WEBVTT - burrito-rolling master 0:00:02.120 --> 0:00:05.960 Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:11.280 This I am your host, Chris Alvarado. Yes, that Chris Alvarado, 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:13.960 and I'm super excited to be joined by my friends, 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:17.800 my colleagues, my co artists. So let's just jump right 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.919 into it and say hello to them in no particular order. 0:00:21.000 --> 0:00:23.840 Let's start with somebody who rarely joins us as a 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:30.080 guest is usually a host. Say hello to col Stratton, everybody. Cole, Yeah, 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:31.400 this is weird. I think this is the first thing 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:33.720 I've done this word. It hasn't meant me or Kevin hosting. 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:36.520 I was like, Cole is also a great improviser who 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:39.720 likes to play. He doesn't have to do Yeah, you 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.520 know it's great just showing up and doing it, riding 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.159 up the sea suggestions and figuring out the dumb questions 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:49.199 to ask people and all that ship. It's the worst, right, 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:56.400 Speaking of which, Cole, yep, what's your favorite Jeopardy category? 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:58.920 It pops up? You know you're gonna get all of them? 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:00.840 Are just about all of them? You know, we actually 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:05.840 watched Jeopardy pretty much daily, recorded watching at lunch Umlula 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:10.240 of the Street that Mattea is on right now. Anything 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:14.280 pop culture related, obviously, if it's like movies or which 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:16.600 actually always makes me crazy because it's the pop culture 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:19.320 things that only the super champs like run. Most of 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:21.080 the other people just sit there scared and then they 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:22.640 just go peep peep and like they don't know the 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.200 answer is it would be like a picture Johnny Depp 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:29.920 and like, I don't know. Makes me a little crazy. 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:34.200 But yeah, anything pop culture related, anything pop cults are great. 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:36.360 I'm so glad you're here. I'm also glad that this 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:40.720 next person here, she just sell her celebrated birthday makes up. No, 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:49.240 it's hard. Jackie Ruthie, Alright, Jackie, serious question here. Concession 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:52.880 of choice at a basketball game? Or what are you 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:57.160 snacking on? See that's different than a movie. Concession of 0:01:57.280 --> 0:02:03.160 choice at a basketball game? Ongoing cinnamon ager? What cell pretzel? Wow? 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:06.360 Craig Is also joined us today. He made a face 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:13.919 very controversial choice, what's sol I'm that's I'm just it's 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:18.240 something that I never have, you know, It's it's so 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:23.160 mall specific, and I'm so not a mall person, um, 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:25.920 but but it is. Gosh. I love it, and I 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:28.280 love it when they're just like a little undercooked, which 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:32.079 they usually are, especially where it's like knotted over. That's 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:37.160 where it really gets Doughey, Uh, give me that, and 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:40.519 give me a Coca Cola Classic. Really, you're you're on 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.280 a diet or a Coke zero not? Absolutely not. Keep 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:45.840 a Classic for me. I don't have it every day, 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.480 so you know, I'm like, this is fine. I'll keep 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:52.240 a Classic for when I have it. Makes sense, makes sense. 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:58.720 Super light your hair. Everybody say hello to Mark Gagliardi. Hello, alright, 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:06.720 Mark Gagliardi. What's your relationship with fitness? I Fitness and 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:10.720 I have an on again, off again relations same same 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.840 we will like we we we go long periods of 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:17.960 time without seeing one another, and then I will reach 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:21.760 out or sometimes Fitness will reach out to me, but 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:25.400 usually I reach out to Fitness tepidly, like I'm not 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:28.919 sure if I want to start things back up again. Um, 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.000 And then I try and I and we'll go for 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.760 like a month, and of course kind of we just 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:36.360 kind of fall off and stop calling each other, which 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:39.400 no one's fault, no one's fault, nobody's fault. It's nobody's fault. 