1 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: Hello, Professional Homegirls, Ishagirl, ebinet here, and I hope all 2 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 1: is cute now. In this week's rewind episode, I had 3 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 1: a pleasure of speaking with my guests, who shared her 4 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,159 Speaker 1: powerful journey as a plus sized Muslim woman navigating the 5 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 1: world while challenging stereotypes and redefining beauty standards. In her conversation, 6 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,280 Speaker 1: she opened up about her experiences with body positivity, the 7 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,840 Speaker 1: lessons her mom taught her about men, and the power 8 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: of using her voice to inspire and empower others, especially 9 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:41,159 Speaker 1: other Muslim women. She also reflected on painful childhood moments, 10 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 1: including her her father y'all, disrespected her and her religion 11 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: by trying to feed her poor child, knowing that she 12 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: is a whole Muslim, and how those experiences shape her 13 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: resilience and commitment to stay true to herself. 14 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 2: Y'all. 15 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 1: This episode was recorded in twenty nineteen, and when I 16 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: tell you her memoir was amazing. I read it within 17 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: four and a half hours, So if you are interested 18 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 1: in reading her book, please make sure to email me 19 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: at Hello at the pashgpodcast dot com. All right, so 20 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 1: let's get ready, because I am a fat black Muslim 21 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,319 Speaker 1: woman starts now, how are you. 22 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 2: Feeling to my guests, I'm doing pretty good. 23 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm super excited. So before we get with the 24 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: have our conversation. So I'm an avid reader. So like 25 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: last year I read like fifty books, so I read 26 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 1: books like crazy. Wow. So yeah, So I was in 27 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 1: Barnes and Noble and I saw her book. So when 28 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,959 Speaker 1: I saw it the title alone, I was just like what, 29 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: Like it just caught my eye. And then for those 30 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: of you that are interested in her book, please make 31 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: sure to email me. I'm going to send it out 32 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: an email about her book because her book like really 33 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: inspired me in so many different ways. And I also 34 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: feel like I saw myself in her book, Like I 35 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 1: feel like I was reading chapters out of my life 36 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: baby who. So I was going to get some other 37 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: books and I kept walking past her book and I 38 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: was just like who is this girl? Like where does 39 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: she come from? So I picked up her book and 40 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 1: I read your book within four hours? 41 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 2: Oh wow, yeah, like I could. That's like a record. 42 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I'm telling you, like, your story has inspired 43 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,559 Speaker 1: me so much, and I was like praying and manifesting 44 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 1: that I can have this interview with her. So I'm 45 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: really excited about this one, and I hope her story 46 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 1: really do inspire you. So let's get started. So you 47 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: are a Muslim woman, yep. And I think that with 48 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 1: your story was definitely educational because there was a lot 49 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,519 Speaker 1: of things that I feel like people don't talk about. 50 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: So my first question for you is, what are some 51 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 1: misconceptions about Muslim women. 52 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:41,839 Speaker 3: There's so many you have misconceptions kind of darting from 53 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 3: each direction as you're reading the book. It's not like, oh, 54 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 3: just you know white people, like white women and white 55 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 3: men trying to get you, but there's like Muslim men 56 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 3: and other rus the women, other Muslims who are who 57 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 3: are not African Americans who are trying to attack. So 58 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:02,119 Speaker 3: I think you definitely get all types of stuff from 59 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 3: all directions when you are openly Muslim or any open religion. 60 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,639 Speaker 2: But right now, you know, Muslim and Islam. 61 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,679 Speaker 3: Is like under the under the radar right now, and 62 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 3: uh kind of on the under the chalk chopping black 63 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,240 Speaker 3: for getting attacked and stereotypes and stuff like that. But 64 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 3: I think some of the major misconceptions of being a 65 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 3: Muslim ista you basically are not even a human like either. 66 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,359 Speaker 3: You are seen as just just a monolith. You are 67 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 3: either a terrorist, you know, you're oppressed, or you're you're 68 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 3: you're really perfect and you don't have no issues at all. 69 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 2: You know, It's like it's you. 70 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 3: You have a couple of narratives, and then when you 71 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 3: put black Muslim on there, which is what I am, 72 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 3: then it gets more, you know, in depth, like oh, 73 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 3: she's she can't she's not a real Muslim because. 74 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 2: She's black, or she's uh, you know, she's crazy convert. Yeah, 75 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 2: it's it's very it's very and then awesome, I'm fat. 76 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 3: So it's just like there are more like misconceptions get 77 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 3: piled on you. 78 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: One thing that liked about about this topic is because 79 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 1: you're very like I think once you start becoming comfortable 80 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 1: with who you are, like you found your boy, so 81 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: you was just letting niggas have it. But I felt 82 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: like people see that as we get on this podcast. 83 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: But I felt like people were feeling that since you 84 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 1: weren't the typical like submissive woman, that that was a 85 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,039 Speaker 1: problem for you. And I thought that was just crazy 86 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: because you couldn't be who you really are. 87 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:35,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, I mean as soon as you are 88 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 3: kind of born with a vagina, you are automatically, you know, 89 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 3: seen as something right and as soon as you come 90 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 3: out box with with with dark Skin, it's basically supposedly 91 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 3: a wrap for you, right. It's so that is exactly 92 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 3: what it was. Like I was born like this, and 93 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 3: anytime I would say something, it would always be an issue. 94 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 3: You know, I was always in you. You'll see throughout 95 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 3: the book it's it's like, oh, you need to shut up, 96 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,280 Speaker 3: like you always talking, like you always got something to say, 97 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 3: like you saw like your broken record. 98 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 2: It's always no matter what. 99 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 3: I tried to say, whether it was something that I 100 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 3: thought about because I'm I would say I'm a pretty assertive, 101 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 3: confident person, but I would really really try hard to 102 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 3: like be quiet myself and say the right thing to 103 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 3: not upset people or make them uncomfortable. And even when 104 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 3: I did that, people still wasn't having it. 105 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,479 Speaker 2: And I was like, you know, I really like put 106 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 2: it forth. 107 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 3: The effort to shut up and say the right things, 108 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 3: and you're still not happy. And so that's when I 109 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,280 Speaker 3: was just like when the divorce happened, I was like, 110 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 3: fuck all that, it's over, Like it's over for everybody. 111 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,840 Speaker 2: And I remember the day I. 112 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 3: Was on because you know, I was still like an 113 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 3: Instagram influencer. I went on Instagram. I was like, y'all listen, 114 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:49,160 Speaker 3: the divorce was finalized, and whoever you thought you knew, 115 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 3: you don't know, so you can follow me right now. 116 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 2: It's about to get real real and that's it. That 117 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 2: is it. 118 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 3: And people were like, yes, we want this, yes, because 119 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 3: like I was like, I'm not whatever y'all thought it 120 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 3: was and all this like little he he ha ha stuff. 121 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 2: No, like it's real deal. 122 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 3: Right now, and I will never let anyone silence will 123 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 3: never let anyone silence me again. 124 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:11,479 Speaker 2: Like that was the end of that. 125 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: Another thing that you bought up. Within your book, you 126 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: talked about how you were born a Muslim and you 127 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: converted at the age of six. So as you got older, 128 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: did you have a question your religion? 