Speaker 1: I think as a woman, especially as we've seen in
Speaker 1: the world, we are not equal to men. We don't
Speaker 1: have autonomy over our bodies. And so it for me
Speaker 1: using my platform right now to be like, let me
Speaker 1: be the boldest I can be, even if people are
Speaker 1: a little taken aback. I hope it just helps other women. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast
Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every one of
Speaker 1: you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow.
Speaker 1: And I am so excited to be talking to you today.
Speaker 1: I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of
Speaker 1: Love is out and I cannot wait to share it
Speaker 1: with you. I am so so excited for you to
Speaker 1: read this book, for you to listen to this book.
Speaker 1: I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already,
Speaker 1: make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com.
Speaker 1: It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or
Speaker 1: let go of love. So if you've got friends that
Speaker 1: are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure
Speaker 1: you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you
Speaker 1: to come and see me for my global tour. Love Rules.
Speaker 1: Go to ja shettytour dot com to learn more information
Speaker 1: about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: see you this year. Now, this happens now and again.
Speaker 1: But there's someone that I've been following, admiring from afar
Speaker 1: and then you see they follow you, and you just go,
Speaker 1: I need to I want to connect with this human
Speaker 1: and I want to get to know them and someone
Speaker 1: that when you watch their content, you feel like you
Speaker 1: already know them. And a few moments I've spent with her,
Speaker 1: just as she'd been walking into the studio, I already
Speaker 1: felt like at a connection with her. And there's a
Speaker 1: really beautiful, warm hug and just like this really positive feeling.
Speaker 1: But this is someone who has dominated as an entrepreneur,
Speaker 1: being extremely successful as a businessperson, an incredible host and interviewers,
Speaker 1: someone who is so multi talented across the board, whether
Speaker 1: it's being author and take on camera, off camera, editing, creating,
Speaker 1: I mean the works. And I'm speaking about the one
Speaker 1: and only Alex Cooper, creator, host and executive producer of
Speaker 1: the Hugely Successful, which is an understatement. The podcast brand
Speaker 1: called Caller her Daddy. Alex is one of the most
Speaker 1: listened to female podcasters in the world with millions of
Speaker 1: listeners per episodes, and Alex continues to break all boundaries
Speaker 1: by shattering stigmas and stomping on misogyny, all while keeping
Speaker 1: mental health and personal empowerment at the forefront. And that's
Speaker 1: what really drew me into her work was when I
Speaker 1: started to see her talk about mental health and wellbeing
Speaker 1: and habits. I was just blown away, and I was like,
Speaker 1: we have to make this happen for our on Purpose
Speaker 1: community and to the millions of devoted gen Z and
Speaker 1: millennial listeners. The Daddy Gang, the Caller Heat which I'm
Speaker 1: a part of. The Caller Daddy brand represents a new
Speaker 1: set of values and standards and in addition to Alex
Speaker 1: has a successful merchandise line as well as several exciting
Speaker 1: businesses and endeavors in the pipeline which I can't wait
Speaker 1: to discuss. Alex, Welcome to On Purpose. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for having me. I need to make that like
Speaker 1: my alarm clock every morning of like just like really
Speaker 1: hype myself up. Oh my god, you are so good
Speaker 1: at doing those intros. No, well, it's part of like
Speaker 1: this culture that I adopted through living as a monk,
Speaker 1: and it was just when you met someone or when
Speaker 1: you introduce people. It was always part of the culture
Speaker 1: to like genuinely feel all with who you're in front
Speaker 1: of and to genuinely take in what they've done, because
Speaker 1: a helps you feel more grateful when you're with them.
Speaker 1: I feel very grateful to be with you today. I
Speaker 1: feel more inspired, I feel like I can learn, I
Speaker 1: feel curious, and I feel often at least from the
Speaker 1: culture I grew up, and we always played people down,
Speaker 1: like we always kind of like thought, oh, well, we
Speaker 1: don't want to say this stuff about them, But I
Speaker 1: actually thought you have a worse conversation because then you think, well,
Speaker 1: what do I have to learn from this person? Or
Speaker 1: this person is probably going to be up themselves, so
Speaker 1: what am I gonna get? Yeah, that's actually that's a
Speaker 1: great concept because I always think I feel like with
Speaker 1: social media people now everyone millennial gen z, everyone's like
Speaker 1: we're all egotistical, and so sometimes you try to downplay
Speaker 1: what you're doing. But it's actually such a great concept
Speaker 1: that you're taking a complete different spin. You're like, let's
Speaker 1: actually embrace our successes and everything we're doing and embrace
Speaker 1: it and enjoy it. Rather than feel shamed and like
Speaker 1: want to be hush hush about it, or on the
Speaker 1: other side, don't be jealous of someone if they're thriving
Speaker 1: and like because you can learn from them. Like I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to sit across from you today because I'm
Speaker 1: like Jay Shaddy, like, let's get into it, because I'm
Speaker 1: I'm geeking. I'm a huge fan. What you're doing is
Speaker 1: so incredible. I listen to your podcast, and I don't
Speaker 1: listen to many, but I'm very excited and humbled to
Speaker 1: be here, so think, oh, that's the biggest compliment. I
Speaker 1: had no idea. So now I'm like blushing if you're listening,
Speaker 1: and I have to tell you this because I just
Speaker 1: love people knowing this and I really appreciate it coming
Speaker 1: from you. But I have a rule that whenever we
Speaker 1: bring on a new team, then but when I'm one
Speaker 1: of the questions I asked them in the interview is
Speaker 1: who would you love as a guest of on purpose?
Speaker 1: Like who would that person be? But then Helena, who's
Speaker 1: our podcast producer, it was you, and she was just
Speaker 1: like yeah, and I was like, she's already scheduled, So
Speaker 1: I love it. Daddy Gang Daddy Yang Daddy and Daddy ganging,
Speaker 1: and so it was just this beautiful feeling where she
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I love Alex cute and I was like,
Speaker 1: we've already got She's coming on the show, like it
Speaker 1: was already happening. So yeah, So anyway, you have a
Speaker 1: lot of love in our community for you. We're all
Speaker 1: big fans. But but let's dive straight into it. For me,
Speaker 1: when I'm observing someone like you looking from the outside in,
Speaker 1: I think one of the things that fascinates me is like,
Speaker 1: you know, what's someone interested in behind the camera. I
Speaker 1: just saw you in Italy. Me and my wife were
Speaker 1: so jealous and fomowing because we just go to Italy
Speaker 1: every summer when we lived in London. We're both born
Speaker 1: and raised in London. What was your favorite thing about Italy?
Speaker 1: The food? The pasta. I have never been. I rarely
Speaker 1: take like big vacations like that, and I was so
Speaker 1: excited to just try the pasta. I grew up in Pennsylvania,
Speaker 1: and so you know, I don't know if we're like
Speaker 1: running to the fish department in Pennsylvania, You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: what can we eat? So it was kind of like Italian,
Speaker 1: but it was kind of bad Italian, sorry to everyone
Speaker 1: in Pennsylvania and so, but I've always loved Carbs and
Speaker 1: I was an athlete, so I'm like, when I get there,
Speaker 1: it was breakfast, lunch, dinner, pasta, let's go, dessert, pasta,
Speaker 1: let's go. So it was amazing. But we went to
Speaker 1: the Amalfi Coast that was beautiful. I just felt so
Speaker 1: fortunate to be there, and it was it was incredible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah. I was genuinely living through your
Speaker 1: stories and I was just like, oh, I want to
Speaker 1: go back. I want to go back. So we're planning
Speaker 1: next year and I'm amazing. But everyone from the US
Speaker 1: felt like they were in Italy. This side. Everyone I know,
Speaker 1: every single person on my Instagram was in Italy. So
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, great, I'm going. This is the
Speaker 1: first year I won't have FOMO because I always see
Speaker 1: people in these places like Abiza or you know, meek
Speaker 1: a Nose and I've never been any of those places.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this year, I'm going to Italy
Speaker 1: and I'm doing it, and it was. It was amazing.
Speaker 1: One of the things I love about you in person
Speaker 1: that I'm observing is that you're so warm, like from
Speaker 1: the moment you walked in so warm, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: I love it when I always when someone gets out
Speaker 1: of their car and they right at my home, the
Speaker 1: first thing I want to do is hug. Then then
Speaker 1: when I see that same energy, I'm like, this is awesome.
Speaker 1: But one of the things people observe about you online
Speaker 1: is that you're confident. You're very confident. On the podcast,
Speaker 1: you're you're very confident in your stories, which is a
Speaker 1: beautiful quality. Was young Alex confident too? I know we heard,
Speaker 1: we've heard about like you grew up in front of
Speaker 1: the camera with your father and like you know, so
Speaker 1: was confidence always easy for you? And how is your
Speaker 1: journey with confidence involved? The answer is no, absolutely not.
Speaker 1: I It's actually been interesting because the past year I've
Speaker 1: really started to get into this in therapy with my therapist,
Speaker 1: and I haven't really like I've I think I've mentioned
Speaker 1: it a couple of times to the Daddy Gang, but
Speaker 1: I don't talk about it a lot because I'm still
Speaker 1: kind of going through it in therapy. When I was younger,
Speaker 1: I had a really hard time in school, not grades wise.
Speaker 1: You know, I was a solid bee. Let's throw it
Speaker 1: out there. Maybe I tried a little harder, we could
Speaker 1: have gotten some maze. But I was severely bullied for
Speaker 1: my looks. I was super, super skinny. People made fun
Speaker 1: of me, said that like I looked like I had
Speaker 1: an eating disorder. I had awful, awful acne to the
Speaker 1: point where like I would beg my parents to like
Speaker 1: let me stay home from school, and I was. It
Speaker 1: was so bad, and I turned inward a lot, like
Speaker 1: I never wanted my parents to know that I was
Speaker 1: going through it because I was ashamed. It's embarrassing to
Speaker 1: not be able to connect with your peers and also
Speaker 1: to be I was physically bullied, like the boys would
Speaker 1: be like, let's play a game. Her legs are so tiny,
Speaker 1: like if we trip her, they will snap in half.
Speaker 1: And like it was awful and I never really talked
Speaker 1: about it. But what got me through it actually was
Speaker 1: my dad works in sports and he's a producer, and
Speaker 1: I remember, at like seven years old, he handed me
Speaker 1: a camera and was like, go make something. And so
Speaker 1: my escape from really hate. Like I hated everything about myself.
Speaker 1: I hated my skin, my face, my hair, my teeth,
Speaker 1: my body, my torso, my legs. Like I could pinpoint
Speaker 1: every single thing about myself that I hated, and it
Speaker 1: was almost everything exterior wise, but inside I knew I
Speaker 1: was a good person. I knew I was a good daughter.
Speaker 1: I knew I was a good friend. But I felt
Speaker 1: like it was all based on looks of why I
Speaker 1: was getting bullied. So I turned to creating content. That's
Speaker 1: what I was my escape. And I would go in
Speaker 1: my basement and I would make music videos or I
Speaker 1: would write scripts and make like little short films or
Speaker 1: silent films, and I would put on wigs and put
Speaker 1: on outfits and makeup. And it was the first time
Speaker 1: that I truly felt safe, like I could be fully myself. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: I was fully alone, so I'm like, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: weirdo in my basement. But it was that and soccer specifically.
Speaker 1: I played extremely competitive soccer, and I realized why I
Speaker 1: got I felt so safe. Also unseen in soccer because
Speaker 1: it was all women. Can you score a goal? Like?
Speaker 1: What are you doing? So? What are you bringing to
Speaker 1: the team? You know? So I don't talk about that
Speaker 1: a lot because it was actually interesting. I recently was
Speaker 1: interviewed by the New York Times, and I don't do
Speaker 1: a lot of interviews, and it was in a follow
Speaker 1: up conversation we had like an hour and a half interview.
Speaker 1: The reporter asked to do a follow up and somehow
Speaker 1: we got on the topic of my childhood and he
Speaker 1: and I started talking and I shared with him that
Speaker 1: I had been bullied, and quite literally physically his demeanor,
Speaker 1: his fate, like his jaw dropped and I could tell
Speaker 1: he was shocked and everything that prior that hour and
Speaker 1: a half interview I first died with him kind of
Speaker 1: was shattered because he was like, wait, what, Like, you
Speaker 1: were bullied? And I realized something that moment was like
Speaker 1: the character I've created on Call Her Daddy. There's this
Speaker 1: dichotomy of for me, the girl that was bullied and
Speaker 1: then the girl I've created or the woman I've created
Speaker 1: in the show. But I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: have a hard time because everyone wants to put things
Speaker 1: in boxes on You're standing like, there's no way Alex Cooper,
Speaker 1: the confident Call Her Daddy girl, could have also been
Speaker 1: bullied when she was younger. And what I've come to
Speaker 1: realize in therapy is actually that ugly, awkward acne girl
Speaker 1: is who started Call Her Daddy because if I had
Speaker 1: not gone through that, there's no way I would have
Speaker 1: started call her daddy. I remember reading Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers
Speaker 1: and it was like, you've got to have ten thousand
Speaker 1: hours to even be considered an expert. By eighth grade,
Speaker 1: I was considered an expert in editing. I was like
Speaker 1: obsessed with creating content. And so that's kind of a
Speaker 1: little bit of my story where I definitely struggle sometimes
Speaker 1: to open up about it because I'm also aware on
Speaker 1: the Internet sometimes people like you're lying, that's not true,
Speaker 1: and it's it's I think it's hard for me because
Speaker 1: it's still so raw, like I still haven't even fully
Speaker 1: gone there in therapy that I don't talk about it
Speaker 1: a lot because I don't want to be dismissed or
Speaker 1: questioned over something that is so personal, still really hard
Speaker 1: for me to talk about. I guess, yeah, yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: I want to thank you for trusting us and me
Speaker 1: and being vulnerable, but also talking about the complexity of vulnerability.
Speaker 1: I think we think we live at a time when
Speaker 1: if someone is vulnerable that everyone's responsible were like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, or a people think that's why someone's doing it,
Speaker 1: be if they don't think. Then they think you're just
Speaker 1: being vulnerable. Sometimes it's complex to say, well, maybe it
Speaker 1: wasn't that hard as someone's making it out. And then
Speaker 1: there's a third where it's like, well, can we just
Speaker 1: listen to someone's experience and recognize that. I think if
Speaker 1: all of us reflect like I just realized, we have
Speaker 1: so much in common, which I had no idea, and
Speaker 1: if you looked at it from the outside, I don't
Speaker 1: think people would think we have much in common at all,
Speaker 1: which is partly why I love conversations like this, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, these are the conversations that bring me to life.
