1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha and what coome of 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: stuff I've never told you a protection of iHeartRadio, and 3 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: today we're bringing back one that we definitely need to 4 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,280 Speaker 1: come back and do a larger episode on. We've been 5 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 1: talking about this for a long time, but this is 6 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,240 Speaker 1: an episode we did a while back on the trouble 7 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: of complimenting weight loss, and due to a lot of 8 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:37,839 Speaker 1: changes based on drugs like a zembic, I've seen a 9 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 1: lot of headlines where women we have lost a lot 10 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 1: of weight have said I've never gotten complimented on more 11 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: than that in my life than losing the weight. And 12 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: they're like names you'd recognize, like all kinds of people, 13 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: but including names you'd recognize. So I think this is 14 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: something that we're going to have to revisit, and it 15 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,679 Speaker 1: is a conversation that I've continued to have with my friends, 16 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 1: some of whom are losing weight. It's a strange place. 17 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 1: It's just some kind of like oh okay, I don't know. 18 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: So until we come back to that and do a 19 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: larger in depth look, please enjoy this classic episode. Hey, 20 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steff. 21 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 2: I've never told you production of iHeart Radio. 22 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:42,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, and welcome to another edition of Monday Many, where 23 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 3: we talk about all sorts of things, whether it is 24 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 3: current events and or our own emotions and the current 25 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 3: state of our emotions which can be good or bad 26 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 3: or sad or. 27 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 4: Neither, I don't know. 28 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 3: And before we start, we want to put a content 29 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 3: warning here, nothing too deep, uh. 30 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 4: Kind of deep. 31 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 3: We go, okay, We're gonna go everywhere, but we are 32 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 3: going to talk a little bit about eating disorders, uh, 33 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,959 Speaker 3: specifically mindsets when it comes to eating, as well as 34 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,120 Speaker 3: weight loss and weight gain and our emotional state of being. 35 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 3: So if that's not something you want to listen to 36 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 3: right now, skip on ahead. But today we wanted to 37 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,520 Speaker 3: kind of revisit an older topic. I don't it was 38 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 3: for Was it for Monday Mini or was it for 39 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 3: a Happy Hour? It was? Okay, y'all, it's all starting 40 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 3: to blur. We do so many now, But we had 41 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 3: a whole discussion about eating and eating disorders and just 42 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:42,119 Speaker 3: some of the stigma around just eating point blank, how 43 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 3: it affects you or how it could be a part 44 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 3: of your reaction to trauma past and any you're really 45 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 3: open and you and I dug into a few things 46 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 3: about our own personal issues and our thought processes and 47 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 3: things that were going through today even and a lot 48 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 3: of y'all reached out about some of the personal experiences 49 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,919 Speaker 3: you had gone through and you feel really strongly about it. 50 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,359 Speaker 3: And first of all, thank you so much for reaching 51 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 3: out to us and just being so open. I can't 52 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 3: tell you what a privilege it is to feel like 53 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,080 Speaker 3: we're in the inner group with you and someone that 54 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 3: you can talk to as well as someone who you 55 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 3: can be open with and also give us great advice. 56 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,519 Speaker 3: And as one of y'all said, there's nothing like solidarity, 57 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 3: and it is that's one of the best ways to 58 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 3: get through this. Thank you for that and just again 59 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 3: opening up to us about your experiences, because yeah, as 60 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 3: a person who truly believes in that too, because I've 61 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 3: gone so long isolating myself when it comes to my emotions, 62 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 3: my insecurities. Having people being so open and willing to 63 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 3: be vulnerable with us and allow us to be vulnerable 64 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 3: with you, that is a privilege, and we understand that 65 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 3: and we value it so much. 66 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 4: So first and foremost, get all the feels out. 67 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 3: But there was one thing that several of y'all talk 68 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 3: to us about and it was this whole weirdness of 69 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 3: people needing to compliment other people, specifically oftentimes women, about 70 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 3: their weight loss or just change in appearance, and that 71 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 3: got me as I am someone who has always struggled 72 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,719 Speaker 3: with their weight. That has always been an issue for me, 73 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 3: coming into a white family already different, and then feeling 74 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 3: like an outsider, not only from the white cultures of 75 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 3: being skinny, but the Asian culture just culture in general 76 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:33,920 Speaker 3: of being skinny. 