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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: How are you.

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Speaker 1: Oh I'm good. I'm good. I'm just enjoying my new house.

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Speaker 1: I had an energy cleaner come to my house.

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Speaker 3: That's excellent.

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Speaker 1: Do they do a little samey?

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Speaker 4: Well, I wasn't there, which is how I prefer that

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Speaker 4: to go down. I was on the road this weekend

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Speaker 4: and they cleared my house of energy and she sent

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Speaker 4: me an email with all sorts of shit about my

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Speaker 4: house and what energy was holding on too, and some

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Speaker 4: past life stuff. And I was like, oh, you know

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Speaker 4: how I feel about pause lives. I just can't get

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Speaker 4: my head around that. But I also spoke to a

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Speaker 4: numerologist that one of my makeup guys referred me to

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Speaker 4: because he told me a really fascinating story. He lost

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Speaker 4: his dog and this numerologist helped him actually find his Missishka,

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Speaker 4: like he led them to.

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Speaker 1: Him right, And I was like, oh, I'd like to

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Speaker 1: talk to that guy.

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Speaker 4: So I only did a half hour reading because I

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Speaker 4: don't have a lot of intention span for that.

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Speaker 1: Kind of stuff. But I'm interested. I'm just not like

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 4: But every psychic in every medium, and every numerologist or

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Speaker 4: astrologist that I have spoken to has told me that

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Speaker 4: my mother is with my dogs all that my dogs

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Speaker 4: all go to my mom.

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Speaker 1: And I had this reading like two weeks ago before.

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Speaker 4: Bernice was like going downhill and the neumerologists said Bert,

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Speaker 4: he goes Bert and Bernie and I was like Bert

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Speaker 4: and he goes is this Sesame Street? And I'm like, no, no,

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Speaker 4: those are my dogs, Burt and Bernice. Burt and Bernice

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Speaker 4: and he goes and Chunk and Tammy. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 4: I said the four dogs names that I have had.

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Speaker 4: I mean, he didn't say Burt and Bernie's but this

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Speaker 4: was premonitionionary because he did say Burt and Bernie. He

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Speaker 4: goes Sesame Street or there's something about Oscar the Grouch

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Speaker 4: and then Burt and Bernie and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 4: those are my two dogs. But anyway, I had to

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Speaker 4: say goodbye to Bernice last week. Knowing that she was

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Speaker 4: going straight to see my mother made me just so happy.

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Speaker 3: Yes, well, and Larelin Jackson talks about that in her

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Speaker 3: book as well. There was one couple she did a

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Speaker 3: reading for who know people came through for, but like

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Speaker 3: all these pets and animals came through for, and even

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Speaker 3: like a bee, they have saved from the middle of

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Speaker 3: the road, and now I feel bad every time I

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Speaker 3: be like in a puddle and I pulled out, Oh oh.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're there.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if I have time to be pulling

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Speaker 4: bees out of puddles though story I mean, I do

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Speaker 4: have time, I just don't know that I'm going to

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Speaker 4: be spending it that way.

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Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay.

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Speaker 4: Doug went to Doggy Daycaren and Whistler and she was like,

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Speaker 4: what do you want from this? She's like, this is

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Speaker 4: our first discovery session.

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Speaker 1: I was like what. I was like, discoveries, what do

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Speaker 1: you mean. I'm like, it's a dog, Like, just fucking

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Speaker 1: drain him.

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Speaker 4: Meanwhile, Doug doesn't listen to anything, so he's just like

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Speaker 4: all my other dogs.

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Speaker 1: He's so sweet. He is so beautiful, doesn't matter. He's

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Speaker 1: such a beautiful baby.

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Speaker 4: We got to Vegas yesterday. We're all in a hotel room.

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Speaker 4: There's like ten of us and we're all in a

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Speaker 4: hotel room and Doug gets up on the bed urinates

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Speaker 4: all over the bed in the hotel room in this

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Speaker 4: huge suite that they gave us, and then ten minutes

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Speaker 4: later he pisses all over the dining room floor and

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Speaker 4: it sounded like a horse was peeing. Like Everyone's like,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, is there a faucet on? And then

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Speaker 4: we all looked and saw Doug Pete twice back to back.

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Speaker 4: Oh no, oh, I thank you for this smarting that

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Speaker 4: we just ruined.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, well, I'll give it back to me the

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Speaker 1: next time I'm there. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, Chelsea, I have just a sweet email from a listener.

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Speaker 3: This was in a follow up to our Jane Fonda episode.

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Speaker 3: She says, your Chelsea, I wanted to tell you how

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Speaker 3: much I enjoyed the last podcast with Jane Fonda. She's

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Speaker 3: such an icon and made such an impact on me

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Speaker 3: in my youth and now in my later adulthood and

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Speaker 3: everything in between. I was hooked on her from her

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Speaker 3: fitness videos in the eighties and on Golden Pond. Spoke

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Speaker 3: to me too as I had a hard father, then

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Speaker 3: Nine to five book Club, and of course Grace and Frankie.

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Speaker 3: As a fifty six year young woman, I look and

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Speaker 3: listen to her with awe and admiration. When she said

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Speaker 3: she closed up shop at eighty six, I felt that

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Speaker 3: I'm happily divorced, single with a situationship with the wisdom

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Speaker 3: that there are many roads to a good life. Really

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Speaker 3: and truly, thank you for the podcast, love listening. Bravo

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Speaker 3: to you all the best. Chrissy D in Chicago.

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Speaker 4: I love hearing about how many people lives have been

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Speaker 4: impacted by Jane Fonda.

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Speaker 3: Oh totally, totally, And I just love that she says

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Speaker 3: like there are many roads to a good life. So

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Speaker 3: much of the time I'm on the show, we talk

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Speaker 3: about like should I do this or that? And you know,

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Speaker 3: you say this a lot, but it's like when you

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Speaker 3: make the choice and you choose to go towards something

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Speaker 3: that's the right thing, and if it's not, you change.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, and also just committing to your decision that

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Speaker 4: you're making. When life hands you a curveball, it's okay,

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Speaker 4: that's what life is, curveballs. Like, it doesn't have to

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Speaker 4: go the exact way you want everything to go.

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Speaker 1: In fact, if it does, then you're not really learning

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Speaker 1: much at all.

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Speaker 3: Right, it's right, exactly, So thanks for writing in, Chrissy.

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Speaker 3: What's going on, Chelsea.

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Speaker 4: Well, my two nieces are in college. My other one

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Speaker 4: is graduated, so I'm getting ready to see them soon. Fine,

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Speaker 4: actually invited two of them to I'll be on the

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Speaker 4: podcast to give gen Z advice to young listeners.

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Speaker 1: So this is a call to action.

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Speaker 4: Actually, my nieces Jordan and Charlie are coming on to

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Speaker 4: give advice because they're both great at it. They're both

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Speaker 4: super smart, and they're both very compassionate, and Jordan definitely

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Speaker 4: has a psychology brain. So I thought that would be

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Speaker 4: good to incorporate more family members into the podcast. So

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Speaker 4: if you're their age, my niece is nineteen and then

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Speaker 4: twenty five. So if you guys are, if you have

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Speaker 4: young kids or that age range, if you guys have questions,

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Speaker 4: please send them in and we'll curtail them to that

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Speaker 4: special episode.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Or if you have questions about gen Zers right in.

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Speaker 4: If you want to understand gen Zers too, if you're

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Speaker 4: older and you need some intel for your own children

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Speaker 4: or whatever's happening, that's a good idea too.

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Speaker 1: But yes, definitely for our younger listeners. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Our guest today has a new podcast called Messi that

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Speaker 3: she co hosts with Christina Applegate, and I think we're

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Speaker 3: ready to welcome her to the show, right, Chelsea.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, our guest today is Jamie Lynn Sigler. Hi, Jamie

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Speaker 4: Lynn Sigler, what's happening?

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Speaker 5: What's I'm so excited to talk to you.

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Speaker 1: Oh, it's so nice to see you. When was the

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Speaker 1: last time we saw each other?

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Speaker 5: Was it on your show?

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Speaker 1: I don't know was it.

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Speaker 5: It's like a very long time. It's been a very long.

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Speaker 4: Well you look exactly the same, so you well that's

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Speaker 4: not true, but thank you very much. I know you

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Speaker 4: have a new podcast with Christina Gate. It's called MESSI,

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Speaker 4: where you guys discuss your diagnoses, your lifestyle, well, I mean,

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Speaker 4: not your diagnosis, your life with MS.

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Speaker 5: So, yeah, and and other things.

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Speaker 1: Of course, of course it's not only about MS.

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Speaker 4: So tell me a little bit about reaching out and

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Speaker 4: you guys connecting and figuring out that you even wanted.

