1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,199
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,040
Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host.

3
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,320
Speaker 2: And we got some great stories coming up.

4
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,360
Speaker 1: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

5
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,119
Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

6
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,680
Speaker 3: My husband accuse me of cheating while he secretly loved

7
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:14,400
Speaker 3: someone else.

8
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:18,120
Speaker 4: Oh, who ever smelt it delts it. I'm all right, guys.

9
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,120
Speaker 3: I'm thirty four female and have been struggling with depression

10
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,400
Speaker 3: for nearly eight years since my first child was born.

11
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:28,400
Speaker 3: My husband, thirty eight male, thinks I don't do enough

12
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,840
Speaker 3: and I want to leave, but need to make sure

13
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,000
Speaker 3: I've tried everything first. By the way, this comes from

14
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,040
Speaker 3: Throwaway nineteen hundred's baby and if you want us to

15
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,200
Speaker 3: meet your own stories, go to the r slash okay

16
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,840
Speaker 3: storytime sub reddit. I'm Carly, I'm Angie, I'm Keon, and

17
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,520
Speaker 3: we're here to give good advice goofully, But we don't

18
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,080
Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

19
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,879
Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments,

20
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,800
Speaker 3: and Opie says, with my first born, I was really

21
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,600
Speaker 3: struggling with postpartum depression. I even went to the doctor,

22
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,720
Speaker 3: but she downplayed what I was feeling and told me

23
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,080
Speaker 3: I was having an identity crisis. My husband told me

24
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,760
Speaker 3: eight hours is eight hours, doesn't matter if it's in

25
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,600
Speaker 3: a row or not. So I slept all day whenever

26
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,920
Speaker 3: my child would let me. I knapped when baby napped.

27
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:19,039
Speaker 3: For two years, I couldn't clean the house, could barely cook,

28
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,280
Speaker 3: and couldn't exercise more than a walk here and there.

29
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:27,120
Speaker 3: But it was just an identity crisis, right, it would end. Surely.

30
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:31,640
Speaker 3: That took a huge toll on my relationship because my

31
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:35,240
Speaker 3: husband didn't believe anything was wrong either. He said to

32
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,440
Speaker 3: just stop being lazy and work out and it would

33
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:42,400
Speaker 3: be fixed. Oh, dude, all you gotta do is lock in.

34
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:43,160
Speaker 4: That's all.

35
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,520
Speaker 3: That's really what he said, Just like you had a

36
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,680
Speaker 3: whole baby, and he's like, just lock in.

37
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,840
Speaker 5: Dude, dude, dude, just get your head in the game.

38
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,240
Speaker 5: You get your head in the game, right right?

39
00:01:54,280 --> 00:02:00,400
Speaker 3: Play basketball? Yeah? Yeah, your husband's silly. And then we

40
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,840
Speaker 3: tried for another child. It took nearly three years to

41
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:08,600
Speaker 3: conceive that pregnancy was hard, but again, according to my husband,

42
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,000
Speaker 3: it was because I was eating too much of the

43
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:15,440
Speaker 3: wrong things and not exercising enough. For the record, i'm

44
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,920
Speaker 3: five seven and one hundred and forty five to one

45
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,320
Speaker 3: hundred and fifty pounds.

46
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:24,280
Speaker 5: An extremely normal healthy weight for that ye extremely normal.

47
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,720
Speaker 3: I homeschooled our oldest for kindergarten and first grade until

48
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,280
Speaker 3: our second baby was one. Then I couldn't do it anymore.

49
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,680
Speaker 3: I hated being needed, being touched and talked to twenty

50
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,320
Speaker 3: four to seven. Our child is a social butterfly and

51
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,720
Speaker 3: needed more than what I could give. We were part

52
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,399
Speaker 3: of a group for the kids, but he'd come home

53
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,200
Speaker 3: and say, I'm lonely there, mom. So we quit going

54
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:53,000
Speaker 3: so sad, so sad. I put him in school. He

55
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,119
Speaker 3: loves life more now, though he's been at an educational

56
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,120
Speaker 3: stall for the past year and a half. My husband

57
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,640
Speaker 3: constantly said me posts and articles about how the school

58
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,040
Speaker 3: system is awful. I agree, but I just can't be

59
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:10,080
Speaker 3: a home educator. I hate it. Apparently I'm not the

60
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,000
Speaker 3: type of mom who loves to constantly be around her kids.

61
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,959
Speaker 3: My husband doesn't believe depression is even a thing.

62
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:21,760
Speaker 4: Dude, log in log in husband suck. Yeah.

63
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,440
Speaker 3: He says it wouldn't exist if people would just eat

64
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:28,200
Speaker 3: right and exercise. I resent him. I resent the fact

65
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,440
Speaker 3: that he is downplaying what I'm going through. I realize

66
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,920
Speaker 3: exercise can help. Yes, and I'm not a fat slob.

67
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,200
Speaker 3: I'm on my feet all day. I garden, I keep

68
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,600
Speaker 3: a clean house. I go for walks with the kids.

69
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,560
Speaker 3: It's just not gym time. I admit I've been in

70
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,360
Speaker 3: my own head for so long that I've neglected him.

71
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,960
Speaker 3: He receives love through long talks and being doted on.

72
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,920
Speaker 3: I just don't have the energy or mental capacity I

73
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,800
Speaker 3: show him. I care by keeping a clean house, feeding

74
00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:00,360
Speaker 3: him and meal prepping. He works away often, and I

75
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,720
Speaker 3: prep thirty meals and snacks so he doesn't have to

76
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,000
Speaker 3: go hungry during his workday. I've been telling him for

77
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,240
Speaker 3: a few years now that I want a divorce. Oh wow,

78
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,040
Speaker 3: we don't work well together, I told him. At the

79
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,240
Speaker 3: end of the school year, I'm leaving. I've started looking

80
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,360
Speaker 3: for jobs, so before I completely blow up my life,

81
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,920
Speaker 3: is there anything else I should do. I have an

82
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,720
Speaker 3: appointment with my doctor for medication at the end of

83
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,840
Speaker 3: the month. That's all I can think of. Maybe try

84
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,960
Speaker 3: medication to see if it gives me the boost I

85
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,800
Speaker 3: apparently require to get to the gym, cook and clean more,

86
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,800
Speaker 3: stay up late, talking to him, work on us, and

87
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,360
Speaker 3: care for him. It's a whole lot of him him

88
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,640
Speaker 3: him there. Yeah, what else should I do to help

89
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,839
Speaker 3: my marriage? And we have some comments Commenter one, you

90
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,719
Speaker 3: meal prep thirty meals for him? Did I read that rite?

91
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,800
Speaker 3: You've mentioned you've not been making him feel loved? What

92
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:53,520
Speaker 3: has he done to.

93
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,000
Speaker 4: Make you feel loved? Yeah?

94
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,640
Speaker 3: Honestly, sounds like the last few years have been hard.

95
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,160
Speaker 3: Why are you homeschooling if you hate it? Get the

96
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,200
Speaker 3: kids into school and get a divorce. I feel it's

97
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,640
Speaker 3: almost guaranteed to make you happier overnight.

98
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, honestly, Like if he's he's talking so much about

99
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,240
Speaker 5: her depression, but she's doing all of the other things

100
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,360
Speaker 5: that she can do, right, But I'm.

101
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,280
Speaker 3: Doing so much for someone that had postpartum and is

102
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,680
Speaker 3: probably still having it.

103
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,120
Speaker 5: Yes, And so it's it's like, Okay, well, yes, you

104
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,159
Speaker 5: can exercise, you can eat better, you can you know,

105
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,880
Speaker 5: keep things clean, But she's doing all of that stuff.

106
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,440
Speaker 5: Like all of that stuff definitely affects your mental health.

107
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,920
Speaker 4: But I would argue more than all of that, the

108
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:41,080
Speaker 4: people you keep around you also affect your mental And

109
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:45,200
Speaker 4: obviously this guy sucks, and so I think his presence

110
00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,000
Speaker 4: is just making her depression worse.

111
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:51,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean sounds like she's gonna try some medication

112
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:54,000
Speaker 3: for it, which I think could maybe help. They can

113
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,640
Speaker 3: find the right dosage that quick. But I still don't

114
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,360
Speaker 3: think you should stay with this man per se.

115
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, exactly. I don't think the medication is gonna

116
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,279
Speaker 4: help his actions.

117
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,400
Speaker 3: I don't think he's gonna help you. Married, Yeah, coming too,

118
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:10,039
Speaker 3: I would say, first, change doctors. This one is just

119
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,880
Speaker 3: no good. If they can't recognize depression and postpartum depression,

120
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,279
Speaker 3: your problem lies there first.

121
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,360
Speaker 4: And we have an update.

122
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:21,080
Speaker 3: We own our own business in personal care, think massage,

123
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,360
Speaker 3: personal training, things like that. We have been married for

124
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:29,040
Speaker 3: ten years as of yesterday, and as of five days ago.

125
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,159
Speaker 3: I discovered he cheated on me in twenty twenty two.

126
00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,680
Speaker 2: All right, this guy does that?

127
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:37,640
Speaker 4: Of course?

128
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:42,440
Speaker 3: Of course divorce, Yeah, make it happen, girl. He has

129
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:50,400
Speaker 3: always accused me of cheating, oh class wo glass.

130
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,960
Speaker 5: Charlie and I read some stories like that yesterdays.

131
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 4: Then always how goes.

132
00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,960
Speaker 3: Always how it goes, and of being a bad partner

133
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,960
Speaker 3: because I'll talk about our problems with friends. He even

134
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,359
Speaker 3: told me more than once out of the blue to

135
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,000
Speaker 3: unlock my phone, so he can sift through it. A

136
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,720
Speaker 3: shortened name came up on his WhatsApp notifications. He's got

137
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:16,200
Speaker 3: WhatsApp locked. I managed to figure out his password. This

138
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:20,320
Speaker 3: woman is also married and has three children.

139
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,880
Speaker 4: Oh wows.

140
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,679
Speaker 3: We now have over forty screenshots of their conversation, which

141
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:29,480
Speaker 3: appears to be regularly deleted. Of him saying he loves her,

142
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,360
Speaker 3: has gifts for her, her butt fits so perfectly in

143
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:34,120
Speaker 3: his hands.

