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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 2: I'm Miila and I'm Erica and it's Wednesday. Happy Wednesday,

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Speaker 2: Happy Homeday. Hope you guys are doing well. If you

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Speaker 2: haven't done so yet, please please please go on Apple

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Speaker 2: Podcasts and leave us, rate us and leave us a review.

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Speaker 1: Like right now, like right now, like push pause. We'll wait,

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Speaker 1: go do it.

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Speaker 3: Scroll all the way to the bottom of Apple Podcasts

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Speaker 3: because it's super difficult to find find where it says

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Speaker 3: leave it, rate and review, and please rate and review

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Speaker 3: our podcast if you love and support her.

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Speaker 2: Please because some of these podcasts have like fifteen thousand

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Speaker 2: eatings and reviews. And I'm like, yo, we got like

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Speaker 2: a good amount of followers on Instagram. Why are I

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Speaker 2: have a lot.

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Speaker 1: Of people listening? So can you guys just type some

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Speaker 1: shit that says you love us?

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Speaker 2: Thanks, thank you ya.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing this week?

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Speaker 2: I'm hot. It's hot as fuck here in the valley

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, why do I live here? And I

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Speaker 2: don't have a pool and my air conditioning sucks, and yeah,

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Speaker 2: you have like two air conditioning because it's fucking hot,

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Speaker 2: it should don't work.

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Speaker 1: The valley is a very hot place. It's very deserty.

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Speaker 3: It's not waste any time. Let's get straight to the

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Speaker 3: straight to the meat and potatoes.

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Speaker 2: Okay, cool. So you know we've been asked a lot

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Speaker 2: about co parenting and how we manage our co parenting

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Speaker 2: schedules and if we have any tips tricks on co parenting,

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Speaker 2: and the answer is we do, but we're not masters.

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Speaker 2: We're not masters because it takes two people to mask.

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Speaker 2: So like you know, I am perfect, obviously, so you

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Speaker 2: know this is this works. These things do work whether

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Speaker 2: or not your co parenting situation is obvious, like if

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Speaker 2: it's amicable, but obviously these will be even better if

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Speaker 2: you have a great relationship with the person you went

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Speaker 2: half on a baby with. But either way, and.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes you don't have a great relationship now, but if

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Speaker 3: you practice some of these steps, maybe you'll get to

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Speaker 3: the place where you want to go. These are just

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Speaker 3: ways to help two non romantic parents co parent together

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Speaker 3: in a successful way. People do always ask about this

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Speaker 3: all the time, but Eric, Eric's metaphor for this is

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Speaker 3: by far the best metaphor I've heard.

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Speaker 1: This is what she told her baby daddy, and ever.

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Speaker 3: Since it's been sticking with me. I also told my

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Speaker 3: baby daddy this after Erica said it.

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Speaker 2: Number One thing is basically, I think of your child

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Speaker 2: as like the super Bowl. Okay, so this is like

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Speaker 2: the biggest game of your life, and so often we want,

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Speaker 2: you know, obviously positive results. We want to win. We

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Speaker 2: want our kids to win, want them to be the champion. Right,

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Speaker 2: But you have to be able to communicate with your partner.

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Speaker 2: You can't lead your child to victory if you guys

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Speaker 2: are not on the same page about how you have

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Speaker 2: decided to raise your child, whether that's like how we're

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Speaker 2: talking about certain things, you know, how we're introducing people

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Speaker 2: to them, you know, just there's just so many there's

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Speaker 2: so many aspects to that. So I always I told

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Speaker 2: my baby daddy because he loves football, and I was like, Yo,

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Speaker 2: it's like like you're the quarterback and you're not, you know,

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Speaker 2: telling the team the plan. So how the fuck are

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Speaker 2: we supposed to win the Super Bowl? There's no way

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Speaker 2: we're gonna fail.

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Speaker 3: You can't lead your child to the goal of winning

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Speaker 3: if you're not communicating with the coach and the team.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: It's just mandatory.

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Speaker 2: It's mandatory. And I think a lot of that two

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Speaker 2: falls under the category of stop delivering messages through your kids.

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Speaker 2: So communicate directly to the person you had the baby with. Now, obviously,

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Speaker 2: if you're listening, you're like, my naga, don't he sucks?

