Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years. So many episode, motherfucking many years. So yep, yep, yep,
Speaker 1: there it is. There is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to
Speaker 1: another phenomenal mini episode of My Mama Told Me, the
Speaker 1: podcast where we dive deep into the backet, pocket hockey,
Speaker 1: pockets of black conspiracy. I'm trying my it's the motherfucking remix.
Speaker 1: I get nervous when we started. No, it's okay, and
Speaker 1: we finally worked to prove the conspiracies that you the
Speaker 1: listener have at home. This is a very high pressure situation.
Speaker 1: This is it's like when you come out of the
Speaker 1: out of the fucking back in your warmups, like you
Speaker 1: were screaming and ship yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's it's like
Speaker 1: coming out of the tunnel. Yeah, and you're like, I
Speaker 1: think I know how to play basketball, but I don't
Speaker 1: know if I know how to play it like this
Speaker 1: And you see one person with a sign that says
Speaker 1: like langs and sucks and you get in your head. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, fuck you Lanks, and it's like whoa
Speaker 1: specific can do that? Yeah, I'm the I'm I'm the
Speaker 1: third point guard. Yeah, why do you hate me? So?
Speaker 1: Not the face of this team. That's how it feels.
Speaker 1: We we we soldier on. Yeah, and and listen, we
Speaker 1: have to soldier on because we were dealing with with
Speaker 1: the conspiracies of our listeners and today specifically, we got
Speaker 1: an email from a person named Marcus Wait before though,
Speaker 1: as par Olivia, I just do say, I was in
Speaker 1: the streets shout out to my friend ray Sean. She's
Speaker 1: just black, but she has biracial siblings and her biracial
Speaker 1: siblings from her black father, all with different white mothers.
Speaker 1: I believe all that ass damn she said, every one
Speaker 1: of them that just got as damn so. So the
Speaker 1: theory remains. The theory remains that black fathers give up
Speaker 1: that That's not the best way to say it, black
Speaker 1: fathers giving up that ass call me now, I don't
Speaker 1: know why that's a commercial. It was Cleo Cleo's in
Speaker 1: it for some reason. She called it out for your
Speaker 1: free my father give it to you, give you a
Speaker 1: big dunk dunk. I don't know. She didn't either. She
Speaker 1: wasn't really Jamaican and she was from Baltimore. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was just a regular as black lady being real offensive
Speaker 1: in a sweet spot in the in the nineties where
Speaker 1: you didn't have to worry about nothing. No, it was
Speaker 1: the one nine hundred number. You didn't think they were
Speaker 1: really that race. Now, yeah, you knew exactly what Miss
Speaker 1: Cleo was and if you pretend otherwise, you knew she
Speaker 1: was not Jamakan. And you know they weren't hot and
Speaker 1: horny girls. Those were lonely single mothers on the other
Speaker 1: side of that call, which is which they could have
Speaker 1: advertised as such. I just would have dialed in. There's
Speaker 1: a bunch of people who would have still called. But
Speaker 1: we can't. Okay, our our conspiracy are rather our email
Speaker 1: comes from a person named Marcus. Marcus sent us a
Speaker 1: very aggressive email top to bottom, I would say, very aggressive,
Speaker 1: and it's it's the subject is Magic's Killer Johnson, Magic
Speaker 1: Killer Johnson. He says, Hey, Lenston and David, I know
Speaker 1: you saw my previous emails. Nigga, don't play with me,
Speaker 1: and then he just goes into the next thing. He
Speaker 1: doesn't like emails. I don't know this nigga. Marcus apparently
Speaker 1: has been trying to contact us endlessly and uh and
Speaker 1: we just haven't paid him any attention. But he says,
Speaker 1: so I watched an HBO show from the A D
Speaker 1: from the E D show Light Showtime Lakers, And it
Speaker 1: reminded me about a conspiracy theory I heard from my
Speaker 1: wild ass uncle. My momma's told me. Magic Johnson didn't
Speaker 1: retire because he contracted HIV. The NBA forced him to
Speaker 1: retire because his legendarily large Johnson killed a few women
Speaker 1: and they got tired of covering up the killings. Not no, See,
Speaker 1: that's why we didn't listen to your other email, Marcus.
Speaker 1: That stupid ship to say, have you been on the internet?
Speaker 1: If girls could die from huge pipes, Giana Michaels would
Speaker 1: have passed no to like, what are you talking about
Speaker 1: Jana Fire? Do you think she would still be alive?
Speaker 1: Magic Johnson is splitting women in half just up the
Speaker 1: middle with his giant pinness, and the NBA is so
Speaker 1: tired of these dead women that they forced him to
Speaker 1: retire from this sport. We gotta cover up all these
Speaker 1: dead women. Man, think you're killing us and you're killing
Speaker 1: these bitches last time you went to last time you
Speaker 1: played the Timberwolves, half of Minnesota was dead dead Magic.
Speaker 1: We're losing bus drivers, pta presidents, cooks. It's indiscriminate. No,
Speaker 1: this is insane. No woman got dicked down to death.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say no woman, obviously, I think someone
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I think there's been a few
Speaker 1: women that got dicked down to death. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: don't think it's that. I don't think it's common enough.
Speaker 1: He also played in a basketball game that night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I think the issue is I don't think
Speaker 1: that it's in the throes of passion that they're dick
Speaker 1: down to death. I think it's a man committing tremendous
Speaker 1: violence like against them that they're dick down to death.
Speaker 1: I don't think somebody's saying existing heart condition. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't think. Yeah, right, it's not somebody. But I'm saying
Speaker 1: it's not somebody just like having a great time time
Speaker 1: and then suddenly they just like die from giant penis.
Speaker 1: I think it's no. No, things are going awry from
Speaker 1: the beginning. Yeah, if somebody died with a dick and him,
Speaker 1: you gotta look at it's like the first you gotta
Speaker 1: look at everything that happened in the three hours proceeding,
Speaker 1: and that's that they'll teach you that day one in
Speaker 1: Detective school. Yeah, you gotta love that case in forty
Speaker 1: eight hours, otherwise it gets hard. It's like that dick
Speaker 1: that killed her. No, man, Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Do you think he killed so many? And also the
Speaker 1: NBA could not cover that if Magic Johnson killed a
Speaker 1: woman with his penis, it would get out, it would
Speaker 1: get immediately. I think that that if nothing else, all
Speaker 1: all the homophobic men who were so uh sort of
Speaker 1: thrown off by Magic Johnson's HIV diagnosis because they were
Speaker 1: calling it a gay disease back blah blah blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: this is more more than enough evidence for them to
Speaker 1: bring it up, being like, this is proof that that
Speaker 1: he doesn't even have AIDS. That AIDS ain't the or HIV.
Speaker 1: It isn't the thing that you're you're suggesting this. He's
Speaker 1: not gay, he's he just loves women more than any
Speaker 1: of us. If, if anything, that rumor is the one
Speaker 1: thing that could have got him back into the league
Speaker 1: at that time, right that it's like, no, he doesn't
Speaker 1: have HIV, he's he's just gotta the biggest penis that
Speaker 1: ever was. Yeah, he killed these twelve ladies after the
Speaker 1: Spurs game and he's sorry, saying Antonio, but isn't you know,
Speaker 1: hopefully you'll find a new comptroller. So this goes on
Speaker 1: because I think I love that. I will say that,
Speaker 1: I really love that. The diversity of the people that
Speaker 1: he's fucking in your imagination, Yeah, yeah, no, anybody can
Speaker 1: get it, as far as I thought. But it sounds
Speaker 1: like not only anybody, but everybody. It sounds like he
Speaker 1: really is trying to hit all of like the scales
Speaker 1: of the market, you know what I mean when after
Speaker 1: my own heart, Yeah, I respect that. That's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: I think it's cooler than to fuck a ton of
Speaker 1: weird people than like a little a few hot people
Speaker 1: right the like just to funk like three models is fine,
Speaker 1: but to fuck like sixty eight working class gals from
Speaker 1: all over the market that's each with different attributes and stats. ROBERTA,
Speaker 1: she wants your kids. Let's just say she wanted to
Speaker 1: be all of garden because of the unlimited bread sticks
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. That's what I'm into. The additional
Speaker 1: part that he says, Marcus goes on to say that
Speaker 1: we should be together too. Let's say that. No, he
Speaker 1: does say, ps, And then I got nervous that you
Speaker 1: actually did know what he says. But yes, but you
Speaker 1: may ask didn't he come back and play again? Yes,
Speaker 1: I would ask that, and he Marcus says, yes he did.
