Speaker 1: This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come
Speaker 1: and see my brand new comedy hour. Well it's actually
Speaker 1: it's about an hour and a half and I don't
Speaker 1: have an opener because these guys cost money. But what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Come and see me live on the pads on Fire
Speaker 1: tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and
Speaker 1: we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty
Speaker 1: twenty five and beyond. For a full list of dates,
Speaker 1: go to the Craig Ferguson show dot com. See you
Speaker 1: on the road, My DearS. My name is Craig Ferguson.
Speaker 1: The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to
Speaker 1: interesting people about what brings them happiness. My name is
Speaker 1: Craig Ferguson. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. Coming to you
Speaker 1: here from inside my house.
Speaker 2: My guest today is a joy for you, simply one
Speaker 2: of the best comedians around, a hilarious gentleman and a
Speaker 2: deep thinker, the wonderful Antivity and Jim Jefferies.
Speaker 3: Everybody you in Scotland now is that what's happening is
Speaker 3: the Scottish WiFi. It feels like it's the wrong time.
Speaker 3: I died ab in Scotland.
Speaker 1: No, it's it's not. It's not.
Speaker 4: Look it's hot swhen it's not scott What happened was
Speaker 4: I went I moved to Scotland for five years, yeah,
Speaker 4: five or six years, and then I moved back to
Speaker 4: New York and now I'm in New England. But I
Speaker 4: went there because my youngest kid, I wanted him to
Speaker 4: go to school in Scotland for a little while.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, just because it's cheaper than American university exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's much cheaper for the younger. And also
Speaker 1: there's a you know, not everybody in Scottish schools gets
Speaker 1: a trophy, so when you know, if he didn't like
Speaker 1: win something, it's not like, here's a trophy for your feelings.
Speaker 1: He doesn't get that, and I kind of like that.
Speaker 1: I wanted them to experience a little of that before
Speaker 1: he came back to America. Now he's going to American
Speaker 1: high school. You'll get all of that now.
Speaker 3: My oldest boys twelve, and I've already started to say
Speaker 3: that you want to go to university in Australia, mate,
Speaker 3: just because substantially cheaper, right, Oh yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Mean here it's crazy. Let me ask you this though,
Speaker 1: there's something. Are you in Australia right now? I'm in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles right now? Just the map of Australia makes
Speaker 1: it look like I'm in Australia because I thought so.
Speaker 1: And amst in Australia because.
Speaker 3: I mean I'm in the valley. I'm in La all right.
Speaker 1: So which is about Lake Australia. Actually, if you don't
Speaker 1: make me saying so, I.
Speaker 3: Tell you what I've just post made. It is for
Speaker 3: my lunch today. There's a New Zealand cafe up the
Speaker 3: road and I have ordered a box of meat pies.
Speaker 3: So I am the most clich. I haven't lived in
Speaker 3: Australia since I was twenty years old. I'm forty eight
Speaker 3: years old now and I'm ordering meat pies whilst I mean,
Speaker 3: living in America, I've really assimilated, haven't I.
Speaker 1: I'm a Vussel cruel. Each those meat pies as well.
Speaker 1: He gets them from that same place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, Russell does that. Yeah
Speaker 3: yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Russell was like, I want to come and watch the
Speaker 1: rugby me pies.
Speaker 3: I went, I went, he had he had the All
Speaker 3: Blacks were playing against the Wallabies in a game and
Speaker 3: I went down with Rhys Darby and he had a
Speaker 3: pie master there making his pies. And it's weird because
Speaker 3: I think, don't quote me on this, I think that
Speaker 3: Russell was supporting New Zealand because he was born in
Speaker 3: New Zealand. And that was Yeah, that the heart, because
Speaker 3: that's the thing about Australia. We're always claiming people that
Speaker 3: we don't really own, you know.
Speaker 1: Like Canada is bad for that too, Yeah, Canada. There
Speaker 1: was I remember watching The Greatest It used to be
Speaker 1: a TV show, the Greatest ever American and the Greatest
Speaker 1: Australian and they had the Greatest Canadian and it was
Speaker 1: won by Alexander Graham Bell, who was, you know.
Speaker 3: From Scotland. From Scotland. Well, it's it's it's Australia. Had
Speaker 3: we we claimed mel Gibson for years that mel Gibson
Speaker 3: actually moved over to Australia when he was five because
Speaker 3: his father wanted to dodge the draft for his sons,
Speaker 3: not dodge the draft, get get out of the country. Yeah,
Speaker 3: during the Vietnam War, and so he moved his sons
Speaker 3: to Australia. And he was always Australian. He was in
Speaker 3: Mad Max. They dubbed his voice with an American accent
Speaker 3: on Mad Max. And then he goes on to say
Speaker 3: the horrible things that he said, and he said that,
Speaker 3: he said the it's always been an American actor, American actor,
Speaker 3: American actor. And then he said the N word, and
Speaker 3: it was Australian actor. You know.
Speaker 1: You know what happened to in Scotland they had they
Speaker 1: put up a statue of William Wallace at Stirling Castle,
Speaker 1: but it was William Wallace, it was eight hundred years ago.
Speaker 1: Nobody knows what it looked like. So they put up
Speaker 1: a statue of mel Gibson and braidmart and then he
Speaker 1: said all these things and they were like, I'm god,
Speaker 1: he like drew a mustache on it or something.
Speaker 3: I've noticed.
Speaker 1: I've noticed the birstray. I want to ask you this
Speaker 1: because I heard again today when I went to a
Speaker 1: Sure it's a long time I have been in Australia.
Speaker 1: I've never been in Australia sober action.
Speaker 3: I've only recently been to Australia, so.
Speaker 1: I imagine it's very different. But the I went to Australia
Speaker 1: a long time ago, and they were the first people
Speaker 1: and the only people I heard that used to phrase
Speaker 1: no worries, used to say no worries, Mike. And everybody
Speaker 1: knows that the co opted everyone's stolen the no worries
Speaker 1: from from Australia.
Speaker 3: I thought that people in the UK said no worries
Speaker 3: as well. Thought it was a UK Australia from Australia.
Speaker 3: It's good. At least we were the we were the
Speaker 3: convicts before. At least they're stealing something from us. It's
Speaker 3: all right.
Speaker 1: Well, I think, well, I'm this Rolf Harris brought it
Speaker 1: over and.
Speaker 3: I think so all the all the American listeners who
Speaker 3: are listening to this podcast right now, they won't know.
Speaker 3: He was a beloved entertainer from Australia who saying a
Speaker 3: few really good songs. Take the bag with.
Speaker 1: A wooden leg, two little boys are two little toys.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, an extra leg and two little boys. We
Speaker 3: should have seen what was coming. You should have seen
Speaker 3: what was coming now, he used to, but he was.
Speaker 3: He was an amazing artist. He could paint really quick
Speaker 3: with big brushes and go, can you see what it is? Yet?
Speaker 3: Can you see what it is?
Speaker 1: He was a little it's a little fellow coming in.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yes, So the Brits took him on anyway, he
Speaker 3: was done for He was me too several times over.
Speaker 3: I want to get into details because I don't know
Speaker 3: the exact details. And he went to jail. I mean
Speaker 3: it was just like, you know, still in jail. No,
Speaker 3: I think he's he's in eternal jail. Now. I met
Speaker 3: a blake who had who had no retirement plan, but
Speaker 3: he'd been buying a Rolf Harris painting every five years
Speaker 3: and putting away because because they kept going up in value.
Speaker 3: And he's like, oh.
Speaker 1: No, that's the worst thing around, terrible. It's like these
Speaker 1: Hitler patents are going to be worth a full chair.
Speaker 3: Well I'm saying that on the stage at the moment.
Speaker 3: He's like a lot of people want to go back
Speaker 3: in time and kill baby Hitler. Not me. I want
Speaker 3: to go back and buy some of his artwork, encourage
Speaker 3: him a bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go. That's a good idea. Put some
Speaker 1: love out in the world, do a different direction. Do
Speaker 1: you know what I've become? And I don't know if
Speaker 1: you've reached it. You're a lot younger than me, so
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've reached the stage out where
Speaker 1: you watch a lot of Hitler documentaries. I watch a
Speaker 1: lot of, man I've covered on them. And actually the
Speaker 1: other night my youngest boy said, Dad, how did Hitler
Speaker 1: raise the Power? And I was like, oh, finally my moment.
Speaker 1: I cracked in my knuckles.
Speaker 3: In my new special, I have no less than three
Speaker 3: or four Hitler jokes in the special. Nothing to you're
Speaker 3: allowed to joke about him anyway. So I wanted to
Speaker 3: call the special Hitler, and I got some pushback from Netflix.
Speaker 3: It is not called Hitler, but I thought, how many
Speaker 3: people search that name all the time. I'm searching it
Speaker 3: all the time, all the time, Yeah, all the time.
Speaker 3: Anytime there's a new doctor. If they go World War
Speaker 3: two in color, oh you've got me for a week,
Speaker 3: that's all.
Speaker 1: Definitely. Did you see that one? What he did that
Speaker 1: World War One? It was a Peter Jackson did it.
Speaker 1: And he did the restored. My god, that was crazy.
Speaker 3: That was one of the handle of the voices over
Speaker 3: the top going. And I knew I was out for
Speaker 3: an adventure that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and all this is all sort of said, well,
Speaker 1: you had a lovely time actually apart from the war
Speaker 1: bit but they're walking up and down. It was lovely.
Speaker 1: It was very strange, It's very it was a very
Speaker 1: odd thing to watch. My great grandfather was killed in
Speaker 1: that war. I imagine you probably have relatives killed in
Speaker 1: that warm.
Speaker 3: I know, well, I don't know about World War One.
Speaker 3: I don't know. If I go, I look, my big
Speaker 3: claim to fame is that we have some family members
Speaker 3: that were in the first or second fleet of people.
