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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house. Oh yeah, I refuse to be nice

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Speaker 1: to my husband's parents and it made him upset. Well. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: my husband of one and a half years, let's call

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Speaker 1: him Jonathan, is Indian and I'm Southeast Asian. We met

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Speaker 1: at work, fell in love, got married, and I moved

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Speaker 1: to the big city here in the US to be

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Speaker 1: with him where he's based. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 1: from just no Indian mother in law and if you

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Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to our slash

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime subprenate. So we are doing well financially as

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Speaker 1: we both have good jobs in the city. We are

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Speaker 1: double income, no kids or dinks, so we're able to

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Speaker 1: buy a house in the suburbs one hour away from

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Speaker 1: the city to which we commute every day from work.

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Speaker 1: I drive both of us to work, as I'm the

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Speaker 1: only one with driving experience. I have made it clear

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Speaker 1: to him from the very beginning that I hate living

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Speaker 1: with other people, don't like having issues with roommates or

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Speaker 1: extended family, and for the first year of our marriage,

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Speaker 1: I stayed at home while he worked as I was

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Speaker 1: waiting for my work permit, and during this time I

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Speaker 1: played fifties housewife and did everything for him, cleaning, laundry, cooking,

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Speaker 1: other errands. Now that we both have jobs and are

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Speaker 1: more financially secure, he invites his mom and dad, both

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Speaker 1: are Indian and in their sixties, from India, and told

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Speaker 1: me that they would like to visit for six to

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Speaker 1: nine months. So nine months. That's also a big disparity,

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Speaker 1: you know, like saying six to nine months, yeah, true,

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Speaker 1: because sixth is already a lot, but like the just

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Speaker 1: being like, yeah, there might be three extra months, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it might be like a week to like, you know,

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Speaker 1: a few years something like that. Wow, six to nine days, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're there. I said, that's insane, and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to live with other people in my house for that long,

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Speaker 1: not his parents or my parents, no exceptions. I told

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Speaker 1: him three weeks to one month is my max, and

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Speaker 1: even then I foresaw some issues that might crop up.

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Speaker 1: He proceeds to negotiate with his mom, who then agreed

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Speaker 1: that three months is fine. Again, this is not even

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Speaker 1: close to fine for me, and I let him know,

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Speaker 1: but he guilt trips me into agreeing, and he said

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Speaker 1: his mom and dad are very old and this will

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Speaker 1: probably be the last time they'll visit. Well, then they

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Speaker 1: can stay in I don't know, like stay somewhere else. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: get them like a place to live, right, because this

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Speaker 1: isn't just a visit. No, I'll be living with them

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Speaker 1: if they're living there for six get them an apartment. Honestly. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he proceeds to buy the ticket even when I voiced

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Speaker 1: out how this is not going to end well, he

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Speaker 1: thinks I actually agreed to this. Read it. I don't

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Speaker 1: ever remember being okay with this, and if I have

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Speaker 1: somehow made it seem that I agreed, I really regret

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Speaker 1: being guilt tripped into that decision, and I wish now

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Speaker 1: that I had more spine. After buying the tickets, we

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Speaker 1: bickered a lot about the decision, and one time he

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Speaker 1: expressed that it was his duty as a son to

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Speaker 1: at least give this as a gift for his parents

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Speaker 1: then visiting the US. This will be the second time.

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Speaker 1: First time they stayed for one month when I had

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Speaker 1: not moved in with him yet. I told him that

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Speaker 1: since he is married, is when I'm married, duty is

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Speaker 1: with me as a husband, and that everyone else should

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Speaker 1: not be his top priority. I get that maybe this

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Speaker 1: is a cultural thing, so I reminded him that I

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Speaker 1: have made it clear in the past that I do

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Speaker 1: not want to live with other people for extended periods

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Speaker 1: of time. He denies that I made that clear before,

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Speaker 1: and said that he would like to do this thing

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Speaker 1: for his parents. Then you do it. Go find a

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Speaker 1: new place and you can live there with them. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: During this conversation, I, of course, kind of threw a

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Speaker 1: fit and said he didn't care about my feelings, and

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Speaker 1: he responded that I was a cold hearted person for

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Speaker 1: not agreeing to let his parents live with us, and

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Speaker 1: how his parents will pass away sooner and now again

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Speaker 1: this might be the last visit. I told him, well,

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Speaker 1: next year they will probably be here again, and you'll

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Speaker 1: say the same thing, and what You'll let them stay

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Speaker 1: for longer because they'll be older and have more chances

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Speaker 1: of He says he can't guarantee their passing, and again

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Speaker 1: that I was a bad person for not feeling sorry

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Speaker 1: for them. Reddit of course I don't feel bad. I

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Speaker 1: haven't even met them, so I apologized and said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: maybe I'm out of line and we'll see, maybe I'll

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Speaker 1: like them. He says I needed a compromise and that

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Speaker 1: I wasn't compromising at all. Dude, you're not compromising. Yeah, oh,

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Speaker 1: P said a three weeks and you said, okay, three months. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the compromise should already be that she's allowing your parents

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Speaker 1: to stay there for three weeks. But she said I

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Speaker 1: don't want to live with anyone else. Yeah, that's already

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Speaker 1: compromised on her part, like her max is a month.

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Speaker 1: But I'm guessing that's not very comfortable over her still.

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Speaker 1: I told him, wow, three months is a huge compromise.

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Speaker 1: He also mentioned how his mom is self absorbed and

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Speaker 1: has cut out almost everyone in her life and doesn't

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Speaker 1: have any good relationships with anyone, including him. So I was,

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Speaker 1: of course thinking she'll also be in doing some circus

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Speaker 1: while she's here. Well read it. The day finally came

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Speaker 1: and they arrived. Since I'm the only one licensed to drive,

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Speaker 1: I took a day off from work, even though I

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Speaker 1: get paid by the day, and we both picked up

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Speaker 1: his parents from the airport. All's fine and dandy. They

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Speaker 1: seem like nice people, although a little bit traditional. His

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Speaker 1: dad never says much and just watches in the living room.

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Speaker 1: His mom spends time with his dad. This is all

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Speaker 1: they do every day. All his mom caters to the

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Speaker 1: dad as he's not very mobile arthritis issues, and we

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Speaker 1: make sure that they have everything they need in the

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Speaker 1: guest room, which is on the second floor. Month one,

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Speaker 1: they like to spend all their time in the living room,

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Speaker 1: even when we bought them their own TV. My resentment

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Speaker 1: is growing as I would like to spend some time

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Speaker 1: in the shared areas as well, but they're always hogging it.

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Speaker 1: That is really annoying. Yeah, I think not like when

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Speaker 1: you have roommates, it feels really chill to stop people

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Speaker 1: always in the living room, right, but when you have

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Speaker 1: like people over, ye, like who you know are your

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Speaker 1: roommates friends or like a like a you know because

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Speaker 1: I've had this happen. We're like a roommate not here,

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Speaker 1: but like where it was constantly bringing someone over and

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Speaker 1: they would just kind of always be in the living room. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like even when they're not there, and you're just like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like comfortable in my limits.

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Speaker 3: When you move in with people you know it's understanding

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Speaker 3: that like, yeah, these are shared areas, so everyone like

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Speaker 3: has equal access to it. But when you are just yeah,

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Speaker 3: having people over, like, you're not agreeing to that. And

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Speaker 3: if she's used to living alone with her and her husband,

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Speaker 3: she's gonna want that space for herself sometimes. And also

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Speaker 3: she doesn't really have her.

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Speaker 1: Own space, you know, like she has her room, but

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Speaker 1: that is also a shared space shared, right, So that's yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's tricky. They are always in the living room, in

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Speaker 1: the dining room, in the kitchen. We take them to

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Speaker 1: parks often. Of course I am always the driver. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing a lot for these people, but

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Speaker 1: it's not enough. I learned from my husband that sometimes

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Speaker 1: mother in law criticizes me, she'll find something to say.

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Speaker 1: She also always speaks in Hindi even though she knows

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Speaker 1: how to speak in English, and sometimes refuses to talk

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Speaker 1: to me, but will talk about me even when I'm

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Speaker 1: in the same room. Since we're in the same house,

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Speaker 1: she often hears me and my husband bicker about stupid

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Speaker 1: things and with later comment how I don't compromise and

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Speaker 1: then we fight too much and couple should fight. My

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Speaker 1: husband told her that isn't the case and that we're fine.

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Speaker 1: Month two oh my husband and I took a four

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Speaker 1: day trip to the neighboring country to have a very

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Speaker 1: minor medical procedure. It's cheaper there and to have a

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Speaker 1: mini vacation. Husband proceeds to be on video chat with

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Speaker 1: his mom every five minutes or so. I voiced out

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Speaker 1: that this is getting annoying, as I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: having a vacation with his mom and not him. He

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Speaker 1: tones it down. During the procedure, the mom kept asking

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Speaker 1: me for updates every thirty seconds. I'm not exaggerating. She

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Speaker 1: just really cares. She just cares so much. She just

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Speaker 1: cares so much that she needs like minute by minute

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Speaker 1: breakdown of everything that's happening. Yeah, and I told her

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Speaker 1: to chill as this is a routine procedure. We finally

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Speaker 1: get back home and learn from our friend who we

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Speaker 1: asked to stay with the parents and homes it while

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Speaker 1: we were gone, that the mom had crap talked us,

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Speaker 1: mainly how my husband is frustrated with her, or how

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Speaker 1: I'm overpowering and domineering probably because I'm not a submissive

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Speaker 1: Indian wife, and how she was not consulted when we

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Speaker 1: bought our house. Every other day, my husband blames his

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Speaker 1: mom for being crazy, and then the next day will

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Speaker 1: blame me for not being compromising, and he tells me

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Speaker 1: to just suck it up because she's like that and

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Speaker 1: we can't change her. We cannot invite her for three

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Speaker 1: months though. Yeah, that was something that we could have done.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely in your control. Some days, she'll criticize me to

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Speaker 1: my husband every moment she gets, and just generally paint

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Speaker 1: a bad picture of me to him. Month three last month.

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Speaker 1: We're getting there, maretch we can do this. Who. I'm

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Speaker 1: also a little bit worried that they're going to extend it. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I didn't even think of that. Yeah, they're gonna get

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Speaker 1: to month three and she's gonna be like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: you know we need to stay here longer. They're just

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Speaker 1: not going to leave. Yeah, they're gonna stay that whole

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Speaker 1: nine months and just gill trip to get their way. Yeah, dude,

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Speaker 1: month three. There are other little things that I complained

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Speaker 1: to my husband about, such as how mother in law

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Speaker 1: is hovering in the kitchen whenever I cook, asking me

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Speaker 1: to re wash vegetables, but she never washes dishes and

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Speaker 1: utenses properly. It's driving me insane. I teach her how

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Speaker 1: to use the dishwasher, she doesn't want to use it. Ever,

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Speaker 1: she says she would like to sweep the floor. I

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Speaker 1: give her the broom and vacuum, but she never does it.

