WEBVTT - Jim Jefferies 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.480 This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:05.920 and see my brand new comedy hour. Well it's actually 0:00:05.920 --> 0:00:07.360 it's about an hour and a half and I don't 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.959 have an opener because these guys cost money. But what 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:13.000 I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:15.520 Come and see me live on the pads on Fire 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:19.720 tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:23.120 we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:26.960 twenty five and beyond. For a full list of dates, 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:30.280 go to the Craig Ferguson show dot com. See you 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:35.000 on the road, My DearS. My name is Craig Ferguson. 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:39.440 The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:46.159 interesting people about what brings them happiness. My name is 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:49.239 Craig Ferguson. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. Coming to you 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:51.440 here from inside my house. 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:54.400 My guest today is a joy for you, simply one 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:58.480 of the best comedians around, a hilarious gentleman and a 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:03.040 deep thinker, the wonderful Antivity and Jim Jefferies. 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:06.800 Everybody you in Scotland now is that what's happening is 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:09.360 the Scottish WiFi. It feels like it's the wrong time. 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:10.440 I died ab in Scotland. 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:12.319 No, it's it's not. It's not. 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:16.560 Look it's hot swhen it's not scott What happened was 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:20.319 I went I moved to Scotland for five years, yeah, 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:23.520 five or six years, and then I moved back to 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:26.560 New York and now I'm in New England. But I 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:28.360 went there because my youngest kid, I wanted him to 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:29.920 go to school in Scotland for a little while. 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:33.880 Yeah, yeah, just because it's cheaper than American university exactly. 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:36.480 Yeah, it's it's much cheaper for the younger. And also 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:40.280 there's a you know, not everybody in Scottish schools gets 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:43.640 a trophy, so when you know, if he didn't like 0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:46.880 win something, it's not like, here's a trophy for your feelings. 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:49.200 He doesn't get that, and I kind of like that. 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:51.480 I wanted them to experience a little of that before 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:53.279 he came back to America. Now he's going to American 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:55.160 high school. You'll get all of that now. 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:59.560 My oldest boys twelve, and I've already started to say 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:02.720 that you want to go to university in Australia, mate, 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:09.560 just because substantially cheaper, right, Oh yeah, I. 0:02:09.480 --> 0:02:12.959 Mean here it's crazy. Let me ask you this though, 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:16.960 there's something. Are you in Australia right now? I'm in 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:19.200 Los Angeles right now? Just the map of Australia makes 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:22.079 it look like I'm in Australia because I thought so. 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:25.519 And amst in Australia because. 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:29.919 I mean I'm in the valley. I'm in La all right. 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:32.680 So which is about Lake Australia. Actually, if you don't 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:34.480 make me saying so, I. 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.120 Tell you what I've just post made. It is for 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:39.120 my lunch today. There's a New Zealand cafe up the 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:41.799 road and I have ordered a box of meat pies. 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.160 So I am the most clich. I haven't lived in 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.000 Australia since I was twenty years old. I'm forty eight 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:50.919 years old now and I'm ordering meat pies whilst I mean, 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:55.919 living in America, I've really assimilated, haven't I. 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:59.239 I'm a Vussel cruel. Each those meat pies as well. 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:00.720 He gets them from that same place. 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:03.280 Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, Russell does that. Yeah 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:04.320 yeah yeah. 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:05.840 Russell was like, I want to come and watch the 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:08.119 rugby me pies. 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:10.519 I went, I went, he had he had the All 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:12.960 Blacks were playing against the Wallabies in a game and 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:14.960 I went down with Rhys Darby and he had a 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:18.720 pie master there making his pies. And it's weird because 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:22.040 I think, don't quote me on this, I think that 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:24.320 Russell was supporting New Zealand because he was born in 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.560 New Zealand. And that was Yeah, that the heart, because 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:30.480 that's the thing about Australia. We're always claiming people that 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:32.440 we don't really own, you know. 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:37.560 Like Canada is bad for that too, Yeah, Canada. There 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:40.760 was I remember watching The Greatest It used to be 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:43.200 a TV show, the Greatest ever American and the Greatest 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:46.120 Australian and they had the Greatest Canadian and it was 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:49.720 won by Alexander Graham Bell, who was, you know. 