1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,120 Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson and you are listening to the 2 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: Velvet's Edge podcast. This is part two of my podcast 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: with the amazing author, speaker, and spiritual cheerleader Ruthie Lindsay. 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,360 Speaker 1: I hope you guys enjoyed last week's as much as 5 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 1: I did. I was literally taking notes by the end 6 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 1: of this week's podcast. Ruthie is so full of wisdom, 7 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,080 Speaker 1: but it's a kind of wisdom that you only get 8 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: once you've walked through pain. This week we talked more 9 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 1: about ways to heal mentally, physically, and emotionally. I even 10 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: got a little choked up in one part of the 11 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: conversation listening to Ruthie talk about a mutual friend of 12 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:38,479 Speaker 1: ours who passed away when I was in college. Ruthie 13 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,200 Speaker 1: also gives some updates on how to keep your journey going, 14 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,280 Speaker 1: which can feel extremely overwhelming. So, of course, being the 15 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,959 Speaker 1: brilliant gal that she is, she is starting a workshop 16 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: on October five to help people navigate different tools that 17 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: would be useful daily to not only heal, but also 18 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: to reclaim your power and find your voice. Details are 19 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: in the description of this podcast, and here's this week's conversations. 20 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: I love that you're in this place now of UM 21 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:09,320 Speaker 1: finding this kind of healing and because in the book 22 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 1: you talk so much about you know, it was just 23 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 1: like the next pill, the next surgery, the next it 24 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: was never really addressing what was going on for you. 25 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: And what you get to in the book is that 26 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: healing so much of your emotional trauma UM and the 27 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: mental stuff was actually the thing that brought you the 28 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: most relief physically, which I just find. Period. I did 29 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: an interview actually, UM a couple of weeks ago with 30 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: a retired spine surgeon who does not do surgery anymore 31 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 1: for this exact reason, because he said, so much of 32 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: spine surgery is unnecessary and UM, half of the time 33 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: the practices that work the best are treating the anxiety 34 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: or treating it. Was it was so fascinating period. Period. 35 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 1: The body keeps this or that book and they're so 36 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: there's so much information about this out there right now 37 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 1: that it's like it's so real our bodies are manifesting 38 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: our emotional trauma, and so often these you know things 39 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: like people are like they can't figure out the source 40 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,639 Speaker 1: of why my back is hurting so bad and why 41 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 1: I'm having this knee problem. And why, And I you know, 42 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: it's not to say like what's so hard and what 43 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: gets so nuanced is people when they hear you say 44 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: there's emotional trauma that wants to be healed, they might 45 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: hear you say it's all in your head and it's 46 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 1: not real. That the exact opposite, like, listen, my my 47 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,799 Speaker 1: pain has been very very very very very very very 48 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: very real, Like it kept me in a bed for 49 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: seven years of my life up, why would you ever 50 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: do that? Yeah? But what I also know is I 51 00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: had some massive emotional trauma um from past lives, from 52 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: past generations and this life that I wasn't addressing. And 53 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: I look to every doctor. I looked to my husband, 54 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: I look to narcotics, I look to all this physical therapy. 55 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: Fix me, make me better, fix me, make me better, 56 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: Daddy fix me, make me better, drugs fix me, make 57 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: me better. And nothing outside of us can ever fix us? 58 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:27,240 Speaker 1: Period and a story. Can things be tools? Can people 59 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 1: be mirrors? Can there be you know, things that are 60 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: of service that help us on our journeys? Absolutely, And 61 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: like listen, I'm this is not me. I am not 62 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 1: a doctor, and I'm also not saying that there aren't 63 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 1: reasons for surgery. If you have a stage four cancer, 64 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 1: you need to go in and get that right right, 65 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: But they're also has to be emotional work that goes 66 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: along with it. And if you think this one surgery 67 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 1: is going to fix all of your problems and you 68 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: don't have to come back home to yourself to do 69 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: the emotional work, to do the trauma release, we're missing it, 70 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: like we are missing it, and I just it's actually again, 71 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 1: all the pain is calling us home. It's not torturing 72 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: us just to be mean. We're not suffering because the 73 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:26,600 Speaker 1: universe hates us. The universe loves us so much, and suffering, 74 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: Like I will say this, I don't believe that I 75 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 1: have to suffer anymore. I create my suffering. Do I 76 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: think I'll have pain? I will have pain in this life. 77 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: I also truly believe that suffering is a state of mind. 78 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: And like I've had some really deep loss since I've 79 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: learned about a lot of this stuff, like really deep loss, 80 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,839 Speaker 1: and I can say to you, I haven't suffered, have 81 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 1: I in the past one It's been so dramatic, And 82 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:03,919 Speaker 1: it's also taught me that like being really loving to 83 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 1: myself and trusting that I am being held and that 84 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,599 Speaker 1: this is for my good, and this is happening for 85 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: me and not to me. Can very quickly shift my 86 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: idea of suffering into okay, because just pain that's calling 87 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 1: me back home, calling me back in to do this 88 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,919 Speaker 1: work that is so loving that I am so deserving of, 89 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: and I don't have to stay in that state of suffering. 90 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,679 Speaker 1: I can use it as a tool to come home. Yeah, 91 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: I love that. I mean I I pissed a lot 92 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 1: of doctors off a lot on this podcast because I 93 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 1: speak so much about how important I think emotional healing 94 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: is for our physical bodies. But I think it's like 95 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,799 Speaker 1: you said, I'm not saying at all that Western medicine 96 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: is not necessary or that science isn't real. I believe it. 97 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: I just think I actually am very exciting because I 98 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: think a lot of Western medicine is starting to believe 99 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,039 Speaker 1: a little bit more in a little you know, the 100 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:01,360 Speaker 1: the Eastern Western combination seems to be happening a little 101 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: bit more, and I just think that's so so important. 