WEBVTT - Being Better Together or Separately 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:04.560 You can heal while in the presence of someone if 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:08.760 they are the cause of some of your trauma or turmoil. 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:13.960 In fact, in some cases it's ideal. For example, if 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:18.600 you are in a couple's relationship and the person is 0:00:18.680 --> 0:00:22.439 the cause of some of your trauma and difficulty, but 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.520 yet they also have a tremendous amount of remorse and 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:27.880 they want to grow and heal, and they're willing to 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:31.000 do healing things to help you get on the other 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:34.599 side of your trauma. Another example is if you have 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:38.400 trauma with a particular parent. Not only can it happen, 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:42.760 but it's ideal because that parent can actually say and 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:45.159 do things to help you heal, and a lot of 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.640 times they're the only ones who can say and do 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:52.040 things to help you heal. So yes, absolutely, you can 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:55.279 heal in the presence of someone who has caused you harm, trauma, 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:59.240 or turmoil, and in fact, there are lots of opportunities 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:14.160 or lots of cases where that is optimal. Welcome back 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:18.600 to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott Connie. What's been 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:22.400 better since you listened to the previous episode? You'll notice 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:26.480 I ask that question in almost every session beyond the 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:29.960 first session. And I'm asking you my audience that question 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:32.760 here because I want to shift your focus to the 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:35.600 things you enjoy about life as opposed to the things 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:42.000 that cause you stress. The purpose of couple's therapy is 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.200 for two people to get on the same page to 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:52.560 create healing, progress, growth, whatever sign of positive in their relationship. 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:57.680 And when people should start considering therapy is when the 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:03.600 relationship has become stagnant or unsatisfying to one of or 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.320 both members. I mean, a couple's therapies is really really 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:09.840 great to get people on the same page, working in 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:14.079 the same direction to co create the kind of relationship 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:17.040 that they both would experience as satisfying. Today, we're going 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:20.680 to spend time working with Jay and David as they 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:25.120 work together to rediscover the happiness that they once enjoyed, 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:28.000 as they work together to build the kind of relationship 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:35.160 that they would both experience as joyous. Well, what is 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:40.919 up to two of my favorite people? I'm very excited 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:42.600 to get to talk to you guys today, So what 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:44.920 are your very best hopes from talking with me? 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:54.360 We actually each other that I don't know. 0:02:55.680 --> 0:03:00.880 I'm all open on, open airs, open minded, so let's see. 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:04.399 I always walk away good from the session. So let's 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:05.440 see what happens today. 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:09.760 What would be the type of thing David that if 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:11.760 it happened, you'd be you'd be pleased with it? 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:16.360 Hmm, I don't know. 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.079 I got to hear it and see it first. I 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:21.800 don't know, Like I have no one thing to pinpoint. 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:23.560 Would you know it if it happened? 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:25.840 Uh? 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:29.280 Probably more than likely. 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:37.280 Okay. And would you be pleased to have something good 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:37.800 come of this? 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:42.839 Yes? I will? 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:47.400 Okay. So and so somehow are talking led to something 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:48.880 good that'd be a good thing? 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:51.839 Yes? Absolutely? 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:54.360 Okay, Jam? 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:54.760 What about you? 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.400 What are you hoping to to get from talking with 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:58.160 me here today? 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.360 I actually did about this because I was like, I know, 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:02.120 who's gonna ask? 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:03.200 No, I wasn't. 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:10.680 I think a good thing to come out of this 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:18.839 would be for David and I to learn more about 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:26.240 how we can help each other as individuals on different journeys, 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:32.880 different paths, learning more about what that looks like for 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:33.560 each person. 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.400 What what difference would make to you to learn more 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:39.279 about how to help one another? Do you think? 0:04:40.279 --> 0:04:46.440 I think because we are clearly parents, and if we 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:50.680 can help each other, then that means we can be 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:56.240 better for our children. So I think it would make 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:57.400 a huge difference. 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:00.280 And what different would it make? So I I agree 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:02.599 with you, like that'd be great to make a different 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:04.920 for how we function as parents. What do you think 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:07.479 that would do to how you and David function with 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:08.040 one another? 