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Speaker 1: To do this.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, well we were, you know, we've kind of been

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Speaker 6: peripheral friends for a number of years, and then when

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Speaker 6: she was diagnosed, our mutual friend mister Lance Bass put

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Speaker 6: us in touch because I think, you know, she was

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Speaker 6: in the middle of filming dead to me and was

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Speaker 6: scared and confused and didn't know what this would mean

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Speaker 6: for her and me, being somebody that's lived with this

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Speaker 6: over two decades, he felt like I could help her

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Speaker 6: and it just morphed into this beautiful friendship. Like I

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Speaker 6: didn't realize how badly I needed to have somebody that

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Speaker 6: also was having my sane experience to talk to. I'd

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Speaker 6: never had that before. And we'd have these two hour

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Speaker 6: conversations where we'd be laughing and crying and getting really

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Speaker 6: intimate in ways that I had never done before. And

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Speaker 6: she called me one morning, like super early, and she

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Speaker 6: was like, I feel like we need to put these

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Speaker 6: conversations out. I think it'll be healing for the both

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Speaker 6: of us and for other people. And what we found

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Speaker 6: since is it's been really cool because as specific as

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Speaker 6: we're getting in our journeys and what we're dealing with

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Speaker 6: in our lives, it's kind of universal for everybody because

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Speaker 6: everybody's life is messy. Everybody has things that they push

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Speaker 6: through and have to everybody has hands that were dealt

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Speaker 6: that they wish they didn't have, And it's about basically

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Speaker 6: trying to learn how to accept that and move forward

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Speaker 6: with it. And so we're kind of taking you on

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Speaker 6: that journey with us.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's very true.

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Speaker 4: I think that a lot of people things happen in

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Speaker 4: life all the time that completely changed the trajectory of

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Speaker 4: what you thought was going to happen, and how you

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Speaker 4: get around that psychologically, emotionally, physically, all of you know,

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Speaker 4: all of the requirements that are necessary for you to

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Speaker 4: soldier on. So tell me a little bit about your

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Speaker 4: your experience, because I know that you kind of kept

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Speaker 4: it hidden for a while your diagnosis, right.

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Speaker 5: I did.

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Speaker 6: I kept it hidden for almost sixteen years, and you know,

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Speaker 6: there's a lot of things that led me to become

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Speaker 6: public with it, the main one being I couldn't really

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Speaker 6: hide it anymore and I didn't want to lie, and

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Speaker 6: I didn't like the feelings of shame I was developing

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Speaker 6: around it, you know, because it.

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Speaker 5: Was a secret.

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Speaker 6: I was starting to feel guilty and embarrassed by it,

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Speaker 6: and I knew that I needed to just see, you know.

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Speaker 5: I was so fearful.

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Speaker 6: I was so fearful that people would only seems when

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Speaker 6: they looked at me that I would lose work.

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Speaker 5: That I just didn't know what it would mean for

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Speaker 5: my life.

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Speaker 6: Once I said it out loud, and ever since then,

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Speaker 6: it's been like eight years. It's been this really slow

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Speaker 6: process of acceptance for me, and I'm not quite there yet,

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Speaker 6: but I'm getting there, and it's just, you know, it

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Speaker 6: affects my walking, It affects my gait. That's the way

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Speaker 6: it affects me the most. And I've just in the

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Speaker 6: past two years finally started using a cane and a

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Speaker 6: walking stick when I need And that took a lot

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Speaker 6: for me to get there. It took a lot for

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Speaker 6: me to actually say I am disabled, I have a disability,

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Speaker 6: because I think for a long time maybe it meant

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Speaker 6: that I was losing the battle, that it meant that

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Speaker 6: I wasn't doing all the right things. And so, like

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Speaker 6: you said too, the emotional journey, though beyond the physical,

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Speaker 6: has been the greater one, and with that has come

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Speaker 6: a lot of amazing gifts.

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Speaker 1: I bet tell us about that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I used to be the most closed off person

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Speaker 6: in the world.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 6: I came from an immigrant mother who was like, never

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Speaker 6: let them see you sweat, always put your lipstick, always

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Speaker 6: look perfect, never let them know that there's a problem

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Speaker 6: or you are a problem. And it's been a journey

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Speaker 6: of kind of undoing that, and in my vulnerability and

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Speaker 6: my forced vulnerability, because what I struggle with is on

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Speaker 6: the outside, so people mention it, people see it. It's

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Speaker 6: it's forced me to talk about it. I've had the

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Speaker 6: greatest connections with people. It's deepened all my relationships and

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Speaker 6: deepened my relationship with myself and my self worth and

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Speaker 6: my value as a human no matter what I'm doing

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Speaker 6: in my career or what my body, how my body

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Speaker 6: is moving. And I really know wholeheartedly that I would

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Speaker 6: not be who I am today without MS. As much

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Speaker 6: as it breaks my heart to struggle the way that

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Speaker 6: I do physically, I know it's part of my journey

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Speaker 6: and I'm grateful for it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow, well that's huge.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think once you get to that place,

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Speaker 4: then you really are around the corner from acceptance, because

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Speaker 4: it sounds like you are an acceptance.

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Speaker 5: I hope so I am.

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Speaker 6: And it's really helped to talk about it, especially on

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Speaker 6: MESSI and what Christina's done for me, because we're in

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Speaker 6: two really different places with this. You know, she's still

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Speaker 6: in the new phases and she's angry and she's she's

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Speaker 6: in her grief. And not to say that I don't dip.

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Speaker 5: My toe in that every once in a while, of

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Speaker 5: course I do. I'm human.

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Speaker 6: But what she's really allowed me to do is sit

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Speaker 6: down sometimes and be like this sucks.

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Speaker 5: I hate this. I wish I didn't have it.

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Speaker 6: For so long I didn't allow myself to say that

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Speaker 6: I was afraid to and she's She's taught me the

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Speaker 6: beautiful balance of being able to express my emotions but

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Speaker 6: still press forward and have the gratitude that I have.

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Speaker 4: And can you educate us a little bit on how

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Speaker 4: MS presents differently for different people, or like what the

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Speaker 4: telltale signs are.

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Speaker 6: Like definitely, yeah, MS is very different for everybody, which

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Speaker 6: is I think kind of like the confusing part for people.

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Speaker 6: And it's why you have to be your own advocate

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Speaker 6: and speak onto like how it's affecting you and not

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Speaker 6: hold back when it comes to that. So, like I said,

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Speaker 6: for me, it's affected my gait and how I walk,

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Speaker 6: and in the beginning stages was my bladder. So when

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Speaker 6: I was working on Sopranos and I wasn't telling anybody,

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Speaker 6: in the middle of a take, I'd be like, I'm sorry, sorry,

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Speaker 6: I gotta go because I was gonna pee my pants.

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Speaker 6: That is a very common symptom among women.

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Speaker 1: And why does that happen?

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Speaker 4: What is it doing to your bladder that it makes

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Speaker 4: you have to go, Like impulsively.

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Speaker 6: So there's so along all of our nerves is myolin.

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Speaker 6: It's like if you look at a cord that you're

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Speaker 6: going to plug in your lamp to the wall, there's

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Speaker 6: this thick coating around the wires, and so the myolin

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Speaker 6: is that for our nerves, and MS attacks the myolin,

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Speaker 6: so there's little holes that are poked or it can

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Speaker 6: damage it completely, so it weakens the signal and sometimes

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Speaker 6: with that weakened signal, it could cause a spasm. So

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Speaker 6: it can cause your bladder to start spasming, which then

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Speaker 6: your brain is confused like do we have to go,

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Speaker 6: do we have to pee?

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Speaker 5: Do we hold it? What do we do?

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Speaker 6: And then sometimes you just don't have the control. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 6: there's medications that can help that. There's a lot of

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Speaker 6: disease modifying drugs. But you know, for some it can

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Speaker 6: affect their speech, their hands, cognitively, it can affect their

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Speaker 6: energy levels. Luckily for me that's not the case. It's just,

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Speaker 6: like I said, my bladder and my walking, and it's

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Speaker 6: kind of been this like really slow burn for me

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Speaker 6: over the last twenty two years, for better or worse.

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Speaker 6: But I'm like, I'm a real stubborn fighter, and I

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Speaker 6: keep trying, and I work out as much as I can,

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Speaker 6: and I push my body as hard as it can go,

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Speaker 6: because not only do I have dreams that I still

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Speaker 6: keep alive, but I have two little boys that I

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Speaker 6: really want to be as present for as I can.

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Speaker 6: But there's also the hard reality of my limitations when

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Speaker 6: it comes to being a mother.

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Speaker 4: And do those physical limitations Are they the same always?

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Speaker 1: Are they? Or does it? Is it sporadic? It's always

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Speaker 1: the same?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? For me, yes, yes, it's it's it's it.

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Speaker 6: And I think that that works for me because I

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Speaker 6: kind of know what I'm dealing with every day, and

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Speaker 6: especially when I work, it's easy for me to say, Okay,

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Speaker 6: here's what I can do, here's what I can't do,

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Speaker 6: here's what I need, here's what I don't need.

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Speaker 5: It's allowed me to find my voice at work.

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Speaker 1: I bet.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I mean, if you said you were hiding

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Speaker 4: that right from your people you were working with for

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Speaker 4: so long, how did you I mean having to actually

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Speaker 4: a tell people like this is what's happening and then

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Speaker 4: be set boundaries up like Okay, I want you to

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Speaker 4: hire me, but now I have to give you four

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Speaker 4: reasons why you might look away and go, we're not

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Speaker 4: hiring her.

