WEBVTT - Live Life On Purpose (w/ Ashley Johnson) 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:03.320 Hey, y'all, you're here and now listening to provide him 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:07.240 Inde Podcast. As always, I'm your host, Dawn Day, and 0:00:07.280 --> 0:00:09.840 I'm here to help you become your best self because 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:12.440 i want you to live your best life. So today, 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:14.760 as I'm looking at the world in the US, I 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:17.120 can't helpless see all the pain and suffer and people 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:19.880 are going through from loss and it's just coming in 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:23.360 so many different ways and so many directions. From loss 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:27.320 of freedom, you can't do what you want, loss of opportunities, 0:00:27.680 --> 0:00:30.160 there's so many people without jobs right now. And then 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:32.600 the one that hits the top tier for me, and 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:34.800 that's dealing with the loss of loved ones. And that 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:38.080 made me think, are we having the conversations about death 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:40.280 as far as how to prepare? What is it that 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:42.960 we want? And that leads me with my guest today. 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:45.680 Now you've heard of a doola, right, A doula is 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:49.560 traditionally known to bring life into the world. Well, my guest, 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:53.440 Ashley Johnson, is a death doola and she's also the 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:57.080 founder of Loyal Hands. It's an organization offering end of 0:00:57.120 --> 0:01:00.480 life transition services to help people have a healthy relationship 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.720 when it comes to the ends. Of their lives. It's 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:06.120 definitely a sectical to see when people actually embrace the 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:09.600 fact that they are transitioning and take power into that 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:15.080 whole aspect of mystery, but incorporating happiness with it. And 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:17.440 it takes me back even dealing with my mother and 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:20.280 when she had her transition, I didn't know what she wanted. 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:23.319 We never talked about it because for some reason we 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:25.800 have this thought process that this day will never come. 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:28.959 But guess what, It's inevitable. And rather than putting the 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.880 pressure on your loved ones to make decisions, or even 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:34.200 the pressure of yourself of trying to have to figure 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:37.240 it out, maybe you need to hire an organization like 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:41.160 Loyal Hands, find yourself a death doula. So you're probably 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:44.520 curious at this point what exactly is a death doula 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:47.680 and what do they do? Well, no need to wonder 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:52.800 any longer. It's time for your dose Survitamin D. Right 0:01:53.280 --> 0:02:00.000 with me and get excited about your lives. Ladies and gentlemen, 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.960 Welcome to the Vitamin D Podcast. I have an interesting 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:07.320 conversation in store for you today. Um I have a 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:11.640 special guest. Her name is Ashley Johnson. She is the 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:16.519 founder of Loyal Hands, an organization offering end of life 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.480 transition services. Yes, just like a doula brings life into 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:25.160 the world, were Ashley's business is all about transitioning life 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:28.840 out of this realm. So without further ado, please help me. 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:33.280 Welcome to the Vitamin D Podcast, Miss Ashley Johnson. Ashley, 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:37.000 how are you? I am amazing, Thank you, thank you. 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:41.679 That was an amazing introduction. Um. Yes, I am Ashley. 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:45.000 I am the founder of Loyal Hands into Life DULAS. 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:48.880 I am a certified end of life doula Q the 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:55.960 organ done UM. A lot of people are familiar with 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:58.520 the word doula. It's like so not a misus with 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:03.120 you know, being the birth do la um. Until recently, 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:07.160 there's been a lot of advocacy for people that are 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:10.000 transitioning out and if you think about it, a lot 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:12.720 of us birth dolers and death dolers we pretty much 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:16.320 do the same thing. And we require ourselves to be fearless, 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:19.200 patient and calm first and foremost because we have to 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:21.880 be there and be present for our families, for the 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:24.840 families and for the people that are transitioning. How did 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:29.640 you get into this line of work? Okay, I would 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:32.680 love to tell you like a fairy fairytale story. But 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.000 I honestly I got into this line of work. It's 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:39.200 been since I was young. I gravitated towards people that 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:43.560 were elderly and transitioning. Even I would look at the uh, 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:45.840 you know, the Sunday paper they come out with the comics. 