144
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,600
Speaker 2: No, what does that even mean?

145
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:42,560
Speaker 3: You? He loves her hair and her gasp what which

146
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:46,280
Speaker 3: I can only assume means one thing. He met this

147
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,080
Speaker 3: woman while working away in twenty twenty two. They reportedly

148
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,120
Speaker 3: haven't seen each other in three years. When the affair

149
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,520
Speaker 3: began in early twenty twenty two, I had just given

150
00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:02,400
Speaker 3: birth to our second child, Ash. Currently I'm thirty eight

151
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,560
Speaker 3: weeks with our third. He hasn't said I love you

152
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,040
Speaker 3: to me in at least five years.

153
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,760
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, how is this man?

154
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,600
Speaker 3: Like? I get it, they have kids, but like girls,

155
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,720
Speaker 3: leave this man.

156
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,920
Speaker 5: Please, if you think divorced for so long, just do it.

157
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,080
Speaker 5: Don't talk to him about.

158
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,480
Speaker 4: It, Just do it. It's gonna he's gonna convince you

159
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:23,840
Speaker 4: not to.

160
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:28,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, we are completely intertwined with land. We don't want

161
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,640
Speaker 3: to get rid of a business partnership and soon to

162
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,160
Speaker 3: be three children. I can't tell if they just haven't

163
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,439
Speaker 3: seen each other physically in three years or haven't spoken

164
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,040
Speaker 3: at all. There are comments in their conversation that allude

165
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,600
Speaker 3: to them planning to leave their spouses for each other,

166
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,440
Speaker 3: and then she got cold feet. I know I need

167
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:52,400
Speaker 3: to leave logically, I just really don't know where to start.

168
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:56,559
Speaker 3: And I'm heartbroken. He has only stayed because she wouldn't

169
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:57,960
Speaker 3: leave her husband.

170
00:08:58,960 --> 00:08:59,840
Speaker 4: We have a comment.

171
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,320
Speaker 3: If you feel like you can not look past this,

172
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,480
Speaker 3: then the first thing you need to do is contact

173
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,680
Speaker 3: a lawyer. They will help lay out your options. The

174
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,880
Speaker 3: feeling of betrayal is hard to overcome and could hamper

175
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,240
Speaker 3: your marriage even further. By the way, his accusing you

176
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,040
Speaker 3: of cheating is his way of dealing with the guilt

177
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:22,280
Speaker 3: of cheating on you. It's a manipulation tactic. Worth and

178
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,360
Speaker 3: Opie replied, I remember, like yesterday he said to me,

179
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,439
Speaker 3: you could be cheating when I'm away and I would

180
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:32,360
Speaker 3: never even know he even told you how he was

181
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:33,160
Speaker 3: doing it.

182
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,199
Speaker 4: He's monologuing his evil plan, right.

183
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,880
Speaker 3: I have a scheme and I will tell you.

184
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:45,080
Speaker 4: Yeah. Oh, but he's the one that's always away. Yeah, silly,

185
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:45,839
Speaker 4: silly man.

186
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,240
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, I'm at home two and a half hours away

187
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,920
Speaker 3: from any friends or family with two young kids. Yeah,

188
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,720
Speaker 3: I wasn't the one cheating. I feel so stupid for

189
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,160
Speaker 3: trusting him and not seeing the way he pinned his

190
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:03,600
Speaker 3: actions on me, blanking on the term. We have an

191
00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:07,080
Speaker 3: update too. I finally had the nerve to confront him

192
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:11,160
Speaker 3: and love and behold. He says, nothing happened. I asked

193
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,360
Speaker 3: why her, But it's so perfectly in his hands and

194
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:19,120
Speaker 3: that was apparently just a joe. He refused to admit anything,

195
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,679
Speaker 3: even though I sent him some of the pictures I

196
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,880
Speaker 3: have of their conversations. He blames me for being close

197
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,720
Speaker 3: to her because I met up with an old friend

198
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,559
Speaker 3: and his girlfriend while he was back in the country

199
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,920
Speaker 3: for Christmas a few years back, except that occurred after

200
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,840
Speaker 3: he started seeing this woman. I really don't believe anything

201
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,680
Speaker 3: he's saying. I finally brought it up to my college

202
00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,199
Speaker 3: friend who still lives in the place he went to work,

203
00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:48,880
Speaker 3: and she said she heard this as a rumor three

204
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:52,120
Speaker 3: years ago, back in twenty twenty two, that he cheated

205
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,760
Speaker 3: on me. With a woman there. She never thought it

206
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,680
Speaker 3: could be true, so she didn't tell me. I feel

207
00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,000
Speaker 3: like you still tell the person. And there's like this, Hey,

208
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,040
Speaker 3: I heard through the grape vine. Yeah right, I never

209
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,319
Speaker 3: thought it could happen either, But here we are. I'm

210
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,480
Speaker 3: disgusted and heartbroken. I know I need to leave. There's

211
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,680
Speaker 3: just a lot about our life that needs to be

212
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,720
Speaker 3: figured out first. I've already made sure that I am

213
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,439
Speaker 3: the owner of all life insurance policies for the kids.

214
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,720
Speaker 3: Not that he would know how to change that, but

215
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,720
Speaker 3: now he can't without my permission. I think next week

216
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,320
Speaker 3: I'll try contacting a lawyer.

217
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:28,440
Speaker 4: Leave this man.

218
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,600
Speaker 5: Put that a little man only knows how to get

219
00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,760
Speaker 5: lunchables for himself and cannot making me real meal.

220
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,480
Speaker 3: I won't even need a divorce. He's gonna starve within

221
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,000
Speaker 3: a week because he doesn't know how to make his lunch.

222
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:47,120
Speaker 3: It'll be gone. It'll be gone. So well, we've got

223
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,600
Speaker 3: a little bit left. I qualify for legal aid and

224
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:54,920
Speaker 3: likely low income housing and income based rental subsidy. I

225
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,280
Speaker 3: really don't want to have to sell our house, because

226
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,440
Speaker 3: that's all we have to pass on to our kids.

227
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,160
Speaker 3: But I'll see what options I have. He works weekends,

228
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,800
Speaker 3: and if I leave him, I have to leave our

229
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,640
Speaker 3: town because it's just who small.

230
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,280
Speaker 4: There's no full.

231
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,600
Speaker 3: Time childcare or work available here. But then the kids

232
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,760
Speaker 3: would be in public school, only able to visit him

233
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,040
Speaker 3: on weekends, and he has to work, so logistically, I

234
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:23,600
Speaker 3: feel like such an a hole. That's currently I'm on

235
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,640
Speaker 3: maternity leave until next summer, so I want to get

236
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,960
Speaker 3: things organized before I'm due to return to work. Sorry

237
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,560
Speaker 3: for the jumbled mess. My brain is going in so

238
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,480
Speaker 3: many different directions. And then it's the end of that story.

239
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:40,920
Speaker 4: Wow, listen, listen girl, you know what to do, git

240
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:47,880
Speaker 4: aut Let's do it right, right, ladies, right, that's what

241
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:54,680
Speaker 4: Rosie whatever her name was, was referring to leaving the husbands.

242
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,960
Speaker 3: Yes, and that's the end of this story. We're going

243
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,079
Speaker 3: to go to the next one.

244
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:04,600
Speaker 5: My wife was acting her yoga poses in another man's apartment.

245
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,720
Speaker 3: Totally just yoga, right right.

246
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,920
Speaker 5: My wife forty four and I forty seven, got in

247
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,960
Speaker 5: a fight last night. We go to a yoga class

248
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,520
Speaker 5: around the corner at the gym that we both belong to.

249
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:18,400
Speaker 4: The instructor there, Ali has been great.

250
00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:21,480
Speaker 5: She's excellent and really knows her stuff, by the way,

251
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,120
Speaker 5: that comes from additional call sixty four to sixty eight.

252
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,840
Speaker 5: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

253
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,000
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay storytime, Separate it and I'm Angie,

254
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,880
Speaker 5: I'm Carly, I'm na Koda.

255
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,960
Speaker 3: But we're here to give good advice.

256
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,720
Speaker 5: Goofully. But we don't have all the answers. We just

257
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,400
Speaker 5: know what we would do in this situation. But let

258
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,640
Speaker 5: us know what you would do in the comments. So

259
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,200
Speaker 5: Opie says, we actually became good friends with her. We

260
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,600
Speaker 5: met her and her boyfriend for dinner a couple of times.

261
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,280
Speaker 5: But about six weeks ago she announced that she was leaving.

262
00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:52,480
Speaker 5: She and her now fiance are moving to Florida. The

263
00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,520
Speaker 5: thing is, my wife and I really got into yoga.

264
00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:58,920
Speaker 5: My wife is actually considering becoming an instructor because of

265
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,280
Speaker 5: Ali Jim was without an instructor for about a month,

266
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,199
Speaker 5: but they got this new instructor, a.

267
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,760
Speaker 4: Young guy named Ethan. Pretty cool dude. Again.

268
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,080
Speaker 5: My wife and I hung out with him a few times.

269
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,200
Speaker 5: We're really social that way. He is a good looking kid,

270
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:26,160
Speaker 5: young early twenties, really into the earth.

271
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:24,520
Speaker 3: You know, that's crazy, really likes them worms.

272
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,800
Speaker 4: About two weeks ago, I called my wife from work.

273
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,600
Speaker 5: She works from home. When I called her, she was

274
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,560
Speaker 5: out to lunch with Ethan. In the moment, I felt

275
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,880
Speaker 5: a little awkward, and I think she could tell. On

276
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 5: the surface, I don't think it's a big deal, but

277
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,120
Speaker 5: if she was going out to lunch with a friend

278
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,360
Speaker 5: who happened to be a guy, she would typically let

279
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,160
Speaker 5: me know. But the other thing is, we don't really

280
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:44,400
Speaker 5: know this guy that well.

281
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,920
Speaker 4: It's only been two weeks. It's not like someone I

282
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:48,880
Speaker 4: know or trust.

