1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:05,680
Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, It's Jackie Goldschneider and Jen Fessler and we

2
00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:07,480
Speaker 1: are two Jersey Jays.

3
00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:10,240
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, I feel like it's been a while, right.

4
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,240
Speaker 1: I know, I feel like we were recording so much

5
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,320
Speaker 1: and then we had a nice long break.

6
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:19,120
Speaker 2: How was that passover? Oh? Thank you for asking. Passover

7
00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:21,880
Speaker 2: was great. We spent it because you know this, we

8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,119
Speaker 2: got a house at the beach, down at the shore,

9
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,800
Speaker 2: but a little further than what we know from, like

10
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,680
Speaker 2: let's say the show about the Shore, so closer to Philly.

11
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,239
Speaker 2: So we got this house and it's been quite a

12
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:35,960
Speaker 2: feat and to furnish it and get it ready for

13
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,519
Speaker 2: the summer. But the four of us went and had

14
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:42,040
Speaker 2: passed over there and it was actually really nice. Oh

15
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,559
Speaker 2: that's so nice. What about yours? We were away, We

16
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,320
Speaker 2: were away from most of it. I want to hear

17
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:48,280
Speaker 2: about your natum.

18
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,400
Speaker 1: It was amazing. I mean, Barcelona and Madrid are both beautiful.

19
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:56,880
Speaker 1: I had never been, and the food was fantastic and

20
00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:00,800
Speaker 1: I ate so much. I was proud of myself because

21
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:02,279
Speaker 1: sometimes hard for.

22
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,960
Speaker 2: Me, but it was really great.

23
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,560
Speaker 1: But as much as I loved it, last year we

24
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,720
Speaker 1: went to Rome and I just felt like nothing can

25
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:13,640
Speaker 1: come close to Rome.

26
00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:15,920
Speaker 2: Italy is always going to be my number one.

27
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:21,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, But we came home enough time to get the

28
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:25,520
Speaker 1: kids went back to school today and we came home

29
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,040
Speaker 1: with enough time to let them.

30
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,840
Speaker 2: Like on jet lag, but.

31
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:33,880
Speaker 1: The other like two nights ago, I woke up in

32
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,120
Speaker 1: the middle of the night to.

33
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:35,959
Speaker 2: Go to the bathroom.

34
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,640
Speaker 1: And I wear an eyemask, right, so I pulled it

35
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,280
Speaker 1: up a little bit, and I'm walking to the bathroom

36
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,160
Speaker 1: and you know those monster flies, like those big black

37
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,720
Speaker 1: ones that bounce like crazy on the walls. There was

38
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:50,600
Speaker 1: one in my room and it buzzed in my ear

39
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,760
Speaker 1: and I turned my head as I was walking.

40
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,080
Speaker 2: To You're gonna freak me out. You're gonna freak me

41
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:57,639
Speaker 2: gonna be like a horror film.

42
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,800
Speaker 1: Oh, and I slammed my face into the box that

43
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,800
Speaker 1: holds that has our like alarm keypad. And then I

44
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,400
Speaker 1: got so I al conopulated that I fell backwards into

45
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 1: my laundry basket.

46
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:14,960
Speaker 2: It was like the worst than I was still jet lagged, Jackie.

47
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,280
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say that the fly

48
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,520
Speaker 1: went into your ear canal and I no, no, I

49
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:19,840
Speaker 1: was not.

50
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,320
Speaker 2: I was gonna have to check out a.

51
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,360
Speaker 1: Big fat lip and like, oh i'd even notice. Let

52
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,040
Speaker 1: me say, well, the MIC's in front of it and it's.

53
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,919
Speaker 2: Getting bad act. See. Yeah.

54
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,040
Speaker 1: But anyway, so other than that, though, the trip was

55
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,920
Speaker 1: great and uh, I'm glad to be home. I'm not

56
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,000
Speaker 1: one of those people who likes to travel for like

57
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:37,760
Speaker 1: two weeks.

58
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:37,880
Speaker 2: At a time.

59
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,240
Speaker 1: I like to get home after like five days. I'm like,

60
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,480
Speaker 1: this is great, but like I'm ready for my bed

61
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:43,480
Speaker 1: and I get.

62
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,600
Speaker 2: Depressed, well by boundry machine. Really, I don't like to go.

63
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,560
Speaker 2: I don't know, I get a little every time vacation ends.

64
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,720
Speaker 2: Oh no, not me. I like coming home. I like

65
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,120
Speaker 2: coming home, but I definitely and I've there are times

66
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,120
Speaker 2: where I've like, okay, we've had enough. Like no Vietnam,

67
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:02,160
Speaker 2: I was depressed, but like anytime sounded like such a

68
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,440
Speaker 2: spectacular trip it was. It really was. I don't know.

69
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,080
Speaker 2: But yeah, and then you said you had well because

70
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,040
Speaker 2: I told you my back went out yesterday, so.

71
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,480
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I had a I don't know, I never

72
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,799
Speaker 1: have back problems. Like three weeks ago, my back started

73
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:17,919
Speaker 1: hurting and then it was so bad.

74
00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:18,840
Speaker 2: I was like an old lady.

75
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:22,000
Speaker 1: We were going on these tours and the kids stopping

76
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,240
Speaker 1: and like stretching my worst feeling.

77
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,320
Speaker 2: I know, how's your back. It's okay, it's okay. I

78
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,720
Speaker 2: have to get on the plane tomorrow. So I'm telling

79
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:31,600
Speaker 2: myself it's okay.

80
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're going to a concert.

81
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,520
Speaker 2: I'm going on but yes, so exciting. I wish that

82
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,600
Speaker 2: you were coming. It is going to be a lot

83
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,320
Speaker 2: of fun. I think Country Music Festival in Napa with

84
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,240
Speaker 2: iHeart time. You love country music. You're a texted girl.

85
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,480
Speaker 1: I know, knew nothing about Well now I feel like

86
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,200
Speaker 1: country is coming into the pop world.

87
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,560
Speaker 2: So I know, like Morgan Wallen, I know, like.

88
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,920
Speaker 1: The people who have gone like pop, but and I

89
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,240
Speaker 1: love it, but I know nothing really about country music.

90
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,400
Speaker 2: That he used to be a bigger country music fan,

91
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,480
Speaker 2: but then my family started to love it. Was specifically

92
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,720
Speaker 2: Jeff and he when he loves something, it's all of

93
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,040
Speaker 2: that all the time. It's every really good until I

94
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,160
Speaker 2: get burnt out and I'm like, oh, that's funny.

95
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,640
Speaker 1: When I was a kid growing up in Staten Island,

96
00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:20,920
Speaker 1: my dad, I guess it was sort of his midlife crisis,

97
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:25,120
Speaker 1: became a cowboy and so we were like just this

98
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,279
Speaker 1: Jewish family.

99
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,120
Speaker 2: Living in same what.

100
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,960
Speaker 1: It lasted a few years that was it and everyone

101
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,960
Speaker 1: called him Buffalo Berry and we were just this Jewish

102
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,880
Speaker 1: family living in the middle of Staten Island. And my

103
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,520
Speaker 1: dad wore like full cowboy gear. That is so hilarious.