Speaker 3: Like that's that's Australian pride right there. I have convict stock,
Speaker 3: proper convict stock.
Speaker 1: I remember that when I was in Australia that that
Speaker 1: was kind of like if you had been on the
Speaker 1: me Flower in New England, if you had been in
Speaker 1: the convict stock. So you really are you go.
Speaker 3: Back to the we go, we go back a couple
Speaker 3: of two hundred and forty years in Australia. But then,
Speaker 3: but then for a while there there was there was
Speaker 3: there was rumors of my family having Aboriginal heritage, and
Speaker 3: also it was very proud of that. Then I did
Speaker 3: one of those like twenty three and Me's and it
Speaker 3: was just Irish and English. I didn't even have Scottish
Speaker 3: and me thank god. But I was just Irish, just
Speaker 3: Irish and English and like one percent Swedish or something
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like someday buy an album or something.
Speaker 3: That's exactly right, like a Hanson album maybe, or you know,
Speaker 3: oh yeah nice.
Speaker 1: I I feel that I would never do the twenty
Speaker 1: three in me.
Speaker 3: A lot of people say, because now they've sold the
Speaker 3: information to the other people. But I look at it
Speaker 3: this way, right, like like I don't even know why.
Speaker 3: Like so those prisoners escaped in Louisiana, right, they ran
Speaker 3: off a loaning bay and they ran out, and there
Speaker 3: was twenty of them and they all scattered around and
Speaker 3: they caught them all really quickly through facial recognition. We're
Speaker 3: all being monitored all the time. You can't there's not
Speaker 3: a crime you can really commit. Now. I look back
Speaker 3: at like Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy was driving around in
Speaker 3: the same Volkswagen Beetle every murder and going up to
Speaker 3: women with a brace and I'm going, Hi, my name's Ted.
Speaker 3: And then in every documentary they go like this, oh,
Speaker 3: he was a genius. He could have been a great lawyer.
Speaker 3: He could have been he was He's a fucking moron.
Speaker 3: Everyone was like, we're looking for a guy called Ted
Speaker 3: and the Volkswagen be But how did he elude the
Speaker 3: police for so long? Just move states?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well there was no content. Now though every year
Speaker 1: everybody is filmed all the time. But I feel like
Speaker 1: the twenty three in me if like we were talking
Speaker 1: about Hitler, if Hitler had the twenty three in me's now,
Speaker 1: that'd be bad. That'd be bad because I mean, look,
Speaker 1: it wasn't great the first time.
Speaker 3: It was better, but you know, if he has your
Speaker 3: genetic information on file, oh man, the twenty three and
Speaker 3: they can't pick up if you guy, he was genociding
Speaker 3: them as well. You know, there was there was a
Speaker 3: few things, a few loopholes within the in the structure.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't want to do ancestry dot com and go
Speaker 3: ancestry dot com. Oh I've got a relative. You've got
Speaker 3: a relative in Hitler.
Speaker 1: Oh oh yeah, that's true. I feel like it's uh
Speaker 1: nowadays though, I like when I was drinking back because
Speaker 1: I was part of all my drinking story when I
Speaker 1: was doing it. Now you've got sober fairly recently. We
Speaker 1: were cell phones around when when you were drinking.
Speaker 3: Ah, yes, and that was part of the reason that
Speaker 3: that brought me to my giving up alcohol, right, because
Speaker 3: when you when I reckon the next generation, the generation Alpha,
Speaker 3: which is the one coming in after the one that millennials,
Speaker 3: and then what was the next one, theen z gen Z,
Speaker 3: and then they reckon Alpha is going to drink eighty
Speaker 3: percent less than Generation X, which is my generation, right,
Speaker 3: And they think it's because they stay it's because they're
Speaker 3: more evolved people who it's not. It's that they have
Speaker 3: mobile phones and that nothing can stay secret. They can't
Speaker 3: make mistakes because people are is filming them. They're they're
Speaker 3: a generation of grasses, right, who are going to who
Speaker 3: are going to tell everybody off pass? They have dating apps?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: When you have a dating app and you can chat
Speaker 3: to a person for a few weeks before you one
Speaker 3: night stand, of course you don't have to drink. We
Speaker 3: had to go into a dimly lit room where our
Speaker 3: personality could not come into play because the music was
Speaker 3: too loud. We just had to stare at women until
Speaker 3: eventually one of them stared back at us. Try doing
Speaker 3: that fucking sober impossible, impossibly. Now I'm really glad I
Speaker 3: missed all of that. I mean I got so there
Speaker 3: was barely cell phones when I got sober. I mean
Speaker 3: there was still the brick the brick telephone. When I
Speaker 3: got sober.
Speaker 1: It was no cameras around them.
Speaker 3: When you're a blackout drunk and you'd wake up in
Speaker 3: the morning and then you'd ring your friends, going, oh
Speaker 3: was I did I behave myself? And they'd go, oh,
Speaker 3: you said this to this person, you did this thing,
Speaker 3: And you're like, oh God, you could ring up and
Speaker 3: apologize to the people or whatever, or you just everyone
Speaker 3: just moved on with their fucking day, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. But now there's no okay at concerts. Right.
Speaker 3: If you were at a concert right in the old days,
Speaker 3: we didn't hold mobile phones up in the we had
Speaker 3: a naked flame, naked flame, naked flame next to women.
Speaker 3: In the eighties, we had so much hair spray on
Speaker 3: they could wearing polyester. They could have gone up like that, right,
Speaker 3: But we held this naked flame up there until our
Speaker 3: thumb got too burnt, and then we thought we'll hold
Speaker 3: off for a bit and put it back up for
Speaker 3: a ballot. Right now, the kids out front. Now, if
Speaker 3: you're at a concert and you're on the floor and
Speaker 3: there was a woman who was with her boyfriend. She
Speaker 3: couldn't see the show, so for two tracks, she's going
Speaker 3: to go up on his shoulders. Right, the people behind
Speaker 3: get upset. Oh my god, we can't see the show.
Speaker 3: What would she do to reward the people behind?
Speaker 1: She'd flash off top off.
Speaker 3: Everyone was happy.
Speaker 1: Times.
Speaker 3: She wasn't condemned. She probably worked in some corporate job
Speaker 3: and moved on with her life. Do you remember do
Speaker 3: you remember streakers?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, people running across sporting events. It was hilarious.
Speaker 3: I tried to tell my twelve year old son what
Speaker 3: a streaker was and he couldn't wrap his brain around it.
Speaker 3: I'd be like, you'd be at the cricket. I don't
Speaker 3: know if it ever happened at baseball, but at the
Speaker 3: cricket it was rampant. If you have a five day sport,
Speaker 3: someone's getting naked. Right, there's a lot of deer drinking
Speaker 3: with creet there's a lot of day drinking in the sun.
Speaker 3: The fine used to be in Australia too, hundred bucks, right,
Speaker 3: it's even in today's many six hundred dollars say something
Speaker 3: like that, and people around used to be like this,
Speaker 3: I'll throw in twenty, I'll throw in twenty. I'll throw
Speaker 3: in twenty and then they all throw it into a
Speaker 3: hat and then the blake or the all the women
Speaker 3: would run out. Everyone would cheer. In Australia, for in
Speaker 3: the eighties, they used to keep the camera on them.
Speaker 3: They didn't even take the camera off. They just went,
Speaker 3: we have a streaker. The players were all laugh and
Speaker 3: we move on. Now if someone enters the pitch closed,
Speaker 3: we think it's a terrorist attack. Yeah, I miss streaking
Speaker 3: brings streaking back streaking figure.
Speaker 1: Well, let me talk to you about you're a special
Speaker 1: because that's kind of interesting. I haven't seen it yet.
Speaker 3: It's two days. Oh no, no, I haven't brought out
Speaker 3: this when it comes out. Okay, So the specials called
Speaker 3: two Limp Policy. Yeah, two Limp Policy, and it's out
Speaker 3: on Netflix, and the two Limb Policy the name comes
Speaker 3: from you were going to call it Helller though, I
Speaker 3: was going to call it Hitler because I have a
Speaker 3: few Hitler jakes in there, but we.
Speaker 1: Too hard to there is a better name. But I
Speaker 1: don't work for Netflix.
Speaker 3: I I'm not. I got affirm no on Hitler. So
Speaker 3: I wanted to go to Limp Policy because I have
Speaker 3: a routine in there. About after the end of my shows,
Speaker 3: I take I have a meet and greet with some
Speaker 3: audience members who pay for the meet and greet. And
Speaker 3: then and mind you, when I say sober, I still
Speaker 3: partake in weed. I don't drink or do any drugs
Speaker 3: or smoke or anything else, but I still take weed.
Speaker 3: As soon as I go to stage, I take an edible,
Speaker 3: and then I have my meet and greet line of
Speaker 3: about eighty people. And if you want to talk to
Speaker 3: me for a bit longer, stay at the end of
Speaker 3: the line when the edible kicks in, because because you know,
Speaker 3: you know you're boring. You know you're boring when someone's
Speaker 3: paid eighty dollars to meet you and they end the
Speaker 3: conversation anyway. So I so what I do is on
Speaker 3: stage is I also offer up. I've worked with disabled
Speaker 3: people in a sitcom I was with and I still
Speaker 3: am sort of slightly involved with.
Speaker 1: Yeah leit, I remember it, Yeah with the disabled.
Speaker 3: Community and all that stuff. And so at the end
Speaker 3: of the show, I say, if there's disabled people in
Speaker 3: the room, they can also join the meet and greet
Speaker 3: and have a photo and I'll have a chat with
Speaker 3: them as well, so they don't have to pay the
Speaker 3: eighty bucks or whatever. But I do have a I
Speaker 3: do have a two limb policy because I was opening
Speaker 3: it up to I was opening it up to disable people,
Speaker 3: and I was getting fucking dyslexics and just the people
Speaker 3: who are mildly autistic, and it just wasn't cutting it
Speaker 3: for me. I couldn't take photos with everybody, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, like like like like a lazy eye
Speaker 3: is not going to cut it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: So I I so I have a two limb policy,
Speaker 3: and those have to be missing doing nothing or doing everything.
