1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,400
Speaker 1: Hey, there, everybody, and welcome to Amy and TJ, where

2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,880
Speaker 1: we are continuing our love Stories series. We are talking

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,840
Speaker 1: to couples from all different walks of life about what

4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,920
Speaker 1: makes their relationship work.

5
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,520
Speaker 2: And next up on the series are two.

6
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,320
Speaker 1: Very familiar faces for those of you who are Bachelor

7
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:25,600
Speaker 1: Nation fans, Ashley Iichinetti Hibon and Jared Hibond. Their relationship

8
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:29,040
Speaker 1: is an interesting one because they first met, or at

9
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:32,839
Speaker 1: least they were both in Bachelor season nineteen for Ashley

10
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,159
Speaker 1: and season eleven for Jared. But they met on Bachelor

11
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,879
Speaker 1: in Paradise in season two. But guess what, Ashley got

12
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,120
Speaker 1: friend zoned And in fact, Ashley and Jared were friends

13
00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:47,440
Speaker 1: for nearly three years before they officially began dating. Their

14
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:50,520
Speaker 1: story is an interesting one. They're now a married couple

15
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,000
Speaker 1: of six years.

16
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:52,640
Speaker 2: With two kids.

17
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:57,040
Speaker 1: Here is Ashley II Connetti hi Bond and Jared Hibond's

18
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,000
Speaker 1: love story.

19
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,360
Speaker 3: This is Amy and TJ Love Stories.

20
00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:14,360
Speaker 4: All right, and Ashley and Jared are with us.

21
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:14,679
Speaker 2: Now.

22
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,120
Speaker 4: We're gonna start with question one, which is the one

23
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,240
Speaker 4: guys that seems to trip up our couple's most The

24
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,280
Speaker 4: first question so here it is we want both of

25
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,080
Speaker 4: you to answer and since Ashley, you were laughing the most.

26
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:31,000
Speaker 4: I'm gonna start with you. It's I love those five

27
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,880
Speaker 4: words or less. It can be a phrase, it can

28
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,720
Speaker 4: be individual words, but five words or less describe you

29
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,600
Speaker 4: all's relationship today.

30
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:46,559
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Well we have great communication.

31
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,760
Speaker 3: Alright, communication?

32
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:55,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, we have a great friendship. We make

33
00:01:55,400 --> 00:02:04,120
Speaker 2: fun of each other a lot. It's definitely chaos and balancing.

34
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,640
Speaker 3: Balanced.

35
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:10,239
Speaker 1: I thought it was.

36
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:16,960
Speaker 2: I thought it was five phrases. Well at it with chaotic,

37
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:21,160
Speaker 2: Well it with chaotic, but obviously also loving.

38
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:27,239
Speaker 4: I heard loving, friendship, comforting, chaotic, and there was something else.

39
00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:34,560
Speaker 2: That the communicating communications chaotic, loving, friendship and supportive.

40
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,160
Speaker 4: All right, j so did not tell you all? This

41
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,119
Speaker 4: was always a fun question.

42
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,000
Speaker 3: Go ahead, jar you want to think of five different words,

43
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,240
Speaker 3: but those are good ones. I would say, uh, supportive

44
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,640
Speaker 3: that was the first word.

45
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:46,760
Speaker 2: Are we allowed to copy?

46
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:55,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course great, supportive, loving This is two words.

47
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,280
Speaker 3: But you know, self deprecating, Okay, that's good.

48
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,160
Speaker 2: That's about making fun of each.

49
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,240
Speaker 3: Other, humbling.

50
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,440
Speaker 1: And uh.

51
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, cohesive. See this is that is our relationship in

52
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,639
Speaker 3: a nutshell. She'll tell me the word and then I

53
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:15,400
Speaker 3: just spit it out.

54
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,480
Speaker 4: That's cohesion, Yes, exactly.

55
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,760
Speaker 1: Work makes the dream work. So many people do know

56
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,919
Speaker 1: your love story because it played out on national television.

57
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,840
Speaker 1: I was just telling you I watched that first Bachelor

58
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,560
Speaker 1: in Paradise where the two of you all you were

59
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,440
Speaker 1: not wrote necessarily romantic, it was you had a lot

60
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,320
Speaker 1: of ups and downs. So can you give people who

61
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,280
Speaker 1: don't know your story the timeline? How long did you

62
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:44,840
Speaker 1: date before you got engaged? Probly, you actually probably have

63
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,960
Speaker 1: to start? How long were you friends before you started dating,

64
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,720
Speaker 1: before you got engaged, before you got married?

65
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:57,520
Speaker 2: I'll start it. So I saw a picture of him

66
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,360
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'd want him in Paradise. Saw

67
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,920
Speaker 2: him in Paradise, and then I was like, I'm in

68
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,080
Speaker 2: love with that man. I am the ultimate romantic, but

69
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,600
Speaker 2: I wasn't sure if I believed in love at first sight.

70
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,720
Speaker 2: But then when I saw him, I did believe in it,

71
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:16,080
Speaker 2: and so I was totally uncool, obsessed and uncool, And

72
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,640
Speaker 2: somehow he still thought like I would be like a

73
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,320
Speaker 2: nice friend even though I was so nervous around him,

74
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:27,480
Speaker 2: but he only had friendship vibes initially, and then I

75
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,880
Speaker 2: think he's after like knowing me in real life so

76
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,599
Speaker 2: this is like knowing each other for three months. That's

77
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,479
Speaker 2: when he started seeing me in a different way because

78
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,200
Speaker 2: I was being more myself, and then it got really

79
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,720
Speaker 2: complicated for like two years. Yeah, and because why you

80
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:44,640
Speaker 2: want to explain.