104
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,280
Speaker 1: For a while, for a few years.

105
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,000
Speaker 2: My dad did that becoming a biker. Oh really did

106
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,440
Speaker 2: it last? No?

107
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,640
Speaker 1: But anyway, all he would play was country music and

108
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:57,919
Speaker 1: like his long paddlelac that smelled like smoke. And it

109
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,000
Speaker 1: was just country music all the time until it was

110
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,719
Speaker 1: but my only exposure to country music.

111
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,720
Speaker 2: See, you'll have a blast.

112
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:10,120
Speaker 1: And then I'm hot on your heels going to Wango Tangoa.

113
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,960
Speaker 2: And just now it's like I'm a little jealous. There's

114
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:15,000
Speaker 2: gonna be some bigs there. I can't no, no, no, no,

115
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:15,760
Speaker 2: it's Mother's Day.

116
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,800
Speaker 1: What you said, right, I know I'm going to go

117
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,200
Speaker 1: with alexis good time.

118
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:21,920
Speaker 2: I love that.

119
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,880
Speaker 1: Anyway, I am really really excited for this topic today

120
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,320
Speaker 1: because you don't have to be a white Lotus fan

121
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:34,440
Speaker 1: to really engage in this. But the topic is authenticity,

122
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:40,760
Speaker 1: like being authenticity and like your friendships, your relationships with

123
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,280
Speaker 1: the show, with everything. But we also are going to

124
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,359
Speaker 1: dive in a little bit to the speech that Carrie

125
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:51,279
Speaker 1: Coon gave during the White Lotus season finale that really.

126
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 2: It really uh talks about.

127
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,559
Speaker 1: Her view on the relationships with the other two women

128
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:02,520
Speaker 1: she was with, and but how she saw herself and.

129
00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,160
Speaker 2: What the friendships meant to her.

130
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,680
Speaker 1: And I think it's to take that line by line

131
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,000
Speaker 1: and really dissect that and see how it translates to

132
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:13,719
Speaker 1: our own lives.

133
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,960
Speaker 2: So authenticity, I feel like it's just a buzzword, right,

134
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,960
Speaker 2: Are you being authentic? She's not authentic, he's authentic, She's

135
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,680
Speaker 2: not authentic. It's like it's one of those words that

136
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,839
Speaker 2: now is starting to annoy me a little bit. But

137
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,640
Speaker 2: you know, I guess like gaslighting. A little like gaslighting,

138
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,719
Speaker 2: I give just tided, But what are people saying it is?

139
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,599
Speaker 1: Now? Wait, there's another word, weaponizing. People are saying that's yes.

140
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:40,040
Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's so much weaponizing. Yeah, oh yeah,

141
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,200
Speaker 2: all of those. So but listen, I know what it means.

142
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,000
Speaker 2: I know what it means when I'm not authentic and

143
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,760
Speaker 2: when I am being authentic. And we're talking right now

144
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:53,520
Speaker 2: about how it changes as we get older. So authenticity

145
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,760
Speaker 2: as we get older, Well, I mean I was a

146
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,640
Speaker 2: people pleaser my whole life. I think it has to

147
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:04,400
Speaker 2: do with probably my relationship with my father and not

148
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,960
Speaker 2: just my father. But and I think you can. It's

149
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,960
Speaker 2: hard to be authentic if you're a people pleaser. And

150
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,360
Speaker 2: I am much less of a people pleaser than I

151
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:20,160
Speaker 2: used to be, I think to a fault, Like I

152
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:25,080
Speaker 2: have this one story that I tell so that it

153
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,840
Speaker 2: really just just stuck with me. I had a friend

154
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,119
Speaker 2: who we had plans to go out for a drink

155
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:36,760
Speaker 2: and another friend gotten al and said, Okay, well I'm

156
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,880
Speaker 2: going out with this fourth person. Let's just all do

157
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,400
Speaker 2: it together. We'll all go out. The fourth person was

158
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,200
Speaker 2: someone I was friendly with but not close friends with

159
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:48,080
Speaker 2: at that time, and I said in this text chain.

160
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:52,240
Speaker 2: I said, no, the person wasn't on the chain. And

161
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,800
Speaker 2: my friend said, what do you mean no? I said,

162
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,200
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that, and so she was like, well,

163
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,720
Speaker 2: what do you mean why not? I said, because I

164
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,240
Speaker 2: don't want to. I don't want to be I don't

165
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,080
Speaker 2: want to be around anyone tonight that I'm not whatever

166
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,680
Speaker 2: she's like, but we're all going out, you know her,

167
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,320
Speaker 2: we're friends. And I said, so, do you want me

168
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,720
Speaker 2: to lie and to make up a reason to tell

169
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,000
Speaker 2: you no? The reason I don't want to is simply

170
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,720
Speaker 2: because I don't want to, and I just remember owning

171
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,840
Speaker 2: that Like that moment for me probably sounds a little silly,

172
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,280
Speaker 2: but was so huge, Like I don't need to make

173
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,080
Speaker 2: up an excuse. I don't want to go out with

174
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,440
Speaker 2: someone that I'm not very good friends with tonight. I

175
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,160
Speaker 2: don't feel like shooting. I don't want to hear about

176
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,520
Speaker 2: their kids. I don't want to have to, you know,

177
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,319
Speaker 2: ask about the things. I'm tired. My time is limited.

178
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:41,080
Speaker 2: But I for some reason, it felt very authentic to me,

179
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,800
Speaker 2: and it feels to me I wish that I could

180
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,960
Speaker 2: operate like that all the time. And it wasn't being mean.

181
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,960
Speaker 1: I think that as you get oh, I certainly as

182
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:54,160
Speaker 1: I've gotten older, the biggest power that I've I've sensed

183
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,400
Speaker 1: like the biggest change is being able to say no.

184
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:57,959
Speaker 2: No.

185
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,520
Speaker 1: It is not feel or not feeling says bad, you know,

186
00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:04,080
Speaker 1: because I always felt bad. I was a yes person

187
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:08,559
Speaker 1: for so long, and I have no problem saying no now.

188
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,319
Speaker 1: And I have the wisdom to know. I mean, I'm

189
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:15,800
Speaker 1: almost fifty, and I have this feeling that has only

190
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,360
Speaker 1: come in the past few years that if I am

191
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,200
Speaker 1: being myself and someone doesn't like it.

192
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,160
Speaker 2: They're not for me, they are not my person a.

193
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:29,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I do since sometimes I stop now and

194
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,400
Speaker 1: take stock of how I'm actually feeling, and I know

195
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,800
Speaker 1: who makes me feel good and who doesn't. And I

196
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,160
Speaker 1: really enjoy being around the people who make me feel good.

197
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:41,960
Speaker 2: And I say yes to that a lot, but I

198
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,480
Speaker 2: say no to a lot of things now. I don't

199
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,920
Speaker 2: feel like I feel like life is really short. And

200
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:49,839
Speaker 2: I've seen.

201
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,640
Speaker 1: Many people that I know not doing well, like in

202
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,680
Speaker 1: you know, getting sick or really they're just things happening.