102 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: I had a um therapists tell me one time because 103 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: I had been put on a medicine. This was so 104 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,479 Speaker 1: long ago, but it was in a very unhealthy relationship, 105 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 1: and I had a lot of anxiety, and so they 106 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: put me on uh well Buchrin or something for that 107 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,280 Speaker 1: to treat it constantly. And like over a year or 108 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,480 Speaker 1: two time that I was on it, just lost myself. 109 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,719 Speaker 1: And it turns out all of the anxiety that I 110 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: was having was because of some dysfunctional things happening, and 111 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: all that I did by taking that pill with silence, 112 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 1: my own inner voice that knew what was going on. 113 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,720 Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying? And she she said. 114 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: The therapist said to me, Um, you know your anxiety. 115 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,360 Speaker 1: It is uncomfortable, but it's here to show you something. 116 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 1: And it's not necessarily like I have to kind of 117 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: because of some trauma that I've had, have to talk 118 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 1: myself through that some you know, when I can get 119 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: really anxious because the story can be a false narrative 120 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: from my past. But um, when I listen to it, 121 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 1: are check in even or ask myself, you know, like 122 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: what is this or what's going on? Or talk to 123 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: my body the way that you're talking about there's always 124 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: something and it's it's real. Like you said, the body 125 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: keeps the score. Yeah, yeah, And I am listen again 126 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,360 Speaker 1: I am not a doctor. I'm not saying wipe out 127 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 1: all medicine. All I can speak to is my situation. 128 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 1: And I think you know, are their places for narcotics. Yeah, 129 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 1: if you have surgery, it's for acute pain, like if 130 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: you break When I broke my neck, I needed one. 131 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 1: But the chronic the ongoing, like this is actually the 132 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: first time since I was a teenager that I'm off 133 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: all medication. Yeah, and it is life changing. It has been. 134 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: It has been one of the most beautiful things that 135 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: I've ever dune for myself. And let me say again, 136 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 1: I am not saying this is not a blanket statement. 137 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 1: I am not a doctor. I am not saying that 138 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: there isn't a place for medicine in your life. I 139 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: don't know your situation. I can only speak to my own. 140 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: And I had a lot of stories that I believed, 141 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:25,119 Speaker 1: and I just I don't need those anymore. And now 142 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: Mother nature plants have become my medicine. And I feel 143 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: better than I probably, I mean, I feel better emotionally 144 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: than I ever have in this life period, end of story, 145 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: Like that is no doubt. And and then I also 146 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: feel better physically all the time, Like I am continuing 147 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 1: to do really intensive physical healing on my body, and 148 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 1: I really believe that I'm not going to have to 149 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 1: have physical pain in this life. Like I just really 150 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 1: believe that and speak that and hold and like, well, 151 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: I have the cute things that happened. Yeah, I'll send 152 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: my toe that will hurt, but I'm talking about the 153 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: chronic Yeah. Well, I love that in the book, you know, 154 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 1: so much of the book talks about your pain story, 155 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: then you talk about your healing story, and then at 156 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 1: the very end you say, I'm not trying to say 157 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: that my life is perfect now, and you get very 158 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 1: honest about like the daily journey that this is. And 159 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: I think that is so important And I love that 160 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 1: you said that the end because when we really you know, 161 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 1: I think that's kind of like the fantasy life we 162 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 1: all want to buy into. I know it is for me, 163 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,200 Speaker 1: like I told you when I went to my first 164 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: therapy and sense of intense that I'm like that will 165 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: be it now, Like I'm good and it's not the 166 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,559 Speaker 1: way it looks, and it's just a continuous journey that 167 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:46,720 Speaker 1: if I don't remember that place or that mentality, I 168 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 1: get overwhelmed again and it feels like that, how am 169 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 1: I back here and You're never back there? Totally? You 170 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 1: can't be God. You can't know what you know now. Oh, 171 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,600 Speaker 1: I love that you just said that. Listen. Last summer 172 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: was one of the darkest times with my entire life. 173 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: I so, I lived in my bed seven years, had 174 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: a nervous breakdown. At the time, I thought all my 175 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 1: pain was around physical pain. I changed my life. I 176 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: weaned myself off seven years of narcotics. I learned to 177 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: live again. I jumped into trying to help as many 178 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 1: people as possible. I've done such massive amounts of work. 179 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: And they also say things happen in seven year cycles, 180 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 1: which hello, seven years. The seven years and the exact 181 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 1: week of my nervous breakdown last summer was seven years. 182 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:40,439 Speaker 1: At the seven year anniversary, I stopped sleeping again. And 183 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: here's what's so wild. I I wasn't grounded. I've done 184 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: a ton of work that there was still a lot 185 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,000 Speaker 1: of work to do. I've given so much power away 186 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: to someone I like, it was just this perfect storm. 