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Speaker 1: Pushkin.

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Speaker 2: I just remember probably maybe up to about thirty minutes

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Speaker 2: before the accident happened.

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Speaker 1: This is Rebecca Kudurru.

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Speaker 3: As you'll hear.

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Speaker 1: It's probably a blessing that Rebecca had no recollection of

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Speaker 1: the tragic events that unfolded when she and her young

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Speaker 1: family took their familiar drive home on December sixth, twenty eighteen.

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Speaker 1: Rebecca's memories of that awful day resume a few hours

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Speaker 1: after she'd been removed from the wreckage of her car.

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Speaker 1: But in that gap, something terrible had happened to Rebecca

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Speaker 1: and something very important had been taken away.

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Speaker 2: I had broken my nose, I had broken my jaw,

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Speaker 2: and I had shattered both my eye socket, the external

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Speaker 2: part and the internal part, and was very fortunate not

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Speaker 2: to have any actual brain injury.

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Speaker 1: All of those severe facial injuries, combined with problems accessing

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Speaker 1: appropriate treatment, left Rebecca struggling to rebuild her pre accident

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Speaker 1: life and left her steering at a face in the

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Speaker 1: mirror she neither recognized nor liked. Why am I telling

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Speaker 1: you Rebecca's story?

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 1: During her long and difficult road to recovery, Rebecca discovered

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Speaker 1: the happiness lab she devoured the show on her daily

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Speaker 1: walks through the neighborhood, and one day she reached an

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Speaker 1: episode that we put out in late twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 5: It's funny because growing up I always heard, God, he's

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Speaker 5: so cute, he's so this, he's so that, and so

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Speaker 5: I grew up just thinking like, that's what I am.

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Speaker 5: No one ever said he has an amazing personality.

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Speaker 6: It was cute.

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Speaker 3: This is JR.

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Speaker 1: Martinez. As a handsome teenager, Jr. Joined the army and

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Speaker 1: went off to war, where a roadside bomb turned the

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Speaker 1: vehicle he was driving into a fireball.

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Speaker 6: Jr.

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Speaker 3: Was horrifically burned, and.

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Speaker 5: So suddenly I look at myself and I'm like, that's

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Speaker 5: not cute what I see in the mirror.

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Speaker 6: The old JR.

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Speaker 5: Had died, And as you can imagine, I was depressed.

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Speaker 5: I was angry, I was resentful. I was a victim

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Speaker 5: and every sense of the word.

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Speaker 1: In the episode, JR. Explained that he'd lost not just

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Speaker 1: his face, but also his career. The army had no

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Speaker 1: place for such a badly injured soldier. When Rebecca listened

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Speaker 1: to Jr's story on that fateful walk, she was floored.

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Speaker 2: It was like instantaneously tears just burst out of my

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Speaker 2: eyes and I like collapsed on fine knees on the sidewalk.

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Speaker 1: Many of you have told me that you've benefited from

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Speaker 1: listening to the show, that you've learned helpful strategies that

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Speaker 1: have brought you greater happiness, or that you felt a

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Speaker 1: deep connection to a particular story we talked about, or

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Speaker 1: that you've even found a kindred spirit in one of

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Speaker 1: our many interviewees, someone who made you feel less alone

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Speaker 1: and whatever struggles you were facing. But Rebecca's story about

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Speaker 1: the impact the show has had on her life is

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Speaker 1: one of the most poignant I've heard, and so of

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Speaker 1: course I couldn't help but share Rebecca's journey with.

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Speaker 2: All of you. I lived in Uganda for about ten

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Speaker 2: years and I started a social enterprise there call cat

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Speaker 2: Africa with my now husband.

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Speaker 3: We weren't married at the time.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing that we still ended up getting married after

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Speaker 2: working together.

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Speaker 3: And we were located.

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Speaker 2: About four hours outside of the capital city, Kampala, so

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Speaker 2: we would often drive back and forth four meetings or

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Speaker 2: even basic grocery shopping, and this particular morning, we were

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Speaker 2: trying to get back to the town we lived in

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Speaker 2: called Fort portal.

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Speaker 3: It was a drive that we had done probably.

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Speaker 2: Hundreds of times, and as we were driving, a drunk

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Speaker 2: man walked onto the highway that we were driving on,

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Speaker 2: and as my husband tried to swerve to avoid him,

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Speaker 2: our car ended up rolling. We rolled probably seven or

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Speaker 2: eight times and landed in a tree. Everyone was fine.

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Speaker 2: My husband was in the car, my fourteen month old

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Speaker 2: was in the car, her nanny, and our nanny's son

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Speaker 2: was in the car, and everyone was fine except for me.

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Speaker 2: I was on the side of the car that hit

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Speaker 2: a tree and I just completely shattered the left side

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Speaker 2: of my face. What I remember is coming to so

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Speaker 2: it probably was about two hours later in the back

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Speaker 2: of an ambulance, and just I had this vivid memory

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Speaker 2: of people staring in at me with like pretty amazed

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Speaker 2: facial expressions. Horrified maybe is a better word. I looked

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Speaker 2: down and I was wearing someone else's shirt. I didn't

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Speaker 2: really understand why, and was just completely covered in blood.

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Speaker 2: And the thing that confused me the most is I

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Speaker 2: asked my husband where am I and he said, You're

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Speaker 2: in the back of an ambulance, And I said, why

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Speaker 2: is there no siren on? We're stuck in traffic, and

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Speaker 2: he turned to the driver and said, can you turn

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Speaker 2: the siren on? And the driver said the siren's broken.

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Speaker 2: So we were stuck just in this traffic jam, probably

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Speaker 2: for about an hour and a half, from the time

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Speaker 2: that I remember people staring at me to getting to

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Speaker 2: a hospital. I was informed later that all of our

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Speaker 2: belongings were actually stolen by people who just kind of

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Speaker 2: witnessed the crash, and a good Samaritan picked us up

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Speaker 2: on the roadside drove me to what is considered a

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Speaker 2: regional reerral hospital. So you've gone to has different tiers

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Speaker 2: of hospitals, and this was like the highest tier of care,

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Speaker 2: so where a woman would go if she needed an

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Speaker 2: emergency see section. And my husband brought me in and

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Speaker 2: I don't remember anything, and said, you know, we need help,

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Speaker 2: and there was no doctor there.

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Speaker 3: They didn't end up having.

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Speaker 2: Sutures that they could use for stitches or gauze, so

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Speaker 2: my husband left me on the floor of the lobby

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Speaker 2: of this hospital and went to a nearby pharmacy and

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Speaker 2: bought the materials and they basically just kind of stitched

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Speaker 2: me up. I still have scars from it. I would

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Speaker 2: say each stitch is probably an inch wide, like a

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Speaker 2: nurse just did the best that she could on the

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Speaker 2: floor of this hospital lobby. And then you know, my

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Speaker 2: husband found this ambulance and it didn't have gas and

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Speaker 2: had to fill it and it was the same ambulance

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Speaker 2: like an hour and a half later that I was.

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Speaker 3: Like, hey, what where's the siren.

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Speaker 2: So all in all, it was probably like a four

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Speaker 2: hour journey from the time of the accident to getting

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Speaker 2: to a hospital.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: And so you finally make it to this hospital and

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Speaker 1: then what happens next?

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Speaker 2: Brought in and I remember they said, okay, we're gonna

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Speaker 2: restitch your face and I said, please don't. Can someone

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Speaker 2: please call a plastic surgeon. And I don't know why

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Speaker 2: that was my reaction, but apparently there was one plastic

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Speaker 2: surgeon in Uganda and they called him and he agreed

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Speaker 2: to come the next morning at six am. He said

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Speaker 2: he did more than a thousand stitches.

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Speaker 3: Then they kind of alluded like, oh, there's a few

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Speaker 3: things that might be broken, but we think everything's okay.

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Speaker 2: And you know, a maxilar facial surgeon came in the

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Speaker 2: next day and was like, there's something very small, we

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Speaker 2: need to fix her jaw. It has a crack in it,

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Speaker 2: so I'm just going to put a plate in her jaw.

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Speaker 2: And my husband had said at the time, don't do anything,

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Speaker 2: just do whatever you have to stabilize her to get

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Speaker 2: to the US, like she's American, she has US health insurance.

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Speaker 3: Just do the basics. And they said, well, we're just

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Speaker 3: doing the basics.

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Speaker 2: And I went in for the second procedure and I

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Speaker 2: came out and looked and I had plates put in

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Speaker 2: my face in multiple locations. And so it was this

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Speaker 2: very weird experience that's different from the American healthcare system,

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Speaker 2: where the baseline was she'll never understand what's actually happening

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Speaker 2: to her, so we don't really need to share it.

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Speaker 2: Just like, this is so bizarre that no one is

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Speaker 2: walking us through this process before it happens. The doctors

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Speaker 2: in Uganda kept saying, you're really swollen. It's going to

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Speaker 2: take two to three years for it to go down.

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Speaker 2: And I was looking and there was something very weird

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Speaker 2: happening with my left eye where it really looked like

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Speaker 2: it was kind of sunken back in my head. And

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Speaker 2: they said, oh, it's the swelling. It's not it actually

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Speaker 2: hasn't moved, you know, my mom flew out and she said,

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Speaker 2: there's this I Institute at Stanford, and.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to get you an appointment.

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Speaker 2: And I got back to California, which was where my

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Speaker 2: parents were living, and the first thing the doctor said

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Speaker 2: is I'm going to need to do another CT scan.

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Speaker 2: I said, oh no, no, don't worry, I have this

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Speaker 2: one from Ganda.

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Speaker 3: They said everything was fixed.

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Speaker 2: So I got the result before a doctor's point, which

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Speaker 2: is never a good idea to look at and start

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Speaker 2: googling them. It was basically like everything in my face

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Speaker 2: was broken. My nose was broken, my jaw was broken,

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Speaker 2: my eye socket was broken. Like my orbital floor, which

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Speaker 2: is like the part of your bone that holds up

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Speaker 2: your eye, was totally shattered.

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Speaker 3: And the way that these plates had put in was

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Speaker 3: kind of like protruding.

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Speaker 2: So the doctors told me they had never seen so

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Speaker 2: much damage to someone's face or eye socket without damage

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Speaker 2: to the brain or eyeball, and so they weren't able

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Speaker 2: to tell me if it was the accident itself or

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Speaker 2: the subsequent surgeries that were kind of done non consensually

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Speaker 2: in Uganda that led to all the damage.

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Speaker 6: But it was kind of.