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:42.760 We're just we're just leading different lives yeah. Hey, I 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:44.880 always think about asking fitness out and then I'm like, 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:51.240 I'm married, just lovliness, I'm married. I stay it this way, 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:54.400 but not at least make some noise from my boy 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:59.839 and your boy, Mr. Every everyone's boy here, my boy, 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.640 Craig Craig. I was talking to Jessica about this, and 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:05.400 it throw me crazy because I didn't think there was 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:11.080 a difference. Is your autograph different from your city, different 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:17.920 from your signature? Yeah? It is, really yeah, it is right. 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.599 I never thought about it, but it has to be now, Mark, 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:25.400 And I know this because for Thrilling a Venture Hour, 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:27.880 the podcast that we were on for a number of years, 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:30.920 we would sometimes have to do like two hundred posters 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:34.479 in a row, and so I developed kind of a 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:41.600 shorthand uh much less legible autograph with two large cs 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:46.160 and basically scribbles after that. So, if you know, if 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:47.960 you're a fan of a Thrilling Adventure Hour, you're looking 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.200 at fifteen names, you see two giants stays, You're like, 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:53.239 that's Craig Atkowski. I don't need to understand the rest 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:57.280 of it. But if I'm signing an official document or 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:01.080 an employment form or anything like that, attack form, I 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:06.000 will my cursive is still not great in any way, 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:08.800 shape or form, but I will try to delineate the 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:13.080 individual letters in Craig and Kaikowski a little more when 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:16.719 I'm doing a signature, but an autography, get two big seas. 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:21.560 And also, I quickly want to mention that I've been 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:26.120 binging this podcast, UM the Second Citizens hosted by by 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.880 Joe Canally, where he it's really fast. It's fascinating because 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:34.599 he's just talking to um uh residents, previous residents of 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:38.120 of Second City stages. So I know a lot of 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.400 the people. But Craig, your name comes up over and 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:41.920 over and over, and I'm always like, I want to 0:05:41.920 --> 0:05:43.880 text Craig. I'm like, he probably knows, he probably knows 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:47.560 they're talking about it. I don't know if he put 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:49.760 my episode out yet, but it will eventually be a 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:53.320 guest so I will get to answer for myself. I'm 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:55.920 looking forward to that. All right, let's move on because 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:58.839 this is the stage right now, everybody. Some of us 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.359 didn't make it to a resident stage, you know, with 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:04.320 Second City, but this this, this is the show. This 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:08.000 is the show. UM. All of today's scene suggestion as 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:12.560 always come to us from our listener suggestions, emails, whatnot 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:15.400 if you want priority. Once while sending in a suggestion, 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:19.839 consider becoming a Patriot. Oh my gosh, I said considered 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:23.479 becoming I say, considered becoming a Patreon, which is a 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:27.839 Patreon v I P. Yeah, thank you, Jackie. Uh. You 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:31.159 can join us on Patreon. You will, You'll get moved 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:33.240 up in the cue as far as suggestions goes. You 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:35.160 can check out our bonus scenes and all of our 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:39.520 exclusive content. You can join us on Patreon at alchemy 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:46.720 this no great dot com. That's Patreon dot com, slash 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:51.400 alchemy this. I've only done this forever, so you have 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:54.280 to excuse me. Or if you want to reach out 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:56.160 to us the old time you way, Cole. I'm looking 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.160 at you, thinking Cole and never have messed this up. 