129 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 2: Oh? For sure, that's like a normal thing. And if 130 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 2: someone tells you they have it, there, they're fucking line. 131 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 3: Because most people, if not all people, there's always some 132 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 3: type of question on any on any journey that you're 133 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 3: taking in life, anything you choose or your parents choose 134 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 3: for you, there's always an inkling of like is this 135 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 3: the right way to go? Is this the right way 136 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,280 Speaker 3: to live like, am I living it for somebody else? 137 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 3: Am I living it for myself? And again, like I 138 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 3: always kind of I think for me with my relationship 139 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:55,039 Speaker 3: with Islam, it was like up and down. 140 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 2: I never which is normal. Yeah, Like I never was 141 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 2: like I. 142 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 3: Hate Muslims and I don't want to you know, I 143 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 3: don't I want to denounce Islam, but there are certain 144 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 3: parts that I. 145 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 2: Was like this is necessarily for me? Like am I 146 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,240 Speaker 2: doing this right? 147 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 3: Like everyone is sitting here calling me sluts and bitches 148 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 3: because I don't because I wear a turban instead of 149 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 3: like a traditional rap to job. So is this really 150 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 3: the religion that I want to be in? If this 151 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 3: is like the scrutiny that I want to have to 152 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 3: live with? And I had to again go through the 153 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 3: journey and figure out what her job meant to me, 154 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 3: figure out what modesty mat for me, figure out what 155 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 3: Islam meant for me. And even though there are certain 156 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 3: things of it that I problem that I, you know, 157 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 3: wouldn't want to dabble in or wouldn't do personally, I'm 158 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 3: still very much so Muslim. 159 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 2: And that's okay, Like that's totally fine. 160 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 3: Anytimes like this, it's okay, it's everything or nothing, and 161 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 3: that's not how life is true. 162 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 1: One thing that I found interesting within your book, and 163 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 1: this is also an entirey of your book, was how 164 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,760 Speaker 1: you talked about being fat and also a Muslim, And 165 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 1: I thought to myself, I'm like, wow, like, I feel 166 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: like you noticed that at such a young age. But 167 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: then when I was reading the story with your mom 168 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: and you being in a clothing store, it kind of 169 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: like throughout your whole childhood, it seemed like you were 170 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 1: just fat shame and it started within your household. 171 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think that. 172 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 3: I mean, unfortunately a lot of I can't speak with everybody. 173 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 3: I can't really speak on like everybody else's like you know, 174 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 3: like the Asian or Latina or like Middle Eastern. But 175 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 3: I mean, from the stories that I've come up with, 176 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 3: a lot of families unfortunately fat shame and that's. 177 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: The earliest, especially Black families. 178 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like the earliest abuse of like body shaming 179 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 3: is coming from family members and close friends in your household, 180 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,079 Speaker 3: and many for many girls and boys too, it starts 181 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 3: super early. Like I've heard people dining like at six 182 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 3: seven eight. I'm just like, that's toxic as fuck. Bro, 183 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,559 Speaker 3: And so in my household, same thing. And like I 184 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 3: always like to say, because I feel like a lot 185 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 3: of people think my mother like as. 186 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 2: They read it, they see her as like the bad guy, 187 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:00,679 Speaker 2: And I tell people. 188 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 3: My mom did My mom did the best she could 189 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 3: with what she had at that time. Now she's doing 190 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 3: some other stuff now, sure, but at the time, you know, 191 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 3: there are some things that we shouldn't have saw or 192 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,480 Speaker 3: we shouldn't have been open to, but we were. And 193 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,440 Speaker 3: so we can't change the past, but we can't change 194 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,320 Speaker 3: our future. And so I think with her, it was 195 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 3: very cyclical, like her parents did it to her, her grandma, 196 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,079 Speaker 3: her great grandmother did it to my grandmother. This this 197 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 3: whole body shame and like just like fat shaming about 198 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 3: you're too skinny, you're to this, you know, your skin 199 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 3: tone is this, and your hair is good, and her 200 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 3: hair is you know, that type of shit was going on. 201 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 3: And so unfortunately it trickled down and to me and 202 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 3: my siblings, and so we definitely we were body shamed. 203 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 3: I was body shamed for my father, who wasn't even 204 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 3: around but still found the need to do. 205 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, I asked all questions about that because he reminded 206 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: me so much of my father, because my father is 207 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: I hate to say this term, but he's a crackhead. 208 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: And when I was reading a story about your father, 209 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 1: I was just like, yo, like the shape was very sad, 210 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 1: like it is, but I'm going to ask you questions 211 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: about that because I really felt like I was reading 212 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 1: chapters on my story. And it's also one of those 213 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: things that when you're going through it and you look 214 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,240 Speaker 1: back on it, sometimes you'd be like, damn, like and 215 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: I'm the only person that's going through this ship. So 216 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 1: when you see that somebody else is going through it, 217 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,240 Speaker 1: it's kind of refreshing to know that you're not alone 218 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 1: in this and to see where you're at now, it's 219 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: just like so amazing. 220 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 2: But anyhow, I mean, I think it's just crazy. 221 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 3: I wish sometimes, like I wish that I could attach 222 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,199 Speaker 3: something to my father for him to be so fucked up, 223 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 3: like him being crackhead, which he's not. He's still he's 224 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 3: still messed up. So I'm just like, you have you 225 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 3: make good money, like you're just you're you're just messed up. 226 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:46,320 Speaker 2: In the head, like you're just not a good human being. 227 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 3: There's no he doesn't even have no issues other than 228 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 3: some mental stuff that would even cause him to be 229 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:57,040 Speaker 3: so mean to I honestly, Yeah, yeah, I'm at the 230 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,599 Speaker 3: point now where it's like I really I don't like 231 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 3: saying I hate people, but and I need to go 232 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 3: go to therapy for this, but I really hate him 233 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 3: and I don't and I don't say about anyone but 234 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 3: him personally. 235 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: I mean, if I feel like with him, he definitely 236 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: gave you a reason for for what he did to you, 237 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,679 Speaker 1: Like when I just read it, like it's one thing 238 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,720 Speaker 1: for a parent to be absent, but for what he 239 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,800 Speaker 1: did to you and you were struggling like that was like, Oh, 240 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,440 Speaker 1: that literally like broke my heart, Like. 241 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm still shocked that he even did that, Like 242 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 3: that is something that I've not heard anybody's. 243 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. It was bad. 244 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 1: I tell people what he did because I feel like 245 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: we jump in and people what he do what he 246 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,559 Speaker 1: does well basically, I. 247 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 3: Mean it's crazy because there's other stories that ide were 248 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 3: put in the book about what he's done. But I 249 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 3: can imagine he's like that was the top. That was 250 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,719 Speaker 3: just like there's some it could have been a whole 251 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 3: book on what he's done. 252 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 1: When I was reading that, I was like, I know 253 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: she's omitted some things, because if he was willing to 254 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,320 Speaker 1: do that, I know he did. 255 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 2: Some other exactly that's what he does. Yeah. 256 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 3: But so basically what's in the book is that he 257 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 3: basically I was so poor, like it was. 258 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 2: I was to the point where I. 259 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 3: Was like and I was in college, I didn't have 260 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,719 Speaker 3: no family support my mom me and her was you know, 261 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 3: not really talking like that. And if we were, she 262 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 3: didn't have the money anyway to support me. And I 263 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 3: was just like putting five dollars in my guess thank 264 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 3: just to get to class. That's all I could afford 265 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 3: is five dollars. I was eating dinner at a friend's house, 266 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,079 Speaker 3: like I had a friend and family, like a family 267 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 3: of friends to go to. 268 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 2: Their house eat dinner every every night of the week. 269 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 2: And that's how I was eating. 