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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stefph.

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Speaker 1: I never told you production of iHeartRadio, and today we're

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Speaker 1: kind of we're We've decided we're going to kind of

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Speaker 1: swap back and forth on the Monday minis. Yeah, Samantha's

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Speaker 1: covering what I'm covering. Again. I think if you know us,

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Speaker 1: you'll probably be able to tell most of the time,

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Speaker 1: who did which one. Although I did talk more gaming

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Speaker 1: you did than you did, so it wasn't horror horror

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Speaker 1: based games, but you want gaming outside of just that.

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Speaker 1: But just saying I do I do, I do UM

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Speaker 1: And this this definitely is still going to remain one

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Speaker 1: of our newsier segments. And I actually think this is

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Speaker 1: pretty on topic. This is a we're weird, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's relevant. This is a whole thing. It's relevant right now.

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Speaker 1: It's a whole thing right now. I do want to

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Speaker 1: start by apologizing to the young folks. Apparently I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: even be saying this. Are talking about it? But here

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Speaker 1: where are we? Why shouldn't you be talking about it? Wait,

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Speaker 1: it's like a young internet sling right now and they

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Speaker 1: said a five over twenty. I shouldn't be saying it,

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Speaker 1: but here I am wait, I don't want you to

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Speaker 1: say it. If you're under twenty, that's creepy er. Well,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about it. We are gonna talk about it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So today we are talking about daddy specifically making me blush,

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Speaker 1: specifically the kind of internet daddy thing that's happened happening

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Speaker 1: right now. So I do want to say, like, no

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Speaker 1: kink shaming if you're consenting adults. Number One, we aren't

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Speaker 1: talking about daddy issues. You can see our past episode

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Speaker 1: on that. I think we're going to rerun that one

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Speaker 1: soon as a classic because it is related to this conversation.

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Speaker 1: We're not really talking about sugar daddies either. Also, it

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Speaker 1: does have a different meaning in the gay community and

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Speaker 1: in the kink community. We're going to talk about that

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Speaker 1: a little bit, but not too much. It can also

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Speaker 1: be a term of coercion. We're also not talking about

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Speaker 1: that too much. We're specifically talking about this internet phenomenon

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Speaker 1: that is really playing out right now. So we will

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Speaker 1: touch on those things, but that's not kind of the

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Speaker 1: topic at hand. But yeah, we are seeing it play

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Speaker 1: out right now, particularly with Page of uscal Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: who's been called the Internet's Daddy. The Last of Us

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Speaker 1: is midway through at this point, I guess I should

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Speaker 1: say the date, Oh what is it? February twenty third,

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, and The Mandalorian season three is coming

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Speaker 1: out this Wednesday, so it's it's like, really, oh gosh,

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Speaker 1: it's really taken off. There's even an SNL skit with

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Speaker 1: Pascal and it about this whole thing, and we mentioned

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Speaker 1: some of the quotes he has around it. He said,

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Speaker 1: daddy is a state of mind. He said, I'm your cool,

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Speaker 1: slutty daddy. So he's very in on the joke, was

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Speaker 1: very very in on the joke. But we'll talk about

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Speaker 1: that more in a second. I do want to say

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Speaker 1: I got a slash date because I recently did that

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Speaker 1: whole Slash episode about why I read what I read

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Speaker 1: slash generally being two men together in fan fiction, Not always,

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Speaker 1: but generally. And I remember somebody said to me once

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Speaker 1: I would slash page off Pascal with anything, and then

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Speaker 1: I reached back out to her and I was like,

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Speaker 1: so why did you say that? Just curious. She's like,

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Speaker 1: because he's hot, So I didn't even say that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: sometimes maybe you just want to see ahead. Anyway, I'm

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Speaker 1: sure Oscar Isaac and he have been slashed plenty of

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, sound dirty the way I just said that.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Keep going, no, no, no, yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: about right. All right. So let's get into some definitions.