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:49.120 I would look at the obituaries and it would find 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:52.960 such amazement with the stories that they would tell, um, 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:57.280 the history and things there, you know, their legacy. And 0:03:57.320 --> 0:04:00.280 then from there I went to school, you know, duated 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:04.320 from the University of Florida, soillulgators. But and after that 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:10.840 I became into deathcare like for the over a decade. Wow. Yeah, honestly, 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:13.680 it's crazy. It's not something that you hear all the time. 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:17.400 A death dula, end of life doulah um. A lot 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:20.400 of people are foreign to it. A lot of people 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:23.120 don't even like to talk about death, so that in 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:28.200 itself is foreign. So literally, um, I'm here, a lot 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:31.200 of end of life dulas are coming to the forefront 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.360 to actually speak about death, to actually to talk about 0:04:34.400 --> 0:04:36.279 it because, as you know, like a lot of cultures 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:40.400 that was hush hush, especially in Western society, we don't 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:42.200 talk about it, and we act like if we don't 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:46.000 talk about it, it doesn't exist, it won't happen, right, 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:48.719 and it happens. And right now with COVID nineteen happening, 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:53.159 it's something we have to think about. Correct. Crazy crazy, crazy, 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:55.480 And that's the thing right now with COVID nineteen, it's 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:58.520 brought death to the forefront. A lot of people are 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.160 we're talking about it to people are afraid of it. 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:04.800 Um I will say that we have increased our calls 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:08.440 on people having anxiety and stress about talking about death 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.720 and things like that, and it's all really due to 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:14.280 COVID because people are we're not ready, we haven't had 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:17.600 those conversations. A lot of people when there's when they 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:22.040 get when their family member get gets COVID nineteen, they 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:24.680 don't have their rights in order, so they don't know 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:26.880 if their loved one wants a d n R or 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:30.719 have all the like, have all the medical work to 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:35.000 help them or anything like that. So that's definitely cranked 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:37.360 up a lot because people are not we're talking about it. 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:40.359 So why do you think we're afraid of talking about death? Like, 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.679 what's the perception? Is it scary? Should it be scary? 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:48.000 It's a taboo. That's the thing. It is a taboo 0:05:48.120 --> 0:05:50.960 of you know, people think if we talk about it 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:54.120 is happening, death is gonna come to our door. I'm one, 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:56.400 I'm not talking about it. I'm not. I do talk 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.040 about it. I take that back, I'm not manifesting on it. 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:01.440 I like to address that, Leph another room. Just how 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:05.760 we're born, we will transition um, but we and the 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.880 thing is, we're only born once and we will transition 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:11.000 only once. So we want to make sure it's a 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:13.560 good transition. We want to make sure like we have 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:17.360 our our our rights and our advanced directives and things 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:19.480 like that in order so when things happen and they 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:25.320 go away, that everything that we wanted is followed through. 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:29.880 So yeah, I you know, so I know from being 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.880 a death like, I think that you should talk about it. 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:35.080 It's just as much as we talk about death with 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:40.520 our sex, with um, with adolescents. You know, we have 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:42.960 to talk about it. We have to address it because 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:46.400 it's not like it's not going to happen. It's nothing 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:50.000 that you can avoid. And it reminds me of even 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.880 losing my mother and even the various loved ones. There 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:56.919 is a weight that you carry to make sure what 0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:00.680 should I do if anything were to happen, Then you 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:03.200 don't want to live with the idea of did I 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:07.400 make the right decision? So that's amazing to hear as 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:11.120 a child you're up here reading obituaries instead of comic books. 