Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: President Trump clashing with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer over
Speaker 2: border security during an explosive sit down.
Speaker 3: Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, together with the President, clashed
Speaker 3: big time over border wall funding. With a December twenty
Speaker 3: first deadline to avoid a government shut down, the clock
Speaker 3: is ticking.
Speaker 4: Trump is demanding five billion dollars for a border wall,
Speaker 4: and as you can imagine, Democrats would rather release Obama's
Speaker 4: original Kenyan birth cercificate than give Trump that wall money,
Speaker 4: which is why this meeting.
Speaker 1: Turned into an absolute mess. You want to shut it down.
Speaker 5: I'm not talking about the last time, Juck.
Speaker 1: You shut it down. Oh no, no, and then you
Speaker 1: owe when ted.
Speaker 5: Quickly and I don't want to do what you did.
Speaker 1: It is effective? Can I be?
Speaker 5: Can I tell yourself you just said it out a
Speaker 5: wall Democrats who just wanted dat consequences. He just says,
Speaker 5: that's right, and that's why the country.
Speaker 1: Is doing so well.
Speaker 6: You can do border security without a wall, which is
Speaker 6: wasteful and doesn't solve the problem.
Speaker 5: It totally solves the problem. And we've gained in the Senate, Nancy,
Speaker 5: We've gained in thee Senate.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, did we win the Senate with one the Senate?
Speaker 6: When the president brags that he won North Dakota and Indiana,
Speaker 6: he's in real trouble.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, Why does Chuck Schumer keep talking to the camera.
Speaker 1: They're having an argument and he's like a.
Speaker 4: Character in an episode of the Office. He's like, now,
Speaker 4: the President just doing this right now?
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 4: The thing about shutdowns is that if they end quickly,
Speaker 4: there's not much harm that is done, right, But the
Speaker 4: longer they go on, the worse the effects are.
Speaker 1: I think of it like this.
Speaker 4: If you leave your cats a home alone for the weekend,
Speaker 4: they may not love it, but they'll be fine, right,
Speaker 4: They'll just like drink toilet water or something. Right. But
Speaker 4: if you've gone for six months, you're gonna need some
Speaker 4: new cats.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: And because they escape and then they leave. Seventeen days
Speaker 4: into this shutdown, let's just say that America's cats are
Speaker 4: starting to stink tonight.
Speaker 7: Nearly a dozen departments and agencies have run out of funding.
Speaker 7: Roughly twenty five percent of the federal government gone dark.
Speaker 2: Here are those departments, Agriculture, Commerce, Justice, Homeland Security, Housing
Speaker 2: and Urban Development, Interior, State Transportation Treasury.
Speaker 8: Many judges are furloughed, creating a backlog in the immigration
Speaker 8: court system.
Speaker 9: Then there are the farmers, already under duress from the
Speaker 9: president's trade war with China. The shutdown means they're not
Speaker 9: getting those stimulus payments promised by their government.
Speaker 3: The ripple effects extending to the national parks piling up
Speaker 3: with garbage, even human waste, turning them into health hazards.
Speaker 9: Park visitors in some places are taking care of business,
Speaker 9: shall we say, along pathways or in the woods.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: The shutdown has gotten so bad that at national parks
Speaker 4: Americans are pooping on the ground.
Speaker 1: Who's the shithole country?
Speaker 10: Now it's day twenty of the second longest government shutdown
Speaker 10: in history nineteen ninety five. We're coming for you, off
Speaker 10: who with no end in sight. Civil servants are marching
Speaker 10: on Washington, DC.
Speaker 1: And the President knows.
Speaker 5: Why people that won't get next week's pay or the
Speaker 5: following week's pay. I think if you ever really looked
Speaker 5: at those people, I think they'd say, mister President, keep going.
Speaker 10: He's talking about people who work for the IRS, or
Speaker 10: Homeland Security or NASA and are about to miss their
Speaker 10: first paycheck. Time to give these people a chance to
Speaker 10: speak to the president directly and to tell him to
Speaker 10: keep going. This is a card for President Trump to
Speaker 10: tell him to keep going. You write whatever you want
Speaker 10: to President Trump and his keep going card.
Speaker 1: American Federational government employees.
Speaker 10: Hell no, he wrote, keep going, mister president. We are
Speaker 10: all not behind you.
Speaker 1: You mean not, is what he meant to write.
