1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space, people are 2 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:09,000 Speaker 1: also asking deeper questions and they're less willing to settle. 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 1: I think we can see that across the board, across 4 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: generations when it comes to relationships, and they really want 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,159 Speaker 1: relationships that feel good, not just look good right for 6 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: the picture, for the post, whatever it might be. 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 2: Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the world just 8 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,479 Speaker 2: doesn't get you? Well, we do. 9 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting 10 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: and empowering women like you. 11 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:42,160 Speaker 2: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard, and educator and psychologists. 12 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,239 Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker. 13 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 2: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from 14 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black 15 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:57,960 Speaker 2: women to just be. 16 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow 17 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: up button and leave us a quick five star review. 18 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:02,800 Speaker 3: Lady. 19 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: We are black founded and black owned, and your support 20 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,119 Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you. 21 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,760 Speaker 2: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 22 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: If you want more speaking engagements, collaborations, or visibility for 23 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: your brand, I gotta tell you the truth. This is 24 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: Terry Lomax, and I've been a public speaker for over 25 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 1: twelve years. I've lended national media, a TED talk, in 26 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: six figure collaborations without a publicist or a big social 27 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: media following. And here's what most people don't hear. You 28 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 1: don't need a publicist or a massive audience to get booked. 29 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: Most people are waiting to feel established first, and that 30 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: waiting is costing them visibility. How many times have you 31 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: looked up and seeing people with less experience getting opportunities 32 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: you were fully qualified for. Here's the truth. Opportunities don't 33 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: go to the most qualified. They go to the people 34 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 1: who can clearly communicate their value. Once I learned how 35 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: to organize my story and position my expertise using a framework, 36 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: everything changed. If you want my exact pitch emails, word 37 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: for word, my winning subject lines, and the Saucy Solutions framework, 38 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: visit get that pitch dot com for a limited time 39 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 1: use code her space for a special listener discount. If 40 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: this is your year to stop hiding and start getting booked, 41 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 1: I'll see you inside. Visit get that pitch dot com 42 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,639 Speaker 1: or click the link in our show notes. 43 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 2: Our quote of the day in order to create the 44 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 2: relationship that you're dreaming of. You need to first start 45 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 2: from the inside and work your way out. That quote 46 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:48,519 Speaker 2: comes to us from doctor Jeanine Staples, So I'm gonna 47 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 2: say it one more time for the folks in the 48 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 2: back to make sure you heard it. In order to 49 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 2: create the relationship that you're dreaming of, you need to 50 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 2: first start from the inside and work your way out, 51 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 2: all right, Tee. When you hear that quote, what comes 52 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 2: to mind? 53 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,920 Speaker 3: Girl? What comes to mind? 54 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 2: To me? 55 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: It's one I equp with the quote. I think it's 56 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: a great quote, and I also it makes me think 57 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: about how I used to have a friend that said 58 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: that they feel like they have to be perfect and 59 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: have their stuff all together before they get into a relationship. 60 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: And although I think it's important for us to work 61 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 1: on ourselves, I don't think we have to be perfect. 62 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 1: And the way I think about it, dom I feel 63 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: like the work that we're doing on ourselves it's like 64 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: a high school curriculum, and then when we get into 65 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: a relationship, it's like college where you have lessons, you 66 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: have the test where the stuff you've been working on 67 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: within yourself you get to actually put that into work. 68 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: Because it's easy to be cool when you're by yourself, 69 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: and when you have a mirror, then it's like, uh, okay, 70 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: so that's where we do the work. 71 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, the other work. 72 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I like that, And like it makes me 73 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 2: think about our episode, our recent episode where we talked 74 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 2: about dating is like a mirror. And then also it 75 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 2: makes me think about you have to do the inside work. 76 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,159 Speaker 2: But like you pointed out, you won't know for sure 77 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 2: how well you're doing until you're in connection with someone else. However, 78 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 2: you cannot expect the other person to come in and 79 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 2: do the work for you. You have to first be 80 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 2: doing your internal work. And so then it also makes 81 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,680 Speaker 2: me think about like the questions that we're going to 82 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 2: ask today, we're posing questions that you at like you 83 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 2: can ask your partner in conversation and discussion, but those 84 00:04:53,920 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 2: very same questions you ask of yourself. Because is that 85 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,040 Speaker 2: like again where this quote goes is that, like it's 86 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: internal first, so I can't It makes me think of 87 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 2: when we talk about relationships, that I can't expect someone 88 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:19,359 Speaker 2: else to do something for me that I am not 89 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:26,840 Speaker 2: willing to do for myself. Right, So it's not healthy 90 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:32,479 Speaker 2: or helpful or as doctor Nicki says, loving in the 91 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 2: relationship to ask your partner to bring certain things to 92 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 2: the relationship table that you aren't willing to bring yourself. 93 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 2: And so it starts with doing the internal work. 94 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,280 Speaker 3: Oh this is like to be a good one. 95 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:55,719 Speaker 1: Okay, So, dom lady, I've been thinking about about relationships, right, 96 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 1: and not just the romantic ones. I'm talking all of them, 97 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 1: the relationship with our partners, our friends, and especially the 98 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: one with ourselves right. And the one thing that keeps 99 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,799 Speaker 1: coming up for me is how much things in general 100 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,359 Speaker 1: are shifting right now, right like we're living in a 101 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: time I think many of us can see. You can 102 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 1: literally look on social media, turn on the news, and 103 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: we see people are craving more honesty, more transparency. 104 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 3: And more alignment right. 