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Speaker 1: This episode discusses serious matters including suicide, childhood, trauma, substance use,

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Speaker 1: and depression. Every single morning, the first thing I would

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Speaker 1: do is cry, just because being awake was that difficult.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a like a ticking time bomb. It

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Speaker 1: was just a matter of when. Really, Hey, everyone, welcome

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Speaker 1: back to this very special episode of On Purpose, the

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Speaker 1: number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each

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Speaker 1: and every single one of you that come back every

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Speaker 1: week to listen, learn and grow. Now, I am so

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Speaker 1: grateful for this amazing community that we have, for each

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Speaker 1: and every one of you that lend me your ears

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Speaker 1: twice a week. And as you know, I'm always always

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Speaker 1: thinking about new ways in which we can serve and

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Speaker 1: support our community and your journeys towards a better understanding

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Speaker 1: of yourself and a better understanding of your friends, your

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Speaker 1: family members, and the people around you and the world

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Speaker 1: around us as well. Now this episode is sponsored by

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Speaker 1: better Help Online Therapy and today I'm joined with hersu Joe,

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Speaker 1: licensed marriage and family therapist and head of clinical Operations

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Speaker 1: at better Help and in this new monthly series, we

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Speaker 1: will be serving real listeners of the show and community.

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Speaker 1: You'll hear the stories the things that they struggle with

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Speaker 1: and get to sit in on a real therapy session

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Speaker 1: with the intention of letting you know you're not alone.

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Speaker 1: We're all dealing with something and in every show we

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Speaker 1: will address different themes, different experiences, and our goal is

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Speaker 1: to bring more awareness to taking care of your mental

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Speaker 1: health and provide everyone the tools, resources, and encouragement they

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Speaker 1: need to heal their past for a brighter future. Now,

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Speaker 1: when we were thinking about this idea, one of the

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Speaker 1: things I realized is that today we hear a lot

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Speaker 1: about therapy. People say, oh, my therapist said this to me,

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Speaker 1: or I learned this in therapy, but rarely have we

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Speaker 1: actually sat in on a therapy session. We don't know

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Speaker 1: what it looks like, and often our family members don't

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Speaker 1: know what it looks like. I'm hoping that this is

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Speaker 1: going to be a resource that you can share with

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Speaker 1: your friends, your family so that they can understand therapy better,

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Speaker 1: so that you can understand therapy better, and as a

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Speaker 1: community we can heal together as well. Today, Hessu and

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Speaker 1: I are joined by a very wonderful and special individual

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Speaker 1: named Ashley, and Ashley's joined us today to share her journey,

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Speaker 1: to share her story and I want you to welcome

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Speaker 1: her and give her the deepest, warmest, most beautiful welcome

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Speaker 1: from our on Purpose community because she's so kindly agreed

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Speaker 1: to be a part of this today. So Hessu and Ashley,

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Speaker 1: so grateful to have you here. I'm really really thankful

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Speaker 1: to do this with both of you. And this is

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Speaker 1: the first time we're doing this. It's historic and it's special.

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Speaker 1: But thank you for being it. Yeah, thank you for

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Speaker 1: having me. Yeah, thank you for including both of us you.

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Speaker 1: It's exciting, it is, it is exciting. And you know,

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Speaker 1: we were talking a bit beforehand, and we really want

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Speaker 1: to honor you, Ashley and make sure that we serve

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Speaker 1: you in an effective way. And so I'm going to

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Speaker 1: now hand over to Sue, who's going to start this

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Speaker 1: wonderful conversation and discussion. So Sue over to you. I mean,

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Speaker 1: just continuing a little bit of something Jay was mentioning.

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Speaker 1: I want to make sure that you feel safe, that

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Speaker 1: you feel comfortable. So if there's ever a moment that

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Speaker 1: the conversation is going somewhere that doesn't feel right for you,

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Speaker 1: you can indicate that in whatever way that you need to.

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Speaker 1: But thank you, thank you so much for being willing

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Speaker 1: and open to talk about yourself for so many people,

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Speaker 1: because I think part of destigmatizing the idea of seeking

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Speaker 1: support is seeing other people do that, right, seeing other

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Speaker 1: real people doing that, versus just hearing commercial after ad

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Speaker 1: about doing this or trying this new thing. So my

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Speaker 1: understanding is that you've already been in therapy for some time,

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Speaker 1: and I was wondering if you could share a little

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Speaker 1: bit about what initially got you to try it the

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Speaker 1: first time. So initially I was so against therapy. I

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Speaker 1: didn't want nothing to do with it. I thought I

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Speaker 1: was a lost cause. I was like, no one can

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Speaker 1: help me, Like no one can imagine what I'm going

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Speaker 1: through or even trying to tell me what I can

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Speaker 1: do to get better, because in my mind, nothing could

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Speaker 1: help me. Twenty eighteen, I believe I overdosed on like

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Speaker 1: sleeping meds, and I was after that. I was kind

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Speaker 1: of actually forced into it, but I didn't have a choice,

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Speaker 1: and that kind of started my therapy journey, and from

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Speaker 1: there I was in therapy for two years. Something going

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Speaker 1: on in your life led to some unsafe behaviors, like

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Speaker 1: ways to cope, Like people often turn to substance when

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Speaker 1: there is trauma because it helps numb stuff, It helps

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Speaker 1: you not think about things, and sometimes you feel good, right,

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Speaker 1: it makes you feel not just better from this thing

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Speaker 1: that has been painful, but it feels good. And so

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Speaker 1: I'm hearing that you had kind of like a mandated

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Speaker 1: route into therapy. You mentioned that you wouldn't have considered it.

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Speaker 1: So what were some of your ideas about what therapy

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Speaker 1: was before? I didn't even know where do you even begin?

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Speaker 1: What therapy looks like? I just thought someone would just

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Speaker 1: sit there and tell me, Oh, how do you feel

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Speaker 1: about that? M Oh, how do you feel about that?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? That's kind of like what

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Speaker 1: I thought, or like someone try to preach to me

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Speaker 1: or like tell me what to do or how I

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Speaker 1: should do it. But really it wasn't like that at

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Speaker 1: all for me. It ended up being something different exactly.

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Speaker 1: And I know you can't give an entire synopsis of

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Speaker 1: the corapeutic journey that you've been through, but now that

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Speaker 1: you have gone through some of these sessions and it

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Speaker 1: sounds like you found out it wasn't just so how

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Speaker 1: did that make you feel? How did that? And I'm

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Speaker 1: sure your therapists did ask many times well how did

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Speaker 1: that make you feel? What do you think of therapy? Novin?

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Speaker 1: What is therapy? If somebody is to ask you, a

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Speaker 1: seasoned client, like what to expect if they were to

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Speaker 1: try this out? Therapy is amazing. Honestly I recommend it

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Speaker 1: to everybody. They tell me the problems, like you know what,

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Speaker 1: you need a therapist, and like, I don't mean that

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Speaker 1: in a negative It's not a negative thing at all.