283
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,880
Speaker 5: Plus he's very fit, attractive, and young, so maybe I

284
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,880
Speaker 5: do feel a little threatened, But I didn't say anything

285
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,920
Speaker 5: over the phone or that night when I got home

286
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,600
Speaker 5: from work. Sure enough, they were together again. This went

287
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 5: on five times in the last two weeks. That's every

288
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,560
Speaker 5: other day. So last night I brought it up and

289
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,920
Speaker 5: she got really upset that I didn't trust her. But

290
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,880
Speaker 5: then she was also really concerned because she understood how

291
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,280
Speaker 5: I felt, and she knows that feeling and that it's

292
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,240
Speaker 5: a crappy feeling. She agreed with me that she can't

293
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,800
Speaker 5: hang out with him alone unless we hang out together

294
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 5: all three of us, or if there are more friends

295
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:25,840
Speaker 5: with us at the time.

296
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:26,080
Speaker 4: Too.

297
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,920
Speaker 5: After that argument, we went to bed, and when we

298
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,320
Speaker 5: woke up this morning, I could tell that things felt

299
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,960
Speaker 5: a little awkward. It was a bit more quiet than

300
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,040
Speaker 5: it should have been. We were talking to each other less.

301
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,840
Speaker 5: I don't know if this means anything or if I'm

302
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,160
Speaker 5: just reading into it. We're still going to yoga class

303
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,840
Speaker 5: where he's the instructor, so it's a.

304
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,920
Speaker 4: Little weird and a little bit of a gray area.

305
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,280
Speaker 5: I'm not the jealous type, but I do think that

306
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,080
Speaker 5: boundaries are important, and I don't think that I stepped

307
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,440
Speaker 5: out on line by explaining to her where my boundaries are.

308
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,000
Speaker 5: I may have overreacted, but I'm not sure. Do you

309
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,120
Speaker 5: think that I overreacted or got upset over nothing? And

310
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,040
Speaker 5: there is an up. I really liked how that was,

311
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,440
Speaker 5: like directly like at you. I feel like a lot

312
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,920
Speaker 5: of the questions are like, so am I they old boy?

313
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,440
Speaker 4: But it's like you think, yeah, yeah, do you think

314
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,680
Speaker 4: I overreacted?

315
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,080
Speaker 3: No?

316
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I definitely don't think you ever reacted.

317
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,320
Speaker 3: No, not at all.

318
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, I don't think you've ever reacted because

319
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,200
Speaker 5: I think your feelings are very valid and yeah, but

320
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 5: you like didn't blow up or anything like.

321
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:32,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, deemed like a fairly calm conversation and everything, and

322
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,680
Speaker 3: she was like happy that you went to her with

323
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,800
Speaker 3: the concerns and was like, oh my god, yeah, I'm

324
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 3: sorry that this is how it's been seeming.

325
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,840
Speaker 4: It's like, Yo, what's going on here? And then that's

326
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:49,280
Speaker 4: it it's all about. But we do have an update.

327
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,680
Speaker 5: I had a talk with my wife and I let

328
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,119
Speaker 5: her know that I'm not comfortable going to the OCA class.

329
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,040
Speaker 4: Anymore giving this situation with the instructor. Oh wow, not

330
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,400
Speaker 4: at all. She asked if it was all right that

331
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,360
Speaker 4: she continued to go.

332
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,040
Speaker 5: I was kind of surprised, but I also know about

333
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 5: her goals to become a certified instructor. She's been really

334
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 5: ambitious about it, So I said yes, knowing that I

335
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,479
Speaker 5: would keep a close eye. This past Friday night, we

336
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,920
Speaker 5: were talking about some random stuff, and I could tell

337
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,879
Speaker 5: that there was something else that she wanted to ask me.

338
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,040
Speaker 5: She went into a pretty lengthy story about how a

339
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,320
Speaker 5: few weeks back she had made plans to do a

340
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 5: private session with Ethan on Saturday morning after the yoga class,

341
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:31,119
Speaker 5: working on poses form et cetera. She said it was

342
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,400
Speaker 5: something that they already set up and she didn't feel

343
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,360
Speaker 5: comfortable backing out of it. Now I knew he had

344
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 5: his own studio outside of the gym, but I wasn't

345
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,679
Speaker 5: sure where it was. I thought maybe another gym or

346
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,960
Speaker 5: a private yoga center. But when I asked her, she said,

347
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:49,200
Speaker 5: it's at his apartment. Oh yeah, yeah, we're just gonna

348
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,560
Speaker 5: I'm gonna get a private lesson from his apartment, etc.

349
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:59,240
Speaker 3: In his room on his bed. He's teaching you new poses,

350
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 3: that's for sure.

351
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 5: Basically, she told me that his entire apartment is the

352
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,359
Speaker 5: yoga studio, no furniture and no TV, just a wood

353
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:11,680
Speaker 5: floor with matts. We've been married for over twenty years.

354
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 5: I'm not going to suddenly start telling my wife what

355
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,160
Speaker 5: she can and cannot do. She's an adult, we're both adults.

356
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,679
Speaker 5: We have two decades as a married couple and with

357
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,960
Speaker 5: kids in another five years of dating together before marriage.

358
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 5: I've been thinking about this since my last posts. It's

359
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,160
Speaker 5: not me versus her, It's about us.

360
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,919
Speaker 4: It's an us thing. I like that mindset. I go

361
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,359
Speaker 4: through what she goes through and what she goes through

362
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,879
Speaker 4: I go through. We are going through life together, not

363
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,920
Speaker 4: apart or separately.

364
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 5: So I'm not going to treat her like she's my

365
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 5: eighteen year old girlfriend whom I've been dating for two months.

366
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:43,600
Speaker 4: She's my wife.

367
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,399
Speaker 5: We raised a family together, bought a house together, built

368
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 5: a life, memories, finances, trust, a future.

369
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 4: I hate the divorce her culture on Reddit.

370
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 3: What what to what?

371
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 5: We have no over you price divorce culture on Readit

372
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 5: is so immature. Yes, her behavior recently is new and

373
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,920
Speaker 5: a bit suspect, but she's a person too, and after

374
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,280
Speaker 5: twenty five years together, I want her to be happy.

375
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,320
Speaker 4: It's important. You're all human.

376
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,199
Speaker 5: Maybe she's truly attracted to this young guy Ethan. So

377
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,679
Speaker 5: what if she is, She's not allowed to be attracted

378
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 5: to him? Okay, so she had a few lunches with him, Okay,

379
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 5: a little red flag.

380
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 4: But I'm not gonna toss our marriage into the garbage

381
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 4: over it. I've flirted with others before over the years.

382
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 4: H So has everyone? He says, It's like, well, well.

383
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:45,600
Speaker 5: Sir, yeah, et cetera, et cetera, doing the et cetera,

384
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,920
Speaker 5: do the et cetera. It's inappropriate, he says, so has everyone.

385
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 5: If you haven't, you're lying.

386
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 4: So I'm cool with her continuing yoga with Ethan.

387
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 2: What is that that's what does that mean?

388
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 4: So I'm cool with her continuing yoga with Ethan.

389
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,360
Speaker 5: That was last Friday. So on Saturday morning, she went

390
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,399
Speaker 5: to his apartment at nine. She texted me when she arrived,

391
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,320
Speaker 5: and she didn't come home until after twelve thirty. I

392
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:14,400
Speaker 5: wasn't pissed, but I was curious. She was humming songs,

393
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:18,119
Speaker 5: she was flushed, hair messy, glowing with perspiration.

394
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 3: Hmm.

395
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 5: She seemed happy. Maybe things felt a little off. She

396
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,960
Speaker 5: just wasn't talking much, didn't say a lot, just small talk.

397
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 5: That felt odd to me. Usually she's excited to tell

398
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,520
Speaker 5: me about her progress or her diet stuff like that.

399
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I said all the.

400
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 5: Things that I said about trust and being married for

401
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 5: over two decades, but I couldn't deny that something just

402
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,959
Speaker 5: felt different. She was acting different around me. Fast forward

403
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,679
Speaker 5: to Monday night. She fell asleep early and left her

404
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:46,439
Speaker 5: phone in the kitchen.

405
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,439
Speaker 4: Uh dangerous. At one point, did you go through that?

406
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,479
Speaker 3: Don't you go through that?

407
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,680
Speaker 5: At one point she started getting notification after notification, her

408
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 5: phone was lighting up and buzzing. Some of it was junk,

409
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,680
Speaker 5: but one time it lit up and I saw Ethan's name.

410
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 5: I'm thinking it's a text message. My wife and I

411
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,120
Speaker 5: share a lot, we know each other's passwords. It's our kids' birthdays.

412
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,400
Speaker 5: My son is mine, my daughter's it's hurts. So while

413
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,399
Speaker 5: she's sleeping, I felt that doing it. But I opened

414
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 5: her phone and looked at the notification. One from Bank

415
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 5: of America, one from her sister, few others, and then

416
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,440
Speaker 5: I saw one from Ethan, which reads still thinking about Saturday,

417
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 5: you were something else. Not many people can't open.

418
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:31,360
Speaker 1: Up like that.

419
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 3: Who does that?

420
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 4: Dude.

421
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 6: It's like it's so open that it's like it can't

422
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 6: be true, or it's like so weird.

423
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 2: That's so weird that.

424
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:46,159
Speaker 3: It's like somehow though, I feel like that, like fully, like, Okay,

425
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:47,399
Speaker 3: I'm going to take a guess.

426
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 4: I don't think she cheated.

427
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 3: I just think Ethan's being really weird, you think, and

428
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 3: I think I'm I have a feeling I'm gonna eat

429
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 3: those words. But I just really don't want her to

430
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 3: have done it.

431
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, just really hopeful of it.

432
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 3: I just really was hopeful because you guys started this

433
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 3: out so well with your conversation.

434
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 4: Yeah.

435
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I don't want to give you divorce advice

436
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 3: because you called it no divorce Reddit.

437
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 5: Right right, He's gonna just like discount our thoughts totally

438
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 5: if we go there.

439
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 4: But I do fear, Yeah.

440
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 3: Something may have happened.

441
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, either that's like a really creepy crossing boundaries text

442
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 5: or its evidence. Nothing else in their text history raised

443
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 5: the red flag. But I couldn't just be a spectator

444
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,239
Speaker 5: any longer. I sat while she was still napping and

445
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,640
Speaker 5: thought about what I wanted to say, how and when

446
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 5: I wanted to bring it up.