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Speaker 1: So from the Washington Post, the slang endearment, popular on

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Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram, among other platforms, is usually meant to

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Speaker 1: communicate respect slash adoration to a male authority figure. This

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Speaker 1: isn't entirely family friendly, though the meme frequently has a

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Speaker 1: sexual tinge, and the article goes on the daddy has

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Speaker 1: precious little to do with dads. It's a commentary on

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Speaker 1: hero worship and power dynamics and sometimes a way of

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Speaker 1: reversing them. Here's Peyser writing in New York Magazine. So

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Speaker 1: this is a quote. Within the quote, a grown woman says, daddy,

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Speaker 1: with intention, self assurance and lots of cynicism, We claimed

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Speaker 1: daddy as our own, which allows us to gently mock

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Speaker 1: the patriarchal structures you're playing into. The daddy joke is

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Speaker 1: that we have control over the way we manifest Daddy,

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Speaker 1: that we could one day even become our own daddy.

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Speaker 1: WHOA And then so I found a whole article boxed

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Speaker 1: specifically about Pedro Pascal and this whole thing, and here's

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Speaker 1: a quote from that. Pedro Pascal didn't invent the concept

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Speaker 1: of daddy, nor will he be the last to embody it.

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Speaker 1: Daddies have always existed in our world. They're handsomely beautiful,

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Speaker 1: the type that comes with age, maybe to the point

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Speaker 1: of surprise their authority figures. They're effortlessly kind, but not

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Speaker 1: always nice, the antithesis of toxic masculinity, though their attractiveness

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Speaker 1: has often been tethered to an edible taboo, complexes and issues,

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Speaker 1: and daddies would never call typically themselves daddy first is

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Speaker 1: a title that is bestowed rather than self proclaimed, and

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Speaker 1: then continues on the fantasy of daddy now exists primarily

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Speaker 1: as a one way pursuit. Daddies are the object of affection,

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Speaker 1: and if a daddy is actively pursuing anyone, let alone

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Speaker 1: a recent high school graduate, they are no longer daddy.

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Speaker 1: So they were talking about that in terms of like

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Speaker 1: like Leonardo Dicapriody, you know who it was one of

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Speaker 1: the first daddies who Steve Carrell really yes, And I

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Speaker 1: tell you this is that whole like surprising thing. So

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Speaker 1: when he came out like not too long ago with

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Speaker 1: the beer the white hair, everybody was like, wait, what right?

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Speaker 1: And did the name daddy I mean, I mean daddy,

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Speaker 1: I mean daddy, that's a whole name. Duck video partially

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Speaker 1: was because of Steve Carrell rising, but like wait what right?

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Speaker 1: And he is he's the antithesis of that toxic masculinity,

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Speaker 1: so we know as of now, as of now, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean. And that's the interesting thing that they put

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Speaker 1: in there is like it's a one way street, like oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: the daddy can't be attracted to the young girl calling

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Speaker 1: him daddy, then it's gross no longer daddy. Yeah. He's

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Speaker 1: been happily married to his wife for years and years.

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Speaker 1: We get to see her, you know, you know who

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Speaker 1: she is because she's been in all of his movies

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Speaker 1: and shows and they write together, and then that's one

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Speaker 1: of the appeals, like, oh my god, he's an amazing

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Speaker 1: person who stayed just because he stayed with Yeah, wife,

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Speaker 1: stay faithful as far as we know. That's part of it.

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Speaker 1: We're going to talk about that in a second. Yes, okay.

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Speaker 1: Another part of this is, as I said, Pascal is

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Speaker 1: in on the joke and represents a quote particular type

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Speaker 1: of hot and for him in particular, it also comes

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Speaker 1: with this portrayal of gruff, reluctant father figures. Recently, there's

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Speaker 1: been a lot of talk because after he was on

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Speaker 1: sn he made a joke about like his Mandalorian voice

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Speaker 1: being his bedroom voice, like a porno voice, and so

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Speaker 1: when he uses it, he feels really uncomfortable because so

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Speaker 1: he usually is a mask on, so like the helmet on,

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Speaker 1: so you don't see it. But now that he said that,

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Speaker 1: he's had to volease like this statement, like please stop

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Speaker 1: doing that. Stop asking me to do it, because now

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Speaker 1: everyone's like, do your porn voice. And that's when I

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Speaker 1: mentioned in our last Last of Buzz episode when I

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Speaker 1: said we need to talk about parasocial relationships. That's part

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Speaker 1: of because that's been a big conversation with him as well.

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Speaker 1: So I think we should revisit that, but for now.

