Speaker 1: You want to make sure everyone's happy, but then conversely
Speaker 1: putting everyone else's happiness before yours, and then you get resentful,
Speaker 1: and then it all comes out.
Speaker 2: Calm Down with Erin and Carissa is a production of iHeartRadio, Whitny.
Speaker 1: Oh Hi, I'm looking with us is coming out of
Speaker 1: the pantry. This dog Loves Trees. Welcome everybody to the
Speaker 1: Calm Down Podcast. It is already July, whatever day it is.
Speaker 1: The fourth has passed and we are off and running.
Speaker 1: I hope all of you guys are enjoying what semblance
Speaker 1: of a summer vacation you have keeping the kids occupied.
Speaker 1: I always feel for those parents and it's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, what are we going to do with these
Speaker 1: kids every day? Yes, you do?
Speaker 2: You do with the camps?
Speaker 1: The this the like Jarrett was ordering a sandbox last
Speaker 1: night when I was facetiming you, Mac is busy, this guy.
Speaker 1: We got a lot of things to discuss, but also
Speaker 1: not a lot of things to discuss. We're kind of
Speaker 1: Aaron and Ireland just like weird holding patent, Like we're
Speaker 1: not back to work, but we already have to like
Speaker 1: ramp down our summer plans because it's going to start up.
Speaker 1: What's happening with all of you guys? For those of
Speaker 1: you that listen to on the pregame, we love love
Speaker 1: your guys's questions, comments and concerns, so we always will
Speaker 1: address those whenever we can, including anonymous follow ups that
Speaker 1: have those reminded reminding you to submit them because we
Speaker 1: do love a follow up. And we've got some fun
Speaker 1: headlines today, Aaron.
Speaker 2: Yes, we want to discuss well being a people pleaser, right,
Speaker 2: We've CHRISA and I have had a lot of conversations
Speaker 2: this week about that, not this week, actually this month,
Speaker 2: actually the last two months.
Speaker 1: Well we're I'm vascinating because I'm going back and forth
Speaker 1: with like I am such a people pleaser, but then
Speaker 1: I also don't really care, Like I don't know which
Speaker 1: one I am. Like some days it's like I really
Speaker 1: care and I want to make sure everyone's happy, and
Speaker 1: then another day I'm like, fuck everyone, like I don't care,
Speaker 1: Like just live your life and why does everyone care
Speaker 1: about what everyone else doing? And why do I care?
Speaker 1: So it's mad at me. I don't know. I'm in
Speaker 1: a weird thing. So we can dive into that. And
Speaker 1: then also because we're just in our feelings apparently really
Speaker 1: in our feelings, you have concerns about what people's honesty
Speaker 1: or something.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, we were just talking about being people pleasers.
Speaker 2: And then I feel like it was it like a
Speaker 2: question in our pregame about people that are fake and
Speaker 2: maybe too audiust and not having a filter. Yeah, so
Speaker 2: we have a little bit of therapy to go through,
Speaker 2: and we have some great headlines that lead to always
Speaker 2: fantastic conversations. So let's let's just lay down on the
Speaker 2: couch right now, all of us and talk about anyone.
Speaker 1: Pick your feet up and relax. Hopefully you're in a hammock.
Speaker 1: It's the summer. Oh.
Speaker 2: I am a people pleaser and I have had multiple
Speaker 2: conversations with my husband this past week. Tears have been involved,
Speaker 2: also alcohol. So it's fine. I want to stop. I
Speaker 2: want to stop caring. I really really do, because here's
Speaker 2: the bottom line. You can't make people happy. But in
Speaker 2: the moment when I'm trying to, I get out of
Speaker 2: my mind. I'm like running around like I just I
Speaker 2: want to make everyone happy and I am having a
Speaker 2: hard time with it. But then I have the attitude
Speaker 2: where it's like, can't do it. Sorry, it's the you know,
Speaker 2: I have one month left in my life so before
Speaker 2: you know, football starts. So yeah, that's kind of where
Speaker 2: I am. And I'm really really bad about not being
Speaker 2: a people pleaser, So.
Speaker 1: I wonder what that is because you and I both
Speaker 1: struggle with this a little bit as we delve into
Speaker 1: the topic. We naturally want to make sure that everyone
Speaker 1: is happy. Right. For example, at Max's first birthday party,
Speaker 1: you spend the majority of the time it did have fun. Right,
Speaker 1: You're making because you're being a good host, but you
Speaker 1: more than that. The headline is you want to make
Speaker 1: sure that everyone else has had in a great time.
Speaker 1: So what does that do to you? It means that
Speaker 1: you're not having a great time because you're spending all
Speaker 1: your energy worried about everybody else. I think it's a
Speaker 1: great quality that you care so much, but going to
Speaker 1: share my life, and I would love any therapist or
Speaker 1: licensed professional that knows how to handle this, even if
Speaker 1: you didn't go to school or have formal training on it,
Speaker 1: some ways where you can balance this need that Aaron
Speaker 1: and I both have. And I know a lot of
Speaker 1: people probably feel this way. Whether it's in your job,
Speaker 1: whether it's in your relationship, whether it's with as a
Speaker 1: parent or or whatever, it is is that you want
Speaker 1: to make sure everyone's happy, but then conversely putting everyone
Speaker 1: else's happiness before yours, and then you get resentful and
Speaker 1: then it all comes out Like sometimes I do that
Speaker 1: in a relationship, right, Like not necessarily so much with STY,
Speaker 1: but like this idea where it's like you get pushed
Speaker 1: and you get pushed and you get pushed to a
Speaker 1: certain limit and then you just lose your shit one
Speaker 1: day and it's like, well what about me? And it's
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to balance that. And then
Speaker 1: I also so have a tendency to say I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Like I had a situation with a work deal today
Speaker 1: where there was some confusion about scheduling and this and
Speaker 1: that or whatever, and I was frustrated because now it
Speaker 1: puts me behind in a certain capacity and now I
Speaker 1: got to like scramble and get ready. And then as
Speaker 1: soon as I bitched about it, then I felt bad
Speaker 1: for bitching and I was like, oh, I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: Like I didn't need to be sorry, like it was
Speaker 1: these were reasonable frustrations. So it's like, what is that
Speaker 1: in us? And I know sometimes oh, we're women. I
Speaker 1: don't buy that, because I think men can do this too.
