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Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the Ultimate Summer of Love Tree.

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Speaker 1: This is famously available. Deanna Poppus. She did find love

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Speaker 1: in two thousand and eight when she was the bachelorette,

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Speaker 1: but it didn't quite stick. Then, through a Bachelor Nation connection,

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Speaker 1: she fell in love, married, had children, and was living

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Speaker 1: the dream. But this wasn't the happily ever after she wanted.

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Speaker 1: So it's time for her story to continue. Deanna. Our

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Speaker 1: listeners know you, they're familiar with you, they probably love you.

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Speaker 1: That's my assumption here. But we are sitting here today

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Speaker 1: talking about something very different than what they know you

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Speaker 1: from before. So let's start this thing by giving our

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Speaker 1: listeners an update, catching them up here a little bit,

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Speaker 1: and then maybe sharing how in the world we got

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Speaker 1: here today.

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Speaker 2: Is it really that different, Ben? Is it really that

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Speaker 2: different than how your listeners might know who I am

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Speaker 2: where they know I'm from.

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Speaker 1: It's really it all comes back around.

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Speaker 2: It's really you're just a different host than what I

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Speaker 2: had seventeen.

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Speaker 1: Years ago, very much not as charismatic or as handsome.

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Speaker 1: But I'll tell you this, if I can be Chris

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Speaker 1: Harrison's C team, I'll take it.

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Speaker 2: I hear you're as equally as good as a golfer.

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Speaker 1: That's true. Let's say that publicly. I hope he listens.

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Speaker 2: I'll text Harrison after this and let him know.

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Speaker 1: Please do. Let's see.

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Speaker 2: You knew me many years ago as this young, naive

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Speaker 2: Southern bale who was looking to find her happily ever after,

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Speaker 2: and here she is, She's back, still looking for that

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Speaker 2: one true love.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because what we're attempting to do here, I

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Speaker 1: think is so fun, and I think that's the point

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Speaker 1: of the concept that we're entering into together. Really, this

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Speaker 1: is the first time we're trying it and hopefully the

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Speaker 1: first of many seasons to come. But famously Available is

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Speaker 1: supposed to be fun. Let's start this conversation with some

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Speaker 1: things that aren't fun. Obviously. People know you from some

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Speaker 1: headlines recently about a breakup slash divorce. How are you

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Speaker 1: healing as you walk through this process, especially in the

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Speaker 1: public eye, because you have been in the public eye before,

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Speaker 1: but now it's been a few years and you're going

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Speaker 1: through this breakup in the public sphere when social media

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Speaker 1: is very much more prevalent than it used to be,

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Speaker 1: and opinions are very much louder than they used to

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Speaker 1: be how are you doing through this time?

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Speaker 2: There's a saying that you take it day by day,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes I'm taking it hour by hour. I think

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Speaker 2: the unique thing that I have is that most people

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Speaker 2: get to go through a relationship or get divorced and

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Speaker 2: they don't have to really allow anyone else to be

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Speaker 2: a part of that. And so that has been a

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Speaker 2: bit of a learning experience for me because I very

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Speaker 2: much want to protect my children. Everything lives on the internet.

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Speaker 2: You know, back when I was on television, Listen Ben,

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Speaker 2: it's on a DVD. There's a lot of clips that

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Speaker 2: you can't find anymore. So I feel like I have

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Speaker 2: some serenity there and some peace of mind. But everything

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Speaker 2: lives on the internet. So I am very careful what

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Speaker 2: I say, what I share for the sake of my children,

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Speaker 2: and I have said it from the get go that

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Speaker 2: my children get to love me and they get to

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Speaker 2: love their father, and that's what they deserve. They don't

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Speaker 2: need to hear the in the depths of what went

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Speaker 2: on in our marriage and why it didn't work. That's

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Speaker 2: not what my children deserve. So yeah, it's been trying.

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Speaker 2: I am divorced. I'm very much single, I have not

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Speaker 2: dated a lot since getting divorced, and most of that

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Speaker 2: is just because I truly wanted to focus on myself,

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Speaker 2: and I wanted to focus on my children, and I

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Speaker 2: wanted to make sure that the transition was okay for

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Speaker 2: the two of them. The interesting thing about divorce, and

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Speaker 2: something that I have had to learn, is that when

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Speaker 2: you get married, you work so hard to become one.