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Speaker 1: This term in this context most likely emerged from teen

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Speaker 1: fan culture sometime around twenty fourteen. This was when Lord

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Speaker 1: I don't remember this at all, but brought a lot

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Speaker 1: of attention to it when she called Kim k Mom

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Speaker 1: that year, and then she explained what she meant by that.

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Speaker 1: And then in twenty seven teen, a game called Dream

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Speaker 1: Daddy came out, which I honestly like chuckled the whole

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Speaker 1: time I was reading the description. But basically, like you

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Speaker 1: can choose what kind of daddy you want to try

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Speaker 1: to date, Like there's a gop daddy. There's like do

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Speaker 1: we need to get this game where we have we

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Speaker 1: still have to do a game night with all of

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Speaker 1: those games that we talked about previously. Well, add that

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Speaker 1: to the time. Can you imagine I'm like blushing again

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Speaker 1: just thinking about it. Oh Man, New York Times named

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Speaker 1: twenty eighteen the Year of the Daddy. Okay, but I

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Speaker 1: mean there's a reason that I'm kind of blushing about it,

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Speaker 1: right because there is a sexualization around it and there

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Speaker 1: that has a longer history than what we're going to

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Speaker 1: cover in this podcast. But basically, researchers believe that that

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Speaker 1: stems from terms like daddy issues and from pop music

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Speaker 1: and kink communities. Um Alana Levinson dug into this whole

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Speaker 1: thing and wrote, it's easy to forget that term for all.

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Speaker 1: Tubiquity is also an actual sexual fetish. Using the term

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Speaker 1: daddy is like BDSM light and gives you the right

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Speaker 1: amount of semi role play without having to go the

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Speaker 1: leather root or engage in a full on immersive role play.

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Speaker 1: An anonymous twenty eight year old woman explains to me

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Speaker 1: in this context, daddy is a gateway to exploring the

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Speaker 1: dominant submissive dynamic, which doesn't always need to be overtly sexual.

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Speaker 1: It can be funny, playful, or just weird. And so

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Speaker 1: that whole thing can be traced back to at least

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Speaker 1: in the nineteen seventies. You can hear it in a

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Speaker 1: lot of porn and songs. I just recently rewatched X

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Speaker 1: It's in there, and throughout I keep getting that song

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Speaker 1: What's your Name? Who's Your Daddy? Stuck in my head?

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Speaker 1: Now it does usually it usually but not always implies

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Speaker 1: an age or maturity gap, or there's like the power

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Speaker 1: dynamic is very key throughout all of this. So this

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Speaker 1: history led to some claims that people using the term

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Speaker 1: is appropriating it. This was called daddy gate hashtag daddy gates.

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Speaker 1: I think it's twenty seventeen somewhere around there. But then

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Speaker 1: it was sort of agreed upon that a lot of

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Speaker 1: subcultures use daddy, I guess, but people were fighting about

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Speaker 1: it for a minute, and then from in Style, here's

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Speaker 1: a quote from my perspective as a homosexual male, use it.

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Speaker 1: The term daddy and gay culture where it's specifically popular,

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Speaker 1: boils down to your sexual preferences. Bottoms the label for

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Speaker 1: generally submissive types in bed if they're so inclined, call

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Speaker 1: their dominant partners labeled tops daddy. It outlines the power

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Speaker 1: dynamics of the sexual relationship and boils down to sex.

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Speaker 1: The article quoted Jack Halbert Stam, I hope I got

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Speaker 1: somewhere quotes on that, a professor of English and Gender

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Speaker 1: Studies at Columbia University and the author of several books

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Speaker 1: like In a Queer Time and Place, The Queer Art

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Speaker 1: of Failure, Female Masculinity and go Got Feminism, Sex, Gender,

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Speaker 1: and the End of Normal. And the quote is from

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Speaker 1: my perspective, it comes from black culture. I think that's

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Speaker 1: a pretty accurate origin story if you needed one. And

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Speaker 1: the article goes on to say Albert Stam explains that

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Speaker 1: terms mommy and daddy became sexualized in post slavery period

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Speaker 1: when black kinship was disoriented, and that is also forty

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Speaker 1: and so he said, unfortunately, we do still live in

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Speaker 1: this matrix of family relationships that are both taboo and eroticized,

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Speaker 1: and often eroticized precisely where a parent is absent rather

