Speaker 1: Pushkin.
Speaker 2: I just remember probably maybe up to about thirty minutes
Speaker 2: before the accident happened.
Speaker 1: This is Rebecca Kudurru.
Speaker 3: As you'll hear.
Speaker 1: It's probably a blessing that Rebecca had no recollection of
Speaker 1: the tragic events that unfolded when she and her young
Speaker 1: family took their familiar drive home on December sixth, twenty eighteen.
Speaker 1: Rebecca's memories of that awful day resume a few hours
Speaker 1: after she'd been removed from the wreckage of her car.
Speaker 1: But in that gap, something terrible had happened to Rebecca
Speaker 1: and something very important had been taken away.
Speaker 2: I had broken my nose, I had broken my jaw,
Speaker 2: and I had shattered both my eye socket, the external
Speaker 2: part and the internal part, and was very fortunate not
Speaker 2: to have any actual brain injury.
Speaker 1: All of those severe facial injuries, combined with problems accessing
Speaker 1: appropriate treatment, left Rebecca struggling to rebuild her pre accident
Speaker 1: life and left her steering at a face in the
Speaker 1: mirror she neither recognized nor liked. Why am I telling
Speaker 1: you Rebecca's story?
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 1: During her long and difficult road to recovery, Rebecca discovered
Speaker 1: the happiness lab she devoured the show on her daily
Speaker 1: walks through the neighborhood, and one day she reached an
Speaker 1: episode that we put out in late twenty nineteen.
Speaker 5: It's funny because growing up I always heard, God, he's
Speaker 5: so cute, he's so this, he's so that, and so
Speaker 5: I grew up just thinking like, that's what I am.
Speaker 5: No one ever said he has an amazing personality.
Speaker 6: It was cute.
Speaker 3: This is JR.
Speaker 1: Martinez. As a handsome teenager, Jr. Joined the army and
Speaker 1: went off to war, where a roadside bomb turned the
Speaker 1: vehicle he was driving into a fireball.
Speaker 6: Jr.
Speaker 3: Was horrifically burned, and.
Speaker 5: So suddenly I look at myself and I'm like, that's
Speaker 5: not cute what I see in the mirror.
Speaker 6: The old JR.
Speaker 5: Had died, And as you can imagine, I was depressed.
Speaker 5: I was angry, I was resentful. I was a victim
Speaker 5: and every sense of the word.
Speaker 1: In the episode, JR. Explained that he'd lost not just
Speaker 1: his face, but also his career. The army had no
Speaker 1: place for such a badly injured soldier. When Rebecca listened
Speaker 1: to Jr's story on that fateful walk, she was floored.
Speaker 2: It was like instantaneously tears just burst out of my
Speaker 2: eyes and I like collapsed on fine knees on the sidewalk.
Speaker 1: Many of you have told me that you've benefited from
Speaker 1: listening to the show, that you've learned helpful strategies that
Speaker 1: have brought you greater happiness, or that you felt a
Speaker 1: deep connection to a particular story we talked about, or
Speaker 1: that you've even found a kindred spirit in one of
Speaker 1: our many interviewees, someone who made you feel less alone
Speaker 1: and whatever struggles you were facing. But Rebecca's story about
Speaker 1: the impact the show has had on her life is
Speaker 1: one of the most poignant I've heard, and so of
Speaker 1: course I couldn't help but share Rebecca's journey with.
Speaker 2: All of you. I lived in Uganda for about ten
Speaker 2: years and I started a social enterprise there call cat
Speaker 2: Africa with my now husband.
Speaker 3: We weren't married at the time.
Speaker 2: It's amazing that we still ended up getting married after
Speaker 2: working together.
Speaker 3: And we were located.
Speaker 2: About four hours outside of the capital city, Kampala, so
Speaker 2: we would often drive back and forth four meetings or
Speaker 2: even basic grocery shopping, and this particular morning, we were
Speaker 2: trying to get back to the town we lived in
Speaker 2: called Fort portal.
Speaker 3: It was a drive that we had done probably.
Speaker 2: Hundreds of times, and as we were driving, a drunk
Speaker 2: man walked onto the highway that we were driving on,
Speaker 2: and as my husband tried to swerve to avoid him,
Speaker 2: our car ended up rolling. We rolled probably seven or
Speaker 2: eight times and landed in a tree. Everyone was fine.
Speaker 2: My husband was in the car, my fourteen month old
Speaker 2: was in the car, her nanny, and our nanny's son
Speaker 2: was in the car, and everyone was fine except for me.
Speaker 2: I was on the side of the car that hit
Speaker 2: a tree and I just completely shattered the left side
Speaker 2: of my face. What I remember is coming to so
Speaker 2: it probably was about two hours later in the back
Speaker 2: of an ambulance, and just I had this vivid memory
Speaker 2: of people staring in at me with like pretty amazed
Speaker 2: facial expressions. Horrified maybe is a better word. I looked
Speaker 2: down and I was wearing someone else's shirt. I didn't
Speaker 2: really understand why, and was just completely covered in blood.
Speaker 2: And the thing that confused me the most is I
Speaker 2: asked my husband where am I and he said, You're
Speaker 2: in the back of an ambulance, And I said, why
Speaker 2: is there no siren on? We're stuck in traffic, and
Speaker 2: he turned to the driver and said, can you turn
Speaker 2: the siren on? And the driver said the siren's broken.
Speaker 2: So we were stuck just in this traffic jam, probably
Speaker 2: for about an hour and a half, from the time
Speaker 2: that I remember people staring at me to getting to
Speaker 2: a hospital. I was informed later that all of our
Speaker 2: belongings were actually stolen by people who just kind of
Speaker 2: witnessed the crash, and a good Samaritan picked us up
Speaker 2: on the roadside drove me to what is considered a
Speaker 2: regional reerral hospital. So you've gone to has different tiers
Speaker 2: of hospitals, and this was like the highest tier of care,
Speaker 2: so where a woman would go if she needed an
Speaker 2: emergency see section. And my husband brought me in and
Speaker 2: I don't remember anything, and said, you know, we need help,
Speaker 2: and there was no doctor there.
Speaker 3: They didn't end up having.
Speaker 2: Sutures that they could use for stitches or gauze, so
Speaker 2: my husband left me on the floor of the lobby
Speaker 2: of this hospital and went to a nearby pharmacy and
Speaker 2: bought the materials and they basically just kind of stitched
Speaker 2: me up. I still have scars from it. I would
Speaker 2: say each stitch is probably an inch wide, like a
Speaker 2: nurse just did the best that she could on the
Speaker 2: floor of this hospital lobby. And then you know, my
Speaker 2: husband found this ambulance and it didn't have gas and
Speaker 2: had to fill it and it was the same ambulance
Speaker 2: like an hour and a half later that I was.
Speaker 3: Like, hey, what where's the siren.
Speaker 2: So all in all, it was probably like a four
Speaker 2: hour journey from the time of the accident to getting
Speaker 2: to a hospital.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: And so you finally make it to this hospital and
Speaker 1: then what happens next?
