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Speaker 1: Today on the bright Side, A love letter to single

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Speaker 1: women with the relationship coach Sabrina Zohar.

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Speaker 2: I kept dating emotionally and available men. I wonder why,

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Speaker 2: because I was too scared to talk about my needs.

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Speaker 2: I didn't take up space. I would go on ten

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Speaker 2: dates with these people, sleep with them, give them full

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Speaker 2: access to me, terrified to say that I wanted a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I'm Simone Boyce and this is the bright side from

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Speaker 1: Hello Sunshine. Welcome back to the brightside, y'all. Today is

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Speaker 1: all about love. So if you're new here, I've been

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Speaker 1: added the dating game for a while, fifteen years to

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Speaker 1: be exact. That's when I found my person, my husband Michael,

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Speaker 1: and I feel very fortunate that we found each other then.

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Speaker 1: But listen, I'm a woman in the world and I

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Speaker 1: have lots of single friends who are swiping left and right,

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Speaker 1: and occasionally they let me swipe for them and they

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Speaker 1: tell me their stories of being in the trenches and

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Speaker 1: how the dating world can continues to evolve. So did

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Speaker 1: dive even deeper and get a sense of what my

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Speaker 1: single ladies are thinking and feeling and wondering what's on

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Speaker 1: their hearts? We asked you and here's what we found. Hi.

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Speaker 3: My name is Lindsay from Los Angeles and I haven't

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Speaker 3: met my big love yet, but I know it's out

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Speaker 3: there and it will get to meet at the time

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Speaker 3: when I need it most.

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Speaker 4: Hi.

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Speaker 3: I'm a forty something year old woman in Baltimore doing

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Speaker 3: my best to date these days, and I wondered how

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Speaker 3: you've seen dating change with the use of apps.

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Speaker 4: Hi.

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Speaker 3: This is Lindsay from Los Angeles. I'm a single mommy

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Speaker 3: with a one year old going through a divorce, so

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Speaker 3: that's a lot of things, but I do know that

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Speaker 3: I'm going to meet someone.

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Speaker 4: Hi. This is Valerie Ward. I'm about to enter the

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Speaker 4: dating field after thirty four years, A little tentative about

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Speaker 4: starting this process. So I guess the question is how

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Speaker 4: do you say thanks but no thanks to some without

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Speaker 4: hurting their feelings.

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Speaker 5: Hi. I'm twenty four and I live in Brooklyn, New York.

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Speaker 5: You know I've had stories where after the first date,

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Speaker 5: I've been venma requested forty dollars, or had someone reveal

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Speaker 5: a little too much about their family issues on the

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Speaker 5: first date that was a little bit uncomfortable. So just

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Speaker 5: these kinds of situations in the moment, feel like, oh

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Speaker 5: my god, this is really a lot Ooh.

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Speaker 1: Well, I know somebody who's going to have some very

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Speaker 1: strong opinions on all this. Honestly, I can't imagine having

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Speaker 1: an existential conversation about dating in the modern age without

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Speaker 1: our girl friend of the show, Sabrina Zohar. She's a

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Speaker 1: relationship coach and host of the podcast The Sabrina Zohar Show,

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Speaker 1: where she dishes out nobs life changing dating advice, and

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Speaker 1: she's doing the same here on her show today. She

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Speaker 1: is dropping some gems y'all, so let's get into it,

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Speaker 1: and who knows, maybe she can help us all find

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Speaker 1: our fairy tale ending. Sabrina Zohar, Welcome back to the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Oh I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for

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Speaker 2: having me.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're here. It's been so long. It's

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Speaker 1: been so good to see you. Right today, bestie, as

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Speaker 1: we were just catching up off Mike about our experience

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Speaker 1: seeing the Backstoop Boys at the Sphere changed my life.

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Speaker 2: It was like a religious experience.

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Speaker 1: I swear what became abundantly clear to me and the

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Speaker 1: friend that I was with was how much the Backstoop

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Speaker 1: Boys shaped our love fantasies as as kids.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 2: I've been listening to some songs recently and I was like, oh, no,

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Speaker 2: wonder we have unrealistic expectations because of that. You're telling

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Speaker 2: me like, I'll do it even I think of instanc

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Speaker 2: lyrics of like I'll take anything, pretty much like I'll

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Speaker 2: do anything with it's dating in your thirties, like I

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Speaker 2: don't care who you are as long as you love me,

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Speaker 2: and you're like okay. But it's true. It set us up,

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Speaker 2: I think for false expectations of what adult relationships are

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Speaker 2: because we're like, where is this guy with rose petals

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Speaker 2: singing me a song? Telling me he can't wait to

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Speaker 2: be with me? And I'm his everything?

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Speaker 1: Oh we get our breadcrumbs and ghosts. I mean, what

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Speaker 1: are happened to real love people? But that is what

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Speaker 1: we're talking about today because you are the queen of

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Speaker 1: love and dating in relationships, and I think it's appropriate

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Speaker 1: to start out with some big news about probably the

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Speaker 1: world's most famous lover girl, Taylor Swift. Everyone is still

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Speaker 1: buzzing from her engagement announcement. Are you a Swift E?

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Speaker 2: I enjoy her music, but I wouldn't say a Swifty.

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Speaker 2: I was stoked for her nonetheless, because the poor girl

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Speaker 2: has gone through it and if that's what you got

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Speaker 2: at the end of it, like, good kudos to you.

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Speaker 4: Girl.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting that you bring that up because one of

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Speaker 1: the things that stood out to me, and I think

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Speaker 1: why this moment felt so big for her fandom is

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Speaker 1: because she has gotten her heart broken a lot, but

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Speaker 1: she still kept her heart open. What do you think

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Speaker 1: is the biggest lesson that we could all take from

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Speaker 1: how Taylor Swift approaches love.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think the obvious ones are like, don't

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Speaker 2: settle and you'll find your person, But I think the

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Speaker 2: more nuanced aspects that I think we could really focus

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Speaker 2: on is that when you stay true to yourself, you

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Speaker 2: will welcome people who love that part of you instead

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Speaker 2: of having to water herself down. Like I think of

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Speaker 2: songs hers that we can all resonate with because we

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Speaker 2: feel like we were her or we could connect in

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Speaker 2: that way, and a lot of them were how she felt,

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Speaker 2: maybe that she was too much, or that this person

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Speaker 2: didn't get her or he wasn't there for her, and

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Speaker 2: it really just shows that like she did work on herself.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure, like I'm sure she was trying to figure

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Speaker 2: out her part in it, but she stayed really true

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Speaker 2: to herself. And that way, when she was able to

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Speaker 2: meet a man who loves her so much and got

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Speaker 2: her a five hundred and fifty thousand dollars rain and

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Speaker 2: proposed and made it this whole thing, it's because she

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Speaker 2: really waited for the person that was going to see

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Speaker 2: her for who she was, and she wasn't trying to

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Speaker 2: become something that she wasn't in order to get somebody else.