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Speaker 2: Shocking because I just flew back thinking I was having

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Speaker 2: an eye exam and I was in for like a

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Speaker 2: solid year of reconstruction at that point. And you know,

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Speaker 2: me and my husband and daughter were living in a

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Speaker 2: single bedroom in my parents' house at this point, So it.

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Speaker 3: Was a crazy time.

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Speaker 2: What was that like?

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Speaker 1: Because I feel like sometimes when tragedies like this happen,

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Speaker 1: you know, well intentioned people are telling you things like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it should be so lucky to be alive.

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Speaker 1: I mean, was that the kind yeah you were hearing?

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Speaker 1: How are you feeling?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Totally.

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Speaker 2: So I felt the need, particularly as a mom to

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Speaker 2: a young child, to put on like a face of

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Speaker 2: I'll get through this, this is okay, but it sucked.

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Speaker 2: And people used to all the time say I'm so

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Speaker 2: sorry this happened to you, but God only gives you

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Speaker 2: what you can handle, or I'm so thankful that you're alive.

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Speaker 2: And there was points where I was like, well really,

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Speaker 2: because I wish I wasn't, Like, this is me having

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Speaker 2: to go through a year of really really hard work,

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Speaker 2: never knowing how the results are going to look. And

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Speaker 2: my vision was very messed up from this as well,

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Speaker 2: because my eyes even to this day, they're not on

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Speaker 2: the same.

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Speaker 3: Plane with each other.

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Speaker 2: And so there was times where I said, it's easier

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Speaker 2: for you that I survived, that you don't have to

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Speaker 2: go through this grieving process, but it's a lot of

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Speaker 2: work for me. And I didn't make that choice to

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Speaker 2: survive this and have to put in the work. And

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Speaker 2: there was times where I wish, like maybe I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to survive this. It's definitely for the betterment of

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Speaker 2: other people than it is for me. That was really

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Speaker 2: how I felt in the moment. And then the other

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Speaker 2: thing people used to say to me all the time

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Speaker 2: is don't worry. You're beautiful just the way you are,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, that is just not what I

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Speaker 2: need to hear right now, Like I don't feel beautiful.

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Speaker 2: I am pretty set on doing what it takes to recover,

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Speaker 2: and what I want to hear from you as my

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Speaker 2: support system is you go out and do whatever it

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Speaker 2: takes to feel whole. And I had some friends and

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Speaker 2: family who were really receptive to that feedback. And I remember,

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Speaker 2: you know, one friend in particular was like, Wow, have

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Speaker 2: you considered therapy? And it was like, I think we're

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Speaker 2: so conditioned to tell people that the outside doesn't matter,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes that's not helpful for people, especially when you're mourning.

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Speaker 2: You know, there's different processes you go through, like aging,

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Speaker 2: where you're appearing changes slowly, but you have time to

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Speaker 2: process that. It's really shocking when like a single event

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Speaker 2: that was out of your control, like completely or literally

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Speaker 2: in my sense, shatters your appearance.

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Speaker 1: And I think this is particularly tricky because you know,

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Speaker 1: all the folks who are telling you these things were

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Speaker 1: really well intentioned, but I think they are falling prey

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Speaker 1: to something. You know that I see this work all

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Speaker 1: the time, which is, you know, we assume that, you know,

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Speaker 1: any negative emotion is bad, you know, whether it's grief

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Speaker 1: or frustration or just like being angry at the circumstances

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Speaker 1: the universe brought you, you know, and that's you know

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Speaker 1: what a lot of researchers like think of as sort

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Speaker 1: of toxic positivity, right, we think we're supposed to be

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Speaker 1: positive all the time totally, you know, but talk about

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Speaker 1: how important it was to you to kind of have

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Speaker 1: room to hold space for these negative emotions totally.

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Speaker 2: I think the thing I appreciated the most was when

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Speaker 2: people said how are you doing, and I could just

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Speaker 2: be like, this sucks. This is really shitty, and that's

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Speaker 2: something I've taken you forward with me. I have a

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Speaker 2: friend who I reached out to after she had like

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Speaker 2: a pretty late miscare and I just sent her a

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Speaker 2: message and I said, I just want you to know,

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Speaker 2: like this sucks. If you want to have someone to

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Speaker 2: talk to, I just a how shitty, for lack of

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Speaker 2: a better word, your situation is, I'm here. And she

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Speaker 2: reached out and she was like, that was actually the

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Speaker 2: most powerful thing that someone said, because sometimes it's just

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Speaker 2: nice to let people know, or you know, affirm for

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Speaker 2: them that yes, what happened to you sucks and know

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Speaker 2: it's not about being stronger.

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Speaker 3: On the other side, you can appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: For what it is, and it's it's not nice and

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Speaker 2: not everyone will have to go through that, and you

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Speaker 2: do have a long road ahead of you, and giving

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Speaker 2: people space to process that versus making them feel. Like

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Speaker 2: I said earlier, there was a big pressure to feel

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Speaker 2: happy for other people. And I still did that for

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Speaker 2: my daughter because she was too young to really be

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Speaker 2: able to understand both sides of that.

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Speaker 3: I think she's she's almost six now and.

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Speaker 2: We have a lot of conversations about it, and I

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Speaker 2: do think she could understand it now, but it was

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Speaker 2: a relief and now it's a big thing that I

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Speaker 2: offer to other people of just being able to say.

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Speaker 3: What happened to you sucks and that's that's that.

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Speaker 1: And I think part of the awfulness of the situation

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Speaker 1: is that like, very few people can understand it right,

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Speaker 1: very few people can understand, you know, being in such

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Speaker 1: a scary accident, having such terrible medical care, navigating the

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Speaker 1: grief that comes with your looks changing. You know, this

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Speaker 1: was a spot where it sounds like you felt pretty

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Speaker 1: isolated totally.

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Speaker 2: And I think one of the big challenges as well is,

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Speaker 2: you know, my husband was driving and it was a

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Speaker 2: complete accident, and also really hard not wanting someone to

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Speaker 2: blame for that, and I know it was hard for

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Speaker 2: him as well on the other side, And so there's

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Speaker 2: so much more than just how it impacts you, and

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Speaker 2: it's hard to have to bear, you know, the burden

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Speaker 2: of recovery and work through the elements of experiencing trauma,

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Speaker 2: especially in a situation where multiple people experienced it.

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Speaker 1: And so this kind of gets to know the point

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Speaker 1: in the story where we wound up connecting, because my

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Speaker 1: understanding is that you know, when you get back to

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Speaker 1: the States, you were looking for some solace, you know,

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Speaker 1: to find some hints of things that could help you

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Speaker 1: feel better. And so tell a little bit about the

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Speaker 1: story about how you happened across the podcast.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So I started listening to the podcast, probably more towards

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Speaker 2: the end of my recovery journey. So I would have

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Speaker 2: a procedure and then i'd have to wait three months

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Speaker 2: for so on to go down, and then I'd have

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Speaker 2: the next one, and then I'd wait three months. So

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Speaker 2: I at that point started walking a lot and really

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Speaker 2: learned that what I enjoyed doing when I walked was

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Speaker 2: listening to podcasts, and yours showed up. I don't even

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Speaker 2: know how the algorithm found me. So I would wake

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Speaker 2: up in the morning and I would put your podcast on,

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Speaker 2: and I would walk with the dog, sometimes like five

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Speaker 2: or six miles, and I listened to the episode where

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Speaker 2: you had JR. On and he mentioned what it was

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Speaker 2: like to have always been told you were really good looking,

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Speaker 2: and how it felt to be like, well that's now gone.

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Speaker 2: And it was like instantaneously, tears just burst out of

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Speaker 2: my eyes and I like collapsed on my knees.

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Speaker 3: On the sidewalk, and I don't think anyone saw me,

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Speaker 3: no one checked on me.

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Speaker 2: I was just like, this is the first time I've

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Speaker 2: actually heard someone repeat back to me going through this experience,

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Speaker 2: because it was very isolating, and no one knows how

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Speaker 2: to react to you, and no one knows how to

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Speaker 2: make it feel better. And it was like the first

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Speaker 2: time I just heard someone really say this was so

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Speaker 2: awful and so transformative and share.

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Speaker 3: A lot of the same experience.

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Speaker 2: And you know, though I think our injuries were very different,

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Speaker 2: it was like he was speaking my language for the

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Speaker 2: first time someone really said out loud what I was feeling.

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Speaker 1: So the Mighty Algorithm had given Rebecca a gift and

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Speaker 1: connected her to a voice she could relate to. Jr's

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Speaker 1: story didn't completely map on to what Rebecca was going through,

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Speaker 1: but she saw a lot of herself in his journey.

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Speaker 1: Just as Jr's injuries had ended his beloved military career,

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Speaker 1: Rebecca's work life had been collapsing under the strain of

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Speaker 1: her painful path to recovery. Like JR, Rebecca was also

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Speaker 1: in danger of being robbed of purpose and direction. After

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Speaker 1: the break, we'll hear how she rebuilt her sense of

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Speaker 1: self and will introduce her to the man whose story

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Speaker 1: she found so helpful. The Happiness Lab will be right back.

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Speaker 1: In the aftermath of his severe burns, JR. Martinez lost

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Speaker 1: not only the face he'd known up until that point,

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Speaker 1: but also another important piece of his identity. He could

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Speaker 1: no longer be a soldier and serve among his friends

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Speaker 1: and comrades. But after a dark and lonely chapter in

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Speaker 1: his life, JR. Found new purpose, first as an actor

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Speaker 1: portraying a wounded veteran on TV, then as an advocate

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Speaker 1: for his fellow wounded vets.

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Speaker 5: Because of these scars, I have this incredible ability to

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Speaker 5: get people's attention seconds of curiosity right like who is that?

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Speaker 6: What happened to him?

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Speaker 5: Those fifteen seconds of curiosity that people have. It's my

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Speaker 5: job mine to take that fifteen seconds and turn it

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Speaker 5: into thirty seconds, into forty five, into sixty seconds, into

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Speaker 5: five minutes, ten minutes of actual educated dialogue. I've been

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Speaker 5: able to make a difference, and I think that to

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Speaker 5: me is more important than anything else.

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Speaker 1: When she listened to JR. On The Happiness Lab, Rebecca

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Speaker 1: Kaduru was in awe of Jr's bravery, but she knew

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Speaker 1: she couldn't engage publicly with her injured face in the

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Speaker 1: way JR.

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Speaker 3: Had.

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Speaker 2: I really commend how, you know, public he has been

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Speaker 2: able to be. I really could appreciate how he has

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Speaker 2: been able to leverage his personal experience and use that

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Speaker 2: as a way to kind of teach and connect with others.