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:53.400 From Scotland. From Scotland. Well, it's it's it's Australia. Had 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:56.680 we we claimed mel Gibson for years that mel Gibson 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.000 actually moved over to Australia when he was five because 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.440 his father wanted to dodge the draft for his sons, 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:04.600 not dodge the draft, get get out of the country. Yeah, 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:08.640 during the Vietnam War, and so he moved his sons 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:13.680 to Australia. And he was always Australian. He was in 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:16.279 Mad Max. They dubbed his voice with an American accent 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:19.080 on Mad Max. And then he goes on to say 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.760 the horrible things that he said, and he said that, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:25.479 he said the it's always been an American actor, American actor, 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.400 American actor. And then he said the N word, and 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:31.640 it was Australian actor. You know. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.880 You know what happened to in Scotland they had they 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:38.400 put up a statue of William Wallace at Stirling Castle, 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:41.560 but it was William Wallace, it was eight hundred years ago. 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:43.359 Nobody knows what it looked like. So they put up 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.160 a statue of mel Gibson and braidmart and then he 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:48.960 said all these things and they were like, I'm god, 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:52.599 he like drew a mustache on it or something. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:54.240 I've noticed. 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:56.240 I've noticed the birstray. I want to ask you this 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:59.080 because I heard again today when I went to a 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:01.080 Sure it's a long time I have been in Australia. 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:03.480 I've never been in Australia sober action. 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:07.880 I've only recently been to Australia, so. 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:14.040 I imagine it's very different. But the I went to Australia 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.080 a long time ago, and they were the first people 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:20.080 and the only people I heard that used to phrase 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:24.120 no worries, used to say no worries, Mike. And everybody 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:27.919 knows that the co opted everyone's stolen the no worries 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:29.000 from from Australia. 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.960 I thought that people in the UK said no worries 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:35.440 as well. Thought it was a UK Australia from Australia. 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.120 It's good. At least we were the we were the 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:41.560 convicts before. At least they're stealing something from us. It's 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:41.880 all right. 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:44.839 Well, I think, well, I'm this Rolf Harris brought it 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:45.919 over and. 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.760 I think so all the all the American listeners who 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.159 are listening to this podcast right now, they won't know. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:06:00.200 He was a beloved entertainer from Australia who saying a 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.280 few really good songs. Take the bag with. 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:05.599 A wooden leg, two little boys are two little toys. 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.200 Yeah, yeah, an extra leg and two little boys. We 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:09.880 should have seen what was coming. You should have seen 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:17.000 what was coming now, he used to, but he was. 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:21.159 He was an amazing artist. He could paint really quick 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:23.920 with big brushes and go, can you see what it is? Yet? 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:24.720 Can you see what it is? 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:27.320 He was a little it's a little fellow coming in. 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:31.880 Yeah. Yes, So the Brits took him on anyway, he 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:37.040 was done for He was me too several times over. 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:39.080 I want to get into details because I don't know 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:42.000 the exact details. And he went to jail. I mean 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:45.279 it was just like, you know, still in jail. No, 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:48.600 I think he's he's in eternal jail. Now. I met 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:53.320 a blake who had who had no retirement plan, but 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:56.159 he'd been buying a Rolf Harris painting every five years 0:06:56.200 --> 0:07:03.560 and putting away because because they kept going up in value. 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:05.400 And he's like, oh. 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:10.320 No, that's the worst thing around, terrible. It's like these 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:12.640 Hitler patents are going to be worth a full chair. 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:14.679 Well I'm saying that on the stage at the moment. 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:16.400 He's like a lot of people want to go back 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:19.360 in time and kill baby Hitler. Not me. I want 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:22.240 to go back and buy some of his artwork, encourage 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:22.680 him a bit. 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:26.800 Yeah, there you go. That's a good idea. Put some 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:30.000 love out in the world, do a different direction. Do 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:32.040 you know what I've become? And I don't know if 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:33.720 you've reached it. You're a lot younger than me, so 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:35.440 I don't know if you've reached the stage out where 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:37.840 you watch a lot of Hitler documentaries. I watch a 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.680 lot of, man I've covered on them. And actually the 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:45.000 other night my youngest boy said, Dad, how did Hitler 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:48.040 raise the Power? And I was like, oh, finally my moment. 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:50.600 I cracked in my knuckles. 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:56.480 In my new special, I have no less than three 0:07:56.600 --> 0:08:00.720 or four Hitler jokes in the special. Nothing to you're 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:05.040 allowed to joke about him anyway. So I wanted to 0:08:05.120 --> 0:08:08.120 call the special Hitler, and I got some pushback from Netflix. 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.440 It is not called Hitler, but I thought, how many 0:08:10.440 --> 0:08:13.240 people search that name all the time. I'm searching it 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:16.040 all the time, all the time, Yeah, all the time. 