270 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 3: And so basically he in a nutshelle just stole some 271 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 3: of my school money that I needed to get to 272 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 3: get to school with. And he just was he was 273 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 3: just doing a lot of stuff and I just I'm 274 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,079 Speaker 3: not I have not got. 275 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 2: Closure for that stuff. 276 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 3: He's never apologized, like even even to I haven't talked 277 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 3: to him. And I think over twelve or thirteen years, 278 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 3: he's still alive, he's still well, living his best life 279 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 3: and has never reached out to me, never apologized for 280 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 3: any of the things he's done, which I definitely need 281 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 3: to get some therapy to kind of get, you know, 282 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 3: get through that, because I still have that, so I'm 283 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 3: still holding on to it. 284 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: Well, you know what, I'm going to sing you my 285 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,839 Speaker 1: therapist information. She is like, oh my gosh, she has 286 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 1: helped me through some of the worst experiences in my 287 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: life and I had to learn how to create my 288 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 1: own closures. So I definitely sent it to you because 289 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:20,959 Speaker 1: and then she's a black woman, like I think you 290 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: would really like her, like she is, like I swear 291 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: by her, like I even recommend her to some of 292 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: the listeners, and everybody loves her. Oh wow, Oh it's 293 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 1: just me on your dad. I also thought it was 294 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: pretty disgusting how he didn't respect your religion and he 295 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 1: was trying to sneak and give you poor what is wrong? 296 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: And it's funny now, but when I was you should 297 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: have saw me in my bed. I was like, is 298 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: he serious? 299 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, because he evil? That's yes. 300 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 3: I don't know, like I'm I'm trying to justify fakes 301 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 3: and pause like, oh, well. 302 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 2: Maybe this person is they don't know. 303 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 3: It's just like, why would you do that, Like it's 304 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 3: no reason for me to have that. 305 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 2: There's no reason for me to have that. 306 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 1: It's just like but there would be times where if 307 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: you didn't eat that, then you wouldn't eat And meanwhile 308 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 1: his whole family would be over there just going to 309 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,640 Speaker 1: town like y'all at the party. It was just heartbreaking. 310 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, he did a lot of stuff like that. 311 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 3: I don't know, I honestly thought. And I always used 312 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 3: to think, like why does he hate me so much? 313 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 3: Like what did I do? Like I always remember like 314 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 3: asking myself that when I was a kid, like why 315 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 3: does he hate me so much? Like what did I 316 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 3: do to him? And like I because they really always 317 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 3: asked that it did, and like I just I never 318 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 3: answer myself back. But then some at some points, you know, 319 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 3: because you're young and you want your father because everybody 320 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 3: else got a father but you, and you're like, well, 321 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 3: why does he hate me? 322 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 2: Like what did I do to him? And you're like, well, 323 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 2: maybe it's just me. 324 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 3: Maybe I messed up, Maybe I did something wrong, and 325 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 3: that's why. And so you just internalized a lot of shit, 326 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 3: and and then. 327 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: You started believing in a sense yeah yeah, and. 328 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 3: Then you start like doing stuff that you're ass to 329 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 3: be doing, you're trying to fill avoid or you've just 330 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 3: become really hard and you don't trust niggas. Basically, that's 331 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 3: I mean, I'm a lot better now, but still there's 332 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 3: like that seed inside of me that's very very much 333 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 3: so guarded when it comes to me, and especially black 334 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 3: man unfortunately. And I don't like to make I don't 335 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 3: like generalizing statements, but like with me and my mental 336 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 3: illness and my trauma that I've got from you know me, 337 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 3: and for the most part has been black men. 338 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 2: Who've like done me really really bad. 339 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 3: So I have a very very I'm very guarded when 340 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,680 Speaker 3: it comes to them, and a very untrusted, untrusting and 341 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,080 Speaker 3: then two men in general, I'm very untrusting as well. 342 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 3: So yeah, it's crazy how that the trickle down effect happens. 343 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 3: It's very so it's very prevalent when you get traumatized 344 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 3: by someone over many, many, many times, and you're an 345 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 3: adult now, so it's like, I don't trust nobody that 346 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 3: looks like that, anyone who sounds like that but I also. 347 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: Feel like it's hard for you to believe in men 348 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 1: because not only just your father, but the other man 349 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,080 Speaker 1: that your mom was married to was not good examples 350 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, because yeah, because it's like you didn't 351 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: experience trauma which is this man, which is your father, 352 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: you are your sperm donor, because i'd be saying my 353 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 1: sperm donor, but you experienced it with other men that 354 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: your mom was married to. And it was kind of 355 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: like a sense with I feel like with your mom, 356 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: because I feel like your mom was like in some 357 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: sense that she was very overprotective, but like, I don't 358 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: have a good liation with my mom either, So when 359 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: I was reading your story with your mom, and I 360 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 1: kind of like had empathy towards her because I feel 361 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 1: like she was just trying to protect y'all in the 362 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 1: sense of y'all not experiencing the trauma that she went through. 363 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I do. 364 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, I definitely feel like she was over protective for 365 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 3: a reason, especially because she was, you know, sexually assaulted 366 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 3: when she was younger, So I definitely understand that part. 367 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 4: But she didn't even want child around her husband at all, 368 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 4: Like at all, she was extremely she didn't want to 369 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 4: around anybody really, like she cut off her own family 370 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 4: members and stuff, not because of us, but just because 371 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 4: like she has some stuff going on with them, like. 372 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 3: And so we were very very much so so so 373 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,400 Speaker 3: in her shale, in her own world, which is which 374 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 3: caused a lot of issues for us because we didn't 375 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,960 Speaker 3: know how to like thrive outside of her world that 376 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 3: she created for us because we were homeschooled, so we 377 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,719 Speaker 3: didn't get a lot of you know, we were around her. 378 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 3: She wouldn't let us go to people's houses like that. 379 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 3: We couldn't go to family people, We couldn't go to 380 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 3: a family member's house. So it was very very much 381 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:29,160 Speaker 3: so enclosed and so being so sheltered and then going 382 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 3: out to the real world that was very interesting for 383 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 3: a lot of me and my siblings. 384 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 1: So, how is your relationship with your mom now? Because 385 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: I know she is she is she still a little 386 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: sick because I know she had like a disorder with 387 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: her joints. 388 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:48,160 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, she's still Yeah, it's getting worse unfortunately unfortunately now. 389 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 3: So when my book dropped, yes, she so basically I 390 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 3: only talk to my older sister, Like me and her 391 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,920 Speaker 3: are very very tight, very very cool. My other siblings 392 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,640 Speaker 3: are very weird, and then that's putting it nicely. 