Speaker 1: I leave in I you want you way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us
Speaker 2: time and a termino and gay we want to send
Speaker 2: you off inside.
Speaker 1: Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all
Speaker 1: about it? Re scared her?
Speaker 3: Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Now? Porn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?
Speaker 5: Right with Karen and Chris.
Speaker 6: Welcome to do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 6: I'm about to jump in the car with Karen Kilgarriff.
Speaker 6: We are late to pick up Eddie Pepatone. His actually
Speaker 6: his flight came in early. It's not our fault.
Speaker 5: Hi just doing that and then I'll give you your mite.
Speaker 5: It's impossible and there's that, got it.
Speaker 1: Everything's impossible, right.
Speaker 5: Everything's impossible.
Speaker 1: That's my new approach.
Speaker 6: I guess if you just expect everything to be impossible,
Speaker 6: you'll never be disappointed.
Speaker 5: And they've been doing first of all, American Airlines is
Speaker 5: no sponsor to do you need a round? Oh?
Speaker 1: Are you calling them out?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 1: Are we about to do this corporate thing?
Speaker 6: It's a little frustrating. How could he be an almost
Speaker 6: an hour early?
Speaker 3: I know, well that's the thing you never planned for,
Speaker 3: is like something great to happen with the airport.
Speaker 5: Right I g yes.
Speaker 6: I mean that's the worst place on earth. It's the
Speaker 6: opposite to Disneyland. It's everyone hates going there, and we've
Speaker 6: decided that's where our podcast will often.
Speaker 5: Be driving too. Of course we don't actually get out
Speaker 5: and go there, but we have to go there.
Speaker 1: We have to get into it.
Speaker 5: We have to drive into all these people.
Speaker 3: And also I think it creates that tension. People sitting
Speaker 3: in a podcast studio booth won't ever have this kind
Speaker 3: of emotional, dramatic tension that we have every episode.
Speaker 6: Chris, I am legitimately frustrated. Negative feelings are surging through me,
Speaker 6: and I'm glad I can just bring it.
Speaker 1: To people always. Ooh, there's Eddie hold On calling.
Speaker 5: It's probably mad hold On.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 3: Hello, wait shit sorry hello, Yes, So I'm here.
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm a terminal Internal four. And if you are
Speaker 4: you close.
Speaker 5: We are close.
Speaker 1: We are like eight minutes away.
Speaker 5: We are already recording or less.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're you're being recorded right now.
Speaker 4: External four. And I think it says out one dash
Speaker 4: eleven is the door.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, sometimes it does.
Speaker 3: We'll just keep our eye open for you. Yeah, try
Speaker 3: to wave your hat around in the air and.
Speaker 6: I have special hat.
Speaker 4: Great, okay, so you'll see me.
Speaker 3: Your podcast hot, okay, great, Yeah, and definitely be better
Speaker 3: better in the car than you are right.
Speaker 5: Now, the higher energy. Just kidding Eddie, Okay, I'll see
Speaker 5: if you're you, I hope.
Speaker 6: In addition, I hope he was patiently waiting. We can
Speaker 6: assume he was impatiently waiting. That's a long time to
Speaker 6: sit there.
Speaker 3: Well, he's he was taxing when he called me, and
Speaker 3: I miraculously just made it up the one on one
Speaker 3: and over the four or five in I think twelve
Speaker 3: minutes to.
Speaker 1: Get to your house.
Speaker 5: That you must have been driving like a lunatic.
Speaker 3: I did scream stop breaking at one point. Everyone in
Speaker 3: front of me seemed to just be breaking for no reason.
Speaker 5: And did they react to your screams?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, that was that was only on me.
Speaker 3: That's the lesson you never learned in a car like that,
Speaker 3: is that you're just making your own environment toxic.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and exactly the negativity that I scream at others.
Speaker 5: I'm only screaming at myself.
Speaker 1: It's bouncing back.
Speaker 3: But it does feel good in the moment, because like
Speaker 3: if you're just if you're going downhill on the four
Speaker 3: or five and all the traffic is going, well, don't
Speaker 3: put on your brakes. I think it's because everyone's stone
Speaker 3: all the time.
Speaker 6: I think, yeah, it's because we got legal. I blame
Speaker 6: that for a lot of I swear to got breaking.
Speaker 3: That weird kind of tippy tappy breaking where you're just
Speaker 3: like it's for nothing.
Speaker 5: Amen, are you paranoid?
Speaker 1: Amen?
Speaker 6: Did you get a bad bag of stuff? I know
Speaker 6: about as much about we eat as a seventies cop.
Speaker 7: You've got a bad strain of the grass, you know,
Speaker 7: reefer kills, right, I mean while you're driving, if you
Speaker 7: break too much, someone could hit you and then they
Speaker 7: have something to do with you dying.
Speaker 5: But anyway, I'm.
Speaker 1: From the seventh Associated for sure, and I have a mustache,
Speaker 1: not badge. Can we just.
Speaker 3: Talk very quickly about hilariously vacant I was at the end.
Speaker 1: Of our Howard Kramer podcast. I really did down on you.
Speaker 5: You should I don't think that you should get down
Speaker 5: on yourself never.
Speaker 1: We should never look back.
Speaker 6: Every once in a while, like yours dead, my brain
Speaker 6: will completely down.
Speaker 5: And I will have a look of fear.
Speaker 6: On my face, which I don't I don't remember if
Speaker 6: you recall, it was like you had seen a ghost
Speaker 6: in the road.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Road ghosts are probably the worst road ghosts.
Speaker 5: Road ghost Where else are they going to haunt?
Speaker 1: Get out of here.
Speaker 6: You get clipped on your bike and you die on
Speaker 6: the curb side, You better haunt that street.
Speaker 3: You better like that shirt you wore, because you're wearing
Speaker 3: it for eternity.
Speaker 6: It's really it's such a bad gig of your ghost
Speaker 6: haunting an intersection because all you can really do is
Speaker 6: mess with the lights.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and just kind of spook people on a rainy night.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, hopefully you're in a nightgown. It adds something.
Speaker 5: I guess.
Speaker 6: I bet the most popular haunt for a street ghost
Speaker 6: it is to make puddles splash people.
Speaker 3: Then it's more like a street ghost prank, and it
Speaker 3: doesn't have the kind of weight that you want as
Speaker 3: a ghost.
Speaker 6: And I guess the ghost doesn't have the ability to
Speaker 6: move a puddle in front of a person or make
Speaker 6: a car show up.
Speaker 1: So I'm hard to say, though, who knows what those ghosts.
Speaker 5: Can Christmas angels, you know, we take a left here?
Speaker 1: What okay?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you just naming other things?
Speaker 6: I'm just saying some dead, some apparitions are able to
Speaker 6: conjure up puddles in front of a person standing there
Speaker 6: with a brand new jacket.
Speaker 3: That's that's what you're saying, is it's happening here?
Speaker 6: Yes, your average street ghost does not have that higher
Speaker 6: up ability.
Speaker 5: They're just lost, but they have.
Speaker 1: I die here, what happened?
Speaker 5: No one will acknowledge me since my funeral, which I recall,
Speaker 5: but I haven't put them together. Edie, he seemed in
Speaker 5: good spirits.
Speaker 3: I've known Eddie for a while and as you can
Speaker 3: tell by my half apologetic half doubling down on just
Speaker 3: rubbing salt in the wound, which is very much my style.
Speaker 1: Eddie and I.
Speaker 3: So I like it, take them while they're waiting. Eddie
Speaker 3: and I I have that kind of we're real talkers.
Speaker 5: I'd say you keep it real.
Speaker 1: I like to think we keep it real because we
Speaker 1: both think it's funny to be insulted.
Speaker 4: I like to think.
Speaker 1: His mic ready, oh yeah, good idea, because we are.
Speaker 5: Gonna just pick him up I'm hunched over.
Speaker 6: I have the mic tuck between my legs like an
Speaker 6: electronic penis.
Speaker 5: You know what I enjoy, Chris electronic penis.
Speaker 1: Yes, perfect setup, knockdown.
Speaker 5: It's that.
Speaker 3: Every time I re listen to this podcast and really
Speaker 3: quickly sidebarring, thank you so much for listening to this podcast,
Speaker 3: all of you who do We really like that?
Speaker 5: And if we could ask for you to more than
Speaker 5: listen to it and to rate it on iTunes, Oh.
Speaker 3: Don't be afraid on itunest Yes, positive rating would be
Speaker 3: even better than a mediocre one.
Speaker 5: And we're a bad You currently hate what you're listening.
Speaker 1: To, in which case, don't can't argue that.
Speaker 6: Don't just don't give us a negative rating. I don't
Speaker 6: know how much many podcasts get that.
Speaker 1: I'd prefer your apathy. Then your action against Eddie might
Speaker 1: test it.
Speaker 3: I'm going to try to scream into it and then
Speaker 3: try to whisper into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's how it's going to get used.