Speaker 1: But that's because NBA writings were dipping from MJ's retirement.
Speaker 1: Insert funk flex bombs. No, I'm not doing that. You're
Speaker 1: not gonna give Marcus the funk flex drop that he's
Speaker 1: so desperately desires. Michael Jordan was gone for one season.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about, Well, Michael Jordan's I will
Speaker 1: say that the NBA had to I would assume had
Speaker 1: to have suffered pretty dramatic viewership loss at the hands
Speaker 1: of Michael Jordan's leaving. I don't think that part field.
Speaker 1: Do you think Magic Johnson is the one who would
Speaker 1: have revived that? Do you think I would have been
Speaker 1: like Michael Jordan's gone. Oh but thank god Magic. No
Speaker 1: offense to Magic. He was like fifty. He wasn't fifty,
Speaker 1: but he was old as that. But he wasn't he was.
Speaker 1: He was definitely older. I will say that Magic left
Speaker 1: a face of the NBA, and so in that way,
Speaker 1: if I'm a desperate marketing man, I may not have
Speaker 1: made the right choice. But I may think if we
Speaker 1: can't have Michael Magic is the next best in line,
Speaker 1: you can't put Isaiah Thomas's grumpy ass as the fair
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, who else is the guy?
Speaker 1: Scottie Pippen, Jesus Christ. Look at him. He ain't he
Speaker 1: ain't doing well and he's he's he's long past his career.
Speaker 1: I don't know, he's never been doing that well. Scotty
Speaker 1: was struggling from top to bottom. Charles is a sad
Speaker 1: man from Arkansas. Charles Barkley is gonna cuss and and
Speaker 1: gamble on TV. He wasn't, Yeah, none of the others weren't.
Speaker 1: But he's like more brazen about it. Yeah, he's he's
Speaker 1: unreasonable about it. I always like Charles Barkley because he
Speaker 1: looked like a basketball. It's like when you see a
Speaker 1: pigeon eating chicken and you're like, it looks like a basketball.
Speaker 1: Good talk, this is your kid. Yeah. I just don't
Speaker 1: know that the league was necessarily flushed with a lot
Speaker 1: of other opportunities at the time for faces. No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't, And I'm sorry, Marcus, I'm sorry that we
Speaker 1: haven't reached out, you know, And what's this about you
Speaker 1: said you like tor slitch your wrist too, that she's
Speaker 1: clowning John. Come on, how fund up is you? Eminem
Speaker 1: used suspit. Man. I know, I know we're in an era.
Speaker 1: I know we're in an arrow where everybody is he wraps,
Speaker 1: he wraps bad whatever. Now, But even then, he used
Speaker 1: to have it. Baby, come on, I did that white
Speaker 1: gang his flowers. I did think that something was deep
Speaker 1: when I was in the seventh grade, dog, I used
Speaker 1: to think Stan was like, man, he really did it.
Speaker 1: He really did bro, he really he cracked the code. Also,
Speaker 1: I am whatever you sure, which is no, you need
Speaker 1: a better sense of self, my friend. Yeah, And I'll
Speaker 1: remember the video was him committing suicide. It was him
Speaker 1: jumping off of a building and then slamming into the
Speaker 1: ground and then getting up. I think like he couldn't
Speaker 1: die from his own suicide attempt in the video. That
Speaker 1: white guy had a lot of feelings, man, he was.
Speaker 1: He was feeling a lot of stuff back and a
Speaker 1: lot of feelings back there. And now he's pretty numb.
Speaker 1: And I think that we can tell the difference. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's I haven't I haven't gone back to the well. No,
Speaker 1: I can't go back, but but man did. I used
Speaker 1: to sit in the back of my dad's are and
Speaker 1: listened to him be mean to his ex wife for
Speaker 1: hours at a time, just a man threatening to abuse
Speaker 1: his family for for legit hours. Oh yeah. He was
Speaker 1: very complicated relationships with the women, really more so than
Speaker 1: I would say other rappers. Yeah, that's true, and they
Speaker 1: don't often. Although he took his fair share of flat
Speaker 1: slat what is flat he took? Yeah, he took his ship.
Speaker 1: But I think it was more rooted in his homophobia
Speaker 1: than it ever was about like just deeply hating his
Speaker 1: women in general, but the women in his life specifically
Speaker 1: the women. Yeah, damn well, Marcus, this this jumped off
Speaker 1: the rails almost immediately. I I will say, unlike Borri,
Speaker 1: I won't. I'm not bought into the conspiracy the whole.
Speaker 1: But I will say that the part about bringing magic
Speaker 1: back during the the dip of the NBA makes much
Speaker 1: more sense to me. That like that seems legitimate now,
Speaker 1: whether or not it's because he's split women in half
Speaker 1: is the part where I I start to question it
Speaker 1: a little bit, and it sounds like your uncle is
Speaker 1: a man who has a bunch of other theories that
Speaker 1: that may be. I bet, I bet we sent him down.
Speaker 1: He's got this isn't even the iceberg. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think this is the one your uncle but even believes
Speaker 1: in the most. I think he's got some other ones
Speaker 1: that he's much more adamant about. I think so. But
Speaker 1: I hope this answers your question. I think Magic Johnson
Speaker 1: probably was a a very valuable face for the NBA
Speaker 1: and worth bringing back funk Flex half of funk Flex.
Speaker 1: Drop on that, and that's called motherfucking. That's called motherfuck.
Speaker 1: That's what you get. And I think Magic Johnson had
Speaker 1: a perfectly healthy paint is at. I think he sucked
Speaker 1: a lot. I do think you sucked a lot. I
Speaker 1: think he sucked a lot. I think I think he
Speaker 1: earned whatever whatever he ultimately got in his life. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's the way to look at sexually.
Speaker 1: I think he get he got the trophy, you know,
Speaker 1: and I think he worked hard for it. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: this has been another mini episode of my Mama told me, boy,
Speaker 1: could you tell the people where they can find you
Speaker 1: what cool ship you have? Cool guy jokes seven on
Speaker 1: Instagraham come out and see me December thro at the
Speaker 1: Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club in Las Vegas. Thank you guys
Speaker 1: for coming out to shows too recently. It's been nice.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it when you come up and say hi,
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, And as always, you can follow me at
Speaker 1: Lanks and Kerman. I love for you to say hi
Speaker 1: digitally or catch me on the street. I'd be at
Speaker 1: rolphed sometimes. If you catch I'll say what's up? And uh.
Speaker 1: As always, if you want to send us your own
Speaker 1: conspiracy theories, your own drops. If you want to tell
Speaker 1: us who you think Magic Johnson fucked to death, please
Speaker 1: send their names to my Mama pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: We would love to hear from you. And that's about it. Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years, so many episode, motherfucking mini years, so,
Speaker 1: motherfucking mini year, so many years, motherfucking miniyears, so