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:09.080 Like? 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.200 What differen would that make between your relationship with you 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:12.040 and David? Do you think? 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:17.000 Well? I think the difference is the better we are 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:19.719 with each other, the better parents we can be, the 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:23.560 happier we are, the closer we are to living our 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:27.560 best lives, then the better we will be for our children. 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:34.159 Okay, And what do you hope that would do to 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:36.799 the dynamic between you and David? You know what I'm asking? 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:38.839 You know what I mean? Like, how that impact the 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:45.680 relationship between you and David? 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:52.640 I think the impact would be positive. I think I 0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:59.960 think that's not necessarily how we have functioned most recently. 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.520 We do help each other, but I think the goal 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:08.560 is more like, how can we help each other so 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:14.480 that we are, you know, creating a household that is functional. 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:19.440 But I think that's different than helping each other as 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:26.440 individuals to be better or to reach our personal goals. 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.599 I think it puts us as individuals at the forefront 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:32.880 versus us as parents helping the. 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:35.760 Household, and what would this do to the way you 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:38.520 thought about the future of you and David? Do you think? 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.160 Well, I think regardless of whether we live together or not, 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:51.000 we are bonded together forever, as you know, mother and 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:56.240 father to beautiful children. So the better we can assist 0:06:56.240 --> 0:06:59.080 each other is just you know, if we're both winning, 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.840 then our children are more likely to win. 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:06.000 Dutch And by the way, I don't think I've asked 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:10.600 either of you this, but in your relationship, have you 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.240 guys ever ever gone to see a couples therapists? 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:14.640 M hm, yep? 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:15.880 How many times? 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:19.440 I think we had like one and a half. 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:20.760 Like one and a half sessions. 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:27.120 The first time we went was twenty and nineteen, and 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:30.800 I don't know, we probably did what four or five 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:36.400 if that, and then we wasn't really feeling her. And 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:42.760 then the second most recent one was only what two sessions? 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.920 One session, I don't know, one two. 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:49.400 Yeah, Well, I'm really excited to talk to the two 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:52.680 of you. David, what's your favorite thing about Jalen? Like, 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:56.200 no one's perfect, so I imagine they're probably thinks about her. 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:59.400 You'd hope she changed or whatever, But like, what is 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:01.680 what is your favorite thing about her? Like the thing 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:03.840 about her you hope she never ever changes. 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:12.280 She recognizes like the good in you. 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:18.320 She's very encouraging when you might have some doubt, like 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:21.560 she's not real rob Rock, like you know, it's just 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:26.240 the way she said things in this that like I okay, cool, Yeah. 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:27.960 So I think one of the things is like she 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:31.320 recognizes things in you that you probably won't see in 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.600 yourself or you do know, but you're not putting it 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:36.559 to the front foor and she and she'll say that, 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:38.920 and she'll tell you that, and it just the way 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.880 she say it, Like I always say, like whatever, no 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:44.000 matter how loud it is or whatever, I can always 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:46.880 hear her talking like and she won't even be loud, 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:48.280 Like she won't even be loud. 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:48.880 She'll just be. 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:53.880 Baby or David or something like that, and it's just 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:56.760 like everything else just goes mute and that's the only 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:57.640 voice I hear. 0:08:58.960 --> 0:09:01.160 So I think that that's one of the things I. 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:05.160 Really really really really like about I had a look 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:10.080 over time in certain situations and things. I think that's 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:11.520 the one that tops all up and. 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:14.240 Gotcha okay, And Jalen, what about you? What's your favorite 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:18.319 thing about David? And again, he's He's very much not perfect, 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:20.760 and I'm sure there are things about him you'd like 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:22.480 to change. But what's the thing about him you enjoy 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:23.240 the most. 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:27.400 I guess the first thing that comes to mind is 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:36.440 that he is fun. He can bring kind of humor 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:41.439 and a good time to wherever he is and whoever 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:47.360 he's around. So I can be very serious, so he 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:51.640 knows how to kind of lighten the mood and help 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:54.400 you kind of forget about the things that are stressing 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:58.360 you out and just bring some type of positive energy 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:01.439 and know, just good heartedness. 