WEBVTT - Bonus: The Secrets Hotline

0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.520
<v Speaker 1>High Family Secrets Family. As we prepare for the launch

0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:09.440
<v Speaker 1>of our eighth season at the beginning of May, finally

0:00:09.600 --> 0:00:13.360
<v Speaker 1>coming soon, I want to wet your appetite by sharing

0:00:13.360 --> 0:00:16.720
<v Speaker 1>with you what feels like a sibling podcast to Family Secrets,

0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:22.560
<v Speaker 1>created by the podcaster extraordinaire Nick vander Kolk, the Secrets Hotline.

0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:26.680
<v Speaker 1>Nick has put together some examples of the anonymous recordings

0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.800
<v Speaker 1>people leave on the Secrets Hotline, and I think one

0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:32.800
<v Speaker 1>of the things that's most fascinating about this show is

0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:37.080
<v Speaker 1>the huge range of what constitutes a secret. I hope

0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:39.839
<v Speaker 1>you enjoy it and follow Nick's show, and I'll be

0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:42.600
<v Speaker 1>back soon with a bit more bonus content and the

0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:52.920
<v Speaker 1>all new season. Oh boy, this is going to be

0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:59.960
<v Speaker 1>a weird probably not that weird. But I'm nineteen year

0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:05.640
<v Speaker 1>years old, relatively Yeah, maybe I smoke a bit too much.

0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:13.559
<v Speaker 1>Let me try this again. I'm a more or less

0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:18.480
<v Speaker 1>run of the mill, mentally unstable nineteen year old. I

0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:22.360
<v Speaker 1>recently bought myself a path of fire. I mean usually

0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:27.600
<v Speaker 1>I I'm gonna try this again, all right, I'm gonna

0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:37.959
<v Speaker 1>take a pause. Okay, Um, I'm nineteen relatively normal person,

0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:42.280
<v Speaker 1>not shy at all. I tell my whole life story

0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:44.840
<v Speaker 1>to anyone who wants to listen. I'm pretty much in

0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:48.560
<v Speaker 1>a book, but I just bought a Path of Fire,

0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:54.520
<v Speaker 1>and I'm concerned because I really like it. It makes

0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:58.600
<v Speaker 1>me feel safe. I've been trying to think of for

0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:01.640
<v Speaker 1>the last two days as I'm slowly admitting that I

0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:05.040
<v Speaker 1>like this, if I can make it cool, like put

0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:08.400
<v Speaker 1>spikes on it or something, and like make easy to

0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:12.000
<v Speaker 1>pacifier my thing, because the more that I'm like at

0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:15.000
<v Speaker 1>home alone, the more I keep using this pacifier. And

0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:19.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm scared that, like I don't know, one day I'm

0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:21.360
<v Speaker 1>gonna want it and people are gonna be like, like

0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:23.080
<v Speaker 1>if I have a partner one day or someone seep

0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:24.600
<v Speaker 1>do and they're gonna be like, what the fuck? And

0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:26.760
<v Speaker 1>I but I just don't know how to make it

0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:32.440
<v Speaker 1>part of my brand oo weird or that's the one

0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.239
<v Speaker 1>thing in my life that I don't feel comfortable talk about.

0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.320
<v Speaker 1>But here we are. Thanks so much for the show.

0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:41.440
<v Speaker 1>Love you. Oh do not mean to say that, I'm

0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:53.680
<v Speaker 1>so sorry? Bye? Hi. My secret is that I secretly

0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:59.079
<v Speaker 1>enjoy when the family members passed. It's not so much

0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:02.280
<v Speaker 1>that I enjoy it, but I guess it's more like

0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:10.960
<v Speaker 1>there's something cathartic in the anticipation and release of somebody

0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:15.720
<v Speaker 1>close to me getting sick and then eventually going. I

0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:19.440
<v Speaker 1>certainly feel sorrow when they do go, and I miss