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Speaker 1: Floor is always crappy. I end up having to clean

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Speaker 1: all this until on the third month. I have given

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Speaker 1: up on cooking and cleaning. I am growing very resentful

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Speaker 1: as beer paying for everything and she's not old enough

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Speaker 1: to not contribute to the household. One day, we took

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Speaker 1: them for a long drive to see the fall foliage

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Speaker 1: and she was crap talking in the car about me

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Speaker 1: and my husband in Hindi. I told her that she

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Speaker 1: needs to speak English. She repeatedly said why. I told

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Speaker 1: her because she's in my car and I'm talking to her.

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Speaker 1: She was saying in Hindi how we have no shame

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Speaker 1: and are being overly clever. I read it. At this

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Speaker 1: point I wanted to throw her out of my car.

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Speaker 1: Since then, I have not spoken to her. My husband

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Speaker 1: also was very upset, but started talking to her again

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Speaker 1: after a few days. My husband has tried to convince

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Speaker 1: me to be nice to them, as they're only here

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Speaker 1: for a few more days. I refuse. He said that

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Speaker 1: this will be the last time he'll invite them because

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Speaker 1: he does acknowledge that his mom is a henful. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but like that's what you say now, But then you

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Speaker 1: know it's gonna come because you already have this conversation

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Speaker 1: with Opee where she said that I don't want to

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Speaker 1: ever live with anyone else. Yeah, and you presumably agreed

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Speaker 1: only to say, Oh, I don't remember you ever saying that, right,

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Speaker 1: So like let's to stop you from yeah, say and

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Speaker 1: next time, Oh, I don't remember ever saying that this

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Speaker 1: was the last time. Yeah, don't trust it. Don't trust it. Finally,

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Speaker 1: they're leaving next week, and I told my husband on

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Speaker 1: the train today I would not be taking them to

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Speaker 1: the airport. I refuse to put any effort in time

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Speaker 1: and skip work just to drive these horrible people to

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Speaker 1: the airport will take three hours of my time. I

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Speaker 1: told him to uber as we can afford it. He

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Speaker 1: became very upset with me and stormed off when we

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Speaker 1: got off the train. I felt really bad that he

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Speaker 1: got mad, so I told my boss I'll take the

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Speaker 1: day off to drive the in laws. No, why can't

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Speaker 1: he get a freaking license? Yeah, what's that about? What's

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Speaker 1: going on? Like, why do you have to do all

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Speaker 1: of this for his parents?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: And then also get you know, bad mouthed and told

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Speaker 1: that you're not compromising or helping out. Yeah, when you're

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Speaker 1: doing more than he is. He's doing all of it,

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Speaker 1: all of it. Get an uber, Get an uber, buddy.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and my

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Speaker 1: husband is not defending me. But you can take advantage

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Speaker 1: of full episodes with stories just like this. Just go

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Speaker 1: to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search a booky

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Speaker 1: story time. But there is a little bit left to

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Speaker 1: the story. Do you have any final thoughts? Is this

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Speaker 1: just so incredibly confusing or frustrating for op for sure?

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Speaker 1: Because what like she's doing all of this stuff and yeah,

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Speaker 1: like you said, it's like they're they're craft talking her

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Speaker 1: in front of her. So it's like, guys, acknowledge me

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Speaker 1: and appreciate what I'm doing for you. It's a lot

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Speaker 1: to do it. Yeah, come on, no, it's the very

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Speaker 1: least they could do. And they're not even doing that. Like,

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Speaker 1: you're not paying monetarily for this, they're not paying in kindness,

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Speaker 1: they're not helping out around the house. Yeah, what's going on?

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Speaker 1: Where's the thought, you know, where's the appreciation? Yeah? Also,

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Speaker 1: what's the point of like visiting if you are just

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Speaker 1: crap talking the people that you're read red like, like,

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Speaker 1: why are you even here? It shows me that you

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Speaker 1: don't really like the people very much. So what's the

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Speaker 1: point of being there? Reddit? These people are in my

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Speaker 1: house and are disrespecting me and my marriage. My husband

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Speaker 1: has no spine and does not want to draw the line.

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Speaker 1: He wants me to be nice to his parents, who

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Speaker 1: are not even nice to me. I have suggested couples

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Speaker 1: counseling to him, but he has often said that I'm

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Speaker 1: the only one with an issue. He believes that since

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Speaker 1: I've agreed to having them for three months, I should

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Speaker 1: suck it up for the three months no matter what,

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Speaker 1: not complain Reddit, Am I really so wrong for not

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Speaker 1: putting up with this? And that is the end of

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Speaker 1: that story?

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Speaker 3: Wow, my ex's wife demands I pay them back for

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Speaker 3: what happened twenty years ago.

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Speaker 1: Uhh, no, thank you not doing that.

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Speaker 3: So for some background, my ex husband and I ended

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Speaker 3: things over twenty years ago when our son was two.

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Speaker 3: He stepped out at the time I was a stay

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Speaker 3: at home mom and going to nurse school full time.

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Speaker 1: He was paying for my schooling. By the way, this

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Speaker 1: comes from Disturbia hope.

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Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay storytime Separate. So after he left,

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Speaker 3: I asked him if he would keep paying for my

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Speaker 3: school so I could finish with no debt. He agreed,

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Speaker 3: saying it was the least that he could do, a

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Speaker 3: few months after that, he got a a fair partner

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Speaker 3: pregnant as so wow, he left because of an affair

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Speaker 3: and now she's preggers.

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Speaker 1: Yeah dang.

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Speaker 3: Once she got pregnant, she demanded that he stopped paying

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Speaker 3: for my schooling. It was one fifth of their income,

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Speaker 3: and she said that that money needed.

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Speaker 1: To go towards their new baby.

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Speaker 3: He refused and kept paying for the remaining year and

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Speaker 3: a half I had left. Over the years, I continued

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Speaker 3: my education and now I'm a nurse practitioner. Yeah. I

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Speaker 3: do well for myself and I never remarried. Onto the problem,

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Speaker 3: my son called me and told me that he and

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Speaker 3: his wife are expecting.

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Speaker 1: Wow. I was ecstatic.

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Speaker 3: I asked if I could come over sometime during the

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Speaker 3: weekend to give them some things, his favorite stuffy as

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Speaker 3: a child, a check, and some other small sent mental things.

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Speaker 1: He said yes, so I went over earlier today.

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Speaker 3: I came by and gave him everything, including a check

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Speaker 3: for a few thousand dollars for baby stuff, copays the nursery,

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Speaker 3: or anything else they may want. My son and his

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Speaker 3: wife thanked me and told me that the money would

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Speaker 3: be very helpful. My ex husband and his wife came

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Speaker 3: over a little while later. They surprised them with dinner

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Speaker 3: and didn't know that I would be there, and they

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Speaker 3: saw the check on the counter.

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Speaker 1: My ex's wife asked about it, and I said, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to help out where I could.

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Speaker 3: Everything's so expensive nowadays. I was really just trying to

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Speaker 3: be polite, But I don't think this is any of

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Speaker 3: her business. This woman had the audacity to say, well,

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Speaker 3: maybe since you have all this money now, you can

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Speaker 3: finally pay us back all that money that you took

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Speaker 3: when you went to college. I was dumbfounded. My ex

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Speaker 3: has literally never brought up me paying him back. He's

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Speaker 3: always said that it was the least he could do

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Speaker 3: for both me and our son. My ex has done

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Speaker 3: very well for himself in his career. I didn't see

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Speaker 3: how or why they'd need the money, so I asked them,

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Speaker 3: do you guys need the money or something? My ex

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Speaker 3: said no, and she said, of course not. It's about principle.

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Speaker 3: I told her I will absolutely not be paying them

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Speaker 3: back for college tuition from over twenty years ago, especially

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Speaker 3: when she ended up in our marital home while I

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Speaker 3: was living in a small apartment barely making ends meet

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Speaker 3: for years after I initially finished school. I've never been

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Speaker 3: bitter or mean. I've always been civil since our kids

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Speaker 3: are siblings. But my blood was boiling. I left shortly

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Speaker 3: after that. According to my son, this has been a

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Speaker 3: point of contention in their marriage. She's brought it up

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Speaker 3: a few times over the years in front of him,

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Speaker 3: and she's insisting to him that he needs to convince

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Speaker 3: me to finally.

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Speaker 1: Pay back what they're owed. The biggest issue is now

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Speaker 1: that the whole dang family is involved. I got calls

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Speaker 1: from three separate family members saying that I need to

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Speaker 1: get over myself and just pay back.

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Speaker 3: So am I the a hole here? And there are

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Speaker 3: some comments? But what's our answer?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: No, not.

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Speaker 1: You will only be the a hole if your ex

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Speaker 1: was like, hey, I'm you know, do you mind paying

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Speaker 1: back that money? And you were like, no, it's not

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Speaker 1: on her to ask about this. Oh, especially because you're

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Speaker 1: you literally went to you guys need the money and

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Speaker 1: your X men Nope. Yeah, I think you need to

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Speaker 1: have a conversation with your ex and say, hey, do

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Speaker 1: you want me to pay that money back? Because you know,

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Speaker 1: you'd never once brought it up, and it seems like

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Speaker 1: your ex is or only your wife is interested, and

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Speaker 1: then you know, go from there, depending on what he says.

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Speaker 1: I get it.

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Speaker 3: If it was a thing where it was like it

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Speaker 3: should be paid back and twenty years have gone by,

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Speaker 3: like sure, it should still be paid back. But if

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Speaker 3: this is something where it was never brought up or

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Speaker 3: never really a problem to be paid back in the

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Speaker 3: past twenty years, that means it can be forgotten in

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Speaker 3: the twenty years.

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Speaker 1: I mean it seems like oh, he was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: do you mind, you know, helping me out with school.

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Speaker 1: It seems like initially the question was hey, do you

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Speaker 1: mind giving me like a loan? Yeah, and then the

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Speaker 1: ex was like no, like don't worry about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So they already have.

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Speaker 3: They already, but there are some comments coming. Number one says,

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Speaker 3: tell her it was the.

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Speaker 1: Adultery tax, or that her husband was ensuring that his

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Speaker 1: son would have a good life with either parent, not

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Speaker 1: the a whole OPI responds, this is exactly what my said.

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Speaker 1: He wanted to make sure that we could both afford

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Speaker 1: things for our son. It was in a way a

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Speaker 1: good investment for him because we went half on basically

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Speaker 1: every activity that our kid was in his first car

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Speaker 1: and his college tuition. We definitely couldn't.

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Speaker 3: Have done that if I only had a high school

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Speaker 3: education exactly.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, yeah, no investment paid off, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: it's not necessarily a child sport, but it is in

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Speaker 1: a way it helped out because you don't like, you know,

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Speaker 1: he didn't have to pay for all those things solely

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Speaker 1: in the future exactly.