393 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 2: There. I don't have contact with them like that. 394 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 3: My younger sister is enables my mother, and my mother 395 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,679 Speaker 3: enables her, and so they both have some type They 396 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 3: both have some toxic stuff going on that I told 397 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 3: them over and over again that I'm not going to 398 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 3: be involved in. But they think I'm playing with them. 399 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 3: So basically, when my book got launched, I asked my mother, 400 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,120 Speaker 3: that's what I'll runt her card to, you know, bring 401 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 3: her to the book signing. 402 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 2: She'd have to worry about nothing. I was going to 403 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,399 Speaker 2: pay for everything, you know. 404 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 3: I didn't have the money like that anyway, but anyway, 405 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,440 Speaker 3: and I was gonna make con sessions for her to come. 406 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:37,920 Speaker 2: And literally where she. 407 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 3: Lives is about forty minutes from to where my book 408 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,400 Speaker 3: signing was, and I had two of them. She didn't 409 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 3: come to either one of them, and I was. 410 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 2: Very hurt about that, And so I. 411 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 3: Don't know if she I was going to tell her 412 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 3: about the book that day because leading up I didn't 413 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 3: feel like dealing with any of the theatrics of the book. 414 00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 3: So I was gonna tell her when she came to 415 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:01,960 Speaker 3: the thing or whatever you know about the book, and 416 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,880 Speaker 3: she didn't show up, and so it was a whole 417 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 3: situation about that she tried to gaslight me. So right 418 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,359 Speaker 3: now we're in not a good place right now. And 419 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,919 Speaker 3: it's been the books, the books for now since October, 420 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 3: and she have not had a conversation because she she 421 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:21,240 Speaker 3: busy gaslighting. She's too busy using her illness to treat 422 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 3: people like shit. And so right now I'm in a 423 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 3: place where it's just like I'm not subjecting myself to abuse. 424 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 3: Am I enabling your your your ridiculousness? People are sick, 425 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 3: but they don't get they don't get to treat people 426 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 3: like crap because they're sick, you know what I mean. 427 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,480 Speaker 3: And so because I only have one parent I do 428 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 3: the only reason I have to cut her off is 429 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,160 Speaker 3: because I only have her left. My grandparents have passed away, 430 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 3: my father's not there, so it's like I don't have 431 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 3: anybody else to you know what I mean. 432 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 2: It's just like I'm still I'm still in like. 433 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 3: The limbo of like what should I do with the situation, 434 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,919 Speaker 3: because obviously it's hurting me. 435 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm right now I'm not talking to her. 436 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you my therapist number because I don't 437 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,119 Speaker 1: have a relationship. 438 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,159 Speaker 2: With my mom or my father. 439 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 1: And at first I was like you like feeling kind 440 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: of hurt, but then again it's just like yo, like 441 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 1: all you have is yourself these days, Like if you 442 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: can't even that's true, if you can't even have your 443 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: mom show up and support you, it's just like what 444 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 1: more can you do at this point? You know? 445 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like anything I do is like never enough. 446 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 3: It's never And it's so funny. 447 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 2: I'm the most. 448 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 3: Decorated out of all my siblings, like like many many 449 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 3: times over, like I am the most like educated, I'm 450 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 3: the most like well traveled. I've had like I have 451 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 3: two masters. My family does not care. They've treated me 452 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 3: like I've done something to them when I've literally just 453 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 3: lived my best life aside from them. And it's like 454 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 3: they have they have resentment towards me or just that 455 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 3: type of vendetta. They can't bring themselves to celebrate my wings. 456 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 3: And so because now I'm like, well I don't care, 457 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,159 Speaker 3: I'm so do my own thing, it's like, oh, she 458 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,919 Speaker 3: doesn't care, she's too big for us. Now it's like 459 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 3: who said that, y'all. I invite y'all to every single thing. 460 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 3: You guys don't care. 461 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,120 Speaker 2: You guys resent me, and so it's funny how it's 462 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 2: just like they don't care. 463 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 3: About me, and uh so, which is bad because everyone's alive, 464 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 3: everyone has cars, everyone got like the internet, and nobody 465 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,880 Speaker 3: comes and supports me. But I get hello love from 466 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:16,680 Speaker 3: complete strangers, which is very it's very interesting. The Yeah, 467 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,679 Speaker 3: it's it's weird. 468 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,600 Speaker 1: Because when I found you on Instagram and like you're popping, 469 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:26,880 Speaker 1: like you get loved from everybody, all shapes and sizes 470 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 1: and colors. So I mean that's just an indicator of 471 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: who you are as a person, like you are love 472 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,439 Speaker 1: and I know it's not to have that love for 473 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 1: you media family, but sometimes you just have to just 474 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,400 Speaker 1: keep it moving, you know. And speaking of your Instagram, 475 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: I know you're a big advocate for body positivity. Yes, 476 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,639 Speaker 1: so when didn't you learn to love the body that 477 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,440 Speaker 1: you're in? Because I also think with your book, you 478 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,720 Speaker 1: did a great job of showing that transition from where 479 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: you were in the beginning to where you're at now 480 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:56,439 Speaker 1: because now you're like a damn they're a supermodel. So 481 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: how was that transition. 482 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:03,120 Speaker 3: Oh man, it's a difficult like I think that people 483 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 3: and that's why I like to keep it one hundred 484 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 3: to sit with my followers, because I. 485 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 2: Don't think people never show you the other side of success. 486 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,399 Speaker 3: And by no means my saying I'm like a mega 487 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:16,359 Speaker 3: super million follower account, but like I have done some 488 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 3: things that I've never thought I would do, and other 489 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,439 Speaker 3: people would think that someone who looks like me, like 490 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 3: me would never achieve or do. 491 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,400 Speaker 2: And so looking from. 492 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 3: The other side of success, it's so interesting to be 493 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:31,159 Speaker 3: like you might be modeling with the top models, but 494 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 3: you steal are othered, you know what I'm saying, Like 495 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 3: you steal are othered. It's like you don't necessarily fit 496 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 3: in even though you've made it to that point. And 497 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 3: it's it's sometimes it's intimidating, like you get imposter syndrome. 498 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 3: You you know your body, there's more fear falls in there, 499 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 3: like you know your your fat phobic ideologies seat back 500 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 3: in there. And so even though you might see a 501 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 3: beautiful picture on the internet and see me on sets 502 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,320 Speaker 3: with these people who are like amazing and traveling around 503 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 3: the world, I still have like these deep rooted insecurities 504 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 3: that I fight against and have definitely overcome half more than. 505 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,879 Speaker 2: Halfway, but they still seep in. 506 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,120 Speaker 3: And I think there's a misconception that is because you're 507 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 3: popping on the Internet, that means that you got money, 508 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 3: that means that you're just like confident twenty for seven, 509 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 3: That means that you're this and you're a man? 510 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 2: Is that? 511 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 3: And it's just like people who are popping orre successful, 512 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 3: I still have issues. 513 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 2: They just don't tell you. 514 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 3: And so I like to make I want to like 515 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 3: so with my brand, it's I'm trying to bring the humanness, 516 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 3: the human element back into the Internet and back to 517 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 3: social media, because at the end of the day, we're 518 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,720 Speaker 3: all human beings on social media. Doesn't matter if you 519 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,880 Speaker 3: have three million followers. With three followers, you're a human being. 