Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 2: I'm Miila and I'm Erica and it's Wednesday. Happy Wednesday,
Speaker 2: Happy Homeday. Hope you guys are doing well. If you
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Speaker 2: Please because some of these podcasts have like fifteen thousand
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Speaker 1: Of people listening? So can you guys just type some
Speaker 1: shit that says you love us?
Speaker 2: Thanks, thank you ya.
Speaker 1: How are you doing this week?
Speaker 2: I'm hot. It's hot as fuck here in the valley
Speaker 2: and I'm like, why do I live here? And I
Speaker 2: don't have a pool and my air conditioning sucks, and yeah,
Speaker 2: you have like two air conditioning because it's fucking hot,
Speaker 2: it should don't work.
Speaker 1: The valley is a very hot place. It's very deserty.
Speaker 3: It's not waste any time. Let's get straight to the
Speaker 3: straight to the meat and potatoes.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool. So you know we've been asked a lot
Speaker 2: about co parenting and how we manage our co parenting
Speaker 2: schedules and if we have any tips tricks on co parenting,
Speaker 2: and the answer is we do, but we're not masters.
Speaker 2: We're not masters because it takes two people to mask.
Speaker 2: So like you know, I am perfect, obviously, so you
Speaker 2: know this is this works. These things do work whether
Speaker 2: or not your co parenting situation is obvious, like if
Speaker 2: it's amicable, but obviously these will be even better if
Speaker 2: you have a great relationship with the person you went
Speaker 2: half on a baby with. But either way, and.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you don't have a great relationship now, but if
Speaker 3: you practice some of these steps, maybe you'll get to
Speaker 3: the place where you want to go. These are just
Speaker 3: ways to help two non romantic parents co parent together
Speaker 3: in a successful way. People do always ask about this
Speaker 3: all the time, but Eric, Eric's metaphor for this is
Speaker 3: by far the best metaphor I've heard.
Speaker 1: This is what she told her baby daddy, and ever.
Speaker 3: Since it's been sticking with me. I also told my
Speaker 3: baby daddy this after Erica said it.
Speaker 2: Number One thing is basically, I think of your child
Speaker 2: as like the super Bowl. Okay, so this is like
Speaker 2: the biggest game of your life, and so often we want,
Speaker 2: you know, obviously positive results. We want to win. We
Speaker 2: want our kids to win, want them to be the champion. Right,
Speaker 2: But you have to be able to communicate with your partner.
Speaker 2: You can't lead your child to victory if you guys
Speaker 2: are not on the same page about how you have
Speaker 2: decided to raise your child, whether that's like how we're
Speaker 2: talking about certain things, you know, how we're introducing people
Speaker 2: to them, you know, just there's just so many there's
Speaker 2: so many aspects to that. So I always I told
Speaker 2: my baby daddy because he loves football, and I was like, Yo,
Speaker 2: it's like like you're the quarterback and you're not, you know,
Speaker 2: telling the team the plan. So how the fuck are
Speaker 2: we supposed to win the Super Bowl? There's no way
Speaker 2: we're gonna fail.
Speaker 3: You can't lead your child to the goal of winning
Speaker 3: if you're not communicating with the coach and the team.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: It's just mandatory.
Speaker 2: It's mandatory. And I think a lot of that two
Speaker 2: falls under the category of stop delivering messages through your kids.
Speaker 2: So communicate directly to the person you had the baby with. Now, obviously,
Speaker 2: if you're listening, you're like, my naga, don't he sucks?
Speaker 2: He don't communicate. I get it. I get that part,
Speaker 2: But you have to at least try. And maybe if
Speaker 2: you know men love football, maybe if you use Erica's
Speaker 2: metap babe, if mephor of the super Bowl, our baby
Speaker 2: is the super Bowl and we want to lead her
Speaker 2: him to victory. So therefore speak his language. Yeah, so
Speaker 2: you gotta speak, You gotta speak in language. So maybe
Speaker 2: he likes baseball, Maybe he's a golfer. I don't fucking know,
Speaker 2: But figure out a sport that connects with his brain
Speaker 2: and use the analogy. And I think that's the beginning
Speaker 2: stages of like opening up the dialogue and understanding that
Speaker 2: you both have to communicate in order or your child
Speaker 2: to win.