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Speaker 3: But there is an update. So first I want to

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Speaker 3: clarify some things. Yes, it was our marital home. We

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00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,880
Speaker 3: bought it after getting married. I didn't fight so hard

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Speaker 3: for it in the divorce for a few reasons, mostly

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Speaker 3: that she was borderline pestering me about how they needed

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Speaker 3: the house for their growing family. I also didn't want

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Speaker 3: to deal with a longer and more drawn out divorce,

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Speaker 3: and it would have been if I fought for the house. Yes,

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Speaker 3: he bought me out of the house. However, it really

400
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Speaker 3: wasn't much as it was late two thousand and seven.

401
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,160
Speaker 1: Most of it went towards credit card debt. Anyway. Another thing,

402
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:56,800
Speaker 1: when he.

403
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Speaker 3: Was paying for my schooling, we were still legally married.

404
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,919
Speaker 3: Divorce it didn't finalize until after I graduated. There was

405
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,640
Speaker 3: no child sport until after I graduated. There was never

406
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Speaker 3: any alimony. I did live in the house while I

407
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Speaker 3: was in school, and they lived in an apartment. He

408
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,000
Speaker 3: paid all of those bills, including hers after she got pregnant,

409
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Speaker 3: so his finances were tight at the time. The family

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00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:19,679
Speaker 3: that called weren't my relatives. They were my exes and

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Speaker 3: his wife's relatives. I thought they were family, but they've

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Speaker 3: since been blocked.

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Speaker 1: So on to the update.

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Speaker 3: I got off work yesterday to find a few missed

415
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Speaker 3: calls from my son. When I called him back, he

416
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Speaker 3: tells me that his stepmom has now asked for the

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Speaker 3: money from the check, since it was almost the same

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Speaker 3: amount that they spent.

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Speaker 1: On my college money. From what check from the check

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Speaker 1: that OP gave to her son.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no, no, no, that's when the sun goes.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah, it seems like a u problem right now.

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Speaker 3: I are just taking money from the sun, literally, Like

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Speaker 3: why does she need that money?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just enough money. They're comfortable.

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Speaker 3: Spite, man, just like spite and greed. Also, you're the

428
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Speaker 3: affair partner. There is a bit of hierarchy in this situation, like.

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Speaker 1: You knowingly had an affair with a married man and

430
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Speaker 1: now you're.

431
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 3: Harboring this resentment. I'm your old guilt like guessing this

432
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 3: is some sort of resentment towards ope and just like

433
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,680
Speaker 3: being super bitter. But you were not in a place

434
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Speaker 3: to die. You were the fair partner. You were the

435
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 3: other woman. So I don't know, man. She said that

436
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 3: it was obvious that I'd never pay my debts and

437
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,360
Speaker 3: that I would just give him my son more money. Anyway,

438
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 3: I'm stunned, I'm pissed. I don't know what has possessed

439
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 3: her to think to ask my son for money intended

440
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:38,920
Speaker 3: for his family.

441
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 1: I tell my son to ignore her and I'll handle it.

442
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 3: So next I call my ex, it goes straight to voicemail.

443
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 3: I try again a few minutes later, and it's the

444
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:50,159
Speaker 3: same thing. So I reluctantly call my ex's wife, and

445
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 3: she answers immediately. I tell her the three of us,

446
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,120
Speaker 3: my ex, hurt, and me, need to meet first thing

447
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,879
Speaker 3: in the morning to discuss the debt. I'm thinking this

448
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 3: needs to happen in person with all three of us

449
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 3: so that there's no confusion.

450
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 1: She agrees. This morning, we met at a coffee shop

451
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:04,840
Speaker 1: near my exes work.

452
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 3: As soon as they sit down, I say, so ex's wife,

453
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,399
Speaker 3: want to tell me why you think it's appropriate to

454
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 3: ask my son for money. My ex looks at her

455
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 3: and says, you asked our son for money.

456
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 1: Huh oh oh about that. You're not gonna be happy

457
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:20,440
Speaker 1: about that. Mm.

458
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,119
Speaker 3: She starts on about how she was only asking for

459
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,119
Speaker 3: the money that they are quote owed, and she didn't

460
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 3: ask for more than what's on the check. Then she says,

461
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 3: for years, we've struggled to paying for your school. For years,

462
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 3: we couldn't afford a new car, a new house, or

463
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,480
Speaker 3: a nanny. My kids had to share a room. Oh

464
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 3: boo hoo, hoo hoo, dude, a.

465
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 1: Lot of kids had to share room. Yet, like, I

466
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,359
Speaker 1: have a problem with the husband then and not he

467
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 1: like talk? Why why is this op's issue? Exactly? You

468
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,439
Speaker 1: couldn't afford a nanny. Yeah, like a lot of people

469
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,240
Speaker 1: can't afford a nanny. That's that's not an expensive thing.

470
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:53,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

471
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

472
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 3: On she goes on about her struggles, and I started

473
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 3: to tune her out because I keep thinking that there's

474
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 3: no she's this diluted.

475
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 1: It may have been inappropriate, but I laugh.

476
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 3: I literally took out thousands in credit card debt to

477
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 3: keep me and my son afloat while my at the

478
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 3: time husband was shacking up with her and paying her bills.

479
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 1: My ex looks at her and says, what the heck, Sarah?

480
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 3: I added, it's laughable that you think you're owed anything

481
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 3: from while you were a mistress. We were married, when

482
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,199
Speaker 3: he paid for my schooling, It's quite literally none of

483
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 3: your business how he chose to spend money. You had

484
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 3: zero entitlement to his money until you said I do,

485
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 3: and from what I recall, that wasn't until years after

486
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 3: the divorce was even finalized. Do not contact me or

487
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 3: my son about this money again. You will never see

488
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 3: a dime from me. Wow.

489
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:48,400
Speaker 1: That was a great, great response, honestly, also very important information.

490
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:48,640
Speaker 2: Debt.

491
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we didn't know they weren't married. Yeah, until

492
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,359
Speaker 1: like way after all of this money, way after her Yeah,

493
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 1: and the fact that their family was struggling while he

494
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:04,119
Speaker 1: was paying for the fairburner exactly, exactly literally the saving

495
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: sect situation that she's complaining about, and OPI isn't asking

496
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: for that money back.

497
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 3: She rolls her eyes and gets up to leave. My

498
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 3: ex tells her that he's going to stay for a minute.

499
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 3: After she's gone, he asks why I didn't just call

500
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 3: him and tell him about what was going on.

501
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: He said he would have handled it and that it

502
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: didn't have to go this far. I say, I did

503
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 1: call him twice, actually, and this is how we figured

504
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 1: out that she's blocked my number from his own name.

505
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 1: Whoa crazy. So those of you who said that she's

506
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 1: just very insecure, you were absolutely correct.

507
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 3: By the way, you would be absolutely correct if you

508
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 3: just listened to full episodes with more stories just like

509
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 3: this one on iHeartRadio, Spotify or Apple podcasts.

510
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,199
Speaker 1: Just search, Okay, storytime, it's the correct thing to do,

511
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: correct thing to do, and there is a little bit

512
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: more story.

513
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 3: But I feel like we've gotten so much information in

514
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 3: these past views sentence really like really.

515
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: Everything is coming out right now?

516
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, A lot of very important information. So glad

517
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 3: that the husband is not on.

518
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 1: The fair partner's side, clearly in the dark about a

519
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 1: lot of what she's been doing.

520
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so you know it's not two against one

521
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 3: in this situation, or at least not two against op exactly.

522
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 1: Wow. Wow, there is a little bit more into the story.

523
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 3: I tell him that she involved his sister cousin and

524
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,239
Speaker 3: his sister in law, that I got several cars and

525
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 3: texts from them telling me that I should just pay

526
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 3: back my debt. Finally, I tell them that she involved

527
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 3: the family and then asked our son for money intended

528
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 3: for his baby. She has crossed too many lines. He

529
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 3: apologizes and says that he'll make sure that she doesn't

530
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 3: bother me about it again.

531
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,679
Speaker 1: We both leave. After that. My son told me that

532
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 1: he blocked her number and doesn't want her at his

533
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 1: house until she apologizes. And that's pretty much it for now.

534
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 1: I resent my husband's family because they treat him like

535
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 1: a piggy bang. There's no coins that are gonna find him.

536
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 1: I thirty two female, have been with my husband thirty

537
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 1: five male, for a little more than fifteen years. All righty,

538
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 1: we met in high school. I stayed with him while

539
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 1: he completed four years in the navy. He stayed with

540
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: me when I was diagnosed with MS and later Crohn's disease. Wow.

541
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Jean Lily and if

542
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: you want to smit your own stories, go to our

543
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 1: slash okay storytime separate it. So his family was not

544
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: invited to our wedding because his anchor person, his uncle

545
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: he loved and who raised him like a father, passed away.

546
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,639
Speaker 1: The family left behind, in his words, don't know how

547
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,160
Speaker 1: to act right without him, and he's gone no contact

548
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 1: for years. It wasn't my business at the time, but

549
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,919
Speaker 1: it boiled down to an accumulation of small things like

550
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 1: emptying the bank account he and his uncle built together

551
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 1: to build a life with me when he got out

552
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: of the navy, to bossing him around because his aunt,

553
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: whose uncle was married to, is morbidly obese and disabled,

554
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,679
Speaker 1: always needing help. But the worst, in his opinion, was

555
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 1: the manipulation where they would say, your uncle would want

556
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: you to do this if he ever disagreed with something

557
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 1: they wanted from him. Before he was discharged, he decided

558
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: he hated all their guts and came to live with

559
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 1: me and my family and never spoke to them again

560
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 1: until we got pregnant. We thought it couldn't happen. We

561
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: thought I was too sick, But two years ago we

562
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 1: had a miracle baby after more than ten years of trying.

563
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: He had always wanted to be a dad, and he's

564
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: still a wonderful parent to my son. We split the

565
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 1: responsibilities fifty to fifty, like those new age dads trending

566
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 1: on social media right now. He gives me breaks every

567
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: day since I'm still sick, and my mom helps to

568
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: when he's at work. But no matter how tired he is,

569
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 1: when he comes home, he wants his son and lets

570
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 1: me be off the clock for the night. Anyway, for

571
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: some reason, after our son was born, some kind of

572
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: switch flipped and now it was like all the resentment

573
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 1: he felt just washed away, and he wants his side

574
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 1: of the family involved in our kid's life. I have

575
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: no problem with that, mending fences giving my son a community,

576
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 1: especially since he biracial where hispanic and his dad is black.

577
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: I know he needs exposure to his heritage, but I'm

578
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 1: worried about some of the role models represented on his side.