0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:23.240
<v Speaker 1>people and have empathy for my other loved ones who

0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:28.040
<v Speaker 1>are also sad, But there's something absolutely irresistible to me

0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:32.519
<v Speaker 1>about that anticipation and release. Like a few years ago,

0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:35.520
<v Speaker 1>my mother in law got cancer and died over the

0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.000
<v Speaker 1>course of a year, and I remember the entire time

0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:42.040
<v Speaker 1>I was just sort of like thoroughly enjoyed the process

0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:46.880
<v Speaker 1>of anticipating, you know, her eventual end, and then her

0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:52.000
<v Speaker 1>going was this huge relief. It was almost a pleasurable experience.

0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:56.720
<v Speaker 1>I actually looked back on that process fondly. I guess

0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.520
<v Speaker 1>the more secretive part of this is her husband, my

0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:03.200
<v Speaker 1>father WA, who I have kind of grown to dislike

0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:07.360
<v Speaker 1>over the last few years, is slowly entering on his

0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:10.640
<v Speaker 1>data failing. How I secretly kind of can't wait till

0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:24.039
<v Speaker 1>he passes. Oh Hi, my name is, but don't tell anyone.

0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:29.200
<v Speaker 1>My secret is that I think about death and dying

0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:32.479
<v Speaker 1>a lot, a lot more than I think I talk

0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:36.440
<v Speaker 1>about with other people. Something struck me as riding my

0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:39.160
<v Speaker 1>bike and then it was like something plouched on my

0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.920
<v Speaker 1>head and I just realized that I was gonna die,

0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:44.039
<v Speaker 1>and then everyone around me was going to die, and

0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.160
<v Speaker 1>all of us are going to die. We're all gonna die.

0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.680
<v Speaker 1>It was unshakable. It was something that I couldn't get

0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:52.200
<v Speaker 1>rid of that kept eating at me for a while,

0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:57.599
<v Speaker 1>and I kept thinking about how doomed everyone is. It's

0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:02.000
<v Speaker 1>easy to think that, particularly now these days. But then

0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:06.080
<v Speaker 1>another why plumped in my head and it said, well,

0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:12.120
<v Speaker 1>you're already born. It's too late. That totally changed everything,

0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:18.680
<v Speaker 1>because it made it feel like death wasn't about losing something,

0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:24.360
<v Speaker 1>but death was about participating in something like it was

0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:28.880
<v Speaker 1>about connecting to your world. Dying with part of connecting

0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:33.719
<v Speaker 1>to your world. And I think about that a lot,

0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:37.480
<v Speaker 1>and it may seem it's really sad and really happy

0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:42.800
<v Speaker 1>at the same time, because it's something we all have

0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.440
<v Speaker 1>to do, and weirdly like it's a gift we give

0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.520
<v Speaker 1>to our world. I don't think we should die, I

0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:53.400
<v Speaker 1>mean right away and not doing anything to do that now,

0:05:54.680 --> 0:06:00.520
<v Speaker 1>But when it happens, I don't know, think of it

0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:04.440
<v Speaker 1>as a gift you're giving your body, so like everything

0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:07.400
<v Speaker 1>that ever made you who you were in the first place.

0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:13.360
<v Speaker 1>A little scary, but I guess I'm saying doesn't need

0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:18.120
<v Speaker 1>to be because it's just going to happen. You're already born.