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Speaker 5: Yep, yep. I've dealt with all of it. I've dealt

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Speaker 5: with you know.

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Speaker 6: My last job, I got hired on just to be

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Speaker 6: like a recurring guest star, and then they kept me

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Speaker 6: on for two seasons as a regular, And so in

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Speaker 6: that experience, I was like, Oh, I'm not a burden.

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Speaker 6: This doesn't deter anybody. They hired me for my talent

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Speaker 6: and they worked around it, which was great. But at

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Speaker 6: the end of that experience, I felt really strongly that

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Speaker 6: the next thing I do, I just want to work

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Speaker 6: in this body, Like, why can't I just walk the

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Speaker 6: way I walk and play a character. It doesn't have

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Speaker 6: to all be about MS, because my whole life is

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Speaker 6: not about MS. But I've lost a role recently where

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Speaker 6: they felt like the male character wouldn't look very good

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Speaker 6: if he broke up with a girl that had a disability,

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Speaker 6: which I get. I'm not mad at, I understand. I

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Speaker 6: understand their ways of thinking, but also a lot of

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Speaker 6: my trepidations about coming out about it was because there's

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Speaker 6: nobody on camera that moves like me, unless it's like

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Speaker 6: very specifically, like they're the character that has a disability

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Speaker 6: and they're they're sympathetic or they're a villain, and I'm

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Speaker 6: just gonna do my part and hopefully try to change that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I like it. I like everything you're saying.

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Speaker 4: That's very powerful, and I'm and noted on the podcast

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Speaker 4: not only revolving around the disease, but revolving around your

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Speaker 4: real lives. Because in order to represent MS on TV,

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Speaker 4: or on podcasts or in media in any way, it

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Speaker 4: doesn't have to be addressed all the time. You just

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Speaker 4: have to have people who haven't who are acting like

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Speaker 4: regular people, because that's what you are, a person.

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Speaker 5: That's exactly right.

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Speaker 4: So talk to me about your marriage, because I know

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Speaker 4: you had a divorce when you were very very young.

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Speaker 4: I was probably traumatic from what I gathered, correct, And

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Speaker 4: then you went on to meet this new guy, your

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Speaker 4: husband of how many years?

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Speaker 6: Well, we've been together thirteen years, but we've been married.

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Speaker 4: Eight okay, and you have two boys with him m hm.

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Speaker 4: And so how did you go from a toxic relationship

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Speaker 4: to the healthy relationship because that's what our listeners all

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Speaker 4: want to know about.

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Speaker 5: Let's talk about it.

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Speaker 6: Well, my first marriage, so I've never really talked about

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Speaker 6: much so he was ten years older than me, and

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Speaker 6: then he became my manager.

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Speaker 4: As it was funny though, sorry to interrupt, but I will,

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Speaker 4: because isn't it funny that you can have a first

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Speaker 4: marriage and almost forget that you were married all the time.

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Speaker 4: Think about that, like people are upset about breaking up

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Speaker 4: with people. It's like you might not even remember this

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Speaker 4: person fucking ten years from now or five years from now.

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Speaker 4: There are people that I was in relationships with that

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Speaker 4: I've forgotten about.

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Speaker 5: It's so true.

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Speaker 6: I too, I forget all the time that I was married,

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Speaker 6: literally married to somebody.

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Speaker 1: Once, so something to remember people, Yes, that is very true.

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Speaker 5: Life goes on.

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Speaker 6: So after that, I had a series of three boyfriends

385
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Speaker 6: that were all lovely, and you know, my first husband

386
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Speaker 6: was like this kind of like showman like who turned

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Speaker 6: out to be a bit of a sociopath. And then

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Speaker 6: my next boyfriend was the opposite. He was like super quiet, reserved,

389
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Speaker 6: which is kind of what I needed.

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Speaker 5: And then I dated my.

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Speaker 6: Co starred Jerry Ferarra an Entourage for a little bit,

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Speaker 6: who was just like loving and supportive. Then I started

393
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Speaker 6: going through like a little bit of an athlete phase.

394
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Speaker 6: And then yes, I remember that but my end then

395
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Speaker 6: my husband was an athlete and he's eight years younger

396
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Speaker 6: than me, so when we were we weren't set up.

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Speaker 6: He was hanging out with my best friend's husband because

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Speaker 6: they were both baseball players, and I was in a

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Speaker 6: dry spell for a while and he was leaving for

400
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Speaker 6: spring training in a few weeks, and literally my girlfriends.

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Speaker 5: Were like, he's so cute, he's into you, just like

402
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Speaker 5: fucking for a little while, like have some fun, like.

403
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Speaker 6: Come on, and I was like, okay, And I think

404
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,919
Speaker 6: because of that, we didn't play any games. You know,

405
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Speaker 6: it was no like don't text or don't call, or

406
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,639
Speaker 6: leave a little space, leave a little time. We just

407
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:17,240
Speaker 6: jumped in just having fun and getting to know each

408
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Speaker 6: other and kind of the rest is history.

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Speaker 5: You know, we did long distance.

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Speaker 6: We got pregnant by accident less than a year later,

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Speaker 6: but that was just kind of, I say, God's way

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Speaker 6: of interfering to keep me where I was, because I

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Speaker 6: kind of had a history of like a year or

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Speaker 6: two in and then I ran because of my divorce

415
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Speaker 6: and like my fear of getting too deep into a relationship.

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Speaker 6: And he is wonderful. He is the most supportive and patient,

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Speaker 6: loving guy. And I would say the only I wouldn't

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Speaker 6: call it an issue. But the thing that we really

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Speaker 6: have to work through is the MS in this relationship,

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Speaker 6: which sometimes feels like the third person in our relationship

421
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Speaker 6: because sometimes I need him to.

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Speaker 5: Back off with how much he's helping me.

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Speaker 6: Sometimes I need him to just let me vent and

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Speaker 6: not have to fix those types of things, which is

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Speaker 6: like sort of been our only real struggle, thankfully.

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Speaker 1: And as it should be.

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Speaker 4: I mean, that is a struggle, so it wouldn't not

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Speaker 4: be and you're blessed to not have to be stressed

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Speaker 4: about anything else in your relationship.

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Speaker 1: That is true.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's very sagacious what you just said

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Speaker 4: about venting, because that's definitely a thing.

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Speaker 1: I want to fix people's problems always.

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Speaker 4: I want to tell them what to do, and I

435
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Speaker 4: want to give them advice, and I want to get involved.

436
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 4: And that's not always welcome or necessary. Some people just

437
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 4: want to fucking vent and that's it. They just want

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Speaker 4: to get it off their chest and they don't want

439
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,399
Speaker 4: you to help them fix it, which is what you're saying.

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Speaker 4: And I can respect that because I definitely have been

441
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,400
Speaker 4: there too. And then there are people that just can't

442
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,760
Speaker 4: see the forest for the trees who you want to help,

443
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 4: but you can't because they're not listening. They don't get it,

444
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,439
Speaker 4: they don't see the problem, and they're focusing on the

445
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,440
Speaker 4: small things instead of the larger picture. But I think

446
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 4: it is a very valuable thing to remember that sometimes

447
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,959
Speaker 4: people just need to be heard and to be listened to.

448
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 4: And since I don't get to practice that on the podcast,

449
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 4: because that's what this podcast is about, is giving advice

450
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 4: and talking to people, I do want to say that

451
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 4: I practice that.

452
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:13,879
Speaker 1: In real life with people.

453
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 4: When I know that somebody has an issue, I just

454
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 4: I'm trying very hard to sit and not interfere and

455
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 4: just listen and hold someone or rub their arm or

456
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 4: their back or whatever, because everyone needs that every once

457
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 4: in a while. We all go through shit where you

458
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,359
Speaker 4: just you know somebody can't fix it, but want you

459
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,640
Speaker 4: want to complain, you want to get it out.

460
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 1: It's like one thing after another.

461
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, you need to like release the pressure, valve a

462
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 6: little bit, you know, like get.

463
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 5: Some of that air out.

464
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 6: And yeah, and I tell my husband and friends even

465
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,639
Speaker 6: sometimes like thank you for listening. This is something I

466
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 6: want to.

467
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 5: Figure out on my own. This is something that I

468
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:47,640
Speaker 5: know I'm going.

469
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 6: To grow from figuring out on my own. And I

470
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 6: think that comes also with time and experience of figuring

471
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 6: out as the complainer or as the person that's needing

472
00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 6: to vent, differentiating like a mice saying this because I

473
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 6: need your help, or am I saying this because I

474
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 6: just need to vent, but knowing that I'm going to

475
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 6: figure it out on my own.

476
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 1: Okay, well, let's take a break and we'll be right back.