Speaker 2: Brought in and I remember they said, okay, we're gonna
Speaker 2: restitch your face and I said, please don't. Can someone
Speaker 2: please call a plastic surgeon. And I don't know why
Speaker 2: that was my reaction, but apparently there was one plastic
Speaker 2: surgeon in Uganda and they called him and he agreed
Speaker 2: to come the next morning at six am. He said
Speaker 2: he did more than a thousand stitches.
Speaker 3: Then they kind of alluded like, oh, there's a few
Speaker 3: things that might be broken, but we think everything's okay.
Speaker 2: And you know, a maxilar facial surgeon came in the
Speaker 2: next day and was like, there's something very small, we
Speaker 2: need to fix her jaw. It has a crack in it,
Speaker 2: so I'm just going to put a plate in her jaw.
Speaker 2: And my husband had said at the time, don't do anything,
Speaker 2: just do whatever you have to stabilize her to get
Speaker 2: to the US, like she's American, she has US health insurance.
Speaker 3: Just do the basics. And they said, well, we're just
Speaker 3: doing the basics.
Speaker 2: And I went in for the second procedure and I
Speaker 2: came out and looked and I had plates put in
Speaker 2: my face in multiple locations. And so it was this
Speaker 2: very weird experience that's different from the American healthcare system,
Speaker 2: where the baseline was she'll never understand what's actually happening
Speaker 2: to her, so we don't really need to share it.
Speaker 2: Just like, this is so bizarre that no one is
Speaker 2: walking us through this process before it happens. The doctors
Speaker 2: in Uganda kept saying, you're really swollen. It's going to
Speaker 2: take two to three years for it to go down.
Speaker 2: And I was looking and there was something very weird
Speaker 2: happening with my left eye where it really looked like
Speaker 2: it was kind of sunken back in my head. And
Speaker 2: they said, oh, it's the swelling. It's not it actually
Speaker 2: hasn't moved, you know, my mom flew out and she said,
Speaker 2: there's this I Institute at Stanford, and.
Speaker 3: I'm going to get you an appointment.
Speaker 2: And I got back to California, which was where my
Speaker 2: parents were living, and the first thing the doctor said
Speaker 2: is I'm going to need to do another CT scan.
Speaker 2: I said, oh no, no, don't worry, I have this
Speaker 2: one from Ganda.
Speaker 3: They said everything was fixed.
Speaker 2: So I got the result before a doctor's point, which
Speaker 2: is never a good idea to look at and start
Speaker 2: googling them. It was basically like everything in my face
Speaker 2: was broken. My nose was broken, my jaw was broken,
Speaker 2: my eye socket was broken. Like my orbital floor, which
Speaker 2: is like the part of your bone that holds up
Speaker 2: your eye, was totally shattered.
Speaker 3: And the way that these plates had put in was
Speaker 3: kind of like protruding.
Speaker 2: So the doctors told me they had never seen so
Speaker 2: much damage to someone's face or eye socket without damage
Speaker 2: to the brain or eyeball, and so they weren't able
Speaker 2: to tell me if it was the accident itself or
Speaker 2: the subsequent surgeries that were kind of done non consensually
Speaker 2: in Uganda that led to all the damage.
Speaker 6: But it was kind of.
Speaker 2: Shocking because I just flew back thinking I was having
Speaker 2: an eye exam and I was in for like a
Speaker 2: solid year of reconstruction at that point. And you know,
Speaker 2: me and my husband and daughter were living in a
Speaker 2: single bedroom in my parents' house at this point, So it.
Speaker 3: Was a crazy time.
Speaker 2: What was that like?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like sometimes when tragedies like this happen,
Speaker 1: you know, well intentioned people are telling you things like,
Speaker 1: you know, it should be so lucky to be alive.
Speaker 1: I mean, was that the kind yeah you were hearing?
Speaker 1: How are you feeling?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 2: So I felt the need, particularly as a mom to
Speaker 2: a young child, to put on like a face of
Speaker 2: I'll get through this, this is okay, but it sucked.
Speaker 2: And people used to all the time say I'm so
Speaker 2: sorry this happened to you, but God only gives you
Speaker 2: what you can handle, or I'm so thankful that you're alive.
Speaker 2: And there was points where I was like, well really,
Speaker 2: because I wish I wasn't, Like, this is me having
Speaker 2: to go through a year of really really hard work,
Speaker 2: never knowing how the results are going to look. And
Speaker 2: my vision was very messed up from this as well,
Speaker 2: because my eyes even to this day, they're not on
Speaker 2: the same.
Speaker 3: Plane with each other.
Speaker 2: And so there was times where I said, it's easier
Speaker 2: for you that I survived, that you don't have to
Speaker 2: go through this grieving process, but it's a lot of
Speaker 2: work for me. And I didn't make that choice to
Speaker 2: survive this and have to put in the work. And
Speaker 2: there was times where I wish, like maybe I didn't
Speaker 2: want to survive this. It's definitely for the betterment of
Speaker 2: other people than it is for me. That was really
Speaker 2: how I felt in the moment. And then the other
Speaker 2: thing people used to say to me all the time
Speaker 2: is don't worry. You're beautiful just the way you are,
Speaker 2: and I was like, that is just not what I
Speaker 2: need to hear right now, Like I don't feel beautiful.
Speaker 2: I am pretty set on doing what it takes to recover,
Speaker 2: and what I want to hear from you as my
Speaker 2: support system is you go out and do whatever it
Speaker 2: takes to feel whole. And I had some friends and
Speaker 2: family who were really receptive to that feedback. And I remember,
Speaker 2: you know, one friend in particular was like, Wow, have
Speaker 2: you considered therapy? And it was like, I think we're
Speaker 2: so conditioned to tell people that the outside doesn't matter,
Speaker 2: and sometimes that's not helpful for people, especially when you're mourning.
Speaker 2: You know, there's different processes you go through, like aging,
Speaker 2: where you're appearing changes slowly, but you have time to
Speaker 2: process that. It's really shocking when like a single event
Speaker 2: that was out of your control, like completely or literally
Speaker 2: in my sense, shatters your appearance.
Speaker 1: And I think this is particularly tricky because you know,
Speaker 1: all the folks who are telling you these things were
Speaker 1: really well intentioned, but I think they are falling prey
Speaker 1: to something. You know that I see this work all
Speaker 1: the time, which is, you know, we assume that, you know,
Speaker 1: any negative emotion is bad, you know, whether it's grief
Speaker 1: or frustration or just like being angry at the circumstances
Speaker 1: the universe brought you, you know, and that's you know
Speaker 1: what a lot of researchers like think of as sort
Speaker 1: of toxic positivity, right, we think we're supposed to be
Speaker 1: positive all the time totally, you know, but talk about
Speaker 1: how important it was to you to kind of have
Speaker 1: room to hold space for these negative emotions totally.