Speaker 3: And that's that's my that's my my thing. And you
Speaker 3: can mix and match. They can be a legand and
Speaker 3: m Maybe you've had a stroke. If so, lucky.
Speaker 1: You you get to meet me, You save eighty dollars
Speaker 1: and you get to meet Jim Jeffery timeday. It's almost
Speaker 1: sometimes worth the idea. Maybe a mild stroke.
Speaker 3: I not now that accident you had doesn't seem so bad.
Speaker 1: Hello, this is Craig Ferguson, and I want to let
Speaker 1: you know I have a brand new stand up comedy
Speaker 1: special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm So Happy,
Speaker 1: and I would be so happy if you checked it
Speaker 1: out to watch the special, just go to my YouTube
Speaker 1: channel at the Craig Ferguson Show and is this right there?
Speaker 1: Just click it and play it and it's free.
Speaker 3: I can't look.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to come around your house and show
Speaker 1: you how to do it. If you can't do it,
Speaker 1: then you can't have it. But if you can figure
Speaker 1: it out, it's yours. Let me ask you this. So
Speaker 1: you're like, you're still younger, You're still in your forties
Speaker 1: right way you forty forty eight, forty eight, forty eight, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're still a kid. I'm sixty three.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: All I do is worry about it's going to kill me?
Speaker 1: Was it going to be like every lump, every mall,
Speaker 1: every everything.
Speaker 3: And it's like, it's crazy. Bill Burd's calling out my
Speaker 3: age to your age. The drop dead age is what
Speaker 3: he's calling on his next Yeah, it just happens. And
Speaker 3: when it happens, people are like, huh. You know, it's
Speaker 3: not like as big a tragedy anymore. They will stay
Speaker 3: a little bit too young. But you know, he he
Speaker 3: had a good time. And you know, with each passing year,
Speaker 3: the sympathy gets less and less for your.
Speaker 1: Dead it's Billy conn Billy Connley used to call it too.
Speaker 1: He did a tour I think tool today young and
Speaker 1: he's still he's not doing stand up anymore. He's like.
Speaker 3: John Cleese's tour is called not Dead Yet or something
Speaker 3: like that Before I Die tour or you know, I
Speaker 3: guess that's I guess that's Getting old is a privilege,
Speaker 3: you know, I think sure. I think what you really
Speaker 3: want in life is for no one to cry when
Speaker 3: you die, right, to get to like one hundred where
Speaker 3: people just go, ah.
Speaker 1: Well what what what a life? Yeah? Not a time
Speaker 1: yet no one.
Speaker 3: No one cries at a ninety five year old's funeral.
Speaker 1: I've got a friend who's I want to say his
Speaker 1: name because he goes on Lane and watched his podcast.
Speaker 1: But he's ninety five this year. Ninety five.
Speaker 3: You don't think he's going to guess who he is.
Speaker 3: You don't think he's got.
Speaker 1: To figure his name is. His name is Pat drum Gholi.
Speaker 1: He's an old theater director and movie producer and movie
Speaker 1: he's a lovely man and he's ninety five. And he
Speaker 1: said to me, he's very poortion. He said, my brother,
Speaker 1: he said, my brother's very ill. Greg. I went, oh,
Speaker 1: that's terribly sad. What's wrong? He said, well, he's he's ninety, mate,
Speaker 1: but he's not a good ninety fucking good namety, but
Speaker 1: he's he's an interesting guy because he like he never
Speaker 1: got so but he drinks like a first. He lives
Speaker 1: his life hard. He like, he smokes cigars, He does
Speaker 1: this thing, he eats cheese. He's a little overweight, doesn't
Speaker 1: He just keeps fucking going.
Speaker 3: Okay, the oldest human to ever live lived to one
Speaker 3: hundred and twenty one years old. I just, I just
Speaker 3: I just looked this up the other day. Strangely lived
Speaker 3: to one hundred and twenty one years old. French lady,
Speaker 3: right right? What did the French do more than anybody?
Speaker 1: Cheese broking?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, right, smoked until one hundred and twenty one. Smoked.
Speaker 1: Well, you don't going to stop at one hundred, like
Speaker 1: one hundred years old, so stay you stop smoke.
Speaker 3: Guys. I think I think you get to a stage
Speaker 3: where your lungs are coated with a wall, where they're
Speaker 3: actually more of the lung than the actual lung, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean. Like it's just a kind of
Speaker 3: she had a flu to Champagne on one hundred and
Speaker 3: twenty first birthday. Like it was good, it was going
Speaker 3: for it. But there's like I think there's there's five
Speaker 3: people who have lived over one hundred and twelve. I
Speaker 3: was like, all women, there's no men who have too
Speaker 3: much time? Hey, what was your show? I used to
Speaker 3: love your show, The impostor Not The Impostle was a
Speaker 3: bloody called the one where You're in the road.
Speaker 1: The Hustler. The Hustler show.
Speaker 3: I love the Hustler was was something I watched all
Speaker 3: the time. I Love the Hustler. It was such a
Speaker 3: simple concept of figuring out whose Lyne, Who's telling the truth?
Speaker 3: And I tell yeah, is that is that coming back? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That was a COVID tragedy that one. I was added
Speaker 1: two seasons of that, Yeah, and then it disappeared somewhere
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty one. But it was a good show.
Speaker 1: I like doing it. I would do it again. I'm
Speaker 1: about to do a new game show. You do the
Speaker 1: game shows, right, I.
Speaker 3: Do a couple of game shows. I do one in Australia,
Speaker 3: the One Percent Club, and I do one that's on
Speaker 3: Fox right now, which you can watch on Hulu called
Speaker 3: The snake and the snake is a similar thing to
Speaker 3: your showing that you have to figure out who's who's
Speaker 3: bullshitting and stuff, but it's it's a it's a it's
Speaker 3: a voting game. Basically, it's the contestants way against each other. Well,
Speaker 3: what happens is like you've seen other game shows where
Speaker 3: you have a voting ceremony at the end where you
Speaker 3: majority rules. It'll be an anonymous vote. You write, put
Speaker 3: it in a bucket, then they pull out the names
Speaker 3: like Survivor or whatever, Survivor. That's what I was thinking
Speaker 3: this one. You have a person becomes a snake, then
Speaker 3: they choose the person to save, and then the next
Speaker 3: person chooses a person to save, so it snakes down.
Speaker 3: So you only have to get one person to like
Speaker 3: you each week to stay in it. But then you
Speaker 3: can't repay the favor because you've got to save the
Speaker 3: next person, right, so one right until it gets down
Speaker 3: to the final two, and then the snake decide who
Speaker 3: goes home and who stays. So if you make alliances
Speaker 3: and you stay in a pack and you go, we'll
Speaker 3: always save each other and then but eventually you have
Speaker 3: to lose that pack and start knocking off friends because
Speaker 3: you can't, and have too big a group because you
Speaker 3: won't be able to stay. So most of the game
Speaker 3: is about the ceremony and the vote and all that
Speaker 3: type of stuff. But I'll tell you what, I love
Speaker 3: hosting game shows when I do first, I love it.
Speaker 3: Is there anything better than telling someone they've won a
Speaker 3: hundred thousand dollars right?
Speaker 1: Which is fantastic?
Speaker 3: I love.
Speaker 1: I've done tons of it.
Speaker 3: Now you don't have to remember lines like when you
Speaker 3: do acting right, There's there's no there's no having to
Speaker 3: get coaching from an acting coach or anything to make
Speaker 3: sure no one's worrying if you have chemistry, you just
Speaker 3: you just stare by yourself. I would I would do.
Speaker 3: And also I feel like it's something you can do
Speaker 3: when you're eighty and no one questions it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, it's a you can go for it.
Speaker 1: I'm just a boat to start horsed and scrabble on
Speaker 1: TV awesome, which this is great for me. I please
Speaker 1: scrabble on my phone all the time. I love scrabble.
Speaker 3: Now, do you play scrabble or Words with friends? Be honest,
Speaker 3: I don't play words with friends. Please scrabble cheap knockoff friends. Yeah, yeah, scrabbles.
Speaker 3: Scrabble is a way to go. Especially now that I'm
Speaker 3: hosting scrabble, I have to say no, I wouldn't ever
Speaker 3: go and work.
Speaker 1: I may have looked at it occasionally when my drinking days,
Speaker 1: but now it's only scrabble. But I but I would
Speaker 1: say that.
Speaker 3: I said you didn't drink when founds were existed. Now
Speaker 3: you're using a spot found words.
Speaker 1: We played scrabble in little huts in Scotland, all right,
Speaker 1: who's going to X? Hey I met a punch? Is
Speaker 1: not a world. But the what I like about game
Speaker 1: shows is is that it's a world to itself, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like all of the jokes, all
Speaker 1: of the riffing that you do, everything you do, it's
Speaker 1: all there, it's all it's all happening at that point.
Speaker 1: So you don't have to make a joke about I
Speaker 1: don't know, Katie Perry going to space or you know,
Speaker 1: Donald Trump, and like you not to do any of that.
Speaker 1: You just concentrate on what you're doing. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So the one percent Club, which John McKayle house, the
Speaker 3: American vision over here and in Britain, god fucking know,
Speaker 3: this guy really well.
Speaker 1: Uh Limac, Oh, he's terrific comic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, yes, so Limac does the UK version right.
Speaker 3: The whole time, you're just making all the questions are
Speaker 3: what number comes next in this sequence? You know, it's
Speaker 3: all our que questions. I'm making jokes about sequences and
Speaker 3: number orders and all that type of stuff. It's like,
Speaker 3: come and get me. I tried cancer. We for a
Speaker 3: joke about it. Fucking yeah. I know.