0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:26.680
<v Speaker 1>It's too late, Hi, I think it might be easier

0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:30.760
<v Speaker 1>for a Catholic to understand this particular secret. But I

0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:34.120
<v Speaker 1>was a Catholic for a long time, and I guess

0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:37.560
<v Speaker 1>about twenty years ago I started to lose all confidence

0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:40.560
<v Speaker 1>that there was a such thing as a God who

0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:44.360
<v Speaker 1>interacted with people on earth and you know, answered prayers

0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:49.880
<v Speaker 1>in magical favors. So I basically became an agnostic slash

0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:53.120
<v Speaker 1>atheist at that time. About twenty years ago, I worked

0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:55.760
<v Speaker 1>in an office with a lot of people, and they

0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:58.600
<v Speaker 1>all think of me as this really Catholic person because

0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:00.880
<v Speaker 1>there's a bunch of Catholics in the office too. Some

0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:03.160
<v Speaker 1>of the people in my department are my best friends

0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:07.240
<v Speaker 1>and they're all Catholics. Well, a few years ago I cancer.

0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:11.680
<v Speaker 1>It is an incurable form of cancer, and everybody was

0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:13.800
<v Speaker 1>really afraid, you know, that I was going to die.

0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:16.920
<v Speaker 1>And it's been treated, so I've still got a few

0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:19.640
<v Speaker 1>years left in me, but I still have it and

0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:21.560
<v Speaker 1>I still have to go to get chemo every week

0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:23.480
<v Speaker 1>like I had for the past four and a half years.

0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:26.680
<v Speaker 1>These folks want to pray with me, and they want

0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:30.280
<v Speaker 1>to pray for me, and they give me a little

0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:33.880
<v Speaker 1>religious messages. We all text together and there's little religious

0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:36.800
<v Speaker 1>messages in there, and I keep getting invited to go

0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:41.440
<v Speaker 1>in prayer circles and retreats. I'm turning all that stuff down.

0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:43.600
<v Speaker 1>I never did do that stuff when I was a Catholic,

0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.880
<v Speaker 1>and I'm sure I'm not going to do it now,

0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:49.600
<v Speaker 1>but I was one of the last vestiges of Catholicism

0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.880
<v Speaker 1>that I have. It's feeling a little guilty that basically

0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:56.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm lying to these people about being religious because I've

0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.520
<v Speaker 1>never fasted up to them. There are a few people

0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:02.280
<v Speaker 1>in the office who know that I really I'm more

0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.800
<v Speaker 1>of a non spiritual Buddhist kind of a person where

0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:08.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm kind of searching for enlightenment. But the vast majority

0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:11.560
<v Speaker 1>of the people around me think, oh, he's a Catholic,

0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:14.800
<v Speaker 1>We're going to pray for him because he's sick. I

0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:17.360
<v Speaker 1>feel like telling him, if God didn't want me to

0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:20.240
<v Speaker 1>have cancer, he wouldn't have to pray for it. He

0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:25.000
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't have given it to me anyway, it's a messing.

0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:36.360
<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you about the time that I committed perjury.

0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:43.600
<v Speaker 1>My rapist is suing me for defamation of character because

0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:50.280
<v Speaker 1>I told people that he raped me, and they asked

0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:54.400
<v Speaker 1>me a lot of questions about my sexual history because

0:08:54.559 --> 0:09:05.160
<v Speaker 1>apparently sluts can't get raped, but that's yeah, and I

0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:13.320
<v Speaker 1>minimized my history for sure. But then also they asked

0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:18.280
<v Speaker 1>me if I had any malice or ill will towards him,

0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:26.600
<v Speaker 1>and those are key legal term for determining defamation. And

0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:31.760
<v Speaker 1>I had to lie through my teeth and pretends that

0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:37.920
<v Speaker 1>I didn't picture him blowing up, like exploding into the

0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:42.200
<v Speaker 1>jillion little pieces like a bomb, blew up inside of

0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:45.360
<v Speaker 1>his stomach or something. Every time I closed my eyes

0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:48.760
<v Speaker 1>while I was sitting there in the courtroom having to

0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:51.800
<v Speaker 1>listen to him lie about what he did to me,

0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:57.480
<v Speaker 1>I had to pretend I said that no, I didn't

0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:01.640
<v Speaker 1>have any malice or ill will towards him, and all

0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:05.959
<v Speaker 1>I wanted was to be left alone. And I wasn't angry.