Speaker 1: How do we balance being people pleasers but then also
Speaker 1: taking care of ourselves. I don't know what.
Speaker 2: I don't know how to do it, and I wish.
Speaker 2: Isn't there like a book called The Art of Not
Speaker 2: Giving a Fuck? I think there I have.
Speaker 1: I've read that, yeah, and I mean it's helped him. Right. Well.
Speaker 1: The problem is, like you read it and you're like,
Speaker 1: it all makes sense, especially and I don't know who
Speaker 1: or I should know. It's probably around here somewhere. Actually,
Speaker 1: let me see it was right here, oh.
Speaker 2: Chapter one somehow with a subtle, subtle art of not
Speaker 2: giving a fee.
Speaker 1: Oh no, that book back there is attached different relationship styles.
Speaker 1: Apparently I was reading that at one point. No, I uh,
Speaker 1: I yes, the book is great, and especially the way
Speaker 1: that it's written. It's so conversational and it makes sense
Speaker 1: in the moment. I just I don't know how to
Speaker 1: apply it. Yeah, So I would definitely love to learn
Speaker 1: how to do that. And this idea of like standing
Speaker 1: up for yourself and like this whole thing, but then
Speaker 1: not coming across as being bitchy or being high maintenance
Speaker 1: like that's when it is my fear, like at work
Speaker 1: or anything like, I always want to be accommodating because naturally,
Speaker 1: like I don't think I am a diva, Like if
Speaker 1: the hair person or the make a person or whoever
Speaker 1: Wardrop doesn't show up, Like I'm a forty two year
Speaker 1: old woman, I can figure it out. I don't have
Speaker 1: to like depend on everyone else for these things. No,
Speaker 1: it's nice, and these are luxury things. But like you're
Speaker 1: grown up. If something doesn't, you know, fall into place,
Speaker 1: like how can you adjust? So yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't try to get a therapist. Come
Speaker 1: on and talk to us about it. Okay, let's look,
Speaker 1: let's look into that. In the meantime, we do acknowledge
Speaker 1: that this is something that we need to work on.
Speaker 1: And also we're when you were talking about being like
Speaker 1: people being honest a little too honest, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I like it. I mean I'm a little too
Speaker 1: honest sometimes, but yeah, you feel so in.
Speaker 2: A self deprecating way about yourself, not about like situations
Speaker 2: or I mean I have friends, you know one very
Speaker 2: well that is very honest. He'll be really honest right
Speaker 2: up front, say how it is, and everybody's like, well like,
Speaker 2: and I have a little anxiety around because I want
Speaker 2: things to be perfect. But yeah, sometimes I'm very jealous
Speaker 2: of those people that they can live that way, but
Speaker 2: other times it's very hard to be around it. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I think we got a question about just you know,
Speaker 2: people that are fake or well, if you're honest or
Speaker 2: not fake, but people that just put it out there
Speaker 2: and say what they're going to say. I'm like, a
Speaker 2: lot of times it's a little intimidated of that, but
Speaker 2: that because I'm a people person, or just.
Speaker 1: Say yeah, as as you're explaining that. I think it's
Speaker 1: because we don't want to be so honest, because we
Speaker 1: don't want to hurt people's feelings, right, right, interesting, all right,
Speaker 1: I get a lot to work on these months, you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got to figure it all out this month. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm going to figure it all out
Speaker 1: this month. But I do love the idea of constantly
Speaker 1: not constantly let me rephrase that, I love becoming a
Speaker 1: better version of myself. Whether that's being conscious about deficiencies
Speaker 1: that I have are things that I want to be
Speaker 1: better at, whether that's in a friendship, whether that's in
Speaker 1: a relationship. I have a tendency too. I did it today.
Speaker 1: I was getting a facial and it was so lovely
Speaker 1: and sweet Donna who gives me my facials, and it
Speaker 1: was just so relaxing, and she started to tell me
Speaker 1: a story about something that was going on in her life,
Speaker 1: and I hijacked the conversation and then flipped it and
Speaker 1: made it all about like my life and what had
Speaker 1: happened to me in that same situation. So it was
Speaker 1: like I I asked the words. I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, Like I just made this all about me
Speaker 1: and we're talking about you. So I'm trying to be
Speaker 1: more self aware of instead of being like, oh well
Speaker 1: when this happened to me, Da da da dah, it's like,
Speaker 1: do a better job, God bless you. Aaron just needed
Speaker 1: her thing because she's me. It's a sweet girl doing
Speaker 1: a better job of asking that person follow up questions
Speaker 1: about what they're talking about, not trying to be like,
Speaker 1: oh well when that happened to me, I blah blah blat.
Speaker 1: It's because now I'm turning it those kinds of things.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be more aware of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's smart. I feel like I do that too.
Speaker 2: When people bring things up, I'm like, well, when I
Speaker 2: dealt with something like this, and then I do the
Speaker 2: same thing, and so then now I'm worried about not
Speaker 2: pleasing those people. So it's all like a.
Speaker 1: Big how's your guys' day going good?
Speaker 2: Oh my god? Did we lose everybody? Are they here?
Speaker 2: Let's talk about these headlines because they're great.
