WEBVTT - Talk side by side

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to talk side by side. Sometimes it is

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<v Speaker 1>easier and more comfortable to connect when you are not

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<v Speaker 1>gazing deeply into your conversation partner's eyes. Things feel less fraught,

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<v Speaker 1>and when you are not looking for fraud. That is

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<v Speaker 1>a good thing. I have noticed over the years that

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<v Speaker 1>I really like running or walking with friends. Partly that's

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<v Speaker 1>because it feels like smart multitasking. We get some exercise

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<v Speaker 1>while catching up, but also because I am fairly introverted.

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<v Speaker 1>To me, conversation is easier when it is not the

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<v Speaker 1>only thing I am doing. It takes the pressure down

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<v Speaker 1>several levels. This is likewise a good thing when the

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<v Speaker 1>pressure might naturally be high. I have a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>conversations with my kids about school and activities and friends,

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<v Speaker 1>but these are often easier when we are working on

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<v Speaker 1>legos or driving somewhere. There's no pressure of looking at

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<v Speaker 1>each other continuously. It sometimes feels safer to be vulnerable

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<v Speaker 1>when your facial expression isn't on view. Side by side

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<v Speaker 1>contexts also let you have some stretches of companionable silence.

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<v Speaker 1>In the spaces between talking, you can reflect and process.

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<v Speaker 1>There is no pressure to say the right thing right then,

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<v Speaker 1>because you are doing something else at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>and that can become your primary activity for a bit.

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<v Speaker 1>You can acknowledge someone shared verbally or just with a

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<v Speaker 1>reflective hmm, and then allows some silence while you both

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<v Speaker 1>take in what they've said. Even with less weighty topics,

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<v Speaker 1>it's nice when companionable silence as possible, so you can

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<v Speaker 1>just enjoy being together without feeling the obligation to keep

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<v Speaker 1>the conversation going continuously. So if you want more or

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<v Speaker 1>better relationship time with your kids, partner, or friends, consider

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<v Speaker 1>how you might get conversation time when you're side by

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<v Speaker 1>side with your kids. This may mean reframing driving them

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<v Speaker 1>places as an opportunity for connection. Yes, it can be

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<v Speaker 1>a time suck, but for older kids in particular, it

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<v Speaker 1>might be worth accepting some of this, or even offering

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<v Speaker 1>some of this as the price for getting side by side.

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<v Speaker 1>Connection with your partner or friends can cosier. Looking for

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<v Speaker 1>opportunities beyond sharing a meal, You and your partner could

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<v Speaker 1>go walk the dog. You could go to costco. You

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<v Speaker 1>could commute downtown. Together, you and a friend could set

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<v Speaker 1>up a regular walking route. This can even work with

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<v Speaker 1>work colleagues. I know folks who have bonded by sharing

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<v Speaker 1>a taxi ride to the airport. And if you've got

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<v Speaker 1>a challenging conversation with a colleague or direct report coming up,

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<v Speaker 1>doing this as a walking meeting means that the temperature

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<v Speaker 1>might get lowered a little. You can share your thoughts

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<v Speaker 1>and they can share their feedback with a little less

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<v Speaker 1>of the pressure that comes from staring at each other.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, looking into people's eyes can be amazing, but

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes options open up when you don't need to do

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<v Speaker 1>that for an hour straight. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've

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<v Speaker 1>got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at

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<v Speaker 1>Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a

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<v Speaker 1>production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit

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<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

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<v Speaker 1>your favorite shows.