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Speaker 2: He don't communicate. I get it. I get that part,

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Speaker 2: But you have to at least try. And maybe if

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Speaker 2: you know men love football, maybe if you use Erica's

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Speaker 2: metap babe, if mephor of the super Bowl, our baby

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Speaker 2: is the super Bowl and we want to lead her

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Speaker 2: him to victory. So therefore speak his language. Yeah, so

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Speaker 2: you gotta speak, You gotta speak in language. So maybe

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Speaker 2: he likes baseball, Maybe he's a golfer. I don't fucking know,

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Speaker 2: But figure out a sport that connects with his brain

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Speaker 2: and use the analogy. And I think that's the beginning

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Speaker 2: stages of like opening up the dialogue and understanding that

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Speaker 2: you both have to communicate in order or your child

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Speaker 2: to win.

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Speaker 3: With that being said, co parenting is depends on each

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Speaker 3: parent and how capable they are of being mature and

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Speaker 3: cooperating with the goal. So we're going to go through

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Speaker 3: a list of eight things ish that we think are some.

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Speaker 2: Very crucial co parenting tips that can lead you to success.

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Speaker 3: However, if you don't have the type of co parent

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Speaker 3: that is willing to be mature and communicate, the number

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Speaker 3: one thing is don't I mean, you have to communicate,

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Speaker 3: but keep it to a minimum, keep it at I

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Speaker 3: mean if it's just text messages. For me personally, I

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Speaker 3: have a up and down relationship with my co parent,

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Speaker 3: so I've had to draw back and give and draw

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Speaker 3: back and give depending on.

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Speaker 1: The other person.

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Speaker 3: So if your person is not willing to be mature,

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Speaker 3: I've learned that I've had to cut off all other

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Speaker 3: communication unless it's just regarding the child.

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Speaker 1: I'm dropping her off, I'm picking her up, and even

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Speaker 1: when that doesn't work, I will mediate through a third person.

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Speaker 3: I won't drop off. I will drop her off at

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Speaker 3: your mom's. You can get her.

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Speaker 1: I don't.

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Speaker 3: Obviously that's not any way that anyone wants the situation

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Speaker 3: to go. But I've learned that the more I give,

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Speaker 3: the more he's.

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Speaker 1: What he can. He can piss me off.

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Speaker 3: If we have small talk, then there's room for you

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Speaker 3: to say shit that I didn't welcome and ask and

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Speaker 3: it's not it doesn't regard the child, So I've just

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Speaker 3: kept it very minimal. Very transactional and then that's it.

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Speaker 3: And I've also learned when you don't have someone that's

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Speaker 3: on the same page as you, you can't do shit

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Speaker 3: like go to Disneyland together.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know for those of you that are listening that,

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Speaker 2: like you know you you you feel like your child

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Speaker 2: is missing out because they're not seeing you guys parent together,

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Speaker 2: like physically, Like we're going to the movies together because

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Speaker 2: Johnny needs to see his parents and he wants Johnny

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Speaker 2: needs memories of parents going to the movies together. No, Johnny,

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Speaker 2: the fuck doesn't okay, especially if you guys have not

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Speaker 2: really step severed ties fully emotionally. Now, don't get it twisted.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna be emotionally tied to this person for the

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Speaker 2: rest of your life because you created life with this person.

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Speaker 2: But you know what I mean, You like, you're still

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Speaker 2: having romantic feelings, You're jealous, You're looking at his Instagram

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Speaker 2: every twenty seconds to see who he's posting.

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Speaker 3: Like if there's resentment or romantic entanglement still that exists,

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Speaker 3: you need to in order.

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Speaker 1: To help minimize that zero peepings.

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Speaker 2: It's trans You gotta be transactional essentially, Like, don't feel

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Speaker 2: the need to, like ask the nigga how his day

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Speaker 2: is going, like, we don't need to know, like and

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Speaker 2: you know, and it takes two. You have to create

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Speaker 2: those boundaries because sometimes you're not even doing it, it's

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Speaker 2: the other person.

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Speaker 1: And then you become you. You're so caught up in

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Speaker 1: that routine that you begin to communicate that same way

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Speaker 1: I've done it.