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Speaker 2: There's this whole and I'm a Christian, I'm very open

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Speaker 2: about that, but there's this whole thing where people tell

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Speaker 2: you, you know.

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Speaker 1: You've become one.

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Speaker 2: You become one in this relationship, you no longer operate

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Speaker 2: us two, and then overnight you are expected to be

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Speaker 2: two again. You love someone, and you spend so many

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Speaker 2: years loving someone so much, and then it is no joke,

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Speaker 2: like overnight, you don't know this person anymore. I wish

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Speaker 2: it was a dreams scenario. I so admire those people

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Speaker 2: who are like, yeah, we're still best friends. For the

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Speaker 2: sake of the kids, we hang out, our new spouses

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Speaker 2: hang out. I admire people like that. That is not

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Speaker 2: my situation. So I am navigating it day by day

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Speaker 2: and trying to remember that I have children who are

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Speaker 2: walking through this and I just want to be the

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Speaker 2: best version of myself. That's all that I want. And

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Speaker 2: a really good lesson for me during this period of

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Speaker 2: time is just, you know, I can only take responsibility

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Speaker 2: for myself and the things that I do and say,

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Speaker 2: and everything else has to be silenced and pushed away

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Speaker 2: because I can't control anyone else. I can't control you, Ben,

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Speaker 2: I can't control anyone else. I can only control what

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Speaker 2: I do and how I respond and how I react.

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Speaker 2: So divorce has not been easy for me, and some

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Speaker 2: of the situations that have occurred since have been really difficult.

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Speaker 2: And I wish that I could be a person that

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Speaker 2: could go through this privately, but that's not my life.

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Speaker 2: And I believe that I have a new disrespect for

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Speaker 2: tabloids who take headlines as a clickbait, or even the

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Speaker 2: many people who have spoke on it or have had

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Speaker 2: comments on it since, because I guarantee you, no one

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Speaker 2: knows the truth of the matter other than the two

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Speaker 2: people that were there, and I'm one of those. So

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Speaker 2: I find that fascinating the amount of people who will

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Speaker 2: comment on myself or my marriage or anything that went

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Speaker 2: on when really truly no one was there. So I

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Speaker 2: have had to come to a space that I don't

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Speaker 2: truly understand, and nor do I care anyone else's opinion.

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Speaker 2: You are married Ben, and you know that there's his truth,

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Speaker 2: her truth, and the truth. There's always three sides to

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Speaker 2: every story, and no one should have a seat at

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Speaker 2: the table in your marriage. No one should have a seat.

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Speaker 1: Obviously, this whole concept that we're entering into is about

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Speaker 1: moving forward, But I do want to spend a second

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Speaker 1: here and still continue kind of in the space we're

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Speaker 1: talking about right now. You have gone through divorce, you

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Speaker 1: do have kids you want, and I think it's a

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Speaker 1: terrific mindset to protect the kids and to make sure

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Speaker 1: that they can love you and their father well. But

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Speaker 1: I've always been curious about this personally. I don't think

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Speaker 1: there's a user manual for how to walk through divorce,

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Speaker 1: and I think there are a lot of opinions, you know,

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Speaker 1: from the outside probably as you go through this process.

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Speaker 1: So who have you leaned on, Who has been a

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Speaker 1: part of that circle that you've entrusted to help sit

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Speaker 1: with you when you're feeling great, to sit with you

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Speaker 1: when you're mourning and feeling lonely, to cry with you,

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Speaker 1: and to also hold you accountable as you try to

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Speaker 1: make these decisions on should you speak out publicly on

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Speaker 1: this or should you stay quiet, just all the stuff

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Speaker 1: that happens when you go through this in the public eye.

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Speaker 1: What has your support system been like.

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Speaker 2: I actually have a really great support system. Some friends

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Speaker 2: of mine who have just been with us every step

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Speaker 2: of the way. They were actually friends of Stephen and

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Speaker 2: I as a couple, and they have remained my friends,

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Speaker 2: and they walk through me. They're the type of people

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Speaker 2: who put on the boots and they walk through the

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Speaker 2: trenches with you and carry you on days that you

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Speaker 2: cannot carry yourselves. I have always been the type of

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Speaker 2: person who I keep my side of the street clean.

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Speaker 2: That's what I do. I keep my side of the

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Speaker 2: street clean. I've never been the type of person that

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Speaker 2: believes in gossip or speaking negatively negatively about other people,

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Speaker 2: or telling the dirty truth. I will stand by that.