520 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,880 Speaker 3: And I want to show people the journey of where 521 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,720 Speaker 3: I came from to where I am now and even 522 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 3: the journey. 523 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 2: That will be five years from now. 524 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 3: I want to show you the real deal behind the 525 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 3: scenes and what's happening, whether I'm booking gigs or don't 526 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 3: speaking engagements, or I'm having like a mental breakdown, Like 527 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 3: I want you to be right there with me. 528 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,280 Speaker 1: But do you think social media plays into that? Because 529 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,239 Speaker 1: I feel like even with myself, like sometimes I have 530 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,440 Speaker 1: to like like I don't have all the money that 531 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,440 Speaker 1: I want to have, right, So if I see somebody else, 532 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,040 Speaker 1: they got this trip, they got this, they got that, 533 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: and it plays into it. So do you think that 534 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: social media plays until like the fact shaming or the 535 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: disrespect to different religions. 536 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 3: I mean there's always there's I think there's always going 537 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,159 Speaker 3: to be the two sides of the coin. 538 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:23,200 Speaker 2: There's always going. 539 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 3: To be like social media is a vessel for us 540 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 3: to connect with other human beings, right, And if that's 541 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,359 Speaker 3: through hatred, then that's your connection. 542 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:32,960 Speaker 2: If it's through love. 543 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 3: And positivity and empowerment, then that's going to be your connection. 544 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 3: Same thing with money, the same thing with like any 545 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 3: any anything. 546 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 2: I can say, I. 547 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 3: Can say personally that if I didn't have Instagram, I 548 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 3: would not be here right now. That's I would have 549 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 3: a book deal, I would not be working with Target, 550 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 3: I would not have flowed and done anything within Europe 551 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 3: without Instagram. And so just yes, yes, there are so 552 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,159 Speaker 3: many trolls online. Yes, like social media can play it's 553 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,879 Speaker 3: a fat phobia and it's I'm a phobia and colorism 554 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 3: and classism. Of course it can, but it's like you 555 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,440 Speaker 3: need to be able to figure out how to shield yourself. 556 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,280 Speaker 2: And these things also curate your feed. My feed is curated. 557 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 2: If I feel like. 558 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 3: You're doing too many before and after pictures, I might 559 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 3: have mad love for you, but it's triggering to me. 560 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 3: If you're talking about some flat tummy tea, I'm sorry, love, 561 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 3: get your coins, but I'm gonna unfollow you. If you're 562 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 3: talking about like you know, if you're like trying to 563 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,199 Speaker 3: talk about how marcial babies are so cute over dark 564 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 3: skied babies, I'm sorry, I'm following you. Know what I'm saying, 565 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,399 Speaker 3: like you, if you want to do some stupid stuff 566 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,199 Speaker 3: that I don't want to see, then I'm gonna un 567 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:37,680 Speaker 3: follow you now because I hate you, not so I 568 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 3: want to support you. But now now you're going to 569 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,680 Speaker 3: the left and I'm trying to get to the right, 570 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,399 Speaker 3: and so you have to be able to be like 571 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,679 Speaker 3: you know what, I'm gonna curate my feed because I 572 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 3: don't want to fall into the trap of seeing stuff 573 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 3: that triggers me. And so people have to understand that 574 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 3: social media can be used for good or bad. I 575 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,680 Speaker 3: want to I want to mostly use mine for something 576 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,840 Speaker 3: that's empowering and something that's gonna make me a stronger individual. 577 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:00,760 Speaker 3: I'm not trying to hear and see all the extra 578 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 3: stuff facts. 579 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 1: I know. So you was married for almost a decade, 580 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,879 Speaker 1: which I was like shocked. And I don't want to 581 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,600 Speaker 1: do too much energy to that because I think you're 582 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: just so dope. And I think I don't want to give 583 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,639 Speaker 1: too much of your book away because your book is 584 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 1: really amazing, but throughout your tenure, I mean that would 585 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,280 Speaker 1: just traumatize it within thisself. What would you say was 586 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:22,760 Speaker 1: the number one lesson you learned from that? 587 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:25,359 Speaker 2: Wow? 588 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:30,479 Speaker 3: I think the number one lesson is that you really 589 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,600 Speaker 3: don't I would say for people to stop trying to 590 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 3: find other people to fulfill you or to make you whole. 591 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,160 Speaker 2: And I think Will Smith. 592 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,359 Speaker 3: Said something very very similar when you're talking about like 593 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,719 Speaker 3: marriage and stuff with Jada and stuff like that, and 594 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 3: how they're not looking to complete each other, they're looking 595 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,720 Speaker 3: to enhance one another. And I was like, Wow, it's 596 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,399 Speaker 3: so simple, but we always try to a lot of 597 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,880 Speaker 3: us are scared to be alone. 598 00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,600 Speaker 2: A lot of us are afraid to sit with ourselves. 599 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,440 Speaker 3: That's why we have serial daters and people who are 600 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 3: and I'm very sex positive, people who are hyper sexual 601 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,119 Speaker 3: and to the point where they're not doing because they 602 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 3: want to do it. They're doing it because they're trying 603 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,080 Speaker 3: to fill a void or they don't want to be alone. 604 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,000 Speaker 3: And we're doing these things and we're hitting the same 605 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,200 Speaker 3: the same wall because we're too afraid to really sit 606 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 3: with ourselves and ask ourselves, what do you want now? 607 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 3: What society told you to do? Not the fairy tale wedding? 608 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 3: Not the fairy tale? 609 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:26,200 Speaker 2: Dude? 610 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,919 Speaker 3: How do you create your own fairy tale and then 611 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 3: invite someone into that? 612 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,400 Speaker 2: And you guys, invite each other into. 613 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,800 Speaker 3: You as situations instead of being like, well I need 614 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,680 Speaker 3: him to fulfil me and make me a whole circle. No, 615 00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 3: that's not what you need. You need to be able 616 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 3: to find for yourself and travel the world so low 617 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 3: and do things you've never done before and attain those things, 618 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 3: and sometimes you have to do those things alone. 619 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 2: We were just like and I tell myself that too. 620 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,199 Speaker 3: After I got divorced, I'm like, well, I'm broken and 621 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,879 Speaker 3: I need to have somebody so I can feel like 622 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,920 Speaker 3: I'm and I'm just like it. 623 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,960 Speaker 2: Basically I was doing reckless stuff, which is also in 624 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:02,639 Speaker 2: a book. 625 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 3: Because I was I was trying to feel I was 626 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,760 Speaker 3: trying to fulfill a void and I was just I 627 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 3: was just racking up bodies, just like everybody else was, 628 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 3: and that wasn't me. And I'm just like, you know 629 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,400 Speaker 3: what you have to be. You had to be by yourself. 630 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 3: That that's it. And yes it's uncomfortable, yes it was painful. 631 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,320 Speaker 3: But now I was just like, I want to get 632 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 3: to a point where if I do invite someone into 633 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 3: my space, whatever, whether it's serious or not serious, they 634 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,120 Speaker 3: need to serve a purpose and vice versa. If we're 635 00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 3: not serving each other's purpose, then there's no point of 636 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 3: us talking. 637 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 2: So I'm very very selective. 638 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 3: Now I think I've learned what I don't want from 639 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,879 Speaker 3: the firm, from us from the situation is that I 640 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 3: need to be selective and stop trying to change people, 641 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 3: stop trying to fill your void with something that's like ridiculous. 