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Speaker 2: So you have to kind of decide do you want

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Speaker 2: to have a amicable relationship. Sometimes that means you kind

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Speaker 2: of got to be a little cold and you kind

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Speaker 2: of have to dead that relationship in that way. So

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Speaker 2: you have to set those boundaries. You don't need to

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Speaker 2: go to Disneyland, you don't.

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Speaker 1: Need to go to the movie no, like And.

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Speaker 2: I had to learn that too, Like I really did,

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Speaker 2: because I felt like, because I didn't have that growing up.

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Speaker 2: I wanted Iri to see, like us do those things.

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Speaker 2: I wanted her to have those memories and whatever. She

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Speaker 2: has some of them, but I've realized that it's just

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Speaker 2: not healthy in the long term for our relationship in

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Speaker 2: co parenting to do that because it confuses and muddles

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Speaker 2: the line for.

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Speaker 3: The for the other person, sometimes for you if you're

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Speaker 3: the one still holding onto something and a lot of

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Speaker 3: times for the child. And also if you're going to

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Speaker 3: go somewhere and not speak to the other person anyway,

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Speaker 3: it's actually pointless.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like what's the point of going to dinner where

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Speaker 2: no one's talking.

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Speaker 1: And the energy is off? Kids feel energy.

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Speaker 3: They may not know the complexity of what's going on

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Speaker 3: between mom and dad, but they know shit ain't feeling right.

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Speaker 2: So go with I'll never forget. I'm like, I went

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Speaker 2: to baby Daddy asked me that it took me out

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Speaker 2: for Mother's Day. This was like two years ago. It

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Speaker 2: was like probably the last Mother's Day we spent together,

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Speaker 2: and like we didn't even talk the whole time, Like

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Speaker 2: it was just we were just sitting there, not talking.

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Speaker 2: It was the most pointless. What the fuck was the point?

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Speaker 1: Why?

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Speaker 2: No point? Your child is not seeing you engage in

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Speaker 2: a healthy way.

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Speaker 3: And the truth is it kind of irritated me. It

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Speaker 3: actually infuriated me, and I realized this is just.

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Speaker 2: Not because I was there. I would I would have communicated.

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Speaker 2: He just didn't. He don't really ever know how to

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Speaker 2: communicate anyway. So it was just pointless. And now my

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Speaker 2: daughter sees that we have weird energy and we're at dinner. Okay, great,

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Speaker 2: we did this dinner, but like why yeah.

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Speaker 1: What are we really saying here anyway?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's I would say super Bowl could be

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Speaker 2: considered number one.

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Speaker 3: But maybe that's just opening the opening statement, opening statement,

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Speaker 3: how to open the conversation.

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Speaker 2: And number two is like setting the boundaries of like

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Speaker 2: are you?

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Speaker 1: Like there are we?

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Speaker 3: Let's let's be realistic about where are we in this

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Speaker 3: cold parenting situation. I could want a cool parent like

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Speaker 3: uh Alicia Keys and her and to speeds, but.

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Speaker 1: If that I don't have that type of dynamic. I

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Speaker 1: can't do that.

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Speaker 3: So be realistic about measuring where if that is realistic

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Speaker 3: for you.

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Speaker 1: And third, my favorite most valuable tip.

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Speaker 2: I love this tip. This tip is crucial.

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Speaker 1: Please listen up. This is important. This schedule. You have

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Speaker 1: to find a schedule that works for both parents.

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Speaker 3: And when I say both parents, I means the dad

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Speaker 3: needs to take those motherfucking kids too.

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Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean just on Saturday and Sunday.

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Speaker 3: Okay, there are thirty to thirty one days and every

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Speaker 3: month and the dad doesn't get to only get eight Okay,

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Speaker 3: that's just not normal.

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Speaker 1: We made if you went half on a baby, we

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Speaker 1: will go half on raising the child.

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Speaker 3: So we may have heard this before, I'm gonna tell

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Speaker 3: you again because it's you should pay me for this

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Speaker 3: valuable information. You start the one week Monday Tuesday, one

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Speaker 3: parent has the child, Wednesday Thursday, the other parent has

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Speaker 3: the child Friday Saturday Sunday. Back with the parent the

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Speaker 3: parent from Monday and Tuesday, and then you continue to switch.