Speaker 1: See that's what I think about it too, that that
Speaker 1: you can you can exist in that world and you
Speaker 1: can kind of relax like it's the old days. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you this about the special when you because
Speaker 1: obviously I mean I do specials as well. I'll probably
Speaker 1: do another one at the end of the year, and
Speaker 1: when I when I'm out, when you're out doing material, right,
Speaker 1: like you're running up and you're getting that to you know,
Speaker 1: it's the size that you want. Do you keep in
Speaker 1: your mind like I can't. This is a good job,
Speaker 1: but I probably shouldn't record it or do you just
Speaker 1: not give it fup?
Speaker 3: Only only to the extent that I've done some jokes
Speaker 3: that haven't aged well because they were time sensitive, although
Speaker 3: they probably killed for a couple of years, ten years ago.
Speaker 3: Now you're watching it. You go, we and I'm even
Speaker 3: including like making a joke about Donald Trump, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. I don't. I don't want someone to
Speaker 3: watch it in ten years and it's like me making
Speaker 3: Monica Lewinsky gangs, you know what I mean. Like so
Speaker 3: I'm mindful of that. Sometimes I look back on things
Speaker 3: and I think, oh God, maybe I should have said
Speaker 3: that joke. Maybe should have said that joke, because I'm
Speaker 3: just a different I mean not a different person in
Speaker 3: a different place in my life, you know than I
Speaker 3: was then. But for the most part, no, unless it's
Speaker 3: unless it's time sensitive. No, the most part, I just
Speaker 3: have a go. There's been there's been a few jokes
Speaker 3: that I've done over the years that have never made
Speaker 3: the edit. They've just tried to slip them in a
Speaker 3: few times. Just have it each year, OK, maybe this
Speaker 3: time I'll just speak it on through.
Speaker 1: It's funny what you should try having ten years of
Speaker 1: late night setting out there, because every time I watched
Speaker 1: a documentary about something, then there's a whole bunch of
Speaker 1: people from late night and you're always in there saying
Speaker 1: something like, oh fuck, I can remember saying it.
Speaker 3: In saying that though, because because that does happen. I
Speaker 3: always say that happened with Leno as well, like they
Speaker 3: always know then he was he was rude to Pamela
Speaker 3: Anderson back in the day and she might have felt
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. Man, did you ever come out good
Speaker 3: in that Britney Spears documentary? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you master
Speaker 3: watch that felt good about yourself that day? You would
Speaker 3: have gone on, I was on the wrong. I was
Speaker 3: on the right side of history that afternoon.
Speaker 1: You know what was funny because at the time I
Speaker 1: felt it was I thought I was gonna get fucking fired, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, I was like, well, I lost my
Speaker 1: fucking temper. What aped was? I went and it was
Speaker 1: a Monday boarding. She'd gone crazy over the weekend and
Speaker 1: she clearly was had a mental health issue or something.
Speaker 1: You didn't have to be still.
Speaker 3: Still does, I think? But you know that's that's I'm
Speaker 3: not a doctor.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, and I'm not either. But I looked at
Speaker 1: what was the footage of her coming in, like this
Speaker 1: is someone who looks like a manic episode or some
Speaker 1: kind of weird shit going on. I'm not a doctor.
Speaker 1: But it didn't look healthy. And I walked in and
Speaker 1: the writers role there, and everyone was like, they're doing
Speaker 1: their jobs. They were all like firing jokes about you
Speaker 1: know what, she's in the writer's room. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I fucking got mad because I had turned fifteen years
Speaker 1: sober that weekend. So I chucked them all out except
Speaker 1: the one writer who was sober at the same time
Speaker 1: as me. I mean, you and I are going to
Speaker 1: write this fucking mon alogue. We're going to do it
Speaker 1: because I'm fucked if I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: pick on this girl when this is happening.
Speaker 3: It's just like twenty six at the time or something.
Speaker 3: She was quite young.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she was young. She had a couple of kids,
Speaker 1: and she was clearly with herself.
Speaker 3: And I also think that that once again I don't now,
Speaker 3: but I also think that when she shaved a head
Speaker 3: and she went through that manic episode, I think that
Speaker 3: there was a lot of I think she shaved a
Speaker 3: head because she was probably getting drug tested, she was
Speaker 3: going through custody stuff and stuff like that, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, maybe yeah, yeah, yeah, you want to
Speaker 3: get a hair follicle off me? Good? Fucking luck. So
Speaker 3: if that's the case, more power tour.
Speaker 1: You know, it's funny thing to at that time in La.
Speaker 1: I think you must be Were you in La at
Speaker 1: that time?
Speaker 3: I believe that was just before I got here. I've
Speaker 3: been seventeen years, so would that be around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it would just bed just be coming out and
Speaker 1: I've been running by.
Speaker 3: That right on the cusp.
Speaker 1: It's funny because there used to be packs of paparazzi,
Speaker 1: used to be everywhere, used a follow. I mean, no,
Speaker 1: there's no point because you get people with their puns.
Speaker 1: But because the public, the public of the paparazzi, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't need to hire paparazzi. You know, everybody's a
Speaker 1: fucking paparazzi.
Speaker 3: It used to be people got papped going into the
Speaker 3: venue and then they were free in the room. And
Speaker 3: it's like you're not free anywhere, and so it's like
Speaker 3: it's like I had I had a friend who came
Speaker 3: out to visit, a relative came out to visit, and
Speaker 3: they're like, where can we see some celebrities? And I'm like,
Speaker 3: in their homes. In their homes, that's where you can see.
Speaker 3: Because the old days where they'll be down at the
Speaker 3: Viper room having a good time. Those days are over.
Speaker 3: Those days are over, right, And when was the last
Speaker 3: time you walked into a bar and saw an actual
Speaker 3: celebrity sitting there? No way with camera phones. It's over.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a long play. I even thought. And
Speaker 1: once you get even a little bit famous that it
Speaker 1: Fox with your hair made me paranoid as well. Not
Speaker 1: because people were always taken photographs of you. It's just
Speaker 1: that you think people are all sicking for it. So
Speaker 1: like if you're sitting in a Starbucks and you're like,
Speaker 1: really want one of those cakes or something like that,
Speaker 1: and you have a cake, and then suddenly you're like,
Speaker 1: now form a late night always eats cakes sadly and
Speaker 1: go fix sure up?
Speaker 3: Or something that's like that did you find once you
Speaker 3: became famous it was much harder to complain at customer service.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't. You can do it. You can't complain
Speaker 1: anywhere because because people will say, and this is the
Speaker 1: thing people say about famous people, like they always say,
Speaker 1: like if you run in a I don't know, Ozzie Osbourne
Speaker 1: or you know, or Trump, people will say were they nice?
Speaker 1: What were they like? Were they nice? Like, I met
Speaker 1: him for thirty seconds. I don't know if he's nice.
Speaker 1: He was nice to me, yeah, yeah, And people seem
Speaker 1: obsessed with niceness.
Speaker 3: Do you find I find that when people meet you, well,
Speaker 3: when they meet met not you. I don't know when
Speaker 3: people meet you. When people meet me, the look of
Speaker 3: disappointment when they look at you and they go because
Speaker 3: you're always the oldest you've ever been. All right, they've
Speaker 3: just watched a special of you from ten years ago,
Speaker 3: and you've aged so rapidly in.
Speaker 1: Their Yeah, no, God, I remember. Carrie Fisher was a
Speaker 1: friend of mine. Did you ever meet Karen.
Speaker 3: I've got Carrie Fisher's stories that I could tell you of. Yah,
Speaker 3: but the private. But Carrie Fisher was in my sitcom Legit.
Speaker 3: She was in She was in an episode where she
Speaker 3: was sexually harassing me. I could have me too, the
Speaker 3: character where she kept on asking me to lick a pussy.
Speaker 3: And she was just the best.
Speaker 1: Was an amazing, amazing woman.
Speaker 3: I tell this story, I can tell you right. So
Speaker 3: one time I'm on Kimmel and I tell a story
Speaker 3: on the footage obviously is somewhere, and I tell a
Speaker 3: story about how my mother got deep vein throm boss
Speaker 3: on a luxury cruise. Now, most people get deep vein
Speaker 3: throm bosas sitting in economy. My mother moved so little
Speaker 3: on a luxury cruise that she got put into the
Speaker 3: infirmary because she had deep vein from bosas in her
Speaker 3: legs and couldn't enjoy the rest of the cruise. Right,
Speaker 3: And I tell this story. My father went off and
Speaker 3: one sexiest man on the boat on a pool party
Speaker 3: on the side of the thing and won a T
Speaker 3: shirt and came back and visited her, and his T
Speaker 3: shirt said sexiest man anyway. So I tell this story.
Speaker 3: I'm doing I'm doing the It's day one with Kerry.
Speaker 3: We had two days with her and she's sitting next
Speaker 3: to me in here and makeup. My mother rings and
Speaker 3: then she rings again, she rings again. I'm like, all right,
Speaker 3: something's happened, you know, I gotta pick it up. So
Speaker 3: I pick up the phone and my mother goes, you
Speaker 3: have to go back on the Jimmy Kimmel Show and
Speaker 3: tell the American public that you're a liar. And I said, why,
Speaker 3: what what have I done? And she goes, I didn't
Speaker 3: get deep vane from bosas on the boat. I got
Speaker 3: it at home. It was diagnosed on the boat, right,
Speaker 3: And I went, all right, so let me be clear here, Mom,
Speaker 3: let me be clear. You want me to tell people
Speaker 3: you got the disease, like the condition from not moving
Speaker 3: in your home, then you got diagnosed the boat. That's
Speaker 3: that's your factual truth, right. And she's like, She's like yes,
Speaker 3: and I get off the phone. I went fuck it.