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:00.400 You want to reach out to us, eating off a 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:04.960 piece of paper and not looking up anyway? Um, email 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:10.400 us at alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy. 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:15.040 That feels better. See one comes to us from Alchemy 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:19.400 v I P or Alchemy v I P. Jonathan Crane 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:24.640 Jonathan says, good day alchemists. Love the jargon great. Uh, 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:27.360 I was hoping you could do a take on this 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:35.880 burrito rolling master, Glad, do you exist, Jonathan. It's just 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:40.040 like it's just a tight, tight little role and you 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.280 called keep it and you use your fingers, use every 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:44.080 single finger, and you really just kind of get it 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:47.960 real nice and tight. You know. It's just like rolling 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:49.760 a burrito, but it's a live human. It's just a 0:07:49.760 --> 0:07:52.800 little baby, and it's just very similar and you want 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:56.280 to keep them nice and tight in there like this. 0:07:57.440 --> 0:07:59.160 That's a bit that's a bit too tight. And it's 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.600 very great that you're trying this on a doll. First. Yeah, 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:07.760 that's a bit too tight. Okay, Okay, okay, it's okay. 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:10.760 Think about how much effort you're and how read your 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:15.400 face is getting. I'm never going to get this dad thing. 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.840 To get this dad thing, it's the the amount of 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:21.640 effort is is unsafe, not just for the baby, but 0:08:21.720 --> 0:08:28.360 for you. I'm concerned about Hernia's I'm concerned about also 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:33.360 just like um, you know, possible fatal situation. Why are 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.839 you just adding more things for me to worry about. 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:39.160 I'm so sorry. I've already told you how worried I 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:43.040 am about this whole process. Since the very beginning. We 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:45.880 hired you as a midwife to handle all of the 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:50.640 stress and anxiety of this sweet sweetheart. Sweetheart, she doesn't 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:54.920 know who you are? Well, that kit, that's impossible. I 0:08:54.920 --> 0:09:00.320 mean she knows your name, miss, I'm assuming you don't 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:07.120 recognize him. Oh, um, no, I it's okay, it's okay, 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:16.240 it's okay. You probably don't eat, you do? Yeah? I eat, 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:20.000 you know, to stay alive. But honey, don't blow up 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:23.160 my spot. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, if she 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:26.480 knew a little bit about you, she might understand what's 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:29.240 going on with the tight swaddles. Please, I would love 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:32.040 to I would love to learn more about you. And 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:36.600 I apologize for focusing mainly on your pregnant wife. Let 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.600 me give you a little more attention. You've been focusing 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:44.640 on Elissa for eight months now and really making this 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.440 about her, and I think it should really beat you know. 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:50.000 Sometimes it's about the dad and what he wants and 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:55.600 needs and does you are? You are a participant? Are 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:59.079 going to be there? You? Um? And I've really been 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:02.000 thinking about the birth for the most part, and now 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:04.880 we're talking about the actual baby and and it's time 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:06.800 for you to shine. I would love to learn more 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:11.880 about what you do in in regards to food. I'm well, 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:16.760 I'm the world renowned British and I was kind of 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:21.640 hoping that our child would become a world renowned burritist. Wow. 