WEBVTT - Episode 6: Jailbreak 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:10.000 It's morning and today's today. If I'm gonna make a 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:12.360 run for it, live my best life in Viral Villa, 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:16.440 I have to go now. First step, I sneak into 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.000 my parents bedroom and steal my phone back from my 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:22.600 mom's night stand downstairs. I make it past the breakfast 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:26.040 table as if I'm going to school. Meanwhile, upstairs, I 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:28.560 left the note to my bed explaining where I'm actually headed. 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:31.280 I feel like I'm pulling off a heist of some ship. 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:36.760 That kid all sleep well, Yeah, slep fun. Oh, your 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:39.239 backpack looks heavy today. I can't tell if it's a 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:41.920 leading question or not, but I need to have a 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:47.920 reply ready. Yeah, I'm I'm bringing some podcast equipment Janelle 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:49.560 and I are going to use. Here Comes to Break 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.760 is our big semester project, at least that part about 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:56.000 the podcasting project. It's true when we decided to use 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:58.200 our experience with the show was the foundation of a 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:02.200 joint audio lab project. But actually my bag is heavy 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:04.440 because I'm all geared up from my exclusive invite to 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:08.280 the Viral Villa in l a three jam packed days 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:12.120 making fresh content, gaining the mutual follows, and revealing myself 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:17.760 as the man behind mask on sounds like a good idea. 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.959 This is exactly how you should be applying your extracurriculus. 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.120 Have fun at school, baby. Luckily, that's the last of 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:27.240 the raised eyebrows from my parents as I grabbed banana 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:30.840 and bust out the door. From there, it's talk to JFK. 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:34.119 One of the advantages of living out in Rockaway Beaches 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:35.560 that I can take the m T A to the 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.560 airport and under an hour comes in clutch right now 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:41.880 is I'm pulling off the craziest play I ever made. 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:45.200 After pushing my way through a couple of transfers, it's 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:50.200 airport time, security, the works. It isn't until I'm sitting 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.720 at the gateway and the board that the true insanity 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:56.640 of what I'm doing lands home. My limb starts to 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:58.840 rattle in a pressure like a ton of bricks hits 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:02.360 my chest. What am I doing traveling across the country 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:05.360 without telling my parents, breaking ranks with my podcast team 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:06.880 to make the trip, even though we agree none of 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:10.520 us would go. I'm blowing up all my closest relationships 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:12.760 for this one shot to cash in on everything we've 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:16.280 worked for. But hell no, I'm not gonna have a 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:20.480 panic attack. Now I've come too far. I fight through it, 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:24.239 I stay focused. I have to do this for myself, 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:27.639 a statement that I'm ready to pursue this Internet fame thing, 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:31.120 that I'm finally ready to own it. And then of 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:36.600 course my phone goes off with notification bells. We saw 0:02:36.600 --> 0:02:38.880 the message sent back to the villa. What's the deal. 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:43.080 Marco's already wise to what I've pulled off. Janelle is 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:46.520 probably in shock, but it's all gonna work out. They'll see. 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:50.519 I'm sorry, but I'm going We can't miss this chance, 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:54.359 and I need to do this myself. I can't. This 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:58.480 is incredibly irresponsible with that I turned my phone on 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:02.200 airplane mode, a point. They're getting caught out now. There 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.120 will be hell to pay when I get back, but 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:06.160 I won't let my nerves get to me. I've been 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:08.320 letting those nerves keep me from pursuing my goals for 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:10.720 so long, and the success of here comes the break 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:15.120 has been like a cure. Oh, I feel driven, focused, 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:20.360 able to do anything. I'm locked in. The plane begins border, 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:22.760 so I put on my headphones and get in lined 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:51.960 viral villa. Here I come. As soon as I get 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:53.680 off the plane that someone from the house to pick 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:55.360 me up and drive me over. I flew on the 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.760 Burt back less traffic to l X. We head back 0:03:57.760 --> 0:03:59.680 to the East Side bungalow that's both the viral villa 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.040 itself and home to the art collective of the same name. 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:05.520 The works inside. My host, Corbin is called blind Fit 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.240 All American type. He introduces me to the other members 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:09.960 of the collective and the other busitors for the weekend. 