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Speaker 2: And for me, I realized very early on that I

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Speaker 2: didn't have the emotional bandwidth to do that. So I

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Speaker 2: have a lot of respect for him and felt okay

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Speaker 2: listening to him, that's like, okay, you know this was

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Speaker 2: what he learned from it, and I learned something very different,

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Speaker 2: which was that I needed to curtmentalize what happened to me.

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Speaker 2: And people kept saying, you know, why don't you buy

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Speaker 2: a journal or why don't you start on Instagram and

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Speaker 2: you can document this?

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Speaker 3: And I went as far as buying a journal and

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Speaker 3: like a nice pen and never was able to open it.

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Speaker 2: It was like, the moment I write this down, it

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Speaker 2: solidifies that this is what happened, and it creates a

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Speaker 2: situation where I can go back and relive it any time.

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Speaker 2: I opened that book, and it was like in my soul,

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Speaker 2: I knew I didn't have the ability to do that,

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Speaker 2: and so I have pictures of how my recovery journey went,

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Speaker 2: and I've never really shared them with anyone because it

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Speaker 2: was just something that I was like, this is an

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Speaker 2: experience I'm going to keep for me. And the other

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Speaker 2: thing I'll share that happened is I was ironically working

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Speaker 2: for a hell equity organization at the time of this,

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Speaker 2: and it seems silly in twenty twenty three, but at

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Speaker 2: the time in twenty nineteen, when I really realized the

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Speaker 2: extent of what my recovery was going to be, I

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Speaker 2: went to them and I said, you know, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to need remote working accommodations, and.

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Speaker 3: They were basically like, that's a no go for us.

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Speaker 2: I was presented with the severance package that included like

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Speaker 2: basically taking it to keep a runway on my health insurance,

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Speaker 2: and so I really got like a crash course in

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Speaker 2: how tied Americans are between their workplace and their health

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Speaker 2: and kind of set goals for myself that I was

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Speaker 2: going to use this as an opportunity. I've always been,

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Speaker 2: you know, very career driven and very goal oriented, and

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Speaker 2: where this kind of went to me was like, this

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Speaker 2: is going to be a challenge for me, and I'm

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Speaker 2: going to get into leadership opportunities and I'm going to

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Speaker 2: make sure that everyone that works with me never.

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Speaker 3: Feels this way again. And so that was kind of

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Speaker 3: where I focused.

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Speaker 2: This is like, I'm going to focus on rebuilding and

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Speaker 2: reshaping my ability to have impact on other people through

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Speaker 2: the workplace, because that was hard. It was really hard

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Speaker 2: to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself and

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Speaker 2: then so much of your identity within the United States

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Speaker 2: is tied to your work and then have that pulled

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Speaker 2: away too.

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Speaker 6: It was tough.

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Speaker 2: It was like a lot to take in at one time.

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Speaker 2: And that was kind of the goal I set for myself.

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Speaker 2: So where we've had really different stories and you know

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Speaker 2: how we grew from our trauma, that for me was

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Speaker 2: where I was like, this is what I know I

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Speaker 2: can take on. This is who I am as a person.

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Speaker 2: I've always been goal oriented. I've always been career oriented.

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Speaker 2: It you know, I was an entrepreneur, I started an organization.

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Speaker 2: So that was how it really came to fruition for me.

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Speaker 1: So hearing how influential JR. Was, you know, to your

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Speaker 1: story and how meaningful it was for you to hear

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Speaker 1: kind of what he went through and kind of how

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Speaker 1: he recovered and how he dealt with this trauma. Yeah,

436
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:10,956
Speaker 1: we wanted to give you a little bit of a

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Speaker 1: gift for sharing your story on the Happiness Lab, and

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Speaker 1: so we've actually brought j R.

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Speaker 6: Here today. What's up, Rebecca, I'm so excited.

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Speaker 3: To meet you.

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Speaker 6: What is up?

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Speaker 1: So g you were listening in the background to Rebecca's story,

443
00:21:25,556 --> 00:21:27,956
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering, you know what, what's the first advice

444
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:28,676
Speaker 1: that you have for her?

445
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,636
Speaker 5: You know, I just the first thing I just want to,

446
00:21:30,796 --> 00:21:33,196
Speaker 5: you know, just immediately jump in and just say, just

447
00:21:33,516 --> 00:21:36,276
Speaker 5: give yourself grace. You know, it took me a very

448
00:21:36,476 --> 00:21:39,196
Speaker 5: long time to get to this point where I was

449
00:21:39,396 --> 00:21:44,316
Speaker 5: very vocal about what happened to me. I was constantly

450
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:49,876
Speaker 5: talking about my experiences and understanding that I would find

451
00:21:49,996 --> 00:21:52,276
Speaker 5: more of a community the more that I spoke about it.

452
00:21:52,356 --> 00:21:55,516
Speaker 5: But honestly, one of the things that I've really identified

453
00:21:55,556 --> 00:21:58,356
Speaker 5: in the last few years is that when you know

454
00:21:58,836 --> 00:22:02,436
Speaker 5: about I want, say, like eight or nine years after

455
00:22:02,556 --> 00:22:05,396
Speaker 5: I was injured, even though I was already in the

456
00:22:05,516 --> 00:22:07,756
Speaker 5: public eye and talking on.

457
00:22:07,796 --> 00:22:09,916
Speaker 6: A smaller scale, but then the still doing it.

458
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:12,596
Speaker 5: I look back at that period in my life and

459
00:22:12,676 --> 00:22:17,356
Speaker 5: I realized I wasn't ready, I wasn't really being vulnerable,

460
00:22:18,156 --> 00:22:22,996
Speaker 5: and I realized that I was sort of hiding behind

461
00:22:23,316 --> 00:22:27,396
Speaker 5: this shield of being someone who was in a military

462
00:22:27,716 --> 00:22:32,116
Speaker 5: and considered a hero, and that was my way in

463
00:22:32,396 --> 00:22:37,396
Speaker 5: my avenue into spaces. And it took me a long

464
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:40,076
Speaker 5: time for me to finally get to that point where

465
00:22:40,076 --> 00:22:42,076
Speaker 5: I was like, oh no, there's some things that are

466
00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:46,596
Speaker 5: still here. There's still some emotional and mental stuff that

467
00:22:46,676 --> 00:22:51,316
Speaker 5: I just completely oppressed or didn't realize. And when I

468
00:22:51,556 --> 00:22:54,996
Speaker 5: finally again, and I'm not trying to push anything on

469
00:22:55,116 --> 00:22:57,556
Speaker 5: to you, but I'm just my experience was at that

470
00:22:57,716 --> 00:23:01,036
Speaker 5: point is when I realized, Okay, I think I'm now

471
00:23:01,196 --> 00:23:04,396
Speaker 5: really starting to embrace this. I think I'm really I

472
00:23:04,436 --> 00:23:06,996
Speaker 5: think there was a defense mechanism as far as the

473
00:23:07,036 --> 00:23:09,036
Speaker 5: way I was handling things for a very long time.

474
00:23:09,676 --> 00:23:14,956
Speaker 5: Now I think I'm really embracing and accepting and your

475
00:23:15,076 --> 00:23:18,316
Speaker 5: five years. Man, it's five years. So much of our

476
00:23:18,396 --> 00:23:20,636
Speaker 5: identities are tied to what we do as a career

477
00:23:20,836 --> 00:23:23,956
Speaker 5: and our appearance, but so much of what we're conditioned

478
00:23:24,076 --> 00:23:26,796
Speaker 5: to believe is that we got to have everything figured

479
00:23:26,796 --> 00:23:27,436
Speaker 5: out right away.

480
00:23:27,476 --> 00:23:29,796
Speaker 6: I mean, It starts from our childhood, right, it's like

481
00:23:29,956 --> 00:23:31,116
Speaker 6: what do you want to be when you grow up?

482
00:23:31,116 --> 00:23:34,156
Speaker 5: In like you're like, I'm three, and it just continues,

483
00:23:34,236 --> 00:23:36,036
Speaker 5: and then of course when you become an adult, it's

484
00:23:36,076 --> 00:23:39,116
Speaker 5: like have it figured out? And it's like people expect

485
00:23:40,036 --> 00:23:43,236
Speaker 5: for you and for me and for anybody else that's

486
00:23:43,316 --> 00:23:46,756
Speaker 5: listening that has had a traumatic experience. You know, when

487
00:23:46,796 --> 00:23:49,396
Speaker 5: you're aging, you have time to process when you go

488
00:23:49,516 --> 00:23:50,916
Speaker 5: through something traumatic like we have.

489
00:23:51,516 --> 00:23:55,076
Speaker 6: There's no time. It's now. But because of other people's

490
00:23:55,836 --> 00:23:57,556
Speaker 6: and abilities in.

491
00:23:57,676 --> 00:23:59,876
Speaker 5: Some way in the way that they've been conditioned as well,

492
00:24:00,436 --> 00:24:02,196
Speaker 5: we are just led to believe that we got to

493
00:24:02,236 --> 00:24:04,836
Speaker 5: have it all figured out and you have to, you know,

494
00:24:04,956 --> 00:24:07,516
Speaker 5: bounce back and be this person. But it's not really

495
00:24:07,636 --> 00:24:10,636
Speaker 5: for yourself. It's for everyone one else's comfort. And it

496
00:24:10,756 --> 00:24:13,036
Speaker 5: took me a long time to realize that, and so

497
00:24:13,716 --> 00:24:15,476
Speaker 5: I'm always telling people. I was like, listen, if it

498
00:24:15,556 --> 00:24:19,156
Speaker 5: makes people uncomfortable, you know why you go through your

499
00:24:19,276 --> 00:24:23,396
Speaker 5: grieving process, which is very different for everybody, that's not

500
00:24:23,516 --> 00:24:27,196
Speaker 5: your problem. That's, if anything, an opportunity for them to

501
00:24:27,356 --> 00:24:30,956
Speaker 5: identify why this triggers me so much. Every time Rebecca

502
00:24:31,556 --> 00:24:34,436
Speaker 5: talks about this or JR. Talks about this like that's

503
00:24:34,636 --> 00:24:38,436
Speaker 5: that's for your journey. My journey is to just kind

504
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:40,916
Speaker 5: of be present every day and feel like what I

505
00:24:40,996 --> 00:24:43,876
Speaker 5: can potentially take away from this experience, but just give

506
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:47,356
Speaker 5: yourself grace. Man, Like I think first and foremost, I'm

507
00:24:47,356 --> 00:24:49,076
Speaker 5: listening to your story. I'm sure like a lot of

508
00:24:49,116 --> 00:24:51,356
Speaker 5: people are going to be listening to this episode, and