81
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:48,480
Speaker 3: That borderline toxic probably unhealthy, not toxic.

82
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:48,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

83
00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:54,200
Speaker 3: So what we met on sardis Ashley and I always

84
00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:59,200
Speaker 3: when I was ever around Ashley, I always felt very calming.

85
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,360
Speaker 3: I felt very calm.

86
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,280
Speaker 2: It's so crazy because I was.

87
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:06,160
Speaker 3: I just think there are certain people. I'm she hates

88
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,599
Speaker 3: me for saying this. I don't know if I necessarily

89
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,039
Speaker 3: believe it like one sold me. I mean, I understand,

90
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,120
Speaker 3: but I definitely feel like there are people that you

91
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,600
Speaker 3: just there are certain vibes that you get from other people,

92
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,560
Speaker 3: and I definitely got those vibes from actually where we

93
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,040
Speaker 3: just we mesh. We mesh very well. We always have,

94
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,040
Speaker 3: even when in the beginning of Paradise, you know, I'm

95
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:29,560
Speaker 3: someone who tries to really uh like commer heads prevail

96
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,120
Speaker 3: and think things through. And so of course this woman

97
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,440
Speaker 3: on Bachelor and Paradise who just meets me within five minutes,

98
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,479
Speaker 3: She's like, it's either you or nothing, and I'm like, Okay,

99
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,680
Speaker 3: let's settle down here for the rest of my life. Like,

100
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:47,600
Speaker 3: but yeah, so then we always we we crossed the

101
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:52,240
Speaker 3: friendship boundary like a few months in and then went back.

102
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,320
Speaker 2: Because so that really messes with my psychic.

103
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,080
Speaker 3: Well of course it well should. It's because it's a

104
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,600
Speaker 3: very weird time and you get after you go on Bachelor,

105
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,400
Speaker 3: you know, you just get thrown into this fame and

106
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:08,599
Speaker 3: it really just IM just trying to like transport myself

107
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,960
Speaker 3: back to that time where it was just a confusing time.

108
00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:15,360
Speaker 3: And so anyway, then we were just strictly friends. I'm

109
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,480
Speaker 3: sure I did. I was twenty seven years old, you know,

110
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:24,640
Speaker 3: but guys are stupid. I'm not above this. But long

111
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,400
Speaker 3: story short, that we were long story long, I know,

112
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,680
Speaker 3: strictly friends for about a year and a half. And

113
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,440
Speaker 3: that's when it became an issue because we both there

114
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,680
Speaker 3: were definitely more feelings than just friendship feelings. But we

115
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,800
Speaker 3: were never dating anybody else, so it was kind of

116
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,600
Speaker 3: like we were dating but never physical with each other.

117
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,359
Speaker 3: But we would talk to each other every single day and.

118
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,280
Speaker 2: And then you know, okay, basically all it did was

119
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:50,800
Speaker 2: all I had to do was get a boyfriend, and

120
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,719
Speaker 2: that I was like, okay, it's time.

121
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,279
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a long story short. Thank you.

122
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,720
Speaker 1: Jealous and realized what he is missing.

123
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:01,720
Speaker 3: Exactly pretty much.

124
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,960
Speaker 4: Okay, that was some point to put it. Okay, can

125
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,520
Speaker 4: we go back too, said I love you first?

126
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,320
Speaker 2: Oh he said it first, shocking, I know, yeah, but

127
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,840
Speaker 2: I wasn't gonna I was not going to do that.

128
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,680
Speaker 1: Now, at that point, you had already showed your hand.

129
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,280
Speaker 1: You're like, uh, I think you know how I feel

130
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:18,400
Speaker 1: like you?

131
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,640
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I had to prove myself way more than her.

132
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,480
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. Going back to uh, how long was the engagement?

133
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,040
Speaker 3: So long we were the engagement was fine, It was

134
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,920
Speaker 3: uh fourteen by the time we actually started actually dating. Yeah,

135
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,200
Speaker 3: five five months.

136
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,520
Speaker 2: You know, it was fourteen months of engagement to marriage.

137
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,880
Speaker 2: But before we got engaged with yeah, it was four

138
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,960
Speaker 2: months of dating, not even we had known each other

139
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,320
Speaker 2: for three years at that point. How we and we

140
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,840
Speaker 2: were basically dating without touching is what I.

141
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,880
Speaker 4: Have that look. I have to ask this follow up

142
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,600
Speaker 4: because a lot of young couples are looking at you

143
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,120
Speaker 4: all and are very curious about that moment you said

144
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,760
Speaker 4: where there was some foolishness. I think you said toxic,

145
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,720
Speaker 4: but you said No, it was just unhealthy. Describe what

146
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,760
Speaker 4: that was for you guys, what that ruggle was, because

147
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,720
Speaker 4: you know a lot of young couples dealing with the

148
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,080
Speaker 4: egos and who's this and how much do I put

149
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,760
Speaker 4: myself out there? And is he for real?

150
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:07,920
Speaker 1: She?