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:18.680 Anytime there's a new doctor. If they go World War 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:21.080 two in color, oh you've got me for a week, 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:22.760 that's all. 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:26.240 Definitely. Did you see that one? What he did that 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.040 World War One? It was a Peter Jackson did it. 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:32.840 And he did the restored. My god, that was crazy. 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:34.760 That was one of the handle of the voices over 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.880 the top going. And I knew I was out for 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:38.040 an adventure that one. 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:40.800 Yeah, yeah, and all this is all sort of said, well, 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:43.480 you had a lovely time actually apart from the war 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.000 bit but they're walking up and down. It was lovely. 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.439 It was very strange, It's very it was a very 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:52.200 odd thing to watch. My great grandfather was killed in 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:54.520 that war. I imagine you probably have relatives killed in 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:55.599 that warm. 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:58.800 I know, well, I don't know about World War One. 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.000 I don't know. If I go, I look, my big 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:04.439 claim to fame is that we have some family members 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:08.120 that were in the first or second fleet of people. 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:12.400 Like that's that's Australian pride right there. I have convict stock, 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:13.880 proper convict stock. 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:16.719 I remember that when I was in Australia that that 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:18.640 was kind of like if you had been on the 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:20.880 me Flower in New England, if you had been in 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.679 the convict stock. So you really are you go. 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:26.600 Back to the we go, we go back a couple 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:29.680 of two hundred and forty years in Australia. But then, 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:31.959 but then for a while there there was there was 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:36.360 there was rumors of my family having Aboriginal heritage, and 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:37.840 also it was very proud of that. Then I did 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.360 one of those like twenty three and Me's and it 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.320 was just Irish and English. I didn't even have Scottish 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:46.960 and me thank god. But I was just Irish, just 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:50.600 Irish and English and like one percent Swedish or something 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:51.000 like that. 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.479 Yeah, just like someday buy an album or something. 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:58.160 That's exactly right, like a Hanson album maybe, or you know, 0:09:58.480 --> 0:09:59.680 oh yeah nice. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:05.120 I I feel that I would never do the twenty 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:05.599 three in me. 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.679 A lot of people say, because now they've sold the 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.560 information to the other people. But I look at it 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:14.560 this way, right, like like I don't even know why. 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.559 Like so those prisoners escaped in Louisiana, right, they ran 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:19.120 off a loaning bay and they ran out, and there 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:20.840 was twenty of them and they all scattered around and 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:24.640 they caught them all really quickly through facial recognition. We're 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:27.480 all being monitored all the time. You can't there's not 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:29.839 a crime you can really commit. Now. I look back 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:33.200 at like Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy was driving around in 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:37.080 the same Volkswagen Beetle every murder and going up to 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:40.040 women with a brace and I'm going, Hi, my name's Ted. 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:42.560 And then in every documentary they go like this, oh, 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.000 he was a genius. He could have been a great lawyer. 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:48.720 He could have been he was He's a fucking moron. 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:51.000 Everyone was like, we're looking for a guy called Ted 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:53.120 and the Volkswagen be But how did he elude the 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:55.839 police for so long? Just move states? 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:59.800 Yeah, well there was no content. Now though every year 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:03.200 everybody is filmed all the time. But I feel like 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.000 the twenty three in me if like we were talking 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:10.040 about Hitler, if Hitler had the twenty three in me's now, 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:12.920 that'd be bad. That'd be bad because I mean, look, 0:11:13.000 --> 0:11:14.120 it wasn't great the first time. 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:18.120 It was better, but you know, if he has your 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:23.079 genetic information on file, oh man, the twenty three and 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.319 they can't pick up if you guy, he was genociding 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:26.760 them as well. You know, there was there was a 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:30.040 few things, a few loopholes within the in the structure. 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.600 You wouldn't want to do ancestry dot com and go 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:34.760 ancestry dot com. Oh I've got a relative. You've got 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:35.720 a relative in Hitler. 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:41.040 Oh oh yeah, that's true. I feel like it's uh 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:45.240 nowadays though, I like when I was drinking back because 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:46.920 I was part of all my drinking story when I 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.760 was doing it. Now you've got sober fairly recently. We 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:52.240 were cell phones around when when you were drinking. 