105 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: And people are also asking deeper questions and they're less 106 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 1: willing to settle. I think we can see that across 107 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 1: the board, across generations when it comes to relationships, and 108 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,839 Speaker 1: they really want relationships that feel good, not just look 109 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: good right for the picture, for the post, whatever it 110 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: might be. And I don't know about you, but when 111 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,040 Speaker 1: I look back at growing up, right, I think about 112 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,599 Speaker 1: the relationships that I witnessed and there was not a 113 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 1: lot of communication, not healthy communication at least. There was 114 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: not a lot of honesty, and people stayed, but they 115 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: weren't always happy, and most of the time they were 116 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 1: not happy, right, And there was silence, but there was 117 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: also disconnect and sometimes there was betrayal, and things just 118 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: went unspoken. They just didn't talk about them. So brushed 119 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 1: under the rug. And now we're in a space where 120 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: people are exploring new ways of relating, whether that's being 121 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: more open, more expressive, redefining what partnership looks like, all 122 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 1: of that. But I think at the core, the real 123 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: question is are we actually talking about the things that matter? 124 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 3: Girl? In so today's episode, listen. 125 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 2: You know, I feel like we need to say that 126 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,239 Speaker 2: statement one more time. I ask that question one more time. 127 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 2: Are we actually talking about the things that matter within 128 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 2: our relationships? 129 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 3: Right? 130 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 2: So, today, lady, we got you. We're using the seven 131 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 2: dimensions of wellness, not in a clinical way, but as 132 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 2: a guide for the conversations that really shape our lives. Now, 133 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 2: if you're looking for the more clinical perspective, you want 134 00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 2: a more in depth approach to understand each of these dimensions, 135 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 2: check out our recent episode Loving Ourselves Through the seven 136 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 2: dimensions of wellness in this episode. In today's episode, we're 137 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 2: gonna ask what does this conversation look like with someone else, 138 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: and what does it look like with yourself? And so 139 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 2: we'll name each of the dimensions of wellness, but we're 140 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 2: not breaking them down again. For that explanation of the 141 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:35,840 Speaker 2: seven dimensions, check out our other episode. All right, so, tee, 142 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 2: you're ready to dive. 143 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 3: On in, let's do it. Let's dive on in. 144 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 2: All right, So let's talk about the first one. I 145 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:49,640 Speaker 2: don't have a bias or a favorite dimension really well, 146 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 2: all right, all right, all right, all right, So the 147 00:08:53,000 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 2: psychological dimension of wellness is probably one of my favorites, 148 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 2: which is why we're starting off with that, right because 149 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 2: I feel like I believe that the psychological lays the 150 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 2: foundation for the others. And so in this psychological area 151 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 2: of wellness, the questions that we're really the heart of 152 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 2: what we're really getting to in this dimension is how 153 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 2: are you really doing? So the questions that you want 154 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 2: to ask your partner, what do you do when you're overwhelmed? 155 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 2: How do you like to be supported when you're not okay? 156 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,440 Speaker 2: Because you know, we can always talk about how we 157 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 2: want to be celebrated, but how do you like to 158 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 2: be supported when you're not okay? What are your beliefs 159 00:09:53,840 --> 00:10:01,559 Speaker 2: about seeking help like, for instance, therapy, coaching, And how 160 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 2: do you know when you are emotionally safe in a relationship? 161 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: I love those don I wanted to say something to 162 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: when you were sharing you know how we're starting off 163 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: with psychological It's like, I don't know. I feel there's 164 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: so many layers to this. Right before you can be 165 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,959 Speaker 1: emotionally honest with someone, you want to make sure that 166 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: you can trust them. You want to make sure that 167 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: you're safe enough to be, like I want to say, 168 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,079 Speaker 1: emotionally naked. 169 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:28,440 Speaker 3: In front of them. 170 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 1: And it made me think about this guy I was dating, 171 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 1: where of course you know you're intimate with the person, 172 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 1: but I felt like I could just never like grasp 173 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 1: him or understand him. I felt like I was open 174 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: and vulnerable, and he was more open than he had 175 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 1: been in previous relationships and said he felt safe, but 176 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 1: there were just certain places he wasn't willing to go, 177 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 1: and so it kind of felt like I was like 178 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,679 Speaker 1: hitting this wall and so I love to know. Yeah, 179 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: just like if you're having this conversation with someone I 180 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: know we're going to get into the self conversation. Would 181 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:02,440 Speaker 1: you do if someone isn't opening up right like they 182 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: aren't there is a wall. Maybe you are opening like okay, 183 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 1: well I'm asking the question, I'm not getting the response, 184 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 1: you know. 185 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:12,320 Speaker 2: So I think some of this also depends on the timing, 186 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 2: right that some of these like some of these questions 187 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 2: you're not asking. Let me, on the first date, you 188 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 2: are not asking these questions. I'm sorry, like no, just 189 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 2: no first date. You keep it simple. As you get 190 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 2: to know someone, as you're spending time with them, then 191 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 2: you can start to ask the deeper questions, right. So, 192 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 2: and some of these questions will come up naturally as 193 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 2: you're interacting. So let's say, for instance, you're talking with 194 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 2: this person that you're dating, and you all, let's say 195 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 2: you've been you've been interacting with them for a few weeks, 196 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 2: and you all are exchanging text messages. They ask how 197 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 2: your day is going. You tell them that it's been 198 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 2: a rough day. This is the first time you've expressed 199 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 2: having a rough day, right, This would be an ideal 200 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 2: time for that person to respond and say, I'm sorry 201 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 2: to hear you're having a rough day. This is the 202 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 2: first time you've mentioned this, so I'm not sure what 203 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 2: to do. How do you like to be supported in 204 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 2: times like this? And so it wasn't a formal conversation 205 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 2: that we were having, like let's sit down and go 206 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,319 Speaker 2: through this list of questions. We were able to integrate 207 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 2: it really into something that was happening in the moment. 