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Speaker 3: So Monday Tuesday, one parent, Wednesday Thursday, the other parent Friday,

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Speaker 3: Saturday Sunday the other parents.

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Speaker 2: Basically, you always get a weekend because some I know

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Speaker 2: some moms that like never get there. They're setup is

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Speaker 2: that they never get a weekend ever. And I'm like why, Like,

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Speaker 2: obviously now COVID with all this shit going on, like weekends,

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Speaker 2: they are weeks. It doesn't matter. But at some point

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Speaker 2: we're gonna go back and people are gonna you need

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Speaker 2: your weekend.

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Speaker 3: I need my weekend, and not even just the weekend.

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Speaker 3: It's more about I send no parents who like, oh,

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Speaker 3: you know, Cindy only takes the kid to school and

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Speaker 3: to soccer and to piano because those only fallen weekdays.

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Speaker 3: And then dad over here or mom whatever usually dad.

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Speaker 3: Let's be real gets the fun shit on the weekend,

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Speaker 3: you know, and it just doesn't work. It doesn't work

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Speaker 3: out that way. So that way, every parent is fulfilling

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Speaker 3: every reroll. You know, sometimes dad has to take you

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Speaker 3: to piano and has to wake up his ass early

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Speaker 3: and take you to school. It's constantly, it's constantly everybody

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Speaker 3: is getting a chance to do everything and nobody's in

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Speaker 3: the dark. And then one responsibility doesn't fully fall on

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Speaker 3: the other parent, obviously depending on schedules, work schedules and vacations.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully, the point is is once you go there.

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Speaker 3: Then you can be more lenient and say, hey, maybe

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Speaker 3: you take these amount of days and I take this

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Speaker 3: amount of days, or you keep her and then I'll

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Speaker 3: keep her more so that it's fair and we're working

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Speaker 3: together and it's making sense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I definitely be flexible, but like, also.

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Speaker 3: Start this way so that you can go you can,

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Speaker 3: you can you can grow to flexibility because there's kind

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Speaker 3: of we've had a standard of what the schedule looks.

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Speaker 2: And it really gives your kid more structure so she

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Speaker 2: or he knows what's happening, what's coming, whose house they're

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Speaker 2: going to, and they don't feel bounced around constantly. Yeah yeah, okay.

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Speaker 2: So number four would be give them the same courtesy

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Speaker 2: you would want them to give to you. So I

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Speaker 2: recently experienced this because, as you guys know, I am

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Speaker 2: now in a relationship, and you know when I you know,

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Speaker 2: early on when me and my ex broke up, I

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Speaker 2: told him that if he was going to introduce someone

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Speaker 2: to my child or she was going to be around

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Speaker 2: my child, I would like to know about it. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I was even more crazy. He was like, I need

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Speaker 2: to meet her. Now I've obviously, I don't think that's

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Speaker 2: a great idea because it doesn't even matter if I

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Speaker 2: meet her, because it doesn't mean that like he's not

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Speaker 2: going to date her and vice versa. But at least

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Speaker 2: give the person the respect of, you know, communicating the

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Speaker 2: things that you've asked them to communicate to you. So

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Speaker 2: for me, when you know, I told him that I

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Speaker 2: was going on a trip with my daughter and my man.

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Speaker 2: Unexpectedly my daughter was going to have to come, and

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Speaker 2: you know, I like, I was gonna not tell him

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Speaker 2: because I was like whatever, Like he's the one whos

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Speaker 2: supposed to have her this weekend anyway, So this isn't

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Speaker 2: my fault. But then think shout out to Jessica Rose.

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Speaker 2: She was like, girl, you need to if you told

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Speaker 2: him that, then you need to hold yourself accountable and

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Speaker 2: share that information with him. And she was extremely right,

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Speaker 2: and I'm glad that I did. And so I told him,

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Speaker 2: And so I think, whatever that means to you, whether

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Speaker 2: it's the dating someone, whether it's you know, being respectful,

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Speaker 2: whatever it is that you want from him, you need

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Speaker 2: to be able to do that for him as well. Obviously,

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Speaker 2: things take, you know, things happen, people have attitudes, are disrespectful,

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Speaker 2: all those things. But I'm going to encourage you to

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Speaker 2: always try to take the high road and not be

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Speaker 2: petty all the time. Sometimes you must be petty sometimes.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, basically it's that good old saying to treat

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Speaker 2: people how you want to be treated.