Speaker 2: I think the thing I appreciated the most was when
Speaker 2: people said how are you doing, and I could just
Speaker 2: be like, this sucks. This is really shitty, and that's
Speaker 2: something I've taken you forward with me. I have a
Speaker 2: friend who I reached out to after she had like
Speaker 2: a pretty late miscare and I just sent her a
Speaker 2: message and I said, I just want you to know,
Speaker 2: like this sucks. If you want to have someone to
Speaker 2: talk to, I just a how shitty, for lack of
Speaker 2: a better word, your situation is, I'm here. And she
Speaker 2: reached out and she was like, that was actually the
Speaker 2: most powerful thing that someone said, because sometimes it's just
Speaker 2: nice to let people know, or you know, affirm for
Speaker 2: them that yes, what happened to you sucks and know
Speaker 2: it's not about being stronger.
Speaker 3: On the other side, you can appreciate it.
Speaker 2: For what it is, and it's it's not nice and
Speaker 2: not everyone will have to go through that, and you
Speaker 2: do have a long road ahead of you, and giving
Speaker 2: people space to process that versus making them feel. Like
Speaker 2: I said earlier, there was a big pressure to feel
Speaker 2: happy for other people. And I still did that for
Speaker 2: my daughter because she was too young to really be
Speaker 2: able to understand both sides of that.
Speaker 3: I think she's she's almost six now and.
Speaker 2: We have a lot of conversations about it, and I
Speaker 2: do think she could understand it now, but it was
Speaker 2: a relief and now it's a big thing that I
Speaker 2: offer to other people of just being able to say.
Speaker 3: What happened to you sucks and that's that's that.
Speaker 1: And I think part of the awfulness of the situation
Speaker 1: is that like, very few people can understand it right,
Speaker 1: very few people can understand, you know, being in such
Speaker 1: a scary accident, having such terrible medical care, navigating the
Speaker 1: grief that comes with your looks changing. You know, this
Speaker 1: was a spot where it sounds like you felt pretty
Speaker 1: isolated totally.
Speaker 2: And I think one of the big challenges as well is,
Speaker 2: you know, my husband was driving and it was a
Speaker 2: complete accident, and also really hard not wanting someone to
Speaker 2: blame for that, and I know it was hard for
Speaker 2: him as well on the other side, And so there's
Speaker 2: so much more than just how it impacts you, and
Speaker 2: it's hard to have to bear, you know, the burden
Speaker 2: of recovery and work through the elements of experiencing trauma,
Speaker 2: especially in a situation where multiple people experienced it.
Speaker 1: And so this kind of gets to know the point
Speaker 1: in the story where we wound up connecting, because my
Speaker 1: understanding is that you know, when you get back to
Speaker 1: the States, you were looking for some solace, you know,
Speaker 1: to find some hints of things that could help you
Speaker 1: feel better. And so tell a little bit about the
Speaker 1: story about how you happened across the podcast.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I started listening to the podcast, probably more towards
Speaker 2: the end of my recovery journey. So I would have
Speaker 2: a procedure and then i'd have to wait three months
Speaker 2: for so on to go down, and then I'd have
Speaker 2: the next one, and then I'd wait three months. So
Speaker 2: I at that point started walking a lot and really
Speaker 2: learned that what I enjoyed doing when I walked was
Speaker 2: listening to podcasts, and yours showed up. I don't even
Speaker 2: know how the algorithm found me. So I would wake
Speaker 2: up in the morning and I would put your podcast on,
Speaker 2: and I would walk with the dog, sometimes like five
Speaker 2: or six miles, and I listened to the episode where
Speaker 2: you had JR. On and he mentioned what it was
Speaker 2: like to have always been told you were really good looking,
Speaker 2: and how it felt to be like, well that's now gone.
Speaker 2: And it was like instantaneously, tears just burst out of
Speaker 2: my eyes and I like collapsed on my knees.
Speaker 3: On the sidewalk, and I don't think anyone saw me,
Speaker 3: no one checked on me.
Speaker 2: I was just like, this is the first time I've
Speaker 2: actually heard someone repeat back to me going through this experience,
Speaker 2: because it was very isolating, and no one knows how
Speaker 2: to react to you, and no one knows how to
Speaker 2: make it feel better. And it was like the first
Speaker 2: time I just heard someone really say this was so
Speaker 2: awful and so transformative and share.
Speaker 3: A lot of the same experience.
Speaker 2: And you know, though I think our injuries were very different,
Speaker 2: it was like he was speaking my language for the
Speaker 2: first time someone really said out loud what I was feeling.
Speaker 1: So the Mighty Algorithm had given Rebecca a gift and
Speaker 1: connected her to a voice she could relate to. Jr's
Speaker 1: story didn't completely map on to what Rebecca was going through,
Speaker 1: but she saw a lot of herself in his journey.
Speaker 1: Just as Jr's injuries had ended his beloved military career,
Speaker 1: Rebecca's work life had been collapsing under the strain of
Speaker 1: her painful path to recovery. Like JR, Rebecca was also
Speaker 1: in danger of being robbed of purpose and direction. After
Speaker 1: the break, we'll hear how she rebuilt her sense of
Speaker 1: self and will introduce her to the man whose story
Speaker 1: she found so helpful. The Happiness Lab will be right back.
Speaker 1: In the aftermath of his severe burns, JR. Martinez lost
Speaker 1: not only the face he'd known up until that point,
Speaker 1: but also another important piece of his identity. He could
Speaker 1: no longer be a soldier and serve among his friends
Speaker 1: and comrades. But after a dark and lonely chapter in
Speaker 1: his life, JR. Found new purpose, first as an actor
Speaker 1: portraying a wounded veteran on TV, then as an advocate
Speaker 1: for his fellow wounded vets.
Speaker 5: Because of these scars, I have this incredible ability to
Speaker 5: get people's attention seconds of curiosity right like who is that?
Speaker 6: What happened to him?
Speaker 5: Those fifteen seconds of curiosity that people have. It's my
Speaker 5: job mine to take that fifteen seconds and turn it
Speaker 5: into thirty seconds, into forty five, into sixty seconds, into
Speaker 5: five minutes, ten minutes of actual educated dialogue. I've been
Speaker 5: able to make a difference, and I think that to
Speaker 5: me is more important than anything else.
Speaker 1: When she listened to JR. On The Happiness Lab, Rebecca
Speaker 1: Kaduru was in awe of Jr's bravery, but she knew
Speaker 1: she couldn't engage publicly with her injured face in the
Speaker 1: way JR.
Speaker 3: Had.
Speaker 2: I really commend how, you know, public he has been
Speaker 2: able to be. I really could appreciate how he has
Speaker 2: been able to leverage his personal experience and use that
Speaker 2: as a way to kind of teach and connect with others.
Speaker 2: And for me, I realized very early on that I
Speaker 2: didn't have the emotional bandwidth to do that. So I
Speaker 2: have a lot of respect for him and felt okay
Speaker 2: listening to him, that's like, okay, you know this was
Speaker 2: what he learned from it, and I learned something very different,
Speaker 2: which was that I needed to curtmentalize what happened to me.