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Speaker 1: So I want to share some recent research on dating

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Speaker 1: today that I found that I thought was really fascinating.

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Speaker 1: According to the Pew Research Center, about half of single

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Speaker 1: adults report they aren't actively seeking a relationship or dating.

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Speaker 1: When you look at older single women, they are definitely

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Speaker 1: not looking to date, if we're going to make a

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Speaker 1: sweeping generalization here. And then also interestingly, young people who've

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Speaker 1: never been in a relationship aren't really prioritizing love. So

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Speaker 1: even for the people who have never had that big

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Speaker 1: they're like meh, I don't know, Yeah, what is your

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Speaker 1: reaction when you hear this research? As someone who is

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Speaker 1: so immersed in this space, I'm not surprised.

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Speaker 2: I'll be honest, because I see two very interesting sides

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Speaker 2: of the coin. I see the people that are like

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Speaker 2: lover girls or boys that really want love, like they

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Speaker 2: are open, they are receptive, they know, and then the

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Speaker 2: pendulum goes all the way to the like I'm never

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Speaker 2: opening my heart up again. Anythink we're seeing a few things. One,

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Speaker 2: dynamics are shifting in generations. The younger generation. They're not

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Speaker 2: drinking as much, they're not partying, They're significantly on their

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Speaker 2: phone a lot more so, they're not connecting as much

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Speaker 2: in person, which is then going to impact how are

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Speaker 2: you going to build a relationship. And for a lot

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Speaker 2: of them, they do the like why bother? It doesn't

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Speaker 2: mean nobody my age wants anything. And I get that

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Speaker 2: I was in my twenties before as well. But I

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Speaker 2: think depending on the generations, what I start to notice

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Speaker 2: for a lot of people, and the present company included

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Speaker 2: for a while is when I hear the struggles with

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Speaker 2: dating and like, oh, I'm never going to find anybody.

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Speaker 2: I hear a lot of I don't trust myself because

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Speaker 2: when I trust myself, like if I go out right

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Speaker 2: now and I need to find a job, I know

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Speaker 2: that I'm going to get rejected by a lieu of

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Speaker 2: people because not every job am I going to fit

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Speaker 2: every single bill. And I always put it in the

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Speaker 2: perspective of like a salary. If I'm going out and

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Speaker 2: saying throwing a number, I need one hundred thousand dollars,

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Speaker 2: I can't live under anything under that, and that's my salary. Well,

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Speaker 2: if you're going to job interviews and they're saying I

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Speaker 2: can give you twenty and then you take the job

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Speaker 2: because you're like, I'll take anything I can get. I

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Speaker 2: need something, taking that is going to mean your needs

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Speaker 2: aren't going to be met. You're going to have to

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Speaker 2: make a ton of sacrifices. And I think when we're

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Speaker 2: talking about the dating landscape, we're getting further from connection

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Speaker 2: and more into disconnection of putting our worth and validation

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Speaker 2: on other people. And dating is really hard and people

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Speaker 2: waste my time and I can't handle it. But what

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Speaker 2: you're just really telling yourself is like this is difficult,

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Speaker 2: which means I can't do it, which means that's what

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Speaker 2: we're going to continue to keep seeing. So not terribly

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Speaker 2: shocked to see the numbers, because I think a lot

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Speaker 2: of us are jaded and struggling and it's really exhausting

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Speaker 2: and tiring, and I'll never take that away. But I

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Speaker 2: do also believe that love exists, and I just met

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Speaker 2: my person at a later time. And I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's that you can't. I think it's that you need

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Speaker 2: to shift how you interact with other people and in

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Speaker 2: love for you to start to see different things.

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Speaker 1: What's the case for still believing in love in twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty five.

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Speaker 2: I think we need to understand what that actually looks like.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, that's the disconnect between are we getting

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Speaker 2: it are we not? Is that look at our expectations.

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Speaker 2: If I see one more video on TikTok of like

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Speaker 2: some twenty two year old coming out and saying, if

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Speaker 2: a guy doesn't text you every day, drop him, we're

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Speaker 2: making these sweeping generalizations. Then we're going out and we're

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Speaker 2: holding people to these unrealistic expectations of you have to

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Speaker 2: do all of these things before we even go on

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Speaker 2: a first date. I need to know that you're going

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Speaker 2: to commit to me. I need to know that you

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Speaker 2: want me, but then I have to decide if I

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Speaker 2: want you. And I think twenty twenty five, when I'm hoping,

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Speaker 2: is that we're normalizing what healthy and secure actually looks like,

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Speaker 2: and that it's not this gold standard of a couple

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Speaker 2: that like never fights and everything's magical and hunky dory,

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Speaker 2: because I could all be guarantee you know, Tan Kelsey

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Speaker 2: and all that they fight, They get into arguments, because

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Speaker 2: real couples have real disagreements, because otherwise, if you don't,

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Speaker 2: you're not speaking up.

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Speaker 1: You have been in a healthy and secure relationship for

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Speaker 1: the past three years, now, how has it changed your

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Speaker 1: view on love?

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Speaker 2: It changed my view on everything. When I realized that

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Speaker 2: I was sold a false bill of goods for so long.

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Speaker 1: Okay, tell me about the false bill of goods.

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Speaker 2: I was the girl looking at all this stuff, text

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Speaker 2: this to get this, and I was like, okay, So

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Speaker 2: I'd send the text and I'm like, my god, it

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Speaker 2: inappropriate photo back. But I didn't necessarily get like the

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Speaker 2: date that I wanted. And I was doing things because

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Speaker 2: what it was was I'm uncomfortable, so I need to

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Speaker 2: control the outcome to make sure that I get what

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Speaker 2: I want, and it was moving chess pieces around. Then

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Speaker 2: when I started to date and take up space, I

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Speaker 2: started to say no to things I wanted to say

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Speaker 2: no to instead of saying yes to going out at

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Speaker 2: ten o'clock, Well, I don't, I'm in pet at eight thirty.

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Speaker 2: That doesn't work for me. I had to get really

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Speaker 2: comfortable losing people and grieving the ending of things, including

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Speaker 2: parts of myself that I had done and I had

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Speaker 2: showed up as so that I could get people to

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Speaker 2: like me. Once I started to shift that set boundaries

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Speaker 2: understand what does a healthy and secure nervous system feel like.

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Speaker 2: That feels calm, There's not these high highs and low lows.