Speaker 5: With Eddie pepatone.
Speaker 6: I am going to have to be adjusting the ones
Speaker 6: and twos because that guy has some range, So I'm
Speaker 6: going to be you know, when he gets into it,
Speaker 6: as soon as he mentions molestation or Barbara.
Speaker 3: I mean, do his like Barbara the other room is
Speaker 3: one of my favorite things.
Speaker 6: As soon as he's doing any kind of impression of
Speaker 6: a lounge singer, I'm going to keep I'm gonna have
Speaker 6: to be on them because I know he'll be low
Speaker 6: and then he's gonna have a non flashback.
Speaker 3: You're going to be sliding those levels around like a
Speaker 3: regular fill in the blank of a person who is
Speaker 3: a famous music engine.
Speaker 5: Now have you been hanging out with DJs? Where did
Speaker 5: you learn all that specific jargon?
Speaker 1: I know nouns. I know many specialized nouns.
Speaker 5: I know many specimens of nouns.
Speaker 1: I have brags. I have brags all day long.
Speaker 6: And by the way, at the end of the last podcast,
Speaker 6: you didn't shut down.
Speaker 5: I was in a.
Speaker 6: Riff session with someone that and it was all inside jokes.
Speaker 5: What are you going to be?
Speaker 4: Are you?
Speaker 6: But I also, hey, I was there too, you guys,
Speaker 6: I was in Austin between the years of nineteen ninety
Speaker 6: eight and two thousand and twelve.
Speaker 1: You know, there's something about Howard Kramer.
Speaker 3: Though he's a special spirit, he affects me in a
Speaker 3: different way.
Speaker 5: I think, is this a it's not romantic, is it.
Speaker 1: Well, I think no, it's not.
Speaker 5: I mean you hesitated.
Speaker 3: You love it only because I absolutely love him, But
Speaker 3: it's I think Howard he's one of the and you
Speaker 3: would fit into this category two of like a comedian
Speaker 3: who's also manly, like actually dudish and manly.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you hear that that many Now that you related
Speaker 5: me to it, Now I'm starting to see how you
Speaker 5: see him, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like masculine, yah, high school feeling to it that I
Speaker 3: really like me.
Speaker 6: He's very funny, but also a chiseled Uh. It's kind
Speaker 6: of a physical specimen.
Speaker 8: Ye.
Speaker 5: So yeah, it is hard to podcast with those types.
Speaker 3: It's hard, you know why, because most of the time
Speaker 3: I'm like this rabbid raccoon that's just trying to out
Speaker 3: riff everybody.
Speaker 1: But sometimes I want to be a pretty girl. I
Speaker 1: would like to be a pretty girl sometimes.
Speaker 5: Love the rabbit. He's not he has rabies, but he's
Speaker 5: not going to bite you.
Speaker 4: He's just going to.
Speaker 5: Joke.
Speaker 3: He's going to try to beat your joke, which is
Speaker 3: so unattractive.
Speaker 5: What's this abount of garbage in a trash can?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: More like that's what you.
Speaker 1: Are your army's family.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there about your garbage in a trash can.
Speaker 1: Go way, raccoon, you're the worst.
Speaker 5: The riffing raccoon is doing political ship.
Speaker 3: Now the riffing raccoon has lost his way. He started
Speaker 3: out so legit just garbage stuff and like nighttime stuff,
Speaker 3: raccoon stuff, washing his hands like a person.
Speaker 6: I can't how come no one's a dressing. People talk
Speaker 6: about monkeys all day. No one is addressing the fact
Speaker 6: that raccoons have thumbs. I've seen their their little tiny
Speaker 6: black hands. I've seen them scoop and run with cat food.
Speaker 1: And video one of the best videos.
Speaker 5: That's the best video.
Speaker 1: It's the best.
Speaker 3: Also, have you seen the raccoon the picture of the
Speaker 3: raccoon holding the kitten, standing up on his legs holding
Speaker 3: a kitten like a babysitter.
Speaker 1: It's the cutest thing.
Speaker 6: I don't know what's he about to bite it in half?
Speaker 6: Because raccoons and cats don't mix.
Speaker 1: We don't know, We just don't know.
Speaker 5: I'm being racist maybe.
Speaker 6: But yeah, you that was a great already though, this
Speaker 6: is our best episode and we don't even have a
Speaker 6: guest in the We're on firing on all cylinders and
Speaker 6: I'm not and I'm trying.
Speaker 5: That's before I even bring up the engine which is
Speaker 5: firing on.
Speaker 3: All cylinders but doesn't have a housing in the oil pan.
Speaker 3: Please remember, right, there is risk involved that we have
Speaker 3: some tension that we're taking on stage with us exactly.
Speaker 1: And we're now very close to lax.
Speaker 5: We're not so close. We are late, but we are
Speaker 5: so close, and we're not late.
Speaker 1: Eddie was early, which is such irritating.
Speaker 5: We need to keep I remember I said it, I
Speaker 5: predicted it.
Speaker 1: You did predict it on the phone.
Speaker 5: It is creepy. I'm like, I have a feeling about this. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I have a of a nut.
Speaker 6: Of trying to think of someone a famous example of superstition.
Speaker 3: But anyway, just any super like like like, don't black
Speaker 3: cat crossing your path?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I have a real like show up early because
Speaker 6: this is like stepping on a crack and your mom's
Speaker 6: back right, right, right right.
Speaker 1: Don't put your hat on the bed. That's one of
Speaker 1: my favorites. Yeah, don't put your hat on the bed.
Speaker 6: Right right when Eddie gets in and takes off the
Speaker 6: hat that he will be wearing, say hey, don't put
Speaker 6: that on the.
Speaker 3: Bed, please, don't put it on the bed, and there
Speaker 3: is a sheet on the back seat to cover the dog.
Speaker 6: Here, he'll just be revealing that you sometimes sleep in
Speaker 6: your car, I mean the back seat of my car.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I like to go just to park on a
Speaker 3: different city street. It may or may not be in
Speaker 3: front of Howard Cramer's house and sleep.
Speaker 5: That's all.
Speaker 1: This is not true, that is all. I don't have
Speaker 1: feelings for power.
Speaker 6: Sake of joking. She's not really attracted to Howard. She's
Speaker 6: just acknowledged.
Speaker 1: I mean, I might be attracted to him, but I
Speaker 1: don't have feeling.
Speaker 5: We can tell he's handsome, knows he's handsome. I just
Speaker 5: said we I guess I am too.
Speaker 1: You're attracted to him or you're handsome too.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 6: During the podcast, I felt intimidated because I'm attracted to
Speaker 6: his It's present. It's like a guy being attracted to
Speaker 6: I want to.
Speaker 5: Be like this guy in these ways.
Speaker 6: It's not a let's get naked friend, it's a I
Speaker 6: wish that I might, you know. And we started making
Speaker 6: fun of our own podcast. I know yours has a format.
Speaker 3: And studio and that's so unattracted and yeah, just no
Speaker 3: power movest you know why, because Howard is an alpha.
Speaker 1: That's what it is.
Speaker 3: He's alpha all the way, So you find yourself, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? I might as well have like
Speaker 3: been standing pigeon toad, like looking down at the ground.
Speaker 1: It's so not me, but like it's just the effect
Speaker 1: that alpha has.
Speaker 5: Not a lot of kin. And that's not to say
Speaker 5: he's mean to freshman high school freshman.
Speaker 1: I think he would be.
Speaker 5: Would he would, he'd make Oh and we're gonna get
Speaker 5: right in here, yep, right here?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, terminal.
Speaker 6: You've done it all the time, entering l as. She's
Speaker 6: done it about a thousand times. But I had to
Speaker 6: tell her.
Speaker 3: And it's American, which is eternal four. So is that
Speaker 3: on the other side.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it is? Indeed?
Speaker 1: Is that is that him? Again?
Speaker 5: I don't know it is?
Speaker 1: Hello? Hold on, hold on, hold.
Speaker 3: On, No, you stay on this side, Yes, stay by
Speaker 3: the terminal side. We are we just we're just making
Speaker 3: the loop right now. We're moments away from you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yes, okay, yes, yes, we'll be there within
Speaker 5: three minutes, probably minutes.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 5: That sounds amazing.
Speaker 6: That's I just figured out how we should be recording
Speaker 6: our podcast. I stand at the airport terminal. You put
Speaker 6: me on speaker phone.
Speaker 1: It just sounded so great, Yeah, so real.
Speaker 6: Well it's hopefully he's uh, he's tired. I imagine he's
Speaker 6: very tired.
Speaker 3: But the question he was asking is kind of hilarious
Speaker 3: because he was basically saying, should I go stand where
Speaker 3: all the people that are trying to take a super shuttle?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, that would be bad, very bad, He's like,
Speaker 6: and then we would just stop in the road.