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:07.720 That's excellent. And how did the two of you meet? 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:12.920 He stepped on my foot in a club. 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:16.000 You are telling me, I. 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:22.400 Am, And he wears a size thirteen. So that is 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:24.360 the story. We was at a club. I was with 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:28.120 his cousin. I had just came home from Afghanistan like 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:31.280 a month prior, maybe a little a little over a 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:36.520 month prior, and he was drunk and he stepped on 0:10:36.600 --> 0:10:41.040 my foot. Yeah, he was a little he was feeling it. 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:47.880 She stepped on and was very apologetic, and I was 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.120 just like, it's all good. You know, I'm cool, but 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:55.480 he was very, very apologetic, and he asked to massage 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:56.120 my foot for. 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:57.959 Me right there in the club. 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:04.439 Yep, h yeah, and he did. He did it. 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:08.760 He took the I did. 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:13.360 I did, of course. He asked me for my phone 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:18.960 number and I said no, and he called his cousin 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:22.440 when we were on our way home and asked to 0:11:22.480 --> 0:11:26.319 speak to me and asked me for my number again, 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:32.960 and I said that I would take his number. I 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:38.000 think I took his number, and I wasn't expecting to 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:43.960 contact him, but I wasn't back at work yet. I 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:48.040 was kind of bored. I just came home, so I 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:52.240 ended up texting him and m kind of hit it 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:52.800 off from there. 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:58.720 Can I pause you for a second? Why why would 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:02.360 you say no? When he first said can every phone number? 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:03.920 You said, I said no? How come? 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:08.920 Because I didn't like that he was like tipsy and 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:13.360 I didn't want to. I don't know, like it was 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:16.080 like our first interaction and you're not even sober, So 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:18.839 do you really want my phone number? Or do you 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:22.280 just you know, just kind of going with the situation. 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.240 So that was that, and then also I was kind 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:29.400 of not in the best headspace after my deployment, So 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:32.839 I wasn't really looking to date anybody or anything like that. 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:35.440 So that's pretty much it. 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:38.880 So then you took his number. You didn't even expect 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:42.920 to use it necessarily, and then you were weren't working 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.439 yet board and you texted him and then you said 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:46.920 we hit it off from there? How could you tell 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:47.760 you were hitting it off? 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:52.080 Well, we talked on the phone a little bit, text 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.960 a little bit. He asked to take me out and 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:57.160 I agreed that he could, that we could meet up 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:00.800 at a park, and when we're at the park, we had, 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:05.480 you know, a really good conversation. And then after the park, 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:09.680 we went to the movies and then after that we went. 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:11.160 Out to me Oh yeah, we went to the movie. 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:13.240 We ate first and then we went to the movie. 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.200 So we kind of ended up being together that whole day. 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:21.920 You know, it was a good vibe and the energy 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:27.840 was good, so we just we clicked a little bit. 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.199 David, why why pursue her? 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:37.080 I mean when I saw that night, I mean, Jalen 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:41.960 was very attractive. She's an attractive woman, and I never saw 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:45.440 her before and it's crazy, like I never knew who 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.960 she was. And we both from the same city and 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.440 got some of the same friends, and she's good friends 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:53.000 with my cousin. I ain't know who she was, so, 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:55.440 you know, like like she said, I was a little tipsy. 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:56.920 I think. 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.760 When I first stepped on her foot. When I stepped 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:03.400 on her foot, I was like, I'm just gonna go 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:07.120 for it. Okay, she tell me noa not, I'm just 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:09.120 gonna go for it. And I just went for it, 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:09.480 you know. 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:10.319 And then. 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:15.120 When she called me, I responded back and we just 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:17.480 had good conversation at the park. So I had to 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:21.520 let her see the sober like I am a smart individual, 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:24.400 I'm a nice guy, and you know I can't be 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:27.720 funny at times, and da da da da da da, 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:30.120 And then you know, we just hit it off from there. 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:31.720 That was basically what it was. 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:36.160 David. How did you know you were hitting it off? 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.160 Like what were the signs to you? 