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Speaker 1: It's very positive and I try to enlighten that. But

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Speaker 1: for me, when I was in therapy, like okay, so

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Speaker 1: you have these dark thoughts. I mean you don't recognize them,

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Speaker 1: or you don't even know what they are. It can

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Speaker 1: easily spiral out of control. And so with therapy, she

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Speaker 1: really helps me recognize these thinking traps is what we

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Speaker 1: would call them. And throughout the day I was more aware,

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Speaker 1: like if I would say on worthless or you can't

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Speaker 1: do that, wait a minute, like that's not true, Like

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Speaker 1: let's kind of lay it out and understand like what

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Speaker 1: this is, like where it's coming from. That's something I

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Speaker 1: still practice until this day. Every single day catch myself

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Speaker 1: thinking something negative and obviously there's more to it, but

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Speaker 1: something I really took away from that. Yeah, you're describing

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Speaker 1: cognitive behavioral thing it is. Yeah, you went through this

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Speaker 1: process where somebody helped you learn to identify and then

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Speaker 1: articulate your internal process. Because when you can start talking

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Speaker 1: about it or even understanding it a little bit better,

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Speaker 1: I think that's when you really are able to make

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Speaker 1: strides in terms of finding healing for yourself, the ability

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Speaker 1: to let the things go that you need to, the

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Speaker 1: ability to move on. So you shared a little bit

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Speaker 1: about what led to your first session, right somebody you're

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Speaker 1: forced because it became unsafe to yourself. Exactly Can you

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Speaker 1: share now what you think led to the types of

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Speaker 1: feelings you were trying to numb with substances. Well, I

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Speaker 1: think it was just like a let up. There wasn't

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Speaker 1: like a particular event what something did trigger it, and

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Speaker 1: I can talk about that, but overall, like I've been

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Speaker 1: struggling with it for since I was a young child,

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Speaker 1: I think it was like really just like a matter

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Speaker 1: of time, And I think if I received help sooner,

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Speaker 1: it wouldn't have gotten to that point. And for like

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Speaker 1: a lot of people like me, unfortunately, something that drastic

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Speaker 1: has to happen for us even want to accept help. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the rock bottom experience. Right, Like people, not just people,

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Speaker 1: I should say, we we often feel like there's some

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Speaker 1: kind of like shortcoming or something wrong with me if

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Speaker 1: I need to reach out for support, because a lot

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Speaker 1: of us have this misconception that therapy is for the

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Speaker 1: weak minded, the people that are absent of some kind

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Speaker 1: of strong will of their own. And it takes a

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Speaker 1: lot of courage, I think, to finally realize, like vulnerability

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Speaker 1: takes a lot of strength, being able to open up

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Speaker 1: to someone, being able to open up to yourself and

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Speaker 1: admit a lot of stuff. Yeah, and so you mentioned

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Speaker 1: like your life led to that moment. I'm sure series events,

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Speaker 1: and then you also said something about something did trigger this,

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Speaker 1: so that something that you're willing to kind of open

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Speaker 1: up about now. I think at that time it was

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Speaker 1: my depression really had a hold of me. Every single

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Speaker 1: morning I would the first thing I would do is cry,

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Speaker 1: just because being awake was that difficult. I couldn't even

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Speaker 1: I didn't even want to spend the days with myself. Mentally,

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Speaker 1: that was going on for a couple of months, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like no matter what I did, like one

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Speaker 1: day I would wake up, I feel like I would

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Speaker 1: do a good job, but I feel like it was

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Speaker 1: steal not enough. I'm like, wow, I really gave it

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Speaker 1: my all and it still was not enough. I was like,

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Speaker 1: what is the point of being here? One day, my

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Speaker 1: ex boyfriend and I got in an argument and I

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Speaker 1: was like, wow, I will I'm just again. I'll never

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Speaker 1: be enough, I'll nether be worthy. And normally in those situations,

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Speaker 1: I will cont like I'll have a conversation with myself

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Speaker 1: like okay, Ashley, you know, one more day, one more day,

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Speaker 1: like just hold on and hold on. But that day,

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Speaker 1: there was no conversation with myself. A switch just flipped

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Speaker 1: and I just went through with it. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: worst case scenario, how I go to sleep and I

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Speaker 1: wake up like okay, But like best case scenari for me,

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Speaker 1: I go to sleep and I don't even know what happened.

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Speaker 1: That's what I was hoping for it but exactly go

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Speaker 1: outs plans, which is probably the best. I feel like

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Speaker 1: a like a ticking time bomb. It was just a

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Speaker 1: matter of when. Really you're describing just like living for

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Speaker 1: such a long time without knowing how to regulate your

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Speaker 1: emotions and really process a lot of stuff right, and

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Speaker 1: like blew up in an argument. Sounds like I want

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Speaker 1: to shift gears a little bit and kind of ask

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Speaker 1: a little bit more about your previous therapy experiences so far.

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Speaker 1: So while you've been in therapy, I'm hearing you say

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Speaker 1: that you've learned some skills, You've learned some things to

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Speaker 1: like cope with and navigate everyday life, Like how did

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Speaker 1: you learn that stuff? Like what is it that the

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Speaker 1: therapist was doing to teach these things? Right? So, I'm

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Speaker 1: a huge imagery person, and like one thing we would

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Speaker 1: do it was it was kind of like how I

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Speaker 1: describe it, like a court case, okay, and like you

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Speaker 1: have your like the jury of like the lawyer and

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. One thing I struggled with was feeling

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Speaker 1: like I'm not capable of taking care of myself. Like

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Speaker 1: I'm a grown adult. I should be able to take

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Speaker 1: care of myself and I couldn't. And so we would

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Speaker 1: break down the evidence, like Okay, what's real and like

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Speaker 1: what's false, Like let's just recognize that there, because when

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Speaker 1: you're this kind of mindset, you tell yourself so many

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Speaker 1: lies stuff that's not being true. And so I would

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, well I do this. I do my

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Speaker 1: laundry sometimes, like I have been working out past couple

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Speaker 1: of weeks, like, oh, you do feed yourself. You have

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Speaker 1: to give yourself credit for the things that you actually do,

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Speaker 1: and you I would we would write it down in

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Speaker 1: the evidence section and we would write down like what

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Speaker 1: was false, and basically like the jury would come to

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Speaker 1: the conclusion like, no, you are capable. So yeah, you

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Speaker 1: would just really just have to in that process give

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Speaker 1: yourself credit and kind of look at what was real

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Speaker 1: and what was it and you would shift those thoughts

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Speaker 1: of I should be able to and you change it

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Speaker 1: into no, you are able to, and you do. It's

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Speaker 1: a lot of just shifting the way you think about stuff,

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Speaker 1: taking on different perspectives. Hearing someone kind of re word

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Speaker 1: or like paraphrase your life in a different way. It

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Speaker 1: sounds like you've learned a lot about yourself too. There's

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Speaker 1: like a period of time where it sounds like you

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Speaker 1: didn't really know who you were. Like what parts of

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Speaker 1: learning these skills, learning how to identify evidence for and

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Speaker 1: against some kind of thought or belief helped you figure

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Speaker 1: out who you are? Like, do you feel like there

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Speaker 1: was some kind of self exploration self identification type of process,

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Speaker 1: Like it's not just learning skills, right, it's I guess

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to get to your sense of any kind

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Speaker 1: of change in the ways that you perceive yourself, Like

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Speaker 1: how has that kind of shifted in that two year period.