Speaker 1: You also know a good time. You also know it's
Speaker 1: the time in our life when we're just in this
Speaker 1: like weird spot where we're like, what's wrong with us?
Speaker 1: How can we be better? As opposed? We went to London,
Speaker 1: we had great time, We're on vacation and I'm in love.
Speaker 2: I'm in love.
Speaker 1: I'm in love. Here we go.
Speaker 2: Great headlines, all right, Drinking just one alcoholic beverage per
Speaker 2: day shortens your life stand by this insane amount. Well,
Speaker 2: this is uplifting. Consuming just one alcoholic beverage per day,
Speaker 2: whether it be a pint of beer, glass of wine,
Speaker 2: or a shot of your favorite spirit, can shorten your
Speaker 2: life span by approximately two and a half months. So
Speaker 2: I will be dead by the time Mac goes to
Speaker 2: high school. That is so sad.
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. Here's my feeling about all this.
Speaker 1: I don't know. There's studies and there's another study that says,
Speaker 1: like a glass of wine and this doesn't take it.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to take anything away from doctor Stockwell, here,
Speaker 1: you obviously have some research to support this.
Speaker 2: Right, I you sound so uplifting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just think that it's one of those deals
Speaker 1: that the next study could say, like a glass of
Speaker 1: wine helps you every single day, right, like the European
Speaker 1: way of life where it's like, oh, have a glass
Speaker 1: of wine in the siesta in the middle of the day. Okay, fine,
Speaker 1: I think you got to do what's best for you. Now. Look,
Speaker 1: excessive amounts of anything is not good, right. I don't
Speaker 1: care if it's alcohol. I don't care if it's working out,
Speaker 1: I don't care. I mean, anything in excess is a problem.
Speaker 1: But I'm not gonna worry too much about this. I
Speaker 1: do believe though, in taking bricks, like I'm not drinking
Speaker 1: this week. Like that's like I just came off of
Speaker 1: like a really fun time at the ranch. Like, you know,
Speaker 1: I gave myself permission to, like, if I wanted to
Speaker 1: have a drink at noon, have a drink at noon
Speaker 1: or nine am, but like I don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're dealing with big animals and machinery. Why not
Speaker 2: drink it now? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: When I'm operating that John Deer track, or you just
Speaker 1: go ahead and throw back that yellow belly. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Girl curls original correct, I just but
Speaker 1: I do. You've got to like take a break today
Speaker 1: this week I'm having like and I'm excited about it.
Speaker 1: Like boy, this morning, you go in the cold tub,
Speaker 1: you get the green juice like reset, recharge, and then
Speaker 1: do what's best for you. But thank you for your thoughts.
Speaker 2: Doctor love it.
Speaker 1: I charge other moms for play dates with my daughter.
Speaker 1: Trolls say it's tacky, but it's only fair. From TikTok,
Speaker 1: my mother posted a video saying can we normalize ending
Speaker 1: the other family money for play dates? My daughter had
Speaker 1: a friend over and asked her asked her mom for money.
Speaker 1: After the play date, I text her mom and said,
Speaker 1: thanks for letting Jamie play today because I don't know
Speaker 1: people will have haout this share with the Venmo totally
Speaker 1: fifteen dollars via Venmo. I also sidebar, we have to
Speaker 1: stop making Venmo reasons public. Like today I saw on
Speaker 1: Venmo because I venmoed my sweet nail lady. One of
Speaker 1: the things that people put on the reasons for venmoing
Speaker 1: on here are absolutely insane. One of them I'm not
Speaker 1: even kidding. Oh it says I always do a heart
Speaker 1: so people don't know what I'm doing. I thought, but
Speaker 1: I think no, It's like, but why is this public?
Speaker 1: Why are the reasons that you're paying someone public? It's bizarre,
Speaker 1: hard work. I mean, I was public, you guys, we've
Speaker 1: got to normalize not being public. Kristen's car wash and
Speaker 1: then these dollar not You're like, wait, we are venmoing
Speaker 1: someone five dollars? Like anyways, going back to the initial conversation,
Speaker 1: are you a Venmo judger? You're a Venmo judger one
Speaker 1: hundred percent. I'm a Venmo judger.
Speaker 2: You're a people pleaser and a Venmo judger. How do
Speaker 2: you live with yourself?
Speaker 1: By the way, because I am a people pleaser, I
Speaker 1: would never in a million years be this woman who
Speaker 1: asked for money for the play date. I wouldn't do
Speaker 1: you get a random request from people? I do one
Speaker 1: hundred percent. Going through lifetime, you insane. I would love
Speaker 1: to help you, but this is not the way to
Speaker 1: do it. Okay, I can no rand fifty dollars. No,
Speaker 1: I think it's I think. And everyone's in a different
Speaker 1: situation economically, okay. And if you're under a hard financial
Speaker 1: you know, time in your life, then maybe we have
Speaker 1: to say to your daughter, we're not going over to
Speaker 1: play because we don't have the money to do that.
Speaker 1: I'll play with you outside or something. We can't be
Speaker 1: asking people for money. Did you see what this is?
Speaker 1: A dollar for chalk applesaft a dollar frouit, a dollar
Speaker 1: sat on the couch, wear and tear? A dollar?
Speaker 2: Are we what?
Speaker 1: Do we not have any shame in requesting? Can you imagine?
Speaker 1: Is this someone for a dollar for wear and tear?
Speaker 2: Yeah? That I'm about to like enter. Is this the world?
Speaker 2: I find that incredible? Hey, I have something with children
Speaker 2: that I'd like to ask people, And I won't charge
Speaker 2: you for your submissions, but I would love to know
Speaker 2: if there are any good books out there about not
Speaker 2: disciplining a child. I'm not looking for that, but just
Speaker 2: like insight of dealing, I have a one year old.