Speaker 2: And people kept saying, you know, why don't you buy
Speaker 2: a journal or why don't you start on Instagram and
Speaker 2: you can document this?
Speaker 3: And I went as far as buying a journal and
Speaker 3: like a nice pen and never was able to open it.
Speaker 2: It was like, the moment I write this down, it
Speaker 2: solidifies that this is what happened, and it creates a
Speaker 2: situation where I can go back and relive it any time.
Speaker 2: I opened that book, and it was like in my soul,
Speaker 2: I knew I didn't have the ability to do that,
Speaker 2: and so I have pictures of how my recovery journey went,
Speaker 2: and I've never really shared them with anyone because it
Speaker 2: was just something that I was like, this is an
Speaker 2: experience I'm going to keep for me. And the other
Speaker 2: thing I'll share that happened is I was ironically working
Speaker 2: for a hell equity organization at the time of this,
Speaker 2: and it seems silly in twenty twenty three, but at
Speaker 2: the time in twenty nineteen, when I really realized the
Speaker 2: extent of what my recovery was going to be, I
Speaker 2: went to them and I said, you know, I'm going
Speaker 2: to need remote working accommodations, and.
Speaker 3: They were basically like, that's a no go for us.
Speaker 2: I was presented with the severance package that included like
Speaker 2: basically taking it to keep a runway on my health insurance,
Speaker 2: and so I really got like a crash course in
Speaker 2: how tied Americans are between their workplace and their health
Speaker 2: and kind of set goals for myself that I was
Speaker 2: going to use this as an opportunity. I've always been,
Speaker 2: you know, very career driven and very goal oriented, and
Speaker 2: where this kind of went to me was like, this
Speaker 2: is going to be a challenge for me, and I'm
Speaker 2: going to get into leadership opportunities and I'm going to
Speaker 2: make sure that everyone that works with me never.
Speaker 3: Feels this way again. And so that was kind of
Speaker 3: where I focused.
Speaker 2: This is like, I'm going to focus on rebuilding and
Speaker 2: reshaping my ability to have impact on other people through
Speaker 2: the workplace, because that was hard. It was really hard
Speaker 2: to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself and
Speaker 2: then so much of your identity within the United States
Speaker 2: is tied to your work and then have that pulled
Speaker 2: away too.
Speaker 6: It was tough.
Speaker 2: It was like a lot to take in at one time.
Speaker 2: And that was kind of the goal I set for myself.
Speaker 2: So where we've had really different stories and you know
Speaker 2: how we grew from our trauma, that for me was
Speaker 2: where I was like, this is what I know I
Speaker 2: can take on. This is who I am as a person.
Speaker 2: I've always been goal oriented. I've always been career oriented.
Speaker 2: It you know, I was an entrepreneur, I started an organization.
Speaker 2: So that was how it really came to fruition for me.
Speaker 1: So hearing how influential JR. Was, you know, to your
Speaker 1: story and how meaningful it was for you to hear
Speaker 1: kind of what he went through and kind of how
Speaker 1: he recovered and how he dealt with this trauma. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we wanted to give you a little bit of a
Speaker 1: gift for sharing your story on the Happiness Lab, and
Speaker 1: so we've actually brought j R.
Speaker 6: Here today. What's up, Rebecca, I'm so excited.
Speaker 3: To meet you.
Speaker 6: What is up?
Speaker 1: So g you were listening in the background to Rebecca's story,
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering, you know what, what's the first advice
Speaker 1: that you have for her?
Speaker 5: You know, I just the first thing I just want to,
Speaker 5: you know, just immediately jump in and just say, just
Speaker 5: give yourself grace. You know, it took me a very
Speaker 5: long time to get to this point where I was
Speaker 5: very vocal about what happened to me. I was constantly
Speaker 5: talking about my experiences and understanding that I would find
Speaker 5: more of a community the more that I spoke about it.
Speaker 5: But honestly, one of the things that I've really identified
Speaker 5: in the last few years is that when you know
Speaker 5: about I want, say, like eight or nine years after
Speaker 5: I was injured, even though I was already in the
Speaker 5: public eye and talking on.
Speaker 6: A smaller scale, but then the still doing it.
Speaker 5: I look back at that period in my life and
Speaker 5: I realized I wasn't ready, I wasn't really being vulnerable,
Speaker 5: and I realized that I was sort of hiding behind
Speaker 5: this shield of being someone who was in a military
Speaker 5: and considered a hero, and that was my way in
Speaker 5: my avenue into spaces. And it took me a long
Speaker 5: time for me to finally get to that point where
Speaker 5: I was like, oh no, there's some things that are
Speaker 5: still here. There's still some emotional and mental stuff that
Speaker 5: I just completely oppressed or didn't realize. And when I
Speaker 5: finally again, and I'm not trying to push anything on
Speaker 5: to you, but I'm just my experience was at that
Speaker 5: point is when I realized, Okay, I think I'm now
Speaker 5: really starting to embrace this. I think I'm really I
Speaker 5: think there was a defense mechanism as far as the
Speaker 5: way I was handling things for a very long time.
Speaker 5: Now I think I'm really embracing and accepting and your
Speaker 5: five years. Man, it's five years. So much of our
Speaker 5: identities are tied to what we do as a career
Speaker 5: and our appearance, but so much of what we're conditioned
Speaker 5: to believe is that we got to have everything figured
Speaker 5: out right away.
Speaker 6: I mean, It starts from our childhood, right, it's like
Speaker 6: what do you want to be when you grow up?
Speaker 5: In like you're like, I'm three, and it just continues,
Speaker 5: and then of course when you become an adult, it's
Speaker 5: like have it figured out? And it's like people expect
Speaker 5: for you and for me and for anybody else that's
Speaker 5: listening that has had a traumatic experience. You know, when
Speaker 5: you're aging, you have time to process when you go
Speaker 5: through something traumatic like we have.
Speaker 6: There's no time. It's now. But because of other people's
Speaker 6: and abilities in.