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Speaker 1: So a lot of people, I believe, feel like they

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Speaker 1: go to therapy and overnight they're so much better, and

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Speaker 1: that's just not the case. And for me, again, until

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Speaker 1: this day, I someting I had to practice every single day,

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Speaker 1: so there wasn't like one particular moment where I just

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Speaker 1: like saw myself in like a better light. Eventually, you

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Speaker 1: keep practicing and practicing and practicing, and eventually you start

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Speaker 1: to learn yourself. You start to value yourself and you

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Speaker 1: see yourself in a whole different light. You have you

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Speaker 1: learn boundaries, and you have them now, and you have

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Speaker 1: rules for yourself and you don't allow certain people or

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Speaker 1: certain situations control you as much because you have more

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Speaker 1: confidence in the tools and the Kobe mechanisms that you

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Speaker 1: have developed throughout therapy. And that's definitely helped me a lot.

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Speaker 1: To this day, I really do see myself in a

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Speaker 1: higher light, and I don't let people take advantage of

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Speaker 1: me as much as I used to back in the day.

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Speaker 1: Back in the day, people took advantage of you in

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Speaker 1: what ways do you think that was happening that you're

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Speaker 1: able to prevent now? Well, just one example, you were

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Speaker 1: mentioning earlier people they kind of self that sabotage, whether

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Speaker 1: it's drugs, alcohol. For me, I didn't do any of that.

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Speaker 1: For me, my reckless behavior was being promiscuous. And that's

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Speaker 1: kind of like what I learned growing up was giving

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Speaker 1: yourself for in return for love. So that's what I

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Speaker 1: thought I had to do in order to receive any

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Speaker 1: sort of love. And so I would give myself to guys,

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Speaker 1: you know, and like thinking, oh, this is how they're

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Speaker 1: going to accept me. This is like where they're gonna

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Speaker 1: love me, and this is where I'm valued. And now

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Speaker 1: it's not like that at all. I'm just like, no,

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Speaker 1: I have so much more to give than my body,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so that's just one

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Speaker 1: example of how things have definitely shifted for me. You're

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Speaker 1: speaking of something huge herey is like we as people,

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Speaker 1: we learn how to not only give love, but how

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Speaker 1: to receive love from very significant people really early in

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Speaker 1: our lives childhood, and those people that are supposed to

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Speaker 1: love us unconditionally, keep us safe, nurture us, show us

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Speaker 1: that the world as a safe place, have a lot

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Speaker 1: of power over us as young children. And so I'm

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Speaker 1: what I'm hearing is when you were a young child,

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Speaker 1: some kind of event or series events taught you that

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Speaker 1: love means something you know specific right, So I'm curious

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Speaker 1: in your therapy experience, how much did you go back

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Speaker 1: and talk about your childhood in that time? When I

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Speaker 1: went to therapy, we did go, well, you kind of

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Speaker 1: have to understand why you feel this way, and it

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Speaker 1: does stem from your childhood everything, So we really did

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Speaker 1: start from there. We broke it down from there. It

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Speaker 1: really does help you start to realize how you're acting

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Speaker 1: in the presence is it stems from that. We reenact.

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Speaker 1: We try to correct what happened to us as kids

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Speaker 1: in our adult relationships. And I think we all tried

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Speaker 1: to the best of our ability, but to try to

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Speaker 1: correct something that happened to us when we're six, we

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Speaker 1: didn't know any better, you know, trying to make this

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Speaker 1: six year old, you know, be smarter. You should have

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Speaker 1: known better, which we tell ourselves all the time. It

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Speaker 1: sounds like you learn to have compassion for the small

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Speaker 1: child inside of you. Yes, Like even to this day,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm twenty seven years old, and I still, to

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Speaker 1: this day, I still feel like that little girl, Like

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's my duty to protect myself and

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Speaker 1: be that person little Ashley needed when she was younger.

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Speaker 1: You really do feel like it's your fault, like or

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Speaker 1: you should have done this differently in your should have

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Speaker 1: done that. You blame yourself and you're ashamed of it,

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Speaker 1: but really it's not in your control and the people

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Speaker 1: in your lives should have been the ones protecting you. Yeah, shame.

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Speaker 1: Shame is a very powerful thing, right. It's like there's

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Speaker 1: like a difference between when we feel guilty for doing

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Speaker 1: something bad. We recognize that this thing we probably could

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Speaker 1: have made a different choice, but shame is like adding

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Speaker 1: some really painful and uncomfortable stuff on top of that.

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Speaker 1: I did this bad thing because I'm a bad person,

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Speaker 1: or this bad thing happened to me and I deserved

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Speaker 1: it because I'm a bad person. Like in therapy, do

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Speaker 1: you feel like you can remember some kind of shift

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Speaker 1: in that sense of shame, like something that released you

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Speaker 1: from feeling like all this stuff happened to me because

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Speaker 1: I'm bad? What about this process? What about talking about

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Speaker 1: yourself and your life helped you start to shift this

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Speaker 1: idea away from being a bad person? Because I'm hearing

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Speaker 1: you say that you are a good person. When did

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Speaker 1: that change? Like? How does that change? There's not one

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Speaker 1: moment where it just shifts. It truly is happens over

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Speaker 1: time and within my time of therapy, the two years

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Speaker 1: of course, I relationships, jobs, real life situations are happening,

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Speaker 1: and when I'm acting on them and I feel like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is happening to me, I deserve it. Anyways, I'm

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Speaker 1: a piece of crap, you know what I mean. And

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Speaker 1: so you would accept that for yourself. But over time

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Speaker 1: you realize like, wait a minute, like I don't deserve

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Speaker 1: that at all. It shouldn't be happened to me. You

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Speaker 1: shouldn't accept that. And once you create those boundaries for

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Speaker 1: yourself and practice it, it does get better. You know,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people wonder like why do we go

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Speaker 1: to therapy every week? What is it about this cadence

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Speaker 1: of whatever? And it's like, why don't we go every day?

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Speaker 1: If I'm trying to solve this huge problem that's been

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Speaker 1: part of my life for such a long time, and

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Speaker 1: really your life you're healing is what happens outside of therapy.

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Speaker 1: It's just one hour a week most of the time.

