Speaker 1: I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either
Speaker 1: way we want to be.
Speaker 2: There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.
Speaker 3: Give us time and a turmano and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off inside. Do you wanna
Speaker 1: welcome you back home? Tell us all about it? We
Speaker 1: scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 2: Right with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need
Speaker 2: a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. I'm about to jump
Speaker 2: in the car with Karen Kilgarriff. We are late to
Speaker 2: pick up Eddie Pepatone. His actually his flight came in early.
Speaker 2: It's not our fault. Hi just doing that and then
Speaker 2: I'll give you your mite. It's impossible And there's that,
Speaker 2: got it? Everything's impossible, right, everything's impossible.
Speaker 1: That's my new approach.
Speaker 2: I guess if you just expect everything to be impossible,
Speaker 2: you'll never be disappointed. And they've been doing. First of all,
Speaker 2: American Airlines is no sponsor. Oh so do you need
Speaker 2: a round?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Are you calling them out?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: Are we about to do this corporate thing?
Speaker 2: It's a little frustrating. How could he be an almost
Speaker 2: an hour early.
Speaker 3: I know, well, that's the thing you never planned for,
Speaker 3: is like something great to happen with the airport.
Speaker 2: Right I g yes. I mean that's the worst place
Speaker 2: on earth. It's the opposite to Disneyland. It's everyone hates
Speaker 2: going there, and we've decided that's where our podcast will
Speaker 2: often be driving too. Of course we don't actually get
Speaker 2: out and go there, but we have to go there.
Speaker 1: We have to get into it.
Speaker 2: We have to drive into all these people.
Speaker 1: And also, I.
Speaker 3: Think it creates that tension. People sitting in a podcast
Speaker 3: studio booth won't ever have this kind of emotional, dramatic
Speaker 3: tension that we have every episode.
Speaker 2: Chris, I am legitimately frustrated. Negative feelings are surging through me,
Speaker 2: and I'm glad I can just bring it to people.
Speaker 1: Always. There's Eddie hold on.
Speaker 2: He's calling. It's probably mad hold on.
Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, wait ship sorry hello.
Speaker 4: Yes, So I'm here.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm a terminal four.
Speaker 2: And if you are you close, we are close.
Speaker 1: We are like eight minutes away.
Speaker 2: We are already recording or less.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're you're being recorded right now.
Speaker 4: And I think it says out one the door.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, sometimes it does.
Speaker 1: We'll just keep your eye open for you. Yeah, try
Speaker 1: to wave your hat around in the air and.
Speaker 3: Great, okay, so you'll see me your podcast hot, okay, great, Yeah,
Speaker 3: and definitely be better better in the car.
Speaker 2: Than you are right now, the higher energy. Just kidding, Eddie, Okay.
Speaker 2: I hope. In addition, I hope he was patiently waiting.
Speaker 2: And we can assume he was impatiently waiting. That's a
Speaker 2: long time to sit there.
Speaker 3: Well, he's he was taxing when he called me, and
Speaker 3: I miraculously just made it up the one on one
Speaker 3: and over the four or five in I think twelve
Speaker 3: minutes to get to your house.
Speaker 2: That you must have been driving like a lunatic.
Speaker 3: I did scream stop breaking at one point. Everyone in
Speaker 3: front of me seemed to just be breaking for no reason.
Speaker 2: And did they react to your screams?
Speaker 1: No, no, No, that was that was only on me.
Speaker 3: That's the lesson you never learned in a car like that,
Speaker 3: is that you're just making your own environment toxic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and exactly the negativity that I scream at others,
Speaker 2: I'm only screaming at myself.
Speaker 3: It's bouncing back, But it does feel good in the moment,
Speaker 3: because like if you're just if you're going downhill on
Speaker 3: the four or five and all the traffic is going, well,
Speaker 3: don't put on your ba I think it's because everyone's
Speaker 3: stoned all the time.
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, it's because we got legal. I blame
Speaker 2: that for a lot of I swear to you breaking that.
Speaker 3: Weird kind of tippy tappy breaking where you're just like
Speaker 3: it's for nothing.
Speaker 2: Amen, are you paranoid?
Speaker 1: Amen?
Speaker 2: Did you get a bad bag of stuff? I know
Speaker 2: about as much about we eat as a seventies cop.
Speaker 1: You've got a bad strain of the grass.
Speaker 2: You know, reefer kills, right, I mean while you're driving,
Speaker 2: if you break too much, someone could hit you and
Speaker 2: then they have something to do with you dying. But anyway,
Speaker 2: I'm the.
Speaker 3: Associated for sure, and I have a mustache, not badge.
Speaker 3: Can we just talk very quickly about hilariously vacant.
Speaker 1: I was at the end of our Howard Kramer podcast.
Speaker 1: I really did doun on you.
Speaker 2: You should I don't think that you should get down
Speaker 2: on yourself never.
Speaker 1: We should never look back.
Speaker 2: Every once in a while, like yours, my brain will
Speaker 2: completely shut down and I will have a look of
Speaker 2: fear on my face, which I don't. I don't remember
Speaker 2: if you recall, it was like you had seen a
Speaker 2: ghost in the road.
Speaker 1: Yeah, road ghosts probably the worst road ghost.
Speaker 2: Road ghost Where else are they gonna get out of here?
Speaker 2: You get clipped on your bike and you die on
Speaker 2: the curb side, you better haunt that street.
Speaker 3: You better like that shirt you wore, because you're wearing
Speaker 3: it for eternity.
Speaker 2: It's really it's such a bad gig of your ghost
Speaker 2: haunting an intersection because all you can really do is
Speaker 2: mess with the lights.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and just kind of spook people on a rainy night. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: hopefully you're in a nightgown.
Speaker 1: It adds something, I guess.
Speaker 2: I bet the most popular haunt for a street ghosts
Speaker 2: to make puddles splash people.
Speaker 3: Then it's more like a street ghost prank. And it
Speaker 3: doesn't have the kind of weight that you want.
Speaker 1: As a ghost.
Speaker 2: And I guess the ghost doesn't have the ability to
Speaker 2: move a puddle in front of a person or make
Speaker 2: a car show up. So I'm hard to.
Speaker 1: Say, though, who knows what those ghosts can do?
Speaker 2: Christmas Angels, you know we take a left here.
Speaker 3: What Okay, yeah, are you just naming other things?
Speaker 2: I'm just saying some dead some apparitions are able to
Speaker 2: conjure up puddles in front of a person standing there
Speaker 2: with a brand new jackets.
Speaker 1: That's Happening's what you're saying, is it's happening.
Speaker 2: Yes, your average street ghost does not have that higher
Speaker 2: up ability. They're just lost, but they have.
Speaker 1: They died here what happened.
Speaker 2: No one will acknowledge me since my funeral, which I recall,
Speaker 2: but I haven't put them together. And he seemed in
Speaker 2: good spirits.
Speaker 3: I've known Eddie for a while and as you can
Speaker 3: tell by my half apologetic, half doubling down on just
Speaker 3: rubbing salt in the wound, which is very much my style.
Speaker 1: Eddie and I so I like it, take them while
Speaker 1: they're waiting.
Speaker 5: It.
Speaker 1: Eddie and I have that kind of we're real talkers.
Speaker 1: I'd say you keep it real.
Speaker 3: I like to think we keep it real because we
Speaker 3: both think it's funny to be insulted. I like to.
Speaker 2: Think his mic ready, oh yeah, good idea, because we
Speaker 2: are gonna just pick him up. I'm hunched over. I
Speaker 2: have the mic tuck between my legs like an electronic penis.
Speaker 2: You know what I enjoy, Chris Electronic Penis.
Speaker 1: Yes, perfect set up, knockdown.
Speaker 3: It's that every time I re listen to this podcast
Speaker 3: and really quickly sidebarring, thank.
Speaker 1: You so much for listening to this podcast.
Speaker 2: All of you who do We really like that and
Speaker 2: if we could ask for you to more than listen
Speaker 2: to it and to rate it on.
Speaker 1: iTunes, Oh, don't be afraid on iTunes.
Speaker 3: Yes, positive rating would be even better than a mediocre one.
Speaker 2: And we're a bad you currently hat what you're listening to,
Speaker 2: in which case can't argue that, don't just don't give
Speaker 2: us a nag of rating. I don't know how much
Speaker 2: how many podcasts get that.
Speaker 3: I'd prefer your apathy then your action against test it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to scream into it and then try
Speaker 1: to whisper into it. Yeah, yeah, that's how it's going
Speaker 1: to get us.
