Speaker 1: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks.
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 2: Y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a new episode
Speaker 2: and we talked back a show dedicated to you dreamers
Speaker 2: and chasers. This is your co host AJ Holiday. What's up,
Speaker 2: Tam Bam?
Speaker 1: Do anybody want a motherfucking dog? Do anybody want a dog?
Speaker 2: I want to pat that dog? Let me pet that doll.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Hey y'all, I love y'all. What's up?
Speaker 1: What's up? As damn?
Speaker 2: Are you the I R S?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm stressed.
Speaker 2: Goddamn. What's the agent from Matrix? The agent name off
Speaker 2: the Matrix? That's what's up? Ashley? Like, what y'all?
Speaker 1: My puppy? I kept the rug, my rug up off
Speaker 1: my floor for months trying to train her. And once
Speaker 1: I thought I had her all the way trade, I
Speaker 1: put my rug down and it's like I never trained her.
Speaker 2: She like, I ain't never pissed on this before. Let
Speaker 2: me get on this. Let me see what this be like.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she shpit on it yesterday and she
Speaker 1: pissed on it today. And if y'all want a dog
Speaker 1: for Christmas? DM me.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna need you to stop getting dogs, and they're
Speaker 2: giving the ask the way y'all listen. So this weekend
Speaker 2: I attended my cousin's wedding. My cousin, Arthur, my first cousin,
Speaker 2: got married, and I have a cousin who Tammy gifted
Speaker 2: her last dog to dog's name was Findy initially the dog.
Speaker 2: Now his name is Chewy, and he actually attended the wedding.
Speaker 2: Nigga was there with a tuxedo on because my cousin
Speaker 2: don't go nowhere without that fucking dog.
Speaker 1: Well he found a good homes I'm the dog. I'm
Speaker 1: the Oprah of dogs. You get a dog, you get
Speaker 1: a dog, motherfucker. Because I didn't want.
Speaker 2: The dog for a couple of minutes.
Speaker 1: I love her. She's cool, but it's the piss and
Speaker 1: shit that I can't deal with.
Speaker 2: I don't like puppies, you know, And the same way
Speaker 2: I don't really like babies like that. I like seven
Speaker 2: year olds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because look they get big, they got some.
Speaker 2: Sense exactly like this is hard diamonds.
Speaker 1: I could keep her. She would never use the bathroom
Speaker 1: in my house. She was so smart. I mean, when
Speaker 1: she was a puppy, obviously, But when she got big,
Speaker 1: she learned this right here is dumb.
Speaker 2: Not this right here, it's a frenchie. This right here,
Speaker 2: y'all know them dogs are tired anyway. Okay, I don't
Speaker 2: understand why people even like Frenchies, Like it's not a
Speaker 2: natural breed of dog.
Speaker 1: And it's like you really that dog tagage get you? Like,
Speaker 1: really sat right next to me and pissed on my
Speaker 1: road while I'm sitting right here? Is wow?
Speaker 2: You know, sometimes dogs do things they get attention from me,
Speaker 2: Like she knows if she pees like she's gonna at
Speaker 2: least get some type of emotion from you. So maybe
Speaker 2: you need to change how you spawned her pin because
Speaker 2: she's associating that even whatever type of response it is,
Speaker 2: she's so she.
Speaker 1: Wanted ass whoopings all the time.
Speaker 2: She might have gotten conditioned for ass whippings. I don't know,
Speaker 2: are you abusive?
Speaker 1: That's what you call it?
Speaker 2: Anyway? How was your weekend? Aside from clean up shit
Speaker 2: and pissh gosh?
Speaker 1: My weekend was good. I went to see The Whiz
Speaker 1: over the week, really it was.
Speaker 2: I watched it on what I think it's on Amazon
Speaker 2: right now? Oh?
Speaker 1: Really? The play no the Oh the Original with MJ
Speaker 1: and Diana Ross. Yeah. I try to get my date
Speaker 1: to watch the actual original before we went, but he
Speaker 1: didn't do it.
Speaker 2: So he never seen it before.
Speaker 1: How old is he?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, go ahead. So he was born in nineteen
Speaker 2: ninety six, this bitch.
Speaker 1: So it was so funny because he's like ghetto but
Speaker 1: not ghetto, right. So we was at the player and
Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, this is cool. Yeah, this ship
Speaker 1: alight right here. He's like, I ain't never did no
Speaker 1: ship like this before before, Like she we could do
Speaker 1: all the plays and ship goodness. But it was so
Speaker 1: much fun that y'all, if the Wiz is coming to
Speaker 1: your city, you definitely want to go out and see it.
Speaker 1: Like they were singing their face off. I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: these people could sing and dance and everything. And Deborah
Speaker 1: Cox was Glinda the good Witch.
Speaker 2: Oh nice. So what other stars is in the play?
Speaker 1: She would be the only one that you would know.
Speaker 1: So his name is Avery Wilson. He plays a scarecrow. Amazing, amazing?
Speaker 2: How long is That's what me and Charlotte it's over here.
Speaker 1: It was only for the weekend here and they're moving on.
Speaker 1: But it's pre Broadway. So they're headed to New York
Speaker 1: where I heard Wayne Brady Wayne Brady will be the Wiz.
Speaker 1: I don't know who that person was, but he was
Speaker 1: good too. I mean every it was amazing.
Speaker 2: I want to do plays. I used to do plays.
Speaker 2: I did dream Girls in Charleston once.
Speaker 1: Really, how old were you I was?
Speaker 2: I was stilling. This is my last year of high
Speaker 2: school and I did plays at Benedict.
Speaker 1: Really? Yes, I missed that.
Speaker 2: We did one monk you don't stop no show at Benedict.
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 2: Oh, you were in the drama, in the drama.
Speaker 1: That makes sense because you're full of drama. What happened
Speaker 1: since of the week?
Speaker 2: What this week? Tamar Braxton and Krishawn Rocks and what's
Speaker 2: this guy's name?
Speaker 1: James Wright Chanel? Did y'all see that?
Speaker 2: Did they have footage out there? Do they have footage
Speaker 2: out there of her hitting him?
Speaker 1: I haven't seen any footage of her hitting him, all right,
Speaker 1: so if y'all have been under the rock. Krishan came
Speaker 1: out during Tamar's performance on her tour, and Tony actually
Speaker 1: came out, and at first they showed they had video
Speaker 1: of Krishan like bent over for a picture in front
Speaker 1: of Tony and Tamar, and TONI was looking at her like,
Speaker 1: who is this? Yeah, she clutches pearls. Then the video
Speaker 1: started coming around of Krishan on stage while Tamar is
Speaker 1: singing Love and War and she like dancing like it's
Speaker 1: a club song. It was just the wrong energy. It
Speaker 1: was so cringe. I was like, oh, what is happening here?
Speaker 1: But then it came out that Krishan attacked, uh, well, assaulted,
Speaker 1: allegedly James Wright Chanell, who's a background singer for Tamar,
Speaker 1: and he posted a video of him at the dentist
Speaker 1: getting like some dental work done because apparently she affected
Speaker 1: his mouth in some way by the assault.
Speaker 2: Now the guy James right, that's Patty, Yes, yes, how
Speaker 2: you hit this big ass man? He like six foot something.
Speaker 1: That's a big man that she Yeah, girl, where so.
Speaker 2: Taught me from Love and Hip Hop? Was trying to
Speaker 2: accuse them of like staging the whole ship to get
Speaker 2: more attention of visibility on the tour, But Tamar came
Speaker 2: out she was like her tour being sold out for
Speaker 2: a whole month and the only reason why they invited
Speaker 2: Christian Rock is because they were in Baltimore. She's from Baltimore,
Speaker 2: and they think she needs a hug. You know, I
Speaker 2: just watched her her sit down with Jason Lee. Have
Speaker 2: you seen it, Christian Rock. It's like a two hour
Speaker 2: I actually watched the whole two hours, and I have
Speaker 2: some empathy for that little girl. The thing is is
Speaker 2: that you know what they say, what you focus on
Speaker 2: is what you attract, right, So we know that people
Speaker 2: who are they have fixations on things. So I just
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of the people we see in
Speaker 2: entertainment have focused so much on money. That's why it's
Speaker 2: just drawn to them like they they're they able, They
Speaker 2: are able to hone in on things in a way
Speaker 2: that regular people can. That's why those A lot of
Speaker 2: times those people are like really really smart people, but
Speaker 2: they have social skill issues. I feel like that's what
Speaker 2: we're seeing with a lot of these people who have
Speaker 2: a lot of notoriety out here.