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Speaker 1: It's like, you can't expect this one hour of week

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Speaker 1: talking to someone on a couch or whatever to fix everything.

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Speaker 1: It's talking about some stuff, learning some things, identifying feelings

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Speaker 1: and behaviors that you could try to start working on

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Speaker 1: in a different way. And it's in your real life

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Speaker 1: outside of the session that this transformation is really happening

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Speaker 1: for some people very gradually and over a long period

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Speaker 1: of time. You mentioned your twenty seven that's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: potentially twenty five years of learning how to be in

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Speaker 1: a particular space in a body, and it's going to

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Speaker 1: take time to like unlearn, relearn and start seeing the

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Speaker 1: world in a way that is safe. Right, So what

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Speaker 1: would you say, like if you had not gone to therapy,

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Speaker 1: you know, where would we be? Where would you be? Oh?

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Speaker 1: My goodness, Like if I never went to therapy, I

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Speaker 1: would not be the person that I am today, nor

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Speaker 1: be the person that I'm becoming. My self awareness has

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Speaker 1: grown so much and I'm able to take care of

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Speaker 1: myself more ment I'm able to value my thoughts more

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Speaker 1: or just like again, if I'm negative, I recognize it

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Speaker 1: real quick and I try to change it into something

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Speaker 1: more enlightening and more actually true. Let go from false

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Speaker 1: to true. You know, people come to therapy and over time,

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Speaker 1: after what's called the assessment period, where your therapist is

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Speaker 1: getting to know you and asking you about your family

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Speaker 1: history and like all your school stuff and everything you

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Speaker 1: remember from your family, childhoods, whatever. Once you move past

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Speaker 1: this initial period where you're building this relationship, you start

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Speaker 1: thinking about goals. What are the goals that I want

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Speaker 1: to work on? And so you and your therapists like

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Speaker 1: agree on these usually two or three major things that

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Speaker 1: you want to achieve through this process, and usually you're

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Speaker 1: looking for something called smart goals. People talk about this

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Speaker 1: all the time. You want to be specific, measurable. What's

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Speaker 1: not always explicitly stated as a goal is increased self awareness.

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Speaker 1: But I think that's all always going to be an outcome,

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Speaker 1: at least I think most therapists are hoping that that's

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Speaker 1: an outcome for their clients. So I'm really glad that

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Speaker 1: you were able to even identify that that's something that's

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Speaker 1: shifted for you. Is self awareness? Yes, honestly. Without my

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Speaker 1: self awareness, I think I would be so lost, because

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Speaker 1: I do believe self awareness is the first step, Like

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Speaker 1: you have to even recognize what you're doing or how

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Speaker 1: you're behaving or what you're thinking about yourself. That's where

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00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: it's starting, like from recognizing it. So if you don't

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Speaker 1: recognize it, you really can't move forward or even try

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Speaker 1: to get better. You were talking about the assessments, right,

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Speaker 1: and so maybe like every six months we would review

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Speaker 1: and when I was feeling better, you know, I'm doing better,

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Speaker 1: we're reviewing from six months ago. And it was so sad.

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Speaker 1: I was I was my heart was breaking for six

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Speaker 1: months ago, Ashley. And she was saying, she was saying,

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Speaker 1: I'm referring to honest but that's how I feel like.

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00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 1: I feel like a new person, like honestly, but she

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00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 1: was just referring to her like a self like unworthy,

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Speaker 1: I'll never get better. It was very very dark thoughts,

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Speaker 1: and I was so sad for I'm like, oh my god,

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00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 1: I'm like that was me. Are you trying? You're on

401
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,639
Speaker 1: the right assessment? And like how I said these things

402
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 1: and yeah, it's true. It was just like it was

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00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:19,680
Speaker 1: a transformation and to reflect back on all of those

404
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: and like how I was feeling where I am today,

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Speaker 1: It was a good feeling because I wasn't feeling that

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00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 1: way any longer. Yeah, what you said is like exciting

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Speaker 1: to me because you're describing this very powerful component of

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Speaker 1: not just therapy, but just like tracking, tracking your thoughts,

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00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 1: tracking your moods, your behaviors. This is like why a

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00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,120
Speaker 1: lot of people choose to journal. They like to look

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00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 1: back and see how far they've come. Like, if you

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Speaker 1: never wrote down or put somewhere where you could remember

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00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: where you were, it's very, very hard to identify how

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00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: much better you've become, how much better you're feeling. So

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00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 1: in therapy it's a really like specific, intentional place to

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Speaker 1: be able to have someone else doing that with you,

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00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: tracking stuff, bringing your attention back to like remember what

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00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,640
Speaker 1: you said last time, because that doesn't really fit with

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Speaker 1: what you're saying today. I'm hearing that you had a

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00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 1: great therapist. Really, it's like somebody that yeah, it is

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00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 1: with you in this moment, but also taking you back

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00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: to relevant moments in the past to make connections. This

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00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 1: is what helps people gain better self awareness, because self

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00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 1: aware people think about themselves in every chapter and season

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00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 1: of their lives, try to relate the past to the

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00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: present and how that's going to affect their future. And really,

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00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,680
Speaker 1: somebody that's not self aware, it's going to be really

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Speaker 1: hard for them to practice empathy, the be the ability

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Speaker 1: to feel for another. So can you say anything about

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Speaker 1: like your experience with empathy and whether you've noticed like

431
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: a shift with that with your improved self awareness. Yeah.

432
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 1: So I was considered myself an empathetic person even before then,

433
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 1: but there would be times where I'd feel like a robot,

434
00:23:55,800 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 1: like almost incapable of feeling sorry for somebody, like just

435
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 1: I feel bad because I'm like, I feel like I

436
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: should feel something towards them, but I don't, and I

437
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,400
Speaker 1: really do. I think that helped me later on down

438
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 1: the line to be more empathetic one percent. That's like

439
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: a big life thing. It's like, I think we're all

440
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 1: hard word to connect, to want to be with other people,

441
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,959
Speaker 1: to have intimacy with folks that are important to us.

442
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: And how can you do that if you don't even

443
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: know who you are? Yes, when you're really not sure

444
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: of who you are. I mean, I don't know who

445
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 1: I am. I'm still growing, you know, but at that

446
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 1: time when you just kind of like I would describe

447
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: myself as a loose cannon, you know what I mean,

448
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: Like I couldn't process any type of emotions or receive love,

449
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 1: Like I didn't know what that looked like. I didn't

450
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 1: know how to accept it or like return it. It

451
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:53,719
Speaker 1: really affected how idult relationships, friendship ships, careers, just because

452
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:58,160
Speaker 1: I didn't even know how certain emotions or certain situations

453
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: would look like. I didn't know what was normal. We

454
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: have these wounds inside right that I think a lot

455
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 1: of us want to heal. We attempt to heal them

456
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,159
Speaker 1: in so many different ways, whether it's substance that helps

457
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 1: numb these wounds a little bit, or reckless sexual behaviors

458
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: where we're trying to connect, where we're chasing intimacy but

459
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: it's still a little bit different, or you know, burying

460
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: ourselves in work, like all this stuff that we're trying

461
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 1: to do to feel normal. Like you say, what I'm

462
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 1: hearing is like a larger acceptance of just you as

463
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: you are, that you don't have to perform, that you

464
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 1: don't have to be like a specific model of someone

465
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 1: in order to be worthy of anything really accomplished a lot.