Speaker 10: Stop bs stop the bs bad. He's trying to come
Speaker 10: in from over the border. Right, We got it, Ryan. See,
Speaker 10: the people do support the president. You tell President Trump
Speaker 10: exactly how much you support him and what he's doing.
Speaker 1: Don't hold back now. Just needs a good simple chance.
Speaker 10: Keep gone, keep going, Keep gone, mister president. Keep going,
Speaker 10: mister president, where's everybody leaving?
Speaker 1: Come back?
Speaker 4: So today at the White House, the President met with
Speaker 4: congressional leaders to try and negotiate and enter the shutdown,
Speaker 4: and Trump shut that down too.
Speaker 6: Unfortunately, the President just got up and walked down. He
Speaker 6: asked a speaker, Pelosi, will you agree to my wall?
Speaker 6: She said no, and he just got up and said,
Speaker 6: then we have nothing to discuss, and he just walked down.
Speaker 7: This was what President Trump had to say about it,
Speaker 7: and he said, quote just left a meeting with Chuck
Speaker 7: and Nancy a total waste of time. I asked, are
Speaker 7: you going to approve border security which includes a wall
Speaker 7: or steel barrier?
Speaker 1: Nancy said no.
Speaker 7: I said, bye bye, nothing else works, Bye bye.
Speaker 1: Oh man, say what you want about Trump.
Speaker 4: Some of the things that he does a pretty badass, right,
Speaker 4: because that's always been a dream of mine.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 4: I've always dreamed of walking into a meeting and being like,
Speaker 4: are you guys gonna give me what I want?
Speaker 1: No, Well, then this meeting's over. Bye bye.
Speaker 4: All we got from Trump was basically another immigration stump speech,
Speaker 4: and like not even one of these fun ones you know,
Speaker 4: where he like jerks off an imaginary giants.
Speaker 1: Or whatever he's doing.
Speaker 4: Instead, we just got a low energy Jeb version of Trump.
Speaker 5: My fellow Americans, tonight, I am speaking to you because
Speaker 5: there is a growing humanitarian and security crisis in our
Speaker 5: southern The federal government remains shut down for one reason,
Speaker 5: and one reason only, because Democrats will not fund border security.
Speaker 5: This is a humanitarian crisis, a crisis of the heart,
Speaker 5: and a crisis of the soul.
Speaker 1: Soul crisis of this hold.
Speaker 4: You know, Trump had to practice that word hard because
Speaker 4: he's never said it before.
Speaker 1: Right, He was probably reading a drum.
Speaker 11: Of the speech, like a crisis of this soul, soul soul.
Speaker 11: Did you guys just make up this word I love it?
Speaker 11: Give me more nonsense words like this, I love it
Speaker 11: so sold.
Speaker 4: And look for all the hype, the speech wasn't even
Speaker 4: that long. It was only ten minutes, and eight minutes
Speaker 4: of it was just Trump sniffing.
Speaker 5: This barrier is absolutely critical to border security that defends
Speaker 5: our borders and reopens the government. Democrats have refused to
Speaker 5: acknowledge the crisis.
Speaker 4: Goes guy, you're slipping so much. It sounds like he's
Speaker 4: trying to get all the drugs off the street himself.
Speaker 1: I'll get rid of them, bring them to me.
Speaker 4: But even in that short ten minutes, President Trump managed
Speaker 4: to pack in a lot of scaring the shit out
Speaker 4: of people about illegal immigrants.
Speaker 5: Our southern borders, a pipeline for vast quantities of illegal drugs, meth, heroin, cocaine.
Speaker 5: More Americans will die from drugs this year, sex crimes,
Speaker 5: violent killings, murdered, raped, beaten, beheading, dismembering, blood, blood.
Speaker 4: Good lord, so much violence. This thing was on TV
Speaker 4: at nine PM. This doesn't belong on network. This was
Speaker 4: an HBO speech. They should have put up one of
Speaker 4: those content warnings first so you could.
Speaker 1: Get the kids out of the room, you know.
Speaker 4: And right now, it looks like the shutdown could go
Speaker 4: on for a very long time because both sides feel
Speaker 4: like they have a mandate from voters. Right Trump could
Speaker 4: say that he won the presidency promising a border wall,
Speaker 4: so he has a duty to build that wall. But
Speaker 4: on the other hand, he also promised that Mexico would
Speaker 4: pay for it. The Democrats could say that they just
Speaker 4: won the midterms in a landslide and they ran against
Speaker 4: the wall, so they have an obligation to stop it.