Speaker 2: There's a whole world out there of temper tantrums. You know,
Speaker 2: here's a situation I had. We go to a fun
Speaker 2: gym class and in the beginning is story time and
Speaker 2: Kitty Kat did not want to sit there for storytime.
Speaker 2: He has just started walking, and my man wants to
Speaker 2: go to the balance beam and try to figure out
Speaker 2: how to hit his head. I mean, that is what
Speaker 2: we are looking forward to. You got an electrical socket,
Speaker 2: We're going to find it. But I kept picking him
Speaker 2: up because we were the only ones not participating in storytime.
Speaker 2: I kept picking him up and putting him down, and
Speaker 2: We're screaming and we're whining, and I'm like, okay, what
Speaker 2: I what's the guideline for this? What am I doing?
Speaker 2: This is one? Am I making him sit there? Am
Speaker 2: I standing up holding him so we're still there? Or
Speaker 2: do I just say, you know what, we want to
Speaker 2: go play with the electrical outlets. Also, we're not playing
Speaker 2: with the electrical outlets. I'm making a joke, but that's
Speaker 2: what my man does. When you know he finds it.
Speaker 2: You need to know where to plug in your phone.
Speaker 2: My man, I'll find it. So yeah, I'm kind of
Speaker 2: curious if anyone has a good book about like what
Speaker 2: a guide or advice or because I can google or
Speaker 2: look on TikTok, but that already screwed up my skin
Speaker 2: with Chinese or excuse me, Korean skincare. So you know.
Speaker 1: I got an idea. Why don't you read him the
Speaker 1: subtle art of not giving a fuck? Okay, that's great.
Speaker 2: But look at what I was doing. I'm worried about
Speaker 2: the story time. I'm worried about the people there. I'm
Speaker 2: the kid. Everybody knows. You know. It's like, well, I'll.
Speaker 1: Tell you what. Who's not worried about anything? This mom
Speaker 1: that's asking for a dollar for shop? No, no, no, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: No, I know I get in.
Speaker 1: If your kid goes, if this kid's going on vacation
Speaker 1: with another family, absolutely you give the kid a couple
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. You don't need the family paying for every meal.
Speaker 1: Like I get that. But then I'm also, again, who
Speaker 1: am I? But I'm like, we're going to swap the
Speaker 1: kids at one point. Your kid's gonna come over here
Speaker 1: and it's all going to balance out, so we can't
Speaker 1: be charging. I'm sorry. Send me your Venmo and I'll
Speaker 1: give you the fifteen dollars that you need for this
Speaker 1: play day. I'm sorry. I can't handle that. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you what I can handle. Can we give a round
Speaker 1: in the class for Greg Olsen? I'll Greg Olsen man
Speaker 1: Wedding Guest of this Century Wedding guest. A photo of
Speaker 1: Greg Olsen having an absolute blast at Christian McCaffrey's wedding.
Speaker 1: This guy he just anybody to the Travis Kelsey Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift wedding.
Speaker 2: I know it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'll work is a parking lot attendant at
Speaker 1: that wedding too. Greg is sweating through the shirt, disheveled
Speaker 1: beyond repair, and he looks like he's having the time
Speaker 1: of his life. And that's how I want any guest
Speaker 1: at the wedding. I'm not going to have to look
Speaker 1: like that, because that means we're having a great goddamn time.
Speaker 2: I If you know Greg, you know it doesn't take
Speaker 2: much for him to be sweating through his shirt. I've
Speaker 2: actually stood on top of the roof of the football
Speaker 2: stadium there in Arizona as we were doing Super Bowl
Speaker 2: promos YEP State Farm, and he just crushed his shirt,
Speaker 2: his dress shirts. I took video of it. It was
Speaker 2: a whole wow. It looked like we were doing an
Speaker 2: underwater shoot. But I had to text him right away
Speaker 2: when I saw it. He said he had an absolute blast.
Speaker 2: He said it was just simply a time. And you're right.
Speaker 2: I mean, Greg Olsen, you're invited. I would invite him
Speaker 2: to any wedding ever. He is just first of all,
Speaker 2: he's great at a Friday night dinner, Saturday night dinner.
Speaker 2: But my man, he crushed on those those pictures. You
Speaker 2: know what, Yeah, I'm gonna say something, do it. I
Speaker 2: know we gave a little shout out to Olivia and
Speaker 2: the way she looked. I don't know if you saw
Speaker 2: any of the crap people gave her about the dress
Speaker 2: and her Vogue shoot and what they were saying. I
Speaker 2: texted her, I DMed her, and I said, you know what,
Speaker 2: I hope you still have that fabulous glow after your wedding.
Speaker 2: Your husband's fantastic. You guys look like you had a time.
Speaker 2: By the way, are there any flowers left in the
Speaker 2: state of Rhode Island? Because those were gorgeous? But like,
Speaker 2: you know what, like how sad is your life if
Speaker 2: you have to rain on this woman's parade or wedding day.
Speaker 2: It's just, by the way, raining on wedding day is
Speaker 2: good luck, but you're just people are so mean.
Speaker 1: This always comes back to one thing for me is
Speaker 1: that whether it's ar Taylor Swift conversation or it's Olivia
Speaker 1: looking incredible at her wedding incrediblebody wants to find a
Speaker 1: lot of people. I won't say it's some people there
Speaker 1: because there's a large contingent of people that are not happy.
Speaker 1: Unless they're unhappy, they have to bitch about something and
Speaker 1: it's like, why can I could go rescue four hundred
Speaker 1: animals at a shelter and someone's going to say to me, well,
Speaker 1: why didn't you rescue five hundred? It's like, why can
Speaker 1: somebody not just enjoying their life? Or her looking beautiful
Speaker 1: on her wedding day and then having comments about what
Speaker 1: she wore the reception. Okay, she had a long sleeve,
Speaker 1: who was every inch of her was covered up in
Speaker 1: her wedding dress. So the perception if who wants to
Speaker 1: change into something that's like she looks incredible and as well,
Speaker 1: shut the fuck up. It's I'm so bored with this
Speaker 1: idea that everyone's got to find something negative in everything.