Speaker 5: I guess we could pull it off, but people would
Speaker 5: yell at us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it'd be good.
Speaker 6: Here at La Go. It washes over me right when
Speaker 6: I enter this shithole. I really don't like being here,
Speaker 6: and it's part of my job. It's okay, you're right.
Speaker 1: Breathe just some nice deed, is it?
Speaker 5: In the nose or out the nose, through the nails.
Speaker 3: Out the mouth in blue out red? In blue out red?
Speaker 3: And we're coming up on it.
Speaker 5: Feel better, shuttle, I feel better?
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's gonna be fine.
Speaker 5: What are you doing?
Speaker 6: Squarely, just because you have a lime green car doesn't
Speaker 6: mean we're gonna see you in our peripheral very loud.
Speaker 5: I hope that wasn't gun fire.
Speaker 6: Oh this place, this place really stresses me out.
Speaker 5: This is crazy.
Speaker 6: Terminal four will be on the other side. I'm afraid
Speaker 6: we have to cut past.
Speaker 1: But we don't do that cut through because that would
Speaker 1: be bad.
Speaker 5: No, No, that would be bad.
Speaker 6: I think we actually have to do this loop and
Speaker 6: go past International, which you.
Speaker 5: Know I don't.
Speaker 1: It sucks.
Speaker 5: It's Europeans.
Speaker 1: It's kind of stopped.
Speaker 5: Going to be a Europeans.
Speaker 3: Oh, there's gonna be so many manned sandals and high
Speaker 3: waisted shorts.
Speaker 5: Why is everyone stopped? This makes us a liar.
Speaker 6: About three minutes, It's okay, it's gonna be more like
Speaker 6: four or five.
Speaker 1: Calmback, wait, let's just let the three minutes pass.
Speaker 5: Okay, before we warn him.
Speaker 3: No, anxiety is such a fascinating thing. Look at this guy.
Speaker 6: What, oh, just be sideways parkat lax fucking phone number
Speaker 6: one eight nine one zero seven seven five?
Speaker 5: What's about to find out how they're driving?
Speaker 4: Was? It was not good? It was bad.
Speaker 5: I didn't like it.
Speaker 6: I guess that that was a phone number for Actually
Speaker 6: we just advertised for them. That wasn't a phone number.
Speaker 3: You know what park cat park hat shuttle at lax
Speaker 3: when you want your shuttles sideways as all hell.
Speaker 5: And stopped in traffic atslip Dickens.
Speaker 1: Oh, I just wish Eddie could see how close we were.
Speaker 5: I wish he could see how great his episode was.
Speaker 1: That we spent the whole time talking about Howard Graver.
Speaker 5: Oh well, well, well, what's the opposite of an alpha?
Speaker 5: What am I?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: An omega?
Speaker 5: An omega?
Speaker 1: DoD?
Speaker 5: Is that a thing?
Speaker 1: Is that you're the omega? Man?
Speaker 5: Am I a sigma pie? Alpha?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 5: Cap and Cappuccino?
Speaker 1: Well, you're you're not. You're very alphae. You like a
Speaker 1: good fist fight.
Speaker 5: Oh sorry, there was a time.
Speaker 1: No, do you want a moment?
Speaker 6: No, it's just that it's right over A long time ago.
Speaker 6: I was like, what's the most uh, you know, high
Speaker 6: strung fraternity? It's Kapa Cappuccino.
Speaker 1: Did you do that on stage?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 5: No, it was in fourth or fifth grade. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was the early Montana, early.
Speaker 6: Montana comedy before there was a stage, before I knew
Speaker 6: what I was doing.
Speaker 5: Unlike today professional nail Nightly, I pound that ship out.
Speaker 5: I'm talking about comedy.
Speaker 1: We are talking about comedy always.
Speaker 5: That's not the ladies, which I also occasionally.
Speaker 1: You're not afraid to pound a lady.
Speaker 5: Chris. It sounds violent, but I just don't know how
Speaker 5: to use words.
Speaker 1: Wait, there are are things we can tell our listeners
Speaker 1: to like do or oh the do you need to ride? Fan?
Speaker 1: Tweet on Twitter if you're on Twitter and you like it, and.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I believe there's a Facebook page as well,
Speaker 5: there is a Facebook page. You're not a facebooker.
Speaker 1: I don't Facebook.
Speaker 5: That's okay. Not everyone needs to.
Speaker 4: No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I feel like less is more on Facebook. Yeah, thoughts
Speaker 1: and prayers on Facebook.
Speaker 5: I just I do know. I get a lot of
Speaker 5: local gigs in town on Facebook. Might be yes for
Speaker 5: booking a majority of them.
Speaker 1: I can barely show up to the shows I agree
Speaker 1: to do. I don't need more.
Speaker 6: Well, I agree to them on Facebook, and the Facebook
Speaker 6: has nothing to do with whether or not I show up.
Speaker 5: That's on me. Okay, that's on me and my record.
Speaker 5: Honda sponsor, do you need a ride? Do you sorry?
Speaker 5: Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need a ride?
Speaker 6: That was?
Speaker 4: That was good?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 4: Too much?
Speaker 5: Need a ride?
Speaker 4: Question?
Speaker 1: Mark? Do capital?
Speaker 4: Do you?
Speaker 1: Why are all these people You're ruining everything?
Speaker 5: You're really messing up our episode.
Speaker 1: But we're so close I can see American lines.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, you just have to get in there. How
Speaker 5: do I do it?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to get you. I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: get old school New York cab driver.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, this guy's doing it. There's a cab
Speaker 6: driver right here getting new school La.
Speaker 5: You get old school New York on him.
Speaker 3: You were gonna do an East coast West coast rivalry.
Speaker 3: Someone will be shot. Yeah, Hey, how about Suge.
Speaker 1: Night running over people?
Speaker 5: This is the new Oh yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Don't mean to go topical. I messed up for what
Speaker 1: that was that.
Speaker 5: I thought that was an old news issue because it
Speaker 5: hasn't he always been.
Speaker 1: He's been killing for a while.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, he didn't have.
Speaker 6: Something to do with the last time I got in
Speaker 6: trouble because the Biggie Tupac thing. I don't know who
Speaker 6: was killed in front of the Automotive Museum. Sorry you
Speaker 6: don't remember his depths. I focus on positive things. Let's
Speaker 6: get in there. It's just a member aggression.
Speaker 1: Yes, I respect you.
Speaker 4: I like it.
Speaker 5: Damn it. Why is that noudy? It needs to be
Speaker 5: an Inny. Oh, we're we're getting in there. That's right.
Speaker 5: I called him at dork. Oh hello officer, Hello officer. Okay,
Speaker 5: where is Eddie? Let's see here. I do not recognize
Speaker 5: any of these.
Speaker 1: He said, L eleven something.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we should have listened to that.
Speaker 1: Is this an orthodox Eddie standing here with the huge
Speaker 1: there he is?
Speaker 5: There, he is. I'm gonna wave at him.
Speaker 1: No, I meant that guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: hop on in. Oh he needs help.
Speaker 5: Okay, I can unplugged.
Speaker 1: We can't help you. Yeah, or do you need to
Speaker 1: go in the backpack? I'm all I'm shouting very loudly.
Speaker 5: I have my recording studio in my lap and sorry, okay,
Speaker 5: here you go Eddie.
Speaker 4: Hey, everybody, what a day. It's a great day to
Speaker 4: be uh in an air force. It's really it's they
Speaker 4: arrange it so well. There's a terrific flow to the
Speaker 4: traffic to flow sound.
Speaker 5: We'd like to try to but if you're you know,
Speaker 5: out of your uncomfortable, I can kick up this ac
Speaker 5: for you. I'm we We're so sorry that we're late,
Speaker 5: but the only late your flight.
Speaker 4: Right, So flight was early and I got a couple
Speaker 4: of its so funny that I when I get when
Speaker 4: I are we taping?
Speaker 5: We are.
Speaker 4: Indeed, when I got off the plane, it was so
Speaker 4: fucking movie. First of all, I did two shows last
Speaker 4: night in Toronto, and I had to be at the
Speaker 4: airport at about four for six am flight. So I
Speaker 4: did not sleep. I didn't sleep.
Speaker 5: Ried even try.
Speaker 4: I did try, but I didn't eat anything. But like
Speaker 4: a couple of you know, it's trying to be good.
Speaker 4: I had like little trail mix, you know of little
Speaker 4: cranberries are very good, you know, the little dried cranberries.
Speaker 4: Everybody loves them. I think I'd like to be the
Speaker 4: spokesperson for dried cranberries the way the way coberries.
Speaker 5: I prefer them to cabs.
Speaker 1: If you were spokesperson, what would that sound like?
Speaker 5: Yeah, for dried cranberries, commercial cranberries, commercial.