Speaker 3: And Kerry turns to me and goes, you're a mother
Speaker 3: and my mother sound like exactly the same person. And
Speaker 3: I said, let me stop you there, Kerry, you're while
Speaker 3: there was Debbie Reynolds from Singing in the Rhine. My
Speaker 3: mouth is a mobilely a base woman who lighted a
Speaker 3: lazy boy for too long until she got deep brain
Speaker 3: from vises in the outer suburbs of Sydney. These are
Speaker 3: vastly different people.
Speaker 1: It's funny, though. I Carrie said that thing though about
Speaker 1: when she had when she got her photograph taken in
Speaker 1: the metal bikini, when she was like getting captured by
Speaker 1: jab of the hut. She said that that thing, which
Speaker 1: I always thought was great. She said, I didn't know
Speaker 1: when I go, when I did that job, that I
Speaker 1: was making a contract with the universe to look like
Speaker 1: this for the rest of my life. That you know,
Speaker 1: people would come up to her forty years later and say,
Speaker 1: oh my god, to let yourself go and stuff like
Speaker 1: it's forty years later, you know, I mean, it's like
Speaker 1: or thirty years later.
Speaker 3: That was one of the things that I was with
Speaker 3: Carrie and she goes, I can't eat too much. I've
Speaker 3: got to lose weight. And then I go why and
Speaker 3: she goes, next week, I have to play a princess.
Speaker 3: It was the last job she did. She was like,
Speaker 3: oh God, I gotta be Princess Lay again. That bikini
Speaker 3: is like every nerds fantasy, isn't it the Princess lab any?
Speaker 3: But it makes you think, like, okay, not not carry
Speaker 3: of course, what did Princess Laa have to do to
Speaker 3: jab of the hunt? Like what was this slave? Because
Speaker 3: obviously she that character was a sex slave to the slug.
Speaker 3: There's a whole other mini series in what happened in
Speaker 3: those three days? Right?
Speaker 1: I feel it's very similar to what the story I
Speaker 1: was telling when when I was When I was telling
Speaker 1: you earlier on in the podcast about what I did
Speaker 1: when I was a young man, when I was drinking,
Speaker 1: I feel I feel it was a very similar situation probably.
Speaker 3: And Princess Lea never liked slug cock ever again, or.
Speaker 1: Even anything that tasted like slag. Let me ask you
Speaker 1: have you still to ensure as Jimmy Carr.
Speaker 3: Me and Jimmy I'm actually I'm flying out to. The
Speaker 3: answer is we have none planned. Hopefully we'll do some
Speaker 3: more in the future. We just did some. We did
Speaker 3: a whole tour of Canada together where the two of
Speaker 3: us were, you know, head co lining and co headlining
Speaker 3: co lining anyway. So so but I am going out
Speaker 3: to in early August to the Oasis in the UK because
Speaker 3: I thought for some reason they wouldn't tour America at
Speaker 3: the time when the tickets went on sale, so I
Speaker 3: had to go see him. And so I'm going out.
Speaker 3: I'm actually me and Jimmy car are going to go
Speaker 3: co Oasis together. And it's funny because I go, I
Speaker 3: go to Jimmy, I go, I go because I already
Speaker 3: had tickets, and he goes, oh, I'd like to go
Speaker 3: as well, and I went, I went, oh, well, we'll see,
Speaker 3: we'll see if you can get your ticket. Let's see
Speaker 3: if we can get your ticket. And then because I'm
Speaker 3: so excited, and then Jimmy goes, he goes, I think
Speaker 3: I'll just ask Noel, and I'm like, ah, right, right right,
Speaker 3: I forgot that Jimmy was. I can friends with everyone.
Speaker 3: So hopefully, hopefully I get to go to the after
Speaker 3: party with Jimmy and meet Noel. That would be really cool.
Speaker 3: I've met him. I've met Noel before and interviewed. But
Speaker 3: I'm a big, big, big fan of a basis. But
Speaker 3: Jimmy and me, we did the tour, I was going,
Speaker 3: we were swapping the headlining spots. Right. We're doing it
Speaker 3: in the round, so it's like one would walk on
Speaker 3: one week walk off, And it's like being a boxer
Speaker 3: when you're going out in the round because you have
Speaker 3: to walk through the crowd and everyone's high fiving and
Speaker 3: you're getting all of spotlight follows you as you walk through,
Speaker 3: you know. And I was going on after Jimmy carr Is.
Speaker 3: I didn't find it difficult as such, but I did
Speaker 3: find that it was hard for me to offend an
Speaker 3: audience because he's saying far more offensive things than I'm saying,
Speaker 3: but he's doing it. He's a legitimately just jokes when
Speaker 3: you watch me, even though for the most part I'm
Speaker 3: joking that you do watch me with an element. He
Speaker 3: could have done that if I say that's a story, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's that's based on real life. Yeah yeah, so so
Speaker 3: so I preferred to go on before Jimmy, you know.
Speaker 3: And then as I said, I'd taken edible and I'd
Speaker 3: sit there and I'd watch Jimmy Carr tell he's one liners.
Speaker 3: It was one of the most wonderful tours of me life.
Speaker 3: We had a great time. He's a great We got
Speaker 3: on one. I've told this story on a podcast. Before
Speaker 3: we were I realized how professionally he was. At one
Speaker 3: stage we bought our own plane tickets, but all the
Speaker 3: two of people brought our plane tickets. But we weren't
Speaker 3: always seated next to each other. We were with each
Speaker 3: other all day, you know, just where you get a
Speaker 3: business glass you just watch your iPad or whatever. So
Speaker 3: he's sitting in the front row in the second seat.
Speaker 3: So he's in A two and I'm in B one,
Speaker 3: so I can see through the crack of my seat.
Speaker 3: Jimmy's on his computer and this is like six months ago,
Speaker 3: and on the top of his computer it says jokes
Speaker 3: for twenty twenty six Jesus. Right, And I'm sitting there,
Speaker 3: and I'm sitting there like I haven't got a new
Speaker 3: tour after I recorded my special ready at this stage, right,
Speaker 3: and I'm seeing I look down on my iPad and
Speaker 3: I'm watching an episode of Mash.
Speaker 1: I'm you, that's what I'm doing. I'm watching the Heitler document.
Speaker 3: Like how time sensitive is that I have to watch
Speaker 3: this Mash episode right away? And I thought, he's a
Speaker 3: much more professional man to me. But he's always in
Speaker 3: the suit. He always wears in the suit. He's the
Speaker 3: most immaclately dressed dump, all tailored to him. The suit
Speaker 3: is on the plane, he's in the three piece suit.
Speaker 3: We're in Canada, where all of his TV shows airs.
Speaker 3: He's hugely famous. Everybody's walking on, Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy,
Speaker 3: jiny like hello, He's so nice to all of them.
Speaker 3: And then the person who sits in a one next
Speaker 3: to him is a blind woman. Right. She goes past him.
Speaker 3: She's completely blind. She's got a guide dog. She's you know,
Speaker 3: with the glasses like like a cartoonishly blind this woman, right,
Speaker 3: and she comes in she sits down next to him,
Speaker 3: and Jimmy just waits for a second. This is all
Speaker 3: I hear. He turns through and goes, what breed of
Speaker 3: dog is that? And she goes, it's a German shepherd,
Speaker 3: and he goes, is that what they told you?
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: She died laughing. And she didn't know who the fuck
Speaker 3: Jimmy Carr was. She just knew he was a really
Speaker 3: really funny man.
Speaker 1: You know, he isn't really only man once. I'm a
Speaker 1: big fan of what he does. I think he's he
Speaker 1: really fucking carved his his space and and I love
Speaker 1: what you I love that his fearless one liner. Shit,
Speaker 1: it's unbelievable. I only man once. It was just for laughs.
Speaker 1: In Montreal. I was doing something and he was there
Speaker 1: and we had gone to see Uh, David Tail, goes
Speaker 1: David for me, David Tail is kind of like, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, he's like the underground or something, you.
Speaker 3: Know what I mean, if you know, you know he's
Speaker 3: the comics, comics, He's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: So I was watching the Tail and uh, and Jimmy
Speaker 1: was there and I talked to him for about, I
Speaker 1: don't know, twenty minutes. Or something thought Jesus, you know,
Speaker 1: he reminds me of did you ever meet Don Rickles?
Speaker 3: I was on a radio show with Dom rick I
Speaker 3: was on the Opium Anthony Show from Montreal. They were
Speaker 3: filming it and it was me, Jim Norton, I think
Speaker 3: like Louis c. K. There was There was like five
Speaker 3: or six comics and Dom Wrickles. Dom Rickles came on
Speaker 3: and he sat down and I think it's the most
Speaker 3: quiet I've ever been on a podcast or a radio
Speaker 3: show in my entire life, because I thought to myself,
Speaker 3: I'm not I'm not going to speak up, like I'm
Speaker 3: not going to fucking cut over the top of this
Speaker 3: guy because I have a singer, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like like it was, it was a for a comedian.
Speaker 3: It was a meeting Elvis moment where I was I
Speaker 3: was like, and he came in and he just raised
Speaker 3: everybody and it was just like he goes, hey, I
Speaker 3: don't do tonight show. I was, Oh, I don't mind
Speaker 3: doing Lano. I occasionally has done Ladderman, but I don't
Speaker 3: do Fallon because I don't play ping pung right. And
Speaker 3: it was just one of those things I don't play
Speaker 3: ping pong because Balance started bringing all those games especially
Speaker 3: fun right. But everything was like it was quite cutting
Speaker 3: what he was saying, but it was also so disarming,
Speaker 3: no offense taking whatsoever. He said something to me about
Speaker 3: being Australian. I can't even remember what he said. I
Speaker 3: remember just being like floating around the area just like
Speaker 3: I'm wow, Dom Wrickles is right there. So to answer
Speaker 3: your question quickly, yes I have. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well see that's the thing that Jimmy Carr reminded me
Speaker 1: of Dawn because I became friendly with Don w Reckles
Speaker 1: because he was on the show. Like we'd go out
Speaker 1: for dinner with him. The first time he came to
Speaker 1: a party at my house in Los Angeles and he
Speaker 1: he was like it was in the hills, so there
Speaker 1: was like steps and stuff to get into the house.