579
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: From all I've seen. Remember, I haven't been in contact

580
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 1: much either. I can only go off what I've seen,

581
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: and what I've seen are things like his aunt acting

582
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: helpless and playing victim while stealing money from others, like

583
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: pawning all of my husband's things when he was in

584
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,399
Speaker 1: the navy. His brother has been in and out of

585
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,479
Speaker 1: jail ever since Juvie. His mom is great to converse

586
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 1: with and talk to, and she understands my boundaries really well.

587
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: Is proud of my husband, but she didn't raise her kids.

588
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: They all got taken when they were young, hence my

589
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 1: husband's uncle raising him. And now she's trying to raise

590
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,919
Speaker 1: money to post his brother's bail, which we both agree

591
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 1: is a bad idea and a waste if he never

592
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 1: learns not to go back. Then there's his sister, who

593
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 1: was labeled as a gold digger a long time ago.

594
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 1: As long as I remember, she's always asking him to

595
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,119
Speaker 1: buy her something more than she's saying she loves or

596
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: misses him when she sees him. It's always baffled me.

597
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,120
Speaker 1: His other brother seems a little bit of a hustler,

598
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 1: but is the mildest of all the family. I know.

599
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: He just owns a collection of expensive shoes, but somehow

600
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 1: still needs money or finds money in odd places. But

601
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: he has my respect for having a longtime girlfriend and

602
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 1: to my knowledge, helping take care of her child and

603
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,719
Speaker 1: sometimes their dramatic aunt. Since my husband's been gone, I

604
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 1: want to say I can still live with all that.

605
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 1: No family is perfect, and I don't even really know

606
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 1: them to judge. It just sucks. I've never really gotten

607
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: a chance to know them for years because of my

608
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: husband's attitude towards them, you know, until all that magically

609
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 1: went away when my son was born. The problem is

610
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 1: we're broke, so broke. My husband has had at least

611
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: ten jobs over the last twelve years, always minimum wage.

612
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 1: The world is tough. Since I had to stop working

613
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: myself with my illnesses. I don't want a burden my

614
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 1: husband and whine the way he said his aunt used

615
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 1: to be. I don't want to manipulate him like she did,

616
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 1: especially since some women do by dangling their kids over

617
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: their heads threatening to take them away. He's a good dad.

618
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,880
Speaker 1: So I do a lot myself oswife's stuff, mostly day

619
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 1: to day, and i'd run a small art business on

620
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 1: the side, just a couple hundred a month extra. Maybe

621
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: I also manage our government account where we get the

622
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 1: benefits that pay for my and my son's healthcare and

623
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 1: all our food, but we still live with my parents.

624
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 1: We wear Walmart clothes, and I don't even have a

625
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,400
Speaker 1: cell phone, which always baffles people. It's just more important

626
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: for my husband to have one, especially since the car

627
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: broke and he's been having to bike everywhere. We are

628
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,119
Speaker 1: that short on cash, but we set it up that

629
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: when he gets paid, we take out my parents' rent.

630
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: It's not a lot, but we feel we have to

631
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: pay for something where two people, a baby and our

632
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: little dog living out in the garage. They keep updated

633
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 1: with a nice ac and a fridge and all the

634
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:34,160
Speaker 1: things we need to be independent. It's usually about half

635
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 1: his paycheck. Then he gives me a small amount to

636
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 1: help with certain expenses like diapers or clothes we need.

637
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: The boys always growing and needs all kinds of stuff.

638
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 1: The money I make from my side business is my

639
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: spending money. What's left in his account every month is

640
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: his spending money. I use my money on things like

641
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: door dash, going out with my mom once in a

642
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: while to bookstores or them mall or whatever. I like

643
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: getting my son new toys. He loves cars and has

644
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: a million of them, maybe nicer clothes I think are

645
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 1: super cute. Uses his money on maintaining his phone, door

646
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: dash or keeping his PlayStation Plus account. He also has

647
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: gotten me treats now and then. I'm not a hair,

648
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 1: makeup or nails girl. I like food and snacks or

649
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 1: flowers sometimes. Lately that's sort of stopped, but that's okay.

650
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 1: I also stopped getting him as much since it's all

651
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: redirected to my son. My real problem wrapped up when

652
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: I found out he's been giving his family money behind

653
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: my back. Ooh yeah, the behind your back is not great, no,

654
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: especially when you guys have like financial trouble going on

655
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: right now, right right, that's really really frustrating. And he

656
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 1: kind of like stopped giving you things that he usually

657
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: guess too, which would be okay if he was honest

658
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 1: about it, you know, and said like, hey, would it

659
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: be okay if I didn't, you know, get you some

660
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: of this stuff, right because I want to help out

661
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: my family.

662
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 2: M h.

663
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 1: And then that's a conversation that you guys have together

664
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 1: and see what you can afford, right right, nothing out

665
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: of our expenses. He's been using his spending money. I

666
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 1: was furious, not with my husband, but with his sister. Mostly.

667
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: I found the text where she was asking money for

668
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: a hotel, for food, for an uber, just stuff here

669
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 1: and there, and for a few months he would send

670
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 1: her forty dollars every month without telling me. Again, my

671
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: first honest reaction was resentment towards his sister. He has me,

672
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: his sick wife, he has a son. They know our

673
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 1: living situation, and she has the audacity to go back

674
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 1: to her old ways and beg for crumbs. My husband

675
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: argues she's in a bad place and needs it, but

676
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: I told him I saw her iPhone last time. She

677
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: was around, nice nails, weave, she has a job, a car,

678
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 1: and she can use her legs. I have none of

679
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: those things, and I make it work. Yeah. I mean,

680
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: he's saying, oh, she's in a bad place. Yeah, so

681
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 1: are you guys right right? It can't be the only

682
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: reason that you're doing this. If he wants to use

683
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 1: his spending money on that, it's his choice. But I

684
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: wanted him to know what he's doing and think about

685
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: it carefully. I am reflecting his attitude he had towards

686
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: his family when he left them years ago. How it

687
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: hurt that He couldn't tell me, but I did understand why,

688
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: because he was trying to spare the feelings I was

689
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: feeling right now. But I'm just very wary of them

690
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: taking advantage of him again, and when they have all

691
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 1: the means to do for themselves, especially when I'm using

692
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: my spending money on things like cool toys for my

693
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: son and Christmas gifts for him. Did he really want

694
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 1: to provide extra for his sister over his child. He

695
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 1: apologized and understood my point of view, so he stopped

696
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: sending his sister money. A few months later, his mom

697
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 1: reached out and asked for two hundred dollars for some

698
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,479
Speaker 1: kind of expense for car. I think, why are they

699
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: reaching out to you guys? What like what? You guys

700
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: don't have the money to be spending stuff like this

701
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: right too far? Yeah far? This time he asked me

702
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: if he should and it would come from his spending money.

703
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,239
Speaker 1: I told him it's okay, and the choice is his

704
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 1: if he wants to help his mom this one time,

705
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: I would help him with his phone bill that month

706
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: and his PlayStation plus for my money, but he would

707
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: have to go without his extra lunches. He likes pop

708
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: Eyes and Taco Bell. He was cool with it, and

709
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: we sent the money. Mom promised to pay him back,

710
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 1: but I told him not to ever expect to see

711
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: a dime again. When you're giving money away to people who,

712
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: like you know, don't have the funds, you just kind

713
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 1: of have to go into it knowing that you might

714
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: never get that money back. Yeah, but you have to

715
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: make sure that this is money that you could afford

716
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: to lose, right, right, I mean, it's definitely reasonable for

717
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 1: you to want that back. Yeah, absolutely try to get

718
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: it back, of course, right, but like for your own sake, yeah,

719
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: you definitely. Yeah, you don't want to agree to it

720
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: unless you are able to actually lose them. Yeah, yeah, don't.

721
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: Don't give away money that you can't afford the risk.

722
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: Of course, so far, I have been correct. His mom

723
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: used to make trips to come see your grandson, but

724
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: after she owed my husband money, that stopped because she

725
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: said she has car troubles. Now I'm pregnant again with

726
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 1: our second son. It's another miracle, but we worry about

727
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: me making it out alive, as it's another high risk pregnancy,

728
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: so we are cautiously hopeful. I'm due in just one

729
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 1: more month. And so far everything is great with the baby,

730
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: so I'm happier and happier as time goes by. We're

731
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 1: still tight on cash, but luckily I know we will

732
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: be okay since we can reuse all the stuff for

733
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: my first son for my second. Working on trying to

734
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: save to get a car and move out because I

735
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: think we've relied on my mom and dad too much already.

736
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 1: So my mom is scared of my conditions and postpartum.

737
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: She's convinced me to stay a little longer while we

738
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: save and get help with the new baby. But now

739
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 1: as sister and mom keep messaging me, and I hate

740
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: the feeling of annoyance I get when I get a

741
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 1: notification from them asking about baby showers and the babies,

742
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,720
Speaker 1: do date, et cetera, not even getting into how they

743
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 1: care about the baby more than me or my life

744
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 1: being at risk. By the way, and by the way,

745
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 1: you can listen to full episodes of stories just like this.

746
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 1: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search

747
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: a booky story time, No risk at all, no risk,

748
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: But do you any final thoughts before we finish the story?

749
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 1: Just a tough tough situation.

750
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I want to call it hypocrisy, but I

751
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 3: don't really think you can call it that. But it's

752
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 3: just like you're expecting all this stuff for me as

753
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 3: if I'm in a different situation than you.

754
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: You know, I'm late. You guys don't have your own place,

755
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: You're living with your parents. You're trying to save money,

756
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: but you know you don't. You don't have the funds

757
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: to help them out when you're yeah, yeah, he's in

758
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: the same place, exactly exactly. That was frustrating, very frustrating,

759
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: But there is a little bit left to the story.

760
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,240
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, so I usually

761
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 1: just wait to tell my husband and he reaches out

762
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: to them to answer questions. I'm just jaded from them,

763
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 1: and I'm not even sure they're the kind of people

764
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 1: I want in my son's lives. But I'm doing my

765
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: best to get on my husband's thought train and not

766
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: let these icky feelings consume me. So how do I

767
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 1: deal with this? What's the right way to deal with

768
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 1: my own shameful feelings? Am I the ale for having

769
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 1: this resentment in the first place. It's just money. I'm

770
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: not supposed to feel like it's my husband, his money,

771
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: and my kids all belong to me, not them. Yeah,

772
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: and that's the end of that story. Sam.

773
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 2: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories.

774
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 1: But here's three of it's bads from our sponsors. I

775
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:56,319
Speaker 1: discovered my father's premium dating app subscription. I asked him

776
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: to come clean.

777
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,439
Speaker 2: That's called premium service baby.

778
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 1: My parents have been together for the thirty four years.

779
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 1: They met in university and had my brother and I

780
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: several years into their marriage. By the way, this comes

781
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: from Sissidar And if you want to spit your own stories,

782
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,240
Speaker 1: go to our slash Okay storytime suburate. It so about

783
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 1: my parents. My mother is a hard working and loving mom,

784
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: but she can be very dominant and controlling at times.