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:54.520 Ah, yes, and that was part of the reason that 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:57.560 that brought me to my giving up alcohol, right, because 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:02.200 when you when I reckon the next generation, the generation Alpha, 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:05.720 which is the one coming in after the one that millennials, 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:08.440 and then what was the next one, theen z gen Z, 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:12.160 and then they reckon Alpha is going to drink eighty 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:16.640 percent less than Generation X, which is my generation, right, 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.080 And they think it's because they stay it's because they're 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:22.760 more evolved people who it's not. It's that they have 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:27.120 mobile phones and that nothing can stay secret. They can't 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:29.600 make mistakes because people are is filming them. They're they're 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:33.400 a generation of grasses, right, who are going to who 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:36.920 are going to tell everybody off pass? They have dating apps? 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:37.960 Right? 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:41.320 When you have a dating app and you can chat 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:43.280 to a person for a few weeks before you one 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:45.840 night stand, of course you don't have to drink. We 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:48.160 had to go into a dimly lit room where our 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:51.040 personality could not come into play because the music was 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.560 too loud. We just had to stare at women until 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:56.640 eventually one of them stared back at us. Try doing 0:12:56.679 --> 0:13:01.520 that fucking sober impossible, impossibly. Now I'm really glad I 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:03.679 missed all of that. I mean I got so there 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.000 was barely cell phones when I got sober. I mean 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:08.720 there was still the brick the brick telephone. When I 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:09.200 got sober. 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:10.720 It was no cameras around them. 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:12.800 When you're a blackout drunk and you'd wake up in 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:15.000 the morning and then you'd ring your friends, going, oh 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.360 was I did I behave myself? And they'd go, oh, 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:19.400 you said this to this person, you did this thing, 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:23.000 And you're like, oh God, you could ring up and 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:26.520 apologize to the people or whatever, or you just everyone 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:28.520 just moved on with their fucking day, you know what 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:34.520 I mean. But now there's no okay at concerts. Right. 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.000 If you were at a concert right in the old days, 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:41.600 we didn't hold mobile phones up in the we had 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:46.199 a naked flame, naked flame, naked flame next to women. 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:48.319 In the eighties, we had so much hair spray on 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:53.120 they could wearing polyester. They could have gone up like that, right, 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:55.240 But we held this naked flame up there until our 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:57.360 thumb got too burnt, and then we thought we'll hold 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:59.120 off for a bit and put it back up for 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:01.600 a ballot. Right now, the kids out front. Now, if 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:03.719 you're at a concert and you're on the floor and 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:05.960 there was a woman who was with her boyfriend. She 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:08.760 couldn't see the show, so for two tracks, she's going 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:11.760 to go up on his shoulders. Right, the people behind 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.120 get upset. Oh my god, we can't see the show. 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:16.320 What would she do to reward the people behind? 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:18.680 She'd flash off top off. 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:20.800 Everyone was happy. 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:23.000 Times. 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:27.120 She wasn't condemned. She probably worked in some corporate job 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:29.360 and moved on with her life. Do you remember do 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:30.560 you remember streakers? 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:37.040 Oh yeah, yeah, people running across sporting events. It was hilarious. 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.520 I tried to tell my twelve year old son what 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:42.640 a streaker was and he couldn't wrap his brain around it. 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:44.960 I'd be like, you'd be at the cricket. I don't 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:46.560 know if it ever happened at baseball, but at the 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:49.880 cricket it was rampant. If you have a five day sport, 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:54.840 someone's getting naked. Right, there's a lot of deer drinking 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.720 with creet there's a lot of day drinking in the sun. 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:01.080 The fine used to be in Australia too, hundred bucks, right, 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:03.600 it's even in today's many six hundred dollars say something 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.960 like that, and people around used to be like this, 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:08.840 I'll throw in twenty, I'll throw in twenty. I'll throw 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.000 in twenty and then they all throw it into a 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.760 hat and then the blake or the all the women 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.360 would run out. Everyone would cheer. In Australia, for in 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:19.640 the eighties, they used to keep the camera on them. 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:21.600 They didn't even take the camera off. They just went, 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:24.320 we have a streaker. The players were all laugh and 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:29.040 we move on. Now if someone enters the pitch closed, 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:35.920 we think it's a terrorist attack. Yeah, I miss streaking 0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:38.160 brings streaking back streaking figure. 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:40.120 Well, let me talk to you about you're a special 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.680 because that's kind of interesting. I haven't seen it yet. 