WEBVTT - Gun in Mouth Blues: More From Max Moore 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:06.080 I was gonna blow my brains out, but it was. 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:24.160 It was raining. Welcome to confidential. I'm your whole stwit 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:36.920 the most Eugene is s robbins Son. Okay, all right. 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:41.000 So there's this guy. He's in a cage. He's what 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:45.560 you know as a cage fighter, and he is kicking ass, 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:49.319 you know, proverbial literal, figurative heavy measure of the way 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:53.840 kicking ass after the first round. These for fights are 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.280 typically broken down into three rounds. After the second round, 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.360 something strange happened, something you don't expect act. He looks 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:03.960 out at the audience. It looks back to the ref, 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:08.360 looks at his opponent. The ref says fight. He says, 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:12.240 open the gate. Refs is no, no, you're you're your 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.520 head on points. What are you doing? What you can't 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:17.399 he says, open the gate or all climb over the fence. 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:23.120 They opened the gate. Man walks out through his teeming, 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:29.880 screaming crowd, never to return. I asked him why, He said, 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:33.680 I didn't come here for that. Flash forward to to 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:39.320 a Tuesday, Tuesday in September. I'm finishing up Brazilian jiu 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:43.720 jitsu and this guy walks into the academy is hanging 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:48.720 around random chatter, and it's somebody dawns on me why 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:56.120 he's there. He's hair very specifically to fight me. Now 0:01:56.120 --> 0:02:00.360 I'm rushing to work. I say, cool. Sure. Strip gets 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:02.840 down to his shorts and we roll for about ten 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:07.920 to twelve unscripted minutes, him, me alone, no one else 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:12.880 in the school, locked door lights off. At the end 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:16.520 of it, he turns him he and says, you know, 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:26.600 I've got a soap company. Max More a guy who 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.680 knows a little something about life. It may be a 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:33.520 lot more than most of us about death. I actually 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:38.280 really enjoyed being in combat. Yeah you heard that right, 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:47.200 A combat medic who actually enjoyed combat. Yeah. I look, 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.600 I'll just let him tell it. You know, the Marine 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:53.480 Corps are our stormtroopers, right, and they go in and 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:55.280 they kicking the doors are the worst places that we 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.320 can come up with. Well, when they get shot or 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.919 blown up, the core men as the guy who goes 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.040 in and picks him up. And that was my that 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:07.079 was my job. The day I took my licensing exam 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:10.560 uh to be a medic was September eleven, when the 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:12.960 when the towers fell. This justin you were looking at 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:15.959 obviously a very disturbing live shot there. That is the 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:19.200 World Trade Center, and we have unconfirmed reports this morning 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:22.280 that a plane has crashed into one of the towers 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:26.120 of the World Trade Center. As as a corman, you'll 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:29.280 you'll usually do three tours in the field and then 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:31.480 you'll do one tour back in a hospital. They want 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.840 you to keep your medical skills relevant and fresh, you know. 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:38.360 And uh, and so I got assigned to the ICU 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:42.000 in Germany at Launched Tool Hospital. It's this um. It's 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:45.440 the biggest American hospital outside of the United States. It's 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:49.280 a massive facility, and it's where when guys get shot 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.640 and blown up, they get they get stabilized in the 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:54.680 field and then they take a flight to Germany where 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.800 they are reevaluated and made sure they're stable enough they 0:03:57.840 --> 0:04:01.160 can make the big trip back to Texas or elsewhere 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:04.640 in the US. I was working there after having been 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:08.920 in you know, multiple combat deployments, and I got assigned 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:12.480 to working with guys who were you know, double triple 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:16.800 sometimes amputees, blind, some guys that you know had lost 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:20.520 their sex organs from explosions and um and that was 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:23.800 that was actually the most nightmarish part for me was 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:26.880 knowing as I was in that space that my next 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:30.760 assignment was going to be Afghanistan, and so I was 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:33.559 dealing with you know, guys who were you know, walking 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:36.240 around on