Speaker 1: I just feel like, have you ever seen a train
Speaker 1: wreck and looked away? Everybody? Everybody looks at the train wreck,
Speaker 1: everybody watches it when it happens, right, And I think
Speaker 1: this girl is has suffered, you know, she has had
Speaker 1: a lot of trauma and she needs guidance she really
Speaker 1: needs some guidance.
Speaker 2: And then you add money on top of you add.
Speaker 1: Money, and she's beautiful too. I forget she's a beautiful girl.
Speaker 1: So you add all of that and you get Krishan
Speaker 1: Rock And I think people just enjoy watching the mess unfold.
Speaker 1: If she was like, came back off solid, if she
Speaker 1: did a Black China, she probably people will stopped paying attention.
Speaker 2: But sometimes we people haven't stopped paying attention to Black China.
Speaker 2: So you can, you know, do that three sixty and
Speaker 2: people gonna stow fuck with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you can't.
Speaker 2: And she even the things, the thing that makes me
Speaker 2: like one minute she's talking with a straight mind and
Speaker 2: the next minute it's like these people have slip personalities,
Speaker 2: that they have personality disorders. Something be going on. And
Speaker 2: you add children on top of this shit.
Speaker 1: Man. But even even with Black China, Black China was
Speaker 1: in all the tabloids for all the miss once she
Speaker 1: started changing her life, only black blogs and stuff like
Speaker 1: that she was on.
Speaker 2: She's been on other other because she's closely connected to
Speaker 2: the Kardashians. White folks want to know what she got
Speaker 2: going on too. I've seen her on other people toes
Speaker 2: for sure, people absolutely, but I don't know. I don't
Speaker 2: know what the hell is out with Christian rock.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: Tamar is known for a lot of little weird antics herself,
Speaker 2: so they may have plotted all lists to bring more attentions.
Speaker 2: So I don't know. I doubt that all of you
Speaker 2: are weird is if you ask me anyway?
Speaker 1: Well, heavy holidays all nixt.
Speaker 2: I can't say this negative name to saved my life?
Speaker 2: Say it you, Dinna?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Isn't the African Rights America?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: So y'all know the singer the Classic Man. So recently
Speaker 2: Jodnna appeared on I don't know if it's a podcast?
Speaker 2: Yeah show yeah, okay, call What's Underneath Masculinity. It's a
Speaker 2: podcast by man Enough. The Outlish published a twenty three
Speaker 2: minute episode on November ninth and highlights Jadenna's career and
Speaker 2: personal life, including patterns he's worked to break. I sent
Speaker 2: him a clip of one of his things because he
Speaker 2: seemed to have been taken accountability for things that men
Speaker 2: just don't have the self awareness to tap into to
Speaker 2: see that they're doing right. But it doesn't excuse it.
Speaker 2: He basically admitted to stealing some women's baby making years
Speaker 2: basically wasting their times. They've built him up over the
Speaker 2: years and he basically depleted them, and that is triggering.
Speaker 1: I just want to read what he said. I robbed
Speaker 1: some women of their baby making years, dragging them along.
Speaker 1: They build me up. Look at me now, and look
Speaker 1: at them now. If you were creative, I folded you
Speaker 1: into my artwork. If you were in my artwork, I
Speaker 1: gave you a job, Jadina said, describing past behavior. I
Speaker 1: mastered your life. I gave you a house, food, everything
Speaker 1: you needed. I protected and provided for you. I did
Speaker 1: what men are supposed to do.
Speaker 2: That lit, I feel like that. I feel like they
Speaker 2: put two different conversations together. And I didn't watch the
Speaker 2: full twenty three minute episode of this podcast to try
Speaker 2: and understand how to talk on them. Yeah, but it's
Speaker 2: the first sentence, I robbed some women of their baby
Speaker 2: making years.
Speaker 1: Dragging them along. I was like, not another. Why?
Speaker 2: So we know that men know exactly what they're doing,
Speaker 2: whether or not they know what they're doing in the moment.
Speaker 2: At some point they have this realization that they've done
Speaker 2: these things. Do they hit some bitches up and say hey,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Some of them might do it before they
Speaker 2: get married to the woman that changed them. I've heard
Speaker 2: men say that they've called exes from the past and
Speaker 2: apologize for how they did them right, don't call me nigga.
Speaker 2: Just let well enough be good and don't call.
Speaker 1: Me yeah cause you know a lot. It's so funny
Speaker 1: that you say that, because at homecoming I got some
Speaker 1: apologies for men from my past that went to college
Speaker 1: with me, and I was like, who are you? You know, like,
Speaker 1: it's just like, save it. The apology was needed back then.
Speaker 1: I don't need it now period. This is for you
Speaker 1: to absolve yourself at this point.
Speaker 2: Exactly was that you standing next to me? No, might
Speaker 2: have been Saria. When we was at homecoming. At the party,
Speaker 2: we did this dude who I really, really really liked.
Speaker 2: He stopped talking to me because I made him late
Speaker 2: for a football game up here in Charlotte. We were
Speaker 2: going to go see I think it was the Steelers
Speaker 2: play the Panthers, and I made him miss kickoff and
Speaker 2: I had a hickey. Let me add that part.
Speaker 1: In there, but he was getting fuck I was trying
Speaker 1: to see that.
Speaker 2: I wasn't having sex. Okay, I didn't have sex with somebody,
Speaker 2: but I made out with somebody else, right, but we
Speaker 2: didn't establish an actual relationship, so he like for real
Speaker 2: cold turkey me right, And now a couple of years
Speaker 2: later you checking back for me. Okay, now you married
Speaker 2: with two kids, and now you're on my line telling
Speaker 2: me how you fucked up. That is not flattering to me.
Speaker 2: Get the fuck off my phone before I fucking three
Speaker 2: way your bitching.
Speaker 1: Right, Oh Mary. It's one thing to come back divorced,
Speaker 1: but it's another thing to come back feel married.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like that shit going about your business
Speaker 2: if you know you've ruined my damn life. But I
Speaker 2: feel like we have to take accountability a little bit
Speaker 2: in that too. Like you, men know what they want.
Speaker 2: They know what they want. So if they are not
Speaker 2: showing up for you in a way that you think
Speaker 2: they should be, they don't like you, that's all it is,
Speaker 2: because they well do whatever it takes to keep the
Speaker 2: person that they really want to be with and love them.
Speaker 2: They're gonna do whatever you asking them. So now, if
Speaker 2: I got to keep asking you to do some shit
Speaker 2: you don't want to do it, right, go on, so
Speaker 2: stop waiting for him to leave your ass.
Speaker 1: Leave So speaking being vulnerable and accountable. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you guys saw this, but Gez and nia Long
Speaker 1: sat down for a conversation about their divorce and self love,
Speaker 1: and did you see it?
Speaker 2: I watched the full thing, full context.
Speaker 1: I watch the first time. I put it on fell
Speaker 1: a Sleepin'm gonna lie. But then I ran it back
Speaker 1: at work the next day and it was really thoughtful
Speaker 1: and it was good. You know, I didn't even know
Speaker 1: that Gezi was that type of man. I thought he
Speaker 1: was gonna come on there like she. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, she a crazy story.
Speaker 2: I know that guy. He is a smart man.
Speaker 1: He is. I didn't know how.
Speaker 2: I know he full of shit because he's a smart man.
Speaker 2: I think he's a very calculated man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I see that based on the conversation that they had,
Speaker 1: you know, And that's how you can't judge a book.
Speaker 1: I'm judging based off of thug motivation one on one.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, he ain't that person.
Speaker 1: He's not that person. And he said he forty six.
Speaker 1: I didn't know he was that much older than me.
Speaker 2: Now you don't like him.
Speaker 1: He was never my type. Honestly, he's never my type.
Speaker 1: But he talked about being molested, about having a troubled
Speaker 1: relationship with his mother, about losing his mother. He made
Speaker 1: a reference to having your player your best player, and
Speaker 1: NIA was like, can we use another right besides players,
Speaker 1: Let's not do players. Let's talk about the best horse
Speaker 1: in the race, Nigga. How do you feel about their conversation?
Speaker 2: I liked it. I liked it. It is necessary and
Speaker 2: it's not like you know, when we hear people talking
Speaker 2: now these on podcasts just like us, bitch people be
Speaker 2: people's egos so big to where they think like they're
Speaker 2: the first person to have these conversations or they're the
Speaker 2: first people You're not as a lot of people have
Speaker 2: in these conversations. They may not be big enough for
Speaker 2: everybody to see, but it's the same conversations over and
Speaker 2: over again, and it's those conversations that need to be had.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: The only part that I did not appreciate is GZ
Speaker 2: saying how black men need their women when they're at
Speaker 2: their worst. I don't think he may not think about it,
Speaker 2: he may not have been thinking about it in that
Speaker 2: way at the time. But for a lot of black women,
Speaker 2: we feel like men only want us when they're at
Speaker 2: their worst. When you get where you want to go,
Speaker 2: you get your money up, you go outside of the community,
Speaker 2: and that's what he's done. I remember when they him
Speaker 2: and Gucci mane the Diverses, everybody was talking ship like
Speaker 2: because because jizis showed supposed to show like all his
Speaker 2: growth or whatever and his which I believe Gucci man
Speaker 2: He's done in three sixty as far as I'm concerned too,
Speaker 2: and I attribute that to the woman he's with, you know.