151
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,200
Speaker 4: So really, what was that thing that was causing such

152
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:11,640
Speaker 4: a problem?

153
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,480
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I think the most simple way of saying

154
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,880
Speaker 2: it is Jared knew that if he was going to

155
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,040
Speaker 2: start dating me that he had to marry me. Like

156
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,160
Speaker 2: he knew that we weren't going to have a relationship

157
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,840
Speaker 2: where it was just going to be like, oh, we

158
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,120
Speaker 2: can see where this goes. So he like had to

159
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,640
Speaker 2: kind of be ready to propose by the time he

160
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:30,800
Speaker 2: said let's start dating.

161
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:31,880
Speaker 4: It was very serious.

162
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,599
Speaker 3: Well, I think also from our experience just being on

163
00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,760
Speaker 3: the Bachelor, you go in this environment, and in this

164
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,920
Speaker 3: environment it's very much hey, listen, you're dating to get married.

165
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,400
Speaker 3: That is the purpose of this, that is the goal.

166
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,199
Speaker 3: And so I think for Ashley and I, especially with

167
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,319
Speaker 3: our relationship and how intense it was, it was always

168
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,320
Speaker 3: going to be this is either we date to get

169
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,520
Speaker 3: married or we don't date at all. And I think

170
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,360
Speaker 3: that led to a lot of hesitation on my end,

171
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:03,080
Speaker 3: and then when it became unhealthy, was that clearly anybody

172
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,120
Speaker 3: who was around us knew, guys, there's something more here

173
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,719
Speaker 3: than just friendship. But we never crossed that.

174
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,960
Speaker 2: Well, we did cross it early early on.

175
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,800
Speaker 3: But later on when it became unhealthy, we never crossed it.

176
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,080
Speaker 3: And so if we were on dates with other people

177
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,920
Speaker 3: or if we were actually trying to find someone to

178
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,520
Speaker 3: be with, that wasn't one of us. I mean, we like,

179
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,520
Speaker 3: we would have to end the friendship because if you

180
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,160
Speaker 3: were if somebody started dating Ashley, there's no way they

181
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,640
Speaker 3: would want her to be friends with me. And I

182
00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:32,800
Speaker 3: don't blame them one bit, And just like if someone

183
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,679
Speaker 3: started dating me, they'd be like, listen, I don't want

184
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,320
Speaker 3: you talking to Ashley every single day.

185
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,280
Speaker 2: I'm like, I respect that and not to take this

186
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:41,000
Speaker 2: question and keep running with it. But it really did

187
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,840
Speaker 2: happen like that where I did end up having somebody

188
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,079
Speaker 2: that I was dating met him through the show and

189
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,800
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, we've had this vacation plan with

190
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,680
Speaker 2: my friends for so long, Like we've been just friends

191
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,319
Speaker 2: for two years. I literally haven't kissed him for two years,

192
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,680
Speaker 2: Like nothing's gonna happen like it's okay, like he doesn't

193
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,480
Speaker 2: like me, and then I go down to Saint Lucia

194
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,200
Speaker 2: for this group friend thing and that's when he confesses

195
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:10,120
Speaker 2: his love and yeah, so see did he show he

196
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,240
Speaker 2: kissed me in the airport in a dramatic movie way?

197
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, very nice.

198
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,839
Speaker 2: I love pulled me out of the boarding line.

199
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had to make a splash, you know, well done, But.

200
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,599
Speaker 1: It was it was it was overdue and so it

201
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:30,000
Speaker 1: had to be dramatic. That makes sense, it was overdue.

202
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,400
Speaker 1: I'm just speaking.

203
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:33,840
Speaker 2: Very theatric.

204
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,920
Speaker 1: We always ask, but I think we know the answer here.

205
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,760
Speaker 1: What the role of friendship is in your relationship? How

206
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,719
Speaker 1: important is it that you all were friends? And what

207
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,920
Speaker 1: do you think that time where you were just friends?

208
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,200
Speaker 1: How has that played into the success of your marriage?

209
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,840
Speaker 2: Now first you go.

210
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,880
Speaker 3: First, it's played in the success of our marriage because.

211
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,679
Speaker 2: I've never had a real relationship before him, So I

212
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,280
Speaker 2: don't even know how a friend, how a dating relationship

213
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,679
Speaker 2: is when you're not friends with somebody.

214
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:08,199
Speaker 3: First, I think we we never really argue, we get

215
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,040
Speaker 3: into confrontations, but like I can't remember the last time

216
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,680
Speaker 3: we actually like raised.

217
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,600
Speaker 2: I think I can think the last time.

218
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,840
Speaker 3: Okay, but it does go very it's very very infrequent.

219
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,760
Speaker 3: But my point saying that is because I think our

220
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:27,120
Speaker 3: friendship really we learned how to be ourselves individually around

221
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,160
Speaker 3: each other, and so there was never that early on.

222
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:32,480
Speaker 3: I mean, there was always the awkwardness, but we really

223
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,360
Speaker 3: were able to learn, Like I know, I can read

224
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,560
Speaker 3: her in a bunch of different ways, and she can

225
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,079
Speaker 3: read me in a bunch of different ways. Where we're

226
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,439
Speaker 3: very comfortable being in the same room. But also even

227
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,840
Speaker 3: if we're in the same room, it kind of feels

228
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,840
Speaker 3: like we're alone at times, because that's in a relationship,

229
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,959
Speaker 3: as everybody knows. Yeah, and it could be you definitely

230
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,000
Speaker 3: need your separation at times, but we're able to be

231
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,240
Speaker 3: together and separated at the same time. That makes sense.

