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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's making your bathroom breaks even

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Speaker 1: more productive with the new currig toilet so you can

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Speaker 1: brew while doing it too. Order one currig toilet, now

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Speaker 1: get thirteen more absolutely free.

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Speaker 2: Why are they giving away so many for free?

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Speaker 1: It's the extra productive thanks to Laser Story, the segment

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Speaker 1: where we read weird news stories around the globe, just

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Speaker 1: like everyone else does, except we've got a laser or

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Speaker 1: whether Palascia chinos just don't. This first laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Plattsburgh, New York, YO. Family of four is

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Speaker 1: dealing with a pretty tricky porch pirate who recently stole

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Speaker 1: a large package from their front stoop.

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Speaker 3: Hey, nobody got tempting.

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Speaker 2: That is seriously the worst.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this box was a return which was supposed to

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Speaker 1: be picked up by FedEx, and this wasn't a particularly

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Speaker 1: easy theft either, because the box was left inside a

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Speaker 1: bin that had a sign alerting.

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Speaker 3: Feedee to be hiding spot.

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Speaker 1: Oh so, when the family realized that another one was

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Speaker 1: also stolen it had been four over the last two weeks,

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Speaker 1: they went to their newly installed ringcam and realized it

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Speaker 1: was the neighborhood raccoon.

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Speaker 3: Oh wait a minute, the raccoon was taking their packages,

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Speaker 3: small packaging.

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Speaker 2: Nobody already comes a little bandan on his face.

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Speaker 3: It's like, really cute.

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Speaker 1: And this last time, little trash bandit hit the jackpot,

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Speaker 1: probably thanks to his nose, because the box being sent

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Speaker 1: back was going to Chewy dot com and contained one

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars worth of pet.

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Speaker 3: Food and smell it.

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Speaker 1: The ring footage shows the raccoon coming back over and

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Speaker 1: over and over again, checking in the bin to see

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Speaker 1: if there are any more packages.

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Speaker 3: Later on Matt Day, I want to watch the video.

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Speaker 2: Dude, all the raccoon wants is a job as a

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Speaker 2: FedEx driver. You know, that's all you want.

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Speaker 3: Chewy was pretty cool about it, and they still issued

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Speaker 3: a full refund for it.

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Speaker 2: That's nice.

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Speaker 1: As for the raccoon, the family jokingly put up wanted

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Speaker 1: posters all around the neighborhood with his face on it.

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Speaker 3: That's really fun. All look out here. Here's what the

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Speaker 3: poster looks like. You can steal my packages any day.

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Speaker 1: Well, if if you see him, they are asking that

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Speaker 1: you call authorities and put him in tiny little.

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Speaker 2: Ham And it specifically says on the wanted poster, but

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Speaker 2: ware do not be fooled by his cute apparent act.

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Speaker 1: Let's go to your next laser story out of West Brownsville, Pennsylvania. Wow,

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Speaker 1: it's a dark day in America when a man's emotional

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Speaker 1: support alligators no longer welcome inside Walmart.

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Speaker 3: Wow, who can't go in Walmart?

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Speaker 2: Then?

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Speaker 3: If not the alligator? What is happening to the world today?

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Speaker 1: I say that because sixty year old Wesley Silva says

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Speaker 1: he's been bringing his five foot long, thirty two pound

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Speaker 1: reptile friend named jin Saoshi with him everywhere for years

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Speaker 1: without any problem.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing that he would not have any problem. I

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Speaker 2: think that Wesley is not remembering, Oh my god, look

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Speaker 2: how cute it is.

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Speaker 3: It's in a little fur sweater.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that is the sweetest little thing.

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Speaker 3: He really like, he really cares about this alligator.

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Speaker 1: And last week he didn't even think twice when he

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Speaker 1: got a cart at the local Walmart and put his

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Speaker 1: friend inside of it.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, when you see an alligator dressed in a

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Speaker 2: little outfit, it does make it like way.

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Speaker 3: Less than ye.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he was pushing the alligator around, who was at

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Speaker 1: that time dressed in fancy shopping attire with dress Oh wow.

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Speaker 3: Is that product that's a fancy gator?

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Speaker 1: And when he was stopped by a Walmart employee and

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Speaker 1: they informed Wesley that gators, even in lovely outfits, are not.

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Speaker 3: Allowed in the store. Ooh, it didn't matter.

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Speaker 2: It does feel like they should be there.

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Speaker 1: Wesley was baffled because he said that him and his

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Speaker 1: old baffled because him and his pet gator had been

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Speaker 1: going to that same Walmart for three and a half

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Speaker 1: years and had never had a problem before.

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Speaker 3: Who's this new employee exactly?