466
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: Thank you. What would you say were your initial goals?

467
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, past the point of like being

468
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 1: forced into therapy, When did it become a choice to you?

469
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 1: And every time where I would look forward to therapy

470
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: and things will happen throughout the week, and I got there.

471
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 1: I used to go to therapy once a week, I

472
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 1: would leave the room the house and I'll just be like,

473
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,439
Speaker 1: my therapist is going to get it earful today, Like

474
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: I couldn't wait to share what I was going through

475
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: with my therapists, like someone who understand wasn't judging me,

476
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 1: someone who can break it down for me, And that

477
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 1: was really refreshing because I didn't. I didn't. I still

478
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 1: don't really have that support system family wise. So having

479
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 1: that one person in my life that I can trust

480
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 1: and turn to it was amazing. Somebody that's listening to you,

481
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: to respond to you about you. You mentioned like I

482
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: don't have this in my family, and like even people

483
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: with very loving, very caring, very well meaning families still

484
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: don't really always have that with family because those good

485
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: intentions also come with their own baggage and their own

486
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: feelings and their own agendas of what they want between

487
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 1: them and you to somebody to break it down, just

488
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:50,479
Speaker 1: hear you out, help you help mirror stuff, right, Like

489
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 1: therapists say, like we're just here to hold up a mirror,

490
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: right to help you see see yourself a little bit better.

491
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 1: Because we all go through trauma that makes it very

492
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: difficult for us to like see past all this stuff

493
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: that we build up to protect ourselves from future traumas.

494
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 1: In therapy, the therapists ask you a lot of questions.

495
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: What's your sense of like what these questions are for?

496
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 1: Why do we ask so many questions? Or why do

497
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 1: you think that we ask so many questions? In the beginning,

498
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: obviously I'm just like nosy, okay, Like I was like, jeez,

499
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:30,640
Speaker 1: the Social Security too. But really it's come to find out,

500
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: like again holding the mirror up, it's really reflection, like

501
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 1: who you are as a person, How do you become

502
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: this person? Why are you acting this way? So every

503
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: question there is really intention behind it. It's not just

504
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: some aimless question like trying to be nosy, you know,

505
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 1: like they're not judging you. So I feel like every

506
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: single question for my therapist, you know, there was she

507
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: was just looking out for me and wanted to help

508
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 1: me become more aware of why I was behaving a

509
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 1: certain way or acting or thinking a certain way. Yeah,

510
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 1: the questions intention I like that you use that because

511
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes therapists who were just people were just people.

512
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 1: Sometimes those curious questions or how you would say, nosy,

513
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 1: they do pop up here and there, but it is

514
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: like a therapist's kind of duty to refrain from doing that.

515
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: Like you might be talking about something from your life

516
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 1: and then you mentioned like a restaurant that I've been to,

517
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,479
Speaker 1: and my initial reaction of wanting to talk about and

518
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 1: make this connection like oh, I've been there and I

519
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 1: got this item from the menu, like those things. We

520
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: often refrain from that because in therapy it is about you.

521
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: Of course, it's going to somewhat be about me, because

522
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: I'm a human and we're connecting as to people, and

523
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: my experiences, beliefs, and values are going to be present

524
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: in this room. But it's very important for therapists not

525
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 1: to impose those things, right, or like make you have

526
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,239
Speaker 1: particular goals or try to get you to think the

527
00:28:55,280 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: way that I do. Very unbiased, yeah, judge, non judgmental.

528
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 1: It was very neutral, Like you said, she didn't try

529
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: to impose her opinions or thoughts to in a certain

530
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 1: extent with the thoughts, but opinions, she never really did

531
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: that right, right, the opinions stuff, We're like, we're taught

532
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: and trained, like leave that stuff outside the door and

533
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 1: go to your own therapy so you're really sure of

534
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: what your stances on a bunch of stuff for so

535
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 1: that you don't have to come into a session and

536
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: argue with clients about it, especially in like you know,

537
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 1: heated climates like we have in current modern society. I

538
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: can't imagine going to a therapy session and she's told me, no,

539
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: you're wrong. I'm just like roving like this debate, you

540
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's not like that at all.

541
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 1: I'm very glad you had that because a personal experience,

542
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,719
Speaker 1: which I think a lot of people can relate to,

543
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: is we turn to sometimes a best friend, an you know,

544
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: older family member, maybe our mom. We turn to these

545
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 1: people with the expectation that they will be there for

546
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: us without judgment, that they'll respond to us in a

547
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 1: way that's loving and caring and nurturing. And a lot

548
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 1: of times those responses are loving, carry and nurturing, but

549
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 1: they're also filled with the judgment, the criticisms of you

550
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: could have done it this way, It probably would have

551
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 1: been better if you thought about it this way. So

552
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:24,719
Speaker 1: family very well meaning but also emotionally charged, also like

553
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: entangled into your life, and they have their own like motivations,

554
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: things that they're trying to accomplish to propel this relationship

555
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: in whatever direction. When you're in such a vulnerable state

556
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: and you don't know what's going on, and even though

557
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: maybe a family member has great intentions and they're basically

558
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 1: putting their thoughts and opinions onto you, you're in a

559
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: really vulnerable state and you might take their advice and

560
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: it's just totally wrong and totally not the right direction

561
00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 1: to go. So, even though family members are supportive, therapy

562
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: is definitely highly recommended from my end. Makes me wonder,

563
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: like what big differences you've shared some already, but some

564
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,240
Speaker 1: other differences that you can think of between going to

565
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: like a really close friend for support versus talking to

566
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: a therapist. So even just when I was a teenager,

567
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 1: I turned to my best friends and it's not her

568
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: fault because she's not a kid too, And I'm like, hey,

569
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: I think I'm really depressed and she's like, you're not depressed,

570
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: You're just sad. He's like okay. And then my ex

571
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: boyfriend from around that time, I would try to express

572
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 1: my thoughts and my concerns and he thought I was

573
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: looking for attention and make little like sneakers with his friends, like,

574
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: oh my god, this girl's crazy, you know what I mean,

575
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: like psycho And at this point you're like, you don't

576
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 1: even understand it yourself. She's like, oh I am psycho.

577
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: I'm real crazy. Like I'm gonna show you crazy like

578
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: you act on that, you know, because that's what you

579
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: believe you are. And my mom, that's a different story.