232
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, Like I always said, I was like, I

233
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,679
Speaker 2: don't know if I want to live with someone. I

234
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,599
Speaker 2: live with someone that sounds like it sucks, but I

235
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,240
Speaker 2: have to say that when I'm in the same room

236
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,440
Speaker 2: with him, it feels like I'm alone in a good way.

237
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:10,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you know what I mean?

238
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,520
Speaker 4: Like he actually didn't understand.

239
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,559
Speaker 1: Okay, together twenty four to seven, work together friends for

240
00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,480
Speaker 1: years before we're actually like a lot of this is

241
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:20,960
Speaker 1: resonating with us completely.

242
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,079
Speaker 2: So that's what we miss about having before we had kids.

243
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,760
Speaker 2: If we have to like say the things we missed

244
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,920
Speaker 2: before having kids, it's definitely, well, I miss watching TV

245
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,199
Speaker 2: and just like binge watching TV on the weekend, but

246
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,719
Speaker 2: together as a couple, like we used to just like

247
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,280
Speaker 2: play all day, you know what I mean, Like we

248
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,080
Speaker 2: were just like, let's go to the gym, let's say coffee,

249
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,520
Speaker 2: listen it and we're just like you know, in the

250
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,920
Speaker 2: car like bop it and listen to music and podcasts.

251
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,040
Speaker 2: And we don't like get like that fun worked up

252
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,040
Speaker 2: because we used you know, the social media work is

253
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,400
Speaker 2: like very much of a collaboration thing with us, and

254
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,560
Speaker 2: it's just not like, oh, let's make this real, it'd

255
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:51,640
Speaker 2: be funny and silly, and it's like.

256
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,720
Speaker 4: We have we mentioned arguments you've talked about, Jared. We're

257
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,000
Speaker 4: gonna get into a section here about fights and disagree

258
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,640
Speaker 4: But first you said you don't have big kickout and

259
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:08,640
Speaker 4: drag out fights, but the daily disagreements do you have

260
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,880
Speaker 4: a little For some they say, hey, the thermometer, the temperature,

261
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,600
Speaker 4: or others say you're not cleaning up on those are

262
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,840
Speaker 4: minor things. Do you all have a little daily disagreement

263
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,360
Speaker 4: and annoyance that's not going to be a marriage deal breaker,

264
00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,120
Speaker 4: but still annoy the hell out of each other every day.

265
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,319
Speaker 2: Thicker, I don't do dishes like I like, I'll do

266
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,240
Speaker 2: the dishes once a week. He is a dishman, and

267
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:35,040
Speaker 2: I know that, like secretly. When he's doing the dishes

268
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,120
Speaker 2: in the morning from dinner the night before, he's thinking

269
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:38,520
Speaker 2: about it.

270
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,200
Speaker 3: He's thinking about, no, yeah, you're not gonna like my answer,

271
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:46,439
Speaker 3: you're gonna get so oh what it's just because you

272
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,920
Speaker 3: don't think you are. He thinks that I'm messy, You're

273
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:49,559
Speaker 3: a little messy.

274
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,680
Speaker 2: But I think that I'm only messy since having kids

275
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,280
Speaker 2: because I've like never been messy. I've always had like

276
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,480
Speaker 2: our places always looks so good, and then we had

277
00:13:57,559 --> 00:13:59,679
Speaker 2: kids and it's just like kind of like my second.

278
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,240
Speaker 3: My third priority now like her side of the bed,

279
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,440
Speaker 3: like your.

280
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,240
Speaker 2: Side of the bed also has so many things on

281
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,480
Speaker 2: the tabletop and it drives me nuts. And look at

282
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,959
Speaker 2: your drawers. My drawers are organized. They have the organized things.

283
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,679
Speaker 2: You shove months old newspapers in yours.

284
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:16,440
Speaker 4: I mean.

285
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,400
Speaker 2: For yeah, well I do get annoyed when my own nightstand.

286
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,680
Speaker 3: You're projecting your own securities because you know you're a

287
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:24,200
Speaker 3: little messy.

288
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,760
Speaker 2: That's all right, denying that. I can be assage sometimes now,

289
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,359
Speaker 2: but before we had kids, our places will always.

290
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 3: I would agree. I don't disagree with one bit.

291
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,800
Speaker 1: This is hilarious. I love it. I think so many

292
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,720
Speaker 1: people listening are so again resonating this is this is

293
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,600
Speaker 1: what what relationships are like. But it's cool that you're

294
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,440
Speaker 1: comfortable enough to be able to have those little jebs.

295
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,040
Speaker 1: How long have you all been married? Now?

296
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:58,240
Speaker 2: So many?

297
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,960
Speaker 1: Was there a best year so far?

298
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,080
Speaker 2: I'm not this is not like this is a pause

299
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 2: in a good way, but I think probably the first year.

300
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,040
Speaker 3: It's hard because we I mean, you guys have kids,

301
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 3: so you know how difficult it could be when they're

302
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:27,560
Speaker 3: so young, and how stressful it is. You know, we

303
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:32,720
Speaker 3: have two boys and they are the most wonderful beings alive.

