaker 3: is an ideal as we're hoping to start trying to

451
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 3: get pregnant later this year. I guess my trouble is

452
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 3: figuring out how to be supportive. On one hand, I

453
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,159
Speaker 3: hate to see her so unhappy in her job. On

454
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,439
Speaker 3: the other hand, I also feel like she's being a

455
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 3: bit unrealistic about her expectations, and I sometimes want to

456
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 3: tell her, Hey, if there aren't any other realistic options

457
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 3: to work in your specialty area, this doesn't seem so bad,

458
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 3: so maybe you should suck it up and deal with it.

459
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 3: Or is there some kind of middle ground in how

460
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 3: to help her to be supportive? And there are comments

461
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 3: here comment number one, are you sure it's the job?

462
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 3: I mean it might be, but coming home almost in

463
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 3: tears just because your job is somewhat boring makes it

464
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 3: seem like something else is going on. Maybe she's depressed

465
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 3: or burnt out and that is the real issue. You

466
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,399
Speaker 3: should try to get her to go to therapy to

467
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 3: figure this out. Don't just phrase it as it isn't

468
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 3: the job that will make her feel unsupported. Instead, emphasize

469
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 3: how a therapist can help her figure out how to

470
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 3: get a fulfilling career this is true as well, and

471
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 3: tell her you can see that she deeply is unhappy

472
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 3: and want her to feel happier and more content in life.

473
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:27,920
Speaker 2: And there's an update.

474
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's that's good coming from a place

475
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 3: of empathy instead of a place of hey, this is

476
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: wrong and you're wrong for wanting to leave this. It's

477
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 3: more of like, well it might suck now, but it's

478
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:43,680
Speaker 3: like will it allow us to have things that counteract

479
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 3: suck factor?

480
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 4: Yeah? Can we make a plan where we can invest

481
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 4: so we can? You know, quitter daytime jobs?

482
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,120
Speaker 3: Ooh, France has coming home to ope drives her to tears.

483
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 2: Can you imagine if that was it?

484
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 3: She's got a work husband and she loves and now

485
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 3: she's just like I.

486
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 4: Might have been on it. I might have been on

487
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 4: the point where she might need a new Manzu update.

488
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 3: My wife has continued to be unhappy at her new job.

489
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 3: I've tried my best to tell her to look at

490
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,719
Speaker 3: the positives and try to focus on things that make

491
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 3: her happy outside of work, but.

492
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 2: It's not going anywhere.

493
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 3: In the interiroom, she reached out to her old supervisor

494
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,920
Speaker 3: to catch up and inquire about doing some part time

495
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 3: freelance work for them. In these conversations, her old boss

496
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 3: shared with her that her old organization has some major

497
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 3: changes in management that have happened, including ousting the CEO,

498
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 3: and they recently received a large donation. With this information,

499
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,400
Speaker 3: my wife is seriously considering leaving her current job.

500
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 2: For the old one.

501
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 3: To be fair, I'm starting to come around to the

502
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 3: idea of her looking for another job because I see

503
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 3: how unhappy she is. Although I'm not thrilled of the

504
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 3: idea of giving up the long term benefits and job

505
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 3: security that come with her current role. However, I am

506
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 3: locked on against her going back to her old job.

507
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 3: I saw how miserable she was there, and while she

508
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 3: says now that maybe it wasn't so bad in comparison

509
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 3: to my job, now, I just have this terrible feeling

510
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 3: that in a month or two and the bad things

511
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 3: about this old job will rear their ugly head. Also,

512
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 3: I hate to say it, I feel like she's being

513
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 3: a tad immature, especially when you consider the benefits she'd

514
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 3: be giving up at the government job. If she was

515
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,640
Speaker 3: twenty four, I'd say, yeah, go back to the old job,

516
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 3: and if your job gets cut in a year or two,

517
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:20,360
Speaker 3: we'll manage.

518
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,439
Speaker 2: But that's not the case.

519
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 3: We are in our thirties, have a mortgage, and are

520
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 3: looking at getting pregnant, likely sometime this year. It's frustrating

521
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 3: that she can't seem to see the bigger picture through

522
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 3: her day to day unhappiness. Anyway, we sat down last

523
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 3: night and I said, I'm not against you looking elsewhere

524
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 3: because you're so unhappy at this job, but I strongly

525
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 3: feel that going back to the old job isn't a

526
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 3: good idea. You were just as unhappy there as you

527
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 3: are here, and I saw for five years how that

528
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 3: unhappiness affected you, both in and out of work, and

529
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,679
Speaker 3: I don't want you to go through that again. Ultimately,

530
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 3: it's your decision, and whatever you decide, I'll stand by it.

531
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 2: But just know this is how I feel.

532
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 4: Only there was procedures she could take or she doesn't

533
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 4: know what's happening at work, and then after that she

534
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 4: could like just live life. It sounds like eight hours

535
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 4: of life she doesn't have to worry about.

536
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 3: It sounds like a really streamlined process with no unforeseen

537
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 3: consequences or complicated I'm actually really down for them.

538
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 2: I think if we could just and.

539
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 4: I feel like that, like if a company does come

540
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,199
Speaker 4: up with that they wouldn't, like, you know, do child labor,

541
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 4: or they'd be really good people and they have really

542
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 4: good intentions with what they're doing.

543
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 3: And I'm sure that that level of influence over people

544
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 3: would never breach some level of like maybe questions of morality.

545
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 4: No, yeah, yeah, not at all. Yeah, or an ethical

546
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 4: sense no.

547
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,959
Speaker 2: Well, that didn't go over very well with her.

548
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 3: She claimed that I haven't been her feelings seriously, and

549
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 3: then I'm just brushing them off by saying, oh, well,

550
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 3: just find something fun.

551
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 2: To do outside of work.

552
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 3: I told her this isn't true, and that because I

553
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 3: do care about her feelings, I'm voicing my concerns about

554
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 3: her going back to her own job, where she was

555
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,880
Speaker 3: in tears on a weekly basis due to her unhappiness.

556
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 3: And I don't want to go back to a job

557
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 3: that as few as two months ago made her unhappy.

558
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 3: She then continued with how do I know that I

559
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 3: won't go to a different job and I'll be unhappy there?

560
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 2: I responded, how do you know you won't.

561
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 3: It went back and forth, and eventually she said, going

562
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 3: back to the old job is really going to be

563
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 3: the only thing that makes me happy, and if you

564
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 3: don't support that, you don't love and care about me.

565
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 3: She stormed off and we haven't spoken since. I'm just

566
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 3: at a total loss over this. I know how unhappy

567
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 3: she is in her current job, and I want her

568
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,639
Speaker 3: to be happy more than anything, But she seems so

569
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 3: fixated on going back to her old job.

570
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 2: That also made her miserable. So I'm not sure what

571
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:42,120
Speaker 2: I should do here.