Speaker 4: Dried cranberry, for dry cranberries. Yes, you know, you know,
Speaker 4: traveling is difficult, very difficult, and there's a lot of
Speaker 4: temptation to eat salty, fatty, heart clogging foods. Dry Spot
Speaker 4: tried take to Reddy take Eddie. First of all, we
Speaker 4: wanted to be a little up at eat. We wanted
Speaker 4: to be up, not like you know, it's a ted talk.
Speaker 4: So here we go again with dry cranberries. Here you go,
Speaker 4: try and speak quickly. Tried cranberries they make travel better?
Speaker 4: Eat them? Do it? Now? I'm the bitter boodhen do it?
Speaker 5: It's a little angry.
Speaker 4: I don't know you're right about that? Three Take three? Hey,
Speaker 4: are you traveling and going nuts? I know I have.
Speaker 4: I can't eat. I can't eat half of this stuff.
Speaker 4: But try cranberries went put in with regular nuts. Make
Speaker 4: them sweeter, don't they? They sure do? And travel goes
Speaker 4: a lot faster, at least the first half hour. Ah,
Speaker 4: the second six hours not so fast. But tried dried cranberries.
Speaker 1: Do it?
Speaker 5: Brought you you to the Council for people who like
Speaker 5: dried cranberries.
Speaker 1: Cranberries?
Speaker 3: This guy?
Speaker 4: But what I see, what I originally was saying, is
Speaker 4: that you know, I've been trying to eat vegan and
Speaker 4: I've been doing well. But what but I lose my
Speaker 4: shit on these flights. As soon as I got off
Speaker 4: this flight, I went and got a whole pizza while
Speaker 4: I was waiting for you guys, like one of those
Speaker 4: little boxed pizzas in.
Speaker 8: The airports, A personal, personal, personal pizza, and I ate
Speaker 8: about four slices of that with the diet coke, and
Speaker 8: then I had a chocolate croissant, and then and then
Speaker 8: I have a coffee, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 8: feel a lot better.
Speaker 4: I feel a lot better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, cranberries aren't going.
Speaker 4: To help you. No, cranberries don't do it when you're
Speaker 4: like ravenously insanely hungry.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you've had an entire day of flying That dried
Speaker 6: cranberry is as delicious and convenient as they are for travel,
Speaker 6: are not going to sustain your energy levels.
Speaker 4: No, that's it, Sidal. You know, you may got an
Speaker 4: argument from the cranberry bog people who I understand are
Speaker 4: hardy and angry.
Speaker 5: You know what, I'll take them on any day, you
Speaker 5: know what, you Yeah, I'll take on the cranberry.
Speaker 3: I'm sick of those people. They're commercial for their stupid
Speaker 3: juice with those two.
Speaker 5: Shoes that.
Speaker 6: Farmers sulting to they already did. They stole it from
Speaker 6: Burtles and James by the way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, isn't it funny how these you know, these monolithic corporations,
Speaker 4: they get bigger and bigger, and yet their front men
Speaker 4: are two horrific actors, you know from Van Nuys pretending
Speaker 4: to be farmers. There are no more farmers anymore. There's
Speaker 4: just machines that eat people. And Monsanto's seeds. You know, Monsanto,
Speaker 4: it's like.
Speaker 3: A big seed, half seed, half person. That's that's planting things.
Speaker 4: I think in the in the near future because of Montanto,
Speaker 4: you know, with the GMOs and stuff. I think pretty
Speaker 4: soon you're just gonna get a knock on your door.
Speaker 4: It's going to be like a fucking piece of corn
Speaker 4: with a gun that because they're they don't know what
Speaker 4: they're doing.
Speaker 1: The corn doesn't know.
Speaker 4: The corn does you feel?
Speaker 5: They're going to modify it to the point where it
Speaker 5: has feelings.
Speaker 4: And the computers everybody's worried about the computers taking over
Speaker 4: the world really think food. It's gonna be like, hey, Bob,
Speaker 4: did you see that piece of corn? Move piece of corn?
Speaker 4: Take my wallet?
Speaker 9: You write this down and send it to Pixar and
Speaker 9: through the mail, through the mail, so that you own
Speaker 9: this idea, because the corn Wars is your idea.
Speaker 5: Just crack it up and the corn Wars.
Speaker 4: Pixar do that? Would they confront Could they do it?
Speaker 4: They could? Would they should?
Speaker 3: They?
Speaker 4: I mean no toy with me? Not after no sleep?
Speaker 6: Oh I can't get the idea of a giant corn
Speaker 6: with a little husk grabbing and then it kind of
Speaker 6: turns to a hand and they pick up a firearm.
Speaker 4: Yes, I think it would be I think it would
Speaker 4: be easy to do. The characters, like like the bad
Speaker 4: corn is sort of sort of like bad Sopranos guys
Speaker 4: and mafia guys maybe, and then they're so and then
Speaker 4: there's the renegade corn. Maybe the organic corn that's trying
Speaker 4: to save the war, like they're the good guy.
Speaker 6: Yeah, the organic corn would look like the Thanksgiving cornucopia corn.
Speaker 5: It's just like different colors.
Speaker 4: Because they're different colors.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I think it should be a Native American doing it. Boys,
Speaker 5: sure you know.
Speaker 4: You're right about that. It should be a Native America.
Speaker 6: I mean, does it get more organic than that. I
Speaker 6: hate to take it to a you know, but white
Speaker 6: people kick them out of this country. Sorry, I didn't
Speaker 6: mean to take it that far.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, I I I really think we did.
Speaker 4: I mean every day I watch a video or recreation
Speaker 4: of the Trail of Tears, just just you know, to
Speaker 4: get the day started, just.
Speaker 1: To check your pence, to.
Speaker 4: Kick start, to be grateful. I think you have to
Speaker 4: look at other people's atrocities to be grateful, you know,
Speaker 4: because it's so hard to like, you know, I'm a
Speaker 4: big who makes gratitude less well, once a year I
Speaker 4: do it. But when I make one, it's always like, oh,
Speaker 4: I'm so glad I have sneakers. It doesn't you really,
Speaker 4: that doesn't cut it. Oh I'm glad my elbow is
Speaker 4: working right, you know, It's like that doesn't cut it.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I feel like I'm not achieving the things in
Speaker 5: life I need to achieve. And that's when I watch
Speaker 5: Mariy Povich.
Speaker 4: And then you realize that he's still on the air, so.
Speaker 6: Doing paternity tests everything, And then I'm like, I'm doing great?
Speaker 6: Why was I so hard on myself?
Speaker 4: Oh? I see, Look it's got like just the just
Speaker 4: people who their lives are just such a mess, just
Speaker 4: the bottom dwellers of society, the bottom boellers.
Speaker 5: Perhaps the bottom dwellers, bottom feeders they call down there
Speaker 5: because that's where they feed bank sand dabs of society
Speaker 5: down there eating shit a bit.
Speaker 4: How does Povich go home like like and and I
Speaker 4: bet he fancies himself like an aerudite intellectual, like like
Speaker 4: in his head that's my job. Like and then he
Speaker 4: goes home to a like a nice sand sare wine
Speaker 4: and you know.
Speaker 5: And Connie Chung right.
Speaker 1: Think, so they're making it work.
Speaker 5: Still, Wow, does she ask about his day? I doubt it.
Speaker 1: You know what that both of them are.
Speaker 5: She's a journalist. He tells people whether or not the
Speaker 5: baby came from their and their DNA.
Speaker 3: Who's they're both on tons of pills. It doesn't matter,
Speaker 3: they're they're on tons of pills.
Speaker 5: You read that.
Speaker 3: No, I'm it's completely made up. But you know those
Speaker 3: are your eyes, both of them, and just dead eyes.
Speaker 1: They're like dolls.
Speaker 5: There's dolls.
Speaker 4: Well they have to be, don't you think. Don't you
Speaker 4: think Hollywood? Well if you call that Hollywood like takes
Speaker 4: its toll on you. Like the show you do? Like
Speaker 4: the show you do. You say, oh, it's just a job.
Speaker 5: It's just a job.
Speaker 4: But if it's a horrific thing day after day where
Speaker 4: you're watching the bottom dwellers and you're profiting of them, yeah,
Speaker 4: I think it nips away.
Speaker 6: It has to, and I know it did to Jerry
Speaker 6: Springer because there's a there's a girl in town. Lisa Gotman.
Speaker 6: She we did laugh rights together. For whatever reason. Her
Speaker 6: family was very close to Jerry Springer, and he was
Speaker 6: a sweet man and he was a smart man. He
Speaker 6: used to be a mayor of a town. And then
Speaker 6: he's basically doing is violent pornography on.
Speaker 4: His talk show? Is he doing that now?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 6: Oh? I think I am talking about expired television. Yeah,
Speaker 6: but everyone remember it's he's like, oh, and that's cue
Speaker 6: the Oh that's where her brasstrap comes down and we
Speaker 6: pixel later. Oh and then she punches.