Speaker 3: With that being said, co parenting is depends on each
Speaker 3: parent and how capable they are of being mature and
Speaker 3: cooperating with the goal. So we're going to go through
Speaker 3: a list of eight things ish that we think are some.
Speaker 2: Very crucial co parenting tips that can lead you to success.
Speaker 3: However, if you don't have the type of co parent
Speaker 3: that is willing to be mature and communicate, the number
Speaker 3: one thing is don't I mean, you have to communicate,
Speaker 3: but keep it to a minimum, keep it at I
Speaker 3: mean if it's just text messages. For me personally, I
Speaker 3: have a up and down relationship with my co parent,
Speaker 3: so I've had to draw back and give and draw
Speaker 3: back and give depending on.
Speaker 1: The other person.
Speaker 3: So if your person is not willing to be mature,
Speaker 3: I've learned that I've had to cut off all other
Speaker 3: communication unless it's just regarding the child.
Speaker 1: I'm dropping her off, I'm picking her up, and even
Speaker 1: when that doesn't work, I will mediate through a third person.
Speaker 3: I won't drop off. I will drop her off at
Speaker 3: your mom's. You can get her.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 3: Obviously that's not any way that anyone wants the situation
Speaker 3: to go. But I've learned that the more I give,
Speaker 3: the more he's.
Speaker 1: What he can. He can piss me off.
Speaker 3: If we have small talk, then there's room for you
Speaker 3: to say shit that I didn't welcome and ask and
Speaker 3: it's not it doesn't regard the child, So I've just
Speaker 3: kept it very minimal. Very transactional and then that's it.
Speaker 3: And I've also learned when you don't have someone that's
Speaker 3: on the same page as you, you can't do shit
Speaker 3: like go to Disneyland together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know for those of you that are listening that,
Speaker 2: like you know you you you feel like your child
Speaker 2: is missing out because they're not seeing you guys parent together,
Speaker 2: like physically, Like we're going to the movies together because
Speaker 2: Johnny needs to see his parents and he wants Johnny
Speaker 2: needs memories of parents going to the movies together. No, Johnny,
Speaker 2: the fuck doesn't okay, especially if you guys have not
Speaker 2: really step severed ties fully emotionally. Now, don't get it twisted.
Speaker 2: You're gonna be emotionally tied to this person for the
Speaker 2: rest of your life because you created life with this person.
Speaker 2: But you know what I mean, You like, you're still
Speaker 2: having romantic feelings, You're jealous, You're looking at his Instagram
Speaker 2: every twenty seconds to see who he's posting.
Speaker 3: Like if there's resentment or romantic entanglement still that exists,
Speaker 3: you need to in order.
Speaker 1: To help minimize that zero peepings.
Speaker 2: It's trans You gotta be transactional essentially, Like, don't feel
Speaker 2: the need to, like ask the nigga how his day
Speaker 2: is going, like, we don't need to know, like and
Speaker 2: you know, and it takes two. You have to create
Speaker 2: those boundaries because sometimes you're not even doing it, it's
Speaker 2: the other person.
Speaker 1: And then you become you. You're so caught up in
Speaker 1: that routine that you begin to communicate that same way
Speaker 1: I've done it.
Speaker 2: So you have to kind of decide do you want
Speaker 2: to have a amicable relationship. Sometimes that means you kind
Speaker 2: of got to be a little cold and you kind
Speaker 2: of have to dead that relationship in that way. So
Speaker 2: you have to set those boundaries. You don't need to
Speaker 2: go to Disneyland, you don't.
Speaker 1: Need to go to the movie no, like And.