785
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 1: She has a short temper, but she's often misunderstood and

786
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 1: has a lot of love for her family. She always

787
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 1: puts others before herself. My father is incredibly kind and sweet.

788
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 1: He's very intelligent, and, like my mother, is a software engineer. However,

789
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 1: while his intelligence extends to many other areas as well,

790
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: he's not always socially adept and can be a bit

791
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: aloof and unaware of what's going on around him. He's

792
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 1: an interesting person to talk to and is full of kindness,

793
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 1: but my mother doesn't always see the beauty in him.

794
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 1: My parents have never had a perfect relationship, but for

795
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: the past few years things have been fine. That there

796
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 1: was no love between them, but there was no major

797
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,800
Speaker 1: arguments either the situation. I noticed that my dad changed recently.

798
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,919
Speaker 1: He started going to the gym five times a week,

799
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: dressing nicer and seemed more alive. It was a positive change.

800
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 2: The crazy stupid love. Yeah, Steve Carrell just gets hot.

801
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 1: Oh No. On Christmas evening, my brother and I were

802
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: playing chess on a tablet and we tried out the

803
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 1: trial version of Chess. While I was in the settings,

804
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: I noticed that my dad had a running Tinder Gold subscription.

805
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 1: My heart stopped for a second and I tried to

806
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: act normal around my brother. I later talked to my

807
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 1: dad about it. He said he just downloaded the app

808
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:27,719
Speaker 1: to look around, that it was just a way for

809
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: him to flirt and feel better about himself. He said

810
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 1: there was not a lot of love in his marriage

811
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: and using Tinder gave him a good feeling. I don't care.

812
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: Work out your problems in your marriage. Don't cheat on

813
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 1: your partner. He also said he never crossed any lines

814
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,240
Speaker 1: and remained loyal to my mother, which I later confirmed

815
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 1: by reading their messages. You still still did it, like

816
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 1: go to therapy and then your partner.

817
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 2: He also paid for the subscription.

818
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 1: That's even more embarrassing.

819
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 2: Have you paid for something that you're not really using

820
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 2: for attention? That's weird.

821
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 1: I reminded him of what he could potentially lose and

822
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 1: told him that I saw my mom improving their relationship.

823
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 1: I suggested he focused on their relationship as I know

824
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 1: my mom isn't the most loving wife, but I see

825
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 1: positive progress. And also just in general, I think when

826
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 1: you stop putting effort into yourself, your relationship can sometimes

827
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: you know, go downhill as well, because you should be putting,

828
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,439
Speaker 1: you know, work into yourself and improving yourself always because

829
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 1: it's that like, making yourself happy is important part of

830
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:28,280
Speaker 1: being in a relationship.

831
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 2: To one hundred percent agree, sometimes you have to put

832
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 2: yourself before anything else that makes your relationship even better.

833
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,439
Speaker 1: Like you said today, I was looking for a game

834
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 1: on the family computer and couldn't find it. Instead, I

835
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 1: found files with pictures and chats with a woman. She

836
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,720
Speaker 1: lives three to four hours away, and they met on Tinder.

837
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 1: Their conversation seemed to have started around a month ago

838
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: and they chat every day. That's cheating, cheating. My dad

839
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 1: also kept voice messages from her which I listened to.

840
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: Apparently she knows that he's still married. And when he

841
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,720
Speaker 1: talked about his marriage, he said he had tried many

842
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 1: time to make it work, but realized there was no

843
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: love left between them, then divorce. If there's no love left,

844
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 1: then divorce, separate. I don't know, man, Come on. He

845
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 1: said they were more like friends than a couple. He

846
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 1: said he tried counseling, but my mom was opposed to it.

847
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 1: He said he had so much love and interest inside,

848
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 1: but my mom often shuts him down when he wants

849
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 1: to talk to her about things that interest him. This

850
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: is true, as my dad is very interested in deeply

851
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 1: philosophical or mathematical topics as well as physics, astrophysics, and

852
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: recently AI. I feel like the woman he's talking to

853
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,719
Speaker 1: is really listening to him, and he feels hurt. He

854
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 1: needed to be heard. He's like a flower in the dark,

855
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: unable to flourish. On the other hand, my mom just

856
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: needs warmth, love and recognition of her sacrifices. She is

857
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: a flower just like my dad, and I believe she

858
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,720
Speaker 1: needs love to grow into a confident, proud, and loving

859
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: version of herself. I have one brother who is the

860
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 1: person I love the most. He's fifteen years old and

861
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: is so kind and empathetic and has a pure heart.

862
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,280
Speaker 1: He's very sensitive when it comes to tension and needs peace. Honestly,

863
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 1: I would do anything for him and just want him

864
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 1: to be happy. I'm worried about the potential impact on

865
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 1: her home life and my brother if my dad were

866
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 1: to have a mistress. I saw that my dad booked

867
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 1: an Airbnb for next week and said he was going

868
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 1: to visit family in the countryside. But I know what

869
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,320
Speaker 1: he and the woman he is talking to are really planning.

870
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: So he lied to you.

871
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 2: He's lying to you, he liked to himself, lying to

872
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:21,360
Speaker 2: his wife. He's lying to everyone.

873
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 1: I mean, like you went to him and said, hey,

874
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: found that you had a Tinder account, and he said no, no, no,

875
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 1: I just talked to them. Nothing ever happens, but actively

876
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 1: planning to meet up with her.

877
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 2: No one pays for something and doesn't want to use it,

878
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,320
Speaker 2: You use it at least want to be like Okay,

879
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:36,360
Speaker 2: I don't like it to lead it.

880
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. Should I talk to

881
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 1: my dad about this? Should I interfere and if so,

882
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: what should I say? Or should I just leave things

883
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,240
Speaker 1: as they are and hope for the best. My ultimate

884
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 1: goal is for my parents to be happy and for

885
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 1: my brother to grow up in a good environment without

886
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 1: the mental turmoil of a divorce. If possible, is there

887
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 1: a possibility where my parents could achieve a happy marriage

888
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 1: by me influencing the direction where things are going? Thank

889
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 1: you for your time and I wish you well. There

890
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: is an update. But what are your thoughts because I've

891
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 1: got some.

892
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 2: Definitely bring this up. Yeah, you gotta talk to your dad.

893
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 2: Don't don't talk to your dad?

894
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, first to go to your dad and you say, hey,

895
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: you need to talk to mom.

896
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:13,399
Speaker 2: Why first?

897
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 1: And also, don't don't you dare go on this thing?

898
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was gonna say, first, eliminate, Yeah, going on

899
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 2: that trip a trip, stop it, delete it, stop talking

900
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 2: to this woman. That's the first thing you should do. Yeah,

901
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 2: then let's focus on fixing your relationship with your wife

902
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 2: or mom in this case. If she's being hesitant on

903
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 2: going to counseling, which she said in the past. You

904
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 2: gotta push her.

905
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I think I think you say you need

906
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: to go to mom, yeah and say hey, I was

907
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 1: going on Tinder because I was feeling really lonely. Nothing happened,

908
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 1: hopefully nothing happened, but nothing. I was talking to this

909
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 1: one woman. M hm, I like, I needed to be

910
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 1: truthful with you. I want to make it work. I

911
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: understand if you can't, but like, I want to go

912
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,240
Speaker 1: to counseling. I want, like, you have to be totally upfront.

913
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 2: And it seemed like even you were emotionally cheating. It

914
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 2: feels like OPI could be the glue here, which I

915
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 2: hate when people like the child has to be the

916
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 2: emotional glue. But Opie could be the emotional glue here.

917
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 2: Like Dad just wants to beat mom. Dad just wants

918
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:09,879
Speaker 2: to be heard, and he just wants you to pick

919
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 2: up interest that he likes. That's all he wants. And Mom,

920
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 2: you want to be heard and be appreciated for your sacrifices.

921
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 2: That seems like that's that's all. That's like.

922
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: I don't know if op he can do that though

923
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 1: I know you know, but like I feel like you're

924
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 1: putting a lawn on Opee.

925
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 2: And then you tell your parents like, hey, I know

926
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 2: what you want, I know what you want.

927
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: Talk to each other.

928
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 2: Talk to each other. That's all you need to do.

929
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 2: And it looks like that's the one thing you guys

930
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 2: do not want to do.

931
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 1: But I do think that you have to go to

932
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: your dad and be like, you are going to tell

933
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 1: mom the truth or I am m But there is

934
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 1: an update. My dad was on his way back from

935
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 1: the gym when I called him and asked him to

936
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: park in a specific spot on his way home. I

937
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: told him that I wanted to send him something, so

938
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 1: I sent him a link to this post. I drove

939
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 1: to beat him there in my mom's car. When he

940
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 1: got into the car, he just looked at me, not

941
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 1: expressing any negative emotions, but rather seeming to wonder what

942
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,399
Speaker 1: I wanted to say. I started the conversation by telling

943
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 1: him that I wasn't mad at him. I explained that

944
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 1: we're all going through life for the first time and

945
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 1: it can be confusing time for all of us. We

946
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:06,240
Speaker 1: talked about the other woman and his feelings. Be honest,

947
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: I'm happy for him in a way. He's found someone

948
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,399
Speaker 1: who sees and hears him. While my mom always puts

949
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 1: him down. He deserves happiness, and what I want most

950
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 1: for him is for him to be happy. That goes

951
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: for everyone in my family. I told him that he

952
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 1: needs to talk to my mother before seeing this other woman.

953
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: He needs to make sure she knows, and to ensure

954
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: that he does, I told him that I would talk

955
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,720
Speaker 1: to my mother on the fourth, the day he's leaving

956
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:27,720
Speaker 1: to see the mistress. I offered to be the emotional

957
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 1: support my mom needs. This ensures that he is forced

958
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: to talk to my mother before I do. At first,

959
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: he said he wanted to meet his mistress first and

960
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 1: then talk to my mother. Nope, No, he wanted to

961
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 1: see if their connection was true before having the talk

962
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: with my mom.

963
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 2: No, no, not why.

964
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: I understand his reasoning, but I told him that he's

965
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 1: crossing a boundary and that my mother, who always emphasizes

966
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,800
Speaker 1: the importance of honesty, has to know. Eventually, he agreed

967
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: that he was the right thing to talk to my

968
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 1: mom first. There are three possibilities. One, she wants to

969
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: do everything she can to keep him too, she's fine

970
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 1: with him having a mistress. Or three they divorce.

971
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 2: What made you think about two?

972
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 1: Yeah?

973
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Number two Yeah, what the heck We.

974
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 1: Talked again yesterday. I suggested that he talked to his siblings,

975
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: both of whom are divorced and remarried, for advice. His

976
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 1: sister was in a similar situation. You will talk to

977
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: my mom tonight or tomorrow. By the way, you can

978
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 1: always listen to us talk if you go to Apple Podcast,

979
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 1: Spotify or iHeartRadio in search of Okay, story time easy.