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.760 It's two days. Oh no, no, I haven't brought out 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:50.400 this when it comes out. Okay, So the specials called 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:55.080 two Limp Policy. Yeah, two Limp Policy, and it's out 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:58.320 on Netflix, and the two Limb Policy the name comes 0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:02.080 from you were going to call it Helller though, I 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:03.720 was going to call it Hitler because I have a 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:05.400 few Hitler jakes in there, but we. 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:09.640 Too hard to there is a better name. But I 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:10.720 don't work for Netflix. 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:17.400 I I'm not. I got affirm no on Hitler. So 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:20.040 I wanted to go to Limp Policy because I have 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:22.560 a routine in there. About after the end of my shows, 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:26.840 I take I have a meet and greet with some 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:30.080 audience members who pay for the meet and greet. And 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:32.840 then and mind you, when I say sober, I still 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:35.480 partake in weed. I don't drink or do any drugs 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.320 or smoke or anything else, but I still take weed. 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:39.120 As soon as I go to stage, I take an edible, 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:41.480 and then I have my meet and greet line of 0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:44.320 about eighty people. And if you want to talk to 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:45.920 me for a bit longer, stay at the end of 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:50.400 the line when the edible kicks in, because because you know, 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:53.080 you know you're boring. You know you're boring when someone's 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:54.920 paid eighty dollars to meet you and they end the 0:16:54.960 --> 0:17:01.840 conversation anyway. So I so what I do is on 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:06.200 stage is I also offer up. I've worked with disabled 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.080 people in a sitcom I was with and I still 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:09.360 am sort of slightly involved with. 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.320 Yeah leit, I remember it, Yeah with the disabled. 0:17:11.800 --> 0:17:14.600 Community and all that stuff. And so at the end 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:16.800 of the show, I say, if there's disabled people in 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:18.640 the room, they can also join the meet and greet 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:20.159 and have a photo and I'll have a chat with 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:21.879 them as well, so they don't have to pay the 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:23.960 eighty bucks or whatever. But I do have a I 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:26.560 do have a two limb policy because I was opening 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:29.960 it up to I was opening it up to disable people, 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:33.320 and I was getting fucking dyslexics and just the people 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:35.600 who are mildly autistic, and it just wasn't cutting it 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:37.800 for me. I couldn't take photos with everybody, you know 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:41.240 what I mean, like like like like a lazy eye 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:42.640 is not going to cut it, you know what I mean. 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:47.920 So I I so I have a two limb policy, 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:51.280 and those have to be missing doing nothing or doing everything. 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:53.720 And that's that's my that's my my thing. And you 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:56.399 can mix and match. They can be a legand and 0:17:56.560 --> 0:18:00.000 m Maybe you've had a stroke. If so, lucky. 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:02.560 You you get to meet me, You save eighty dollars 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:05.480 and you get to meet Jim Jeffery timeday. It's almost 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:08.600 sometimes worth the idea. Maybe a mild stroke. 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:13.440 I not now that accident you had doesn't seem so bad. 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.560 Hello, this is Craig Ferguson, and I want to let 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:22.600 you know I have a brand new stand up comedy 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:26.520 special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm So Happy, 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:29.919 and I would be so happy if you checked it 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:32.280 out to watch the special, just go to my YouTube 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:35.800 channel at the Craig Ferguson Show and is this right there? 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:38.400 Just click it and play it and it's free. 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:39.440 I can't look. 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:40.760 I'm not going to come around your house and show 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:42.119 you how to do it. If you can't do it, 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:43.640 then you can't have it. But if you can figure 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:50.760 it out, it's yours. Let me ask you this. So 0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:52.960 you're like, you're still younger, You're still in your forties 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.280 right way you forty forty eight, forty eight, forty eight, Yeah, 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:58.520 you're still a kid. I'm sixty three. 0:18:58.640 --> 0:18:58.800 Now. 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:00.760 All I do is worry about it's going to kill me? 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:04.359 Was it going to be like every lump, every mall, 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:05.760 every everything. 0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:10.320 And it's like, it's crazy. Bill Burd's calling out my 0:19:10.359 --> 0:19:13.040 age to your age. The drop dead age is what 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:18.040 he's calling on his next Yeah, it just happens. And 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:21.880 when it happens, people are like, huh. You know, it's 0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:25.000 not like as big a tragedy anymore. They will stay 0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:31.600 a little bit too young. But you know, he he 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:36.240 had a good time. And you know, with each passing year, 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:38.560 the sympathy gets less and less for your. 0:19:38.520 --> 0:19:42.719 Dead it's Billy conn Billy Connley used to call it too. 0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:46.879 He did a tour I think tool today young and 0:19:46.920 --> 0:19:49.720 he's still he's not doing stand up anymore. He's like. 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:55.160 John Cleese's tour is called not Dead Yet or something 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:58.399 like that Before I Die tour or you know, I 0:19:58.400 --> 0:20:01.880