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:25.240 I mean, I'm so. I'm a little shocked because I 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.520 had said to do it like a burrito, and then 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:31.200 you did it like a like a w W E wrestler. 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:35.720 And so I take my burrio's very seriously. You know 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:39.120 what I'm not. That's not my profession. And how dare 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:44.160 I speak to that? Hey, nerd, looks like you were 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:55.320 swaddled too tightly. Leave me alone, and look how wrapped 0:10:55.360 --> 0:11:02.280 you are and your shawl shut up? Okay, look, um, 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:08.680 my dad's a burritus. I mean, I don't know my dad. 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:11.880 Mum h Well, I would never make fun of you 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:17.520 for that. Maybe we're not so different after all, I 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:20.280 don't know, we see pretty different. I mean, I'm I'm 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:26.000 sweet and you're obnoxious. Yeah, you're right. Well, I guess 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:29.480 I'm just gonna go punch the wall some more. Um, 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:33.400 if I'm late for Homer and and that's why whoa truck? 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:37.720 There's no need to do that. And look, yeah, my 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:41.400 my clothes are really tight. My dad wraps me up 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:47.240 every every morning. Okay, look how loose mine are? Okay, son, 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:50.480 here's your lunch. Let me put your jacket on. You 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:53.760 just just suck it in. Let's suck it in. Can'll 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:58.560 get myself for once? Dad? Oh? Someone out grown his father? 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:04.319 A Lissa get in here? Or someone's outgrown as father? What? Yeah, 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:07.679 he doesn't want to be wrapped anymore? Do I need 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:11.040 to remind you who your father is and what he does? 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:16.600 I love that I married my hype lady. You are 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.319 so good to me. Can I just say I'm I 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:21.600 didn't mean to make you run from upstairs. No, No, 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:26.600 it's fine. It's worth it. It's worth it. D This 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:29.440 jacket is super tight. And there's also like there's there's 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:32.160 a layer of beans in here, but they're they're somehow 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:36.520 evenly distributed. That's the whole point. The beans are specifically 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:39.000 laid out, so every bit of you has a little 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.960 bit of bean. Sweetheart, let me ask you a question. 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:44.120 What do What are some of your other friends dad's 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:52.480 do for a living? Um? Doctor, bullshit lawyer, um recording artist, 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:56.440 interesting postman? Okay, okay, okay, did you hear I said 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.960 interesting about the recording artist because your father is also 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:03.199 an artist, and he doesn't get to turn that off. 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:06.600 Do you understand he has a team full of people 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:10.280 underneath him that are waiting years just to stir the beans. 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:14.640 He he is so highly regarded in his in his profession. 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:16.760 I feel like you could give him a little more 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:20.440 respect here at the home. I don't know, I mean, 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:24.040 like even then, Okay, wrapped burrito is still pretty good. 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:30.600 Oh my god, Like Susie dalton Um, this is our 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:34.560 first official, you know, meeting, and we're going to be 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.880 doing this once a month for the first few months, 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.800 and then once we hit the second trimester, I'll be 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:46.720 coming in, uh bye week by twice a month, and 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:50.520 then once you hit the third trimester, I'll be coming 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:55.000 in once a week. So right now, um, I just 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.280 kind of want this to be a cool intro. So 0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:02.400 dalton Um, tell me, yeah, really about you and your 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:08.880 journey and this pregnancy thus far. Well, it's been hard, 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:12.240 and you know, I'm I'm a postman. Uh and you know, 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:15.560 no rain, nor sleep, no whatever will keep me away. 