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Speaker 2: It means that somebody validates me and listens to me

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Speaker 2: and holds space for me. It changed everything, and so

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Speaker 2: I instead of listening to if he wanted to, he would,

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Speaker 2: and all the quickly catchy things. And I started to

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Speaker 2: understand it from a human perspective and lens. It started

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Speaker 2: to open up my world and realize my lived experience

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Speaker 2: wasn't everybody else's. And so now it's totally shaped the

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Speaker 2: way I approach things, because sure I've seen it. I

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Speaker 2: can see couples where I'm like, you're villainizing this person

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Speaker 2: because they're avoidant and not texting you every day. You're

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Speaker 2: villainizing this person because they're too anxious and needy. But

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Speaker 2: what it actually is you're both going back in your wounds,

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Speaker 2: and if we could sit with that and actually be

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Speaker 2: able to self soothe, you could have a really beautiful

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Speaker 2: relationship when you get out of your own way.

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Speaker 1: So what does define a healthy and secure relationship to you?

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Speaker 2: To me, it's that you have reciprocity, so that there's

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Speaker 2: a reciprocal aspect of both of you and the relationship.

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Speaker 2: You have conflict and repair, You have comprehension, You understand

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Speaker 2: what your partner is telling you. And I think the

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Speaker 2: conflict and repair is the biggest aspect. The Gotman Institute

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Speaker 2: has been running studies for the last forty plus years

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Speaker 2: and they found contentment to be one of the biggest

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Speaker 2: reasons divorces happen. Outside of infidelity and money issues. Most

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Speaker 2: couples don't get to the root of the issue. They

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Speaker 2: focus on things. They become more disconnected, They become more

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Speaker 2: against each other as opposed to getting curious and understanding

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Speaker 2: each other. I think compassion, curiosity all the seas right.

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Speaker 2: Getting understanding your partner. Part of a healthy and secure

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Speaker 2: relationship is I want you in my life, but I

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Speaker 2: don't need you in my life. And it's a really

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Speaker 2: strong place to be because you're making conscious choices every

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Speaker 2: day to choose each other as opposed to I don't

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Speaker 2: have anybody else, I have to take this.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that's what's happening right now where a

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Speaker 1: lot of women in particular are saying, I want you

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Speaker 1: in my life, but I don't need you in my life. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: especially in cities where women are out earning men, for example,

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Speaker 1: that becomes a big thing where a woman feels like

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Speaker 1: she's not going to be financially supported or she's not

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Speaker 1: going to check off all the items on her list

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Speaker 1: if that man doesn't measure up.

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Speaker 2: I think what we're seeing, and I'm not trying to

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Speaker 2: gender sweeping generalizations, but I think when I'm noticing is

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Speaker 2: that women are doing so much work on themselves. We

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Speaker 2: are apt to growing, evolving, and I think we're noticing

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Speaker 2: now the bare minimum that we've set for the opposite sex.

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Speaker 2: If we're talking in that gender norm, it's no longer appropriate, right.

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Speaker 2: The bare minimum for a man can't just be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you hold space for me. It's like, is that really

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Speaker 2: still part of the conversation, and that like my partner

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Speaker 2: validating me and making me feel safe in our emotional relationship.

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Speaker 2: That's a luxury. And I think as women, we are

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Speaker 2: demanding more for our partners, and it's either you're going

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Speaker 2: to sink or swim. And I think men either take

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Speaker 2: it as ego and then shut down and I don't

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Speaker 2: want to do it, and it's the women and they're

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Speaker 2: the terrible ones, or for some guys, they go into

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Speaker 2: it's all my fault. I have to do everything versus

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Speaker 2: I think what a lot of us want is like

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Speaker 2: we just want someone secure and who they are so

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Speaker 2: that we can be secure and who we are as well.

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Speaker 1: We've got to take a short break, but we'll be

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Speaker 1: right back with Sabrina Zehar. And we're back with Sabrina Zehar.

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Speaker 1: Did you have a rigid checklist before you met your

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Speaker 1: current partner?

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Speaker 5: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I had.

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Speaker 1: What was on that checklist?

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Speaker 2: You had to text me every single day multiple times.

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Speaker 2: You had to be over sixty three, You had to

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Speaker 2: make a certain amount. I was like, you have to

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Speaker 2: make two fifty year higher, which is like, I don't

300
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Speaker 2: forget that nummor didn't mean anything for me. The checklists

301
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Speaker 2: used to be very shallow. It was a lot of

302
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Speaker 2: like they have to be attractive, and they have to

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Speaker 2: be cool, and they have to have friends in the

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Speaker 2: neighborhood and they have to have a nice apartment. And

305
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Speaker 2: I got all of that and I was miserable. So

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Speaker 2: then the checklist started to change. I think after my

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Speaker 2: big X, like after the narcissistic the relationship that ended me,

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Speaker 2: when I realized, like, no, what I need is somebody

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Speaker 2: that's not my dad. When I need is somebody that

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Speaker 2: can actually hold space for the version of me that

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Speaker 2: I have ADHD and I have a brain that works differently,

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Speaker 2: and that doesn't mean I need to change it. That

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Speaker 2: just means that maybe I'm not meeting the right person.

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Speaker 2: And I think what really changed was in general, what

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Speaker 2: led me to my partner, and what really changed everything

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Speaker 2: for me was learning how to take a pause. It

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Speaker 2: sounds so stupid, of like what really, Yes, I learned

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Speaker 2: how to take a pause between stimulus and response because

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Speaker 2: I would just react and I would go right knee

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Speaker 2: jerk reaction of like you didn't text me how I

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Speaker 2: want done? I'm talking girl. Within five minutes. If I

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Speaker 2: text a guy like, hey, do you want to hang

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Speaker 2: out today, I'd go right back and be like guess not.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, and then right right, guess not. I wish

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Speaker 2: you would have told me, And then they'd write back

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Speaker 2: me like, hey, so I was at a meeting. I

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Speaker 2: actually was excited to see you, but like not anymore.

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Speaker 1: Hey, I was in the shower.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I was just living. I was breathing. But

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Speaker 2: I had this rigidity of like, if you don't do it,

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Speaker 2: oh I want it, then it's wrong. And I had

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Speaker 2: to then realize like that's black and white thinking. And

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Speaker 2: that was just a coping defense mechanism for me because

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to get hurt.

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Speaker 1: So how much time passed? How long did it take

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Speaker 1: you to understand that you were reacting as opposed to responding?

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Speaker 2: That took me. I've been in therapy for eight and

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Speaker 2: a half years, so it's taken me. I think the

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00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,360
Speaker 2: first step what changed my life. And I hope that

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00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,800
Speaker 2: anybody that's listening maybe has this similar story. Was when

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Speaker 2: my ex left me. I went to a narcissist anonymous

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Speaker 2: group because I had no money, I had not a pothopus,

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Speaker 2: and and he left me and I was like, how

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Speaker 2: am I going to pay half of the rent? Like

345
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,280
Speaker 2: I was losing it, and so I had therapy through

346
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Speaker 2: a portal. That was the only thing they threw insurance.