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:43.880 She was smiling, she was being responsive, not giving me 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:51.280 uh like yes, no answers, you know, and not like 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:53.600 if I took a shot or like you know, if 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:57.040 I say, if I said something she had come back 0:14:57.080 --> 0:14:58.520 at me and. 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:00.360 Blah blah blah, and then it was It's good. 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:02.640 Was just a good vibe and energy. It was just 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.040 good vibing and energy. You know, like when you're sitting 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:05.360 there with. 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:06.720 Somebody, the vibing good. 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.560 They ain't being responsible, like, man, I'm out now, I'm good. 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.120 You would have made up something you have absolutely nothing 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:13.880 to do. You would have made up something like I 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.280 got to go home, take my dog out for a 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:22.240 walk or something. Yeah, but that wasn't the case, you know. Yeah, 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:26.720 and I don't even have a dog. So after we 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:29.840 I like, I'm gonna be honest with you. When she 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:31.680 said let's me got the park, I was like. 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:35.240 What militant me at the park? Like I ain't no weirdo. 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:37.760 But I took it and run with it. 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.320 Yeah, because I never had that, like we're gonna meet 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:42.920 at a park, a public place like out in the open. 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:45.520 I was like a cool like I was with it. 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.080 I was with it, and the energy and the vibe 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:50.120 was good. We both wasn't doing nothing, you know what 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.840 I'm saying. I wasn't working at the time, She wasn't 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:55.160 working at the time, or whatever the case may be. 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:58.000 But we was having a good time. We definitely was. 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:01.040 And we just took it from there. For you to 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.280 meet somebody at the park at one or two o'clock 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:05.880 in the afternoon and be with them until two o'clock 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:06.440 in the morning. 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:08.640 Like something had been going right. 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:11.600 And how long did it take to two of you 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:17.160 to turn this initial meeting where we're vibing and kind 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:19.080 of clicking a little bit, How long did it take 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:20.880 to two of you to turn this into a relationship? 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:26.880 She threatened my life the day of the not even 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:32.640 the day, the minutes leading up into my cousin's surprise 0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:33.560 birthday party. 0:16:37.200 --> 0:16:37.960 Your life. 0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:44.840 You're not threaten, she said. Listen, she said, listen, I'm 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:47.640 not going to this party to meet all your family 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:50.520 that you've been talking about. And you got a big family, 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:53.200 and I ain't your woman. I said, what you mean? 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:55.160 Like like you, I'm a lady. 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.040 Like no, we got to make it official. I'm not playing, 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:01.280 I'm not going. Already told everybody you coming, I'll get 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:06.080 back in the car. So it was that November. 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:10.440 Twentieth, I think it was. 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:15.520 Yeah, my cousin she was surprised all black birthday party, 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:18.400 and that's when she met all my family. 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:21.640 Were you literally like walking into the party Dayleen said. 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:25.320 This, Yeah, we was in the car, she said something. 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.520 Then when we was walking in. She's like, I'm serious. 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:31.880 I was like, oh, okay, now, yeah, so she was serious. 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.399 So we met in August, the end of August, and 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:36.560 then I guess it was official. 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:40.360 August third, No, we met August third, my brother birthday 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:41.320 party August third. 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:44.040 Yeah, and then the end, like the middle to the 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:45.400 end of November. 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:47.119 November four, Thanksgiving. 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.840 Jalen, why would you want to be his partner? Like officially? 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:53.800 Like what was making you want that to be the case? 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:57.080 Well, because we have been spending a lot of time 0:17:57.160 --> 0:18:01.399 together one on one, and it just felt like, Okay, 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.359 if I'm going to go meet all these people, I 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.040 don't want to meet them as your friend, Like I 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:09.080 think we're a little past the point of being friends. 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:12.560 So you know, let's go ahead and put put a 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:14.679 name on it. This is if this is what you 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:16.880 want to do, Like I don't have to meet them tonight, 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:18.720 but if this is what you want to do, then 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:21.840 you're gonna, you know, put some respect on my name 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:24.280 and call me what I am. 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:28.240 But also too though, if my family was here, they'll 0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:31.879 tell you, I don't bring unless you my lady like 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.480 my woman, I don't bring you around my family like that. 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:40.239 But everybody was there, everybody, so I knew it in 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:41.920 my head. I just had to say it out loud. 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:46.159 Why were you comfortable? What was it about Jane that 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:49.280 was letting you comfortable to meet all your family? 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:52.960 Because I did like, like she said, we spent a 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:57.200 lot of time like after that initial interaction and then 0:18:57.440 --> 0:19:00.959 after the part, we spent a lot of their time together, 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:04.360 like a lot like the rest of the summer going 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:07.560 into the fall, just hanging out with each other. So 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:11.560 it was I was like, and then one of my 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.080 best friends said it like he said, he said, Dave, 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:15.920 because they call me Debo. He was like, Deebo, I 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:17.760 ain't never seen you act like that with no female. 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:20.840 He said, that's gonna be your lady. Watch that's exactly 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:22.720 what he's saying, even knowing me since I was ten 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:25.680 years old, he said, that's gonna be your lady, right, yeah, 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:27.120 because he saw. 0:19:26.880 --> 0:19:29.520 It like over the phone or I don't know if. 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:31.720 He saw like the bubbly like you know what I mean, 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:34.160 smiling all the time and things of that nature, though, 0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:36.520 but I just felt it. I just had to say it. 0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:40.040 I could have said it in October. Yeah, I ain't 0:19:40.040 --> 0:19:41.919 have to wait to November. Yeah, I just felt it. 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:45.639 I just felt something about Jay, like, yeah, this is 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:47.760 the one I wanted to be my lady. 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:49.760 Yeah I was. 0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:51.560 I was just about to ask you, like, what was 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:55.080 your friend noticing? But then you said like smiling and 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:57.680 bubbly and stuff like that, and just was that unusual 0:19:57.800 --> 0:19:58.880 for you? 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:04.760 Yeah, that's unusual. Yeah, especially for him to see it. Like, 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:06.359 and we were just hanging out. He's sitting on his 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:09.240 couch and you know, Jay law and I got up 0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:12.920 and used the phone, that stepped into the kitchen real quick, 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:14.760 and then I came back and that's the first thing 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:15.720 that came out of his mouth. 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:18.919 He said, that's gonna be a lady, watch I tell you. 0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:20.919 And this fight was like September, he said, before the 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:23.560 money over with, because he's been hearing like we've been 0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:25.040 hanging out and I've been telling him like, nah me 0:20:25.080 --> 0:20:26.600 and jam we did this, now were about to go 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:29.080 do this now. I was just dang when he was 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:31.080 at last night. Now, I was just chilling with Jay, chilling, 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:33.520 was on the porch, just hanging out. He was like, oh, 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:37.760 I right, yeah, so you know mm hmm. 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:40.240 JA, could you tell you were making him happy? In 0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:42.520 that way back then, because he. 0:20:42.480 --> 0:20:50.600 Wouldn't leave me alone. He called me every day. 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:55.320 How how did it impact you to know you were 0:20:55.440 --> 0:20:58.080 having an impact on him in that way? 0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:03.040 I mean we were happy, were you know, always smiling, 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:09.720 having a good time, learning about each other, you know, 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:13.600 our goals and all of that stuff. Like I never 0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:18.439 felt like he was not comfortable sharing things with me 0:21:19.440 --> 0:21:25.439 and telling me about hisself. And you know, it was 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:28.560 it was, it was. It was positive. He was happy. 0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:33.080 He seemed happy at least, And that's how I could tell. 0:21:34.000 --> 0:21:38.359 Hmm if you woke up tomorrow and that happiness was back, 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:41.000 how would each of you notice it? 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:46.560 Mm hm hmmm. 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:50.280 I guess we'd probably be wanting to spend more time together, like, 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:55.960 you know, looking for ways to enjoy each other's time. 0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:02.840 You know, I think that would be one way. I 0:22:02.840 --> 0:22:04.879 don't think we really do that now. It's kind of 0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:06.480 like he does his thing, I do my thing. 0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:13.160 Hey, Hey, Jaylen, you just said something like we would 0:22:13.240 --> 0:22:14.920 want to spend time together. Is that what you said? 0:22:14.960 --> 0:22:15.919 Is that what I heard? 0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:18.240 Yeah? 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:22.080 Forget David for a second, Like, how would you become 0:22:22.119 --> 0:22:27.040 aware that I'm interested in spending time with him? 0:22:27.040 --> 0:22:27.119 Like? 0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:29.440 What would you notice about Jay That would tell you 0:22:29.480 --> 0:22:41.400 something is changed and I'm interested in spending time with him. 0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:42.760 And guess how it would be excited to come up 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:44.120 with things to do with him. 0:22:45.400 --> 0:22:49.000 If you notice that excitement, would you be a lot 0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:50.800 surprised or a little surprised. 0:22:51.440 --> 0:22:52.600 I'd be pretty surprised. 0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:57.720 You'd be pretty surprised. Okay, what type of things would 0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:02.160 you be thinking about wanting to do with David? 0:23:03.080 --> 0:23:04.000 Uh? 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:11.199 Maybe maybe go to the gun range, maybe go to 0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:14.280 the go work out, like, maybe try out in the 0:23:14.400 --> 0:23:21.040