77 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 4: And I am and. 78 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:40,479 Speaker 3: I was a thick girl and have had a hard 79 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 3: time trying to come to terms with just liking myself, 80 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 3: not even loving myself, but liking myself and my body 81 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 3: image is something I finally come to the point of 82 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 3: being content with. So it's come to a man. After 83 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 3: about thirty eight, it was kind of the Okay, I 84 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 3: understand this whole new go yourself over this moment of 85 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 3: not caring about other people's opinions. And don't get me wrong, 86 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 3: I still care about other people's opinions. If you follow 87 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,039 Speaker 3: me on Twitter, I am very self deprecating and I 88 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 3: like to revel in all the bad reviews we get, 89 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,600 Speaker 3: especially of my voice. 90 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 4: Uh. I don't know. I'm a. 91 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 3: I know I've stopped. I've stopped since, and several of 92 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 3: our coworkers or friends have been like, stop reading the reviews, 93 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 3: and I'm like, okay, you're right, You're right, but I 94 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 3: just need to know. 95 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 4: I need to be validated. 96 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 3: And of course, typically the only times we get reviews 97 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 3: is when they come to tell us how much they 98 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 3: hate us and will no longer listen to us. Thanks, 99 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 3: but no, actually, there's been also a lot of great 100 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:51,160 Speaker 3: reviews and people are so kind as well. But for 101 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 3: some reason, I focus on the negative because that's my 102 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 3: way of being, and you know, I think being that person. 103 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 3: Of course, your self image is one of the things 104 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 3: that I struggle with, and like I said, I finally 105 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 3: come to a point that. 106 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,880 Speaker 4: I'm like, you know what I am, who I am. 107 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 4: This is not a bad thing. 108 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,800 Speaker 3: I just need to learn to appreciate and just enjoy 109 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 3: what it is and be healthy. But again, like I said, 110 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 3: I still have the up and ups and downs. And 111 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 3: not too long ago, a few years ago was in fact, 112 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 3: it came to a point that I was really in 113 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 3: a very depressed state. It lasted a lot longer than 114 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 3: typical and as one of our listeners had told me 115 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 3: very similar to her experience of like going through. 116 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 4: A bad time in a relationship. 117 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 3: It really hit me hard on top of another bad 118 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 3: time in my job state, Like there's so many things 119 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:44,040 Speaker 3: that just piled on that I stopped eating. And it 120 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,599 Speaker 3: wasn't because I wanted to, because I love food, y'all, 121 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 3: but it was because I just felt nauseous and just 122 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 3: too sad to eat, so I would rather sleep or 123 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 3: do anything else essentially sleep. That's that's kind of how 124 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 3: I would go. 125 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,839 Speaker 4: And I lost a lot of. 126 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 3: Weight during that short amount time, like it was real quick, 127 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:07,679 Speaker 3: and of course originally I was really excited by that fact. 128 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 3: It felt like an accomplishment and I had this weird 129 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 3: economy of being depressed, but please because of me losing weight, 130 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 3: and of course it was unrealistic. I don't want to 131 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 3: be in a forever depressed state. That is not who 132 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 3: I am. Yes I get there, and yes I revel 133 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 3: in it sometimes just because I need to acknowledge it's there, 134 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 3: because if I try to push it away, it gets worse. 135 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,120 Speaker 4: It lingers. 136 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 3: We know this for me anyway, And I gained it 137 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 3: back within a year and then quarantine happened, And yeah, 138 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 3: that added on where I was like, oh my god, 139 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 3: how do I fight in combat? Enjoying being isolated too much, 140 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 3: but at the same time knowing I shouldn't be isolated 141 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 3: too much. And of course, again I did not do 142 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 3: as I was advised by all of Twitter verse, which 143 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 3: is to take advantage and do all these home workouts. Sorry, 144 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 3: it didn't happen for me, and I absolutely isolated and 145 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 3: I was like, nope, not going to the gym. You 146 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 3: souls haven't been vaccinated, slash. There was no vaccine at 147 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 3: the time. You know, of course they were, but in 148 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,280 Speaker 3: my head that's how I talked myself into this. And so, yeah, 149 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 3: gaining all of this weight back, there was a lot 150 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 3: of shame in that for me, and it was really overwhelming, 151 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 3: and it still kind of is, like I just actually 152 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 3: recently saw a friend that hadn't seen in four years, 153 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: and the entire time, the panic of me trying to 154 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 3: find something to wear to try to hide that I 155 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 3: had gained everything back was fairly overwhelming, to the point 156 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 3: that I'm like, maybe I should just cancel and stay 157 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 3: home and eat rice. Like that was a thought process 158 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 3: for me, but I didn't that did go out, and yeah, 159 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:46,600 Speaker 3: I had gotten so many compliments and kudos for my work, 160 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 3: which mostly resulted because I felt too nauseous and sad, 161 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 3: like that was the reason. It wasn't really something to celebrate, honestly, 162 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 3: And don't get me wrong, I definitely exercised, but it 163 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,080 Speaker 3: wasn't different from what I typically already do or do, 164 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 3: like that's something I've always done and I just don't 165 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 3: have the metabolism to be skinny, like maybe it helps 166 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,959 Speaker 3: me maintain to I'm technically I'm considered obese. 