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Speaker 2: And I went to the narcissist group and they were

348
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Speaker 2: going around and I was like, oh, no, I want

349
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Speaker 2: to share my story. I find find mine out and

350
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Speaker 2: they're like, no, no, no something. You're like, you're new, come on,

351
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Speaker 2: And I started sharing my story and I said, but

352
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Speaker 2: you know, it's all my fault. Anyways, I was like,

353
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Speaker 2: it's I'm too much and I pushed him away, and

354
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Speaker 2: just those women looked next to me and she's turned

355
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Speaker 2: and she said, oh, sweetie, no, that's not okay. And

356
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Speaker 2: I was like, what do you mean? And she's like,

357
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Speaker 2: so that's called abuse what he did to you. I

358
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,600
Speaker 2: had never understood that, and so hearing it allowed me

359
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Speaker 2: to say, like, oh, maybe it's not all my fault.

360
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Speaker 2: Maybe it's not everything that I've done. And I was

361
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Speaker 2: able to start to undo this entire narrative and story

362
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Speaker 2: that I created about myself, because that was why I

363
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Speaker 2: thought my dad didn't like us, and my dad used

364
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Speaker 2: to leave is I couldn't understand anything else, So of

365
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 2: course I thought it was had to have been me.

366
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Speaker 2: But as an adult, I realized it was very maladaptive,

367
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Speaker 2: that these are people I don't know who they are

368
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Speaker 2: and I met them on the internet. I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's about me.

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Speaker 1: How did that break through shape the way that you

371
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Speaker 1: showed up in dating? Like? What changed for you? Oh?

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Speaker 2: That was I started therapy then and started to make

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Speaker 2: my realizations. I didn't change my behavior then. The awareness

374
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,200
Speaker 2: was the first step. I was just I remember my

375
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Speaker 2: friend saying, you're painfully self aware, but what are you

376
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,000
Speaker 2: going to do with it? And she was right, what

377
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,720
Speaker 2: are my choices now? So it first went to awareness

378
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,920
Speaker 2: and I had to just become hyper aware. I started

379
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 2: doing yoga, meditation, breath work to be like, okay, this

380
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,400
Speaker 2: is where you feel this in your body. So awareness

381
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,600
Speaker 2: came first, and then it was still me messing up,

382
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,440
Speaker 2: still me doing stupid shit, Still mean sleeping with guys

383
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Speaker 2: on the you know, after five minutes of knowing them

384
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,280
Speaker 2: because I thought I could connect with my body, texting

385
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,880
Speaker 2: too much, becoming hypervigilant. It wasn't until I moved to

386
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,280
Speaker 2: California started getting burned by the same type of guys

387
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,360
Speaker 2: and then taking that awareness and saying, now, how can

388
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,040
Speaker 2: I implement change? And that's what started to say, Okay,

389
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,080
Speaker 2: can I think of future me? What does it feel

390
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,760
Speaker 2: like to say no? What am I scared of happening

391
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,840
Speaker 2: if I say no? And then starting to do that

392
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,960
Speaker 2: because we have this misconception that motivation comes before action,

393
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,000
Speaker 2: and it doesn't. Motivation comes after action. You do the thing,

394
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,240
Speaker 2: and then you're motivated to keep doing it. It doesn't

395
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,800
Speaker 2: come before How many of us don't want to go

396
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,880
Speaker 2: to the gym, but once you get there, you're motivated

397
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,080
Speaker 2: to do it again. And so it was awareness was

398
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,640
Speaker 2: the first step, and then it was understanding my nervous

399
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,040
Speaker 2: system and accessing what are my choices. I might not

400
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,920
Speaker 2: feel like I have any, but I always do.

401
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 1: At what point would you say this awareness started to

402
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,960
Speaker 1: shift the kinds of men that you were attracted to.

403
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,000
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, I remember it, like yesterday it was

404
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 2: one guy, and I remember it was I was in

405
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,600
Speaker 2: total Limerens. Like Limrens is kind of the obsession in

406
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,680
Speaker 2: the idea of somebody, and people with ADHD can fall

407
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,320
Speaker 2: into life. Mont's a lot quicker. Anybody can have it.

408
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 2: But it's really just you know, when you're in limericks,

409
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,399
Speaker 2: it's easier to focus on somebody else than it is

410
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,280
Speaker 2: to focus on why you're sad and what's coming up

411
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,439
Speaker 2: for you. So I could project and deflect all of

412
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,600
Speaker 2: my stuff onto other people. And it was just I

413
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,159
Speaker 2: was obsessed with him. I was obsessed. I would go

414
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,679
Speaker 2: into the neighborhood to make sure he could see me

415
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,240
Speaker 2: walking down the street in my cute little outfits. Never

416
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,000
Speaker 2: gave me the attention I deserved, like it was just

417
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,399
Speaker 2: the U up text at nine thirty, You're like, all right,

418
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,560
Speaker 2: I know what's happening. And I remember it lasted nine days,

419
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 2: and I was so proud of myself because I realized

420
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,879
Speaker 2: I was able to get curious and I was like, Okay,

421
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,480
Speaker 2: why do I like this person? What about this person

422
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 2: do I like? I was like, he's successful, and if

423
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,520
Speaker 2: he's successful and cool and he likes me, that makes

424
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,159
Speaker 2: me validated. And I was like, oh, so that has

425
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,320
Speaker 2: something to do with EA. It has to do with

426
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,919
Speaker 2: what you get by being chosen by him. I was

427
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,600
Speaker 2: able to undo the narrative and be sable to say, like,

428
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,600
Speaker 2: I might want to go over at nine thirty. Of

429
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 2: course I wanted to do that, but I had to

430
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,960
Speaker 2: think of future me and say, but does this a

431
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,840
Speaker 2: ligne with where I'm going now. The woman I am

432
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 2: is I want a man that makes plans with me.

433
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,160
Speaker 2: I want a man that's consistent. I want a man

434
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,919
Speaker 2: that shows up. I want a man that is honest

435
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,119
Speaker 2: and reciprocal or other, right, whatever your pronoun is. That

436
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 2: didn't align with it, which meant I had a choice.

437
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,520
Speaker 2: And that's when I started to see. Because then I

438
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,119
Speaker 2: ended that early, and then I went to the next guy,

439
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 2: started to see he's emotional unavailable. Then I put a

440
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:11,840
Speaker 2: boundary up that didn't work. Every single time. It impacted

441
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 2: me less and less because I started to realize, like,

442
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,199
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean anybody is the problem, We're just not

443
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,560
Speaker 2: a match. And it shifted it. I'd made it instead

444
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,240
Speaker 2: of a personal thing, I started to depersonalize it and say, like,

445
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,439
Speaker 2: you're an amazing person and so are they. It's just

446
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 2: this isn't the lining.