Speaker 1: And he gets and he was all kind of out
Speaker 1: of breath and he's with Barbara, his wife, and he
Speaker 1: came over and he had a dollar bill rolled up
Speaker 1: and he tucked it in my top pocket my shirt
Speaker 1: and he went, here's a buck, buy your wife a
Speaker 1: fucking house. I'm like, what are you talking about. He said,
Speaker 1: you can't, you can't live here. You can't live here,
Speaker 1: you can't live in all these steps. And he came
Speaker 1: in and the police was teeming with comics and celebrities
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff, and every gathered around
Speaker 1: him like it was it was like, you know, like
Speaker 1: he was the guru figure.
Speaker 3: He sat.
Speaker 1: He couldn't go downstairs or upstairs, so he sat in
Speaker 1: the front hall and everybody just went there and gathered
Speaker 1: around him. Was awesome. He's awesome guy. But Jimmy reminds
Speaker 1: me of him in the sense that I feel like, look,
Speaker 1: I only spoke to Jimmy for twenty minutes, but he
Speaker 1: has this super kind of uh no, it's not aggressive
Speaker 1: what he does, but it has a has a real
Speaker 1: uh courage about it and real kind of you know,
Speaker 1: it's a real kind of virulent stand up. And then
Speaker 1: as a man, he just appeared to me as being
Speaker 1: this lovely, gentle creature the way Dawn was.
Speaker 3: He is is not Jimmy Cars as nice a human
Speaker 3: being as you'll ever meet. I'm not just saying me,
Speaker 3: but for me, he's a person that I call if
Speaker 3: I am I need help or I just just advice
Speaker 3: from person. There's very few people as grown men you
Speaker 3: call up and have advice with, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: And I called Jimmy Carr when I need advice, whether
Speaker 3: it be in my personal life or my work life.
Speaker 3: And I'm very proud to say he's a good friend. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's been a great guy to me. I thought we
Speaker 3: actually worked together really well. Like those shows people we
Speaker 3: were selling ten thousand people to come and see the
Speaker 3: two of us, where the two of.
Speaker 1: Us I would do and see that tour. I would
Speaker 1: definitely go and see you individually.
Speaker 3: Individually we were based saying about three to four thousand
Speaker 3: and then together ken you know what I mean. And
Speaker 3: it's like but you know what it was. We were
Speaker 3: both edgy comics in the same vein that we're going
Speaker 3: to say off color things. That our stand up was
Speaker 3: so completely different that you had a good ying and
Speaker 3: yang to the show, but you were still getting the
Speaker 3: same vibe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that it is a good match up.
Speaker 1: I remember seeing that you guys were own thinking I
Speaker 1: would actually I don't go and see comics, but I
Speaker 1: would go and see that.
Speaker 3: You know what. Because it was Canada, it was always
Speaker 3: a hockey arena, like the Rogers Arena. I have so
Speaker 3: many hockey jerseys in my wardrobe right now, that's say Jeffries,
Speaker 3: And they're always very sweet when you get them. I'm
Speaker 3: always like, this is awesome, but you can't wear them
Speaker 3: because you look like who puts your name on the back?
Speaker 3: A five year old does that, like Jimmy on the bank,
Speaker 3: and it's like you're a simpleton. So and look that
Speaker 3: I and I don't watch ice hockey either, but I
Speaker 3: can't throw them out because they're major league hockey jerseys,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So I've just got them
Speaker 3: more piled up readily. I've also got from back in
Speaker 3: the day. This is a bit of Scottish for you.
Speaker 3: When I was doing the Edhamburgh Festival. The manager of
Speaker 3: the manager of Hearts was Jim Jefferies, right, And I
Speaker 3: was at the Adamer Festival and I'd go on stage
Speaker 3: and there was a chant that they used to do
Speaker 3: to Jim Jeffries, the football manager, that was cheer ump
Speaker 3: Jim Jeffries, Oh what can it mean? You're a great,
Speaker 3: big fat cunt with a shithouse football team. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: And I was like, people were chanting that to me
Speaker 3: at gigs. I was like, what the fuck has happened?
Speaker 3: I just got to Scotland and everyone's calling me a
Speaker 3: fat cunt to the monkeys.
Speaker 1: Did you ever meet them?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Jim Jeffries came to the show with a few
Speaker 3: members of Hearts. Then they took me out to the
Speaker 3: stadium and they go, please welcome, you're a coach. There's
Speaker 3: an American voice, but please welcome your coach, Jim Jefferies.
Speaker 3: And I walked down the pitch with a jersey and
Speaker 3: was meant to be a laugh, but it was just lost.
Speaker 3: Ninety percent of the people didn't know who I was.
Speaker 3: And then he came but there was a photo of
Speaker 3: him giving me the jersey, and yeah, he was a
Speaker 3: good dude. Man, He was all right. I don't know
Speaker 3: where he manages now, but back then he managed haunts.
Speaker 1: Well, what you have to do is get all these
Speaker 1: jerseys with your names on him, and you should open
Speaker 1: a sports bar and then put them all up in
Speaker 1: your sports bar and they have a new camera policy
Speaker 1: and celebrities will come in. Look, it's just an idea.
Speaker 3: I think I should frame them, put around my house
Speaker 3: and then start telling my kids that they have to
Speaker 3: tell their kids and let the myth grow that I
Speaker 3: was good at every sport.
Speaker 1: That's a great idea. I've got a lot of jerseys
Speaker 1: as well. You know that I'm the only football games
Speaker 1: I've ever been to. But this is a real Hollywood thing.
Speaker 1: The only football games I've ever been to are super Bowls.
Speaker 1: I haven't been a football game that isn't a Super Bowl?
Speaker 1: Are you never?
Speaker 3: You never seen? You never seen like soccer football as
Speaker 3: we call it. You never you've never gone to see football?
Speaker 3: I never got to. I've got to see a lot
Speaker 3: of soccer, but I mean I've never seen I've been
Speaker 3: to one American football game when I was in Kansas
Speaker 3: and they took me along. Okay, which leads me to
Speaker 3: my next project. I am. I am in a movie
Speaker 3: called Him, a Jordan Peel movie directed by the great
Speaker 3: Justin Tipping. Who check out this guy. He's going to
Speaker 3: be a great director. Marlon Wayne's tyree with is. I
Speaker 3: have a small partner. I haven't seen the movie yet,
Speaker 3: but it's like you know all those Jordan Peel get
Speaker 3: out movies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great movie.
Speaker 3: It's one of those films, right, and it's all about
Speaker 3: American football and the concussion and stuff. I can't say
Speaker 3: much much more about it yet, But is.
Speaker 1: There a horror movie there?
Speaker 3: I hate the term. It's a thriller horror movie, you know,
Speaker 3: like like yeah, get out in US. It's in the
Speaker 3: same vein as the other you know, but good movies.
Speaker 3: But we were out in Albuquerque film and that I
Speaker 3: was doing okay, So I don't know if they show
Speaker 3: the footage of this ever, but they were doing the
Speaker 3: they were doing, and because it's about American football, I'm like,
Speaker 3: and I'm not anti American sports. I love baseball, absolutely
Speaker 3: love baseball. And my son has gotten into basketball, so
Speaker 3: I follow the basketball as well now, right, but I
Speaker 3: could go I could watch baseball all day anyway. So
Speaker 3: I they're doing the interview for the behind the scenes
Speaker 3: on the movie, and the first thing was like, so, so,
Speaker 3: what's your best memory of American of the NFL, like
Speaker 3: this right? And I went, you don't really watch it? Right?
Speaker 3: Was the right answer? No? And they're like no, no, no.
Speaker 3: And then they said this to me in the interview
Speaker 3: and they go, they go, so, what drew you to
Speaker 3: play this character? And I went, well, I did an audition.
Speaker 3: I got the like, I don't know, I'm not sitting
Speaker 3: around with scripts all around me me going yeah, no, no,
Speaker 3: like I'm a stand up comedian who got an acting
Speaker 3: job right like like like I'm not Brad Pitt. I
Speaker 3: don't get to choose my roles. People do talk about
Speaker 3: all the time though. Whenever I watched him, they go,
Speaker 3: I always wanted to play a character that was a
Speaker 3: villain with a bit of depth and of this, that
Speaker 3: and the other. When they say things like that, and
Speaker 3: you go, I haven't seen you in many movies at all, Cunt,
Speaker 3: you just reckon. You just took the role you could
Speaker 3: get made.
Speaker 1: When you see the British actors, there's always polished British
Speaker 1: actors and they're talking about I always wanted to play
Speaker 1: a sort of a character. And I always think whenever
Speaker 1: I played a character in the movie, the reason they
Speaker 1: did it was because they offered it to me.
Speaker 3: I said, I would have done this if it was bad.
Speaker 3: It just so happens that it's a really good movie,
Speaker 3: and I'm lucky enough to be. People always ask me
Speaker 3: an interview is like, do you think you'll do more sitcoms?
Speaker 3: Because you know, my sitcom was reviewed really well, but
Speaker 3: I haven't really done one since, you know, And I go,
Speaker 3: that's like asking if I'll have sex with good looking women.
Speaker 3: It's not my decision, it's up it's up to them,
Speaker 3: you know. One off, of course, I'm a married man.
Speaker 3: I'm just talking hypothetically, but you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: It's like, it's like, it's not my decision. I would.
Speaker 3: I would very so I'm putting it out in the universe.
Speaker 3: I would very much like to be in more movies
Speaker 3: and more sitcoms. I'm waiting by my phone. In fact,
Speaker 3: it's in my pocket right now, ready to go.