Speaker 1: So I was bullied for being overweight growing up. I
Speaker 1: was obest growing up, and so was my wife actually
Speaker 1: and so separately. We didn't know each other at the time,
Speaker 1: but we were both bullied for being overweight. I was
Speaker 1: bullied for being Indian because there meant many Indian kids
Speaker 1: in my school and so the color of my skin
Speaker 1: and all the rest of I was bullied for that.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't the coolest kid in school. I was
Speaker 1: a straight A student, so I was the opposite, and
Speaker 1: it was like and it was considered dorky to be smart,
Speaker 1: where especially where I grew up, and so I dealt
Speaker 1: with all of that too. And so when I'm hearing
Speaker 1: you say that I was beaten up at school regularly,
Speaker 1: my mom used to come defend me in school like
Speaker 1: that was really embarrassing, Like and even now when people
Speaker 1: are like no way like and I'm like, no, that
Speaker 1: was my entire childhood and for me, I turned to
Speaker 1: listening to eminem and writing music. So I did a
Speaker 1: lot of spoken word. I used to produce music. Is
Speaker 1: why I love word and language and just the artistry
Speaker 1: of what you can do with words. And then when
Speaker 1: you said you played soccer, which I know, but I'm like,
Speaker 1: that is my first love. Like if I could be
Speaker 1: anything in the world, it would be a professional soccer player,
Speaker 1: like beyond everything. That is crazy to hear because I
Speaker 1: agree with you, and that is why I love podcasting
Speaker 1: and why I love your show. My show is like
Speaker 1: you really have no idea what one you can connect
Speaker 1: with someone on, empathize with someone on, or just like
Speaker 1: learn about them. And I feel like we've gotten to
Speaker 1: a point where we want to like discredit and call
Speaker 1: people out and it's scary to be open and vulnerable
Speaker 1: on the internet. And I think like almost my persona,
Speaker 1: there was parts of me that I had to like
Speaker 1: try to claw back what I started for Color Daddy
Speaker 1: because it was a cold on. I need to also
Speaker 1: like there's other parts to me other than the salacious, wild, crazy,
Speaker 1: and I it was a great transition for me, which
Speaker 1: I know we'll get to. But the bullying thing, when
Speaker 1: you're that young and truly all that matters is pure
Speaker 1: acceptance and you feel so alone you hate yourself. And
Speaker 1: I realized recently, like I know, my persona is one thing,
Speaker 1: and that's why I always struggle with this. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta like ease my listeners in to like me
Speaker 1: talking about this because it's a complete different side of myself.
Speaker 1: But we all have that, right, We all of those things.
Speaker 1: Like I remember the first time I shared this with
Speaker 1: my mother was when I was twenty one years old
Speaker 1: in a cab that I had been bullied and I
Speaker 1: told her mom. In high school, I used to put
Speaker 1: on three pairs of leggings, tape it to my leg,
Speaker 1: and then put on my school pants just to hope
Speaker 1: that everyone would think my legs were bigger. And by
Speaker 1: the time I would have soccer practice after school. My
Speaker 1: joints were in so much pain from sitting in class.
Speaker 1: And I told my mom this quite literally as we're
Speaker 1: pulling up to penstation. She was getting out and I
Speaker 1: was going to keep going. I told her this as
Speaker 1: she's getting out of the cab and she's like, Alex,
Speaker 1: like what. And it was my defense mechanism of like,
Speaker 1: I don't really want to talk about it, but I
Speaker 1: need to let my mom know what I was going through.
Speaker 1: When I look back, thank god I had. My father
Speaker 1: has been the most supportive person in my life with
Speaker 1: my career, and I'm so grateful for that. Like he
Speaker 1: any moment I needed anything, he was like, let's go
Speaker 1: find you. I want to make a green screen in
Speaker 1: the basement and he's like, let's go to Joanne Fabrics.
Speaker 1: Here we go, let's go to home deco, like, let's
Speaker 1: go lights. Like it was. I was so fortunate to
Speaker 1: be raised by people who support me. But I also
Speaker 1: realized I had these like people pleasing tendencies because and
Speaker 1: I still catch myself doing it in media, like I
Speaker 1: just want to be liked because of my childhood, because
Speaker 1: of feeling left out, and it's hard, and I think
Speaker 1: comparison like my best friend was the beautiful doll baby,
Speaker 1: perfect girl that I wanted to be. And it's like
Speaker 1: there's so many remedies I tried to look up on
Speaker 1: Google when I was younger of like how to like
Speaker 1: fix your skin and how to make your legs look
Speaker 1: bigger and is there a procedure? And it was like,
Speaker 1: I just can't believe how much I hated myself. But
Speaker 1: I truly don't believe I would be sitting here if
Speaker 1: I hadn't gone through that, because I think that's the thing,
Speaker 1: like you just said, you had no idea what I
Speaker 1: went through. Right. Why I feel like I am half
Speaker 1: decent at my job is when I sit down with people,
Speaker 1: there is this empathetic side to me that yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: I don't need to talk about because I don't think
Speaker 1: I need to prove anything to anyone as to why
Speaker 1: I'm a good friend, why I'm a good daughter and partner,
Speaker 1: But like, it really does come from feeling so alone
Speaker 1: and isolated and hating yourself that in those moments when
Speaker 1: I'm in my basement making and creating, I had to
Speaker 1: find a way to love myself because I found like
Speaker 1: this journal of mine when I was younger. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's so sad, and it was like really dark thoughts
Speaker 1: of like what if I did this would then the
Speaker 1: kids would feel so awful, And it's like, WHOA, I
Speaker 1: was really alone when I was younger, and I never
Speaker 1: talked about it. And I had a friend recently that
Speaker 1: shared similar thoughts with me, and we were best friends,
Speaker 1: and I had no idea what she was going through,
Speaker 1: and she had no idea what I was going through.
Speaker 1: So it's it's just like a reminder of like, we
Speaker 1: really don't know. And I know it's such an oversad thing,
Speaker 1: but you have no idea what people are going through.
Speaker 1: And I think, especially with social media, we can make judgments,
Speaker 1: especially snap judgments. You see a headline, you see a picture,
Speaker 1: but like, we have no idea what people are going through. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree with you more. And I love the
Speaker 1: point that you're making that. And I think everyone has
Speaker 1: it through some way. Whether it was your parents, whether
Speaker 1: it was your friends, whether it was your peers. There
Speaker 1: was someone who made you feel less than in your childhood, inadequate, incomplete,
Speaker 1: and now we're all in our creative endeavors seeking that
Speaker 1: completion through whatever role character, whatever it may be. And
Speaker 1: I think people forget that half the time, the most
Speaker 1: successful people who do the most incredible things did them
Speaker 1: because they had this huge gap and hole to fill
Speaker 1: and the world needed to fill that hole and gap,
Speaker 1: only then to realize that that doesn't work either to
Speaker 1: then have to go the other way. But sorry, you're
Speaker 1: going to say something, No, I agree with you. It's like,
Speaker 1: there's there's a reason I'm so passionate and interested in
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. It's because, like I love connecting with people.
Speaker 1: I love learning about people because I know that the
Speaker 1: dicho to me of call her daddy girl versed ugly
Speaker 1: awkward acnee girl. It's like you, you don't expect it,
Speaker 1: and you don't really understand it until I fully explain it,
Speaker 1: which I know I haven't explained yet. But it's when
Speaker 1: I sit down with people. I love learning about people
Speaker 1: because we're all going through such similar things. It may
Speaker 1: look different, it may feel a little bit different, but depression, anxiety, happiness, love, joy, whatever, emotion, like,
Speaker 1: we are all human beings and we genuinely actually all
Speaker 1: can connect. Every single person can connect on at least
Speaker 1: one thing in the world, And so I feel like
Speaker 1: we've kind of lost that along the way, and I hope.
Speaker 1: I think with shows like ours like I hope it
Speaker 1: brings a little bit of that authentic nature back because
Speaker 1: we're looking past like what could be inside of someone.
Speaker 1: We're just looking on the surface level. And that, to
Speaker 1: me is a nightmare because when I was younger, I
Speaker 1: didn't want anyone to just take me by my looks
Speaker 1: because then I wouldn't be given the time of day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's incredible to hear that. I was literally having the
Speaker 1: same conversation. I was with one my clients this morning
Speaker 1: and we were talking about this, and he was saying
Speaker 1: how unrelatable his life has become now through his success
Speaker 1: and everything that he's gone through. And I looked at
Speaker 1: him and I was talking to him, and I said
Speaker 1: to him that, you know, I'll be honest with you
Speaker 1: that whether someone's rich or not famous or not, if
Speaker 1: someone goes through a breakup, a breakup hurts the same
Speaker 1: because none of the other stuff is medicine, Like, none
Speaker 1: of the other stuff is the cure. So whether you
Speaker 1: have fame and status and wealth or whether you don't,
Speaker 1: if you go through a breakup, if you lose a parent,
Speaker 1: if you lost your job or you missed out on
Speaker 1: an opportunity, there is a similar amount of experience human
Speaker 1: pain that you go through. And I think what you're
Speaker 1: saying is really interesting though, Like I think you're talking
Speaker 1: about that time. People always often ask like, or what
Speaker 1: advice would you give to your younger self? With you,
Speaker 1: I'm more interested in, like, what do you think your
Speaker 1: younger self would say to you now? Like if that
Speaker 1: acne girl like saw you now as you just, what
Speaker 1: would she say? What would you think if younger me
Speaker 1: only knew, like Alex, You're you're gonna make it. You're
Speaker 1: gonna like your dreams are gonna come true, Like you're
Speaker 1: gonna get out of this. I remember one of the
Speaker 1: boys I went to middle school with that bullied me,
Speaker 1: ended up going to my college, and at that point
Speaker 1: I had a little glow up okay Jay, and he
Speaker 1: was like trying to hit on me and giving me
Speaker 1: all this attention, and it it only made me just
Speaker 1: feel actually awful because I was like, I'm the same person.
Speaker 1: I'm the same exact person, if not like more grown
Speaker 1: and obviously experienced and have a little bit more of
Speaker 1: a higher IQ. At this point in my life. But
Speaker 1: I'm the same person to my core, and you're only
Speaker 1: treating me differently because I got a prescription for acutane,
Speaker 1: got some hair dye, got my braces off, put on
Speaker 1: some muscle because I'm playing soccer. Like it's quite literally
Speaker 1: just the physical as to why you're you're acting differently
Speaker 1: towards me. I think my younger self would look at
Speaker 1: my older self and would not even believe it. Probably
Speaker 1: I actually was thinking, like what would I say it
Speaker 1: as someone that's younger and going through this, and it's
Speaker 1: like there's nothing of like walk into school that day
Speaker 1: and stand up for yourself. It's actually like find yourself
Speaker 1: in your alone moments because you're all you have truly
Speaker 1: and so trying to get peer approval. Sure it may
Speaker 1: make the moment a little bit easier, but like these
Speaker 1: people don't actually matter. They matter to me to my
Speaker 1: core of who they've made me, their impact on my
Speaker 1: childhood and making me hate myself, Like it's so crazy.
Speaker 1: I always think about before. I would say about before,
Speaker 1: like fifth or sixth grade, we're so innocent, you have
Speaker 1: no almost concept of even what you truly look like
Speaker 1: or or your pure dynamic or oh boys, are looking
Speaker 1: at me and I don't have boobs yet and my
Speaker 1: friend does, and so I'm not on their top five.
Speaker 1: And I know it sounds so, you know, just dumb,
Speaker 1: and but it so means so much when you're that young.
Speaker 1: So I look back and it's like those years where
Speaker 1: you start especially to be judged for what you look
Speaker 1: like when we're actually just trying to figure out inside
Speaker 1: who we are. It's so problematic. I definitely think that
Speaker 1: it affected me of what I put then. I did
Speaker 1: put emphasis on my looks. I can talk about that
Speaker 1: in therapy now, like hating every single thing about myself.
Speaker 1: Of course, I was like, I want to go bleach
Speaker 1: my hair. I want to be the girl that I
Speaker 1: saw on the magazines. And then I did all of that,
Speaker 1: and I even look back at pictures of myself when
Speaker 1: I took it way too far. But it was all
Speaker 1: just for me to try to feel like the women
Speaker 1: that I thought had it all, because if they looked
Speaker 1: a certain way, I guess I would just tell my Also,
Speaker 1: I would tell my younger self, like keep going down
Speaker 1: in that basement. It sounds creepy, guys. My basement was
Speaker 1: like finished, don't worry and leaning into your craft, because
Speaker 1: in the darkest of moments, creating content actually formed who
Speaker 1: I am and gave me the strength to keep going,
Speaker 1: and it made me a full whole individual in my
Speaker 1: own right. And when I was getting bullied and when
Speaker 1: I was going through those hard times, realizing I'm going
Speaker 1: to turn my passion into my purpose, that's all I
Speaker 1: needed to be like, Okay, let's keep going. So I
Speaker 1: was really fortunate to find that at a young age,
Speaker 1: but I think a lot of people do. When you're
Speaker 1: at a young age and you are going through something
Speaker 1: so hard, you find that outlet, right, and everyone has
Speaker 1: that one thing that I love this, and I'm just
Speaker 1: fortunate enough to have made that into my career. Alex.
Speaker 1: I love listening to you, Like, I am just so
Speaker 1: happy right now because I'm like what we're hearing, and
Speaker 1: I love what you said earlier that you're in therapy
Speaker 1: right now, you're working through this and so you haven't
Speaker 1: shared so much of this, but I'm just hearing so
Speaker 1: much coherence and so much clarity, and it's so beautiful,
Speaker 1: like hearing someone who's gone through so much pain, so
Speaker 1: much stress. And yes, externally there's the success, but then
Speaker 1: to hear what's happening internally, and you've just reminded me
Speaker 1: of a moment of my life. I'm just I remember
Speaker 1: being at the final year of elementary school or primary
Speaker 1: school as we call it in London, and there was
Speaker 1: one girl that everyone fancied in class, and I fancied
Speaker 1: it too, like she was the cutest girl in school.
Speaker 1: Were like eleven years old, so whatever cute means at eleven.
Speaker 1: I think it was the first time I'd ever liked
Speaker 1: a girl, and like in that way. I come late
Speaker 1: to school one day and everyone's looking at me weird,
Speaker 1: like everyone's really looking at me, really strange, and everyone's laughing,
Speaker 1: and some of the girls like in the corner like
Speaker 1: laughing and pointing, and I'm thinking, what happened? Like what
Speaker 1: did I miss out? One I can't remember. I was
Speaker 1: like maybe doctors appoint or whatever. Then I found out
Speaker 1: that all the guys who equally fancied this girl had
Speaker 1: told the girls that I fancied her, so not anyone
Speaker 1: else knew apart from just me, and I was considered
Speaker 1: the ugliest, fattest kid in school, and so now she
Speaker 1: knew this. All her friends were laughing, and then the
Speaker 1: us that day. They all stood I used to be
Speaker 1: a goalkeeper because I wasn't very athletic at the time.
Speaker 1: I used to be a goal and goalkeepers are very athletic,
Speaker 1: so no, no offense to goal give us at least
Speaker 1: at that time when you're a kid in school. It's okay, Jay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just like yeah, you know, oh my god, it's clear.
Speaker 1: Just being clear. I think goal give us a very day.
Speaker 1: All the way, I'm in goal and old girls are
Speaker 1: standing behind the goal and they're just like they're like, Jay,
Speaker 1: you can never get her. I can't believe you thought it.