Speaker 1: We talk about being people pleasers. This is why I
Speaker 1: want to go the other way with it and not
Speaker 1: try to please anyone, because you're never going to be
Speaker 1: able to make everyone happy. I don't care if you're
Speaker 1: doing the most iritable thing on the planet or if
Speaker 1: you're just trying to get married someone. In this world
Speaker 1: that we live in, in all these platforms that they
Speaker 1: get a voice behind their stupid little screen to write
Speaker 1: and say whatever they want. I hit golf balls on
Speaker 1: the on my own property, golf balls that are biodegradable,
Speaker 1: and some woman must be like, that's not good for
Speaker 1: the environment. I'm like Jesus Christ, like, okay, you know
Speaker 1: what what can I do? If I do anything? I
Speaker 1: had to kill a rattlesnake because the rattlesnakes are going
Speaker 1: to kill the dogs. Then we got the activists being like,
Speaker 1: don't kill rattlesnakes. It's like, why does everyone have to
Speaker 1: find something negative with anything you do in life? Shut
Speaker 1: shut up.
Speaker 2: It's just it's beyond me. I don't under it was
Speaker 2: that we thought we thought we had nothing to talk
Speaker 2: about today.
Speaker 1: Well, we're never going to be silent. That's the problem.
Speaker 1: But for those of us, those be wonderful people that
Speaker 1: support the Calm Down Podcast, I know you guys are
Speaker 1: with me that it's like just men people. Is it's
Speaker 1: her weddings beautiful? She could show up wearing nothing if
Speaker 1: she wants to her reading's bag Jesus grace. All right,
Speaker 1: I actually likely that clap back at someone. Did you
Speaker 1: see that? I guess I didn't see it, but I
Speaker 1: read a headline that and who knows if it was
Speaker 1: even accurate that he like said something to the woman
Speaker 1: that was talking about her dress. Again, don't know if
Speaker 1: it's accurate. If it's not, we can edit this out.
Speaker 1: But he's adorable and so sweet and I love him
Speaker 1: sticking up for her. And it's just sad you have
Speaker 1: to even give those people any attention.
Speaker 2: But I well, that's the fine that's the fine line
Speaker 2: too when you talk about giving people those attentions because
Speaker 2: I'm not someone in our world that we live in.
Speaker 1: Lord knows what people have said about me. I'm not
Speaker 1: and I learned very early, like on Twitter, not to
Speaker 1: write back. There's some other people that have been in
Speaker 1: this industry that I would see them like whatever the
Speaker 1: term is, clap back at people, and I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: just giving. It's feeding that person like they want they want.
Speaker 1: It's like they're almost baiting you to like write back,
Speaker 1: and now they are validated because now they know that
Speaker 1: they've upset you. So you're writing back, and it's like
Speaker 1: a whole thing. Like I really don't go down that
Speaker 1: rabbit hole, because Jesus Christ, I wouldn't leave my house.
Speaker 1: But I think that there's a time and a place
Speaker 1: sometimes where you can stand up for yourself. I know,
Speaker 1: like Chloe Kardashian's done it when people have said not
Speaker 1: just Chloe Kardashian, but I'm saying, there are certain people
Speaker 1: where it's like gets to a point where you're allowed
Speaker 1: to defend yourself and be like hey back. So I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's just tricky.
Speaker 2: McCaffrey took a stance It's oh from his verified ig
Speaker 2: he responded to a video criticizing her dress. McCaffrey took
Speaker 2: a dance in the comments section, writing what an evil
Speaker 2: thing to post online. I hope you can find joy
Speaker 2: and peace in the world the way my beautiful wife does.
Speaker 2: That'd be Cristie McCaffrey.
Speaker 1: And it's very sweet.
Speaker 2: And he doesn't like he's a quiet guy, like he
Speaker 2: doesn't get.
Speaker 1: Involved in that.
Speaker 2: That's where I was like, okay, CMC, go, may I.
Speaker 1: May last headline that we got for y'all this is wait,
Speaker 1: can I give a funny comment right now? My man
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite lines from David Ortiz, who
Speaker 1: says it a lot my man, and also my girl
Speaker 1: Carissa Thompson, who one time I was on the phone
Speaker 1: with her and she was talking to somebody and she goes,
Speaker 1: you don't want to me my man. And so we've
Speaker 1: gone on vacations, we've been around, and so I use
Speaker 1: it all of the time because if you know anything
Speaker 1: about me, I love David Orties and I obviously love Carissa.
Speaker 2: And well there's somebody we were sitting at lunch. Oh,
Speaker 2: we were sitting at lunch yesterday and we said something
Speaker 2: about some guy and I go, my man, and our
Speaker 2: danny goes, you have a lot of man, a lot
Speaker 2: of men. And I was like no, because I said
Speaker 2: I had to explain David Ortiz and Carissa.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you he did have a lot of men.
Speaker 1: Me and my twenties. Apparently, if you listen to the pregame,
Speaker 1: here we go. All right, don't make me have to
Speaker 1: defend another title. Enough already, please, ninety nine bottles of
Speaker 1: beer on the wall. I'm sitting here saying that I
Speaker 1: should have been more promiscuous. I'll tell you who took
Speaker 1: one down and passed it around. Greg Oldsen, Christian McCaffrey's party.
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I love him. We can say that he
Speaker 1: would actually laugh at that joke and be like, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, because he's mummy the ben He's mummy.
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll talk about.