Speaker 1: But some of the stuff Gucci was saying was like, well.
Speaker 2: Figure, you send some people to kill me. I'm never
Speaker 2: gonna forget that. Yes, let's get this check together, but
Speaker 2: I'm never gonna forget you tried to take my life,
Speaker 2: Jez that. This is why I want to talk about
Speaker 2: self awareness today, right because it's recognizing your light side
Speaker 2: and your dark side. Nigga, that ships still in you.
Speaker 2: You are capable of still doing that today. And I
Speaker 2: need you to realize that I haven't forgotten and his
Speaker 2: album forgiven, But don't forget.
Speaker 1: Exactly what Gucci did in retaliation or prior to this.
Speaker 2: I mean, he killed the person that Jess that that
Speaker 2: Jez sent to kill him. That's what happened, okay, and
Speaker 2: then I rap about your dad homeboy, he.
Speaker 1: Said, put him in a blunt.
Speaker 2: The thing is is that like if I was Gucci man,
Speaker 2: like JIZI was like, oh, I didn't know this was
Speaker 2: a fashion a fashion show, you know, because Gucci had
Speaker 2: on his Gucci I remember what Gucci had on. Nigga
Speaker 2: looked so fine on that damn. I mean, like not
Speaker 2: his face, but the outfit was busting. It was like
Speaker 2: a Gucci trench he had on with the Gucci turn
Speaker 2: next sweat unerneath. It was really really nice. And you know,
Speaker 2: Jizi alluded to the fact that you know, I buy
Speaker 2: real estate. I don't buy clothes, like Keisha Kayor was
Speaker 2: a realtory. You don't think these people own properties.
Speaker 1: They were just going back and forth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know from like I would have hit.
Speaker 2: I would have hit Jeezi with the at Lisa and
Speaker 2: leaving my wealth to another day, a race of people
Speaker 2: transferring that god damn wealth. Because now this is why
Speaker 2: I don't fuck with Jiez.
Speaker 1: Because he because he got with a woman.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I don't care who knows it, Like, I
Speaker 2: don't trust you if you're not with a black woman.
Speaker 2: I'm looking at you some type of way.
Speaker 1: Na said that when black women supported her the way
Speaker 1: they did, she was surprised by how she didn't know
Speaker 1: that everybody love her. That's crazy, you know.
Speaker 2: Because I guess you'd just be being you and to her,
Speaker 2: she's a regular person and she's, you know, not just
Speaker 2: like I feel like, how do you play with me along?
Speaker 2: Everybody wants me along? But I guess once you get
Speaker 2: the thing, men always get too familiar with you, Like
Speaker 2: they always forget who the fuck you are. That's why
Speaker 2: occasionally you gotta do shit to remind them.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's just a male thing. I just
Speaker 1: think that's a people think. You get the big shiny car,
Speaker 1: and after a year, it's not a big shiny car
Speaker 1: no more. Now it's just your car. You get the
Speaker 1: big old house, and you love the house, like everybody
Speaker 1: look at my beautiful house. After a few years, it's
Speaker 1: like I just want something new. But that's people.
Speaker 2: No, I don't know people who don't practice gratitude, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Most people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess I was.
Speaker 1: Sitting with someone and like I always pray before my meals,
Speaker 1: and that was like they was like I really need
Speaker 1: to start praying before I eat. I was like, are
Speaker 1: you not grateful for this meal? I mean, I am,
Speaker 1: but I you know, until they all have it, right,
Speaker 1: you gotta be grateful. And I tell them like, being
Speaker 1: grateful for what you already have is how you get more.
Speaker 2: Exactly, That's why I need to go clean my car
Speaker 2: right now, because in my mind I'm driving around in
Speaker 2: the Bentley it is a bit so keep it clean
Speaker 2: like it is. One is you treat that Bentley different
Speaker 2: from Behonda? Right?
Speaker 1: All right, We're grateful for these sponsors. Y'all listen to
Speaker 1: this commercial. We'll be right back, all right.
Speaker 2: I feel like our stupid internet news this week is
Speaker 2: a great segue into what I want to talk about,
Speaker 2: which I probably mentioned earlier on self awareness, dumb. What
Speaker 2: is self awareness? It is a noun, and it is
Speaker 2: a word itself itself hyphen awareness conscious knowledge of one's
Speaker 2: own character, feelings, motives, and desires. Right, So it's said
Speaker 2: that the more self aware you are, the better your
Speaker 2: relationships are, the better you treat people. You're less likely
Speaker 2: to lie, steep steel and cheat when you have self awareness.
Speaker 2: But I think I read that, but I feel like
Speaker 2: sometimes motherfuckers is self aware and they still do bad
Speaker 2: shit because that's just who they are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're aware that they ain't shit right, okay with it? Right?
Speaker 2: So I don't feel like it really like just makes
Speaker 2: you be a better person. It just makes you deal
Speaker 2: with who you are better.
Speaker 1: Ooh, but listen, it's you know, in this last couple
Speaker 1: of years, I feel like I've been trying to be
Speaker 1: more accountable for who I am, and I and I
Speaker 1: have to strip away all that, you know, all of
Speaker 1: this protective armor and look myself in the mirror. And
Speaker 1: sometimes I ain't happy with who I.
Speaker 2: See, you know, like literally in the mirror.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like look at my soul and the real truth
Speaker 1: of who I am. And sometimes I ain't happy with
Speaker 1: who I see. But that's okay as long as I
Speaker 1: realize those things and start doing the work. Remember when
Speaker 1: I used to be.
Speaker 2: Like, what is work? What is the work? What is that?
Speaker 1: But now I actually am more understanding of what the
Speaker 1: work is without having someone to put the instruction manu
Speaker 1: in front of me and do those things. And my
Speaker 1: greatest thing that I have to work on and and
Speaker 1: I know and I'm actively working on it is how
Speaker 1: I respond to how I'm being communicated with right and
Speaker 1: my how I communicate.
Speaker 2: That, that's me.
Speaker 1: So something I'm like working on not being a rattlesnake
Speaker 1: because like, you go low and I'll go to hell sometimes,
Speaker 1: you know, And I.
Speaker 2: Feel like sometimes going to hell is necessary though to
Speaker 2: help other people.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you gotta let them figure out their
Speaker 1: own shit by theyself. That's what I'm realizing. Don't worry
Speaker 1: about yourself. This the name that you got for this.
Speaker 2: I have to, like, I don't worry about your damn
Speaker 2: self taking.
Speaker 1: When somebody's being violent nasty to me, I don't. I'm like,
Speaker 1: especially someone I love, I learned not to take it personally.
Speaker 1: I might be mad in that moment. I just walk
Speaker 1: away from it and then go back and say, hey,
Speaker 1: I love you no matter what you said, I love
Speaker 1: you and I'm still here for you, depending on Like,
Speaker 1: it can't be like the worst shit ever, like, but
Speaker 1: if I oftentimes they don't have nothing to do with me.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm realizing.
Speaker 2: A lot of times, things outside of you have nothing
Speaker 2: to do with you. It's said that ninety five percent
Speaker 2: of people think that they are self aware, while the
Speaker 2: real number is close to ten or fifteen percent of
Speaker 2: people who actually are self aware. So that means eighty
Speaker 2: percent of us are lying to ourselves most of the time.
Speaker 2: What do you think about that? Man?
Speaker 1: I agree, shit, I used to be a member of
Speaker 1: the eighty percent, and sometimes I still am. You know,
Speaker 1: like it's a con wavering battle of stripping away all
Speaker 1: your armor of well, how don't you know what to
Speaker 1: call it? Armor of self protection and seeing yourself for
Speaker 1: who you are and working on it.
Speaker 2: So there's two kinds of self awareness, right, So it
Speaker 2: says the two kinds of self awareness, y'all. This has
Speaker 2: coming from study dot com. It says the two kinds
Speaker 2: of self awareness are private self awareness and public self awareness.
Speaker 2: Public self awareness is a moment of realization that only
Speaker 2: involves yourself. This could look like realizing you have feelings
Speaker 2: for someone you just return from a date. You just
Speaker 2: return home from a date. So you go on a
Speaker 2: date with somebody and you get home like damn, I
Speaker 2: might like them.