642 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 2: And I learned a lot. For I think I learned a. 643 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 3: Lot from that that that situation, in that ten year relationship, 644 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 3: that ship. 645 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:53,240 Speaker 2: I mean, he. 646 00:28:53,360 --> 00:29:00,320 Speaker 1: Tried it, he did, But do you think the reason 647 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,280 Speaker 1: one of the reasons why you stayed in that relationship 648 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,640 Speaker 1: for the amount of time that you did results back 649 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: to not having that positive black man or just positive 650 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:08,960 Speaker 1: man figure in your life. 651 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 3: I think that I did not want to get divorced 652 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,960 Speaker 3: because I didn't want to be a serial marriage. 653 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,120 Speaker 2: Or like my mom like oh that too. 654 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 3: Yeah. And my sister made a pack who was like 655 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 3: we will never, we will never, Like we literally made 656 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 3: a pack like a couple times in life, like when 657 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 3: she got married and I got married, I was like, nope, 658 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,240 Speaker 3: not doing it. And so I kept, like I kept 659 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 3: to my promise, like I'm not gonna get married eighty 660 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 3: thousand times, like I've seen other women and me and 661 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 3: you and my own mother. 662 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:37,240 Speaker 2: And so that was one. 663 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 3: Also, I put a lot of time and effort into 664 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,680 Speaker 3: him because he was definitely not what it was when 665 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 3: I first met him, okay, And I put a lot 666 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 3: of effort and energy into that man. And so I 667 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 3: was like, you know what, I'm not gonna let another 668 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 3: bitch take my hard work. So it was pride, pride, 669 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 3: it was, but the same time, it's just like that's 670 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 3: not you chose to be that for her, So for him, 671 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 3: you chose to put your time and energy and take 672 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 3: away from you your cups put in his cup. You 673 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 3: chose to do that, So whatever happens happened, and so 674 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:10,840 Speaker 3: I had to get over I had to humble myself 675 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,240 Speaker 3: and get over that and be like, you know what, 676 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,080 Speaker 3: he's not your property, and yes, somebody else is gonna 677 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 3: deal with him the good stuff that you've given him, 678 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 3: but also they got to deal with his bullshit too, 679 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 3: because it's. 680 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,320 Speaker 2: A lot of that. And so I had to get 681 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 2: out of that mindset as like, oh, I built you, 682 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 2: I made you, and da da da da, and you 683 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 2: know your mind and no, I had to get over that, 684 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 2: like that's not we can't do that to people. 685 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,719 Speaker 1: I was like, Yo, this nigga guy some nerve. You 686 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:35,800 Speaker 1: showed him how to do a resume, got him a job, 687 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,080 Speaker 1: and he had the nerve to move the way he 688 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 1: was moving. 689 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,600 Speaker 2: Was Na, that's what they do. That's what they do. 690 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 3: Fortunately, that's why I'm just like see and like, God, 691 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,160 Speaker 3: try to finesse me now and like it never lasts 692 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 3: because they get because I tell I'm pretty blunt, and God, 693 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:50,920 Speaker 3: try to finesse me. 694 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,320 Speaker 2: I was like, honey, I made I wrote the book 695 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:54,960 Speaker 2: on finessing try again. 696 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,560 Speaker 3: They're like, oh, so you want of those. Yes, I'm 697 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 3: one of those. Keep it moving, brother. They'd be like, oh, okay, 698 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 3: go find your next victim somewhere else. I had a 699 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 3: whole relationship stop exactly. 700 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: I'm just curious because your mom was married. I think 701 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,320 Speaker 1: you said like five times. 702 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 3: No, she was married. I think nine times. I think 703 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 3: two of them were the same person. So yeah, about 704 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,000 Speaker 3: like nine times times. 705 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,120 Speaker 1: So what do you think that their mom taught you 706 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:22,640 Speaker 1: about men? 707 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:26,880 Speaker 2: Well, it depends on like what era. 708 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 3: So when I was first, because it's like the first 709 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 3: ten years and next ten years, the next ten years. 710 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 2: So I'm thirty. I think initially I think she taught 711 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 2: us that they were disposable. 712 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 1: Yo, I was thinking that. 713 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, So like from an early age, I always thought 714 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 3: men were so disposable, Like I thought that they just 715 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 3: came in cause issues, got you pregnant, and then left 716 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,560 Speaker 3: Like that's how like I thought. That's what I thought 717 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 3: me indeed, And so from when I was like, you know, 718 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 3: little to like maybe sixteen, I always thought they were disposable. 719 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 3: And so that also like made it hard for me 720 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,160 Speaker 3: to make connections with me and and stuff like that. 721 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,239 Speaker 3: Becausemes like, I mean, you can go, like at the end, 722 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 3: like the most minor inconvenience, you can go because I 723 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 3: know you can go. And so it wasn't even like, oh, 724 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,680 Speaker 3: let's talk about this, let's try to work this out. 725 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,680 Speaker 2: It was like, you can go. And so that's what 726 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 2: I learned. 727 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 3: Unfortunately from her, I'd like to have a better answer 728 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 3: for you other than that, but I feel like that 729 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,760 Speaker 3: was that's what I learned from her, as that man 730 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 3: are disposable. 731 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 1: So let's talk about your breaking point with therapy. When 732 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,360 Speaker 1: I was reading in that chapter, I was like, yo, 733 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 1: I so feel her on this. What was the breaking 734 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,760 Speaker 1: point for you to attend therapy because I feel like 735 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 1: it was a struggle for you to even go. 736 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 2: Oh for sure. 737 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 3: So I've had like mental breaks throughout my life a 738 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,520 Speaker 3: lot of time, like through my life or whatever, and 739 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,440 Speaker 3: I never knew what they were because we didn't really. 740 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,160 Speaker 2: Talk about mental illness when we were like little. 741 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 3: So like when I used to have them and I 742 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,480 Speaker 3: would be clipping out and freaking out, I would never 743 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,120 Speaker 3: know what they were and never even cared to research 744 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 3: it because I don't talk about it. And so the 745 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,160 Speaker 3: breaking point for me was when I was working a 746 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 3: job that I hated. I just I just not just 747 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 3: just graduated, but I was married. We have been there 748 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 3: for a couple of years. I had left a job 749 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,760 Speaker 3: that was very abusive and like racist. I was the 750 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,280 Speaker 3: only black girl in a white store. I was a manager. 751 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 2: I was young. They were mad about it. 752 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,400 Speaker 3: So I was educated and young, and they couldn't take it, 753 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,600 Speaker 3: of course, and so I had to leave that situation 754 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 3: because it was making me go very, very crazy. 755 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 2: I was unemployed for a very long time. Finally got another. 756 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 3: Job that ended up being a lot worse, more diverse, 757 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:32,560 Speaker 3: but feel worse, and I started having really really bad 758 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:39,320 Speaker 3: mental breaks like anxiety, deep depression, like anger, and just 759 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 3: like I was at the bottom of the barrel mentally, 760 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,760 Speaker 3: like I didn't think highly of myself, I didn't think 761 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,680 Speaker 3: highly of others. I hated myself and I hated other 762 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 3: people people. Yeah, I don't want people talking to me. 763 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 3: I don't think saying shit to me. Let me sit 764 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,920 Speaker 3: on my anger and hatred for everything. And so the 765 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,760 Speaker 3: breaking point for me, I think was when I went 766 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,320 Speaker 3: to jail. That was I think that was like that 767 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 3: was like the top breaking point. I was just like, 768 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 3: you are in a master's program, you like are smart like 769 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 3: you are not, Like, no, you're you're not a bum bitch. 770 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 3: Why why are you sitting here right now? And I 771 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 3: started laughing at myself in the fucking jail cell because 772 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,800 Speaker 3: I was like, it's real stupid. You look so dumb right. 