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Speaker 2: In my marriage, I honored my marriage and I kept

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Speaker 2: things really private for that exact reason, and I think

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Speaker 2: that's why people were so surprised when Even and I

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Speaker 2: announced that we were getting divorced, because I kept everything

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Speaker 2: really close to heart. Other than the people that I

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Speaker 2: trust and for me, that's because I valued my husband

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Speaker 2: at the time, and I valued my relationship and my marriage,

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Speaker 2: and with so much of my life that is public,

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Speaker 2: those boundaries are really important to me because there is

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Speaker 2: so much that I allow for people to have access

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Speaker 2: to in my life because I chose to go on television,

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Speaker 2: but my children did not, and my ex husband did not.

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Speaker 2: So there are pieces that I hold really close to heart,

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Speaker 2: really close to my chest, that I won't share. I

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Speaker 2: choose not to do that. And my goal at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day is and always has been, I'd

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Speaker 2: love to get to a place where I don't loathe

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Speaker 2: my ex husband. So that is a process, and that

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Speaker 2: is a process for me. That's to come to terms

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Speaker 2: with things that I have experienced and things that I

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Speaker 2: have gone through, and it is a healing and a

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Speaker 2: grieving process. I believe not only is the end of

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Speaker 2: a relationship, but the end of a marriage divorce is

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Speaker 2: very much like a death. There is a process. It

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Speaker 2: is grief. It is grief to its finest, and I

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Speaker 2: am an advocate for mental health and God, I love

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Speaker 2: therapy and I have walked and rode every wave of

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Speaker 2: grief and sometimes I still am I currently still am,

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Speaker 2: you know, but that's important for me for my healing process.

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Speaker 2: And I'm also the type of person when I am

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Speaker 2: done with something with someone with a relationship, I'm done.

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Speaker 2: There's no going back for me. I don't backpedal. I

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Speaker 2: believe that things close for a reason for new ones

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Speaker 2: to open. And even still, I'm not that same person

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Speaker 2: who who was married to my ex husband. Anyway, I'm different,

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Speaker 2: and I'm different because of grief, and I'm different because

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Speaker 2: of the ending of that relationship. And I'm different because

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Speaker 2: I had to learn and I had to grow and

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Speaker 2: I had to process and I am freaking resilient and

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Speaker 2: I'm really proud of that.

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Speaker 1: You mentioned the grief part here, and I think it's

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Speaker 1: interesting because it sounds like to me, and you tell

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Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong, that you're still in this season

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Speaker 1: of grieving moments or having grieving moments. For anybody listening

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Speaker 1: who has gone through divorce, or for anybody who is

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Speaker 1: going through a breakup, that just feels like the end

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Speaker 1: of the world and everything inside of them is being

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Speaker 1: ripped out, and they're lonely and they're nervous and they're

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Speaker 1: trying to process it all. You do you mind sharing

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Speaker 1: a little bit more about what this grief feels like

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Speaker 1: and what this grief is doing to you personally and

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Speaker 1: how it's changing you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my grief that I'm walking through right now is

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Speaker 2: very different than the grief that I experienced three years

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Speaker 2: ago when our relationship ended. So although we waited a

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Speaker 2: really long time to tell anyone that we were separating,

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Speaker 2: and divorce takes a long time, it's not something that

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Speaker 2: happens overnight. We truly haven't been together in at least

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Speaker 2: three years or something like that. So I grieved my relationship.

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Speaker 2: Then the new grief that I'm experiencing is an outcome

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Speaker 2: of the headlines and the tabloids that everyone is reading,

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Speaker 2: and the fact that really difficult things that have taken

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Speaker 2: place in my life have to play out for everyone

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Speaker 2: to read through clicking a link, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: So that's my grief. I'm no longer grieving the relationship.

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Speaker 2: I'm grieving what I thought could be really good co

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Speaker 2: parenting space for my children. I'm grieving the idea that

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Speaker 2: I could have a really wonderful relationship with my children's father.

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Speaker 2: But I am no longer grieving that relationship or that marriage.