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:13.720 Aleck j ted a string of names, stone Cold, influencer, 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:15.840 hat to a one. I recognized them all from the 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:18.360 ship time. I settled into the spare room, changing to 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:20.440 swim trunks, and we spend the afternoon in their pool, 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:24.120 partying the sun, the skin, the pool itself. Everything glows 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:26.320 in the California air. I make guys with the flight 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:28.279 chip Alie, and get to the Corbyn over a grim. 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:30.640 Over dinner, we bring storm ideas for TikTok videos to 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:32.320 make the next day. I pitched my reveal of my 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:34.760 mask on identity in one of the videos, and everyone's 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:37.240 into drinks. Go around after the food, and I'm living 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:39.359 my best life. So I get drunk with Corbin, Athlete 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:41.440 and an influencing name Cat. We talked about life in 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:43.800 the twenty century, kind of running for president by Scott 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:45.800 and commerce, all of the ship that I love to 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:47.600 think about, and then they follow me on the ground. 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:50.120 I crashed hard after that. But up early in that breakfast, 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:52.120 everyone is already starting to send out live terms and 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.440 make videos on their phones. Corbyn says, that's ca cameo 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.599 on his feet to reveal my identity and I'm not 0:04:56.640 --> 0:04:58.919 about to say no. He shows off the breakfast spread 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:01.080 and afflis the camera catch me loading on my plate 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:04.360 out out the right way beach. Yo, we got mask 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:06.280 on in the house this weekend. He's flowing over with 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:08.720 this podcast. Here comes the break You've got a less 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:11.039 sidleless side. It takes all my accounts to the post 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:13.600 and pretty soon the follows are flooding it. It's like 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:15.599 Magic Cat and I go for a drive around the 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:16.880 city and she takes me to a meeting with an 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:19.880 agent name or After that we hype Griffith Park Observatory. 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:21.560 When we get back to the villa, we end up 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.240 making out in the pool. Atlice seems disappointed, but what 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:26.560 can I say? But when you're making fresh clips. I 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.839 checked my messages, nothing from anyone back piece they're probably stealing, 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:31.960 and how mad they are that I did this problem 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:33.960 From Monday bub back to the lines, where I end 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:35.760 up smoking the joint and then meeting a rapper who 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.520 wants to be on the podcast. I tell her hook 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.160 her up with my people when I get home. I'm 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:40.880 getting used to acting like I belong here. On the 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.719 second night, we ordering for them Thai food. It's better 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:45.920 than any tie I've ever had on the East Coast. 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:47.960 Everybody crowds around the kitchen island. A couple of to 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:49.880 make YouTube videos decides to make a month bang out 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:52.400 of it, grabbing something from every platter in the huge spread. 0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:54.880 By this point, the number of followers on my social 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:57.600 feast has gone out of control. I'm not doing monk 0:05:57.640 --> 0:05:59.839 on numbers. But but when more crossover events like this, 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:02.320 we could get there and everyone will be in all new. 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:04.480 Here comes to break listener. Finally I'm going to be 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:06.960 able to interact with the online audience directly. No more 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:09.800 smoke screen with market Engine. Now. I stumbled in my 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:11.800 room at one a m after another night of drinking 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.720 with Corbin in the house regulars. Someone's passing around Zandis 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:17.040 and I take the the booze mixes with the pills 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:19.200 and the weeds from earlier. He got me favor. For 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:21.000 the second night in the row, I forget to take 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:22.919 my meds, but I'm living off the high of just 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.480 being here right now. I wake up with a hangover 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:27.120 on the third morning, I have to go back east 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.120 and think something went at home soon harder to keep 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:30.960 that thought from my mind. Went off gonna like ship. 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:32.720 As soon as I make my way to the common area, 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:34.960 I'm lit up by all the energy of these creatives. 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:38.680 Everybody's at it, the game driven. It's a high. I 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:41.000 came here win some tiktoks with Ted, Jagan, Natalie. Before 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.119 it's time to head back to the airport, Corbyn offers 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:45.080 to drive me back to Bourban. We squeeze in one 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:46.800 more swimming the pool when we leave, and I try 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.239 to get Cat's numbered, but she shoots me down. Can't 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.560 win them all. As far as business goes, this weekend 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:59.279 has been a total success. Put Once something back on 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.760 the plane, the reality starts to set in. I went 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:06.159 behind markt with Janelle's back, I basically ran away from home. 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:09.440 Mission accomplished in terms to grow on my social following 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:12.640 in the podcast. Mission accomplished in terms of taking the 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:18.120 power back for mom and Dad. But holy shit. At 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:20.880 first I laid my phone off during the flight avoid 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:23.680 checking my messages again. But now that I've got nothing 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:26.120 to do but sit and think, my mind is going 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:29.840 crazy with the worst case scenarios, Marco Originelle quitting for one, 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:33.200 being grounded forever. In a day, my phone burns a 0:07:33.240 --> 0:07:36.080 hole in my pocket. I have to smooth things over somehow. 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:38.320 Now that I've run off with the inviting parties, it 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:41.640 up with the highest TikTok stars in that leg ship. 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.000 There's no easy way to do this. It's gonna ring hollow. 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.560 Eventually I can't take it anymore. I pull out my 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:51.120 phone and turn it on and log into the plane's WiFi. 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:54.680 Still no messages from my parents, and nothing from Mark 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:57.800 Riginelle either. When I didn't hear from them over the weekend, 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:00.120 it was easy to avoid feem bad. But now the 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.160 silence puts a pit of dread in my stomach. I 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:09.440 get one message Marco starting to the podcast. Damnit, worst 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:13.600 case scenario getting way too close to reality. I immediately 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:17.480 start drafting the message to Marco, Hey man, I'm really 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:20.000 sorry for the way I pulled this move. It wasn't 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:22.000 fair to you. Let's talk about it. And then as 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:25.800 I'm back, I hit sin and wait, nothing comes back 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:29.320 right away. Damn. I was so focused on getting this 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:32.600 experience living an influencer of life, I just barreled straight 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:36.520 ahead and now it's all in danger. On a whim, 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:39.080 I checked my podcast feeds and I see that Marco 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:41.520 and Janelle posted a fresh episode over the weekend while 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.480 I was away. Our interview with st Body one of 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:46.760 the ones we already had in the can. It's a 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.240 glimmer of hope if they finished the mix on their 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:52.719 own and posted it. Marco hasn't quit yet. I can 0:08:52.760 --> 0:09:02.240 still make it right in your own words. Who is 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:11.960 sat both? Same body is rebellious, crazy, sensitive, intuitive, Jesus. 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:14.280 It's kind of like all over the place. But I'll 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:16.520 make sense at the same time, like you might catch 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:18.199 me on it. Oh, I want to give everybody flowers 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:19.480 and rolls. And the next day I'm just like, no, 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:21.320 none of this makes sense. We've got to change the 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.000 order and this is how it's closed to be so. 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:25.959 But at the end of the day, I'm usually helping 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:28.920 people out with their lives, and I usually make sense 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:30.400 at the end of the day, with so much going 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:32.679 on in the world, what role does your music like 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:35.319 during the time of revolution? And that's crazy because I've 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:38.679 been like reflecting on that. It's Anita Simon interview that 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:40.640 she did and she said that as an artist, our 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:44.560 job is to reflect the time, and so I've been 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.280 been pushing It's difficult because when you start off as 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:48.840 a certain type of artist, everyone just like, are you 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:51.320 staying the slame famous lane? But when you start seeing 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:54.160 your people in your black women and black men dealing 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:55.840 with so many things, you start kind of getting that 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:59.720 revolutionary strike going on. And so it's just been forcing 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:01.840 me to a more so to speak about what I've 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:05.880 dealt with as an African American artist. You know, sometimes 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:07.680 you can't just release a record we want to. So 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:09.640 I've just been kind of hammering people on the head 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:12.439 like this isn't right. Aggressive. I guess you can say 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.800 I've been a really aggressive artist. This is not only 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:19.040 their problem, it's my problem. Dyeah, how is that influence? 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.800 She was an artist? I appreciate my experience kind of 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:25.080 like moded me as a woman and as a human. 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:26.719 I've seen a lot of things. I've seen a lot 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.400 of darkness, depth, you know, just I can go down 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:32.000 the list. But it helps me. I guess it helps 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:36.000 you be strong and sensitive at the same time. And creativity, 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:38.160 Like it's so much art. I know. Sometimes I'll just 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:40.360 drive down to the hood and I like, I'm in 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:42.959 the hood all the time, and I'm shopping sloughs in 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:44.839 and everything. And that's where all the art comes from. 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:46.880 It doesn't come from being in Beverly Hills and being 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.120 in sucking Santa Monica and all these things. It's like 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:51.760 the arts where the people are. I have a show, 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:55.680 remember all the grinding, and so sometimes I'm just like, 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:57.960 I deserve this. I deserve this, I deserve this, I 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:00.720 created this, I made this. But what I've been noticing 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.079 now as a young woman is that my over it. 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.920 And so because I dealt with so many traumatic experiences 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:11.320 like throughout my career, and so the thing that's helping 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:14.240 me let it go is alright, create the music, talk 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:16.480 your feelings out, and then you have to let it 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:18.400 go or else I'm not gonna be able to evolve 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.160 until the next person if I keep holding onto all 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:24.440 the trauma. And so I think that's how the background 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:28.079 is starting to shape me. It's just I'm starting to process. Hello, dude, 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:30.600 you're not always okay, and this ship was sucked up 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:33.920 and you gotta release, and so that's what it's doing. 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.160 I don't make music, and it's it might sound crazy, 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:38.520 It's like I don't really make music because I wanted 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:40.840 to help people. But I'm doing it because this is 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:43.320 my only sense of therapy at itself. I can't talk 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:45.800 to someone about it because no one gets it. If 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:47.679 I make the music for some reason, that's the only 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:52.840 way I can help. Wow. Wow, that's powerful. Um, Okay, 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.600 what advice would you give to emergent artists just getting 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:58.840 started who wanted signs were labels? I mean, I guess 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.320 the best advice to be got to be patient. You know, 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:03.480 this is a new generation, no in my twenties, and 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:07.720 so we want ship expeditiously like instant coffee. Be patient, 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.760 have intuition about the situation. There's gonna be times where 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.280 everyone is wrong and you're the right one, and you're 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:15.000 gonna have to speak up for yourself and just be 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:16.599 like no, man, like that's not what the hell I 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:18.319 want to do. But you also have to continue to 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:20.480 be humble because you know, don't treat yourself at the 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.520 foot because your label, they're all working for you, not 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:26.000 against you, you know, so I guess that would be 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:30.120 the big the big message. Just be motivated and motivate 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:32.360 your team. Like a lot of artists get shine and 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:34.280 they don't motivate their team, and they're just like, well, 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:35.800 do this for me, do that for me, and it's 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:37.880 just like no, you actually gotta sometimes you gotta make 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:39.440 those phone call. Hey, you what you're doing? How are 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:41.160 you feeling today? All right, what we're doing today? You know, 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:42.760 you've got to kind of be the leader. I'll say, 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:46.760 not gonna know how to leave. And it's a successful 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.680 artist what a self killing looked like to you? Man, 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.520 that's so crazy because it's keeping my house together, in 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.720 my car together. I know that sounds like minute, but 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:58.200 when my house is organized, when my car is organized, 0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:00.720 I feel very calm. When I speak into my family 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:04.320 and giving them their praises and love, that makes me 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:07.960 very happy. And then I'll disconnect. Sometimes I'll turn my 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:09.679 phone off for like a day or two, and it 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.520 irritates people sometimes, but I don't care, and I'll just 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:14.640 go into this self love of doing my nails in 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.320 my hair. Sometimes I won't even get my nails done. 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.439 I'll do that myself. It's just a self care thing. 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.599 And I have like this little pyramid and like my crystals. 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:26.400 I'll meditate, I like candles, write notes to myself. I 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.719 do a lot of like keeping my mental and check 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:31.520 because as artists, our brains are all over the place, 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.360 so I have to do certain things like that. I'll 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:37.079 play video games. I'm a nerd, so I love video games. 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:40.000 I love anime. I love to read and just disconnect. 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:43.960 Last question, and this is something I asked every artist, 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.760 what do you want your legacy to teach people about? 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:51.160 So I feel like we're in this really weird period 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:53.880 of life where a lot of people are selfish, and 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:57.480 a lot of people are in this like each your bag, 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:59.199 and men are like, oh, I mean, I like five 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.120 teen seven eight girls and you know, let me not 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:04.400 be transparent and honest blah blah blah and show. I 0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:07.400 feel like I want to teach people to do more transparency. 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:08.920 Like one of the reasons why some of my songs 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:12.560 are so jarring is because it's very pure honesty, and 0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:15.120 so I just want to teach people that it's okay 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.559 to tell that girl, yo, I got four girlfriends and 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:20.800 a baby mama, but you have a choice, or I 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:23.520 got you know, this is my life situation, or I'm 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.560 depressed today? Why am I telling you I'm great? Like 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:26.960 if you go to a barber shop and you get 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.040 your hair cut, how you doing today? You say I'm fine, 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:32.400 but you're depressed, then it's just like you know you're lying. 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:33.960 So I just want to teach people to come from 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:36.000 the pureness of their heart and just be honest, like 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.760 there's nothing wrong with it. And that's like the main motive. 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.600 Most irritating thing to me is when people are not honest. 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:54.160 We'll be right back and now back to the show. 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:09.760 M I get home in the evening Eastern time, make 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:12.680 my way back to the house and St. Bodie's words 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:16.600 about dishonesty are ringing in my ears. I paused at 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:19.400 the front door, filling the full way to my backpack 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.120 on my shoulders and a ton of bricks to bury 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:24.360 me alive that my parents are about to lay on me, 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:33.200 and take a deep breath and turn the knob. Inside. 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:36.400 Mom and Dad are waiting for me in silence. He's 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:40.080 in the recliner. She's on the couch in Their faces 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:44.520 are stone cold. How long have you guys been waiting 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:47.760 like this? Mom doesn't say a word. Her stare alone 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:51.080 burns right through me like a laser. She's gonna wear 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:54.520 my ass. She gets up and storms out of the room. 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:59.560 Up the stairs, Go to your room. It's gonna be 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:05.080 comforble quinces for this severe consequences. We're talking the morning. 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:07.880 My dad heads up the stairs behind my mom, who 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:11.160 slams the room door. That's why I felt the house shake. 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:16.240 I'm left in the living room alone, but I'm confused. 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:22.000 That was short and almost too easy. I thought for 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:24.800 sure I was in for a fight right away. I 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:28.440 sit in the silence for a moment. It feels heavy, 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:31.520 with nothing left to do. I head up the stairs too, 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:36.800 to my room. The house is so quiet. My parents 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:41.400 reaction was so muted. It's it's unsettled me on a 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:43.560 selfish level. I know that even if they ground me 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:47.040 till Kingdom come, we got work arounds to record the 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:50.560 remaining podcast interviews from my closet. But I also worry 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:54.040 I've damaged that trust beyond repair, just like I might 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:58.160 have with Marco. I checked my phone. I'm just telling 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:01.960 the reply from him. He he's tight, or maybe he's 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:05.679 just blown off steam. Either way, I haven't felt this 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:08.639 alone in a long time. Under the way of the guilt, 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:13.000 I start reviewing the crazy weekend in my head, but 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:15.720 for some reason, it just doesn't seem as glamorous. I 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:20.680 remember my second night, drinking, smoking, taking pills, stumbling in 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:23.760 my room at one am. I remember making a rejected 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:28.000 pass a cat. I haven't been taking by meds. I 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:33.080 haven't been taking my meds. I got so fixated on 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:37.640 this trip as some wild break from my stifling home life. 