572
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 4: This is really tough place to be. I think we're

573
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 4: honestly feels like we're focusing on the wrong thing, like

574
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 4: the problem. It's like, this is the problem. This is

575
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 4: the problem. This is the problem. But I don't think

576
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 4: that this is the problem. I think there's something underneath

577
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 4: it that is actually making Opie's wife feel this way.

578
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 4: She's like, I was more happy that the old job,

579
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 4: But the old job she said she was miserable.

580
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 3: Well, I think the reason she wants to go back

581
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 3: now is because she liked the nature of the work better.

582
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,479
Speaker 3: And there's been a shakeup where like the CEO is different.

583
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 3: So it's like maybe that culture that op said was

584
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 3: so toxic and kind of destructive is maybe changed.

585
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: You know, typically when you change something like a.

586
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 4: CEO, like that's a big that's a big energy shakeup

587
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 4: from the top down. So yeah, I mean it could

588
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 4: be worth exploring. I think I think Amy Lynn says

589
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 4: it really good. I see you, she didn't know how

590
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 4: good she had it at the first job and at

591
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 4: first off until she quit and work and worked the

592
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 4: state job.

593
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 3: All right, comment one, So I think she crossed the

594
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 3: line with that comment there as well. From the old post,

595
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 3: it kind of sounds like she actually loved her old

596
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,719
Speaker 3: work but hated everything around it, and here she hates

597
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 3: the actual work. I obviously don't know what field she's in,

598
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 3: but it reminds me of science research, where if you're

599
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 3: a researcher, you might be in a crappy institution with

600
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 3: an awful supervisor and no funding.

601
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 2: But you're a researcher, and if you.

602
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 3: Get a government job, say advising, it almost doesn't matter

603
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 3: that the coworkers are nice, that the work is regular

604
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 3: and less stressful. You're not a researcher, so it might

605
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 3: actually hurt you more on the inside. At least in

606
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,959
Speaker 3: the research job you hated, there was a core of

607
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 3: your passion there, and when you got upset, you were

608
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 3: getting upset because the thing you cared about was being ruined,

609
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 3: rather than getting upset because you hate your own existence.

610
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 3: I think you're right at the core she should be

611
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 3: looking for an option three, which should be the same

612
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 3: role as job one, but at a different place. But

613
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 3: I also suspect she might be right that she won't

614
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 3: hate job one as much now that it's been put

615
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 3: in perspective. This is obviously an issue so full of

616
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 3: emotion and fears from both of you. Yours are about

617
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 3: mortgage and babies, and hers are about her life fulfillment.

618
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 3: She's really overstepped here, which is going to make a sensible,

619
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 3: calm discussion really hard. But I think that's what you

620
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 3: need to try and do. You both have really valid

621
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 3: arguments personally, at the end of the day, I don't

622
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: think I could have kids with a spouse who was

623
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 3: this miserable. I'd be more concerned about their well being first,

624
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 3: and if that means taking a hit and things taking longer,

625
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 3: I think I'd have to go that way, because starting

626
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 3: a family on that footing is not good. Maybe it's

627
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 3: worth a couple of visits to a counselor to mediate

628
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 3: the conversation and make sure you're both hearing what the

629
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 3: other person is trying to say. Opie replies, this brings

630
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 3: home a lot of good points without going into specifics.

631
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 3: My wife works in social services, so she gets a

632
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 3: lot of her job satisfaction from helping other people, which

633
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 3: obviously she isn't doing much at her current job.

634
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 2: I work in a.

635
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 3: Job that's very corporatized, so I gain my job satisfaction

636
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 3: from working on cool projects and knowing that I'm helping

637
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 3: provide for my family. I also went through a period

638
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 3: it sort of similar to what she went through, where

639
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 3: I was in a job that I hated and I

640
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 3: let the negativity affect my life outside of work. Eventually

641
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 3: I left that job for a better situation, but in

642
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 3: looking back, I realized how I couldn't let my life

643
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 3: outside of work be affected by my job. And I

644
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 3: just wish she felt that way too, which is why

645
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 3: I keep bringing up to find something that makes you

646
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 3: happy idea comment to says she may need some therapy.

647
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people have this delusion that

648
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 3: they're going to find a job in which they are

649
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 3: one hundred percent happy and fulfilled, and anything short of that,

650
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 3: unicorn is misery. It takes a healthy dose of optimism

651
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 3: and always looking forward, not backward. Sometimes your job is

652
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 3: just the thing you do to pay the bills and

653
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 3: to platform you use to jump up to the next thing.

654
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 3: Always climb up. If she goes back to the old job,

655
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 3: where is the up? More money, less stress, better benefits,

656
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 3: more security, more time off. No Opie says, there's definitely

657
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 3: more flexibility in the old job, but considerably less security

658
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 3: and benefits and likely less pay.

659
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

660
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 3: Here.

661
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

662
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

663
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 5: My boyfriend hid another woman in our house?

664
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 2: Was he playing competitive hide and seek?

665
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 5: And this comes from the r slash okay storytime sub reddit.

666
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 5: My love story began, like many today in the digital realm.

667
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 5: It was between early January and late February of twenty

668
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 5: twenty three when I, forty one female Mexican, met this

669
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 5: man forty three male on under his profile and the

670
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 5: way he expressed himself caught my eye. He seemed genuine

671
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 5: and well quite charming. After we matched, our conversations began

672
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 5: to flow effortlessly. By the way, this comes from Pucci

673
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 5: three three three and if you want to smit your

674
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 5: own stories go to the r slash Okay storytime superate it.

675
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 5: He was incredibly charismatic and witty, often using sarcasm in

676
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 5: a way that I found endearing. He was also remarkably kind,

677
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 5: and from the start we both preferred to get to

678
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,959
Speaker 5: know each other through messages before meeting in person. Our

679
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 5: conversations quickly grew deep and personal. He told me he

680
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 5: was from Afghanistan and had lived in the US since

681
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 5: he was very young. We spent hours talking about our

682
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 5: cultures and values. I was particularly touched when he noted

683
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 5: that Mexicans shared a similar strong focus on the importance

684
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 5: of family. Those long nights on the phone, sharing our

685
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 5: deepest thoughts, our likes, and our differing views on life

686
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 5: forged in intense connection. I distinctly remember one conversation where

687
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 5: he opened up about his first daughter. He told me

688
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 5: how her mother had gotten pregnant, and while he admitted

689
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 5: he never loved her, he said the overwhelming feeling of

690
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 5: becoming a father compensated for everything. He explained that they

691
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 5: eventually had a total of four children together. This surprised me,

692
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 5: and I asked him why if he didn't love her,

693
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 5: he had four children with her. His response struck a

694
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 5: core deep within me. Remember I'm Muslim, and we never

695
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,479
Speaker 5: abandoned our children. In that moment, I truly felt he

696
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 5: was a man of strong principles, someone who cherished family

697
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 5: as much as I did, and capable of making significant

698
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 5: sacrifices for those he loved. Two months into messaging, on

699
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 5: April twenty second, twenty twenty three, we decided to meet

700
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 5: in person in La Joya, San Diego. I was a

701
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 5: mix of overwhelming excitement and nervous and patient. When I

702
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 5: finally saw him, I felt like a blushing teenager all

703
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 5: over again. The chemistry was instantaneous, unlike anything I'd ever experienced.