304
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:37,200
Speaker 3: But they are alive. So it's weird because when you

305
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,080
Speaker 3: say the best year of our marriage, well, I think

306
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:44,960
Speaker 3: about our relationship and like, before kids, how enthusiastic we

307
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,480
Speaker 3: were and young and energetic, and we'd be able to

308
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,440
Speaker 3: do we'd be able to go to concerts or like

309
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:55,160
Speaker 3: lay on the beach and like we were definitely more romantics.

310
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:59,920
Speaker 3: Having said that, it's so hard not to say rate

311
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:05,160
Speaker 3: now because I know it's well, I know, because I

312
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,280
Speaker 3: know we're going to miss these years so much, how

313
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 3: stressful they are. But like Dawson and Hayden are Dawson

314
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,400
Speaker 3: and Hayter are two sons.

315
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 2: But this is a great family time.

316
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 3: But that's what I mean, Like in eighty I guess

317
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,880
Speaker 3: I'm taking the question by like in fifty years, would

318
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 3: I rather go back to this time right now or

319
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:27,120
Speaker 3: before kids? And I feel like I'd say this time

320
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,200
Speaker 3: because I would want the boys.

321
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:36,640
Speaker 1: That's awesome, Yes, young kids, it is. It is a

322
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,280
Speaker 1: like not just a full time job. It's like all

323
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 1: we totally get has with all of the ups and

324
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,320
Speaker 1: downs in your relationship. It's maybe it was just one

325
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 1: down and then all up. But has there ever come

326
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 1: a point where it just got so bad you were

327
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,400
Speaker 1: ready or almost ready thinking about calling it quits.

328
00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:00,760
Speaker 3: No, No, I'd say the worst time was when she

329
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 3: was pregnant.

330
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 2: Yet there was no there was nothing that was close

331
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 2: to quitting. But he was in a weird phase.

332
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 3: It was just we opened a business. Our first son

333
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 3: was was difficult. We were not sleeping. She was pregnant.

334
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 3: With the second one, it was another boy. It was

335
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,760
Speaker 3: just it was it was a hard time. It was difficult.

336
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,000
Speaker 1: That's all right, that's honest.

337
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:27,000
Speaker 4: That's a that's an honest answer. A couple of things

338
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,280
Speaker 4: around the house. I think I understood just a moment ago.

339
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 4: Who's not going to be doing a lot of cleaning.

340
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:38,919
Speaker 4: Understand the dishes, but household charge dishes, cooking, laundry cleaning?

341
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 4: How does that go? Who handles that stuff? How do

342
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:41,879
Speaker 4: you divide it up?

343
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,879
Speaker 3: Actually it Ashley cooks way more than me.

344
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,000
Speaker 2: I cook. He does probably more laundry than me, just

345
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,359
Speaker 2: because he likes to do like one load at a time.

346
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,639
Speaker 2: And I'd rather just like have a day when we

347
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:52,280
Speaker 2: like cycled.

348
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:55,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.

349
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,639
Speaker 2: To our life right now, we're going to have to

350
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,560
Speaker 2: like clean it dry and then we have to put

351
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,719
Speaker 2: it away. If we keep it in the laundry bin,

352
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 2: we don't have to put it away.

353
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do it as we go because it's cleaner

354
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,159
Speaker 3: and it's neatter. Because Ashley's way of doing things is

355
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,240
Speaker 3: she it is like a chunk. It is a bomb

356
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,959
Speaker 3: went off in the house, like even laundry, Like last yesterday,

357
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,880
Speaker 3: I come home from work and they were just clothes

358
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 3: on the floor in front of the washer, And I

359
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,399
Speaker 3: have no idea if they're dirty or clean. So I'm like,

360
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,240
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna wash them again. But I know Ashley's

361
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,520
Speaker 3: way of thinking, like in her head it's organized because

362
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:36,879
Speaker 3: she knows what that is, regardless. But so she cooks,

363
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 3: I do dishes and more laundry, but she does someone.

364
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,800
Speaker 2: And then like I do more of Like he'll never

365
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:46,000
Speaker 2: think to change the sheets. He'll sleep in the same sheets,

366
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. But he is more who doesn't.

367
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,639
Speaker 2: He's more often the one to make the bad But

368
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,000
Speaker 2: I'm the one who's gonna like think, oh, there's soap

369
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 2: scum in our kid's bathtub. He would never think.

370
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,919
Speaker 3: How often do you guys change your bed sheets?

371
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:03,520
Speaker 4: No idea?

372
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,199
Speaker 1: But I would say, because right now we just move

373
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 1: to a place that doesn't have a washer and dryer,

374
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 1: so we have to send everything out, which I don't know,

375
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,440
Speaker 1: just wires, more planning. Yeah, So I would say maybe

376
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 1: once every two weeks is when I try to do it.

377
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 1: But I should do it once a week.

378
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,919
Speaker 2: That's a max Yeah, should definitely not go more than

379
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,439
Speaker 2: two weeks. It should be one. It should be once

380
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 2: a week.

381
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 3: It should be once a week when I was, when

382
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,080
Speaker 3: I was once a month.

383
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,920
Speaker 2: That is yucky, mister clean, like you wouldn't even wear

384
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,320
Speaker 2: your shirts two days in a row.

385
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:36,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, who does that? Don't get Yeah, once I'm in bed,

386
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 3: I'm clean in bed, it's just me sure. If I'm

387
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,119
Speaker 3: out in the public, it's other people's germs. Sheets are

388
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 3: just my germs.