Speaker 1: When Greg was on our podcast and he had that
Speaker 1: hat on because because because he was on vacation and
Speaker 1: he had the vacation hat that like, the second he
Speaker 1: goes to his vacation home, he puts on that hat,
Speaker 1: that's what we should have. I love traditions. So like,
Speaker 1: by the way, doctor Tim Stockwell is not going to
Speaker 1: like this. The second we get to the ranch, Stephen,
Speaker 1: I drive to the saloon and we do a shot
Speaker 1: of whiskey. I don't even like whiskey. But like, I
Speaker 1: love traditions and I love starting something where it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is what we do and it's the whole thing
Speaker 1: is so ingreat put on that hat. You look like
Speaker 1: the scarecrow with that hat on. I just love anything.
Speaker 1: I would just start doing more traditions. Let's have some
Speaker 1: like you and I need to like like on the page,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like in life, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel like.
Speaker 2: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich before every game. Is
Speaker 2: that a tradition? Oh that's Oh I didn't know you
Speaker 2: have it before every game? Is that a superstition? I
Speaker 2: feel like it just gives me energy. I don't know.
Speaker 1: But let's say you let's say you forgot to have it.
Speaker 1: Would you be like, oh shit, I didn't have that
Speaker 1: because you're hungry, or you're like superstitious? Are you superstitious?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I am you. I used to clear it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm very superstitious. I know I would with a lot
Speaker 2: of things. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the only thing that like, I'm consistent about
Speaker 1: my superstition. Although I think I have a little OCD.
Speaker 1: I'm someone that you do. Oh wow, okay, doctor, doctor,
Speaker 1: don't mean don't mean the ACL surgery, the Tommy John.
Speaker 1: I I will leave the house. I will be halfway
Speaker 1: to the destination of where I'm going and be like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, I don't know if I blew out the
Speaker 1: candle or I don't know if I locked the back door,
Speaker 1: I will drive back home and ensure that the candle's
Speaker 1: out and the back door is locked. I have I
Speaker 1: will fixate on something, like I told you about the
Speaker 1: thing that I left at the ranch and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my God, like like I will fixate on things, And.
Speaker 2: I say, I have gotten to the point in my
Speaker 2: life that yes, curling iron candle. Jarrett has told me
Speaker 2: numerous amounts of time, if you burn this house down,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be really pissed off. I have gotten
Speaker 2: to the point where like if I think, okay, so
Speaker 2: if in fact this curling iron is left on, how
Speaker 2: much of the bathroom will ignite like and the granite
Speaker 2: and how much would that really.
Speaker 1: Be added with better grant in those bathrooms?
Speaker 2: Well, I don't I don't know whatever we have, but
Speaker 2: like Marble home right Marble, I don't know, so how
Speaker 2: much will like okay, so will we lose our bedroom too?
Speaker 2: Like I'm thinking if nobody's guys, I'm not talking about
Speaker 2: the baby and the dog or in the house. I'm
Speaker 2: just saying, okay, so if it does catch on fire,
Speaker 2: so what is what? How much of the house will
Speaker 2: we lose? And can I get it back? Like That's
Speaker 2: how fucked up I've gotten with that. I've had a
Speaker 2: citronella candle on the other day and there was this
Speaker 2: like succulent s plant right next to it, and in
Speaker 2: my head this was outside. I was like, I wonder
Speaker 2: if that succulently fell onto the candle and then would
Speaker 2: it ignite and then on the table and tables would
Speaker 2: and then the whole goddamn ranch goes up. No, I
Speaker 2: I think the same thing. And we have had we
Speaker 2: were we were we had Max party and I left
Speaker 2: the bathroom candle on and I know there was not
Speaker 2: much left in it, Thank you, tom Ford, fucking fabulous,
Speaker 2: And I know there wasn't much left it. And I
Speaker 2: was in bed that night thinking to myself, Oh my god,
Speaker 2: is it still on? And if it is, will it
Speaker 2: explode or will it Like?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a question Jade, who makes the wonderful candles?
Speaker 1: And I know she can answer this question, so maybe
Speaker 1: I could just text her, But we'll open this up
Speaker 1: to the conversation that is currently being had about candles.
Speaker 1: If that thing goes, if it's all the way down,
Speaker 1: will it shatter the glass? Like That's what I think about.
Speaker 2: I've heard a story wasn't there some actress that a
Speaker 2: candle like she it exploded and like her house caught
Speaker 2: on fire.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I know he's not happen. Oh, I'm
Speaker 1: such a psychopath. Like I like to leave like an
Speaker 1: outside light on or whatever. Well, it's been very hot,
Speaker 1: like in certain regions that I've been, and then I
Speaker 1: think to myself, will that light, will that light that
Speaker 1: they stayed on all that explode? Well, you're very much
Speaker 1: that way with a dryer. You won't put a dryer on.
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. You guys, do not leave your dryer on
Speaker 1: when you leave the house. Not do it. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: asking for trouble. I have so much anxiety right now.
Speaker 1: It is bana. This is crazy. Okay, Well you know
Speaker 1: I want to give you more anxiety with our last
Speaker 1: headline that's about religious God.
Speaker 2: This is such an uplifting podcast. We go another Taylor
Speaker 2: Swift concert so we can fucking be like happy and
Speaker 2: brace book on Jesus.
Speaker 1: Actually, you know what this goes to show is that
Speaker 1: we actually are really happy in our lives because we're
Speaker 1: like looking for things to diagnose about ourselves as opposed
Speaker 1: to them just being fucking glaring headlines.
Speaker 2: I've diagnosed a massive infection in my chin. Okay, go on,
Speaker 2: we need to we.
Speaker 1: Need to figure this out. We need a therapist and
Speaker 1: a dermatologist on here. Why just the chin area for you?
Speaker 1: Oh hormu?