burnt up drumsticks for legs, you know, and 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:40.640 like and seeing these guys who we're smarter and stronger 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:43.200 and more put together than I was, and now they 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:46.080 are a very different person after that incident. My PTSD 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.640 was was mostly actually from that and I would I 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.120 would have these these these nightmares that I would be, 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:53.760 you know, next in the bed. I would keep my 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:56.400 ship together as I was dealing with these patients because 0:04:56.480 --> 0:04:58.080 I didn't want to crumble in front of them. I 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:00.560 worked night shifts. I'd get off in the morning, and 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.760 I would get these um these moments as I'm brushing 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:06.000 my teeth and looking at my own face in the mirror, 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:08.479 where I would see it as if it was real 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:11.320 that like my arm wasn't there or my leg wasn't there. 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:13.800 In those moments, all I could think about was that 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:15.880 I knew my next asidement was going to be Afghanistan, 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.560 and uh, and I didn't know that I was going 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.440 to make it back in one piece. I had a 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:26.360 patient that really crumbled me. The next the next bit. 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:32.200 It's hard. So if you're prone to have a hard 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:37.520 time with hard, keep listening, because in the end you're 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:44.680 just listening. Max lived it. I had a patient that 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:48.440 really crumbled me. He was an explosive organs disposal guy, 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.680 and then he was actually a Australian fellow. And he 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:54.320 was working on a piece of ordinance and it blew 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:57.400 up and blew both of his hands off at the elbows, 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:03.279 and it also blew out his eyeballs, and and the 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.240 strange thing was that outside of that, he was virtually unscathed. 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.200 I mean, like you, I mean a little bit of 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.159 bruising and pepper on his on some on the skin, 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:12.680 but like nothing else. The morphing that we were giving 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:15.080 him would cause him to have like an amnesia effect 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.760 um through his sleep, and then he would wake up 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:20.760 and he would forget that he had lost his arms 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:23.520 and he had lost his eyes. Every day and he 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.760 would wake up like trying to claw what he thought 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.360 was something covering his eyes, but of course he can't 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.200 reach his face because he has no arms. And then 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:36.360 having to explain this man every fucking morning, Hey, it's Max. 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:40.320 I'm still your corman. You've been here for a little while. Um, 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:43.080 you know you're safe and your arms and your eyes 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:45.839 are gone. Every morning he would have he would just 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:48.240 have this crushing defeat and I'd get him up and 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:50.440 i'd you know, walk him around in the room to 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:53.320 get him to get him mobile, and he would be joking. 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.120 He'd be joking and and and and he'd be talking, 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:58.720 you know. Uh, he'd be he'd be asked me if 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:01.120 my dick is still okay, because that's all it really matters. 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:03.320 And I tell him it was, and we would have 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:05.120 and we would laugh about it and it would be 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:08.320 funny and uh, and I put him back into the bed, 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:11.560 and at the end of my shift, I would be crumbled, thinking, 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:14.480 there's no way I'm as hard as that motherfucker. There's 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:16.880 no way I'd have that sense of humor. And I 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:18.960 just did not believe that I had it in me 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:21.520 to be as strong as he was. And knowing that 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:23.840 I was gonna have to go back to Afghanistan and 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:26.440 put myself in the position of this person who was 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:30.840 stronger than me on my best day, I just, um, yeah, 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.360 that was That was where my PTSD came from. It 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:37.240 wasn't patrolling, you know, on on a mission. It wasn't 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:39.560 seeing guys get blown up in the field. I was 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.640 used to that I had something I could do there, 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.560 you know. But for me, that that waiting time between 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:48.000 my hospital assignment and finally getting to get off the 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:50.320 plane in Afghanistan, that was the hardest part of my life. 