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Speaker 1: than where the parent is present. And that's really a

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Speaker 1: psychoanalytic way of thinking about it. It lingers from a

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Speaker 1: number of different sources. There is a lot more like

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Speaker 1: when I was doing this research, I was wow, I

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Speaker 1: guess I should have realized. But m Zaddy, on the

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Speaker 1: other hand, was coined in twenty sixteen after the Taie

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Speaker 1: Dollar Science song. And the difference is Zaddy is a

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Speaker 1: daddy with swag. I guess they're better dressed and just

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Speaker 1: loving you. He's talking about all these things with hip

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Speaker 1: hop lingo. Thank you, thank you. Sorry. I apologize that,

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Speaker 1: all right. So I do have my own theories that

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about, which is related to all

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Speaker 1: of this stuff. But and I am going to talk

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Speaker 1: specifically kind of about because I do love The Last

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Speaker 1: of Us. I do love Star Wars Mandalorian. I have

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Speaker 1: seen this in fan fiction so many times, so I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of like talking about that specifically, but I think

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Speaker 1: it can be relevant other categories as well. But I

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Speaker 1: think there's like the kind of dichotomy of you know that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like the antithesis of toxic masculinity, which I could debate

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Speaker 1: about that, but kind of the dichotomy of their gruff.

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Speaker 1: They're kind of closed off, and then you have somebody,

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Speaker 1: whether it is a young child or whether it is

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Speaker 1: a romantic person who kind of wears them down. I

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Speaker 1: guess like gets through their their shields are just through

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Speaker 1: pure stubbornness, is able to make a relationship or a

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Speaker 1: connection with this person. I think there's also a protection level,

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Speaker 1: like a feeling like oh, this person will protect you,

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Speaker 1: will protect this innocent person. I do think like if

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Speaker 1: you're going into the sexual realm, which again this is

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Speaker 1: about me talking about fan fiction, I think there's like

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Speaker 1: a giving up of control element and like this person

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Speaker 1: will protect you and I can be the submissive one

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Speaker 1: or whatever. It's usually because like I said, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I've said this on the podcast several times, but

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Speaker 1: I know I've said it to you too, Like usually

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Speaker 1: there's still even if it's two men, one of them

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Speaker 1: is more feminine, one of them is like the more

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Speaker 1: fem one's it's usually pretty physical too, like smaller, prettier.

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Speaker 1: I do think there's like conditioning going on of just

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Speaker 1: how we've all been raised in our society and what

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Speaker 1: we've been taught is like attractive, but it's also I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes it's just nice, like hell, here's the strong

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Speaker 1: dude who will protect me. I do think I've read

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Speaker 1: a lot of articles about the show The Last of Us,

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Speaker 1: specifically about like, oh, here we've got the dad jucks.

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Speaker 1: I love he's telling dad jucks. Oh he's got anxiety.

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Speaker 1: I can relate to the anxiety, like all of these things.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, there's certainly like they don't care about anybody,

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Speaker 1: but they care about you well, Like they're so tough,

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Speaker 1: but you're the one that they broke through and now

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Speaker 1: they can't styll do anything for you. You're the one

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Speaker 1: that made them like finally get in touch with their emotions.

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Speaker 1: I've made them cry. They're protective. Now they do anything,

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Speaker 1: but you kind of have to earn it. I read

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Speaker 1: that in a lot of places it's not unconditional, kind

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Speaker 1: of have to like really really earn it, and then

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Speaker 1: you can get them to stay, to stay see you.

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Speaker 1: So I would also say this is a bigger conversation

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Speaker 1: than I want to have right now. But often in

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Speaker 1: at least in the fan fiction space when this is

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Speaker 1: a romantic kind of thing that the daddy the other

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Speaker 1: person is kind of infantilizing a little a little are

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Speaker 1: like this more childlike are more like sense of wonder, curiosity, innocence.