447
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,520
Speaker 1: I want to know what it was like when you

448
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 1: started allowing yourself to let go of some of that

449
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: rigidity around what you were looking for. How fast did

450
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,359
Speaker 1: it happen? Did it happen instantaneously when you met your partner?

451
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 2: Oh no, when I met Ryan, I wasn't not into

452
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,360
Speaker 2: him and I've been honest about that. Like I thought

453
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,320
Speaker 2: he was a nice guy, but he's incredibly He's the

454
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,680
Speaker 2: polar opposite of every guy I've ever dated. He's extremely

455
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:51,000
Speaker 2: like more ocd rigid. He's very like, very closed off.

456
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,800
Speaker 2: He doesn't let people in as quickly. And I'm super

457
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,199
Speaker 2: warm and engaging and I talk and I'm showing up

458
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,439
Speaker 2: and this guy's barely talking. But he would make these

459
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,719
Speaker 2: little jokes where I was like, why he's it's really funny.

460
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,320
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, maybe I just like, maybe I

461
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,360
Speaker 2: just give him a chance. And I just kept reminding

462
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 2: myself healthy and secure love doesn't mean that I feel

463
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 2: the butterflies. It can also be very calm. But then

464
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,360
Speaker 2: he kissed me, and all of a sudden, I was like, oh,

465
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,879
Speaker 2: I do kind of feel something for him. But it

466
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,600
Speaker 2: was always very stable. He said boundaries very quickly on

467
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,840
Speaker 2: he was not going to engage in the digital stuff.

468
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 2: But prior to that, I thought, for a while I

469
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,679
Speaker 2: just needed to date a nice person. And then my

470
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 2: mama is the one who told me. She's like, you

471
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 2: don't need to do charity work, you don't need to

472
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,959
Speaker 2: be with someone just because they're nice. You can have

473
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,480
Speaker 2: both you can like them and they can treat you well.

474
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 1: Is it as simple as dating someone who's the complete

475
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 1: opposite of all your past partners?

476
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,800
Speaker 2: I wish it was as simple. I think it's because

477
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 2: here's the funny thing is like Ryan might be very

478
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 2: different than a lot of people on the outside, but

479
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 2: the way I felt in certain moments, like he would

480
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 2: be dismissive or he could shut down, it was very

481
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,320
Speaker 2: similar to my dad. And so I had to be

482
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:54,280
Speaker 2: aware to go whoa I could collecting and I can

483
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 2: go right back into those modes of like then I

484
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 2: become the little girl, and then it wasn't worth it,

485
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,880
Speaker 2: And so we had to be very aware of that.

486
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,920
Speaker 2: But I think what it is somebody wrote in actually

487
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 2: the other day saying, listening to the podcast, I met

488
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:06,479
Speaker 2: a man that was totally on my type and we're

489
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:07,880
Speaker 2: getting married in a month, and she was like, I'm

490
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 2: freaking out, Like I never thought this is going to

491
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 2: be my life, and I'm so grateful. It's less about like, oh,

492
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 2: I normally go for six or five blonde, so I'm

493
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 2: going to go for five seven brunette. It's like, okay, no,

494
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 2: But what it is it's about saying maybe their personality

495
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 2: is a little different than what I normally used to. Normally,

496
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 2: I'm used to the big, gregarious personality, but maybe they're

497
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,919
Speaker 2: more reserved. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing. What

498
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,480
Speaker 2: I want to look at is how does my nervous

499
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 2: system feel. I'm really relaxed. I feel like I can

500
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 2: be myself. I don't really care how you feel about them.

501
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,160
Speaker 2: I care you feel with them, because how you feel

502
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 2: about them can be skewed. Right, They're really hot, they

503
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 2: have a six pack. I really like them versus Oh,

504
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 2: but I don't feel great with them. I feel really dismissed.

505
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 2: It's like something that's what we want to focus on.

506
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 2: So it does happen incrementally, But I would focus on

507
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 2: do I feel different with this person because a lot

508
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 2: of people confuse healthy with boring. I' like I didn't

509
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,639
Speaker 2: feel sparked, and it's like, great, I don't want you

510
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 2: to feel spark it's not sustainable.

511
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 1: Well, I have obviously been out of the dating game

512
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:01,479
Speaker 1: for many of many years, about fifteen years now, but

513
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,679
Speaker 1: we do have these nine year old fantasies of what

514
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,639
Speaker 1: love is right, oh yeah, and then if that gets

515
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:11,199
Speaker 1: denied or rejected, so many different times and transmuted, and

516
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: you have all these confusing romantic experiences. I'm sure it

517
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 1: can become hard to know what to look for.

518
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 2: I usually start with what did you used to accept

519
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 2: that you're no longer willing to allow?

520
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,360
Speaker 1: And I like, oh wait, slow down, let me hear

521
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 1: that again. Run it back, run it back.

522
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,440
Speaker 2: What did you use to accept that you're no longer

523
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 2: willing to allow? Okay, yes, so it's a good place

524
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 2: to start. Yeah, of like, oh, I used to accept

525
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 2: someone that was disrespectful, no longer willing to That's part

526
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 2: of the non negotiable list of like I'm no longer

527
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 2: That's what I did as the list kept going and

528
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,919
Speaker 2: be like heading that to the bottom of it, like

529
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 2: they must do this perfect, Like they have to hold

530
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 2: space when I come to them and not deflect. That's

531
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,360
Speaker 2: important to me. It's a really good place to start,

532
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 2: because I get it. It can be overwhelming, and I'm going

533
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 2: to be the first person to say, like, I was

534
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 2: in the trenches for fifteen years on and off. I

535
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 2: had my longest reallyationship was nine months before Ryan, So

536
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 2: I know what it feels like. Take the breaks when

537
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 2: you need. It's Okay, you're not on any timeline. You'll

538
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,400
Speaker 2: meet your person. You met your heart'spen fifteen years ago,

539
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,640
Speaker 2: I met mine three Some people are meeting theirs today.

540
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 2: There is no timeline. What it's about is like, are

541
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 2: you living for you or are you living for a relationship.

542
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 2: Those are two different life experiences. And so if you

543
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 2: love yourself more than they need to be loved by

544
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 2: other people, then you'll be able to actually be in

545
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,719
Speaker 2: the moments and present and where your head and your

546
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 2: feet will be in the same place. When you're always

547
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 2: in the past or in the future, you're not actually

548
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 2: able to be in the now.