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:18.400 So I've just been out delivering a lot, and uh, 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:25.840 this is one delivery I'm super nervous about Yeah, I'm 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.200 going to take care of the delivery this time. Honey. 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:32.800 That's just I'm sorry, Dalton was talking. Dalton. I would 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:39.520 just love to know about your journey into fatherhood and 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:42.800 how your body is feeling right now. Well, you know, 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.760 I'm a little, uh a little nervous. I got butterflies 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.080 in my stomach. Uh. You know, I was hoping that 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:51.240 the butterflies would go away and one to two days, 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:56.880 but it's looking like three to four days potentially Nextkay, 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:02.080 you're feeling a kick first time, Esther. Yes, I don't know. 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:07.880 I that's I know it's a it's a blueberry right now. 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:10.480 It's a blueberry right now. But I'm feeling is it 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.240 Is it a phantom kick? I don't know. Well, that's 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:17.920 really really incredible. I'm sorry, honey, right now, I'm priority. 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:24.320 May also, let's go ahead. No, you understand I only 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:28.920 bring the best tortillas to the best burritists, and you 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:35.360 understand that you are my the top burritists have been 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:40.920 for a long time. What's this about, Antonio? This feels 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:43.720 like preamble to something I don't want to hear. Well, 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:45.800 you might want to hear part of it. You definitely 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:50.320 I'm just gonna say it, Okay, I came across the 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:56.760 batch of the Guatemalan corn tortillas that the Aztecs made. 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:01.720 What the Aztec tortillas? The very one. Hold on, let 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:03.960 me shut the door. No more customers for the next 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:09.320 few minutes. All right, that should keep everyone out. Good, good, 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:14.400 But you know it's gonna cost you. I don't have 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:17.400 a lot of money right now, between this restaurant and 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:20.320 and my my child and all the extra small clothes 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:23.400 I have to buy for him. It's not money I'm after. 0:16:23.960 --> 0:16:27.120 I mean, we're talking to Aztec tortilla. Yeah, I know 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:33.080 you mentioned that you have a son, do you not? Yes? 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:40.240 What's this about stilt skin? Give me your son and 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:44.960 you'll get the tortillas. What. But that's one thing I've 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:48.800 wanted for my whole lit life. Pit it against the 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:54.440 one thing I've wanted for like eleven months. Oh, I 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:59.160 don't know what to do. The choice is yours. Hey, um, 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:02.000 I need to return this breed out. That tortilla seems 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:06.040 to be thousands of years old. It was not fresh. 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:11.080 I got super sick after a couple of bites. Uh yeah, yeah, 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:15.760 we're doing We're doing an Aztech azchech corn tortillas. Could 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:18.680 could you? Could you make them fresh next time? It 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:24.080 really discuss has covered a mold. Look, we we gotta batch. 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:27.560 We gotta batche of these old Aztec tortillas, and we 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.440 gotta use them up first. Like I appreciate the history 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:33.159 of what you're doing here, but and the fact, I 0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:35.359 mean there was a search charge. It was you know, 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:37.760 I thought you saw our creams like fifty cents to 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:41.199 a dollar. This was seven hundred dollar search charge. I 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:44.240 didn't notice until after you had swiped my credit card 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.119 and your cashier at the time was so enough they 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:50.920 could not reverse the charge. But thought, okay, delicacy, I'll 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:54.040 