447
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 4: She was acting different since Saturday. It was very obvious

448
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:43,399
Speaker 4: to me.

449
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,359
Speaker 5: Plus, there were no texts with Ethan on her phone

450
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 5: between Saturday and Monday, but almost every day prior to

451
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 5: that was she deleting them or did something happen that

452
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,920
Speaker 5: made them stop communicating. I couldn't find the right moment

453
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 5: until last night. I'm in sales and I read a

454
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 5: lot of books on the topic, but there's one book

455
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 5: book that impacted me and how I deal with people

456
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 5: in all areas of my life. Never split the difference.

457
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 3: We're using our business tactics.

458
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, I'm confused to going with this.

459
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,719
Speaker 5: One technique in the book is called tactical empathy. You

460
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 5: show empathy to get the other person to let down

461
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 5: their guard and open up. Ah, we're learning how to

462
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 5: manipulate it a little bit. So a couple things about

463
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 5: my wife. Her father passed away last year. Oh wow,

464
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 5: and I know there's been a void in her life

465
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 5: and mine too. So I reminded her that I understand

466
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 5: how hard this past year has been. I told her

467
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 5: that I would always support her and help her through anything,

468
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 5: reminded her that I loved her. We started reminiscing about

469
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 5: her dad and what this past year has been like.

470
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 5: To be fair, getting into yoga class has been a

471
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 5: path back to health for her. There is definitely a

472
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 5: healing element to it. And once our conversation was rolling

473
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 5: along comfortably, I brought it out and asked her.

474
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 4: Did you sleep with Ethan? She didn't hesitate, She said yes, No.

475
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 3: You made me be wrong. I was rooting for.

476
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 6: You, gave you so much benefit of the doubt, but

477
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 6: also like, how stupid is Ethan to be?

478
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 2: Like, oh, yeah, let's just make it playtant now?

479
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,440
Speaker 4: Yeah? Right?

480
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 5: She said yes, and then she started to cry. I

481
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 5: was surprised how calm I was, so I continued to

482
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 5: talk to her. I didn't explode or freak out part

483
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 5: of me. I already knew you guys have been getting close,

484
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 5: spending time together.

485
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 4: I could tell something was different. How many times that's

486
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 4: what Opie said? Just once? She said? I asked if

487
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 4: it was Saturday.

488
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 5: She said yes, says she didn't intend for it to happen,

489
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 5: but it just escalated when he would help her get

490
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 5: tighter with the pos, moving her hips, straightening her back

491
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 5: or knees.

492
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 4: Apparently he's got a reputation. So I told her.

493
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 5: That I was not mad, but I was hurt, and

494
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,680
Speaker 5: then I needed space. I told her that I forgive her.

495
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 5: I understand her feelings, the pain speriencing, but there are

496
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 5: consequences to her behavior. I know how it feels to

497
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 5: make a mistake that affects the lives of others. I

498
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 5: told her to call her sister. Her sister lives about

499
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 5: thirty miles away. I tell her that you're going to

500
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 5: stay with her for at least a few days. I

501
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 5: need some time and some space, and she did. She's

502
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 5: there right now. Her sister picked her up last night

503
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 5: after midnight.

504
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 4: It was a rough night. Divorce.

505
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 5: No, I'm not interested in that. This is not normal

506
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 5: behavior from my wife. This is a unique and hurtful

507
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 5: situation that deserves compassion first and then decision and healing later.

508
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 5: Did I do the right thing? Though it really hurts

509
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 5: punting my wife out, even considering the circumstances, Did op

510
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:40,360
Speaker 5: do the right thing?

511
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 3: I don't know, I think OPI I'm seeing some weird

512
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 3: reflections in this window. Sorry. I think that op knows

513
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 3: what's best for his marriage, maybe more than we could,

514
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 3: if he really doesn't want to get divorced.

515
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 6: Sure, I think Opie's going at it because usually it's

516
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 6: zero to one hundred of media, but he's going at

517
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 6: a very slow pace.

518
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 2: And like, yet, let's talk about this, why did this happen?

519
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 2: All this stuff?

520
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,360
Speaker 6: This isn't you, which is normally what we don't get,

521
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 6: which is you know, for them, for him, it's a

522
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 6: perspective for them.

523
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

524
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 6: And if it's like he's like, divorce is not in

525
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 6: the picture, don't want to do divorce, I could get messy.

526
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 3: I hope that she's also on the divorce is not

527
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:30,160
Speaker 3: in the picture train and run away to the yoga man. Yeah.

528
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 3: Though it does seem like it was very just like mistake. Yeah,

529
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 3: but there is another updates. I changed the passwords to

530
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,639
Speaker 3: our financial accounts. I took her name off our joint

531
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 3: bank account. I'm the primary.

532
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:46,920
Speaker 4: I opened a.

533
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 5: New checking account, and as soon as it's complete, I

534
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 5: will move my money over. She's been removed from the

535
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 5: credit cards that we share, all of our streaming services,

536
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,919
Speaker 5: logins have changed. Screenshots from her phone saved in multiple locations.

537
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 5: Caging locks is next on my list.

538
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 4: This is all new. It sucks that I have to

539
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 4: do this. It's only been a day, not even wow.

540
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 3: So changing the locks and stuff though, But we're not

541
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 3: getting a divorce.

542
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 4: It sounds like maybe we are getting a divorce.

543
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, who knows what happened.

544
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,640
Speaker 4: Wow, Well, good luck to the both of you, I guess. Yeah.

545
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 4: Bad luck to Ethan.

546
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,239
Speaker 3: Bad luck to Ethan. Yeah, and don't take all your

547
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 3: wife's money. Yeah, make sure you guys split that stuff

548
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 3: if it is combined.

549
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

550
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 4: to the next one.

551
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to this episode.

552
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,959
Speaker 2: But a quick three minute break with aswer more sponsors.

553
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 3: My husband pretended to spoil me, but my siblings were

554
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 3: the ones paying. Oh my gosh, my husband, let's call

555
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,120
Speaker 3: him Nate and I have been together for ten years

556
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,400
Speaker 3: and married for four We've been having a rough couple

557
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 3: of years, and basically everyone I'm close to is telling

558
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 3: me to get divorce. We've known each other since we

559
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 3: were fourteen and fifteen. We were best friends first and

560
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,479
Speaker 3: started dating near the end of high school.

561
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:08,400
Speaker 4: By the way, this.

562
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 3: Comes from JJ Reynolds three and if you want us

563
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 3: to make your own stories, go to the arslash Okay

564
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 3: storytime Subredda. I'm Carly, I'm Angie, I'm Keon, and we're

565
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 3: here to give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have

566
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we would do,

567
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,199
Speaker 3: so let us know what you would do. In the

568
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 3: comments and OP says everything was great. He treated me amazingly,

569
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 3: always with respect. We went on dates frequently, bought each

570
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 3: other gifts, and took many vacations together. When we first

571
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 3: got engaged, things were rough, but we spent many nights

572
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 3: having long discussions and worked through the is shoes. However,

573
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 3: over the last couple of years we've been having a

574
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 3: hard time. Nate lost his job in twenty twenty two,

575
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 3: and I think this set us on a collision course.

576
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 3: Ever since then he's had a hard time keeping a job.

577
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 3: He frequently goes to temp agencies for in between periods,

578
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 3: but this has never been a problem for me, since

579
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,959
Speaker 3: he tries his best to make sure bills are paid.

580
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 3: He always blames the jobs, but I have a hard

581
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 3: time believing he's been through about fifteen jobs since twenty

582
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 3: twenty two and every single one is the problem.

583
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 2: Fifteen. I want to know all the jobs at.

584
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 3: Scott Crazy, maybe some of them, but not all of them.

585
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: Anytime I try to talk about it, he tells me

586
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 3: not to worry and that he'll always find a new job.

587
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 3: So I've tried to stay out of it and let

588
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 3: him figure it out. As a result, we rarely go

589
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 3: out anymore. I could pay for us myself, but he's

590
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 3: expressed that it makes him feel bad when I'm always paying.

591
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 3: We celebrate our birthdays and anniversary and that's it. I've

592
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 3: genuinely been okay with this because I understand we're going

593
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 3: through something, but my family tends to make me feel bad.

594
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 3: I'm very close with them, and they love to insert

595
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 3: their opinions even when not asked. They loved to comment

596
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 3: on how he never gets me gifts anymore. Doesn't compliment

597
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 3: me as much and doesn't show up to family gatherings

598
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 3: so much so that I've started lying about things I've

599
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 3: bought for myself, telling them he got them for me,

600
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 3: just to get them to shut up. If he doesn't

601
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 3: come to something, I just tell them he's at work.

602
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 3: The divorce comments started coming in last year when I

603
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 3: had car trouble. My engine went out, I still had

604
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 3: four months left on my loan and interest rates were insane.

605
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 3: I couldn't afford a new car while taking care of

606
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 3: so much of the bills at home. I tried talking

607
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 3: to different mechanics, but the lowest estimate was nine thousand dollars,

608
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 3: which seemed like a lost cause. I ended up getting

609
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 3: my dad's help for a new car. He put five

610
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 3: thousand down, and this shook my family. The main question

611
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 3: was why didn't Nate help. I wasn't about to tell

612
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 3: them he couldn't afford it, so I did my best

613
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 3: to dodge the questions, but the damage was done. Now

614
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 3: they tell me I need to divorce him any chance

615
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 3: they get. Over the past year, I've been able to

616
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 3: get Nate back at family gatherings, but they've all ended

617
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 3: with him being super wasted. Nate doesn't know when to stop.

618
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 3: I know this about him. I try my best to

619
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 3: cut him off, but I'm his wife, not his babysitter.

620
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 3: I've asked him over and over not to drink at

621
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 3: these functions, or if he must, to only have one.

622
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 3: He tells me it's fine, he's an adult and knows

623
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 3: when to stop. He doesn't. This has resulted in a

624
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 3: lot of embarrassing nights for me and just adds to

625
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 3: their list of reasons to leave him. My family has

626
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 3: never seen a healthy marriage. I have never seen a

627
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 3: healthy marriage, at least not outside of a TV show.