208 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 2: So that's one way. I'm not opposed to having a 209 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 2: conversation with a person and we sit down and we 210 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 2: go through this list of questions. But I think that 211 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 2: there are multiple ways in which it can be brought up. 212 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,199 Speaker 1: I love that, And I also think, like lady, there's 213 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: a nuance, right, Like we all I've seen a lot 214 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: of times on social media especially, we see people like 215 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 1: this is how everyone should be in relationships, This is 216 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 1: what everyone should do, This is what everyone should ask. 217 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,600 Speaker 1: It's like, these are perspectives, these are suggestions based on 218 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 1: our experiences, based on some of the research we've done. 219 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,160 Speaker 3: But like you know your life, you. 220 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,040 Speaker 1: Know better you know your relationships, and so you choose, 221 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: you take what resonates and you put lead the rest 222 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: over there, right, And so I love the questions that 223 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 1: you asked around the partner conversation because you can also 224 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: ask yourself those questions so that you can then be 225 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: able to communicate them with your partner. And then speaking 226 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: of the self conversation, great question that we can ask 227 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:06,200 Speaker 1: ourselves often is like honestly, how do I feel? Getting 228 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:10,080 Speaker 1: your like getting your current snapshot, or checking how am 229 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: I feeling right now, because then that allows us to 230 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: be informed, so we can let the people around us 231 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: know what we might need, possibly if we know, because 232 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 1: sometimes we don't know, or just how you feel in general, 233 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,560 Speaker 1: Like I was having a moment. I was having a 234 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: stressful day a couple of days ago, and I told 235 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,240 Speaker 1: my daughter. I was like, baby girl, mommy is having 236 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: a moment, and so I'm just gonna need some time. 237 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: I was expressing to her like, this is what I'm 238 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 1: gonna need. I don't need you to do anything that 239 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: you didn't do anything wrong. Mommy's just having sometime. I'm 240 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: having some big emotions because we talk about big emotions, 241 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: and that lets people be on notice, so they know, like, Okay, 242 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: if she over there acting a certain way, it has 243 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: nothing to do with me. She got her own She 244 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: got her own shit going on, you know, So yes, 245 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: did you have something you want to add down. 246 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was just gonna say that I love that, 247 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 2: and that you're teaching your daughter early how to name 248 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 2: when you're having big emotions, when you need some support, 249 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,880 Speaker 2: and then asking for what you need. 250 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: Yes, it's so important. And then the second question here 251 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: is how do I express my emotions? Do I suppress, 252 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 1: avoid or express everything? And I think again asking yourself 253 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: this question and getting clarity on where you are. Again, 254 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 1: there's no judgment, right, we always say that in our episodes. 255 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 1: There's no judgment. It's just information. You being able to 256 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: know how you express them. You can then let your 257 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: partner know that, right, Like I I was dating someone 258 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 1: who let me know they tend to suppress things. So 259 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 1: it's like, okay, now I know this is something if 260 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 1: you want, especially if you want to work on it. 261 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: Now we have a path or we're working on how 262 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: we can create more open dialogue right when you're going 263 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: through something. 264 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 3: So it's a good one. 265 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 2: And so our second dimension of wellness that we're looking 266 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 2: at is spiritual. And so I think for most people 267 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 2: the easiest thing that we think of when we think 268 00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 2: of spiritual is about religion. Right, And if you are 269 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 2: trying to create a life with a person, like a 270 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 2: long term life with someone, it is important to talk 271 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 2: about these things and to make sure that you are aligned. 272 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 2: So questions that you can ask are not only centered 273 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 2: on religion. So you can ask, yes, what are your 274 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 2: spiritual and religious practices like that might be That question 275 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 2: is a simple enough one that can be asked on 276 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 2: the first date, right as you start to develop more 277 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 2: emotional trusts, emotional safety, getting to know someone better. You 278 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:44,400 Speaker 2: can then ask what guides your decisions when things get hard? 279 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 2: That one, and then eventually asking do our values actually match? 280 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 2: So really taking time to assess your individual values and 281 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:03,520 Speaker 2: seeing do those things match up? And there are values 282 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 2: assessment quizes that you can find online that can allow 283 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:13,679 Speaker 2: you to dig deeper into identifying your values and your 284 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 2: partner's values and seeing if there is there is alignment. 285 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 2: But I do want to emphasize that spiritual practices religious 286 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 2: practices are one of the things that I have Differences 287 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 2: in spiritual and religious practices are one of the things 288 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 2: that I have seen tear a part of relationship because 289 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 2: our spiritual and religious practices are important to most of us. 290 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, they're sacred to a lot of people. And also, 291 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:48,440 Speaker 1: I feel like spirituality that's not just vibes, right, It's 292 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: like you're like you said, values, it's direction, it's what 293 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 1: you believe about life. Those are some very Those can 294 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:56,879 Speaker 1: be some deep topics that you can dive into together 295 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: and realize like, oh, okay, we might be good as friends, 296 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 1: but maybe not anything outside of that. 297 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 3: Right. 298 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,640 Speaker 1: And then when it comes to self conversation, the questions 299 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: you can ask yourself include am I living in alignment 300 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: or just surviving? 