167 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 4: Think you obesity? I got to qualify for my vaccine early. 168 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 3: Cool, I'm just saying, but technically I am obese by 169 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 3: those standards. And again, when I realized how it was 170 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 3: all back on, I had a moment of shutting down 171 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 3: and didn't want to socialize or go back out in public. 172 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 4: And I'm still feeling that way, y'all. I'm still having 173 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 4: this moment. 174 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,839 Speaker 3: There's a wedding coming up next week, and I'm really 175 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 3: overwhelmed because a few of the people who complimented my 176 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 3: weight loss and congratulated me and obviously saw me for 177 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 3: the first time, and we're going to talk about that too. 178 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 3: This level of like being recognized as a woman because 179 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 3: I lost weight. It was lovely at that point in time, 180 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 3: but now I'm back here realizing the difference in how 181 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 3: it was paid attention to. It was kind of shocking 182 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 3: and kind of like heartbreaking for me. Y'all reached out 183 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 3: and have told us similar things with different reasons why, 184 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,840 Speaker 3: whether it's something similar to what Annie was talking about, 185 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 3: with just the non desire to eat and having to 186 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 3: plan and make yourself eat, or being a trauma response 187 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 3: to past events and the overall weirdness of being told 188 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 3: this is the standard, and then also the conversation about 189 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 3: eating in public and trying to put on a brave 190 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 3: face either way, and then having this microaggression from others, 191 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,680 Speaker 3: whether it's one listener talked about how they were like, oh, 192 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,880 Speaker 3: if you turn sideways, you disappear, and that is a 193 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,000 Speaker 3: microaggression to this person trying to figure out, Hey, I have. 194 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 4: Complications in eating in front of people. 195 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 3: You're making this worse them, honestly believing that it is 196 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 3: a compliment we have. Of course, older generations just have 197 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 3: never held back. You and I talked about this when 198 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 3: I was in high school, when we went to someone's grandparents' 199 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 3: home to show wilfire dress to be like I. 200 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 4: Got recute, and being told, oh, you. 201 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,680 Speaker 3: Got thick thighs, you got birthing thighs, keep those and 202 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 3: I'm like. 203 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you. 204 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 3: As a high schooler and having that stigma on me 205 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 3: for so long and being told like, oh, you know, 206 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 3: but your standards, your beauty standards would be a hit here, 207 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,640 Speaker 3: and I'm like, again, I don't know what to do 208 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 3: with this comment that you are giving me, But this 209 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 3: is that whole level of my own concern on how 210 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,760 Speaker 3: do we talk to each other and lift each other up, but. 211 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 4: Not doing a way that it's actually really. 212 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 3: Counterintuitive if being lifting each other up. 213 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's complicate for sure, and there's a lot 214 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 2: to unpack and what you were just saying, because there's 215 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:12,440 Speaker 2: a whole level of fat phobia, and clearly we've talked 216 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 2: about it before, but associating like one is obviously better 217 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:20,599 Speaker 2: than the other, and we've somehow tied morality to thinness 218 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 2: as well. So there's just all these judgments people feel 219 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 2: so okay with making right that are quite shocking, and 220 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 2: like the comments people will make. I remember when I 221 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 2: was in high school, a relative of mine and I 222 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 2: was a chubby I was a chubby kid. But he said, 223 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 2: you're soon you're gonna have to start shopping in the 224 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 2: maternity section. 225 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,560 Speaker 4: And you better believe after that. 226 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 2: I was not. I could not eat in front of him, 227 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 2: like this was my young mind, totally impacted by it, 228 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 2: still remember it so clearly. 