WEBVTT - Ché Ahn - Oct 27 - 9:00 am

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<v Speaker 1>When I got out of the room and the police

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<v Speaker 1>officers had him like arrested, I remember very clearly looking

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<v Speaker 1>at his eyes and they were so dark. And I

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<v Speaker 1>just knew like, this is not my dad. I got

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<v Speaker 1>on my knees and for the first time in my life,

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<v Speaker 1>I said to the Lord, if you just take this

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<v Speaker 1>addiction from me, I will serve you for the rest

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<v Speaker 1>of my life. And I heard someone say yes. But

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<v Speaker 1>when I looked up, nobody was there.

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<v Speaker 2>This door that you've stepped through and being as vulnerable

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<v Speaker 2>as you've been today, It's just the beginning. Hey everyone,

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<v Speaker 2>welcome to The Honest Podcast. Our main goal here is

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<v Speaker 2>to reach and impact as many people as possible. So

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<v Speaker 2>please like, subscribe, but most importantly, share this with as

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<v Speaker 2>many people as you can who you think it'll encourage.

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<v Speaker 2>We greatly appreciate it. And now onto the show. Sharon Alvarez.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>It is good to... Did I say your last name properly?

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<v Speaker 1>You did.

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<v Speaker 2>A little bit. I know you're from Nicaragua, right?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>So you speak Espanol?

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<v Speaker 1>Si, yo hablo Espanol.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. My Espanol is poquito, así, así, mucho mal.

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<v Speaker 1>No, está bien. Si lo practicas mal, lo aprenderás.

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<v Speaker 2>Ah, no comprende.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you say I'm sorry? Lo siento. Lo siento.

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<v Speaker 2>That's so corny, but it's okay. I'm brushing up on

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<v Speaker 2>my Spanish. You're actually from Nicaragua. Yes. Which I probably

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<v Speaker 2>didn't even say that right. Nicaragua. Nicaragua. Yes. How old

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<v Speaker 2>were you when you moved to the States?

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<v Speaker 1>I was about five. So my dad was a professional boxer.

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<v Speaker 1>So we would fly back and forth between Nicaragua and

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<v Speaker 1>Los Angeles for a while until I was 11 years old.

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<v Speaker 2>This is very fascinating to me because I love everyone's story. Everyone,

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<v Speaker 2>first of all, everyone has a story. Yes. But I

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<v Speaker 2>love a little bit of what I've heard from your story.

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<v Speaker 2>And you had already told me, and by the way,

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<v Speaker 2>just for those who are listening, Sharon is our amazing

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<v Speaker 2>makeup artist. And so we wanted to have her at

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<v Speaker 2>the table to converse a little bit about your testimony,

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<v Speaker 2>your story. But I love sports. Now, I'm not really,

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<v Speaker 2>really into boxing just because it's a little harder to

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<v Speaker 2>watch professional boxing. But Any type of professional athlete that

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<v Speaker 2>is in the limelight or that is, you know, going

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<v Speaker 2>for a championship or a title, in this case, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>always fascinated. And word on the street is that your

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<v Speaker 2>dad actually was pretty good as a boxer. Now, what

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<v Speaker 2>division was he?

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<v Speaker 1>I think he was super flyweight around there. Yeah, he's smaller,

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<v Speaker 1>for sure.

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<v Speaker 2>You think I could take him in the ring?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, maybe.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I'm probably twice his size, but... No, he would

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<v Speaker 2>demolish me. But what was... He was like on the

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<v Speaker 2>card with.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, on the Mayweather card, yeah. Oh, Mayweather. Yeah, his

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<v Speaker 1>last boxing fight was actually on a Mayweather card in

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<v Speaker 1>the MGM Grand. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, he was a

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<v Speaker 1>really good boxer, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you remember his record? Oh, that's a good question.

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<v Speaker 2>Or how many wins or how many.

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<v Speaker 1>It was a buff 30. I remember that, yeah. And

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<v Speaker 1>then he had one draw, which was like a big fight.

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<v Speaker 1>because he knocked out this really great Mexican boxer. He

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<v Speaker 1>was the only one to ever knock him out. I

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<v Speaker 1>remember that. I don't have the numbers right off the

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<v Speaker 1>top of my head, but he was two times world champion. Wow.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Okay. So your father was a boxer. You have

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<v Speaker 2>four brothers.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. So a lot of testosterone, a lot of.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes. Yeah, tough.

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<v Speaker 2>Muchismo, mucho, mucho, fuerte. Yeah, okay. So what was that

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<v Speaker 2>like for you? Because you're second, right? So you have

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<v Speaker 2>an older brother and you have three younger brothers.