Speaker 2: I had to learn that too, Like I really did,
Speaker 2: because I felt like, because I didn't have that growing up.
Speaker 2: I wanted Iri to see, like us do those things.
Speaker 2: I wanted her to have those memories and whatever. She
Speaker 2: has some of them, but I've realized that it's just
Speaker 2: not healthy in the long term for our relationship in
Speaker 2: co parenting to do that because it confuses and muddles
Speaker 2: the line for.
Speaker 3: The for the other person, sometimes for you if you're
Speaker 3: the one still holding onto something and a lot of
Speaker 3: times for the child. And also if you're going to
Speaker 3: go somewhere and not speak to the other person anyway,
Speaker 3: it's actually pointless.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like what's the point of going to dinner where
Speaker 2: no one's talking.
Speaker 1: And the energy is off? Kids feel energy.
Speaker 3: They may not know the complexity of what's going on
Speaker 3: between mom and dad, but they know shit ain't feeling right.
Speaker 2: So go with I'll never forget. I'm like, I went
Speaker 2: to baby Daddy asked me that it took me out
Speaker 2: for Mother's Day. This was like two years ago. It
Speaker 2: was like probably the last Mother's Day we spent together,
Speaker 2: and like we didn't even talk the whole time, Like
Speaker 2: it was just we were just sitting there, not talking.
Speaker 2: It was the most pointless. What the fuck was the point?
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 2: No point? Your child is not seeing you engage in
Speaker 2: a healthy way.
Speaker 3: And the truth is it kind of irritated me. It
Speaker 3: actually infuriated me, and I realized this is just.
Speaker 2: Not because I was there. I would I would have communicated.
Speaker 2: He just didn't. He don't really ever know how to
Speaker 2: communicate anyway. So it was just pointless. And now my
Speaker 2: daughter sees that we have weird energy and we're at dinner. Okay, great,
Speaker 2: we did this dinner, but like why yeah.
Speaker 1: What are we really saying here anyway?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's I would say super Bowl could be
Speaker 2: considered number one.
Speaker 3: But maybe that's just opening the opening statement, opening statement,
Speaker 3: how to open the conversation.
Speaker 2: And number two is like setting the boundaries of like
Speaker 2: are you?
Speaker 1: Like there are we?
Speaker 3: Let's let's be realistic about where are we in this
Speaker 3: cold parenting situation. I could want a cool parent like
Speaker 3: uh Alicia Keys and her and to speeds, but.
Speaker 1: If that I don't have that type of dynamic. I
Speaker 1: can't do that.
Speaker 3: So be realistic about measuring where if that is realistic
Speaker 3: for you.
Speaker 1: And third, my favorite most valuable tip.
Speaker 2: I love this tip. This tip is crucial.
Speaker 1: Please listen up. This is important. This schedule. You have
Speaker 1: to find a schedule that works for both parents.
Speaker 3: And when I say both parents, I means the dad
Speaker 3: needs to take those motherfucking kids too.
Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean just on Saturday and Sunday.
Speaker 3: Okay, there are thirty to thirty one days and every
Speaker 3: month and the dad doesn't get to only get eight Okay,
Speaker 3: that's just not normal.
Speaker 1: We made if you went half on a baby, we
Speaker 1: will go half on raising the child.
Speaker 3: So we may have heard this before, I'm gonna tell
Speaker 3: you again because it's you should pay me for this
Speaker 3: valuable information. You start the one week Monday Tuesday, one
Speaker 3: parent has the child, Wednesday Thursday, the other parent has
Speaker 3: the child Friday Saturday Sunday. Back with the parent the
Speaker 3: parent from Monday and Tuesday, and then you continue to switch.
Speaker 3: So Monday Tuesday, one parent, Wednesday Thursday, the other parent Friday,
Speaker 3: Saturday Sunday the other parents.