Speaker 1: She's out of your league. And they're literally the whole
Speaker 1: day throughout the playground, like every time we're playing football soccer,
Speaker 1: they're just behind the goal like making fun of me.
Speaker 1: And it's such a like, No, it makes me memory.
Speaker 1: It makes me honestly because I think it's it's interesting.
Speaker 1: I even watch you. We can smile through it now,
Speaker 1: but like, it honestly makes me want to cry when
Speaker 1: I think about it because even hearing that, like I
Speaker 1: can picture that happening to you because it happened to me,
Speaker 1: and it's so trauma tizing when that happens to you
Speaker 1: and you literally are just fighting back tears and you're like,
Speaker 1: just get through it, just get through it. And all
Speaker 1: you want to do is go home. And it makes
Speaker 1: you hate interacting, It makes you nervous, you get really
Speaker 1: like clammed up, and it's it's awful. Like I remember
Speaker 1: when I was in middle school. Also like my teachers,
Speaker 1: I went to Catholic school, and I just like never
Speaker 1: thought I belonged in Pennsylvania. Yea, I was like, what
Speaker 1: am I doing here? Like I just it. I knew
Speaker 1: I wanted to do something that was definitely like big,
Speaker 1: but I also knew this is a very conservative town
Speaker 1: and we were shamed for anything regarding anything because it's Catholic.
Speaker 1: And I remember we weren't allowed to wear makeup and
Speaker 1: I was breaking out so bad, like it was so
Speaker 1: awful this week and it was final, so I couldn't
Speaker 1: skip school. Like I would beg my mom to let
Speaker 1: me skip school, and she, thank god to My mother
Speaker 1: would see when I was really struggling, would be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you can stay home. I put a tiny bit of
Speaker 1: concealer over some of my acne because I would sit
Speaker 1: next to this kid that was like the coolest kid
Speaker 1: in school, and I would always be so upset because
Speaker 1: he got to see that side of my face. And
Speaker 1: in front of the entire class, my teacher, I want
Speaker 1: to call her out, missus G I'll just say okay,
Speaker 1: I'm like getting there. She comes over to the entire
Speaker 1: class and looks at me and goes, Alex, you're wearing
Speaker 1: face makeup. Go to the bathroom and wash it off.
Speaker 1: She escorted me into the bathroom, made me rub my
Speaker 1: skin raw in a school bathroom, no soap, just water
Speaker 1: scrubbing it off. My face was so red and I
Speaker 1: remember just being like, can I go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: She's like no, get back to class and I just
Speaker 1: trying to hold back tears and my entire face was inflamed,
Speaker 1: and I was like, so now I'm not even experiencing
Speaker 1: bullying from kids Like this is like how does this
Speaker 1: teacher not know? And she has kids. So it was
Speaker 1: like it was a lot, but I will say it
Speaker 1: made me who I am today. I look back and
Speaker 1: I'm like, had I not gone through all of that?
Speaker 1: Like I said earlier, I know who I am now.
Speaker 1: I didn't back then. I was trying to figure it out,
Speaker 1: but I know who I am now, and I know
Speaker 1: my morals and my values, and I know that a
Speaker 1: lot of that stems from the pain that I went through,
Speaker 1: and I am a very empathetic person. Maybe I don't
Speaker 1: show that a lot on my show, but I think
Speaker 1: it's it's all relative. I'm like, Oh, if I could
Speaker 1: go back, would I redo it? No? Maybe I would
Speaker 1: have wished I told my parents a little bit more,
Speaker 1: But still I think it made me really turn inward,
Speaker 1: and that created a different level of strength and self
Speaker 1: reliance that like, I can't even put into words. So
Speaker 1: that is such a powerful point. I mean, You've made
Speaker 1: so many amazing points that I'm going to be drawing
Speaker 1: together for all listeners at the end. But like, that
Speaker 1: is such a powerful point that I think, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to tell people to go either way, but
Speaker 1: there's a different strength that comes from going inward than
Speaker 1: the strength that's required from asking other people for help,
Speaker 1: and both strengths are important. Like going out and knowing
Speaker 1: to ask your mom or your dad or your best
Speaker 1: friend for help is extremely important, but knowing how to
Speaker 1: go and ask yourself for help internally is equally important.
Speaker 1: I think that is such a beautiful point I've never
Speaker 1: heard it been put that way, and I love that
Speaker 1: idea of because I feel the same way. I felt
Speaker 1: so isolated and alone, and even today when I feel
Speaker 1: that way sometimes, But now it's become solitude, it's become
Speaker 1: a strength because I've got used to depending on myself
Speaker 1: and i know what that feels like when I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm all I have, and I know what that feels like.
Speaker 1: So now it doesn't scare me, whereas at twelve or
Speaker 1: thirteen or fourteen it really did. I think one of
Speaker 1: the things we're talking about is an evolution and identity
Speaker 1: and awareness, and this has been something that I've struggled
Speaker 1: with as things have become more public as well, because
Speaker 1: so I went from being that kid that was bullied
Speaker 1: to being fairly in with the cool kids high school,
Speaker 1: to then going to college and being a budding spiritualist.
Speaker 1: Like my college life, if anyone met me at college,
Speaker 1: they'd be like, Jay was like nice and loving and
Speaker 1: spiritual and mindful and all these things that I was practicing.
Speaker 1: If you spoke to my high school friends, they'd be like,
Speaker 1: Jay was a party animal, he drank too much, he
Speaker 1: was crazy, Like he was the class clown. Like he
Speaker 1: tormented teachers, like that was my reputation, and so you
Speaker 1: get this complete dichotomy. And I feel like every transition
Speaker 1: my external life took, I saw it as an opportunity
Speaker 1: to become who I wanted to be. So as I
Speaker 1: left high school, I wanted to become this mindful, thoughtful individual,
Speaker 1: and that's what I was at college, and then I
Speaker 1: went off to be a monk, which was a whole
Speaker 1: different external identity. Left that and now obviously doing all
Speaker 1: of this for the past few years, and so many
Speaker 1: more in between. But the point is that I've given
Speaker 1: myself permission to accept that I am the same and
Speaker 1: different person all at the same time. So beautiful, right,
Speaker 1: And I've given myself that permission even when other people haven't.
Speaker 1: And I feel like I'm constantly going through that where
Speaker 1: I did used to be a monk, I'm not now,
Speaker 1: I'm married, I have a home, I have businesses, I
Speaker 1: have money. Like life has changed, but there are parts
Speaker 1: of being a monk that are still me. There's still there.
Speaker 1: I still think like a monk, and there's parts of
Speaker 1: my lifestyle that is still like a monk. There parts
Speaker 1: that are not so coming back to you You've also
Speaker 1: been on an evolution of identities. We've just talked about
Speaker 1: a very clear one. You then have the beginning of
Speaker 1: the podcast, which is very well documented. It's all there.
Speaker 1: I don't want to dive into it, and that part
Speaker 1: of the journey's there, and then now it becomes another
Speaker 1: label where it's like Spotify sixty like it just it
Speaker 1: becomes so like diluted to a number and a brand
Speaker 1: and you can go wherever you want to go with this.
Speaker 1: But the question I'm asking is what has been the
Speaker 1: hardest part of that evolution for you to where you
Speaker 1: are now? And what do you think people misinterpret about
Speaker 1: that evolution. It is difficult because I feel, especially as
Speaker 1: a woman in the industry, I have to tiptoe on
Speaker 1: not being overly confident, like I think women can all
Speaker 1: feel it. Don't be too much of this, always veer
Speaker 1: on the side of just be quiet. Well, I've got
Speaker 1: a podcast that's a little bit difficult, right, So I
Speaker 1: definitely have struggled with the person and who I've become
Speaker 1: is confident, and I want to embody this confident and
Speaker 1: determined badass CEO running my life that any woman could
Speaker 1: do what I'm doing. Right in whatever aspect they want
Speaker 1: to do it in their life and whatever their passion is.
Speaker 1: But it is difficult when then I walk into board
Speaker 1: meetings or meetings with these men that and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm telling you what I want, And I feel like
Speaker 1: if a man was sitting here, it would be a
Speaker 1: very different conversation. If anything, he'd be going light. And
Speaker 1: so I've struggled with why am I always called the
Speaker 1: female Joe Rogan is? Does anyone compare say, oh, Joe
Speaker 1: Rogan's the male Alex Cooper. No, we have similar numbers,
Speaker 1: We've really loyal audiences. We both are with Spotify like
Speaker 1: and no shade to Joe. I'm actually just saying it's
Speaker 1: frustrating that it is a dequalifier. It's putting me comparing me.
Speaker 1: It's not even comparing me. They're just saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's basically him. But like, as a woman, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be compared to anyone, and I don't. It's
Speaker 1: been hard for me to do it in a way
Speaker 1: that yeah, I'm not coming off as like angry and mad,
Speaker 1: and I think there has been times where I feel
Speaker 1: like I can't be all in business mode at times
Speaker 1: as I want to be because I'm as a woman,
Speaker 1: going to be labeled and it's like, no, I actually
Speaker 1: just know what I want. And I'm a boss and
Speaker 1: I am running a huge company and I have so
Speaker 1: much going on and I don't want to waste anyone's time,
Speaker 1: and I know what I want. What a concept, So
Speaker 1: I think I think that is something that people have
Speaker 1: misinterpreted also on the Internet of like, oh, she comes
Speaker 1: off so like I don't know if I don't even
Speaker 1: know if it's aggressive, Like I think as a woman,
Speaker 1: especially even if I don't know what I want, pretend
Speaker 1: I know what I want. Because we're at a time
Speaker 1: where as we've seen in the world, we are not
Speaker 1: equal to men. We don't have autonomy over our bodies.
Speaker 1: And so it for me using my platform right now
Speaker 1: to be like, let me be the boldest I can be,
Speaker 1: even if people are a little taken aback. I hope
Speaker 1: it just helps other women be like I'm going to
Speaker 1: go in today and advocate for myself to my boss
Speaker 1: or I'm going to stand up to that parton because
Speaker 1: it's like we're getting nowhere if we don't keep shoving
Speaker 1: it forward a little bit. And I've gotten at times
Speaker 1: a little nervous, and I'm like, I could just sit
Speaker 1: and do my interviews and stay quiet, but that's not
Speaker 1: for who I've been. I've always had an opinion. I'm
Speaker 1: a leo. Okay, I know what I want, but it
Speaker 1: is hard because it's it's like, I think there's a
Speaker 1: lot of people that are a little skeptical of a
Speaker 1: really and I hate when people say loud. Am I
Speaker 1: talking that loud? No? People actually so loud? I'm like,
Speaker 1: am I loud? Or am I just speaking about something
Speaker 1: that maybe you don't want to hear because you don't
Speaker 1: like change and we need change. So that's something that
Speaker 1: I'm currently working on therapy. I don't think I've ever done.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna clap on the podcast. I don't think I've
Speaker 1: ever done this, but any I'm just gonna clap. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take a moment to glad and there should be
Speaker 1: more people coughing. Hello, tried it. I need some come
Speaker 1: on home. Go Oh my god, no im And I'm
Speaker 1: genuinely never we've never done that, Like this is that
Speaker 1: only time the first time that we'vened. I really mean
Speaker 1: that everything you just said, like it's so true I'm
Speaker 1: totally aligned with you. I can only look at it
Speaker 1: from the perspective that I grew up with a powerhouse
Speaker 1: mom who worked, cooked, raised me and my younger sister,
Speaker 1: provided for us both when my dad was figuring his
Speaker 1: life out. My mom was the breadwinner in the house.
Speaker 1: She was the one who helped me with my homework.
Speaker 1: She taught me how to shave, like, like, that's literally
Speaker 1: who my mom was in my life. And so I
Speaker 1: grew up seeing the most powerful woman in the world
Speaker 1: in my opinion as a young boy, and like my
Speaker 1: mom would take me to all our meetings at night,
Speaker 1: whatever whatever needed to happen. And then I was kind
Speaker 1: of like an older like a father figure to my
Speaker 1: younger sister. And so I've seen it in her too,
Speaker 1: and I've seen like the stuff she's gone through it
Speaker 1: at work and wherever it maybe, so I can only
Speaker 1: empathize from that perspective. But when I'm listening to you speak,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, it's sad that we're still there, Like
Speaker 1: it just pains me. I'm like, how can we still
Speaker 1: be there? And how can we still be stuck there?
Speaker 1: And I want to dive into the gender part with
Speaker 1: you because I do think it's it's important that we
Speaker 1: talk about it here. I deal with that in a
Speaker 1: different way, and I've never talked about this either, But
Speaker 1: I feel like we're both in yea, yeah, yeah. And
Speaker 1: it's also like I feel understood with you, and I
Speaker 1: also know that you're because you interviewed. You just such
Speaker 1: an exceptional job at it. It's like I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm getting to like open up my heart interviewing. I'm
Speaker 1: like opening up my heart to you. But no, I
Speaker 1: mean in the sense of so I often get perceived
Speaker 1: as like, well, Jay, you're a monk and you're mindful,
Speaker 1: so you're not allowed to be driven and ambitious. So
Speaker 1: if I have goals in a business meeting or a
Speaker 1: PR meeting or whatever it may be, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: but Jay, like, you shouldn't have goals, right, I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: I both Yeah? Can I not be both? Am I
Speaker 1: not allowed to be both? Like? And so people are
Speaker 1: constantly like but Jay like, And it's like if if
Speaker 1: we reach for something and I've you know, I come
Speaker 1: from a background of I was straight a's, I worked
Speaker 1: in the corporate world, I'm highly organized, I'm a high performer.
Speaker 1: It comes naturally to me, and that's me. And then
Speaker 1: I was a monk, and I have the meditative side
Speaker 1: and a meditive for two hours a day, and I
Speaker 1: wake up early and take cold showers and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. But it's like, to me, I've tried
Speaker 1: to put both together to create this real world because
Speaker 1: the one makes me happy without the other. So I
Speaker 1: get the perception of Jay. How can you be mindful
Speaker 1: and driven? How can you be ambitious and meditate? How can?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, but that's what we should be encouraging
Speaker 1: people to be. Like. I feel like it's because we
Speaker 1: have gotten so comfortable putting things in boxes. And I
Speaker 1: love that you're saying that because it reminds me. This is,
Speaker 1: I think, such a relatable topic. Take me and my
Speaker 1: deal and my podcast and being a public figure out
Speaker 1: of it. You mentioned something about how you are these
Speaker 1: different stages of your life, and I feel like it's
Speaker 1: so normal and healthy, honestly to progress and almost be
Speaker 1: different people of your versions of yourself and try things out.
Speaker 1: I remember in high school when I was a little
Speaker 1: bit more now secure with my looks okay, and I
Speaker 1: was now the jock, I was on the soccer team,
Speaker 1: I was a freshman. I was thriving with my soccer girls.
Speaker 1: They were like big on campus, and I was still
Speaker 1: obsessed with making content right. I was so embarrassed that
Speaker 1: I was in the video production class because people that
Speaker 1: my video production professor, God bless him, he was I
Speaker 1: guess people would consider like a little nerdy and a
Speaker 1: little too techy. And I was like, I am so
Speaker 1: honored to be his student and teach, like, have him
Speaker 1: teach me. He would. We would watch movies after class
Speaker 1: and like not in a creepyway, but he was educating
Speaker 1: me on film and before me too. We would watch
Speaker 1: Alfred Hitchcock. I remember the first time he showed me Psycho.