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Speaker 3: It's very basic, very difficult if you're not getting the like,

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Speaker 3: the reciprocated energy. But I think you gotta do, you know,

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Speaker 3: lead by example. If you're dealing with somebody who is

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Speaker 3: completely just dumb, Court Court is the next step. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean, try all these steps, but ultimately, like Court.

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Speaker 2: I agree, I agree, you know, I've I've shied away

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Speaker 2: from court. I have never done that, and neither is Mila,

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Speaker 2: because I don't know, like it hasn't gotten to that

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Speaker 2: point yet. Really. However, I have a friend who who

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Speaker 2: it did get to that point. We're actually talking yesterday

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Speaker 2: and she was like, girl, it was it's I'm so

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Speaker 2: glad I did this. It just it was so hard

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Speaker 2: at first. There was so much drama at first, but

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Speaker 2: now everything is clearly. There's no like, there's no question

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Speaker 2: about what his response abilities, what time he's supposed to

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Speaker 2: be here, what you know, what he you know, all

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Speaker 2: those things.

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Speaker 1: So I think it's black people.

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Speaker 3: Though when we think about like court, I think we

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Speaker 3: think about like involving the people in our business.

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Speaker 2: Right, well, it is it's involving people in our business

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Speaker 2: and them telling us how to run our household and.

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Speaker 3: Just letting people in your business. Because I'll be honest,

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Speaker 3: I went to the courtroom once to get to try

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Speaker 3: and file for child support. First of all, there's handy

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Speaker 3: like fifty five loose pages that don't make fucking sense.

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Speaker 3: It's it's expensive in California to file for child support,

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Speaker 3: like five hundred and fifty five dollars or some shit,

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, why the fuck would I be filing

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Speaker 3: for child support if I had five hundred and fifty

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Speaker 3: three dollars to fucking pay for this shit? And then

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Speaker 3: they ask you all this shit about your taxes and

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Speaker 3: all this other shit, and I was like, fucking never mind.

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Speaker 1: You know, I have fuck this shit, So don't get discouraged.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's easy to go through that to get to

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Speaker 3: the fucking happy end, and you got to go through

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Speaker 3: the ship to do it.

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Speaker 1: So I think also, I think if someone's not.

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Speaker 3: Helping you financially, court, don't take it out on time spent.

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Speaker 3: Think that's fair, you know, like, if I'm dumb and

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Speaker 3: I decided not to fill the fifty pieces of paper

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Speaker 3: and not get money, that's on me.

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Speaker 1: But I'm not going to.

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Speaker 3: Ever stop my kid from seeing her dad because of finances.

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Speaker 3: I don't really think that's fair. I know women who

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00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,040
Speaker 3: do think that's fair, and I kind.

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Speaker 2: Of get it.

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Speaker 1: I do. You got to do the whole shit. You

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Speaker 1: can't do half of it.

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Speaker 3: But that's why I say, if there's conflict financially, do court.

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Speaker 3: But if you can, you know, at least come up

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Speaker 3: with a schedule that's good for the kid.

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Speaker 1: Stick with that as much.

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Speaker 2: As possible, right, and also try to keep everything in

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Speaker 2: text messages and emails so that if you.

347
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Speaker 1: Do go to court, it's documented.

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Speaker 2: You have the shit documented.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: This one, this last one, one of the last ones,

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Speaker 3: and not one of the last ones.

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Speaker 1: Well, one of the last ones.

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Speaker 3: Is this came from Erica's therapist, which I thought was great,

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Speaker 3: was no matter what, keep a picture of the family,

355
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Speaker 3: parents and child together went in the household.

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Speaker 1: I think that's very that makes sense. So there's visual.