704
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 5: We took a leisurely walk, enjoying the ocean breeze, and

705
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 5: then he surprised me he had set up a small,

706
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 5: thoughtful picnic in the trunk of his suv, complete with wine.

707
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 5: We talked about everything and nothing, and he made me

708
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 5: feel incredibly beautiful. At one point, he leaned in and

709
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 5: told me he really wanted to kiss me, and all

710
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,439
Speaker 5: I can manage was a whispered go ahead. We said

711
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 5: our goodbyes that day, both clearly wanting to continue our

712
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 5: time together and daily video calls quickly became our routine

713
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:37,280
Speaker 5: until our next meeting, which happened about two weeks later.

714
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 5: At first, I was always the one traveling to Escondido,

715
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 5: where he lived, usually once or twice a month to

716
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 5: see him. I didn't mind the travel, the effort felt

717
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 5: entirely worthwhile because of the joy and connection I felt

718
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 5: when we were together. However, a pattern soon emerged. Our

719
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 5: dates were never at his actual house. He explained that,

720
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 5: due to his parents' customs and respect for the traditions,

721
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 5: he could only introduce the woman he and tended to marry.

722
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 5: At first, I genuinely understood and accepted this explanation, but

723
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 5: as time went on, it started to feel increasingly strange

724
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 5: and unsettling. Eventually, one day he invited me to his house,

725
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 5: but it was strictly secret. I had to enter through

726
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 5: the window or the garage, always being extremely careful that

727
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,839
Speaker 5: no one saw me. This was a huge, glaring red

728
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,720
Speaker 5: flag that in my infatuation I tragically chose to ignore,

729
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,399
Speaker 5: completely blinded by the deepening love I felt for him.

730
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 5: Gradually he became incredibly possessive and intensely jealous, always justifying

731
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 5: his attitude by blaming the distance between us, and the

732
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,959
Speaker 5: fact that he couldn't easily cross the border to see

733
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 5: me as I did him. About four months into our relationship,

734
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 5: I introduced him to my son and he introduced me

735
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 5: to his youngest daughter. Both our children were the same age,

736
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 5: nine years old. From the moment my son met them,

737
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 5: he adored them. He absolutely loved going to see them

738
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 5: and spending time with them. This bond only deepened my

739
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 5: feelings and made the relationship feel more real and significant.

740
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,800
Speaker 5: One day, while driving back to his place around the

741
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 5: time of my birthday, I accidentally got into the wrong

742
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 5: lane at a traffic light. He joked about my mistake,

743
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 5: asking the other driver for permission to move. However, when

744
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 5: he saw me simply offer a plight thank you to

745
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 5: the other driver, his demeanor instantly changed. He became stone faced, serious,

746
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 5: and stopped speaking to me for days. Eventually, he called,

747
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 5: telling me he wanted to break up good and demanded

748
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 5: his favorite jacket back. When I went to deliver it,

749
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 5: he harshly accused me of flirting with that man.

750
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 3: Huh ah, mister projection, Mister projection.

751
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,320
Speaker 5: That's insane. That's insane.

752
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:36,800
Speaker 2: Tintin.

753
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,760
Speaker 3: This guy's projecting like it's his full time job.

754
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 5: It wounded me deeply, as infidelity is something I would

755
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 5: never ever tolerate. That day we broke up, I simply

756
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 5: couldn't tolerate his baseless accusation. I blocked him from everywhere,

757
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 5: but the following month became one of the hardest periods

758
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 5: of my life. I missed him far more than I

759
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 5: thought possible. I felt completely overwhelmed, profoundly sad, and it

760
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 5: deeply pained me that he actually believe I was capable

761
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,840
Speaker 5: of such disloyalty. A month later, he called me to apologize.

762
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 5: He told me he missed me and wanted to fix things.

763
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 5: Against my better judgment, I agreed to give him another chance.

764
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 5: I began to notice him constantly messaging on his phone

765
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 5: and going outside to answer it, always engrossed in it.

766
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,399
Speaker 5: This situation was further complicated by issues at home. My mother,

767
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 5: also a controlling figure, strongly opposed the relationship and spoke

768
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 5: very negatively about him, often without knowing the full story.

769
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 5: I confided in him about the pain of being caught

770
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 5: in the middle, and he seemed to understand, but now

771
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 5: I know he didn't truly care. One day, my nagging

772
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 5: curiosity led me to check his phone's notification screen. My

773
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 5: heart sank as I saw messages from other women calling

774
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 5: him my love, oh, saying my love.

775
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 4: Maybe he's just got so much love to go around,

776
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,359
Speaker 4: he can't just give it to one lady. He's got

777
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 4: to give it to a bunch of ladies who don't

778
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 4: know about each other.

779
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 5: Ask and I confronted him and asked him about it.

780
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 5: He became aggressively defensive, denying everything outright and masterfully making

781
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 5: me feel guilty for even daring to doubt him. After

782
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 5: that incident, he became even more meticulously careful with his phone,

783
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,479
Speaker 5: never letting it out of sight. Despite everything, the love

784
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 5: I fell for him, or what I believed was love,

785
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 5: utterly blinded me. After each fit of anger, predictably came

786
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 5: the love bombing, he'd suddenly become sweet, kind and incredibly

787
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 5: loving again. He claimed his frustration stem from his deep

788
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 5: love for me, asserting that MY supposed lack of communication

789
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:28,479
Speaker 5: was to blame. Interestingly, our intimacy was good. Despite his ede,

790
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 5: I never made him feel less. In October twenty twenty four,

791
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 5: he first suffered a crisis involving hallucinations and extreme aggression.

792
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 5: One of his sisters rushed him to the emergency room,

793
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 5: where tests were run and he was diagnosed with psychosis

794
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 5: due to severe lack of sleep and poor diet. They

795
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 5: prescribed medication and his sister took him home to care

796
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 5: for him. Not long after, he had another unsettling episode.

797
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 5: One night when I was with him, he spoke of

798
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,320
Speaker 5: strange things, and I stayed by his side, quietly hoping

799
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 5: it would pass. The next day, he asked me to

800
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 5: leave earlier than plan, and I didn't hear from him

801
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 5: over a day. I grew worried and reached out to

802
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 5: his sister for reassurance. When he found out, he was

803
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 5: extremely upset, accusing me of betraying his trust, and, as

804
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 5: he sometimes did, destroyed some of the gifts I had

805
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 5: given him. He started meticulously checking my Facebook profile, even

806
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 5: accusing me of having a fake profile with a friend's photo,

807
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 5: swearing it was me. Despite my protests, he often blamed

808
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 5: me for his problems, accusing me of being selfish for

809
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 5: not considering his difficulties, even when he was taking care

810
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 5: of his parents. Much later, I would shockingly discover that

811
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 5: he did regularly pick up other women at the border

812
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 5: while cheating on me, something he never once did for me.