Speaker 4: I call it the momentum of evil and it ties
Speaker 4: into the Cranberry commercials somehow, eventually it will.
Speaker 5: We put up the ac a little very no problem.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we are working on.
Speaker 5: No sleeping carry a lot of it.
Speaker 6: It's not as simple as people think. We aren't just
Speaker 6: giving rides. You are very much doing as a service
Speaker 6: by being on our podcast, and we really appreciate it.
Speaker 4: Oh. By the way, this is great though, because it
Speaker 4: saves me about one hundred dollars.
Speaker 5: Yeah, right right.
Speaker 4: And my last door before you came was do they
Speaker 4: charge Yeah?
Speaker 1: That the charge we charged two hundred and fifty dollars.
Speaker 6: Maybe that's I keep saying we should get a sponsor
Speaker 6: like Dollar shave Club or whatever. A lot of these
Speaker 6: podcasts have razor Blade sponsors for some reason.
Speaker 5: Maybe they consider it a plan B if they want to.
Speaker 4: May I make a suggestion that if you guys become
Speaker 4: part of Uber, you could bank so many episodes, you know,
Speaker 4: in one week. Like everybody who gets in the cab,
Speaker 4: you just thrust a mic to them, not like Cab
Speaker 4: Confessions or anything, but just.
Speaker 3: Like you're just saying, any any man off the street,
Speaker 3: Johnny Lunch, Paley Street.
Speaker 5: I don't want to deal with civilians.
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 1: You don't want to do that on your podcast, Steady you.
Speaker 4: I don't do it. But I think this type of
Speaker 4: what it's okay for us to do.
Speaker 5: Oh well, I think you wouldn't have them in your studio,
Speaker 5: but haven't.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't shoplift, you wouldn't steal a car.
Speaker 4: That's about I don't know. I don't think you know me.
Speaker 4: You know, when I'm pushed into a corner, I.
Speaker 1: Will pirates some ship.
Speaker 5: He will get into a stranger's car, is what he's saying.
Speaker 1: You will, you will absolute make some money.
Speaker 6: But yeah, you want to get sponsored by Uber and
Speaker 6: and it would be a comic that we we want
Speaker 6: to have control over the guests still. But then we
Speaker 6: just mentioned a code that you'd punch in or something.
Speaker 6: Come on, Uber, they're listening.
Speaker 5: You know they're listening.
Speaker 1: You know they listened every episode.
Speaker 4: Now look at it some interesting billboards? Does does does
Speaker 4: the Chappie billboard look interesting to you? The Chappie?
Speaker 1: I just saw the trailer for Chappie last night.
Speaker 4: You saw it?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 4: Did it look caroing?
Speaker 3: I literally can't remember one thing about it except the
Speaker 3: fact that it was like a horror movie that was
Speaker 3: called Chappie and Amy laughed so hard.
Speaker 5: That's a horrible name.
Speaker 4: That's well. I don't I disagree with you, Chris, and
Speaker 4: I don't mean to do it on the road. But
Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like when you put I
Speaker 4: put like a name that doesn't signify, you know what,
Speaker 4: the horror. I think it has more of an impact.
Speaker 4: It's like it's like when they use children in horror movies,
Speaker 4: like Dad, Like, it's always a bad time when a
Speaker 4: child says, can I have a glass of water? In
Speaker 4: a horror movie? Because you know shit is going to
Speaker 4: go down quickly?
Speaker 5: You're right, and you go to see Chappie and you're
Speaker 5: like what a lighthearted the English up I'm about it
Speaker 5: at a friend. No, it's about someone's face melting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, wait, no, is that the one is choppy? The
Speaker 3: one by the guy that did district nothing about robots? Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, the poster looked really good.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I based all the movies I go on now on
Speaker 4: the poster or the billboard. I won't see a trailer.
Speaker 4: I won't read a review. It's like, if the poster
Speaker 4: doesn't hit me right, it's like, no, I'm usually right.
Speaker 6: But really, I think I know from the trailer I
Speaker 6: remember seeing it. Now, isn't it just a ripoff of
Speaker 6: Short Circuit?
Speaker 5: Now? I don't like to it's true.
Speaker 6: I mean, oh, a robot with feelings orange juice, not
Speaker 6: from concentrate.
Speaker 5: But he was learning about how the human works. And
Speaker 5: that's what this movie is.
Speaker 4: Number five is Alive, and that number five is Alive?
Speaker 5: Was that that was Circuit? And there was the Middle
Speaker 5: Eastern guy Area's Indian in it.
Speaker 6: I thought he was so funny, and then I see
Speaker 6: him in another movie and I realize he's doing a
Speaker 6: horrible impression.
Speaker 5: He's totally just a white guy.
Speaker 4: My number favorites in life, and I.
Speaker 5: Think they darkened his face a little. I mean, don't.
Speaker 1: I mean that we have rules.
Speaker 3: There wasn't the internet. It was well, didn't know that
Speaker 3: hurt people's people's feelings.
Speaker 4: It was well, I'll tell you a ship like that
Speaker 4: goes on. When I used to audition for commercials, I
Speaker 4: don't anymore. But when I used to audition, they were
Speaker 4: looking for a bold guy to do some fucking horrible
Speaker 4: thing like anal leakage whatever it was. And by the way,
Speaker 4: that was my last audition. I'm serious. It was for
Speaker 4: a thing that stopped anal leakage. I'm not kidding. I'm
Speaker 4: not kidding. Have you remember that ship? I remember that.
Speaker 6: There was Chris you do, I remember, yeah, blocking It's
Speaker 6: just which kind of is what that medication did?
Speaker 4: Okay, so you Medica. This was the last commercial I
Speaker 4: ever went into in my felt's annoy last one. And
Speaker 4: and I go in and it's so humiliate like, and
Speaker 4: I'm just doing it because I'm broke, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: my my fucking commercial agent is this really sweet woman
Speaker 4: who's very gunna ho and always saying, look, one of
Speaker 4: these things, could you?
Speaker 5: I mean, I have a couple of commercials changed my year.
Speaker 4: Yeah, your year of it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but what's her name? Changed her life? Courtney the
Speaker 4: progressive Woman.
Speaker 1: Yes, she changed a lot of people.
Speaker 4: You know, she rebounded pretty well off a very very
Speaker 4: bad uh. First of all, image and drug problem she's doing.
Speaker 1: He knows, he knows. Her first nose was rough.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this one's more slope, like a ski jump.
Speaker 4: But quickly I went in. I was I was so
Speaker 4: humiliated in the first place. But then the motherfucking director,
Speaker 4: I was reading the copy wrong for some reason, like
Speaker 4: I was fucking up one of the words, and he
Speaker 4: got he got literally like kind of slammed his hand down. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 4: he was like, god, damn it. Like now you can
Speaker 4: imagine it's sort of like Mary Polvish. These guys get
Speaker 4: chipped away if what they're doing with their lives like
Speaker 4: a leaggage and what's the what's another commercial, you know,
Speaker 4: like a thing to make your heart stop? Whatever they do?
Speaker 6: He directed the viagraa jam band when they're having here's accession,
Speaker 6: he thought.
Speaker 1: After that, he thought, I was like, I'm on my way.
Speaker 5: Yeah, guys, you're just you're blues you're doing the blues making. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and you and shirt.
Speaker 4: Okay, so it's funny. We're talking about this today because
Speaker 4: it's Super Bowl Sunday, and today's the day where everybody
Speaker 4: thinks these commercials are going to be so do you
Speaker 4: guys know this? Right on Super Bowl Sunday they have
Speaker 4: the fucking commercials that are supposed to be so great
Speaker 4: and they turn out to be gleek, pretty bad.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I've already seen some of them.
Speaker 6: They're like, ooh, sneak peek at the puppy who hangs
Speaker 6: out with the Clydesdale.
Speaker 5: Budweiser don't drive drunk.
Speaker 4: Someone told me I should see that one. Isn't that funny,
Speaker 4: It's it's adorable.
Speaker 6: It's just it is not les No, It's like a
Speaker 6: puppy and the horse takes a liking to it. It
Speaker 6: gets out of the barn and all these and then
Speaker 6: a wolf is trying to kill the puppy, and then
Speaker 6: all the courses, all the Clydesdales gallop over.
Speaker 5: And they stare away the wolf. And then says, Budweiser
Speaker 5: drink responsibly.
Speaker 4: And did you hear about Go Daddy doing a thing
Speaker 4: where a puppet puppy gets shipped And they had to
Speaker 4: pull the commercial, Oh Go Daddy, which is a scumbag.
Speaker 4: Yeah there, scumbag corporation run by a CEO who does
Speaker 4: big game hunting.
Speaker 6: I think, don't I give the money? I think I
Speaker 6: give the money before my website, and I don't even
Speaker 6: know why.