980
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 1: But there is a little bit more to the story.

981
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 1: Any final thoughts.

982
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,240
Speaker 2: No, I think we just drive right into the update

983
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 2: because we said what we what we wanted to say.

984
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: And it's like he has to tell his wife.

985
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 2: And good on Opie, like, no, you cannot do meet

986
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 2: up with this chick. You have to talk to mom.

987
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, the thing is like the father, it needs tell

988
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 1: his wife and after that up to Opie's mom.

989
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 2: That's it's up to that's her choice to make. And

990
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:53,839
Speaker 2: that all Opie does is sit on the sidelines and

991
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 2: just be like, hey, all right, you did what you did.

992
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 1: I think this is all you need to do. The

993
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: ball is in his court now. Some suggest it a

994
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: harsher approach, like immediately telling my mother. However, infidelity out

995
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 1: of unhappiness is a very nuanced situation. I believe that

996
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: there is no one at fault here and the right

997
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: path is through empathy. Thank you for all your kind

998
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: words and wisdom. I want to end this update with

999
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 1: the thought no situation is inherently bad or good. It

1000
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 1: might be the best blessing in disguise. After all, my

1001
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:22,800
Speaker 1: dad seems much happier now than he was before. Common

1002
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 1: One says, I think you need to talk to your

1003
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 1: father a sap. If the marriage is over, he should

1004
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: walk away without causing additional pain to the family. Make

1005
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,320
Speaker 1: him see that he needs to end his marriage before

1006
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,400
Speaker 1: moving on, and ask him if he would be proud

1007
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,800
Speaker 1: if any of his children did this to their future spouse.

1008
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 1: Lead by example, Opie says. Funding of two households and

1009
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: liquidating and splitting all their assets, paying lawyers three years

1010
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: before brother is supposed to go to college would be

1011
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,959
Speaker 1: the hugest possible pain to the family. Not to mention

1012
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 1: brother having to spend the rest of his teenage years

1013
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 1: dealing with the creation of two houses and his parents' emotions,

1014
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: that would be the worst.

1015
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 2: If the parents are like, we should stick together for

1016
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 2: the kids because we hate each other. You know, it's

1017
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 2: just your doing the same thing, but now you're just

1018
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 2: living a lot.

1019
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 1: Ideally Dad should maybe stay chased until they can properly

1020
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: legally divorced. But this marriage is over. Mom wants nothing

1021
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 1: to do with Dad and doesn't love him. Opia is

1022
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: less than half her parents' life experience and zero knowledge

1023
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 1: of what goes on behind closed doors. There's nothing to

1024
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,240
Speaker 1: be gained by her forcing an explosion of the situation.

1025
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 1: We don't know that it's over, you know.

1026
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't jump to that like he's cheating. Yeah,

1027
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 2: it could be totally worked on. Did he cheat? Yes,

1028
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 2: hundred percent. This hands feels like such.

1029
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:29,399
Speaker 1: A cop out to be like, oh, well it's over,

1030
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 1: so who cares if you cheat?

1031
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 2: It's not just one solution. Yeah, it's like there's oh

1032
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 2: he cheated, it's over. No, it's he cheated. But he

1033
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 2: needs to come clean. Yeah, and he needs to say

1034
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 2: why he's cheating and tell the reasoning and see if

1035
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 2: they can work on that exactly and then go from there.

1036
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story.

1037
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 2: My father left us for his new wife. Now that

1038
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 2: she's gone, he wants back.

1039
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: In you major bed and I get a lie in it, buddy.

1040
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 2: My parents divorced while I was still a toddler, and

1041
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 2: most of my childhood was spent between both parents and

1042
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 2: my older sister Trish and brother Ron until I was

1043
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 2: a teen. My parents were great co parents and we

1044
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 2: were all close with our dad. Then he met his

1045
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 2: future wife, Susan, No Susan, not susie Que. They had

1046
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 2: only been dating for a few months when they decided

1047
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 2: to get married married immediately things changed.

1048
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 1: Oh ah.

1049
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user o bemez and

1050
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1051
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime severed it so when my

1052
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 2: siblings visited, she demanded that we call her mom um now,

1053
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 2: and she had this deep dislike for Trish. She called

1054
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,399
Speaker 2: her fat, smashed her phone for writing hurtful things about

1055
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 2: her to her friends, and after checking over her homework

1056
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 2: if she saw anything wrong, she would just rip up

1057
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 2: the paper.

1058
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 1: What who is this lady?

1059
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:45,479
Speaker 2: Is she a dog?

1060
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 1: Like? This is like? Sorry, my stepmom, My stepmom chewed

1061
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 1: up my homework.

1062
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 2: Literally. When our mom confront her dad about her, he

1063
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,719
Speaker 2: just made up a stupid excuse about Susan being a

1064
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 2: strong woman and that Trish could learn from her. After

1065
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 2: that Trish just off visit and Dad told her to

1066
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,799
Speaker 2: grow up. Ron meanwhile, went through a rough patch after

1067
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 2: he graduated college and he broke up with his boyfriend.

1068
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 2: Since he couldn't afford a new place of his own,

1069
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 2: he moved with Dad for a bit, but left after

1070
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,720
Speaker 2: a few weeks. His entire time there was just Susan

1071
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 2: telling him that his degree was a joke, that he

1072
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 2: was pathetic for still living off his parents, and would

1073
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 2: even mock him for flaming if he got excited over something,

1074
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 2: telling him he was too flamboyant. So Susie Susie here,

1075
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 2: he is just not positive at all.

1076
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:33,320
Speaker 1: Mean a little little because they sing.

1077
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like Susie doesn't like much.

1078
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1079
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 2: After he left, he told Dad that he expected an

1080
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,720
Speaker 2: apology and that he did not deserve to be treated

1081
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 2: like garbage by Susan while his father just watched. He

1082
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:47,439
Speaker 2: just said that Susan was part of the family now

1083
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 2: and that he stood by his wife. Ron kindly told

1084
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:52,359
Speaker 2: him to never speak to him again, and what full

1085
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 2: blown no contact?

1086
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I forget like stand by Susan. Then those are

1087
00:47:57,719 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 1: the consequences.

1088
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 2: You know, Dad, blood is thicker than Susan. In this

1089
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 2: case with me, I never took any of Susan's bs,

1090
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 2: and if she would say something to me or make

1091
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:10,760
Speaker 2: a comment, I'd have just ignore her and leave the room.

1092
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 2: This pisces her off since I always assumed she lived

1093
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,320
Speaker 2: off the drama she caused when Trish would cry or

1094
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 2: Ron would get mad. Instead, she cried to Dad and

1095
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 2: told him that I hurt her deeply, and I.

1096
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: Hope he's hurting my feelings because her feelings aren't being

1097
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 1: hurt when I'd try to bully her.

1098
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 2: I've tried to bully her.

1099
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: She she doesn't even care.

1100
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 2: I'm trying to make her grow sad. She hates me

1101
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 2: for doing that. Then I heard her deeply and that

1102
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 2: I made her feel unloved in her own home. Dad

1103
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 2: took her side, and the last time I was at

1104
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 2: his house involved him screaming at me and calling me

1105
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:44,479
Speaker 2: an ingrate.

1106
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:46,399
Speaker 1: All right, oh boy.

1107
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 2: We got into a shoving match and I stormed off

1108
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 2: and went to a local fast food place until my

1109
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 2: mom could come get me. After that, the contact we

1110
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 2: had was pretty much him calling and asking about how

1111
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 2: things were. He'd even come to my high school graduation

1112
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 2: or Trisha's wedding because him and Susan were saving money.

1113
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:04,359
Speaker 2: We all came to accept that Dad chose his new

1114
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 2: wife over us, and while it hurt like heck, we

1115
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 2: moved on. Finally, just before Thanksgiving, Susan passed away suddenly.

1116
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 2: Oh and it hit Dad hard. I'm not saying an

1117
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:14,800
Speaker 2: if you guys did any of that, you guys in

1118
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 2: part thankfully you guys all cut contact because in her

1119
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 2: in her message, she would be like they caused it.

1120
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 1: They caused it. She'd be like, your children did this

1121
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 1: to me.

1122
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 2: Since she had little family and they had no friends

1123
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 2: outside each other, he's pretty much alone now. Trish invited

1124
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 2: him to dinner with her family a couple of times,

1125
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 2: but he's a stranger to her kids and her husband

1126
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 2: hates him because of how he let Susan treat her.

1127
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 2: Ron was the only blunt one and told Dad that

1128
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 2: he just can't come back after everything. Right now, I'm

1129
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 2: just confused and I don't know what to do. The

1130
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 2: only contact I have with him is through Trish, and

1131
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 2: she thinks that Dad is still deeply mourning, that he

1132
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 2: wants his kids back in his life. Since I don't

1133
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 2: use social media or use the airn at much, dirty

1134
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,359
Speaker 2: hippie stuff. My friend is posting this for me so

1135
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 2: I can get some outside perspectives. I remember how my

1136
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 2: dad before when he got married, and I missed that

1137
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 2: side of him. But at the same time, I know

1138
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 2: he threw us to the curb just for Susan. We

1139
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:09,399
Speaker 2: have some comments comment number one. I hope you guys

1140
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 2: understand that he only wants to come back because she

1141
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,919
Speaker 2: passed away, and if she was still alive, he would

1142
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:18,120
Speaker 2: still be ignoring you all. Ope. I know this. When

1143
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 2: they were together, they were bitter people that pushed everyone away.

1144
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 2: Susan even had three adult kids that hated her, and

1145
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 2: only one of them came to her funeral. Right now,

1146
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 2: my brother and I think that we are just his

1147
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 2: backup Comming number two. Did he apologize at all? If

1148
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 2: he didn't even apologize, I'd be afraid that the same

1149
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 2: thing is going to happen as soon as he meets

1150
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 2: a new woman. Ope, he didn't apologize in a sense,

1151
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 2: but he says that he misses us and that he

1152
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 2: missed out on too much. He'd even know that my

1153
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 2: sister had a second kid until recently, and she said

1154
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 2: that it hit him pretty hard. And we have an

1155
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 2: update let's go right and do it. Wow. All I

1156
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:52,359
Speaker 2: can say is thanks for all the advice last time.

1157
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,279
Speaker 2: I guess what I wanted was the father I thought

1158
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 2: I had onceince I posted this, a lot has happened

1159
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:59,359
Speaker 2: with my family. Two days after I made this thread.

1160
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,879
Speaker 2: My sister's oldest kid decided that he wanted to surf

1161
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 2: down a hill on his sled when his mom was

1162
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:05,719
Speaker 2: busy with his brother, something only a ten year old

1163
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 2: would think is smart. He ended up breaking his wrist

1164
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:11,360
Speaker 2: and his leg badly enough that he needed multiple operations.