187 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: And I had been on sleep medication since I was 188 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 1: a teenager. Oh my gosh, and I believed, I believed 189 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: that I had to be on that because of pain. 190 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: I believed that with every part of me. And you 191 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: know what's so interesting is I actually started taking it 192 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,559 Speaker 1: before I started having stabilitating chronic pain. And I think 193 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,840 Speaker 1: it's because I just didn't want to be awake. I 194 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: didn't want to be here. I was so not connected 195 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 1: to myself and to my soul and I didn't want 196 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: to be here and I wanted to be asleep, and 197 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,719 Speaker 1: that not sleeping it was so I mean, it's traumatizing 198 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: not sleeping, or I mean, whatever pain you're going through 199 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: only gets worse. Everything enhances, everything comes up, everything is worse. 200 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 1: And again it brought up ship that I didn't like. 201 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: I said, I didn't know I had early pre verbal 202 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: trauma and I had no idea and it wanted to 203 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 1: be healed. And that brought me to the awareness of it. 204 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: I learned about some stuff that was like because I 205 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: knew this time around, this isn't just about physical There's 206 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 1: some stuff that I'm not aware of, some like deep 207 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: rooted trauma that wants to be healed that I had 208 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: no idea about. And it definitely showed me and it 209 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:16,520 Speaker 1: was definitely painful, and I literally my shame story was 210 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: I've done so much work. How could I be back here? 211 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: And I owe it? Yes, And I would lay awake 212 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:27,319 Speaker 1: at night, traumatized, having panic attacks, being so like are 213 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: you I had finished my book? Oh my gosh, A fraud, fraud, fraud, 214 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: I am a fraud. And now I can stay with 215 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 1: the deepest conviction. It was so important. It was an 216 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 1: ego death and well I have more, absolutely, but it 217 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: was an ego death and the new life that came 218 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: out of that. Again first time since a teenager, I'm 219 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,680 Speaker 1: not on any sleep medication. Um, I sleep, I mean 220 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 1: easily got eight and a a half hours of sleep last night. 221 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 1: Like it did. It brought me home to do even 222 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 1: more healing work that was so hard and so beautiful. 223 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 1: Like I am so in awe of myself, of my resilience, 224 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: of this beautiful body of mine that has gone through 225 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: so much, that has been so courageous and doing such 226 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: amazing healing work. Like I just I'm so touched and 227 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: I'm so endeared to me And as painful as last 228 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: year was, again I would not change a thing because 229 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: it got me exactly to this moment, and this moment 230 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 1: is so beautiful and so needed. And again, well I 231 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: have more stuff. Yes, Like, of course that's Earth School 232 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: and it's only for my betterment. And I hope that 233 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 1: I trust myself and choose to do to lean in 234 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: and to continue to do the healing work, because again 235 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,679 Speaker 1: we have free will and I don't have to choose it. 236 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 1: But like I don't want to keep coming back and 237 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:17,719 Speaker 1: learning this ship. Yeah, I mean I think that that 238 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: I love where you are because I know for me 239 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 1: that's what I need to hear, and that's I do 240 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 1: think there's one thing to having gone through such serious pain. 241 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: The seven year thing is so insane. I'm glad you 242 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: reminded me of that. But um, when you go through 243 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: something and you get to the other side and you 244 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: see the hope, and you can look back and like 245 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 1: what you're saying right now, where you go wouldn't have 246 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: changed anything. You can have gratitude for all the pain. 247 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 1: Even to me, that's where when you get to the 248 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 1: next one, the next seven year journey or whatever it is, um, 249 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: that you can maybe hold onto the hope of you know, 250 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 1: there's another side, Like I do notice that where I 251 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: am right now, like I've had just ship and it's 252 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: just like one after another of the deconstruction of what 253 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: I've built from my life the last couple of years, 254 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: which feels like it's I'm being robbed, But I keep 255 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: trying to say to myself, I was just that wasn't 256 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: the right path, or that wasn't where I was supposed 257 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 1: to go next on this journey, or you know, like 258 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 1: the deconstruction is just to build something up better. And 259 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: the only way to know that, though, is from walking 260 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 1: through the pain of the past and healing certain things. Um, 261 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 1: what do you feel like your biggest breakthrough has been? Like, 262 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 1: what's brought about the biggest breakthrough or just breakthrough? What 263 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: maybe what the breakthrough was like? Especially this last year, 264 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: What do you feel like the thing you were walking 265 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 1: away having learned would be the biggest thing. I think 266 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: realizing how powerful my words are has been so transformative. 267 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: Like again, we are co creators, are in our own reality, 268 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: and if we have these limiting voices and these limiting stories, 269 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: we are going to create limiting like what your day 270 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: and day out life is like, You're going to create 271 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 1: that your present condition is all connected with your past 272 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: thought patterns. Like I really I there's a book I 273 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 1: hate the title more than life. It's like, actually the 274 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 1: worst title because this for me is not about money. 275 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: It's called a happy a happy pocketful of money, and 276 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: I like, I want to tear the cover off because 277 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, that is the actual fucking worst title. But 278 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:37,960 Speaker 1: it's all about this thing about quantum physics, which they 279 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: make it very doable and digestible. But how we speak 280 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: into our reality, like we speak our reality into form, 281 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: and it's all about abundance and consciousness and awakening to realizing. 282 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: Like like I said, when I said I am broken, 283 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,760 Speaker 1: my body hates me. I hurt worse every year. And 284 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: when I started saying consciously, I am healed, I am healed. 285 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 1: I am healed. The people that started coming in to 286 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,639 Speaker 1: help me on my human journey the way my body 287 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:16,160 Speaker 1: started transforming, Like it's just the way like my bank 288 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,640 Speaker 1: account has changed since I believed that I am abundance. 