813
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 5: The situation reached an unbearable point while I was at

814
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 5: his house. I don't know why, but he invited another woman.

815
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 5: While I was there, I overheard him whispering to another

816
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 5: woman in another room that he would take care of

817
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 5: her and protect her. His mother was there too, and

818
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 5: I noticed that she discovered her. He hit her in

819
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 5: the garage. I noticed it because from his bedroom I

820
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 5: could see the door that goes to the garage, and

821
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 5: I saw the reaction of her mother, but she helped

822
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 5: him to hide the other woman. Then he asked me

823
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 5: to go for a walk outside to give her time

824
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 5: to leave. I desperately tried to deny what my ears

825
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 5: were hearing and what my instinct was screaming, forcing me

826
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,360
Speaker 5: to believe him. Around that same time, I noticed he

827
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 5: had multiple dating apps on his tablet, but he vehemently

828
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 5: denied it, claiming he didn't know how they got there.

829
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 5: Later at night, I saw his phone on the floor.

830
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 5: I grabbed it, locked myself in the bathroom, and in

831
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:28,320
Speaker 5: that moment I discovered the full extent of his deceit.

832
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 5: He had been actively dating multiple women, at least twenty

833
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 5: throughout our entire relationship. Many of them had even sent

834
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 5: him intimate photos. A wave of intense rage and disgust

835
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 5: washed over me as I finally confirmed his infidelity. I

836
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 5: deleted what I could, sent evidence of the other women

837
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 5: to myself, and purged as many of my personal photos, videos,

838
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 5: and conversations as possible from his phone. When he woke up,

839
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 5: he was calm again, back to his usual pattern of

840
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 5: begging for forgiveness and waiting to fix everything. I demanded

841
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 5: him to get my bad, in which he went to

842
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 5: his mother's room, which was locked, and climbed in through

843
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 5: a window to get my bag. When he had it,

844
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 5: he accused me of stealing a speaker that was actually mine,

845
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 5: but that I had left for him to use, which

846
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 5: he clearly had mistaken as a gift. A neighbor came

847
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 5: out and thankfully began recording everything. Seeing her, he instantly

848
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 5: changed his demeanor, attempting to minimize everything, saying I was

849
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 5: exaggerating and it was a misunderstanding. He also tried to

850
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 5: dissuade me from calling the police, claiming that it would

851
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 5: affect his residency status in the country. The neighbor, however,

852
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 5: wisely called the police. After that, he locked himself inside

853
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 5: the house. When the police arrived, he didn't come out.

854
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 5: They were incredibly kind and helpful, taking my report and

855
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 5: explaining my options for pressing charges. They said he would

856
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 5: be required to appear in court. They were very kind,

857
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 5: and I simply told him I wanted to leave, and

858
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 5: they offered their assistance. While I was there, I received

859
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 5: calls from his sister, who now finally wanted to know

860
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 5: what had happened. It took a while for me to

861
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 5: answer her if he wanted to know what had happened,

862
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,240
Speaker 5: and later I briefly told her what had occurred, making

863
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 5: it unequivocal clear that I would never go near them again.

864
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 5: Right now, I just want to heal. I'm regularly seeing

865
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 5: a psychologist to process all of this trauma and to

866
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 5: ensure that I learned from this experience so it never

867
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 5: happens again.

868
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 3: My boyfriend can't keep his word, so I'm leaving him.

869
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 5: If you can't keep it, then I can't keep you.

870
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 2: I'm ending my four year relationship.

871
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 3: He thirty three male says, I'm thirty two female, throwing

872
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 3: away four years over a mistake he made to keep

873
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,600
Speaker 3: it short. On four different occasions over the last two

874
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 3: and a half years, he's gone drinking and came home

875
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 3: to throw a wasted tantrump. By the way, this comes

876
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 3: from user hidden here one, two three, and if you

877
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

878
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 3: slash Showkay Storytime subpred it. Twice I had to leave

879
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 3: to my sister's house because he was going around our

880
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 3: small apartment slamming doors. I've had to wake him up

881
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 3: several times because he falls asleep on the toilet or

882
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 3: the bathroom floor, and he said to sleep in his

883
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 3: car because of his outbursts.

884
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,439
Speaker 2: The second time this happened.

885
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,279
Speaker 3: He gave me his word he would be more responsible

886
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 3: with his drinking and he wouldn't have any more outbursts.

887
00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 2: He said he was going to drink water.

888
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,439
Speaker 3: But between each Bruce Ski or have sodas and bar

889
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 3: food and just one Bruce Ski for the evening. The

890
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 3: third time that this happened, I made it clear that

891
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 3: him going back on his word was unacceptable because it

892
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 3: shows that he doesn't care. I told him I was

893
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:15,839
Speaker 3: tired of his apologies if he's going to keep doing

894
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 3: the same thing. Between all these times, he's continued to

895
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,759
Speaker 3: get wasted on the weekends. The last time he went

896
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 3: and got wasted at the bar and didn't eat anything.

897
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 3: Refused the water my sister offered him because she's aware

898
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 3: of the agreement we had, And when I arrived, he

899
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 3: got upset at me because he was too drunk to

900
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 3: keep track of what team he was on, and he

901
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 3: misunderstood me when I told him and he made the

902
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 3: wrong shot.

903
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 2: We went to get food.

904
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 3: From a local taco spot and he couldn't even stand

905
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 3: because he was so messed up. I had to pull

906
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 3: over on the freeway because he needed to yack, and

907
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 3: when we got home, he fell asleep in the bathroom

908
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 3: and I had to wake him three times. I kept

909
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 3: my anger about the situation myself, because the sadness of

910
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 3: feeling like I needed to leave him because he's just

911
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 3: not willing to change was overwhelming. The next morning, he

912
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 3: could tell something was up and he asked if I

913
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 3: was okay. I said that I wasn't ready to talk,

914
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 3: but he insisted, so I told him that he went

915
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 3: back on his word again about drinking responsibly, and that

916
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 3: I realized that the only way I was going to

917
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,280
Speaker 3: avoid his verbal abuse was if I just kept quiet.

918
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 3: I told him what I told my ex when I

919
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 3: was thinking about leaving. It's not anything I haven't already

920
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 3: told you. He left it at that in the morning,

921
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 3: and at night I was crying because I was upset.

922
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 3: Four years of my life were going down the drain,

923
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 3: and I just folded and asked him why I wasn't

924
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 3: good enough for him to want to do better. He

925
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 3: started to say that I had a fault in our relationship,

926
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 3: ending ignoring that the only reason I'm leaving is because

927
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 3: I can't keep giving him chances to verbally abuse me

928
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 3: when he's wasted and angry.