Speaker 1: When I was younger, there's a young stand up. I
Speaker 1: don't know if if the young stand ups are legis now.
Speaker 1: I don't think they are a quite so much. But
Speaker 1: when I was younger, you had to tog yourself fop
Speaker 1: all the time, like you know you, or I felt
Speaker 1: like I had to. I was alway seeing how fucking
Speaker 1: great I was, or how bigger crowd was, or how
Speaker 1: much I had killed and all that. And I don't
Speaker 1: feel I don't care about any of that anymore. And
Speaker 1: I think the younger stand ups are probably all key
Speaker 1: a bit more. They threw crowd work up on social
Speaker 1: media and stuff.
Speaker 3: I think they're bragging is more subtle, but more in
Speaker 3: the mass, right, So really, well, they're they're putting up
Speaker 3: clips of themselves all the time, all all the time.
Speaker 3: We used to hold onto material and I don't want
Speaker 3: to get rid of something. I don't want to get
Speaker 3: rid of something. And then released a special and then
Speaker 3: you'd you'd starve the audience until you could feed them again. Right,
Speaker 3: if you want to see me, you have to do that, right,
Speaker 3: And then that's what the case. So you were saying
Speaker 3: about the how big the crowd, there's there's a there's
Speaker 3: a there's a joke that applies to stand up comedy.
Speaker 3: There was there was a comedian and he he he,
Speaker 3: you know, he was doing a right in the business.
Speaker 3: He'd made a bit of money. But he you know,
Speaker 3: he thought maybe if you just had the right push
Speaker 3: in his career, everything would be all right. So he
Speaker 3: booked out the O two, right, and he puts billboards
Speaker 3: up all around London. He puts billboards up everywhere, and
Speaker 3: he thinks, people just need to know who I am.
Speaker 3: Once they see me, they'll know I'm one of the greats. Right,
Speaker 3: And twelve people show up in this big arena and
Speaker 3: the guy obviously has a terrible gig and he dies,
Speaker 3: and then he he gives up comedy. And then a
Speaker 3: couple of years later one of his comedian mates see
Speaker 3: him and said what happened. He goes, I did that
Speaker 3: gig at the arena and only twenty people showed up, right.
Speaker 1: Like we always live. That's the truth of even in failure.
Speaker 1: He couldn't say twelve twelve. I remember once doing a gig.
Speaker 1: I remember it was in Columbus, Ohio, and I was
Speaker 1: like the the late Nature was pumped them. I was
Speaker 1: doing great numbers and big theories and all that, and
Speaker 1: then suddenly I go to Columbus of ail and the
Speaker 1: theory it was like it was like in a it
Speaker 1: was like a two er or twelve hundred ye or
Speaker 1: something that it was like maybe two hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: people in it. And I was like, what the fuck happened?
Speaker 1: And the promoter said, there's a football game tonight. We
Speaker 1: didn't think that the local team were going to make
Speaker 1: the playoffs, but they did make the playoffs and then
Speaker 1: and I was like fucked. But I don't think about
Speaker 1: anybody else being in town when I'm in town order
Speaker 1: or a sports game or or something being on you
Speaker 1: can't prejudge it.
Speaker 3: That happens every now and again. You're going to a
Speaker 3: theater and only two, three, four hundred people shop and
Speaker 3: you're like, what the fuck? I had one recently where
Speaker 3: I shot up at casino and they said, oh, you sold,
Speaker 3: You've sold four hundred tickets, and I'm like christ And
Speaker 3: it was a four thousand seater and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's that's gonna look horrendous, right, And then I walked
Speaker 3: out the place was packed, right, and I think I
Speaker 3: thought I only sold four hundred, and they go, oh,
Speaker 3: we gave everybody who who had won, like had spent
Speaker 3: two hundred dollars gambling a ticket, it right. They just
Speaker 3: wanted four thousand people in their casino, sure, right, right.
Speaker 3: So I'm like I'm like, yeah, do that every time,
Speaker 3: and don't even tell me that I want. I just
Speaker 3: want to walk out there and see it and feel
Speaker 3: good about myself.
Speaker 1: It's funny, though, I though there I nowadays like I
Speaker 1: used to get a real charge of doing stand up
Speaker 1: and now I still get charge over it. But it's weird. No,
Speaker 1: it's tounder into some odd thing. I kind of relax
Speaker 1: when I'm doing it now.
Speaker 3: It feels.
Speaker 1: It feels almost like a like an indulgence to go
Speaker 1: out and do a stand up like. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: really relaxed, and I enjoy it, and it's I don't
Speaker 1: give a fuck, it's kind of great.
Speaker 3: I definitely appreciate it now a lot more. I don't
Speaker 3: know if I'm as relaxed. In fact, I think that
Speaker 3: I have to get to your stage. I'm actually relaxed
Speaker 3: because I'm still I still worry about it going away
Speaker 3: because I've been doing theaters now for sixteen years, right,
Speaker 3: theaters and then you know, twelve years before a comedy clubs, right,
Speaker 3: And you know, if you told me when I first
Speaker 3: started doing theaters, I'd still be in theaters at this
Speaker 3: stage that you know, and the numbers aren't as high
Speaker 3: as my peak or whatever like that. But I do
Speaker 3: look at the I do look at the audience, and
Speaker 3: people come up and meet me afterwards, and they're like,
Speaker 3: this is the fifth time I've seen you, and I
Speaker 3: can't take that. I can't take that for granted.
Speaker 1: No, I know, I do. I have the exact same
Speaker 1: thing people who people who come up and see I
Speaker 1: grew up watching you on TV. I get that known
Speaker 1: as well. It's like and they're like old.
Speaker 3: So my audience used to be all very young, right,
Speaker 3: and now about a few years younger than me and
Speaker 3: my audience we used to beak. Now they're a sort
Speaker 3: of a bit younger than me my age or a
Speaker 3: bit older, right, right, i never had old people in
Speaker 3: my audience. But now I've got kids coming, even though
Speaker 3: if I get that too because of TikTok and clubs
Speaker 3: and splokes my age who have teenage fifteen year old son.
Speaker 1: Reading their kids fifteen year.
Speaker 3: Old sons like old blood. Show you a comedian and
Speaker 3: come and see this blake. He says, come the he's
Speaker 3: a bit edgy. Don't tell your mother who just come
Speaker 3: the two of us, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 3: so it's like they're being kids, and I'm when they
Speaker 3: come when Oases get to America, even though I'm seeing
Speaker 3: them in England with Jimmy. I'm taking my twelve year
Speaker 3: old son to the Oasis, right, and he's listened to
Speaker 3: the albums. He watched the Supersonic documentary and they broke
Speaker 3: up eighteen years ago. My son doesn't even remember them
Speaker 3: ever being together. And I'm watching these two men, these
Speaker 3: two men who are in their early fifties. I believe
Speaker 3: fifty fifty something like that, early fifties. Who It's like
Speaker 3: when my wife watches the Real Housewives of Whatever, or
Speaker 3: vander Pump Rules or any of these reality shows where
Speaker 3: people will go talk and they're all not getting along
Speaker 3: and they're arguing with each other. I believe the Gallagher
Speaker 3: Brothers for men my age, has been a bit of
Speaker 3: gossip that we could all watch as men, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. We're like, why can't they get along?
Speaker 3: And I hear they're talking to each other again. Oh,
Speaker 3: here they went to rehearsal and there we had the
Speaker 3: same thing with Axel Rose and Slash right. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: just these we want these men to get along. And
Speaker 3: then part of the experience now is they're walking out
Speaker 3: hand in hand and grown men are crying because I
Speaker 3: bet their mom's happy.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if you if
Speaker 1: you turned into that type of performer, if your mom
Speaker 1: is happy. My my wife has this theory that all
Speaker 1: stand up comedians have. This have the same mom, uh,
Speaker 1: which is I'm going to run and buy you right now.
Speaker 3: All right, because I have a very exact mom. So okay,
Speaker 3: let let's see how we.
Speaker 1: Go cold with bad boundaries.
Speaker 3: When when when you say bad boundaries, what do we
Speaker 3: mean by bad boundaries?
Speaker 1: Maybe calling you up and telling you you had to
Speaker 1: go on camel again?
Speaker 3: Tell my mother was My mother has shaped my entire life.
Speaker 3: My entire life, everything, everything goes back to my mother
Speaker 3: and what my mom. I'm writing my biography at the moment,
Speaker 3: and every now and again, if I'm having a bad day,
Speaker 3: I'm really going her and then I go back and
Speaker 3: then scribble out some stuff like I no one needs
Speaker 3: to know that bit of information that's private or whatever.
Speaker 3: But she was. She was super mentally abusive, physically abusive,
Speaker 3: used to I used to get beaten, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and she was, but there was something to her, I
Speaker 3: believe I and my wife doesn't quite understand this. I
Speaker 3: credit a lot of my success to this overbearing, domineering
Speaker 3: woman who used to tell me that I'd be nothing.
Speaker 3: And because me and my two brothers, all three of
Speaker 3: us are successful. We all came from from from working
Speaker 3: class family. And so I think, I think, Okay, so
Speaker 3: you've got in entertainment and sports, you've got the you've
Speaker 3: got like King Richard. So Serena Williams and Venus Williams father. Right,
Speaker 3: and then you've then you've got uh Tiger Woods dad,
Speaker 3: and then you've got Joe Jackson. Right. I believe those
Speaker 3: three guys are very similar blokes. But it's all in
Speaker 3: the telling of the story. So so you can say that,
Speaker 3: you can say that Joe Jackson was an abusive man
Speaker 3: who beat his children, right, Michael Jackson's father abusive, abusive
Speaker 3: man who beat his children, and no one says and
Speaker 3: got results.