289 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 1: My relationships have changed since I believed that these words 290 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 1: for myself and didn't believe the limiting story. So I 291 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: think realizing that I am this co creator in my 292 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 1: reality in the form that I'm living in, and I 293 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 1: am statements and speaking love and truth into the world, 294 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 1: like I just I really believe in the law of attraction. 295 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,119 Speaker 1: Like what we speak out there comes back to us, 296 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,679 Speaker 1: you know, And that's what this book is about. And 297 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 1: that's what I really consciously try to be so aware 298 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: of what I'm speaking out. If I'm speaking just hatred 299 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:07,200 Speaker 1: and ugliness about you know, politicians and people that believe 300 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,480 Speaker 1: different things than I do, then I'm mothering them and 301 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 1: I'm not remembering that I'm connected and those words come 302 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 1: back to me. And it's so powerful and our words God, 303 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:25,640 Speaker 1: I mean, all religions speak about this, you know. Christianity 304 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: speaks about this, Buddhism speaks about this, like they all 305 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 1: speak about the power of our words. Like again what 306 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,679 Speaker 1: her piece says, it becomes the house that we live in. 307 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:39,040 Speaker 1: And I think for me that has been such a 308 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:43,160 Speaker 1: transformative breakthrough because I watch it. I could give you 309 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:49,159 Speaker 1: eight million stories of just seeing because when I choose 310 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,120 Speaker 1: to look for that, Like we also, we don't see 311 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: the world as it is. We see it as we are. 312 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,439 Speaker 1: So if I'm seeing it through this limiting view of 313 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 1: everything's fucked up, everything's broken, nothing will ever work in 314 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 1: my favor. Guess what, That's exactly how I'm going to 315 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,479 Speaker 1: experience it. But if I wake up, and I'm like, 316 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: what miracles am I going to experience today? Like high universe, 317 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,359 Speaker 1: I am so open. I am this abundant creature. I 318 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 1: cannot wait to see what you have in store. And 319 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,959 Speaker 1: I can't wait to shower the people around me, the 320 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 1: plants in my life, the animal in my life. Like 321 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,679 Speaker 1: I literally when I'm on walks in nature, I like, 322 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,520 Speaker 1: I will ask the sound so wuu And it's just 323 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: that it's true. I will be like, whoever walks behind 324 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,480 Speaker 1: me on this path, may they be blessed? May they 325 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: feel so much love? When I cross people when I'm 326 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 1: in the zone, I'll say, send them so much love, 327 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: may they feel held and care for? Like because I 328 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 1: know also that that all comes back to me. So 329 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 1: it's like, maybe that's selfish. I don't know, it's this. 330 00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 1: I was just thinking, I was, I hope I'll walk 331 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 1: on path next to you. But it's just this precious 332 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,800 Speaker 1: loving ever flowing. And when I say the abundance, I 333 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 1: feel like I get so much more back, like so 334 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: much more back constantly. Like one example, literally this is 335 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,199 Speaker 1: a example. Last week my business manager, I have this 336 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 1: one account that's just forgiving, and like he wrote me, 337 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 1: and he was like, Ruthie, I love this, but like 338 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 1: that blow right now, like just for a minute, take 339 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: a break. And in my head, I'm like, he doesn't 340 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,440 Speaker 1: know about wealth consciousness. Even though I hired him because 341 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: I love that, he had go grounded and I need him. 342 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: But literally that exact day, I had already done something 343 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 1: and like whatever spent money out of that account that 344 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,000 Speaker 1: he was telling me to take a break. One that afternoon, 345 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,399 Speaker 1: excuse me. That evening, I go to dinner with one 346 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: of my girlfriends. She treats me to dinner and then 347 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,199 Speaker 1: she was like, I've been meaning to um give this 348 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:02,160 Speaker 1: to you a year ago. I recommended someone to work 349 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,439 Speaker 1: with her a year ago, and I did it because 350 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,439 Speaker 1: she's incredible and I knew that everyone would win and 351 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,959 Speaker 1: that she was like, I want to give you a 352 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: percentage of that because she literally gave me a check 353 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: for two thousand dollars that day. That day, was I 354 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: expecting that or what you know? Like what the fuck? 355 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 1: I but just out of nowhere because the universe like 356 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: I had done this thing literally the day he had 357 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 1: said not to do. And I'm like, I know that 358 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,120 Speaker 1: comes back to me tenfold, and and it did so 359 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,439 Speaker 1: much more than the thing that I had done, and 360 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:44,160 Speaker 1: like that ship happens all and start watching it, start 361 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: paying attention, and like the universe hears us. And when 362 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,679 Speaker 1: we speak with clear goals and clear manifestations and clear 363 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: like I am healed. I see that I visualized myself healed. 364 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 1: I visualized myself with my partner, and like what that 365 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 1: looks like. And I make a very clear picture of 366 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,880 Speaker 1: what it is that I trust is good and of 367 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 1: service for my soul and for the collective. And like 368 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: I watched it happen. What would you um say too? 369 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 1: I mean, because I feel like I am just listening 370 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,919 Speaker 1: to you, thinking, yes, like this is exactly right. And 371 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: I know how much I get in my own way 372 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 1: a lot, but I do think that you know, a 373 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:33,199 Speaker 1: lot of people listening could easily say, okay, like I'm 374 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,760 Speaker 1: just gonna start saying this ship and it's going to 375 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,560 Speaker 1: happen in my life, you know, blah blah blah blah blah. 376 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 1: And like one of the examples that you talk about 377 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,719 Speaker 1: in the book is your infertility are bumping up against 378 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,479 Speaker 1: you know, not being able to have a child. And 379 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 1: I've gone through the same struggles and I'm wondering how 380 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 1: are you