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<v Speaker 1>Correct, yes. So here in the U.S., I have three brothers,

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<v Speaker 1>and I have one in Nicaragua, which I haven't met

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<v Speaker 1>in person. I just know him over the phone. But

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<v Speaker 1>with my other brothers, I basically grew up being the

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<v Speaker 1>middle child for a long time. And, well, it was tough.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, we just put on the gloves. We'll fight

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<v Speaker 1>each other. and just wrestle around because that's all we knew.

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<v Speaker 2>Wait, so you would even put on the gloves?

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<v Speaker 1>I would, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Were you at any time interested in professional boxing or

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<v Speaker 2>even amateur?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, good question. Since my dad left, I think

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<v Speaker 1>I shut that side off. But if my dad would

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<v Speaker 1>have stood, I think I would have gone for it.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. Well, we'll talk about the journey of your dad

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<v Speaker 2>being in your life and then not in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>But okay, so you kind of like toughened up a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit. You're into boxing, roughhousing with your brothers. Your

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<v Speaker 2>dad's a boxer. So this is the kind of environment

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<v Speaker 2>you grew up in. And what was your relationship, if

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<v Speaker 2>you don't mind me asking, like with your mom? Was it,

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<v Speaker 2>was she like, like, obviously she's the only woman you

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<v Speaker 2>could turn to, but was that?

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<v Speaker 1>So mom's a hard worker. So my mom used to

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<v Speaker 1>manage my dad in boxing. So my mom was, she

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't absent, but she had to work all the time

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<v Speaker 1>with my dad. So I basically grew up most of

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<v Speaker 1>the time with my brothers. So our grandparents kind of

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<v Speaker 1>raised us. My mom and dad were in the picture,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was so fast-paced in their schedule. It wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>like we're always doing the nurturing thing. But she's a

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<v Speaker 1>good mom. We have a great relationship now, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Even as we have this conversation today, you're living with her,

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<v Speaker 2>you work with her, so you have a good relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>But I was just asking because I had the opposite situation.

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<v Speaker 2>So my dad and I are the only boys in

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<v Speaker 2>the family. So I have three little sisters. They're not

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<v Speaker 2>little anymore, but growing up, three little sisters. And so

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<v Speaker 2>for me to build that bond with my mom was

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<v Speaker 2>very intentional, right? Because I was around my sisters, but

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<v Speaker 2>having that connection with my mom. But even more intentional

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<v Speaker 2>was my relationship with my dad because I didn't have

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<v Speaker 2>any brothers.

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<v Speaker 1>Right.

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<v Speaker 2>So for you to have that connection with your mom

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<v Speaker 2>was important. But to your point, she was gone a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>So you were really with your brothers.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>What was that like for you as a young girl?

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<v Speaker 2>And you moved to the States when?

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<v Speaker 1>We stood here officially, I think, in 06. Okay. So

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<v Speaker 1>I was about 11 years old. Yeah, but we were

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<v Speaker 1>always back and forth. You know, great question is really

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<v Speaker 1>making me think. And I'm like, oh, my God, mine

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<v Speaker 1>and my mom's relationship really started getting good when I

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<v Speaker 1>got saved. Yeah, because part of it is to like,

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<v Speaker 1>she was a single mom after my dad left. So

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<v Speaker 1>she worked two jobs. And so the same dynamic, my

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<v Speaker 1>brothers and I, my grandparents would watch us. And so

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't really have the nurturing aspect from mom, not

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<v Speaker 1>because she couldn't, like she didn't want to, but she

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<v Speaker 1>just couldn't because she was being the breadwinner, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>trying to provide for the home. So our relationship really

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<v Speaker 1>kicked off once I started getting healing after being saved.

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<v Speaker 2>I see.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>That makes sense because she was so focused on managing

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<v Speaker 2>your dad on the road, the hustle and bustle of

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<v Speaker 2>working for a professional boxer. So now this is, I

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<v Speaker 2>think the second or third time you mentioned about your

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<v Speaker 2>dad leaving. That's a very strong statement. Can you tell

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<v Speaker 2>me a little bit about why that was or before

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<v Speaker 2>even why he left? But I think he had shared

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<v Speaker 2>some Pretty traumatic things that had happened to you as

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<v Speaker 2>a young girl before he left. So whatever you want

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<v Speaker 2>to share, please feel free.

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<v Speaker 1>So, you know, my dad, the fame, right? Like that's

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<v Speaker 1>been a thing. And when he was boxing, his thing

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<v Speaker 1>was alcoholism. So there was always kind of like violence

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<v Speaker 1>in the house. You know, him and my mom would

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<v Speaker 1>get into it. And, you know, she went through some

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<v Speaker 1>stuff with him, you know, some domestic violence. And towards

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<v Speaker 1>the end, like by 06... You know, he had set

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<v Speaker 1>the house on fire at one point with all of

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<v Speaker 1>us in it.