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.080 It's the waiting that's the fucking terrible part. It's like, 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:56.040 once you're in it, once you're in it, you're just 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:58.720 sucking in it. You're just responding, reacting, you're flowing, You're 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:00.520 doing you know how to do, and you know that 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:02.840 you're well trained to do it. It's the waiting that 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:05.760 caused me to nightmares, and that's what really I think 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:11.600 sort of fractured my mind. Stitch Fix is an online 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:16.360 personal styling service that finds and delivers clothes, shoes, and 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:20.040 accessories to fit your body, budget, and lifestyle. Just go 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:23.240 to stitch fix dot com slash azzi that's o z 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:26.440 Y and tell them your sizes, what styles you like, 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.960 and how much you want to spend on each item. 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:32.079 You'll be paired with your very own personal stylist who 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:35.160 will hand pick five items to send right to your door. 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.120 Then you try them on, pay only for what you 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:42.920 love and return the rest. Shipping, exchanges and returns always free. 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:46.160 There's no subscription required. You can sign up to receive 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:50.400 schedule shipments or get your fix whenever you want. Stitch 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:53.960 Fixes styling fee is only twenty dollars, which is applied 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:58.120 towards anything you keep from your shipment. Get started now 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:01.320 at stitch fix dot com slash z e y and 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:04.719 you'll get an extra percent off when you keep all 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:07.520 five items in your box that stitch fix dot com 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:12.160 slash Azzi to Get started today stitch fix dot com 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:17.199 slash oh a Zy. I was thinking about the transition 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:22.560 from from Afghanistan back to l A. How are things? 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:25.560 How are things right at back? Wasn't strange? Or was it? 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:27.439 I think I was? I don't think I know is. 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:29.320 I was in denial about a lot of the mental 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:31.760 scaring that happened to me in Germany, and I figured, well, 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:34.040 I'll just tough it out. I'll just I'll just keep 0:09:34.040 --> 0:09:36.800 baring it and it'll it'll eventually subside, you know, And 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:40.680 it really didn't. And Uh, I was self medicating with 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:43.600 booze and uh and that was not helping at all. 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:49.040 It was strange, and it was really hard to relate. Actually, 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.160 you know, it was really hard to relate because you're 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:55.720 surrounded by a community there that's sort of all encompassing everybody. 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:58.640 You know, it's military and uh and and all that. 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:03.720 And then you get out and you're running buy you know, um, 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:08.120 privileged to college kids who who um who you know, 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:10.240 God bless them. They just they just don't know any better. 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.679 And I had more in common with the professors than 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.920 I had with the students. It was intoxicating how free 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:20.480 you can, you know, I was, and how I can 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:22.760 I can write my own own orders, I can do 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:26.200 what I want. Um. But it was also really hard 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:31.240 not having that constant brotherhood, that constant management, for lack 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:33.319 of a better way to say it, um, and having 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:39.559 a clear purpose and having confidence in in in your leadership. 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:42.960 I really missed all of that a lot. Actually I 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:46.240 still do. I still do, you know. Um, it's like 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:52.959 leaving a family behind. I'd spent so much time getting 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:55.280 really used to my own mortality that I wasn't even 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.280 sure if I was even alive. I thought, what if 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:00.520 my perspective is all just my imagination sharing what if 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:03.160 I am actually a comatose patient in the hospital bed 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:05.319 and this is all just some extrapolated dream and I'm 0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:09.800 not even really here. I was totally dissociated from my 0:11:09.840 --> 0:11:12.960 own life, you know. And and that was and that 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:14.960 was how I was sort of that was my normal, 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.440 that was my walking around. You have to really accept 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:21.960 your um mortality in order to be effective on the battlefield, 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:24.600 you know. And and I accepted it so much that 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:27.480 it was more comfortable for me to be dead than 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:33.920 it was to be alive. My father was was long distant, 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:38.439 he was living back in Tennessee, out of communication with us, 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:43.439 and uh suffering his own mental uh, his own mental troubles, 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:46.240 his own mental problems. And I got news that my 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.080 mother had passed. She had a heart attack. And before 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:51.760 I could even uh really get my head around that, 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:54.920 her house burnt down. Her house burnt down after she died, 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.079 My family's home burnt down. I have a sister who 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:00.200 has a drug issue, and her tweaker boyfriend come at 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:03.080 arson on the house, and uh and and away it went. 