Speaker 5: Some way in the way that they've been conditioned as well,
Speaker 5: we are just led to believe that we got to
Speaker 5: have it all figured out and you have to, you know,
Speaker 5: bounce back and be this person. But it's not really
Speaker 5: for yourself. It's for everyone one else's comfort. And it
Speaker 5: took me a long time to realize that, and so
Speaker 5: I'm always telling people. I was like, listen, if it
Speaker 5: makes people uncomfortable, you know why you go through your
Speaker 5: grieving process, which is very different for everybody, that's not
Speaker 5: your problem. That's, if anything, an opportunity for them to
Speaker 5: identify why this triggers me so much. Every time Rebecca
Speaker 5: talks about this or JR. Talks about this like that's
Speaker 5: that's for your journey. My journey is to just kind
Speaker 5: of be present every day and feel like what I
Speaker 5: can potentially take away from this experience, but just give
Speaker 5: yourself grace. Man, Like I think first and foremost, I'm
Speaker 5: listening to your story. I'm sure like a lot of
Speaker 5: people are going to be listening to this episode, and
Speaker 5: I'm just like, dude, she's bad ass, she's kicking ass,
Speaker 5: She's doing a lot of amazing things. And just because
Speaker 5: you're not in this space of where you're sharing your
Speaker 5: story on that Instagram account that you don't have or
Speaker 5: in that journal, you're doing it in a way that
Speaker 5: is very important, and that's with your team, that's what
Speaker 5: people you work with, and that is something that you
Speaker 5: can't overlook. Just because you're not doing it on this
Speaker 5: scale like anybody else doesn't necessarily mean that you're not
Speaker 5: taking something away from this experience and then utilizing that
Speaker 5: lesson to then help other people as they go through
Speaker 5: these life situations or whatever. But not that you and
Speaker 5: I ever thought that we wanted to be part of
Speaker 5: a community where we ever use the word traumatic or
Speaker 5: trauma or you know, life alterin. Those are key words
Speaker 5: that we never assumed would be part of our Google
Speaker 5: searches or titles that people want to put over our heads.
Speaker 5: At the end of the day, man, like I tell
Speaker 5: you this, like I'm proud. I'm like, I'm at that
Speaker 5: point now where I'm twenty years in and I'm like,
Speaker 5: you know what, Yeah, I've been through some shit and
Speaker 5: I'm proud that I've been through some shit and it
Speaker 5: was hard, and my people we got through it.
Speaker 6: And luckily for you, you have a you know, a
Speaker 6: beautiful family that is with you. And I listen to
Speaker 6: you and I.
Speaker 5: Hear somebody and I see somebody that I believe is
Speaker 5: a one hundred percent and someone that is a force
Speaker 5: to be reckoned with. And I think that you're still
Speaker 5: in the early stages of this whole thing, and I
Speaker 5: think you're going to do so many more incredible things
Speaker 5: because I just feel it.
Speaker 6: I feel it in you, and you just you will
Speaker 6: always be that entrepreneur.
Speaker 5: But your entrepreneurship is now going to have so much
Speaker 5: more weight to it than it did before because you've
Speaker 5: lived it.
Speaker 6: You you and your family have been through it.
Speaker 1: So like one of the things I wanted to interject
Speaker 1: the Rebecca is that I think, you know, it sounds like,
Speaker 1: you know, in your past, people kind of put a
Speaker 1: lot of pressure on you to share the story, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you have to journal it or you have to instagram
Speaker 1: it so publicly, and you're saying, nah, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do that. I want to get my meaning through
Speaker 1: something else, you know. But the irony is that you're
Speaker 1: now talking to hundreds of millions of people happy to
Speaker 1: slab podcast, and so, you know what is I'm curious
Speaker 1: what that feels like. Is a first step, you know,
Speaker 1: to share your story, like, you know, is that kind
Speaker 1: of a step towards thinking about it? Did it just
Speaker 1: kind of feel natural since this was such a part
Speaker 1: of your journey, Like it does kind of feel like
Speaker 1: you're sharing now, and so I'm curious what that feels like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I was actually driving with my husband.
Speaker 2: We went He still works in Africa often and so
Speaker 2: he travels back to East Africa a lot. I went
Speaker 2: back for my first time in May since the accident.
Speaker 2: So it's now July, so about six weeks ago. And
Speaker 2: it was weird, right because it was like I'm back
Speaker 2: in this place that I also realized I was avoiding
Speaker 2: and had lived in for ten years. And so him
Speaker 2: and I were having a conversation and we're just talking
Speaker 2: about how people process trauma, and he made a comment, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you haven't talked about it publicly. I think there's just
Speaker 2: a lot of pressure in our generation to get out
Speaker 2: there and like turn it into some sort of Instagram
Speaker 2: personality or become an advocate.
Speaker 3: And I said, well, actually, guess what.
Speaker 2: Lorie Santos asked me to share my story on the
Speaker 2: Happiness Lab and he was like, no way, that's your
Speaker 2: favorite podcast, and so I was like yeah, and I said,
Speaker 2: you know, I finally feel ready to share what happened
Speaker 2: because I actually know, and you know, this is a
Speaker 2: little bit different than your experience, JR. I have come
Speaker 2: out of it five years later, and no one looking
Speaker 2: at me can tell that this happened.
Speaker 6: I can.
Speaker 3: I can look in the mirror and I know that,
Speaker 3: like I had.
Speaker 2: Extensive nerve damage to my face, right so, like from
Speaker 2: my eyes upward, nothing moves anymore.
Speaker 3: It's all just kind of stuck in place.
Speaker 2: And I know that a lot about my face is different,
Speaker 2: but particularly meeting new people, no one knows what happened,
Speaker 2: and so it's it's an interesting it's a different place
Speaker 2: to be because people don't ask unless they get close
Speaker 2: enough and they say, wow, that's a really big scar
Speaker 2: that goes through your eye, like what happened? And oftentimes
Speaker 2: people don't, you know, I can tell they're looking at it,
Speaker 2: but they don't necessarily mention it. But I do, like
Speaker 2: I do know now that like one of the things
Speaker 2: that mattered at the time was like, is this going
Speaker 2: to affect my career? Is this going to affect you know,
Speaker 2: the goal I had for myself before this happened. And
Speaker 2: I know the answer is no, it did. Not only
Speaker 2: did it not affected, it accelerated it. I was able
Speaker 2: to take some really tough times and channel that into
Speaker 2: understanding how to support people in a really productive way.
Speaker 2: And then the other big thing, which you know, was
Speaker 2: so transformational to hear you kind of grapple with the
Speaker 2: same thing, is am I ever going to look the
Speaker 2: same And the answer is not one hundred percent? But yeah,
Speaker 2: I look pretty normal. And then the third thing I've
Speaker 2: had to deal with is am I ever going to be.
Speaker 3: Able to see in the same way again?
Speaker 2: Because I did have pretty extensive damage to my left eye,
Speaker 2: and I recently had a surgery and was able to
Speaker 2: get a correct prescription for prism glasses that kind of
Speaker 2: evens everything out, and so now when I wear glasses,
Speaker 2: I do see pretty normal. The larger challenge I have
Speaker 2: is that there's just so many kind of residual, tiny
Speaker 2: little broken bones in my faith that sometimes I can't
Speaker 2: wear the glasses all the time. But those were kind
Speaker 2: of the three things, and I feel ready to talk
Speaker 2: about it because I do know the answers to all
Speaker 2: those questions. And I think what I learned in this
Speaker 2: process is that not knowing answers or having control over
Speaker 2: answers is really challenging for me. But at least now
Speaker 2: I don't have that mystery of googling like how do
Speaker 2: people look after and I suck it implant.