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<v Speaker 2>Wait, wait, wait.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>Hold on a second. That's a really strong statement.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>And was he drunk?

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<v Speaker 1>He was drunk, yes.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so he, because of his fame, one of the

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<v Speaker 2>things that he turned to was alcoholism, which for a

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<v Speaker 2>professional athlete, I can imagine some days were probably like

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<v Speaker 2>with the training and professional fighting. That must be a

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<v Speaker 2>crazy dynamic. Yeah, yeah. Nevertheless, walk me through, if it's

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<v Speaker 2>okay with you, and I want to be sensitive to

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<v Speaker 2>your story. Walk me through what happened the day or

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<v Speaker 2>the night that he decided to set the house on fire.

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<v Speaker 2>Like what was going on for him to do that?

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<v Speaker 1>So my dad, before he became a boxer, he was

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<v Speaker 1>in some form of military in Nicaragua. And so my

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<v Speaker 1>dad actually would drink way before, you know, fame. But

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<v Speaker 1>with fame, obviously women, alcohol. All that kind of just,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, kind of builds up. And so when he

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<v Speaker 1>would drink, we already knew he was going to come

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<v Speaker 1>home and do trouble. So it wasn't like the first

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<v Speaker 1>time that something like that happened. But that was actually

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<v Speaker 1>like the end where Mama was like, OK, this is enough. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>So that night he came home and we my older

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<v Speaker 1>brother opened the door for him and he literally ran

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<v Speaker 1>up the stairs because he would come in like so angry.

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<v Speaker 1>and furious that we, you know, my brother just ran

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<v Speaker 1>up the stairs. We all locked ourselves up in a

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<v Speaker 1>room and we could hear him saying stuff, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like saying bad words and like doing a mess. And

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<v Speaker 1>next thing you know, we could smell smoke. And so

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<v Speaker 1>before the smoke even happened, my mom was already like

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<v Speaker 1>calling the cops. So the cops came, they knocked on

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<v Speaker 1>the door. My older brother went to go open. Our

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<v Speaker 1>room was on fire and the police department came, knocked

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<v Speaker 1>him down. They shut the fire and my dad ended

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<v Speaker 1>up getting arrested. And so he was sued by the

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<v Speaker 1>fire department and he went to prison for about maybe

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<v Speaker 1>nine months. You know, my mom still contended for him,

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<v Speaker 1>got him a lawyer and they got him a good deal. But,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the process was hard. Oh my goodness.

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<v Speaker 2>So I know it may come across as prying, but

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just really curious. And one of the things that

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<v Speaker 2>we're trying to do in this, through these conversations is

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<v Speaker 2>to be as vulnerable as possible. But Yes, he was drunk.

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<v Speaker 2>And yes, there was a history of violence. There was

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<v Speaker 2>a history of domestic violence and abuse. But do you

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<v Speaker 2>know or can you help me understand what his intention was?

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<v Speaker 2>Was he really trying to just take you guys out

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<v Speaker 2>or scare you or both? Or what do you think?

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<v Speaker 2>Was he just didn't want to deal with you guys anymore?

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<v Speaker 1>I think it was a spiritual thing.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. And the reason I say this is because when

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<v Speaker 1>I got out of the room and the police department,

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<v Speaker 1>like the police officers had him like arrested, I remember

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<v Speaker 1>very clearly looking at his eyes and they were so dark.

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<v Speaker 1>And I just knew like, this is not my dad. Like,

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<v Speaker 1>this is not my dad. And when I got saved

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<v Speaker 1>and encountered the Lord, I had an encounter with the

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<v Speaker 1>Lord where he healed my father wounds. The Lord reminded

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<v Speaker 1>me like that wasn't him. And so I know it's

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<v Speaker 1>a spiritual thing. And it wasn't the first time my

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<v Speaker 1>dad tried to like kill us. Like he would, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>try to do that with my mom in the car.

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<v Speaker 1>And then Previously, he had put two knives to my

0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.860
<v Speaker 1>neck and threatened to kill me if I didn't get

0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:21.340
<v Speaker 1>my mom from Nicaragua in five minutes, which that would

0:11:21.380 --> 0:11:25.209
<v Speaker 1>be nearly impossible. So I believe it's a spiritual thing,

0:11:25.350 --> 0:11:28.350
<v Speaker 1>and I believe it was like an assignment against our lives.