Speaker 1: So I think go daddy sells.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 5: That's there was.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and they always have, like, you know, chicks
Speaker 4: and bikinis for no fucking reason. But but they had
Speaker 4: a they had a Super Bowl lad where a puppy
Speaker 4: finds its way home and this this elderly woman grabs
Speaker 4: us say I'm so glad you're here because I'm gonna
Speaker 4: ship you because someone wants to buy you pa and
Speaker 4: all these organizations crazy boycot it and they had to
Speaker 4: pull it within hours.
Speaker 5: I'm glad they did.
Speaker 6: I believe that people would be stupid enough to see
Speaker 6: that and go, well, no, I figured out how I
Speaker 6: get my knee a.
Speaker 5: Puppy, No, what's to take one day? Poe holes in it,
Speaker 5: just like I did with my spider jars. And then
Speaker 5: this kid. Can you imagine a kid.
Speaker 4: A puppy and it's just a dead puppy and what's
Speaker 4: in the box.
Speaker 1: Somehow the puppy got beheaded. Puppy head in a box.
Speaker 5: Go Daddy's sending you a message.
Speaker 1: Now that would go viral, that would be.
Speaker 4: But I'm in the commercial world. What we're trying to
Speaker 4: say is the commercial world is a blood bath.
Speaker 7: It is.
Speaker 1: It's amazing.
Speaker 6: Well, I wish I knew what you said instead of
Speaker 6: anal leak. And you're like when I got the Mad
Speaker 6: Squirts German. I know there was a leakage.
Speaker 1: The worlds were chosen for a reason.
Speaker 4: But I can't believe I didn't, like tell the guy
Speaker 4: to go fuck himself. Regret. I regret that I didn't
Speaker 4: do that.
Speaker 6: I have said things in commercial and then I don't
Speaker 6: get seen by that casting company.
Speaker 5: But there's plenty of down at two hundred itself.
Speaker 4: Look, do you still go out for them? I do, Yeah,
Speaker 4: I won't. I won't know unless they ask, unless they're
Speaker 4: like Eddie, they want you blah blah blah. And if
Speaker 4: it's a decent fucking product, like if it's Dorito's, well.
Speaker 3: Unlike you, how are you doing on temperature because I'm
Speaker 3: freezing and I can't feel my feet.
Speaker 4: Can a big difference, I'll tell you, And this always
Speaker 4: irks me a little bit. There's a big difference between
Speaker 4: the front and back of cars as far as they see.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, unless you have Yeah, well, it's also dangerous.
Speaker 6: I got a horrible rack in a Honda Fit and
Speaker 6: I can't wait for you to buy something.
Speaker 5: More like a Tanali.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, love, I'll be safe.
Speaker 5: And then also air will shoot out into passengers.
Speaker 4: Now, Karen, do you have donkeys? I do, yeah, I
Speaker 4: mean two.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: But I also collect dog hair and spread.
Speaker 5: It on the back.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's everywhere I that hair is the is the
Speaker 1: embedded kind that doesn't fly around. It will not come off.
Speaker 1: I've gone at it with like lit rollers and high
Speaker 1: powered vacuums.
Speaker 6: It's not moving birds from a field in your sock
Speaker 6: on your shoelace.
Speaker 1: They're like ticks.
Speaker 5: You have cats and yeah, oh you have both, Okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, I I have a menagerie of animals. I've
Speaker 4: become doolittle ish a bit. You know where I walk
Speaker 4: in and I'm like, Hello, Sherman. These are all the
Speaker 4: names of the pets. Hello Sherman, Hello Charlotte, Hello Katie,
Speaker 4: Hello Louis. It's seven animals I live with.
Speaker 5: Do they ever go hello?
Speaker 4: It feels like my friend.
Speaker 1: You get a tip of the hat.
Speaker 6: The what we're describing here is delusions caused by possible
Speaker 6: mental illness.
Speaker 5: Yes, because animals don't and I know, I.
Speaker 4: Just don't know. Offense take but if.
Speaker 5: Your pets are talking to you, I don't know. You
Speaker 5: might want to see a guy.
Speaker 4: I see a guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just a guy.
Speaker 4: But I see a guy who's sympathetic to cats, and
Speaker 4: so it goes nowhere, right, Okay.
Speaker 1: Ask your cat for me if he likes me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just a doctor. You think it's going to
Speaker 6: help you, or a therapist. It's like, hey, I get it.
Speaker 6: I'm a cat man too, And then you just high five.
Speaker 6: I am a cat man myself.
Speaker 5: I love cats.
Speaker 4: Oh you do you? I remember that? Yeah? Yeah, we
Speaker 4: dogs don't.
Speaker 3: Can I say a thing that I shouldn't have said
Speaker 3: to dogs? I missed it fifteen seconds ago.
Speaker 5: High five?
Speaker 1: And then Bob seekers cat man do play ship?
Speaker 3: Imagine if that was right? When I'm a cat man too,
Speaker 3: Will you text me your address so that we can
Speaker 3: I can put it in my mouth?
Speaker 4: Oh right, you want to text it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, because if you say out loud people wait outside
Speaker 3: your house.
Speaker 5: Well you're already you will get murdered by our fans.
Speaker 4: I already have several people outside my place.
Speaker 1: What are they doing?
Speaker 4: Oh? They just they're just like, please do the bit
Speaker 4: about and it's just annoint a.
Speaker 1: Yeah point, it's hard to live your life.
Speaker 4: It's hard. Thank you. I did you know that? All right?
Speaker 5: If you just yeah, and then we'll and I will.
Speaker 5: I will read it off of your text.
Speaker 6: Good idea, and I will transcribe it into a map
Speaker 6: navigation on my phone.
Speaker 3: And then we'll use the hand signals we've pre rehearsed, right,
Speaker 3: silent hand signals.
Speaker 6: We get it just basically, just I point left right,
Speaker 6: just while you're wait, oh, sorry, no, no, I was
Speaker 6: just going.
Speaker 5: To thank him at a weird time for being on
Speaker 5: the podcast. Hey, that guy has no father of mine.
Speaker 5: That ever clear song? What happened?
Speaker 4: He had kids in the car.
Speaker 5: And he almost side swiped it for Ford.
Speaker 1: Aerostar tried to come all the way over.
Speaker 4: Yeah, really nice, Eddie?
Speaker 5: Where were you?
Speaker 4: I just came back from Toronto?
Speaker 5: Was that an Ian Atlas? Gig Oh?
Speaker 4: I heard that name when I was out there.
Speaker 5: But you know, I've been talking to him. I'd like
Speaker 5: to go to Toronto.
Speaker 4: How was it? Oh man? This place called the comedy,
Speaker 4: comedy underground. I've heard who is super fucking great. Oh
Speaker 4: that's great, Like like they're really really into it, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean.
Speaker 5: And I like Canadians in general.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, so I always had to go that broad.
Speaker 6: But it's a positive thing, so that it's okay. I
Speaker 6: love all Canadians, all of them.
Speaker 1: Canadians are the greatest.
Speaker 4: They are the best of the create. Yeah, what is it.
Speaker 4: They're really good natured.
Speaker 1: They're just so goddamn reasonable.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're mellow.
Speaker 5: I never see him stressed out up there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's clean. Well, I well, I was in
Speaker 4: the winter. Man, It's so funny. I've been doing this.
Speaker 4: I've been doing this the last couple of months. I've
Speaker 4: been going to like fucking Chicago, rod Chester, New York City,
Speaker 4: going from brutal snowy weather to la and it's so
Speaker 4: fucking funny.
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 4: I do too.
Speaker 5: Do you like the snow?
Speaker 4: I like I do. I like I like the cold weather,
Speaker 4: especially have to ban out here. Yeah yeah, in uh,
Speaker 4: I don't know, Land of the Eternal Sunshine.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: No seasons, no, no seasons, time passing except birthday.
Speaker 5: My birthday is in a couple of days by the
Speaker 5: happy birthday. I just plug that.
Speaker 3: February fifth, everybody, thank you February fifth.
Speaker 5: Yep, yep, very nice.
Speaker 4: That's a super birthday.
Speaker 5: But yeah, but when you're up there in Canadia, but
Speaker 5: they just, uh, they just are relaxed all the time.
Speaker 1: I think, are they smart? I mean, like smarter than
Speaker 1: your average No.
Speaker 5: One accuses them of being the smartest. But that's not
Speaker 5: why you're there.
Speaker 4: That's not Look, this is my theory. If you're less stressed,
Speaker 4: you're smarter, yes, because stress, you know, stress kind of
Speaker 4: just creates all this bullsh that gets in the way
Speaker 4: of you thinking, yeahdactive reasoning and things like that.
Speaker 3: I also think it's kind of cool to be smart
Speaker 3: in Canada, whereas here it's like football and like I'm
Speaker 3: going to be an American idol. But like up there,
Speaker 3: I remember my friend Christine Goodin in high school. She
Speaker 3: had Canadian cousins that came to visit, and I was
Speaker 3: I was totally in love with her one cousin who
Speaker 3: was probably like twenty two, and he brought a scientific
Speaker 3: American with him.