773 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 2: Now, but you're laughing at yourself. 774 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 3: No, I was like laugh frying because I look so 775 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 3: dumb because I allowed somebody to get me to that 776 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,120 Speaker 3: point of like almost no, like that could have went 777 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:32,239 Speaker 3: so bad, Like I'm whatever you believe in with this god, 778 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 3: like whatever, the entity the universe whatever, like was really 779 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,320 Speaker 3: looking out for me because that could have went so bad, 780 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 3: Like I was protected that that day because it could 781 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,400 Speaker 3: have been really really bad. Way I could have been 782 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,600 Speaker 3: in prison, I could have lost everything, and so like 783 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 3: I knew that, and I was like, you know what, 784 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,879 Speaker 3: never again when I put my hands with somebody, Never 785 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,240 Speaker 3: again while I even get to the point where I'm 786 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,439 Speaker 3: just that angry where I black out, That will never 787 00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:00,879 Speaker 3: happen again, And I will drive my hardest. They do, 788 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 3: they do, but exactly. And I was like, so I 789 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 3: kept my promise. I've not touched anybody. I've not been 790 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,759 Speaker 3: to jail, not been arrested, no police call it on me. Uh, 791 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,759 Speaker 3: since that day happened. And I'm like, I know, I'm 792 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,000 Speaker 3: very proud of that because like I definitely didn't give 793 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:16,319 Speaker 3: a fuck. 794 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:17,920 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, jail, put me in prison. 795 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,279 Speaker 3: I don't care, Like I was that person like put 796 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 3: me in okays. 797 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:28,280 Speaker 2: You basically basically, so, how has. 798 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,239 Speaker 1: A tenant therapy you are now? 799 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:35,320 Speaker 2: Mm? I think that. I think therapy has definitely saved 800 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:35,680 Speaker 2: my life. 801 00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 3: Like, honestly, I'm actually looking for therapists now again with 802 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,319 Speaker 3: my insurance company and so. 803 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,160 Speaker 2: Finally I'm getting back in when I should have been 804 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:43,759 Speaker 2: guy back in. 805 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,080 Speaker 3: But the five year stint that I did with like 806 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,799 Speaker 3: therapy prior to this, it's definitely made me a lot 807 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 3: more self aware because like I have a personality disorder, 808 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,160 Speaker 3: and so I'm not aware of certain things how they 809 00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,359 Speaker 3: make people feel, and so I'm the more where are 810 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:01,239 Speaker 3: people's feelings? 811 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:02,640 Speaker 2: Aware of my old feelings? 812 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 3: Boundaries have been set now, Like boundaries is like my 813 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 3: number one. 814 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,680 Speaker 2: For every single year. 815 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like boundaries and like your your breaking point 816 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,200 Speaker 3: of like when you do get to the blackout phase 817 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,719 Speaker 3: when you're pulling our knives and guns. How do how 818 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,759 Speaker 3: do you take a step back three steps before we 819 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,480 Speaker 3: get to that break your points? 820 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,120 Speaker 2: I like, now I'm I'm the queen of getting my 821 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:24,919 Speaker 2: person walking out. 822 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,719 Speaker 3: Like I've walked out of bus meetings, I worked out 823 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,680 Speaker 3: of work, walked out of work meetings, I walked out 824 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,040 Speaker 3: of friend friend conversations. 825 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:32,680 Speaker 1: Coming back. 826 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 3: Nope, she's not coming back because because when I said 827 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 3: I'm done, I'm done. 828 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: So I am the queen of boundaries. I don't play 829 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 1: that ship. My piece is so much more than what 830 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,759 Speaker 1: it was before. Like, I'm not losing my ship over 831 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 1: something that I can control. So I will leave. I 832 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 1: will leave. 833 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I've definitely left before. 834 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,879 Speaker 1: Yeah. So one thing about this book and that you 835 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 1: constantly kept talking just putting emphasis on it, and I 836 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,160 Speaker 1: was just like wow, like because like you, Like I 837 00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,280 Speaker 1: was like so fucking angry these past couple of months, 838 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,880 Speaker 1: and I just thought it was so beautiful how you 839 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 1: told your story and how you shared it. Did you 840 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,959 Speaker 1: ever think that by using your anger that you would 841 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 1: get the result that you have now with a book? 842 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,879 Speaker 2: No, definitely not, definitely not. 843 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,359 Speaker 1: Because you you can read the pain, like I think 844 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,040 Speaker 1: that's why I just relate to it. So much because 845 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:24,920 Speaker 1: like you, like I just know when it feels like 846 00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,120 Speaker 1: when nothing is sticking to the damn wall, like you 847 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 1: just so frustrated. So when you were just telling your story, 848 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 1: and like most black people, especially black women, like we 849 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: just grow up and like traumatize in household. So it's 850 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: just like I just thought it was just so amazing 851 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,160 Speaker 1: that you shared your story with us, and like for 852 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:41,959 Speaker 1: it to be a book and it's a good book 853 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,880 Speaker 1: that we need to get to New York Times bestseller. 854 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:50,640 Speaker 2: Hey, that would be awesome. Yeah, I never thought it 855 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,879 Speaker 2: was possible. Honestly, I think one thing. 856 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,719 Speaker 3: So I always asked myself, what makes you different from 857 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,560 Speaker 3: somebody else that you grew up with, because a lot 858 00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:58,960 Speaker 3: of people that I grew up with did not have 859 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 3: not made it. They have basically succumbed to the trauma 860 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 3: and now they're doing it to their children, or they 861 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,879 Speaker 3: are sitting in it with the bullshit ass man, or 862 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,440 Speaker 3: they are you know, not living to their fullest potential. 863 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,960 Speaker 3: And I always ask myself, what makes you different from 864 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,400 Speaker 3: the other people that have not made it? 865 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,320 Speaker 2: And I always say that I have, Well. 866 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,280 Speaker 3: I'm very diligent. I don't take no for an answer. 867 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:24,000 Speaker 3: Also I'm very like to use I like to use 868 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,800 Speaker 3: people's negativity. I like to use it to like push 869 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,000 Speaker 3: myself to go further and do more and do better 870 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 3: than them. 871 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,360 Speaker 2: Then I also, like I always. 872 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,400 Speaker 3: I always kept hope that there are something larger for me, 873 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,920 Speaker 3: There are something bigger for me that we couldn't that 874 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,279 Speaker 3: we none of us could imagine. Like I always would 875 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,000 Speaker 3: tell myself every year, like, there's something waiting for you 876 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,440 Speaker 3: on the other side that you can't even fucking imagine. 877 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:48,480 Speaker 2: You have to keep going. And I would tell myself 878 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,759 Speaker 2: that every year. I don't know where that. 879 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,080 Speaker 3: Came from, but I felt it in my heart and 880 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,319 Speaker 3: my soul that something was meant for me that was 881 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,319 Speaker 3: bigger than what the fuck I was living in, what 882 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 3: I was looking at, what people were telling me. And 883 00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,359 Speaker 3: I still believe that now, like I believe that one 884 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,080 Speaker 3: day I'm going to be a mobile. 885 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:05,759 Speaker 2: Like that's it. 886 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,160 Speaker 3: I don't know how it's gonna happen and what's gonna happen, 887 00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:09,440 Speaker 3: For sure it's gonna happen. 888 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,160 Speaker 2: So how have. 889 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 1: Been so transparent help you with your healing? Because I 890 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,800 Speaker 1: can only imagine what you reading in this writing this book, 891 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 1: sharing these stories, having these conversations like it kind of 892 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:24,160 Speaker 1: bring up some type of feelings, does it. 893 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean they always bring up traumas. 894 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 3: I think that when you talk about it more is easier. 