477
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 3: If you need advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea

478
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,080
Speaker 3: Podcast at gmail dot com. You can ask about your

479
00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:23,119
Speaker 3: biggest dating conundrums, the cheating scandal that's rocking your friend group,

480
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 3: the funniest marital disagreements you need Chelsea to weigh in on,

481
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 3: or anything else that's Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

482
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 4: And we're back. We have some callers today, Jamie. I'm

483
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 4: so happy you're here to give advice. Okay, what do

484
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 4: we got, Catherine?

485
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 3: We actually have people calling in from all over the place.

486
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 3: We've got someone calling in from Spain, someone calling in

487
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 3: from New Zealand's exciting.

488
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,680
Speaker 4: I can't believe people get my podcast overseas. Oh interesting,

489
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 4: I didn't know how the internet works. Yeah, we'll start

490
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 4: with Megan. So she is almost twenty one.

491
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:56,159
Speaker 1: Oh.

492
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 3: She is calling from Spain, where she's been doing a

493
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 3: semester abroad. So Meghan says, Dear Chelsea, I need your

494
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,920
Speaker 3: advice on whether or not to invite both my parents

495
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 3: to my twenty first birthday party. I'm in college, and

496
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 3: six months ago I found out my parents are getting

497
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 3: a divorce. I already go to school out of state

498
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 3: and I rarely see my family, but I haven't seen

499
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 3: them in months now because I'm in another country for

500
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 3: the semester. I'm heading home in a couple of weeks,

501
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 3: and my birthday is the first week I'm home from

502
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 3: study abroad. My siblings have been keeping me updated on

503
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,399
Speaker 3: all the drama, but I'm the youngest, so they're definitely

504
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 3: keeping things from me. What I do know is my

505
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 3: dad now has a long term girlfriend, and my mom

506
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:33,360
Speaker 3: has just started seeing.

507
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 5: Someone great Great.

508
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 3: My parents haven't spoken since Christmas, just through lawyers, so

509
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 3: my birthday would be the first time they'd be in

510
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 3: the same room. I know they want me to be happy,

511
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 3: and we'll do whatever I want them to do, but

512
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,359
Speaker 3: I also know one of them will be extremely bummed

513
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 3: if they aren't there to celebrate me. Thanks so much

514
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,360
Speaker 3: for being my therapist when I can't visit my actual therapist.

515
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 3: Whatever advice you can give would be amazing. Megan, Why

516
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 3: she is Hi?

517
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 1: You little almost twenty one year old cutiepows Hi?

518
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:00,879
Speaker 2: Hi?

519
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 7: How are you?

520
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 2: Hi?

521
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 1: Cutie? This is Jamie Lan Siegler. She's our special guest today.

522
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 7: Hi, Jamie.

523
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: Hi.

524
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 4: I think it's a perfect opportunity for your parents to

525
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 4: challenge up to meet the moment and make this their

526
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 4: first outing. And it's not about them.

527
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: It's about you.

528
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, definitely, And I think listen, obviously, somebody got

529
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 4: very hurt, but if they're both dating other people, that

530
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 4: softens everybody's pain. Obviously, your father, if he has a

531
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,120
Speaker 4: long term girlfriend, then he's probably had her for a while,

532
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 4: and your mother probably hates thinks he's an asshole, but

533
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 4: she's dating someone and that's very positive. And if you

534
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 4: feel like you should have a conversation with either one

535
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 4: of them beforehand, then you should do that too, just

536
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 4: to be like, hey, this is a big day for me.

537
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 4: You know, it's my twenty first birthday and I really

538
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,439
Speaker 4: would love to have both of you there, and I

539
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 4: know you want to be with me, and let's just

540
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 4: make this as easy and pain free as possible.

541
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 7: Yeah, no, I completely agree.

542
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 8: I think I struggle with having like those conversations with them,

543
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 8: just being the youngest and having to.

544
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 7: Go with the flow. I never really I don't.

545
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 8: Like to make things about me entirely, so it's definitely

546
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 8: going to be difficult to have that conversation with them.

547
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,439
Speaker 8: But my sisters also said the same thing. They were like,

548
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 8: you know, look like this could be the first time

549
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 8: we really get them together and we can test the waters.

550
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 8: But if you don't want that, they said they would

551
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 8: support me in whatever decision I make, And I have

552
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 8: been debating, telling them I don't even want either of

553
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 8: them there and just doing a whole thing with my

554
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 8: friends and my siblings' friends and celebrating it separately. But

555
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 8: it's a big birthday, especially, you know, I've been waiting

556
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 8: to turn twenty one having older siblings all in their twenties,

557
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 8: so I.

558
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: Know the feeling. I'm with you, I got it.

559
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, I definitely need to have a conversation with them,

560
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 8: and if whatever happens, it happens.

561
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,919
Speaker 7: But I know they're not going to intentionally try to

562
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 7: ruin my day.

563
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: No, they're not.

564
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 4: And also something you just said, you have problems putting

565
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 4: yourself first, This is a great opportunity to put yourself

566
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 4: for f You're going to have to go through life

567
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 4: and there are going to be times where you have

568
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 4: to put yourself first.

569
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean you're selfish.

570
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 4: That just means that you're healthy and you know that,

571
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 4: like certain dynamics require.

572
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: This is your birthday party.

573
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,159
Speaker 4: And if you don't want to have the conversation, then

574
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 4: write them an email and put it on the email together.

575
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 4: Put them on the email together if you want to

576
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 4: be like, Okay, this is all I've ever known. I

577
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 4: understand you guys aren't together, and I totally support both

578
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 4: of you. This is my birthday. I would love to

579
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 4: have both of you there. If we can have a peaceful,

580
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 4: joyful celebration, and if you don't think that you can

581
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,880
Speaker 4: come with that attitude, then we'll celebrate on our own

582
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 4: at another time. But I don't want this birthday to

583
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 4: be about your divorce. Actually, write down exactly what I

584
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:41,680
Speaker 4: just said.

585
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 1: Because that was really perfect.

586
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 5: I just wrote it down.

587
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 7: Good thing it's being recorded.

588
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 8: Yeah yeah, no, but you said, you know, you saying

589
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 8: an email. That's actually really interesting because my dad would

590
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,360
Speaker 8: honestly reply to an email faster than a text message.

591
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 7: So that's a good idea.

592
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's how you know what generations people are from.

593
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 7: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I do have older parents.

594
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 3: So even if you're sort of an adult like you

595
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 3: are now, when your parents get a divorced, you have

596
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 3: to grow up really fast. So you know, this is

597
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 3: that first conversation that you have to have where like

598
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 3: you are taking the reins of this relationship dynamic.

599
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 1: So how are you feeling about their separation and divorce?

600
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: Does that bother you? Were you shocked? Were you upset?

601
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 7: Well, it was more I wouldn't say shocked.

602
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,920
Speaker 8: It was more like we didn't think it was ever

603
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 8: going to happen because they would always put their relationship

604
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:32,159
Speaker 8: in even us first.

605
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,880
Speaker 4: Well, of course, these couples they wait until their kids

606
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 4: are out of the house. It's like, who the fuck

607
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,239
Speaker 4: are you waiting? Like, the kids don't get they just

608
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 4: want normal parents. And when you're fucking fifteen through twenty one,

609
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 4: you are not thinking about your parents.

610
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: You are thinking about your life.

611
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 8: Right, It's been a lot of ups and downs, just

612
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 8: because when I first found out, I didn't find out

613
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 8: in like the best way possible. But then I was

614
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 8: also at school like fifteen hundred miles away, and now

615
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 8: I am studying abroad in the completely diferent country, So

616
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 8: I'm I don't even know the full story of what's

617
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 8: happening back home. I just get what my siblings tell me,

618
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,199
Speaker 8: because obviously my parents aren't telling me anything. They're just

619
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 8: sugarcoating everything. So I don't necessarily know exactly what I'm

620
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 8: going home to. I just have an idea of what

621
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 8: I'm going home too. And that's the other thing that

622
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 8: I'm struggling with.

623
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 3: What are your siblings saying about it?

624
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 8: I mean, as much as I love my brother and

625
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,439
Speaker 8: I love talking to him in a person, have to

626
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 8: finish that way.

627
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 1: We all know, brothers.

628
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 4: You should see the text I got my I had

629
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 4: to put my dog down recently, and my brother sent

630
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 4: me this text. And I have two brothers, and one

631
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 4: of them is so sweet and so loving, and the

632
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 4: other one is a fucking asshole. And the texts I

633
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 4: got from my I mean, the two texts just describe

634
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 4: their I might have to put them in my new

635
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 4: book because it really just shows you who.

636
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 1: Each person is.

637
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,239
Speaker 7: Yeah. No, well, first I just want to say I'm

638
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 7: sorry about your dog. I loved seeing all those.

639
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 1: Oh thank you many thank you.

640
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 4: What are they saying your sister's saying about the dynamics

641
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 4: since they separated.

642
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 8: I think they're telling me what I ask them questions about.

643
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,360
Speaker 7: And one my sister, she.

644
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 8: Does like still live in my hometown and so she's

645
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 8: getting it all in person, so a lot. And she's

646
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 8: also the oldest, so my mom is kind of putting

647
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 8: everything on her, and then my dad is asking her like, oh, like,

648
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 8: how's your mom doing? And she's very much in the middle.