Speaker 1: I thought that was the most I couldn't get over it.
Speaker 3: It was like made me weak in the knees because
Speaker 3: I've never seen a guy be like kind of in
Speaker 3: my on my own time. I'm going to pursue the
Speaker 3: scientific arts.
Speaker 5: By days off, I'm going to go to my own school.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm going to go to extra school because there's
Speaker 3: nothing like that in my world up until that point.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know what that is. It's just it's
Speaker 4: nice though, and they're great comedy fans, and it's just
Speaker 4: and they're really appreciative because I guess you know, there's
Speaker 4: Smailler places and they don't get a lot of well
Speaker 4: they do, but not often, I think, Yeah, so they're appreciative, appreciative. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think how my commercial editions would go. So they're appreciative, right, Eddie,
Speaker 4: can you get.
Speaker 3: To that moret appreciative because I think that's what's on
Speaker 3: the paper.
Speaker 10: So it's ain't a leakage, No, Eddie, isn't that what
Speaker 10: it is? This potato chip is supposed to stop? Nope,
Speaker 10: it's it's funny you said potato chicken. Wasn't I experienced
Speaker 10: dandel Lay kitchen.
Speaker 5: It was from o Lean.
Speaker 4: Yes, oh oil that they would use that That is
Speaker 4: what this product was all about.
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is like, hey, do you still like eating
Speaker 6: potato chips with I think it was manufactured Monciot.
Speaker 4: You go out for this spot?
Speaker 6: No, no, but I I am Eddie announced the time
Speaker 6: to tell you I was the director. I was wearing
Speaker 6: glasses and a scarf, so you don't recognize me.
Speaker 5: And I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I got mad at you that I have a real apology.
Speaker 5: Mere is what he did. He came in. He's like,
Speaker 5: I'm a I'm a man with a family. When you
Speaker 5: get the squirts, and I was like, the squirts was
Speaker 5: this guy read the read the board. It's on the board.
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm from an improv troup.
Speaker 1: As we speak.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm no ending you because I'm the director. I said,
Speaker 5: no ending.
Speaker 1: You got that address?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: Another one on one south right? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Another another thing I hated about these fucking commercials was
Speaker 4: that they were always directed by Brits and these horrible
Speaker 4: little piece of ship spots and and and they would
Speaker 4: and and and this guy this, these British guys would
Speaker 4: always be like, all right, if you could uh just
Speaker 4: kind of look away when she sayscorda and like like
Speaker 4: like he had this to me, you had this like
Speaker 4: fucking attitude, like we're doing this, like amazing little thing.
Speaker 4: Did you get the address?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, it works out. This is a great route.
Speaker 4: I love this.
Speaker 3: And you've been You've been vexed by commercial auditions for
Speaker 3: so long because the first time I ever saw you
Speaker 3: at the Fake Gallery, you did that thing where it
Speaker 3: was the commercial edition when the Apocalypse After the Apocalypse, Oh.
Speaker 4: Yes, well I find them so yeah and uh And
Speaker 4: at the end of that one, I said that at
Speaker 4: the end of that one, it was only like me,
Speaker 4: like I would say things to the casting person like, uh,
Speaker 4: it's just good. Like they would be like a disembodied voice,
Speaker 4: and I'd be I'd be yelling, can they they be saying,
Speaker 4: can you read the copy? And I'd be like, it's
Speaker 4: just good to hear another voice. Hey, you know, after
Speaker 4: this audition, a couple of us are gonna forage for
Speaker 4: food if you want to come, And then the casting
Speaker 4: person answered, well, that sounds like just leave a flyer
Speaker 4: for that. Maybe I'll come to that. And then at
Speaker 4: the end they decided to go with the Charred Corpse
Speaker 4: instead of me to sell cereal, and we're gonna go
Speaker 4: with the chart Corpse.
Speaker 1: It's definitely a different direction on you.
Speaker 5: It's not you, it's just a different direction. Thank you, Karen.
Speaker 4: But you know, you know, everybody used to tell me,
Speaker 4: which I also found insulting. Eddie, you just you so
Speaker 4: look like the everyman. And I was like, well, thank
Speaker 4: you for that, thank you.
Speaker 6: That's not at all insure your your insults are so
Speaker 6: well worded.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you look like the plumber. And you're gonna work,
Speaker 4: and you're gonna work, and then you're gonna work some more.
Speaker 5: But mostly plumbing. Mostly you're a plumber.
Speaker 4: Now, I'll never forget going in time for a fucking
Speaker 4: Musins commercial and just that's the thing we have to
Speaker 4: sit and go. Oh wil an old and I walked
Speaker 4: down it. I did book at about three years running.
Speaker 4: But no, of course I didn't.
Speaker 5: But it would be fun to be the voice of
Speaker 5: the actual book.
Speaker 4: Yeah you don't know my stuff.
Speaker 8: Here, I.
Speaker 4: Packed my book of clothing the.
Speaker 1: Worse.
Speaker 5: But yeah, oh that's the word. Yeah you're sickly good.
Speaker 5: Oh you're doing it perfectly.
Speaker 4: But also also like what's really depressing is like what
Speaker 4: the industry saw me as Like when I would walk
Speaker 4: into the room and see the people that I was
Speaker 4: their type. I just would always have to like read
Speaker 4: a self help book after something like that. Oh yeah,
Speaker 4: because it was like, really, this is what I am
Speaker 4: to you fucking people.
Speaker 5: Around Christmas time.
Speaker 6: It's fun to go on them where they ask for
Speaker 6: a Santa Claus and every guy in town who professionally
Speaker 6: is Santa Claus to commit it to where they have
Speaker 6: a big white beard, and the more about them they
Speaker 6: maintain a jolly us. They're like, well, like if I
Speaker 6: just wait, I'm probably gonna not get as many gigs,
Speaker 6: be it in a in a shopping mall, or on
Speaker 6: a commercial or actually just weeks of desperation visiting of
Speaker 6: children's hospital.
Speaker 5: Yeah, nothing's more desperate than visiting sick kids. You said it.
Speaker 4: I visit sick kids all the time.
Speaker 6: Here.
Speaker 4: That's misiting sick kids for myself. Just so I'm grateful.
Speaker 4: I just go in and I leave. Okay, Yeah, I
Speaker 4: am me not I am doing better than you, sir.
Speaker 5: That's your on visiting kids. It's your Murray perfect.
Speaker 1: I was actually just remembering I went on it.
Speaker 3: I only went on like three commercial auditions because I
Speaker 3: was so I was such a terrible auditioner anyway, but
Speaker 3: those ones they would make you improv stuff. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: so I was always like out of my mind, uncomfortable
Speaker 3: just the second I got there. And one time I
Speaker 3: was waiting in the waiting room and two dudes who
Speaker 3: worked at the casting office got into a fist fight,
Speaker 3: and I got up and left so quickly and called
Speaker 3: my agent.
Speaker 1: I was like, two dudes got into a fist fight.
Speaker 1: I'm not going back there.
Speaker 3: And it was like they were like my agent called
Speaker 3: there was like my client was very upset, but I
Speaker 3: actually wasn't.
Speaker 1: I just it was the perfect excuse. Oh, they got
Speaker 1: into a fight. I'm not going back.
Speaker 5: I'm again. You never know much too fat.
Speaker 4: I would always be afraid that my agent. I swear
Speaker 4: to God, It's like just me being a little kid.
Speaker 4: I would always know, keep going, okay going. I would
Speaker 4: always be afraid of my agent getting a report first.
Speaker 4: It would be like my tea, I worry about it.
Speaker 6: I worry about the other day I went in for
Speaker 6: one and yeah, I'm supposed to be a mean director guy.
Speaker 4: Actually, are you having fun with them now? Like you're
Speaker 4: going in.
Speaker 5: I like the I'm getting used to auditioning and I
Speaker 5: feel like, if it is.
Speaker 4: Are you booking any Yeah, I got commercials a lot,
Speaker 4: but that's cool.
Speaker 5: When what was Canadian one was in the UK? What
Speaker 5: you know, you wouldn't see.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's even better. Nobody sees you do them exactly.
Speaker 5: I was pretty happy about that.
Speaker 4: But I want to be flown in Japan and do
Speaker 4: those few million dollar ones, but nobody knows.
Speaker 6: I got to go to Spain and you did as
Speaker 6: you went on the beach in Spain, and then I
Speaker 6: got to go.
Speaker 5: To England for a commercial yeah and.
Speaker 6: One oh yeah for Expedia dot c a Canadian and
Speaker 6: then for a Mini Cooper.
Speaker 4: That's cool when you could go to Spain ship right, So.
Speaker 5: I think I got spoiled and I'm like, this is
Speaker 5: the best gig ever.