Speaker 1: Oh my Tom, No.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, sure, there seems to be side effects later
Speaker 3: on in life that are really unpleasant. We don't want
Speaker 3: to go too far into this, right, but but but
Speaker 3: you don't. You don't get the Jackson five through positive reinforcement.
Speaker 1: No, no, you have Donal Keith Robinson, the stand up No.
Speaker 1: Keith is the guy who he had a he had
Speaker 1: a stand up special called Different Strokes because he had
Speaker 1: a stroke and then he was an amazing stay. He
Speaker 1: was a great stand up before. But he's like he
Speaker 1: s had a stroke and he did it. I mean,
Speaker 1: he's amazing. He mother, he tells us to his mother
Speaker 1: shot someone in a card game and they had to
Speaker 1: go on the run. For a while, I was like,
Speaker 1: you beat everybody that beats.
Speaker 3: My mother had Mudhausen So how about that for a
Speaker 3: doozy Okay, that's it. That's that's why we were always sick.
Speaker 3: And I can't speak on what my brothers had to
Speaker 3: go through, but we all had a different medical condition
Speaker 3: that that happened to us. That was, you know, by proxy. Yeah, well,
Speaker 3: you know you know what. My mother had polio, right,
Speaker 3: she did. She had polio as a thirteen year old girl,
Speaker 3: was in bed for a year and a half, almost died,
Speaker 3: and that's when everyone visited her. That's when people came
Speaker 3: to check on her. So she just have Mudhausen's for herself.
Speaker 3: My mother also about two months or about a month
Speaker 3: and a half every year in hospital. She would talk
Speaker 3: to doctors until she got put in with her condition.
Speaker 3: She'd be in traction for her back, or there'd be
Speaker 3: some other reason. And you know, people with fucking real
Speaker 3: diseases are only in there for a few days. My
Speaker 3: mother would be in hospital for a month and then
Speaker 3: two weeks later on in the type of thing. Right.
Speaker 3: I always loved it when she was in hospital because
Speaker 3: everyone was nice to me. Everyone was like, oh, your
Speaker 3: poor boy, your mother's in hospital. I'm just sitting around
Speaker 3: eating buckets of crisps, watching the TV. You know, off
Speaker 3: at work. It was that was heaven mom in hospital.
Speaker 3: That was as good as a got.
Speaker 1: But my mother was in the hospital a lot when
Speaker 1: I was okay as well. Yeah, I think she was
Speaker 1: genuinely ill all.
Speaker 3: So I think that's she thought. We all visited my
Speaker 3: mum every day when she was in hospital. We had
Speaker 3: to go there an hour and visit her and yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: and so so I think that's when people showed her
Speaker 3: love or attention or something like that. When so, when
Speaker 3: she wasn't sick, we were sick. Yeah, and you know,
Speaker 3: it became a very weird And then growing up, the
Speaker 3: face the hay sort of goes down and you go,
Speaker 3: what the fuck was all that? That was all my mother? Also,
Speaker 3: she always used to be like she wanted a daughter, right,
Speaker 3: never had a daughter. Right. I was the youngest of three, right,
Speaker 3: And when I was born, I was the last roll
Speaker 3: of the dice. Right, And I came out and there
Speaker 3: was the penis not happy. She didn't hold me, didn't
Speaker 3: hold me, right, didn't hold me for a couple of days,
Speaker 3: and then didn't change the diaper the nappy for a
Speaker 3: couple of months, I believe, right, because she didn't want
Speaker 3: to see the penis. Right up to the day she died.
Speaker 3: She never liked me penis right now, now, I remember,
Speaker 3: I remember, I remember sitting there on the thing and
Speaker 3: because he wanted a daughter, and she went to me.
Speaker 3: She goes, I'm all right with that. I said, I'm
Speaker 3: not game. I'm not going. She goes, but if you,
Speaker 3: if you were, you were, she would have loved you
Speaker 3: as a son. Anyway. She goes, she goes, but if
Speaker 3: you are, that's fine. I go, but Mom, didn't you
Speaker 3: didn't you didn't you didn't you just throw out all
Speaker 3: those playboys under my bed? Didn't you find those and
Speaker 3: throw them all out? And she goes, I thought you
Speaker 3: put them there to put me off the scent. Now
Speaker 3: let's go back to your mom. Why was your mom sick?
Speaker 3: With her feel terrible? Now? You said my mom was
Speaker 3: really sick, and I just blasted.
Speaker 1: I think she was. She goes, she goes sick all
Speaker 1: the time. She when she was about the age I
Speaker 1: am no, but younger. Actually she she was in hospital.
Speaker 1: She had non Hodgkins lymphma she had some weird cancer things.
Speaker 1: She had athritis, said all that stuff. And she was
Speaker 1: on a breathing machine, on a ventilator, and they said,
Speaker 1: the doctor went in and you came to see my
Speaker 1: mom and she was unconscious and stuff. And then she
Speaker 1: was on a breathing tube and the doctor said, it's
Speaker 1: time for you to see goodbye your mom. She's you know,
Speaker 1: rank between half an hour and an hour, and we're
Speaker 1: going to take her off all the life support things
Speaker 1: and just stuff.
Speaker 3: And I was like, okay.
Speaker 1: So when we all sat there and we all say
Speaker 1: goodbye here and they took her off all the life
Speaker 1: support and she lived fifteen more fucking years after that
Speaker 1: she got better. It is crazy.
Speaker 3: Okay, I have a similar story. I'm not trying to
Speaker 3: talk to your story. I can't top that story. Of course,
Speaker 3: I can't top. I'm going to tell you that this
Speaker 3: is so creepily. Okay. I'm at the Edmy festival, I'm
Speaker 3: halfway through my run. I'm having a career moment. Everything's
Speaker 3: going good. I get a phone call from the my dad,
Speaker 3: I your mother's sick, right, the other one from my brother,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, yeah, your mom's sick. And then the doctor says, yeah,
Speaker 3: she's she's not going to last long, mate, You've got
Speaker 3: to get back, right. So I get on a plane
Speaker 3: from Scotland. I have to go Scotland, London, London, and
Speaker 3: Hong Kong, Hong Kong. Kidney said, right, And so you
Speaker 3: can't back no Wi Fi on the plane. I can't
Speaker 3: turn on her phone, I can't find it. She might
Speaker 3: be dead. I'm sitting on the plane crying, will I
Speaker 3: make it, won't I make it. I get to the hospital,
Speaker 3: she's sitting bolt upright in bed, playing Solitaire on an
Speaker 3: iPad right, And I'm like, I'm like, what the fuck?
Speaker 3: And she's like she's like and then the doctor's like,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, spirits picked up when she heard you were coming.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, okay. But she wasn't like just a
Speaker 3: little bit not sick. She was fine, right yeah, And
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, fine. So so then when my mother
Speaker 3: was dying. When my mother was dying, she died because
Speaker 3: her leg broke, and then they put antibiotics that got infected.
Speaker 3: Then they put antibiotics and then her kidney's packed in
Speaker 3: and then she asked not to be resuscitated. And it's
Speaker 3: meant to be quite a peaceful way to die the
Speaker 3: kidneys than this, and then that organ stops, and that
Speaker 3: organ stops and your heart stops in the end, and
Speaker 3: they said, oh, she has kidney failure. She could live
Speaker 3: with dialysis, she's already old, and she doesn't want to
Speaker 3: do that, right, so they're just going to let the
Speaker 3: kidneys go, and then she's going to die, right, And
Speaker 3: the doctor was the same, They went, she went last.
Speaker 3: She will last about twenty four hours this right, And
Speaker 3: me and my three brothers were in the room. We
Speaker 3: went film won and when they told me she's dying,
Speaker 3: and I rang up my brothers and went, ah, you're
Speaker 3: sure it's a long flot. I sure, because I'll come back,
Speaker 3: but you've got to be positive about this anyway. So
Speaker 3: then so then they go, they go, no, she will die,
Speaker 3: and we're like, when I see it, I believe what
Speaker 3: I Anyway, Anyway, when she we're all around the bed,
Speaker 3: she took her last breath and then she died, and
Speaker 3: then we all cried and we all hugged each other,
Speaker 3: and about ten seconds later she went and then died again,
Speaker 3: and we all sort of stood over the body. We
Speaker 3: all stopped crying and went get a doctor. Make sure, make.
Speaker 1: Sure Jesus all right, mate, We're done. Listen, it's been
Speaker 1: great talking to you. I feel like I really want
Speaker 1: to come and see you do some work. When are
Speaker 1: you doing some dates?
Speaker 3: So where are you in the world you're in? Yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't have anything booked in the near future, but
Speaker 3: I'll let you know because I'm just about to do
Speaker 3: Europe in the UK.
Speaker 1: I was and I moved it to next year.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm starting at the end of at the end
Speaker 3: of at the end of August, and I'm going all
Speaker 3: the way through to the beginning of December. So it's
Speaker 3: going to be a grind of a tour, but I'm
Speaker 3: doing I've got dumb I don't know if you know
Speaker 3: Andrew Maxwell opening for me, the Lyrius comic who's don't
Speaker 3: know them, but you're very, very funny man. But yeah,
Speaker 3: we're doing like I'm on like Zagreb and fucking like
Speaker 3: just places I haven't been before, Like, yeah, is stan
Speaker 3: Bull and all this type of ship.
Speaker 1: So really time, Bill is amazing.
Speaker 3: I've never been. I've heard of some good things. Me
Speaker 3: and me and Jimmy even though went uperforming together. We're
Speaker 3: doing a festival in Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's interesting. I was Jimmy gonna, haven't you both
Speaker 1: gonna work out? I don't have heavy censorship and stuff.
Speaker 3: Okay, here's the other. Here's the other comedians Bill Burt okay,
Speaker 3: Kevin Hart all right, and Louis c. K Well, they
Speaker 3: couldn't get anybody.
Speaker 1: That's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: No, but no. But my point is, I know they're
Speaker 3: all pick your cancel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay,