Speaker 1: The Hookup is a production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumbhouse Television,
Speaker 1: and Amber twenty Listener discretion is totally advised. Solving a
Speaker 1: mystery is kind of like a Rubik's cube. At the beginning,
Speaker 1: all you have is this scramble of disorganized tiles and
Speaker 1: the vague reassurance that some combination of twists and turns
Speaker 1: will restore the cube to order. Like if I line
Speaker 1: up this clue with this question and this person, suddenly
Speaker 1: I have a strip of consecutive red tiles and things
Speaker 1: start to make a little sense. Example, let's say the
Speaker 1: Ludlow Lodge apartment complex is one green tile. Being the
Speaker 1: site of Sante's disappearance, we can say with some confidence
Speaker 1: that it's relevant to the puzzle. Another green tile would
Speaker 1: be the psychotic former Bellboy who lives at Ludlow Lodge.
Speaker 1: He went crazy and attacked Matello that night. So it's
Speaker 1: an easy connection. So let's just shift this row so
Speaker 1: the two tiles are side by side. Okay, great, what's
Speaker 1: another clue I can shove into this metaphor? Hmm, the hookup?
Speaker 1: Of course, bell Boy did make Mateo inhale it, but
Speaker 1: I can't make those tiles line up because we're forgetting
Speaker 1: about my stalker. You know, he who wears a crustwick
Speaker 1: bad mitten hoodie and watches me from the shadows definitely
Speaker 1: warns a tile. Except when I try to make the
Speaker 1: stalker fit into the puzzle, it pushes bel Boy out
Speaker 1: of the way. After all, I bumped into bell Boy
Speaker 1: while running away from my stalker, so they couldn't be
Speaker 1: the same. No, but the bell Boy has to be involved.
Speaker 1: I mean, take this yellow square here. This is the
Speaker 1: vision Mateo pulled down from the hook up Hive mind,
Speaker 1: in which he saw a body being shoved down the
Speaker 1: normally locked the lodge, dumbwaiter. And who would have keys
Speaker 1: to said dumbwaiter The fucking bell Boy, of course, which
Speaker 1: is a really hard piece of evidence to ignore if
Speaker 1: it even is evidence, It hadn't occurred to me. But
Speaker 1: isn't it possible that when Matteo recounted his vision he
Speaker 1: was actually already under the Hives influence and that was
Speaker 1: all a lie to throw me off. That would align
Speaker 1: with Elias's yellow tile here where he suspected that Sandy
Speaker 1: was involved in manufacturing the hookup.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe that's the issue.
Speaker 1: If we stop trusting Elias's intel. A lot of this
Speaker 1: falls apart. Plus, he literally had access to the school's
Speaker 1: cadaver lab. Like, hello, easy body disposal. Damn it, it
Speaker 1: can't be Alias. He has an alibi. Yeah, a mystery
Speaker 1: is a lot like a Rubik's cube. I don't know
Speaker 1: how to solve either. Hey, Wade, what's an inflatable butt plug?
Speaker 3: Which part isn't clear? This place is bigger than I
Speaker 3: was expecting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like the three story sex Costco. I never
Speaker 1: knew I wanted. That's a lie. I've always wanted a
Speaker 1: three story sex costco.
Speaker 3: Whoa check out the mosaic wall of condom wrappers?
Speaker 1: Are you posting that?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm?
Speaker 3: Hashtag gay, hashtag gay boy, hashtag LGBTQ, hashtag gay life,
Speaker 3: hashtag gay life.
Speaker 1: Wow, really showing some pride in the tags there? Huh?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: Nothing?
Speaker 3: No? Really?
Speaker 2: What they say you can pick your friends?
Speaker 1: Hey, the sandbox is my territory.
Speaker 2: You tweet bitch, and they say you can pick your nose.
Speaker 1: Fine?
Speaker 3: You smelling boogers anyway.
Speaker 1: But for some reason, I have always been pathologically unable
Speaker 1: to pick my battles. I just find it curious when
Speaker 1: I see tags like that. I mean, don't you feel
Speaker 1: a little weird exploiting your sexuality to drive social media traffic?
Speaker 3: Exploiting my sexuality? Who's being a? How is it a
Speaker 3: crime to celebrate and share my identity?
Speaker 1: Well, like, your identity isn't really what you're celebrating and sharing.
Speaker 1: You're sharing an Android quality photo of a condom ball.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's nothing even specifically queer about that. Like
Speaker 1: if you were to post a picture of a newborn
Speaker 1: cousin which you captioned at hashtag gays of Instagram?
Speaker 3: Is the newborn cousin gay? Well, how could we know
Speaker 3: that exactly?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 3: Why are you assuming the tags should all be straight?
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm saying that if the post isn't about
Speaker 1: who the baby fucks, the tags don't need to be either.
Speaker 3: WHOA? How can you reduce the entirety of the gay
Speaker 3: experience to who you.
Speaker 1: Fuck by tagging a photo of condoms as gay?
Speaker 3: I didn't realize you were one of those I'm gay,
Speaker 3: but it's not my entire personality types.
Speaker 1: Bold words from someone who up until very recently described
Speaker 1: themselves as straight acting.
Speaker 3: Oh Jesus dayman, did that seem straight acting?
Speaker 5: It?
Speaker 1: Did not, No, so we should probably, like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: look for clues or something.
Speaker 2: That was weird.
Speaker 1: It's probably just the locale, right, you know the same
Speaker 1: way bookstores give you the urge to poop. Sex shops
Speaker 1: make you horny for your sort of nemesis.
Speaker 3: Okay, scrapy doo. And exactly what kind of clues are
Speaker 3: you envisioning we'll find here?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 1: Like, uh, this could be one.
Speaker 3: Commander Cox Space Explorer five five? Do do people still
Speaker 3: buy porn on DVD?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: Not since Max acquired mission to uranus.
Speaker 3: Uriness pun That is a low hanging fruit, my friend.
Speaker 3: At the very least I was expecting we come in peace.
Speaker 3: Did you just shit? That is better?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Wade, we could be a stand up duo.
Speaker 1: I'm the funny one and you play the straight man.
Speaker 4: Haw ha.
Speaker 3: Save it for the podcast.
Speaker 1: Podcasts are kind of gay.
Speaker 3: Damien, aren't these?
Speaker 1: They are indeed behind the glass counter, colorful little bottles
Speaker 1: are aligned in perfect order. Musk Berlin Blitz, Chinese water torture,
Speaker 1: and of course the hookup. Oh yeah, one thing I
Speaker 1: should have mentioned. As we were entering Chock full of Nuts,
Speaker 1: I gave way to spark notes run down on the hookup.
Speaker 1: Fortunately for him, I'm very good at explaining complex information
Speaker 1: in super digestible terms. So when Mateo maybe received that
Speaker 1: dumbwaiter murder vision from a hive mind propagoon, I tried
Speaker 1: to move the red rubiscube tile but couldn't because of Elias,
Speaker 1: the gay science kid from Werewolf. Does that make sense,
Speaker 1: hey Wade, what's an inflatable butt plug?
Speaker 2: Anyway?
Speaker 3: The hookup?
Speaker 5: Welcome to Chalk full of Nuts, where the customer always
Speaker 5: comes first. As Ludlow Hills Premiere Adult Supply Boutique, We're
Speaker 5: sure to knock your socks off and get your rocks off.
Speaker 1: Uh, thank you.
Speaker 5: I wasn't finished.
Speaker 3: Now I have to start over.
Speaker 5: Welcome to Chalk full of Nuts, where the customer always
Speaker 5: comes first. As Ludlow Hills Premiere Adult Supply Boutique, We're
Speaker 5: sure to knock your socks off and get your rocks off.
Speaker 3: I'm Nancy, Jesus.
Speaker 1: Thanks Nancy. Could you possibly tell me who your supplier
Speaker 1: is for these hookup poppers?
Speaker 3: Do I look like I know that? Well?
Speaker 1: No, Frankly, But is it something you could find out?
Speaker 5: Well no, Frankly, I can't disclose distributor information, but I
Speaker 5: can tell you about the promotion we're running this week,
Speaker 5: a free bottle of the hookup with every purchase.
Speaker 2: Audio cue Damien's heart sinks.
Speaker 3: Kitchen's pushing the hookup.
Speaker 1: That feels bad and like the next phase of a
Speaker 1: very deliberate rollout scheme. I'll just get one bottle of
Speaker 1: the hookup, thanks for research purposes. Not a total lie, though, truthfully,
Speaker 1: I have been thinking I'm just given all the anguish lately.
Speaker 1: Maybe it would be easier if no quit it?
Speaker 4: Dame?
Speaker 3: Did you just slap yourself?
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it?
Speaker 3: Hey?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Do you take apple pey?
Speaker 5: I literally just said you'd get the hookup free with
Speaker 5: any purchase. Why would you buy it alone?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, fine, I'll get this.
Speaker 2: I should have looked at what I was grabbing.
Speaker 5: All right, one red silicone ballgag and your free.
Speaker 3: Bottle of the hookup.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Nancy.
Speaker 3: So nope, Hey, I don't think shame you, do you?
Speaker 3: Oh Damien? Look Prestwick Badminton Nody ten o'clock.
Speaker 1: Six o'clock, seven o'clock. You're right, okay, not necessarily him, though,
Speaker 1: I mean I hear the bad mitten kids are a
Speaker 1: horny crown.
Speaker 3: Look, he's got the black mask. That's definitely your attacker.
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, we refer to him as my stalker,
Speaker 1: it implies I'm borth stalking. Second, fuck, he's coming this
Speaker 1: way in the aisle, Go go go.
Speaker 3: Can you see him? Yeah, he's heading towards the back.
Speaker 3: Come on, wait, turn that off. He's gonna hear us.
Speaker 3: I'm trying. I don't know how it got switched out. Stop.
Speaker 3: I don't think there is an off button. Maybe it's voice.
Speaker 1: There's an off button. Wade fucking give me that.
Speaker 3: Stop it. On the bright side, we're lucky it wasn't
Speaker 3: one of the ten inch ones. Your stalker definitely would
Speaker 3: have heard that.
Speaker 2: Well, I do appreciate the levity.
Speaker 1: I'm a little more folk, gust On, said stalker, passing
Speaker 1: through a set of double doors across the shop. Where
Speaker 1: does that door lead.
Speaker 5: The Minotaur's sex labyrinth?
Speaker 1: Just Dancy, Jesus scared me.
Speaker 5: Sorry, had to restock the electro shock lube.
Speaker 3: What's the minotaur's sex labyrinth.
Speaker 5: It's where we keep our higher end instruments of pleasure.
Speaker 1: Can we go in there?
Speaker 3: If you think you can afford anything.
Speaker 1: Swar vibrators in there are something to me affording. What's
Speaker 1: to say about the Minotaur's sex labyrinth? Sans context? You
Speaker 1: might think it's some froddy fundraiser spookas the crumbling stone
Speaker 1: walls are just spray painted plaster, and the gravel coating
Speaker 1: the floor obviously came from a home depot decorative rocks
Speaker 1: bag somewhat infrequently. The odd plasticene phallus protrudes from the walls,
Speaker 1: looking more like exhibits than product for sale.
Speaker 3: Oh, I wasn't expecting this to actually be a labyrinth.
Speaker 3: It's not a great business model. You can't find anything.
Speaker 1: Sh I think he went that way?
Speaker 3: Come on, Damian, slow down.
Speaker 1: I don't want to lose him.
Speaker 3: It's fine, he's just around this corner. Of course, it's
Speaker 3: equally possible he vanished into oblivion.
Speaker 1: We stumble out into a circular clearing scattered with fake
Speaker 1: plastic shackles and skeletons. I guess for max dungeon aesthetic.
Speaker 1: The outer wall is punctuated by six branching corridors, each
Speaker 1: one opening into a wash of darkness. Damn it, six passages?
Speaker 3: Fuck? Which way did he go? I? Don't know. I
Speaker 3: can't see. It's too fucking dim. Was that you? No?
Speaker 1: Did you hear that one?
Speaker 3: Hey, Damien, how well do you remember your Greek mythology?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: Beyond what I've seen in Zena? Not super well? Why
Speaker 1: do you ask?
Speaker 3: Are we just wondering how theseus escaped the labyrinth in
Speaker 3: that story?
Speaker 1: Fuck theseus? This is my story, and I'm gonna escape
Speaker 1: the labyrinth my way with Metal. Remember earlier how we
Speaker 1: figured out Metal has been showing the targeted ads for
Speaker 1: a chalk full of nuts.
Speaker 3: We fell right into its trap by coming here.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think it was a trap. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: app lurred us.
Speaker 2: Here, but.
Speaker 1: I think Metal has been helping me. Look this sort
Speaker 1: by proximity tab has never been here before. Metal is
Speaker 1: on our side.
Speaker 3: Huh. Whoa waite?
Speaker 1: Look Look at the second profile down Sondy.
Speaker 3: That can't really be him, can it?
Speaker 1: We'll see. Look when I move in this direction, the
Speaker 1: profiles reorder themselves. Yes, yes, okay, Come on this way,
Speaker 1: follow the path, delving deeper and deeper into the maze
Speaker 1: until we come face to face.
Speaker 3: With Adore off limits.
Speaker 1: The limit does not exist.
Speaker 3: Wad wait, wait, wait, hold a second what are you
Speaker 3: really sure you're ready?
Speaker 1: I warrant you this is going to be dangerous. Wade.
Speaker 1: I won't blame you if you want to go home,
Speaker 1: but I just know it's not what I mean.
Speaker 3: Are you sure you're ready to know what happened? Even
Speaker 3: if that metal account really is himmen and we manage
Speaker 3: some spectacular rescue. What's your plan? Are you too just
Speaker 3: gonna pick up where you left off?
Speaker 1: I think that's the plan. I mean, otherwise, what was
Speaker 1: the point of all this? But it's weird imagining the
Speaker 1: person I was back then. I mean, would Santy even
Speaker 1: recognize me?
Speaker 3: Now? Sorry, not a helpful question, but I definitely don't
Speaker 3: want to go, at least not alone.
Speaker 6: Rat.
Speaker 3: Then let's go.
Speaker 2: For obvious reasons.
Speaker 1: I've been doing a lot of research lately on paupers,
Speaker 1: you know, the chemical makeup, history manufacturing. So as I
Speaker 1: find myself in the center of what I have no
Speaker 1: doubt is the factory producing the hookup, I'm surprised at
Speaker 1: how well surprised I am. See as Wade and I
Speaker 1: emerge from the dim passageway and onto the catwalk stretching
Speaker 1: across the top of the factory, it's impossible not to
Speaker 1: notice what this place looks like.
Speaker 3: Holy shit, is this a craft brewery?
Speaker 1: Indeed, tall metallic brewing tanks line the walls, and the
Speaker 1: faux labyrinth architecture has been replaced by the sleek, wooden
Speaker 1: veneer and metal graded walkways you'd find on well a
Speaker 1: brewery tour. It looks like one, but so I don't
Speaker 1: think they're making IPAs. Check the emblem on the brewing tanks.
Speaker 3: The hookup, and see below that those little.
Speaker 1: Words miasma corp, miasma.
Speaker 3: Hey, what are you doing getting a better look?
Speaker 4: Double time truck gets here in an hour and we're
Speaker 4: still short three thousand bottles.
Speaker 3: Three thousand bottles. There aren't three thousand gays in Ludlow County.
Speaker 2: Oh oh no, The barking foreman remains to be seen.
Speaker 1: But I have a clearer of you now, the worker
Speaker 1: bees bottling and packaging the poppers, and I wish I didn't.
Speaker 1: It's all the converted hookup goons of Ludlow Hills, Big Top,
Speaker 1: a bell boy, the PM Peter, the cute Chipotle cashier
Speaker 1: Faki is gay.
Speaker 2: Rather was I guess?
Speaker 1: And then of course Matteo. It's not enough to just
Speaker 1: fuck with them. They have to be a part of
Speaker 1: this too. You heard that guy, The hookup is about
Speaker 1: to be shipped wide. I can't let that happen, not
Speaker 1: to anyone else.
Speaker 3: Okay, fine, but don't just barge in half cocked. Look
Speaker 3: down on the ground floor. Do you see that bullpen
Speaker 3: of desks?
Speaker 1: Wait?
Speaker 3: No where right there?
Speaker 1: I don't see it.
Speaker 3: Look where I'm pointed.
Speaker 1: Don't get mad at me. I see it.
Speaker 3: And do you see the PC on the desk?
Speaker 1: Mmmmm? And that external hard drive plugged into it? And
Speaker 1: if I were damning evidence about this entire operation.
Speaker 3: I'd probably be on that drive.
Speaker 1: With that kind of data, we could shut this entire
Speaker 1: thing down. Okay, I have an idea, And before you
Speaker 1: say it, yes, I'm on metal right now. Minnie Gerkin
Speaker 1: tap local hiker forty two. He looks like the guy
Speaker 1: who murders the local hikers. Tap arcouterie whore for twenty tap.
Speaker 3: Why are you liking them all?
Speaker 1: It's part of the plan, trust me, escaped mental patient
Speaker 1: tep Okay, I'm ready. The thing is I need you
Speaker 1: to stay up here?
Speaker 3: What why?
Speaker 1: Because if all those is planned, I'll be sending the
Speaker 1: goons up this way and I need you to help
Speaker 1: get them out through the labyrinth safely.
Speaker 3: Really, are we sure that rescuing them is top priority?
Speaker 1: They're not in control of themselves. They don't want to
Speaker 1: be here any more than we do.
Speaker 3: Debatable.
Speaker 1: The pathway to the computer is unobstructed, but puts me
Speaker 1: in a view of some goons filling hookup bottles nearby.
Speaker 1: But if I could just maneuver a tight, little forward
Speaker 1: roll past this first gap, I'd be in the clear. Okay,
Speaker 1: easy enough. Sometimes in moments like this, you know, when
Speaker 1: I fuck up really badly, like knocking over for a
Speaker 1: giant brewing towers of poppers badly, I try to remind
Speaker 1: myself that the ability to continuously reach new depths of
Speaker 1: fuck uptitude is a talent in itself. Who am I kidding?
Speaker 1: The hook up liquid is spilling everywhere.
Speaker 2: It's gonna flood the entire place.
Speaker 1: Okay, breeze to your mouth, Breathe through your mouth, breathe. Fuck.
Speaker 1: Just a few meters ahead, an erupting popper tank gushes
Speaker 1: its contents all over the desk, completely dousing the hard drive. Okay,
Speaker 1: new plan, escape with my life.
Speaker 2: I pivot back towards the stairs.
Speaker 1: It's little D, Big Top create great, Great, I'm majorly
Speaker 1: not in the mood. Get out of my fucking way.
Speaker 1: I'm serious to that, you serious, Mateo. I knew Matteo
Speaker 1: would probably be here. I mean, I was prepared for that,
Speaker 1: but it's it's still hard.
Speaker 3: You haven't been serious to day in your life.
Speaker 1: You're a joke, Damien, and not a very funny one.
Speaker 1: It's all of them now, all the goons circling me
Speaker 1: from every direction. Ah, being around this many guys I've
Speaker 1: hooked up with would be a nightmare, even if they
Speaker 1: weren't trying to kill me. The hookup level is still
Speaker 1: rising almost to my waist.
Speaker 3: Now where is it?
Speaker 1: I always have that on me? Mmmm? Don't you just
Speaker 1: love the smell of freshly baked poppers? Little D? Nice? Try,
Speaker 1: But you're talking to the guy who wears an N
Speaker 1: ninety five mask to hookups. Now, get the fuck out
Speaker 1: of my way, Big Top, stop, get off me, grub, Damien.
Speaker 6: Babel Hurst, are you proud of the mess you've made up?
Speaker 1: On the cot walk? He steps into view, black mask, Crestwick,
Speaker 1: Badminton hoodie. There's no mistaking that's my stalker. Can't help
Speaker 1: who I am when I go over to a hookups
Speaker 1: as got to critique the decoor. It looks better this way.
Speaker 4: Both of you to assume I'm just another one of
Speaker 4: your hookups.
Speaker 1: Well, they're historically the guys who hate me the most,
Speaker 1: so kind of just felt like the most likely outcome
Speaker 1: anxiety Royals in my guts is my stalker pulls back
Speaker 1: his mustard hood and begins sliding off black sheer mask.
Speaker 1: Well it's just like my life, coach said, But only
Speaker 1: one of us would received a grant upon graduating if
Speaker 1: we stop trusting me. Elias of intel a lot of this.
Speaker 4: As long as snt he was in the picture, I
Speaker 4: never stood a chance of winning.
Speaker 1: The simplest solution is often the likeliest. Elias stop, stop, stop,
Speaker 1: they need a sack. Okay, huh didn't we rule Elias out?
Speaker 1: I mean, I thought he had an alibi since Santy
Speaker 1: went missing during the Crustwit Crustaceans badminton final, anyone on
Speaker 1: the team should be in the clear. And I checked
Speaker 1: the yearbook. Elias really was a Crustacean, But that doesn't
Speaker 1: necessarily mean he actually played in the final. Shit okay, okay,
Speaker 1: but but what about when Matteo had that vision from
Speaker 1: the Hive mind, you know, of the body being dumped
Speaker 1: down the Ludlow watch, dumbwaiter. He told me he didn't
Speaker 1: recognize the person, and he'd already met Elias at that point.
Speaker 1: Unless Matteo really was already fully under the Hives influence
Speaker 1: when he told me that, and it really was just
Speaker 1: all a lie to get me off Elias's trail. And
Speaker 1: would you look at that? All the yellow tiles are
Speaker 1: finally aligned. So is any of this pive mind stuff
Speaker 1: even real?
Speaker 3: Always asking the good questions?
Speaker 1: As Elias speaks nay proselytizes, two goons emerge from the shadows,
Speaker 1: wheeling forth this contraption. It's tall, supporting itself on three legs.
Speaker 1: There are these two cuffs affixed to the top of
Speaker 1: the machine, another two at the bottom, presumably for her
Speaker 1: hands and feet.
Speaker 7: I know you don't believe in fate, Damien, or that
Speaker 7: everything happens for a reason, but I wish you would.
Speaker 7: You can't really believe it's a coincidence that you're witnessing
Speaker 7: the birth of humanity's future.
Speaker 1: Humanity's future is a sex wing.
Speaker 7: Has anyone ever told you that your use of humor
Speaker 7: in certain situations could be considered tone death once or twice.
Speaker 6: It's not a sex.
Speaker 3: Wing, it's hunt.
Speaker 7: It's the hookup neural gateway, the hookup neural gateway.
Speaker 1: Like hon, it's an acronym.
Speaker 6: Fuck boys.
Speaker 1: Strap me in as Elias hangs from the hookup neural
Speaker 1: gate way.
Speaker 2: What's the fuck? I don't know, like a kinky christ.
Speaker 1: One of the goons activates the control terminal near the base,
Speaker 1: punching buttons that I am just certain I'll wish weren't punched.
Speaker 7: To answer your question, yes, the hideline stuff is very real,
Speaker 7: as you've probably gathered. In addition to toggling the user's sexuality
Speaker 7: inhaling the hookup poppers installs a brain link to all
Speaker 7: the other goons, activate rinecott.
Speaker 1: The neural gate I don't know what's fucking called it.
Speaker 1: It starts to shake, and then these two little robotic
Speaker 1: tendrils poke out from the ends of the machine, high
Speaker 1: tech baby tentacles, sneaking upwards towards alas the face again closer, closer, closer.
Speaker 6: This part's why I have to strap in.
Speaker 1: What do you mean? Oh? Oh good, No, Elias, don't
Speaker 1: let the don't put those up. Oh Jesus fucking fuck dude,
Speaker 1: they went up your fucking news.
Speaker 8: Yeah, this is it, the memories, the.
Speaker 2: Experiences, Then it's real.
Speaker 1: Elias can actually access the memories of anyone who's taken
Speaker 1: the hookup.
Speaker 6: What's the matter, Boyo, don't believe me? I got that
Speaker 6: from Mateo's brain.
Speaker 4: He actually has a lot of wonderful memories of you,
Speaker 4: like when you didn't tell him he looked nearly identical
Speaker 4: through your missing X. Then expose him to the hook
Speaker 4: up while using him to help fine set missing X
Speaker 4: dump and much with all this insanity over position.
Speaker 6: Your whole neurotic bottom thing not as good as you think.
Speaker 1: Stop it.
Speaker 4: And since I already know everything about you, why wouldn't
Speaker 4: you just take a little whip and join us.
Speaker 6: Oh you're gonna love it?
Speaker 1: Are you one too?
Speaker 3: A hookup goon?
Speaker 6: Of course not. Then I couldn't control them.
Speaker 4: You control them, eeny Meani mini.
Speaker 3: Big cop.
Speaker 4: Sir Damien doesn't believe in my absolute control.
Speaker 3: So let's prove him wrong.
Speaker 8: I command you to sit, good boy, now back a
Speaker 8: beautiful and last me.
Speaker 1: Guy, what's happening to him?
Speaker 6: He's following orders?
Speaker 1: What the actual buck, Elias, do you hate gay people
Speaker 1: this much.
Speaker 6: Hate gay people? Where'd that come from?
Speaker 1: Probably the same bump fuck alt right hovel of a
Speaker 1: hometown that you did. Is this like a right of
Speaker 1: passage where you're from, you know, go on pilgrimage andcourage
Speaker 1: some sodomites.
Speaker 6: It's still me, Damien.
Speaker 4: I know the socio political implications of that hook cup
Speaker 4: give a certain impression, but it's not what.
Speaker 1: You're thinking moment. I'm thinking you're probably not even gay?
Speaker 1: Do you just fake it to lure queer guys into
Speaker 1: your sick web?
Speaker 6: Did it seem like I was faking it?
Speaker 3: You know what?
Speaker 4: Honestly, if you really think I'm straight, you're an even
Speaker 4: more detective than I thought.
Speaker 6: So then, and no, it's not a self loathing gay thing.
Speaker 6: My home is.
Speaker 4: Sexuality is a gift and I thank God every day
Speaker 4: for it.
Speaker 3: Then what, Danion?
Speaker 4: When you applied to kress with you, did any of
Speaker 4: your application essays mention your sexuality?
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I talked about being gay in one
Speaker 1: of them.
Speaker 6: Right, so did I.
Speaker 4: But I'm curious why did you mention it? I mean,
Speaker 4: does your propensity for dick really matter? In regards to
Speaker 4: your journalism studies?
Speaker 1: How can you reduce the entirety of the gay experience
Speaker 1: to who you fuck? You're wrong. It's a part of
Speaker 1: who I am.
Speaker 6: Of course it is, and that's not really why you
Speaker 6: mentioned it in your apps.
Speaker 4: You name dropped your sexuality because you knew subconsciously or
Speaker 4: otherwise you might not make the cut without it. You
Speaker 4: knew that compared to all the other kids applying for
Speaker 4: that program, being a straight dude, but putting you at
Speaker 4: a disadvantage, So you commodified yourself making.
Speaker 1: Sense Yet literally no, you sound like an insane person,
Speaker 1: and I'm worried about secondhand cancelation.
Speaker 4: If you thought applying to the journalism major was tough,
Speaker 4: you can't even fathen the competition for the Ashcroft in
Speaker 4: research grants five ten years ago.
Speaker 6: I would have had a shock. But didn't you hear
Speaker 6: day's not diverse anymore? In an era where diversity gets
Speaker 6: you the goods. All this talk of intersectionality and cis.
Speaker 8: White gay privilege really starts to close some doors.
Speaker 1: So, realizing that your diverse status was waning, you set
Speaker 1: out to rarefy homosexuality.
Speaker 6: Bing ming dinging ding. You got it.
Speaker 4: I didn't agree to make the hook up because I
Speaker 4: hate being day.
Speaker 6: I did it to be the only day left, and
Speaker 6: soon I will be restin him.
Speaker 1: Don't touch me, give me back, then, lest let me go.
Speaker 4: Were you baptized, Damien, I'm assuming not. You drug me
Speaker 4: as a type to turn to ash if you cross
Speaker 4: a church threshold. Still, I think there's a lot to
Speaker 4: be learned from the sacrament, purification, rebirth, all obtainable with.
Speaker 3: Just a quick dip.
Speaker 2: Oh, baptism by poppers. I should have known it would
Speaker 2: end like this.
Speaker 4: Of course, you could make this easier on everyone if
Speaker 4: you're just inhaled of your own free will.
Speaker 1: I'd rather face bucket tape worm than willingly join your
Speaker 1: blow ass hide mind.
Speaker 4: Actually it's called the hook up polecule. High mind sounds
Speaker 4: a little too twentieth century sci fi. Polecule feels more
Speaker 4: right and interconnected. Cohort of individuals bound together through sexuality.
Speaker 3: That was my idea.
Speaker 6: Nothing really, this is the last time of every day. Boy. Oh,
Speaker 6: you don't have anything to add.
Speaker 1: Yeah, polly Cule story Broa ties him. Written and directed
Speaker 1: by Noah Feinberg. That's Me, sound design and score by
Speaker 1: Jeremiah Zimmerman, starring Noah Feinberg.
Speaker 6: That's Me.
Speaker 1: As Damian, Ray Santiago as Santy and A Matteo, Nico
Speaker 1: Greatham as Wade, Augustus Prue as Elias, Scott Evans as
Speaker 1: Big Tuck, Jeffrey Self as bell Boy, Tina Majorino as
Speaker 1: Doctor Wiley, Obi A Biley as p and Peter, Gabrielle
Speaker 1: Ruiz as Joma, Sadie Dickinson as Meg. Additional voices by
Speaker 1: Megan Taylor, Harvey, Susan C. Bennett, Verona, blue Mark Bramhall,
Speaker 1: Bryan Daniel Porter, Chris Dickey, Aaron Cocher, Christopher Corbin, Kiff,
Speaker 1: Vandenhavel and Rhys Griffin. Opening theme by Alex Yoder, Casting
Speaker 1: director Sonny Bowling and Meg Mormon. Executive producers from iHeart,
Speaker 1: Trevor Young and Matt Frederick. Executive producers from Blumbhouse, Christicky
Speaker 1: and Noah Feinberg.
Speaker 3: That's Me.
Speaker 1: Executive producers from Ember twenty David Thwaites and Jimmy Jellen.
Speaker 1: Supervising producer Rachel Foley, editor Noah Feinberg.
Speaker 2: That's Me,