Speaker 3: But I don't know if you did the same thing
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 2: But it was like a little bit of internal torture,
Speaker 2: which Laura you have talked about on your podcast not
Speaker 2: doing so yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, for for me, I look at, you know,
Speaker 5: my my facial scarring and a lot of the procedures
Speaker 5: that I've had, you know, I had a lot of
Speaker 5: you know, if I've had a lot of facelifts and
Speaker 5: the burns.
Speaker 6: When it does, it contracts the skin and so it
Speaker 6: kind of tightens it.
Speaker 5: So I'm like, man, I got like permanent facelifts botox
Speaker 5: for the rest of my life.
Speaker 3: Like that to me is a comfort thing with my
Speaker 3: nerve damage. It's like, great, you'll never have to get botox.
Speaker 2: And at the time, I was like, but I want
Speaker 2: my forehead to move, And now five years later, like
Speaker 2: as I'm approaching my late thirties, I'm like.
Speaker 3: It's like kind of nice that my forehead does.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're listening to what the blessings findings exactly, this
Speaker 1: classic happiness research here finding the blessings.
Speaker 3: And the you know, the bad situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, knowing what JR And Rebecca have been through, it's
Speaker 1: amazing they can still laugh and joke about their life
Speaker 1: altering injuries. But it totally fits with what the science
Speaker 1: shows that we humans do have a remarkable ability to
Speaker 1: deal with even the most awful of events, finding meaning, value,
Speaker 1: and yes, even humor in them. When we returned from
Speaker 1: the break, we'll hear more about the science of the
Speaker 1: post traumatic growth that both JR. And Rebecca experienced and
Speaker 1: find out how they both dealt with being stared at
Speaker 1: in public.
Speaker 5: I know you're curious, I know you want to know.
Speaker 5: I know you're looking, and so I'll just feel like, Hi,
Speaker 5: how are you doing?
Speaker 1: The Happiness Lab will be right back. Rebecca Kuduru says
Speaker 1: she probably wouldn't have been comfortable sharing her story with
Speaker 1: us if the scar is caused by her car crash
Speaker 1: hadn't been smoothed away by so many pioneering medical treatments.
Speaker 1: When I first met her in person, I had no
Speaker 1: idea what she'd been through, But JR. Martinez faced a
Speaker 1: very different set of circumstances.
Speaker 5: With the three of us right now, walked into a room, Immediately,
Speaker 5: all the eyeballs are going to go to me, just
Speaker 5: because of the curiosity of like, who is that? What
Speaker 5: happened to him? He's clearly been through something. What happened
Speaker 5: and what was it? And let's look at that scarring?
Speaker 5: Wow that Like it's just the natural curiosity. Early in
Speaker 5: my recovery, you developed this ability to understand when people
Speaker 5: are looking at you. Oh, like like you just all
Speaker 5: of a sudden, now you just kind of look over
Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, I caught you, Like I know you're
Speaker 5: looking at me, and so what then I started to
Speaker 5: do because people don't have the skills and the ability
Speaker 5: to come up and actually say I'm sorry, I'm just.
Speaker 6: Curious, or that's garn above your eye, Rebecca, what is that?
Speaker 5: Or what happened? Or people aren't going to do that
Speaker 5: because they don't know one is that going to trigger you?
Speaker 5: They don't know if they should ask that question. There's
Speaker 5: just so many different things, and so what I took
Speaker 5: it as I'm going to now use that as an
Speaker 5: opportunity to just sort of educate you. You know, I
Speaker 5: know you're curious, I know you want to know. I
Speaker 5: know you're looking, and so I'll just feel like.
Speaker 6: Hi, how are you doing? Hey, what's up? What's your name.
Speaker 3: I've actually been working with my daughter on this.
Speaker 2: She got very into watching like Shark Week on Discovery
Speaker 2: Channel and saw what it looks like to have, you know,
Speaker 2: an amputation, and she calls it robot legs when some
Speaker 2: one has its like a prosthetic for their leg. And
Speaker 2: she's seen people in the supermarket and I can tell
Speaker 2: she turns and she starts whispering, and I'm always like,
Speaker 2: you know, why don't you ask it's okay to ask,
Speaker 2: and she'll go up and she'll say, you know, did
Speaker 2: you get bit by a shark? It tends to be
Speaker 2: her kind of thing, and people are really open about
Speaker 2: talking about it for the most part. You know, I've
Speaker 2: gone through that experience. Like for me, it was like
Speaker 2: my eye was kind of just gone. It had fallen
Speaker 2: into my sinus cavity, and now it's back. It took
Speaker 2: two surgeries to get it back to where it was
Speaker 2: and two different implants, but it was weirder to have
Speaker 2: people look at you, and especially kids. I think it's
Speaker 2: a really good place to kind of coach them through.
Speaker 2: It's okay to be curious, and there's a way to
Speaker 2: be polite about it, and so that's a big thing.
Speaker 2: I've also worked with her on having gone through that
Speaker 2: experience because I know exactly what you're talking about. I still,
Speaker 2: you know, my eyes are now in different locations. I've
Speaker 2: always I was born with two different color eyes, so
Speaker 2: I have one brown eye and one green eye. So
Speaker 2: I always had experiences where I could catch someone looking
Speaker 2: back and forth and they would stop and they would say,
Speaker 2: do you know, And I would say that I have
Speaker 2: two different color eyes. We're going to say that, and
Speaker 2: so people say it now too. But I have two
Speaker 2: different shaped eyes now, and my eyes are at two
Speaker 2: different levels. You know, It's weird that someone would feel
Speaker 2: totally okay, like stopping midcent and pointing out something that
Speaker 2: is still different about the way you look, but really
Speaker 2: kind of beat around the bush when it comes to
Speaker 2: what is likely a transformational event.
Speaker 3: So I've been working with her on that as well.
Speaker 6: That's awesome.
Speaker 5: I find it more as an exercise for me to
Speaker 5: take the power away or take the attention away from
Speaker 5: this thing that's obvious to both of us. And I'm
Speaker 5: going to more reroute the conversation to connect as a
Speaker 5: human being. And so if I see Laurie coming up
Speaker 5: to me and she's, you know, kind of just looking
Speaker 5: at me, I know, I'm like, oh, so, where are
Speaker 5: you from, Laurie? What do you do get you comfortable
Speaker 5: with me? And then from there it'll come up at
Speaker 5: some natural, organic way. But until then, let's just connect
Speaker 5: as people and I'm going to guide you through this process.
Speaker 5: I'm going to remind you that I'm still a person
Speaker 5: first and foremost, and just sort of remove all the
Speaker 5: trauma and tragic stuff, yep.
Speaker 1: And I think that this is you know, this is
Speaker 1: one of the reasons I love both of your stories
Speaker 1: is that this highlights a really important feature of post
Speaker 1: traumatic growth, is that people experience more empathy, more kind
Speaker 1: of self compassion and grace for themselves, but also more
Speaker 1: empathy for other people, right, even when other people are
Speaker 1: doing stupid stuff like you know, like pointing at your
Speaker 1: scars and things like that. And so, Rebecca, I'm curious,
Speaker 1: you know, is this something you've experienced in your own
Speaker 1: life where in a very odd way this wound up
Speaker 1: connecting you with other people totally?