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Speaker 3: In each household. You know your mom or your dad,

358
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Speaker 3: and you see them together, and you grow up with

359
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Speaker 3: those pictures because you don't just leave the house of

360
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Speaker 3: your mom and then she disappears and doesn't exist. You know,

361
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Speaker 3: you guys are still a unit to your child, and

362
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:16,919
Speaker 3: so to have that image around the household while they

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Speaker 3: grow up, I think is important.

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Speaker 2: Especially if you guys are amicable and like you are

365
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,440
Speaker 2: and can keep it at least in public in front

366
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,199
Speaker 2: of your child amicable. It really, I feel like is

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Speaker 2: impactful for the child to see their parents and know

368
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Speaker 2: that they came together in love. Yeah, they came from love.

369
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,800
Speaker 2: They came together in love, and that there's no big

370
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Speaker 2: separation and hiding of this previous relationship that created them.

371
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Speaker 2: So I have a picture of Iri and me and

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Speaker 2: her dad in our living room, and whether or not

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Speaker 2: she looks at it every day, I mean, no, she doesn't,

374
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Speaker 2: but it's there. And I also I would also say,

375
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Speaker 2: I don't know if that's another one on the list

376
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 2: about you know, not talking badly about your partner ex partner.

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Speaker 1: In front of your child, and don't argue in front

378
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Speaker 1: of your child.

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Speaker 2: I think though that's a really big one, is like

380
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,719
Speaker 2: the not arguing in front of them, not talking badly

381
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 2: and not assuming that your kid doesn't know that you're

382
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 2: talking about and.

383
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Speaker 3: It's and trust me, like it's much easier to fuck

384
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 3: this up than it is not to. I mean we've

385
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 3: done it, like yeah, we would be lying to say otherwise.

386
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 3: And I've argued in front of my kid and I

387
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,480
Speaker 3: and I had my parents argued in front of me,

388
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,800
Speaker 3: and I know how that affected me. And even still

389
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,919
Speaker 3: it's hard for me to you know, when someone's pushing

390
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,480
Speaker 3: your buttons and getting petty with you, you know, you

391
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,879
Speaker 3: go right into turn up mode and you've got to

392
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 3: always remind yourself when your child is watching you that

393
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 3: it's just not worth it's not worth it's not worth

394
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 3: it you getting out of character, or anyone pulling you

395
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,679
Speaker 3: out of character, because it could. It's it's hard for

396
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 3: them to understand when their parents don't love you, you know,

397
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,199
Speaker 3: or not getting along or in their eyes, not being

398
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 3: nice to one another.

399
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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I remember the extreme anxiety I had about,

400
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 2: you know, my parents arguing, and just I was the

401
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 2: messenger constantly like I'm going through this list because my coat.

402
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 2: My parents were terrible co parents, horrible, fucking terrible, and

403
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 2: so all these things they did not do, like arguing

404
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 2: in front of me, delivering messages, ain't no super Bowl,

405
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 2: and my daddy was a football player, and like it

406
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 2: was just all fucked up. And as a child, like

407
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:37,439
Speaker 2: I was filled with constant anxiety about the conversation about

408
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 2: like having them even like mentioning both of them in

409
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 2: a conversation like made me sad, you know, And so

410
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 2: I think spelling even spelling your baby daddy's name. Guess what,

411
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 2: Eventually they're gonna get it.

412
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 3: That dies in around three or four, because they're gonna

413
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 3: know other letters. They're even know what sounds like, and

414
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 3: they know the tone of what you're talking about.

415
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 2: And even so like even me, like I've I've made

416
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,959
Speaker 2: this mistake and thought that I was getting away with it.

417
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 2: She knows. She knew because she understood that my energy

418
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 2: would change just when I talked about him. Even if

419
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 2: I didn't say his name, she would know I was

420
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 2: talking about him, just based on the attitude or like

421
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 2: the way the inflections in my voice. Like I remember

422
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 2: we're one day were I'm seeing a cheesecake factory and

423
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 2: I was talking to Sebastian about him. I didn't say

424
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 2: his name. I was really like trying to be cool

425
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 2: about it. And then she was like, Mommy, I want

426
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 2: to call my daddy, Like she knew that I was

427
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 2: talking about her. She's sad and she wanted to call him.

428
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,920
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh yeah.

429
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 2: So just be careful with that, Like your kids, think

430
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 2: about when you were a kid and how much you understood.