Speaker 2: With Eddie Pepatone, I am going to have to be
Speaker 2: adjusting the ones and twos because that guy has some range.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to be you know, when he gets
Speaker 2: into it as soon as he mentions molestation.
Speaker 1: Or Barbara to his life. Barbara the other Room is
Speaker 1: one of my favorite things.
Speaker 2: As soon as he's doing any kind of impression of
Speaker 2: a lounge singer, I'm gonna keep I'm gonna have to
Speaker 2: be on them because I know he'll be low and
Speaker 2: then he's gonna have a non flashback.
Speaker 3: You're going to be sliding those levels around like a
Speaker 3: regular fill in the blank of a person who is
Speaker 3: a famous music engineer.
Speaker 2: Now have you been hanging out with DJs? Where did
Speaker 2: you learn all that specific jargon?
Speaker 1: I know nouns, I know many specialized nouns.
Speaker 2: I know many specimens of nouns.
Speaker 1: I have brags. I have brags all day long.
Speaker 2: And by the way, at the end of the last podcast,
Speaker 2: you didn't shut down. I was in a riff session
Speaker 2: with someone that and it was all inside jokes. What
Speaker 2: are you going to be? Are you?
Speaker 1: But I also, hey, I was there too, of you guys.
Speaker 2: I was in Austin between the years of nineteen ninety
Speaker 2: eight and two thousand and two.
Speaker 1: You know, there's something about Howard Kramer.
Speaker 3: Though he's a special spirit, he affects me in a
Speaker 3: different way.
Speaker 2: I think, is this a It's not romantic? Is it?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: I think no, it's not. I mean I.
Speaker 3: Hesitated only because I absolutely love him, but it's I
Speaker 3: think Howard he's one of the and you would fit
Speaker 3: into this category two of like a comedian who's also manly,
Speaker 3: like actually dudish and manly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you hear that that many now that you related
Speaker 2: me to it, Now I'm starting to.
Speaker 1: See how you see them, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: He has a high school feeling to it that I
Speaker 1: really do like me.
Speaker 2: He's very funny but also a chiseled Uh, it's kind
Speaker 2: of a physical specimen.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So yeah, it is hard to podcast with those times.
Speaker 3: It's hard, you know why, because most of the time
Speaker 3: I'm like this rabbid raccoon that's just trying to out
Speaker 3: riff everybody.
Speaker 1: But sometimes I want to be a pretty girl. I
Speaker 1: would like to be a pretty girl sometimes. Love the.
Speaker 2: He's not he has rabies, but he's not going to
Speaker 2: bite you. He's just going to.
Speaker 1: Joke.
Speaker 3: He's gonna try to beat your joke, which is so unattractive.
Speaker 2: What's this a bunch of garbage in a trash can?
Speaker 1: Yeah, more like that's what you are, Army family.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there about your garbage in a trash can?
Speaker 1: Go away, raccoon, You're the worst.
Speaker 2: The riffing raccoon is doing political ship.
Speaker 1: Now the riffing raccoon has lost his way.
Speaker 3: He started out so legit just garbage stuff and like
Speaker 3: nighttime stuff, raccoon stuff, washing his hands like a.
Speaker 2: I can't how come no one's a dressing People talk
Speaker 2: about monkeys all day. No one is addressing the fact
Speaker 2: that raccoons have thumbs. I've seen their their little tiny
Speaker 2: black hands. I've seen them scoop and run with cat food.
Speaker 1: One of the best videos.
Speaker 2: It's the best video.
Speaker 1: It's the best.
Speaker 3: Also, have you seen the raccoon The picture of the
Speaker 3: raccoon holding the kitten, standing up on his legs holding
Speaker 3: a kitten like a babysitter.
Speaker 1: It's the cutest thing.
Speaker 2: I don't know what's he about to bite it in half?
Speaker 2: Because raccoons and cats don't mix.
Speaker 1: We don't know. We just don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm being racist maybe, but yeah, you that was a
Speaker 2: great already though, this is our best episode and we
Speaker 2: don't even have a guest in the We are on
Speaker 2: firing on all cylinders and I'm not and I'm trying.
Speaker 2: That's before I even bring up the engine, which is
Speaker 2: firing on all.
Speaker 3: Cylinders but doesn't have a housing in the oil pan.
Speaker 3: Please remember right, there is risk involved that we have
Speaker 3: some tension that we're taking on stage with us exactly.
Speaker 1: And we're now very close to lax.
Speaker 2: We're not so close. We are late, but we are
Speaker 2: so close and we're not late.
Speaker 1: Eddie was early, which is so irritating.
Speaker 2: I need to keep I remember I said it, I
Speaker 2: predicted it.
Speaker 3: You did predict it on the phone.
Speaker 2: It is creepy. I'm like, I have a feeling about this. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I have a of a nut of trying to think
Speaker 2: of someone on a famous example of superstition. But anyway, just.
Speaker 3: Any super like like like, don't black cat crossing your path?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a real like show up early because
Speaker 2: this is like stepping on a crack and your mom's
Speaker 2: back right right, right right.
Speaker 1: Don't put your hat on the bed. That's one of
Speaker 1: my favorites. Yeah, don't you out of the bed right right.
Speaker 2: When Eddie gets in and takes off the hat that
Speaker 2: he will be wearing, just say, hey, don't put that
Speaker 2: on the bed.
Speaker 3: Please don't put it on the bed. And there is
Speaker 3: a sheet on the back seat to cover the dog.
Speaker 1: Here, I'll just.
Speaker 2: Be revealing that you sometimes sleep in your car, I
Speaker 2: mean the back seat of my car.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I like to go just to park on a
Speaker 3: front city street. It may or may not be in
Speaker 3: front of Howard Cramer's house and sleep.
Speaker 1: That's all. This is not true, that is all. We
Speaker 1: don't have feelings for.
Speaker 2: Power sake of joking. She's not really attracted to Howard.
Speaker 2: She's just acknowledged.
Speaker 1: I mean, I might be attracted to him, but I
Speaker 1: don't have feeling.
Speaker 2: We can tell he's handsome, knows he's handsome. I just said,
Speaker 2: we I guess I am too.
Speaker 1: You're attracted to him or you're handsome too.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 2: During the podcast, I felt intimidated because I'm attracted to
Speaker 2: his It's present. It's like a guy being attracted to
Speaker 2: I want to be like this guy in these ways.
Speaker 2: It's not a let's get naked friend, it's a I
Speaker 2: wish that I might, you know. And we started making
Speaker 2: fun of our own podcast. I know yours has a format.
Speaker 3: And studio and that's so unattracted and yeah, yes, no
Speaker 3: power moves.
Speaker 1: You know why because Howard is an alpha.
Speaker 2: That's what it is.
Speaker 3: He's alpha all the way. So you find yourself, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? I might as will have like
Speaker 3: been standing pigeon toed, like looking.
Speaker 1: Down at the ground. It's so not me, but like
Speaker 1: it's just the effect.
Speaker 2: That Alpha has not a lot of kin. And that's
Speaker 2: not to says mean to freshman high school freshman.
Speaker 1: I think he would be would he.
Speaker 2: Would he'd make Oh and we're gonna get right in here, yep,
Speaker 2: right here?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, termin all.
Speaker 2: You've done it all the time, entering l as. She's
Speaker 2: done it about a thousand times. But I had to
Speaker 2: tell her.
Speaker 1: And it's American, which is eternal four.
Speaker 2: So is that on the other side, Yeah, it is? Indeed?
Speaker 1: Is that is that him? Again?
Speaker 2: I don't know?
Speaker 1: Hello, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Speaker 3: No, you stay on this side, Yeah, stay by the
Speaker 3: terminal side. We are we just we're just making the
Speaker 3: loop right now. We're moments away from you.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, okay.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, we'll be there within three minutes.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: That sounds amazing. That's I just figured out how we
Speaker 2: should be recording our podcast. I stand at the airport terminal.
Speaker 2: You put me on speaker phone.
Speaker 1: It just sounded so great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so real, Well it's hopefully he's uh, he's tired.
Speaker 1: I imagine he's very tired.
Speaker 3: But the question he was asking is kind of hilarious
Speaker 3: because he was basically saying, should I go stand where
Speaker 3: all the people that are trying to take a super shuttle?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that would be bad, very bad, He's like,
Speaker 2: and then we would just stop in the road. I
Speaker 2: guess we could pull it off, but people would yell
Speaker 2: at us.
Speaker 1: Yeah here at la.
Speaker 2: God, it washes over me right when I enter this shithole.