929
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 5: Yeah. I was going to point out that of like

930
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 5: she's she's experienced this enough to the point where she's like,

931
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:42,720
Speaker 5: I don't want to incite his wrath, Yeah, which is like, ew,

932
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 5: if you were thinking about that, let's get out of

933
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 5: this resh.

934
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's wild train of thought. There'd be like, this

935
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 4: is your fault. That's like, yeah, I'm breaking up with you.

936
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 2: It is my fault.

937
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 3: I'm believing you, I am I'm making that decision. I

938
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 3: reminded him that he'd given me his word and that

939
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:57,800
Speaker 3: he had gone back on it twice. He seemed to understand,

940
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 3: but the next day he just kept saying that he

941
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 3: deserves to unwind on the weekends because he works all

942
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 3: week to provide for us, not like I have a

943
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 3: job and I am constantly sending him money because he

944
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 3: overspends and his account overdrafts when the phone or internet

945
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 3: bill charges his account. I was getting whiplashed from how

946
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 3: quickly he was going from being apologetic about going back

947
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,759
Speaker 3: on his word to him insisting that I'm being unreasonable

948
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 3: and unfair. I slept at my sister's house again because

949
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 3: I couldn't keep dealing with it, and I was just

950
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,240
Speaker 3: really emotionally exhausted from all of it. Now he posted

951
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 3: on his Facebook that I'm throwing away forty thousand hours

952
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 3: of our lives together for twelve bad hours.

953
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 2: So I'm asking, am I overreacting?

954
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 5: No? No, he's trying to get you to stay using

955
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 5: the sunk cost fallacy of being like, well, we've been

956
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 5: together for so long, why would you leave over just

957
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 5: a couple of mistakes, And it's like, no, these aren't

958
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 5: him leaving the dishes in the sink four time. This

959
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 5: isn't him forgetting to I don't know, like lock the

960
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 5: door for a time. This is him drinking too much,

961
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 5: showing very concerning signs of like verbal abuse and lashing

962
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:59,799
Speaker 5: out and anger problems. That's concerning, and it didn't just

963
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:01,720
Speaker 5: have on it happened four times.

964
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:02,280
Speaker 2: Update.

965
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 3: Well, I'm back to give an update as to how

966
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 3: my life played out last year after my posts. My

967
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:08,839
Speaker 3: original post got more attention than I expected, but it

968
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 3: was helpful seeing that for the most part, I was

969
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:13,399
Speaker 3: definitely not overreacting. For those who don't care to hear

970
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 3: me out, I'll tell you now so you can move on.

971
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,720
Speaker 3: We're still together. It's not that simple, though, content warning

972
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 3: pet and the family. So after my post, I stood

973
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:23,879
Speaker 3: my ground and told him I didn't want to fix

974
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 3: things because he had shown me he wasn't willing to

975
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 3: do better for.

976
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 2: The sake of our relationship.

977
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 3: I saw at advice from family and friends who also

978
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 3: knew him, and many said, although they care about Jack,

979
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 3: which is a fake name, if I wasn't happy and

980
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 3: he wasn't changing, then I.

981
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 2: Had every right to walk away. So I decided to.

982
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 3: Save money and get a new apartment or move back

983
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:41,839
Speaker 3: in with my mom. I looked for a new job

984
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:43,919
Speaker 3: in my mom's city, and I started saving for either

985
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 3: a security deposit for a new place or a cat

986
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 3: patio for my mom's house so my cats could have

987
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 3: a place to hang out without making my mom's allergies crazy.

988
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 3: Something to know is my cats and my dog are

989
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 3: My children call me cringey, but my decades long battle

990
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 3: with infertility has me in a state of mind where

991
00:46:57,800 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 3: my pets are my substitution for children. My older Caid

992
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 3: that has been with me since she was two weeks old,

993
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 3: and I found her on the street and her younger

994
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 3: brother his mom showed up at my house one day

995
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 3: and had him in my bathroom.

996
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 2: Was my shadow. He would literally.

997
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:12,399
Speaker 3: Follow me anywhere I went in the house and would

998
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 3: cry when I was showering, and would stand guard while

999
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 3: I used the toilet. So as you can imagine, it

1000
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 3: was a huge blow to my mental health, and he

1001
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,799
Speaker 3: passed away suddenly two months after my post. I found

1002
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:23,240
Speaker 3: him unresponsive one morning, only a week before my birthday,

1003
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 3: and by then I had never felt such a huge

1004
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 3: loss in my life. I stopped eating and blamed myself,

1005
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,720
Speaker 3: and because of that, I stopped taking care of myself.

1006
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 2: I was still living with Jack.

1007
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 3: At this point, and he had been trying to prove

1008
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,839
Speaker 3: that he was willing to change, even though before this

1009
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 3: he had come to terms that I was moving out

1010
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 3: and we would likely never talk again.

1011
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 2: He really did a lot for me. He helped me

1012
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 2: pay for my cat's remains to be dealt with.

1013
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 3: He made me my favorite meals and took me to

1014
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 3: my favorite food spots, and made plans for me to

1015
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 3: see my family while I processed my grief and kept

1016
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 3: the house clean, including.

1017
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:50,240
Speaker 2: My bathroom and bedroom.

1018
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 3: Call me weak, but I ended up moving back into

1019
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 3: the master bedroom after about two weeks because I kept

1020
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 3: having anxiety attacks in the middle of the night because

1021
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:57,760
Speaker 3: I would dream about the day I lost my baby,

1022
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 3: or just different scenarios where my cats would end up

1023
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:00,680
Speaker 3: passed away.

1024
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 2: And so from there we started getting closer again.

1025
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 3: By the time we decided to really give our relationship

1026
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 3: another chance, he had stopped drinking for about four months

1027
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 3: and had beginning his own crap taken care of. I

1028
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 3: was still very cautious, but allowed myself to rely on

1029
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:13,720
Speaker 3: the emotional support he was offering me. I also couldn't

1030
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 3: bring myself to leave the home I shared with my

1031
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 3: cat for three years, and my dog had felt the

1032
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 3: loss of her a little bestie and had been relying

1033
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 3: on Jack's dog for comfort.

1034
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 2: The month's pass and things continued to go smoothly.

1035
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 3: We got a savings built up, and we fell into

1036
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 3: a routine that worked for both of us. Fortunately, the

1037
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 3: year was not done with me, and my dad passed

1038
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 3: away five months after losing my baby. My family was shaken,

1039
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 3: as my dad was the foundation of our family and

1040
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 3: his passing was very sudden.

1041
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 2: My dad and I had a very close relationship.