Speaker 1: And so I was learning. But I lied to my
Speaker 1: peers because so my mom. I convinced my mom, please,
Speaker 1: can we go in and talk to the dean of students.
Speaker 1: I want to do video production. For all four years
Speaker 1: as my elective, I never took health, which is interesting,
Speaker 1: never learned about sex education. Okay, so interesting, But I
Speaker 1: remember people being like, why are you in that video
Speaker 1: production class for all four years? Is just so weird?
Speaker 1: And I was embarrassed and I lied and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know like they think I'm good at it,
Speaker 1: so like whatever, I don't have to take health at
Speaker 1: least like whatever, I downplay it. I was so passionate.
Speaker 1: I loved it more than soccer. It was literally my existence.
Speaker 1: It felt like that is why I'm here, This is
Speaker 1: what I'm meant to do. But I was so embarrassed
Speaker 1: because I couldn't be a jock and also a tech girl,
Speaker 1: like a tech geek or whatever they would call me,
Speaker 1: And so I tried to hide that part of myself.
Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of people do that,
Speaker 1: even hearing you say that, like why can't you be
Speaker 1: mindful and also determined? And it's like, I actually think
Speaker 1: that is the such a beautiful human being. When you
Speaker 1: can combine all the different parts of yourself to all
Speaker 1: be in a somewhat cohesive working situation, it works so
Speaker 1: much better for your mental health. We shouldn't all just
Speaker 1: be narrow minded. We shouldn't just have one thing that
Speaker 1: we're focused on. Are you do you have a relationship?
Speaker 1: Are you a good friend? You don't act like you
Speaker 1: to your romantic partner like you do to your friend?
Speaker 1: What about are you a good son a daughter of Like?
Speaker 1: It all is in the scheme of being humans, we
Speaker 1: have to have multidimensional parts of ourselves, but something about
Speaker 1: being in a box. It doesn't work, Jay, if you're
Speaker 1: both of those, because it can't be true. Well why not?
Speaker 1: And I think just talking about it anyone listening, you
Speaker 1: should not veer away from a passion because it doesn't
Speaker 1: align with something other publicly that you're doing, because it's
Speaker 1: like almost a contradiction. I love a contradiction. That is
Speaker 1: what I do. On my should they're like, well you
Speaker 1: said this last week, I changed my mind this week
Speaker 1: and not in like okay, Alex, Well, we can't believe
Speaker 1: anything you say, but things change and things shift. But
Speaker 1: we have to be cognizant of how we're embracing different
Speaker 1: parts of ourselves because if we try to not do
Speaker 1: that and just stay in one lane, we're not going
Speaker 1: to grow, we're not going to be happy with ourselves,
Speaker 1: and we're just going to be appeasing the people around
Speaker 1: us instead of what do we want. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: sharing that because I think it's a really relatable thing
Speaker 1: of like, how can I be both? Of course you
Speaker 1: can be both, it's just society has made us feel like, well,
Speaker 1: your opposer. You can't be both which one isn't a
Speaker 1: true They're both true about Clay. These are all tech talks,
Speaker 1: like it's just one after the other after the other. No, no, No,
Speaker 1: you're inspiring me. No, I'm just I hope it's okay.
Speaker 1: Like I don't know. I'm opening up because I just
Speaker 1: feel like the stuff we're talking about is is relatable
Speaker 1: in different ways, right, Like I don't know what it
Speaker 1: feels like to be a woman in the industry. I
Speaker 1: never will, I will never be able to be Like
Speaker 1: I get that, I totally know what you mean, but
Speaker 1: I get what I'm feeling in the same expression of
Speaker 1: sometimes I feel told to be quiet. Sometimes I feel
Speaker 1: told to be like, well, Jay, you shouldn't have that desire,
Speaker 1: Like I'm told to like calm down sometimes not because
Speaker 1: I'm aggressive in any way, but in the sense of
Speaker 1: just because I'm a driven, ambitious person. So going back
Speaker 1: to what you were saying earlier, there's a part of
Speaker 1: it where it sounds like especially and I love what
Speaker 1: you said, like it's not about it's not about what
Speaker 1: Joe's doing, it's not about anyone doing It's just why
Speaker 1: does everything have to be a comparison, and that then
Speaker 1: starts to be a respect issue, right. It starts to
Speaker 1: be an issue in like are we giving enough respect
Speaker 1: to what you've achieved and what you've built in the
Speaker 1: same way as are we giving respect to anyone else
Speaker 1: for what they've achieved and what they've built? What has
Speaker 1: been your relationship? Like with respect, it's hard because there's
Speaker 1: a couple dimensions to it. Right, My listeners quite literally,
Speaker 1: and I know the sounds corny, but like truly feel
Speaker 1: like an extension of myself, Like we have an understanding,
Speaker 1: we have talked about the most deep in depth, maybe
Speaker 1: taboo topics, uncomfortable topics. And I'm when I meet the
Speaker 1: Daddy Gang, shout out everyone listening to Daddy Gang. When
Speaker 1: I meet the Daddy Gang out in person, I always
Speaker 1: joke because whenever I'm with anyone, they come up to me,
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, Alex. I'm like, Hi, what's up?
Speaker 1: And they're like okay, and they start talking and the
Speaker 1: person that's with me that's my friend or my parent whatever,
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, who is that from college or high school?
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, that's Daddy Gang. But we had it.
Speaker 1: You guys just started talking about her break like what
Speaker 1: we have this understanding of like if you listen to
Speaker 1: Call Her Daddy, and I'm sure you have that with
Speaker 1: your audience, like you build such a report. The respect
Speaker 1: I have for the Daddy Gang and my listeners and
Speaker 1: people that give me a chance, it is so mutual
Speaker 1: and it is so beautiful, and I can't still to
Speaker 1: this same believe what has been built of Call Her
Speaker 1: Daddy and the Daddy Gang and my relationship with them,
Speaker 1: and there's with me. I think where it becomes a
Speaker 1: little bit of a struggle is in the beginning of
Speaker 1: Call Her Daddy. It was this beautiful storm, right, a
Speaker 1: female lead podcast working at Barstool Sports, which people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: is that a misogynistic company? And it was like actually
Speaker 1: the perfect storm of like, oh, I'm a woman and
Speaker 1: I'm going to have the biggest show at Barstool Sports.
Speaker 1: Watch me dance, okay, And it was like this really
Speaker 1: cool challenge. But I think because of the nature of
Speaker 1: the content at the beginning of Call Her Daddy, it's
Speaker 1: difficult because I am in no way, shape or form.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't change one thing about the beginning of that show.
Speaker 1: It was so provocative and in your face and women
Speaker 1: needed it. At the time, it was like, oh, instead
Speaker 1: of because I think the feminist movement has had many
Speaker 1: different forms, right, it continues to change and evolve, And
Speaker 1: at that point, as someone who had just graduated college,
Speaker 1: I was everyone can be a feminist, right, and you
Speaker 1: can have a different version of how you associate it
Speaker 1: with it. But as long as you believe in the
Speaker 1: equality of the sexes, boom okay and you respect women, great.
Speaker 1: But for me, it was like, if men can say
Speaker 1: it to us, let's say it right back. And they're
Speaker 1: not going to like it, and it's going to be
Speaker 1: really uncomfortable, but let's go for it. And I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people loved it. No, I know a
Speaker 1: lot of people loved it. The show blew up and
Speaker 1: it was controversial and it was amazing. My struggle was
Speaker 1: being so proud of what I built, but also we
Speaker 1: just talked about that box of like, but I kind
Speaker 1: of want to talk about other stuff too, and I
Speaker 1: felt like I got pigeonholed into this, like that's the
Speaker 1: girl that talks about sex and dating. And it was
Speaker 1: really difficult for me to respect and acknowledge what had
Speaker 1: been built, and it is like brilliant what call her
Speaker 1: daddy original days was. But I also now I'm twenty
Speaker 1: eight and I started it at twenty two, twenty three.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be the same person I was
Speaker 1: at twenty two. I'm not. I have a different outlook
Speaker 1: on life. I have a greater interest in what's happening
Speaker 1: in the world, in making a difference. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: Out of twenty two, I was like, let's drink, let's
Speaker 1: talk about sex, and let's have fun. And that was
Speaker 1: so and that's what you should be doing right at
Speaker 1: that age. But now as I've tried to transition the show,
Speaker 1: not because, and I want to clarify, no one has
Speaker 1: told me to do this. I made the decision because
Speaker 1: two things happened in the pandemic. I think when you
Speaker 1: talk about something like sex and people are so freaked
Speaker 1: out by that concept and a little nervous too. I
Speaker 1: remember back in the day engaged with the brand because
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, they talking about sex. That is
Speaker 1: one of the most intimate topics that you can really
Speaker 1: talk about, and a universally inclusive topic. Right, we all
Speaker 1: think about it in some capacity, right. I felt like,
Speaker 1: if I can talk that deeply and that openly, and
Speaker 1: that vulnerably on this platform to millions of people still
Speaker 1: in therapy about that. Why was I so okay doing that?
Speaker 1: We're working on it, okay. But the point is is
Speaker 1: if I can do that, my audience was ready when
Speaker 1: the pandemic hit. We need you to talk about some
Speaker 1: other stuff because none of us are enjoying our sex
Speaker 1: life right now. But we trust you enough, Alex. Let's
Speaker 1: have deeper conversations. And that is when I began talking
Speaker 1: about mental health. And that is when I opened up
Speaker 1: and acknowledged I'm in therapy and the stigma around therapy. Well,
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people is what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: My mother is a psychologist. I grew up where mental
Speaker 1: health was the number one prerequisite in the house of
Speaker 1: how's your mental health, what's going on in your head?
Speaker 1: Where are you at? So I think that transition for
Speaker 1: call Her Daddy, for me felt so organic. It was like,
Speaker 1: of course, we got to talk about more stuff. It's like,
Speaker 1: eventually you graduate from high school, you got to go
Speaker 1: to college or algebra one. We go to Algebra two.
Speaker 1: Like call Her Daddy is cemented as one of the
Speaker 1: best sex and relationship podcasts. There's eighty episodes. It is fire.
Speaker 1: You can learn some amazing tricks of the trade. Okay,
Speaker 1: but what's next? And I could feel my audience ready
Speaker 1: for something new, and I was ready for something new.
Speaker 1: I wanted to explore other topics, not that I'm not
Speaker 1: going to continue to talk about those things, and that
Speaker 1: I think was a difficult transition that some people that
Speaker 1: don't want change. Not my audience. My audience not only
Speaker 1: stayed with me, but then grew because people were like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're spicing up a little bit. There's more topics, there's
Speaker 1: more conversations, just not about sex. But I saw people
Speaker 1: that didn't like the show in the beginning. They're like, Nope,
Speaker 1: you're still the sex girl. You cannot be talking about
Speaker 1: mental health and talking about sex. You can't tell me
Speaker 1: you're talking about sex in a deep, deep conversation that
Speaker 1: has to do with mental health, or you're not getting
Speaker 1: deep enough because well, no pun intended. But when I
Speaker 1: talk about that, it's like what we're going through in
Speaker 1: the world right now with sexual identity and fluidity and
Speaker 1: trying to understand. I mean, it's so beautiful now that
Speaker 1: we've started to embrace the concept of non binary, and
Speaker 1: it's like letting people do what they feel comfortable doing.
Speaker 1: That is mental health and that is sex. Right. So
Speaker 1: I think the struggle of respect has been people not
Speaker 1: loving me, venturing out and straying away from what initially
Speaker 1: was the bread and butter of call Her Daddy. And
Speaker 1: I have been an athlete my whole life. Jay. I
Speaker 1: love a challenge. When someone tells me I can't do something,
Speaker 1: but I will not lie. It has been so hard,
Speaker 1: like trying to stay true to myself, authentic to the content,
Speaker 1: but also knowing and cognizant of the fact that there
Speaker 1: are people that are like, she's still sex. She it's
Speaker 1: just sex, and I'm like, what, And so it's a
Speaker 1: difficult balance. But I've tried to just block out the noise,
Speaker 1: not read as many of the comments. And now I
Speaker 1: think through the new kind of version of the show,
Speaker 1: it's so cool that I've taken on these interviews and
Speaker 1: kind of like going back to what we kind of
Speaker 1: said in the beginning, I'm having on these celebrity guests
Speaker 1: that everyone's like, oh, you're gonna have on celebrities now,
Speaker 1: But the point was, and it goes back to what
Speaker 1: we were saying earlier. I love this challenge of like
Speaker 1: you're gonna leave and you will relate to Demilovado, you
Speaker 1: will relate to Miley Cyrus, you will relate to Chelsea Handler.
Speaker 1: Like these people that are coming on that seems so
Speaker 1: their life is so unattainable. No, we can relate to them.
Speaker 1: And I've been fortunate that this new format, and I
Speaker 1: think through my therapy journey and just because I know
Speaker 1: myself and I am a warm person, I am so
Speaker 1: interested in people's lives. I want to understand people better.
Speaker 1: It makes me better, it makes my audience better. Almost
Speaker 1: every single time a guest leaves call her Daddy, they say, Wow,
Speaker 1: I have never felt so comfortable in an interview, and
Speaker 1: I've never opened up as much as I did in
Speaker 1: this interview. And I take pride in that because I
Speaker 1: put a lot of effort into making people feel comfortable.
Speaker 1: Because when you're talking about really really intense topics like
Speaker 1: we're talking about today, you need to be open minded.
Speaker 1: You need to come into an unbiased and you need
Speaker 1: to provide a space where it's like you're safe, let's
Speaker 1: have a conversation and no judgment. And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of these celebrities feel listen, they there is no denying.
Speaker 1: We're not saying they don't have privilege, and they don't
Speaker 1: have so many resources we don't have. But it's trying
Speaker 1: to humanize, and I think in a cool way. My
Speaker 1: listeners have loved the new kind of version of Call
Speaker 1: Her Daddy. And then I guess this is the last
Speaker 1: part of Also, I don't plan. There's one day that
Speaker 1: it's not like I need an episode like this one day,
Speaker 1: and then this it's every week. I walk in and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I think I know who I want to
Speaker 1: interview because it feels right. And I read all the
Speaker 1: dms from the Daddy Gang, and I still have all
Speaker 1: my social media accounts. No one runs the Caller Daddy
Speaker 1: account or my account, and I just read all these
Speaker 1: dms of someone struggling with a narcissistic parent, and immediately
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's get doctor romani on, Let's have her
Speaker 1: come on, let's talk about how to survive a narcissistic
Speaker 1: relationship like it ebbs and flows. I would love to
Speaker 1: be like I have this perfect structure. I am eyeballing
Speaker 1: it because I also am a consumer, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: what am I interested in because I'm so I love
Speaker 1: being in tune with my audience that I'm able to
Speaker 1: be like I know what they want because I want
Speaker 1: it too. It's an ebbing and flowing relationship with respect.
Speaker 1: There's always going to be haters. There's always going to
Speaker 1: be people that want me to fail. But I do
Speaker 1: think specifically this last year, I've come really into my
Speaker 1: own of like, I want to make amazing content for
Speaker 1: the people that want to listen. And if you don't
Speaker 1: want to listen, you don't have to listen. But I
Speaker 1: always do say give a chance because you will be
Speaker 1: surprised at the new collar Daddy. It's different, and I'm
Speaker 1: really proud of it because I put a lot of
Speaker 1: work into it and you should be. I personally, I'm
Speaker 1: a fan and I've loved the evolution of it. I've
Speaker 1: watched a ton of the interviews. I mean, for me,
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree with you more that whoever sits in
Speaker 1: front of me, whether there are a celebrity, whether they're not,
Speaker 1: whether they're a scientist, a doctor, a host, you know,
Speaker 1: whatever they may be, Like, I just want to create
Speaker 1: exactly what you said, Like, we're so aligned on that
Speaker 1: like create a safe space where people can feel they
Speaker 1: can be themselves and they're not being forced to be
Speaker 1: someone and they're not being forced to be the one
Speaker 1: version that we see. But I think what I really
Speaker 1: took away from what you're saying is that even though
Speaker 1: you're right, I know what you're saying, that there's no
Speaker 1: weekly structure, it's not like you're trying to figure out like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're going to do this and that. Actually, when you
Speaker 1: hear you exp Lane, when I just heard you explain
Speaker 1: how sex and mental health are so interconnected, that is
Speaker 1: very coherent. And that's very cohesive. So even if there
Speaker 1: isn't a plan every week, who you're talking to all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's like no one would ever know that or
Speaker 1: think about that. And this is what I think. We
Speaker 1: think so shallow now, right, Like everything's a shallow thought.
Speaker 1: And when I say shallow, I don't mean the subject matter,
Speaker 1: I mean how deeply we consider an idea. So Alex
Speaker 1: has changed what she talks about on her podcast slightly. Right,
Speaker 1: She's still she's still doing the sex pod because she's
Speaker 1: still talking about those things, but she's also talking about
Speaker 1: mental health and therapy and whatever she wants to talk about.
Speaker 1: That's a shallow thought. Oh, she's just Spotify's told her
Speaker 1: to do that. She can't talk about sex anymore because whatever, right,
Speaker 1: like whatever, whatever it is, I don't know what I'm
Speaker 1: making literally making stuff up. But then when you take
Speaker 1: that thought deeper, you go, Okay, Wait, when I actually
Speaker 1: listen to Alex explain it, she's like, I should be
Speaker 1: willing to do about mental health and sex because they're
Speaker 1: so interconnected. I should be able to talk about mental
Speaker 1: health and anything in my life because it's so interconnected.
Speaker 1: And I feel that I just love that description, Like
Speaker 1: I'm just holding onto that. That's my biggest takeaway from
Speaker 1: what you said, because I think it's unhealthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
Speaker 1: psychologically for us to think that any subject matter is
Speaker 1: separate from any other in the human experience. I agree,
Speaker 1: And I feel like especially with sex and having been
Speaker 1: a woman and trying to now like I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to get away from it, I'm just trying to prove
Speaker 1: like there's other things about me, what a concept, and
Speaker 1: that respect has been something that I keep pushing up
Speaker 1: against of like it almost I think at first, I'll
Speaker 1: be honest, made me want to go so far away
Speaker 1: from it because it's what everyone just wanted to pigeonhole
Speaker 1: me as. And I feel like, especially with the season
Speaker 1: two that's going to come out of Call Her Daddy
Speaker 1: at the end of September into October, like you're going
Speaker 1: to see a shift because is I feel like when
Speaker 1: I was in my twenties, I kind of mentioned this earlier.
Speaker 1: You're everyone's self involved. We're just trying to understand. Like
Speaker 1: I remember getting out of college being so miserable. I
Speaker 1: hated my job, I hated my life. I was like,
Speaker 1: what am I doing with my life? You're just trying
Speaker 1: to quite literally survive. And where I'm at now in
Speaker 1: my life at twenty eight. I just turned twenty eight,
Speaker 1: and I feel I genuinely have a different interest for
Speaker 1: what is happening in the world. Like I know this
Speaker 1: may not be the most relatable thing, but like I
Speaker 1: have one of the biggest platforms specifically well I know,
Speaker 1: I just found out my show is the number one
Speaker 1: biggest listen to show for women on in the world
Speaker 1: for a podcast. All I think when I hear that,
Speaker 1: that's great, let's frame it my mom may frame it responsibility.
Speaker 1: That's what I take from that. How am I not
Speaker 1: going to start talking about deeper topics and things that
Speaker 1: are genuinely going to affect generations to come? Having such
Speaker 1: a big platform, I feel a sense of responsibility of
Speaker 1: what am I doing? Open my eyes, start reading the news, Like,
Speaker 1: I just feel there's a different level that I'm taking
Speaker 1: this show too. And it's not to become preachy, and
Speaker 1: it's not to become political, and it's not to become
Speaker 1: in your face. It's going to have that same genuine
Speaker 1: nature quality has always had. I am coming to them
Speaker 1: just having a conversation. I want both sides to participate.
Speaker 1: I want people to feel so comfortable. I'm not asking
Speaker 1: you anything. I'm just wanting people to listen and to
Speaker 1: maybe have a thought provoking conversation that could potentially change
Speaker 1: your mind or strengthen your view on something. I feel
Speaker 1: like in a world of such snap judgment because of
Speaker 1: social media, people are inclined to make decisions so quickly
Speaker 1: based off of a headline or a photo or whatever
Speaker 1: it is, or gossip, And I like, how what I
Speaker 1: want to do with color Daddy is wouldn't you feel
Speaker 1: so much better if you could make your decision with
Speaker 1: a more three sixty POV on something. And that is
Speaker 1: what podcasting does, long form sit downs. Get to know someone,
Speaker 1: get to understand a topic, an issue, an argument, and
Speaker 1: then make your judgment, because that is amazing. If you
Speaker 1: leave being like I have the same opinion, amazing, But
Speaker 1: now don't you feel better that you have a bit
Speaker 1: more of an educated opinion rather than a snap judgment
Speaker 1: or most times what people do when they listen to
Speaker 1: Collar Daddy is okay, I admit I was judging them
Speaker 1: my mind change. I just had someone on and all
Speaker 1: of the dms were I don't know if I really
Speaker 1: thought I liked them anymore. And now I'm obsessed again
Speaker 1: because I forgot what they went through in their life,
Speaker 1: and I was completely unattached to the empathy level because
Speaker 1: all I see is social media posts. So I hope
Speaker 1: people feel that. And again, I'm not trying to be
Speaker 1: this like preachy. I don't know what I'm doing half
Speaker 1: the time, you know, But I just feel a sense
Speaker 1: of responsibility and I hope that my audience can feel
Speaker 1: like it's just a journey, because what else are we
Speaker 1: doing here? I want everyone to have fun. We want
Speaker 1: to have laughs. We're going to continue to have that,
Speaker 1: And especially being a woman right now, it's like, if
Speaker 1: I don't speak up, I'm not doing my job and
Speaker 1: I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that
Speaker 1: I didn't do something that actually was just right in
Speaker 1: front of me that I could have done. And I
Speaker 1: have such a platform, and so I'm sure everyone can
Speaker 1: know what I'm kind of talking about. But yeah, vote, okay, yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I mean personally hearing that I and you don't need
Speaker 1: to hear this for me, And I'm only saying it
Speaker 1: because I genuinely mean it, and for whatever it's worth,
Speaker 1: it's like I love that, Like I personally appreciate that
Speaker 1: so much because I only went out to start building
Speaker 1: a platform in the desire to serve, like we only
Speaker 1: I only started this journey hoping that we'd be able
Speaker 1: to help people. It never came from anything else. It
Speaker 1: started in that place and it's still in that place today.
Speaker 1: And when I hear someone who's like, hey, I was
Speaker 1: twenty two and now I'm growing up and this is life,
Speaker 1: and I like, look at that, and I go, I
Speaker 1: love people who do that. And you know, a lot
Speaker 1: of people that I work with in my coaching practice.
Speaker 1: It's like that's where there are like they became famous
Speaker 1: through music, or they became famous through movies, or they
Speaker 1: became famous through whatever, and now they're having that same
Speaker 1: journey in their life where they go Jay, I have
Speaker 1: like hundreds of millions of people who listen to me
Speaker 1: and they care about what I have to say. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be the person who just has a
Speaker 1: great home business in life. I want to do more
Speaker 1: than that. And to me, I think when people who
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to say that say that and then
Speaker 1: go follow it up, that's when the world starts becoming
Speaker 1: a better place. It does, and I think it is
Speaker 1: really it's a it's a hard concept, especially when you
Speaker 1: have a podcast. I don't see all these people right yeah,
Speaker 1: you know when I'm told, oh, your podcast is also
Speaker 1: the biggest podcast for millennials and gen Z, I'm like,
Speaker 1: so that is an audience that has the opportunity to
Speaker 1: quite literally change the world. What am I doing? And
Speaker 1: it doesn't need to be every episode. I just think
Speaker 1: there's a different level of awareness I have right now,
Speaker 1: and I'm I don't have it figured out. I am
Speaker 1: not perfect by any means. I definitely present a certain
Speaker 1: way on social media for my business, but like I'm
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to do is just take my education
Speaker 1: public and just use this platform and not be better
Speaker 1: than anyone, just genuinely be like I'm learning. I literally
Speaker 1: said to my team, and I was like, I will
Speaker 1: publicly say this. Like a couple of years ago, I
Speaker 1: remember when I got out of college, I had to
Speaker 1: call my dad and be like, I don't know how
Speaker 1: to Like how am I going to vote? Dad? Like what,
Speaker 1: I'm in Boston, I'm from Pennsylvania. Where am I registered?
Speaker 1: Like I don't even know how to vote? And I
Speaker 1: am not ashamed to say that. I think people feel
Speaker 1: so overwhelmed with certain things in life of college does
Speaker 1: not prepare us for a lot, right, and there's a
Speaker 1: lot that we're like what are we doing? And I
Speaker 1: think when you have people on platforms that are acting
Speaker 1: like you don't know what you're doing, it makes you
Speaker 1: feel ashamed, It makes you feel insecure, and then you
Speaker 1: just don't do anything. So I think call her daddy. Also,
Speaker 1: this season is really trying to just make it ingestable
Speaker 1: for everyone of like I'm with you, guys. I am
Speaker 1: also still like a couple of years ago, my dad
Speaker 1: was helping me on turbo tax Okay, I didn't know
Speaker 1: what I was doing, but I'm learning, and I hope
Speaker 1: that it's just I hope that people appreciate me just
Speaker 1: trying to make a little bit of a change, because
Speaker 1: there's a lot of power in podcasting and in these
Speaker 1: really intimate conversations. That's the best part about podcasting. It
Speaker 1: is such an intimate relationship that we have with our listeners,
Speaker 1: and I don't take it for granted. So there you go. No,
Speaker 1: you're spot on. Like I think we genuinely close off
Speaker 1: when we think we're surrounded by a community of people
Speaker 1: who know it alls or and I think that's when
Speaker 1: people start to lie. That's when people start to hide.
Speaker 1: Like I think everyone, everyone, like millennials and gen z
Speaker 1: everyone right now feels the pressure to know how to
Speaker 1: be an vesta, like because investing is the cool thing,
Speaker 1: right and it's like if you don't know how to
Speaker 1: buy an NFT, if you don't you know, if you
Speaker 1: didn't how to buy crypto when it was like booming
Speaker 1: and everyone's like talking big, it was like if you
Speaker 1: didn't know how to do those things. It was like,
Speaker 1: who are you? You can't be cool if you don't
Speaker 1: if you don't know how to vote, like oh well
Speaker 1: then you don't care, or all of these things. And
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't think any of those things were
Speaker 1: ever explained to anyone. Anyone and we're just listening to
Speaker 1: one random thirty second TikTok and being like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I need to buy that, I need to do this,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I fully believe, I fully agree with
Speaker 1: what you're saying. Yeah, social media has definitely made us
Speaker 1: all feel a little bit like we're behind, Like what
Speaker 1: am I missing? Or I don't oh I'm not in
Speaker 1: on that, or I'm feeling excluded, or maybe I'm not
Speaker 1: cool enough, I don't look at a certain way, I
Speaker 1: don't know how to do something. And it's like, that's
Speaker 1: what I've tried to say, take a little step back
Speaker 1: from social media recently and really focus on Like I
Speaker 1: have the same three best friends since I was six
Speaker 1: years old. I have my family, I have my really hip,
Speaker 1: I have my amazing team now Collar Daddy comprise of
Speaker 1: all women, they're amazing. I feel so for everyone's always
Speaker 1: like what's the best thing that came from your Spotify deal,
Speaker 1: and I was like that I can now hire a
Speaker 1: team of these amazing people. But I do feel like
Speaker 1: you have to also everything's with a grain of salt
Speaker 1: on social media. Try to also just be more present.
Speaker 1: Like I found myself the other month on my phone
Speaker 1: on TikTok scrolling. I'm by myself. There's a beautiful sunset
Speaker 1: at my new house, and I'm scrolling on TikTok, and
Speaker 1: I for a minute had this moment of like, hold on,
Speaker 1: I'm watching a random girl in her bedroom doing whatever
Speaker 1: she's doing, and I don't know her. And I'm sitting
Speaker 1: on my couch, lovely woman whoever. She is wasting my
Speaker 1: time watching someone that I don't know, and this is
Speaker 1: not changing my life. Go outside, Alex, Go watch the sunset,
Speaker 1: Go take my dog on a walk. Be present, because
Speaker 1: it gives me anxiety. I realize when I don't feel
Speaker 1: good enough, I don't feel pretty enough, I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I'm fitting the body standard. And then I start
Speaker 1: to spiral and it's like, why are we doing this
Speaker 1: to ourselves if we know that it's not helping us.
Speaker 1: Let's I'm just trying to be a little bit more
Speaker 1: in the moment with my thoughts of Okay, so step back,
Speaker 1: you can take it out of your hand and put
Speaker 1: it down. And I know it's quite literally doctors are
Speaker 1: comparing it to an addiction. So that's also something that's
Speaker 1: helped me with my mental health recently. Is like really
Speaker 1: putting boundaries on social media. What are some of the
Speaker 1: new habits of this new alex and values of this
Speaker 1: new alex that are really becoming integrated into your life,
Speaker 1: like you just said, like learning about what's happening in
Speaker 1: the world, like being well informed, educating yourself, taking that online.
Speaker 1: Obviously therapy we've talked about, like what are some of
Speaker 1: the I guess the smaller habits that you've developed. That's
Speaker 1: one of them. And that's a beautiful one. I always joked,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm a vow. I never say this word again.
Speaker 1: I in the beginning of Call Her Daddy and short
Speaker 1: kind of in the pandemic went down a spiral of
Speaker 1: like reading Reddit pages about myself and awful, awful things
Speaker 1: about myself, and I was crushed, like I said earlier,
Speaker 1: being bullied. I am a full people pleaser. I want
Speaker 1: everyone to like me. If I see that one comment,
Speaker 1: I'm like, and then it's going to affect my content
Speaker 1: the next week and I'm going to have a Freudian
Speaker 1: slip and somehow talk about something that I saw in
Speaker 1: the comment. I'm trying to be like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: It was about like a year or so ago, sat down,
Speaker 1: I think it was. It was with my therapist, and
Speaker 1: I said, I am never going to open this app again,
Speaker 1: and if I do, I'm hurting. Call her daddy. And
Speaker 1: I almost got it. Helped me take it out of myself,
Speaker 1: of like, because I was it was affecting my content,
Speaker 1: and I stopped looking at these people that I remember
Speaker 1: I always used to also be like, they're just hurting
Speaker 1: in their own life, and we can talk about why
Speaker 1: people are trolls on the internet for hours, but it's
Speaker 1: not my problem. I need to drown that out. Whatever
Speaker 1: those people are going through, whyever they hate me. I
Speaker 1: know I'm a good person. I know what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to do. So I stopped reading that about a year ago,
Speaker 1: and my life. I feel like a different human being.
Speaker 1: I am taking notes from people that truly care about me,
Speaker 1: and I'm someone that my producer was like, it's interesting
Speaker 1: you love a note. I love a note. I love
Speaker 1: someone to tell me when I'm doing something wrong, what
Speaker 1: I'm doing wrong. I love a note. And so I
Speaker 1: don't surround myself with yes people. I'm very I came
Speaker 1: to LA and I had to make a decision of
Speaker 1: you know, who I wanted to hang out with, what
Speaker 1: I wanted to do, and like, I am sticking to
Speaker 1: the people that I have known my whole life. I
Speaker 1: am not not open to meeting new friends. I have
Speaker 1: made new friends in LA, but I'm very specific about
Speaker 1: who I share my time with. And I think that
Speaker 1: is totally fair to say. And I think sometimes people like,
Speaker 1: oh this is that, or oh, you don't have as
Speaker 1: many friends. I am taking care of my mental health
Speaker 1: by making sure the people that I'm surrounded with aren't
Speaker 1: yes people because they're like, oh, we want to come
Speaker 1: and hang out in Alex's cool house with their cool job.
Speaker 1: It's people that are like, check yourself, what's up? Like
Speaker 1: how are you doing? And I could do the same
Speaker 1: to them, and so I have made efforts to make
Speaker 1: sure who I'm around not only they don't even make
Speaker 1: me feel good, it's that they're real with me and
Speaker 1: they treat me. If all this was gone tomorrow, I
Speaker 1: know those people are going to still be there. And
Speaker 1: I think with social media, I've kind of just I've
Speaker 1: really gone through periods where I felt like my whole
Speaker 1: existence was immersed and defiant or defined by social media
Speaker 1: and literally just through meditating, being alone with my thoughts,
Speaker 1: going through therapy of when you actually dissect, does something
Speaker 1: make you feel bad? Yes, so why are you doing it?
Speaker 1: It's so simple and it is so hard, But the
Speaker 1: more that I train my brain, it's really helped me.
Speaker 1: And I think when I go through really awful times
Speaker 1: on social media, if people are coming at me, if
Speaker 1: I get the mean comments, this is something that keeps
Speaker 1: me kind of ground. It is I always get through
Speaker 1: something in the moment. When you are going through something,
Speaker 1: it is awful and it can be heart wrenching. It
Speaker 1: you can feel it physically, you can feel alone, you
Speaker 1: can feel scared, whatever feeling comes when something bad is
Speaker 1: happening in your life. But you get through it. And
Speaker 1: when you get through it, you look back and you're
Speaker 1: always like, oh, I wish I could have told myself,
Speaker 1: like stop stressing, stop overthinking, stop So what I've had
Speaker 1: to do is in the moments of crisis, when I'm
Speaker 1: freaking out, having a panic attack anxiety, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: hold on, in two days, this will be over. Let's
Speaker 1: go on a walk, Let's take a breath. Let's call
Speaker 1: people I love, Let's talk to my mom, Let's call
Speaker 1: my therapist. Let's take all of the stuff that's happening
Speaker 1: in my head and just calm pause, connect with people
Speaker 1: that love me, and get out of your kind of
Speaker 1: psychosis that's happening in your brain. You're going over and over.
Speaker 1: I always think about like I always get through it.
Speaker 1: I've had so many moments where I'm freaking out. I
Speaker 1: always get through it. I always so look at the
Speaker 1: other side and it's I don't know, it's easier said
Speaker 1: than done again, but like it helps me be like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be there in a couple of days or hours,
Speaker 1: so like this it's not as bad as it feels.
Speaker 1: I don't know any sense, Yeah, it does, it does.
Speaker 1: I think what you're describing is like everything is simply
Speaker 1: a pattern of thought, right, It's just a pattern of thoughts,
Speaker 1: and the current pattern of thoughts we all have are
Speaker 1: not serving us, they're not helping us. They're not improving
Speaker 1: our lives. And the hard part is knowing which thoughts
Speaker 1: to change and then how to change them. And so
Speaker 1: the tools you just gave us, we're really simple ways,
Speaker 1: in practical ways that anyone can start changing their thoughts.
Speaker 1: And if I literally, if we just understood that that
Speaker 1: simply by changing your thoughts, you can transform every human
Speaker 1: experience in the world. Whether it's sitting in a old
Speaker 1: plunge and you're just changing your thoughts, whether it's you know,
Speaker 1: doing a hike in the morning, whether it's just getting
Speaker 1: to the gym right like, whatever it is, it's just
Speaker 1: changing your thoughts, and it's beautiful to hear you figure
Speaker 1: that out and work through them. Also, journaling, I've had
Speaker 1: when I go through really hard times, I always journal
Speaker 1: during and after, and then when I'm going through a
Speaker 1: crisis again, I'll read the after and even the during,
Speaker 1: and I'm like i was spiraling, look where i am now,
Speaker 1: I'm sitting on the beach, like I'm or I'm driving
Speaker 1: to work. Everything's okay. We get through. I have gone
Speaker 1: through people dying and it's like it is the worst.
Speaker 1: It is the worst, but you have to find a
Speaker 1: way to keep going. You have to find the positive,
Speaker 1: right And I have a lot of friends connected through
Speaker 1: trauma of things that happened in our childhood, and it's
Speaker 1: like we I had my two best girlfriends come and
Speaker 1: visit me, and they were with me for a week
Speaker 1: and we were just talking about life. How am I
Speaker 1: going to keep going? But then you remember the moment
Speaker 1: after that where you're laughing on the beach with your
Speaker 1: friend and you're like, imagine, if I didn't keep going,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have this beautiful moment with these people. And
Speaker 1: so it's like always trying to look to the other side,
Speaker 1: and if you can get there, you can take that
Speaker 1: breath and be like, thank God, I hung in there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's a belief that you think you've had about yourself
Speaker 1: that you think led you down the wrong path? Is
Speaker 1: there a specific belief that you once had about yourself
Speaker 1: that you think kind of went the other way? Like
Speaker 1: you just said, sometimes you have to push through, right.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we carry a belief about ourselves and we end
Speaker 1: up somewhere we don't want to be. I think because
Speaker 1: of things that have happened publicly, and there's so many
Speaker 1: things that have happened publicly for me, in my career,
Speaker 1: I would say, it really hurts me when people assume
Speaker 1: I'm a bad friend. My entire life, that has been
Speaker 1: the one thing I have felt I'm out of myself
Speaker 1: for truly, Like my friendships are so valuable to me,
Speaker 1: and I take such pride in those relationships. And when
Speaker 1: you have public things and it happens to happen with
Speaker 1: the woman, it's like the person that comes out on
Speaker 1: top is the villain, and then the person that didn't
Speaker 1: is the victim. And I'm not like going at anyone
Speaker 1: saying that they're calling themselves a victim. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: that's how the public perceives it. And so as a woman,
Speaker 1: it upsets me, and I would find myself really struggling
Speaker 1: at times being like I know I'm a great friend.
Speaker 1: Like I had a friend recently say to me because
Speaker 1: she's going through something and almost like through the tools
Speaker 1: of my show and therapy, she mentioned to me, she
Speaker 1: was like, I have never I think I've never felt
Speaker 1: you being a better friend than in this moment, Like
Speaker 1: I can't thank you for how much you're taking on
Speaker 1: for me. And I was like, I'm in a good
Speaker 1: place right now, Like it's all I can picture doing
Speaker 1: is helping a friend and being there for someone because
Speaker 1: you've been there for me when I've been at the
Speaker 1: absolute bottom. That's how friendship works, right, And I think
Speaker 1: friendships are so beautiful because you have to choose to
Speaker 1: keep it moving, keep it strong. A romantic relationship, it's there,
Speaker 1: you're together all the time. Friendship, that's hard. My friends
Speaker 1: live across the country. My three best friends do not
Speaker 1: live in Los Angeles, California, And it is a constant effort,
Speaker 1: and they know me just as much as I know them,
Speaker 1: and we have been through so much together. But I
Speaker 1: think that kind of ate at me, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: you've had it, of like, there's nothing worse than when
Speaker 1: someone believes something about you that you're like, oh, like
Speaker 1: I want to prove it that's not true. And I
Speaker 1: have so many things that could prove that that's not true.
Speaker 1: But I've had to work on in therapy of like
Speaker 1: I can't please everyone, and through do my friends know
Speaker 1: I'm a good friend. That's all that matters. The Internet
Speaker 1: thinking I'm this or that, Like if you like my show,
Speaker 1: you're gonna listen, but you're not listening because I'm a
Speaker 1: good friend. So it's like, I need to prioritize knowing
Speaker 1: who I am, knowing how deeply I feel for these
Speaker 1: people that I consider family. That's all that matters, and
Speaker 1: I don't need to prove that. But I definitely went
Speaker 1: down moments of like, oh my god, am I trying
Speaker 1: to talk about this in an episode? Improve It's like, Alex, you,
Speaker 1: if I tried to whack them all everything people think
Speaker 1: about me, I'm not going to get done interviews. I'll
Speaker 1: be just doing solo episode for the rest of my career.
Speaker 1: So that was something that was kind of hard. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and there'd still be something about your explanation that wouldn't
Speaker 1: be enough. Yeah, And yeah, I found that. I mean,
Speaker 1: I was asked in a podcast a few years ago.
Speaker 1: Someone asked me the question, what's something you used to
Speaker 1: value that you don't value anymore? And it's a really
Speaker 1: great question, and we have the video of it. I'm
Speaker 1: like sitting there thinking about it, and you can tell
Speaker 1: it's you know, when you ask a question and you
Speaker 1: actually have to think rather than like you've got a
Speaker 1: million things to say, And I said being understood. I
Speaker 1: was like, I just don't value being understood anymore because
Speaker 1: It's just it killed me that desire I had, and
Speaker 1: I get that. People. It's like, for years, I just
Speaker 1: wanted people to know I was a good person and
Speaker 1: that I had pure intentions and I was trying to
Speaker 1: serve the world and I was and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, no one's going to give me the
Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt. No one cares. And at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, I have to lose that desire
Speaker 1: to be misunderstood. And I'm sorry to be understood because
Speaker 1: most people are going to misunderstand me. And that's okay.
Speaker 1: That is like freed me. That is so beautiful because
Speaker 1: I relate to that deeply. And I love that you're
Speaker 1: saying that, because being understood is so overrated and exhausting,
Speaker 1: because who you're mostly trying now in the age of
Speaker 1: social media to be understood by is people you don't
Speaker 1: even know. Yeah, and what about the people you do know?
Speaker 1: How much time are you putting? Are we put It
Speaker 1: was a measure for me, am I putting more effort
Speaker 1: into the people I don't know than the people I
Speaker 1: do know. That's check your yourself, because I've done that
Speaker 1: to myself. And I love that you said that because it.
Speaker 1: When you get to that point, it is so free,
Speaker 1: and because you're like, I'm me. I don't need if
Speaker 1: I say something people take the wrong way. I don't
Speaker 1: need to be like, oh my god, I promise I'm
Speaker 1: a good person. No, you either know or you don't.
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to run around and chase people
Speaker 1: and try to convince people of my character. I go
Speaker 1: to sleep at night. I know I am a good daughter,
Speaker 1: a good partner, and a good friend, and I know
Speaker 1: I am not perfect by any means. But I am
Speaker 1: trying every day, through therapy, through just looking inward a lot,
Speaker 1: and trying to be with my thoughts and being more
Speaker 1: present with the uncomfortable, silent moments, trying to just be
Speaker 1: a better person. And I think it sounds corny even
Speaker 1: when I say it out loud, but like, what else
Speaker 1: are we here to do? You know what I mean? Like?
Speaker 1: Do you? Are you good with the people you love
Speaker 1: and who love you? That's kind of all that matters.
Speaker 1: And the rest is noise. And we have huge platforms
Speaker 1: and it's so great, but if all of it ended tomorrow,
Speaker 1: I would be okay. Yeah, And I don't think I
Speaker 1: could have said that a couple of years ago, and
Speaker 1: I don't want it to end. I love you all.
Speaker 1: But it is a it's a good feeling because that
Speaker 1: then I can really put all of me into the podcast,
Speaker 1: because it's like I'm gonna be me and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do me until I don't want to do it anymore
Speaker 1: and no one can tell me otherwise, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. So it's it's kind of a freeing feeling. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And here's here's what we know. We know that the
Speaker 1: people that do listen to us every week, they do
Speaker 1: know us. Like I feel so seen, heard and understood
Speaker 1: by my community that listens to me here, and whether
Speaker 1: they listen to the solos or these guest episodes, like
Speaker 1: I know they know me, they understand me. And I
Speaker 1: always say that if you see me on the streets,
Speaker 1: please come and say hello, because we can have a
Speaker 1: great conversation. But at the same time as that, one
Speaker 1: thing I do know is that I read a study
Speaker 1: that said you have to spend two hundred hours with
Speaker 1: someone to consider to know them deeply. And I started
Speaker 1: thinking about who in the world have I spent two
Speaker 1: hundred hours with? WHOA? And I started to realize it
Speaker 1: wasn't that many people, and that wasn't something that made
Speaker 1: me sad. It just made me value those people so
Speaker 1: much more so. My best my best friend who was
Speaker 1: my best man at my wedding. I've known him for
Speaker 1: eighteen years and I still talked to him three or
Speaker 1: four times a week. I don't know where I find
Speaker 1: the time. I don't know where he finds at the time,
Speaker 1: but every car journey, whatever I'm doing around la I'll
Speaker 1: call it. He's in London, so he had an eight
Speaker 1: hour time difference too, and he always picks up. We
Speaker 1: always find a way to connect. And well, our friendship's
Speaker 1: got better since I left England, and so all my
Speaker 1: best friends are in London because that's where I grew up.
Speaker 1: My families in London, my wife's families in London. So
Speaker 1: for us, like, I totally hear what you're saying that
Speaker 1: then statement you made that really resonated with me today.
Speaker 1: Off of what I said was that being understood as overrated,
Speaker 1: And it's so true because I would say that I'm
Speaker 1: still trying to understand even the people I've spent two
Speaker 1: hundred hours with, So how am I expecting someone who
Speaker 1: met me once for two minutes. Absolutely to understand two
Speaker 1: hundred hour version of me. I would hope not. I
Speaker 1: hope I'm complex enough that you can't figure me out
Speaker 1: in a minute. No, I I really love that, And
Speaker 1: I think it's I think that I always say to anyone,
Speaker 1: especially in twenties thirties, when you're out of college, it
Speaker 1: is so so depleting at times because you are stripped
Speaker 1: of that immediate comfort friends in you know, proximity wise,
Speaker 1: and you're immediately all of a sudden, you're across the
Speaker 1: country and you're friends across it, and you're like, I
Speaker 1: don't have friends, and it's a really isolating and lonely time.
Speaker 1: But I would start with do you have one person?
Speaker 1: Do you have one person that you can call? That's
Speaker 1: really all that matters. And of course we want friend groups,
Speaker 1: we want friendships, we want connections, we want to go
Speaker 1: to parties, guys, come on, but you but you have
Speaker 1: to just start slow with yourselves. And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of times in your twenties you almost get dismembered
Speaker 1: and you have to build yourself back up. And we're
Speaker 1: really hard on ourselves with those friendships. It's so much
Speaker 1: easier said than done. But it is a great reward
Speaker 1: when you can maintain those because it's they're beautiful and
Speaker 1: like I said, you're not having sex with these people, hopefully,
Speaker 1: so your friends are just there because they love you.
Speaker 1: Hopefully gets massy, don't do it, guys, But no, it's
Speaker 1: a really it's a really powerful relationship. Yeah, we've talked
Speaker 1: about friendships, and I want to talk about relationships a
Speaker 1: bit because it's it's a big thing here on on purpose.
Speaker 1: And I'm asking this because for me and this is
Speaker 1: what we do right and this is why I'm very
Speaker 1: clear on this, and this is one of the best
Speaker 1: skill I learned from training to become a coach was
Speaker 1: to not project my intentions onto other people's actions. So
Speaker 1: what we often do is when we see someone who
Speaker 1: does the same thing as us, we assume they did
Speaker 1: it because of the same reason as us. So if
Speaker 1: you see someone lie to someone, if you're someone who
Speaker 1: would lie to someone because you don't want to upset
Speaker 1: someone's feelings, you're like, oh, they lied to them because
Speaker 1: the don't want to upset someone's feelings. Yeah. But if
Speaker 1: you're someone who didn't do something because you were jealous
Speaker 1: of something, when someone doesn't do that same thing. You're like, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's because they're jealous of them. So we project our
Speaker 1: intentions onto other people's actions. So interesting, and so I'm
Speaker 1: project now, and so I'm being very honest and open
Speaker 1: about it. My wife and i've been together for ten years,
Speaker 1: long before I my public life, and we got married
Speaker 1: six years ago, and I started creating content online around
Speaker 1: the same time as we got married. We'd already been
Speaker 1: together for four years, and I've been creating offline content
Speaker 1: for ten years before I started doing online content. So
Speaker 1: I did events and I spoke and did seminars and
Speaker 1: workshops and coaching and all this stuff. Anyway, for the
Speaker 1: first three years of my content life, no one knew
Speaker 1: I was married. It wasn't that I didn't talk about it.
Speaker 1: It's that I used to make four minute videos on
Speaker 1: Facebook and YouTube, and those four minute videos were based
Speaker 1: on ideas. Long form content hadn't really taken off, and
Speaker 1: I didn't really feel to post selfies with me and
Speaker 1: my wife because I was gaining traction from talking about
Speaker 1: philosophy and psychology and ideas that I cared about. And
Speaker 1: we just got married too, and it was all new
Speaker 1: to us. It was like all of a sudden, like
Speaker 1: when I would that I was at a restaurant, people
Speaker 1: would turn up and things like that, And so I
Speaker 1: was very protective of my mom, my sister, my wife,
Speaker 1: and just everyone in my life. And then my first
Speaker 1: ever podcast episode was me interviewing my wife and us
Speaker 1: talking about how we met and our journey and everything
Speaker 1: else that came with that. And I was in twenty
Speaker 1: nineteen when we talked about it. I am so grateful
Speaker 1: that I didn't do it before then, because it gave
Speaker 1: my wife time to a acclimatize to the new life
Speaker 1: we'd created. It gave her a sense of stability and
Speaker 1: what we were doing and where we were going, and
Speaker 1: it helped me deal with what I needed to deal
Speaker 1: with in this journey. It wasn't something I would even
Speaker 1: say I was fully conscious of. I guess my question
Speaker 1: to you is, do you think having a relationship that
Speaker 1: you're open about but that is private consciously improves the
Speaker 1: quality of relationship you can build. I'm projecting that I
Speaker 1: think it's healthy, but you don't have to buy into
Speaker 1: my projection. You know what I'm gonna buy in, Okay,
Speaker 1: I do definitely, it's interesting because when I met my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: I had already podcasted about him before our first date,
Speaker 1: and he I remember podcasting. I was in Los Angeles
Speaker 1: and we were going to a dinner and I'm podcasting
Speaker 1: about my wants and my knees and all the things
Speaker 1: that I'm expecting for this date to go this. I
Speaker 1: had never met this man in my life. Classic Alex
Speaker 1: just going for it for the podcast. Got to give
Speaker 1: the daddy game what they want. And I show up
Speaker 1: to the date and halfway through, I'm like, Oh, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be on next week's episode. And he's a very
Speaker 1: private person and he was like what. And I was like,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be so good. And then I'm going to
Speaker 1: go back and record whatever happens at the end of
Speaker 1: the night, and he was like so shocked. I will
Speaker 1: say I think he thought it was quite charming. I
Speaker 1: love how men are always like, oh I don't want
Speaker 1: to be on. They love being on. But with him,
Speaker 1: it was interesting because I went all the way in
Speaker 1: and I started talking about him from the beginning, and
Speaker 1: then I had to pull it back because I realized, oh, well,
Speaker 1: this is a real relationship and I have so much
Speaker 1: respect for him. And he's in the entertainment industry, but
Speaker 1: he's private and he in a great way. This is
Speaker 1: how I knew he was the one. He never said,
Speaker 1: don't talk about me, but he asked that we just
Speaker 1: have conversations about it and just keep talking about it.
Speaker 1: And I've had past relationships where it was like, f
Speaker 1: your show, I don't care. And he has such a
Speaker 1: respect for my craft that he recognizes that is kind
Speaker 1: of what you do for living, and your life is
Speaker 1: your living. But I did start to pull back, and
Speaker 1: I know it's not fun to hear, but my relationship
Speaker 1: couldn't be better because of it. All of a sudden,
Speaker 1: he didn't have to wake up in the morning and
Speaker 1: press play and listen to what I said, and we
Speaker 1: weren't getting DMS about our relationship and it really allowed
Speaker 1: us to just be present of Hey, do we like
Speaker 1: each other. I've said to people, and I'm not judging
Speaker 1: people that on social media with their partner. I always
Speaker 1: just like to check myself and then I just tell
Speaker 1: people what I'm doing and if you want to do
Speaker 1: it too. But it's like there's some relationships I worry,
Speaker 1: are you just together still? Because the public loves you
Speaker 1: and that is not healthy. And I think that with
Speaker 1: social media, people can become addicted to the concept of
Speaker 1: this perfect relationship and what it looks like, Well, what
Speaker 1: is it like behind closed doors? I am so fortunate
Speaker 1: that I don't have that with my partner. I'm with
Speaker 1: him because I love him and I love our relationship
Speaker 1: and none of it is contingent upon either of our jobs.
Speaker 1: So that's been very healthy. Was it hard? Yeah? Of
Speaker 1: course there's great content in there, and occasionally I will share,
Speaker 1: but I told my listeners one rule that I implemented
Speaker 1: with my partner was if we have an argument or
Speaker 1: a fight or a disagreement or whatever, and it's an
Speaker 1: open wound at the time for the relationship. I made
Speaker 1: the mistake once of going and talking about it on
Speaker 1: the podcast too soon that we had an e and healed.
Speaker 1: And my partner is so mature that he was like,
Speaker 1: I love you so much, but I think we need
Speaker 1: boundaries because hearing that is not fun and it almost
Speaker 1: made it worse for me because we haven't resolved it.
Speaker 1: And so now I have this like I have a
Speaker 1: boundary where it's like a couple months later, I can
Speaker 1: totally talk about it because he was like, some of
Speaker 1: our arguments are great for couples to think about and
Speaker 1: talk about. Um, they're very relatable. But I think in
Speaker 1: the moment, it's always good to just put my relationship first.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean I'm not putting the show first.
Speaker 1: It's just having a good set boundary that I didn't
Speaker 1: have before. And I'm really really happy I've done it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've loved hearing today about how many different boundaries you
Speaker 1: put into different areas. Yeah, winning a boundary setting like no,
Speaker 1: but it's so important because I think the problem is
Speaker 1: that we think of life as either or and life
Speaker 1: is more boundaries and layers and levels. And it's like
Speaker 1: we think I'm either close to this person or i'm not,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, you're closer to this person than
Speaker 1: this person. It's not that you're close or not. And
Speaker 1: I think when you start looking at life as degrees
Speaker 1: and you know, you see a little ripple and different
Speaker 1: degrees versus like yes or no. Absolutely, And I think
Speaker 1: the concept of again this is all for public consumption,
Speaker 1: posting your partner for people in my case that don't
Speaker 1: I don't know right, and even a lot of people
Speaker 1: even if you have a thousand followers on Instagram? Do
Speaker 1: you have a thousand friends? Absolutely not, Becky, Okay, you
Speaker 1: do not have a thousand friends. So I always am
Speaker 1: also just like, what is the motive behind posting your partner?
Speaker 1: Is it to get validation that you're not getting in
Speaker 1: the relationship? Is it to seek approval? Is it to
Speaker 1: show off something that you're proud of? But well, if
Speaker 1: you were super you know, confident, like would you need
Speaker 1: that exterior validation? Right? And again I'm not saying not
Speaker 1: to post your partner, it's really just I think with
Speaker 1: social media, we've been so quick to just throw stuff
Speaker 1: off about our life, and it's like, well, why are
Speaker 1: you doing that? Who was that for? Why do you
Speaker 1: feel the need to show people that you don't even
Speaker 1: know how your relationship is going and write these long
Speaker 1: captions about it. I totally get trying to connect with people,
Speaker 1: but there is a level that I started to find
Speaker 1: of like, m I think I'm just doing this because
Speaker 1: this is like is helping content. It's not good for
Speaker 1: my relationship. I need to pull back. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: love that who It's four question because I do that
Speaker 1: exercise with myself and I post stuff like I post
Speaker 1: certain things and I know no one cares, but I
Speaker 1: really care about it, like it's really like it's a
Speaker 1: big deal for me or whatever. And then I'll post
Speaker 1: and I'll already tell to him of like, do not
Speaker 1: look at the likes, do not look at the comments.
Speaker 1: I know it's going to do terribly, but it's really
Speaker 1: important to me, and I want it to be out
Speaker 1: there because to me, that's really really powerful. And obviously
Speaker 1: we we only put out things that we think are powerful,
Speaker 1: of course, but there are certain things that I know
Speaker 1: no one cares about it part from me. And at
Speaker 1: the same time, I think for me, what I was
Speaker 1: getting out was that three years of being married for
Speaker 1: me and my wife gave us a sense of getting
Speaker 1: to know each other in that way without having to
Speaker 1: deal with any opinions any like right now, all we
Speaker 1: ever get when we post anything, you guys like brother
Speaker 1: and sister. I'm like, that's like, that's not what I
Speaker 1: would have wanted to hear when we just got married.
Speaker 1: So I'm very happy that we did in because that's
Speaker 1: all we ever get. And so I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: this is great, Like so that's the thing you're never
Speaker 1: gonna it's there's always going to be the negative, and
Speaker 1: so that's what Also I'm I'm really protective of it
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm so happy, he's so happy. Our
Speaker 1: families love each other, we're doing good. We are by
Speaker 1: no means a perfect couple. But I have no interest
Speaker 1: right now in opening that up for public consumption to
Speaker 1: just have an opinion. I don't need it. I want
Speaker 1: to know. Am I in this because I like him?
Speaker 1: That's it? Yeah, great, stick with it. Last question on relationships,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people ask, like, you know,
Speaker 1: what do you look for in someone? I think for
Speaker 1: me it's the opposite way around, Like what do you
Speaker 1: think you want someone to bring out in you that
Speaker 1: you see as a healthy relationship? Like what are you
Speaker 1: happy being when you're in a good place. I'm a lot.
Speaker 1: I'm self aware enough to know I'm a lot. And really,
Speaker 1: when I say I'm a lot, I think my job
Speaker 1: is a lot, right, And I am so passionate. Like
Speaker 1: I've said, I've been doing this since I was so young.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be making these videos. No one was seeing them.
Speaker 1: I was acting like they were going to be up
Speaker 1: for an Academy award. No one was my parents were
Speaker 1: barely watching them. They're awful yet it's shocking. They're like,
Speaker 1: We're going to play it one day at your wedding.
Speaker 1: I'm like, so I'm not getting married then. But the
Speaker 1: point is is I I have always felt like what
Speaker 1: I'm doing and my passion is so a part of me,
Speaker 1: and I need a partner that is going to support me,
Speaker 1: especially in a heterosexual relationship. Can a man be okay
Speaker 1: with I'm okay if I'm the breadwinner. It's not the case.
Speaker 1: My relationship were pretty equal, But it's like, I need
Speaker 1: to be able to be myself and I need my
Speaker 1: partner to not be intimidated by my success, not try
Speaker 1: to hold me down. Let me be me and you
Speaker 1: be you, and if we come together and we make
Speaker 1: each other better, amazing. But I've had relationships with men
Speaker 1: where they were extremely intimidated by my success and it
Speaker 1: was constantly trying to push me down, language that was
Speaker 1: semi abusive, of trying to make me feel less than,
Speaker 1: and it was really toxic and it affected me. And
Speaker 1: now being in a healthy relationship with someone that it's like,
Speaker 1: you are incredible, I support you is like my number
Speaker 1: one cheerleader. That to me is the hottest thing that
Speaker 1: someone can do. And I'm so attracted to my partner
Speaker 1: because of that. I also think someone that is so honest.
Speaker 1: My partner is so honest with me. Sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's like I'm not used to the honesty.
Speaker 1: And I really respect that because I am a noble person.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what's up, what's going on? And to meet
Speaker 1: my match kind of with that, we do no dance arounds,
Speaker 1: like it is just like what is up? And I
Speaker 1: know some people don't like that. You need a little
Speaker 1: like cushion. I am like, hit me where it hurts,
Speaker 1: let's get this over with. So I think those two
Speaker 1: things the honest um and also just allowing me to
Speaker 1: be who I am. And I know it sounds pretty straightforward,
Speaker 1: but a lot of people try to change each other.
Speaker 1: You're laughing, What did I say? Janie's like, I I relate. No, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm laughing because you literally there's something you said that
Speaker 1: just like just totally remind me if some on this weekend.
Speaker 1: So anyway, but Gary, yeah, Okay, the point is is
Speaker 1: you I've learned in relationships, like you talked about projection.
Speaker 1: There's so much projection if you don't work on yourself
Speaker 1: and whatever your form of therapy for yourself is. If
Speaker 1: you don't know who you are, you're going to go
Speaker 1: into a relationship and quite literally look for the things
Speaker 1: you want out of that person. And you're going to
Speaker 1: be put unrealistic expectations onto this person and you don't
Speaker 1: even know if you actually like them, because you're just
Speaker 1: trying to get what you want. It's like, wait, you
Speaker 1: don't even like the homie, like get out of here like.
Speaker 1: And so I think stripping it down to do you
Speaker 1: like them as who they are as a human being,
Speaker 1: and not honestly also for how they make you feel
Speaker 1: all the time? Do you like them as an individual?
Speaker 1: And due to match up, of course you want them
Speaker 1: to make you feel good. But I think sometimes we
Speaker 1: project our wants and our needs and everything onto a person.
Speaker 1: It's like, hold on, work on your own, and then
Speaker 1: come back and see if you like the person, because
Speaker 1: a lot of times the person you're with is just
Speaker 1: fulfilling something that's an insecurati of yours. If you filled
Speaker 1: that insecurity, would you still need to be with that person? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: Therapy session okay, no, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1: You remind So I was doing something important last week
Speaker 1: and my wife is doing something important as being at
Speaker 1: a wedding. I was going to open this entire episode with, so,
Speaker 1: how is a wedding? I'm gonna interview, I will tell
Speaker 1: you that. I'll tell you about it offline. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you about offline. But I was preparing for something last week,
Speaker 1: and my wife is that person to me, so I
Speaker 1: know that. And I have an amazing team is very
Speaker 1: honest for me, for sure, Like I definitely like we
Speaker 1: literally were look, we're looking at their headshots for like
Speaker 1: my book coming out next year, and so the team
Speaker 1: is like look, and we were like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Like I'm doing it with my team, and it's always
Speaker 1: the most painfully thing. I'm looking at your own face
Speaker 1: and all yeah and anyway, but my wife like takes
Speaker 1: it to another level. So she's like, all right, do
Speaker 1: your speech in front of me. So I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it, and and I'd set myself up
Speaker 1: for it every time because I know she's gonna give
Speaker 1: me really good feedback. But my male ego can't take it.
Speaker 1: So I'll do it and then she'd be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: but this part didn't make sense. I'm like, no, but
Speaker 1: this is why I did it that way. He's just like,
Speaker 1: but i'm telling you the viewer, and you're not going
Speaker 1: to be able to explain to everyone why you said earlier.
Speaker 1: And I'm getting and I guess you'd be defensive. And
Speaker 1: then she's like, but say like this, and then I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: but the way you just said it didn't sound good anyway.
Speaker 1: And it's like, I get so defensive, but she's and
Speaker 1: then I took all of it and I did it
Speaker 1: exactly that way. That is that is iconic. Also, my
Speaker 1: boyfriend did that. He had a speech he had to
Speaker 1: do with his brother's wedding, and we were upstairs in
Speaker 1: the room and he's practicing his pacings, freaking out, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's coming off weird when you say it
Speaker 1: like that, it's not hitting. You're trying to be funny.
Speaker 1: You're not funny, okay. He's like, oh okay, And I
Speaker 1: was trying to give constructive feedback and he was freaking
Speaker 1: out and he's like losing his mind, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: sit down, let me rewrite it for you. I'm the
Speaker 1: comedian the relationship. Let's move forward. And it was funny though,
Speaker 1: because he was really freaking out. But then at the
Speaker 1: end of the day he's like, Okay, I trust you.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. You got your little pushing pull, and then
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, should I trust you? Yeah? And then
Speaker 1: there's some stuff that I just hide from her in
Speaker 1: the practice because I know I want to do it anyway,
Speaker 1: and so then I don't show her that bit and
Speaker 1: she was like, oh, that bit was really good. I'm like, see,
Speaker 1: if I showed it to you would have thought it
Speaker 1: was good. But the constructive criticism was good. And then
Speaker 1: you added your little flare at it. Oh right, well yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: exactly exactly, Alex. We end every on Purpose episode with
Speaker 1: two now too. You're the first person to ever do this. Okay,
Speaker 1: So we have our fast five, but we also have
Speaker 1: our new segment, which very aptly is called The Many
Speaker 1: Sides of You One Word. We're still figure out the name.
Speaker 1: We're getting there, we're getting there, but we're gonna do this.
Speaker 1: So what this is is you're going to give a
Speaker 1: word for every one of these things, just one word.
Speaker 1: Oh God, And it's all about you, so are you ready?
Speaker 1: I don't know if I like that. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: What is a word or phrase to describe what someone
Speaker 1: would say about you when they meet you for the
Speaker 1: first time. I would say warm and trustworthy, which is
Speaker 1: really weird. Oh I forgot you said warm in the beginning.
Speaker 1: I yeah, yeah, I agree. Yeah, yeah. I've had a
Speaker 1: lot of people that just I think again on social media,
Speaker 1: you think one thing of me and then you meet
Speaker 1: me and you're like, oh wait, like she's I had.
Speaker 1: I had a waitress I met this past week and
Speaker 1: she DMed me after him was like, I didn't think
Speaker 1: you'd be that nice. I'm like, guys, I'm I'm not
Speaker 1: a scary person, but I do think I have a
Speaker 1: warmth that makes people feel really comfortable. Yeah I believe,
Speaker 1: I agree. Okay. What is the word someone that knows
Speaker 1: you very well would use to describe you? Or a phrase? Oh,
Speaker 1: determined sometimes scary. I think my boyfriend and my parents
Speaker 1: are like, oh god, here she goes like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna finish this and it's gonna be the best thing.
Speaker 1: They're like, okay, just get out of her way. Here
Speaker 1: she goes like, very determined, I love that. What is
Speaker 1: a word or phrase you would you just to describe yourself?
Speaker 1: Loyal and passionate. Those two things like resonate so much
Speaker 1: with me in two completely different ways. But a part
Speaker 1: of who I am truly is my craft, and I'm
Speaker 1: so passionate about it. Even if I made no money
Speaker 1: on it tomorrow, I would go back. I would still
Speaker 1: be making content. And I'm also passionate about anything I'm
Speaker 1: doing in my life. I have to be passionate about
Speaker 1: my family, by relationships, my friends, and loyalty to me
Speaker 1: is number one. I respect anyone that's loyal and to me,
Speaker 1: it's like the number one thing on the list of
Speaker 1: something in a relationship that I look for, and I
Speaker 1: take pride in being loyal. I love that. That's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I love those qualities easier than asking you what your
Speaker 1: values are. I like it. Yeah. What is the word
Speaker 1: that maybe someone who doesn't like you would say about you?
Speaker 1: How would they describe you? Cocky? Damn right, damn right,
Speaker 1: you gotta be? And the last one, what is the
Speaker 1: word of phrase you're trying to embody something that you're
Speaker 1: working on right now? Intentional? I really I'm trying to
Speaker 1: in every aspect of my life, always ask what does
Speaker 1: the objective? Try to be more intentional about things, because
Speaker 1: I think when you do things with care, everything is better,
Speaker 1: People feel better about it, You feel better, and also
Speaker 1: it just there's a different radiating effect when you're intentional
Speaker 1: about things. So whether it's in my relationships or my craft, like,
Speaker 1: I'm very trying to be intentional, especially this year. I
Speaker 1: love that. That's a great word. This is a good game.
Speaker 1: That's great, you did good, you did good? All right,
Speaker 1: these these are the final five. Before we do that,
Speaker 1: I want to ask you, Alex, like, was there anything
Speaker 1: that you shared that you or sorry, anything you haven't
Speaker 1: shared today that you really wanted to share or something
Speaker 1: you wanted to talk about. And I mean I'm asking
Speaker 1: this online offline as just to honor you in terms
Speaker 1: of if there is there something that we've missed or
Speaker 1: do you want do you want to dive more into
Speaker 1: like and I'm happy to do because I could talk
Speaker 1: to you about is I have no time limit. I'm
Speaker 1: happy to dive into you with like talking more about
Speaker 1: the entrepreneurship side and the cross side and the business side.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think in a really cool way, I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't know where this was going to go today,
Speaker 1: and I'm really happy. I hope that who I am
Speaker 1: behind the camera kind of came out today. And I
Speaker 1: guess I would just say to anyone listening, and this
Speaker 1: is not like a plug for my show, it's more
Speaker 1: like I really I think this year, I've tried to start,
Speaker 1: especially when I'm sitting down with people, to give people
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt and a chance to hear
Speaker 1: even if I have misconceptions about someone. And so I
Speaker 1: just hope anyone listening, if you maybe had a judgment
Speaker 1: about call her Daddy back in the past or of me,
Speaker 1: I ask just to be open minded and kind of
Speaker 1: just give it another chance, because one, I think everyone
Speaker 1: deserves that, and too, I really am proud of what
Speaker 1: I'm doing, and I'm proud of the show in the
Speaker 1: direction it's taken. Not to say that I'm not proud
Speaker 1: of the past, but I think people would be surprised
Speaker 1: at where it's gone and how much it's grown. And
Speaker 1: I just would ask for a chance and give it
Speaker 1: a listen, and yeah, that's it. I love that. I
Speaker 1: love that and you're doing it, and honestly, for like
Speaker 1: I keep saying you don't need it from me, but
Speaker 1: whatever it's worth. It's like, I just love watching people
Speaker 1: grow and try new things and take risks and like
Speaker 1: do something that's fresh and new. And then everything you
Speaker 1: said about impact and responsibility and even the interviews you
Speaker 1: have done, like for me, it's it's beautiful to watch that.
Speaker 1: And so you know, congrats not on this external success
Speaker 1: of course on that, but more on like doing the
Speaker 1: hard thing right, Like that's what's more interesting to me.
Speaker 1: And I think as a creator and as a host,
Speaker 1: it's like doing the hard thing. It's like to keep
Speaker 1: feeding whatever everything on everyone wants is easy, but to
Speaker 1: actually switch and say I've changed, I've grown, I've evolved,
Speaker 1: and this is where I'm going now. And that's where
Speaker 1: so many people at fifty sixty, seventy years old feel
Speaker 1: so empty because for the last twenty five years they
Speaker 1: just did what other people wanted them to do totally,
Speaker 1: and it's like, you gotta go for it. I just
Speaker 1: don't want to be in that position now. Anyone listening,
Speaker 1: If you've wanted to do something, you gotta go for it,
Speaker 1: because we have literally no idea how much time we
Speaker 1: have here and That's what I'm doing with this, especially
Speaker 1: the season. I'm like, oh, I'm going for it. I
Speaker 1: believe in something, I'm gonna go for it, and I
Speaker 1: will I'll handle whatever comes with that. Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 1: All right, Alex, I've got five questions left for you. Okay,
Speaker 1: these are the fast five. Okay, what is okay, Alex Cooper?
Speaker 1: These FoST five. Question number one, what is the best
Speaker 1: advice you've ever received? Oh? This is so generic, but
Speaker 1: it's so true. It's from my mother. Be yourself. In
Speaker 1: a world of people trying to tell you what to be,
Speaker 1: what to do, be yourself. Know yourself, and the journey
Speaker 1: of knowing yourself is going to be just as long
Speaker 1: if you're gonna know yourself or you're gonna go with
Speaker 1: what people want you to be. Be yourself. It's so
Speaker 1: much more rewarding at the end of the day. I
Speaker 1: love it, all right. Second question, what is the worst
Speaker 1: advice you've ever received? Be quiet? Where would that have
Speaker 1: gotten me? Guys? I mean a microphone myself. Here we go,
Speaker 1: don't be quiet, speak your mind, go for what you want,
Speaker 1: and bulldoz through doors. Question number three, what position did
Speaker 1: you play in soccer? Center? Midfield. Okay, all right, that's good.
Speaker 1: I was sent to attacking midfield. That's great. Also, sometimes
Speaker 1: I would go on the flanks. Yeah, basically my role.
Speaker 1: For anyone who doesn't know soccer, my position would let
Speaker 1: Alex's role do all the running. Yeah, thanks thanks, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love to run. Yeah, I have to. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've been I I recently invested in Angel CITYFC,
Speaker 1: and so I would love to take you to a game.
Speaker 1: It was so fun because I grew up obviously wanting
Speaker 1: to play soccer professionally and I was never good enough.
Speaker 1: But my sister loves soccer too, and she played, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, if I ever have a daughter
Speaker 1: or I was like, I want her to have the opportunity.
Speaker 1: So that's yeah, And they're so good. So they're fun
Speaker 1: to what So I'll we have to figure that out.
Speaker 1: Question number four, how would you describe your current purpose?
Speaker 1: My current purpose is to use my platform to hopefully
Speaker 1: empower and unite women also underrepresented communities, and try to
Speaker 1: to elicit change. There's a lot we got to do
Speaker 1: right now, and specifically with women's rights, and so I
Speaker 1: would say my purpose is trying to use my platform
Speaker 1: to excite people for change, not scare them. This is
Speaker 1: an exciting time. It is a great time to have
Speaker 1: a vagina. We have to look at it that way
Speaker 1: or we're only going to regress and keep getting pushed
Speaker 1: back words by men. So it's like, let's use our vaginas.
Speaker 1: Let's vote with our vaginas this year. Okay. I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone's probably said vagina as many times on your podcast,
Speaker 1: And it's to inspire and bring people with me on
Speaker 1: this journey of educating myself and taking my education public.
Speaker 1: Love that and I'm with you whatever whatever help I
Speaker 1: can give. Fifth and final question, if you could create
Speaker 1: one law that everyone in the world had to follow,
Speaker 1: what would it be. Abortions are legal? Well said, that's
Speaker 1: a real law. Thank you, that's a real law. Now
Speaker 1: let's put it back where it was. Yeah, amazing, I
Speaker 1: love it, Alex Goop for everyone, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for having no. Thank you, that was, without a doubt,
Speaker 1: I think the most fun I've ever had. That was
Speaker 1: so much fun. That was ilu. I am honored. Thank
Speaker 1: you for giving me the time in the space and
Speaker 1: your platform. This is amazing. No, I am so grateful,
Speaker 1: honestly that was smart, funny, intellectual, thoughtful, deep, I mean
Speaker 1: it was it was every emotion I want to feel
Speaker 1: on any given day, and you were just an absolute
Speaker 1: I don't know what the right word is, like you're
Speaker 1: a maverick, like you know, it's just it's it's amazing
Speaker 1: alsort of. I love witnessing high performing people in this way,
Speaker 1: and like watching you, I'm like, this person is such
Speaker 1: a pro like just unbelievable, like just phenomenal. It's so
Speaker 1: beautiful to word. Yeah, it's amazing. So thank you.