649
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 8: So sometimes when we call to catch up, she kind

650
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,360
Speaker 8: of just dumps it all on me, and which I'm

651
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,679
Speaker 8: okay with because then I am getting the full truth.

652
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 8: Whereas my other sister, who knows way more about everything

653
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 8: that's been happening, like she's known since the beginning, She's

654
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 8: more like, I'll tell you whatever you want to know

655
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 8: and whatever you ask questions about. But I don't want

656
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 8: to ruin your study abroad experience by just calling you

657
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 8: when something happens and telling you what's going on. You know,

658
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 8: she just waits for me to ask.

659
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like you have great sisters.

660
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, it's so considerable.

661
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 8: I do.

662
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 7: I'm really lucky.

663
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, totally, that's so nice. I have great sisters too.

664
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 4: It's so Jamie, do you have sisters?

665
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 5: No, I grew up with two older brothers.

666
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 1: Okay, so then you have you have to deal with that.

667
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: Thank you.

668
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 7: Yeah you understand the brother that.

669
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, of course, of course. But I think you know,

670
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 6: like your parents made this decision for them and what

671
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 6: was right for their lives, Like Chelsea said, like this

672
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 6: is your opportunity to do that for yourself, and your

673
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 6: twenty first birthday is one to remember hopefully, and like

674
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 6: you should say that in your email. If you feel

675
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 6: like they're not going to be able to show up

676
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 6: for you the way that you need, then maybe it's

677
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 6: just not the place for them to be at.

678
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 5: Maybe you don't even want them there.

679
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 3: Maybe you have like a family dinner and like you

680
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 3: get to go out and get trashed with your friends,

681
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 3: you know, for like at the actual twenty first birthday, what.

682
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: Is the plan? Is it a big party?

683
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 8: You said, it's a big group of us going downtown,

684
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 8: Like a lot of my friends won't be home from

685
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 8: school yet, so it's only a few of my friends,

686
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 8: but it's my siblings and all of their friends who

687
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 8: also watched me grow up and they've all.

688
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 7: Been waiting for me to turn twenty one.

689
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 8: So it's going to be it's going to be so

690
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 8: much fun because it's a big group. But also I

691
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 8: don't know who knows what of what's been going on

692
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 8: because everything is so new. So if a fight does

693
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 8: break out, like I really don't want to be put

694
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 8: in a situation, and I doubt my siblings want to

695
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 8: be put in a situation where we have to like

696
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 8: explain that or like cover that up.

697
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 1: You know, well, I think this email will cover.

698
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 4: You'll find out where they are and if they're able

699
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 4: to be in the same space together, and if they're not,

700
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 4: then you know, then they're not and that's okay too,

701
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 4: Like then you can have celebrate with them individually, because

702
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 4: it does sound like what you're going to do is

703
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 4: basically like a bar crawl, right.

704
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 7: That's that's exactly what we're doing. Yeah, party, bus bar.

705
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 4: That's going to be more fun without your parents anyway,

706
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 4: So you could go either way you want with this one.

707
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 4: I mean, you know, and they'll probably only come and

708
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 4: then leave, you know what I mean.

709
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 1: They're not going to be there all night.

710
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 7: Yeah right, They're probably gonna go home by ten.

711
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah.

712
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 3: And I would worry less about like a fight breaking

713
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 3: out than like just general tension.

714
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 1: My last piece of advice that will tell you is hydrate.

715
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 3: Hydrate all day and then between every day you have

716
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 3: a water you'll see get I would love to try

717
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 3: that one time.

718
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 4: I would love because of how much I fucking detest water.

719
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 4: But now I have my new water flavorers that.

720
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 1: I like my electro life.

721
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 4: But I would love to go out drink, have a

722
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 4: glass of water like everyone's been fucking talking about for

723
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 4: the last fifty thousand years, and see if.

724
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 1: That makes a fucking difference. Because I doubt it will

725
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 1: does for me, it does the.

726
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 8: Next day, then maybe I should Maybe I should tell

727
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 8: them to drink water.

728
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: I just get an IV Get an IV there. It

729
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: is a preemptive well.

730
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 8: Honestly, I was thinking about that, just booking an appointment

731
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 8: and getting.

732
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 4: Get a phyplactic IVY so that you're prepared for all

733
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 4: the water that all the dehydration coming your way, and

734
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 4: also have a great fucking birthday. Twenty one is a

735
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 4: huge birthday. That's your first big birthday in your life

736
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 4: other than when you turn eighteen.

737
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: That's good.

738
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 8: Well, eighteen these days isn't like that big of a

739
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 8: deal because like what, you can vote, maybe get drafted

740
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 8: to the war, but what all the perks.

741
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 4: Seventeen was big because of your license, So that was

742
00:31:55,680 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 4: my that was seventeen sixteen. Oh I didn't get my license,

743
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 4: so sixteen.

744
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, seventeen was big.

745
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 4: Eighteen was big, and then twenty one and then after

746
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 4: that it's every ten years.

747
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 7: So yeah, I'm gonna say it's just down hope from here.

748
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

749
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 4: I enjoy yourself and your future is Thank you so much. Okay,

750
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 4: you're welcome. Hoy Bday, Happy birthday.

751
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: Thank you.

752
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 7: I appreciate it. Bye guys, Bye Jamie.

753
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 1: What's your situation? Are you allowed to drink while you're

754
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: on the medication you're on for MS or no?

755
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 6: I am allowed. I just don't alcohol for whatever reasons.

756
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 6: Never really hit me, right, Oh cannabis does?

757
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 1: Yeah? Oh interesting, interesting, very nice.

758
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 4: It's why all drugs affect me in a positive way

759
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 4: and other people either like it's they like one or

760
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 4: the other. Typically alcohol or cannabis, right, all of my

761
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 4: friends that are cannabis people don't like alcohol, you.

762
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 6: Know, I get in my younger years, I just would

763
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 6: get slappy, like I'm the girl that like the decision

764
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 6: making goes out the window, Like wouldn't it be funny

765
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 6: if I flashed them so I fly, you know, like

766
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 6: I would just be.

767
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: Right, I hear you. Okay, fair enough.

768
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 3: Well, let's take a break and we'll be right back.

769
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 3: Our next caller is Katie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

770
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 3: writing in today to ask you about an issue that

771
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 3: I've honestly struggled with ever since I was a teenager. Basically,

772
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 3: my question is this, how do you deal with a

773
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 3: friend who develops romantic feelings for you when you don't

774
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 3: have the same interest in them. This has happened to

775
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 3: me many times over the years, mostly with my guy friends,

776
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 3: and I never feel like I handle the situation well.

777
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,959
Speaker 3: My typical approach is to ignore the signs that they

778
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 3: have feelings for me as long as possible, and then

779
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 3: when they finally decide to bring up their feelings, I

780
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 3: try to shut it down as politely as I can.

781
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 3: No matter what, I always end up feeling guilty about

782
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 3: the situation, like I've been leading them on or something. Also,

783
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 3: when we do end up having the conversation about dating

784
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 3: and how I'm not interested, it frequently feels like they're

785
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 3: trying to argue with me or convince me to change

786
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 3: my mind. The way I see this is if I'm

787
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 3: not attracted to you romantically or interested in you, I'm

788
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 3: not going to spend my limited time and energy giving

789
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 3: it a chance. Life's too short for that shit. So

790
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 3: how do I shut these types of conversations down while

791
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 3: preserving the friendship? Katie Hi, Katie Hi?

792
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 1: Hi, This is JB. She's our special guest, So say

793
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: hi to her.

794
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 7: Hi, Nice to meet you too.

795
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 4: Okay, so you seem to get a lot of people.

796
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 4: Is it all men or are you implying that there

797
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 4: was a woman that has a crush on you now?

798
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 2: Oh that Well, there is a woman who has a

799
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 2: crush on me now, but that's kind of my fault.

800
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 2: But well, we met on a dating app, so like

801
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 2: that's a separate issue.

802
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 1: Okay, let's go back. I'm curious about that issue also.

803
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 2: But yeah, well so, but mostly the issue is like

804
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 2: straight guys that I've been friends with, I don't think

805
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 2: I can think of a single guy friend that I

806
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: have that I'm still friends with who didn't have a

807
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 2: crush on me at some point. So I feel like

808
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 2: I'm constantly having to deal with this, but also like

809
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 2: a lot of my friends deal with this too, where

810
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 2: you know, they're like they it's some guy they know,

811
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 2: some guy like they work with or is like a

812
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 2: mutual friend or something like that, and then it just

813
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 2: gets really awkward really fast.

814
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,239
Speaker 4: And have you ever handled it where it was a

815
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:08,760
Speaker 4: successful result and you remain friends with the guy after

816
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 4: they revealed to you that they had feelings.

817
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I have a few guy friends who handled

818
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 2: it well and we're still friends.

819
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 4: And how did you handle those interactions when it came

820
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 4: down to the wire.