628
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 3: Any family that's married, they're all bitter and cheating on

629
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 3: each other. I can't really take advice from this. I

630
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 3: believe you don't get into a marriage just to jump

631
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 3: ship as soon as things get hard. We're just going

632
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 3: through something and we have to work on it together. However, recently,

633
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 3: I've started questioning this and I'm not sure if this

634
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 3: is the right stance. My cousin passed recently and her

635
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 3: funeral was this past week. I was and still am devastated.

636
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 3: Nate doesn't understand why my cousin and I weren't on

637
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 3: speaking terms, and he doesn't get why I would be

638
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 3: so upset since we weren't even talking. At the funeral,

639
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 3: he sat with me but didn't speak the entire time,

640
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 3: not even to comfort me. I have no idea who

641
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 3: he was that day, but this was not the man

642
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 3: I married. It was like having rose colored glasses taken off.

643
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 3: And now I'm questioning everything. Now I'm starting to feel

644
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 3: like my family may have been right all along and

645
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 3: I've been too naive to see it. I can't go

646
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 3: to any of them about it because I already know

647
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 3: what they're going to say. I feel very alone right now.

648
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 3: Where do I even go from here? And we have

649
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 3: an update and it looks like we are getting some

650
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 3: backstory into his job stuff.

651
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 4: Okay, cool, that would be important. I feel like usually

652
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 4: when I mean, she's got in the middle with two

653
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 4: very different opinions, you know, she wants to stay with

654
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 4: her marriage, but then she also is like getting all

655
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 4: this all this info and and pressure and yeah picture

656
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 4: from the family.

657
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 5: So I feel like, you really just need to take

658
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 5: some time to just don't talk about it with anyone,

659
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 5: like not even your husband, not your sisters, Like just

660
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 5: be alone, journal about it so that you can actually

661
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 5: get your thoughts out and together and then like make

662
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 5: you have to make a decision on your own. But

663
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 5: it could be hard when there's so much noise from

664
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 5: everyone else.

665
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, agreed. Update Nate was a mixture of fired and

666
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 3: quit from jobs. He was usually fired for attendance, the

667
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 3: reasons being headaches or feeling sick. This was truly unrelated

668
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 3: to drinking. If he quit, it was for various reasons,

669
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 3: but mainly having issues with management. The drinking started in

670
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 3: March of this year, and it's not daily, not even weekly. However,

671
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 3: my main issue is getting blackout when he does drink.

672
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 3: This isn't exclusive to family gatherings, but the embarrassing things

673
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 3: usually happen in these cases, embarrassing being the way he

674
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 3: speaks to me. We've discussed it many times and it's

675
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 3: always met with resistance. I've definitely been in denial about

676
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 3: this being an issue, and the overwhelming comments have removed

677
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 3: that denial. I have regular users in my family who

678
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 3: drink morning tonight and he doesn't, so I thought I

679
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 3: was being paranoid about the issue. Many people said, I

680
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 3: don't defend him to my family and that's why he

681
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 3: doesn't come to the gatherings. I have defended them. They

682
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 3: never say this in front of him, only to me.

683
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 3: They don't treat him differently or isolate him. I just

684
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 3: I don't just let them talk crap. But this usually

685
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 3: results in us talking in circles and me feeling terrible. No,

686
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 3: I have never told him what they're saying. I'm in

687
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 3: therapy solo, but it's new, so we hadn't gotten into

688
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 3: my marriage at the time. This was honestly eating away

689
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 3: at me. Since the funeral, we have conversations about our

690
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 3: marriage where he promises to do better, and he does

691
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 3: for a while, and then he just stops. Now for

692
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 3: the update, I ended up turning my therapy session into

693
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 3: a two hour session.

694
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 4: Wow.

695
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 3: Obviously one long session is in a fix all, but

696
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 3: it definitely helped me come to some realizations good. I

697
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 3: felt like if I gave up, this would be a failure.

698
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 3: I didn't get married to get divorce. I thought I

699
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,399
Speaker 3: would be spending forever with him, and I've definitely been

700
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,240
Speaker 3: trying to keep floating a sinking ship. My therapist says,

701
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 3: I'm a people pleaser, and honestly, after everything we've talked about, yeah,

702
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 3: that tracks. As for Nate, he's on thin ice with

703
00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 3: his current job. Go figure. Even knowing this, he still

704
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,360
Speaker 3: didn't go to work one day last week because he

705
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 3: had a headache. No, this wasn't a hangover. I start

706
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 3: work two hours before him, so I didn't know. He

707
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 3: stayed home until I got home. I snapped. I told

708
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 3: him he doesn't get to skip out on work every

709
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 3: time he has a headache, especially when he's already on

710
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:23,439
Speaker 3: multiple attendance warnings. I get frequent migraines, and I don't

711
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 3: skip work unless it's literally one that makes me super dizzy.

712
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,879
Speaker 3: I take something for it and get to work, because

713
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 3: we're adults with responsibilities and can't skip work every single

714
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,760
Speaker 3: time we feel bad. He told me I was overreacting,

715
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,840
Speaker 3: and I told him, of course he would see it

716
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 3: that way because I sit back and let him do

717
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 3: whatever he wants all the time. Maybe I did overreact,

718
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 3: Maybe he did have a bad headache. Either way, I

719
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 3: left my sister's house to cool off. I broke down,

720
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 3: crying to her and telling her everything. To my surprise,

721
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 3: my brother and sister have secretly been giving him money

722
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 3: to take me on dates for my birthday and our

723
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:05,720
Speaker 3: anniversary ever since he first lost his job three years

724
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 3: that of that, Wow, my sister even paid his portion

725
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 3: for two family vacations we took. I wasn't going to

726
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 3: go on either because I couldn't afford to pay for

727
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 3: both of us, but my sister said she could tell

728
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 3: how sad I was about it. They both knew how

729
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 3: badly I was trying to make it work and were

730
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 3: trying to help. I called my brother and made him

731
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 3: come over to I thought they would give me, I

732
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 3: told you, sos or rubsall in the wound, but they

733
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 3: were very supportive. Oh. I ended up staying with my

734
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 3: sister a couple of nights and returning home Friday night.

735
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 3: I told Nate we needed to have a serious conversation.

736
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 3: I laid out everything I was feeling. I cried and

737
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 3: begged him to go to therapy, if not couple's therapy,

738
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 3: at least solo.

739
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 4: He refused.

740
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 3: He says therapy's a waste of time and money, just

741
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 3: paying someone to talk to you. He says, we don't

742
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 3: need anyone in our business like that, and we can

743
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 3: deal with it ourselves. I told him, obviously we can't,

744
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:06,400
Speaker 3: and having an outside, unbiased opinion may help us understand

745
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 3: each other better and be good for our future. He refused,

746
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 3: he really doesn't see how all of this is affecting me.

747
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 3: I did get him to open up the slightest bit

748
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 3: about what's going on in his head. In short, he

749
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 3: thinks the world owes him something. When he first lost

750
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 3: his job, he went to his parents for help. They refused.

751
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 3: He was going on and on about how his dad

752
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 3: left his mom for half his life before they got

753
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 3: back together, and he needed to make up for it.

754
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 3: I told him he's not a child anymore, he's an adult.

755
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 3: His parents don't owe him anything. He said, it's the

756
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 3: least they could do. We barely even touched the money

757
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 3: in Bill's topic, as usual, as this led to yelling

758
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:51,240
Speaker 3: and things were getting heated.

759
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: The least his parents could do.

760
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, brother, you're a grown butt man.

761
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 4: Yeah that's crazy.

762
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 3: Go to your job, dude. I addressed him taking money

763
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 3: from my siblings to pay for dates and vacations, and

764
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 3: he said, why does it matter where the money comes from?

765
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 3: You want to go out and I made it happen.

766
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 2: What a loser?

767
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 4: Yeah cool?

768
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 5: This is It lines up so perfectly with his idea

769
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 5: towards jobs and stuff like that. He's like, I don't

770
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 5: need a job, Like the money will come from somewhere,

771
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 5: from all the people around me.

772
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 3: Yeah.

773
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 5: It also is so like I thought that when the

774
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 5: with the title, I thought it meant his siblings, but

775
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 5: the fact that it's.

776
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,280
Speaker 3: Hurlings, which is crazy.

777
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, like no wonder. They were so mad about him

778
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:40,359
Speaker 5: not having money, and they were like.

779
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 4: Yo, you got a divorce.

780
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 3: I've been giving you money for three Yeah, they knew

781
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 3: like the full extent of it.

782
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 4: I'm even more than she did.

783
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 6: I don't know why, but like, why didn't like for

784
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 6: three years if my sibling was asking me for money

785
00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 6: twenty four to seven and like, oh, I'm using it

786
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,400
Speaker 6: to like, you know, treat my partner.

787
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

788
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 6: I'll be like what yeah, yeah right, I'm just like

789
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 6: I'm gonna I'll do it. Maybe one time I get

790
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,520
Speaker 6: here's a treat, have fun, go out, But for.

791
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,240
Speaker 2: Three years straight. Yeah, I'm laughing in their face.

792
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 3: He told me all I care about is money, that

793
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 3: his love and loyalty are never enough. I got a

794
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:25,760
Speaker 3: little spoiler.

795
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 5: There, b No and Toyo Bumgarner says, Okay, this little

796
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 5: willy man annoys me.

797
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 4: I'm gonna need to teach him some stuff sign language

798
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 4: to the faith.

799
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's truly just like, yeah, everyone else, like the

800
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 3: world owes me like all this, Yeah, so much for

801
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 3: the world.

802
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 2: I've done so much good again.

803
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's like, it doesn't need to be like an

804
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 5: income from me. It is like everyone helps with everyone, right, guys. Right, Yeah,

805
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 5: I'll help you like some like with my presence.

806
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 4: That's it.

807
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,479
Speaker 3: I like that Her family though, truly was just like, hey,

808
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 3: we're not going to give you and I told you so,

809
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 3: We're here for you. What do you need. Yeah, you're

810
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,919
Speaker 3: seeing what we're seeing now, right, and let's get you out.

811
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

812
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 5: And the fact that like even with the money stuff,

813
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 5: when she was first hearing that from them, they were

814
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 5: coming out of it from you know what they knew

815
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 5: about it and telling her to divorce him, but like

816
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 5: the fact that they really knew what was going on

817
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 5: and they were helping, like they were helping because they

818
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 5: wanted them to be together, so they weren't just like

819
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 5: immediately coming with anger. But then they still like they

820
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 5: were just handling it very well throughout the whole thing, exactly,

821
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 5: very nice.