229 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 4: But that shouldn't. 230 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,679 Speaker 2: I mean, there's several things wrong with that, but it 231 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,959 Speaker 2: was set as an insult almost, and that's messed up. 232 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 2: Like there's so many things that are wrong with this, 233 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 2: and I do. I really appreciate how many people wrote 234 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 2: in and shared their own struggle with being open about 235 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:22,079 Speaker 2: this while not wanting to perpetuate all these things, all 236 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 2: these like messed up thoughts and feelings we have around weight, 237 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 2: and how that can get even more complicated when you're 238 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 2: a feminist, where it's like you don't want to lie, right, 239 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 2: you don't want to But if people are doing these 240 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,320 Speaker 2: weight things that you know are wrong, but you know 241 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 2: you're doing them too, and you're just hiding them because 242 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,320 Speaker 2: it's not the feminist thing to do, I think we 243 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 2: have to talk about that as well. But it is 244 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 2: frustrating because it has been I just give so much 245 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 2: of my brain space to thinking about that, and I 246 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:01,200 Speaker 2: don't want to, but I think about it all the time. 247 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,040 Speaker 2: I also worry about going out. I've canceled plans because 248 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 2: I'm like, they're going to think I've gained all this 249 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 2: weight during quarantine, which is it shouldn't inspire the fear 250 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 2: that it does. 251 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, it literally causes me to disrupt my life. 252 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, because I don't want to be seen. 253 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to kind of come back to this 254 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 3: has already kind of gotten along with all of my thoughts, 255 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 3: because I do want to come back to the fact 256 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 3: that there's this responsibility on us as individuals who are 257 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 3: trying to uplift others that has to have a balance 258 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 3: of giving someone a feel good moment versus perpetuating a 259 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 3: stigma that's not necessarily healthy. We don't know why someone 260 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 3: lost weight. We don't know if that was a plan. 261 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,280 Speaker 3: We don't know it's for their own health, We don't 262 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 3: know what it is about. And oftentimes that's the one 263 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 3: thing people feel like, this is okay to say because 264 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 3: she looks amazing, You've lost ten pounds, it's obvious. How 265 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 3: did you do that? Tell me your secrets? Type of 266 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 3: both which is not a secret. Metabolism is different. The 267 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 3: way we eat is different. Again, I exercise almost three 268 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 3: to five times a week typically, I have never really 269 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 3: lost that much weight. Yes, I also really love ice 270 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 3: cream and pumpkin pies. Did I eat it for breakfast 271 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 3: for the past two weekends. Yes, We're not going to 272 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 3: talk more about that. No, But that's the thing is, 273 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 3: like I understand all that, and I would say that 274 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 3: for when I was running. I don't anymore because it 275 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 3: hurts my body. Because we've just figured out recently that 276 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 3: I would say when mile was one donut, like that 277 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 3: was the joke that I would have, and that I'm 278 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 3: running so I can eat and it's still unhealthy. 279 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 4: That is so unhealthy. 280 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 3: It's not because I'm running, as I enjoy it, you know, 281 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 3: Like and I did, and it was a stress reliever. 282 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 3: And please know when I go and do these dance 283 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 3: classes have to is for social reasons because I love 284 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 3: my dance family. So I say dance. It's all workouts 285 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 3: and it's just zoomba and cardio jam. But I love 286 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 3: it and I love being with the people there because 287 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 3: there's a feeliate of camaraderie and something outside of my 288 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 3: normal scope. They are people from all kinds of worlds, 289 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 3: and I love this, and I say that in like, yes, 290 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 3: exercising is beautiful. Doing things that's good for you or 291 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,280 Speaker 3: if you feel it's good for you in a healthy way, 292 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 3: is beautiful. 293 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 4: But there is also this norm that. 294 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 3: We have allowed that says, yes, we compliment for things 295 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 3: that look appeasing and what we value in ourselves, or 296 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,440 Speaker 3: we wish for ourselves or we wish for others, to 297 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 3: the point that this is a detriment to most of society. 298 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 3: And I will say, for my family member, I have 299 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 3: a niece who's talking about some of the situations and 300 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 3: she's gorgeous, and oh my god, the pictures of her 301 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 3: is phenomenal, and apparently like there's some conversations around her 302 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 3: home about it. And I know this because I lived 303 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 3: in the similar home that this whole idea of being 304 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 3: skinny is what makes you valuable. So whether it's to 305 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 3: become a wife, whether it's to become a cheerish wife, 306 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 3: whether it's to become a good wife. And that's kind 307 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 3: of that conversation. I will say here, my mom never 308 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,880 Speaker 3: made feel like I was ever overweight. My mom never 309 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 3: put it in my head that I had to be skinny. However, 310 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 3: my mom was so concerned with her own body as well, 311 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,680 Speaker 3: and she would make her comments about her own body 312 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 3: that of course it influenced me as well, and that 313 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 3: was one of the big things when I was a nanny. 