203
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:02,080
Speaker 2: Yeah you. I have four friends right now who were

204
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,480
Speaker 2: recently diagnostic cancer.

205
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I kind of don't want to waste the time,

206
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,640
Speaker 1: you know, waste time doing things that don't make me

207
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,360
Speaker 1: happy anymore. And I think that I'm really lucky because I,

208
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,960
Speaker 1: for a long time, like you, I was a people

209
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,800
Speaker 1: pleaser and I had a really hard time saying no.

210
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,840
Speaker 1: I didn't want people to be disappointed in me. I

211
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,320
Speaker 1: was always worried about what people thought of me, and

212
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,199
Speaker 1: just really getting rid of all of that as I

213
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,160
Speaker 1: get older. And it's not just a function of age,

214
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,840
Speaker 1: I think that's a function also a therapy, but I

215
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,560
Speaker 1: think being able to say no to things has opened

216
00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:35,880
Speaker 1: my life up a lot.

217
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,079
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, therapy has definitely helped me. And I'm

218
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,040
Speaker 2: not always I'm not perfect at it. I still find

219
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:45,040
Speaker 2: myself getting caught up in people pleasing and saying what

220
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,559
Speaker 2: I think that people want to hear. But I'm way

221
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,600
Speaker 2: more aware of it. I do it way less than

222
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:54,160
Speaker 2: I used to, and I'm always like my therapist always

223
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,320
Speaker 2: says to me, like I'm already ahead the game because

224
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,040
Speaker 2: I can see it, so I can see that I'm

225
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:03,240
Speaker 2: actually doing it. You know, Yes, agree, And I think.

226
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,720
Speaker 1: You know, people ask a lot about the show is

227
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,319
Speaker 1: it real, or the friendship's real or all of that real?

228
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,000
Speaker 2: And I have a few opinions on that.

229
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:17,040
Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, on the show, it's very

230
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,760
Speaker 1: hard to be completely real because and I'm not just

231
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:25,120
Speaker 1: saying me, I'm saying in general. First of all, you

232
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,040
Speaker 1: have to say things that you wouldn't normally say in

233
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,400
Speaker 1: real life. Right Like, if you dislike somebody and you

234
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,160
Speaker 1: walk into a room with them, my baseline would be

235
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,840
Speaker 1: to just not pay attention to them. But on a

236
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,280
Speaker 1: show where you're getting paid to give your opinion, you

237
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:42,960
Speaker 1: cannot do that. You can't just like close up, so

238
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:47,600
Speaker 1: you're saying things that you probably wouldn't say ordinarily in

239
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,000
Speaker 1: real life, even though you do feel them right. You're

240
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:57,719
Speaker 1: confronting people that you would probably just ignore. And I

241
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:03,720
Speaker 1: also think that there's this like this constant like knowledge

242
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,200
Speaker 1: that the audience is going to judge you, and nobody

243
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,839
Speaker 1: wants to be punched in the face for the next

244
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,920
Speaker 1: like three months, So you're not going to say even

245
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:14,600
Speaker 1: if you think something, you're not going to say the

246
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,559
Speaker 1: things that are going to get you absolutely destroyed online

247
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,960
Speaker 1: unless you've had too much to drink properly.

248
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,120
Speaker 2: Right well, but that you know, it's so funny because

249
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:26,440
Speaker 2: I think that's part of what made the very beginning

250
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,280
Speaker 2: of Housewife specifically like for me at least like New

251
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,520
Speaker 2: York I didn't watch this Orange County as much at

252
00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,120
Speaker 2: the very beginning, but they had no knowledge of what

253
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,120
Speaker 2: could happen or would happen, or you know, the social

254
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,280
Speaker 2: media of it all, so there was they had no

255
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,680
Speaker 2: way to prepare themselves. And as talking about authenticity, I

256
00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:51,040
Speaker 2: feel like they were so authentic and it's very hard

257
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,720
Speaker 2: to do it now because you see what can happen

258
00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:01,040
Speaker 2: right like back in the day of the Housewives franchises,

259
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,080
Speaker 2: it was a you know, there was a clean no

260
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:09,840
Speaker 2: one knew what anything could turn into. So yeah, definitely

261
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:14,079
Speaker 2: more sort of self awareness, which I guess is sometimes

262
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:18,480
Speaker 2: translated into not being as authentic, right right, Yeah, I mean,

263
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:19,360
Speaker 2: but it is hard.

264
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:26,400
Speaker 1: It is hard to be completely totally authentic on the shows.

265
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,000
Speaker 2: But I did. I always tried my hardest. I've got

266
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,120
Speaker 2: to say that those are the words I really tried.

267
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,360
Speaker 2: And I think that people ask me all the tomic

268
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,920
Speaker 2: would you do differently? I did the best I could

269
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,720
Speaker 2: and with what I had in every single moment, and

270
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,800
Speaker 2: I tried to be as honest as I could be.

271
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,880
Speaker 2: I think that I fee feel differently about situations now

272
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,319
Speaker 2: than I did when I was on the show. Maybe

273
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:53,400
Speaker 2: I would react differently now, but I can't say I

274
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,360
Speaker 2: have regrets per se because I was in the moment.

275
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,280
Speaker 2: No me, neither me neither not at all. I thing

276
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,400
Speaker 2: I was trying my best.

277
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,480
Speaker 1: I did have a season where I cried a lot,

278
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,079
Speaker 1: and I think maybe I would try to be a

279
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:13,319
Speaker 1: little stronger that season. But but that's authentic as you can, Yes,

280
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,880
Speaker 1: I know, but also like it's a show, like it's

281
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 1: not that deep you know. So okay, so let's talk

282
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,320
Speaker 1: about making new friends at this sage.

283
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,040
Speaker 2: Do you enjoy making new friends or do you? Are

284
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,880
Speaker 2: you so? In all honesty, Jack, I've been I've always

285
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 2: there are certain things that like we all are born

286
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:37,080
Speaker 2: with gifted and I don't you know. I talk about

287
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,560
Speaker 2: this again a lot in therapy. I connect with people

288
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,040
Speaker 2: very easily and always have from when I was a

289
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:47,120
Speaker 2: little kid. So I tend to make friends and I'm

290
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 2: not This is not in a braggy way, because everyone

291
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,800
Speaker 2: has stuff right that they're just born with. I have

292
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,520
Speaker 2: for some reason, I can just connect with people. It's

293
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,520
Speaker 2: you know, I have a million bad things about me,

294
00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:00,600
Speaker 2: good things about me, whatever. But as I'm getting older,

295
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:05,600
Speaker 2: I want to less and less. Like I'm not as

296
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,200
Speaker 2: interested in making new friends as I used to be.

297
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,640
Speaker 2: So I'm know if that's a good thing or bad thing,

298
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,520
Speaker 2: it's just what it is. I don't really feel like

299
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:15,800
Speaker 2: bringing new people as much into my world unless I

300
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,840
Speaker 2: really connect with someone and you know, I have some

301
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:24,400
Speaker 2: crazy kind of chemistry with someone. Friendship work, you know,

302
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,480
Speaker 2: and I don't know, I feel like I have a

303
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,960
Speaker 2: lot of friends now and I'm not as eager to

304
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,880
Speaker 2: you know, connect like I used.