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Speaker 2: I'm no longer grieving that I have come worlds past that,

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Speaker 2: But I think it would be doing a disservice to

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Speaker 2: deny that the things that have taken place recently have

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Speaker 2: not been incredibly hard for me and really really hard

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Speaker 2: for my children. So that's kind of it's kind of

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Speaker 2: all I'm willing to share on that because again, I

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Speaker 2: work really hard to protect my children and the things

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Speaker 2: that have taken place are just so unfortunate. They're just

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Speaker 2: they're so unfortunate.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, that's fair. Yeah, you share as much as

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Speaker 1: you feel like is appropriate, and again I completely appreciate

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Speaker 1: and respect the protection that you're surrounding your family with.

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Speaker 1: Let's transition then into kind of this next season. When

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Speaker 1: did you realize or when did you start to feel

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Speaker 1: or when did you come to terms with however you

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Speaker 1: want to describe it, because I'm intrigued with the language

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Speaker 1: that you use around it that you are single and available.

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Speaker 2: Again, I probably was not really interested in any kind

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Speaker 2: of relationship, let alone dating until maybe within the last year.

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Speaker 2: I just wasn't there yet. I wasn't emotionally available, I

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Speaker 2: wasn't emotionally ready, and honest to God, I just kind

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Speaker 2: of really loved my life. I love where I live,

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Speaker 2: I love my time with the kids, I have an

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Speaker 2: amazing job, I travel the world, and I felt really

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Speaker 2: really great about that. I didn't have a lot of

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Speaker 2: space or any kind of capacity to take on another

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Speaker 2: human being for the first time in my life outside

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Speaker 2: of my children. That was probably the most selfish that

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Speaker 2: I've ever been. And I am the least selfish human

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Speaker 2: being that I hope any of my people know, because

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Speaker 2: I'm a giver and I love to be surrounded and

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Speaker 2: I love to feed people, and I love to have community,

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Speaker 2: and I love those things. And this was the first

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Speaker 2: time in my life where I was actually selfish. I

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Speaker 2: did what I wanted. I bought what barstools I wanted,

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Speaker 2: I got what comforter I wanted, I took my children

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Speaker 2: and wherever I wanted. It probably wasn't until maybe about

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Speaker 2: a year ago that I finally got to a space

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Speaker 2: where I was like, oh, okay, like I could, I

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Speaker 2: could desire someone's companionship, but there's a fine line here, Ben,

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Speaker 2: Like the longer I go, I'm kind of like, yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: Like I'm never living with another person. If I want

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Speaker 2: to let the dishes sit in the sink. They're my dishes.

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Speaker 2: I know I did them. So it's a very fine

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Speaker 2: line of being ready to find someone and also being

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Speaker 2: really comfortable in my space. I'm in a very different

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Speaker 2: place in my life where when I was in my

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Speaker 2: early twenties, when I went on the bachelorette before I

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Speaker 2: met Stephen, I wanted to marry someone. I wanted to

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Speaker 2: combine our lives. I wanted to stay home with our children.

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Speaker 2: I wanted that very traditional relationship where my husband worked

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Speaker 2: and I raise the kids and we shared whatever. I'm

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Speaker 2: not there anymore. I have a career that I really like.

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Speaker 2: I don't need another man's money. I pay my own bills,

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Speaker 2: I put a roof over our heads, I have a

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Speaker 2: great job that I love.

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Speaker 1: It would just be that.

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Speaker 2: Component of having companionship. And I have said it a

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Speaker 2: thousand times over. I don't desire marriage anymore. I did

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Speaker 2: that and that was a lot of fun. But I'll

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Speaker 2: tell you what's really traumatic is divorce. So I don't

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Speaker 2: necessarily need that piece of paper anymore. I've done it.

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Speaker 2: I gave it a good shot. But I believe in

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Speaker 2: partnership and companionship. I believe in relationships. I believe in

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Speaker 2: being loyal to one person and finding someone that compliments

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Speaker 2: me and vice versa. But I would say the traditional

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Speaker 2: aspect of it looks different from me now. I'm almost

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Speaker 2: forty four years old and I don't need to be

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Speaker 2: taken care of. It'd be kind of nice if someone

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Speaker 2: wanted to take me out to dinner, but I don't

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Speaker 2: rely on another man for those things any longer. And

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Speaker 2: I believe that just comes with age and growth and security,

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Speaker 2: financial security, and just I'm in a different place in

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Speaker 2: my life than probably where I was when I was

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Speaker 2: twenty six and that sweet little girl walking out to

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Speaker 2: a freshly washed pavement waiting for the limos to pull up,

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Speaker 2: of all these guys, and that feels really good because

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Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not desperate. I will be picky, I'll

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Speaker 2: be choosy, the go to the gotta kind of bring

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Speaker 2: it because I'm not willing to settle. I wasn't then,

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Speaker 2: and I'm for sure a shit I'm not now.