have it. And then I got super sick to flour 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.440 by it's super sick. Brought it back. Now, I'd really 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:59.080 like seven d either in a gift card or put 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:04.600 back into my card. He's well, Dalton, Uh, I'm not 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:09.960 sure why your midwife here ordered the ultrasound, but good 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:12.560 news for you, it turns out those aren't butterflies in 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:15.840 your stomach. Bad news for you. It does look like 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:20.480 whatever you had for lunch, uh was it? It didn't 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:23.959 happen to be thousands of years old? Did it? Uh? 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:29.879 Yeah did I. I went to the Brito Master on 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:33.479 twelfth and um, ah that the one he's using. That 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:37.479 he's using the Aztec toritos. Now, yeah, yeah, that's so, 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:39.800 that's what it was. It's uh, it's just a it's 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:41.560 just a bad burrito in there. You're gonna make a 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:47.840 great father. Well, Hank Jr. Welcome to your new life. 0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:51.760 This what is this? What what is going on? Well? 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:58.160 You now work for us. You'll be um digging, you'll 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:03.000 be digging. Okay. Um, we're looking for you know, like 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:08.400 a truffle pig. Right, do you know what those are? Yeah? 0:19:08.440 --> 0:19:13.680 I know what a truffle pig is. You seem so confused. Okay, 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:15.639 we took you your took you en a flight to 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:19.639 the Guatemala in jungle to look for more. I know 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:21.760 it's it's a weird time for me to be complaining 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:25.840 now about it, but I'm still I'm still processing this. Look. 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:29.280 I was in seventh grade two days ago. You know, 0:19:29.600 --> 0:19:33.600 I befriended a bully. Okay, even though we have nothing 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:37.960 in common. Um, My dad finally stopped wrapping me in 0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:42.200 the tightest clothes possible and putting beans in my clothes 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:46.159 for some fucking reason. And now I'm I'm a truffle 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:52.240 pig in Guatemala. That's about it. That's really about it. 0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:57.280 That's really about it. Um dad, I'm oh, yeah, I 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:02.480 forgot got No Dad and my friend moved to Guatemala. 0:20:03.160 --> 0:20:08.080 This walls all punched out? Do you want to talk 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:12.880 to me? Mom? Is about you right now? I mean, 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:16.000 I'm here for you, I I love you, I'm I'm 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:20.160 happy to help you with whatever. You just don't understand 0:20:21.280 --> 0:20:25.800 so much pressure being a seventh grader like no Dad. 0:20:26.160 --> 0:20:29.080 You see how loose my clothes arm up there? Loose? 0:20:30.520 --> 0:20:32.480 I can get you tight clothes. What do you want 0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:36.720 to learn about popping boners? I know about it in 0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:40.600 your wife's fanda. I mean, I don't know. I'm just 0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:44.439 thinking seventh grade boy, dad? What what am I missing? 0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:47.399 I I don't know what he could teach you that 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:51.320 I that I couldn't. It's a special bond between a 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:54.840 kid and his dad and their clothes and being able 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:58.000 to be pinned in them properly. Mom, You'll never get it. 0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:01.680 It's not your fault. You just and understand it. I'm 0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:04.000 sure you had a similar relationship with your mom. Like 0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:06.480 I would have had with my dad, but he wasn't there, 0:21:06.840 --> 0:21:08.760 So you know, it's gonna be hard for me. And 0:21:08.800 --> 0:21:11.560 I'm gonna always have these daddy issues. Everything I ever 0:21:11.640 --> 0:21:15.840 do will be daddy issues. Alright, screenplays, daddy issues, everything 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:20.800 will be that. Well, fuck me, then, I guess. And 0:21:20.960 --> 0:21:30.000 that seemed to all right. It seemed to comes to 0:21:30.119 --> 0:21:35.320 us from alchemy v I p Oystein, Hans Guard gels Vic. 0:21:36.840 --> 0:21:40.920 I actually put this into Google treads late this morning. Um, 0:21:40.960 --> 0:21:43.720 and I'm I'm not too far away from the from 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:49.840 how it sounded Oystein, Hans Guard gaels Vic. Um. And 0:21:50.119 --> 0:21:54.000 they write in Norway, when a situation is real crazy, 0:21:54.400 --> 0:22:01.520 we say that is completely Texas, referring to the actual 0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:06.919 I know, referring to the actual state of Texas. US 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:11.520 don't know why Wild West movies maybe, So that's my suggestion. 