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.480 And so I came home to burying my mom and 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:09.439 rebuilding this house. So I had three sisters looking at 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:11.800 me to fix this, you know, in the midst of 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:14.800 you know, sort of burying my mom and seeing this 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.599 burnt town house, I was, I was really ready to 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:19.360 put my forty five in my mouth and just blow 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:22.199 my brains out. I was just exhausted. I was already 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:25.840 I was already exhausted. And then I felt like um 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:27.920 by note and I was exhausted from ship that I 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.320 had chosen to do. And on some hand, I I 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:32.560 could take responsibility for that, and I could, I could 0:12:32.600 --> 0:12:35.120 manage that in my own way. But then having to 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:38.760 take responsibility for burying my mom, you know, being the 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.600 leader of this family through this tragedy, and then rebuilding 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.000 a house that was just it was just more than 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.440 I could bear, really, And uh, I remember I was 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:48.320 I was gonna blow my brains out, but it was 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:57.520 it was raining. So I'm gonna let that sit with you. 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.400 What do you think about that for a second. And 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:03.760 while you're thinking I'm gonna be chattering, I'm gonna chat 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:07.000 a specifically, I want to go back even further because 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:10.640 how I met Max is super compelling. I get a 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:15.960 call from a friend in Los Angeles, Marcy. Marcy says 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:17.760 to me, Hey, Hey, listen, there's this guy that I 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.520 think you should meet. She gives me the rebop about 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:24.199 the cage fighting, which is enough. She goes, yeah, yeah, 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.480 And he's also a former kind of punk rock guys 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:28.680 and skateboarding, you know, stuff that you kind of like. 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.320 I go, yeah, okay, Well what's he done? She goes, Also, 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:37.760 he's a nice Jewish boy. So imagine my surprise first 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:41.880 time I meet him when he shows up and he's 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:45.600 African American. It never came up. I guess it wouldn't have. 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:51.480 But mother's Jewish, his father's African American, and he grew 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:57.360 up in the Deep South. Yeah, so I put my 0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:01.439 pistol away and and I did, and I said it, 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:05.200 I'll just do it tomorrow. And the v A told me, look, 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.360 you know you're drinking too much, you're fighting too much. 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:09.360 You need you need a hobby. And I said, well, 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:10.920 I like to Well, I and I know how to 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:12.760 make soap, and they said, we'll go do that. Was 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:19.680 where are you from. I'm from Knoxville, Tennessee, and I 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.360 have a family in Gatlinburg as well. In Tennessee. People 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:27.480 in the Hills Country, people can survive. Man Like, I 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:30.600 don't think I ever saw my mother or father call 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:34.600 out for like like a mechanic or a plumber or 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:39.120 an electrician or a painter. Ever, they never hired out anybody. 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:42.720 They just figured it out. You know. So, um, very 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:46.760 very d d I y people and very self sufficient 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:50.640 people and uh and so among other things. Um, you 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.160 know everything from moonshine to soap. Yeah, I can. I 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:54.480 can make those things. I mean I knew how to 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:56.440 grow weed and make soap by the time I was 0:14:56.560 --> 0:15:00.560 in I don't know, the third grade. So it was 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.920 like a family activity. It's a family activity. I have 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:07.120 a Milton Poor process cooking my soap down, poured into molds. 