895 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,680 Speaker 3: But there are certain topics I'm so like, M, well, 896 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,800 Speaker 3: this is still very much, very much so painful to 897 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:40,000 Speaker 3: either talk about or to you know, remember. And the 898 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,520 Speaker 3: memoir was in itself very painful to write because I 899 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,520 Speaker 3: had to like bring up stuff that I had buried 900 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:48,280 Speaker 3: for ten years, five years, fifteen years, and to bring 901 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,359 Speaker 3: them to the head and actually write about them and 902 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,160 Speaker 3: even edit them was very very painful. Like I would 903 00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:54,640 Speaker 3: have to take lots of breaks. 904 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,200 Speaker 2: I would cry a lot. 905 00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,879 Speaker 3: I would yeah, naps and crying is how I wrote 906 00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:02,719 Speaker 3: that book like in between because it was just too 907 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,960 Speaker 3: much to recall from of those things. And so I 908 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:08,600 Speaker 3: haven't really read the book recently, but I did. There's 909 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:10,359 Speaker 3: one essay that I read about I think the time 910 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,520 Speaker 3: when I was like at the beach and I was 911 00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,520 Speaker 3: just like about to admit myself said to the psyche 912 00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,319 Speaker 3: war and I read that one. I hadn't read it 913 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,400 Speaker 3: in like a year, and so of course that's the 914 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,560 Speaker 3: fucking one I picked to read at this book signing 915 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,080 Speaker 3: and the tray and I started busting out crying and 916 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,520 Speaker 3: people was an audience crying, and I was just. 917 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,640 Speaker 1: Like, dangn no, but that's real shit, man, I'm telling you. 918 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 1: Like when I was reading your book, I was just like, yo, Like, 919 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,120 Speaker 1: there's so many stories that I can relate to, like 920 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,319 Speaker 1: with this childhood trauma, with my mom being with so 921 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,279 Speaker 1: many different men, but my daddy ain't being shit, my 922 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,839 Speaker 1: abortion story, like being in relationship for so long, Like 923 00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,560 Speaker 1: it was like, Oh, I was just like, Nah, this 924 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,239 Speaker 1: shit is so fucking fire man. 925 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:50,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. 926 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,839 Speaker 1: Last, and not least, what is some advice you would 927 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,959 Speaker 1: give to our listeners on embracing their story and loving 928 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,399 Speaker 1: themselves more throughout it all? 929 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,799 Speaker 3: I think that I mean, and going back to like 930 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,799 Speaker 3: what I told myself to get to where I am now, 931 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,720 Speaker 3: is that you know, on the other side of fear 932 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,560 Speaker 3: is greatness. Like you have to really look at you, 933 00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:13,880 Speaker 3: you have to really sit alone, and you have to 934 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,680 Speaker 3: ask yourself, what am I like most afraid of? 935 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,960 Speaker 2: Am I afraid of failing? Am I afraid of success? Like? 936 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,040 Speaker 3: Am I afraid of sitting us this resume out or 937 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 3: starting this podcast or trying to start this career, Like 938 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,279 Speaker 3: what are you most afraid of in life? And I 939 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,360 Speaker 3: want you to dive all the way into it, like 940 00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:33,520 Speaker 3: I want you to like for real, for real, like 941 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:37,239 Speaker 3: passionately dive into it. And like, I know a lot 942 00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:39,480 Speaker 3: of times people have the resources that we need. But 943 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,319 Speaker 3: at the same time, it's like we can create our 944 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,200 Speaker 3: own resources. A lot of things can be done with 945 00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,960 Speaker 3: just bothering with research, you know what I'm saying, Like 946 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 3: with clearest rack items, with borrowing things for other people. 947 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,279 Speaker 3: Like we can do things, and the best things that 948 00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,880 Speaker 3: we do are these creative things that we do that 949 00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,280 Speaker 3: are stimming from our traumas and our pain and stuff 950 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:02,240 Speaker 3: like that. So I just feel like there's no reason 951 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 3: for us not to do what we want to do, 952 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:05,400 Speaker 3: Like there's not a reason. 953 00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:06,800 Speaker 2: Like the human. 954 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,640 Speaker 3: Body is like it's I call it our temporary vessels. 955 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,000 Speaker 3: Mean these bodies that we have are loaners. This is 956 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,840 Speaker 3: not our bodies. And so if it's a loaner and 957 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,200 Speaker 3: you knew how much time you had, what would you do, 958 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,880 Speaker 3: Like would you go and do the thing that you 959 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,680 Speaker 3: really want to do? So then what's stopping you? And 960 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,400 Speaker 3: I'm not saying I'm not saying it's easy to do it. 961 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:26,799 Speaker 2: It's not. 962 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:31,040 Speaker 3: But you have to see you have to try, like 963 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 3: you owd to yourself, you odd to the vessel that 964 00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,920 Speaker 3: you have that's borrowed to at least try. 965 00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,040 Speaker 2: And the second thing I would say is to never 966 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,120 Speaker 2: listen to other people. 967 00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,520 Speaker 3: Fact because like people will really try to like just 968 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,960 Speaker 3: like derail you and like I muscle. 969 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,799 Speaker 2: So I believe that there is there are people put 970 00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,799 Speaker 2: in your life to boost you. 971 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,640 Speaker 3: There are people put in your life just to stop 972 00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:57,439 Speaker 3: you from doing something. And you'll notice that when you're 973 00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,000 Speaker 3: close to a breakthrough, that's when I start coming heavy. 974 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:05,680 Speaker 3: You cannot allow them, you cannot allow their negativity, their insecurities. 975 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,320 Speaker 3: And I'm talking about close family friends, baby daddy, h 976 00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,240 Speaker 3: your husband, baby mom said, everybody, everybody. You cannot allow 977 00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,759 Speaker 3: them to tell you what you can and cannot do, 978 00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,840 Speaker 3: because you will lose a lot of time by listening 979 00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:20,719 Speaker 3: to people who don't know what the fuck is going on, 980 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:22,640 Speaker 3: don't know what's going on in their life or their 981 00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:24,440 Speaker 3: kids life. Try to tell you what you should do. 982 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,640 Speaker 3: So you want to do it, then go do it 983 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,120 Speaker 3: and shut out the naysayers. 984 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:33,040 Speaker 1: Yo, So I am like, I know y'all go. This 985 00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,799 Speaker 1: bitch is really excited. But I've been trying to get 986 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:39,040 Speaker 1: in contact and have this, I guess on this episode 987 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:40,840 Speaker 1: for like the past two months, so like, and my 988 00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 1: birthday is February eighth, so we recorded this episode on 989 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,280 Speaker 1: the third. So this is like the best birthday present 990 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:50,239 Speaker 1: ever because I'm telling you, your story has really just 991 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,479 Speaker 1: inspired me because I want to eventually write my own book, 992 00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,520 Speaker 1: and like, you're just such an inspiration. So as a 993 00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,880 Speaker 1: birthday gift to one of my listeners, whoever emails me for, 994 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,840 Speaker 1: I'm going to send you a book of hers. I 995 00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:04,640 Speaker 1: put a little no inside of it, but like, I 996 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,120 Speaker 1: don't really want to try to go out and get 997 00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,840 Speaker 1: her book because her, I mean, she is just so amazing, y'all, 998 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,399 Speaker 1: and to hear her journey now and to see where 999 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,120 Speaker 1: she's at, and if you want to connect with her, 1000 00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:17,080 Speaker 1: I definitely share with her her Instagram information. But whatever 1001 00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:18,799 Speaker 1: emailed me first, I'm definitely going to send you our 1002 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,719 Speaker 1: book because I just like, this has been one of 1003 00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:23,640 Speaker 1: my favorite books this last year, like love, love, love, 1004 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,439 Speaker 1: So thank you so much for inspiring me. If y'all 1005 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,480 Speaker 1: have any questions, comments, or concerns, please email me at 1006 00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:34,799 Speaker 1: hello at thae pagpodcast dot com and until next time, guys. 1007 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,200 Speaker 2: Later by. 1008 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,680 Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black 1009 00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:49,680 Speaker 1: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 1010 00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,759 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, app a podcasts, or wherever you listen to 1011 00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:56,000 Speaker 1: your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and break the show, 1012 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,719 Speaker 1: and you can connect with me on social media at 1013 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 1: the PHG podcast