1042
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 3: Technically, he was my stepdad, but he had carried the

1043
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 3: role of dad for many years. I had just started

1044
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 3: calling him dad to his face, and I was excited

1045
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 3: to visit my mom's house the following day to tell

1046
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 3: him about the concert I went to a week before

1047
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 3: his passing. I took two weeks off work to help

1048
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 3: my mom in the weeks after because my sister was

1049
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,279
Speaker 3: unable to leave her kids, and my brother left on

1050
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 3: a trip my dad had helped him pay for. During

1051
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 3: that time, Jack maintained the house on his own and

1052
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:03,879
Speaker 3: never complained about me being away from home for so long.

1053
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,399
Speaker 3: I don't know how I would have done it without

1054
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 3: him by my side during such a horrible phase of

1055
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 3: my life. I'll admit that had those two tragedies not happened,

1056
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 3: I would not have taken him back.

1057
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 2: Do we agree? Do we like that? But we like

1058
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 2: that sentence.

1059
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:17,439
Speaker 5: I don't think it's like like set. I think she's

1060
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,880
Speaker 5: just aware that the only reason that she stayed with

1061
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 5: them is because she was extremely emotionally vulnerable, and that

1062
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 5: is usually, like you know, typically when people fall victim

1063
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:30,880
Speaker 5: to relationships like this and they're vulnerable.

1064
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 2: I still think you gotta leave.

1065
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,399
Speaker 5: Maybe I think she knows that, but I think it's

1066
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:34,839
Speaker 5: just like.

1067
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 2: I know he hasn't drank in four months.

1068
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 5: I think it's like, it's very simple to say you

1069
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:40,720
Speaker 5: should just leave, But I think, you know, she's stealing

1070
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,920
Speaker 5: a lot of loss, and the only thing she knows

1071
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 5: that is familiar is no matter how bad, she is

1072
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:48,320
Speaker 5: aware that he can get.

1073
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 2: Give him three more months, give him, let him get

1074
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 2: to seven months. Seven months is a big think.

1075
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 5: I think she should leave right now for setting him,

1076
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 5: But it's like I understand why she's not.

1077
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 3: I had a few interviews lined up near my mom's house,

1078
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 3: and i'd been shopping for a cat patio. When my

1079
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,719
Speaker 3: life took a turn, I thought a lot about if

1080
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 3: I trusted him to truly change for the better, and

1081
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 3: some days I felt like an idiot for deciding to

1082
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 3: try again, but I ultimately decided to do what was

1083
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,439
Speaker 3: bringing me even a little bit of happiness in such

1084
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 3: a dark time.

1085
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 2: A little bit more story left. Do we have any

1086
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 2: clothing thoughts, folks?

1087
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 5: Just I mean, like, I think she should leave. I

1088
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:19,720
Speaker 5: understand why she feels stuck.

1089
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1090
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 5: My advice is that whatever is out there that you

1091
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 5: don't you know is unknown, is going to be a

1092
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 5: lot better than this. It feels scary to leave behind

1093
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 5: your rock, even if it is a rumbling rack. There

1094
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 5: are new shores that'll wait, too.

1095
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 2: He's still alcohol for you.

1096
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:36,719
Speaker 3: Over a year later, we haven't had any problems with

1097
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 3: his tantrums at all, and he's been really good about

1098
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 3: his finances and helping around the house. I have time

1099
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:42,760
Speaker 3: every week to relax and unwind with him in ways

1100
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:45,399
Speaker 3: that we both enjoy, and we are doing really well

1101
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 3: since last year. I know this isn't really the update

1102
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 3: everyone was expecting. Maybe I'm an idiot, but for now

1103
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 3: I'm a happy idiot dealing with the loss of my

1104
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 3: baby boy, cat and my dad the best I can.

1105
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 3: My mom and I had a long talk when I

1106
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 3: was thinking of letting him back in and she understands

1107
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 3: why I let him back into my life and was

1108
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:02,879
Speaker 3: happy for us when we got engaged not too long ago.

1109
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 5: Okay, story, Okay, I mean amazing he hasn't you know.

1110
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 5: I think it's it's great that he is not drinking.

1111
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 5: I think also just be aware of you know what

1112
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:13,720
Speaker 5: the signs look like, keep an eye out.

1113
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 4: Shout out to but like, that's amazing being capable of change. Yeah,

1114
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:20,880
Speaker 4: that's amazing. Can do It's crazy, right, that's my tattoo.

1115
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:21,840
Speaker 4: At any point.

1116
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 3: If you're like, I don't like the way I'm moving, man,

1117
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 3: I don't like the way I operate. You could take

1118
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:31,400
Speaker 3: a wet towel and wipe that slate clean and you

1119
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:32,799
Speaker 3: can rebuild it.

1120
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 2: But it's hard.

1121
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 5: Able to redefine ourselves. I like that, you know, it

1122
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 5: seems like it's heading in a positive direction. Just watch

1123
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 5: out for yourself, ope, and keep an eye out.

1124
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 2: I agree. He's johnyo Og host here.

1125
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a

1126
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1127
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 5: My husband said I didn't do enough for him, so

1128
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 5: I divorced him.

1129
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:50,439
Speaker 4: Yeap.

1130
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 5: My ex husband was a problem. I didn't mind the

1131
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 5: myriad of health conditions he had, but the fact that

1132
00:51:57,200 --> 00:52:00,800
Speaker 5: he refused to take care of himself was the re issue,

1133
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 5: especially when his problems caused me to lose the very

1134
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:05,719
Speaker 5: little sleep I was going to get. By the way,

1135
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:08,160
Speaker 5: this comes from misdiagnosed glee and if you want to

1136
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:10,240
Speaker 5: smit your own stories, go to the r slash okay

1137
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:13,359
Speaker 5: storytime separated. I worked for a terrible corporate security firm

1138
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 5: that really doesn't care about its employees. I was the

1139
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,880
Speaker 5: single field supervisor in my region, and on top of

1140
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 5: my regular forty hour work week, I also was called

1141
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 5: on emergency to fill open positions. This was during the

1142
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,239
Speaker 5: height of the VID as well, which eventually put me

1143
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:31,560
Speaker 5: at a regular eighty to one hundred hours per seven

1144
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:35,360
Speaker 5: day work week. The money was incredible, but I was

1145
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 5: miserably exhausted at the time. My husband was working part

1146
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:42,240
Speaker 5: time and receiving SSI and spending all of his income

1147
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 5: on himself, video games and fast food against his doctor's orders,

1148
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,880
Speaker 5: while I paid both of our shares of the bills,

1149
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:54,320
Speaker 5: car payment, insurance, phones, etc. This went on for about

1150
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:58,280
Speaker 5: three years, getting progressively worse as time went on. Despite

1151
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 5: the amount of money I covered for him. I'll managed

1152
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,719
Speaker 5: to bump my credit by paying off my car and

1153
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 5: saved enough to buy a house. Nothing too fancy, but

1154
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:08,240
Speaker 5: it's a two story with an unfinished basement, plenty of space,

1155
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 5: decent sized yard, creek, and really cool neighbors who constantly