Speaker 2: Basically, you always get a weekend because some I know
Speaker 2: some moms that like never get there. They're setup is
Speaker 2: that they never get a weekend ever. And I'm like why, Like,
Speaker 2: obviously now COVID with all this shit going on, like weekends,
Speaker 2: they are weeks. It doesn't matter. But at some point
Speaker 2: we're gonna go back and people are gonna you need
Speaker 2: your weekend.
Speaker 3: I need my weekend, and not even just the weekend.
Speaker 3: It's more about I send no parents who like, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, Cindy only takes the kid to school and
Speaker 3: to soccer and to piano because those only fallen weekdays.
Speaker 3: And then dad over here or mom whatever usually dad.
Speaker 3: Let's be real gets the fun shit on the weekend,
Speaker 3: you know, and it just doesn't work. It doesn't work
Speaker 3: out that way. So that way, every parent is fulfilling
Speaker 3: every reroll. You know, sometimes dad has to take you
Speaker 3: to piano and has to wake up his ass early
Speaker 3: and take you to school. It's constantly, it's constantly everybody
Speaker 3: is getting a chance to do everything and nobody's in
Speaker 3: the dark. And then one responsibility doesn't fully fall on
Speaker 3: the other parent, obviously depending on schedules, work schedules and vacations.
Speaker 1: Hopefully, the point is is once you go there.
Speaker 3: Then you can be more lenient and say, hey, maybe
Speaker 3: you take these amount of days and I take this
Speaker 3: amount of days, or you keep her and then I'll
Speaker 3: keep her more so that it's fair and we're working
Speaker 3: together and it's making sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I definitely be flexible, but like, also.
Speaker 3: Start this way so that you can go you can,
Speaker 3: you can you can grow to flexibility because there's kind
Speaker 3: of we've had a standard of what the schedule looks.
Speaker 2: And it really gives your kid more structure so she
Speaker 2: or he knows what's happening, what's coming, whose house they're
Speaker 2: going to, and they don't feel bounced around constantly. Yeah yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: So number four would be give them the same courtesy
Speaker 2: you would want them to give to you. So I
Speaker 2: recently experienced this because, as you guys know, I am
Speaker 2: now in a relationship, and you know when I you know,
Speaker 2: early on when me and my ex broke up, I
Speaker 2: told him that if he was going to introduce someone
Speaker 2: to my child or she was going to be around
Speaker 2: my child, I would like to know about it. I mean,
Speaker 2: I was even more crazy. He was like, I need
Speaker 2: to meet her. Now I've obviously, I don't think that's
Speaker 2: a great idea because it doesn't even matter if I
Speaker 2: meet her, because it doesn't mean that like he's not
Speaker 2: going to date her and vice versa. But at least
Speaker 2: give the person the respect of, you know, communicating the
Speaker 2: things that you've asked them to communicate to you. So
Speaker 2: for me, when you know, I told him that I
Speaker 2: was going on a trip with my daughter and my man.
Speaker 2: Unexpectedly my daughter was going to have to come, and
Speaker 2: you know, I like, I was gonna not tell him
Speaker 2: because I was like whatever, Like he's the one whos
Speaker 2: supposed to have her this weekend anyway, So this isn't
Speaker 2: my fault. But then think shout out to Jessica Rose.
Speaker 2: She was like, girl, you need to if you told
Speaker 2: him that, then you need to hold yourself accountable and
Speaker 2: share that information with him. And she was extremely right,
Speaker 2: and I'm glad that I did. And so I told him,
Speaker 2: And so I think, whatever that means to you, whether
Speaker 2: it's the dating someone, whether it's you know, being respectful,
Speaker 2: whatever it is that you want from him, you need
Speaker 2: to be able to do that for him as well. Obviously,
Speaker 2: things take, you know, things happen, people have attitudes, are disrespectful,
Speaker 2: all those things. But I'm going to encourage you to
Speaker 2: always try to take the high road and not be
Speaker 2: petty all the time. Sometimes you must be petty sometimes.
Speaker 2: But yeah, basically it's that good old saying to treat
Speaker 2: people how you want to be treated.