580
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 1: You know. I tried telling her. I'm like, I'm so

581
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: angry I feel this way. I'm like, I don't understand

582
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: why I think I need help. And I didn't know

583
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 1: what was wrong with me or why I'm this way.

584
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 1: I just knew it wasn't normal. And she doesn't mean

585
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: lack or she doesn't mean have the depth to understand

586
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: such a concept. And so maybe she cared for me,

587
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: but she wasn't the ideal person to try to go

588
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 1: for help. And so those are my three closest people

589
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: in my life. Again, it's not my ex boyfriend's fault

590
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: or my best friend's fault. They don't know any better. Yeah,

591
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: but as a principal figure, I definitely needed more guidance,

592
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,520
Speaker 1: some more direction, and a lot of people don't have that,

593
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 1: And I think that's another thing that star like steered

594
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 1: me away from wanting to receive any more help. Just

595
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: because of those kind of experiences. I'm like, Wow, no

596
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 1: one never stands and no one's gonna want to help me. Yeah,

597
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: I mean, this is what happens. Why am I been

598
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: up as I met with like rejection or someone withdrawing,

599
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: or someone shutting down, or someone telling me I'm wrong

600
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 1: invalidating my experience, saying that I'm not really feeling the

601
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 1: thing that I think I'm feeling. You feel like you

602
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: shouldn't be feeling this way, like you don't have a

603
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: right to, or like you're just looking for attention, or

604
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 1: people have it worse, you know, like why do you

605
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: feel that way? You have no right to feel that way.

606
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 1: So that really does affect you. Yeah, how you portray people.

607
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 1: There are people out there that have it much worse

608
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: than you. I think that is like someone's attempt to

609
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 1: help you feel better because they're like trying to minimize

610
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 1: the issue that you're bringing to them or even your friend, Like,

611
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: you're not depressed, you're just sad. I can see that

612
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 1: being a sixteen year old. Solid attempt at making the

613
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: situation less scary, but not just for you, but less

614
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: scary for her. Oh yeah, same thing with your ex boyfriend,

615
00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: Like making a joke of this thing that you're bringing up.

616
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: It's actually really uncomfortable for you. A lot of people

617
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 1: respond that way because they don't know how else to

618
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 1: handle it. They can't hold space for it because they're

619
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: not really sure what to do, and they start feeling heightened,

620
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 1: they start feeling emotional themselves, and then their own defense

621
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,839
Speaker 1: mechanisms start coming out, and some people use humor, which

622
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 1: can be very harmful to the people around them. Yeah,

623
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: and then you know, with mom, it's a lot of

624
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 1: moms they really mean well, but they are also people,

625
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 1: and a lot of moms have I mean playing moms

626
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 1: have been to therapy, but I think a lot of

627
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 1: them haven't. And this thing that you mentioned of like

628
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 1: maybe she doesn't have the depths, it's probably she doesn't

629
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 1: have the training, she doesn't have the understanding to help

630
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: you feel safe and the feelings that you're having. And

631
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 1: also our parents' first instinct is like, oh my god,

632
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: my child is hurt. Have to make them feel better,

633
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: versus my child is hurt, We're going to hold space

634
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: for that and let them know it's okay to be hurt. Right,

635
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: And that's like a big difference between parents and a therapist.

636
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,359
Speaker 1: A therapist is not going to try to immediately put

637
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: a band aid off on it, but it's like, let's

638
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: like really get in there. It's take the band aid off.

639
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,880
Speaker 1: Let's see what's how bad is this wound? Like what

640
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: happened to it? Like how do you even get the wound?

641
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Oh, the wound bringing it back?

642
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 1: I think I forgot to close that loop. You know,

643
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,399
Speaker 1: we have wounds inside and we do all these things

644
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 1: trying to heal them. Ultimately, if you don't heal that stuff,

645
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: it will end up like bleeding out on other people

646
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:26,720
Speaker 1: other people, Yes, yeah, yeah, yes yeah. If the gory

647
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 1: scene of like our emotional blood and baggage just like

648
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 1: following us around everywhere, and it's it's contagious, you know,

649
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: It's like any feeling is contagious when you're with other people,

650
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: and when you're not well, other people feel that, right,

651
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 1: So like I imagine a cloud over me. It's just raining,

652
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 1: you know how my boyfriend year, he's getting rained on,

653
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 1: it poured, and I feel like it was almost my fault,

654
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: like I brought this into your life, like you didn't

655
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 1: deserve this. I'm just I really felt like I was

656
00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 1: bringing people down with me and they didn't need that,

657
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 1: And that was anything that led to why I did

658
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: what I did. Everyone everyone would be better off without me.

659
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 1: So if you don't address the help blood's everywhere, you know,

660
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 1: I think we're touching on so many stuff that's very

661
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:16,279
Speaker 1: relatable to a lot of people. And I'm hearing you

662
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 1: sing praises of how their peace been helpful. Like what

663
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 1: would you say to someone that's like maybe in a

664
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 1: similar headspace to where you were before of thinking like

665
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: it's just not going to help. Anytime I've tried to

666
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 1: open up to somebody, it led to something worse for me.

667
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 1: Any pieces of advice to give to someone that's still

668
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 1: very skeptical, resistant, fearful of trying this thing, Number one,

669
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: I would say, do not tell them how you think

670
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 1: they should feel. So if you try to tell someone

671
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 1: like they're going to automtically tune out, like you're automatically disqualified,

672
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 1: like in bad like you, who are you to tell me?

673
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 1: Because like so just listen to them, like listen to

674
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 1: what they have to say. And I wouldn't again put

675
00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 1: your opinions or your personal thoughts on it for me personally,

676
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 1: because I have been through it. I would just be

677
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 1: there with them and this is so powerful to me.

678
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 1: Rather than oh, you should do this, I would say

679
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: we should go to therapy, like let me help you

680
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: find somebody, because I didn't have that support. I didn't

681
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: have someone who's going to hold my hands and help

682
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,840
Speaker 1: me find the help. So for me, I would just

683
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 1: hold their hand and try to find somewhere to get

684
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,399
Speaker 1: them help that they feel comfortable. And You're like, I'm

685
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 1: feeling like emotional because that's what you're doing here, right,

686
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:38,360
Speaker 1: You're like figuratively holding the hands now so many people

687
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 1: by sharing your experience and being so open about all

688
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 1: this stuff that you've been through and like and rehashing

689
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 1: a lot of your own thought process from the past

690
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 1: that weren't very healthy. Sometimes people just need permission. I

691
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: don't know if that's like from themselves or from other

692
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 1: people to do something good and do something nice for themselves,

693
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: nice for me. And while your journey too, there wasn't

694
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 1: quite like I'm gonna do this for me today. You

695
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 1: know at some point you were choosing to keep going back. Yeah, yeah,

696
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,879
Speaker 1: And would you ever do it again? Would you ever

697
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 1: go back? I already know I'm going to go back

698
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: to therapy, not because I'm depressed, but because I just

699
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 1: need that extra helping hand, you know what I mean.