389
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 4: Good.

390
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:47,359
Speaker 1: Do you all have any rules when you do argue

391
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,119
Speaker 1: or have a disagreement, as in, we never go to

392
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 1: bed angry? Yeah, no cursing, no name calling, you have

393
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 1: no threatening to leave. I'm done with you, I'm done

394
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 1: with Do you all have any rules when you disagree?

395
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've never named I was about to say I

396
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 3: never ever.

397
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,119
Speaker 2: Oh, he would get so much ship if there was

398
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 2: name going.

399
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 3: Again, I ever called her a name, that would be gosh,

400
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,120
Speaker 3: bad dude.

401
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 2: We've never gone to bed angry either. I want to

402
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 2: make sure that we never do that.

403
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 3: Usually resolve it before bed, and even if it's not

404
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 3: fully resolved, like we'll talk about it the next day,

405
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,920
Speaker 3: but before we go to bed. It's like, listen, you know,

406
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 3: I'm the one that usually apologizes first.

407
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, he usually does because his fault.

408
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 3: He knows better, because I know better. It's definitely a

409
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 3: lot of times, it's uh, it's definitely both of our

410
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 3: faults and majority of times because.

411
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:47,400
Speaker 4: It's always the case.

412
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,120
Speaker 3: Yes, it's just the truth is always somewhere in the middle.

413
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 3: But I also recognize that it's certainly not worth because I, like,

414
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 3: I don't want to be pissing and moaning either, and

415
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 3: like the I want this to be resolved as soon

416
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 3: as possible, and one of the ways to do that

417
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 3: is if I take action and I apologize and yeah,

418
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 3: I'm okay with that.

419
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 2: He can move on faster than I can.

420
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,360
Speaker 3: So I think that when he initiated, I don't hold

421
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 3: on to grudges, No, and like he.

422
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 2: Really truly doesn't care after an hour, and I'm like, okay, well,

423
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,479
Speaker 2: I'm glad you don't care because I do. But as

424
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 2: long as you say sorry, I'm right and move on.

425
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 4: It's not a guy. That's not a guy. Girl. We

426
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 4: talked to a lot of couples and it's I am

427
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 4: the way you are. Actually, I'm like, you take me forever.

428
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:29,640
Speaker 4: And she's.

429
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 1: Even like thirty minutes. I'm like, life is short. I

430
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 1: cannot I can't stand feeling like conflict or I can't

431
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 1: stand that feeling there whatever, I'm just done. I don't

432
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,120
Speaker 1: care like that is, but he needs a day sometimes

433
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 1: it's crazy.

434
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 2: I do as long as he apologize, as long as

435
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 2: he says like I'm sorry, I love you. It's usually

436
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 2: what he does, I love you. And then I'm like,

437
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 2: it's powerful. That's but the cursing I have to do.

438
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 2: I mentioned because it's usually the cursing that actually starts

439
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 2: the fight. Yeah, I agree, he escalates whatever little like

440
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 2: whatever we're having with a curse. It's not directed, I mean,

441
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 2: not like fu but like he'll be like and I'll

442
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 2: be like this.

443
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,880
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'll just like, instead of being

444
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 3: like this sucks, I'll just say this fing sucks, and

445
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 3: like the difference between this sucks and this sucks like

446
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 3: is a big difference. And as soon as I say it,

447
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 3: my damn it. But it's just because it's just the

448
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 3: New England and me, you know.

449
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,959
Speaker 4: But we have talked to the couples who that was one.

450
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 4: They said that was an absolute rule, do not curse,

451
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 4: because no matter what's happening that's going to escalate no

452
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 4: matter what, So you all are not alone in the.

453
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,639
Speaker 1: Yes, what do you think of couples who say they

454
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:50,200
Speaker 1: never fight?

455
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 2: I mean, like there's I remember, like a couple of

456
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 2: months ago, there's like celebrity couples that likely did it,

457
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 2: and it was like couples that have never fought, And

458
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 2: I'm like, does that mean that they I guess, you

459
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 2: know what, I don't think we really ever fought until

460
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:06,679
Speaker 2: I don't know.

461
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 3: Are just I don't even think they just they fight

462
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 3: in different ways. And yeah, I.

463
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 2: Wouldn't say it's a fight. I would say it's a

464
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 2: disagreement or like a yeah, it's not really a fight.

465
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,120
Speaker 3: Like we never raise our voices, we don't call each

466
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 3: other names, like we always do a very good job

467
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,120
Speaker 3: of resolving things. We never really argue. But I would

468
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 3: never say we don't fight, or just the way we

469
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 3: fight is different than the way other couples fight.

470
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, have you all ever gone to couple's therapy? And

471
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 4: what do you think about the idea of it?

472
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 2: We have it, but I've wanted to at points and

473
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 2: I like the fact that, like you, I like it

474
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 2: as a maintenance thing. Because we have so many friends

475
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 2: that have like the best marriages, but they all go

476
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 2: to couple's therapy, and I think it's just kind of

477
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: like a workout for your relationship.

478
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I'm fine with it. I'm just don't

479
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 3: like therapy. I'm just going to so much therapy, like

480
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 3: individual therapy, and it's just like I don't know how

481
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 3: much help it's really given.

482
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 2: I wanted to go to help him with himself, is

483
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 2: like maybe we can go together and help you.