301 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 3: Again? Just to get a snapshot where am I right now? 302 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,919 Speaker 1: Because maybe I'm not in alignment, maybe I'm surviving, And 303 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: maybe just maybe I don't want to get into a 304 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 1: relationship right now because I have survivor energy right now, 305 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 1: and I may not want to attract someone when I'm 306 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: in survivor mode. I may not want to attract someone 307 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,440 Speaker 1: in that type of energy space. Maybe that's you. Maybe 308 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,880 Speaker 1: it's not right, Just something to think about. Another one, 309 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 1: Have I outgrown rituals, practices or beliefs that I'm still 310 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:37,879 Speaker 1: holding on to? 311 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 2: I love that one, Yeah, because that allows you to 312 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 2: really step back and look at Okay, how was I 313 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 2: raised or what is life? Is this current season different 314 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,439 Speaker 2: than the last few seasons, and do I need to 315 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 2: change up some of the things that I've been doing 316 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 2: that are no longer serving me in this current phase 317 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 2: and season of life. 318 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, some of the things or people I've been doing 319 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: in this season. 320 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, it'd be like that. 321 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:20,120 Speaker 1: And speaking of that, that takes us to number three, 322 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:24,600 Speaker 1: which is physical. So yeah, let's talk about the body, 323 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 1: like how do we show up physically for other people? 324 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,880 Speaker 1: I don't think we talk about that enough, right, how 325 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: do we show up physically for ourselves and other people 326 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 1: and understanding our own bodies? And so let's dive into 327 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: these questions here that you can ask your partner. Number 328 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: one is what does sexual intimacy look like for you? 329 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,639 Speaker 1: That's a really good one because now I'm sure as 330 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,960 Speaker 1: a therapist you probably notice or have seen experienced heard 331 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,640 Speaker 1: couples who they have mismatched. 332 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 3: Am I saying mismatched? Mismatched? 333 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: Don't know what I'm saying right there, views on sexual 334 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 1: intimacy or either a conflict, they just they do not correlate, right, 335 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: And so that's a really good one to ask, Like, yeah, 336 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,239 Speaker 1: I'm thinking if so many stories as I'd say that, 337 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:11,880 Speaker 1: what about you? 338 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 2: Yes, I do think that that is important. 339 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, we're going to talk about seasons. Okay, I guess 340 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 3: that it is important. Yeah. 341 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,360 Speaker 1: The next one is how do you enjoy to maintain 342 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: your physical health? That's also another good when's the last 343 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,920 Speaker 1: time you heard someone ask that? These days, people are 344 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,119 Speaker 1: like into the gym and they're into fitness and just 345 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: health and wellness in gymer. Yeah, I feel like people 346 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 1: might be having that conversation more what do you think? 347 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 2: And I, well, I think it's more than that in 348 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 2: that sometimes, So some of these questions that we're asking, 349 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 2: there are ways to also observe it, right, So how 350 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:54,160 Speaker 2: is someone maintaining their physical health? Okay? So yeah, yes, 351 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 2: it is a big Like we see people talking about 352 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 2: their what they do for exercise, they go to the 353 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 2: gym and all the things, right, And on the dating 354 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 2: apps they're posting pictures of them in the gym or 355 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:09,520 Speaker 2: and on social media. That's one way. But are you 356 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:14,800 Speaker 2: in an area where there's lots of outdoor activity, right 357 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,320 Speaker 2: or does someone so like they like to go on hikes, 358 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 2: or is there someone who's telling you that they take 359 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 2: dance classes because they love they love to dance. These 360 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 2: are ways in which they are even though it's not 361 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 2: quote unquote exercise. This is how they're maintaining their physical health, 362 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:39,919 Speaker 2: because this is how they're moving their body, right, someone 363 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:48,960 Speaker 2: who does acupuncture or stretching, or they go to the chiropractor, right, 364 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,879 Speaker 2: Like what are the There are lots of ways in 365 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,679 Speaker 2: which people are maintained, like things that people do to 366 00:21:55,800 --> 00:22:00,719 Speaker 2: maintain their physical health, not just going to the gym. 367 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:05,400 Speaker 2: I also want to note that for people who are 368 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 2: curious about their own, like theirs, sexual health and their 369 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:16,400 Speaker 2: own sexual intimacy, your physical health is tied to your 370 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 2: sexual health. 371 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 3: M hm. 372 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 2: So if you are someone who is not incredibly physically active, 373 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 2: and you're able to be physically active your sexual your 374 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:43,240 Speaker 2: sex life improves, so your flexibility, your stamina improves as 375 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,560 Speaker 2: your physical health improves, just saying. 376 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: Good Sam, Yeah, and I mean no, that's spot on, Diamond. 377 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 1: I think the other question, I don't know how. I 378 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: don't know when you want to ask someone, like if 379 00:22:55,800 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 1: you're dating it's the first date, or if it's you know, yeah, 380 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: if you're well established, you should be asking this, like 381 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 1: when's the last time you went to the doctor. That's 382 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:10,680 Speaker 1: another good one, like yeah, hell yeah, let's get the that. 383 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:15,199 Speaker 2: Is a huge thing to ask, particularly for those of 384 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 2: us over thirty, because as we age, our body is 385 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,399 Speaker 2: aging too. Write like I like, and so it is 386 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:30,600 Speaker 2: important to know, Okay, when was the last time do 387 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 2: they get regular checkups? Right? Like? What are their beliefs 388 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 2: around that? Do they have any current medical conditions? That 389 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,440 Speaker 2: is important to know. I know so many black men 390 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 2: with sleep apnea and high blood pressure. That's important to know. Right, 391 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 2: if someone has seizure a seizure disorder, that you would 392 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,639 Speaker 2: want to disclose that fairly early on if they have 393 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 2: acted of seizures you so that your partner knows how 394 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 2: to respond when you do start having a seizure. 395 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:07,000 Speaker 3: Right. 396 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,880 Speaker 2: So it's again it's nuanced. So there may be some 397 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:15,199 Speaker 2: things that like you need to say right away in 398 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 2: order to protect your overall physical well being, you need 399 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,400 Speaker 2: to share it on the first date. But other things 400 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 2: about your physical health can come later on as the 401 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 2: relationship evolves. 402 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 1: And then of course we have the self questions, right, 403 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,199 Speaker 1: the self conversation, were you asking yourself one, what does 404 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: sexual intimacy look like for you or for me? 405 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:37,000 Speaker 3: Right? 