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.000 I really think my mom should have probably been paying attention, 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:18.200 like what is wrong with this kid? Are you walking 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.520 into a gift? Because I'm sure not. We're going to 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:24.600 talk about this, how your your passion, your your line 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:29.120 of work probably saves lives in a business that's catered 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:33.000 to lives transitioning out of this world, right, right, right, 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:39.240 and right. So yeah, definitely being it's being a millennial 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:43.680 like that that right there in itself, it's like a 0:07:43.720 --> 0:07:46.720 go getter type of I won't say all millennials, I 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.360 should preferce that, but let's just were got off from 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:55.280 an optimistic point of view. But literally, I say with 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:57.600 the end of like Dolus, we millennials are taking charge 0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:59.960 and like we want to talk about it. We listen, 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:02.320 get a lot of millennials that are coming to the 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:05.000 forefront and they're like kind of curious because it was 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.679 it's such a taboo thing. So We're like they're asking 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:10.360 questions because they're like this is kind of forbidden, so 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:14.440 we're kind of interested in intrigued, which is good. Cool, 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:16.480 let's talk about it. Like I give a lot of 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.880 kudos to baby boomers. Baby boomers, Um, if you look 0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:22.240 back at it, they were the trend setters. They were 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:26.040 the ones that started like the get fit and healthy. Um. 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:30.480 They and now that they're aging at astronomical rate, it's 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:33.280 they waited later to have children and things like that. 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:37.240 So now that they're they've lived a holistic and healthy life, 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:41.720 now they want to transition as well in in a 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:48.520 in a not so normal lifestyle. So yeah, so have 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:52.760 you seen that's more positive or negative? It's positive. Um. 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:56.400 Working with baby boomers, it's like they aren't afraid to 0:08:56.440 --> 0:08:59.839 talk about it. They know the inevitable is coming. Um, 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:05.079 it makes it. They honestly, they drop off so many jewels. Um. 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:06.960 They definitely tell you about the keys of life, what 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:09.120 they learned throughout the way, What was the most important, 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:12.200 what wasn't what? Why are you wasting your time with X, 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.160 Y and Z when you should just go live your 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.520 life and be happy with blah blah blah. Like I 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.760 one quote like I can say that I have a 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:25.760 client that is transitioning, um and he is a millionaire, 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:29.560 and he he will tell me, like, you know, he 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:32.840 has a fleet of cars, fleets of cars outside his 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:37.080 house and he'll say, Ashley, I can't even drive these cars. 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:40.560 I scoured the world to get these cars. He would 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:44.800 he would find exotic cars, foreign cars and travel to 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:47.600 them and that was his thing. And now that he's 0:09:47.640 --> 0:09:51.520 transitioning that he's like, I can't take these with me. 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:54.280 And he's like, I worked day and night so I 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:57.000 can afford that luxury to do what I wanted to do. 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:01.080 I took away time from my family, know, working hard, 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:03.320 and now I can't even take that with me. So 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:07.360 he has regrets of this, and it's like heavy things. 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:09.840 And he's like, you know, spend time with your loved ones, 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:12.440 like and you're like, yeah, I do that regularly. But 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:15.960 then you're like, no, just because you're spending you're spending 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:18.080 a lot of time doesn't mean you're spending quality time. 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:20.920 So you want to Then you're like, I want to 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:24.360 spend quality time. When people asked ask those provoking questions 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.280 like hey, grandma, how how was it when you grew up, 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:30.439 like you know things like that, like tell me about 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:33.760 your childhood and random stories. So and I love that's 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:36.040 what you said, because that's something that I talked about 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:39.640 your life bank account, Because your life bank accounts, you 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:42.839 have to discern what kind of deposits versus liabilities are 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:46.959 you making there and what makes it worthwhile? Like how 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:48.920 are you spending your time? Because yes, we want the 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:51.120 American dream, Yes we want to travel, Yes we want 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:53.520 these cars, Yes we want this lifestyle. But then you 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:57.199 think about it the quality of your life while you're 0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:01.240 making deposits, what are the liabilities and does it balance out? 