549
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 1: We've got to take a short break, but we'll be

550
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:40,360
Speaker 1: right back with Sabrina Zohar, and we're back. And when

551
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: I think about that now, I keep coming back to

552
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 1: the dating landscape, the picture that we painted at the

553
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 1: beginning of this conversation, right. I really wanted this episode

554
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 1: to be a love letter to single women who are

555
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,919
Speaker 1: navigating the trenches themselves. So for someone who has been dating,

556
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 1: it's not been working out. They've been getting their heart broken,

557
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 1: getting their hopes up, have them dashed again. What is

558
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 1: Sabrina's guide to resetting your love life.

559
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 2: The first thing I think is like reminding yourself that

560
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,640
Speaker 2: you're not broken or something to fix. And I think,

561
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 2: because we think that I am damaged goods, I'm broken,

562
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 2: there must be something wrong with me. And it's like, no,

563
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,719
Speaker 2: here's the thing. You can take accountability and ownership, right,

564
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 2: we can take stock of what is mine to own.

565
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:22,680
Speaker 2: So when I talk about my ex, I don't sit

566
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,640
Speaker 2: there and say he's a narcissist and he did all

567
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 2: those things? Sure, what was my part in it? I

568
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 2: didn't have boundaries. I allowed it. I was in my

569
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 2: own stuff. He reminded me and my father it felt safe.

570
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 2: You notice how I'm taking accountability, but I'm not blaming

571
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: myself and belitting on myself. The fun fact is if

572
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: you show yourself compassion, you will actually release more dopamine

573
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 2: than if you did by waiting for somebody else to

574
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 2: text you or to get it externally. So how can

575
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,399
Speaker 2: we start to turn that inwards of what can I

576
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 2: take ownership of? What can I take accountability of? What

577
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 2: are my patterns and what have I seen repeating and

578
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:54,720
Speaker 2: then starting to look at okay, then what do I

579
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 2: need to change for me? I kept dating emotionally and

580
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,679
Speaker 2: available men. I wonder why, because I was too scared

581
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 2: to talk about my needs, I didn't take up space.

582
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 2: I would go on ten dates with these people, sleep

583
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 2: with them, give them full access to me, with terrified

584
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 2: to say that I wanted a relationship. And so I

585
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: had to take stock of that and say, now what

586
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 2: are my choices? Okay, my choices are I can tell

587
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 2: them sooner great, And so I did that. It didn't

588
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 2: work out, but that didn't mean I was like, it's

589
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 2: all hell in a hand basket. It was great, while

590
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 2: I'm wasting less of my time by not engaging in this.

591
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 2: So I think it's also reframing that sure you can

592
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 2: think the worst, but you can also think the best,

593
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 2: and like, what if here's a crazy thought, what if

594
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 2: all of these situations that didn't work out have just

595
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 2: been preparing you for what is Because the more space

596
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,880
Speaker 2: we take on things that aren't for us, the less

597
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,880
Speaker 2: space that there is for what is for us, and.

598
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: Helping you draft a checklist that really is what you deserve.

599
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. I always look at as like you

600
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 2: can't rebuild a building with ashes, so you have to

601
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 2: start again and be the phoenix that rises, so that

602
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 2: if I'm sitting at rubble and I was.

603
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 5: I was.

604
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 2: I was a shell of a human. My partner left me.

605
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 2: I'm thirty pounds less lighter than I am. My business

606
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 2: in shambles, I had no money. I thought that was it,

607
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 2: my life was over. But it was actually an opportunity

608
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 2: for me to rebuild myself, and it took me eight

609
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 2: years to do so. And so the moral of the

610
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 2: story isn't that it's going to take you eight years.

611
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,239
Speaker 2: It's that you have this life. And so if we're

612
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 2: going to be living it for other people, but I'm

613
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,360
Speaker 2: not in the moment, I'm not going to get these

614
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 2: times back. And so for me, I wanted to fall

615
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 2: in love with my life and with me, which meant

616
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 2: accepting myself and validating my emotions and feelings and not

617
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 2: belitterally myself and putting myself down like everyone else I'd

618
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 2: always done my life.

619
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: We always talk about the don'ts of dating, but I'm curious,

620
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 1: are there any mistakes that you think women should make

621
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 1: in their dating lives that can serve them later on? Oh?

622
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 2: For me, I think it's take up space, and I

623
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 2: don't even if that's a mistake. I I'm so grateful.

624
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 2: I'm not telling anybody that they've to do this, but

625
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 2: I'm really grateful in my twenties that, like I experienced

626
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 2: a lot, I dated, I slept around. Like I'm not

627
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,479
Speaker 2: say again, not saying that everyone has to do that,

628
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 2: but I was able to explore my sexuality, my sensuality,

629
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 2: what it is that I liked and didn't So by

630
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 2: the time I got to my thirties, I was like,

631
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 2: I know who I am, I know what it is.

632
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 2: And so for me think the only mistake that women

633
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 2: can continue to make is playing small because for so

634
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 2: long we have to be the nice girl, we have

635
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 2: to be the good girl. We have to be. I

636
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 2: grew up with go say hi to everybody. You need

637
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 2: to go and say help, hug your uncle exactly, yeah, hug,

638
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 2: go and do all this. No, be a good don't

639
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 2: ruffle their feathers. Don't do this. That I think is

640
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 2: the mistake that we do is when we continue to

641
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 2: bring in the shame that maybe at one point when

642
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 2: we were kids worked because we had someone that wasn't

643
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 2: available to us in the ways that we need. But

644
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 2: that is not going to give me the relationship that

645
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 2: you want in your adult life.

646
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: What you just describe is what gives me hope about

647
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 1: being a woman today and why I think it's really

648
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 1: exciting to be a woman today because I see us

649
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 1: undoing the obligations that were placed upon us by our moms.

650
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: No fault of their own and their moms, but it's

651
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 1: a really exciting time in terms of the grand scheme

652
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: of women's operation.

653
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 2: That's how I feel like. I know a lot of

654
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 2: people look and say dating is the worst now and

655
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 2: it's the worst it's ever been, And I'm like, or

656
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 2: or or here's a thought. My mama couldn't leave my

657
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 2: father for years because she didn't have anyheur to go exactly,

658
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 2: there was no internet. She even said, she's like, what's

659
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 2: the word narcissist? Do you think anyone ever told me?