Speaker 1: That's self awareness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, yeah, because you may not have been acting
Speaker 2: like that with them, like while on the date. Public
Speaker 2: self awareness, that's the private. So public self awareness is
Speaker 2: the ability to understand how others perceive you and usually
Speaker 2: follows social norms, ensuring you practice your vali valedictorian speech
Speaker 2: so you don't make a mistake as a form of
Speaker 2: public self awareness, so you're acting for people out in
Speaker 2: the public.
Speaker 1: See, I have trouble with that, am I supposed to?
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't either, But then that's why people be like
Speaker 1: either they love me or hate me, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But I don't know how to.
Speaker 2: Do that me either. I don't know how to be
Speaker 2: somebody else. So I might come out real brash to
Speaker 2: some people and other people's other people respect how real
Speaker 2: I am. I don't know how to sugarcoat shit.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I could do better. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel like maybe I should practice a little bit more.
Speaker 1: I remember one time I was doing his clients here
Speaker 1: and she when she comes, she always talk real bad
Speaker 1: about her boyfriend. Right, she just bent to me about
Speaker 1: all the bad things. And then she came in and
Speaker 1: my sister was sitting there, well, she was walking by.
Speaker 1: I said, you still with that no good ass nigga.
Speaker 1: When she came and sat down for appointment, and Tang
Speaker 1: was like, you just be saying anything to people, And
Speaker 1: I was like, was that wrong to say? What's that
Speaker 1: wrong to.
Speaker 2: Say to you? If she has self awareness, she'd know
Speaker 2: that she's with a no good ass nigga and she
Speaker 2: shared the worst thing about her no good ass nigga.
Speaker 2: So what you said was valid? Did she tell you
Speaker 2: at any point anything good about this person?
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm?
Speaker 2: So is she still with the no good ass nigga?
Speaker 2: I feel like we need real people in our lives
Speaker 2: to put the whole marror up to us. Sometimes like that,
Speaker 2: and it may come off to blunt. You have to
Speaker 2: have kuth right. Sometimes I lack tack. Apparently when I
Speaker 2: say certain things.
Speaker 1: I used to think like maybe I'm mildy on the
Speaker 1: spectrum because I don't even be know.
Speaker 2: We a'all are.
Speaker 1: I don't be knowing that what I'm saying is inappropriate,
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, that's wrong. Sometimes I say some
Speaker 1: shit a whole serious and everybody bust out laughing, and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, wait, that was not a joke. I
Speaker 1: was a whole serious.
Speaker 2: I mean, sometimes you gotta be careful what you say.
Speaker 2: And I'm a firm believer that it is okay to
Speaker 2: shut the fuck up sometimes, So sometimes I don't we
Speaker 2: talk back. It's okay to shut though, That's okay. Sometimes
Speaker 2: if I have something negative to say, I'll just not
Speaker 2: say nothing. I will fucking smile and naud your ass
Speaker 2: to death, just to keep my thoughts to myself. Because
Speaker 2: you know, you don't always have to hold a marriat
Speaker 2: to people. But I do want to be surrounded by
Speaker 2: people who help me build self awareness. Sometimes you can't
Speaker 2: see yourself, so you have to depend on people who
Speaker 2: actually fuck with you and who actually love you to
Speaker 2: help you become more self aware.
Speaker 1: And you know, and that's one thing I'm working on
Speaker 1: because anytime somebody put a mirror to my face, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, well, bitch, what about the time when you
Speaker 1: ate the food? Like I just come up with whatever
Speaker 1: I can say versus the counter what they saying, versus
Speaker 1: listening and receiving the information, and even though it's hurting,
Speaker 1: I need to take it for what it is is
Speaker 1: because but here's the issue, because sometimes it's not delivered
Speaker 1: from a place of love. They're only telling you the
Speaker 1: truth about you in that moment to hurt you. And
Speaker 1: that makes the difference when it's delivered from a place
Speaker 1: of I want you to notice because I love you
Speaker 1: and I want you to be better from whatever this is.
Speaker 2: But those conversations often oftentimes only come up in the
Speaker 2: midst of turmoil, you know what I'm saying, like between us,
Speaker 2: Like why would I be saying anything?
Speaker 1: But sometimes you need to say it though, like if
Speaker 1: you ask, Like let's say you ask for advice on
Speaker 1: something and you're going off and you're heated, but you're
Speaker 1: wrong and strong and wrong. Sometimes as friends we don't
Speaker 1: say it, you know, we just let you have it.
Speaker 1: But me, i'd be ready to tell you for that.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I was having a conversation with my homegirl in the
Speaker 2: way up pair and she's dating this guy, and I
Speaker 2: hope I'm not saying anything anyway, So it's just a situation,
Speaker 2: a situation. She's dating a guy who has a situation
Speaker 2: going on, right, she knew about his situation before they
Speaker 2: got together. Now they just madly in love now, right,
Speaker 2: and she can't really and he gives her a lot
Speaker 2: of attention, a lot of time, all that stuff, right,
Speaker 2: But I guess, like the little spurts where he's with
Speaker 2: this other person that he's still trying to figure out
Speaker 2: how he can serebratize with him because he probably really
Speaker 2: wants to be with her, right, but this is an
Speaker 2: existing situation. He got to figure out you can't just
Speaker 2: expect somebody to just change overnight, right. And she was like,
Speaker 2: I ask God for a man, Why would he send
Speaker 2: me an unavailable man? I said, you know what, people
Speaker 2: need to realize that this is all. This also comes
Speaker 2: with self awareness to me, is realizing that God is
Speaker 2: inside you. Right, So it wasn't God that created the
Speaker 2: situation for you. You created it. You are going after these
Speaker 2: unattainable people, so you got to figure out what is
Speaker 2: it about you that is creating these situations for yourself?
Speaker 2: And then also remembering that it's not happening to you,
Speaker 2: is happening for you. So you you probably are supposed
Speaker 2: to be with this person, right, but then you have
Speaker 2: to give him some type of grace to figure out
Speaker 2: this whole other situation that you knew about before you
Speaker 2: got with this nigga or.
Speaker 1: Or what or God didn't have nothing to do with
Speaker 1: any of you. That saying that this might be the.
Speaker 2: Devil's word, but the devil and God is in you.
Speaker 2: That's the thing. You know what I'm saying, You're creating
Speaker 2: all these situations for yourself and else.
Speaker 1: And then when he become yours, and then he find
Speaker 1: another version of you with somebody else, you lose them.
Speaker 1: How you get it?
Speaker 2: So I like to think that I be owning souls
Speaker 2: right here. So once I say you mind, bitch, you
Speaker 2: mine forever, I'll give a fuck about what you got
Speaker 2: going on with anybody else. I own a couple of
Speaker 2: niggas in this lifetime. I know for sure.
Speaker 1: I don't own nobody I do, bitch, I want to
Speaker 1: own nobody.
Speaker 2: Might be a whole, a whole collectors. I might be
Speaker 2: a whole collector.
Speaker 1: All right, let's talk about how to get to more
Speaker 1: self awareness?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so they're saying, like, so to build more self
Speaker 2: awareness one of my things I'm trying to get more
Speaker 2: into this journaling. My hand be hurting.
Speaker 1: I've bought you seventeen journals to write in. Occasionally I
Speaker 1: write in them.
Speaker 2: I gotta find them first, but writing them, for sure,
Speaker 2: one of them might be in that fucking bag right there.
Speaker 2: I definitely Tammy definitely has bought me a gratitude journal,
Speaker 2: and uh uh, you bought me a gratitude journal and
Speaker 2: then a journal for productivity, which go fucking hand in hand,
Speaker 2: because if you ain't doing shit what you're writing about.
Speaker 1: I actually got another book in it for you. I
Speaker 1: was gonna wait to give it to you for Christmas,
Speaker 1: but you should just take it with you. Is it.
Speaker 1: It's actually something to do while you're goddamn it, you
Speaker 1: get high in your journal. It's actually just for when
Speaker 1: you're high.
Speaker 2: I need an app. I need something I could talk
Speaker 2: to and it writes out shit. Your hands don't hurt
Speaker 2: when you write.
Speaker 1: I use my hands all day, remember.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like my hands be hurting when I write too much.
Speaker 2: That's why adrenaline is just.
Speaker 1: So I'll find you an app for this.
Speaker 2: And pay for the subscription. Subscription for a year for me.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Therapy is another way to find self awareness.
Speaker 1: But only if you like I had a therapist. It
Speaker 1: was a man. He was, you know, not much older
Speaker 1: than me, and he was attractive and single. And I
Speaker 1: was in their line the whole time because.
Speaker 2: I wanted him to like me. Yo.
Speaker 1: I wanted my therapists to like me. So instead of
Speaker 1: just telling him I've been promiscuous, I.