314 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 3: I was like, stop doing this. You're feeding into your 315 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 3: eleven year old's head that a standard is taking diet 316 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 3: pills and skipping mills so you can have drinks. And again, 317 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 3: that is one of those things I will say is 318 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 3: absolutely unhealthy. I will not hear anything else on that 319 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 3: stuff like that as a standard. 320 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,160 Speaker 4: That is unhealthy. 321 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 3: And I did it and sometimes I still do it, 322 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 3: so please understand I am very aware of these unhealthy habits. 323 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 3: And that's part of the problem in this bigger conversation 324 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 3: is trying to maintain something that may not be realistic 325 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,880 Speaker 3: for you, and that includes for people who can't gain weight. 326 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,120 Speaker 3: Of course, people may be bitter about this. There's those 327 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 3: again who have always struggled with weight. That feels a 328 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 3: little bitter like you won the lottery. But for those individuals, 329 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:22,119 Speaker 3: that's not what they want. Oftentimes, that is not something 330 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,680 Speaker 3: that they have seen and they have been Oftentimes justice 331 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,639 Speaker 3: teased for being too skinny, for being too wiry, for 332 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 3: any of those conversations, and that is that conversation of 333 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 3: being perfect. 334 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 4: And we're going to talk about this again, I know, 335 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 4: later on. 336 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 3: But it's this whole level of this fine line of 337 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 3: for those who have worked because they feel that they 338 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 3: were unhealthy and they were unhappy, and so they did 339 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,359 Speaker 3: it in a healthy manner in which they saw change 340 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 3: but also was able to have like encouragement with their 341 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 3: mental health and meaning that they were able to come 342 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 3: to a point of really understanding mentally and physically what 343 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 3: this means for them and truly coming to a point 344 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 3: of being healthy again mentally and physically as well, more 345 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,639 Speaker 3: so mentally than anything else. If that is something that 346 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 3: they have done and feel like, yes, I would like 347 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 3: that to be acknowledged, then yeah, I think we follow 348 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,440 Speaker 3: that lead. Not necessarily the compliment, oh you look so 349 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 3: much better, because that's not the truth. That doesn't change 350 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,960 Speaker 3: the person, I would hope, but that they've accomplished a 351 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 3: goal that they have set for themselves in a healthy manner. 352 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 3: And I've seen people do this, and I have seen 353 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,120 Speaker 3: people being able to do this in a great way, 354 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,199 Speaker 3: and we want to acknowledge that, but we should not 355 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 3: come out of bounds and do it on our own 356 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,679 Speaker 3: without knowing who or where they're coming from. 357 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:45,479 Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, And there's just so much stuff that is 358 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:50,640 Speaker 2: impossible to untangle when you're talking about this, like the 359 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: toxic diet industry and all these messages we fed young 360 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,479 Speaker 2: girls and women, because you know, it's hard to when 361 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,560 Speaker 2: you've grown up in that system, getting those messages all 362 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,399 Speaker 2: the time, it's hard to know why. Like I also 363 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 2: love exercising, but I was also doing it for unhealthy reasons, 364 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 2: so they both can exist. But it's just so much 365 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 2: work to like get to the bottom of why you're 366 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: doing something, and it's, you know, unfortunate that we have 367 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,959 Speaker 2: to do it. But I think that it's it is 368 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:30,159 Speaker 2: you should examine why why you're doing things. And I 369 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 2: think twice maybe before complimenting someone complimenting someone on something, 370 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 2: and I mean that can be almost I get so 371 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 2: in my head about it, I often won't even mention it, which. 372 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 4: Maybe is the best. 373 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 3: I feel like I do that in so many things, 374 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 3: and I'm like, I don't know where to go from here. 375 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 4: I'm going to ignore this, which. 376 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 3: Is again probably not the best but at that point, like, 377 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 3: at least I need to wait to read the room. 378 00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:01,040 Speaker 2: M hmm, yeah, see if you can get the story. Well, 379 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 2: we touched on so much stuff we could expound upon 380 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 2: in this. Thank you Samantha for being so open. Thank 381 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 2: you listeners for sending us messages and being so open 382 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,399 Speaker 2: as well and giving us a lot to think about. 383 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 2: And if you would like to contact us, you can 384 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 2: Our email is stuffandia mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. 385 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 2: You can find us on Instagram a stuff whe ever 386 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,400 Speaker 2: told You or on Twitter app Mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks 387 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,960 Speaker 2: to so much start super producer Christina, thank you and 388 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 2: thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You, 389 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,640 Speaker 2: the production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit 390 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,680 Speaker 2: the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen 391 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 2: to favorite shows.