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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter and listen. If you

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Speaker 1: need advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more.

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Speaker 1: Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now. Buckle up and

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Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for you here. It

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Speaker 1: is very letter subject. I'm doing wifey things without a ring.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley. My boyfriend and I have been dating

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Speaker 1: for three years and we moved in together with a

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Speaker 1: plan to get married and start a family. I'm thirty

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Speaker 1: years old and he is twenty five. After a year

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Speaker 1: and a half of living together, he bought me an

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Speaker 1: engagement ring, and I've found out because he was dropping

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Speaker 1: hints about it. Then one day in November, he admitted

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Speaker 1: to me that he had bought the ring, but he's

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Speaker 1: not as happy in this relationship as he should be.

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Speaker 1: He told me that he's having doubts about marrying me.

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Speaker 1: I asked him what made him feel that way. He

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Speaker 1: told me that my inner things, but I needed to

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Speaker 1: work on them before we got engaged. He told me

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Speaker 1: that he would like for his dinner to be ready

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Speaker 1: when he gets home on the day that I'm off work.

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Speaker 1: He says he does not want me to wait until

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Speaker 1: he gets home to ask what he would like to eat.

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Speaker 1: He also said that I don't send him as many

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Speaker 1: nudes as I used to. I told him I could

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Speaker 1: work on the cooking thing, but I stopped sending nude

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Speaker 1: picks to him because I had gained a few pounds

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Speaker 1: and wasn't feeling very sexy most days. He said, other

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Speaker 1: than that everything was fine with us. I couldn't help

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Speaker 1: but think there was something more that is bothering him.

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Speaker 1: He has made a few other suggestions to me about

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Speaker 1: things I should do to make him feel like the

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Speaker 1: man of the house, and each time he says they

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Speaker 1: will make me a better wife, while I'm not playing

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Speaker 1: the role of wife without a ring on my finger,

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Speaker 1: and he does not understand that I've been walking on

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Speaker 1: eggshelves to keep him happy because I want my ring

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Speaker 1: and I want to marry him. As time goes by,

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Speaker 1: I'm starting to have a change of heart. I'm doing

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Speaker 1: wifey things without a ring. I feel like he's up

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Speaker 1: to something and he's playing games because he's not ready

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Speaker 1: to commit. Should I give him an ultimatum or should

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Speaker 1: I be patient and let things progress? Well, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it depends on really really what you want. You say

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Speaker 1: you want your ring and you do want to marry him,

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Speaker 1: so I say, do what you feel, and you feel something.

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Speaker 1: You say he's having doubts and you think he's playing

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Speaker 1: games and he's not ready to commit. That could be

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Speaker 1: what it is. I mean, he could be, you know,

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Speaker 1: getting cold feet, or deciding since you guys are living together,

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Speaker 1: that he doesn't have to marry you. He can get

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Speaker 1: you to do all these things without you know, the

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Speaker 1: benefit of marriage or whatever. I mean. I agree with you,

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't be doing wifey things without the benefits. So

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Speaker 1: how about this, Why don't you stop? Why don't you

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Speaker 1: stop doing those things? That means a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: It could mean moving out, It could mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: you guys separating for a while. It could mean putting

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Speaker 1: him out. But if you truly want to marry him

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Speaker 1: and you want your ring, do you want just want

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Speaker 1: the ring and the marriage or do you I mean

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Speaker 1: the wedding or do you really know what it takes

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Speaker 1: to be a you know, to be married? To him

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Speaker 1: him telling you, wait a minute, is this the nineteen fifties?

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Speaker 1: I want my dinner ready when I get home, girl, Please,

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Speaker 1: I want my dinner. Who are you talking to? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You know? Uh anyway, you know you're you're thirty, he's

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Speaker 1: twenty five. It sounds like, um, you know, he's a

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Speaker 1: little more old school and older than his years allowed

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Speaker 1: than his twenty five years. So I just say this,

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Speaker 1: if you really if that's really what you want from

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Speaker 1: this man, sounds like he's starting to take this whole

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Speaker 1: living together arrangement for granted. So you're gonna have to

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Speaker 1: make a move. You're gonna have to make a move

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Speaker 1: if that means giving him him an ultimatum, look, marry

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Speaker 1: me or I'm out or getting you know, let's get engaged.

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Speaker 1: You probably never should have moved in with him without

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Speaker 1: becoming engaged and having a date and all of that.

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Speaker 1: So now you got a backtrack and do that to

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Speaker 1: make to let him know that you're serious about what

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Speaker 1: you want, and then after that you'll see how it goes.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, you're probably gonna have to make a major

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Speaker 1: move like leave to get what you want. Steve, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I feel sorry for this lady, because this

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Speaker 1: is so atypical. I know exactly what this is, so

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Speaker 1: let me put you on game. Glad you called uncle Steve.

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Speaker 1: I know exactly what's happening. Your boyfriend y'all been dating

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Speaker 1: for three years, moved in together with the plan again

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Speaker 1: marriage start. I'm thirty twenty five. Pumped the brakes. That's

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Speaker 1: part of the problem right there. You're a little bit older.

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Speaker 1: You have a biological clock ticking. A man has no

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Speaker 1: biological clock. He has a financial clock, and at twenty five,

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Speaker 1: neither one of those have gone off yet. This is truth.

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Speaker 1: His financial clock hasn't gone off yet, and he doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a biological clock. Your biological clock is going crazy.

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Speaker 1: So now you've moved in a man, moving in with

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Speaker 1: a man that has different ideals than you do. You've

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Speaker 1: heard that he was gonna he bought you an engagement ring.

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Speaker 1: You find out because he was dropping hints. One day

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Speaker 1: in November, he admitted to me that he had bought

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Speaker 1: the ring, but he wasn't happy with the relationship as

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Speaker 1: he should be. He told me that he's having doubts

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Speaker 1: about married me. That Shirley has absolutely correct. It's called

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Speaker 1: cold feat. I asked him what made him feel that way.

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Speaker 1: He told me that there were minor things, but I

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Speaker 1: needed to work on them before we got engaged. He

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Speaker 1: told me that he would like for his dinner to

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Speaker 1: be ready when he gets home on days that I'm

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Speaker 1: off from work. He says, he doesn't want me to

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Speaker 1: wait till he gets home to ask him what he

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Speaker 1: would like to eat. Let me show you exactly how

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Speaker 1: minor that is. Here's a guy that expects you to

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Speaker 1: have dinner ready when he gets home on the days

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Speaker 1: that you're off work, which means you have a job. Also,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't want to wait until he gets home to

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Speaker 1: ask him what he would like to eat. So he

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Speaker 1: thinks he proposed to walk in the house at twenty five,

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Speaker 1: slide his ass up on the table and jest STARTI, well,

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Speaker 1: what are you supposed to do? Guess what he wants?

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Speaker 1: So you did a very decent thing to ask him

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Speaker 1: what he wants. He also said that you don't send

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Speaker 1: as many nudes as I want as you two used to.

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Speaker 1: I could work on the cooking, but I'll stopped sending

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Speaker 1: new picture to him because I gained weight. No, you

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Speaker 1: stop sending new picture to him because y'all lay together

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Speaker 1: hair here every night he seen him the hair. You

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Speaker 1: need a picture off. This is stupid. Hey, I'll be back.

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Speaker 1: I got the rest of him. Okay, hang right there, Steve.

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Speaker 1: Part two of your responses coming up at twenty three

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Speaker 1: minutes after the hour. Subjects of today's Strawberry letter. I'm

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Speaker 1: doing wifey things without a ring. We'll be back right

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Speaker 1: after this. You're listening, all right, Steve. Come on, let's

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Speaker 1: recap today's Strawberry Letters. Subject I'm doing wifey things without

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Speaker 1: a ring. Oh, this is such an easy letter for me,

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Speaker 1: because boy, lady, I feel for you. Thirty years old,

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Speaker 1: he twenty five bought the engagement ring. Then he admitted

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Speaker 1: that he had bought the ring, but he wasn't happy

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Speaker 1: in the relationship. He was having doubt. Shirley, nailed on

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Speaker 1: the head as called cold feet, asked him what made

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Speaker 1: him feel that way. He told me some minor things

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Speaker 1: I needed to work on before we got engaged. So

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Speaker 1: he told us he wants his dinner to be ready

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Speaker 1: when he get home on days that I'm off work,

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Speaker 1: and like I said earlier, which means that she works too.

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Speaker 1: But he says he don't want to wait till he

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Speaker 1: get home for you to ask him what he want

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Speaker 1: to eat? Well, what is she supposed to do? Dog?

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Speaker 1: Guess what you want? That's the cool thing to do.

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Speaker 1: Then he said, you don't send as many new pictures

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Speaker 1: as I used to. I told him I could work

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Speaker 1: on the cooking, but I stopped sending the new picture

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Speaker 1: to him because I gained a few pounds. I wasn't

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Speaker 1: feeling sexy most of the days. Hold on, lady, you

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Speaker 1: live with him. It's why you're not sending as many

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Speaker 1: news He d every night. Take your own. Damn it,

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Speaker 1: you're tripping with me. Fon, doc See he has turned

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Speaker 1: this thing around on you. And what he's done is

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Speaker 1: the reason he doesn't understand what you're saying to him

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Speaker 1: is because you're not helping him understand. You so desperately

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Speaker 1: want this ring that you've allowed this man to turn

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Speaker 1: this into all one sided request. Everything is what he

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Speaker 1: won't you to do. What he won't pitchers, He won't

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Speaker 1: cook it, He won't fool he said. Other than that,

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Speaker 1: everything was fine. I couldn't think. But that was he

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Speaker 1: said that. I couldn't think, But that was something more

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Speaker 1: than that bothered him. He made a few others suggesting

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Speaker 1: me about things I could do to make him feel

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Speaker 1: more like the man at the house. Wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: Wait a minute. First of all, the dude is not

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Speaker 1: understanding this because you're not helping him understand all this is.

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Speaker 1: There's a bunch of one sided requests. You can't be

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Speaker 1: totally one completely adoring this boy. It's something wrong with him,

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Speaker 1: but you ain't making no request of him. Your desperation

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Speaker 1: for this ring is allowing you to let this man

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Speaker 1: make all what's wrong with you ain't nothing wrong with him.

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Speaker 1: He perfect. So you are trying to be engaged to Christ.

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Speaker 1: That's the only thing I can think of, because that's

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Speaker 1: the only perfect person out there ever lived on this earth,

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Speaker 1: and he's not here yet. So now, why you got

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Speaker 1: this boy propped up like he all of that one thing? Now?

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Speaker 1: Now you walk around on eggshells to keep him happy?

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Speaker 1: What keep him happy? Here's the line in there. You

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Speaker 1: got to do some things to make him feel like

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Speaker 1: the man at the house. That's not your job. If

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Speaker 1: he is the only man in the house and he

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Speaker 1: don't feel like the man of the house, then what

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Speaker 1: inadequacy does he have? If he don't feel like the

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Speaker 1: man at the house. It's because you must be doing

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Speaker 1: a lot of stuff that he no he should be doing,

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Speaker 1: but he got all these requests heaped on you, lady.

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Speaker 1: As time goes by, I'm starting to have a change

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Speaker 1: of heart, and you should. I'm doing wifey things without

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Speaker 1: a ring. I feel like he's up to something and

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Speaker 1: he's playing games because he's not ready to commit. He

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Speaker 1: ain't ready to commit. He's not going to commit, and

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Speaker 1: he got you thinking that the reason he's not gonna

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Speaker 1: commit because it's all your fault. He the one don't

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Speaker 1: feel like the man at the house what they got

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Speaker 1: to do with you. So here we go. It's hard

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Speaker 1: cooking what he wants some cyril beca, have a bowl

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Speaker 1: of Lucky Charles wain't on his ass when he comes

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Speaker 1: in the house. I tell you what, cook old ass

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Speaker 1: food for it. Here, old ass food. Make him feel

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Speaker 1: like you know a man's man and have some chicken

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Speaker 1: feeting and just and just uh crock pot with none

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Speaker 1: but beans and rice in it, corn bread, old ass meals.

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Speaker 1: Come in the house, having some fried spam sitting there

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Speaker 1: with some tripe and some scrambled eggs, cooking some real

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Speaker 1: old ass grown man like it's coming there with some

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Speaker 1: hot water, corn bread and and just some red eye graving.

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Speaker 1: No damn meat. Just make a pot of graving. Give

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Speaker 1: him a straw, tell him that what we're eating today,

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Speaker 1: Tell him gravy, old country ass meal. Come home, ain't

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Speaker 1: number damn just a bowl of slough. Yeah, just come

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Speaker 1: in there, ain't nothing but some greens, just green all

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Speaker 1: that on. Smoked turkey. Damn that hamhock. Yeah, breeze with

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Speaker 1: a big ass hawk in it, bowler limal beans, my

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Speaker 1: feet in his ass like an old ass mat this

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Speaker 1: blood pressure a lady, that's all. There's nothing wrong with you.

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Speaker 1: It's something wrong with him. Yeah, it's not you. And

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Speaker 1: the second thoughts you're starting to half is because you're

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Speaker 1: starting to realize you're walking on eggshells in your own house.

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Speaker 1: That little boy ready to get married, and you're gonna

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Speaker 1: marry somebody that think he ain't a man because he's

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Speaker 1: messed up a bout your age anyway, because mamma has

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Speaker 1: said a couple of things about it. Gone send him

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Speaker 1: on pack a lunch next time you go, got buy

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Speaker 1: him a lunch box with superhero happy All right, listen,

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Speaker 1: come home, have a happy meal waiting on his ass.

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Speaker 1: Your comments under the egg Strawberry Letter and Steve Harvey

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Speaker 1: FM and Instagram and Facebook, and don't forget to check

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Speaker 1: out the Strawberry Letter on the podcast on demand you're

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Speaker 1: listening to The Stave Harvey Morning Show