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:10.160 I mixed mine with oats, milk, alow, coconut oil, and 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:13.080 coconut flakes essential oils. Put it into molds, chop it up, 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:15.360 wrap it up in plastic, put stickers on it for labels, 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:20.640 and uh and that's it. It's surprisingly simple. If you 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:23.840 can tie your own shoes, you can make soap. So okay, 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.360 so so at one point, so you're in l A 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:30.560 said we make the soap, and um, uh did did 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:34.960 this initially? How much did this help? Initially? It was everything? 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:37.680 I mean, I don't hands with the Devil's work. Man. 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.400 If if I don't have a tool or or or 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:44.400 a project in my hands, I was just as likely 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.600 you know, drinking and fighting, you know, so like it was, 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:49.760 it was. It was really really good for me. It 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:53.480 helped me get past um a lot of addiction stuff. 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:57.000 It helped me get past a lot of uh PTSD stuff, 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:00.800 self pity stuff like having purpose is everything to me. 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:06.160 The podcast world is growing bigger every day, and Himalaya 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:08.960 wants to help you navigate it. Himalaya is a brand 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:12.880 new podcast app where you can find every single podcast 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:16.280 you love and some future faves. Whether your podcast or 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:20.520 a fan, Himalay has got your back. Discover personally curated 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:24.880 playlist and show your favorite podcasters some love with Himalaya's 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:28.880 tip jaw. It's free and it's the easiest to use, 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:31.880 and they're adding cool new features every day. Go to 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:37.120 your app store download Himalaya. That's h I Am A 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:42.000 L A y A, and don't forget the follow asie 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:48.880 Confidential once you're there. The military is an organization where 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:53.560 everybody just decides to mentally get on the same sheet 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:56.640 of music. At the same time. They decide to all 0:16:56.720 --> 0:16:59.640 pull on the same rope with the same intensity at 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:02.920 the same time. And what that means is that you're 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:05.879 gonna learn a lot, and like, if you can bear it, 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:10.000 you're gonna learn more faster than you could possibly imagine. 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:13.680 If it doesn't kill you or drive you completely crazy, 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:16.959 you come away from it light years ahead of your competition. 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:20.040 If you can bear it, then what is amazing is 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.679 you're gonna get really intimate with your own mortality and 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:26.080 kind of a Tibetan Book of the Dead kind of way. 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.640 That's gonna mean you're gonna approach life with a kind 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:32.560 of intensity that most people don't ever understand. The slogan 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:34.840 for the company is don't be nasty, and I stole 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:36.960 that that's a direct rip off from the Marine Corps. 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:39.919 When and it's not just when your body is nasty, 0:17:39.960 --> 0:17:42.200 but like if your bed isn't made, or like if 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.359 your rifle isn't oiled and cleaned, they'll say, oh, you 0:17:44.560 --> 0:17:46.960 don't don't be nasty, don't be nasty you and my 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:48.600 mother used to say the same thing when I wouldn't 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:52.399 wash my ass. Don't be nasty. But the the for me, 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:58.400 part of the meditative centering process for me in in 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:02.399 in in war Is, I would always find just a 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:05.640 moment every day, if it was only a teacup worth 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:09.119 of water, I would dab my handkerchief in it, and 0:18:09.200 --> 0:18:13.040 I would wash my ass with soap every fucking day, 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.640 because I had this thing after being in Germany, where 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:17.600 I was like, the last thing I want is to 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.400 die smelling like feet, and the last thing I want 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:21.879 is some guy to have to pick me up and 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.439 put me on a litter and onto a helicopter, onto planes, 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:27.679 and like, I'm wearing dirty, dirty, dirty underwear and I 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:30.159 smell like balls. And so when I came home to 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.760 the to the States and I saw, you know, veterans 0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:37.000 living on the street, living nasty, it it clicked for me. 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:40.159 You know, I didn't I didn't know how else I 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:42.200 could make a difference, but I did know that, like, 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:44.800 I don't want people in America to have to be 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:48.840 dirtier than I wasn't war. You know, I can't get 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.520 everybody a fucking house, but like with a soap company, 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:53.280 I can damn sure try to get everybody a shower. 