821
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 2: I mean, I just feel like I was like, you know,

822
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 2: I'm not interested. Can we just be friends? And I

823
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of the work is on their part,

824
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 2: like of being like, Okay, yeah, I'm going to be

825
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 2: cool with this and I'm going to accept it. I

826
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 2: was like, hey, I understand if you like need some

827
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 2: time and space, that's fine, but then the ball's.

828
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 7: Kind of in their core. I feel like to not

829
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 7: be weird.

830
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I mean, if you tell someone that you're not interested,

831
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 4: they have to say take that information and accept it.

832
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 4: They can't be like, well you should be because of

833
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 4: ab and c. Like that's kind of really annoying. You

834
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 4: can't be convinced to date somebody you should like me

835
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 4: because yeah, yeah, I have had this experience, Jamie. I'm

836
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 4: sure you've had plenty of friendships where they thought it

837
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 4: was headed in a different direction.

838
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 6: You know, not many, maybe once or twice, But I

839
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,319
Speaker 6: think it was just more like I went on a

840
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 6: date or two and then not feeling it and the

841
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 6: other person really not understanding.

842
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,279
Speaker 4: Why isn't that amazing though, that you could be on

843
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 4: such different tracks?

844
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like, isn't it very clear that there's not a

845
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 6: connection here.

846
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 1: It's like chemistry is palpable.

847
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 4: When there is chemistry between two people, you feel it

848
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,160
Speaker 4: and both people feel it. So if the person that

849
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 4: you're telling that you don't have chemistry with, that you're

850
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:37,839
Speaker 4: not interested doesn't understand that there's no chemistry, then they've

851
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:40,800
Speaker 4: never felt chemistry between another person before, yes.

852
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:42,399
Speaker 5: And to try to like make it work.

853
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 6: I mean, I've also been in situations where you know

854
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 6: you're dating somebody and then after a while you can

855
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 6: feel that they're not feeling it anymore. And it's the worst,

856
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 6: but it's so clear you can feel the shift, and

857
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 6: it's it's important too, and you're right, and it was

858
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 6: on me to do the work for it.

859
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 3: Well yeah, well we women can, that's right, right, Yeah,

860
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 3: maybe these guys just aren't feeling it.

861
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:02,359
Speaker 7: Yeah.

862
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 4: I do think though, listen and when you know somebody

863
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,240
Speaker 4: has a crush on you, since this is a pattern,

864
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 4: it happens to you frequently, I do think you can

865
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 4: get a little bit smarter about nipping it in the

866
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 4: bud before it becomes an issue. You know, make it

867
00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:17,760
Speaker 4: very clear that you are not available in that way,

868
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 4: even if you're single, that you're not interested in that

869
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 4: kind of dynamic with friends, Like I love having a

870
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 4: friend like you. I hope you can be friends for

871
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 4: a long time. I hope I can introduce you to

872
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 4: my next boyfriend and my husband. I hope you'll be

873
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 4: at my wedding, you know, like making a delineation about

874
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,959
Speaker 4: the friendship and making it very clear, this is us,

875
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 4: this is what we're doing, and it's not going to

876
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 4: go beyond that. In as gentle a way as possible.

877
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 4: I think it is helpful to steer the person off course,

878
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.

879
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 3: You know, I almost wonder too, because Katie and I

880
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 3: want you to talk about this for a second, but

881
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 3: like when we talked to you, like, I love being single,

882
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 3: and I think sometimes the person who's like not interested

883
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 3: at all sort of is like guys are like, yeah,

884
00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 3: it's a.

885
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 4: Magnetic attraction because you don't you're not despert and you're

886
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 4: not asking for anything. So that's when men are turned

887
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 4: on when you're not interested. So it's totally normal. Like

888
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,319
Speaker 4: I've had this so many times with men when I've

889
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 4: been single, roommates, guys, and I'm but I was so

890
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 4: clueless to it because I was just an idiot, you know,

891
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 4: until they actually try to kiss me and I'm like,

892
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 4: what the fuck are you doing?

893
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 1: But I do lead people on without thinking of it.

894
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 4: So I had to really curb my behavior with male

895
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 4: friends to let them know, like just because I'm flirty

896
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:26,279
Speaker 4: and fun and I like to take my top off

897
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 4: doesn't mean I want to fuck you.

898
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 7: Yeah, for sure, for sure.

899
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,240
Speaker 2: And I guess just being like just because I'm single

900
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 2: doesn't mean I'm interested or doesn't mean I'm available, Like

901
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 2: automatically like, is.

902
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 4: There anything you're doing that you think you should change?

903
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 4: Is there any behavioral patterns that you think are leading

904
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 4: to this?

905
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 7: I don't think so.

906
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 2: I'm not even really that flirty like of a person,

907
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,280
Speaker 2: Like I'm just kind of me hanging out here doing

908
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 2: what I do, you know, But I think there are

909
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 2: some guys where if you're just nice to them at all,

910
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 2: they fall in love with you.

911
00:38:57,520 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 1: So well.

912
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 4: Also because you are happy and you are centered and

913
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 4: you are grounded, that is attractive to men.

914
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: You know. It's like, look, she's got her shit together.

915
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: That's fun. Okay. So there's nothing you're doing that you

916
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 1: think that is leading it to this.

917
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 4: So I would just try and be like a little

918
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,879
Speaker 4: bit more proactive about it before it comes up. Try

919
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,839
Speaker 4: and just keep your eyes open for that and just

920
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 4: when you sense it, make it clear.

921
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you can even like what Chelsea said about

922
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 3: when you do have to address it tag onto that

923
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 3: don't make it weird, like this doesn't have to be

924
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 3: a thing, like let's keep being friends and like.

925
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: Yes, let's have this. That's good.

926
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 7: Yeah.

927
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 1: I like that.

928
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 4: If someone said that to me that I had a

929
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 4: crush on, I would be like oh okay, yeah, like

930
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 4: it's not good fuck.

931
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 1: You anyway, but thank you for that's up. I'm glad

932
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 1: I know I have a friend out there. Awesome. Well

933
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 1: did that help, Katie?

934
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 3: Yes, definitely, okay, awesome, all right, let us know next

935
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 3: time as happens if things worked out well and yeah.

936
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 5: For sure for sure.

937
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:53,320
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, Katie.

938
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 7: Well thanks for having me bye.

939
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 5: I mean it's not a bad problem to have.

940
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 3: I think there's some women who like are just not

941
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 3: interested in like the men around them, and it's magnetic,

942
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 3: like you said, no.

943
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's something happens. It's it's always like that, yep.

944
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 4: And also people create narratives, like when they hang out

945
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,520
Speaker 4: with you, they start to believe whatever they want to

946
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 4: believe about the dynamics. So they're like, oh, yeah, I

947
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 4: hung out with her again. She's spending time with me.

948
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 4: She obviously likes me.

949
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 6: Yes, right, your brain can find evidence for whatever story exactly.

950
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 3: It's like she doesn't dislike you, or she wouldn't be

951
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 3: inviting around.

952
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 5: But yeah.

953
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:30,839
Speaker 7: Well.

954
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 3: Georgia is calling in from New Zealand. Her subject line

955
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 3: was Graves disease is a stupid name for a stupid condition.

956
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: Dear, Chelsea.

957
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 3: I'm writing a need of some advice from my favorite

958
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 3: doctor comedian podcast Queen. I'm a twenty eight year old

959
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 3: woman in New Zealand and I was recently diagnosed with

960
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 3: Graves disease and autoimmune condition where my thiraid goes way

961
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 3: too fast. This came after experiencing some mild, vague symptoms,

962
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 3: and the diagnosis came as a big shock. I've always

963
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 3: been generally happy and healthy. The diagnosis has left me

964
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:04,399
Speaker 3: feeling insecure, ashamed, lost and confused. There's been some weight

965
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 3: gain on my medication inevitable in this case, and some

966
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 3: eye symptoms, and I'm ashamed because that's such a vain concern.

967
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,880
Speaker 3: I'm also worried about the impact this has on my fertility,

968
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 3: as my husband and I were keen to start trying

969
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,880
Speaker 3: next year and that may no longer be an option.

970
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 3: Do you have any advice on adjusting to a huge

971
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,359
Speaker 3: life change, be it health related or not. I'm seeing

972
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 3: a therapist I love, but would love any advice you

973
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 3: have to give. Love from New Zealand, Georgia.

974
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: Hi, Georgia, Hi, Yeah, how are you? I'm good?

975
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 5: Hi?

976
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling from all the way from New Zealand.

977
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 4: Jamie, why don't you start this one since you have

978
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 4: more experience.

979
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 5: Yes, So, Georgia, Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Jamie.

980
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 6: I live with also an autoimmune neurological disorder called MS,

981
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 6: so I understand and can sympathize greatly with what you're

982
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 6: feeling and going through.

983
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 5: And I'm sorry.

984
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,439
Speaker 6: I've lived with this for a very long time, over

985
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 6: twenty two years. So the advice that I could give

986
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 6: you is I developed this kind of like three step

987
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:09,720
Speaker 6: thing for myself that really helps me. And the first

988
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 6: step is to reflect, and that means to sit with

989
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 6: the hard feelings, the grief, the sadness, the depression, the

990
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 6: despair of what you thought was going to be for

991
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 6: your body, for your old body, all of those things.