822
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 3: We have a little bit left, we're separating for now.

823
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 3: I was going to let him stay in our house,

824
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 3: but I changed my mind. Woo. I honestly don't trust

825
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 3: him to keep up with any of the bills or cleaning.

826
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 3: We rent our house and the lease isn't up until May,

827
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 3: so I'll be staying there and taking care of everything

828
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 3: as usual. He's staying with his family for now. I

829
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 3: still didn't jump straight to divorce. I'm trying to get

830
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 3: through to him despite all of that, I still love

831
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 3: him very much and wish things were different. I'm hoping

832
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 3: this separation inspires change, but I gave him until our

833
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 3: leases up to show me with actions. Honestly, with his

834
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 3: track record, I'm not holding my breath, but it's tearing

835
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 3: a hole in my chest just thinking about filing for divorce.

836
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 3: Any advice for fixing a broken heart? Lol, but kind

837
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 3: of serious. And that is the end of that story.

838
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: My boyfriend steals my skills and ideas to look cool,

839
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: and I finally had enough.

840
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 4: I want to be the cool one.

841
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: Hey, I twenty four female. Know this sounds dramatic, but

842
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: hear me out. I don't think I would have really

843
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 1: noticed it if we weren't both working from home and

844
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: living together. But my boyfriend twenty nine male constantly copies

845
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 1: things that I say and do and repeats them to

846
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 1: friends and coworkers as if they are his original ideas.

847
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 1: And it's not that he repeats them, but ninety nine

848
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 1: percent of the time he does it with things that

849
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 1: when I say them, he argues with me about. By

850
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from us a throwaway fox of mystery,

851
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

852
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 1: to the r slag show gay Story. I'm started, I'm Dakota,

853
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 1: I'm Angie, I'm Keon, and we are here to give

854
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 1: you good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

855
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 1: We're just a cadre of little goofballs. So let us

856
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 1: know what you would do in the comments, and we'll

857
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: let you know what we'd do right now. As Op says,

858
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:38,319
Speaker 1: example one, we watched a TV show on Netflix a

859
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 1: couple of months ago. I brought up that while I

860
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 1: liked it, it had some pretty problematic stuff regarding the

861
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: way it treated women in the LGBTQ plus women in particular, i'mby.

862
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 1: He really argued with me and wrote off the things

863
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 1: I brought up, making excuses regarding how Hollywood is and

864
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: saying I was being too sensitive or overly critical. The

865
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: next day, I heard him in our living room talking

866
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 1: to his friends on Skype about it. He brought up

867
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: my exact points, using my exact wording, as if it

868
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:14,399
Speaker 1: was his own idea. I enjoyed it, but I try

869
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 1: to be sensitive about the issue, and this was something

870
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 1: I noticed that type of thing.

871
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 4: What I'm sorry. I was prepared for him to be like, uh, crap,

872
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:29,800
Speaker 4: talking ope behind her back. Yeah, but he's just trying

873
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 4: to seem like he agrees.

874
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,879
Speaker 1: I guess maybe he really changed his mind. So they

875
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 1: praised him for his progressive thinking and it rubbed me

876
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: the wrong way, but I tried to forget about it.

877
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: This sort of thing has happened over and over, like

878
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,920
Speaker 1: multiple times a week. Sometimes it's movies, Sometimes it's a

879
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 1: book I'm reading. Sometimes it's life advice regarding work. I

880
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 1: started noticing it, and now I don't think we've had

881
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 1: a similar argument without him later repeating what I say

882
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 1: to other people, like it's his idea. Sometimes it has

883
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 1: to do with things I know a lot about, for instance,

884
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 1: very specific skills that I have, but he doesn't. He'll

885
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 1: talk to people as if he has those skills and

886
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 1: has done those things when he's talking about things he's

887
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 1: seen me do. Example two, the last straw came when

888
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: I made him a special dish that I love, and

889
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:17,799
Speaker 1: the recipe is when I developed over years. It's very

890
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 1: time consuming, but he loved it. He asked me to

891
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 1: make more, and I did because I was pleased that

892
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 1: he liked it. I spent a whole afternoon doing it

893
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: and made some extra so he could take some with

894
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 1: him to a work meeting to share. He told me

895
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,399
Speaker 1: he would brag about what a talented girlfriend he had,

896
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: and it made me feel really happy. The day after,

897
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 1: I heard him in a zoom meeting with his coworkers

898
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 1: and they were all talking about how good the dish was.

899
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 1: They kept talking about how surprised they were he was

900
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 1: such a good cook, and how he'd have to cook

901
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: more for them. He was acting very humble, saying thank you,

902
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 1: and even mentioning ways he had perfected the recipe. The

903
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,800
Speaker 1: only mention of other help was that he off handedly

904
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 1: said a friend had helped him with some of the

905
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:01,959
Speaker 1: prep work.

906
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 3: Bro.

907
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,240
Speaker 4: Bro, this is not cool, dude.

908
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 1: I'm I'm honestly breaking up with this person.

909
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 5: This is the problem in and of itself, of course,

910
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 5: But then also, if you can lie about that so easily,

911
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:17,919
Speaker 5: what can he lie to you about.

912
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 1: It's just like you're a I. I don't like you anymore,

913
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: You sick little freak. Why would you make these lies?

914
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 4: You just suck?

915
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: Later, I told him that I overheard him and what

916
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 1: he had said. At first, he got really defensive. He

917
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 1: told me that he was caught off guard, and then

918
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,359
Speaker 1: afterward he came clean to them. Although I didn't hear

919
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: that part. I told him it made me feel bad also,

920
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 1: he's lying to you. I was unappreciated and it took

921
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 1: away things that I love and am proud of about myself.

922
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 1: Then he got upset and said that he just hates

923
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 1: feeling like a failure or like he can't do something,

924
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 1: and he felt like a terrible person for hurting me.

925
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 1: He apologized, but I felt like the conversation had kind

926
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: of turned into one about him and his vulnerabilities, and

927
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 1: no longer about how it had hurt me. Now I've

928
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 1: heard him do similar things multiple times again, I feel

929
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: like it's ridiculous to bring it up again because it

930
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: will start a fight that won't mean anything, but it's

931
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: making me crazy? Am I being too sensitive? Should I

932
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,439
Speaker 1: just let it go? Or is it worth bringing up again?

933
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 1: And if so, how honestly? And there's an update five

934
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 1: weeks later?

935
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 4: Please please, oh no, please please.

936
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 1: If this is a thing that has happened over and

937
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: over and over again, I don't know how long you've

938
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 1: been dating, but break.

939
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 4: Up with this man, break over this man. He sucks.

940
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:36,560
Speaker 1: But we have an update five weeks later. After reading

941
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: all your comments, I didn't want to jump to conclusions

942
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,720
Speaker 1: based on things strangers on the internet said, but certain

943
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 1: things really gave me pause. I realized that the problem

944
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 1: was much bigger than the issue I had originally posted about.

945
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 3: Bhi.

946
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,279
Speaker 1: I'd been writing off some things in my relationship that

947
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 1: had already given me some concerns, but I blamed them

948
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 1: on my anxiety or insecurity. I won't go into them

949
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: for the sake of land. Things really began to click

950
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:06,720
Speaker 1: when I took people's advice to look up gaslighting and NPD.

951
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:10,720
Speaker 1: So I began to take notes of these small things

952
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: and also do a little dig in. Mostly, I began

953
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 1: to realize I was being gas lit, a term I

954
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 1: didn't understand before posting here.

955
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, you did.

956
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 1: You totally did.

957
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:22,760
Speaker 4: What are you talking about?

958
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: And you were being lied to? My biggest concern of

959
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: all was I found out that he manipulated me and

960
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 1: created a fake crisis that made me think my old

961
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 1: living situation was in jeopardy, which was the reason I

962
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:34,960
Speaker 1: moved in with him.

963
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 4: Say that one more time.

964
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,320
Speaker 1: He somehow convinced her that she was going to lose

965
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 1: her previous living situation by manufacturing a fake crisis of

966
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: some kind, which is why he moved in or she.

967
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 4: Moved in with him, That is so wild.

968
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 1: Discost ten, discost ten. I can't go into more details

969
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 1: or someone will definitely I identify me. But I had

970
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 1: been unsure about moving in with him, and that crisis

971
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 1: had pushed me over the edge. And now I realize

972
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,160
Speaker 1: it was how he controlled me and isolated me from

973
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 1: my friends. Deffice it to say at that moment, I

974
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: was ready to leave, but now that I knew how

975
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 1: far he would go, I was scared to break up

976
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: with him until I had an escape plant. So I

977
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 1: decided to write everything that happened so I couldn't be

978
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 1: gaslit anymore. Soon as I made that decision, it's like

979
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 1: things just fell into my lap. I found out that

980
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 1: he was constantly looking up x'es and girls he had

981
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 1: met on dating apps in the past, parentheses, many of

982
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 1: whom were friends with me and parentheses on social media.

983
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 1: He let me use his laptop and I saw his

984
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 1: Facebook search history. Some light digging revealed that he was

985
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:49,280
Speaker 1: receiving flirtatious messages from girls, and while nothing overt happened,

986
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,839
Speaker 1: he definitely avoided mentioning he was in a relationship while

987
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:55,719
Speaker 1: talking to them. I caught him texting the girl who

988
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 1: he talked to before me, which had ended badly, and

989
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 1: trying to recon even though she didn't want to. She

990
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,960
Speaker 1: told him to f off and ended up blocking him

991
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,919
Speaker 1: and even deleting most of her social media. I never

992
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,440
Speaker 1: found out why they didn't work out, but I'm guessing

993
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 1: he was an a hole. And then completely by accident,

994
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: I was messaged by one of his female friends, whom

995
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 1: I had met a couple times. Turns out they had

996
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:22,399
Speaker 1: met on a dating app and had gone on three

997
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 1: dates while he and I were together early in our relationship.

998
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:27,359
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

999
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 1: And he would totally tell you, like, no, baby, we

1000
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 1: weren't dating. That was just like we weren't even dating yet.