305
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:39,120
Speaker 1: To be, are you. I enjoy making new friends, but

306
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:43,880
Speaker 1: only if I really feel that connection, then I'll pursue it.

307
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,080
Speaker 1: If not, I get lazy with it because I have

308
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 1: my people. I have my girls here in my town.

309
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,960
Speaker 1: I have my college friends, and I have like my

310
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 1: like you know you, I have like other friends like

311
00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:01,320
Speaker 1: that are like single friends, you know, like, But I

312
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,840
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like making friends. But I have

313
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,320
Speaker 1: this one friend and she has a million friends, right,

314
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,200
Speaker 1: and she is invited to like every single thing. She's

315
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,040
Speaker 1: friends with, every single person I know, every party you

316
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 1: go to, she's there. And I was talking to her,

317
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,680
Speaker 1: and she said, I really.

318
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,680
Speaker 2: Just like people. Because I said, how do you keep

319
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,120
Speaker 2: up with all of these things?

320
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:26,320
Speaker 1: She said, I really enjoy people, like I love hearing

321
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:32,480
Speaker 1: people's stories and seeing people's lives and knowing people's like adventures,

322
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,920
Speaker 1: and like, I just thought to myself, that's such an

323
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,520
Speaker 1: interesting way. I don't think she gets in so deep

324
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 1: with anybody, but she just loves like she has her

325
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 1: close friends, but she just loves being around people. Think,

326
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,040
Speaker 1: I think, to each their own, but like to Evan,

327
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,960
Speaker 1: I love people anymore, I guess I used to.

328
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,400
Speaker 2: I know I connect with people easily. I'm also I

329
00:16:55,440 --> 00:17:00,000
Speaker 2: love being alone. I love like I love my alone time.

330
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 2: I don't know. Do you feel like you love people

331
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 2: so much? I love the people I love. I don't.

332
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,760
Speaker 2: I don't love you, know what. It's funny. I do

333
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:10,960
Speaker 2: like people. I do.

334
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,200
Speaker 1: I'm one of those people who I like you until

335
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,000
Speaker 1: you give me reason not to like you. And Evan

336
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,200
Speaker 1: is the opposite. He doesn't like anybody until they give

337
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,160
Speaker 1: him reasons to like him, and then he loves them.

338
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,560
Speaker 1: But he, like my baseline is to start off really

339
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:27,919
Speaker 1: liking you. And I am easy to get along with.

340
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,200
Speaker 1: And I'm an easy forgiver too, unless I've been burned,

341
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,400
Speaker 1: like a few times, then I won't.

342
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,159
Speaker 2: But I think I am at least an easy forgiver.

343
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 2: It's not a good thing or a bad thing. You think?

344
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:40,560
Speaker 2: Is that a good thing? I think it's a good

345
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 2: thing probably. And I'm also an easy apologizer, like I

346
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,840
Speaker 2: don't have a hard time saying I'm sorry me neither me,

347
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,679
Speaker 2: neither you and I would we be friends if it

348
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 2: wasn't for the show. I think, in all honesty we

349
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,399
Speaker 2: would probably be. This is gonna be a weird thing

350
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:01,560
Speaker 2: to say, even better friends. I one hundred percent agree

351
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:01,920
Speaker 2: with that.

352
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,720
Speaker 1: I do because I think that there's well, first of all,

353
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,600
Speaker 1: you're friends with people who don't like me, which means

354
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 1: that we can't always go to things together. But also

355
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 1: and I'm friends with people that don't like me, No,

356
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,960
Speaker 1: they like you. Actually, well we can discuss that all.

357
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:26,879
Speaker 1: That's a whole other yes, but I think that also,

358
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:32,040
Speaker 1: like it's weird, like if the show came back and

359
00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:35,000
Speaker 1: one of us was back and one of us wasn't,

360
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,840
Speaker 1: I don't see how that wouldn't make things awkward.

361
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I guess. I mean I'm more like this show. Yes, yes,

362
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,679
Speaker 2: for being on it, of course, that's yes, But I

363
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,000
Speaker 2: sort of mean more like because with the show and

364
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 2: just what it is, right, it is about conflict resolution

365
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 2: and and we're together all the time in this very

366
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 2: in this micro cause, in the arena. But without that,

367
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 2: you know, what would we ever we met in Upper

368
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 2: Cell River or Tenafly and let's say I was a

369
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 2: little younger or you were a little older, kids the

370
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,040
Speaker 2: same age. I mean, how would we not get along? Right?

371
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,919
Speaker 1: Like, we're basically very similar. And I think that's what

372
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,360
Speaker 1: Drew us to each other from the beginning.

373
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,120
Speaker 2: I mean, just a lot of a lot in common

374
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,920
Speaker 2: and not you know, a lot maybe because we're Jewish

375
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 2: and we have kids while mine are older again, but

376
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:35,919
Speaker 2: we run in similar circles and so and then you

377
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 2: would take away that piece of it that was hard

378
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 2: to navigate, which is a lot of times has to

379
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:40,400
Speaker 2: do with.

380
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 1: The show, right, Yeah, for sure, And the show is

381
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,199
Speaker 1: not going to last forever. So I think that's a

382
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 1: really exciting thing for us, right Like when the show

383
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,560
Speaker 1: is completely over for both of us, I think that

384
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:57,160
Speaker 1: maybe we could explore like a new part of listen.

385
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 2: We also have this together, so we're bonded through this.

386
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 2: And I'm not trying to say that, you know, we're

387
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 2: not good friends, but the show makes things complicated, and sometimes,

388
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,160
Speaker 2: you know, it becomes for all of us. I don't

389
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,280
Speaker 2: think anyone gets away without feeling that kind of tension

390
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,199
Speaker 2: that comes with the show. And there's a lot of

391
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,480
Speaker 2: competition and there's a lot of yes.

392
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 1: And I will tell you this, I have circled through

393
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 1: friends on this show, and no matter who I was

394
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 1: friends with at any given time, everyone was bad mouthing everyone.

395
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,919
Speaker 1: And I will just say that so I'm not sure

396
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 1: how authentic friendships are, and it's the reason why I

397
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 1: didn't watch Beverly Hills this season. But it's the reason

398
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 1: why someone like Garcela leaves and unfollows everyone on the cast.

399
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:46,880
Speaker 1: It's because the friendships aren't They're built on a shared experience,

400
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,680
Speaker 1: and once that experience is gone, I think a piece

401
00:20:49,680 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 1: of the friendship disintegrates. Even if you didn't watch White Lotus,

402
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:07,440
Speaker 1: you didn't need to in order to really get involved

403
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,440
Speaker 1: in this part of it. To stay with us, we're

404
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 1: going to read you this speech by Carrie Kuhon.

405
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,640
Speaker 2: So just a preface.

406
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: Three women in the White Lotus cast were on a

407
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 1: girl's trip together.

408
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 2: They were childhood friends.