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:04.040 It doesn't mean you can't have it. So thank you 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:07.280 for sharing that. And as I see, like you are 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:10.600 very wise and beyond your years. So I'm just wondering 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:15.520 what was life growing up for you and how did 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:19.080 that affect your ability or how did that and enhance 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:24.800 your decision to form loyal hands um. Honestly, life for 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:26.959 me growing up as a as a child, I grew 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:30.680 up in a single parent household and uh a low 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:34.400 income neighborhood. And pretty much how that transitioned to me 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:37.319 into getting into this life, this line of work is 0:11:37.360 --> 0:11:39.800 because I grew up in the neighborhood. I group that 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.040 the neighborhood that I grew up in and locked the 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:45.760 advocacy UM how to deal with end of life process. 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:50.120 So death happened as it happens every day, but families 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:56.480 weren't emotionally or mentally financially prepared. So families weren't healing 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:58.800 from these traumas their loved ones would either not healing 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.120 from them. And so therefore we create a general you start. 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:05.880 I look back now, a lot of generational traumas were 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:09.120 recreated because they were we weren't healing, we weren't talking 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:13.400 about it, the mental aspect of it. UM. So that 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:15.720 was like the framework I saw that I you know, 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:20.320 I saw that we were repeating the same cycle. So 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.160 literally it came to be when a good friend of 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:27.160 mine got colon cancer UM at the age of twenty seven. 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:30.080 UM I was doing a lot of the end of 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:33.559 life doula work without a title. It was just something 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:37.600 natural um innate I was definitely at the hospitals by 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:41.839 her bedside, helping her make really in depth like decisions 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:43.880 on how she wanted to carry out the rest of 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:45.600 her life, how does she want to leave her legacy? 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:48.480 She didn't have any children, so how does she want 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:51.960 to have her legacy? So once she transitioned, I saw 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.480 fit to provide others in need of end of life 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:59.040 education like or holistic services and companionship because like I 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:03.080 said before, like everybody deserves a good death and families 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.360 need proper closure. So would you say that your services 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:09.280 is more for the person that is transitioning or for 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:12.240 the loved ones that are dealing with the other love 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:17.120 one that is transitioning both. I deal with both, um, 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:20.360 because a lot of loved ones they don't understand the 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:22.800 process of tim They think it's a final goodbye. They 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:26.480 take it as a final goodbye and things like that. Um, 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:30.920 I I my whole. When I am hired to be 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.280 like the end of life do la I I come 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.880 in there as an advocate for the person that is transitioning. 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.400 I want to make sure that what they want to 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:43.280 be done by the time they transition is actually properly 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:47.199 executed UM. And also taking care of the family because 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:49.520 I know the family can't pour from an empty cup. 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:53.040 So there's times where I will you do I will 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:59.000 bring like, um, what is it called I have a footsak? 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:01.320 So the do you know, the loved ones, I just 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.160 a little pamper metime because as they are taking care 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:08.640 of their loved ones and and how they remorse and 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:10.439 grieving while that loved one is still a life, I 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:13.280 like to bring them into an element of focus then 0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:18.240 on themselves. I am here here like relax because you 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:21.040 can't pour from the empty cup, So so you're offering 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:27.440 a foot so for the loved ones. Yeah, well, I 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:31.440 definitely cater because I I'm not there twenty four hours 0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:35.080 a day, So I educate the loved ones and what's 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:38.400 the steps that are happening, and so many questions. I'm 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:42.240 just trying to think of how to gather them ask away. 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.880 So let's let's even thinking about your good girlfriend that 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:48.560 you lost, and you're saying how you were doing all 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:51.760 these practices and not realizing that this was helping to 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:57.560 form you're soon to be business. Now I'm wondering, how 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:01.920 did you get the strength? Doesn't did you? Was it 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:05.240 for certain that she was transitioning out of here? I'm 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:09.200 just thinking, if I have a loved one, how I 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:14.200 don't even know how? I need you right right? And 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:18.280 it literally it was when you have for her in 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:21.760 her situation. When that happened, it was her on colleges 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:24.160 came in and told her her options, and at that 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:28.080 time he told her, hey, we're gonna start chemo. We're 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:32.520 gonna start chemo. Um, this means that you most likely 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:36.240 won't be able to have children. You know, that's that's heavy. 