1165
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:14,839
Speaker 2: Oh no, he's doing better now, but Trish is exhausted

1166
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 2: taking care of him, and on top of it, she's

1167
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 2: pregnant with her third kid. This has left our dad

1168
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 2: at the bottom of her concerns, and he has not

1169
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:23,919
Speaker 2: taken it well. When I spoke with her, she said

1170
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,279
Speaker 2: that he was driving her crazy and kept trying to

1171
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 2: guilt chripper, saying you can't find the time for a

1172
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,879
Speaker 2: wi olled old man, and basically being a huge pain

1173
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:32,839
Speaker 2: in the butt. My brother said that he pretty much

1174
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:35,359
Speaker 2: accepted that our dad would act like that when he

1175
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:37,439
Speaker 2: was in the center of attention. I guess that being

1176
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 2: the youngest I was shielded from his behavior even before

1177
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 2: he met Susan. Ron said that our dad would call

1178
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 2: him a fruitcake multiple times as a kid, and that

1179
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 2: when he did come out to the family, Dad just

1180
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:48,160
Speaker 2: told him to shut up.

1181
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 1: He's like, we've shows, don't tell, don't don't no, don't

1182
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:57,319
Speaker 1: say it's like it feels like honestly, it wasn't really

1183
00:51:57,360 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 1: because of just Susan that people went no contact with you. Yeah,

1184
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 1: you guys were a duo.

1185
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 2: I should also mention that even though he struggled a

1186
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 2: bit after college, Ron ended up getting a pretty decent

1187
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:09,359
Speaker 2: job with a high salary. After Susan and our dad

1188
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 2: found out, they tried to bill him for the few

1189
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:13,759
Speaker 2: weeks he lived with them and even threatened to call

1190
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:16,240
Speaker 2: the cops. He ended up giving them a couple thousand

1191
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 2: to get them off his back and went full blown

1192
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,800
Speaker 2: no contact. There were also more incidents I mentioned in

1193
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 2: the last thread. He offered to watch his brother's kid

1194
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,839
Speaker 2: after his own wife passed away, but backed out at

1195
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 2: the last second. That brother now refuses to have any

1196
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 2: contact with him as well, and I also found out

1197
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 2: that the only reason he agreed to co parent with

1198
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:35,360
Speaker 2: our mom was because she told him that if he

1199
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 2: didn't spend time with us, she would go after him

1200
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 2: for more child support pikes.

1201
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 1: So he's just everything we learned about this guy is

1202
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: not good.

1203
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 2: It's just hell after L after l. He's not giving

1204
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 2: me any reason to be like, yeah, you know what.

1205
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,160
Speaker 2: You know, when we were doing this, we should do this.

1206
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 1: Two hands two two hands.

1207
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:55,480
Speaker 2: Two hands. You're like, eh, maybe not. I was beyond disgusted.

1208
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 2: After talking with my girlfriend and she read some of

1209
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 2: the replies in the thread, she suggested that maybe he

1210
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 2: and I should go out for lunch and just see

1211
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:04,799
Speaker 2: how it goes, since we will only be in town

1212
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 2: for another month before we go off grid until the fall.

1213
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:09,319
Speaker 2: I agreed. I knew I would regret it if I

1214
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 2: didn't go, and it was eating me up inside. He

1215
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 2: was the most awkward moment of my life. I met

1216
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 2: him at a diner he chose, and I was pretty

1217
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 2: shocked to see how much he changed. He gained a

1218
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 2: lot of weight since the last time I saw him,

1219
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 2: one hundred plus pounds dang, and he looks decades older

1220
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 2: than his real age. Plus he kept making comments about

1221
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 2: the way my girlfriend's dreadlocks look to him. He said

1222
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 2: they looked dirty and made a rude joke about me

1223
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 2: looking like Charles Manson when I showed him our pre

1224
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 2: engagement pictures. L after M, L after L.

1225
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: Somebody l's my guy, somebody else.

1226
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 2: Finally, after he was done complaining, I asked how he

1227
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 2: was doing. He just said, how do you think? He

1228
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 2: just listened off, how his wife passed away, His kids

1229
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 2: won't give him the time of day. He is up

1230
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 2: to his eyes in debt. He even complained about the

1231
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,280
Speaker 2: poor service in the diner.

1232
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,719
Speaker 1: This is a man who has caused all of his

1233
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 1: misery in life and is just so incapable of seeing that, yeah,

1234
00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 1: that he puts it on everyone else around him. It's

1235
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 1: so frustrating having a relationship with these type of people.

1236
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:10,960
Speaker 2: This is the type of stit.

1237
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 1: I cannot see past their OWNE knows.

1238
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 2: You know, you put out negativity, It's going to come

1239
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 2: back to you and there it is. But you know

1240
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:22,920
Speaker 2: what there is every single day, Sophia, what stories just

1241
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:23,319
Speaker 2: like this?

1242
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:23,839
Speaker 1: So true?

1243
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 2: You can listen to full episodes with stories just like this.

1244
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:29,919
Speaker 2: Go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or your favorite podcast app

1245
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 2: and search. Okay, story time, there's a little bit more

1246
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:35,480
Speaker 2: to this story, but Sophia, is there anything else we

1247
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 2: would do here? Dad is not That is not having

1248
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 2: a single wa You.

1249
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:43,359
Speaker 1: Gave him a chance, you had a conversation with him.

1250
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 1: It seems like he still kind of sucks as a person.

1251
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:47,280
Speaker 2: And blew every chance you've got.

1252
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's like you you did give him a

1253
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 1: second chance, you have a conversation. It's not like you're

1254
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 1: cutting him off with with no chances.

1255
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel bad for him, but he made his

1256
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 2: own Yeah, this is your fault. Yeah, if you were

1257
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 2: a bit more positive or a bit more.

1258
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:06,360
Speaker 1: Open, just a better person, who knows, just wouldn't have happened.

1259
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,040
Speaker 2: Let's go ahead and finish the story. After lunch, he

1260
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 2: offered me a ride back to my place and offered

1261
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 2: to put my bicycle in the back of his truck too,

1262
00:55:13,239 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 2: the only kind thing he said. I turned him down

1263
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 2: and told him to take care of himself. I just

1264
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 2: don't think I can have any sort of relationship with him.

1265
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,880
Speaker 2: After all. I talked with my girlfriend all night and

1266
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,400
Speaker 2: she said that maybe I turned Susan into a scapegoat

1267
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:27,840
Speaker 2: my dad's rotten behavior, and I didn't want to accept

1268
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 2: the type of man he really was.

1269
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:32,400
Speaker 1: Oh, just an excellent point, because Susan might have been awful,

1270
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 1: but like I think a lot of it was like, yeah,

1271
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 1: Susan was doing all this stuff and he never said

1272
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:40,800
Speaker 1: anything like he was doing probably the same stuff.

1273
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 2: He's probably doing the same stuff. Is just Susan supporting.

1274
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:46,359
Speaker 1: Yeah. The thing is like he wasn't enabling anything, he

1275
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 1: was participating. Yeah.

1276
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 2: Right now, I'm focusing on the positive things in my life.

1277
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,840
Speaker 2: My nephew is recovering well with the third one do

1278
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 2: in the summertime. Oh that's right, because sister Trish is

1279
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 2: pregnant with the third congrats. My brother is getting married

1280
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 2: this June, and my girlfriend and I are planning to

1281
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 2: get engaged shortly afterwards. My dad's rejection still hurts like heck,

1282
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:07,960
Speaker 2: but I plan on working past it. And that is

1283
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 2: the end of that story.

1284
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John Ogi host here. We're gonna get

1285
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:12,840
Speaker 1: back to the stories.

1286
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:14,360
Speaker 2: But here's a quick three minute break from ASP for

1287
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 2: more sponsors.

1288
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 1: My father left us for his new family. Now he

1289
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: wants a family unity ceremony. What My dad's engaged to

1290
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:26,120
Speaker 1: his partner of about two years. They moved in together

1291
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 1: last month and their wedding is in December I seventeen,

1292
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:33,120
Speaker 1: mail am dad's only biological child. His almost wife has

1293
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 1: three kids of her own. Her kids are younger, probably

1294
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:38,839
Speaker 1: under ten, maybe even all under eight. I'm not that sure.

1295
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from few Impressions sixty four

1296
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:43,239
Speaker 1: to sixty five, and if you want to smit your

1297
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 1: own stories, go to our slash okay storytime separate it.

1298
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,360
Speaker 1: So they decided they wanted to do a family unity

1299
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 1: ceremony and have it be about becoming one family instead

1300
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 1: of the two of them becoming a married couple. His

1301
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: future step kids are excited about the idea and want

1302
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 1: to take part. I don't and won't take part. I

1303
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:02,440
Speaker 1: already explained that I'm not interested and can't be talked

1304
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 1: into it. He asked me why and pushed for me

1305
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 1: to reconsider. He told his wife, and she's freaking out

1306
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 1: because her kids have this idea that they'll get a

1307
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:11,759
Speaker 1: big brother out of this marriage my dad, and she

1308
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,239
Speaker 1: told the kids will be real siblings once the two

1309
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 1: of them are married. All of this despite the fact

1310
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: I really don't know her or her kids. I've only

1311
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 1: spent any real time with the kids twice, and it

1312
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 1: was more me trying not to be a wiener than me,

1313
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: wanting to spend time or get to know them. I

1314
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:28,840
Speaker 1: think that, and I think it's obvious because I don't

1315
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 1: know their actual ages, some background to explain the relationship dynamics,

1316
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: because I'm sure there are questions. My dad raised me alone.

1317
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 1: My mom took off when I was less than a

1318
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 1: year old. I don't remember her. I don't remember her

1319
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:43,600
Speaker 1: being around her family wasn't around or in my life either.

1320
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 1: I didn't have a lot of family besides my dad

1321
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 1: growing up, except for one of his siblings. For most

1322
00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:50,520
Speaker 1: of my life, Dad was a good dad, but when

1323
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 1: I was maybe eleven, he started preparing me for the

1324
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:55,120
Speaker 1: fact he wanted his own life and to travel the

1325
00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 1: world when I turn eighteen and I'd be on my own. Dang.

1326
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:00,720
Speaker 1: He talked about how I shouldn't expect to see him

1327
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:02,920
Speaker 1: very often, and to expect we might not see each

1328
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:08,080
Speaker 1: other for years. Sometimes that's insane. That's a crazy thing

1329
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:09,160
Speaker 1: for a dad to say.

1330
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:11,120
Speaker 2: It happens. At least he's honest.

1331
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 1: He's like, yep, I'm I'm never going to see you again, and.

1332
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 2: Get ready, good luck with your life, son.