992
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,879
Speaker 6: You have to give yourself the space to feel all

993
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 6: of those things. And the second step is reframe. So

994
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 6: there has to be acceptance over your diagnosis and what

995
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 6: this means for your life, and that means you're going

996
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:41,439
Speaker 6: to have to reframe that and the decisions and things

997
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,400
Speaker 6: that you're going to make. Doesn't mean that things are hopeless,

998
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 6: but you have to figure out the adjustments and the

999
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,799
Speaker 6: way that you're going to need to pivot. And then

1000
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 6: the third step is reach out, reach out for help.

1001
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 5: There's resources, there's people, there's.

1002
00:42:56,080 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 6: Tons of opportunity to research and find mind whatever little

1003
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 6: bit of help might help you. There's tons of modalities

1004
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 6: for different things, and I think that those are kind

1005
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 6: of three steps that I come back to often still.

1006
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 6: I mean, it's not like it's one and done, but

1007
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 6: it really helps me kind of process the way a

1008
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:20,880
Speaker 6: disease that you have no control over sometimes affects you.

1009
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:24,439
Speaker 4: And also, I'm sure there's a support group for people

1010
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:27,240
Speaker 4: who have been diagnosed with graves. That's where you should start,

1011
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 4: you know, to get advice and tools for dealing with

1012
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 4: it from people who have been experiencing it.

1013
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 9: Yeah. Yeah, and that's all very helpful. I think that

1014
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 9: those three steps are a really interesting way to I

1015
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 9: think I did a lot of the first step sitting

1016
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 9: with it, feeling a lot of feelings, and then I

1017
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 9: think I sort of jumped to step three of reaching

1018
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 9: out and getting into therapy and looking for those resources

1019
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 9: and that sort of thing. I still think what I've

1020
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 9: struggled with and maybe what I need to focus on

1021
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 9: more is that reframing step and that acceptance and actually

1022
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:01,359
Speaker 9: looking forward instead of sort of being like, either it's

1023
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 9: going to be fine and just sort of cutting or

1024
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 9: I'm feeling really down about it.

1025
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 5: It's going to change day to day.

1026
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 6: Might have good weeks, you might have good months, you

1027
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 6: might have good years, or you know, it's you have

1028
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:18,280
Speaker 6: to give yourself grace through all of it. Strength doesn't

1029
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 6: mean that you're like handling it with positivity and everything's great.

1030
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 6: Strength means that you're just still showing up for yourself

1031
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,880
Speaker 6: wherever you are that day, wherever you are.

1032
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 5: In that moment, in my opinion, and.

1033
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 6: That is really difficult, and I understand that. And also

1034
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 6: getting a good community around you, whether it's two three people,

1035
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 6: whoever it is. It's important for you to not go

1036
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 6: through this too much in your own head and with

1037
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:45,360
Speaker 6: your own self.

1038
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 7: You know.

1039
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 4: Can I ask you what is the status of being

1040
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 4: able to have children? Did they say that that is

1041
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 4: off the table or that it may not be on

1042
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 4: the table.

1043
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 9: So a little update. I'm actually pregnant now.

1044
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 3: Oh oh my god, Telsey, work quickly.

1045
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:02,720
Speaker 1: That is so fast.

1046
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 4: You just called in like five minutes ago and you're

1047
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 4: already pregnant.

1048
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 9: I haven't very very quickly. I had a thyroid ectomy.

1049
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 9: So they actually removed the thyroid, which meant that I

1050
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 9: am no longer on medication, which meant I couldn't get pregnant.

1051
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 9: And so it got the clear from my doctors in

1052
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 9: about December, and we thought, okay, well, this might take

1053
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:26,959
Speaker 9: quite a long time.

1054
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 5: You know, getting.

1055
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:31,399
Speaker 9: Hormones back to normal can have a huge effect. And no,

1056
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 9: that didn't take that long.

1057
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 1: That's amazing.

1058
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 4: I mean, there you go, right there, there's a sign

1059
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 4: from the universe telling you that everything is going to

1060
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 4: be okay, but slightly different, you know what I mean.

1061
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, then your body is an abandoning you.

1062
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 9: Yeah, I think it has been. It's definitely helped with

1063
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:51,400
Speaker 9: gaining some of that trust back. Surely you're quite familiar

1064
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 9: with that feeling.

1065
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 8: I'm feeling.

1066
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 9: I've quite felt quite betrayed for the first time from

1067
00:45:56,120 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 9: my own body. It has definitely been quite healing to

1068
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 9: gain some of that trustpack.

1069
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 2: I think.

1070
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow.

1071
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,879
Speaker 3: Georgia, when we talked earlier, you had mentioned that some

1072
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 3: of your symptoms have continued even after having some treatments.

1073
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 3: Do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

1074
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 3: And I wonder if Jamie has some wisdom on like

1075
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 3: dealing with disappointments when it comes to different treatments.

1076
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 9: Yeah, so I'm now on because I have no function,

1077
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 9: I'm now on medication that helps my thyroid to work well,

1078
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 9: the sort of fake thyroid replacement replacement, and so that

1079
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 9: has led to I guess a different set of symptoms.

1080
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 9: Where before getting pregnant there was a bit of weight gain,

1081
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 9: and I guess things went the other way, feeling maybe lethargic.

1082
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 9: And the big one that I have had since is

1083
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 9: I also developed thyroid eye disease, which is sort of

1084
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 9: a different disease from Graves, but you get it because

1085
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 9: of Graves. And it meant that my eyes have changed

1086
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 9: in appearance. They sort of bulge out a bit more.

1087
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 9: I've had some treatment so my island that it made

1088
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 9: sort of my eyelids sort of raise, and so I

1089
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 9: looked quite surprised, And I was surprised when I was

1090
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 9: learning about Graves. That was a symptom that wasn't going

1091
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 9: to go away just when we treated the thyroids stuff.

1092
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 9: And so I felt like I was, Oh, I'm going

1093
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 9: to get on top of it, get my thyroid taken out.

1094
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,959
Speaker 9: I think there's still some you're realigning with the fact

1095
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:22,960
Speaker 9: that some of these changes might be more permanent.

1096
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:27,880
Speaker 6: That's hard to accept sometimes. Yeah, yeah, I understand that,

1097
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 6: and I can understand sometimes the way that one treatment

1098
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 6: can affect you for the better, but then there's side

1099
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 6: effects from that. It's it's a very unfortunate and frustrating

1100
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 6: dance that you have to dance it.

1101
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 5: But this is all new to you still.

1102
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:47,800
Speaker 6: And sometimes these things just take time. And I think

1103
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 6: like living in the beautiful journey of pregnancy and going

1104
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 6: through this pregnancy, I remember for me during both my pregnancies,

1105
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,799
Speaker 6: like finally feeling like my body with doing what I

1106
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:04,760
Speaker 6: wanted it to do was something that was, like you're saying,

1107
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:08,400
Speaker 6: like really important because for so long and still today

1108
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 6: sometimes it felt like my body's betraying me and not

1109
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 6: doing what I wanted to do. So I would say,

1110
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:18,839
Speaker 6: hold on as much as you can to those gifts

1111
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:23,279
Speaker 6: because they are real and are important, and sometimes they

1112
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 6: could just make the other stuff just you know, it's

1113
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,760
Speaker 6: what you have to focus on. You have to choose

1114
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 6: sometimes what you focus on, because sometimes there's just nothing

1115
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:32,279
Speaker 6: you can do about the other things, you know.

1116
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know, with regard to your eyes, I'm

1117
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 4: sure there are things you're going to be able to

1118
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 4: find out that you can do. Actually, but in the meantime,

1119
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 4: if you do feel stuck like, oh this is I

1120
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:46,879
Speaker 4: can't change this, I can't change this, then you really

1121
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,359
Speaker 4: should go to the next thing, you know what I mean, Like,

1122
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 4: there's no point in sitting there and digging a hole

1123
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:53,919
Speaker 4: when you're not going to get to water, Like that

1124
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 4: is just kind of reversing and you're resisting reality. And

1125
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,200
Speaker 4: you just and you want to be always moved, being

1126
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:03,360
Speaker 4: forward right with respect to yourself, when you need to

1127
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 4: sit and reflect and take your time to sit with

1128
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 4: your emotions and what they mean. Absolutely, but always with

1129
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 4: the ball moving. You have a baby coming, you have

1130
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,720
Speaker 4: all this excitement to prepare for. You have a husband

1131
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,359
Speaker 4: that loves and adores you, and I'm sure it as

1132
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 4: has he been good through this process?

1133
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:23,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh well that's great.

1134
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,239
Speaker 4: And so of course you don't want, you know, you

1135
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 4: don't want things to happen to you physically that you're

1136
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,359
Speaker 4: not prepared for or that you didn't ask for. But

1137
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 4: that's when you really have to focus on all the

1138
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 4: love and the light that is there.