Speaker 4: But the one thing everyone should be able to agree
Speaker 4: on is that none of this should shut the government down.
Speaker 1: This is politics.
Speaker 4: This is what you're supposed to be discussing.
Speaker 1: It's your job.
Speaker 4: And it's also disingenuous for President Trump to try and
Speaker 4: blame the shutdown on the Democrats, especially after saying this.
Speaker 5: I am proud to shut down the government for border security.
Speaker 1: I will be the one to shut it down.
Speaker 12: I'm not going to blame you.
Speaker 13: For it.
Speaker 1: Unless it goes bad, then I'm blaming you.
Speaker 4: Guys, Bye bye. The whole debates has just devolved into
Speaker 4: war or no wall like Caveman Congress. And there's one
Speaker 4: thing we know is that nothing will stop immigrants from
Speaker 4: trying to come to America. There's a place that people
Speaker 4: dream of coming to because people who are trying to
Speaker 4: make a better, safer life for their families will do
Speaker 4: anything to achieve that dream. And I know Donald Trump
Speaker 4: understands this because of this video we found from fifteen
Speaker 4: years ago.
Speaker 12: Never ever give up. Don't give up, don't allow it
Speaker 12: to happen. If there's a concrete wall in front of you,
Speaker 12: go through it, go over, go around it, but get
Speaker 12: to the other side of that.
Speaker 8: All we know from DHS testing over the course of
Speaker 8: the last year that all of President Trump's prototypes were
Speaker 8: breachable in some way. But now, for the first time,
Speaker 8: NBC News has exclusively obtained a photograph of the steel
Speaker 8: slat barrier style border wall design that was clearly cut
Speaker 8: through with what we are told is a household saw.
Speaker 4: You think the news that you can just saw through
Speaker 4: a steel wall would be devastating news for Trump, but
Speaker 4: apparently he already knows about this and he's not concerned Your.
Speaker 12: Victors the morning throwing feel barrier wall being thought breaking?
Speaker 1: What God is a feel walf?
Speaker 8: They ca it, fought through it.
Speaker 12: There's nothing that can't be penetrated, but you fix it.
Speaker 4: I get what he's saying again, I get it. Even
Speaker 4: if a wall isn't one hundred impenetrable, it's still better
Speaker 4: than nothing. And America is gonna need all the help
Speaker 4: it can get because the way Trump tells it, things
Speaker 4: on the border are about to get nuts.
Speaker 12: Here's the story. There is another makes your caravan for
Speaker 12: me right now in Honduras, and so far we're trying
Speaker 12: to break it up, but so far it's bigger than
Speaker 12: anything we've seen.
Speaker 4: I don't know why, but the President makes it sound
Speaker 4: like a hurricane of Hondurans is hitting for the US.
Speaker 4: You don't no, I mean, like, say what you want
Speaker 4: about him as president, but Donald Trump would make a
Speaker 4: great immigration weather man.
Speaker 12: Here's the story. There is another is your caravan forming
Speaker 12: right now in Honduras, and so far we're trying to
Speaker 12: break it up, but so far it's bigger than anything
Speaker 12: we've seen, and a drone isn't good to stop it,
Speaker 12: and a censor isn't going to stop it. But you
Speaker 12: know what's gonna stop it in its tracks, A nice,
Speaker 12: powerful wall.
Speaker 4: President Trump is demanding five billion dollars from US taxpayers
Speaker 4: to fund the wall, which is weird because during the
Speaker 4: campaign he might have mentioned once or twice another idea
Speaker 4: for where the war money would come from.
Speaker 5: I will build a great, great wall on our southern border,
Speaker 5: and I will have Mexico pay for that war.
Speaker 4: The only thing worse than one Trump is many Trumps.
Speaker 1: Mexico's gonna pay for it.
Speaker 4: That was true Trump's signature catchphrase, more than any other catchphrase,
Speaker 4: more than You're fired, more than make America great again,
Speaker 4: even more than don't tell my wife about this. But
Speaker 4: we never should have actually believed that Mexico was going
Speaker 4: to pay for the wall, because every time someone asked
Speaker 4: Trump how Mexico would pay, he had a completely different explanation.
Speaker 1: There will be a payment.
Speaker 5: It will be in a form, perhaps a complicated form,
Speaker 5: one way.
Speaker 1: The other Mexico is going to pay for the world.
Speaker 13: That's right.
Speaker 5: It may be through reimbursement, but one way the other
Speaker 5: Mexico will pay for the world.