Speaker 3: It's very basic, very difficult if you're not getting the like,
Speaker 3: the reciprocated energy. But I think you gotta do, you know,
Speaker 3: lead by example. If you're dealing with somebody who is
Speaker 3: completely just dumb, Court Court is the next step. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean, try all these steps, but ultimately, like Court.
Speaker 2: I agree, I agree, you know, I've I've shied away
Speaker 2: from court. I have never done that, and neither is Mila,
Speaker 2: because I don't know, like it hasn't gotten to that
Speaker 2: point yet. Really. However, I have a friend who who
Speaker 2: it did get to that point. We're actually talking yesterday
Speaker 2: and she was like, girl, it was it's I'm so
Speaker 2: glad I did this. It just it was so hard
Speaker 2: at first. There was so much drama at first, but
Speaker 2: now everything is clearly. There's no like, there's no question
Speaker 2: about what his response abilities, what time he's supposed to
Speaker 2: be here, what you know, what he you know, all
Speaker 2: those things.
Speaker 1: So I think it's black people.
Speaker 3: Though when we think about like court, I think we
Speaker 3: think about like involving the people in our business.
Speaker 2: Right, well, it is it's involving people in our business
Speaker 2: and them telling us how to run our household and.
Speaker 3: Just letting people in your business. Because I'll be honest,
Speaker 3: I went to the courtroom once to get to try
Speaker 3: and file for child support. First of all, there's handy
Speaker 3: like fifty five loose pages that don't make fucking sense.
Speaker 3: It's it's expensive in California to file for child support,
Speaker 3: like five hundred and fifty five dollars or some shit,
Speaker 3: And I'm like, why the fuck would I be filing
Speaker 3: for child support if I had five hundred and fifty
Speaker 3: three dollars to fucking pay for this shit? And then
Speaker 3: they ask you all this shit about your taxes and
Speaker 3: all this other shit, and I was like, fucking never mind.
Speaker 1: You know, I have fuck this shit, So don't get discouraged.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's easy to go through that to get to
Speaker 3: the fucking happy end, and you got to go through
Speaker 3: the ship to do it.
Speaker 1: So I think also, I think if someone's not.
Speaker 3: Helping you financially, court, don't take it out on time spent.
Speaker 3: Think that's fair, you know, like, if I'm dumb and
Speaker 3: I decided not to fill the fifty pieces of paper
Speaker 3: and not get money, that's on me.
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to.
Speaker 3: Ever stop my kid from seeing her dad because of finances.
Speaker 3: I don't really think that's fair. I know women who
Speaker 3: do think that's fair, and I kind.
Speaker 2: Of get it.
Speaker 1: I do. You got to do the whole shit. You
Speaker 1: can't do half of it.
Speaker 3: But that's why I say, if there's conflict financially, do court.
Speaker 3: But if you can, you know, at least come up
Speaker 3: with a schedule that's good for the kid.
Speaker 1: Stick with that as much.
Speaker 2: As possible, right, and also try to keep everything in
Speaker 2: text messages and emails so that if you.
Speaker 1: Do go to court, it's documented.
Speaker 2: You have the shit documented.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: This one, this last one, one of the last ones,
Speaker 3: and not one of the last ones.
Speaker 1: Well, one of the last ones.
Speaker 3: Is this came from Erica's therapist, which I thought was great,
Speaker 3: was no matter what, keep a picture of the family,
Speaker 3: parents and child together went in the household.
Speaker 1: I think that's very that makes sense. So there's visual.
Speaker 3: In each household. You know your mom or your dad,
Speaker 3: and you see them together, and you grow up with
Speaker 3: those pictures because you don't just leave the house of
Speaker 3: your mom and then she disappears and doesn't exist. You know,
Speaker 3: you guys are still a unit to your child, and
Speaker 3: so to have that image around the household while they
Speaker 3: grow up, I think is important.