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Speaker 1: In fact, they were usually praised with comments from others

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Speaker 1: saying things like, that's awesome that you have a pet alligator,

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Speaker 1: or that's pretty cool. Did you get him an aisle fifteen?

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Speaker 3: It's cool from a distance.

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Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, how sweet is it that a man gets

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Speaker 2: a gator and instead of going full like testosterone with it,

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Speaker 2: he puts it in a sweet dress?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's adorable. It's like she's a girl. Yeah, this

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Speaker 3: one has a fur collar. Yes. Anyway.

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Speaker 1: Wesley says he got the alligator from a neighbor who

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Speaker 1: couldn't care for it anymore. He also currently owns six snakes,

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Speaker 1: a leopard gecko, a komodo dragon, an oscillated skink, a

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Speaker 1: second alligator.

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Speaker 3: What's a skink? But you take one alligator up and

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Speaker 3: not the other. Yeah, come on, that one's not as

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Speaker 3: well behaved. I see. And also a dog, so I'm

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Speaker 3: scared for the dogs.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate that the emotional support animal is.

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Speaker 3: Not the dog.

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Speaker 1: He's obviously an animal lover, and because of that, he

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Speaker 1: plans to fight the Walmart band. But as of right now,

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Speaker 1: every pet that he has, minus the dog, is banned

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Speaker 1: from inside the store.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's right.

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Speaker 3: This next lazer stories out of the hover hub. What's this?

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Speaker 3: Just in Soon you'll no longer be able to get.

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Speaker 1: Chipotle delivered by a person. Instead, it's coming.

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Speaker 3: Via drone double rainball.

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Speaker 1: I say that because Chipotle just announced their partnership with Zipline,

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Speaker 1: the world's largest autonomous delivery system, to test out a

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Speaker 1: new drone delivery service.

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Speaker 3: They're calling it Zipotle. Oh yeah, yeah, I like it.

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Speaker 3: So there's a photo of the drones that they're using.

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Speaker 1: Crazy. Right now, it's only available to residents in Dallas.

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Speaker 2: What makes me feel better about this is like the

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Speaker 2: blades are kind of hidden behind the plastics, so it

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Speaker 2: doesn't feel like it's gonna totally chop your hands out.

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Speaker 2: You reach too early for your Chipotle.

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Speaker 3: I disagree.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I think the blades are a deterrent from other

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Speaker 1: people trying to run up and steal your Chipotle.

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Speaker 3: I kind of like them.

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Speaker 1: But like I said, it's only available in Dallas. All

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Speaker 1: you have to do is tap a button and they

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Speaker 1: say minutes later, food will magically appear from the.

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Speaker 3: Sky, hot fresh and ultra fast. You don't want to

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Speaker 3: order it on.

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Speaker 2: A winter day. I mean, your food flying through cold

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Speaker 2: air isn't gonna end.

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Speaker 1: And then you to install heaters underneath that. But it

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Speaker 1: uses the drones Emit zero emissions are designed to deliver

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Speaker 1: in minutes and cause minimal noise disruption. The entire Chipotle

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Speaker 1: menu is going to be available to All the guests

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Speaker 1: need to do is download the zip line app and

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Speaker 1: place their Chipotle order there.

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Speaker 2: That's pretty sweet. Yeah, I mean it would definitely be

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Speaker 2: a party trick. Everybody would come out to watch it

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Speaker 2: get delivered, right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, dude, I've been once. I watch a fight. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: a Brita bowl inside.

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Speaker 1: So then once you put your order in, employees will

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Speaker 1: forward it to a zipping point that allows the drone

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Speaker 1: to pick it up, and then it'll zip right over

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Speaker 1: to your location. It'll hover about three hundred feet in

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Speaker 1: the air and then lower it down.

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Speaker 3: To the ground.

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Speaker 2: I thought it's going to be burrital bombs.

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Speaker 1: They'll slowly go down, avoiding obstacles and placing your food

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Speaker 1: precisely at your address.

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Speaker 3: Ask you to tip. Oh yeah, probably will. I didn't

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Speaker 3: even think of that.

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Speaker 1: The service will officially launch in a few weeks, though

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Speaker 1: no word on how many cities it's going to be available.

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Speaker 2: In after that, so it'll be more than Dallas soon.

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Speaker 1: And I wonder how it's going to do compared to

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Speaker 1: our new courier service with this guy at the helm.

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Speaker 1: Just imagine you track your order online and it says

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Speaker 1: your driver has just left.

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Speaker 3: The lettuce patch.

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Speaker 2: It's going to be closed.

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Speaker 3: You'll get there eventually, he's got some business to attend

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Speaker 3: you first. That sound means Laser Stories has come to

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Speaker 3: an end for the day. We'll do it again the

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Speaker 3: same time on Wednesday

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Speaker 2: Brook and Jeffrey in the morning