660
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,239
Speaker 2: She's like, they just told me I wasn't pleasing your

661
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 2: father and to go back in and do more. Right now,

662
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 2: I feel like we get choices. I can say I'm

663
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 2: thirty five and out of one kids, I don't have

664
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 2: to if I don't want to. I get to take

665
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 2: up that space. I can educate myself. I can learn,

666
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 2: but like anything, the pensulum can swing right with all

667
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 2: of the good then we can go into the right

668
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 2: let's not abuse it. But I personally think it's a

669
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 2: much more empowering place because we're no longer just like

670
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 2: you got to get married and have kids of twenty

671
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,879
Speaker 2: no go. We get to choose if this is the

672
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 2: life that we want, and at any point we can

673
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 2: say it's not. Yes, I love that.

674
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 1: I love that too. That's the right side of dating, y'all. Yeah. So,

675
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why I love listening to your show,

676
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:44,640
Speaker 1: Sabrina is because of the specificity of the scenarios that

677
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: your listeners bring to you and the way that you

678
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: just so definitely navigate it just off the dome with

679
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: the most sage advice. So I have a couple of

680
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: scenarios that we've come up with that's going to run

681
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,959
Speaker 1: by you. Yeah, you talked about this on social media recently.

682
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 1: What is the text that you would write for some

683
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 1: one who is being breadcrumbed?

684
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 5: For me?

685
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 2: I'm big on getting the clarity because you'll get what

686
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 2: you want or what you need, And so I go

687
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 2: in of like, hey, I noticed a shift in our dynamic.

688
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: Am I picking up on that correctly? You're not accusing

689
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 2: anybody I hear it all the time. Of well, they

690
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 2: used to text every day. So what you're saying is

691
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 2: there's a shift in the dynamic. You used to text

692
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 2: me every day, multiple times a day. Now I barely

693
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 2: hear from you. Not accusing you, I'm not coming at you.

694
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 2: I'm not saying, oh, why are we doing this. I'm

695
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 2: giving you the space to be able to let me know.

696
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 2: So I get curious. We want to explore the other person,

697
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,160
Speaker 2: because here's the thing. If they still leave you confused

698
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 2: and go I've just been busy. You've got your answer.

699
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 2: You don't need to keep going.

700
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: Okay, Let's say you've been dating someone for about three months. Yep,

701
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: they're in the middle of a messy divorce, custody battle,

702
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: kind of a complex living situation with their ex. They

703
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 1: are officially getting a divorce. It's not happening with the ex.

704
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: They are showing interest in you, but they're not sure

705
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 1: yet if they're ready to commit.

706
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 2: The minute you told me going through a divorce messy

707
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 2: s all that, I was like, run, don't walk.

708
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:01,959
Speaker 1: Run.

709
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 2: The reason I say that isn't because that person doesn't

710
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 2: deserve love. Of course they do. They're not in a

711
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 2: headspace and they don't have the bandwidth when they are

712
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 2: dealing with We are like a battery. You only have

713
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 2: so much energy in a day before you need to recharge.

714
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 2: And somebody that one is newly divorced. So if they

715
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 2: have complications trying to figure this out, trying to figure

716
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 2: that out, have they processed the ending of the divorce?

717
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 2: Have they been alone? I see this all the time,

718
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 2: especially in divorces, where it'll be either one person leaves

719
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 2: and says but they moved on and almost immediately, And

720
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: what I usually see is it's not gonna work, and

721
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 2: it very rarely doesn't.

722
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 1: This.

723
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 2: Of course sometimes it does, but more often than not,

724
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 2: when someone moves on in a couple of days and

725
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 2: is already dating somebody else, they're bypassing. So what will

726
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 2: happen is like usually a lot of people will rush

727
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 2: into something because they're used to having someone every day,

728
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:45,719
Speaker 2: and then you see it all of a sudden, two

729
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 2: months in, they're like, you know, I realized, I don't

730
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 2: know if I'm actually ready for this. I'm still realizing

731
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 2: I'm just I haven't been single. Spare yourself and just

732
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: let that person know, you know what, go out and

733
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 2: sew your oads, call me when you're actually ready to

734
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 2: be in another relationship, because they have to deal with

735
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 2: their stuff and be with themselves before they can welcome

736
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 2: someone in, because if it didn't work in the relationship,

737
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 2: what have they learned that we don't have those problems?

738
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: So good. Last one going back to what we talked

739
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: about earlier, which is the reality that a lot of

740
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: women are out earning men, specifically in certain cities around

741
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: the country right now. So let's say someone has opened

742
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: themselves up to dating someone who might not be at

743
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: their same financial level. You're wrapping up a date with them,

744
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: the bill comes, he asks to split it. Is that

745
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: worth exploring? Is there potential there?

746
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 2: I think if that's the only knock I can maybe

747
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 2: have a conversation. It just pains me because first date,

748
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 2: I look at it as whoever asked the person on

749
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 2: the date is the one that should pay. If you

750
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 2: asked me from my time, then I'm expecting that you're

751
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 2: going to pay for the fact that I'm there. If

752
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 2: I ask you out, if I'm like, hey, I want

753
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 2: to see you come, then that means I'm prepared to

754
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 2: pay because it was my idea. If literally that's the

755
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 2: only box they don't check. I would just get curious

756
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 2: about because, like, I know when my partner when we

757
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 2: first met, I didn't have a pot to pissen. And

758
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,719
Speaker 2: he was in tech, so he was making pretty good

759
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 2: money and he lost his job like two months later.

760
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 2: It was tech, you know, they went through the fired

761
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 2: thirty percent of the company, and so after that he

762
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 2: was in a tighter financial situation. I was making so

763
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 2: much more money. I was my business, my career was growing.

764
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 2: But I had to be okay knowing that one it

765
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 2: was momentary and two like there were times where he

766
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 2: was like, I'm sorry, I can't take you out, like

767
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 2: I don't have you, I'm unemployment. I was understanding of that.

768
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 2: I think it's about are they frugal or cheap?

769
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 4: Right?

770
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 2: Are they just saying like hey, you know, I totally understand,

771
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 2: Like since I've heard of the opposite, I've heard women

772
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 2: say I'm a feminist and I don't want anyone to

773
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 2: pay for me. So I think to the point, you

774
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 2: can also be honest of like, oh you want to

775
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 2: split this. I thought you were taking me out to dinner,

776
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 2: And then that way if they're like, oh, well, I don't.

777
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 2: Then you can start to see how do they see partnership,

778
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 2: because maybe they see partnership as tit for tativ. I

779
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 2: don't need to take care of you and you're into pet.

780
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 2: That might not work for me because I don't want

781
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 2: a person with that mindset. I would say to look

782
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 2: at how they handle it and if it's just a note,

783
00:31:58,400 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 2: like if you're just if at that point you were

784
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,959
Speaker 2: on sure, then the check comes and they do that,

785
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 2: I don't think you need a second date.

786
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: Kind I have to agree with you.