406 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,840 Speaker 1: Asking yourself that so you can get clear and you 407 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: can be able to communicate that to your partner, and 408 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 1: then how do you care for your body? How am 409 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,880 Speaker 1: I caring for my body? Like today I was telling Dom, 410 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: my body's been sore from working a lot, so I 411 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 1: had to get some acupuncture and some cupping done because 412 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,119 Speaker 1: my body was like, girl, what are we doing? And 413 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: so understanding how you care for your body? And what 414 00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: I love about these questions too, Dom, is that when 415 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 1: we ask so these questions and get clarity on it, 416 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,119 Speaker 1: it can be, it can the answers can become a 417 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 1: part of our toolbox. So I know whenever I'm having 418 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,479 Speaker 1: discomfort or when I have been slacking on taking care 419 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,159 Speaker 1: of myself, I have rituals, I have tools and resource, 420 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 1: I have things that I go to that I know 421 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 1: work for me. And I feel so empowered because as 422 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,399 Speaker 1: soon literally as soon as my body started feeling this 423 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,359 Speaker 1: way last when I woke up this morning, I said, oh, 424 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: let me call my people, let me call my acupunctures, 425 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: let me get on the books, because this I know, 426 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: this works for me. Right, But when we don't have 427 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 1: the answers, and of course there are seasons where we 428 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,440 Speaker 1: may not have the answers, which is why we're having 429 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,400 Speaker 1: this conversation, you may not know what to do right, 430 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 1: So being open and being able to log like what 431 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 1: works for me in this season. I think it's super important. 432 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 2: It is, and also knowing being able to have the 433 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:54,880 Speaker 2: conversations right. So I know we're posing these questions to 434 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 2: you and some of y'all are like, man, these are 435 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 2: how do I even start this conversation? I mean, I 436 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 2: know you gave me an example, but like that was 437 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 2: just for that one question. And what ends up happening 438 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 2: sometimes is that you avoid having the conversations because you 439 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:16,000 Speaker 2: don't know where to start. So for me, this is 440 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:22,399 Speaker 2: why I like platforms like Educated because while Educated has 441 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:28,119 Speaker 2: a wide range of topics, they have multiple modules that 442 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 2: focus on communication and they talk to you. They show 443 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:40,120 Speaker 2: you through video through scripts, how to communicate with your 444 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,479 Speaker 2: partner on most of these topics that we're talking about today, 445 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 2: Like they break it down to explaining why it's important 446 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,360 Speaker 2: to exactly what to say to your partner. Like I said, 447 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 2: they have some scripts and how to navigate the next 448 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,159 Speaker 2: steps based on what your partner says. 449 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, I love it so much. And lady, 450 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,679 Speaker 1: just so you know, Educated is an online platform with 451 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:12,200 Speaker 1: courses on everything from pleasure and self connection, to communication, 452 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 1: to things like Yoni massage, sex toys for Volva owners, 453 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,960 Speaker 1: massage techniques, and even positive or sex positive parenting, which 454 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 1: I love. And one thing I also really appreciate about 455 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: them is that they have a quick quiz right that 456 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,560 Speaker 1: gives you personalized learning paths and will recommend a personalized 457 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: roadmap to your sexual happiness. I mean, that's amazing, right, 458 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: and you don't have to guess where to start. And 459 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,120 Speaker 1: I also love that their lessons are just super fun 460 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 1: and interactive. It's like I love to just sit in 461 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 1: the bed and just roll down, like, ooh, what do 462 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,680 Speaker 1: I want to learn about today? What I want to 463 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,360 Speaker 1: try in the bedroom, And I'm just scrolling down looking 464 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:47,919 Speaker 1: at videos and looking at the courses. 465 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:48,440 Speaker 3: It's so cool. 466 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,000 Speaker 2: Yes, And so lady, we know as you're listening to 467 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 2: us talk about this and hearing how informative this platform is, 468 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,760 Speaker 2: we know that you want to deepen your relationship with 469 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,720 Speaker 2: yourself and your partner and to do that you can 470 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:10,360 Speaker 2: go to educated dot com or just click the link 471 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:15,400 Speaker 2: in our show notes to start your personal pleasure education journey. 472 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 3: That's right. 473 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 1: And the thing is too, is bringing up a platform 474 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,440 Speaker 1: I educated. I feel like if you were to bring 475 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: that up to your partner, you want to make. 476 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 3: Sure that they will well. 477 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,119 Speaker 1: Ideally, you want them to be able to accept you right, 478 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 1: like accept that part of you like, oh, I like 479 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 1: to tune into this type of content. And so that 480 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,360 Speaker 1: kind of takes us to our next area of wellness, 481 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: is that we're calling you down dimension dimension, our dimension 482 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,440 Speaker 1: of wellness, which is social. 483 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 2: Yes, like, so how do you engage with the people 484 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:53,840 Speaker 2: around you? So questions that you can ask your partner, 485 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 2: how do you like to spend time with family and friends? 486 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 2: What are your beliefs about friendships outside of our relationship? 487 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 2: One of the things that's really in a loving, healthy relationship. 488 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 2: You have the individual and you have the couple, and 489 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 2: the individual has a life outside of the relationship, which 490 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 2: means that they are spending time with family and friends. However, 491 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 2: they're defining family and friends. But it's important to know 492 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 2: what that looks like for each person, because some people 493 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:48,200 Speaker 2: have a lot of time with friends and family and 494 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,640 Speaker 2: like to integrate their partner into that. Some people like 495 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 2: to keep these things separate, and so it's important to 496 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 2: know where you stand, where your partner stands the other 497 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:05,680 Speaker 2: thing within that social realm. What are your hobbies, like, 498 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 2: what are the things that you like to do for fun? 499 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,440 Speaker 2: Like how do you what are the things that you're 500 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 2: doing to engage the people around you? Or how do 501 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 2: you find community? But then where it comes a question 502 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 2: to ask, where it specifically ties to your relationship, is 503 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 2: do we actually enjoy each other? 504 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 3: Girl? Right? Child? 505 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 2: You know some people who have been for years and 506 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 2: they are like just tolerating each other's existence. 507 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: Yes, based on history and outdated feelings and all that. 508 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:47,680 Speaker 2: Right girl, that's not a loving dynamic anymore. 