Speaker 2: I really don't like being here, and it's part of
Speaker 2: my job. It's okay, you're right, breathe.
Speaker 1: Just some nice deed.
Speaker 2: It ain't nose or out the nose, through.
Speaker 3: The nose, out the mouth in blue out red, in
Speaker 3: blue out red.
Speaker 1: And we're coming up on feel better shuttle.
Speaker 2: I feel better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's gonna be fine.
Speaker 2: What are you doing? Squarely, Just because you have a
Speaker 2: lime green car doesn't mean we're gonna see you in
Speaker 2: our peripheral very loud. I hope that wasn't gunfire. Oh,
Speaker 2: this place, this place really stresses me out. This is crazy.
Speaker 2: Terminal four will be on the other side. I'm afraid
Speaker 2: we have to cut past.
Speaker 1: But we don't do that cut through because that would
Speaker 1: be bad.
Speaker 2: No, No, that would be bad. I think we actually
Speaker 2: have to do this loop and go past International, which
Speaker 2: you know, I don't.
Speaker 1: It sucks.
Speaker 2: It's Europeans.
Speaker 1: It's kind of stopped to Europeans.
Speaker 3: Oh were There's gonna be so many Mann sandals and
Speaker 3: high waisted shorts.
Speaker 2: Why is everyone stopped? This makes us a liar. About
Speaker 2: three minutes, It's okay, it's gonna be more like four
Speaker 2: or five.
Speaker 1: Calmback, wait, let's just let the three minutes.
Speaker 2: Pass, okay before we warn him.
Speaker 3: You know, anxiety is such a fascinating thing. Look at
Speaker 3: this guy.
Speaker 2: What, oh, just be sideways park hat Lax phone number
Speaker 2: one nine one zero seven seven. Someone's about to find
Speaker 2: out how they're driving was.
Speaker 1: It was not good?
Speaker 2: It was bad.
Speaker 1: I didn't like it.
Speaker 2: I guess that that was a phone number for Actually
Speaker 2: we just advertised for them. That wasn't a phone number.
Speaker 3: You know what park cat park cat shuttle at Lax.
Speaker 3: When you want your shuttle as sideways as all hell.
Speaker 2: And stopped in traffic atslip dickens. Oh.
Speaker 1: I just wish Eddie could see how close we were.
Speaker 2: I wish he could see how great his episode was.
Speaker 1: That we spent the whole time talking about Howard Green.
Speaker 1: Oh well, well, well.
Speaker 2: What's the opposite of an alpha? What am I?
Speaker 1: Uh? An omega?
Speaker 2: An omega dog? Is that a thing?
Speaker 1: Is that it? You're the omega man?
Speaker 2: Am I a sigma pie? Off of?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Cap and cappuccino?
Speaker 1: Well, you're you're not. You're very alpha. You like a
Speaker 1: good fist fight. Oh sorry, there was a time. No,
Speaker 1: do you want a mom?
Speaker 2: No, it's just that right. A long time ago, I
Speaker 2: was like, what's the most uh, you know, high strung fraternity?
Speaker 2: It's capa cappuccino.
Speaker 1: Did you do that on stage?
Speaker 2: No? No, it was in like fourth or fifth grade. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was early Montana, early.
Speaker 2: Montana comedy before there was a stage, before I knew
Speaker 2: what I was doing. Unlike today professional Nightly, I pound
Speaker 2: that ship out.
Speaker 3: I'm talking about comedy, but we are talking about comedy.
Speaker 2: That's not the ladies, which I also occasionally.
Speaker 1: You're not afraid to pound a lady, Chris.
Speaker 2: It sounds violent, but I just don't know how to
Speaker 2: use words.
Speaker 3: Wait, are there are other things we can tell our
Speaker 3: listeners to like do or oh the do you need
Speaker 3: to ride?
Speaker 1: Fan tweet on Twitter? If you're on Twitter and you
Speaker 1: like it, and yeah.
Speaker 2: And I believe there's a Facebook page as well.
Speaker 1: There is a Facebook page.
Speaker 2: You're not a facebooker.
Speaker 1: I don't Facebook.
Speaker 2: That's okay. Not everyone needs to, No, I don't.
Speaker 3: I feel like less is more on Facebook. Yeah, thoughts
Speaker 3: and prayers on Facebook.
Speaker 2: I just I do know. I get a lot of
Speaker 2: local gigs in town on Facebook. Might be yes for
Speaker 2: booking a majority of them.
Speaker 1: I can barely show up to the shows I agree
Speaker 1: to do. I don't need more.
Speaker 2: Well, I agree to them on Facebook, and then Facebook
Speaker 2: has nothing to do with whether or not I show up.
Speaker 2: That's on me. Okay, that's on me and my.
Speaker 4: Record.
Speaker 2: Honda sponsor. Do you need a ride? Do you sorry?
Speaker 2: Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: That was good?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Too much?
Speaker 4: Need a ride?
Speaker 2: Question?
Speaker 1: Mark? Do capital do.
Speaker 3: Oop ruining everything?
Speaker 2: You're really messing up our episode.
Speaker 1: But we're so close I can see American lines.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you just have to get in there.
Speaker 3: How do I do it? I'm gonna have to get you.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to get old school New York cab driver.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean this guy's doing it. There's a cab
Speaker 2: driver right here, getting new school La, you get old
Speaker 2: school New York on him.
Speaker 1: You were gonna do an East coast West coast rivalry.
Speaker 1: Someone will be shot. Yeah, hey, how about sugar Night
Speaker 1: running over some people?
Speaker 2: This is the new Oh yeah, yeah, oh.
Speaker 1: I don't mean to go topical. I messed up what
Speaker 1: that was that.
Speaker 2: I thought that was an old news issue because it
Speaker 2: hasn't he always been.
Speaker 1: He's been killing for a while.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he didn't have something to do with the last
Speaker 2: time I got in trouble because the Biggie Tupac thing.
Speaker 2: I don't know who was killed in from of the
Speaker 2: automotive museums. All. You don't memorize depths. I focus on
Speaker 2: positive things. Let's get in there. Just member aggression.
Speaker 1: Yes, I respect you. I like it.
Speaker 2: Damn it. Why is that noudy? It needs to be
Speaker 2: an Inny. Oh, We're we're getting in there. That's right.
Speaker 4: I called him at Dork.
Speaker 2: Oh hello, officer.
Speaker 1: Hello officer.
Speaker 2: Okay, here is Eddie. Let's see here. I do not
Speaker 2: recognize any of these.
Speaker 1: He said eleven something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we should have listened to that.
Speaker 3: Is this an orthodox Eddie standing here with the huge there?
Speaker 2: He is there, he is I'm gonna wave at him.
Speaker 3: No, I meant that, yeah, yeah, yeah, Hi hop on in.
Speaker 2: Oh he needs help, Okay, I can unplugged.
Speaker 1: We can't help you, yeah, or or do you need
Speaker 1: to go in the backpack? I'm all I'm shouting very loudly.
Speaker 2: I have my recording studio in my lap.
Speaker 3: And sorry, OK.
Speaker 2: Here you go Eddie.
Speaker 4: Hey, everybody, it's a great day to be uh in
Speaker 4: an air force. It's really it's they arrange it so well.
Speaker 4: There's a terrific flow to the traffic to flow.
Speaker 2: We'd like to try to but if you're you know
Speaker 2: what of your uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I can kick up this ac for you.
Speaker 2: I'm we We're so sorry that we're late. But the
Speaker 2: only is your flight right.
Speaker 4: Flight was early, and I got a couple of ds.
Speaker 4: So funny that I when I get when I are
Speaker 4: we taping?
Speaker 2: We are?
Speaker 4: Indeed, when I got off the plane, it was so
Speaker 4: fucking movie. First of all, I did two shows last
Speaker 4: night Toronto, and I had to be at the airport
Speaker 4: at about four for six am flight. So I did
Speaker 4: not sleep. I didn't sleepy even I did try, but
Speaker 4: I didn't eat anything. But like a couple of you
Speaker 4: know it's trying to be good. I had like little
Speaker 4: trail mix, you know of little cranberries are very good,
Speaker 4: you know, the little dried cranberries. Everybody loves them. I
Speaker 4: think I'd like to be the spokesperson for dried cranberries
Speaker 4: the way the way Cober.
Speaker 2: I prefer them to cabs.
Speaker 1: Ierson, what would that sound like?
Speaker 4: Yeah, for dried cranberries, commercial cranberries, commercial dried cranberry. For
Speaker 4: dry cranberries. Yes, you know, you know, traveling is difficult,
Speaker 4: very difficult, and there's a lot of temptation to eat salty, fatty,
Speaker 4: heart clogging foods. Dry tried. Take to Betty. Take two, Eddie.
Speaker 4: First of all, we wanted to be a little up
Speaker 4: at eat. We wanted to be up, not like you know.
Speaker 4: It's a ted talk. So here we go again with
Speaker 4: dry cranberries.
Speaker 2: Here you try and speak quickly.
Speaker 4: Tried cranberries. They make travel better. Eat them? Do it now?
Speaker 4: I'm the bitter boodhen do it.
Speaker 2: It's a little angry. I don't know you're right about that.
Speaker 4: Take three, Hey, are you traveling and going nuts? I
Speaker 4: know I am. I can't eat. I can't eat half
Speaker 4: of this stuff. But try cranberries went put in with
Speaker 4: regular nuts. Make them sweeter, don't they? They sure do,
Speaker 4: and travel goes a lot faster, at least the first
Speaker 4: half hour. Ah, the second six hours not so fast.
Speaker 4: But try dried cranberries, do it?
Speaker 2: Brought you into the council for people who like dried cranberries.
Speaker 4: But what I what I originally was saying, is that,
Speaker 4: you know, I've been trying to eat vegan and I've
Speaker 4: been doing well, but what but I lose my ship
Speaker 4: on these flights. As soon as I got off this flight,
Speaker 4: I went and got a whole pizza while I was
Speaker 4: waiting for you guys, like one of those little boxed
Speaker 4: pizzas in the airports, a personal, personal, personal pizza, and
Speaker 4: I ate about four slices of that with the diet coke.
Speaker 4: And then I had a chocolate croissant, and then and
Speaker 4: then I have a coffee, and I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: I feel a lot better. I feel a lot better.
Speaker 1: Cranberries aren't going to help you.
Speaker 4: No, Cranberries don't do it when you're like ravenously insanely hungry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you've had an entire day of flying. That dried
Speaker 2: cranberry is as delicious and convenient as they are for travel,
Speaker 2: are not going to sustain your energy levels. That's I
Speaker 2: don't you know.
Speaker 4: You may got an argument from the Cranberry bog people
Speaker 4: who I understand are hardy and angry.
Speaker 2: You know what, I'll take them on any day, you
Speaker 2: know what. Yeah, I'll take on the cranberry.
Speaker 3: I'm sick of people there comscial for their stupid juice with.
Speaker 1: Those two shoes.
Speaker 2: Farmers they already did. They stole it from Burtles and
Speaker 2: James by the way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, isn't it funny how these you know, these monolithic corporations,
Speaker 4: they get bigger and bigger, and yet their front men
Speaker 4: are two horrific actors, you know from Van Nuys, pretending
Speaker 4: to be farmers. There are no more farmers anymore. There's
Speaker 4: just machines that eat people. And Monsanto's seeds, you know, Monsanto.
Speaker 3: It's like a big seed, half seed, half person. That's
Speaker 3: that's planting things.
Speaker 4: I think in the in the near future because of Montanto,
Speaker 4: you know, with the GMOs and stuff. I think pretty
Speaker 4: soon you're just gonna get a knock on your door.
Speaker 4: It's going to be like a fucking piece of corn
Speaker 4: with a gun. That because they're they don't know what
Speaker 4: they're doing.
Speaker 1: The corn doesn't know the corn.
Speaker 2: Does you feel they're going to modify it to the
Speaker 2: point where it has feelings and.
Speaker 4: The like computers. Everybody's worried about computers taking over the world.
Speaker 4: I really think food it's gonna be like, hey, Bob,
Speaker 4: did you see that piece of corn? Move piece of corn?
Speaker 4: Take my wallet?
Speaker 3: Write this down and send it to Pixar and through
Speaker 3: the mail, through the mail, so that you own this idea,
Speaker 3: because the corn Wars is your idea.
Speaker 2: Just crack it up and the corn Wars.
Speaker 4: Pixar do that? Would they confront Could they do it?
Speaker 4: They could? Would they should? They? I mean, no toy
Speaker 4: with me after sleep?
Speaker 2: Oh, I can't get the idea of a giant corn
Speaker 2: with a little husk grabbing and then it kind of
Speaker 2: turns to a hand and they pick up a firearm.
Speaker 4: I think it would be I think it would be
Speaker 4: easy to do. The characters like like the bad corn
Speaker 4: is sort of sort of like bad sopranos guys and
Speaker 4: mafia guys maybe, and then there's and then there's the
Speaker 4: renegade corn, maybe the organic corn that's trying to save
Speaker 4: the war like they're the good guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the organic corn would look like the Thanksgiving cornucopia corn.
Speaker 2: It's just like different colors because.
Speaker 4: They different colors.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it should be a Native American doing
Speaker 2: it always.
Speaker 4: You know, you're right about that. It should be a
Speaker 4: Native America.
Speaker 2: I mean, does it get more organic than that? I
Speaker 2: hate to take it to a you know, but white
Speaker 2: people kick them out of this country. Sorry, I didn't
Speaker 2: mean to take it that far.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, I I I really think we did.
Speaker 4: I mean I every day I watch a video or
Speaker 4: recreation of the Trail of Tears, just just you know,
Speaker 4: to get the day started, to check, kick start to
Speaker 4: be grateful. I think you have to look at other
Speaker 4: people's atrocities to be grateful, you know, because it's so
Speaker 4: hard to like, you know, I'm a big guy who
Speaker 4: makes gratitude less well, once a year I do it.
Speaker 4: But when I make one, it's always like, oh, I'm
Speaker 4: so glad I have sneakers. It doesn't you really, that
Speaker 4: doesn't cut it all. I'm glad my elbow is working right,
Speaker 4: you know. It's like that doesn't cut it.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I feel like I'm not achieving the things in
Speaker 2: life I need to achieve. And that's when I watch
Speaker 2: Mariy Povich and then.
Speaker 4: Realize, yeah, he's still on the air.
Speaker 2: So doing paternity tests everything. And then I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: doing great. Why was I so hard on myself?
Speaker 4: Look, it's got like just the just people who their
Speaker 4: lives are just such a mess, just.
Speaker 2: The bottom dwellers of society, the bottom bwellers.
Speaker 1: Perhaps the bottom dwellers, bottom feeders.
Speaker 2: They go down there because that's where they feed bank
Speaker 2: sand dabs of society down there, eating shy.
Speaker 4: How does Povich go home like like and you and
Speaker 4: and I bet he fancies himself like an aeradite intellectual
Speaker 4: like like in his head, that's my job, like and
Speaker 4: then he goes home to a like a nice sands
Speaker 4: or wine and you know.
Speaker 2: And Connie Chung Right's.
Speaker 1: They're making it work still Wow?
Speaker 2: Does she ask about his day? I doubt it.
Speaker 1: You know what that both of them are.
Speaker 2: She's a journalist. He tells people whether or not the
Speaker 2: baby came from their and their DNA who's.
Speaker 3: They're both on tons of pills. It doesn't matter, they're
Speaker 3: tons of pills. You read that, No, I'm it's completely
Speaker 3: made up. But you know, those are eyes, both of
Speaker 3: them and dead eyes.
Speaker 1: They're like dolls.
Speaker 4: There's dolls. Well they have to be, don't you think.
Speaker 4: Don't you think Hollywood? If you call that Hollywood like
Speaker 4: takes its toll on you. Like the show you do?
Speaker 4: Like the show you do. You say, oh, it's just
Speaker 4: a job, it's just a job. But if it's a
Speaker 4: horrific thing day after day where you're watching the bottom
Speaker 4: dwellers and you're profiting of them, yeah, I think it
Speaker 4: nips away.
Speaker 2: It has to. And I know it did to Jerry
Speaker 2: Springer because there's a there's a girl in town, Lisa Gotman.
Speaker 2: She we did laugh Rights together for whatever reason. Her
Speaker 2: family was very close to Jerry Springer and he was
Speaker 2: a sweet man and he was a smart man. He
Speaker 2: used to be a mayor of a town. And then
Speaker 2: he's basically doing is violent pornography.
Speaker 4: On his talk show? Is doing that now?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: I think I am talking about expired television. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: everyone remember it's he's like, oh, and that's cute. The
Speaker 2: oh that's where her brass strap comes down and we
Speaker 2: pixel later oh and then she punches.
Speaker 4: Okay, I call it the momentum of evil, and it
Speaker 4: ties into the Cranberry commercials. Somehow eventually it will we.