409
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:30,199
Speaker 1: One of the women, she's a beautiful actress married to

410
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 1: a younger man. Another woman is played by Leslie Bibb,

411
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:40,360
Speaker 1: and she's sort of like has it all together, fancy

412
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 1: Texas woman an auscar out I don't remember, like a Republican,

413
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 1: very polished. And then the third is played by Carrie Kuhn,

414
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 1: who is a brilliant actress, and she is sort of

415
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 1: like the narchorus of the group, right, like, she does

416
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: not have her shit together.

417
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 2: She's more she's single, she's.

418
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:12,239
Speaker 1: Got a like kind of wild teenager, and they had

419
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 1: a really interesting week in Thailand where they were often

420
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 1: bad mouthing each other when one wasn't in the room.

421
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 1: And we're supposed to believe that they were the best

422
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 1: of friends from childhood, but you often were questioning how

423
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,120
Speaker 1: close this group of women were and whether they really

424
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: liked each other, Right.

425
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 2: Scary Jack is that was my favorite part of this

426
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 2: of this season, their friend group, their friendship, which is

427
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 2: kind of funny because is probably because I relate to it,

428
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 2: you know, on some level, like maybe specifically with housewives,

429
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 2: but you know that whole sort of it was not

430
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 2: so much of their friendship was not authentic. I mean this,

431
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 2: this speech at the end that Carry Coons gives I

432
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 2: do believe was of course, So we'll get to.

433
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 1: That, right, Well, well I'm gonna read it, okay, and

434
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 1: then we could break it down.

435
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 2: So this is right after the Beautiful Actress.

436
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 1: One says she's been on cloud nine all week. So

437
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 1: Carrie Kuhn says, that's funny because if I'm being honest,

438
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: all week, I've been so sad. I just feel like

439
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 1: my expectations were too high. Or I just feel like

440
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 1: as you get older, you have to justify your life.

441
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 2: You know, and your choices.

442
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: And when I'm with you, guys, it's just so like

443
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:32,440
Speaker 1: transparent what my choices were and my mistakes. I have

444
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 1: no belief system, and I mean I've had a lot

445
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,199
Speaker 1: of them, but I mean work was my religion forever,

446
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 1: but I definitely lost my belief there and then I

447
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: tried love and that was just a painful. Religion just

448
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,159
Speaker 1: made everything worse. And then even for me, just like

449
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 1: being a mother, that didn't save me either. But I

450
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: had this epiphany today, I don't need religion or God

451
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 1: to give my life meaning, because time gives a meaning.

452
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: We started this life together. I mean, we're going through

453
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 1: it apart, but we're still together. And I look at you, guys,

454
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: and it feels meaningful and I can't explain it. But

455
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 1: even when we're just sitting around the pool talking about

456
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 1: whatever in nine, it still feels very deep. I'm glad

457
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 1: you have a beautiful face, and I'm glad that you

458
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: have a beautiful life, and I'm just happy to be

459
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 1: at the table. I love you, so I happen even

460
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: just prot for by the way, well done, so there's

461
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 1: that maybe should get into script and television.

462
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,239
Speaker 2: And also I didn't I gots to we knew out

463
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 2: of it when you just read it. It reminds me

464
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,399
Speaker 2: so much of my high school friends because there are

465
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 2: four of us. We get together once a year. My

466
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 2: friend has a house on the Chesapeake in Maryland, and

467
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 2: it's this great house and every year we've been doing

468
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 2: it for so many years now, and it feels just

469
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,920
Speaker 2: like what you said. And sometimes, if I'm being honest,

470
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 2: it does feel like like you're comparing your life and

471
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 2: trying to justify your life. Because I go back with

472
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 2: these women since freshman year of high school, and so

473
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 2: you see their lives and and it's now we have

474
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,120
Speaker 2: pure love for each other. I'm very lucky with these

475
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 2: three women. There's not jealousy, and there's not it's not

476
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 2: like what these three were doing. We don't talk about

477
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 2: each other room, but there's something about like having known

478
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 2: each other all of these years and like my choice

479
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 2: has become very real, Like I live this way, Jill

480
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,200
Speaker 2: lives this way, Kelly lives this way, Allison lives this way,

481
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 2: and maybe I should have lived more like Alison lives

482
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 2: or you know, like I mean, there's just a lot

483
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 2: that comes right, that gets right in my face when

484
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 2: the four of us are together. I agree with that.

485
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: I have that with my college friends, and we have

486
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 1: a very different lives, and again we don't talk about

487
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: each other. I wouldn't have a bad word to say

488
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 1: about any of them if they left the room.

489
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 2: But I agree that I look at their lives.

490
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 1: And sometimes I'm like, am I spending enough time with

491
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: my kids?

492
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: Am I?

493
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: Like?

494
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 2: Should I be living healthier life? I question a lot

495
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 2: of my health choices me too, I do that.

496
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: One thing that got me from the start was Jacqueline

497
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: saying she had been on cloud nine all week, and

498
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 1: I felt like it started off very inauthentic because if

499
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: you watch the show, you saw that she couldn't reach

500
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: her husband. She's married to a younger man married no,

501
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,399
Speaker 1: I think it was her husband. Yeah, And then she

502
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: spoiler alert she cheated on him with Valentine, right, And

503
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: I just felt like, if you're doing that, and you

504
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: and you're so she seemed very hungry to be recognized

505
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: and very just like I felt like she fearly was

506
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 1: not happy, Like maybe she loved being famous and beautiful,

507
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,680
Speaker 1: but there was definitely a missing piece. And I think

508
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 1: to say that you were on cloud nine all week

509
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 1: when you were unable to reach your husband, wondering what

510
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: he was doing, and then cheating on him, I think.

511
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:27,160
Speaker 2: That's and then having it having to actually be confronted

512
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 2: about cheating by your other two friends.

513
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 1: Like that didn't go well, and bad mouthing your friends.

514
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a happy person. I just don't.

515
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:36,919
Speaker 1: I don't see how you could say that you've been

516
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,239
Speaker 1: on cloud nine all week. I feel like this there

517
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 1: was a lot of pretending to be happy. And I

518
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 1: think a lot of women pretend to be happy because

519
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: if you don't keep that happy face on, a lot

520
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 1: of sadness can come in. You know, it's hard being

521
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 1: our age. We might not talk our age me Jackie Goldschneider.

522
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: Our age means middle aged. It's that the indivisible woman

523
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 1: thing that we talked about last year. You know, at

524
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 1: this age, you're you're really kind of like neither here

525
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: nor there. Your children leave, everyone seems younger. I remember

526
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 1: getting to my town, moving to my town, and I

527
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,879
Speaker 1: was like, ah, like I'm the young new blood, and

528
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 1: like I'm young, and like so many people, you're old

529
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,959
Speaker 1: and now like I'm old and so many people here

530
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:22,400
Speaker 1: are young.

531
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 2: Oh, it's so weird. Women are all my friends are

532
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 2: leaving now. They're all downside moving to Florida right move

533
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 2: in to Arizona. People are just moving. Man.

534
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 1: It's like it's it's it's crazy, Like I don't feel

535
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: old personally, but I'm older, you know. And I think

536
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: that if you don't keep a happy face on sometimes

537
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: and keep a facade on sometimes, that you can get

538
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 1: kind of depressed. So I understand it. But at the

539
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 1: same time, I don't think. I don't think that Jacqueline's

540
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: character was being authentic.