Speaker 2: Was like, my grandmother just died.
Speaker 1: And I'm I'm saying stupid. Yeah. So you gotta, like,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna get a therapist, you definitely gotta go
Speaker 1: in there and be honest. And that takes self awareness
Speaker 1: because you gotta be honest with yourself first.
Speaker 2: I remember, and I hate and this is one of
Speaker 2: the things that I know I have to so so
Speaker 2: trying to be more self aware. They tell you to
Speaker 2: stop stop focusing on the why and focus on what,
Speaker 2: like what can you do different as opposed to saying
Speaker 2: why is this happening because you get stuck at the why.
Speaker 2: So I've been trying not to fucking even think about
Speaker 2: my last relationship for real, but I just thought about
Speaker 2: it because we were stuck about therapy. And I remember
Speaker 2: like going to therapy with this nigga, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is why I feel like you need to go
Speaker 2: to separate therapy. Couple's therapy is cool, but oftentimes people
Speaker 2: need individual therapy. Because I remember telling me that he
Speaker 2: was lying to his therapist. I can't fuck with you.
Speaker 2: If you be lying to you a therapists, you literally
Speaker 2: are not trying to help the person that's supposed to
Speaker 2: be helping you help you because you're lying to them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why I had to change my therapies. I
Speaker 1: had to change because.
Speaker 2: It was like, that's a mental ill.
Speaker 1: You can't help me because you're too fine. You're too
Speaker 1: fine to help me, sir.
Speaker 2: Not you realize you're you need an ugly therapist.
Speaker 1: I need a black woman with a mustage. That's my therapist.
Speaker 1: Got to be an old black lady. It can't be
Speaker 1: no young black man or no young black woman.
Speaker 2: Because get you what you're telling me, Because no, it
Speaker 2: wouldn't even be that.
Speaker 1: It would be like, I don't want her to judge me.
Speaker 1: She's like my peer, and I don't want her to
Speaker 1: judge me and him. I kind of want to throw
Speaker 1: him some pussy so I can't tell him the truth
Speaker 1: about me. I need someone like a grandma who got
Speaker 1: all this wisdom from life experience, and and that's it.
Speaker 2: Shame. That's a damn shame, man, Not you throwing pussy
Speaker 2: at the damn therapist.
Speaker 1: Like I didn't throw it at him, but he was
Speaker 1: somebody that I potentially would want to throw something at.
Speaker 1: You know I didn't, I didn't, you know, go there.
Speaker 2: I think older black lady is good, like a fifty
Speaker 2: something yea too old because then you right out of
Speaker 2: touch yes, you don't know really what's going on out.
Speaker 1: You like my Ghanda colleges. I like my gand to
Speaker 1: colleges to be an older black woman. I don't want
Speaker 1: no young young man staring at my vagina unless he
Speaker 1: about the eat it.
Speaker 2: Okay, here are some tips to cultivate self self awareness. Okay, uh,
Speaker 2: be curious about who you are. To be self aware,
Speaker 2: a person needs to be curious about themselves. Our minds
Speaker 2: and bodies are territories for which we yet need road maps.
Speaker 2: Every person has some roads they do not wish to
Speaker 2: take in some roads they feel are worth exploring. How
Speaker 2: far you're how far you'll go in your journey of
Speaker 2: understanding yourself depends on what you're ready to explore and experience.
Speaker 2: I can tell y'all figuring out who the fuck you
Speaker 2: are that people don't do it because it's fucking scary
Speaker 2: and it hurts. Like things that people have told you
Speaker 2: about yourself that you may not have deemed true at
Speaker 2: some point, Maybe you might have. You might be driving
Speaker 2: down the street one day and be like, damn, that
Speaker 2: motherfucker might be right. That might be right. You know.
Speaker 2: A friend asked me what I learned from my last relationship.
Speaker 2: She asked me this maybe about a month ago. And
Speaker 2: I'm still trying to find the lesson in that relationship,
Speaker 2: because they say everything is a lesson. I don't know
Speaker 2: what the lesson, and I'm trying to find a lesson
Speaker 2: without blaming him, you know, Like what is a lesson
Speaker 2: about myself where I could have done better? You know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. I know the things I could have
Speaker 2: done better in a relationship, But you also got to
Speaker 2: be in a relationship with somebody who's gonna cultivate you
Speaker 2: being better, you know what I'm saying, Like, you can't
Speaker 2: be in a relationship or any even a friendship with
Speaker 2: somebody who just doesn't bring up the best things. You know,
Speaker 2: not to say that that person is bad. Y'all just
Speaker 2: may not bring out the best in each other, right,
Speaker 2: And that's okay. And that's really the last thing I
Speaker 2: said to that, Like we just, you know, we just
Speaker 2: didn't bring out the best in each other. Not saying
Speaker 2: that you're bad, not saying I'm good, Right, we just
Speaker 2: weren't con each other. It says you gotta let your
Speaker 2: walls down, not your koochie walls, but you know, the
Speaker 2: walls around your heart, that.
Speaker 1: Armor that I was talking about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to soften yourself a little bit. So
Speaker 2: it says when we see something we don't immediately liken ourselves.
Speaker 2: Our first reaction could be to defend ourselves from it,
Speaker 2: which is partly why self awareness is so challenging. Try
Speaker 2: to let go of judgment and the instinctual urge to
Speaker 2: protect yourself. It says you become self aware through a
Speaker 2: willingness to let go of defensiveness and yep, and an
Speaker 2: openness to seeing yourself in a way that is different
Speaker 2: from what you have always assumed. Often this means you
Speaker 2: have to be willing to see yourself in a less
Speaker 2: than positive lights.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's what That's what I was just saying that
Speaker 1: I went through like I had to be like I'm
Speaker 1: the ship, but maybe not the shit that I think
Speaker 1: that I am, And I have the shadow self.
Speaker 2: It's dealing with your shadow self, is dealing with your
Speaker 2: subconscious mind, which really runs you, the shit that you
Speaker 2: think about in your sleep, the things that you know.
Speaker 2: It said that we have like seventy thousand thoughts today.
Speaker 2: I probably got two hundred thousand thoughts today. Bitch, I
Speaker 2: can't focus on shit because my brain be running, but
Speaker 2: it's trying to deal with your shadow self. So you
Speaker 2: can walk around like, oh, I'm just grand grand Grand,
Speaker 2: You're not dealing with the worst part of you. I
Speaker 2: know I can be fucking devilish when I want to,
Speaker 2: and I embrace that. I can fucking reak havoc or
Speaker 2: the motherfucker if I need to. I can do that,
Speaker 2: and that's an aspect of me that I accept. You
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, Are you.
Speaker 1: Going to do anything to like? No, you want to
Speaker 1: wreck heav it on people?
Speaker 2: No, I don't want to, but I feel like sometimes
Speaker 2: it might be necessary to protect yourself. Sometimes it might
Speaker 2: be necessary. I'm not gonna pretend like I'm just this
Speaker 2: great person, because you know I'm good. But I am
Speaker 2: not nice, and I know that about myself. You know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. I'm always going to do the best
Speaker 2: by whoever I'm dealing with it in any situation. But
Speaker 2: I'm not a pushover.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but do you feel like nice makes you be
Speaker 1: a nice person? Makes you a pushover?
Speaker 2: I don't want to be perceived as somebody that you
Speaker 2: could play with. No, I don't, not in this world.
Speaker 1: So you think not in this fucking world and a
Speaker 1: nice person. If you're perceived as nice, you perceive as
Speaker 1: to be played with.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like people who lack self awareness sometimes
Speaker 2: will do things to people that they may not recognize
Speaker 2: as being fucked up. I want to be able to
Speaker 2: tell you, yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, I'm not going
Speaker 2: to act like it doesn't bother me.
Speaker 1: Well, I know some really nice people that will put
Speaker 1: your head between the washing and druma.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you can't really be good and not be nice, right,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. But I don't want to
Speaker 2: be perceived as just this nice person. I want to
Speaker 2: be perceived as a good person. Yeah, don't play with me.
Speaker 2: Don't fucking play with me. Keeping your journal. We talked
Speaker 2: about that and note what triggers positive feelings. One thing
Speaker 2: people like my mama said, trauma is the buzzword. You know,
Speaker 2: she sent me this long text message one day and
Speaker 2: saying this new word, trauma is such a buzzword. Now
Speaker 2: it's not a buzzword. It's our generation recognizing that, hey,
Speaker 2: y'all did y'all best, but maybe sometimes it just wasn't
Speaker 2: good enough. And we're trying to recognize it, so we
Speaker 2: could do better by our offspring.
Speaker 1: Right, and then, and it will continue to grow and
Speaker 1: grow and grow. You know, That's just how it works.