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:39.400 You know, as a woman, you're like, wait, I need 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.600 to decide right now my life or the ability if 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:44.560 I need to have children, even though I wasn't thinking 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:47.520 of having children right now, but now we have this, 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:49.120 and so it was like, okay, this is a this 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:50.680 is a heavy decision. What do you want to do. 0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:54.720 And it's like, okay, you're you want to want it, 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:57.640 like prolong her life. And I was like, you know what, 0:15:57.840 --> 0:15:59.920 that's great. That is your decision on what you want 0:15:59.920 --> 0:16:03.000 to do. There's plenty of other options. We you could 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.880 you can have your eggs harvested, you could have you 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:08.600 can adopt children, you can foster children, you can be 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:11.840 a big brother Big Sister program. There's many options. So 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:13.960 you think we're thinking outside the box. And then from 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:17.880 there it just escalated from other other decisions. I became 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.800 her point person like I don't know how to tell 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:24.240 my mom this because now you're you're coming into a 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.160 situation where the doctors are telling you things and you 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:28.640 have to tell your mom. You know, you know my 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:31.400 last my last process, you know, my last therapy did 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:32.920 not go so good? So how do I tell my 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:35.960 mom that it's not going good? And it's just like that, 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:38.320 it is very hard to tell your mom that she's 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:41.280 going to that she could possibly be losing a child, 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:44.920 and how to break that news. It's it's hard. So 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.560 and I at that time, I promise you I didn't 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.680 have any formal training. So this is literally coming from 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.480 as my sister, my my sister friend you know, uh, 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:58.680 just being what would I do how you know, being 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:00.960 an active listener and what what I do put in 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:06.000 myself in her situation. And that's how literally it developed. 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:11.399 Wow it was it wasn't heavy, it was definitely heavy. Um. 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:18.720 I carry her essence with me daily. UM, I can't front. 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.399 Like the reason that I that I'm really doing this 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:27.160 is because when she transitioned, it was in peace. It 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:30.399 wasn't it wasn't something traumatic. It was in peace and 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:35.359 who she wanted to be around her, what she wanted. Um. 0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:37.560 And so that's like literally a driving force. And I'm like, 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.159 you see so many people, especially how I was growing up, 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:43.280 that wasn't their situation, and so their loved ones that 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.600 are still living didn't have that trauma, like, oh my gosh, 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:48.520 they were they were in a hospital bed, the doctors 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:52.040 weren't attentive, the family affairs were in order, and it's 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:55.959 so much stress. It wasn't she didn't have stress. She 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:59.960 was she literally was like went to sleep. It was 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:04.720 very peaceful. So that's what that element I would like 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:08.720 to extend to everybody to have something peaceful. Everything else 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:12.920 is secured, right because in your peaceful mind, you can think. 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.320 And more importantly what you said and I think we 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:20.080 may mention, is about how important it is to be present, yeah, 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:24.000 in the moment and not having to worry. So now 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:27.400 that you move forward and let's just talk about this, 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:34.240 tell us how you implemented your educational experience, because did 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:36.840 you know about this career path or did you kind 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:42.440 of cultivated I did not know about the whole career 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.200 path of being the end of life do la um 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:46.479 as I said. I graduated from a University of Florida 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:50.200 with a degree in anthropology and a background in chemistry. UM. 