WEBVTT - Are You In An Open Relationship?

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<v Speaker 1>It's topic time. The phone called eight hundred five eight

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<v Speaker 1>five one oh five. Want to join it to the

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<v Speaker 1>discussion with the Breakfast Club. Talk about it morning, everybody

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<v Speaker 1>in CJ and V Charlomagne the guy. We are the

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast Club. We have Porsche Williams here and we're talking

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<v Speaker 1>open relationships. Now this conversation comes from Omnia. Now Moni

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<v Speaker 1>said she's done with open relationship. She don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>have it no more. So we're asking does this work?

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<v Speaker 1>Have you ever been in open relationship? Never? Never, It's

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<v Speaker 1>don't work for me. No, No, I ain't gotta ask you.

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<v Speaker 1>Charlo Man, I know no, I've never been in an

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<v Speaker 1>old relationship. I don't even know anybody who's ever been

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<v Speaker 1>in one. I'm interested, though, because you know, um, it

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<v Speaker 1>seems to be working for some people. But I wonder

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<v Speaker 1>is it really all right? Well? Oh, you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>I do remember somebody telling me they were in an

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<v Speaker 1>open relationship. Did they say it on the show? I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think they sit it on a show, so I

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<v Speaker 1>can't name them, but she said it didn't work out,

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<v Speaker 1>and it was on the show. They was on the show,

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<v Speaker 1>and they told me that they had She told me

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<v Speaker 1>they had been an open relationship that two men, or

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<v Speaker 1>she dating and he dates. She wanted she was with women. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>she was with women, and she wanted to continue to

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<v Speaker 1>be with women, and so they ended up make an

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<v Speaker 1>agreement to continue to do that, and it didn't work

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<v Speaker 1>out because, you know, I think she started to get

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<v Speaker 1>emotionally tied with the other woman and he couldn't take it.

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<v Speaker 1>He didn't like it. He thought it was just gonna

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<v Speaker 1>be sex, and so they had to stop just having sex.

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<v Speaker 1>I think most I wouldn't if I would think most

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<v Speaker 1>men would be cool with that. Like, my wife's got

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<v Speaker 1>a girlfriend, you know what I mean, when it's not

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<v Speaker 1>what she'd fall in love with her. Now when you like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>wait a minute, you really like this person. That girl

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<v Speaker 1>can do stuff with her tongue that you can't do. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>let her teach you. No, no, she can't teach you. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't learn what a woman could do for a woman.

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<v Speaker 1>Most African men like to be with more than one woman.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh hold on, now, it's hold on that. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>religion thing. And my husband is Christian, so you know,

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<v Speaker 1>depending on what their religion is, that maybe what they follow,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, but no, not necessar s not all right,

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<v Speaker 1>Let's go to the phone line. Hello, who's this Nie Agelannie?

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<v Speaker 1>Now tell us about your situation. Yours is very interesting, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>y'all actually a couple of years ago. Um, but I'm

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<v Speaker 1>probably I've been in an over relationship but officially for

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<v Speaker 1>about eight years with my husband. But we have been

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<v Speaker 1>living together for the last eight months with my other partner,

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<v Speaker 1>who I've been having an a betrothed part of lation

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<v Speaker 1>process with. I have another baby. Is it a man about?

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<v Speaker 1>That's the same thing. It has to be two two

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<v Speaker 1>black berries men? Yes, two men. So you have two

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<v Speaker 1>men living in your house? Now? Yeah, we all live together,

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<v Speaker 1>but we live we have our own bedroom, so you know,

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<v Speaker 1>in secred spaces at home. We all live together. So

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<v Speaker 1>how do you decide which man you sleep with it

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<v Speaker 1>each night? I sleep by myself. I didn't get a

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<v Speaker 1>camera over the house. Did they run on you? No,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not called team. It's definitely not gonna bad. No,

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<v Speaker 1>not at all. We've never even anything together in that way,

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<v Speaker 1>Ain't she sounds like the I choose complete whoever, I

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<v Speaker 1>choose completement, even if it's downside of the house. Is

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<v Speaker 1>all ethical. I'm honest about I'm not there. Why y'all's

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<v Speaker 1>going on? Because the first can the first my coolthd

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<v Speaker 1>my children's hired because I'm Polly. But I met this

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<v Speaker 1>person right after my toothors hired. For the past three years,

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<v Speaker 1>we've been together. But now I want to have a

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<v Speaker 1>chiwl with him. He doesn't have a child. Oh so

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<v Speaker 1>that's why you want to have a chowder with him?

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<v Speaker 1>And what about the first husband. Did y'all talk about

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<v Speaker 1>having a yowl together? We have two beautiful children, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so you want to have one for the for the

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<v Speaker 1>new husband. Why do you explain? Y'all cheering? Y'all got

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<v Speaker 1>too daddy, go to daddy, think kind of woods, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and whole bunch of love. Some kids ain't got no daddy,

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<v Speaker 1>so at least they got two, daddy. What you're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>do when you come on? What you're gonna do when

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<v Speaker 1>you come home one day and you're gonna find both

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<v Speaker 1>of those What you're gonna do when you come on

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<v Speaker 1>one day? What you're gonna do when you come on

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<v Speaker 1>one day and find both of the men in bed?

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<v Speaker 1>Why why you go there, ignorance? I'm not asking, I'm not.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not mad at her. You tell you gotta take

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<v Speaker 1>it there, But see, I'm not mad at it because see,

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<v Speaker 1>most men, when you think of like an open relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>this woman is the goat all right because she has

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<v Speaker 1>actually managed to have two men. So she got her

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<v Speaker 1>first husband to agree with her to have another man.

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<v Speaker 1>Most of the time men say, yeah, we canna have

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<v Speaker 1>an open relationship. Yeah exactly, And that's where I have

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<v Speaker 1>the problem. My husband, my husband, they sell outside of me,

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<v Speaker 1>my partner, they here and there, um, so they have

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<v Speaker 1>the capacity and the ability to date whomever they want to.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm good, I'm good. They don't have to know

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<v Speaker 1>outside of me as you know as much as too.

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<v Speaker 1>So what about when the new baby comes? Are you

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<v Speaker 1>gonna want more commitment from the second guy? Like? Why

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<v Speaker 1>can't y'all just be polly? What's it called? But I

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<v Speaker 1>am polyamorous, but I don't lack commitment right now? So

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<v Speaker 1>what about can they have other women? Yeah? She said, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>in relationship outside of me right now? But what if

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<v Speaker 1>she get pregnant? Now we got babies everywhere? How he's

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<v Speaker 1>going to pay for He's had an affect to me.

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<v Speaker 1>We're smart about this we've been doing it for a

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<v Speaker 1>long time. I got a headache. She said, they're smart

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<v Speaker 1>about it. Now, thank you, mama, Ray. That is wow,

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<v Speaker 1>I just got a headache. That's a headache. If she

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<v Speaker 1>would have if she would have stopped that, this is

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<v Speaker 1>I got my first husband, right, I brought my second

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<v Speaker 1>husband and we three are in a relationship. That's it.

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<v Speaker 1>We have a commitment. That's I can't understand it, but okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I got it. But when you say you got three men,

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<v Speaker 1>two men in the house and everybody's still sleep with

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<v Speaker 1>everybody outside of the house, that's a lot. That's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of sound ties going on. I don't I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even know how she deal with that. Jesus, Brittany, good morning,

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<v Speaker 1>good morning. How are you? I'm good. You were in

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<v Speaker 1>an open relationship, I was what happened? Um, so basically, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>he and I were dating, but I didn't really care

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<v Speaker 1>about like the occupation. If there were things that he

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<v Speaker 1>was doing that just didn't really fit what I was

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<v Speaker 1>looking for. So I wound up finding my current boyfriend

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<v Speaker 1>while I look in a relationship with and I left

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<v Speaker 1>him for that relationship. Damn did he know about it?

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<v Speaker 1>Did he know that you were still dating. Yeah, he knew.

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<v Speaker 1>I told him when I met my current boyfriend. See

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<v Speaker 1>that's and that's the problem. See, you date one guy,

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<v Speaker 1>you find somebody that's better, and now this guy's cool

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<v Speaker 1>with you dating, and then you leave him. But I

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<v Speaker 1>don't really know if that's considered an open relationship, because

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<v Speaker 1>open relationship, in my mind, what I thought the definition

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<v Speaker 1>was we're committed, but we sleep with other people, but

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<v Speaker 1>we are still always gonna come back home. Well that's

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<v Speaker 1>what she did, but she didn't come back home. She

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<v Speaker 1>was dating, and sounds like he was dating. It was

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<v Speaker 1>dating too, but we just I wound up finding somebody

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<v Speaker 1>who made more sense for me or what I was

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<v Speaker 1>looking for, and it no longer made sense to be

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<v Speaker 1>in that open relationship and continue on. This is everybody's fit.

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<v Speaker 1>This ain't fair. You know what I'm saying. I opened

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<v Speaker 1>the door a little that we supposed to be doing

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<v Speaker 1>this together. You leave me and move on, right, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>saying that ain't right. That's called monkey bar. That's holding

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<v Speaker 1>it on the one bar, that's one relationship and hanging

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<v Speaker 1>on to another one and then letting that one go.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what it's called monkey bar. Exactly. You learn that

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<v Speaker 1>the relationship expert down physical movement looking stupid like a

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<v Speaker 1>little bige monkey. White, little little white monkey, right monkey

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<v Speaker 1>five one, five one. We're talking open relationships? Are you

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<v Speaker 1>in one? Hasn't worked for you? Let's talk about it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the breakfast Club the morning, call me to the

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<v Speaker 1>breakfast Club topic five five one, wanting everybody in d

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<v Speaker 1>ch n V Charlemagne the guy. We are the breakfast Club.

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<v Speaker 1>We got poorshit williams our co guest host this morning,

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<v Speaker 1>and we're talking open relationships. Now, this comes from Monique,

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<v Speaker 1>who says she's done. She does want to open relationship anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're just asking, are you in one? How is

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<v Speaker 1>it working for you? Hello? Who's this? Hi? Hello? Hello?

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<v Speaker 1>I asked anonymous? Okay, anonymous? We got your name? No, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>we definitely got your name, but we wouldn't have gonna

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<v Speaker 1>say Amberley, thank you. I was in an open relationship

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<v Speaker 1>and a half a year and our treement was essentially,

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<v Speaker 1>if we're gonna sleep with anybody else, we're gonna let

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<v Speaker 1>each other know ahead of time. Now, I never slept

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<v Speaker 1>with anyone out talking my relationship, not because I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>We can do what let me? I just didn't want

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<v Speaker 1>to on three different occasions, and they two and a

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<v Speaker 1>half years. I found it a month after the fact

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<v Speaker 1>that he had gone to sex parties and essentially had

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<v Speaker 1>four names. Oh da. So when I mentally decided that

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<v Speaker 1>I was done with a relationship, I met another man

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<v Speaker 1>and who I actually wanted to be with. And a

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<v Speaker 1>month after me and him began a relationship, I told

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<v Speaker 1>this other guy, Hey, word relationship. I've met someone else

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<v Speaker 1>and had this relationships and he was begging to be

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<v Speaker 1>with me in all this, and I was like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>you wanted to be in an open relationship, and now

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<v Speaker 1>the open relationship with the nail in our coffin, Lord

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<v Speaker 1>have mercy. Now that's a real open relationship. Yeah, thank you, mama.

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<v Speaker 1>That sounds like the movies I used to watch. What's

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<v Speaker 1>the movie? The twave movies? They don't end well. I

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<v Speaker 1>ain't seeing nobody have an open relationship in the end.

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<v Speaker 1>Well yet. Hello, who's a Hey? This is Jayton, Good morning.

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<v Speaker 1>Stay's my birthday and rest in peace? Thiggy, Hey, it's

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<v Speaker 1>bow Wow's birthday too, and Chinky too, Hey, happy birthday?

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<v Speaker 1>All right, what's your what's your story? BROBM, So I

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<v Speaker 1>was in an open relationship. Um, and my parents are

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<v Speaker 1>in an open relationship, and my sisters in an open relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>and let me tell you say where y'all live at? Um?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I think seeing in an open relationship is

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<v Speaker 1>an opportunity to select your communication skill and really learn

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself. Um. But ultimately, whoever your your main partner

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<v Speaker 1>is your main squeeze, you really need to dedicate all

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<v Speaker 1>of your energy towards them as well as finding out

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself. So in a way, it's a way to

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<v Speaker 1>get stronger in my opinion, how old are you? I'm

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<v Speaker 1>twenty four today. Oh so his parents are like our age.

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<v Speaker 1>So your parents, your parents, your mom had dudes in

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<v Speaker 1>the house. I mean they do now, not when I

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<v Speaker 1>was a kid. This is more of a recent thing.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you look at the other dudes that's um

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<v Speaker 1>tapping your mom's cheeks? Jesus? I mean, I personally, the

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<v Speaker 1>way the way I grew up, I don't, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>really see it like that. You know, they're adults. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>an adult now, so like, whatever whatever's happening on their side,

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<v Speaker 1>it's really none of my business. You know. That's true?

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<v Speaker 1>So did you start having your relationship because you knew

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<v Speaker 1>your parents were doing it. So it's like a normal

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<v Speaker 1>thing for y'all because now it's gonna generation Huh. I

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<v Speaker 1>started with the open relationship and they followed you. Oh son,

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<v Speaker 1>he means now now, no, I'm sorry I miscommunicated. Yeah, now,

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<v Speaker 1>so you so you date? I guess you have a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with a I don't want to be assump assumphious

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<v Speaker 1>man or woman right that I had a previously, I

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<v Speaker 1>had a relationship with a man and a woman. Okay, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>you just greedy man. But what what did you say

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<v Speaker 1>to your parents that made them want to open their

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<v Speaker 1>relationship after all these years? Because I'm assuming they've been

0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.679
<v Speaker 1>married for twenty four years because they still together. Now,

0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.200
<v Speaker 1>what did you what? What'd you say to me? Open

0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:45.320
<v Speaker 1>relationship sound so good? Well, it's my it's my dad

0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:48.520
<v Speaker 1>of my step mom. So I you know, I just

0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:52.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of showed them, you know what it was that

0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:54.520
<v Speaker 1>that made me happy and that made me and my

0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:59.280
<v Speaker 1>little throat are happy. Um yeah, And and they I

0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:02.400
<v Speaker 1>guess they just realize, you know, they need to deflect

0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:06.200
<v Speaker 1>there their communication and such with each other because they

0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:10.199
<v Speaker 1>were struggling so your dad likes that men too. Yes,

0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:13.839
<v Speaker 1>it sounds to me like everybody. It sounds to me

0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:16.640
<v Speaker 1>like everybody's exploring their shadow side. And I think that,

0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, it is hard to communicate your shadow side,

0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.360
<v Speaker 1>but if everybody is, you know, dealing with their shadow

0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:25.120
<v Speaker 1>side side, the shadow side is just like that that

0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:26.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to see the darkness, because dark ain't

0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.120
<v Speaker 1>the right world, but just those things in you that

0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.760
<v Speaker 1>you may not speak to anybody else about, those desires

0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:33.840
<v Speaker 1>you may have like this, you know what I mean.

0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:35.560
<v Speaker 1>His dad clearly wanted to be with men. He probably

0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:39.160
<v Speaker 1>never feel like he could talk about it. Yeah, he's

0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:40.720
<v Speaker 1>in it exactly, so not in him and his wife

0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:42.800
<v Speaker 1>can talk about it. It just opens up the communication

0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.199
<v Speaker 1>even more so. You so you took your dad out

0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:47.160
<v Speaker 1>with you and turn your dad out so he was

0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:52.920
<v Speaker 1>able to see that. Wow. Yeah, yeah, you don't let

0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.520
<v Speaker 1>him tell you to turn your daddy out. He didn't

0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:58.120
<v Speaker 1>turn his daddy out. His daddy been out, okay, he

0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:01.240
<v Speaker 1>just was in. Yeah, I mean yeah, it just sounds

0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.360
<v Speaker 1>like everybody in this house is exploring their shadow self,

0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:06.040
<v Speaker 1>you know. And and to give the technical term, it's

0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:09.719
<v Speaker 1>when you are it's the uncivilized even primitive side of

0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.800
<v Speaker 1>your nature. And we all have a shadow what's yours?

0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:16.920
<v Speaker 1>What's your shadow side? Um? What the parts of myself

0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:19.520
<v Speaker 1>that I DM unacceptable? Yeah, that's if you could do it,

0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:21.640
<v Speaker 1>If you could approach your wife and say, this is

0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.800
<v Speaker 1>what I want to do, and my wife talk about

0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:27.079
<v Speaker 1>the type of what I'm not sharing that with the world.

0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:33.440
<v Speaker 1>Why we're not sharing something that you should keep to yourself,

0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:38.080
<v Speaker 1>having like a shadow side to something your shadow self

0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:42.079
<v Speaker 1>to realize that's part of you. Yes, but you have

0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.760
<v Speaker 1>to you have to accept that. You have to accept

0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:47.559
<v Speaker 1>yourself because if you don't, you're denying yourself, even the

0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:51.839
<v Speaker 1>bed part that is very true. In order to my

0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.360
<v Speaker 1>shadows side, I'm interested And the way to find is

0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.840
<v Speaker 1>you pay attention to your dreams and nightmares. You use

0:13:56.920 --> 0:14:00.560
<v Speaker 1>shadow work prompts in a journal to understand your core

0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:03.200
<v Speaker 1>belief thoughts and feelings. You talk to your therapists our

0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:05.679
<v Speaker 1>counselor about the things that bother you, and you look

0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:07.680
<v Speaker 1>for patterns of behavior that you don't that you don't

0:14:07.720 --> 0:14:09.560
<v Speaker 1>like in yourself. So when do we get the indulge

0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:11.160
<v Speaker 1>in our shadow self? Like, when do I get to

0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:12.760
<v Speaker 1>do these things? I'm gonna find out. I don't even

0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:14.040
<v Speaker 1>know if it's the thing you indulge in. It's just

0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:16.160
<v Speaker 1>the thing that you might want to communicate, because those

0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:17.840
<v Speaker 1>are the things that make you feel bad, right right,

0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:20.000
<v Speaker 1>But that don't necessarily mean you're a bad person just

0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.920
<v Speaker 1>because you think about these things. So who are the

0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:24.760
<v Speaker 1>people in your life that you could talk to about

0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 1>your shadow self and they don't judge you? Okay, you know,

0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:30.920
<v Speaker 1>probably your sister, Okay, you know, maybe I don't know.

0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm just asking, like, I don't know what my shadow is.

0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:34.840
<v Speaker 1>Is it connected to sex? Is it like, oh, I

0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.520
<v Speaker 1>think about murdering people? It might be all of that.

0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:40.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I think the world knows your shadow? What's

0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:45.760
<v Speaker 1>my shadow self? What's my shadow th we got rooms

0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.800
<v Speaker 1>on the way for I really don't have a shadow,

0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:50.240
<v Speaker 1>but you do. You admitted that you just don't want

0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:55.560
<v Speaker 1>to tell you. I've explored it. I don't have a show.

0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:59.000
<v Speaker 1>Like your listeners know you well enough that they can

0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:02.120
<v Speaker 1>probably tell you what your shadow self is. I would

0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:05.600
<v Speaker 1>like to know, yeah, I would five eight five one

0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:08.240
<v Speaker 1>or five one. I think you know shout, but only

0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:09.920
<v Speaker 1>a psychologist can tell you that. I think you know

0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:12.680
<v Speaker 1>Charlemagne's shadow side something that he really wants to do,

0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.760
<v Speaker 1>but it's scared to let it out. Yeah you think

0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.760
<v Speaker 1>you know that. Let's help him reveal his true self.

0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:21.840
<v Speaker 1>We got rumors on the way in the moral of

0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:24.720
<v Speaker 1>the story from this open what's the boy with nobody

0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:26.760
<v Speaker 1>up here? The moral of the story. That don't sound fun.

0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:29.120
<v Speaker 1>I thought y'all gonna make it sound fun. No, don't

0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.280
<v Speaker 1>sound like nothing. I want to try. I'd rather just

0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:37.160
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna stay. We're gonna those marriages stay married. That's right,

0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.760
<v Speaker 1>stay married. That's what you mean. Absolutely, we got rumors

0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:42.720
<v Speaker 1>on the way. We do. We have some rumors coming up,

0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.000
<v Speaker 1>and they are really good, So make sure y'all stay tuned.

0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.680
<v Speaker 1>He's gonna say tires. That's what I'm saying. It ain't

0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:52.760
<v Speaker 1>wrought me now, made it up. We're talking tires. When

0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.320
<v Speaker 1>we come back. It's the Breakfast Club, come morning, the

0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:56.440
<v Speaker 1>Breakfast Club.