Speaker 2: Trauma explains your triggers. It doesn't justify him, right. So
Speaker 2: just because you have this trauma, and I think, and
Speaker 2: I say this a lot men, right, they want to
Speaker 2: be able to get a woman that they could be
Speaker 2: vulnerable with and unpack all their traumas on That is
Speaker 2: not what your woman is for, you know, the two
Speaker 2: of you. Yes, y'all should should be able to help
Speaker 2: each other in whatever situations, whatever mental language you're going through,
Speaker 2: y'all should be able to help. But you got to
Speaker 2: go to therapy, you know what I'm saying, because the
Speaker 2: therapist is maybe a little bit more equipped to handle
Speaker 2: the things that you're going through. You can't unpack all
Speaker 2: your childhood trauma on me and think I'm going to
Speaker 2: use it to justify your behavior towards me. Oh he
Speaker 2: does this because of that. Oh I still love him. Noah,
Speaker 2: you got to work on those things.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, I want my man to feel like
Speaker 1: he can share whatever with me, you know, But I
Speaker 1: also don't know what to do with all of that
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out my own way exactly, So
Speaker 1: I agree with you, like you know, we all need
Speaker 1: therapy for our individual traumas. But I do want you
Speaker 1: to give me grace. If you know this is why
Speaker 1: I'm fucked up in this way, but you see me
Speaker 1: actively work on it. Please give me some grace.
Speaker 2: Right because you're gonna it's work in progress, right, and
Speaker 2: it could be a lifelong commitment. I don't think anybody
Speaker 2: could ever be one hundred percent self aware and have
Speaker 2: one hundred percent percent emotional intelligence, right, But every day
Speaker 2: you gotta be working on it. So now, if you
Speaker 2: fall off the bandwagon, you know, fifteen percent of the time,
Speaker 2: I got grace for you. But if on a daily basis,
Speaker 2: like you just being this ugly person and I'm supposed
Speaker 2: to use the fact that you were abused as a
Speaker 2: child to justify how you treating me who didn't abuse you,
Speaker 2: I can't fuck with you. You gotta get on out my life.
Speaker 2: I agree, you know, and the more self aware you become,
Speaker 2: the less shit you deal with from other people.
Speaker 1: But I just think we're all gonna become so self
Speaker 1: aware that nobody gonna have nobody.
Speaker 2: No, because it goes in also to how you treat people.
Speaker 2: So if you love yourself right and you're self aware,
Speaker 2: like this thing bothers me, and this person is unwilling
Speaker 2: to change this thing that bothers me, you might have
Speaker 2: to step away. It's not about changing people anymore, it's
Speaker 2: about changing yourself. So just like I guess we had
Speaker 2: on last week, FIR this girl as young as hell,
Speaker 2: twenty four years old, and she realized that she can't
Speaker 2: change your parents, right, so let me change how I
Speaker 2: deal with them so we can still remain family.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: That is a lot of self awareness to have at
Speaker 2: that young age, because it took me a very long time,
Speaker 2: and I said that last week, it took me a
Speaker 2: long time to realize, Listen, your parents so who they are.
Speaker 2: Some people are who they are. Either you're gonna deal
Speaker 2: with them or you aren't. And all the relationship is
Speaker 2: is how much you can deal with from somebody else,
Speaker 2: because everybody comes with their shit, everybody comes with their bullshit.
Speaker 2: But it's just how much of somebody else that you
Speaker 2: can take. And when you can't take it no more,
Speaker 2: the relationship is over. And that could be your mom
Speaker 2: and your daddy whoever it is you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2: So yeah? Keeping that journal. As you are journaling, pay
Speaker 2: attention to your day. Ask yourself, how do you feel
Speaker 2: if there any If there are any negative feelings associated
Speaker 2: with day, think about what triggers may have caused them
Speaker 2: to bubble up. For any positive feelings, think about what
Speaker 2: may have triggered you to feel happy. While journaling, substitute
Speaker 2: some screen time with people. Ooh, bitch, we recorded right now.
Speaker 2: Why are you on your phone?
Speaker 1: Girl? I'm sending emails. I'm sorry, I'm listening though.
Speaker 2: You see it says the average amount of time we
Speaker 2: spend alone gazing at our screens now surpass our time
Speaker 2: in face to face contact. Science tells us that we
Speaker 2: need reflections to develop our sense of self in reflection
Speaker 2: to others. As we spend more time alone and on
Speaker 2: our devices, we miss the essential human mirroring. The symptoms
Speaker 2: of lack of mirroring are becoming more apparent in our society.
Speaker 2: Increases in anxiety, lack of empathy, and intense self objectification
Speaker 2: as in a self selfie craze. Right, there's a there's
Speaker 2: a call, if not an angry cry for greater self
Speaker 2: awareness and reflection.
Speaker 1: I agree, especially when you look at these young people
Speaker 1: who have grown up in the era.
Speaker 2: Of social media. They don't give a fuck about nobody.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, and the social are so bad it's
Speaker 1: really scary, Like where are those Yeah to me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely weird as fuck. Hello, listen one thing. Let me
Speaker 1: tell you something I hate And this might be my
Speaker 1: auntie starting to show. Don't text me something without greeting
Speaker 1: me first. Don't text me and be like, you know,
Speaker 1: I what's the name of that?
Speaker 2: Said that to me? But I realized that's what you
Speaker 2: like because you always say, hey, hey, girl, is something
Speaker 2: via tax first?
Speaker 1: Yes? Always, because look, greet me. Don't ask me eight
Speaker 1: what's the name of? No, not even nothing, just what's
Speaker 1: the name of that restaurant you posted on your social media?
Speaker 1: I'd be like, hello, how you doing, you old bitch?
Speaker 2: Because who the fuck is old people do?
Speaker 1: What the fuck are you talking to you? If you
Speaker 1: walked up to me, you wouldn't just ask me a question,
Speaker 1: you would.
Speaker 2: Say hello, hey, how are you? Yeah?
Speaker 1: The fuck I don't know?
Speaker 2: Did I?
Speaker 1: Like my grandma used to say, did I sleep with
Speaker 1: you last night?
Speaker 2: Right? Because you come in and you ain't greet them
Speaker 2: right period. Yeah, the internet is crazy. Now. I got
Speaker 2: my Instagram set on a two hour timer. Now what
Speaker 2: I should be doing in those two hours is like
Speaker 2: posting content to our social media page. But I don't
Speaker 2: do it. I fucking scroll for hours and then I
Speaker 2: asked the phone for fifteen more minutes to fucking scroll
Speaker 2: some more. It is a problem. I have my hit
Speaker 2: my shit set on a two hour limit, and every
Speaker 2: day I hit the ship the discard the timer.
Speaker 1: I don't even I didn't even know you could do that.
Speaker 1: I'll I would put on a show and start to
Speaker 1: show episode over seventeen times because I'm scrolling. It's bad.
Speaker 2: So you know, the social media apps they do give
Speaker 2: everybody like a dose of dopamine. So that's what we're getting,
Speaker 2: instant dopamine with Instagram. Especially when you post a picture
Speaker 2: and people liking it, you're going back to see the
Speaker 2: notifications who commented. It's fucking weird. And you lack self awareness.
Speaker 1: On Facebook, when I like post a picture and I
Speaker 1: see people love it and then I see a like
Speaker 1: I'm like, bitch.
Speaker 2: The love was right next, are you blind?
Speaker 1: The love was right next right.
Speaker 2: So they made a consciousness, a conscious decision to only
Speaker 2: like shit shady. That is shady, bitch, and I see you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: social media is definitely gonna be the fucking death of us. Man.
Speaker 2: It is causing people to get way, way, way further
Speaker 2: away from the fucking truth, from the facts. You know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, it's just telling us a bunch of lies.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm so fine in person, like I could
Speaker 2: be super fine on the internet though, if I want
Speaker 2: to be right.
Speaker 1: I was just saying to my friend, like I used
Speaker 1: to love my regular face before filtering. No, man, now
Speaker 1: i'd be like, ooh, what filter I'm gonna use instead
Speaker 1: of just my own face? The shit is crazy.
Speaker 2: And that's why I don't post a lot of pictures
Speaker 2: because I feel like I have a pretty good bit
Speaker 2: of self awareness, right, and I pride myself on being
Speaker 2: a real nigga, And if I'm posting images that don't
Speaker 2: look like me, I don't feel like I'm being a
Speaker 2: real nigga. Like people literally be like, oh, that is
Speaker 2: not your face, And it's hard for me to post
Speaker 2: my regular face when everybody posting a filtered face and
Speaker 2: everybody looks way more beautiful than me, Like if they're
Speaker 2: filtered up because they fucking filtered up. And I don't
Speaker 2: feel comfortable posting a thousand pictures with a filter on,
Speaker 2: because bitch, that ain't you. That's not you me, that
Speaker 2: is not I can't hear you, that is me. You
Speaker 2: know how people out here with zero self will awareness
Speaker 2: going and getting their face done to max the filter.