509 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,680 Speaker 1: That's good. Those are great questions to ask. And then 510 00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,920 Speaker 1: when it comes to a couple questions you can ask yourself. 511 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 1: One is where am I shrinking to be accepted? 512 00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:57,719 Speaker 3: Oh? 513 00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:59,560 Speaker 1: My goodness, have you ever been in a situation where 514 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 1: you couldn't bring up platforms like educated because the partner 515 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 1: or person you were talking to is like. 516 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 3: Man, you don't need that, you just need me in 517 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 3: the bedroom? 518 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 1: Like you ever hear people who are like that now, like, oh, 519 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 1: you can't bring them sex toys up here? 520 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:13,560 Speaker 3: Whatever it might be? 521 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 1: Right, So are you shrinking to be accepted in that area, 522 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,600 Speaker 1: in the bedroom or in other areas? Of course, right 523 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 1: am I abandoning myself and or other relationships to belong 524 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 1: and to stay connected to this person? Another question to ask, like, 525 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,640 Speaker 1: like you said, we should be having we should be girl, 526 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: it's been a long, long night, but I think I 527 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 1: our relationships should be interdependent not codependent. Okay, that's what 528 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:40,080 Speaker 1: I was trying to do. Okay, I said it how 529 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: I meant to say. Okay, there we go, thank you 530 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,760 Speaker 1: for praise the Lord. Come like it's been a long day. 531 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: But like having relationships outside of that one connection, right, 532 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 1: so we're not alienated. That's important, and anyone who's encroaching 533 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,320 Speaker 1: on that, right, we should be questioning them, like something's 534 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 1: off here. How comfortable do you feel being your full 535 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,840 Speaker 1: self in that connection, especially when it comes to your 536 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 1: personal like your person, your partner or partners, Like that's 537 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 1: super important because you're probably going to spend a lot 538 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 1: of space and time there and you don't want to 539 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 1: have to shrink yourself in that environment, right. 540 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 2: Because also what ends up happening is eventually that breeds 541 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 2: resentment and that you may end up engaging in behaviors 542 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,240 Speaker 2: that are harmful to yourself and to your partner into 543 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 2: the relationship as a whole because you weren't being your 544 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:39,120 Speaker 2: full authentic self. So our next dimension is environmental right, 545 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 2: So our environment is about the space around us. So 546 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 2: question you can ask your partner what kind of home 547 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:54,479 Speaker 2: environment do we want? You want to make sure we 548 00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,720 Speaker 2: talked earlier about alignment. You want to make sure that 549 00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 2: you all are aligned on what your home environment will 550 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,400 Speaker 2: look like. And this is a question that can be 551 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:10,160 Speaker 2: asked in multiple stages of the relationship. Right, So again 552 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 2: not a question I ask on the first date. But 553 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 2: if you are spending time at your partner's home and 554 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,480 Speaker 2: you notice that there are things that about their home 555 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 2: environment that are different from yours, then as you all 556 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 2: this might as you all talk about establishing a future together, 557 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,760 Speaker 2: that this is an important question to ask, right because 558 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 2: if things look different at their house versus yours, you 559 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 2: want to be in alignment. And then you can revisit 560 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:44,720 Speaker 2: this question when it gets closer to that time of 561 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:52,719 Speaker 2: you all combining households, and after you've combined households, you 562 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:57,960 Speaker 2: can ask again, we can do a check in is 563 00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 2: our current based on this season of life that we're in. 564 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 2: Is our home environment reflective of what we want? Right? Now, 565 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:13,440 Speaker 2: what we need. Another question to ask is do our 566 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:18,400 Speaker 2: routines support the life we say that we want. So, 567 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:24,360 Speaker 2: if I say I want a RESTful lifestyle, I want 568 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:33,440 Speaker 2: my environment to cultivate rest. Are my routines doing that? 569 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,200 Speaker 2: Because going to bed at midnight and waking up at 570 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:42,080 Speaker 2: four am does not cultivate an environment of rest. 571 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:43,720 Speaker 3: That's good. 572 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:45,840 Speaker 1: I love it, don And when you think about the 573 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,239 Speaker 1: self questions right before we even get into that, when 574 00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:51,440 Speaker 1: you think about your environment, think about how it affects 575 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,960 Speaker 1: your energy, right, like your home, your routines, like we 576 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,279 Speaker 1: talked about, and even just the way your life is 577 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,359 Speaker 1: set up, because the thing is too like you can 578 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,479 Speaker 1: love someone, but if your environment isn't supportive, it will 579 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,719 Speaker 1: impact how you show up. 580 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:03,080 Speaker 3: Right. 581 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 1: So the questions you can ask yourself does my space 582 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 1: reflect who I am? The next one is do I 583 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,520 Speaker 1: feel calm in my own life? I think those are 584 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: so good because I don't know that I'm thinking about 585 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,080 Speaker 1: when you have your Like, when you are calm in 586 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:23,080 Speaker 1: your own life and then someone is potentially getting added 587 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 1: to your life, you can see where the you can 588 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: see where the chaos is coming from. Right easily. I 589 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,239 Speaker 1: feel like there were times where I was in a 590 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,880 Speaker 1: chaotic space, and so when someone else was chaotic may 591 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,640 Speaker 1: have been coming in, I didn't really notice it as 592 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,080 Speaker 1: much because I have my own chaotic stuff going on, 593 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,279 Speaker 1: I guess. So I think those are really important when 594 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 1: it comes to our environment. 595 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,239 Speaker 2: And so then that takes us to our next dimension, 596 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:52,640 Speaker 2: which is the financial And this is one of the 597 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:57,439 Speaker 2: hardest conversations for folks to often have, whether with themselves 598 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 2: or with others. So questions that you can that you 599 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:06,360 Speaker 2: want to ask your partner, how do you view money? 600 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 2: What is your relationship with money? Is money the end 601 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,200 Speaker 2: all be all? And that's what you focus on, like 602 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:19,840 Speaker 2: your whole like your life is centered around money. Is 603 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,080 Speaker 2: it a means to an end or is it a 604 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:29,960 Speaker 2: piece of what allows your life to exist? So, really 605 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:34,800 Speaker 2: understanding how your partner views money is important. But within 606 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:39,319 Speaker 2: that you also want to know what are their habits 607 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 2: in terms of saving, spending, avoiding? What debts do they 608 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:53,399 Speaker 2: currently have? Oh, child, I know, now we're getting deep, right. 