0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:16.439 Things go completely Texas. Love what you do, oh with 0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:19.240 a line through it, which is called a minuscule. Oh, 0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:27.040 I love that. Thank you. Get in here, yes, ma'am, 0:22:27.440 --> 0:22:30.000 Get in here right now, yes, ma'am. What what what 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:33.480 is it? Doctor? We needs you to take over this surgery. 0:22:33.920 --> 0:22:35.840 It was supposed to be a routine app inducting me. 0:22:35.920 --> 0:22:40.520 It's gotten completely Texas in there. Oh no, oh my gosh, 0:22:40.560 --> 0:22:46.360 I mean Dr Hoisting's just completely lost it. Dr doc 0:22:46.440 --> 0:22:49.800 will be could you not called Dr Steering? I can't 0:22:49.840 --> 0:22:53.280 find I've been paging him. He's not answering his page. 0:22:53.280 --> 0:22:57.080 I just ran into you, and ma'am, I look, I'll 0:22:57.080 --> 0:22:59.560 do what you say. You're the administrator of this entire hospital. 0:22:59.600 --> 0:23:00.959 I just want to know what I'm getting into if 0:23:01.000 --> 0:23:03.200 I go in there and things have gone Texas? Are 0:23:03.200 --> 0:23:06.479 we talking bell buckles and cowboy hats? Okay, okay, okay, 0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:10.119 toss out appendix in the air. I'm gonna shoot it. Yeah, 0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:18.639 you got it. Mr al Right, who morning, babe. Oh 0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:23.520 my head it's pounding. I know mine too. What if 0:23:23.520 --> 0:23:27.720 we do last night? I don't know. I'm gonna open 0:23:27.760 --> 0:23:29.840 my phone and look through some pictures. Maybe we can 0:23:31.160 --> 0:23:36.919 out right right? Oh, ship, baby, I think you and 0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:42.440 I went completely Texas last night? What like I felt like, 0:23:42.800 --> 0:23:46.080 I mean I should have stopped when things went sort 0:23:46.080 --> 0:23:51.080 of wyoming? I know, I know, funk, we went full 0:23:51.080 --> 0:23:53.480 blown Texas last night. I bet that means we've got 0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:55.199 a lot of apologies to make. I got to call 0:23:55.200 --> 0:23:58.080 a lot of the friends. Uh ship, it looks like 0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:02.720 we actually vandalized property. Yeah. Hey, well we gotta stop 0:24:02.720 --> 0:24:07.520 going Texas. I mean, look, we need to get some help. 0:24:07.760 --> 0:24:10.680 Last week you went full on Florida. That was terrible, 0:24:11.600 --> 0:24:15.840 but completely Texas. We've never gotten there. I know this 0:24:15.880 --> 0:24:20.200 is the bottom I imagine. Yeah, me too. Well, maybe 0:24:20.240 --> 0:24:23.040 we should piece together what happened from these photos and 0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:26.800 just work backwards memento style sounds good. Well, if we're 0:24:26.800 --> 0:24:29.400 gonna start at the end, is that how we would 0:24:29.440 --> 0:24:34.159 do that? Yeah? My most my most recent picture is 0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:38.959 at the police station. Maybe we don't go there first, Okaya? 0:24:40.480 --> 0:24:43.040 Oh god, have you been seeing the news about the 0:24:43.080 --> 0:24:46.400 whole Supreme Court and everything? This whole country has gone 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:52.880 completely Texas. It's a disaster. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm 0:24:52.920 --> 0:24:55.879 I'm I'm looking at the paper this morning. I'm I 0:24:56.000 --> 0:25:00.040 see every everything about this country is making me just 0:25:00.040 --> 0:25:03.639 is just as angry as a cow in a pasture. Y'all? 0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:12.280 What is going on? Oh? No, Dillard Mallory. You I 0:25:12.400 --> 0:25:15.959 told you before we got married. I said, we're going 0:25:16.000 --> 0:25:19.440 to couple's counseling and we're gonna work some things out 0:25:19.480 --> 0:25:23.119 before we officially take the vows and within that you 0:25:23.200 --> 0:25:25.680 found out that I have a problem problem with chick 0:25:25.760 --> 0:25:28.200 going Texas. If you're gonna go Texas on me, I'm 0:25:28.200 --> 0:25:31.600 moving to Norway. I don't, please don't move to Norway. 0:25:31.680 --> 0:25:33.760 I know we've been working on this, We've been working 0:25:33.760 --> 0:25:36.560 through it. I don't know if mercuries and retrograde or 0:25:36.880 --> 0:25:41.320 if the sun's just shining over the range. Oh no, 0:25:42.000 --> 0:25:45.080 I'm so sorry. I do I still have any of 0:25:45.080 --> 0:25:49.120 those pills left? Well? Sorry, you could see I got 0:25:49.119 --> 0:25:52.680 a foot over there. It looks like small intestine over there. 0:25:53.359 --> 0:25:56.639 Sound an ear and some teeth. I mean, what the 0:25:56.680 --> 0:25:59.560 hell happened here? I don't want to say it, But 0:25:59.600 --> 0:26:07.159 whoever did this obviously well you know, no say it, 0:26:07.240 --> 0:26:16.000 Lieutenant Serge. Whoever did this went completely Texas. We're dealing 0:26:16.000 --> 0:26:18.919 with the psycho pass Arge. We're dealing with someone that 0:26:19.000 --> 0:26:22.400 has no regard for human life, obviously, not even regard 0:26:22.480 --> 0:26:27.439 for the artistry of killing. Captain. Captain, we've got a 0:26:27.480 --> 0:26:31.679 new uh thing in in this invest in this case, 0:26:32.320 --> 0:26:35.359 A new thing, Yes, a new thing in this case. 0:26:35.760 --> 0:26:37.200 I'm Captain. By the way, I don't know if I 0:26:37.240 --> 0:26:42.600