0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:10.880
<v Speaker 1>I was just hurt. But god damn it, if I'm angry,

0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:22.400
<v Speaker 1>thanks for listening. Hi, I'm here to leave the secret.

0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:28.760
<v Speaker 1>My name is I'm a female in her twenties. I'm

0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:35.319
<v Speaker 1>covered in tattoos. I was a firefighter, both structure and wildland.

0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:39.720
<v Speaker 1>I worked pretty dirty jobs and people tend to mistake

0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:44.840
<v Speaker 1>me as very maculum lesbian. I like to make myself

0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:49.079
<v Speaker 1>seem very gruffin edgy looking to other people, but when

0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:50.880
<v Speaker 1>I come home at night, I like to stumble with

0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:57.000
<v Speaker 1>my stuffed animals. My bed is covered in Pokemon stuffed animals.

0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:02.440
<v Speaker 1>My favorite is a dorky looking charmander that was made

0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:06.679
<v Speaker 1>in the nineties, and he's my favorite. He's my emotional

0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:12.560
<v Speaker 1>support squad. Oh man, secret, Now I'm on the spot.

0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:17.320
<v Speaker 1>I called after that, I guess my secret I'm not

0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:19.400
<v Speaker 1>secret is that I don't know what I'm gonna say.

0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.959
<v Speaker 1>And now I'm on the should call back again. I'm

0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:31.040
<v Speaker 1>gonna pretend again. My secret is that I tried to

0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:34.640
<v Speaker 1>change my life after having a dead end job for

0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:39.120
<v Speaker 1>eight years, spent the last two years in graduate school.

0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:42.360
<v Speaker 1>And the secret I'm afraid to tell my friends is

0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:46.000
<v Speaker 1>that I can't find the job and I'm quickly burning

0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:49.200
<v Speaker 1>through all of my savings. I think I barely have

0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:51.760
<v Speaker 1>like two thousand dollars in the bank, but I'm afraid

0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:55.000
<v Speaker 1>to tell people. I'm afraid to tell people that I'm

0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna have to go back to that dead end

0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:01.640
<v Speaker 1>job that I swore I would never do again. Okay,

0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:19.120
<v Speaker 1>I think I just have this weird compulsion to look

0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:26.520
<v Speaker 1>up infections like skin infections are like parasites, and I

0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:32.640
<v Speaker 1>just I'm just fascinated by it. I'm just fascinated with

0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:40.520
<v Speaker 1>things that are repulsive. I don't know, that's just like

0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:46.400
<v Speaker 1>not something you don't want to tell everybody because that's

0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:57.080
<v Speaker 1>just weird, it's flawed. But anyways, yeah, Hi, I am

0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:02.559
<v Speaker 1>calling this number to lead a secret. Tonight, I ate

0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:08.000
<v Speaker 1>an entire pink of chocolate peanut butter ice cream and

0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:13.280
<v Speaker 1>it was docious and it took probably only ten minutes

0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:17.199
<v Speaker 1>or so for me to do that. But the reason

0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:20.480
<v Speaker 1>this is such a scandals because I have a PhD

0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:26.040
<v Speaker 1>and nutrition and I'm currently a scientist studying obesity and

0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:30.000
<v Speaker 1>type two diabetes. So who would I be able to

0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:38.280
<v Speaker 1>share the secret with? Hey? My secret is, since I

0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:43.120
<v Speaker 1>was a child, I've been an atheist. Like I just

0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:47.400
<v Speaker 1>never felt any kind of religious feelings in my life.

0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:51.600
<v Speaker 1>I may have tried praying a whole like five times,

0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:59.560
<v Speaker 1>but the year Mario Kart eight came out around Christmas time.

0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:02.880
<v Speaker 1>I prayed to God, I said, I will believe in

0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:10.400
<v Speaker 1>you forever if you get me Mario Kart eight, and

0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:14.760
<v Speaker 1>lo and behold, Christmas Day comes and I get Mario

0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.440
<v Speaker 1>Kart eight and I'm like, oh, so happy about it.