484
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's what that's the issue. I know, if

485
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 3: we go to the couple's therapy, it's all gonna be

486
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 3: about me. Like I'm the one with get him to

487
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 3: go the construction zone. Got me that needs remodeling, you

488
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 3: know what I mean, her house is going to be built,

489
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 3: she's got a backyard. It's like, but I'm the one

490
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 3: that's like dilapidated and needs fixed.

491
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 2: But I'm totally down to go. But yeah, he's just

492
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:44,160
Speaker 2: not a huge fan. He's a New England guy.

493
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 3: I can totally. I wouldn't totally go. I would absolutely go.

494
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 4: Okay, we haven't we haven't either.

495
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 1: We did one on Zoom and you basically did not participate.

496
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 4: You were just like this because I was to go

497
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 4: tell the lady, tell him the lady. You didn't I

498
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 4: can either neither was she was.

499
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,239
Speaker 1: Talking to us like we were kindergarteners. I see how

500
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 1: that must make you feel. It was like, please, this

501
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 1: is not gonna work.

502
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 2: That's probably why he doesn't like it, because like you

503
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 2: have to date therapists to find the right one.

504
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 3: I also, I also think zoom. I just I can't

505
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 3: do zoom because I need to be out of my

506
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 3: own element. Like if I'm in my house, like, yeah,

507
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 3: I'm like Ashley's gonna hear everything I'm saying, probably so

508
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 3: I feel like I have to like whisper. And then also,

509
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 3: just like I'm in my environment, I'd rather be in

510
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 3: someone else's room, like surrounded by you know, the smell

511
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 3: of mahogany and books, and just like feel more comfortable

512
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 3: and be like and then then maybe I'll let loose

513
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 3: a little bit more.

514
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 4: That actually makes sense. Here's a tip she can tell you.

515
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 4: When she does her therapy sessions at the house. She

516
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 4: goes to the back, she closes the door, puts on

517
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 4: a white noise machine, requires me to play a movie

518
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 4: very loud in the front and music in the back.

519
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 2: Because otherwise I would not like when he goes to

520
00:25:55,280 --> 00:26:00,360
Speaker 2: the bathroom. True.

521
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,719
Speaker 1: Do you also you mentioned you have a lot of friends,

522
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 1: which is pretty cool, that have great marriages. They're in therapy.

523
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 1: You say, but are there mistakes you've seen other couples make?

524
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: And we asked this question in the sense that other

525
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: people are listening to these episodes with folks who have

526
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: figured things out and are wondering, what do you see

527
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 1: in other couples and think, man, they're doing something. If

528
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 1: they could only change this or if they just avoided that,

529
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,360
Speaker 1: their relationship would be better.

530
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 2: I see a lot of I can actually answer the opposite.

531
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 2: I see a few of our friends on Instagram, not

532
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 2: that we like interact with the whole bunch, but and

533
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 2: they like really prioritize date night. Yeah, and we need

534
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 2: to do that better.

535
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 4: Yeah.

536
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 3: I think we don't prioritize us as a husband and

537
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 3: wife over us as mom and dad. We definitely prioritize

538
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 3: us as being parents over our relationship.

539
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know that's like, actually not what you're

540
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 2: supposed to do, which feels really weird when you have

541
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:13,919
Speaker 2: a one and a half year old and a four

542
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 2: year old.

543
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 3: But I do think that that, like we are very

544
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: focused on the four of us right now, the two

545
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 3: kids in us, and so that really puts our focus

546
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 3: as us too in a relationship on the back burner. Yeah,

547
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 3: but it's definitely kind of a little bit of a

548
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 3: conscious decision that we both made because there's only so

549
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 3: much time in the day. But in terms of other couples,

550
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 3: I'd say, like, I just think the supportive thing is

551
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 3: what comes back to me if I see other couples

552
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 3: and like you can tell the little like bickering or

553
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 3: like I'll see a buddy of mine where it's like, bro,

554
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 3: just like what's a good example I'm trying to Like

555
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 3: if the kid needs something, you know, and like he

556
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 3: it's like just get it, just bro, just get it.

557
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,199
Speaker 3: Like don't like she's busy, just get it and then

558
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 3: it's over, you know. But he'll make a point of

559
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 3: being like, no, I'm not getting it. She needs to

560
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 3: get it, or like like it's always it's the point,

561
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. That's what I see in

562
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 3: other couples. It's like they'll they'll they'll be so stubborn

563
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 3: to get their point across. It's like, bro, if you

564
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 3: just do it, it's over, and she'll she'll feel guilty,

565
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 3: like she'll feel guilty if you do it, and then

566
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 3: you want you know what I mean, And he's like, no,

567
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,719
Speaker 3: I can't do it. I'm like, all right, all right,

568
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 3: but like not in seeing gender role.

569
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 2: I think it's like not blending gender roles. Like when

570
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 2: I see dads not help out with the kids, that's

571
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 2: where I can feel a lot of tension.

572
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

573
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it sounds like you were talking about keeping

574
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: score too, like that is when like, no, she didn't

575
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: do this, so I'm not doing that like that, And.

576
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 3: Every every couple keeps whether they say they do or

577
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 3: they don't. It's just a human fact of life, you know.

578
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 3: I mean I try not to do it. But even

579
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 3: with the dishes, obviously.