431
00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 2: As adults, we forget, we really really forget.

432
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 3: We almost insult our kids intelligence a lot, and I

433
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 3: remember feeling that way as a child, like they're fucking dumb.

434
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,199
Speaker 3: So I tried to not. I try to not do

435
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 3: the same thing. Even though I do it, It's hard

436
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,360
Speaker 3: and I'm a work in progress because let's be real,

437
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 3: like your feelings, your emotions get worked up, and then

438
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 3: you want to talk to someone who's sitting next to

439
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 3: you about it, and you forget because they're always around.

440
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 1: One more thing.

441
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,840
Speaker 3: This list is for co parenting, but this is for

442
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,880
Speaker 3: people who are in relationships with their co parent as well.

443
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 3: You could live in the same household with someone and

444
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 3: not communicate. I remember speaking of parents because my parents

445
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,959
Speaker 3: fought all the time in front of me, like a

446
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 3: lot so fucking annoying. Second, one time, my dad, my

447
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 3: dad let me go to Paris with my cousin the

448
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 3: first the first week of school and didn't tell my

449
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 3: mom until the morning I was leaving what he he bought,

450
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 3: He let he bought my ticket. I was supposed to

451
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 3: be going to school and instead I was packing my

452
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 3: bag to Paris and my.

453
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 2: Mom bougiest story I ever heard, packing my bag.

454
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 3: My mom is so fucking heated. I was gone for

455
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 3: like two weeks and she two weeks pissed. I went

456
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 3: to like some fucking Catholic school. I was like the

457
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 3: first two weeks, I wasn't missing shit, and I felt

458
00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 3: like it was a once in a lifetime and it was.

459
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 2: But the opportunity to share this information.

460
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,879
Speaker 3: Well, my mom is unreasonable, but as a result, she

461
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,640
Speaker 3: didn't talk to me the whole time I was in Paris,

462
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 3: and whatever, I didn't care I was in Paris. But

463
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 3: the point is it's very possible for two parents to

464
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,120
Speaker 3: not be communicating in the same household. So don't think

465
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 3: this list is exclusive to single parents, right, don't argue

466
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 3: in front of them. Don't fucking send your kid to

467
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 3: Paris and not tell the other parent. Most importantly is

468
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 3: once you drop that baby off, have fun.

469
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 2: Do you boo? Okay, don't have your good look, You're

470
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 2: gonna have guilt, but just push through it and do

471
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,440
Speaker 2: whatever the fuck it is that you need to do.

472
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 2: You don't need to if you want to call in

473
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 2: the morning and the night. I'm not gonna tell you

474
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 2: how often you should be calling your kid Soles.

475
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest. I'll confess sometimes I don't call.

476
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't call either because I know if I call.

477
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 3: She's gonna remember that she she misses me, then she's

478
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 3: gonna be mad at me. And sometimes you need to

479
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,439
Speaker 3: just be over there and be where you're at. A

480
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 3: lot of times we're worried about our kids missing us.

481
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 3: But kids have like a one dimensional, no social media mind.

482
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 3: They're where they're at, doing what they're doing, having a

483
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 3: good fucking time, you know, blowing bubbles and shit.

484
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 1: Don't interrupt that.

485
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 2: I agree.

486
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you gotta just not be the mom

487
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: or the dad, and you got to just go fully

488
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 1: into wherever you're going and go there and then on

489
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: Monday check back in.

490
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 3: That's okay, you know, it doesn't mean you're the worst

491
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 3: fucking parent on earth. No, even though the nail lady

492
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,719
Speaker 3: tried to shame me yesterday. Why she was like, you're

493
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 3: going you're going out of town. Oh, that's very long,

494
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 3: you're taking your daughta. I was like no, She was.

495
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,160
Speaker 1: Like, oh, she's gonna miss you. I was like, hurry

496
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: up and finish this tip.

497
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 3: People are always going to try to guilt you, probably

498
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 3: because they got some of their own shit going on.

499
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 3: Don't let people guilt you about your free time, especially moms.