787
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 2: You know, it's not my ideal. I will be the

788
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 2: first to say, but I definitely have had it where

789
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 2: some guys don't. And you're like, okay, I kind of

790
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 2: want to get the benefit of the doubt. But first

791
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 2: date is so ghost to not pay it really is right,

792
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 2: it really is. It's fine maybe yeah, but the first.

793
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: Date my husband went Dutch, asked us to go to

794
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: Dutch on the second date, yeah, he in even that.

795
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 1: I was like, this is not looking good for you, buddy,

796
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 1: but sung in there and we're doing great.

797
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 2: That's exactly what I mean by like if that was

798
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 2: if there was all these other red flags and then

799
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 2: that comes and you're like, no, I'm out of here.

800
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 2: But you're like, oh, I like this person. I can

801
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 2: overlook this. I think there's bigger fresh to fry because

802
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 2: now my partner I like, it's thee irony. I pay

803
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 2: his salary because he works for me. Yeah, I earn

804
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 2: both of us, but he cooks and cleans in the

805
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 2: house and I take care of other things, Like we

806
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 2: have a diet. It works beautifully for us because I

807
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 2: don't cook, but he does. Great. It doesn't mean that

808
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 2: you have to have specific gender norms. It means that

809
00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: you and your partner need to have things that each

810
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 2: one of you do that make it work.

811
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, and a willingness I think, just a willingness to

812
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: come to the table and be open one hundred percent.

813
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 1: So since we're talking about love letters to our single selves,

814
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 1: what do you think you would want to say in

815
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: a love letter to single Sabrina?

816
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 2: Oh, I talk to her all the time?

817
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: You really do you still do?

818
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 2: I do it all the time. I write letters to

819
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 2: myself on Insta, like I do stories all the time.

820
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 2: I'll find a photo of myself and I think today

821
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 2: is was about like, I am so proud of you

822
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 2: for trying to keep me safe. And I am so

823
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 2: grateful and proud of you for trying to be loved

824
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 2: by other people, But you don't need to do that anymore.

825
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 2: All of those versions of me seven years old was

826
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 2: my responsibility was never to figure out how to be loved.

827
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 2: That was never my job. And so I have to

828
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 2: let her know I'm so sorry that I left you

829
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 2: to do that job. But I'm now here. I'm the mama.

830
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 2: I'm the one to take care of everything, and you

831
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 2: are amazing as you are, and I'm the one that's

832
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 2: going to make choices for us. And every single day

833
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 2: I remind her of that.

834
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 1: I love that you do that as a practice.

835
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 2: And it's not even because a lot of people when

836
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 2: I ask, usually the responsible, but what would you say,

837
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 2: They're like, everything turns out fine, you're safe, You're okay,

838
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 2: And I'm like, not true. Not to mention, I'm like,

839
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 2: if I sold you that, would you believe me?

840
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 1: Right?

841
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 2: Well, you're gaslighting yourself because when you're telling yourself there's

842
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 2: no issues, you're fine, Well, that version of you doesn't

843
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 2: believe that. So maybe we can hold space and say

844
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 2: I'm listening, what do you want to tell me?

845
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 1: Also, every woman knows that when you say you're fine,

846
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 1: you're not.

847
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 2: You're right, that's like I'm good, You're like, oh, she's not.

848
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: She's definitely not good, definitely not fine. I love to

849
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 1: end each of our conversations here on the bright side

850
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 1: by asking our guests to take a moment to shine.

851
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: So I'm going to ask you what are you celebrating

852
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 1: in your life right now?

853
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 2: My first book, I can't believe it is. That is

854
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 2: It's something that I'm still wrapping my head around. So

855
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:39,919
Speaker 2: I just turned it in like two.

856
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:41,839
Speaker 1: Days ago, just turned it in. Oh my gosh, I'm there.

857
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'm like a year as or that that phase.

858
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,240
Speaker 2: I am celebrating in the fact that I found myself

859
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 2: and I continue to find myself every single day, and

860
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 2: I'm a human Like I have moments where where you're like,

861
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 2: I'm going to delete everything. I'm done, I don't want

862
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 2: to do anything. Yeah, but I remember who I am,

863
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 2: and I just I don't stand up to bullies anymore.

864
00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: And I feel like I've I feel like I'm the

865
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 2: closest to who I really am now than I've ever

866
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,839
Speaker 2: been in my life. So I'm celebrating that I.

867
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 1: Am so happy for you. I can't wait to read

868
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 1: your book. And this book is going to be a

869
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,959
Speaker 1: huge success. I just I can feel it, I hope.

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00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 2: So it's about patterns, it's not about people think it's

871
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 2: gonna be about dating relationships. I'm like, it's about a

872
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 2: chapter of it, but the rest of it is like,

873
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 2: how do you show up for you? And where did

874
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 2: you learn this from?

875
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,800
Speaker 1: Because that's what dating is actually about.

876
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 2: It's the foundation to set before you get out there.

877
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: See, I'm part of the School of Sabrina. I'm not

878
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: a graduate, but I'm one of the students. Thank you,

879
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 1: Sabrina for coming on the bright side.

880
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.

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00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 1: Sabrina Zohar is a dating coach and host of the

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00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 1: podcast The Sabrina Zohar Show. You can find more of

883
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: her amazing advice on Instagram and TikTok oh. One more thing.

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00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: The time is almost here, folks, come join me and

885
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 1: the brightest female founders, thinkers, and creatives at Shinaway. If

886
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 1: you've been, you know Shineaway is more than just an event.

887
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,239
Speaker 1: And if you haven't been yet, what are you waiting for?

888
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: It is a two day celebration that invites you to

889
00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: step into a world of joy, depth and discovery. The

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00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 1: lineup is out now and I cannot wait to see

891
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 1: all my faves like Morning Show starr Karen Pittman, Power Pause,

892
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: author Naja Rouche, and I'll also be sitting down for

893
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: a special edition of the bright Side with entrepreneur Chrissy Teakin.

894
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,320
Speaker 1: Plus if you're like me and reading along with Reese's

895
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 1: book Club, get ready to go behind the scenes with

896
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: authors like Rainbow Rowel and Temby Lock. It's all going

897
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 1: down October eleventh and twelfth in Los Angeles and tickets

898
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 1: are selling fast, so get here is now. The bright

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00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: Side is a production of Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts

900
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 1: and is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon and me Simone Boyce.

901
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: Production is by a Cast Creative Studios. Our producers are

902
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: Taylor Williamson, Adrian Bain, Abby Delk, and Darby Masters. Our

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00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: production assistant is Joya putnoy A Casts Executive producers are

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00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 1: Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder. Maureen Polo and Reese Witherspoon

905
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: are the executive producers for Hello Sunshine. Ali Perry and

906
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 1: Lauren Hansen are the executive produce users for iHeart podcasts

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00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton Lakehouser