541
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 2: I don't either, But I also I don't I don't

542
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 2: keep a happy face on all the time. No, no, no,

543
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 2: I don't either. I'm just saying for a lot of

544
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 2: what No, I know, I'm not even saying you me,

545
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 2: but like like that whole thing, like I don't know,

546
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 2: I'm not good, like when I'm unhappy, like everyone has

547
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 2: to know about it. I mean not really not me,

548
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 2: Like I'll like if you ask me, how are you,

549
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 2: and I'm not okay, I'm not okay. I don't really

550
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 2: and maybe that's partially I mean, I guess I'm authentic

551
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 2: in that in that way, and everything in my life

552
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 2: is not perfect and it is not weird, like I don'tant.

553
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 2: I have a lot of blessings, but I also have

554
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 2: a lot to deal with all the time, like we

555
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 2: all do.

556
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, how did you feel about?

557
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 2: Okay?

558
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: So I read a lot of I tend to deep

559
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: dive when I'm really interested in something, So I deep

560
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: dived White.

561
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 2: Lotus a lot.

562
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: But specifically this speech, you know, Carrie Coon kind of

563
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 1: indicates that friendships are what give her life meaning, right,

564
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: And I saw a lot of different opinions on whether

565
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: friendship is enough, and I think for some people it

566
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: could be right, but for me that would not be enough,

567
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: you mean in terms of what I don't get it? So, okay,

568
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: So for ex, like if you didn't have a husband

569
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 1: and children you mean, yeah, So I don't think that

570
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: friendships can replace everything else. I mean that's just me personally.

571
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: I think that friendships are amazing, but I don't know

572
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 1: many people who would. I certainly wouldn't die for my friends, right,

573
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 1: but I would from my family. And I don't know

574
00:30:54,200 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: that the friendships are deep enough two be what gives

575
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: your life meaning. It will be amazing, but not for

576
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: me personally. They wouldn't be enough now that I know otherwise,

577
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be enough to give my life.

578
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 2: Meaning, I just thought of So, my sister has a

579
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 2: best friend, and when I say a best friend, I

580
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 2: mean like a best friend on the phone with each other,

581
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 2: anything that happens. All of us know her, her kid,

582
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 2: my sister's kids, she is, she's family. I mean they

583
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 2: are as close as I am to Robin, like I

584
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,239
Speaker 2: that's how close her friend is to her. And they

585
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 2: probably share a lot more than even my sister and

586
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: I do. I mean, it has it is different because

587
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 2: we have a mother and father that we share and

588
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 2: you know, it's whatever. But my point is that recently

589
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 2: my sister's friend got diagnosed with cancer and my which

590
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 2: I don't want to even get into because whatever, I'm

591
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 2: not saying her name, but it doesn't matter. But anyway,

592
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 2: I just kept thinking like this person too, so so

593
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 2: first I thought of her, but then also I thought

594
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 2: of my sister because she is a part of my

595
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 2: sister's life and as important to her, I feel like

596
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 2: as anybody can be, and she is. It's hard to

597
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 2: picture one of them without the other. And I mean that, like,

598
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 2: I don't know that. I have a lot of very

599
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 2: close friendships, but in this case, I feel like they're

600
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 2: just like that. It's like, you have a husband, you

601
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 2: have kids, and you have for my sister, she has

602
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 2: this best friend. I think it is possible to have

603
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 2: friends that are that close. This friend of hers is

604
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 2: not married, doesn't have kids, but everything is just Robin

605
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 2: and her kids. So I don't know, just maybe think

606
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 2: of that, And I don't know, I really.

607
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: Because I it comes back to the well, who would

608
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 1: you lay your life down for and who would do

609
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: it for you? And I don't think that there's people

610
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: outside of my family.

611
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 2: Well later that's a hard one. I mean kids, because

612
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 2: that's just well.

613
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: But also like who would you trust completely one hundred

614
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 1: percent trust? Right? I love my friends and I've had

615
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: the same best friend since I'm eighteen. She was my

616
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 1: maid of honor, I was hers and we're still best friends.

617
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: And I don't think that there's anyone in the world

618
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: that I would one hundred percent trust aside from.

619
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 2: My family, like my my trust do you mean tell

620
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 2: people things?

621
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 1: Just like if it came down to not even like

622
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 1: tell people, Yeah, my deepest darkest secret.

623
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 2: Maybe that I don't know that I would one.

624
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: Hundred percent trust that anyone who's not my immediate family would.

625
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 2: Would hold that sacred. You know, and I do have

626
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 2: very strong friendships. I'm just being honest. I don't we

627
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 2: do here. Yeah, I don't.

628
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: Think that there's I don't think that friendships run as

629
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: deep and they can be beautiful, and they can, and

630
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,479
Speaker 1: I have amazing friendships, but I don't think they run

631
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,240
Speaker 1: as deep as family.

632
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: I just don't. And I know that a lot of

633
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 2: people would spew that, but I just don't nothing. I mean,

634
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 2: that's been your experience. So yeah, And I love my friendships.

635
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 2: I just maybe I just don't.

636
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 1: Look I don't need them to be that for me

637
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: because I have a big family.

638
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: Do you say I love you to your friends and

639
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: do you always mean it? I don't know. Do I

640
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 2: always mean it? Is I love you a lot? I

641
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 2: always say I love you. It's not the same I

642
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 2: love you. I guess I love you? Is are different

643
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 2: for different telling my mother I love her or my kids?

644
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,759
Speaker 2: Or is it the same? I don't know. It comes

645
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 2: very naturally to me to say I love you, so

646
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 2: I don't It's a great question. I have to think

647
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 2: about it. I mean, I don't think I don't mean it.

648
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 2: Maybe I don't know. I had out love you say

649
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: it too easily. I don't know easily. Yeah.

650
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: Like if I'm leaving dinner with like six women and

651
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 1: three of them are close and three are not, I'll

652
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 1: say love you to everyone. I do so A lot

653
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 1: of times I don't mean it.

654
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,359
Speaker 2: What is love you mean? Like, for a friend, love

655
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 2: you means I don't know, that means I'll die.

656
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: I do love my friends, Yeah, but I don't love

657
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: my acquaintances and I hands it out.

658
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, right.

659
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 1: But I think in this instance, and I heard that

660
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 1: the I love yous were not part of the speech

661
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 1: that Mike White wrote that they all kind of impurpose.

662
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,919
Speaker 2: You know that the way they said those I love

663
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 2: yous were very different than like a casual I love

664
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 2: you like. They looked each other in the eye after

665
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 2: that speech, and they weren't saying it in like a

666
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 2: cute way. They were really saying it. Did you notice

667
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 2: that it was cool? I did, And I think it

668
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 2: served an important purpose.

669
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 1: I think it sort of brought them all back to

670
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 1: the same place of we have shit and we know,

671
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 1: we have shit, and like we're not perfect friends and

672
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: we don't have perfect lives, but at the end of

673
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,880
Speaker 1: it all, we're there for each other.