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Speaker 1: I mean, and that's wonderful, But is it negotiable? Like

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Speaker 1: are you crossing off marriage like you have no interest

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Speaker 1: in getting married again? Or say the perfect and we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about what that perfect companion looks like

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Speaker 1: to you in your mind right now. I have some

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Speaker 1: thoughts and feelings from my own experience, but I'll get

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Speaker 1: to that in a second. But if you find that

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Speaker 1: perfect companion for what you're thinking it looks like right now,

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Speaker 1: is getting married again off the table or is it

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Speaker 1: still an option available?

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Speaker 2: If we're looking at the table, ben it's at the

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Speaker 2: very corner and it's almost hanging off the edge where

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Speaker 2: it's like rocking back and forth. If someone doesn't push

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Speaker 2: it back on the table, it's going to be really hard.

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Speaker 2: It's just not something that is important to me. If

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Speaker 2: I meet someone and it's really important to them, I

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Speaker 2: am always open to understanding and hearing how someone feels

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Speaker 2: and making compromises. But I would say it is not

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Speaker 2: important to me. But if I meet someone and I

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Speaker 2: believe it's the love of my life and it's important

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Speaker 2: to them, I would be open to the conversation.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So it's just into the perfect companion. One of

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Speaker 1: the things I've always talked about publicly, and I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of respect for my past relationships in my life.

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Speaker 1: Some of them are close friends and some aren't so close.

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Speaker 1: To me, and I really have no desire to ever

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Speaker 1: see them again. But the thing that I appreciate is

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Speaker 1: you learn from serious relationships. I think more a few

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Speaker 1: years removed than you can ever understand. So I walked

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Speaker 1: out of a lot of these serious relationships going Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is actually what I'm looking for now I'm with you.

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Speaker 1: When I was a bachelor, I had this list of

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Speaker 1: ideals and none of those were the same ideals I

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Speaker 1: looked for in my future spouse, which is Jessica. They

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00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:53,880
Speaker 1: changed kind of based on my experience. So now, because

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Speaker 1: you have years of marriage under your belt, and because

337
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Speaker 1: you've now gone through a divorce, what does a perfect

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Speaker 1: companion look like to you? In the seat you're sitting in?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think if I knew that, I wouldn't be

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Speaker 2: sitting in the seat, don't you think, ben.

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Speaker 1: No, I think you one hundred percent will, because you'd

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Speaker 1: be going this guy I haven't met him yet, but

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Speaker 1: he's out there somewhere because he's X y Z. But

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Speaker 1: I haven't met this guy. So yes, I think you'd

345
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: be sitting in the seat because you haven't met him,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to help you meet him.

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Speaker 2: I think it's worth noting that I agree with you.

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Speaker 2: What I look for now is going to be very

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Speaker 2: different than probably what I looked for at twenty six

350
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Speaker 2: or thirty, you know, or even in my marriage. I

351
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 2: absolutely have got to be with someone who is emotionally

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Speaker 2: sound and emotionally mature, someone that can can function in

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Speaker 2: conversation on the most basic level. Reciprocity is so incredibly

354
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Speaker 2: important to me, and I would like to think that

355
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Speaker 2: chivalry is not dead.

356
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Speaker 1: I'm listened.

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Speaker 2: I'm a pretty independent woman, but look, I find it

358
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Speaker 2: flattering if a guy wants to open up my car

359
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,200
Speaker 2: door or take me out to dinner and actually pay

360
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Speaker 2: for it. Like I would appreciate that. Those I would

361
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 2: say are like my top three things, Like I need

362
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,440
Speaker 2: someone who is emotionally well. I need that emotional maturity,

363
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:27,399
Speaker 2: someone that can communicate, someone that can express themselves and

364
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,399
Speaker 2: have a conversation as an adult and be very in

365
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 2: tune with who they are and understand their mental health

366
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Speaker 2: their capacity to do so. I believe that that is

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Speaker 2: really important in a healthy relationship, and I really want

368
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Speaker 2: that in a partner, in a companion and a spouse.

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Speaker 2: That's something that is now really really important to me.