Speaker 2: And fucking around with Korean skincare without getting advice of
Speaker 2: what to use, and it was all clogged up, and
Speaker 2: I used a scrub and I didn't know what it
Speaker 2: would ignite and make everything purge, which is actually a
Speaker 2: good thing, but not when you can read braille. Oninite.
Speaker 2: We have class pictures next week.
Speaker 1: Our favorite relationship advice of twenty twenty four so far
Speaker 1: headlines from New York Times. We've got one, two, three, four,
Speaker 1: five six Structure's relationship. Yeah, relationship headlines here. I will
Speaker 1: like the first one, okay, then elaborate on why you
Speaker 1: like the first one.
Speaker 2: Sorry. Learn to give a satisfying apology. Let the person
Speaker 2: know that you desire their forgiveness, not because you want
Speaker 2: to whoa, not because you want to wriggle off the hook,
Speaker 2: but because of how much you care about them. For
Speaker 2: a show of remorse to be truly effective, it should
Speaker 2: be focused on the other person's feelings and needs, not
Speaker 2: your own. I love that, especially being a people pleaser,
Speaker 2: I might as well throw myself on the ground and
Speaker 2: start crying as well.
Speaker 1: I like that too, where it's like, don't just say
Speaker 1: it to say sorry, because you're going to say right,
Speaker 1: actually mean it, and there's so much I got to
Speaker 1: say it, Like there's so much power in just saying sorry.
Speaker 1: Like at one point, you know, as somebody who clearly
Speaker 1: was in we've talked about it, we get it, and
Speaker 1: it's you were in mad relationships, but like I was
Speaker 1: just I would purposely not say sorry because I didn't
Speaker 1: respect the person. And I didn't I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't even care if you're mad, I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: sorry like I am. But now, like being with someone
Speaker 1: that you respect, like saying sorry has so much power,
Speaker 1: and like then I have to remember that too, like
Speaker 1: when someone like if Steve says sorry to me, accept
Speaker 1: the apology because don't just like keep fighting. Like that
Speaker 1: should be like a fire, like it ignites the fire
Speaker 1: and I don't be the one that we are worried
Speaker 1: about from it.
Speaker 2: Like Lee, I was having a discussion with a very
Speaker 2: successful businessman and he told me, I said, what is
Speaker 2: your biggest piece of advice for why you've had so
Speaker 2: much success, And he said, I know when to say.
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, but here's one that I liked.
Speaker 1: Inject some playfulness into financial conversation.
Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything funny about that.
Speaker 1: WHOA, you don't want to put dress up as a
Speaker 1: bank teller and come and make some deposits.
Speaker 2: This is about financial conversations. This isn't sex talk.
Speaker 1: You can make anything sexual if you want to lighten.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, well what does it say?
Speaker 1: It says Megan McCoy is the superfessor in the Personal
Speaker 1: Financing Planning department at Kansas City against the University. It's
Speaker 1: a mistake not to only ever discuss the bad stuff.
Speaker 1: A couple of times a year, she said. Her and
Speaker 1: her husband buy a lottery ticket, go on a date,
Speaker 1: and spend their time fantasizing about what to do with
Speaker 1: their millions. That kind of daydreaming can help reconnect you
Speaker 1: with your dreams and values. And Tyler Farfetch, I will
Speaker 1: take this headline and make it not only about financial conversations,
Speaker 1: because I have definitely you and I have talked about
Speaker 1: this and I've vented because it is something that I'm
Speaker 1: very fearful of given my history and relationships where it's
Speaker 1: like being taken advantage of or certain things or moving
Speaker 1: into my house and like all those sin of things.
Speaker 1: So I'm very weary of. You know, I have a
Speaker 1: pretty you know what I mean, like do certain things
Speaker 1: to protect yourself financially, especially when you've been burned. And
Speaker 1: I say all this to be like, I believe in
Speaker 1: separate bank accounts, but I also, like Steve and I
Speaker 1: have a joint bank account where we each contribute a
Speaker 1: certain amount of money every single month, so we can
Speaker 1: say for something together, or our house together, and things
Speaker 1: like that. I think that having fun with any uncomfortable
Speaker 1: conversations are great. And I've talked about this before, Like
Speaker 1: Steve and I joke and like have like white trash
Speaker 1: names for each other. He's Tommy and I'm Linda, And
Speaker 1: when I'm acting up, I'm Landa and he's like, oh
Speaker 1: here goes Landa again. Crazy Landa's fucking all for Rocker
Speaker 1: and it makes me laugh. Instead of him attacking me personally,
Speaker 1: it's like attacking an alter ego, and so then it
Speaker 1: just diffuses a situation and it becomes comedic. So I
Speaker 1: think whether it's something uncomfortable, like financial talk or anything
Speaker 1: that's going on in your household that is not a
Speaker 1: conversation you want to have bring some levity to it,
Speaker 1: whether it's an alter ego or dress up or whatever
Speaker 1: you want.
Speaker 2: But this thing said spend their time fantasizing about what
Speaker 2: they would do with their millions, You're like thinking about
Speaker 2: what you'd really been doing in the mid mar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like I just think like bringing some lightheartedness
Speaker 1: to like difficult conversations is good for anything. We talked
Speaker 1: about that earlier on the phone this week, is that
Speaker 1: instead of meeting something with resistance and being so like
Speaker 1: annoyed by it, like just flip the paradigm and be like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna laugh at this and let me
Speaker 1: see if laughter helps get me through it, because getting
Speaker 1: frustrated is also Like I think about this, like stress
Speaker 1: is such a big cause of cancer, and I don't
Speaker 1: have to tell you as someone who's went through this,
Speaker 1: like with cancer, it's like I don't want to infect
Speaker 1: my bin. Was so much stress that.
Speaker 2: I know, and I I'm struggling right now.