1139
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1140
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, So just don't get mired in the things that

1141
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 4: you can't change and instead get miired and the things

1142
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:43,840
Speaker 4: that are growing and can change.

1143
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 9: Yeah, thank you. I think it's really strong advice to

1144
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 9: carry forward.

1145
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're going to write down those three things

1146
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 4: that Jamie said because it's recorded.

1147
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 7: Yes, I am. I was almost writing them down at

1148
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:55,439
Speaker 7: the time.

1149
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 6: So when I get this, if you go to reframing

1150
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 6: ms dot com, I collaborate with the vartists on this

1151
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 6: three step guide and it's all in detail there.

1152
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,880
Speaker 1: Oh great, that's great for our listeners.

1153
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, reframing ns dot com.

1154
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 9: Thank you.

1155
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:12,280
Speaker 4: Okay, well, thank you, Georgia. I'm coming to New Zealand.

1156
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:14,239
Speaker 4: I'm doing shows there, are you coming.

1157
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:15,959
Speaker 9: Yes, you're coming to my city? I will babe.

1158
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 1: Oh good, okay, great, great, I hope to see you there.

1159
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:19,919
Speaker 9: Okay, thank you so much.

1160
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, honey. Oh that was cute.

1161
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:25,080
Speaker 5: That was great advice, Chelsea. I'm taking that from myself too.

1162
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 5: It's so true. You know, you just have to sometimes.

1163
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 6: Just shift the focus, because you know, I could have

1164
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 6: every right to kind of, you know, focus on all

1165
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,360
Speaker 6: the things that are not working and going, but you know,

1166
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 6: I just what would my life be?

1167
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 5: Then I have to keep moving forward? Focusing on the

1168
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 5: good things.

1169
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 9: Right.

1170
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 4: Well, I think you're doing a pretty good job of

1171
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 4: keeping your shit together, Jamie, and very inspiring. Oh shit,

1172
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 4: before I say goodbye, we'll take a break and come

1173
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 4: back and we're back with Jamielen Sigler.

1174
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,799
Speaker 3: So, Jamie, I remember I was listening to MESSI and

1175
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 3: you mentioned some neuroplasticity stuff that you've learned. Is there

1176
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:05,320
Speaker 3: anything you can teach our listeners about that are so neuroplasticity?

1177
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 5: God, I hope I don't, butger this. I am not

1178
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 5: a doctor.

1179
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 1: Don't worry. I I'll help you out.

1180
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 6: Okay, great, please doctor Chelsea, but correct me if I'm wrong.

1181
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:18,799
Speaker 6: The neuroplasticity is basically, sometimes you can build new pathways

1182
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:22,880
Speaker 6: for function in your body, and it can take It

1183
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 6: takes a lot of repetition and it takes a lot

1184
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 6: of work. And that's what I work on daily through

1185
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 6: my own physical therapy and things I've learned from wonderful

1186
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 6: different therapists. Like for me, it's, you know, lifting my

1187
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 6: right foot up. A lot of those nerves are damage.

1188
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 6: But if you do concentrated, constant, like really isolated movements,

1189
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 6: the idea is that the body can figure out a

1190
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 6: new pathway to kind of get you there again. It

1191
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 6: takes a lot of work and it takes a lot

1192
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 6: of commitment, but these are the things that you know

1193
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 6: give hope. You know that the body is miraculous and

1194
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:05,280
Speaker 6: there's been many beautiful stories of healing. And you know, again,

1195
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:08,880
Speaker 6: whether it's me being a stubborn Taurus or not, like

1196
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 6: I still hold out a lot of hope for better days,

1197
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 6: and I think that that's sometimes what gets me up

1198
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 6: in the morning.

1199
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 4: I mean, I read an article, I guess about this

1200
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:23,640
Speaker 4: guy who was in a terrible car accident and damaged

1201
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 4: his spine so badly he was never going to walk again.

1202
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,280
Speaker 4: They told him he was never going to walk again.

1203
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:29,760
Speaker 4: I mean, this just happened to this guy, the skier,

1204
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 4: the guy that Mikhaela Schiffern just got engaged to. He's Norwegian,

1205
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 4: I forget his name. He had a terrible ski accident.

1206
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 4: He could have died, Like the ski went through his

1207
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 4: craft muscle and opened it was like two seconds from

1208
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:44,879
Speaker 4: an artery. If he hadn't been where he was in

1209
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 4: relation to like getting medical treatment, he would have died.

1210
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 4: And he is up and walking like he's an athlete.

1211
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:52,720
Speaker 4: So that's not a great example, but I was reading

1212
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:54,439
Speaker 4: an article. I mean it is a great example because

1213
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 4: it's willpower and it is strength of mind, it's fortitude,

1214
00:52:57,840 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 4: and it's like, are you gonna let somebody tell you

1215
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 4: what's to happen for the rest of your life or

1216
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 4: are you going to actually impact what's going to happen

1217
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 4: for the rest of your life. So this guy who

1218
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:10,280
Speaker 4: had no chance of ever walking again, just did rehab

1219
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 4: for fourteen hours every single day, and not that everyone

1220
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,399
Speaker 4: has fourteen hours, but he was not going to take

1221
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 4: that diagnosis.

1222
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 1: He's like, I reject that. I reject that. And this

1223
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 1: guy is skiing today.

1224
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 4: So that's where I read the article when I was

1225
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 4: in Whistler, because I met a friend of his and

1226
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 4: she directed me towards it, and so like, I mean,

1227
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 4: he turned his life around, and I totally And neuroplasticity

1228
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 4: is a very very provable thing. Like people create neuropathways

1229
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,919
Speaker 4: new neural pathways all the time, And as a very

1230
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 4: bona fide pot smoker, I'm constantly trying to create neural

1231
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 4: pathways because of the woods that are the ones that

1232
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 4: I've burned through. But I mean, not firing on all cylinders,

1233
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 4: so you know what I mean it now. But yes,

1234
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 4: I would just say, like everyone I love, I love

1235
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 4: that subject matter, and I want to read more about

1236
00:53:58,280 --> 00:53:59,960
Speaker 4: neuroplasticity because.

1237
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:03,799
Speaker 6: That mind is very, very powerful and I think the

1238
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,320
Speaker 6: biggest tool in your toolbox totally.

1239
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 3: We talk about neuroplasticity pretty often on this podcast from

1240
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:13,799
Speaker 3: like a mental health standpoint and like shifting your worldview,

1241
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 3: but it's really cool to hear about the ways it

1242
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 3: can potentially help people with chronic illness and physical stuff too.

1243
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 6: I think too, like what you believe is true, and

1244
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 6: I think sometimes when you have a condition that forces

1245
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 6: you in a doctor to be in a doctor's office

1246
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,800
Speaker 6: a lot of the time, you could be talked at

1247
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,759
Speaker 6: a lot and feel like you have no voice in

1248
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 6: the matter, and you're being told what's going on in

1249
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 6: your body and even what you're feeling. And I fortunately

1250
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 6: have a neurologist that I started working with eight years

1251
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 6: ago that said to me, Jamie, I want your voice

1252
00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 6: to be the loudest one in this room. And I'm

1253
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 6: so grateful for that because he said, I can't tell

1254
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 6: you what you feel.

1255
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:53,400
Speaker 5: I don't have MS.

1256
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 6: I live with MS patients every day, but you need

1257
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 6: to tell me how you feel, what you feel is

1258
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 6: going on, so that I can help you the best

1259
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 6: that I can. And I think that it's important for

1260
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:05,840
Speaker 6: anybody in life, no matter what you're dealing with, to

1261
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:10,000
Speaker 6: just trust yourself and then yes, I think the mind

1262
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 6: can be very powerful in any kind of healing.

1263
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much. This was so great. What

1264
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:19,240
Speaker 1: a great episode. I love thank you.

1265
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:20,240
Speaker 5: You should come on Messy.

1266
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 1: I love you anytime. Amazing, Okay, awesome, all right, take care.

1267
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:26,399
Speaker 5: Thank you guys so much. Thank Bie.

1268
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, So for stand up.

1269
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:33,880
Speaker 4: We added a second show in Sydney, and we added

1270
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 4: a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now

1271
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 4: going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa

1272
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 4: Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year.

1273
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:47,360
Speaker 4: That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a

1274
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 4: second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we

1275
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 4: added two dates at Hawaii.

1276
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 1: Guys.

1277
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 4: I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth to k Who.

1278
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:03,839
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be at Cough Who Louis, and then I'm

1279
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:04,920
Speaker 4: coming on July.

1280
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:06,240
Speaker 1: Twenty at to Honolulu.

1281
00:56:06,719 --> 00:56:11,080
Speaker 4: And I just added another date on August first, Auburn, Washington, SO.

1282
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,919
Speaker 4: And all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,

1283
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:20,760
Speaker 4: and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and May.

1284
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 1: Third, which is my mother's birthday.

1285
00:56:22,239 --> 00:56:28,920
Speaker 4: Norman, Oklahoma, So Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Oklahom's come bye.

1286
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:31,840
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1287
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1288
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:37,760
Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1289
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

1290
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:43,919
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1291
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 3: com