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Speaker 2: I need that I need someone who can communicate, someone

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Speaker 2: who can say how they feel, and someone who can

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Speaker 2: also be supportive at the same time. I don't think

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Speaker 2: that we all know how to do that. I don't

374
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 2: believe everyone knows how to communicate in a situation or

375
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,440
Speaker 2: an argument. And again, I'm a very strong personality. I

376
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 2: have pretty big opinions, and I need someone who is

377
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 2: willing to stay in that and be able to handle

378
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 2: me and have a conversation and not let me run.

379
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Speaker 2: I also really want to feel safe in a relationship.

380
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:37,160
Speaker 2: That's something that I realized through therapy after divorce. Something

381
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 2: that I really crave, and I've likely craved it from

382
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 2: a young age, is that I want to feel safe

383
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Speaker 2: in a relationship. And I don't know that I have

384
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Speaker 2: ever had a really healthy relationship where I have felt

385
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Speaker 2: safe as a woman with a partner. I don't know

386
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 2: that I've ever felt really safe, and I really want that.

387
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 2: I want someone who is going to look at me

388
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:56,919
Speaker 2: on my bad days and say, you know what I'm

389
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,199
Speaker 2: really I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You can have

390
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 2: a crap day or you can get upset, but I'm

391
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 2: not going anywhere. I'm here, You're safe. You may be

392
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 2: yourself with me, you may be vulnerable, and I will

393
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 2: never use it against you. I think that's really important.

394
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Speaker 2: And then yeah, like I something about living in LA,

395
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Speaker 2: Like like I've been on a date and a guy said,

396
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 2: do you want to split dinner? And I was like,

397
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 2: I'm out.

398
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 1: I'm out.

399
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 2: There's no going back, there's no coming back from that.

400
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, LA is gonna be tough. It's going to be See,

401
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: it's a whole new new hurdle that we have here

402
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 1: to find somebody within that area. But in closing, uh,

403
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: I'm getting this sense that you have a whole new level.

404
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: And again, please disagree with me and question me and

405
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: tell me I'm wrong. I would love but I get

406
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: this since you have this whole new confidence in this

407
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:57,439
Speaker 1: season of life, like you're you're not even need It

408
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like you're needing or wanting as much as

409
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 1: maybe it's just like a wishful desire, which is an

410
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,239
Speaker 1: interesting place in my opinion to enter into dating. Not

411
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: this like longing for oh my gosh, I need to

412
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,719
Speaker 1: find a partner. Yes, you're right.

413
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 2: I think it's a very different, a different position to

414
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 2: be in life because I believe we are taught from

415
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 2: an early age that you go to high school, then

416
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 2: you go to college, then you get married, then you

417
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 2: have babies, and there's all of these monumental marks in

418
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,640
Speaker 2: your lifespan that you're supposed to do. And I've done

419
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,239
Speaker 2: all of those things, So you're right, Ben that, like

420
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 2: I feel, I'm in a place in my life that

421
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 2: I don't have to check those things off. And again,

422
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,880
Speaker 2: I'm very grateful that I have a really wonderful job,

423
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 2: so I have financial security, I have my children. I

424
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: don't want any more kids, so I'm not in this

425
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 2: place of like every time you go on a date,

426
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 2: you're like, oh my god, am I going to marry

427
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 2: this person?

428
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:55,160
Speaker 1: Is this the one?

429
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 2: Is this the one? I believe that you can have

430
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 2: many great loves in your life, and they can be

431
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 2: at different times and in the places where you are

432
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 2: in your life. And I had the high school sweetheart,

433
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 2: you know, then I had the marriage. I had that

434
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 2: person that I thought I would love, and I would

435
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 2: say that now I am ready for that like great love,

436
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 2: That great love, the one that I hate to say,

437
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,880
Speaker 2: the word that defines us, but it's the one that

438
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 2: makes us. It's the one that when I'm sixty five.

439
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 2: That's the one that I'm like, Oh, yeah, that was it,

440
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 2: that was the one. And you're also right, I'm in

441
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 2: no rush. I am willing to be patient.

442
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:37,919
Speaker 1: Uh.