609 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:56,840 Speaker 2: What's their credit score? 610 00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:58,400 Speaker 3: Oh? 611 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 2: I know, we getting into it now. Let's be clear again, 612 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 2: this is not a first question date. The first question 613 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,239 Speaker 2: a question I ask on the first date. This is 614 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,040 Speaker 2: for later on down the line when you all are 615 00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:19,680 Speaker 2: really talking about building a future together, because the reality 616 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:24,960 Speaker 2: is that if you all are talking marriage, if you 617 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:28,960 Speaker 2: all are talking moving in together, you're gonna be combining 618 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 2: incomes in some on some level. And that's another question 619 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,920 Speaker 2: to ask, right, how do you plan how do you 620 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:43,520 Speaker 2: want us to combine incomes? Are we having one one 621 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 2: bank account, one checking account? 622 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:46,400 Speaker 3: Nope? 623 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't advise that either, but but some people, 624 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:59,160 Speaker 2: and so who's gonna who is better with managing money? 625 00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 2: And so who's gonna manage our finances? You know? Another 626 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:07,279 Speaker 2: question to ask, though, is how do we want to 627 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:12,640 Speaker 2: handle financial stress together? If you were talking about creating 628 00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:20,799 Speaker 2: a long term partnership, finances is a huge part of it, 629 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,120 Speaker 2: and so you need to be able to have these 630 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:30,440 Speaker 2: for some people initially maybe uncomfortable conversations. 631 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 1: Yes, And that takes us right into the self questions. 632 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,319 Speaker 1: The first one is when was the last time I 633 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,680 Speaker 1: did an audit of my finances? That is so important. 634 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:42,560 Speaker 1: There were definitely seasons in my life where I was 635 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: just like, but I don't want to see it. I 636 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 1: don't want to know, don't I don't want to look 637 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,200 Speaker 1: at these damn numbers. But it's important because if we 638 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:50,600 Speaker 1: don't know where we are, how are we going to 639 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:51,440 Speaker 1: get to where we want to be? 640 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:51,719 Speaker 3: Right? 641 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,880 Speaker 1: So face the music, open up the envelopes, check the emails, 642 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:56,440 Speaker 1: take a look at where you are so you can 643 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:57,840 Speaker 1: figure out how you want to get to where you 644 00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,799 Speaker 1: where you want to be right. And then that takes 645 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,200 Speaker 1: us to our next question here, which is what are 646 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,279 Speaker 1: my current financial goals? Getting clear on off that can 647 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,440 Speaker 1: allow you to show up more powerfully and more authentically 648 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:13,320 Speaker 1: in that relationship when it comes to those financial questions 649 00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,360 Speaker 1: that you ask or you discussed with your partner. 650 00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,319 Speaker 2: Yeah, and yes, it it goes back to our code 651 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 2: of the day of like digging within first. Right, Yeah, 652 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:29,799 Speaker 2: so you can't I mean we can do anything. Yeah, 653 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:37,600 Speaker 2: it is not advisable to ask of your partner to 654 00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 2: navigate have certain financial habits that you don't have for yourself. Now, 655 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 2: this could be an opportunity for a teachable moment, right that, 656 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,480 Speaker 2: Like maybe this is the strength of your partners. Like 657 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:55,560 Speaker 2: maybe you are dating a financial advisor who's who coaches 658 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 2: people and has their finances all the way together, right, 659 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:04,360 Speaker 2: and you are in that space where you're being avoided 660 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:09,960 Speaker 2: this person could help you if that's if that's an 661 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,319 Speaker 2: aspect that you want to bring into the dynamic of 662 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 2: the relationship. But again it's about asking the questions to 663 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:21,319 Speaker 2: see what feels comfortable. So then that takes us to 664 00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:30,160 Speaker 2: our last dimension, intellectual. There are multiple types of intelligence, 665 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:35,600 Speaker 2: but here we're going to focus on the broader idea 666 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:42,320 Speaker 2: of intellect and about in centering it around learning and growth. 667 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:47,839 Speaker 2: So questions that you can ask your partner what are 668 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,560 Speaker 2: you learning right now? What are the things that you're 669 00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:56,240 Speaker 2: doing to stimulate your brain? And I also I want 670 00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,759 Speaker 2: to be clear because people can hear that and they 671 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:04,440 Speaker 2: can think lots of things right, make assumptions when I 672 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,839 Speaker 2: say what are you learning right now? Like what are 673 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:11,200 Speaker 2: the new skills that you're taking up? Because any skill 674 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:15,640 Speaker 2: that you are learning is utilizing some area of your brain. 675 00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:23,040 Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be you are learning a new 676 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:29,719 Speaker 2: language or you're reading the latest self help book. It 677 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 2: could be that you are taking up a new skill 678 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:40,960 Speaker 2: like pottery, or you're teaching yourself how to grow vegetables 679 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,480 Speaker 2: on your patio guard your patio, right, so you got 680 00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:50,360 Speaker 2: a little garden on your patio, your balcony. Maybe you 681 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:55,320 Speaker 2: are learning to play tennis for the first time. Perhaps 682 00:41:55,360 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 2: you're taking up learning the guitar. It's you take you're 683 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:06,840 Speaker 2: learning a new skill, and so whatever it is, it 684 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,840 Speaker 2: is utilizing a part of your brain. And that's important, 685 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:18,000 Speaker 2: hopefully because some people might not place a lot of 686 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:22,480 Speaker 2: value in constantly learning new things. And so then that's 687 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,400 Speaker 2: what you want to check in with your partner on 688 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:29,719 Speaker 2: and asking how do we challenge each other to grow? 689 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,520 Speaker 2: Is that an important value of yours? One of my 690 00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,880 Speaker 2: favorite questions is how deep are our conversations? 691 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:40,160 Speaker 3: Now. 692 00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:45,440 Speaker 2: I'm not saying that we have to have a philosophical 693 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,879 Speaker 2: debate about every single topic and that we can't ever 694 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:55,840 Speaker 2: talk about the silly stuff, but are your conversations always surface, 695 00:42:56,360 --> 00:43:01,799 Speaker 2: always about silly Are your conversations always going to the 696 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:08,560 Speaker 2: deep philosophical areas? Is there room for a mix of both? 697 00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:12,239 Speaker 2: And what is that balance like for you? Where do 698 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,600 Speaker 2: you find that balance and does your partner align in that? 699 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,880 Speaker 1: I love that and that makes me think about that question. 700 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,000 Speaker 1: We asked all about values, like is that something that 701 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:26,520 Speaker 1: you value or are you into just surface level, surface 702 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:27,480 Speaker 1: level conversations? 