509
00:24:51,396 --> 00:24:53,476
Speaker 5: I'm just like, dude, she's bad ass, she's kicking ass,

510
00:24:53,516 --> 00:24:57,236
Speaker 5: She's doing a lot of amazing things. And just because

511
00:24:57,276 --> 00:24:59,876
Speaker 5: you're not in this space of where you're sharing your

512
00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:02,396
Speaker 5: story on that Instagram account that you don't have or

513
00:25:02,436 --> 00:25:05,236
Speaker 5: in that journal, you're doing it in a way that

514
00:25:05,476 --> 00:25:07,876
Speaker 5: is very important, and that's with your team, that's what

515
00:25:08,036 --> 00:25:10,116
Speaker 5: people you work with, and that is something that you

516
00:25:10,236 --> 00:25:13,076
Speaker 5: can't overlook. Just because you're not doing it on this

517
00:25:13,236 --> 00:25:16,076
Speaker 5: scale like anybody else doesn't necessarily mean that you're not

518
00:25:16,676 --> 00:25:19,876
Speaker 5: taking something away from this experience and then utilizing that

519
00:25:20,276 --> 00:25:22,716
Speaker 5: lesson to then help other people as they go through

520
00:25:22,756 --> 00:25:26,836
Speaker 5: these life situations or whatever. But not that you and

521
00:25:26,916 --> 00:25:28,756
Speaker 5: I ever thought that we wanted to be part of

522
00:25:28,836 --> 00:25:31,796
Speaker 5: a community where we ever use the word traumatic or

523
00:25:32,116 --> 00:25:37,236
Speaker 5: trauma or you know, life alterin. Those are key words

524
00:25:37,356 --> 00:25:40,916
Speaker 5: that we never assumed would be part of our Google

525
00:25:40,996 --> 00:25:44,156
Speaker 5: searches or titles that people want to put over our heads.

526
00:25:44,236 --> 00:25:45,916
Speaker 5: At the end of the day, man, like I tell

527
00:25:45,956 --> 00:25:48,156
Speaker 5: you this, like I'm proud. I'm like, I'm at that

528
00:25:48,236 --> 00:25:50,436
Speaker 5: point now where I'm twenty years in and I'm like,

529
00:25:50,956 --> 00:25:52,596
Speaker 5: you know what, Yeah, I've been through some shit and

530
00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:54,556
Speaker 5: I'm proud that I've been through some shit and it

531
00:25:54,836 --> 00:25:57,716
Speaker 5: was hard, and my people we got through it.

532
00:25:57,836 --> 00:25:59,836
Speaker 6: And luckily for you, you have a you know, a

533
00:25:59,876 --> 00:26:03,196
Speaker 6: beautiful family that is with you. And I listen to

534
00:26:03,316 --> 00:26:03,756
Speaker 6: you and I.

535
00:26:04,196 --> 00:26:06,876
Speaker 5: Hear somebody and I see somebody that I believe is

536
00:26:07,396 --> 00:26:11,356
Speaker 5: a one hundred percent and someone that is a force

537
00:26:11,436 --> 00:26:14,036
Speaker 5: to be reckoned with. And I think that you're still

538
00:26:14,076 --> 00:26:15,636
Speaker 5: in the early stages of this whole thing, and I

539
00:26:15,676 --> 00:26:17,996
Speaker 5: think you're going to do so many more incredible things

540
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:19,156
Speaker 5: because I just feel it.

541
00:26:19,356 --> 00:26:22,156
Speaker 6: I feel it in you, and you just you will

542
00:26:22,156 --> 00:26:23,476
Speaker 6: always be that entrepreneur.

543
00:26:23,556 --> 00:26:25,796
Speaker 5: But your entrepreneurship is now going to have so much

544
00:26:25,836 --> 00:26:28,476
Speaker 5: more weight to it than it did before because you've

545
00:26:28,556 --> 00:26:28,836
Speaker 5: lived it.

546
00:26:28,996 --> 00:26:31,076
Speaker 6: You you and your family have been through it.

547
00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:35,076
Speaker 1: So like one of the things I wanted to interject

548
00:26:35,116 --> 00:26:37,476
Speaker 1: the Rebecca is that I think, you know, it sounds like,

549
00:26:37,636 --> 00:26:39,516
Speaker 1: you know, in your past, people kind of put a

550
00:26:39,556 --> 00:26:41,396
Speaker 1: lot of pressure on you to share the story, like, oh,

551
00:26:41,436 --> 00:26:42,916
Speaker 1: you have to journal it or you have to instagram

552
00:26:42,996 --> 00:26:45,356
Speaker 1: it so publicly, and you're saying, nah, I don't want

553
00:26:45,396 --> 00:26:46,876
Speaker 1: to do that. I want to get my meaning through

554
00:26:46,956 --> 00:26:49,396
Speaker 1: something else, you know. But the irony is that you're

555
00:26:49,516 --> 00:26:52,356
Speaker 1: now talking to hundreds of millions of people happy to

556
00:26:52,396 --> 00:26:55,596
Speaker 1: slab podcast, and so, you know what is I'm curious

557
00:26:55,676 --> 00:26:57,516
Speaker 1: what that feels like. Is a first step, you know,

558
00:26:57,636 --> 00:27:00,396
Speaker 1: to share your story, like, you know, is that kind

559
00:27:00,436 --> 00:27:02,476
Speaker 1: of a step towards thinking about it? Did it just

560
00:27:02,556 --> 00:27:04,516
Speaker 1: kind of feel natural since this was such a part

561
00:27:04,556 --> 00:27:06,956
Speaker 1: of your journey, Like it does kind of feel like

562
00:27:06,996 --> 00:27:09,116
Speaker 1: you're sharing now, and so I'm curious what that feels like.

563
00:27:09,796 --> 00:27:12,276
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I was actually driving with my husband.

564
00:27:12,316 --> 00:27:16,836
Speaker 2: We went He still works in Africa often and so

565
00:27:16,956 --> 00:27:19,236
Speaker 2: he travels back to East Africa a lot. I went

566
00:27:19,356 --> 00:27:22,956
Speaker 2: back for my first time in May since the accident.

567
00:27:23,076 --> 00:27:27,516
Speaker 2: So it's now July, so about six weeks ago. And

568
00:27:27,716 --> 00:27:30,556
Speaker 2: it was weird, right because it was like I'm back

569
00:27:30,636 --> 00:27:32,956
Speaker 2: in this place that I also realized I was avoiding

570
00:27:33,316 --> 00:27:36,236
Speaker 2: and had lived in for ten years. And so him

571
00:27:36,276 --> 00:27:39,596
Speaker 2: and I were having a conversation and we're just talking

572
00:27:39,836 --> 00:27:44,556
Speaker 2: about how people process trauma, and he made a comment, Yeah,

573
00:27:44,636 --> 00:27:47,316
Speaker 2: you haven't talked about it publicly. I think there's just

574
00:27:47,396 --> 00:27:50,236
Speaker 2: a lot of pressure in our generation to get out

575
00:27:50,276 --> 00:27:53,156
Speaker 2: there and like turn it into some sort of Instagram

576
00:27:53,396 --> 00:27:55,476
Speaker 2: personality or become an advocate.

577
00:27:55,516 --> 00:27:57,196
Speaker 3: And I said, well, actually, guess what.

578
00:27:58,116 --> 00:28:02,276
Speaker 2: Lorie Santos asked me to share my story on the

579
00:28:02,356 --> 00:28:05,876
Speaker 2: Happiness Lab and he was like, no way, that's your

580
00:28:05,876 --> 00:28:09,556
Speaker 2: favorite podcast, and so I was like yeah, and I said,

581
00:28:09,596 --> 00:28:13,596
Speaker 2: you know, I finally feel ready to share what happened

582
00:28:13,916 --> 00:28:16,556
Speaker 2: because I actually know, and you know, this is a

583
00:28:16,596 --> 00:28:19,756
Speaker 2: little bit different than your experience, JR. I have come

584
00:28:19,836 --> 00:28:22,836
Speaker 2: out of it five years later, and no one looking

585
00:28:22,916 --> 00:28:24,956
Speaker 2: at me can tell that this happened.

586
00:28:25,436 --> 00:28:25,836
Speaker 6: I can.

587
00:28:26,476 --> 00:28:28,716
Speaker 3: I can look in the mirror and I know that,

588
00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:29,796
Speaker 3: like I had.

589
00:28:29,796 --> 00:28:32,476
Speaker 2: Extensive nerve damage to my face, right so, like from

590
00:28:32,556 --> 00:28:35,156
Speaker 2: my eyes upward, nothing moves anymore.

591
00:28:35,436 --> 00:28:37,116
Speaker 3: It's all just kind of stuck in place.

592
00:28:37,636 --> 00:28:41,036
Speaker 2: And I know that a lot about my face is different,

593
00:28:41,236 --> 00:28:45,636
Speaker 2: but particularly meeting new people, no one knows what happened,

594
00:28:45,796 --> 00:28:49,076
Speaker 2: and so it's it's an interesting it's a different place

595
00:28:49,156 --> 00:28:51,316
Speaker 2: to be because people don't ask unless they get close

596
00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:53,716
Speaker 2: enough and they say, wow, that's a really big scar

597
00:28:53,996 --> 00:28:57,916
Speaker 2: that goes through your eye, like what happened? And oftentimes

598
00:28:57,996 --> 00:29:00,716
Speaker 2: people don't, you know, I can tell they're looking at it,

599
00:29:00,836 --> 00:29:03,996
Speaker 2: but they don't necessarily mention it. But I do, like

600
00:29:04,316 --> 00:29:07,076
Speaker 2: I do know now that like one of the things

601
00:29:07,116 --> 00:29:08,956
Speaker 2: that mattered at the time was like, is this going

602
00:29:08,996 --> 00:29:11,636
Speaker 2: to affect my career? Is this going to affect you know,

603
00:29:11,716 --> 00:29:14,036
Speaker 2: the goal I had for myself before this happened. And

604
00:29:14,116 --> 00:29:16,516
Speaker 2: I know the answer is no, it did. Not only

605
00:29:16,596 --> 00:29:19,316
Speaker 2: did it not affected, it accelerated it. I was able

606
00:29:19,356 --> 00:29:22,996
Speaker 2: to take some really tough times and channel that into

607
00:29:23,956 --> 00:29:27,236
Speaker 2: understanding how to support people in a really productive way.