1156
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 5: invite us over to drink and play pool. While moving,

1157
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,760
Speaker 5: I was still working eighty plus hours and couldn't spare

1158
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 5: time to help much, but I paid for the moving

1159
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 5: truck and dinner for anyone willing to help us pack

1160
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 5: up and move. I asked my then husband to make

1161
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 5: sure everything gets packed. He packed all of his own belongings,

1162
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:32,319
Speaker 5: then the household furniture, then ignored whatever didn't fit. Was

1163
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:34,719
Speaker 5: late returning the moving truck, and I had to call

1164
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:37,080
Speaker 5: about the fee, which they were very kind enough to

1165
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:40,280
Speaker 5: wave considering my circumstances. The result was that the majority

1166
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:42,800
Speaker 5: of my stuff, my roommates stuff, and my brother's stuff

1167
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:45,359
Speaker 5: didn't fit in the moving truck. My brother was making

1168
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 5: trips every day after work to pick up a car

1169
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 5: load and bring it home. I asked my husband to

1170
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 5: please do the same, and he agreed. Three weeks later,

1171
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 5: I finally got a day off. I worked a twelve

1172
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,640
Speaker 5: hour shift and planned to go pack up a few

1173
00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,480
Speaker 5: boxes and take them home. While I was out into

1174
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 5: the house and saw that my ex had literally done

1175
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,759
Speaker 5: nothing three week. He said he had been moving our

1176
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 5: stuff and he hadn't touched a thing. I had a meltdown.

1177
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 5: My legs gave out from shock, and I sobbed on

1178
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,239
Speaker 5: the stairs. My room mate and best friend happened to

1179
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 5: also come in right after me and found me on

1180
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:19,840
Speaker 5: the stairs. He held me while I cried and assured

1181
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:21,399
Speaker 5: me he would take a few days off to get

1182
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 5: everything packed up and move. He told me to go

1183
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,239
Speaker 5: home and sleep, but I told him I'm already here,

1184
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:27,399
Speaker 5: so I might as well take a few boxes since

1185
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:30,719
Speaker 5: my worthless husband lied to me about doing so. He

1186
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:32,759
Speaker 5: helped me pack up some things and I drove home.

1187
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,240
Speaker 5: I didn't even bother to unload it. I went inside

1188
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 5: and collapsed on my bed and cried myself to sleep.

1189
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 5: Hours and hours later, I finally woke up, a groggy mess,

1190
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 5: and made my way out to my car to start unloading.

1191
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 5: Best friend was there unloading his own car with a

1192
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 5: tired smile. He had been going all day and the

1193
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 5: sun was setting. Meanwhile, my husband was slacking off in

1194
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:55,840
Speaker 5: the basement doing who knows what, breaking his promise. We

1195
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 5: managed to get everything moved, but I had to extend

1196
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 5: the lease by one week and pay a pro rated

1197
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 5: rental cost, all due to my husband's neglect. I was

1198
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:08,000
Speaker 5: quickly racking up anger at him, and finally, when we

1199
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:10,399
Speaker 5: were moved, I sat him down and told him how

1200
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 5: angry I was about the lies and his laziness and

1201
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 5: what he caught. He started accusing me of all kinds

1202
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:19,759
Speaker 5: of things in return, like how I wouldn't passionately hug

1203
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 5: him because of his medical issues. I lost it.

1204
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 2: Sorry, what that's crazy?

1205
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 5: He's like, why would you hug me? I screened at

1206
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 5: him that I don't passionately hug anyone. I don't even

1207
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 5: passionately hug myself because I'm working the equivalent of two

1208
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 5: jobs with overtime to support his lazy butt and pay

1209
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:36,439
Speaker 5: for his lifestyle, because he wastes all of his money

1210
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:38,320
Speaker 5: on fast food that he shouldn't even be eating and

1211
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 5: video games, and because he does a loving a single

1212
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 5: finger to do anything around the house like unpacking, cooking, cleaning,

1213
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 5: nothing to.

1214
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:45,280
Speaker 2: Make my life easier.

1215
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 5: In fact, he's actively making my life harder. I'm still

1216
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:49,880
Speaker 5: cleaning up after him when he leaves, dishes everywhere and

1217
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 5: stains in my carpet. So no, I don't want to

1218
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,719
Speaker 5: passionately hug him if he's not gonna do anything to art.

1219
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:57,799
Speaker 5: He went radio silent on me for two weeks. It

1220
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:00,600
Speaker 5: got progressively worse. He wouldn't text me or speak to me,

1221
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 5: wouldn't answer my calls, and eventually wouldn't even look at me. Meanwhile,

1222
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:07,919
Speaker 5: he's still living off by money. So finally, one day

1223
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 5: I message him to ask him why he's treating me

1224
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:13,279
Speaker 5: this way, and he ignores me. I ask several other

1225
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:15,760
Speaker 5: questions nothing. Finally I tell him that if he hates

1226
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,680
Speaker 5: me so much, he should just divorce me. He tells

1227
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 5: me the next day he wants a divorce. I ask

1228
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 5: him why, You're not going to believe his answer, You

1229
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 5: don't do enough for me. Oh boy, did he mess up?

1230
00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:29,760
Speaker 5: I tell you this ding dong is the absolute most

1231
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 5: opto smooth brained, intellectually deficient, situationally unaware, half witted possum

1232
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 5: brain claw to say that I unleashed it. I told

1233
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:41,560
Speaker 5: him that I do everything for him. I pay for

1234
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:43,839
Speaker 5: everything so he can live the cushy life. I give

1235
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 5: him a roof over his head, food in his belly,

1236
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 5: money in his bank account, because at this point I

1237
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 5: was also giving him extra money whenever he asks and

1238
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:54,799
Speaker 5: taking days off specifically to spend time with them. That

1239
00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 5: I was doing absolutely everything for him, and this is

1240
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 5: the repayment I get. I got extremely quiet and bucked

1241
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 5: into his chest, pointing my finger at his face, and

1242
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,839
Speaker 5: told them that since he wanted the divorce, he had

1243
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 5: to file, and if he even suggested at forcing me

1244
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:12,600
Speaker 5: to sell my house that I had paid for, I

1245
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 5: would destroy him. I would hire an expensive lawyer, force

1246
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 5: him into the longest court battle of his life, and

1247
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 5: take him for every single penny he would ever earn

1248
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,760
Speaker 5: for the rest of his life, along with court costs.

1249
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 5: Then I punted him out. He moved out. He told

1250
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 5: me he was moving in with his family a few

1251
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 5: cities away and asked me to file. I filed in

1252
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 5: my county because it was closest. He raged at me

1253
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 5: when he found out. He wanted me to file online

1254
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 5: and pay an extra two seventy out of my pocket

1255
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 5: since he expected me to pay for the entire thing,

1256
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 5: and I told him no. A few days later, I

1257
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 5: got a strange text from him that didn't sound like him.