1001
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 4: What do you mean?

1002
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1003
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 4: Oh what friends aren't allowed to hang out?

1004
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, he would try to pull some bs like that totally.

1005
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,759
Speaker 1: We compared texts and found evidence of him lying to

1006
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:49,399
Speaker 1: both of us and gaslighting me. There's even a chain

1007
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: where I mentioned he's being told to me and asking

1008
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: if something is wrong, and he convinces me that it

1009
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 1: was my anxiety, making me read too much into things again,

1010
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 1: all while texting me from his date with her. Oh,

1011
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 1: even more small stuff I won't go into. Yesterday, I

1012
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 1: found a temporary place to live. Today I broke up

1013
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: with him after laying all the crappy things he did

1014
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 1: out in front of him. He lied multiple times even

1015
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 1: during that conversation. He didn't know I had receipts in

1016
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 1: proof and boyd it his tune change. When I pulled

1017
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,239
Speaker 1: that out. He tried to convince me that all of

1018
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:26,839
Speaker 1: it meant nothing and made me feel sorry for him

1019
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 1: by talking about his childhood and now he has insecurity issues.

1020
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 1: I told him that we all have issues, and you're

1021
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 1: one of mine, is what I would have said. Oh,

1022
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:36,960
Speaker 1: I would have said that. I told him that we

1023
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: all have issues, and while that explains his behavior. It

1024
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 1: doesn't excuse it. He can't use trauma as an excuse

1025
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:46,360
Speaker 1: to traumatize others. I'm glad you're leaving. Too often we

1026
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:48,720
Speaker 1: have his stories where they're just like I think I'll

1027
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:49,439
Speaker 1: maybe leave.

1028
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know, though harm and you did it

1029
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 4: as a hard situation to get out of it, and

1030
00:51:55,239 --> 00:51:57,719
Speaker 4: you're freaking doing it. Yeah, you should be so incredibly

1031
00:51:57,719 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 4: proud of that.

1032
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 1: Thank you, good job, Thank you for doing that, thank

1033
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 1: you for your turm, and thank you to the comment

1034
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:06,719
Speaker 1: section of your Reddit post for making you google the

1035
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:07,720
Speaker 1: term gas lighting.

1036
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's an important one. And he's very calm

1037
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:11,799
Speaker 4: and to use.

1038
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,799
Speaker 1: I told him he can stay in our apartment, but

1039
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 1: he can't talk to me. I don't want to interact

1040
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 1: with him, and after we move, I want him out

1041
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 1: of my life completely. I found a place to live,

1042
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 1: although it's smaller and farther from work, but I'll do

1043
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 1: whatever it takes to get out. I can move on

1044
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: the first of November birthday. It has low key messed

1045
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 1: me up a bit. I never had trust issues before,

1046
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 1: and I feel like I am completely doubting my own judgment. No,

1047
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:41,439
Speaker 1: don't be doubting your own You judged so accurately. Now

1048
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 1: now you know, you know, now, I was so sure

1049
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: of myself before. But I know once I'm out that

1050
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 1: things will be better. And I feel like that is

1051
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 1: a weight off my shoulders. And that is the end

1052
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 1: of that story.

1053
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Sam.

1054
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:57,839
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to these stories. But here's

1055
00:52:57,880 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 2: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1056
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 5: My boyfriend's trained dog lunged at me, so I gave

1057
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 5: him an ultimatum, did he.

1058
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,439
Speaker 1: Like do like an Olympic style like squatln.

1059
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 4: Firstly, I love dogs. I love animals as a whole, but.

1060
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 5: My safety comes before them. My boyfriend and I have

1061
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:19,319
Speaker 5: been living together for seven months. When we met, he

1062
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 5: lived alone in an apartment with a five year old

1063
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 5: male Belgian MALINOI.

1064
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:30,239
Speaker 1: Belgian Malinoi Malanoase are the police dogs? Oh? There's like

1065
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: those are like if you've ever seen videos of dogs

1066
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: like running up a wall and like jumping off of

1067
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 1: it backwards, Yeah, those are Belgian moonaws.

1068
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:42,279
Speaker 5: Dude, dude, For those of you who don't know this breed,

1069
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 5: it's the police dog.

1070
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 4: He's in kN I mean it's nice. By the way,

1071
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 4: this comes from the water. Daughter.

1072
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 5: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

1073
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay Storytime Separated and I'm Angie Mon.

1074
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:54,319
Speaker 2: I'm the cold of I'm Keon.

1075
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 4: And we're here to give you good advice. Goofily. But

1076
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 4: we don't have all the answers. We just know we

1077
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 4: would do in the situation. So let us know he

1078
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:02,719
Speaker 4: would do in the comments. So Oh Pete says.

1079
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 5: When my boyfriend brought up the idea of living together,

1080
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 5: I was concerned about having such a large dog who

1081
00:54:08,200 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 5: apparently was trained to attack and be a guard dog.

1082
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 5: He told me he used to live in an area

1083
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 5: where he was burglarized twice and got the dog for protection,

1084
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 5: training him to be ruthless. I was obviously uncomfortable with

1085
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 5: this information. I told him the dog would need to

1086
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 5: be in his cage inside my apartment until he got

1087
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 5: used to me. He agreed and moved on. Since then,

1088
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,320
Speaker 5: I've been feeding the dog on my own in the mornings,

1089
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 5: allowing him to smell me, and giving him a sit

1090
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:35,759
Speaker 5: command before opening his cage. He has not shown me

1091
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,840
Speaker 5: any aggression. He has walked several times a day, But

1092
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 5: I know keeping this kind of dog in a cage

1093
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,760
Speaker 5: is not ideal. We planned to purchase a home together

1094
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 5: with the yard so he could roam free, but with

1095
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 5: unfortunate financial burdens, we had to postpone those plans. This

1096
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 5: past weekend, I was on my balcony when my boyfriend

1097
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 5: said he was going to bring the dog out to

1098
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 5: get air.

1099
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 4: I was fine with this.

1100
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 5: I decided to go inside to grab a blanket when

1101
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,839
Speaker 5: the dog came out of the cage and charged at

1102
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 5: my back was turned when he lunged at my booty cheeks.

1103
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 5: When I screamed, he let go and bit down again.

1104
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:10,360
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, it happened so fast.

1105
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:11,440
Speaker 4: I was in shock.

1106
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:12,840
Speaker 2: He goes straight for the butt.

1107
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 4: He went straight for the booty cheeks.

1108
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 1: What did your butt?

1109
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 4: Say?

1110
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 5: My boyfriend grabbed him and put him back in the

1111
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 5: cage to come to my aid. I was in such

1112
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 5: shock that I didn't realize that I was still screaming.

1113
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 5: My boyfriend rushed me to the er, and when I

1114
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,000
Speaker 5: got into the bed, I said to him, you either

1115
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 5: move out and take your dog with you, or give

1116
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:30,520
Speaker 5: him up.

1117
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:32,359
Speaker 4: It's either me or him.

1118
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:36,000
Speaker 5: He was absolutely apologetic, in shock too, and even cried.

1119
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 5: He kept repeating that no one was going to take

1120
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 5: the dog because of the aggression, and he didn't want

1121
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 5: to put him down either. I reminded him that we

1122
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:46,239
Speaker 5: want a family one day, and I will not be

1123
00:55:46,320 --> 00:55:48,720
Speaker 5: in a home with my children scared for their safety

1124
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:51,800
Speaker 5: and mine. We need a family dog that's good.

1125
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 4: With people, especially kids. What if it was my face

1126
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:56,800
Speaker 4: of the dog attacked, what if it was his child.

1127
00:55:57,239 --> 00:55:59,959
Speaker 4: All of this happened four days before my thirty fifth birtha,

1128
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,799
Speaker 4: and I'm devastated. Am I the A hole?

1129
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 5: And we do have some comments, but yeah, I think

1130
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,400
Speaker 5: you were spot on with it just being straight up

1131
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 5: aggression and no training whatsoever.

1132
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,720
Speaker 1: You're not the A hole. That's just where you got bit.

1133
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:21,920
Speaker 4: That's right. A. Yeah, No, I don't. I don't think

1134
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:22,399
Speaker 4: you're a whole.

1135
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 5: I mean I think, like obviously we always say like

1136
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 5: ultimatums are not good and whatever, and like you know,

1137
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 5: I want to do me or him kind of stuff.

1138
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:33,839
Speaker 5: But I totally understand being like you, being in that

1139
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 5: situation and being so upset with your booty cheeks just

1140
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 5: got chow down on and you didn't want that to happen,

1141
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 5: and you were just in all of that shock and everything,

1142
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:47,399
Speaker 5: Like I I'm not gonna like hold that against you

1143
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 5: because of the situation.

1144
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I don't think you're the a whole. Yeah,

1145
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,440
Speaker 4: but we do have some comments. Comment number one says

1146
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 4: he is the a hole to you and to the doc.

1147
00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 4: He did a disservice for training aggression without knowing how

1148
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:02,600
Speaker 4: to contry roll it, temperate and provide living conditions suitable

1149
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:07,240
Speaker 4: for the dog. Look up Malanois Rescues, Look up Blanous Rescues.

1150
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 4: Some will work with aggression and provide training with the

1151
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:13,440
Speaker 4: goal of fostering and adoption coming. Number two says, I

1152
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:16,400
Speaker 4: don't get it. My great Dane is an absolute sweety pie.

1153
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 4: But one day I let him out and coincidentally, the

1154
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:23,439
Speaker 4: plumber arrived. My dog came back inside and saw a man.

1155
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 4: Just suddenly there.

1156
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 5: Hackles went up and the lowest, meanest sounding growl came

1157
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 5: from him. But he didn't charge, just tried to move

1158
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 5: between me and the plumber. I swear we both almost

1159
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 5: wed ourselves.

1160
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:37,280
Speaker 4: But then all I did.

1161
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 5: Was pat the plumber on the arm, an ear back up,

1162
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 5: burn down, and tail wagging because he had a new friend.

1163
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 5: I don't think we need to train aggression into dogs.

1164
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 5: They have an instinct to protect that usually is good enough.