0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:20.560
<v Speaker 1>And my parents come and tell me and they say,

0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:24.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, it was really hard to find that we

0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:28.280
<v Speaker 1>almost gave up and then we found it. And their

0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:37.080
<v Speaker 1>specific words were, it was like a miracle. And since

0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:42.760
<v Speaker 1>then I still don't believe in God, but I think

0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:53.680
<v Speaker 1>about that fairly often. There was one time I came

0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:56.720
<v Speaker 1>back from a bar and I was walking towards the

0:14:56.800 --> 0:15:01.480
<v Speaker 1>subway in Manhattan. I passed by stack of books that

0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:06.400
<v Speaker 1>I thought were free books, so I snagged one of

0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:09.600
<v Speaker 1>them off the top. What I didn't notice is that

0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.680
<v Speaker 1>they were sitting on top of a blanket on the

0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:17.680
<v Speaker 1>side of the street. And the book I snagged, the title,

0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.320
<v Speaker 1>I think, said something about how to make yourself a

0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:26.640
<v Speaker 1>better candidate for interviews for jobs. I flipped through it

0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:32.320
<v Speaker 1>and the entire thing was dog yeared and highlighted, and

0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:35.960
<v Speaker 1>clearly some homeless guy had really studied this book to

0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:40.920
<v Speaker 1>make his plans to better his life. And so by

0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:43.040
<v Speaker 1>the time I got into the subway, I realized this.

0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:45.760
<v Speaker 1>It made me sick in the stomach that I would

0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:49.280
<v Speaker 1>have taken this from somebody. And then I as soon

0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:50.720
<v Speaker 1>as I got off the train, I threw it in

0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 1>the trash. And I feel awful about doing that. I

0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.440
<v Speaker 1>hate that I did that. I hate that I couldn't

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.680
<v Speaker 1>have just taken the train back and put it back

0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:09.920
<v Speaker 1>in the stack. I just want to say to him,

0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:20.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry. Hi. I guess I'd rather remain anonymous, even

0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:24.040
<v Speaker 1>though my secret is, in my opinion, really dumb. But

0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:29.320
<v Speaker 1>I play wordle every day and I pick it pretty

0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:35.800
<v Speaker 1>serious in a sense. But I also have been what

0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:39.280
<v Speaker 1>I feel like the people I play with would consider cheating.

0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:45.480
<v Speaker 1>I use a word generator online to generate a word

0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:48.360
<v Speaker 1>to start with, because I couldn't really think of anything

0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:51.880
<v Speaker 1>original anymore. And then what I've done is I've taken

0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:56.440
<v Speaker 1>the archive of every wordle so far, and I plug

0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:59.080
<v Speaker 1>that into a website that took all the words and

0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:02.360
<v Speaker 1>made a list alphabetically, and I keep that in my

0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.960
<v Speaker 1>notes on my phone, and so every wordle every day,

0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:09.760
<v Speaker 1>I put that new word into this alphabetize a list,

0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:14.359
<v Speaker 1>and that way I can see what wordle was played,

0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:17.840
<v Speaker 1>and I won't reuse that word, thinking that I'm coming

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:21.560
<v Speaker 1>up with an original word. And not only that, but

0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:27.320
<v Speaker 1>based off of my tiles. In this game, I use

0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:32.040
<v Speaker 1>this website called word Hippo, which allows me to plug

0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:36.399
<v Speaker 1>in letters in a five letter word either exclude or

0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:39.720
<v Speaker 1>include those letters, and so I'm able to generate every

0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:42.919
<v Speaker 1>common five letter word that does or doesn't have the

0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:50.840
<v Speaker 1>letters that I want, and since then, I have basically

0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:52.960
<v Speaker 1>not gotten better a big game