700
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 1: I definitely think I'll meet therapy for the rest of

701
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: my life, not because there's something wrong with me or

702
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 1: like I'm suicidal again or something like that, just because

703
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: it really is helpful. What's helpful about it? It really

704
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 1: helps you understands why you feel a certain way about

705
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,840
Speaker 1: a certain situation. And I know as I get older,

706
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,839
Speaker 1: maybe marriage or kids, I'll have those conflicts of like

707
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm letting my child down, I can't provide for them,

708
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 1: and you know that will probably stem from how I

709
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 1: feel certain times today, how I can't provide for myself.

710
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,280
Speaker 1: And I know that probably will not be the case

711
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: as I get older, but I'm sure therapy will help

712
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: me understand that. So it's helpful for navigating life every

713
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: day challenges. Right, Like we're all posed with a thousand

714
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: decisions to make per day, and most of the time

715
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: we're making those decisions largely on our own. And that's

716
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 1: an interesting thing about therapy. It's not that your therapist

717
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 1: is making further decisions for you, but helping you identify

718
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: what decisions like lie in there already, Like you already

719
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 1: know the answers and the truth to what life is.

720
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: We all know that for ourselves somewhere deep inside. And

721
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 1: I think therapy really helps us like unlock this stuff

722
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: that we've pushed down, you know, things like not having confidence,

723
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 1: or not believing in ourselves to make the right choices,

724
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 1: or not feeling worthy, not feeling adequate. It really makes

725
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: it hard to listen to ourselves and to hear those

726
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 1: deep down truths that already exist. Yeah, like you don't

727
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 1: believe the truth at all, Like you could look into

728
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: the mirror like you're so ugly. Like you're not ugly,

729
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, But all truths are out

730
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 1: the window, and like you don't even value your opinions

731
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 1: when you're dealing with like mental health issues. Yeah, so

732
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:16,240
Speaker 1: you mentioned you've experienced a depression, which does sometimes include

733
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 1: feeling sad, but like, how did depression manifest in your life?

734
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: Like what made you feel? Like this is the word

735
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to use to describe how I'm feeling to

736
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 1: other people. For somebody listening to this conversation like that

737
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,319
Speaker 1: might be feeling depressed themselves, but they don't have the

738
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 1: words to articulate that yet, Like what would you clue

739
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 1: them into? Like how do you know that you're depressed?

740
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: For me, I was very, very angry the moment I

741
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,320
Speaker 1: woke up. I just filled with so much rage and

742
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 1: it would be to the point where I just want

743
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:48,839
Speaker 1: to cry. That's how angry I was. And obviously you're

744
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:52,720
Speaker 1: being suicidal. I don't want to live. That's not normal,

745
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 1: Like I just want to end my life, and you're

746
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,279
Speaker 1: sitting there have a pros and cons list, trying to

747
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: think out like okay, like why should I not do it?

748
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 1: Like that's not normal, and just constantly feeling worthless, like

749
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: not feeling like you deserve to live. These I knew

750
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:15,479
Speaker 1: were not normal. I felt that way as a young child.

751
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 1: It started with anger. That's why I can tell you

752
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: as it started with anger, And that's insight because if

753
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: you ask a therapist, how does depression manifest in youth

754
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,800
Speaker 1: in small children? And anger is actually something that someone

755
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:34,879
Speaker 1: needs to assess. For temper tantrums, this like really disregulated

756
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,440
Speaker 1: way of being. If you're waking up really pissed off

757
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 1: every day, that's not normal. Yeah, And I definitely encourage

758
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 1: parents because I see it a lot like if a

759
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 1: child does act out, All children act out, but if

760
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 1: it's like a constant pattern and you're punishing them, I

761
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 1: think that's like the worst. I'm like, no, take take

762
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 1: a moment, listen to your child's try to have a

763
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: conversation and understand why are they feeling this way, And

764
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,839
Speaker 1: you would probably learn a lot about your child and

765
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: realize punishing them sending to the room, making it worse

766
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: essentially is not the way to go. But getting help.

767
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: It's probably the parent needs help too, you know, it's

768
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 1: a it's a partnership between the child and the parent. Yeah,

769
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:22,879
Speaker 1: some education around just emotions, how they how they creep up,

770
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 1: like what they look like in kids, I mean small

771
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: kids especially, like their primary language is not English or

772
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:32,800
Speaker 1: whatever language it is where they're growing up, it's play.

773
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 1: They understand the world through how they play, how they

774
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 1: engage in a very active way outside of just like

775
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 1: verbal communication. So yes, like paying attention to kid's mood,

776
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 1: so you paying attention to your own mood and recognizing

777
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 1: something's not normal. Yeah, And if I, like my mom

778
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:54,439
Speaker 1: was more aware and more educated about something like that,

779
00:42:55,520 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't have grew up the way I did

780
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 1: in certain ways. And plenty of parents they mean well,

781
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 1: they really tried their best. It speaks to like the

782
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: importance of education around emotional intelligence and maybe incorporating a

783
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 1: little bit more into like standard curriculums at school, how

784
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 1: to just like tune into your feelings, how your feelings

785
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: affect your everyday life. I imagine many of us could

786
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 1: have benefited if our moms are a little bit more

787
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:31,600
Speaker 1: aware about all this stuff. Yeah. I don't mean to laugh,

788
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 1: but some people are really there, really are clueless, I

789
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 1: should say. And I really think it's very helpful to

790
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: start with children or even teenagers. I think that's really

791
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,280
Speaker 1: where it begins, because that's where you start to become

792
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: programmed to be a certain way, and you're gonna move

793
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 1: out of your parents' house and you're gonna live your life,

794
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 1: but yet you're still acting a certain way and like

795
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 1: you don't even realize it's coming from your childhood, Like

796
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,399
Speaker 1: you just think you're some like adults with an anger

797
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 1: problem or you're just like super deprised. Thank you don't

798
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: even know why, and that will carry on with you

799
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 1: if you don't recognize that you have a mental health problem.

800
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:13,320
Speaker 1: And therapy helped you in those ways of recognition and

801
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:17,800
Speaker 1: you know, connecting the dots between what happens in childhood

802
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 1: and how you're relating to other people. Now, thank you

803
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 1: actually for opening up so much and sharing about your journey.

804
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: It's really you know, just sitting and listening to you

805
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 1: both have a discussion about the journey you've been on.