Speaker 2: Especially if you guys are amicable and like you are
Speaker 2: and can keep it at least in public in front
Speaker 2: of your child amicable. It really, I feel like is
Speaker 2: impactful for the child to see their parents and know
Speaker 2: that they came together in love. Yeah, they came from love.
Speaker 2: They came together in love, and that there's no big
Speaker 2: separation and hiding of this previous relationship that created them.
Speaker 2: So I have a picture of Iri and me and
Speaker 2: her dad in our living room, and whether or not
Speaker 2: she looks at it every day, I mean, no, she doesn't,
Speaker 2: but it's there. And I also I would also say,
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's another one on the list
Speaker 2: about you know, not talking badly about your partner ex partner.
Speaker 1: In front of your child, and don't argue in front
Speaker 1: of your child.
Speaker 2: I think though that's a really big one, is like
Speaker 2: the not arguing in front of them, not talking badly
Speaker 2: and not assuming that your kid doesn't know that you're
Speaker 2: talking about and.
Speaker 3: It's and trust me, like it's much easier to fuck
Speaker 3: this up than it is not to. I mean we've
Speaker 3: done it, like yeah, we would be lying to say otherwise.
Speaker 3: And I've argued in front of my kid and I
Speaker 3: and I had my parents argued in front of me,
Speaker 3: and I know how that affected me. And even still
Speaker 3: it's hard for me to you know, when someone's pushing
Speaker 3: your buttons and getting petty with you, you know, you
Speaker 3: go right into turn up mode and you've got to
Speaker 3: always remind yourself when your child is watching you that
Speaker 3: it's just not worth it's not worth it's not worth
Speaker 3: it you getting out of character, or anyone pulling you
Speaker 3: out of character, because it could. It's it's hard for
Speaker 3: them to understand when their parents don't love you, you know,
Speaker 3: or not getting along or in their eyes, not being
Speaker 3: nice to one another.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I remember the extreme anxiety I had about,
Speaker 2: you know, my parents arguing, and just I was the
Speaker 2: messenger constantly like I'm going through this list because my coat.
Speaker 2: My parents were terrible co parents, horrible, fucking terrible, and
Speaker 2: so all these things they did not do, like arguing
Speaker 2: in front of me, delivering messages, ain't no super Bowl,
Speaker 2: and my daddy was a football player, and like it
Speaker 2: was just all fucked up. And as a child, like
Speaker 2: I was filled with constant anxiety about the conversation about
Speaker 2: like having them even like mentioning both of them in
Speaker 2: a conversation like made me sad, you know, And so
Speaker 2: I think spelling even spelling your baby daddy's name. Guess what,
Speaker 2: Eventually they're gonna get it.
Speaker 3: That dies in around three or four, because they're gonna
Speaker 3: know other letters. They're even know what sounds like, and
Speaker 3: they know the tone of what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: And even so like even me, like I've I've made
Speaker 2: this mistake and thought that I was getting away with it.
Speaker 2: She knows. She knew because she understood that my energy
Speaker 2: would change just when I talked about him. Even if
Speaker 2: I didn't say his name, she would know I was
Speaker 2: talking about him, just based on the attitude or like
Speaker 2: the way the inflections in my voice. Like I remember
Speaker 2: we're one day were I'm seeing a cheesecake factory and
Speaker 2: I was talking to Sebastian about him. I didn't say
Speaker 2: his name. I was really like trying to be cool
Speaker 2: about it. And then she was like, Mommy, I want
Speaker 2: to call my daddy, Like she knew that I was
Speaker 2: talking about her. She's sad and she wanted to call him.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh yeah.
Speaker 2: So just be careful with that, Like your kids, think
Speaker 2: about when you were a kid and how much you understood.
Speaker 2: As adults, we forget, we really really forget.
Speaker 3: We almost insult our kids intelligence a lot, and I
Speaker 3: remember feeling that way as a child, like they're fucking dumb.