443
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,239
Speaker 2: I don't want to backtrack and be where I was,

444
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 2: which is which is probably also why I say I

445
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 2: don't ever want to get married again, because for me,

446
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 2: that breakup and divorce was very traumatic. I don't want

447
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 2: to experience that again. I don't want to make that

448
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:55,159
Speaker 2: mistake again. So the red flags that I missed, you know,

449
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,719
Speaker 2: going into that relationship. I pay attention to a lot

450
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 2: of those things now. And that goes back to what

451
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 2: you said in the beginning, is that you learn a

452
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 2: lot of lessons from relationships. My ex husband was not

453
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 2: my first relationship I've been in. I've been in several relationships,

454
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 2: and I've loved and lost before him. But I would

455
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 2: say that at this age that was a great loss

456
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:18,400
Speaker 2: to me. That was a great loss to me. And again,

457
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 2: I've come a long way and I have grieved that

458
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 2: one and I've set it aside and I'm never gone back.

459
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 2: I don't ever want to go back, I promise you that.

460
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 2: But you learn things, and there are certain things now

461
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 2: that I know that I'm not willing to put up

462
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 2: with if I cook, you clean, like, just do the dishes?

463
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 2: Is that too much to ask? Like, just do the dishes.

464
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 2: But all joking aside, there are things that at my

465
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 2: age I'm going to be forty four this year, I

466
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,120
Speaker 2: just have certain things that I'm willing to tolerate anymore

467
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 2: because I don't have to. And I'm in a rush.

468
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 2: It's not like I'm rushing to get married. I'm not

469
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 2: in a rush to get into a relationship. But if

470
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 2: someone really great comes along, I know that I'm not

471
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 2: willing to let that go.

472
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:03,400
Speaker 1: Final question for you as we close up this, I'm

473
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 1: excited to be a part of this either very impactful

474
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 1: season for you or just a nice blimp on a

475
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 1: radar for you as you enter back into the dating world.

476
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: But dating to me now, as I think about it,

477
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 1: or as I talk to people who are within this world,

478
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 1: it feels still to this day, and I thought it

479
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: would feel different after years of marriage. It feels scary,

480
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 1: and it feels intimidating, and it also it sometimes feels exciting.

481
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 1: There's an excitement to it, and anticipation maybe is the

482
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 1: better way to say it, but do you have any

483
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 1: fears about entering into the dating world again and actively dating?

484
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 1: Is there anything that concerns you about this next chapter?

485
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 2: Just narcissists, just straight narcissists. They scare me across the board.

486
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: You live in La Goodness, gracious, you're screwed.

487
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 2: They're gonna have to move back to the East Coast.

488
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 2: I think, No, I don't have a lot of fears.

489
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 2: Bad breath really scares me. Someone who might try to

490
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 2: kiss me on a first date really scares me. No,

491
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 2: I don't anythink. That's the really nice thing about coming

492
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 2: so far and having been through so much is that

493
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 2: I feel really at peace with myself, ben like, I

494
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: kind of really like me, and I'm not willing to

495
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 2: negotiate that or change that for anyone. I feel very

496
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 2: secure in who I am. I like genuinely like myself,

497
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 2: and I don't mind spending time alone. So something that

498
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 2: I'm not willing to do is to bend that for

499
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 2: any other person. That's not important for me, and I

500
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 2: have faith that if anybody wants to do that to you,

501
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 2: to change who you are, to change who you are

502
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 2: at your core, they're not the right person for you.

503
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 2: So fears. I don't have a lot of them yet.

504
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 2: But again, I've barely tipped my into the dating pond,

505
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 2: like I'm barely there, and people keep saying there's fish,

506
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 2: but I just don't. I don't think there are a

507
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 2: lot of them. But no, I am really grateful to

508
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 2: be very secure in who I am and me as

509
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: a person. And I think you'll like it or you

510
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 2: leave it. You either want to be with me or

511
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 2: you don't. There's no more begging. And I have learned

512
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 2: that I will never ever in my life again beg

513
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 2: a man to choose me. I never will. I did

514
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 2: that and I've put that to bed, and I'll never

515
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 2: do it again.

516
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: This is beautiful. I'm so excited. Thank you too for

517
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 1: jumping in here tonight, and thank you for sharing with us.

518
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 1: Here's what I'm seeing is we have a confident we

519
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 1: have a strong we have a newly inspired human on

520
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: our hands who is so fresh. Forty four. It's exciting.

521
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: You're not forty four. You got to stop saying that

522
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: you're forty three about to turn forty four. You're still

523
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: forty three. Let's enjoy the last few months of the

524
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 1: forty three we have okay, all right. A deal