Speaker 2: That is fucking weird.
Speaker 1: Because I but here's the thing, I don't I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm beautiful in person.
Speaker 2: I feel like I look way better in person translate better.
Speaker 1: But I think is my or my spirit, my smile,
Speaker 1: my energy, that everything, all the beauty that you can't
Speaker 1: see in this picture, you know, So I feel like,
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like iPhone being intentionally making you look ugly?
Speaker 2: Because I saw, to god, I look real good on
Speaker 2: android phones.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't ever touch an android.
Speaker 2: Look. I feel like Apple intentionally making people like ugly
Speaker 2: so they use filters.
Speaker 1: My iPhone got a fat mirror on the eye, like
Speaker 1: they doing something in them settings. I don't think.
Speaker 2: So I really feel that way because like I look
Speaker 2: in the mirror and I know, I know perception is
Speaker 2: a thing, right, so I perceive myself the look one
Speaker 2: way when I look in the mirror, Bitch, when I
Speaker 2: look on an iPhone picture, I'm like, that is not
Speaker 2: my face? Like, who are y'all playing with? Is it
Speaker 2: just me? Am I tripping? But anyway, Number six says,
Speaker 2: ask others how they see you. Gotta be ready for
Speaker 2: the responses. Not only should we build out our face
Speaker 2: to face social actions, but also use a portion of
Speaker 2: this time to learn about how our loved ones perceive us.
Speaker 2: Talk to your closest loved ones and be courageous enough
Speaker 2: to ask them how they perceive you in various situations.
Speaker 2: Getting perspective on how you behave, or come off in
Speaker 2: certain situations can help us bring into our awareness something
Speaker 2: that was previously invisible to us. Therapy is great for
Speaker 2: this too, so talking to people and asking them, hey,
Speaker 2: you know and this well you know I saw a
Speaker 2: post the other data said. Once I call my best
Speaker 2: friend and she tells me I'm right, it's over for you.
Speaker 2: Your best friend cannot always tell you you're right. No,
Speaker 2: she gotta be objective at somebody.
Speaker 1: Sometimes she gotta tell you she you're wrong, like bit
Speaker 1: you fucked up, or you gotta find like maybe your
Speaker 1: best friend is just always in your corner. You gotta
Speaker 1: find that person that you know is gonna tell you
Speaker 1: either way, you know.
Speaker 2: Like, I don't think that's how I was supposed to go. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but you gotta be also ready for what people tell you.
Speaker 2: I would like to.
Speaker 1: I try to offer one of my very good friends
Speaker 1: some truth about herself and I, you know, and about
Speaker 1: me at the same time. You know, like, this is
Speaker 1: something we're similar on, this is something we both can
Speaker 1: work on. And she was like, that's not true. And
Speaker 1: I was like, well, ask our other friends in our group.
Speaker 1: But when you ask them, I need you to be
Speaker 1: ready to hear it, you know, and be open minded
Speaker 1: with it. Baby, that shit, when I all the way left,
Speaker 1: ain't nobody talking right now?
Speaker 2: You gotta started some shit.
Speaker 1: I did, but I wasn't. That wasn't the goal. It
Speaker 1: wasn't It didn't come from a place of argument or
Speaker 1: angry or it was just trying to encourage some self
Speaker 1: awareness for both of us.
Speaker 2: And she might she might go to the she may
Speaker 2: she might do this in private, the private self awareness assessment.
Speaker 2: She might do it in private, but she may not
Speaker 2: have the depth to actually tell you were right. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, oh, well, I thought
Speaker 2: about this, like some people, some people just gotta leave alone. Man, Yeah,
Speaker 2: honestly some.
Speaker 1: People at right, some people.
Speaker 2: Are just impossible people. So even if you tried to
Speaker 2: put yourself in a mix, because everybody can work on things, right,
Speaker 2: So me not trying to single you out by yourself.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, we both can work on this.
Speaker 1: And I recognize it in you because I see it
Speaker 1: in myself, right, That's how I presented it, you know.
Speaker 2: But some people may never have any I mean, they're
Speaker 2: gonna always forever be a part of that eighty percent.
Speaker 2: They don't have any self awareness and they don't care
Speaker 2: to because it's their world and bit you are going
Speaker 2: to exist in it or not. I can't deal with
Speaker 2: people like that.
Speaker 1: Well, like you said earlier, like sometimes you have to
Speaker 1: see who people are and adjust so you can deal
Speaker 1: with them. Like so now I just know that I
Speaker 1: have to adjust how I move with you.
Speaker 2: That's it, short spoon or long spoon number seven says
Speaker 2: angry at someone take the third person perspective. Ultimately, the
Speaker 2: benefits of self awareness are to serve not only you
Speaker 2: in emotional management, but also to serve your relationships. If
Speaker 2: you catch yourself raising your voice, you may feel justified
Speaker 2: due to being upset. However, for the person with you,
Speaker 2: the second person, the experience will be quite different. Trying
Speaker 2: to imagine yourself in the person's place will improve self awareness,
Speaker 2: reduce defensiveness, and quite possibly improve your relationship with that
Speaker 2: person as well. Third person is particularly effective for people
Speaker 2: who are overly self critical or who trains to be
Speaker 2: self destructive. What would you advise if you were a
Speaker 2: caring friend watching your behavior? That would be taking a
Speaker 2: third person perspective. So I'm gonna be honest. So, and
Speaker 2: I still don't feel like I'm wrong. Y'all know the
Speaker 2: public argument that we posted, because it was a conscious
Speaker 2: decision we made to post this argument, and I did
Speaker 2: take a lot of feedback into consideration. And again, I
Speaker 2: still don't think I'm wrong because there are some things
Speaker 2: that the public can't see that may have transpired that
Speaker 2: led to that particular moment. That's what I didn't take
Speaker 2: into consideration, that people would be looking at this one moment.
Speaker 2: You don't see the build up to this one moment, right,
Speaker 2: So whatever, But that I rewatched it, and I decided
Speaker 2: that That's when I decide I'm not arguing with people
Speaker 2: no more because it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make
Speaker 2: sense to argue with anybody anymore. So I don't feel
Speaker 2: good when I argue. I literally my blood pressure going up.
Speaker 2: I have anxiety. All type of shit be happening. I
Speaker 2: got a fart, fucking palm sweat, and you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, I don't want to do it anymore. So
Speaker 2: what can I do different differently? How could I present
Speaker 2: differently going forward to avoid conflicts? You You're not gonna
Speaker 2: be able to avoid every conflict, but some things can
Speaker 2: be resolved without yelling and getting that fucking mad. And
Speaker 2: you know, part of it is just me shutting the
Speaker 2: fuck up sometimes just you know what I'm saying to you.
Speaker 2: If you like it, I love it. Type shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I also don't feel wrong, and you know, and
Speaker 1: I just feel like we have to agree to disagree
Speaker 1: sometimes just for the sake of just moving forward. You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes we're not gonna we have different perspectives on things
Speaker 1: and we're just going to see it differently, you know.
Speaker 1: And despite what anybody on the outside looking in for
Speaker 1: this one particular moment says, you know, we have our
Speaker 1: individual feelings and just respect you know, each other's. That's
Speaker 1: that's where I'm at. I try to respect yours and
Speaker 1: you try to respect mine. We can always work together,
Speaker 1: and I don't ever want to get better respecting, right,
Speaker 1: And I think I think since then we've gotten better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I mean also because I feel like we
Speaker 2: probably you have to look at the bigger picture and
Speaker 2: the bigger goal of all things. That that is how
Speaker 2: you make things better, you know, especially in a business relationship.
Speaker 2: We just watched one of the biggest podcasts.
Speaker 1: Fall out about that and I was like, Lord, don't
Speaker 1: let that happen.
Speaker 2: And I under from the outside looking in, I can
Speaker 2: see how that happens. I can see how that happens
Speaker 2: without knowing exactly what transpired. It's hard being in relationships.
Speaker 2: A lot of people being in a relationship with themselves.
Speaker 2: That's what this episode is about. Like a lot of
Speaker 2: people don't have a relationship with themselves. So how are
Speaker 2: you expecting somebody else to deal with you?
Speaker 1: And you can health your relationship with themselves.