1165
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:51,680
Speaker 5: I certainly have never tried to train for aggression. I'd

1166
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 5: rather be robbed than have my dog group cu cute,

1167
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 5: but apparently he's down to protect me even without any instruction.

1168
00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 5: A growling one hundred plus pound great day is pretty intimidating.

1169
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 5: But I still would rather have all my stuff taken

1170
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 5: than my dog pass away.

1171
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 4: I can get more stuff.

1172
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:11,640
Speaker 5: Someone else responds, quote training might be an exaggeration on

1173
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 5: the part of Opie's boyfriend. He doesn't sound like he's

1174
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 5: conducted any formal training at all. I've worked with malanoa

1175
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 5: and they're naturally well. A lot one of them fractured

1176
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 5: a bone and lost a tooth from playing too excitedly.

1177
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 5: This dog has probably never been taught any restrictions. And

1178
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 5: there is an edit. There's an edit from Ope. Some

1179
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 5: of you guys are pissing me off.

1180
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 4: To clarify. I did not give my boyfriend the ultimatum

1181
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 4: to either euthanize his dog or be with me. I

1182
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:43,080
Speaker 4: said you either move out with your dog.

1183
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:45,560
Speaker 5: Or give him up. I would never encourage putting the

1184
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 5: dog to sleep. I'm the victim here, and I'm the

1185
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 5: one telling my boyfriend that the dog needs to be

1186
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 5: re homed with professionals who can retrain him.

1187
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 4: And we do have an update.

1188
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 1: Classic internet move happened to me earlier today. You say

1189
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 1: one thing and they're like, oh, so you just want

1190
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:03,360
Speaker 1: to put a bunch of you just want to put

1191
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:04,280
Speaker 1: the dog in yeah.

1192
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 4: Because they're probably getting it from like the boyfriend saying like, no.

1193
00:59:07,560 --> 00:59:09,920
Speaker 5: The only option is to like you, No one will

1194
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 5: take it because you're all aggressive. But it's like, first

1195
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 5: of all, that boyfriend said that second welf, that's not

1196
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 5: the only option.

1197
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you can just move out.

1198
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 4: You can just like take the dog yeah with you

1199
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:24,200
Speaker 4: and move. There's other options, so back off.

1200
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: That dog would do good on a farm. I guarantee

1201
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 1: you people, yeah, take that dog.

1202
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:32,440
Speaker 4: On a farm totally. We do have an update. I

1203
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 4: surely did not expect the overwhelming responses to my story.

1204
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 5: I can't keep up with five hundred plus comments, but

1205
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 5: I want to update you with more specifics for those.

1206
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 4: Who are asking questions.

1207
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 3: My wounds are extremely.

1208
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 5: Black and blue, as you can imagine, no quored, but

1209
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 5: I'm on antibiotics for seven days.

1210
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 4: The dog has all his.

1211
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:54,440
Speaker 5: I said previously that my boyfriend quote trained him to

1212
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 5: attack and be a guard dog. I should have been

1213
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:59,040
Speaker 5: more mindful about this not being the correct way to

1214
00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 5: describe it. Clarify, No, the dog is not professionally trained.

1215
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 5: My boyfriend, while incredibly irresponsible and selfish for raising him

1216
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:10,800
Speaker 5: this way, I agree. One thousand percent, has acknowledged many

1217
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:13,560
Speaker 5: times how he's failed his dog and made poor decisions.

1218
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:16,439
Speaker 5: He's been trying to correct it. He showers the dog

1219
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 5: with love and constantly plays with him.

1220
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 4: My boyfriend is not.

1221
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 5: A monster, but yes, an a hole for his past mistakes.

1222
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 5: While I'm at work, boyfriend works remotely. The dog is

1223
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 5: roaming the living room within supervision. The dog is not

1224
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:29,960
Speaker 5: in the cage all day long. I work in healthcare

1225
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 5: and am gone usually seven am to five pm.

1226
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 4: When he's in his cage, he is not.

1227
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:38,160
Speaker 5: Territorial or aggressive for those asking, unless someone knocks on

1228
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:40,800
Speaker 5: the door. He's not aggressive with his food. My boyfriend

1229
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 5: constantly puts his hands in his bowl. Apparently he's been

1230
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 5: doing this since the dog is a puppy, and he

1231
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 5: doesn't react. I however, would not and will not ever

1232
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 5: do that. I understand he trusts his owner one thousand

1233
01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:55,000
Speaker 5: percent and no one else. When he moved in seven months, ago.

1234
01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 5: I encouraged him to get a shock collar because the

1235
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 5: dog would not listen. He would barka it up dogs

1236
01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:03,160
Speaker 5: and people pull hard on the leash and barket company.

1237
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 5: He is very alert and jumpy, moving quickly with training.

1238
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 5: Using the vibration, he stops usually.

1239
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 4: But he's shocked when absolutely necessary. He has shown improvement.

1240
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 5: Just to point out, I don't touch that remote at all.

1241
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 5: Boyfriend uses it only the day the incident happened, I

1242
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:21,479
Speaker 5: had been socializing with him in the morning. The dog

1243
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 5: let me pet him. He smelled my hand first, then

1244
01:01:24,320 --> 01:01:26,920
Speaker 5: licked me. I took off his shock collar and fed him.

1245
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,000
Speaker 5: My boyfriend was asleep during this time. I now realize

1246
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:31,880
Speaker 5: how incredibly dangerous that was.

1247
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 4: But again, zero aggression. So the blanket situation.

1248
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 5: When the dog bit me, I did not have the

1249
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:40,400
Speaker 5: blanket in my hands yet. It was a throw blanket

1250
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:42,640
Speaker 5: that I have on my sofa. I was facing the

1251
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 5: sofa and my back was to the dog. However, I

1252
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:47,640
Speaker 5: did have fuzzy pink shorts on, but I'm not sure

1253
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 5: how that could be a trigger. According to my boyfriend,

1254
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 5: the dog was excited when he came out of the

1255
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 5: cage since we had been socializing.

1256
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:56,760
Speaker 4: My boyfriend thought it would be okay to let him know,

1257
01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:59,959
Speaker 4: and he asked first. I was okay with it because

1258
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 4: of the good behavior.

1259
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 5: I said in my story that the dog charged on

1260
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 5: me because I felt the force when he went mouth

1261
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:08,200
Speaker 5: first onto my booty before biting.

1262
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:10,200
Speaker 4: He seemed to sniff.

1263
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:11,080
Speaker 2: Sorry, I.

1264
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:20,880
Speaker 4: Felt the force when he went mouth first onto my butt.

1265
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:21,760
Speaker 1: Mouth first on my booty.

1266
01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:25,120
Speaker 4: Before biting.

1267
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:29,000
Speaker 5: He seems to sniff quickly first, which my boyfriend said

1268
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 5: didn't seem alarming, but obviously he bit unprovoked. There was

1269
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:36,560
Speaker 5: no growl, no bark, nothing. He bit down, letting go briefly,

1270
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:40,800
Speaker 5: they'd bit down again. Clearly this was not playful or excitement. No,

1271
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:43,320
Speaker 5: if I have holes in my butt leaking blood, I

1272
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:46,480
Speaker 5: gave my ultimatum out of fear, pain and anger. My

1273
01:02:46,560 --> 01:02:50,160
Speaker 5: boyfriend did not choose the dog over me. He took accountability,

1274
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:53,040
Speaker 5: took care of me, and apologized. He agreed to find

1275
01:02:53,080 --> 01:02:54,880
Speaker 5: a home for the dog with someone who knew how

1276
01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 5: to train this kind of breed, but sincerely begged for

1277
01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:00,479
Speaker 5: another chance. I want to give the dog another chance

1278
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 5: because he has showed improvement in the last seven months,

1279
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:04,760
Speaker 5: and I don't blame the dog. I blame my man,

1280
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 5: and clearly I'm simply fearful and traumatized. But yeah, I

1281
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 5: think that's good that they're acknowledging that it's like fully

1282
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 5: the training, like it's you know, you can't.

1283
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:18,840
Speaker 4: Just make your dog be aggressive and be like, yeah,

1284
01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:22,400
Speaker 4: it's just gonna attack everyone, rack like you're gonna if

1285
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:24,240
Speaker 4: you're gonna have people in your life and you're not

1286
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:27,880
Speaker 4: just like a lonesome traveler roaming around the world, you're

1287
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:30,720
Speaker 4: gonna want that dog to be okay with the people

1288
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:35,480
Speaker 4: that you're okay with. Yeah, yeah, yeah, But there is

1289
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 4: a little bit more to this story.

1290
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:40,800
Speaker 5: We agreed that he will have a muzzle on when

1291
01:03:40,840 --> 01:03:43,920
Speaker 5: socializing with me and others, and of course on walks.

1292
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 4: He will be getting neutered asap. He'll have more outside

1293
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 4: time that than what he previously had.

1294
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:54,200
Speaker 5: My boyfriend is putting together some money to get him

1295
01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:56,920
Speaker 5: trained professionally, since he, as we know, cannot do this

1296
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,600
Speaker 5: on his own, hoping we can get our house sooner

1297
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:01,760
Speaker 5: than later so he can roam the yard as well.

1298
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 5: I would prefer to give him a second chance with

1299
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,840
Speaker 5: professional help over anything else. At the end of the day,

1300
01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:09,640
Speaker 5: I do love my boyfriend and the dog regardless, this

1301
01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:12,080
Speaker 5: is a wake up call for him. Unfortunately I was

1302
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:14,200
Speaker 5: hurt in the process, but my guards are now up

1303
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:17,840
Speaker 5: high with stronger precautions and boundaries. I am praying hard

1304
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:21,080
Speaker 5: that he can be rehabilitated, and I hope.

1305
01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 4: To God that I don't regret this. And that is

1306
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 4: the end of that story.

1307
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, it makes a lot more sense to the

1308
01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:28,040
Speaker 1: dog's not neutered.

1309
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:31,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, yeah.

1310
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 5: I was surprised by that. He's five years old, he

1311
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 5: has all his but he's not neutered. That's strange.

1312
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:39,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean I feel.

1313
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:42,320
Speaker 4: Like you do that when they were a little babies. Yeah, usually,

1314
01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:46,600
Speaker 4: But I digress. I hope that helps, and that's the

1315
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:47,400
Speaker 4: end of this story.