674
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 2: Because they really they were saying, like the real me

675
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 2: sees the real you like who I am, all of

676
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 2: my shit, regardless of her beautiful face or her beautiful

677
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 2: life or her like you know, past all that, Like

678
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 2: there's actual real love there.

679
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. I didn't feel bad for Carrie Coon's character though.

680
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 1: I kind of felt like she was a free bird.

681
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 2: She was a little bit she also at times they

682
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 2: all were, I mean, have it is that one would

683
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 2: leave the room and the other twoul talk, and then

684
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 2: the other lead the room and the other two would talk.

685
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 2: I mean, it was definitely Carrie. She wasn't like, you know,

686
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 2: she loved shooting like some shade. Yeah.

687
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: Those were not friendships though that I I feel drawn to.

688
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 1: I don't like the thought of a friend talking about

689
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 1: me when I leave the room, and I try really

690
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: hard not to talk about friends behind their back. I

691
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: go back and forth with how I feel about Sometimes

692
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: I really like it, and then I feel bad because

693
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 1: I feel like it it's a little toxic.

694
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 2: It is definitely toxic, and I definitely also like it.

695
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I think I've heard that gossip is a

696
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 1: very like natural human way to make like the world

697
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 1: makes sense to you.

698
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 2: It makes us feel better. Yeah, but I'm trying.

699
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: And you know, another thing that came up when I

700
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: was deep diving all of this is something called the

701
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:32,760
Speaker 1: modern woman's dilemma.

702
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 2: So there was a USA Today article about.

703
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: How talking about Carrie Coon's speech and sort of how

704
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 1: women have achieved so much and we are still like

705
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: we are the most unhappy that we've been.

706
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 2: Some of the.

707
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 1: Research was saying that women in the US do better

708
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 1: than ever before, And there was a Pew Research Center

709
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 1: pole that said last year women earned an average of

710
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: eighty five percent.

711
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 2: It was up four percentage points from twenty to twenty three.

712
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 2: We earn eighty five percent of what men earn.

713
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,879
Speaker 1: We have more college degrees than men, and single women

714
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 1: own more homes than single men, and just women are

715
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: just doing so great and they are so unhappy. They're

716
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:23,800
Speaker 1: calling it the female happiness paradox. We have much more anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, anger,

717
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 1: mental health.

718
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 2: I mean it's same as kids. Kids have all these

719
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 2: things now that we didn't have right, all.

720
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, the kids, I think is social media, but

721
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 1: also I think there's also yes, but it's yes, definitely

722
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: it's technology in general though, you know, And it's like

723
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 1: even if it's video games, it's still the kids have

724
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 1: more materialistically, well not all kids, I guess, and kids

725
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 1: are now you know, anxiety among adolescents is an epidemic.

726
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 2: But anyway, we're talking about women our age. Yes, so

727
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 2: what is that about it? Why do you think that

728
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,839
Speaker 2: we're so unhappy? You think it's technology.

729
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: I'm not personally so unhappy, but I know a lot

730
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 1: of women who are.

731
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I mean everything all roads lead back

732
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 2: to social media, right, But I don't know. I think

733
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 2: we have way more access to each other's lives and

734
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 2: by each other just mean our friends and our family,

735
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 2: but around the world, right, like we see, right.

736
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: Which I think makes it very easy to compare ourselves

737
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 1: to other people. And I think comparison, it's very true,

738
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,439
Speaker 1: it's the thief of joy. It's any time I start

739
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 1: to compare myself to other people, I feel bad instantly.

740
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 2: To comparison, to despair. If you hear that. Yeah, so,

741
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 2: but also like I don't know, there's a lot this

742
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 2: world is not This is not an easy place to

743
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 2: be right now. I mean I can think of when

744
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 2: I feel unhappy, and part of it, yes, I think

745
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 2: it has to do with comparing and social media and

746
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 2: all of that, but also just world is so crazy

747
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 2: and I can get myself caught up in thinking about

748
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 2: the Middle East and Israel and just be depressed and

749
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 2: and you know, it's this is a crazy world that

750
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 2: we live in, no matter how much stuff we have,

751
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:17,839
Speaker 2: and certainly you and I are very blessed, and there

752
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 2: always gonna beeple that people that have more than us

753
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 2: and people that have left way less and way more.

754
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 2: We have enough, and that how you know, luckier we

755
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 2: that we don't have to we're not hungry, and we

756
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 2: have way more than we even need. But still there's unhappiness.

757
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 1: Well, I think you know what social media does is

758
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 1: makes a lot of things anti climactic. Like I always

759
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: said to myself, if I ever get to actually publish

760
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: a book, like that's all I'll ever need in life.

761
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,359
Speaker 1: And then I published a book, and like three weeks later,

762
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, yeah, it doesn't feel like

763
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: it's amazing, but it doesn't feel like I thought it

764
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: would feel because then I look on and I see

765
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,959
Speaker 1: people whose books better than mine, and I see people

766
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: who are on longer book tours and people who are

767
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: enjoying it more. And I was, and it makes everything

768
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:14,359
Speaker 1: kind of feel anti climactic, right, And then it said

769
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 1: to myself, God, if I ever get an podcast on

770
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 1: iHeart and a.

771
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 2: Book, it's all all ever fucking read in the world.

772
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 1: And now I've got a podcast on iHeart and a book,

773
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 1: and it's kind of like how life works.

774
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 2: Well, I don't. I don't feel satisfied yet what else

775
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 2: do I know?

776
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 1: FOT is different than an unhappy Like, No, I'm not unhappy.

777
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like social media, I'm saying, this is

778
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 1: why I'm happy, because nothing is ever good enough because

779
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: you were always seeing what everyone else is doing.

780
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 2: Well. I always tell the story of how when we

781
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 2: this is our third house in my town, and when

782
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 2: we saw it and we were bidding on it and

783
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 2: hoping to get it, I remember saying, if I end

784
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 2: up we end up getting this house, I will never

785
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 2: have an unhappy day. I can ever like and the house,

786
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 2: my house is a beautiful house. It's not you know,

787
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 2: I don't live enough in a mansion and it's it

788
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 2: is just a beautiful house that I fell in love

789
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 2: with when I saw it, and I thought, I'll never

790
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 2: be unhappy. I can't be unhappy living in this house.

791
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: I mean, I do recall someone on our cast saying

792
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 1: it was a cute little house.

793
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 2: Yes, I definitely it was a cute little house. Yes,

794
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 2: everything you have that perspective, I suppose, but it is.

795
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 2: It is a cute house. Just I love my house, gorgeous.

796
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 2: I've had many unhappy moments here, so yeah, I know,

797
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 2: I just you know what, and I do feel like

798
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 2: unhappy ones.

799
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: It does sound like therapy mumbo jumbo, but it brings

800
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: ties back everything about authenticity and female friendships and all

801
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:50,839
Speaker 1: of it and what gives life meaning. And I think

802
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,719
Speaker 1: that you really are not going to find and I

803
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: learned this the hard way. You're not going to find

804
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 1: happiness from external stuff, because there's always going to be

805
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 1: some one doing it better, someone who looks better, someone

806
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:06,359
Speaker 1: who's richer, smarter, achieving more. You really have to do

807
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 1: the inner work. And like I envy so much the

808
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 1: people who are so at peace with their lives and

809
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 1: happy with their lives that they don't search for external validation,

810
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: because as much as I've conquered my insecurities, I still

811
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: need more external validation than I'm comfortable with.