1258
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 5: I argued with him. Then a confession was made. It

1259
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 5: was his girlfriend ding Man, Dan, you'd lied to me

1260
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,880
Speaker 5: again and moved to New York from Georgia. She went

1261
00:57:57,920 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 5: psycho on me and screamed at me via tack about

1262
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 5: how abusive I am. Long story short. We argued and

1263
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 5: I told her I wouldn't be speaking to her again.

1264
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:08,120
Speaker 5: I'm filing in my county because I had already started

1265
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 5: the process, and I'm not changing my mind because he

1266
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:12,720
Speaker 5: lied to me. If he hadn't lied, I might have

1267
00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 5: been willing to file online, but I'm definitely not. Now

1268
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 5: let's go by and finally the dates come drove him

1269
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 5: to Georgia and they were fifteen minutes late. I knew

1270
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 5: this because I was fifteen minutes early. And the clerk

1271
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,840
Speaker 5: asked if I contact him, so I went outside to

1272
00:58:26,880 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 5: do so. I saw her roll up. I told him

1273
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 5: she's not allowed inside due to the VID restrictions, but honestly,

1274
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have let her inside because I hate her.

1275
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,240
Speaker 5: He nodded, and up we went. We spoke to the

1276
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 5: clerk and started our paperwork. I have some legal knowledge,

1277
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 5: definitely on more than him due to curiosity and things

1278
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 5: that have happened to me in the past, so I

1279
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 5: knew which questions to ask. I know how lazy this

1280
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,480
Speaker 5: brat of a human is. He hates doing anything he

1281
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 5: doesn't have to do, so I reminded him in front

1282
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 5: of the clerk that he still had property at my

1283
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 5: home and I wanted out of my house. The clerk

1284
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,479
Speaker 5: told him that anything he leaves on my property after

1285
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 5: a certain day will legally belong to me and there

1286
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:03,640
Speaker 5: will be no way of getting it back without my

1287
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 5: express consent. He asked if he could work something out

1288
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 5: with me, and I told him, no, You'll have to

1289
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 5: adhere to these legal guidelines and anything left afterward will

1290
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:13,480
Speaker 5: be forfeit.

1291
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 4: I don't I feel like we got Op's perspective really hard.

1292
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:19,920
Speaker 4: We don't really have anything about his perspective other than

1293
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 4: like just that he was unable to take care of

1294
00:59:22,240 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 4: himself or do anything for OP or pack up the house,

1295
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:26,920
Speaker 4: and that he has some sort of obscure medical issue.

1296
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 5: But we don't know that he was unable to I mean, I.

1297
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 4: Would assume if you're on SSI like it's because you

1298
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 4: can't work, But that's the assumption I'm gonna make.

1299
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say that he's not just leeching off.

1300
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 5: Of oh, probably some medical things. But I do think that, like,

1301
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,439
Speaker 5: unless she's like totally being unreliable narrator, I think that

1302
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 5: she would have mentioned, like he's physically incapable of doing this.

1303
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 2: I mean, but she's just upset. I don't know.

1304
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 3: It's true. These are we never know. We only get

1305
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:56,440
Speaker 3: one perspective.

1306
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 4: In these stories, we only get one voice, and I

1307
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:00,479
Speaker 4: just I don't know. This one makes me say because

1308
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 4: I've seen this happen, and it's like I've seen the

1309
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:07,320
Speaker 4: guy like in the depths of like the just the shit,

1310
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:09,800
Speaker 4: and it's like he can't get out and he just

1311
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 4: keeps making the wrong joys. And it's true his partner

1312
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 4: is not responsible for like getting him to change his behavior,

1313
01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 4: but it's just like such a just awful situation. And

1314
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 4: then it builds that resentment and she's probably been it's

1315
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 4: not just like she started hating him to this degree

1316
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 4: smooth brained, half wit whatever, all that stuff and building

1317
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 4: up for years, potentially.

1318
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:27,800
Speaker 2: Years, probably at least one.

1319
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 3: And when you feel that resentment coming from your partner,

1320
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 3: it makes a lot of sense that you're gonna go

1321
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 3: look for some level of like, yeah, I don't just

1322
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 3: like despise you now.

1323
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:38,959
Speaker 5: While we were together, his blessed mother, may our soul

1324
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:41,200
Speaker 5: rest in peace, despite her son turning out to be

1325
01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:44,440
Speaker 5: worthless past I loved that woman. She was a saint,

1326
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 5: and I wanted something of hers to remember her. He

1327
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 5: had inherited her dining rug. While not worth a lot monetarily,

1328
01:00:50,520 --> 01:00:53,320
Speaker 5: it is still lovely black and red antique, and I

1329
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 5: knew he couldn't afford to ship it, nor could he

1330
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 5: afford to rent a moving track, nor could he fit

1331
01:00:57,520 --> 01:01:00,480
Speaker 5: it into his girlfriend's tiny crap car. While he was

1332
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:02,960
Speaker 5: crying and loading up his mother's belongings, all of which

1333
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 5: he had left behind when he left. Initially, I told

1334
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:08,160
Speaker 5: him I'm keeping the rug. I said this flatly and

1335
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 5: without feeling. He tried to argue, so I pointed out

1336
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 5: the obvious, and he conceded. He knew I was right.

1337
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 5: That rug is one of my favorite belongings. I've begun

1338
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:19,360
Speaker 5: renovating our unfinished basement, and it currently resides in a

1339
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:23,000
Speaker 5: lovely guest room that houses my bookshelves, armoire, king size bed,

1340
01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:25,520
Speaker 5: and fifty five gallon fish tank that is not yet

1341
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:28,040
Speaker 5: home to anything. And for even more good news, I

1342
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,440
Speaker 5: married my best friend and we've been together for nearly

1343
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 5: four blissful years. On our fifth anniversary, he has agreed

1344
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 5: to a ceremony since we were married in a simple

1345
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,760
Speaker 5: ceremony with only two witnesses. And for more petty revenge,

1346
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 5: I still have my ex's childhood art finder, which he cherishes,

1347
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:45,440
Speaker 5: and I will continue to hold it until he pays

1348
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 5: me back the four hundred dollars he owes me for

1349
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 5: the brand new tires I put on his car a

1350
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:52,480
Speaker 5: mere a few weeks before he decided he wanted the divorce.

1351
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:54,840
Speaker 5: I'm never giving it back at this rate, and I

1352
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 5: do send him annual reminders.

1353
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 3: A lot of people in the chatter are being like, yeah,

1354
01:01:57,960 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 3: and he was just like playing video games and like

1355
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 3: eating all day.

1356
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 2: Like I don't know if y'all know what the good

1357
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 2: life is, but like just.

1358
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:06,400
Speaker 4: Like being stuck and not doing anything with your life

1359
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:07,440
Speaker 4: and unable to get out of it.

1360
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 2: Why you know you want to and you should is

1361
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 2: like not the good life. It's a terrible life.