resolving that in your own mind now or 381 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 1: what does that look like? And how different stories since 382 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,640 Speaker 1: the book has been out about that totally. Yeah, And 383 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,680 Speaker 1: you know, the things that don't come to us, it's 384 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 1: because something else is for you. You know, like when 385 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: I I have had there was someone I was convinced 386 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 1: I was supposed to marry and that was my future 387 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 1: and I spoke that over and over and it didn't happen, 388 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,520 Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, so that makes space for whatever 389 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 1: it is, Like that dream wasn't big enough or it 390 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,199 Speaker 1: wasn't fulfilled, because there's something else for me, for my 391 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: growth and for my involvement. And I trust that you 392 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: have to hold things with open palms and trust that 393 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:36,920 Speaker 1: whatever does come is exactly what you need and it's 394 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 1: of service and for me, not like I thought for 395 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 1: sure I was supposed to have all these babies and 396 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 1: that I am here to be a mother. And you 397 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 1: know what's so interesting, I the first time I ever 398 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 1: did ayahuasca um, she came to me and she said, Ruthie, 399 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 1: you are a mother. You've been mothering this room this 400 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:01,120 Speaker 1: whole night. You just mothered or shaman and you're here 401 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:05,120 Speaker 1: to be a mother in the world. And I at 402 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,639 Speaker 1: the time, I was still in a lot of limiting stories. 403 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,239 Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, that's real extra to the world, Like 404 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: right and now, I mean I know that that is true. 405 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 1: I get to be a mother and and listen, I 406 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that there's not like maybe I'll be 407 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 1: a step mom, maybe I'll also be you know, a mother. 408 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:34,199 Speaker 1: Biologically I don't know, but right now I because I 409 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,120 Speaker 1: am not a biological mother, I have so much room 410 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 1: and so much space to mother the people in my 411 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 1: life to do mothering work. And like the people that 412 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: come to me for healing work, I get to mother 413 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: them and love them and speak such love and light 414 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 1: and truth that is theirs all over them. And literally 415 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: two weeks ago I got to do some healing work 416 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,360 Speaker 1: on these guys and separately, and they don't know any 417 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,359 Speaker 1: of that story. They don't even know my path. Separately, 418 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,840 Speaker 1: three different men came up to me and we're like, 419 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: I felt like you were my mom, Like you spoke 420 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,679 Speaker 1: words that I always needed my mom to say to me. 421 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 1: Or you looked at me the way that my mom 422 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 1: looked at me before, you know, And it was the 423 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:24,639 Speaker 1: most beautiful things. I am a mother. I am. I 424 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,160 Speaker 1: was not wrong when I felt like when people say, 425 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,640 Speaker 1: what do you want to be? To grow up? A mom? 426 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,680 Speaker 1: Because I am that is so deeply indebted in me 427 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: to show up and to mother people, to mother my 428 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 1: friends to I mean, I get to mother my friend's 429 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:44,239 Speaker 1: children in the most precious ways. And I have so 430 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 1: much space and so much capacity to do that because 431 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: I am not in the day and day out mothering 432 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 1: that is just so beautiful and so fucking exhausting, Like 433 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:59,639 Speaker 1: it's so exhausting, and so I have this depth in 434 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 1: this with in this abundance to be able to do 435 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: that on such a large scale for so many because 436 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,480 Speaker 1: I don't have children in my home that I'm taking 437 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,840 Speaker 1: care of day in and day out, and I believe 438 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: that with every part of me, and it doesn't feel 439 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:19,719 Speaker 1: like I'm sacrificing. Listen, I let myself mourn that story 440 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 1: that I believe I really did. I let myself rage 441 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:29,320 Speaker 1: about it and feel deep, deep tears and mourning and loss. 442 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,160 Speaker 1: And now that doesn't feel like a loss to me anymore. 443 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 1: Like I feel in awe of the way that I 444 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 1: get to show up in this world and mother because 445 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,400 Speaker 1: that dream that I thought was who I was supposed 446 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 1: to be didn't come true. Because this dream fulfills me 447 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:55,399 Speaker 1: on such a soul level, I can't even tell you. Wow. Um, 448 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,280 Speaker 1: let's talk a little bit about because you part of 449 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 1: your journey too was you got out of the bed 450 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: after the seven year period, but you were still in 451 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 1: so much pain continuing to build a business. I think 452 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: this was after your divorce possibly, But you're going on 453 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 1: to do public speaking. You've built this Instagram following all 454 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:20,879 Speaker 1: the while feeling so much pain smiling through it. How 455 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,399 Speaker 1: do you feel like I relate so much in the 456 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,480 Speaker 1: book when you're talking about you feel like a fraud, 457 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,080 Speaker 1: Like you're telling you're telling part of your story, but 458 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 1: you're not happy all the time. You're not you know, 459 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 1: you're you're walking through so much pain while you do 460 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 1: this and no one knows. So how have you done 461 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,919 Speaker 1: things differently now or how are you finding your voice 462 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,440 Speaker 1: in a public atmosphere like that? You know, I think 463 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:46,359 Speaker 1: when I changed my life and I jumped into Okay, 464 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 1: you can like lay in your bed and hurt all 465 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,159 Speaker 1: the time, or you can be out with people and 466 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 1: serving and trying to love people and speak cope and serve. 467 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 1: It came from such an earnest place, you know, but 468 00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: I had totally bypassed myself and I was speaking about 469 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: my pain story. I was speaking about like there is 470 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 1: still hope, and there's joy in the brokenness, and there's 471 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: beauty and suffering. Because you heard those words brokenness and suffering, 472 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: Like I believe that I still was broken and I 473 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: had to suffer all the time. And that became my 474 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,719 Speaker 1: new story. And I would show up and smile and 475 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,960 Speaker 1: I could be there, you know, But then I would 476 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,239 Speaker 1: go home and I would crash so hard because I 477 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: was in so much pain, and I was My new 478 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 1: drug became Instagram and getting I needed to be needed. 