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:58.720 People think that like, um, I've moved quickly with this business, 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:01.399 or people think that I've gotten a lot done, and 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:05.160 and and and I always feel like I'm I'm behind 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:09.800 because I'm all after seeing as much death and pain 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:13.439 as I've gotten to see. Um, I feel in a 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:18.520 rush to live a full and complete life without excuses. 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:20.320 I feel in a rush to get as much done 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:22.960 as I possibly can. That is the kind of intensity 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:26.120 I was talking about that makes me feel like I'm 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:29.960 I'm summoning and I'm I'm I'm passing by my competition. 0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:33.199 Um and it puts me and it puts me in 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:37.560 a constant My competition really isn't even other people. It's 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:41.080 it's the it's the lesser version of myself. Does that 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:46.520 make sense, Yeah, it does. It's easy to make soap, 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.840 it's hard to make a soap company. And in order 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:52.960 for me to make a soap company, I'll just give 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:57.480 you a little secret. I just copied terrorists, terrorists, and cartels, 0:19:57.640 --> 0:20:00.920 is what I did. I copied their business models. Terrorists 0:20:00.960 --> 0:20:04.680 and cartels. We have a tremendously hard time defeating them, 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:06.760 and as an intelligent specialist, I'll tell you one of 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:11.640 the biggest reasons is because they keep all their operations portable, scalable, 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:16.160 and trainable. Right, So, if it's It's like the craft 0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:19.359 of making cocaine not very difficult, the craft of making 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:22.800 explosives not very difficult. Uh. And if you can keep 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:27.080 it scalable, and you can, it's already trainable, right. If 0:20:27.119 --> 0:20:29.280 you can keep it scalable and you can keep it portable, 0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:31.600 then it comes really hard to shut it down. So 0:20:31.760 --> 0:20:34.359 like a cartel can move a drug lab in the 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:37.560 time it takes to pack a truck, a terrorist network 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:40.919 can move a bomb making facility and the time it 0:20:40.920 --> 0:20:43.639 takes to pack a truck, you know. So like I 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:47.760 wanted to apply what I learned about asymmetrical warfare as 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:50.800 an intelligent specialist to my business. One of the little 0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:52.800 secrets I've been doing is I've been going all over 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:57.480 the country and training veterans on what I'm doing. So 0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:00.359 I kept it really easy to make. I kept it 0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:04.159 really easy to move the factory anytime I feel like 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:07.720 And um, and now I'm just going around and empowering 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:11.639 to their veterans to make and sell this soap. No 0:21:11.760 --> 0:21:14.399 problems come back to me. They just they just have 0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:17.160 a job now and they can sell locally. I make 0:21:17.200 --> 0:21:20.159 my money on my online site anyway. And uh, and 0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:23.520 we're currently in talks to turn into a to a 0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:28.919 nonprofit and UM, and just keep on pushing UM to 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:33.320 affect positive change in veteran joblessness. I'm trying to push 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:37.280 this idea UM that like we can affect positive change. 0:21:37.320 --> 0:21:39.359 And that's and it just so happens. I make really 0:21:39.359 --> 0:21:42.400 good soap. I really didn't expect it, Eugene. I didn't 0:21:42.440 --> 0:21:45.480 expect for there to be this ground swell of interest 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:48.520 and this ground swell of support. But it's happening. I 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:51.800 have all this love and support in my life, and 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:54.960 I'm able to affect all this love and support for 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:57.639 other people. And I didn't blow my brains out, and 0:21:57.800 --> 0:22:03.600 I'm so happy. That was raining that day I was 0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:08.240 in India. Uh, this was gosh, three months ago, I guess. Now. 0:22:08.400 --> 0:22:11.919 I had this this experience where I had, you know, 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.479 I had this traffic accident where I thought this baby 0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:18.040 had died and uh it turned out to be okay. 0:22:18.240 --> 0:22:21.560 And um, these these gangsters that I had made friends 0:22:21.600 --> 0:22:23.800 with sort of showed up to uh to bail me 0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:27.440 out of jail and paid off the bribes to get 0:22:27.440 --> 0:22:29.399 me out of there and then took me over to 0:22:29.440 --> 0:22:34.639 the mosque and and I I knelt down and prayed, 0:22:34.680 --> 0:22:38.560 and I just started, um crying out of happiness and 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:41.640 gratitude that like, for all the ship that I'd seen 0:22:41.760 --> 0:22:45.719 that I've I'm in one piece at least physically, you know, 0:22:45.840 --> 0:22:47.959 and that like I've never had to I've never had 0:22:48.000 --> 0:22:50.159 to do anything that I really regret, and and like 0:22:50.640 --> 0:22:52.919 I find that to be mostly true in life. You know, 0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:55.160 is that is that you have this idea, this image 0:22:55.200 --> 0:22:56.760 in your head of what things are supposed to look like, 0:22:57.320 --> 0:22:59.800 and um, and it often doesn't really work out quite 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:02.440 the way you think it will. But overall, I feel 0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:04.359