703 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:27,759 Speaker 3: Right? 704 00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,719 Speaker 1: So I appreciate I appreciate the way you dove into 705 00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:34,040 Speaker 1: that dom and that takes us into our self conversation, 706 00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,520 Speaker 1: which the first question here is how am I investing 707 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:38,360 Speaker 1: in my growth? 708 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:39,319 Speaker 3: Right? 709 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,840 Speaker 1: Are you in a season right now where investing in 710 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,960 Speaker 1: your growth is a priority. Maybe you're not. Maybe you're 711 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,640 Speaker 1: in that survivoring season. You're like, I am trying listen, 712 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,640 Speaker 1: I am here. Okay, that's what we got today. Maybe 713 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:51,280 Speaker 1: that's the season. 714 00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:51,600 Speaker 3: Right. 715 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,440 Speaker 1: Another question you can ask yourself is what ways do 716 00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,959 Speaker 1: I like to learn? I love this question as well. 717 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that too, and I like what you 718 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:04,560 Speaker 2: said about the season that you're in, right because I 719 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,960 Speaker 2: think about when I was in grad school, I was 720 00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:13,799 Speaker 2: a PhD program. I was not trying to learn anything 721 00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:18,560 Speaker 2: else outside of what I was learning in the classroom. 722 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:22,120 Speaker 2: Like miss me on trying to teach me a new 723 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:27,680 Speaker 2: skill on anything not related to therapy. Okay, that was, 724 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:34,600 Speaker 2: but that was for that season. Right now, Yeah, I 725 00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:40,000 Speaker 2: have space, I have capacity to identify things that I 726 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:45,279 Speaker 2: want to spend more time learning. Like me and this 727 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,920 Speaker 2: dual lingo app have been besties for the last year. Now, 728 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,040 Speaker 2: don't ask me to say anything in Spanish, because it's. 729 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:53,880 Speaker 3: I'm getting there. 730 00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:58,640 Speaker 2: I'm getting there, getting there, right, But that is one 731 00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:02,920 Speaker 2: way in which which I'm learning something new, right, trying 732 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,759 Speaker 2: to learn a new language. I love it because that's 733 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:10,200 Speaker 2: tapping into a different area of my brain than what 734 00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:14,319 Speaker 2: I do when I'm working out or when I am 735 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,200 Speaker 2: doing therapy. 736 00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:16,759 Speaker 3: I love it. 737 00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,399 Speaker 1: Dom And I feel like there's so many I'm looking 738 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,520 Speaker 1: at the topic or the title of our episode, and again, lady, 739 00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,080 Speaker 1: this is not an exhaustive list, right, There's so many 740 00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:28,520 Speaker 1: different topics and conversations that we should be having with 741 00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:30,480 Speaker 1: the people that we're in relationship with. 742 00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:31,600 Speaker 3: These are just a few to. 743 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,120 Speaker 1: Kind of get us started, and once the people sometimes 744 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,200 Speaker 1: miss so we wanted to just share those with you 745 00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:39,680 Speaker 1: and like offer a fresh perspective on the journey to 746 00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:43,840 Speaker 1: going within getting to know this version of you wherever 747 00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:45,959 Speaker 1: you are at this stage in your life, and also 748 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,160 Speaker 1: being able to communicate that and ask those pertinent questions 749 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:51,000 Speaker 1: to your loved ones. 750 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,279 Speaker 2: Yeah, and the one thing that I will add to 751 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:59,319 Speaker 2: that too, is that the questions that we provided might 752 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,480 Speaker 2: not be the quotquestions that you want to ask, right, 753 00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:07,160 Speaker 2: I know. I find that for me sometimes when I'm 754 00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:12,640 Speaker 2: talking with someone about something, there may be they may 755 00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:17,439 Speaker 2: be offering their opinion and as I'm in conversation with them, 756 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:23,920 Speaker 2: ideas will start flowing of. Okay, so they're giving their 757 00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:28,320 Speaker 2: advice on how to handle this particular topic. What they're 758 00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:34,600 Speaker 2: offering doesn't necessarily resonate for me, but it's activating other 759 00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:40,719 Speaker 2: ideas on within this topic that do resonate for me. 760 00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:46,839 Speaker 2: And so, Lady, we say it all the time. Take 761 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:51,960 Speaker 2: what you need, leave what you don't. Hopefully, even if 762 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,120 Speaker 2: the questions that we've provided are not the questions that 763 00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:59,880 Speaker 2: you currently feel comfortable asking or they don't necessarily resonate, 764 00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:06,879 Speaker 2: hopefully they're sparking the questions that do resonate that do 765 00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,359 Speaker 2: feel relevant for where you are in life. 766 00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:12,480 Speaker 1: Right now, here we go and Lady, we are going 767 00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,719 Speaker 1: to go and record the after show, so you can 768 00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:18,200 Speaker 1: come hang out with us. Visit Herspace podcast dot com, 769 00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,040 Speaker 1: click anywhere you see Patreon you can join us for 770 00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,640 Speaker 1: the after show and also see the video episodes or 771 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,839 Speaker 1: check us out and shall I say check us out 772 00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,279 Speaker 1: on Instagram as well at Herspace podcast and we'll catch 773 00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:29,160 Speaker 1: you over there. 774 00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:33,400 Speaker 2: It's doctor Dom here from the Cultivating her Space Podcast. 775 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,319 Speaker 2: Are you currently a resident of the state of California 776 00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:43,080 Speaker 2: and contemplating starting your therapy journey well. If so, please 777 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,960 Speaker 2: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. 778 00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:52,279 Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I n I q 779 00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:58,000 Speaker 2: U E b r O U ss ar D dot 780 00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:02,960 Speaker 2: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look 781 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,640 Speaker 2: forward to hearing from you. Thanks for tuning into Cultivating 782 00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:13,239 Speaker 2: her Space. Remember that while this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, 783 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:17,960 Speaker 2: and resilience, it's not a substitute for therapy. If you 784 00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:22,080 Speaker 2: or someone you know need support, check out resources like 785 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:26,200 Speaker 2: Therapy for Black Girls or Psychology Today. If you love 786 00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,200 Speaker 2: today's episode, do us a favor and share it with 787 00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:33,080 Speaker 2: a friend who needs some inspiration or leave us a 788 00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,680 Speaker 2: quick five star review. Your support means the world to 789 00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,160 Speaker 2: us and helps keep this space thriving. 790 00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:43,120 Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me and move 791 00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:45,440 Speaker 1: in alignment not urgency. 792 00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,719 Speaker 3: What's meant for me? Responds to me. 793 00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:56,040 Speaker 1: Keep thriving, lady, and tune in next Friday for more 794 00:48:56,120 --> 00:49:00,319 Speaker 1: inspiration from Cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure 795 00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:04,200 Speaker 1: to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast.