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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat. I am the host.

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Speaker 1: If you are unfamiliar with what Couch Talks is, it

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Speaker 1: is the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy Podcast

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Speaker 1: where I answer questions that you guys send to Katherine

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Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy Podcast. Now, with that quick reminder that,

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Speaker 1: as always, this podcast does not serve as a replacement

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Speaker 1: or substitute for any actual mental health services. Now today

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Speaker 1: we're going to be switching up Couch Talks because I

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Speaker 1: have a story I want to tell. But before we

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Speaker 1: get to that, I have an announcement that you guys

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Speaker 1: might have heard because I just posted about it on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: But Friday, at ten am Central, I am going to

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Speaker 1: be releasing a very limited amount of two designs for

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy merch. If you want to buy it,

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Speaker 1: if you want to grab some of it, if you want,

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Speaker 1: if you're interested, you just want to see it, make

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Speaker 1: sure you are on Instagram following at Unique Therapy Podcast

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Speaker 1: ten am Central on Friday, I'm going to post a

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Speaker 1: link to the website where you can order what you want.

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Speaker 1: I want you guys to know beforehand. It is a

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Speaker 1: very very small quantity, limited batch, because one, this is

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Speaker 1: just me doing this and I don't have thousands of

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Speaker 1: dollars to invest in March, and I'm still figuring this

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Speaker 1: stuff out, and so this for me is a nice

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Speaker 1: experiment for me to gauge whether you guys want this

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Speaker 1: stuff and how much I enjoy doing it so limited amounts.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm going to be producing more,

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Speaker 1: so if you want it, I would just go try

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Speaker 1: to get it at this point because it's not guaranteed

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Speaker 1: that I'm going to do this again for a long

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Speaker 1: time or if ever. But I am excited about what

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Speaker 1: I have created. It was really fun doing it, at

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Speaker 1: least making the designs, so just know that's happening. Super

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Speaker 1: excited about that. Now for the episode full disclosure. I

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Speaker 1: already recorded this once, but I felt like it was

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Speaker 1: like too jumbled, so I'm doing it to get it's

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Speaker 1: the Daylight Savings. It's really thrown me off. I feel

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Speaker 1: like my brain isn't functioning as quickly and well as

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Speaker 1: it usually does, so hopefully we can get through this.

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Speaker 1: But I am going to tell you the story that

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Speaker 1: I teased on Instagram a week or two ago. About

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Speaker 1: the fight that I got in on my honeymoon with

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Speaker 1: somebody else at the resort we were at. I'm doing

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Speaker 1: this for a couple of reasons. One, it just was

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Speaker 1: now it's a funny story to me too, normalizing that

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Speaker 1: everybody can get somewhat triggered and do things that they regret,

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Speaker 1: so offering a little grace and just normalizing those experiences.

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Speaker 1: And Three, because I actually learned something that was really

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Speaker 1: important for me to learn. And I'm not glad that

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Speaker 1: this necessarily happened, but I am glad that I learned

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Speaker 1: the lesson, so I wanted to share that with you guys.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to give you the cliff Notes version, because

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Speaker 1: I'm somebody who can tell a story that should take

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Speaker 1: three minutes, but I can tell it in like thirty

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Speaker 1: five minutes, and I say a lot of things that

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Speaker 1: aren't necessary. So I'm gonna try to give to the

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Speaker 1: cliffs Notes version basically what happened one day we were

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Speaker 1: at this resort, which was amazing. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: go back. I was literally trying to plan a second

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Speaker 1: vacation to go back to that exact resort while we

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Speaker 1: were there, because I just loved it. So much. And

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Speaker 1: one of the things I liked about it, which is

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Speaker 1: different from a lot of resorts that I have been to,

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Speaker 1: is that you are not allowed to reserve seats anywhere.

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Speaker 1: You're not allowed to reserve cabanas, you're not allowed to

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Speaker 1: reserve pool chairs, nothing. You can reserve dinner reservations, but

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Speaker 1: that's about it. It's first come, first serve, and there's

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Speaker 1: signs everywhere. I saw them as soon as we got there,

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Speaker 1: and it gave me this just cigh of relief because

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Speaker 1: I've been to resorts where you can do that, and

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Speaker 1: people get up at six am on vacation to go

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Speaker 1: snag their chair, and it just as a bomber, like

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Speaker 1: it feels like something you have to like think, you

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Speaker 1: have to remember, it messes with your sleep, but just

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Speaker 1: is an extra anxiety that's not necessary. And I really

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Speaker 1: appreciated that. So we could just get out there when

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Speaker 1: we got out there. And also it's nice because if

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Speaker 1: I get out there at nine am and you don't

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Speaker 1: get there till one but you reserved a seat, like

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Speaker 1: that's kind of a bummer that nobody gets to utilize

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Speaker 1: that space just because you want it for two hours

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Speaker 1: later in the day. So I thought it was really nice,

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Speaker 1: Like there's obviously benefits from it, and there's obviously things

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Speaker 1: that kind of are a bummer, maybe you don't get

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Speaker 1: the exact seat you want. And at the same time,

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Speaker 1: this resort was huge. There is enough space for everybody.

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Speaker 1: Almost was like a lesson in adult sharing, like we

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Speaker 1: can all be here and treat each other with respect

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Speaker 1: and kindness and not you know, hog all of the

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Speaker 1: good spots. Everybody deserves a chance to get the spot

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Speaker 1: they want. This even sounds so elementary just talking about it,

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Speaker 1: because the fight again is elementary. So anyway, one of

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Speaker 1: the days, I think it was the third day that

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Speaker 1: we were there, we took our time in the morning,

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Speaker 1: I think we went to the gym. We've got a smoothie,

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Speaker 1: We got dressed, and we walked down to the pool

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Speaker 1: and we were talking to one of the people that

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Speaker 1: worked there, employees of the resort, and this other guy

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Speaker 1: who was an employee of the resort who was the

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Speaker 1: cabana concierge, walked up to us. Another thing, everybody that

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Speaker 1: worked at this resort was so kind. The customer service,

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Speaker 1: the service, the everyd was so friendly. It was just

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Speaker 1: a pleasant place, so we're feeling good. This concierge walks

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Speaker 1: up to us. His name was Enrique, said, hey, do

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Speaker 1: you want to cabana? I have an empty cabana for

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Speaker 1: you guys. And we were not expecting to get a

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Speaker 1: cabana because it was like ten thirty maybe, so we

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Speaker 1: figured they'd all be taken. And we weren't even necessarily

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Speaker 1: looking to even get a cabana because I kind of

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Speaker 1: like to be have the option to be in the

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Speaker 1: sun and in the shade, you know, go back and forth.

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Speaker 1: But we were like, what the heck, like, at least

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Speaker 1: for a couple hours, that might be fun. So he

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Speaker 1: walks us over to this cabana and there's a book

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Speaker 1: on the bed and it's The Silent Patient. What's is

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Speaker 1: a great book? And I was like, oh, that's a

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Speaker 1: great book. The concierge, Enrique, takes a picture of it

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Speaker 1: and then he says, hey, hang out here. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: go get some towels to set this up for you.

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Speaker 1: So comes back, sets it up. Everything's great. We're laying down.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, we might me and Patrick maybe are

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Speaker 1: like playing a game of Monopoly deal or something. We

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Speaker 1: did a lot of that on our honeymoon, and this

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Speaker 1: guy walks up to us, who was sitting at the

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Speaker 1: pool chairs in front of us, and he's like, hey,

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Speaker 1: was there a book here when you got here? And

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Speaker 1: I was thinking nothing of this, because I even said

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Speaker 1: when Patrick and I went and walked to get a

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Speaker 1: drink when Enrique was setting up the cabana, like, do

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Speaker 1: you think somebody was saving that cabana or do you

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Speaker 1: think Enrique put the book there to save it for

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Speaker 1: a guest, which at this point and now looking back,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that doesn't make sense. And Patrick was like,

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Speaker 1: I assume somebody was saving it, but you can't do

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Speaker 1: that here, so I don't think it really matters. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, and then I forgot about

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Speaker 1: it until this guy walks up. I still really wasn't

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Speaker 1: thinking about that until he said, hey, did you see

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Speaker 1: a book here? And I was like, oh, actually, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we did. The concierge took a picture of it, and

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Speaker 1: he took it with him and then he set this

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Speaker 1: up for us. He asked us if we wanted this cabana,

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Speaker 1: and we said yes, and he was like okay, thanks,

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Speaker 1: walked away. I assumed that after that experience like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he probably was saving this cabana but realizes like he

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Speaker 1: got caught, right like I would get that, maybe I'd

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Speaker 1: try to save it. But there's signs everywhere at this

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Speaker 1: resort that would say, if you leave your stuff here

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Speaker 1: for more than two hours, it'll go to Lost and found,

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Speaker 1: So I can like totally understand trying to save a

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Speaker 1: spot and then being like, oh, chucks, they caught me,

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Speaker 1: and then moving on. So I thought, kind of, that's

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Speaker 1: what happened. He was nice, this guy that came up

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Speaker 1: to me. So then maybe twenty thirty minutes later, somebody

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Speaker 1: else comes up to us that actually had come down

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Speaker 1: to hang out with that guy that had come up

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Speaker 1: to us before. They looked like they were together, like

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Speaker 1: a group, and he came down thirty minutes later and

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Speaker 1: then walked over to us. And I am not going

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Speaker 1: to do an impression of him one because they're from

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Speaker 1: the Midwest and I can't too. I just don't. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to mock him in anyway because he was

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Speaker 1: very patronizing. He was very condescending, and it was that

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Speaker 1: like fake niceness, like the bless your Heart like it

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Speaker 1: was the Midwest version of that. And for anybody who's

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Speaker 1: not from the South, Like the bless your heart is

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Speaker 1: like a nice way to say like like something unkind

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Speaker 1: to somebody, it's like, oh, bless your heart, Really you

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Speaker 1: might be calling somebody dumb. So this guy walks up

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Speaker 1: to us. He's like cleaning off his sunglasses and strolling

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Speaker 1: up all casual, and then he basically he says, is

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Speaker 1: this your first day in Paradise? Asking us, trying to

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Speaker 1: be friendly, and at first second I was like, oh, man,

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Speaker 1: maybe we're going about to make a resort friend, because

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Speaker 1: we were joking about that all week of like maybe

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Speaker 1: we'll meet some friends here and then they'll be like

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Speaker 1: our friends for the week and we like follow on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and keep up with them. We didn't end up

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Speaker 1: making it and resort friends, but this was my one shot.

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Speaker 1: I thought. He walked up to us, and as soon

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Speaker 1: as he spoke, I was like, oh, he's not being

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Speaker 1: nice to us, And I personally do not like to

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Speaker 1: be spoken to as if I'm dumb, and that's what

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Speaker 1: this guy was kind of from my interpretation, was that

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Speaker 1: like he was going to act like he was nice

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Speaker 1: but actually be a jerk. And men that do that,

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Speaker 1: especially you know, just get under my skin. So I

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Speaker 1: can feel myself getting triggered in this moment, and also

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Speaker 1: I can feel myself telling myself to breathe through this,

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Speaker 1: because confrontation is something that for a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: it just ramps our heart rate up, right, And so

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Speaker 1: we can respond to that in a couple different ways.

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Speaker 1: It's the we can get into the fight, flight, or

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Speaker 1: freeze how we respond to that just threat in general,

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Speaker 1: I can get ready to fight, but at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I in those moments can kind of black out right.

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Speaker 1: It's like you kind of like freeze at the same

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Speaker 1: time and don't think as clearly because we're in survival mode.

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Speaker 1: We're not in logical mode here. So he says, this

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Speaker 1: is your first day in paradise. We say no, we've

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Speaker 1: been here for a couple of days. And then he says, well,

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Speaker 1: my buddy over there told me that you took a

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Speaker 1: picture of my book and you stole my cabana. He says,

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Speaker 1: this is your first day in paradise. We say no,

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Speaker 1: we've been here for a couple of days. And then

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Speaker 1: he says, well, my buddy over there told me that

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Speaker 1: you took a picture of my book and you stole

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Speaker 1: my cabana, and it was like also like a like

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Speaker 1: a switch flipped really quickly, like he was acting, pretending

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Speaker 1: to be nice, and then real quickly I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to ruin your day, but my friend here,

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Speaker 1: my buddy here, told me that you stole a cabana

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Speaker 1: and you took a picture of my book. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh no, I actually didn't take a picture

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Speaker 1: of your book. Enrique, the pool concierge, asked us if

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Speaker 1: we wanted a cabana, brought us over here. He actually

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Speaker 1: took a picture of your book. He set it up

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Speaker 1: up and he has your book. So if you're looking

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Speaker 1: for your book, he has it. And again I could

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Speaker 1: understand at that point if he was like I just

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Speaker 1: want my book back. There's some miscommunication and maybe he

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Speaker 1: thought that we had it. So I was like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: we don't have it, so if you want it, you

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Speaker 1: can ask Enrique. I assume it's in the Lost and

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Speaker 1: Found at this point, and he's like, well, that sounds

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Speaker 1: like a strange story to me. It's one of those

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Speaker 1: things where you don't know what to respond, how to

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Speaker 1: respond to because it's like, well, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: to tell you. That's the only story that I have,

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Speaker 1: I think is how I responded, and it just was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: if you're telling the truth to somebody and they're accusing

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Speaker 1: you of lying, it's like that's all I got. I

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Speaker 1: could make up a story if you wanted a different one,

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Speaker 1: but that's really the only story I have at this moment.

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Speaker 1: And he was like, huh, well, you guys think it's

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Speaker 1: okay to just steal people's spots. At this point, I

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Speaker 1: was like, come on, like, I'm trying to have a

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Speaker 1: nice day. I don't need this, and so I just

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Speaker 1: was like, we didn't steal your spot. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you've read any of the signs, but they're

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Speaker 1: everywhere and they say that you can't save spots of

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Speaker 1: this resort. And at this point I kind of felt

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Speaker 1: silly because I felt like I was having some really

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Speaker 1: immature argument over something that just didn't matter. Like his

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Speaker 1: response to that was like, well do you not see

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Speaker 1: that everybody else saved spots here? And it reminded me

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Speaker 1: of being in like high school or middle school and

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Speaker 1: being mad that my mom made me come home at

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Speaker 1: the government designated curfew and my friends maybe didn't have to,

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Speaker 1: and being like, it's not fair, like Jessica's mom lets

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Speaker 1: her stay out late, and my mom would respond and

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Speaker 1: be like, well, if Jessica jumped off a bridge, would

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Speaker 1: you do that too, Like that's the kind of conversation

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Speaker 1: I felt like I was having at that point. But

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Speaker 1: I also couldn't get out of it because he had

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Speaker 1: approached us, so I couldn't just walk away, So that

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Speaker 1: went on. He was like, I woke up at six

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Speaker 1: am to save the spot, and I was like, well, buddy,

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Speaker 1: it's eleven at this point, so if you woke up

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Speaker 1: at six am to save this spot, you're just not

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Speaker 1: getting and honestly, I think it might have been eleven thirty.

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Speaker 1: You're just now getting down here. That feels a little silly,

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Speaker 1: And it makes sense that your book was taken because

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Speaker 1: the signs say if you're not here for two hours,

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Speaker 1: they're going to take your stuff. So I really don't

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Speaker 1: know what to tell you at this point. And he

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Speaker 1: lingered for a little longer and then said, well, I

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Speaker 1: hope that you enjoy our cabana today. I'm just going

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Speaker 1: to go fry in the sun with my friends, and

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Speaker 1: then he walked over to his pool chair that very

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Speaker 1: much had an umbrella over it, giving him plenty of shade.

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Speaker 1: So that happened, and then the lesson came after that

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Speaker 1: because he was sitting him and his friends there's four

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Speaker 1: of them, was they were sitting in pool chairs that

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Speaker 1: were directly in front of where we were, and they

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Speaker 1: were facing the pool, and they're there the rest of

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Speaker 1: the day, almost the entire time that we were there,

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Speaker 1: and his approach and his confrontation and his accusatory nature

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Speaker 1: really did shake me up, and it frustrated me, and

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Speaker 1: I felt a lot of things, and I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to get into all of it, but looking back in retrospect,

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Speaker 1: I in response to him, really wanted to prove a point,

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Speaker 1: and it stole something from Patrick and I from that

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Speaker 1: afternoon because after that experience, I don't know how long

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Speaker 1: we would have stayed in that cabana, because like I

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Speaker 1: said earlier, we part of me wanted to be in

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Speaker 1: the sun, but after that I felt very like territorial

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Speaker 1: of that space and I just didn't want him to

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Speaker 1: have it at that point because how he had treated me,

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Speaker 1: and I honestly don't know what I would have done

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Speaker 1: if he would have just been like, oh, man, like,

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Speaker 1: that's a bummer. We really wanted a cabana today, So

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Speaker 1: if you guys decide to get up and move, can

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00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,920
Speaker 1: you come tell us so we can snag it before

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Speaker 1: somebody else does. I honestly might have been like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if we even really want this cabana, so

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Speaker 1: if if they were being kind, I could have just

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Speaker 1: given it back to them. But at that point I

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Speaker 1: just felt territorial. And what I learned is keeping something

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Speaker 1: from somebody else, keeping him from having what he wanted,

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Speaker 1: does not offer me what I want in return. The

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Speaker 1: justice part of me wanted to stand up for what

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Speaker 1: was right and wanted to stand up for him treating

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Speaker 1: us unkindly and accusing us of something that we didn't

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Speaker 1: do and talking to us disrespectfully. And you know, I

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00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,520
Speaker 1: think there probably is a lot more too, because I

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Speaker 1: think this also brings up Do you remember the story

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Speaker 1: of the guy from the restaurant, the manager from the

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00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,960
Speaker 1: restaurant the beach last summer? It was that same idea

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Speaker 1: where there's this man who is asserting his power, and

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Speaker 1: I want to show up as just as powerful because

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Speaker 1: that for me is that's just a trigger for me

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Speaker 1: men thinking that they can just treat me, talk to me,

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00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,320
Speaker 1: scare me, manipulate me in a certain way to get

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Speaker 1: what they want. And I think that part of me

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Speaker 1: was brought up in that moment. So I felt disrespected,

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Speaker 1: I felt misunderstood. I felt very disappointed by the person's

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Speaker 1: behavior because I'm like, we're in such a happy place,

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00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,600
Speaker 1: Like what would happen if we treated our everybody with

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00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,800
Speaker 1: kindness and joy and respect? And it also reminded me

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00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,200
Speaker 1: of like a high school bully who was like, oh,

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00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,440
Speaker 1: are you knew here? Like this is how it's done

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00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 1: around here, Like That's what it reminded me of too.

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Speaker 1: And what I failed to realize in that moment is

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Speaker 1: that person did not care in being reasonable. He did

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00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:35,960
Speaker 1: not care about understanding our perspective, about understanding what happened.

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00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,600
Speaker 1: He did not care about anything I had to do

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00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,440
Speaker 1: with me or Patrick or our experience. He had very

330
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,560
Speaker 1: much every care that he had at that moment was

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Speaker 1: all put into the pot of him getting what he wanted.

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Speaker 1: And what I wish I would have done in that

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Speaker 1: moment is to just let him, which I talked recently

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Speaker 1: on Amy Brown's podcast Fifth Thing, the Tuesday episode that

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00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,880
Speaker 1: I do with her. We talked about that, like the

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00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 1: let them theory, like if they want to think something,

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00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: let them. If they want to do something that doesn't

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00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,160
Speaker 1: make sense, to let them. If they want to think

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00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,840
Speaker 1: two plus two equals five, let them, like, let them

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00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,280
Speaker 1: do that. And part of me wanted to sit down

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00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 1: and lecture this man about how to treat people with

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00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:21,160
Speaker 1: kindness and decency and all of that. And I wanted

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Speaker 1: to him to realize that he's not better and more

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00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,520
Speaker 1: deserving of anybody else at this resort. We're all equal here,

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Speaker 1: which was one of the reasons why I liked the

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Speaker 1: whole policy the head about the chairs, because I just,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it just felt like we were all

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00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 1: more equal and we could had a fair chance again

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Speaker 1: to get a pull chair, which feels very elementary to

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Speaker 1: be talking about. But he was not looking to understand

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Speaker 1: what happened. He was looking to be right. He was

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00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,360
Speaker 1: looking to take back what he wanted and what he

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Speaker 1: believed he was owed in that moment, and I failed

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Speaker 1: to realize that. And what happened was Patrick and I

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00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,200
Speaker 1: stayed in that cabana longer than we really probably really

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00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 1: would have wanted to, and we all so we're afraid

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00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,639
Speaker 1: to leave the cabana because we were afraid he was

358
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,199
Speaker 1: gonna they were gonna take our stuff. Like that's how

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00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,320
Speaker 1: kind of aggressive he was. Where I'm like, I wouldn't

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00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:10,520
Speaker 1: be shocked if this man stole our stuff or like

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00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,240
Speaker 1: caused a scene or through our stuff in the pool,

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00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,160
Speaker 1: Like it wouldn't have shocked me. And so instead of

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00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,080
Speaker 1: just being like, this is not worth it, I want

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00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,440
Speaker 1: to go be at a part of in the part

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00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,840
Speaker 1: of this resort where this person isn't and he's not

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Speaker 1: taking up space and he's not messing with my joy

367
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 1: and happiness here. I wish I would have done that.

368
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 1: I wish I would have been like Patrick, I don't

369
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,920
Speaker 1: like being around this person. Let's go over here, let

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00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,439
Speaker 1: them have the cabana. It's not worth it. But I didn't,

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00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us have been in

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00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 1: those spaces where we were trying to prove a point,

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00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,680
Speaker 1: or we were keeping something from somebody else, but really

374
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 1: at the same time, we were keeping something for ourselves

375
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,400
Speaker 1: and it wasn't worth it, Like him understanding or him

376
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,240
Speaker 1: not having that cabana was not worth me not having

377
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,760
Speaker 1: the day that I wanted to have that day, and

378
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,200
Speaker 1: we can apply to different parts of our lives, different relationships,

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00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,480
Speaker 1: just different things. I mean, as little as or as

380
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,400
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes this might feel big. But somebody tries

381
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,879
Speaker 1: to steal a parking spot from you, let them like

382
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 1: is it really worth the energy and the hype and

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00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,479
Speaker 1: the all of the things. I mean, I can get

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00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,440
Speaker 1: pretty worked up if somebody tries to steal the love

385
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 1: for me, like is it worth that? Or can I

386
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,879
Speaker 1: just go find a different spot and continue on with

387
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,399
Speaker 1: my day. Depending on who you are, that's going to

388
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,120
Speaker 1: bring up different stuff. Being taken, advantage of not being

389
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:37,159
Speaker 1: taken seriously, not being seen, not being heard, being misunderstood,

390
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,439
Speaker 1: not having a voice, we can bring up a lot

391
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,439
Speaker 1: of stuff. And there are moments where that experience in

392
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 1: the moment is triggering something else from our past. And

393
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 1: I really think that's what was happening. Because I did

394
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 1: not care about this this guy, I'm never gonna see

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00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 1: him again. I know he was seemed to be having

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00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 1: a fine day without the gabana. I wasn't really actually

397
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 1: taking probably that anything that big of a deal from him.

398
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 1: But I did take something from myself, and that have

399
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 1: some sadness around so a couple lessons in here. One

400
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: the big one is let them. Another one from me

401
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 1: is which I actually talk about a lot with clients.

402
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 1: And for the most part, I feel like I am

403
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 1: able to do this. But there are some moments where

404
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:26,399
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, my humanness comes out where I

405
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,680
Speaker 1: really want to show up as myself, no matter how

406
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 1: the people around me are showing up. It's that whole

407
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 1: idea of like, I don't have to sync down to

408
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 1: their level, and being unkind to somebody else does not

409
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 1: then in turn, take away the unkindness that somebody showed me.

410
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 1: It doesn't erase that, you know, all these lessons we

411
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 1: were taught in elementary school. Two wrongs won't make it right,

412
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 1: and not that we were doing anything wrong, but like

413
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:59,400
Speaker 1: my stubbornness did not take away his unkindness, and maybe

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00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have become friends with him, and maybe I

415
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't have hung out with him later that day. Maybe

416
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 1: that's what I could, you know, hold versus his his cabana,

417
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 1: versus the cabana that I really actually didn't care about,

418
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,199
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden I cared about it.

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00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 1: So I go on on and on, Like I said,

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00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 1: I can take a five minute story and tell it

421
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 1: for three days. But that's what happened. And if anybody

422
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 1: is about to go on their honeymoon, maybe this can

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00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 1: keep you from spending time thinking and talking and worrying

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00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: about something that actually isn't important to you, so you

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00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,479
Speaker 1: can enjoy the day that you need to have. So

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Speaker 1: with that, I'm going to end this. Remember merch Friday,

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Speaker 1: ten am Central. You need therapy podcast. Instagram at you

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00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:44,919
Speaker 1: need therapy podcast. You can send us or me emails, thoughts, questions, anything.

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00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 1: Catherinet you need therapy podcast, and you can follow me

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Speaker 1: at Kat dot defada. I'll be back with you on

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Speaker 1: Monday for an episode that I'm so excited to come

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Speaker 1: out because I had a lot of fun recording it.

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Speaker 1: We talked about started talking about skincare, and you know,

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Speaker 1: it brought us all the way to a conversation around

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Speaker 1: the fear of dying. So you can look forward to that.

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Speaker 1: It will be Monday's episode, like I said, And until then,

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Speaker 1: I hope you guys have the day that you need

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Speaker 1: to have. Bye.