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Speaker 1: So you've got this like world weary character who is

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Speaker 1: unwillingly drawn in as a protector for the more quote

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Speaker 1: like innocent, younger, smaller one. And that's kind of going

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Speaker 1: back to what we said, like it's like kind of

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Speaker 1: inherently a power dynamic thing. And also there usually is

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Speaker 1: some kind of like age or maturity gap something. It

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Speaker 1: is somebody who probably take care of you. They are

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Speaker 1: usually physically strong. They can usually like lift you up

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Speaker 1: and carret you know, it's super easy. I do think

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Speaker 1: there's some self esteem issues here, but that's also for

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Speaker 1: another time. I've talked about it before. I think we

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Speaker 1: talked about it in our Daddy issued episode, and it's

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Speaker 1: I think it's like going back to what a lot

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Speaker 1: of people said. I think it's like a safe way

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Speaker 1: to admit some attractions that we have are problematic, like

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Speaker 1: because it's that one way street right, like it's not

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Speaker 1: coming back at you, and there can be issues with

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Speaker 1: that as well as Padro Pascal. I said, like, please

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Speaker 1: stop asking me to do these things. But you know,

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Speaker 1: hopefully fingers cross. Ideally it's a one way street where

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Speaker 1: you can kind of express this attraction and nothing's going

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Speaker 1: to come of it, and it's a way to perhaps

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Speaker 1: address that. We know, oh, it's not great that I'm

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Speaker 1: attracted to this thing, but I do have something. I

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Speaker 1: the conditioning are what that has got me attracted to this.

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Speaker 1: And then I did want to touch on this very briefly,

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Speaker 1: and then I promise I'll stop for now. But I

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Speaker 1: saw another article that was like kind of jokingly about

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Speaker 1: how The Last of Us is a show about single

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Speaker 1: parenting and how people found that so attractive. And so

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Speaker 1: we've talked about before two like difference between how we

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Speaker 1: treat mothers and fathers entertainment but also real life, because

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Speaker 1: like if you think of like the dad Bob, that's

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Speaker 1: like a sexy thing. Whereas for women were like, why

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Speaker 1: didn't you lose the weight more quickly? We being the

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Speaker 1: whole society, not me. But they also talked about how

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Speaker 1: being a milf is something that happens in spite of

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Speaker 1: having kids, but being a dilf is because you have

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Speaker 1: kids and there's a lot of theories around that around

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Speaker 1: like is it where people who are attracted to delves

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Speaker 1: are looking for a man who will stay, you can

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Speaker 1: take care of kids, like all of those things from

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Speaker 1: Poorman Hub here's a statistic. Women are nineties six percent

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Speaker 1: more likely to search for dad and daddy compared to men.

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Speaker 1: They are perceived to emote more, whether they do or not,

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Speaker 1: and it's the kids that matter. One of the studies

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Speaker 1: I found, right, it's not the age because it was

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Speaker 1: kind of like bringing attractiveness and changing all these variables.

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Speaker 1: But they found it it was the kids, and they

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Speaker 1: postulated it was like a potential mating strategy like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he's fertile, you can take care of me, you can

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Speaker 1: take care of a kid. And it held true even

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Speaker 1: if the woman in question, the women in question didn't

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Speaker 1: want kids. I don't know. Um, it's a lot going on,

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Speaker 1: That's what I can say. Going on. There is, there is,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sure we'll have more to talk about with this.

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Speaker 1: Obviously there's a lot of pathways we could go. But

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Speaker 1: this like conversation is raging online right now, so well

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Speaker 1: you shall see what anything in with pimp Daddy, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: which is a whole school word, but I don't hear

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Speaker 1: as much anymore. Yeah, I briefly read about that, and

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Speaker 1: it sounds like that's kind of been because it gets

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Speaker 1: mixed up with sugar daddy, pimped addy, and like I

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Speaker 1: said at the top, some people use it as coercion

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Speaker 1: tactics in very very unhealthy relationships. So I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of people have kind of heard about that and

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Speaker 1: backed away, but I'm not sure. I didn't look into

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Speaker 1: it too much. M interesting, It is very interesting. Well, listeners,

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Speaker 1: if you've got any thoughts about this, I'm really sorry

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Speaker 1: that I probably made everybody cringe, but I was curious.

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Speaker 1: It was a fun moment. I'm sorry, but I would

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Speaker 1: love to hear from you about it. You can email

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Speaker 1: to stuff idio mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You

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Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or

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Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I Ever Told You.

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Speaker 1: Thanks It's always too our super producer, Christina. Thank you, Christina,

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Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told

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Speaker 1: You protection I High Radio. For more podcast in my

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio, you can check out the High Radio Apple

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Speaker 1: podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,