Speaker 12: The wall will pay for itself on a monthly basis.
Speaker 5: We're working on a tax reform bill that will generate
Speaker 5: revenue from Mexico that will.
Speaker 1: Pay for the wall.
Speaker 5: We have a trade deficit with Mexico of fifty eight
Speaker 5: billion dollars. All I have to do is start playing
Speaker 5: with that trade deficit and believe me, they're going to
Speaker 5: pay for then they may even write as a check
Speaker 5: by the time they see what happened.
Speaker 12: Obviously, they're not going to write a check.
Speaker 5: It's going to be paid for it by Canada.
Speaker 1: By the way, it's going to be paid for it.
Speaker 5: Maybe I'll get Canada picked got to be paid for
Speaker 5: it by Mexico.
Speaker 1: Wait, what you know? Donald Trump is truly a legend.
Speaker 4: Instead of admitting that he misspoke, he'd rather try and
Speaker 4: make Canada pay for the wall.
Speaker 1: He's just like, yeah, Canada's gonna pay. I mean yeah, actually,
Speaker 1: Canada's gona pay.
Speaker 4: I might make them pay for the wall, and Shane
Speaker 4: Canada and Canada is so nice they'd probably do it.
Speaker 4: They'd be like, this is not really a boot to us,
Speaker 4: but I guess we'll pay, eh. So obviously things are
Speaker 4: not going well for America right now, which is awkward
Speaker 4: for President Trump because his big State of the Union
Speaker 4: speech is less than two weeks away, although today Nancy
Speaker 4: Pelosi suggested that maybe now is not a good time.
Speaker 13: Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has sent a letter
Speaker 13: to President Trump asking to move the day.
Speaker 4: Of the State of the Union address, citing security concerns.
Speaker 14: Pelosi rights, sadly, given the security concerns, unless government reopens
Speaker 14: this week, I suggest we work together to determine another
Speaker 14: suitable date after government has reopened for this address, or
Speaker 14: for you to consider delivering your State of the Union
Speaker 14: address in writing to Congress on January twenty ninth.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: Not only is the state of the Union uncertain, the
Speaker 4: state of the State of the Union is uncertain.
Speaker 1: And Nancy Felosi, She's kind of right.
Speaker 4: It is tough to convince people that the state of
Speaker 4: the Union is strong when you have to give the
Speaker 4: speech by candlelight because the government hasn't paid its bills.
Speaker 1: Trump' is gonna be sitting.
Speaker 4: There like closer, Mitch, closer, close.
Speaker 1: Not too close. I swear to God if you burn
Speaker 1: my weave, bitch.
Speaker 4: But I personally hope they can fix this soon because
Speaker 4: Trump delivering the State of the Union in writing would
Speaker 4: be a disaster.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: I mean this is the same guy who tweeted the
Speaker 4: word hamburgers yesterday. Like, if Trump writes his speech down,
Speaker 4: he's gonna end up declaring that the state of the
Speaker 4: Union is schlong.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna be it's not gonna work out.
Speaker 4: And plus, if he doesn't do the speech out loud,
Speaker 4: we'd all miss out on all.
Speaker 1: The weird physical stuff that he does.
Speaker 4: You know, unless, unless, unless he writes that into the
Speaker 4: speech too, then it would work.
Speaker 1: If he was like, we need to pull out of Syria.
Speaker 11: Sniff for eight seconds, and we need to kick out
Speaker 11: illegal immigrants.
Speaker 1: Finger gun, bounty ball, finger gun. Draw on the blinds.
Speaker 1: Bring it home with the accordion folk.
Speaker 2: President Trump moments ago canceling House Speaker Anti Pelosi's overseas
Speaker 2: trip to Russels, Egypt, and the war zone that is Afghanistan,
Speaker 2: hours before the speaker and her congressional delegation were set
Speaker 2: to leave, saying, in part quote, in light of the
Speaker 2: eight hundred thousand Great American workers not receiving pay, I
Speaker 2: am sure you would agree that postponing this public relations
Speaker 2: event is totally appropriate. He goes on to write, obviously,
Speaker 2: if you would like to make your journey by flying commercial.
Speaker 2: That would certainly be your prerogative.
Speaker 4: Ooh, you can feel Trump sitated, like it's the worst
Speaker 4: thing he could think of if you want to fly commercial. Ah,
Speaker 4: that's hardcore though, right canceling her flight right before she's
Speaker 4: about to take off. That's like the complete opposite of
Speaker 4: a romantic comedy. Like I imagine Trump ran through the airport.