Speaker 2: Put up a little very no problem.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we are working on no.
Speaker 1: Sleeping here, a lot of it.
Speaker 2: It's not as simple as people think. We aren't just
Speaker 2: giving rides. You are very much doing as a service
Speaker 2: by being on our podcast, and we really appreciate it. Oh.
Speaker 4: By the way, this is great though, because it saves
Speaker 4: me about one hundred dollars.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right right.
Speaker 4: And my last though before you came was do they charge?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that charge we charged and fifty dollars.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe that's I keep saying we should get a
Speaker 2: sponsor like Dollar Shave Club or whatever. A lot of
Speaker 2: these podcasts have Razor Blade sponsors for some reason. Maybe
Speaker 2: they consider it a plan B if they want to.
Speaker 4: May I make a suggestion that if you guys become
Speaker 4: part of Uber, you could bank so many episodes, you know,
Speaker 4: in one week. Like everybody who gets in the cab,
Speaker 4: you just thrust a mic to them, not like Cab
Speaker 4: Confessions or anything, but just.
Speaker 3: Like you're just saying, any any man off the street,
Speaker 3: Johnny Lunch, pale on the street.
Speaker 2: I don't want to deal with civilians.
Speaker 1: D you know you don't want to do that on
Speaker 1: your podcast.
Speaker 4: You I don't do it, but I think this type
Speaker 4: of but it's okay for us to do. Oh.
Speaker 2: I think you wouldn't have them in your studio, but
Speaker 2: I haven't.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't shoplift, You wouldn't steal a car.
Speaker 4: That I don't know. I don't think you know me.
Speaker 4: You know, when I'm pushed into a corner, I will.
Speaker 1: Pirates some ship.
Speaker 2: He will get into a stranger's car, is what he's saying.
Speaker 1: He will will abo make some money.
Speaker 2: But yeah, when you want to get sponsored by Uber
Speaker 2: and and it would be a comic that we we
Speaker 2: want to have control over the guests still, but then
Speaker 2: we just mentioned a code that you'd punch in or something.
Speaker 2: Come on Uber, they're listening. You know they're listening.
Speaker 1: You know they listened every episode.
Speaker 4: Now, looking at some interesting billboards? Does does does the
Speaker 4: Chappie billboard look interesting to you? The Chappy?
Speaker 1: I just saw the trailer for Chappie last night.
Speaker 4: You saw it?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Did it look I literally can't remember one thing about it.
Speaker 3: The fact that it was like a horror movie that
Speaker 3: was called Chappie and May laughed so hard.
Speaker 2: That's a horrible name.
Speaker 4: That's well, I don't I disagree with you, Chris, and
Speaker 4: I don't mean to do it on the road. But
Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like when you put I
Speaker 4: put like a name that doesn't signify you know what,
Speaker 4: the horror I think it has more of an impact.
Speaker 4: It's like, it's like when they use children in horror movies,
Speaker 4: like d like, it's always a bad time when a
Speaker 4: child says, can I have a glass of water? In
Speaker 4: a horror movie? Because you know shit is going to
Speaker 4: go down quickly?
Speaker 2: You're right, And you go to see Chappy and you're like,
Speaker 2: what a lighthearted the English rump?
Speaker 1: I'm about a friend.
Speaker 2: No, it's about someone's face melting.
Speaker 1: Wait? No, is that the one is choppy? The one
Speaker 1: by the guy that did District nine about robots?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, the poster looked really good. Yeah. I based all
Speaker 4: the movies I go on now on a poster or
Speaker 4: the billboard. I won't see a trailer. I won't read
Speaker 4: a review. It's like if the poster doesn't hit me right,
Speaker 4: it's like, no, I'm usually right.
Speaker 2: But really, I think I know from the trailer I
Speaker 2: remember seeing it. Now, isn't it just a ripoff of
Speaker 2: short circuit. Now I don't like to it's true. I mean, oh,
Speaker 2: a robot with feelings orange juice, not from concentrate, like
Speaker 2: he was learning about how the human works. And that's
Speaker 2: what this movie is.
Speaker 4: Number five is Alive and that number five Alive.
Speaker 2: Circuit. And there was the Middle Eastern guy or he's
Speaker 2: Indian in it. I thought he was so funny, and
Speaker 2: then I see him in another movie and I realized
Speaker 2: he's doing a horrible impression. He's totally just a white
Speaker 2: guy my numbered favorites in life, and I think they
Speaker 2: darkened his face a little. I mean, don't don't I
Speaker 2: mean that we have rules.
Speaker 3: There wasn't the Internet. It was well didn't know that
Speaker 3: hurt people's people's feelings.
Speaker 4: It was a ship like that goes on. When I
Speaker 4: used to audition for commercials. I don't anymore. But when
Speaker 4: I used to audition, they were looking for a bald
Speaker 4: guy to do some fucking horrible thing like anal leakage
Speaker 4: whatever it was. And by the way, that was my
Speaker 4: last audition. I'm serious. It was for a thing that
Speaker 4: stopped anal leakage. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Have
Speaker 4: you remember that ship I remember that there was Chris
Speaker 4: you do, I remember, yeah, blocking It's just which.
Speaker 2: Kind of is what that medication did?
Speaker 4: Okay, so you medica. This was the last commercial I
Speaker 4: ever went into in my felt's a good last one.
Speaker 4: And and I go in and it's so humiliate like
Speaker 4: and I'm just doing it because I'm broke, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: my my fucking commercial agent. Is this really sweet woman
Speaker 4: who's very gunna ho and always saying, look, one of
Speaker 4: these things, could you?
Speaker 2: I mean, I had a couple of commercials changed my year.
Speaker 4: Yeah, your year of it?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: But what's her name? Changed her life? Courtney the Progressive Woman.
Speaker 1: Yes, she changed a lot of people.
Speaker 4: You know, she rebounded pretty well off a very very
Speaker 4: bad Uh first of all, image and drug problem she's.
Speaker 1: Doing, he knows, he knows. Her first nose was rough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this one's more slope, like a ski jump. Quickly
Speaker 2: I went I was so humiliated in the first place.
Speaker 2: But then the motherfucking director.
Speaker 4: I was reading the copy wrong for some reason, like
Speaker 4: I was fucking up one of the words, and he
Speaker 4: got he got literally like kind of slammed his hand down.
Speaker 2: AI.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, he was like, god damn it. Like, now
Speaker 4: you can imagine it's sort of like Mary Polvish. These
Speaker 4: guys get chipped away if this is what they're doing
Speaker 4: with their lives, like a leaggage, and what's the what's
Speaker 4: another commercial? You know, like a thing to make your
Speaker 4: heart stop? Whatever they do?
Speaker 2: He directed the viagraa jam band when here's accession he thought.
Speaker 1: After that, he thought, I was like, I'm on my way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, guys, you're just you're blues you're doing the blues making.
Speaker 2: Yeah and you and Okay.
Speaker 4: So it's funny. We're talking about this today because it's
Speaker 4: Super Bowl Sunday, and today's the day where everybody thinks
Speaker 4: these commercials are going to be so do you guys
Speaker 4: know this? Right on Super Bowl Sunday they have the
Speaker 4: fucking commercials that are supposed to be so great and
Speaker 4: they turn out to be pretty bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I've already seen some of them. They're like, ooh,
Speaker 2: sneak peek at the puppy who hangs out with the
Speaker 2: Clydesdale Budweiser don't drive drunk.
Speaker 4: Someone told me I should see that one. Isn't that funny,
Speaker 4: It's it's.
Speaker 2: Adorable, It's just it is not no it's like a
Speaker 2: puppy and the horse takes a liking to it. It gets
Speaker 2: out of the barn and all these and then a
Speaker 2: wolf is trying to kill the puppy kidding, and then
Speaker 2: all the courses, all the Clydesdales gallop over and they
Speaker 2: scare away the wolf. And then it says Budweiser, drink responsibly.
Speaker 4: And did you hear about Go Daddy doing anything where
Speaker 4: a puppet puppy gets shipped And they had to pull
Speaker 4: the commercial. Oh, Go Daddy, which is a scumbag. Yeah there,
Speaker 4: gumbag corporation run by a CEO who does big game hunting.
Speaker 2: I think don't get the money. I think I give
Speaker 2: the money in before my website and I don't even
Speaker 2: know why.
Speaker 1: So I think Go Daddy sells.
Speaker 2: Right there.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah. And they always have like, you know, chicks
Speaker 4: and bikinis for no fucking reason. But but they had
Speaker 4: a they had a Super Bowl lad where a puppy
Speaker 4: finds its way home and this this elderly woman grabs
Speaker 4: us say I'm so glad you're here because I'm gonna
Speaker 4: ship you because someone wants to buy you a tida.
Speaker 4: And all these organizations crazy boycot it and they had
Speaker 4: a pullet within hours.
Speaker 2: I'm glad they did. I believe that people would be
Speaker 2: stupid enough to see that and go, well, no, I
Speaker 2: figured out how I get my knee a puppy.
Speaker 4: No, what's it take?
Speaker 2: One day? Poke holes in it, just like I did
Speaker 2: with my spider jars. And then this kid. Can you
Speaker 2: imagine a kid a puppy and it's just a dead
Speaker 2: puppy and what's in the fox?
Speaker 1: Somehow the puppy got beheaded head in a box.
Speaker 2: Go, Daddy's sending you a message.
Speaker 1: Now that would go viral, that would be.
Speaker 4: But I'm in the commercial world. What we're trying to
Speaker 4: say is the commercial world is a blood bath.
Speaker 1: It is amazing.
Speaker 2: Well, I wish I knew what you said instead of
Speaker 2: anal leak. And you're like when I got the Mad Squirts.
Speaker 1: Dermit, the worlds were chosen for a reason.
Speaker 4: But I can't believe I didn't, like tell the guy
Speaker 4: to go fuck himself. Regret. I regret that I didn't
Speaker 4: do that.
Speaker 2: I have said things in commercial and then I don't
Speaker 2: get seen by that casting company. But there's plenty of
Speaker 2: down at two hundred self. Look, do you still go
Speaker 2: out for them.
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I won't. I won't know unless they ask, unless
Speaker 4: they're like Eddie, they want you blah blah blah. And
Speaker 4: if it's a decent fucking product, like if it's Dorito's, well.
Speaker 3: Unlike you, how are you doing on temperature because I'm
Speaker 3: freezing and I can't feel my feet.
Speaker 4: A big difference, I'll tell you. And this always irks
Speaker 4: me a little bit. There's a big difference between the
Speaker 4: front and back of cars as far as they see.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, unless you have Yeah, well, it's also dangerous.
Speaker 2: I got a horrible rack in a Honda Fit and
Speaker 2: I can't wait for you to buy something more like
Speaker 2: a Danali.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, I'll be safe.
Speaker 2: And then also air will shoot out into passengers.
Speaker 4: Now, Karen, do you have donkeys?
Speaker 1: I do, yeh.
Speaker 3: But I also collect dog hair and spread it on
Speaker 3: the back. Yeah, it's everywhere. I that hair is the
Speaker 3: is the embedded kind that doesn't fly around.
Speaker 1: It will not come off.
Speaker 3: I've gone at it with like lint rollers and high
Speaker 3: powered vacuums.
Speaker 2: It's not moving birds from a field in your sock
Speaker 2: on your shoe lace.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like ticks.
Speaker 2: You have cats yea, oh you have both.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, man, I I I have a menagerie of animals.
Speaker 4: I've become doo little ish a bit. You know where
Speaker 4: I walk in and I'm like, Hello, Sherman. These are
Speaker 4: all the names of the pets. Hello Sherman, Alo, Charlotte,
Speaker 4: Hello Katie, Hello Louis. It's seven animals I live with.
Speaker 2: Do they ever go hello?
Speaker 4: It feels like my friend, you ever.
Speaker 2: Get a tip of the hat that what we're describing
Speaker 2: here is delusions caused by possible mental illness, Yes, because
Speaker 2: animals don't and no offense, I just no. But if
Speaker 2: your pets are talking to you, I don't know. You
Speaker 2: might want to see a guy guy, Yeah, just a guy.
Speaker 4: But I see a guy who's sympathetic to cats, and
Speaker 4: so it goes nowhere.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, ask your cat for me if he likes me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just a doctor. You think it's going to
Speaker 2: help you, or a therapist. It's like, hey, I get it.
Speaker 2: I'm a cat man too, And then you just high five.
Speaker 2: I am a cat man myself. I love cats.
Speaker 4: Oh you do you I remember that?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 1: No, dogs, Can I say a thing that I should
Speaker 1: have said to dogs?
Speaker 3: Ied it fifteen seconds ago, high five and then Bob
Speaker 3: seekers Catman do play ship. Imagine if that was right,
Speaker 3: I'm a cat man too. Will you text me your
Speaker 3: address so that we can I can put it in
Speaker 3: my mouth.
Speaker 4: Oh right, you want to text it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, because if you say out loud people wait outside
Speaker 3: your house.
Speaker 2: Well you're already you will get murdered by our fans.
Speaker 4: I already have several people outside my place.
Speaker 1: What are they doing?
Speaker 4: Oh they just they're just like, please do the bit,
Speaker 4: and it's just annoyt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to live your life.
Speaker 4: It's hard.
Speaker 2: I think you know that, all right, if you just yeah,
Speaker 2: and then we'll and I will. I will read it
Speaker 2: off of your text, good idea, and I will transcribe
Speaker 2: it into a map navigation on my phone, and then.
Speaker 3: We'll use the hand signals we've pre rehearsed right silent
Speaker 3: hand signals, we.
Speaker 2: Get it, which is basically just I point left right
Speaker 2: just while you're wait. Oh sorry, no, no, I was
Speaker 2: just going to thank him at a weird time for
Speaker 2: being on the podcast. That guy has no father of mine?
Speaker 2: That ever clear song. What happened? He had kids in
Speaker 2: the car and he almost side.
Speaker 1: Swiped it for Ford Aerostar tried to come all the
Speaker 1: way over.
Speaker 4: Yeah, really nice, Eddie.
Speaker 2: Where were you?
Speaker 4: I just came back from Toronto?
Speaker 2: Was that an Ian Atlas gig Oh?
Speaker 4: I heard that name when I was out there, but.
Speaker 2: You know, I've been talking to him. I'd like to
Speaker 2: go to Toronto.
Speaker 4: How was it, oh Man? This place called the Comedy
Speaker 4: Comedy Underground. I've heard who is super fucking great. That's great,
Speaker 4: like like they're really really into it, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean?
Speaker 2: And I like Canadians in general.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, so I always had.
Speaker 2: To go that broad but it's a positive thing, So
Speaker 2: it's okay. I love all Canadians, all of them.
Speaker 1: Canadians are the greatest.
Speaker 4: They are the best of the crew. Except yeah, what
Speaker 4: is it?
Speaker 2: They're really good natured.
Speaker 1: They're just so goddamn reasonable.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're mellow.
Speaker 2: I never see him stressed out up there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's clean. Well, I well, I was in
Speaker 4: the winter. Man. It's so funny. I've been doing this.
Speaker 4: I've been doing this the last couple of months. I've
Speaker 4: been going to like fucking Chicago, Rochester, New York City,
Speaker 4: going from brutal snowy weather to La and it's so
Speaker 4: fucking funny. I like it. I do too.
Speaker 2: Do you like the snow?
Speaker 4: I like I do. I like I like the cold weather,
Speaker 4: especially to ban out here.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, in uh, I don't know, Land of the Eternal Sunshine.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No seasons, no, no seasons, time passing except birthday.
Speaker 2: My birthday is in a couple of days. By the
Speaker 2: happy birthday. I just plug that.
Speaker 1: February fifth, everybody, thank you.
Speaker 4: February fifth. Yep, yep, very nice. That's a super birthday.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but when you're up there in Canadia, but
Speaker 2: they just, uh, they just are relaxed all the time.
Speaker 1: I think, are they smart? I mean, like smarter than
Speaker 1: your average No.
Speaker 2: One accuses them of being the smartest. But that's not
Speaker 2: why you're there, that's not.
Speaker 4: Look, this is my theory. If you're less stressed, you're
Speaker 4: smarter because stress, you know, stress kind of just creates
Speaker 4: all this bullshit that gets in the way of you thinking.
Speaker 2: Yeahctive reasoning and things like that.
Speaker 3: I also think it's kind of cool to be smart
Speaker 3: in Canada, whereas here it's like football and like I'm
Speaker 3: going to be on American Idol. But like up there,
Speaker 3: I remember my friend Christine Goodin in high school. She
Speaker 3: had Canadian cousins that came to visit and I was
Speaker 3: I was totally in love with her. One cousin who
Speaker 3: was probably like twenty two, and he brought a scientific
Speaker 3: American with him.
Speaker 1: I thought that was the most I couldn't get over it.
Speaker 3: It was like made me weak in the knees because
Speaker 3: I've never seen a guy be like kind of in my.
Speaker 1: On my own time.
Speaker 3: I'm going to pursue the scientific arts.
Speaker 2: By days off, I'm going to go to my own school.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm going to go to extra school because there's
Speaker 3: nothing like.
Speaker 1: That in my world up until that point.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know what that is. It's just it's
Speaker 4: nice though, and they're great comedy fans and it's just
Speaker 4: and they're really appreciate because I guess you know, there's
Speaker 4: smaller places and they don't get a lot of well
Speaker 4: they do, but not often. I think, Yeah, so they're appreciative, appreciative. Yeah,
Speaker 4: my commercial editions we go, so they're appreciative, right, Eddie.
Speaker 3: Can you get to word appreciative because I think that's
Speaker 3: what's on the paper.
Speaker 4: So it's ain't a leakage, No, Eddie, isn't that what
Speaker 4: it is? This potato chip is supposed to stop?
Speaker 2: No, it's it's funny you said potato chicken.
Speaker 1: Wasn't experience.
Speaker 2: I experienced dandel the kitchen. It was from o Lean.
Speaker 4: Yes, oh oil that they would use that, that is
Speaker 4: what didn't product was all about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is like, hey, do you still like eating
Speaker 2: potato chips with I think it was manufactured month seto.
Speaker 4: You go out for this spot?
Speaker 2: No, no, but I I am Eddie announced the time
Speaker 2: to tell you I was the director. I was wearing
Speaker 2: glasses and a scarf, so you don't recognize me, and
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I got mad at you.
Speaker 1: Let's have a real apology.
Speaker 2: Here is what he did. He came in. He's like,
Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a man with a family. When you
Speaker 2: get the squirts, and I.
Speaker 4: Was like, the squirts?
Speaker 2: The who was this guy? Read the read the board.
Speaker 2: It's on the board.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'm from an improv troup.
Speaker 1: As we speak.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm no ending you because I'm the director. I said,
Speaker 2: no ending.
Speaker 1: You got that address?
Speaker 4: Oh? Another one one south right? Yeah? Yeah. Another. Another
Speaker 4: thing I hated about these fucking commercials was that they
Speaker 4: were always directed by Brits and these horrible little piece
Speaker 4: of ship spots and and and they would and and
Speaker 4: and this guy this, these British guys would always be like,
Speaker 4: all right, if you could, uh, just kind of look
Speaker 4: away when she says camcorder and like like like he
Speaker 4: had this to me, you had this like fucking attitude,
Speaker 4: like we're doing this, like amazing little thing. Did you
Speaker 4: get the address?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it works out. This is a great route.
Speaker 2: I love this.
Speaker 3: And you've been You've been vexed by commercial auditions for
Speaker 3: so long because the first time I ever saw you
Speaker 3: at the Fake Gallery, you did that thing where it
Speaker 3: was the commercial edition when the Apocalypse.
Speaker 5: After the Apocalypse, Oh well I find them so yeah
Speaker 5: and uh and at the end of that one, I
Speaker 5: said that at the end of that one, it was
Speaker 5: only like me, like I would say things to the
Speaker 5: casting person like.
Speaker 4: It's just good. Like they would be like a disembodied voice,
Speaker 4: and I'd be I'd be yelling, can they they be saying,
Speaker 4: can you read the copy? And I'd be like, it's
Speaker 4: just good to hear another voice. Hey, you know, after
Speaker 4: this audition, a couple of us are gonna forge for food.
Speaker 4: If you want to come, and then the casting person answered, well,
Speaker 4: that sounds like just leave a flyer for that if
Speaker 4: maybe I'll come to that. And then at the end
Speaker 4: they decided to go with the charred corpse instead of
Speaker 4: me to sell Cerealie, We're gonna go with the chart corpse.
Speaker 1: It's definitely a different on you.
Speaker 2: It's not you, it's just a different direction. Thank you, Karen.
Speaker 4: But you know, you know, everybody used to tell me,
Speaker 4: which I also found insulting. Eddie, you just you so
Speaker 4: look like the everyman. And I was like, well, thank
Speaker 4: you for that. Thank you.
Speaker 2: That's not at all insure your your insults are so
Speaker 2: well worded.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you look like the plumber. And you're gonna work,
Speaker 4: and you're gonna work, and then you're gonna work some more.
Speaker 2: But mostly plumbing. Mostly you're a plumber.
Speaker 4: Now, I'll never forget going in one time for a
Speaker 4: fucking Musins commercial and just that's the thing we have
Speaker 4: to sit and go. Oh, wil an Old and I
Speaker 4: walked in there. I did book at about three years running,
Speaker 4: but no, of course I didn't.
Speaker 2: But it would be fun to be the voice of
Speaker 2: the actual book.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't know the stuff.
Speaker 2: I packed all my book of clothing the.
Speaker 1: Worse.
Speaker 2: But yeah, oh that's the word. Yeah, you're sickly good.
Speaker 2: Oh you're doing it perfectly.
Speaker 4: But also also like what's really depressing is like what
Speaker 4: the industry saw me as Like when I would walk
Speaker 4: into the room and see the people that I was
Speaker 4: their type. I just would always have to like read
Speaker 4: a self help book after like that, because it was like, really,
Speaker 4: this is what I am to you fucking people.
Speaker 2: Around Christmas time, it's fun to go on them where
Speaker 2: they ask for a Santa Claus and every guy in
Speaker 2: town who professionally is Santa Claus to committed to where
Speaker 2: they have a big white beard, and don't they more
Speaker 2: about they maintain a jolly nus. They're like, well, like
Speaker 2: if I just wait, I'm probably gonna not get as
Speaker 2: many gigs, be it in a a shopping mall or
Speaker 2: on a commercial or actually just weeks of desperation. Visiting
Speaker 2: of children's hospital. Yeah, nothing's more desperate than visiting sick kids.
Speaker 2: You said it.
Speaker 4: I visit sick all the time.
Speaker 3: Here.
Speaker 4: That's I'm visiting sick kids for myself, just so I'm grateful.
Speaker 4: I just go in and I leave okay, yeah, I
Speaker 4: am not. I am doing better than you, sir.
Speaker 2: That's your son visit except kids, it's your Murray perfect.
Speaker 1: I was actually just remembering I went on it.
Speaker 3: I only went on like three commercial auditions because I
Speaker 3: was so I was such a terrible auditioner anyway, but
Speaker 3: those ones, they.
Speaker 1: Would make you improv stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so I was always like out of my mind,
Speaker 3: uncomfortable just the second I got there. And one time
Speaker 3: I was waiting in the waiting room and two dudes
Speaker 3: who worked at the casting office got into a fist fight, and.
Speaker 1: I got up and left so quickly and called my agent.
Speaker 3: I was like, two dudes got into a fist fight.
Speaker 3: I'm not going back there. And it was like they
Speaker 3: were like my agent called there was like my client
Speaker 3: was very upset, But I actually wasn't.
Speaker 1: I just it was the perfect excuse. Oh they got
Speaker 1: in a fight. I'm not going back.
Speaker 2: I'm again. You never know much.
Speaker 4: I would always be afraid that my agent, I swear
Speaker 4: to God, It's like just me being a little kid.
Speaker 4: I would always keep going, okay going. I would always
Speaker 4: be afraid of my agent getting a report. It would
Speaker 4: be like my team, I worry about it.
Speaker 2: I worry about the other day. I went in for
Speaker 2: one and yeah, I'm supposed to be a mean director guy.
Speaker 4: Actually, are you having fun with them? Now you're going in.
Speaker 2: I like the I'm getting used to auditioning and I
Speaker 2: feel like.
Speaker 4: If it is, are you booking any Yeah?
Speaker 2: I got commercial a lot, but that's cool. When what
Speaker 2: was Canadian one was in the UK? What you know,
Speaker 2: you wouldn't see that.
Speaker 4: That's even better. Nobody sees you do them exactly.
Speaker 2: I was pretty happy about that.
Speaker 4: But I want to be flown in Japan and do
Speaker 4: those few million dollar ones, but nobody knows.
Speaker 2: I got to go to Spain. You did, as you
Speaker 2: went on the beach in Spain, and then I got
Speaker 2: to go to England for a commercial yeah and one
Speaker 2: oh yeah for Expedia dot c a Canadian and then
Speaker 2: for a Mini Cooper.
Speaker 4: That's cool when you could go to Spain ship right, So.