812
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 2: And I think that's so human, right, It's like that's

813
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 2: I think most most of us, specifically women, but like

814
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 2: feel like that, and I mean, you get better, right,

815
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,800
Speaker 2: I Mean, we've talked a lot about this, but it's

816
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:44,879
Speaker 2: not trying to be You're trying, you know, if you're

817
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 2: trying to climb up the ladder, whatever the ladder is.

818
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 2: I don't know, the social ladder at the door, let's

819
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 2: say the ladder of fame, or and you're up at

820
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 2: the top right now, you're famous, and you are, you

821
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 2: feel beautiful, and all you worry about is the fall,

822
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 2: writer is losing what you have up here, And then

823
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 2: when you're down at the bottom, you can only concentrate

824
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: on climbing that ladder, getting somewhere. And meanwhile, the idea

825
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 2: is to know that you're special, you're enough, you have enough,

826
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 2: like living in dignity doesn't matter if you're up here

827
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 2: or down here. I mean I've told that. My shrink

828
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 2: told me that a long time ago, and it's always

829
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 2: sort of stuck with me, and especially like in the

830
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,919
Speaker 2: crazy world that I've been living in. You've been living

831
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 2: in longer than I have. But of reality television where

832
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 2: oh everybody likes me, and then what if they don't

833
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,840
Speaker 2: like me tomorrow or nobody likes me? How do I

834
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 2: make them like me? You know, it's like it has

835
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: to just living authentically, maybe just like it doesn't matter.

836
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,320
Speaker 2: I know who I am. I do the best I can.

837
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,839
Speaker 2: I love who I love. Blah blah blah blah blah.

838
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Same, But I don't want I don't want you

839
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: to take wrong what I said. I think female friendships

840
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 1: are incredibly important, and they're incredibly important to me. I

841
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,800
Speaker 1: just don't me personally. I don't think that they replace

842
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,719
Speaker 1: the their relationship wrong with what you said.

843
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:06,879
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I don't. This is your experience, Like

844
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 2: that's another one of those buzz things I can't expressions.

845
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,320
Speaker 2: It's your experience and that's your value.

846
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: Journey, Journey stopped gaslighting, Journey, stop gas lighting.

847
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 2: I'm weaponizing my life. But I you know, I do.

848
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,879
Speaker 1: I do enjoy making new friends, and I don't think

849
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: you're ever too old to make new friends. And I

850
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: don't know, I think I really struggled with friendships when

851
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: I was in high school and so now I I appreciate.

852
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 2: Them so much.

853
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 1: And when I am with my friends, I feel good.

854
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:42,320
Speaker 2: I feel really good.

855
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 1: And when I'm with the wrong people, I feel really bad.

856
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:49,800
Speaker 1: And you've seen that, You've seen the way I change

857
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 1: in certain situation.

858
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 2: I mean we have all gone through that in our

859
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 2: own ways, everybody. I mean, you know that's not I

860
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 2: know how you feel and I've felt it too.

861
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, if you haven't watched White Lotus, go watch

862
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:08,480
Speaker 1: it because it is definitely even outside.

863
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 2: I didn't want to go to Thailand after watching.

864
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: It, Yeah, I don't. I've never felt a draw to Thailand,

865
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 1: I did. I think ever since the tsunami, I've been scared.

866
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,399
Speaker 2: I've been always thought I would want to go there,

867
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 2: But like it wasn't like the other White Lotuses that

868
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 2: were Where were they Greece for one of them? Oh

869
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 2: my god?

870
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 1: Season two of White Lotus in Sicily, Yes, was the

871
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: most amazing television show I have why in Italy? Why

872
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 1: was the first season I thought was good?

873
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 2: Second season was all amazing, Like like Thailand, the way

874
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 2: that they portrayed it just felt very dark.

875
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:57,320
Speaker 1: I heard, oh yeah, that water balloon festival in town.

876
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 1: Yeah they yeah, they did not do it justice. I

877
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 1: know that people like it was like even in.

878
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 2: A school that they sat by, it was like there

879
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 2: was never any sun, like they were sitting sunbathing. I

880
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 2: couldn't even feel.

881
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:11,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, second season of White Lotus is the best show ever.

882
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 1: I think that third season was the second best. And

883
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 1: first season I liked, didn't love I mean anything that

884
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 1: Jennifer Coolidge y Oh, I mean, she's just amazing.

885
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:22,760
Speaker 2: But by the way, on the plane ride.

886
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: Home from Spain, I couldn't sleep, so I watched Bob

887
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: Dylan movie and then it was over, and I didn't

888
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: know watch you know, I love a biopic and I

889
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: love music movies, but I thought it was just like

890
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,280
Speaker 1: I think Timothy Shallomey was amazing.

891
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 2: But the movie itself I thought was very good. I

892
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 2: definitely didn't think it was I don't know, he was

893
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 2: coming up for me and like, I'm like nah.

894
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 1: Anyway, So after that I didn't want to watch another movie.

895
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 1: I didn't have an attention span, so I was slipping

896
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 1: through the TV shows on there, and I haven't been

897
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 1: watching as much Bravo these days only because like I'm

898
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 1: watching Atlanta Housewives. Sometimes it's a little hard for me

899
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 1: to watch the Housewives right now because I have very

900
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 1: mixed feelings about how I feel about things, and so

901
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 1: I've been avoiding some of the Housewives shows. But they

902
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 1: had season one of The Valley on there, and I

903
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: never watched earlier Van der Pum Rules season, so I

904
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: know nothing about these characters. And I watched episode one,

905
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,799
Speaker 1: season one of The Valley and oh my god, I

906
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 1: watched all three and then came home and like binge

907
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 1: the rest of season one. It is so good. Dentfessler

908
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 1: watched The Valley is maybe the best show I've ever

909
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: seen on Bravo. Oh, come on, unbelievable. Yes, it's unbelievable.

910
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:45,880
Speaker 1: Every person on that show is giving it everything. I mean,

911
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 1: I'm only at the end of season one, but really

912
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 1: truly interesting people giving it everything and really being talk

913
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:54,719
Speaker 1: about being authentica.

914
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 2: So and I would love to get.

915
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:02,240
Speaker 1: That you met who did you meet from the valt Brittany.

916
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 2: But I sat by Janet and she was it was

917
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,960
Speaker 2: really fun, like we had a great time together. And

918
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 2: then she said they would said they would come on

919
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 2: the pod and Brittany too.

920
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: I would love that. I would love it. It's a

921
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 1: really great show. Anyway, this was fun. This was fun,

922
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 1: and it was authentic. It was very authentic, and I

923
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 1: look forward to one day when we were little old

924
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 1: ladies seeing what our friendship's like.

925
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:32,720
Speaker 2: Without the show. Yes, a man's Sister. So until next time, guys,

926
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 2: next time,