Speaker 3: I mean, JR.
Speaker 2: When you first came on, you said give yourself grace.
Speaker 2: I would say, I am so much nicer around myself.
Speaker 2: So I used to have this thing about reading fiction
Speaker 2: that it was like, if I was reading fiction, I
Speaker 2: wasn't using my time productively. I could be using that
Speaker 2: time to read nonfiction and maybe I could learn something
Speaker 2: from it. You know, I actually realized that I don't
Speaker 2: like reading nonfiction. Now I listen to audiobooks when I
Speaker 2: walk and like, that's fine. You have an episode about
Speaker 2: getting your email and box down to zero. I am
Speaker 2: so good about walking away and I work for a
Speaker 2: Jewish organization right now, and so we get done at
Speaker 2: three on Fridays because of Shabbat, and I'm like, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to sit on my computer and respond
Speaker 2: to those emails at three o'clock on a Friday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And this I think that's with Another thing that
Speaker 1: you know we've learned from post traumatic growth is that
Speaker 1: it kind of allows you to set your priorities a
Speaker 1: little bit better, right, Yeah, And for me, some of
Speaker 1: that is also pausing.
Speaker 2: It's not like I'm going to get moving on the
Speaker 2: things that really matter. It's I'm going to take time
Speaker 2: to stop and appreciate what I have.
Speaker 4: And it's also like what I have found, and I
Speaker 4: think you're in that same position, Rebecca, there's this pressure
Speaker 4: of expecting me to on some level, like to share
Speaker 4: and talk a lot.
Speaker 5: I mean even now when I get brought in to
Speaker 5: either be on a podcast or to speak at an event,
Speaker 5: or people like can you talk about that day? Can
Speaker 5: you talk about what happened? And so what I have
Speaker 5: discovered is I also when you talk about the pause,
Speaker 5: for me, it's incredibly important to protect my own energy
Speaker 5: and what that means is to stop and if I
Speaker 5: feel like, hey, I give so much of myself to
Speaker 5: other people, I need to stop for a second and
Speaker 5: actually take care of myself. I just need to disconnect
Speaker 5: for a second and not have to express so much.
Speaker 5: I'm going to allow myself to sort of be selfish
Speaker 5: in that way.
Speaker 6: Which is good.
Speaker 1: And I think this gets to yet another maybe a
Speaker 1: final benefit that we know comes from trauma and something
Speaker 1: that we see in post traumatic growth, which is that
Speaker 1: people self report like knowing themselves better, like knowing their
Speaker 1: limitations better, knowing their potential better, but also kind of
Speaker 1: knowing a little bit more what they need and prioritizing it. Rebecca,
Speaker 1: is that something you kind of experienced after this recovery process.
Speaker 3: Too, Yeah, it's twofold. It's knowing what I need.
Speaker 2: I really like that idea of kind of protecting my energy.
Speaker 2: I also learned how much I can actually take on,
Speaker 2: which I think is interesting. It was like, as much
Speaker 2: as I hate that trope that people say, like you're
Speaker 2: never given more than you can handle, there was a
Speaker 2: lot of trauma that I overcame. I lost my younger
Speaker 2: brother when I was five and a half. I think
Speaker 2: you know, when you're exposed to trauma pretty regularly, you
Speaker 2: build up a resilience to it.
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying that that's good.
Speaker 2: That trauma shouldn't affect you, but kind of building up
Speaker 2: in small pieces and then having this huge thing happen.
Speaker 2: Maybe I would even say it instill the self confidence
Speaker 2: in me. Wow, if you can come through that, you
Speaker 2: can really handle a lot. So there's a really fine
Speaker 2: balance that needs to be reached between really understanding that
Speaker 2: you've pushed physically and emotionally yourself to your limit and
Speaker 2: that you know you can overcome a lot, and still
Speaker 2: learning to protect that and enjoy.
Speaker 3: What you have.
Speaker 5: You know, one of the things that is important for
Speaker 5: me when people want me to talk about my experience,
Speaker 5: I like to sort of take people back to my
Speaker 5: childhood because the reason I like to bring people along
Speaker 5: that timeline is not to just fill the time forty
Speaker 5: five minutes to an hour of me just talking about
Speaker 5: my life and me, me, me. It's more of to
Speaker 5: give people contact and give people an understanding that resiliency
Speaker 5: in me. Overcoming this wasn't something just all of a
Speaker 5: sudden I just developed. If you look at my life,
Speaker 5: I have been exercising this muscle. I have been preparing
Speaker 5: myself for this very thing. And you know, I'm sorry
Speaker 5: for lost of your brother, but I'm glad you shared
Speaker 5: that because I think it's important for the listeners to understand, Oh,
Speaker 5: Rebecca has been through some stuff prior to this, right,
Speaker 5: Because they may look at you and say, look at it,
Speaker 5: a beautiful you know, woman who's probably had great life
Speaker 5: and great success and has everything handed to her, and
Speaker 5: blah blah blah blah blah. Our minds create these narratives
Speaker 5: that are most of the time untrue. But when you
Speaker 5: talk about what your family experienced when you were a child,
Speaker 5: and I know there's a great deal of healing that
Speaker 5: still is ongoing despite how long that has been, it
Speaker 5: allows people, the listeners and the viewers to understand that, oh,
Speaker 5: this is a muscle that was already activated from a
Speaker 5: young age, whether you wanted it to be or not,
Speaker 5: and of course you didn't want it to be. But
Speaker 5: all of us are having these things that are happening
Speaker 5: over the course of our lives that are just activating
Speaker 5: the different muscle and preparing us. So when we come
Speaker 5: into that crossroads where there is another thing, that's where
Speaker 5: we have to pause.
Speaker 6: Oh, we've been through some things.
Speaker 5: I'm a pretty badass person that has overcome a lot
Speaker 5: of shit, Like I think I got this.
Speaker 1: And I think the other thing is that you don't
Speaker 1: just gain self confidence right when people hear your stories,
Speaker 1: it can help them gain confidence depending on what they're
Speaker 1: going through. You know, Rebeca, this is why you're on
Speaker 1: the show Todays. You heard Jr's story and that kind
Speaker 1: of gave you confidence, and so JR. I'm curious, like,
Speaker 1: what does it feel like to be thanked for sharing
Speaker 1: your badassery and kind of helping other people get bad ass?
Speaker 1: Like is this the first time you've been thanked you
Speaker 1: for sharing your story?
Speaker 5: Do you hear it a lot or you know it happens.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't say frequently, but it has happened. But I've
Speaker 5: also had these experiences where, you know where I live
Speaker 5: in Austin, and you know, I was at a Whole
Speaker 5: Foods I don't know, three months ago, and I'm just
Speaker 5: playing with my son and you know, and just goofing
Speaker 5: off and as we paid, and I could tell that
Speaker 5: there was this older man that was like watching me
Speaker 5: and he was a customer. So I was, you know,
Speaker 5: I was like, I don't know, you know, maybe you recognize.