Speaker 1: Right, and so it's like we need to help each
Speaker 1: other constantly by reminding one another that stress is like
Speaker 1: the number one killer. And you know, I hear what
Speaker 1: these fados died and have a heart attack. It's you know,
Speaker 1: forty or this, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: forty two. I don't have heart Like we just need.
Speaker 2: To calm down. I have a funny one about this
Speaker 2: number four. To strengthen your bond, read aloud to each other.
Speaker 2: Through the act of reading, we are transmitting emotions, we
Speaker 2: are transmitting affection. I tried reading Jarrett all last night
Speaker 2: about Taylor Swift's like little mash up about Travis and
Speaker 2: her and the year anniversary, and he was like, Babe,
Speaker 2: I got it. They're in love. I got you. I
Speaker 2: got it. I'm like, no, what eighty seven and eighty
Speaker 2: nine and my my My Mary's song and like the
Speaker 2: crinkle of an eye, like He's like, babe, yeah, yep, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: So I disagree. I was reading to him last night.
Speaker 2: Sure it was all Instagram, but you know he wasn't
Speaker 2: going for it.
Speaker 1: This is very funny then, because Steve says to me,
Speaker 1: he goes, we're watching the local news and he goes,
Speaker 1: I could do that, Like what could you do? He
Speaker 1: goes I could be a news anchor. He goes, okay.
Speaker 1: He goes and goes, look how easy this is. They're
Speaker 1: just reading a teleprompter and go okay. I said, so
Speaker 1: let's go ahead. I go, let's download the telepromp ter
Speaker 1: ab and walk my house. I do too. I'm up.
Speaker 1: I had craved it for practice for you, but it
Speaker 1: is a great way to practice. I remember when I
Speaker 1: first started out any future broadcasters out there, I was
Speaker 1: told this, and it really helped me read everything out loud.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my dad says that, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Mal, anything that you see a sign out there, it
Speaker 1: just helps to read it out louds to step. I
Speaker 1: downloaded the telephone drab, uploaded an old script and this
Speaker 1: fucking guy nailed it. And I was like, god damn it.
Speaker 1: And you know, his voice used the right inflection, and
Speaker 1: I was like I needed him to mess up, so
Speaker 1: I kept like changing the speed to go faster. He
Speaker 1: was keeping up. I was like, oh my god, this
Speaker 1: is like he was actually really good. So Steven on
Speaker 1: the local news.
Speaker 2: My problem is now I read everything in like a
Speaker 2: children's book voice. Like guilt or pressure to get your
Speaker 2: partner take action rarely works. Experts said, like I was
Speaker 2: getting my nails done the other day and my girl
Speaker 2: was like, oh, flip the what is it? Not astrology,
Speaker 2: but flip your reading or whatever the day? The reading
Speaker 2: I don't know of the day, and I read it
Speaker 2: like sparkling tauruses. They love this day the most because
Speaker 2: it brings them all the sun and light they could
Speaker 2: ever needs.
Speaker 1: What else we like on here or anything? These are
Speaker 1: all great squabbling over household clutter. Focus on function. I
Speaker 1: also think delegating responsibilities. I hate to cook, It's not
Speaker 1: my thing. Steve loves to cook. Steve hates doing laundry.
Speaker 1: So the trade off is I do laundry, Steve cooks.
Speaker 1: Find the things that you guys and relationships and maybe
Speaker 1: if you're not in a relationship. I was talking about
Speaker 1: this today with my sweet Donna facialists.
Speaker 2: Yeah made about you, Yeah we're I made it about me.
Speaker 1: Sorry Donna. She had a lot of extractions to do.
Speaker 1: She was busy. She probably wasn't listening. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: speaking up a lot. Not listening again. We just got
Speaker 1: to have them on the podcast. We talked about Steve
Speaker 1: and Jered.
Speaker 2: We do, we ran, We're gonna it has to happen.
Speaker 1: We're gonna give you guys are sick of hearing us anyways,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you're interested in hearing them. But the other
Speaker 1: day just kept going. I was talking and I was like,
Speaker 1: I need to just kept going uh huh, yeah, uh huh,
Speaker 1: Like after four on Hans and yeah, I go, are
Speaker 1: you just saying uh huh and yeah, and you're not
Speaker 1: he goes uh huh. I was like, well, there you go.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you just gotta uh huh and yang way through
Speaker 1: the conversation. So I'm deaf.
Speaker 2: I can't even say uh huh. Everything now with me
Speaker 2: is why what was that? I can't hear shit? I
Speaker 2: can't and I when I well, we've discussed it. Air
Speaker 2: plugs all the time, when I work out, when I sleep,
Speaker 2: I'm shoving the wax in. Also we wear an eye
Speaker 2: of beast shoving the wax in. I am going to
Speaker 2: make an appointment to get the stuff out and see
Speaker 2: if that helps.
Speaker 1: Can we go together because I feel like probably, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not to that I'm deaf to agree, but I
Speaker 1: what'd you say? No, I'm just dud I would love
Speaker 1: to do that wax situation.
Speaker 2: I would love you too. It's gonna be gross. Okay,
Speaker 2: so Ryan said we are good to wrap and that
Speaker 2: we should let everyone know will be off next week
Speaker 2: but back in two weeks.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine how many things will have to say
Speaker 1: after two weeks?
Speaker 2: Hopefully it'll be a lot more uplifting than this up
Speaker 2: with people.
Speaker 1: Turn that round side. What do you learn today? Kids?
Speaker 1: If you've made it to the very end, you are
Speaker 1: causes cancer. Fan stress causes cancer. Be playful in your relationships.
Speaker 1: Don't sweat the small stuff.
Speaker 2: Okay, love you guys.
Speaker 1: Bye.
Speaker 2: Calm down with Erin and Carissa is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.