Speaker 2: I think I got spoiled and I'm like, this is
Speaker 2: the best gig ever. I'm going to focus on this,
Speaker 2: but I I haven't booked anything right now, and like
Speaker 2: you mentioned before, I've been for how long food for yeah,
Speaker 2: for since I shaved my mustache. I haven't had a
Speaker 2: good audition. I've shaved it eight months ago.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, yeah it is streaky like that though.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, yeah it's my mustache. Yeah, well it's had
Speaker 2: a streak. It was. I was getting callbacks all the time.
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, yeah, I'm in the groove, and where's
Speaker 2: this groove? Isn't going to go anywhere but straight.
Speaker 4: To the.
Speaker 2: Emperor has got a brand new clo whatever anyway it'll make.
Speaker 2: I don't feel wildly uncomfortable anymore when I go into
Speaker 2: a room.
Speaker 4: You know, next exit by the way, yes, quickly, little
Speaker 4: one on the right. You don't know where it is,
Speaker 4: folks listening, yes, because I already have people in front
Speaker 4: of my goddamn house constantly like, oh please sign this,
Speaker 4: well you used the olean bag.
Speaker 3: And then there's that one guy with the God hates
Speaker 3: fag sign, which doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1: Why is he there?
Speaker 2: I always want I want to go in in front
Speaker 2: of a grocery store where a god hates bags?
Speaker 4: What God hates bags?
Speaker 2: To get them?
Speaker 4: I just love Lately.
Speaker 1: They're pretty great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, hubs, I'm tired of working for the Here we go,
Speaker 2: we're taking this sweet, sweet, sweet sweet. Then beautiful and
Speaker 2: then we're gonna turn right.
Speaker 1: Are you so relaxed, Eddie because you're home now?
Speaker 4: You guys, did that really well?
Speaker 2: Oh? You did you have fun? Are you currently having fun?
Speaker 2: It's not. I'm glad.
Speaker 1: Are you ready for some more fun?
Speaker 2: Some of our episodes, I'll be honest, are kind of stinkers,
Speaker 2: and I think this one was up there with with
Speaker 2: Aaron Foley and.
Speaker 4: Some of the better one.
Speaker 2: She was great, but I don't want to talk about her.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about you.
Speaker 4: When you dropped me off for what do we do?
Speaker 2: It ends abruptly and awkwardly, and we actually.
Speaker 4: That's actually kind of cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we'll end with you stop right here. No,
Speaker 2: he just wanted it to end the whole time.
Speaker 4: That'd be funny. Like I say, well, I came out
Speaker 4: the other day to my parents and then I'm like,
Speaker 4: stop right here.
Speaker 2: He could really this is where my house is. The
Speaker 2: podcast ends. When the podcast ends, when.
Speaker 4: We are really close though, by the way, very very
Speaker 4: very close.
Speaker 2: Well, then what did your parents say when you told.
Speaker 4: Him that when I came out? Yeah, well I did
Speaker 4: come out, and the biggest thing I ever came out
Speaker 4: as was an actor. When I told my dad no.
Speaker 4: When I told my dad I was going, my dad
Speaker 4: was like a dean of high school, and he wanted
Speaker 4: and he kind of wanted me to be a dentist
Speaker 4: for some reason, like I didn't want to be a doctor.
Speaker 4: And then he's and then I said, all right, how
Speaker 4: about a dentist? I said that just to please them,
Speaker 4: And he was really excited. Did that. I was studying dentistry.
Speaker 1: And you actually studied it.
Speaker 2: That's the same pressure as the elf and Rudolph. He
Speaker 2: felt he wanted to be a dentist. Dentist, Yeah, but
Speaker 2: he was an elf. He was actually the elfin Rudolf.
Speaker 2: He was passionate about dentistry. He's like, why am I
Speaker 2: a miss? Why look at me making these toys. I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's a pretty good gig.
Speaker 4: My dad gave me a fucking Noca needle for my
Speaker 4: sixteen I'm not kidding. It was a beautiful like like
Speaker 4: state of the yard, Like you don't get to se
Speaker 4: him because they always hide him.
Speaker 2: Now the me, So did that then light a fire
Speaker 2: under your ass?
Speaker 4: Did when you get a Novicaine needle.
Speaker 2: That you let me reach into my stocking?
Speaker 4: Ow?
Speaker 2: What is this?
Speaker 1: It's a needle.
Speaker 4: Son, I'm sorry, Son, I was supposed to be covered with.
Speaker 1: I had to put a wine cork on the end
Speaker 1: of that.
Speaker 4: You'll probably for a couple of hours.
Speaker 2: Only a couple guys used it. Behind my works. There's
Speaker 2: a couple of guys in an alley that I let
Speaker 2: use the needle. But other than that, it's brand new
Speaker 2: sound and I'm going to be a dentist.
Speaker 1: He gave me a needle.
Speaker 4: That's the best get to the right.
Speaker 2: Okay, And well, did your dad evere.
Speaker 4: Right behind this great car?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Perfect? Yeah, No one's gonna bother for a little bit.
Speaker 2: So did your dad ultimately see you act and realize
Speaker 2: that you made a life for yourself?
Speaker 4: You know? It took him so long because he heard
Speaker 4: about the Olean commercial heard he heard about a lot
Speaker 4: of this stuff because he had a friend in the
Speaker 4: commercial industry and kidding that would be funny if like Bob,
Speaker 4: which I'm sure you got from that, but Bob, I
Speaker 4: don't know. He screwed up a couple of words and
Speaker 4: ain't a leakage product. It was perfect for him because
Speaker 4: he he looks like Ship, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: He's a kid who looks like ship and he's gonna
Speaker 4: go far if he could just harn it. This everyman,
Speaker 4: which basically means, you know a person doesn't look well.
Speaker 2: You're an everyman if everyone in America was a sick plumber.
Speaker 1: Now it's a compliment.
Speaker 2: Go Eddie, you're great. This was fun and yeah, this
Speaker 2: was good. Many delight. We're going to go back to
Speaker 2: the airport and pick up our nest guests like this.
Speaker 4: Is, by the way. That is so funny to me.
Speaker 4: Airports are the one place I hate going. I go
Speaker 4: there regularly. Do you now kind of dig it?
Speaker 1: And I love it?
Speaker 4: It is hilarious.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's kind of my character, I guess, but I
Speaker 2: don't I get. I get a feeling of anxiety the
Speaker 2: moment they know you do.
Speaker 4: Some of the cops know you at this point. You
Speaker 4: know that's the podcast. Let them throw folks.
Speaker 2: I'm sure they noticed that there's occasionally a car where
Speaker 2: people inexplicably have microphones in their hands.
Speaker 3: So you're going to get I just realized though, as
Speaker 3: we talked about that we might be uh.
Speaker 1: Suspects since we're at the airport so much.
Speaker 2: A size checking out that lady.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we could be We could be in serious danger.
Speaker 3: But no, look around at whatever you feel like looking at.
Speaker 2: Had she wasn't wearing a brassier. I wanted to warn
Speaker 2: her that'll cause permanent hangage.
Speaker 4: All right, guys, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Coming out. You have a podcast do you want to
Speaker 1: talk about.
Speaker 4: Yes, please listen to my podcast on the Old Things
Speaker 4: Comedy Network. It's called Pep Talks with the Bitter Buddha
Speaker 4: and you could subscribe to it on iTunes. I'm going
Speaker 4: to be at the San Francisco Sketch Fest. Oh fun,
Speaker 4: kept coming up to February sixth, seven and eight yd
Speaker 4: and that's a green gravel fest. And I at the
Speaker 4: end of February and then the punchline March like eleven.
Speaker 4: I'm going to headline a punch That's great.
Speaker 1: That's a great The punchline in San Francisco.
Speaker 4: Yeah nice.
Speaker 2: That's to San Francisco Trips or is it right?
Speaker 4: That's right, it's it's San Francisco.
Speaker 2: I will and then back to San Francisco.
Speaker 4: I like San Francisco.
Speaker 2: You gotta go back to go get your hearts. You
Speaker 2: gotta go back a second time to get your heart.
Speaker 2: Every leaving their heart there.
Speaker 3: And thinging about it?
Speaker 2: Well, go alright guy, thanks for being on. Do you
Speaker 2: need a ride? D y n A R?
Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either
Speaker 1: way we want to.
Speaker 2: Be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you clean.
Speaker 3: Give us time and they turning on and gage.
Speaker 1: We want to send you up in Si. We want
Speaker 1: to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared? Or was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: Porn the BP.
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need
Speaker 2: With Karen and Criss