580
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 2: Every day when I see him cleaning the dishes, I'm like, damn,

581
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 2: there's one point gone for me.

582
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 3: And it's not even like that. It's not even dishes, dude,

583
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 3: it is pops and hands, and like just because it's

584
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 3: been in there for like sixteen hours, damn, actually just

585
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 3: rinse it out before you put in this sink.

586
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 4: It's not a big deal. That's but actually does so many.

587
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 2: House to have the dishwatchers situation so that there's always

588
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 2: one to put them in. That's so snotty.

589
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 3: That's how that do you have that.

590
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 4: We don't have?

591
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: That we know we don't we have.

592
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 4: You know, we're both clean freaks. Our house stays. If

593
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 4: one of us sites a pot and the sink, we're

594
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 4: fighting over who's getting it first. Well we just have

595
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 4: to be that way.

596
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: That's that is Luckily, Yes, we're both crazy neat freaks,

597
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: so we're we actually job really well. In fact, I

598
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 1: knew when we were just friends and he had a

599
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: dressing room next to mine, and I saw how perfectly clean,

600
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 1: and I pointed his dressing room was. I was like, like,

601
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: this guy and when he gets stressed and upset, he cleans,

602
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 1: and I was it's not good. Now when he's upset

603
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 1: and stressed about me and I see him cleaning like creepy,

604
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, ooh, it's not gonna be a good day.

605
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: You know, everybody has their own little quirk's final question here,

606
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 1: what would you say is the key to your relationship success?

607
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: What keeps you all together? And why do you think

608
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: you all will make it to the bitter end?

609
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 2: I think we easily talk things through. I think we're

610
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 2: able to really communicate pretty well.

611
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think Also, I I'm trying to phrase it.

612
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 3: Were you scared of my answer?

613
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 2: No, I'm not scared to answer. I'm thinking about other things.

614
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 2: I think I will say, bring up this interesting point.

615
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 2: So I'm now one of you, going to be one

616
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 2: of the real housewives of Rhode Island, right, And I've

617
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 2: got a few messages that I've really wanted to respond

618
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 2: to because people are like, this is like doomsday for

619
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 2: every couple, and I'm like, well, Jared and I have

620
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 2: gone through the ringer before, and I think that a

621
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 2: lot of like when you sign up for a show

622
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 2: like that, usually those people are like experiencing fame for

623
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 2: the first time, experiencing their relationship, experiencing fame for the

624
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 2: first time, and we have like gone through all of that,

625
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 2: and it's just like, I think we're in a great position.

626
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 3: I think. Also, I don't know if you're gonna like

627
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 3: this answer. I hope you do, because I like it

628
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 3: a lot. I love Ashley being a part of my world,

629
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 3: and I love being a part of Ashville.

630
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 2: That's like so nice. Why would I not love that?

631
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 3: That's wonderful because it's not just about you and I,

632
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 3: it's about everything encompassing. Like I love I love playing softball.

633
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 2: I don't love going to softball, but I do it.

634
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 3: But I love when Ashley brings the kids, like I

635
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 3: love having Ashley there with the kids, like you know,

636
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 3: it's I love that. And I love when we have

637
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 3: family get togethers and Ashley comes, because Ashley blends in

638
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 3: so well with my friends and family. And then I feel,

639
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 3: not to speak for you, but I feel that I

640
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 3: blend pretty well with you.

641
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 2: You are the ultimate blender with my so's.

642
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 3: It's one of those things that like it's so seamless

643
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 3: that I, you know, I wouldn't want that to change,

644
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 3: and so I think that's nice.

645
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 2: That's so so perfect. Yeah, absolutely, Oh my gosh. When

646
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 2: he when weren't dating my mom was when he'd come

647
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 2: over to my house in Virginia and my mom would

648
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 2: be like, he fits in so well, Like it would

649
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 2: be so oddly comfortable to have him around.

650
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: That's awesome. You all fit together, you belong together. We

651
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 1: really appreciate you well. You were you were so open,

652
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 1: you were so honest. We so appreciate that. It does

653
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 1: help people to know that they're not alone like me too.

654
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 1: It just feels good to know that other people's are

655
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: figuring things out as they go. Some people have it

656
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: more figured out than others. But we just appreciate you

657
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: opening up and sharing your love story with us.

658
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 2: Of course.

659
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 3: Thank you, yeah, thank you so much. We love answering questions.

660
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 2: We do this in a long time. It's good for us.

661
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 2: It feels like a date.

662
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, guys, thank you for being a part. The

663
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 4: only thing I will give you all this one piece

664
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 4: of advice. You all said it and it really spoke

665
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 4: to me. But it came from her parents. No matter what,

666
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 4: your relationship comes first, even before the kids. That sounds

667
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 4: crazy because you have to remember the only reason the

668
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 4: kids are here is because you all were good in

669
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 4: the first place. Why are you messing with the foundation

670
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 4: at all? You all are the priority. Date nights, movies,

671
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 4: get the sitter, do what you gotta do again. I

672
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 4: just always thought that was good advice, and it sounded

673
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 4: like something you all were struggling with or dealing with,

674
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 4: but it was a It was a good nugget. So

675
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 4: we're here to help couples, all of them. Take that

676
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 4: with you. From her parents.

677
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you, thank you so much.

678
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 4: To you, guys.

679
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 2: Bye, guys, bye, thank you. The kitchen poke a patent