Speaker 5: I don't know, right, you never know where it's coming from.
Speaker 5: And so as we started the walk out of the store,
Speaker 5: I'm walking up ahead of my family holding my son
Speaker 5: and the man standing at the door, and I looked
Speaker 5: at him and I said, how you doing, and he,
Speaker 5: you know, looked at me. He says, I want to
Speaker 5: tell you something. I recently had this accident. And he
Speaker 5: pointed down on his leg and I looked down and
Speaker 5: his legs all bandaged up. He said, this is the
Speaker 5: first time I'm out of the house, he said, And
Speaker 5: I was here and I was like, I can't be here.
Speaker 6: I'm going home.
Speaker 5: He said, I saw you, and I saw you smile,
Speaker 5: and I saw you carrying on. He's like, and then
Speaker 5: I was like, well, if that dude could do it,
Speaker 5: like I think I could do it. Honestly, we turn
Speaker 5: into like a fifteen minute conversation similar to what we're
Speaker 5: having here, and I just said, hey, man, listen, it
Speaker 5: takes it, you know, bait steps and give yourself grace,
Speaker 5: that whole sort of same sentiment. And I walked away
Speaker 5: and I just, you know, and it sort of goes
Speaker 5: back to your question, Laurie. But it's like, I'm just
Speaker 5: living my life as you are, Rebecca, doing and putting
Speaker 5: out into the world what we believe and what is
Speaker 5: important to us. And I always just feel and believe
Speaker 5: that it's going to hit the right people at the
Speaker 5: right time. Like for whatever reason, as you mentioned that
Speaker 5: algorithm found ye, this podcast came into you know, your presence,
Speaker 5: and you were like, I should tune in for whatever reason.
Speaker 5: For me, it turns out this is one of those
Speaker 5: reminders that what I am, what I personally, and I
Speaker 5: want to speak for myself what I am doing and
Speaker 5: what I have done, and my willingness to sit down
Speaker 5: with Laurie three years, four years ago, you know, and
Speaker 5: have this conversation, it's all worth it, totally. It's I
Speaker 5: know someone's going to come in contact with you one day,
Speaker 5: Rebecca and say, hey, I just want you to know
Speaker 5: I heard your story.
Speaker 6: And for me, it makes me feel like I'm I'm honored.
Speaker 5: I truly am selfishly, I'm honored that I'm able to
Speaker 5: be a very small part of your journey. And but
Speaker 5: I know that you're well on your way to do
Speaker 5: the same thing for other people. And I know you've
Speaker 5: already done it, and I think the biggest person you're
Speaker 5: doing it with is not only yourself, but I think
Speaker 5: also your your daughter, Like I think that is incredible
Speaker 5: for her to have someone like yourself who has been
Speaker 5: through a lot and is navigating it the way you
Speaker 5: are and you're still in the early stages and you're
Speaker 5: you know, like, I think that's a beautiful thing. And
Speaker 5: so whatever you do, get an Instagram account, like whenever,
Speaker 5: if you ever.
Speaker 3: Decide to do this point, I don't know at this
Speaker 3: point about.
Speaker 5: I'm just saying unless saying it has to be you know,
Speaker 5: when we log off or you know, the end of
Speaker 5: this year. But whenever you do, I hope that you
Speaker 5: look me up and you know, you say, hey, I
Speaker 5: want to friend this guy, because I would love to
Speaker 5: keep up with where you are and to find out
Speaker 5: if you ever pick up that really cool pen and
Speaker 5: start to kind of write some stuff.
Speaker 6: Down and I'm telling you it's it's and you know
Speaker 6: and and that and that's how it happens, right, you know.
Speaker 2: I appreciate you kind of encourage me to not throw
Speaker 2: away the pen and the journal, but to still kind
Speaker 2: of pull onto it. One of the big things for
Speaker 2: me that I experienced was what it was like to
Speaker 2: go through as a woman in a developing countries healthcare system.
Speaker 2: And I'm a white woman and it was a majority
Speaker 2: black country, and I have access to insurance and I
Speaker 2: have access to financial resources that people couldn't even dream of,
Speaker 2: and it didn't it didn't really make a difference in
Speaker 2: terms of the outcome, and that for me having you know,
Speaker 2: the organization that I started in Uganda was a woman's
Speaker 2: empowerment organization, and I really felt like I've already spent
Speaker 2: the last you know, seven years trying to give a
Speaker 2: voice to traditionally marginalized group of women and really working
Speaker 2: and making a priority to work with them, not come
Speaker 2: up with ideas and implement for them.
Speaker 3: But that was where I felt.
Speaker 2: Pressure, is like should I stand up and actually share
Speaker 2: The only reason I survived is because my husband had
Speaker 2: the education and the money to walk across the street
Speaker 2: to a pharmacy and buy those materials. And that's where
Speaker 2: I felt pressure and also knew I am not emotionally
Speaker 2: ready to stand up and be the face, particularly when
Speaker 2: I didn't even have a face that I could recognize
Speaker 2: for women globally yet and I appreciate the encouragement that
Speaker 2: maybe one day I'll get there.
Speaker 6: You said yet yet Yep.
Speaker 1: Well, as I said, I think another thing to remember
Speaker 1: about trauma and post traumatic growth is that you know
Speaker 1: it sounds when you say the term postgragumatic growth that
Speaker 1: it happens in an instant and then it's done. But
Speaker 1: like all psychological phenomena, it's a journey, and what you
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with today is going to look totally different
Speaker 1: than what you feel comfortable with months from now, years
Speaker 1: from now, and so on. But I'm happy that I
Speaker 1: caught you at a time where you were comfortable sharing
Speaker 1: your story on the Happiness Lads. I'm sure yeah, so
Speaker 1: positively affects so many people.
Speaker 3: So thank you so much. Yeah, I'm very excited. Thank
Speaker 3: you so much.
Speaker 6: As one keep kicking ass, Rebecca.
Speaker 1: It was humbling to hear the impact that listening to
Speaker 1: the Happiness Lab had had on Rebecca. The show we
Speaker 1: made with j R. Martinez back in twenty nineteen in
Speaker 1: our very first season remains one of my favorite episodes ever.
Speaker 1: It's such a fun ride that I decided to re
Speaker 1: release that episode in this feed for you to revisit.
Speaker 1: And after that we'll have one other listener story to share.
Speaker 1: I'll travel to a New England town where thirteen women
Speaker 1: have set up a club dedicated to staging fun interventions
Speaker 1: or fun inventions, and we'll learn that even the host
Speaker 1: of this podcast can still use a little more fun
Speaker 1: in her life. Hannah Montana, Oh, Biley Syrres, Yes, Oh Hot,
Speaker 1: Ryan Gosling, Brad pitt Let me in Magic, Mike