479 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 1: I needed their affirmation and their love, and that became 480 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 1: my new fix. That became the new drug. And again 481 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 1: from an outside source, getting your validation exactly, it was 482 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,440 Speaker 1: that we all do it. I mean totally, and it's 483 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,600 Speaker 1: everything I've been taught. And so that's why I said 484 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:55,720 Speaker 1: my true healing came and un learning that and and 485 00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:00,320 Speaker 1: and honestly I and I don't know this control totally 486 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:05,400 Speaker 1: shift and transform into other ways. But Instagram has just 487 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 1: been become a very different thing for me. I used 488 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 1: to share every aspect of my life, and I honor that. 489 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 1: If that's what other people want to do, that is great. 490 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: I don't have any judgment for how anyone uses through 491 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 1: platform their social media, but for me, I don't share 492 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 1: nearly as much. I hope that when I do it, 493 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 1: it comes from a more grounded and depth place and 494 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 1: it can be of service. But I don't feel the need. 495 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: I don't need to be needed anymore. Like I don't 496 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:40,320 Speaker 1: feel the need to show up in every aspect of life. 497 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: A lot of things are just sacred to me. A 498 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,040 Speaker 1: lot of things are just for me. A lot of 499 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,200 Speaker 1: things are just for me and my people. A lot 500 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: of things are just for me and God. Like, I 501 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 1: don't feel the need to share every aspect of my 502 00:29:56,440 --> 00:30:01,000 Speaker 1: life because it's just it's not for everyone, and that 503 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: has part of my Instagram suffered because of that. It 504 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 1: depends on what you call suffering. Like you know when 505 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 1: I shifted my story from being in deep pain but 506 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,960 Speaker 1: finding hope in that too, I don't have to be 507 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,120 Speaker 1: in deep pain all the time. I am healing. I 508 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: am going to heal. I lost a lot of followers, really, 509 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 1: and what's so interesting is I have so much grace 510 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 1: for them because when I was in my pain story 511 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 1: and parked there, if someone had told me and they did, 512 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: you can heal. You don't have to hurt like this 513 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 1: every day. I would want to punt them to the 514 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 1: moon and be like that I am the only human 515 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,080 Speaker 1: in the world that's how to wire in them, right, 516 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:44,440 Speaker 1: you know, like fuck you. And it was offensive to me. 517 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: And so I have offended people that are still in 518 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 1: their pain story and I honor that because they're exactly 519 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,320 Speaker 1: you know, that's their journey. And now the people that 520 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,520 Speaker 1: come in are very different. I've also gained a lot 521 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 1: of followers and those like It's interesting because it used 522 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,560 Speaker 1: to be like if you'd read people's header that we're 523 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 1: in my you know, followers. So often it's like beauty 524 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,960 Speaker 1: and the brokenness, m joy in the suffering, chronic pain 525 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,520 Speaker 1: warrior right that followed me. And there are a lot 526 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,720 Speaker 1: of those people that have stuck around and are still 527 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 1: there and they're changing, their pain story is changing. And 528 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: then the people that are coming in, it's so often 529 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 1: like awakening consciousness, you know, healing. And I've drawn in 530 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: because again law of attraction, I've drawn in different audiences 531 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: I've drawn in different people that are on the healing journey, 532 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 1: that believe in all of the stuff that I'm talking about, 533 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 1: that believe in consciousness, that believe in awakening, that believe 534 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 1: in healing, that believe that you know, our words are power. 535 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 1: And I just I honor wherever anyone is. Like when 536 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 1: people leave, I honor that we are not for everyone, 537 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,600 Speaker 1: and when people come, I honor that and both neither 538 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: really my business. I am here to be my truest self. 539 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: I really want to go deeper down into more grounded, 540 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 1: more depth, and I want to I want my message 541 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: to be one of that's really integrated, that's one of healing, 542 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 1: of hope, of light, of consciousness, that this love and 543 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:34,600 Speaker 1: light is everyone's. That this isn't mine, it's ours, um, 544 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,080 Speaker 1: but it's just gonna look different. And so you know, 545 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 1: I spend a lot more time in nature than I 546 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 1: do on my phone. I delete Instagram all the fucking time, 547 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 1: and it feels like a dream. I love it sounds 548 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,479 Speaker 1: not having it on my phone. I love not having 549 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 1: it on my phone. And I don't believe that my 550 00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,080 Speaker 1: work will quote unquote suffer because I think it's just 551 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 1: going to open up doors for my work to look different, 552 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,640 Speaker 1: and I honored that, and will that come through Instagram? 553 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 1: I don't know. I love the people that are there, 554 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,840 Speaker 1: but I also don't feel like I owe anyone anyone anything. 