806
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 1: Also hearing you open up about your feelings. As someone

807
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 1: who's in the room observing, it's actually really quite remarkable

808
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: when you get to just be patient and listen to

809
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 1: someone reflect on their own emotions, because it encourages you

810
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 1: to do the same for yourself. And so I know

811
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 1: that you know, to the hundreds of thousands of people

812
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: millions of people that would listening to this afterwards, I'm

813
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 1: hoping that everyone who's listening and watching is also thinking

814
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 1: about the questions that Hessu is asking thinking about the

815
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 1: ideas that you're mentioning, and are gaining that self awareness

816
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: and that regulation of their emotions and the understanding of themselves,

817
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: because it's strange to sit in on a conversation. I

818
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 1: think most of the time we spend our time in

819
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 1: conversations thinking what am I going to say? Oh? What

820
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,879
Speaker 1: should I say back to that person? And obviously, as

821
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 1: we see with Hersue, what she's doing is she's trying

822
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 1: not to project her own feelings so that she can

823
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: truly listen to you. And then I've just been silent

824
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:47,720
Speaker 1: for the last nearly forty minutes, forty five minutes, And

825
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 1: that's actually a really powerful practice, true, because now you're

826
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: not sitting there thinking what should I say, or how

827
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 1: do I sound, or oh I can relate or not relate,

828
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:01,880
Speaker 1: or judging, but I can just observe. And so I

829
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 1: think this has been a really powerful practice, even for

830
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,399
Speaker 1: me to just sit and listen and sit in here.

831
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:12,840
Speaker 1: I think it's just been a healthy conversation to have

832
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 1: a discussion about, you know, the benefits you've seen and

833
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: the growth you've seen. And I think that's a great

834
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 1: starting point for this series and just understanding the benefits

835
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 1: of therapy and someone who's you know, committed to two

836
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:27,959
Speaker 1: years two years, right, someone who's committed to two years

837
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,760
Speaker 1: of therapy and the benefits they've seen. I'm very happy

838
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 1: with the fact that everyone who's been listening and watching

839
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:36,280
Speaker 1: has had the opportunity to sit in on a conversation

840
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,520
Speaker 1: with a therapist and see how where some of the

841
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: questioning can go, and also to sit with someone who

842
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: has done therapy, who is able to articulate and explain

843
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 1: their experiences, you know, clearly, yeah, and concisely. I know

844
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people who are like me. I

845
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 1: don't have a family to turn to or at the

846
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 1: time many friends. I don't have a huge sport system,

847
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: so I really truly felt very very alone. So to

848
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 1: take those steps, it takes a lot of courage. And

849
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 1: I hope people listening really take away like even though

850
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: I am I am alone, like I don't have that

851
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:20,360
Speaker 1: support system, there's still hope for me, like I'm still worthy,

852
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,320
Speaker 1: And I hope, I really really really really hope that

853
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: they do their research and really find someone they connect with.

854
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 1: And I do not want them to just get discouraged

855
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 1: if they get a therapist and there's they're not connecting

856
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: because not every therapist is going to be for you,

857
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: and I think it's very very important to find the

858
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:43,839
Speaker 1: one that that is for you. And I really just

859
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: hope people who are listening, really really really really do

860
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:52,360
Speaker 1: receive the help that they need, because there's nothing wrong

861
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 1: or negative about therapy whatsoever. It truly is life changing

862
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 1: and I do not regret it at all. I know

863
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:03,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it again. And I'm so grateful

864
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 1: for my therapist. When we were, like we were on

865
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 1: the phone during the COVID times and we were like

866
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 1: saying our goodbyes, you know, She's like, I'm so proud

867
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 1: of you actually, like you really have come so far.

868
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: And I just started crying because she really was almost

869
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 1: kind of like that mother feature that I never really had,

870
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: and like someone who truly cared about me and wanted

871
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 1: better for me. Yeah, you're describing so many like pinnacles

872
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: of things that therapists learn about in grad school. Like

873
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: you know, psychologists love to label label human behaviors with

874
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 1: all kinds of words and stuff, but like the therapist

875
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:42,240
Speaker 1: becoming like a mother figure to you, That's that happens

876
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 1: a lot, right, It's it's what we call like a

877
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: corrective emotional experience. This person that is validating of you,

878
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: that can listen to you, nurture you, kind of show

879
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: you what gentle love and acceptance looks like and feels

880
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: like in a really controlled, safe setting. And it's not that,

881
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 1: like you know, therapists are not set out to like

882
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 1: become your new family that, but I think experiences that

883
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 1: come through sessions can help someone recognize, like I can

884
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: create my own family, whatever that means to me, Like

885
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 1: the stuff that I feel like is supposed to come

886
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:19,960
Speaker 1: from family, which is love, acceptance, support, I can provide

887
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,879
Speaker 1: that to myself, and I can learn how to do that, yes,

888
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,400
Speaker 1: with this other person that can model for me, because

889
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 1: unfortunately my mom didn't or you know whatever, it is amazing. Well,

890
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 1: thank you both so much for helping us sit in

891
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:36,320
Speaker 1: on that conversation and to observe and learn and listen

892
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: and just really grateful for both of your honesty and

893
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 1: transparency and as if for guiding this conversation and you know,

894
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 1: as insightful thoughtful questions to really extrapolate the learnings and

895
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 1: hope everyone who's been listening and watching back at home

896
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:56,280
Speaker 1: you felt you've got a bit more of an insight,

897
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 1: and we're gonna be doing a lot of these episodes

898
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:02,719
Speaker 1: where we dive into different themes, have different conversations, look

899
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: at this from different angles, and I'd love to hear

900
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 1: your feedback. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'd love

901
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 1: to hear what you learned, what surprised you, maybe something

902
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: you didn't expect, or maybe something that you felt reassured by.

903
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 1: I'd genuinely love to hear from you. So make sure

904
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:21,280
Speaker 1: you share your feedback in the reviews, on Instagram, on Twitter,

905
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 1: wherever else you're active. Please do let us know because

906
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,279
Speaker 1: I'm always looking out to see what is it that

907
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: resonate with you, what is it that connected with you?

908
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:30,800
Speaker 1: And for those of you who don't know, this episode

909
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,360
Speaker 1: was brought to you by Better Help, which is helping

910
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 1: millions of people by making professional therapy more affordable and

911
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:41,959
Speaker 1: accessible than ever. And I have shared my own top

912
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: three reasons why I believe everyone can try therapy and

913
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 1: to check that out, you can visit Betterhelp dot Com

914
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 1: Forward slash Jay's top three And so that's Better Help

915
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 1: dot Com Forward slash jas Jays. That's my name, t

916
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: op three and when you do that, everyone who does

917
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,120
Speaker 1: that will get ten percent off your first month of

918
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 1: online therapy when you sign up as well. So that's

919
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 1: for our on purpose listeners, and so remember that you

920
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 1: deserve to invest in yourself, and better help is a

921
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 1: great way to start to do that. Thank you so much, Toso,

922
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for joining me today. Heyso, Joe's

923
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 1: input is intended to be general and informational in nature

924
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 1: in case you might hear something on this show that

925
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:29,320
Speaker 1: sounds similar to what you're experiencing. Please note this episode

926
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: is not intended to aid in any diagnosis of mental

927
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 1: health struggles in listeners. If you're struggling, please find a

928
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 1: qualified professional to assess and help you with your personal journey.