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:54.119 I went on to work in a background and like 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:59.199 death services. So from working in a more um working 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:03.040 in a lab, it's been so I was able to 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:06.359 see all different types of scenarios with death and dying 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:11.560 from like with hospice and things like that. So with that, 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:16.760 it just literally when she transitioned, I was like, I 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.760 want to help people, but how can I help people? How? 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.240 Like you start? I started reaching out to like organizations 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:24.399 and seeing you know, this is this is the idea 0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:27.680 that I have. Is there something that I can that 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:31.719 I can do? Um? Literally I found like there's there 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:35.280 was a whole curriculum and backgrounds in schools that educate 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:39.240 people on how to help people with being an end 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:45.199 of life doulah. I definitely will say like, um, it helps, 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:49.560 it definitely it helps right now for me, I will 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:53.040 say it helps for me. I take, I've taken the programs, 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:57.679 became need A proficient. It's a it's ah, how can 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:04.120 I describe that? Oh my gosh, it's like core curriculums 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:06.040 for how to be an end of life dula. So 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:08.600 I became a certified end of life doula. I became 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:11.160 a need a proficient end of life doula, I will 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:14.480 tell you I'm always a student. I'm always learning. Everybody 0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:18.400 is diverse, There's so many different aspects of people. That's 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:21.639 where like my anthropology comes in. I love that. I 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:26.440 love to study in and immerse myself in cultures and practices. 0:20:27.000 --> 0:20:30.680 So that literally spearheaded me to be where I am 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:33.880 right now. That is amazing and I love that. So 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:38.160 with loyal hands, what kind of UH experience? What type 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:41.680 of training do you go through with your your dulas? 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:47.000 So with our dulas, they come from various walks of life. UM, 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:51.320 their skills, their interests and everything, but the bare basics 0:20:51.359 --> 0:20:54.600 that are loyal hands dulas they must have. They have 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.879 to graduate from a training program. UM, they must be 0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:00.800 needed proficient. Like I said it me that means meeting 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:03.760 core proficiencies to be an end of life doula UM 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:06.520 and also volunteer. How do you know if this is 0:21:06.560 --> 0:21:10.439 something you want? Because it is very different if you 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:13.920 don't immerse yourself and be like you know, be around 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:17.199 people that are transitioning in all aspects. What do you 0:21:17.200 --> 0:21:20.760 mean by in all aspects? Because as end of life doula, 0:21:20.960 --> 0:21:23.439 we definitely we deal with the elderly we deal with 0:21:23.480 --> 0:21:25.800 the dying, but there's a lot that we deal with 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:28.520 and aspects of people that are just normally healthy. They 0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:30.240 just want to make sure that their affairs in order 0:21:30.240 --> 0:21:32.720 because they know death can happen at any minute, like 0:21:32.840 --> 0:21:35.240 right now, COVID nineteen is happening, and a lot of 0:21:35.280 --> 0:21:38.320 people are coming to just to have their advanced directives 0:21:38.320 --> 0:21:41.200 and their advanced care planning in order so if something 0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:43.160 happens that if they have to go into the hospital, 0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:46.679 their family knows what they want um the life saving 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:49.800 procedures that they want, and if something turned fatal, they 0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:54.520 would know how to properly execute their last will and testament. 0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:59.159 And you're saying that would be basically if so, But 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:01.520 I'm thinking from my stuff, if I'm interested, I would 0:22:01.520 --> 0:22:03.880 already have to be around people like that and and 0:22:03.920 --> 0:22:08.680 have exercise that, because how would I know? Right? Education 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:11.680 is key because a lot of people, you know, they 0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:14.240 don't know about end of life duelists and and people 0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:15.840 that when they do hear about end of life doul 0:22:15.880 --> 0:22:18.720 iss they think it's like a hoshposh, like very fancy, 0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:21.280 like only celebrities can have end of life doulas, And 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:25.040 it's the furthest thing from the truth. It's end of 0:22:25.160 --> 0:22:28.840 life doers is you're, like I said, your advocate, and 0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:31.520 it's something as simple as if you wanted to get 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:35.640 like a Google search. We're like, it's a you can 0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:38.439 Google search with a lot of dulas are end of 0:22:38.480 --> 0:22:44.600 life practices will pop up. So it's it's definitely something 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:47.560 new a lot of things. It is something that's foreign 0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:52.200 as a taboo, especially like I said, Western night culture, 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:54.920 we tend to avoid talking about death and dying. So 0:22:55.240 --> 0:22:57.760 you know, now for so just going on a Google 0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:00.639