1333
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 1: He said he didn't want to be tied down until

1334
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 1: he passed away, that he would call or answer calls

1335
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:24,880
Speaker 1: when he wasn't busy with life. He said some stuff

1336
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 1: that maybe believe he resented the fact he raised me

1337
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 1: alone and had to change his life for me.

1338
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 2: I think it was pretty obvious. Yeah, that's a parent.

1339
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 1: I like the fact that he's like it made me

1340
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 1: believe like he's outright saying that. I feel like he's

1341
00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 1: just saying exactly those words.

1342
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:43,400
Speaker 2: UH find up for that. When you become a parent,

1343
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 2: you need to take care of your kids.

1344
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:47,360
Speaker 1: That's on you, buddy. He never actually let up on that.

1345
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:49,959
Speaker 1: He talked about it so much that we started to fight.

1346
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:51,760
Speaker 1: I told him I got it and he was done

1347
00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 1: being a dad at eighteen. He told me I was

1348
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,480
Speaker 1: being dramatic. He argued that he told me I could

1349
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 1: go five or maybe even more years without seeing him

1350
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:00,760
Speaker 1: and he didn't want to be tied down, that he

1351
00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 1: might have been ignore call so we could live life.

1352
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:05,040
Speaker 1: I told him that sounded like you wanted to stop

1353
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 1: being a dad. He told me I was focusing on

1354
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,920
Speaker 1: the wrong parts. When we argued about it other times,

1355
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 1: he said that he wanted the life he missed out on,

1356
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:13,920
Speaker 1: and he wasn't waiting around for me to be ready,

1357
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 1: that I'd land on my feet eventually, and I wouldn't

1358
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:17,800
Speaker 1: be his kid anymore, I'd be his peer.

1359
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:19,919
Speaker 2: What the heck does that mean?

1360
00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:21,720
Speaker 1: Man? Is weird.

1361
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 2: We're gonna have a We're gonna have a drink when

1362
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 2: you get.

1363
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:26,240
Speaker 1: You know, twenty one way, I don't know when we're

1364
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:27,080
Speaker 1: not We're not a bunch.

1365
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 2: We can travel the world as buddies.

1366
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, I'm not your father anymore, I'm just your friend.

1367
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be your friend, but like the one

1368
00:59:33,640 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 1: that you only see every five years.

1369
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:36,400
Speaker 2: And we barely talk.

1370
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 1: So your dad, which he then said I'd picked up wrong.

1371
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 1: But basically, for years I've been prepared to leave at

1372
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 1: eighteen and not have my dad in it. Then he

1373
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 1: met his almost wife and all that talk about traveling

1374
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:49,439
Speaker 1: the world was gone. He started to become a dad

1375
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 1: to her kids. He was spending time with them and

1376
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:54,640
Speaker 1: building a life with them. Eventually he tried to include me,

1377
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:56,480
Speaker 1: but that was only really in the last four or

1378
00:59:56,480 --> 01:00:00,560
Speaker 1: five months. But I've ignored it. My babysat twice for them,

1379
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:02,840
Speaker 1: once when his almost wife was rushed to the hospital,

1380
01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:04,720
Speaker 1: and the second time when his almost wife had a

1381
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:07,280
Speaker 1: follow up surgery for health issues she has. My dad

1382
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:09,920
Speaker 1: is trying to argue that our family is growing and

1383
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 1: I should be trying harder to be included in it.

1384
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 1: I told him that won't happen.

1385
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 2: You know what you tell him, I'll see you to

1386
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,919
Speaker 2: five years? Yeah, exactly. I gotta go travel the world.

1387
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't want you to tie me down. And

1388
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: if he wants whatever half budded relationship he planned to

1389
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 1: have with me before, then he needs to accept that that.

1390
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 1: I'll come to his wedding if he wants me there

1391
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,320
Speaker 1: as long as he accepts I won't be part of

1392
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:32,760
Speaker 1: that ceremony. If he can't accept it, then I won't go,

1393
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:35,400
Speaker 1: and he'll need to accept that. His almost wife heard

1394
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 1: us talk it out, and she said, I'm not taking

1395
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:40,000
Speaker 1: the eleven good years into it, and I'm punishing her

1396
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 1: children for my dad not being perfect, and that isn't

1397
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 1: fair to them. She told me, a good person would

1398
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 1: be glad Dad decided to stick around and love the

1399
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 1: new people, especially the kids, and want better for them.

1400
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole? And for full disclosure, I

1401
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 1: have about a month to go until I'm eighteen, and

1402
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:58,680
Speaker 1: my plan is to move out that day. You're not

1403
01:00:58,720 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 1: the a hole.

1404
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 2: No, you can't force a family on someone that doesn't

1405
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 2: with the family.

1406
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 1: You have a very complicated relationship with your father. Great

1407
01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:08,240
Speaker 1: that he is stepping up as a parent for the.

1408
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 2: New kids, but he didn't step up for you.

1409
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 1: You're allowed to have your own feelings about that, and

1410
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 1: no one can kind of tell you differently.

1411
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, no one's going to force you. Oh my god,

1412
01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 2: You're the final puzzle piece to this family. Now.

1413
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:20,440
Speaker 1: There is an update though. On the day I made

1414
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:23,160
Speaker 1: my post, I had plans to sleep at a friend's house.

1415
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 1: Once I got there, my dad sent a text saying

1416
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 1: his partner was rushed to the hospital again and he

1417
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 1: needed me to babysit again. I told him no once

1418
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,240
Speaker 1: and that was it. A few hours later, my dad

1419
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 1: asked where the heck I was and why I had

1420
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 1: said no when this was an emergency. He sent multiple texts,

1421
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 1: but when he realized I really wouldn't babysit and had

1422
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:41,640
Speaker 1: stayed wherever the heck I was, he went off on

1423
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,040
Speaker 1: me and told me if I won't babysit and be

1424
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 1: there for the family, then I better stay gone. He

1425
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:49,400
Speaker 1: texted me the next morning yesterday technically, and said I

1426
01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 1: was not living under his roof after that stunt and

1427
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 1: to stay the f gone. I knew we meant it,

1428
01:01:54,160 --> 01:01:56,040
Speaker 1: so when everyone was out, I went to the house

1429
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,200
Speaker 1: and grabbed everything I had prepared to leave with when

1430
01:01:58,240 --> 01:02:01,840
Speaker 1: following my plan exactly. That included all the important documents

1431
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 1: I had, clothes, and anything I bought or that was

1432
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 1: given to me by people who aren't my dad. It

1433
01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:09,200
Speaker 1: was basically all ready to go anyway, and I got

1434
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:11,920
Speaker 1: in and out without a fight. My friend's parents are

1435
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 1: letting me stay until I can follow through with my

1436
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 1: original plan, which was to get somewhere with a friend

1437
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:19,960
Speaker 1: locally until we all graduate, and then some friends and

1438
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:22,000
Speaker 1: I will be moving state. We've been working on this

1439
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:24,200
Speaker 1: for a long time now. Honestly, I've been working my

1440
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 1: butt off to save money to be able to leave,

1441
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:29,240
Speaker 1: regardless of whether I had help from my friends, but

1442
01:02:29,360 --> 01:02:32,760
Speaker 1: having them definitely helps. My dad sent more texts since

1443
01:02:32,840 --> 01:02:34,640
Speaker 1: I grabbed all my stuff. He tried to guilt and

1444
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:36,920
Speaker 1: shame me and talked about how much the kids needed

1445
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 1: me and I wasn't there. Well, then you'd be there

1446
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:39,880
Speaker 1: for your own kids.

1447
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,880
Speaker 2: Come on, it would have been different. He's using his

1448
01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 2: kids and his wife as a yeah, as a scapegoat

1449
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:47,120
Speaker 2: that he actually wants you there.

1450
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:49,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he also let out way more of his

1451
01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 1: resentment towards me, and is confirmed what I already knew

1452
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 1: about him. He doesn't regret the way he treated me

1453
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 1: since I was eleven. I mean, that's so obvious. But

1454
01:02:58,040 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 1: the fact that, like the second that you did something

1455
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 1: that he didn't like, he just kicked you out again.

1456
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 2: And guess what, he's probably gonna do the same thing. Yeah,

1457
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:06,280
Speaker 2: help not to those new kids.

1458
01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:10,960
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's ridiculous. He meant every word he said,

1459
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:12,880
Speaker 1: and that he expected me to pay him back for

1460
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 1: raising me. And that's when you say no, Nope, but

1461
01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:18,840
Speaker 1: I won't. I'm not staying to be treated like crap.

1462
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:20,480
Speaker 1: He still wants me out of his house, and he

1463
01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 1: reminded me that I was not welcome back, that he'd

1464
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:24,560
Speaker 1: better not come home to find me there ever again.

1465
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:27,960
Speaker 1: By the way, you can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

1466
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:31,400
Speaker 1: or iHeartRadio. If you search up Oky story Time, you'll

1467
01:03:31,400 --> 01:03:34,200
Speaker 1: find full episodes with stories just like this. Yeah, but

1468
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:36,400
Speaker 1: there is a little bit left to the story. Too.

1469
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:37,360
Speaker 1: Many final thoughts.

1470
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 2: Bye, there's no reason to You already had this plan.

1471
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:43,760
Speaker 2: You don't owe him a thing.

1472
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, nope, you already had this plan to move out.

1473
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:50,080
Speaker 1: He's just confirmed that you know, he hasn't changed at all,

1474
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 1: and you don't. Yeah, you don't know him anything. So

1475
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 1: that's my update. It's been a crazy day slash couple

1476
01:03:56,760 --> 01:03:59,440
Speaker 1: of days, and I got so many comments on my post,

1477
01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 1: way more than I expected. I know a few people

1478
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 1: tried to convince me that he really did love me

1479
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:05,920
Speaker 1: and didn't resent me and was trying to make it

1480
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:08,560
Speaker 1: up to me. But after all this, I'm more convinced

1481
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:11,000
Speaker 1: he resents me and the trying to include me lately

1482
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:13,120
Speaker 1: was an act to make me someone who could do

1483
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:15,320
Speaker 1: stuff for him. I don't believe I ever had the

1484
01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:18,240
Speaker 1: dad I originally thought I had, because I don't think

1485
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:20,720
Speaker 1: an actual, good and loving dad would shut it all

1486
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:23,000
Speaker 1: off one day for no good reason. Things have changed

1487
01:04:23,040 --> 01:04:25,440
Speaker 1: a little, but I'll keep working towards my plan. I'll

1488
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: also make sure I make it up to my friend's parents,

1489
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:30,360
Speaker 1: because I know this was unexpected for them, and I'm

1490
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:31,520
Speaker 1: grateful they let me stay.

1491
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:35,439
Speaker 2: They were more parental people to you than your actual

1492
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:35,840
Speaker 2: dad was.

1493
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:37,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, big time big time, So.

1494
01:04:37,400 --> 01:04:39,320
Speaker 2: Shout out to your friend and their parents.

1495
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:41,960
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story.