Speaker 3: So I tried to not. I try to not do
Speaker 3: the same thing. Even though I do it, It's hard
Speaker 3: and I'm a work in progress because let's be real,
Speaker 3: like your feelings, your emotions get worked up, and then
Speaker 3: you want to talk to someone who's sitting next to
Speaker 3: you about it, and you forget because they're always around.
Speaker 1: One more thing.
Speaker 3: This list is for co parenting, but this is for
Speaker 3: people who are in relationships with their co parent as well.
Speaker 3: You could live in the same household with someone and
Speaker 3: not communicate. I remember speaking of parents because my parents
Speaker 3: fought all the time in front of me, like a
Speaker 3: lot so fucking annoying. Second, one time, my dad, my
Speaker 3: dad let me go to Paris with my cousin the
Speaker 3: first the first week of school and didn't tell my
Speaker 3: mom until the morning I was leaving what he he bought,
Speaker 3: He let he bought my ticket. I was supposed to
Speaker 3: be going to school and instead I was packing my
Speaker 3: bag to Paris and my.
Speaker 2: Mom bougiest story I ever heard, packing my bag.
Speaker 3: My mom is so fucking heated. I was gone for
Speaker 3: like two weeks and she two weeks pissed. I went
Speaker 3: to like some fucking Catholic school. I was like the
Speaker 3: first two weeks, I wasn't missing shit, and I felt
Speaker 3: like it was a once in a lifetime and it was.
Speaker 2: But the opportunity to share this information.
Speaker 3: Well, my mom is unreasonable, but as a result, she
Speaker 3: didn't talk to me the whole time I was in Paris,
Speaker 3: and whatever, I didn't care I was in Paris. But
Speaker 3: the point is it's very possible for two parents to
Speaker 3: not be communicating in the same household. So don't think
Speaker 3: this list is exclusive to single parents, right, don't argue
Speaker 3: in front of them. Don't fucking send your kid to
Speaker 3: Paris and not tell the other parent. Most importantly is
Speaker 3: once you drop that baby off, have fun.
Speaker 2: Do you boo? Okay, don't have your good look, You're
Speaker 2: gonna have guilt, but just push through it and do
Speaker 2: whatever the fuck it is that you need to do.
Speaker 2: You don't need to if you want to call in
Speaker 2: the morning and the night. I'm not gonna tell you
Speaker 2: how often you should be calling your kid Soles.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest. I'll confess sometimes I don't call.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't call either because I know if I call.
Speaker 3: She's gonna remember that she she misses me, then she's
Speaker 3: gonna be mad at me. And sometimes you need to
Speaker 3: just be over there and be where you're at. A
Speaker 3: lot of times we're worried about our kids missing us.
Speaker 3: But kids have like a one dimensional, no social media mind.
Speaker 3: They're where they're at, doing what they're doing, having a
Speaker 3: good fucking time, you know, blowing bubbles and shit.
Speaker 1: Don't interrupt that.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you gotta just not be the mom
Speaker 1: or the dad, and you got to just go fully
Speaker 1: into wherever you're going and go there and then on
Speaker 1: Monday check back in.
Speaker 3: That's okay, you know, it doesn't mean you're the worst
Speaker 3: fucking parent on earth. No, even though the nail lady
Speaker 3: tried to shame me yesterday. Why she was like, you're
Speaker 3: going you're going out of town. Oh, that's very long,
Speaker 3: you're taking your daughta. I was like no, She was.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, she's gonna miss you. I was like, hurry
Speaker 1: up and finish this tip.
Speaker 3: People are always going to try to guilt you, probably
Speaker 3: because they got some of their own shit going on.
Speaker 3: Don't let people guilt you about your free time, especially moms.
Speaker 3: Men do it all the time. Men take care of shit,
Speaker 3: go out of town, don't know what the fuck they'd
Speaker 3: be doing over there, and nobody says shit. So take
Speaker 3: that same mentality when I go out of town when
Speaker 3: I need space when I'm like, I need to handle myself.
Speaker 1: Can you hold her for two weeks so I can
Speaker 1: fix shit or whatever.