Speaker 11: Like Nancy, Nancy, way, Nancy, that's something I have to
Speaker 11: tell you, And Pelosi's like yes, Donald's like, Nancy, get
Speaker 11: the fuck of the plague over.
Speaker 13: My President Trump blinking in his State of the Union
Speaker 13: stare down with Nancy Pelosi, the president writing in a
Speaker 13: late night tweet, I will do the address when the
Speaker 13: shutdown is over.
Speaker 1: I am not looking for an alternative venue for.
Speaker 13: The State of the Union address because there is no
Speaker 13: venue that can compete with a history, tradition, and importance
Speaker 13: of the House Chamber.
Speaker 1: Oh look at that.
Speaker 4: Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi facing off, and Trump blinked first, which,
Speaker 4: of course we knew would happened because Nancy Pelosi does
Speaker 4: not blink.
Speaker 1: The shutdown is over.
Speaker 10: Eight hundred thousand furloughed federal workers will go.
Speaker 3: Back to work today and should be getting their back
Speaker 3: pay within days.
Speaker 1: That fix only opens the government for three.
Speaker 3: Weeks, and it does not provide any new money for
Speaker 3: a border wall, as President Trump had demanded.
Speaker 5: I am very proud to announce today that we have
Speaker 5: deal to end the shutdown and reopen the federal government.
Speaker 4: Have you ever noticed how all of Trump's accomplishments are
Speaker 4: just fixing things that he broke. He's like, folks, good news,
Speaker 4: I freed the immigrant kids.
Speaker 1: From their cages. Wait, who put them in cages?
Speaker 4: Ahs me, I'm glad your announced North Korea isn't going
Speaker 4: to blow us up anymore.
Speaker 1: Wait, why were they going to blow us up?
Speaker 4: Because I called him a fat little rocketman.
Speaker 1: Maybe it would have been all worth it for Trump.
Speaker 4: If he had gotten some of that sweet, sweet war money,
Speaker 4: but he folded with nothing to.
Speaker 1: Show for it.
Speaker 4: And even some of his strongest supporters are admitting that
Speaker 4: Trump got owned by Nancy Pelosi.
Speaker 1: Bigley, broken man, biggest whimp. Trump just allowed Nancy to
Speaker 1: walk all over him.
Speaker 10: It's clear Trump did not come out on top.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to spend it for you.
Speaker 8: She has just whipped the president of the United States
Speaker 8: in this and to deny it.
Speaker 10: He is to try to escape from reality.
Speaker 1: You heard what Dobbs said.
Speaker 4: If you can't acknowledge that Nancy Pelosi whooped Trump's ass,
Speaker 4: then you are not in.
Speaker 1: Touch with reality.
Speaker 4: And honestly, I don't know why lou Dobbs delivered this
Speaker 4: message on TV. He could have just posted a sign
Speaker 4: in the Fox.
Speaker 1: News break room. He did not cave.
Speaker 7: He made a tactical decision, a strategy decision to pick
Speaker 7: the ground to fight on.
Speaker 4: Don't pick the ground to fight on, don't peck the ground.
Speaker 1: Yo, this, I'm sorry, this is unbelievable.
Speaker 4: No matter what Trump does, he's always a mastermind who's
Speaker 4: accomplishing precisely what he wanted to do. Like if Trump
Speaker 4: was boxing and he got knocked out cold, like Janine Piro,
Speaker 4: would be like brilliant, Another strategic consciousness pause by the
Speaker 4: President Trump. You can't get knocked down if you'll stay
Speaker 4: on the ground. Got it. But look, if you ignore
Speaker 4: the stands over at Fox News, it's pretty clear the
Speaker 4: shutdown was a political disaster for President Trump. It hurt
Speaker 4: the economy, it destroyed his approval ratings, and worst of all,
Speaker 4: he's not getting his wall. And remember Congress only has
Speaker 4: three weeks to reach an agreements on border security before
Speaker 4: the government runs out of money again. But the good
Speaker 4: news is the good news is there probably won't be
Speaker 4: another shutdown because after seeing how bad this shutdown went, like,
Speaker 4: only a true moron would think of shutting down the
Speaker 4: government again, and no one is that stupid, right.
Speaker 2: We begin today with the President's acting chief of Staff,
Speaker 2: Nick Mulvaney. Is the President really prepared to shut down
Speaker 2: the government again in three weeks?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think he actually is, my man.
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