555 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: I owe myself to be true to myself and then 556 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 1: be a mirror of that to the collective. But it's 557 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,840 Speaker 1: not because I'm like, I'm here to fix you. I 558 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:27,080 Speaker 1: can't fix you, but you can. I think that's so 559 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,640 Speaker 1: interesting because you know, like Instagram for me has become 560 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 1: a business, and you do you feel like indebted to 561 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:36,400 Speaker 1: give people what you've set up or whatever, But like 562 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: that's not how my life works all the time. Like 563 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,200 Speaker 1: there is just a season, like a season I'm in 564 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:43,719 Speaker 1: right now where I'm just like, I don't even know 565 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,080 Speaker 1: what I want to say, Like, but so then I 566 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 1: find myself just like posting for the sake of posting, 567 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: but it never really connects in the same way. It 568 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 1: doesn't feel good to do, Like for me, it doesn't 569 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 1: feel good and it just feels like, I don't know. 570 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 1: It's just so it's interesting. I slights that you'd address 571 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 1: that in the book, because it's so crazy how we 572 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: all get on these social media apps and we just 573 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:11,400 Speaker 1: compare and we look at people's outsides and judge our 574 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:15,040 Speaker 1: insides based off of that, and it's just not It's 575 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,920 Speaker 1: a great resource, but it's also like a really scary 576 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,360 Speaker 1: one to me because I don't feel like it's rooted 577 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:24,520 Speaker 1: in reality, right, the social Dilemma. Have you watched that yet? No? 578 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,600 Speaker 1: I probably need to. Girl. I'm recommending it to everyone. 579 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:34,400 Speaker 1: It just gives you the fact. Yeah, yeah, UM need 580 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,480 Speaker 1: to look into this. Highly recommend Um. Well, the book 581 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,080 Speaker 1: is called there I am. Another huge part of this 582 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,960 Speaker 1: book is you talk through the really important relationships. You know, 583 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: the significant relationships is significant things that happened. Um, we 584 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 1: have a very mutual friend. And it brought me to 585 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 1: tears so many times in the book because I have 586 00:34:56,360 --> 00:35:02,320 Speaker 1: never read a description of her specifically that was so 587 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,720 Speaker 1: on point, Like I, this is what I was saying 588 00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:07,080 Speaker 1: to you earlier. It's like the way that you described 589 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,600 Speaker 1: her was exactly how I remember her, and I felt 590 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,880 Speaker 1: like I was seeing her again. I could feel her 591 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:15,200 Speaker 1: hug again. Um. So let's talk a little bit about 592 00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:19,080 Speaker 1: Laura Travendal because I'm gonna cry. She was one of 593 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,760 Speaker 1: my dear friends growing up, and you this is how weird, 594 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,959 Speaker 1: our journeys have been. But you met her in college, right, 595 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 1: So tell me why she's so impactful in your life. Um, 596 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,480 Speaker 1: we had heard a bunch about each other before she 597 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 1: got there. She's younger than me, and um, everyone was like, 598 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:39,879 Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't wait for you to meet Laura. 599 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,280 Speaker 1: Y'all are the exact thing. You're the exact thing. And 600 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,760 Speaker 1: as soon as she got there, I knew that we weren't. 601 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:47,919 Speaker 1: I knew that we were different, but I felt very 602 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:51,319 Speaker 1: connected to her, like we were instantly connected to each other. 603 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,360 Speaker 1: But I knew that the way I needed to be needed. 604 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,600 Speaker 1: So I showed up and I was you know, I smiled, 605 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:00,520 Speaker 1: and I was really kind to every one, and I 606 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,839 Speaker 1: was really doughty all over everyone. But I needed their 607 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:07,319 Speaker 1: affirmation and their love to feel okay about myself. And 608 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 1: I knew that hers came from a different place, and 609 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,400 Speaker 1: she loved from a place of love out of abundance 610 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: of knowing how love she was. Not to say that 611 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:19,840 Speaker 1: she was perfect, of course, not like but there was 612 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,480 Speaker 1: this light inside. She was like the most magnetic human 613 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 1: I think I ever met. And I remember, you know, 614 00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,080 Speaker 1: of course I have jealousy in me, but I wouldn't 615 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,920 Speaker 1: call myself like a jealous person, but I remember feeling 616 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:37,120 Speaker 1: jealous of her because I was like, I want that 617 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:40,400 Speaker 1: kind of authentic love. I want people to be drawn 618 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 1: to me from that kind of place. That I had 619 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 1: no idea how to do it. I just knew that 620 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,080 Speaker 1: it was different, and I knew that she. I didn't 621 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,759 Speaker 1: have the language for it, I didn't have the insight yet. 622 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,480 Speaker 1: I just knew that the way we showed up from 623 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,000 Speaker 1: the in the world came from a different place. That 624 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,879 Speaker 1: mine came from a place of lack and hers came 625 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:04,000 Speaker 1: from a place of love and wholeness and abundance. And 626 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,960 Speaker 1: we just really really loved each other so much. And 627 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:13,319 Speaker 1: she died, um you know, on paper, she was killed 628 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:18,319 Speaker 1: by a drunk driver, and on paper her injuries were 629 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:23,960 Speaker 1: way way um less damaging than mine, like mine were 630 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 1: way worse. And I just remember feeling a lot of 631 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,960 Speaker 1: survivors guilt. And when I lived in my bed and 632 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:36,000 Speaker 1: had my nervous breakdown, I thought about her on a loop. 633 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: I would have nervous breakdowns every night, and I'd say, 634 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,520 Speaker 1: Laura should be here and I shouldn't. Laura would be 635 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,000 Speaker 1: changing the world, and I am a waste of breath 636 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,120 Speaker 1: and a waste of space, and I shouldn't be here. 637 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 1: And I felt such deep shame and such deep just 638 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,640 Speaker 1: loathing for myself and wishing she were here and I 639 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:59,239 Speaker 1: were dead. And when I changed my life, when I 640 00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:03,640 Speaker 1: woke up, when I began healing, what I realized is 641 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,360 Speaker 1: one I believe. Laura and I've done many many lives together, 642 00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:09,400 Speaker 1: Like we are so connected. She's actually one of my 643 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:13,160 Speaker 1: spirit guides. Um, I feel her. She is with me 644 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 1: all the time, guiding me and loving me. And UM, 645 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 1: what I know now is she Um, you know she 646 00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:28,040 Speaker 1: is here with me to help me do the work 647 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,560 Speaker 1: that I'm here to do on this planet. And actually, 648 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,839 Speaker 1: what's so wow? She was here to teach me, Like 649 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,840 Speaker 1: she taught me what it looked like to love from abundance. 650 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,800 Speaker 1: And when people feel love from me, they are getting 651 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 1: to experience a piece of Laura. And what's really wild. 652 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,840 Speaker 1: I went to a healer. It was my first time senior. 653 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,040 Speaker 1: She knew nothing about me. She didn't even have a cellphone. 