Speaker 3: I don't feel bad about it because guys do it
Speaker 3: all the time and the children survive.
Speaker 2: Right, I agree. I agree with all those things.
Speaker 1: Oh you know what.
Speaker 2: One last tip, I don't know if it's a tip,
Speaker 2: but it's just slided in there. That I that I
Speaker 2: do with my family and him is that we're on
Speaker 2: a group text. I don't know if like you guys,
Speaker 2: if you're listening, are like in a space where you
Speaker 2: can do that. But it's helpful to be in a
Speaker 2: group text with the family, so you can share things,
Speaker 2: their accomplishments, so they moment moments, so he can know
Speaker 2: and I can know. Grandparents can know, Yeah, what's happening
Speaker 2: in her life, what she's doing. Even like he'll share
Speaker 2: pictures of her when they're together, like when he has her,
Speaker 2: and that's cool with me, Like it lets me know,
Speaker 2: it lets me feel like at peace, like, Okay, she's
Speaker 2: having she's cool, she's having fun, and vice versa. So
Speaker 2: if you can do that, if you guys are in
Speaker 2: a mature enough place to do that.
Speaker 3: Even if you just start then hopefully eventually that other
Speaker 3: person will catch.
Speaker 2: On right, and just sharing your kids accomplishments grades all
Speaker 2: those things. And also it's a good way to have
Speaker 2: a track record of what the fuck's happening. So those
Speaker 2: are our tips.
Speaker 1: That concludes our list of co parenting tips.
Speaker 3: And most importantly, just say a prayer, because honestly, this
Speaker 3: is what that shit really requires. It's just a prayer
Speaker 3: because everybody knows like it's already hard to deal.
Speaker 1: With an X and then you just throw a fucking
Speaker 1: whole human in the mix and you can't cut the
Speaker 1: other person off. So good luck with that.
Speaker 2: Good luck with that. And if you guys have any
Speaker 2: other tips that you think we missed, or you have
Speaker 2: any tips for us, because maybe you guys are farther
Speaker 2: along in your co parenting journey, please share them. Let
Speaker 2: us know what they are dm us. You can leave
Speaker 2: a comment under this video on our Patreon and.
Speaker 3: We love we love contribution, and we'd love to hear
Speaker 3: stories of successful co parenting real quick. I went to
Speaker 3: our friends son's second birthday party and her ex showed
Speaker 3: up with his new twenty five year old girlfriend, and
Speaker 3: she was very mature about it. She actually invited her.
Speaker 3: She's like, she's gotta be in her live their lives anyway,
Speaker 3: fuck it. They just broke up.
Speaker 1: He just moved out that she came to the party,
Speaker 1: and I was like.
Speaker 3: Okay, you real mature over here, because I don't know
Speaker 3: if I could do it.
Speaker 1: So you know, it's just like.
Speaker 3: Be the Jaden Will channel Jaden Will Yeah, and send
Speaker 3: in your successful cold parenting tips.
Speaker 2: Please please, please, like we said at the top of
Speaker 2: the episode, if you have a second, please go rate
Speaker 2: and review us on Apple Podcasts. Also, I don't know
Speaker 2: if you guys have joined our Patreon, but we have
Speaker 2: tons of other episodes that you won't find on any
Speaker 2: podcasting platforms that are secret members only episodes, lots of
Speaker 2: video content and stories that we keep secret only on Patreon, So.
Speaker 3: End live episodes we do on Zoom with you guys involved.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you do live episodes, so you can do.
Speaker 2: You can find us if you search in your search bar, Patreon,
Speaker 2: dot com, backslash, Good Moms Bad Choices, and you know
Speaker 2: where to follow us on Instagram at Good Mom's Underscore
Speaker 2: Bad Choices. We're Good Mom's Bad Choices pretty much everywhere,
Speaker 2: so follow our newsletter and uh that's you. See later.
Speaker 2: Have a great week, happy co parenting, happy go parenting.
Speaker 1: We're sending a career