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:41.560 Except it wasn't a clean break. It was just a vacation. 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.560 I'm sitting in the records that I've created with parents 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.600 who are going to make it as hard as they 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:49.480 can for me to finish the podcast, and my crew 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:53.119 maybe done with me too. There's no escaping it, no 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:58.080 pretending my problems don't exist. Now it's my reality. I 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.560 turned on my phone again and text you, now, Hey, 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:06.479 that's Marco. Haven't really heard back. What's this headache? For 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.840 a moment, I'm in suspense, but soon I see the 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:13.359 three little floating dots to say, now is typing back. Hey, 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:16.960 at least somebody's still talking to me. Marco was hurt. 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:19.720 Your parents have been reaching out to everyone all weekend 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:22.359 for more info. We put out the episode Well You're Away, 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:24.679 but I had to drag him, kicking and screaming. I 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:26.840 hope you brought him back a souvenir. At least he's 0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:30.000 pissed to say. In the least the sixteen thousand new 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:35.160 followers count with him, I'm sure I'll take the followers. However, 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:40.520 that's your boy. You have to make it right for him. Honestly, 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:44.280 I'm pretty disappointed in you. That's straight up a trail. 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:47.080 You refused to let Marco go, then you ran off 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:50.600 yourself without permission. I think it's a whack of you 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:52.680 to sacrifice your friendships for a weekend of fame and 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:55.800 late night sessions in the pool, hardying it up, cuddling 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.480 up with that girl Cat. It was right in Marco's face. Damn. 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:01.919 How the hell did you know about Cat? Do you 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:04.880 think she wouldn't post about that? You spent a weekend 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:07.880 at a place called viral Villa with influencers who live 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:11.359 on their phones. Dude, you still have a lot of 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:14.720 growing up to do. Nothing is private. How long have 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:19.240 you known Marco? Because we were little six seven? You're 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:22.720 cold blooded. Her clap back hits me hard across the face. 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:26.480 Marco Co founded his pot with me. I mean, he's 0:19:26.520 --> 0:19:29.360 the reason I mask on really and I did him 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:31.840 dad wrong. Point take it. I'll reach out to him 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:35.719 again the mom and I'll see you with school. Hopefully 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:37.800 you're still alive in the morning. I put the phone 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:40.480 aside and collapse on my bed. I feel the weight 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:43.040 of every burned out nerve and impressing in on me, 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.320 anxiety from every direction. What is this with me? Lately? 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:51.119 I've been having so many panic attacks, missing my man's 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:53.440 and then I blow up my life for this weekended 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:59.040 viral villa out of nowhere. When I take a step back, 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:06.000 I to don't feel so good about it. I feel uneasy, sick, 0:20:06.160 --> 0:20:14.159 sick to my stomach. Janelle not blowing up at me 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:16.440 is a clear sign that I've dug a grave for myself. 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:22.480 She's detached. She thinks less of me, that's clear, but 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:24.480 she wants in on the show and the grade for 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:29.199 the project. My worries from before about competing for her 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:34.840 with Marco seems like nothing now. Stupid teenage stuff, and 0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:37.640 morning will soon come, and then I'll have to face 0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:40.440 my parents, which will be less about the punishment and 0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:43.120 definitely more about the scare that I put them through. 0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:49.399 I'm sure that it's keeping me up. I expected to 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:51.159 have the memory of the week and to hold onto 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:55.560 like like like a source of pride and energy when 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:58.359 it came time to face these consequences with the actual 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:01.200 cost of it hanging over me. Now, I'm not sure. 0:21:06.960 --> 0:21:09.359 One clod up in later and I am hoping to 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:13.080