654 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:51,280 Speaker 1: She has a landline like this woman from Flitzerland. Hers 655 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,840 Speaker 1: the most oh I she is like one of the 656 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 1: most profound humans I've ever encountered. But on my very 657 00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,719 Speaker 1: first visit, she goes, what are your eyes? Is here? 658 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 1: And she wants you to know this is crazy that 659 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:10,520 Speaker 1: she knows you still feel extreme survivor's guilt about her death. Um, 660 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,520 Speaker 1: and she wants you to know that she chose to 661 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 1: die when she did, and so that she could bring 662 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 1: healing to her family from the other side, and so 663 00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:24,320 Speaker 1: that she could be with you and so many others 664 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 1: to do the healing work that you're here to do 665 00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:31,040 Speaker 1: in this life. And I just started bawling, crying because 666 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,840 Speaker 1: I knew it was Laura, I mean obviously. And I 667 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:37,040 Speaker 1: actually told this story to Coco, her mom, who have 668 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,400 Speaker 1: gotten so close with over the years, and she said, Ruthie, 669 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 1: what's so wild? As I have heard in my prayers 670 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 1: and in my meditation so many times over the years, 671 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,319 Speaker 1: that Laura chose, that she got to choose, and she 672 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:53,040 Speaker 1: chose to die because she knew that it would ultimately 673 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 1: bring so much healing to our family and to so 674 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,680 Speaker 1: many others. And I know that that's true. And she goes, 675 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 1: and it's so beautiful is she has she has healed 676 00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:08,399 Speaker 1: our family? Wow, Well tell her high from me next 677 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,600 Speaker 1: time you talk to her. Oh, you can tell her 678 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:18,919 Speaker 1: high and here's she hears she she one does. She 679 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,400 Speaker 1: dedicated the book to her and she I have a 680 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,719 Speaker 1: painting above my altar that her mom painted for me. 681 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,319 Speaker 1: This tree she named Isaiah that she sat under when 682 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,600 Speaker 1: Laura died. And you know, there's all kind of stories 683 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,920 Speaker 1: about her in the book, but what an impact in 684 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:38,480 Speaker 1: her few nineteen years on planet Earth. She had on 685 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,680 Speaker 1: so many lives and it's continuing, like she is with me. 686 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,600 Speaker 1: I have that tree tattooed on my arm, and she 687 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:51,480 Speaker 1: is like been such a healer in my life and 688 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,479 Speaker 1: has spoken such love and truth and hope and help 689 00:40:55,600 --> 00:41:01,719 Speaker 1: me remember so much truth. Um. I'm so honored that 690 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 1: I've gotten to do you know, so many lives with her, 691 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,400 Speaker 1: that she's a part of my Soule family, that she's 692 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,400 Speaker 1: here with us right now. Um. She is just love 693 00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:17,080 Speaker 1: and light and hope and beauty and oh, I'm so 694 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:23,160 Speaker 1: grateful for her. Yes, Oh that one got me. Um. 695 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,520 Speaker 1: The book is called There I Am. I'm gonna put 696 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,719 Speaker 1: it in the link in um the description for this podcast. 697 00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,879 Speaker 1: You guys, go get it. It has been I've read 698 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,160 Speaker 1: it in two days. I think I could not put 699 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,960 Speaker 1: it down. It was just it just spoke to me 700 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,359 Speaker 1: so much. And like I said, it, I relate so 701 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,480 Speaker 1: much where I am in this season. I love the 702 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:45,320 Speaker 1: way you tell stories. I feel like I know your family, 703 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,120 Speaker 1: your marriage, all of it. You know. It was just 704 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:55,640 Speaker 1: it was just very enticing. Where else can people find you? Yeah, well, um, 705 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,799 Speaker 1: you can go to Instagram at Ruthie Lindsay l I 706 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,040 Speaker 1: N D S E. Y. You can go to my 707 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:05,120 Speaker 1: website website Ruthie Lindsay dot com and there's all kind 708 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:09,120 Speaker 1: of resourceful there. And then actually, what's really exciting, we've 709 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,719 Speaker 1: just um shared about it this week, but my girlfriend 710 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,920 Speaker 1: Ashley want You, who's so powerful and has done so 711 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,280 Speaker 1: much healing work, she and I had a course coming 712 00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:23,399 Speaker 1: out um starts October five that is going to be 713 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,920 Speaker 1: UM this beautiful thirty day healing journey of all the 714 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,120 Speaker 1: things that we've been learning and so many resources and 715 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,240 Speaker 1: UM we'll be doing like weekly calls, we have, UM, 716 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:40,359 Speaker 1: just breathwork, meditations, just so many tools that have been 717 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:44,320 Speaker 1: so helpful to make. It's just healing is so overwhelming. 718 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,680 Speaker 1: It's like where do you start? So overwhelming it is. 719 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,600 Speaker 1: I love that description because I think it can turn 720 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,040 Speaker 1: a lot of people away, but it's just like one 721 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,440 Speaker 1: foot in front of the other. You take it one 722 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:56,719 Speaker 1: day at a time, like they say, exactly. And we 723 00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:00,879 Speaker 1: called it reclaiming home because our bodies are actually our 724 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,319 Speaker 1: only thing will ever own in this life. And so 725 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:06,920 Speaker 1: coming back into our bodies and to our true home 726 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:12,520 Speaker 1: and realizing how safe and held it loved we are. Um. 727 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,719 Speaker 1: So it's like a reclamation. It's coming back home to 728 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,200 Speaker 1: ourselves and so um, I'll have more information on my 729 00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:23,600 Speaker 1: website and on my Instagram about that. Um. But yeah, 730 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:27,479 Speaker 1: there's there's resources also for the book on there. There's 731 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,480 Speaker 1: if you want to do like a book club. There's 732 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,240 Speaker 1: all kind of yummy stuff on my website. So Ruthie 733 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,760 Speaker 1: Lindsay dot com it's exactly. And then you're at Ruthie 734 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:41,480 Speaker 1: Lindsay on Instagram I am, and at Lindsay Ruthie on Twitter, okay, 735 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,279 Speaker 1: and I think it's Ruthie Lindsay Speaker on Facebook. So 736 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:52,760 Speaker 1: all the Ruthie Lindsay's. Yes, I honestly like my name, Ruthie. 737 00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:54,919 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for doing this and being here 738 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:59,080 Speaker 1: and sharing your story with us. I'm so appreciative. Thank 739 00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:03,640 Speaker 1: you so much for being so thoughtful and generous and 740 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:07,920 Speaker 1: kind and intentional with your words and your questions and 741 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:11,279 Speaker 1: the space that you've created. I'm so so grateful. The 742 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,440 Speaker 1: book is there. I am you guys. Go check it 743 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,840 Speaker 1: out and thank you for listening. M