Speaker 6: I'm going to focus on this, but I I haven't
Speaker 6: anything right now, And like you mentioned before, I've been
Speaker 6: for it.
Speaker 4: How long food for Yeah?
Speaker 5: For how long since I shaved my mustache.
Speaker 11: I haven't had a good audition when that I've shaved
Speaker 11: it up eight months ago, Okay, yeah, yeah it is
Speaker 11: streaky like that though, right, Yeah, yeah, it's my mustache.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well no, it's.
Speaker 5: A streak.
Speaker 8: It was.
Speaker 6: I was getting callbacks all the time I'm like, well, yeah,
Speaker 6: I'm in the groove, and where's this groove? Isn't going
Speaker 6: to go anywhere but straight to the Emperor has got
Speaker 6: a brand new whatever anyway it'll make I don't feel
Speaker 6: wildly uncomfortable anymore when I go into a room.
Speaker 4: Yeah you know next exit by the way, Yes, quick,
Speaker 4: little one on the right. You don't know where it is,
Speaker 4: folks listening, yes, because I already got people in front
Speaker 4: of my goddamn house constantly like, oh, please sign this,
Speaker 4: well you used the olean bag.
Speaker 3: And then there's that one guy with the God hates
Speaker 3: fag sign, which doesn't make sense.
Speaker 5: Why is he there? I always want I want to
Speaker 5: go in in front of a grocery store where a
Speaker 5: god hates bags? What god hates bags? To get them?
Speaker 4: I just loved it lately.
Speaker 1: They're pretty great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, hugs, I'm tired of working for the.
Speaker 5: Here we go.
Speaker 6: We're taking this sweet sweet, sweet sweet, then beautiful and
Speaker 6: then we're gonna turn right.
Speaker 1: You're so relaxed, Eddie because you're home now.
Speaker 4: You guys did that really well?
Speaker 5: Oh did you have fun? Are you currently having fun?
Speaker 5: It's not over? Yea, I'm glad, I.
Speaker 1: Are you ready for some more fun.
Speaker 5: Some of our episodes, I'll.
Speaker 6: Be honest, are kind of stinkers, and I think this
Speaker 6: one was up there with with Aaron.
Speaker 5: Foley and some of the better A good one. She
Speaker 5: was great, but I don't want to talk about her.
Speaker 5: Let's talk about you.
Speaker 4: Does it end when you drop me off? For what
Speaker 4: do we do?
Speaker 5: It ends up up and awkwardly and we actually.
Speaker 4: That's actually kind of cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, we'll end with you'll stop right here. No,
Speaker 5: he just wanted it to end the whole time.
Speaker 4: That'd be funny. Like I say, well, I came out
Speaker 4: the other day to my parents and then I'm like,
Speaker 4: stop right here.
Speaker 6: Wait if he could really this is where my house is.
Speaker 6: The podcast ends. When the podcast ends.
Speaker 5: When.
Speaker 4: We are really close though, by the way, very very
Speaker 4: very close.
Speaker 5: Well then what did your parents say when you told
Speaker 5: him that when.
Speaker 4: I came out? Yeah, well I did come out, and
Speaker 4: the biggest thing I ever came out as was an actor.
Speaker 4: When I told my dad, no, when I told my
Speaker 4: dad I was going, my dad was like a dean
Speaker 4: of high school, and he wanted and he he kind
Speaker 4: of wanted me to be a dentist for some reason.
Speaker 4: I didn't want to be a doctor, and then he's
Speaker 4: and then I said, all right, how about a dentist.
Speaker 4: I said that just to please them, And he was
Speaker 4: really excited that I was studying dentist.
Speaker 1: And you actually studied it.
Speaker 6: That's the same pressure as the elf and Rudolph. He
Speaker 6: felt he wanted to be a dentist. A dentist, yeah,
Speaker 6: but he was an elf. He was actually the elf
Speaker 6: in Rudolph. He was passionate about dentistry. He's like, why
Speaker 6: am I a miss? Why look at me making these toys.
Speaker 6: I'm like, that's a pretty good gig.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: My dad gave me a fucking novacaine needle for my
Speaker 4: sixteen I'm not kidding. It was a beautiful like like
Speaker 4: state of the yard, Like you don't get to see
Speaker 4: him because they always hide him. Now, this interested me.
Speaker 5: So did that then light a fire under your ass?
Speaker 5: It sure did.
Speaker 4: When you get a novacaine needle, that are you.
Speaker 5: Let me reach into my stocking?
Speaker 4: Ow?
Speaker 1: What is this?
Speaker 4: It's a needle, son, I'm sorry, son. I was supposed
Speaker 4: to be covered with the blunt tip.
Speaker 1: I had to put a wine cork on the end.
Speaker 4: Of the alla for a couple of hours.
Speaker 5: Only a couple guys used it. Behind my work.
Speaker 6: There's a couple guys in an alley that I used
Speaker 6: the needle. But other than that, it's brand new, son
Speaker 6: and I'm not going to be a dentist.
Speaker 1: He gave me a needle.
Speaker 4: That's the best get to the right okay, And well,
Speaker 4: did your dad ever right behind this great car?
Speaker 5: Okay? Perfect? Yeah, No one's gonna bother for a little bit.
Speaker 5: So did your dad ultimately see you act and realize
Speaker 5: that you made a life for yourself?
Speaker 4: You know? It took him so long because he heard
Speaker 4: about the olean commercial heard he heard about a lot
Speaker 4: of this stuff because he had a friend in the
Speaker 4: commercial industry and non't kidding that would be funny if
Speaker 4: like Bob, which I'm sure you got from that, but Bob,
Speaker 4: I don't know. He screwed up a couple of words
Speaker 4: and it ain't a leakage product. It was perfect for
Speaker 4: him because he he looks like Ship, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean. He's a kid who looks like Ship and
Speaker 4: he's gonna go far if you could just harness this
Speaker 4: every man, and which basically means, you know, a person
Speaker 4: doesn't look well.
Speaker 5: You're in every Man if everyone in America was a
Speaker 5: sick plumber.
Speaker 1: Now is a compliment.
Speaker 5: Go Eddie, you're great, this was fun, and you know
Speaker 5: this was good. You are any delight. We're going to
Speaker 5: go back to the airport and pick up our nest guests.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 8: This is the way.
Speaker 4: That is so funny to me. Airports are the one
Speaker 4: place I hate going. I go there regularly. Do you
Speaker 4: now kind of dig it?
Speaker 1: And I love it.
Speaker 4: It's hilarious.
Speaker 6: Maybe it's kind of my character, I guess, but I
Speaker 6: don't I get. I get a feeling of anxiety the
Speaker 6: moment I.
Speaker 4: Know you do. Some of the cops know you at
Speaker 4: this point. They that's the podcast, let them throw folks.
Speaker 6: I'm sure they noticed that there's occasionally a car where
Speaker 6: people inexplicably have microphones in their hands.
Speaker 3: So you're going to get I just realized though, as
Speaker 3: we talked about that we might be suspects, since we're
Speaker 3: at the airport so much.
Speaker 5: On the last size checking out that lady, Yeah, we
Speaker 5: could be.
Speaker 1: We could be in serious danger. But no, look around
Speaker 1: at whatever you feel like looking at.
Speaker 5: She had She wasn't wearing a brass here.
Speaker 4: I wanted to warn her of the.
Speaker 5: That'll cause permanent hangage.
Speaker 4: All right, guys, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Shows coming out. You have a podcast do you want
Speaker 1: to talk about?
Speaker 4: Yes, please listen to my podcast on the Old Things
Speaker 4: Comedy Network. It's called Pep Talks with the Bitter Buddha
Speaker 4: and you could subscribe to it on iTunes. I'm going
Speaker 4: to be at the San Francisco Sketch Fest.
Speaker 5: Oh fun, kept.
Speaker 4: Coming up to February sixth, seven and eight. Yeah good,
Speaker 4: and that's a green gravel fest. And I at the
Speaker 4: end of February and then the punchline March like eleven.
Speaker 4: I'm going to headline a punch That's great.
Speaker 1: That's a great The punchline in Sanrancisco. Yeah nice.
Speaker 5: That's to San Francisco trip or is it right?
Speaker 4: That's right, it's it's San Francisco. I will and then
Speaker 4: back to San Francisco. I like San Francisco.
Speaker 6: You gotta go back to go get your heart. You
Speaker 6: gotta go back in second time to get your heart.
Speaker 6: Everyone's always leaving their.
Speaker 1: Heart there and singing about it.
Speaker 5: Well, go all right, guys, thanks for being on h
Speaker 5: Do you need a ride? D y n A R.
Speaker 5: Are you leaving you wanna way back?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want.
Speaker 2: To be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you clean
Speaker 2: us time and they turning on and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off inside.
Speaker 5: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared or was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now part.
Speaker 5: The father. Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need with Karen and Chriss