608
00:29:27,796 --> 00:29:30,236
Speaker 2: And then the other big thing, which you know, was

609
00:29:30,316 --> 00:29:33,476
Speaker 2: so transformational to hear you kind of grapple with the

610
00:29:33,516 --> 00:29:35,396
Speaker 2: same thing, is am I ever going to look the

611
00:29:35,476 --> 00:29:39,236
Speaker 2: same And the answer is not one hundred percent? But yeah,

612
00:29:39,276 --> 00:29:41,676
Speaker 2: I look pretty normal. And then the third thing I've

613
00:29:41,676 --> 00:29:43,276
Speaker 2: had to deal with is am I ever going to be.

614
00:29:43,276 --> 00:29:45,036
Speaker 3: Able to see in the same way again?

615
00:29:45,156 --> 00:29:48,116
Speaker 2: Because I did have pretty extensive damage to my left eye,

616
00:29:48,516 --> 00:29:53,036
Speaker 2: and I recently had a surgery and was able to

617
00:29:53,156 --> 00:29:56,316
Speaker 2: get a correct prescription for prism glasses that kind of

618
00:29:56,436 --> 00:30:00,076
Speaker 2: evens everything out, and so now when I wear glasses,

619
00:30:00,396 --> 00:30:02,956
Speaker 2: I do see pretty normal. The larger challenge I have

620
00:30:03,156 --> 00:30:06,036
Speaker 2: is that there's just so many kind of residual, tiny

621
00:30:06,036 --> 00:30:08,716
Speaker 2: little broken bones in my faith that sometimes I can't

622
00:30:08,756 --> 00:30:11,476
Speaker 2: wear the glasses all the time. But those were kind

623
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,596
Speaker 2: of the three things, and I feel ready to talk

624
00:30:13,596 --> 00:30:16,676
Speaker 2: about it because I do know the answers to all

625
00:30:16,756 --> 00:30:18,836
Speaker 2: those questions. And I think what I learned in this

626
00:30:19,036 --> 00:30:23,196
Speaker 2: process is that not knowing answers or having control over

627
00:30:23,316 --> 00:30:26,796
Speaker 2: answers is really challenging for me. But at least now

628
00:30:26,996 --> 00:30:30,796
Speaker 2: I don't have that mystery of googling like how do

629
00:30:30,876 --> 00:30:33,756
Speaker 2: people look after and I suck it implant.

630
00:30:34,036 --> 00:30:35,596
Speaker 3: But I don't know if you did the same thing

631
00:30:35,636 --> 00:30:35,916
Speaker 3: at all.

632
00:30:35,956 --> 00:30:38,596
Speaker 2: But it was like a little bit of internal torture,

633
00:30:38,716 --> 00:30:41,396
Speaker 2: which Laura you have talked about on your podcast not

634
00:30:41,716 --> 00:30:43,356
Speaker 2: doing so yeah.

635
00:30:43,356 --> 00:30:46,156
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, for for me, I look at, you know,

636
00:30:46,316 --> 00:30:49,676
Speaker 5: my my facial scarring and a lot of the procedures

637
00:30:49,676 --> 00:30:51,076
Speaker 5: that I've had, you know, I had a lot of

638
00:30:51,676 --> 00:30:53,276
Speaker 5: you know, if I've had a lot of facelifts and

639
00:30:53,316 --> 00:30:53,716
Speaker 5: the burns.

640
00:30:53,756 --> 00:30:56,476
Speaker 6: When it does, it contracts the skin and so it

641
00:30:56,556 --> 00:30:57,196
Speaker 6: kind of tightens it.

642
00:30:57,236 --> 00:30:59,836
Speaker 5: So I'm like, man, I got like permanent facelifts botox

643
00:30:59,876 --> 00:31:00,836
Speaker 5: for the rest of my life.

644
00:31:00,996 --> 00:31:03,036
Speaker 3: Like that to me is a comfort thing with my

645
00:31:03,116 --> 00:31:05,556
Speaker 3: nerve damage. It's like, great, you'll never have to get botox.

646
00:31:05,796 --> 00:31:07,956
Speaker 2: And at the time, I was like, but I want

647
00:31:08,036 --> 00:31:10,156
Speaker 2: my forehead to move, And now five years later, like

648
00:31:10,276 --> 00:31:12,156
Speaker 2: as I'm approaching my late thirties, I'm like.

649
00:31:12,316 --> 00:31:14,676
Speaker 3: It's like kind of nice that my forehead does.

650
00:31:14,916 --> 00:31:15,116
Speaker 4: Yeah.

651
00:31:15,316 --> 00:31:19,996
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're listening to what the blessings findings exactly, this

652
00:31:20,356 --> 00:31:23,836
Speaker 1: classic happiness research here finding the blessings.

653
00:31:23,316 --> 00:31:24,676
Speaker 3: And the you know, the bad situation.

654
00:31:25,036 --> 00:31:28,836
Speaker 1: Yeah, knowing what JR And Rebecca have been through, it's

655
00:31:28,876 --> 00:31:31,276
Speaker 1: amazing they can still laugh and joke about their life

656
00:31:31,316 --> 00:31:34,356
Speaker 1: altering injuries. But it totally fits with what the science

657
00:31:34,396 --> 00:31:37,836
Speaker 1: shows that we humans do have a remarkable ability to

658
00:31:37,956 --> 00:31:41,756
Speaker 1: deal with even the most awful of events, finding meaning, value,

659
00:31:41,876 --> 00:31:44,716
Speaker 1: and yes, even humor in them. When we returned from

660
00:31:44,756 --> 00:31:47,116
Speaker 1: the break, we'll hear more about the science of the

661
00:31:47,196 --> 00:31:50,716
Speaker 1: post traumatic growth that both JR. And Rebecca experienced and

662
00:31:50,876 --> 00:31:53,236
Speaker 1: find out how they both dealt with being stared at

663
00:31:53,276 --> 00:31:53,756
Speaker 1: in public.

664
00:31:54,116 --> 00:31:55,996
Speaker 5: I know you're curious, I know you want to know.

665
00:31:56,276 --> 00:31:58,996
Speaker 5: I know you're looking, and so I'll just feel like, Hi,

666
00:31:59,076 --> 00:31:59,636
Speaker 5: how are you doing?

667
00:32:00,396 --> 00:32:11,476
Speaker 1: The Happiness Lab will be right back. Rebecca Kuduru says

668
00:32:11,556 --> 00:32:14,116
Speaker 1: she probably wouldn't have been comfortable sharing her story with

669
00:32:14,276 --> 00:32:16,596
Speaker 1: us if the scar is caused by her car crash

670
00:32:16,756 --> 00:32:20,116
Speaker 1: hadn't been smoothed away by so many pioneering medical treatments.

671
00:32:20,596 --> 00:32:22,756
Speaker 1: When I first met her in person, I had no

672
00:32:22,836 --> 00:32:25,916
Speaker 1: idea what she'd been through, But JR. Martinez faced a

673
00:32:26,036 --> 00:32:27,596
Speaker 1: very different set of circumstances.

674
00:32:28,036 --> 00:32:31,676
Speaker 5: With the three of us right now, walked into a room, Immediately,

675
00:32:31,996 --> 00:32:34,316
Speaker 5: all the eyeballs are going to go to me, just

676
00:32:34,436 --> 00:32:37,436
Speaker 5: because of the curiosity of like, who is that? What

677
00:32:37,716 --> 00:32:42,036
Speaker 5: happened to him? He's clearly been through something. What happened

678
00:32:42,156 --> 00:32:44,436
Speaker 5: and what was it? And let's look at that scarring?

679
00:32:44,596 --> 00:32:48,236
Speaker 5: Wow that Like it's just the natural curiosity. Early in

680
00:32:48,356 --> 00:32:51,716
Speaker 5: my recovery, you developed this ability to understand when people

681
00:32:51,756 --> 00:32:55,556
Speaker 5: are looking at you. Oh, like like you just all

682
00:32:55,636 --> 00:32:57,316
Speaker 5: of a sudden, now you just kind of look over

683
00:32:57,396 --> 00:32:59,356
Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, I caught you, Like I know you're

684
00:32:59,396 --> 00:33:01,316
Speaker 5: looking at me, and so what then I started to

685
00:33:01,356 --> 00:33:05,716
Speaker 5: do because people don't have the skills and the ability

686
00:33:05,796 --> 00:33:07,596
Speaker 5: to come up and actually say I'm sorry, I'm just.

687
00:33:07,676 --> 00:33:11,276
Speaker 6: Curious, or that's garn above your eye, Rebecca, what is that?

688
00:33:11,476 --> 00:33:13,556
Speaker 5: Or what happened? Or people aren't going to do that

689
00:33:13,676 --> 00:33:16,116
Speaker 5: because they don't know one is that going to trigger you?

690
00:33:16,356 --> 00:33:18,516
Speaker 5: They don't know if they should ask that question. There's

691
00:33:18,556 --> 00:33:20,236
Speaker 5: just so many different things, and so what I took

692
00:33:20,316 --> 00:33:23,316
Speaker 5: it as I'm going to now use that as an

693
00:33:23,356 --> 00:33:26,436
Speaker 5: opportunity to just sort of educate you. You know, I

694
00:33:26,556 --> 00:33:28,556
Speaker 5: know you're curious, I know you want to know. I

695
00:33:28,676 --> 00:33:30,636
Speaker 5: know you're looking, and so I'll just feel like.

696
00:33:30,996 --> 00:33:34,036
Speaker 6: Hi, how are you doing? Hey, what's up? What's your name.

697
00:33:34,316 --> 00:33:36,156
Speaker 3: I've actually been working with my daughter on this.

698
00:33:36,636 --> 00:33:40,196
Speaker 2: She got very into watching like Shark Week on Discovery

699
00:33:40,276 --> 00:33:44,276
Speaker 2: Channel and saw what it looks like to have, you know,

700
00:33:44,396 --> 00:33:48,476
Speaker 2: an amputation, and she calls it robot legs when some

701
00:33:48,556 --> 00:33:50,556
Speaker 2: one has its like a prosthetic for their leg. And

702
00:33:50,636 --> 00:33:53,036
Speaker 2: she's seen people in the supermarket and I can tell

703
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:55,436
Speaker 2: she turns and she starts whispering, and I'm always like,

704
00:33:55,956 --> 00:33:57,996
Speaker 2: you know, why don't you ask it's okay to ask,

705
00:33:58,076 --> 00:33:59,636
Speaker 2: and she'll go up and she'll say, you know, did

706
00:33:59,676 --> 00:34:01,436
Speaker 2: you get bit by a shark? It tends to be

707
00:34:01,556 --> 00:34:04,676
Speaker 2: her kind of thing, and people are really open about

708
00:34:04,716 --> 00:34:06,836
Speaker 2: talking about it for the most part. You know, I've

709
00:34:06,916 --> 00:34:09,036
Speaker 2: gone through that experience. Like for me, it was like

710
00:34:09,396 --> 00:34:12,396
Speaker 2: my eye was kind of just gone. It had fallen

711
00:34:12,636 --> 00:34:15,956
Speaker 2: into my sinus cavity, and now it's back. It took

712
00:34:16,516 --> 00:34:18,836
Speaker 2: two surgeries to get it back to where it was

713
00:34:18,916 --> 00:34:21,796
Speaker 2: and two different implants, but it was weirder to have

714
00:34:22,116 --> 00:34:25,796
Speaker 2: people look at you, and especially kids. I think it's

715
00:34:25,836 --> 00:34:28,356
Speaker 2: a really good place to kind of coach them through.