500
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 3: Men do it all the time. Men take care of shit,

501
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:53,400
Speaker 3: go out of town, don't know what the fuck they'd

502
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,640
Speaker 3: be doing over there, and nobody says shit. So take

503
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,440
Speaker 3: that same mentality when I go out of town when

504
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 3: I need space when I'm like, I need to handle myself.

505
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 1: Can you hold her for two weeks so I can

506
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: fix shit or whatever.

507
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,399
Speaker 3: I don't feel bad about it because guys do it

508
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 3: all the time and the children survive.

509
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 2: Right, I agree. I agree with all those things.

510
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: Oh you know what.

511
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 2: One last tip, I don't know if it's a tip,

512
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,159
Speaker 2: but it's just slided in there. That I that I

513
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 2: do with my family and him is that we're on

514
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 2: a group text. I don't know if like you guys,

515
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 2: if you're listening, are like in a space where you

516
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 2: can do that. But it's helpful to be in a

517
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,640
Speaker 2: group text with the family, so you can share things,

518
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 2: their accomplishments, so they moment moments, so he can know

519
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 2: and I can know. Grandparents can know, Yeah, what's happening

520
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 2: in her life, what she's doing. Even like he'll share

521
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 2: pictures of her when they're together, like when he has her,

522
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,199
Speaker 2: and that's cool with me, Like it lets me know,

523
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,440
Speaker 2: it lets me feel like at peace, like, Okay, she's

524
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,679
Speaker 2: having she's cool, she's having fun, and vice versa. So

525
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 2: if you can do that, if you guys are in

526
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 2: a mature enough place to do that.

527
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 3: Even if you just start then hopefully eventually that other

528
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 3: person will catch.

529
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 2: On right, and just sharing your kids accomplishments grades all

530
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 2: those things. And also it's a good way to have

531
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 2: a track record of what the fuck's happening. So those

532
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:14,919
Speaker 2: are our tips.

533
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: That concludes our list of co parenting tips.

534
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 3: And most importantly, just say a prayer, because honestly, this

535
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 3: is what that shit really requires. It's just a prayer

536
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 3: because everybody knows like it's already hard to deal.

537
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 1: With an X and then you just throw a fucking

538
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,199
Speaker 1: whole human in the mix and you can't cut the

539
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: other person off. So good luck with that.

540
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 2: Good luck with that. And if you guys have any

541
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 2: other tips that you think we missed, or you have

542
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 2: any tips for us, because maybe you guys are farther

543
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 2: along in your co parenting journey, please share them. Let

544
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 2: us know what they are dm us. You can leave

545
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 2: a comment under this video on our Patreon and.

546
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 3: We love we love contribution, and we'd love to hear

547
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 3: stories of successful co parenting real quick. I went to

548
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 3: our friends son's second birthday party and her ex showed

549
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 3: up with his new twenty five year old girlfriend, and

550
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 3: she was very mature about it. She actually invited her.

551
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 3: She's like, she's gotta be in her live their lives anyway,

552
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 3: fuck it. They just broke up.

553
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: He just moved out that she came to the party,

554
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: and I was like.

555
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 3: Okay, you real mature over here, because I don't know

556
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 3: if I could do it.

557
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 1: So you know, it's just like.

558
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 3: Be the Jaden Will channel Jaden Will Yeah, and send

559
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 3: in your successful cold parenting tips.

560
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 2: Please please, please, like we said at the top of

561
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 2: the episode, if you have a second, please go rate

562
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 2: and review us on Apple Podcasts. Also, I don't know

563
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 2: if you guys have joined our Patreon, but we have

564
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 2: tons of other episodes that you won't find on any

565
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 2: podcasting platforms that are secret members only episodes, lots of

566
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: video content and stories that we keep secret only on Patreon, So.

567
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 3: End live episodes we do on Zoom with you guys involved.

568
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you do live episodes, so you can do.

569
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 2: You can find us if you search in your search bar, Patreon,

570
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 2: dot com, backslash, Good Moms Bad Choices, and you know

571
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 2: where to follow us on Instagram at Good Mom's Underscore

572
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 2: Bad Choices. We're Good Mom's Bad Choices pretty much everywhere,

573
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 2: so follow our newsletter and uh that's you. See later.

574
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 2: Have a great week, happy co parenting, happy go parenting.

575
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: We're sending a career