Speaker 2: You can't even deal with you, And now you're going
Speaker 2: out in the world and thinking other people supposed to
Speaker 2: be able to deal with you. Absolutely not so worry
Speaker 2: about your fucking self. Deal with you. Okay, we got
Speaker 2: two more on the list and we're gonna close out,
Speaker 2: But so keep checking in with yourself and a list
Speaker 2: of your feelings. Clinically, the most effective method for the
Speaker 2: development of self awareness is a pause and brief checking
Speaker 2: with oneself. How am I feeling right now? What do
Speaker 2: I think might be driving that feeling? This may seem
Speaker 2: absurdly simple, and in practice it may be quite difficult.
Speaker 2: Many need to carry a list of possible emotions with
Speaker 2: them as they begin to exercise. You're just carrying around
Speaker 2: a list of shit. Or let me check my list
Speaker 2: because let me see how the fuck I feel right now?
Speaker 1: Wait, carry a list of positive emotions you feel about yourself,
Speaker 1: like I like my hair today, like that?
Speaker 2: Or negative like just write them and write their emotions down. Mmm,
Speaker 2: I don't know. You know, what's a hard question to answer?
Speaker 2: Like sometimes you don't put some When somebody asks you,
Speaker 2: are you happy? Is that easy for you to answer?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, just yes, technically, just generally, like I found.
Speaker 1: That once I started practicing gratitude, I'm more, you know,
Speaker 1: I can find a lot of reasons more reasons to
Speaker 1: be happy than sad, you know. So typically the answer
Speaker 1: is yes, Now do I get sad, absolutely, you know,
Speaker 1: But overall I just like it. I'm happy.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people will be surprised that
Speaker 2: just gratitude will resolve a lot of it.
Speaker 1: Really, it really does.
Speaker 2: There's a person real close to me, there's a person
Speaker 2: real close to me in my life right and I
Speaker 2: I just feel like she doesn't practice gratitude. And this
Speaker 2: is why you upset. You can't see the goodness and
Speaker 2: anything in your life. Nothing you do. I don't see
Speaker 2: nothing positive. You don't have anything to smile about and
Speaker 2: be happy about. Meanwhile, I see a million trillion things
Speaker 2: that I don't that i'd be having to deal with
Speaker 2: that you don't got to deal with. And you find
Speaker 2: a reason to be fucking mad every morning when you
Speaker 2: wake up. You gotta find gratitude.
Speaker 1: Just when I wake up in the morning, I'd be
Speaker 1: waking up.
Speaker 2: Like, did I say thank you? I say thank you?
Speaker 2: Hit the lottery again?
Speaker 1: God damn it.
Speaker 2: That's how I feel, not about waking up, because I mean,
Speaker 2: rather I wake up or not. I'm not overly concerned
Speaker 2: about living a dying at this point in my life, I've.
Speaker 1: I'm just every day to wake up again because you know,
Speaker 1: yet another day. And I think another thing that helped
Speaker 1: me to practice a new level of gratitude for myself
Speaker 1: is I have a mess, you know, and each day
Speaker 1: I wake up with my eyes, my vision able to swallow,
Speaker 1: my pear working. It's like, yes, I'm winning out here.
Speaker 1: So it's just hard for me to really really feel
Speaker 1: like sad.
Speaker 2: My niece is twenty five and she has lupis, and God,
Speaker 2: I wish. I don't want to. I don't want to
Speaker 2: take the disease on, but I know I'd be able
Speaker 2: to manage it better than her. I feel sorry for her,
Speaker 2: but that helps me sure I'm healthy. You know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. She's in pain at twenty five years old.
Speaker 2: Every day. You know what I'm saying, she's taking all
Speaker 2: of this medicine. I don't have to deal with that.
Speaker 2: So even just having be grateful for having good health,
Speaker 2: absolutely because you don't want to be alive and sick.
Speaker 2: It's not fun.
Speaker 1: Or just look at the Congo, the people in Palestine,
Speaker 1: the people of Israel, all these reasons why you should
Speaker 1: be grateful for whatever misfortune you're experiencing right now.
Speaker 2: He's eight dollar eggs.
Speaker 1: Be grateful that you got access to eight dollar eggs.
Speaker 2: You know so, Man, I'm about to start stealing eggs.
Speaker 2: I ain't a lie.
Speaker 1: Well, bring me a breaking them, Bring.
Speaker 2: Me a dozen. I want to start stealing eggs. This
Speaker 2: shit is ridiculous, Like, why are the eggs eight ninety nine?
Speaker 1: Bring me a dozen?
Speaker 2: Baby? You need it all right? So the last one
Speaker 2: is keep learning. The journey never ends. While this article
Speaker 2: helpfully hopefully help help with pointers, there is a strove
Speaker 2: of excuse me, there is a trove of wonderful material
Speaker 2: out there that can be of guidance in your ever
Speaker 2: evolving journey towards self awareness. Read and learn about the
Speaker 2: psychology and practices of self awareness. Get excited about it.
Speaker 2: Get excited about getting the knowledge that will help you
Speaker 2: learn about yourself. Y'all. This is from actual. This is
Speaker 2: from nbcnews dot com. This particular article that I read
Speaker 2: all the different ways to cultivate more self awareness, because
Speaker 2: that's why people needle. Motherfuckers just walk around here not
Speaker 2: in control of their own vessel. They're being operated by demons,
Speaker 2: and you out here hurting people because you're hurt.
Speaker 1: Right, That's really what it is.
Speaker 2: That's all it is. But I don't know. Man. We
Speaker 2: live in this some times, but it is definitely a
Speaker 2: time to be alive. The shit that we are witnessing
Speaker 2: in this world today is unprecedented. We will be in
Speaker 2: history books where you want to be at. Do you
Speaker 2: know who you are?
Speaker 1: Yes? I'm Tamla Nicole Bowing, the daughter of Brian Hart
Speaker 1: and Sarah Hart. And I'm a loving console and I
Speaker 1: love y'all girl.
Speaker 2: A lot people about to put your social Security number
Speaker 2: in somewhere.
Speaker 1: I ain't give them myself. Listen.
Speaker 2: They can't do nothing with my ship right now.
Speaker 1: I'm not able to help you.
Speaker 2: God damn, please do something with my Daren credits. I
Speaker 2: can blame you student loans and taxes and all type
Speaker 2: of shit on y'all. Ass I didn't do that. I
Speaker 2: didn't do none of this is credit cards.
Speaker 1: I'm appalled.
Speaker 2: It's prove it wasn't me. I don't know, man, this
Speaker 2: is a shot. That's who I am, Okay. I am
Speaker 2: here to gain knowledge and share with people to help.
Speaker 2: That's my purpose on this realm.
Speaker 1: I don't know, to help. I think mine is to
Speaker 1: spread joy, love and goodness all the days of my life.
Speaker 2: I guess that's what I want to do. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: want to spread awareness. I want people to be aware
Speaker 2: of what the fuck is going on around them and
Speaker 2: in them. People be walking around here just aimlessly like
Speaker 2: she's sweet, and it's not. Y'all. We are slowly becoming
Speaker 2: a third world country. I don't know if y'all see
Speaker 2: it or not, but it is happening. What we're gonna
Speaker 2: do barbecue mildew. Anyway, y'all, listen to your best practices.
Speaker 2: Breathe in, breathe out. Do you journaling, Talk to a
Speaker 2: good friend, somebody who's gonna help you. Hold that mirror up.
Speaker 2: Go take all the week wig off and take your
Speaker 2: lashes off and all the ship and go stand in
Speaker 2: the mirror and actually look at yourself.
Speaker 1: Go stand in the sun without the week.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, bitch, you asking for too much. You have Listen.
Speaker 2: I just to say how my scalp need some fucking son.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it one day. You go ride bike
Speaker 2: or two pigtails down the side.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, if you enjoyed this episode, betch that's
Speaker 1: my part anyway, y'all.
Speaker 2: Send us some dumb bitch stories. Y'all act like y'all
Speaker 2: ain't got nothing going on in life, like y'all so
Speaker 2: self aware.
Speaker 1: And we know y'all be listening cause y'all be commenting
Speaker 1: in the reviews telling us what y'all don't like. Let's
Speaker 1: share your share your stories with us. Man.
Speaker 2: Anyway, y'all listen. If you enjoyed this episode, tune in,
Speaker 2: you know, become more self aware and tune in every
Speaker 2: Thursday your iHeartRadio app wherever the fuck you get your
Speaker 2: podcast at. This is your co host AJ Holiday. It's
Speaker 2: two point zero on Instagrams. I did uh take the
Speaker 2: I Am a J Holiday. Maybe y'all'll go over to
Speaker 2: that one one day.
Speaker 1: Oh you got that one?
Speaker 2: I might change up, switch it up on these motherfuckers anyway,
Speaker 2: what you got going on?
Speaker 1: Zam y'all? Once again, I remind y'all that you are
Speaker 1: loved by me. Every week It's official TA band on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Y'all follow me and remember to speak now.
Speaker 2: And never hold your peace mobile