716
00:34:29,076 --> 00:34:31,116
Speaker 2: It's okay to be curious, and there's a way to

717
00:34:31,156 --> 00:34:33,236
Speaker 2: be polite about it, and so that's a big thing.

718
00:34:33,476 --> 00:34:36,476
Speaker 2: I've also worked with her on having gone through that

719
00:34:36,636 --> 00:34:39,316
Speaker 2: experience because I know exactly what you're talking about. I still,

720
00:34:39,436 --> 00:34:42,276
Speaker 2: you know, my eyes are now in different locations. I've

721
00:34:42,396 --> 00:34:44,516
Speaker 2: always I was born with two different color eyes, so

722
00:34:44,556 --> 00:34:46,596
Speaker 2: I have one brown eye and one green eye. So

723
00:34:46,756 --> 00:34:50,116
Speaker 2: I always had experiences where I could catch someone looking

724
00:34:50,236 --> 00:34:52,516
Speaker 2: back and forth and they would stop and they would say,

725
00:34:52,556 --> 00:34:53,956
Speaker 2: do you know, And I would say that I have

726
00:34:53,996 --> 00:34:57,476
Speaker 2: two different color eyes. We're going to say that, and

727
00:34:57,596 --> 00:35:00,116
Speaker 2: so people say it now too. But I have two

728
00:35:00,116 --> 00:35:02,316
Speaker 2: different shaped eyes now, and my eyes are at two

729
00:35:02,316 --> 00:35:05,156
Speaker 2: different levels. You know, It's weird that someone would feel

730
00:35:05,796 --> 00:35:10,476
Speaker 2: totally okay, like stopping midcent and pointing out something that

731
00:35:10,596 --> 00:35:14,796
Speaker 2: is still different about the way you look, but really

732
00:35:15,036 --> 00:35:17,276
Speaker 2: kind of beat around the bush when it comes to

733
00:35:18,236 --> 00:35:21,716
Speaker 2: what is likely a transformational event.

734
00:35:22,036 --> 00:35:23,796
Speaker 3: So I've been working with her on that as well.

735
00:35:24,236 --> 00:35:24,836
Speaker 6: That's awesome.

736
00:35:24,916 --> 00:35:27,956
Speaker 5: I find it more as an exercise for me to

737
00:35:28,876 --> 00:35:34,356
Speaker 5: take the power away or take the attention away from

738
00:35:34,436 --> 00:35:38,596
Speaker 5: this thing that's obvious to both of us. And I'm

739
00:35:38,676 --> 00:35:41,196
Speaker 5: going to more reroute the conversation to connect as a

740
00:35:41,276 --> 00:35:43,756
Speaker 5: human being. And so if I see Laurie coming up

741
00:35:43,796 --> 00:35:45,356
Speaker 5: to me and she's, you know, kind of just looking

742
00:35:45,356 --> 00:35:47,636
Speaker 5: at me, I know, I'm like, oh, so, where are

743
00:35:47,636 --> 00:35:50,556
Speaker 5: you from, Laurie? What do you do get you comfortable

744
00:35:50,636 --> 00:35:53,876
Speaker 5: with me? And then from there it'll come up at

745
00:35:53,996 --> 00:35:57,876
Speaker 5: some natural, organic way. But until then, let's just connect

746
00:35:57,876 --> 00:36:00,676
Speaker 5: as people and I'm going to guide you through this process.

747
00:36:00,836 --> 00:36:03,076
Speaker 5: I'm going to remind you that I'm still a person

748
00:36:03,316 --> 00:36:05,636
Speaker 5: first and foremost, and just sort of remove all the

749
00:36:05,876 --> 00:36:07,756
Speaker 5: trauma and tragic stuff, yep.

750
00:36:07,756 --> 00:36:09,676
Speaker 1: And I think that this is you know, this is

751
00:36:09,716 --> 00:36:11,396
Speaker 1: one of the reasons I love both of your stories

752
00:36:11,516 --> 00:36:14,396
Speaker 1: is that this highlights a really important feature of post

753
00:36:14,476 --> 00:36:18,076
Speaker 1: traumatic growth, is that people experience more empathy, more kind

754
00:36:18,076 --> 00:36:20,516
Speaker 1: of self compassion and grace for themselves, but also more

755
00:36:20,556 --> 00:36:23,556
Speaker 1: empathy for other people, right, even when other people are

756
00:36:23,556 --> 00:36:25,636
Speaker 1: doing stupid stuff like you know, like pointing at your

757
00:36:25,716 --> 00:36:28,836
Speaker 1: scars and things like that. And so, Rebecca, I'm curious,

758
00:36:28,876 --> 00:36:30,796
Speaker 1: you know, is this something you've experienced in your own

759
00:36:30,836 --> 00:36:33,436
Speaker 1: life where in a very odd way this wound up

760
00:36:33,476 --> 00:36:35,516
Speaker 1: connecting you with other people totally?

761
00:36:35,596 --> 00:36:36,396
Speaker 3: I mean, JR.

762
00:36:36,476 --> 00:36:38,556
Speaker 2: When you first came on, you said give yourself grace.

763
00:36:38,756 --> 00:36:41,956
Speaker 2: I would say, I am so much nicer around myself.

764
00:36:42,196 --> 00:36:45,476
Speaker 2: So I used to have this thing about reading fiction

765
00:36:45,916 --> 00:36:48,036
Speaker 2: that it was like, if I was reading fiction, I

766
00:36:48,196 --> 00:36:51,076
Speaker 2: wasn't using my time productively. I could be using that

767
00:36:51,196 --> 00:36:53,756
Speaker 2: time to read nonfiction and maybe I could learn something

768
00:36:53,836 --> 00:36:56,196
Speaker 2: from it. You know, I actually realized that I don't

769
00:36:56,356 --> 00:36:58,956
Speaker 2: like reading nonfiction. Now I listen to audiobooks when I

770
00:36:59,036 --> 00:37:02,156
Speaker 2: walk and like, that's fine. You have an episode about

771
00:37:02,156 --> 00:37:04,516
Speaker 2: getting your email and box down to zero. I am

772
00:37:04,676 --> 00:37:08,076
Speaker 2: so good about walking away and I work for a

773
00:37:08,156 --> 00:37:10,196
Speaker 2: Jewish organization right now, and so we get done at

774
00:37:10,236 --> 00:37:13,356
Speaker 2: three on Fridays because of Shabbat, and I'm like, you know,

775
00:37:13,516 --> 00:37:15,516
Speaker 2: I'm not going to sit on my computer and respond

776
00:37:15,556 --> 00:37:17,676
Speaker 2: to those emails at three o'clock on a Friday.

777
00:37:17,836 --> 00:37:19,676
Speaker 1: Yeah, And this I think that's with Another thing that

778
00:37:19,876 --> 00:37:21,916
Speaker 1: you know we've learned from post traumatic growth is that

779
00:37:22,156 --> 00:37:24,396
Speaker 1: it kind of allows you to set your priorities a

780
00:37:24,476 --> 00:37:27,196
Speaker 1: little bit better, right, Yeah, And for me, some of

781
00:37:27,276 --> 00:37:28,236
Speaker 1: that is also pausing.

782
00:37:28,436 --> 00:37:30,996
Speaker 2: It's not like I'm going to get moving on the

783
00:37:31,076 --> 00:37:33,356
Speaker 2: things that really matter. It's I'm going to take time

784
00:37:33,436 --> 00:37:35,996
Speaker 2: to stop and appreciate what I have.

785
00:37:36,476 --> 00:37:38,756
Speaker 4: And it's also like what I have found, and I

786
00:37:38,836 --> 00:37:42,076
Speaker 4: think you're in that same position, Rebecca, there's this pressure

787
00:37:42,236 --> 00:37:46,516
Speaker 4: of expecting me to on some level, like to share

788
00:37:46,796 --> 00:37:47,556
Speaker 4: and talk a lot.

789
00:37:47,596 --> 00:37:49,516
Speaker 5: I mean even now when I get brought in to

790
00:37:49,716 --> 00:37:52,156
Speaker 5: either be on a podcast or to speak at an event,

791
00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,556
Speaker 5: or people like can you talk about that day? Can

792
00:37:54,596 --> 00:37:57,476
Speaker 5: you talk about what happened? And so what I have

793
00:37:57,636 --> 00:38:00,636
Speaker 5: discovered is I also when you talk about the pause,

794
00:38:01,316 --> 00:38:05,836
Speaker 5: for me, it's incredibly important to protect my own energy

795
00:38:06,316 --> 00:38:08,556
Speaker 5: and what that means is to stop and if I

796
00:38:08,676 --> 00:38:11,556
Speaker 5: feel like, hey, I give so much of myself to

797
00:38:11,676 --> 00:38:13,876
Speaker 5: other people, I need to stop for a second and

798
00:38:13,956 --> 00:38:16,436
Speaker 5: actually take care of myself. I just need to disconnect

799
00:38:16,516 --> 00:38:19,916
Speaker 5: for a second and not have to express so much.

800
00:38:20,276 --> 00:38:23,396
Speaker 5: I'm going to allow myself to sort of be selfish

801
00:38:23,396 --> 00:38:23,956
Speaker 5: in that way.

802
00:38:23,836 --> 00:38:24,356
Speaker 6: Which is good.

803
00:38:24,916 --> 00:38:26,876
Speaker 1: And I think this gets to yet another maybe a

804
00:38:26,956 --> 00:38:29,876
Speaker 1: final benefit that we know comes from trauma and something

805
00:38:29,916 --> 00:38:31,756
Speaker 1: that we see in post traumatic growth, which is that

806
00:38:32,156 --> 00:38:35,836
Speaker 1: people self report like knowing themselves better, like knowing their

807
00:38:35,916 --> 00:38:39,476
Speaker 1: limitations better, knowing their potential better, but also kind of

808
00:38:39,556 --> 00:38:42,916
Speaker 1: knowing a little bit more what they need and prioritizing it. Rebecca,

809
00:38:42,996 --> 00:38:46,356
Speaker 1: is that something you kind of experienced after this recovery process.

810
00:38:46,116 --> 00:38:48,956
Speaker 3: Too, Yeah, it's twofold. It's knowing what I need.

811
00:38:49,276 --> 00:38:52,796
Speaker 2: I really like that idea of kind of protecting my energy.

812
00:38:53,276 --> 00:38:56,476
Speaker 2: I also learned how much I can actually take on,

813
00:38:56,876 --> 00:39:00,276
Speaker 2: which I think is interesting. It was like, as much

814
00:39:00,316 --> 00:39:03,396
Speaker 2: as I hate that trope that people say, like you're

815
00:39:03,436 --> 00:39:05,956
Speaker 2: never given more than you can handle, there was a

816
00:39:06,076 --> 00:39:09,476
Speaker 2: lot of trauma that I overcame. I lost my younger

817
00:39:09,516 --> 00:39:11,516
Speaker 2: brother when I was five and a half. I think

818
00:39:11,876 --> 00:39:15,316
Speaker 2: you know, when you're exposed to trauma pretty regularly, you

819
00:39:15,436 --> 00:39:16,996
Speaker 2: build up a resilience to it.

820
00:39:17,116 --> 00:39:18,676
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying that that's good.

821
00:39:18,716 --> 00:39:22,236
Speaker 2: That trauma shouldn't affect you, but kind of building up

822
00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:26,156
Speaker 2: in small pieces and then having this huge thing happen.

823
00:39:26,916 --> 00:39:29,436
Speaker 2: Maybe I would even say it instill the self confidence

824
00:39:29,516 --> 00:39:31,836
Speaker 2: in me. Wow, if you can come through that, you

825
00:39:31,956 --> 00:39:35,276
Speaker 2: can really handle a lot. So there's a really fine

826
00:39:35,396 --> 00:39:39,396
Speaker 2: balance that needs to be reached between really understanding that

827
00:39:39,516 --> 00:39:42,996
Speaker 2: you've pushed physically and emotionally yourself to your limit and

828
00:39:43,116 --> 00:39:46,316
Speaker 2: that you know you can overcome a lot, and still

829
00:39:46,436 --> 00:39:48,556
Speaker 2: learning to protect that and enjoy.

830
00:39:48,596 --> 00:39:49,076
Speaker 3: What you have.

831
00:39:49,916 --> 00:39:52,476
Speaker 5: You know, one of the things that is important for

832
00:39:52,596 --> 00:39:55,156
Speaker 5: me when people want me to talk about my experience,

833
00:39:55,756 --> 00:39:57,396
Speaker 5: I like to sort of take people back to my

834
00:39:57,556 --> 00:40:00,276
Speaker 5: childhood because the reason I like to bring people along

835
00:40:00,356 --> 00:40:03,716
Speaker 5: that timeline is not to just fill the time forty

836
00:40:03,756 --> 00:40:05,836
Speaker 5: five minutes to an hour of me just talking about

837
00:40:05,876 --> 00:40:08,076
Speaker 5: my life and me, me, me. It's more of to

838
00:40:08,156 --> 00:40:11,956
Speaker 5: give people contact and give people an understanding that resiliency

839
00:40:12,276 --> 00:40:14,716
Speaker 5: in me. Overcoming this wasn't something just all of a

840
00:40:14,756 --> 00:40:18,556
Speaker 5: sudden I just developed. If you look at my life,

841
00:40:19,076 --> 00:40:23,556
Speaker 5: I have been exercising this muscle. I have been preparing

842
00:40:24,396 --> 00:40:29,556
Speaker 5: myself for this very thing. And you know, I'm sorry

843
00:40:29,596 --> 00:40:31,436
Speaker 5: for lost of your brother, but I'm glad you shared

844
00:40:31,476 --> 00:40:34,996
Speaker 5: that because I think it's important for the listeners to understand, Oh,

845
00:40:35,076 --> 00:40:37,716
Speaker 5: Rebecca has been through some stuff prior to this, right,

846
00:40:37,756 --> 00:40:39,316
Speaker 5: Because they may look at you and say, look at it,

847
00:40:39,436 --> 00:40:42,636
Speaker 5: a beautiful you know, woman who's probably had great life

848
00:40:42,716 --> 00:40:45,076
Speaker 5: and great success and has everything handed to her, and

849
00:40:45,116 --> 00:40:48,116
Speaker 5: blah blah blah blah blah. Our minds create these narratives

850
00:40:48,156 --> 00:40:50,636
Speaker 5: that are most of the time untrue. But when you

851
00:40:50,756 --> 00:40:53,596
Speaker 5: talk about what your family experienced when you were a child,

852
00:40:54,156 --> 00:40:57,236
Speaker 5: and I know there's a great deal of healing that

853
00:40:57,556 --> 00:41:00,716
Speaker 5: still is ongoing despite how long that has been, it

854
00:41:00,836 --> 00:41:03,836
Speaker 5: allows people, the listeners and the viewers to understand that, oh,

855
00:41:04,036 --> 00:41:07,796
Speaker 5: this is a muscle that was already activated from a

856
00:41:07,996 --> 00:41:10,796
Speaker 5: young age, whether you wanted it to be or not,

857
00:41:10,996 --> 00:41:12,636
Speaker 5: and of course you didn't want it to be. But

858
00:41:12,796 --> 00:41:15,516
Speaker 5: all of us are having these things that are happening

859
00:41:15,716 --> 00:41:18,796
Speaker 5: over the course of our lives that are just activating

860
00:41:19,396 --> 00:41:22,196
Speaker 5: the different muscle and preparing us. So when we come

861
00:41:22,276 --> 00:41:26,676
Speaker 5: into that crossroads where there is another thing, that's where

862
00:41:26,716 --> 00:41:28,196
Speaker 5: we have to pause.

863
00:41:28,756 --> 00:41:30,516
Speaker 6: Oh, we've been through some things.

864
00:41:30,716 --> 00:41:33,076
Speaker 5: I'm a pretty badass person that has overcome a lot

865
00:41:33,116 --> 00:41:34,436
Speaker 5: of shit, Like I think I got this.

866
00:41:35,476 --> 00:41:37,396
Speaker 1: And I think the other thing is that you don't

867
00:41:37,476 --> 00:41:40,876
Speaker 1: just gain self confidence right when people hear your stories,

868
00:41:41,116 --> 00:41:43,396
Speaker 1: it can help them gain confidence depending on what they're

869
00:41:43,436 --> 00:41:44,956
Speaker 1: going through. You know, Rebeca, this is why you're on

870
00:41:45,036 --> 00:41:47,596
Speaker 1: the show Todays. You heard Jr's story and that kind

871
00:41:47,596 --> 00:41:49,916
Speaker 1: of gave you confidence, and so JR. I'm curious, like,

872
00:41:50,676 --> 00:41:53,356
Speaker 1: what does it feel like to be thanked for sharing

873
00:41:53,636 --> 00:41:56,716
Speaker 1: your badassery and kind of helping other people get bad ass?

874
00:41:56,756 --> 00:41:58,676
Speaker 1: Like is this the first time you've been thanked you

875
00:41:58,916 --> 00:41:59,836
Speaker 1: for sharing your story?

876
00:41:59,916 --> 00:42:02,556
Speaker 5: Do you hear it a lot or you know it happens.

877
00:42:02,716 --> 00:42:05,876
Speaker 5: I wouldn't say frequently, but it has happened. But I've

878
00:42:05,916 --> 00:42:09,316
Speaker 5: also had these experiences where, you know where I live

879
00:42:09,596 --> 00:42:12,596
Speaker 5: in Austin, and you know, I was at a Whole

880
00:42:12,676 --> 00:42:15,676
Speaker 5: Foods I don't know, three months ago, and I'm just

881
00:42:15,876 --> 00:42:18,116
Speaker 5: playing with my son and you know, and just goofing

882
00:42:18,196 --> 00:42:21,236
Speaker 5: off and as we paid, and I could tell that

883
00:42:21,316 --> 00:42:23,796
Speaker 5: there was this older man that was like watching me

884
00:42:24,436 --> 00:42:26,756
Speaker 5: and he was a customer. So I was, you know,

885
00:42:26,836 --> 00:42:28,916
Speaker 5: I was like, I don't know, you know, maybe you recognize.

886
00:42:28,916 --> 00:42:31,596
Speaker 5: I don't know, right, you never know where it's coming from.

887
00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:34,076
Speaker 5: And so as we started the walk out of the store,

888
00:42:34,196 --> 00:42:36,356
Speaker 5: I'm walking up ahead of my family holding my son

889
00:42:36,476 --> 00:42:39,596
Speaker 5: and the man standing at the door, and I looked

890
00:42:39,636 --> 00:42:41,796
Speaker 5: at him and I said, how you doing, and he,

891
00:42:42,196 --> 00:42:43,396
Speaker 5: you know, looked at me. He says, I want to

892
00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:47,436
Speaker 5: tell you something. I recently had this accident. And he

893
00:42:47,516 --> 00:42:49,156
Speaker 5: pointed down on his leg and I looked down and

894
00:42:49,236 --> 00:42:51,236
Speaker 5: his legs all bandaged up. He said, this is the

895
00:42:51,276 --> 00:42:53,436
Speaker 5: first time I'm out of the house, he said, And

896
00:42:53,556 --> 00:42:55,236
Speaker 5: I was here and I was like, I can't be here.

897
00:42:55,316 --> 00:42:55,956
Speaker 6: I'm going home.

898
00:42:56,636 --> 00:42:58,476
Speaker 5: He said, I saw you, and I saw you smile,

899
00:42:58,516 --> 00:43:00,036
Speaker 5: and I saw you carrying on. He's like, and then

900
00:43:00,036 --> 00:43:01,436
Speaker 5: I was like, well, if that dude could do it,

901
00:43:01,556 --> 00:43:03,916
Speaker 5: like I think I could do it. Honestly, we turn

902
00:43:03,956 --> 00:43:06,356
Speaker 5: into like a fifteen minute conversation similar to what we're

903
00:43:06,356 --> 00:43:08,036
Speaker 5: having here, and I just said, hey, man, listen, it

904
00:43:08,116 --> 00:43:10,516
Speaker 5: takes it, you know, bait steps and give yourself grace,

905
00:43:10,596 --> 00:43:13,236
Speaker 5: that whole sort of same sentiment. And I walked away

906
00:43:13,276 --> 00:43:15,396
Speaker 5: and I just, you know, and it sort of goes

907
00:43:15,476 --> 00:43:18,476
Speaker 5: back to your question, Laurie. But it's like, I'm just

908
00:43:18,636 --> 00:43:22,156
Speaker 5: living my life as you are, Rebecca, doing and putting

909
00:43:22,156 --> 00:43:24,116
Speaker 5: out into the world what we believe and what is

910
00:43:24,156 --> 00:43:27,876
Speaker 5: important to us. And I always just feel and believe

911
00:43:27,916 --> 00:43:29,436
Speaker 5: that it's going to hit the right people at the

912
00:43:29,516 --> 00:43:32,396
Speaker 5: right time. Like for whatever reason, as you mentioned that

913
00:43:32,516 --> 00:43:36,996
Speaker 5: algorithm found ye, this podcast came into you know, your presence,

914
00:43:37,036 --> 00:43:39,076
Speaker 5: and you were like, I should tune in for whatever reason.

915
00:43:39,396 --> 00:43:41,556
Speaker 5: For me, it turns out this is one of those

916
00:43:41,876 --> 00:43:45,316
Speaker 5: reminders that what I am, what I personally, and I

917
00:43:45,396 --> 00:43:47,596
Speaker 5: want to speak for myself what I am doing and

918
00:43:47,716 --> 00:43:50,676
Speaker 5: what I have done, and my willingness to sit down

919
00:43:50,716 --> 00:43:53,636
Speaker 5: with Laurie three years, four years ago, you know, and

920
00:43:53,756 --> 00:43:57,796
Speaker 5: have this conversation, it's all worth it, totally. It's I

921
00:43:57,996 --> 00:44:00,556
Speaker 5: know someone's going to come in contact with you one day,

922
00:44:00,596 --> 00:44:03,316
Speaker 5: Rebecca and say, hey, I just want you to know

923
00:44:03,476 --> 00:44:04,716
Speaker 5: I heard your story.

924
00:44:05,156 --> 00:44:08,836
Speaker 6: And for me, it makes me feel like I'm I'm honored.

925
00:44:09,196 --> 00:44:11,836
Speaker 5: I truly am selfishly, I'm honored that I'm able to

926
00:44:11,876 --> 00:44:14,676
Speaker 5: be a very small part of your journey. And but

927
00:44:14,756 --> 00:44:16,276
Speaker 5: I know that you're well on your way to do

928
00:44:16,396 --> 00:44:18,236
Speaker 5: the same thing for other people. And I know you've

929
00:44:18,276 --> 00:44:20,516
Speaker 5: already done it, and I think the biggest person you're

930
00:44:20,556 --> 00:44:22,676
Speaker 5: doing it with is not only yourself, but I think

931
00:44:22,796 --> 00:44:26,796
Speaker 5: also your your daughter, Like I think that is incredible

932
00:44:27,716 --> 00:44:29,996
Speaker 5: for her to have someone like yourself who has been

933
00:44:30,116 --> 00:44:34,036
Speaker 5: through a lot and is navigating it the way you

934
00:44:34,196 --> 00:44:36,316
Speaker 5: are and you're still in the early stages and you're

935
00:44:36,476 --> 00:44:38,316
Speaker 5: you know, like, I think that's a beautiful thing. And

936
00:44:38,436 --> 00:44:42,196
Speaker 5: so whatever you do, get an Instagram account, like whenever,

937
00:44:42,236 --> 00:44:42,796
Speaker 5: if you ever.

938
00:44:42,796 --> 00:44:44,876
Speaker 3: Decide to do this point, I don't know at this

939
00:44:44,956 --> 00:44:45,636
Speaker 3: point about.

940
00:44:45,436 --> 00:44:47,876
Speaker 5: I'm just saying unless saying it has to be you know,

941
00:44:47,996 --> 00:44:49,916
Speaker 5: when we log off or you know, the end of

942
00:44:49,996 --> 00:44:51,916
Speaker 5: this year. But whenever you do, I hope that you

943
00:44:52,076 --> 00:44:53,836
Speaker 5: look me up and you know, you say, hey, I

944
00:44:53,916 --> 00:44:55,556
Speaker 5: want to friend this guy, because I would love to

945
00:44:55,676 --> 00:44:57,996
Speaker 5: keep up with where you are and to find out

946
00:44:58,036 --> 00:45:00,596
Speaker 5: if you ever pick up that really cool pen and

947
00:45:00,716 --> 00:45:02,396
Speaker 5: start to kind of write some stuff.

948
00:45:02,156 --> 00:45:04,996
Speaker 6: Down and I'm telling you it's it's and you know

949
00:45:05,396 --> 00:45:07,476
Speaker 6: and and that and that's how it happens, right, you know.

950
00:45:07,436 --> 00:45:10,516
Speaker 2: I appreciate you kind of encourage me to not throw

951
00:45:10,556 --> 00:45:13,116
Speaker 2: away the pen and the journal, but to still kind

952
00:45:13,116 --> 00:45:16,276
Speaker 2: of pull onto it. One of the big things for

953
00:45:16,436 --> 00:45:20,436
Speaker 2: me that I experienced was what it was like to

954
00:45:20,596 --> 00:45:26,636
Speaker 2: go through as a woman in a developing countries healthcare system.

955
00:45:27,076 --> 00:45:29,156
Speaker 2: And I'm a white woman and it was a majority

956
00:45:29,196 --> 00:45:33,916
Speaker 2: black country, and I have access to insurance and I

957
00:45:34,036 --> 00:45:37,956
Speaker 2: have access to financial resources that people couldn't even dream of,

958
00:45:38,196 --> 00:45:41,156
Speaker 2: and it didn't it didn't really make a difference in

959
00:45:41,316 --> 00:45:44,956
Speaker 2: terms of the outcome, and that for me having you know,

960
00:45:45,036 --> 00:45:47,356
Speaker 2: the organization that I started in Uganda was a woman's

961
00:45:47,356 --> 00:45:51,716
Speaker 2: empowerment organization, and I really felt like I've already spent

962
00:45:51,876 --> 00:45:54,876
Speaker 2: the last you know, seven years trying to give a

963
00:45:54,996 --> 00:46:00,196
Speaker 2: voice to traditionally marginalized group of women and really working

964
00:46:00,276 --> 00:46:02,796
Speaker 2: and making a priority to work with them, not come

965
00:46:02,876 --> 00:46:04,996
Speaker 2: up with ideas and implement for them.

966
00:46:05,396 --> 00:46:06,676
Speaker 3: But that was where I felt.

967
00:46:06,556 --> 00:46:09,516
Speaker 2: Pressure, is like should I stand up and actually share

968
00:46:10,116 --> 00:46:13,116
Speaker 2: The only reason I survived is because my husband had

969
00:46:13,636 --> 00:46:16,676
Speaker 2: the education and the money to walk across the street

970
00:46:16,716 --> 00:46:21,116
Speaker 2: to a pharmacy and buy those materials. And that's where

971
00:46:21,756 --> 00:46:26,036
Speaker 2: I felt pressure and also knew I am not emotionally

972
00:46:26,356 --> 00:46:30,756
Speaker 2: ready to stand up and be the face, particularly when

973
00:46:30,756 --> 00:46:32,956
Speaker 2: I didn't even have a face that I could recognize

974
00:46:33,316 --> 00:46:37,876
Speaker 2: for women globally yet and I appreciate the encouragement that

975
00:46:37,956 --> 00:46:38,876
Speaker 2: maybe one day I'll get there.

976
00:46:39,356 --> 00:46:42,676
Speaker 6: You said yet yet Yep.

977
00:46:43,316 --> 00:46:45,396
Speaker 1: Well, as I said, I think another thing to remember

978
00:46:45,716 --> 00:46:49,156
Speaker 1: about trauma and post traumatic growth is that you know

979
00:46:49,236 --> 00:46:51,276
Speaker 1: it sounds when you say the term postgragumatic growth that

980
00:46:51,316 --> 00:46:53,476
Speaker 1: it happens in an instant and then it's done. But

981
00:46:54,116 --> 00:46:57,076
Speaker 1: like all psychological phenomena, it's a journey, and what you

982
00:46:57,116 --> 00:47:00,116
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with today is going to look totally different

983
00:47:00,156 --> 00:47:02,716
Speaker 1: than what you feel comfortable with months from now, years

984
00:47:02,756 --> 00:47:05,436
Speaker 1: from now, and so on. But I'm happy that I

985
00:47:05,556 --> 00:47:07,596
Speaker 1: caught you at a time where you were comfortable sharing

986
00:47:07,796 --> 00:47:10,236
Speaker 1: your story on the Happiness Lads. I'm sure yeah, so

987
00:47:10,476 --> 00:47:11,996
Speaker 1: positively affects so many people.

988
00:47:12,116 --> 00:47:14,636
Speaker 3: So thank you so much. Yeah, I'm very excited. Thank

989
00:47:14,676 --> 00:47:15,116
Speaker 3: you so much.

990
00:47:15,156 --> 00:47:16,956
Speaker 6: As one keep kicking ass, Rebecca.

991
00:47:21,076 --> 00:47:23,156
Speaker 1: It was humbling to hear the impact that listening to

992
00:47:23,196 --> 00:47:25,876
Speaker 1: the Happiness Lab had had on Rebecca. The show we

993
00:47:25,996 --> 00:47:28,596
Speaker 1: made with j R. Martinez back in twenty nineteen in

994
00:47:28,676 --> 00:47:32,036
Speaker 1: our very first season remains one of my favorite episodes ever.

995
00:47:32,396 --> 00:47:34,596
Speaker 1: It's such a fun ride that I decided to re

996
00:47:34,716 --> 00:47:37,556
Speaker 1: release that episode in this feed for you to revisit.

997
00:47:38,076 --> 00:47:40,756
Speaker 1: And after that we'll have one other listener story to share.

998
00:47:41,516 --> 00:47:44,156
Speaker 1: I'll travel to a New England town where thirteen women

999
00:47:44,276 --> 00:47:47,876
Speaker 1: have set up a club dedicated to staging fun interventions

1000
00:47:48,356 --> 00:47:51,596
Speaker 1: or fun inventions, and we'll learn that even the host

1001
00:47:51,676 --> 00:47:54,356
Speaker 1: of this podcast can still use a little more fun

1002
00:47:54,396 --> 00:48:01,276
Speaker 1: in her life. Hannah Montana, Oh, Biley Syrres, Yes, Oh Hot,

1003
00:48:03,116 --> 00:48:07,676
Speaker 1: Ryan Gosling, Brad pitt Let me in Magic, Mike