0:11:28.470 --> 0:11:31.690
<v Speaker 1>And even his mom, she's a woman of prayer and

0:11:31.770 --> 0:11:34.960
<v Speaker 1>praying tongues, but my dad was on the other side

0:11:34.980 --> 0:11:37.500
<v Speaker 1>of the end. And I know it's not Because he's

0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:40.660
<v Speaker 1>a bad person. But for whatever reason, whatever doors he

0:11:40.740 --> 0:11:43.110
<v Speaker 1>opened up, opened it up for evil. So I think

0:11:43.150 --> 0:11:45.270
<v Speaker 1>it's a spiritual component for sure.

0:11:45.809 --> 0:11:48.230
<v Speaker 2>As you said that, that totally makes sense. And I

0:11:48.270 --> 0:11:51.250
<v Speaker 2>don't even know why I was thinking his intention. Because

0:11:51.370 --> 0:11:54.990
<v Speaker 2>when someone, given what you just described, does something like that,

0:11:55.050 --> 0:12:00.699
<v Speaker 2>there is a spiritual reason. And we've talked even at

0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:05.800
<v Speaker 2>this table about demonic influence or spiritual influence and principalities

0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.620
<v Speaker 2>and whatnot. Yeah. You're saying that he was not just

0:12:08.660 --> 0:12:11.079
<v Speaker 2>maybe under the influence of alcohol, but under the influence

0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:16.890
<v Speaker 2>of a spiritual dark presence and the enemy obviously at hand.

0:12:17.750 --> 0:12:20.150
<v Speaker 2>But you said something just now that kind of caught

0:12:20.170 --> 0:12:23.310
<v Speaker 2>my attention. And again, I want to be sensitive to you,

0:12:23.450 --> 0:12:26.719
<v Speaker 2>but you said that your father held two knives to

0:12:27.130 --> 0:12:28.460
<v Speaker 2>your neck, to your throat.

0:12:28.540 --> 0:12:29.339
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:30.520
<v Speaker 2>How old were you when this happened?

0:12:30.540 --> 0:12:32.579
<v Speaker 1>It was around the same season. So maybe 10, 11

0:12:32.580 --> 0:12:36.920
<v Speaker 1>years old. He had came home drunk. My mom was

0:12:36.940 --> 0:12:41.280
<v Speaker 1>still in Nicaragua doing a business. And he wanted her

0:12:41.320 --> 0:12:42.900
<v Speaker 1>to come home. And he was like, if you don't

0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.270
<v Speaker 1>get her home, I'm going to like kill you. And,

0:12:45.870 --> 0:12:48.370
<v Speaker 1>you know, my brothers, my grandma, they were all watching.

0:12:48.429 --> 0:12:50.469
<v Speaker 1>So it was, I want to say one of the

0:12:50.530 --> 0:12:53.050
<v Speaker 1>most traumatic years that we went through. Yeah.

0:12:53.650 --> 0:12:55.110
<v Speaker 2>First of all, thank you for sharing that.

0:12:55.190 --> 0:12:55.860
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, of course.

0:12:56.200 --> 0:13:01.800
<v Speaker 2>And secondly, I just want to say I honor your bravery,

0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:05.100
<v Speaker 2>not just to share, but to to not give up

0:13:05.179 --> 0:13:08.459
<v Speaker 2>because I can imagine I've heard very traumatic stories through

0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:14.569
<v Speaker 2>this podcast, but also just doing ministry myself. And I

0:13:14.590 --> 0:13:18.310
<v Speaker 2>don't think I've ever heard anyone share this specific of,

0:13:18.990 --> 0:13:20.910
<v Speaker 2>you know, being in a home that was set on

0:13:20.970 --> 0:13:23.490
<v Speaker 2>fire by their own father and then having their own

0:13:23.550 --> 0:13:26.090
<v Speaker 2>father hold two knives to their neck. So thank you

0:13:26.110 --> 0:13:29.939
<v Speaker 2>for sharing that. But how did that affect you? Obviously

0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.960
<v Speaker 2>you're a different person now, but before that, I can

0:13:34.030 --> 0:13:37.760
<v Speaker 2>imagine the trauma, especially at that age. Talk me through

0:13:37.780 --> 0:13:39.359
<v Speaker 2>a little bit of how that affected you.

0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.840
<v Speaker 1>So it's ironic and funny because, it's not funny, but

0:13:42.900 --> 0:13:45.839
<v Speaker 1>it's ironic because when he went to a person, he'll

0:13:45.860 --> 0:13:47.880
<v Speaker 1>write me letters. He's like, I'm going to change, you know,

0:13:47.900 --> 0:13:50.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do the things right. And in my heart,

0:13:50.740 --> 0:13:54.740
<v Speaker 1>there was hope. And once he got out, he just left,

0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:58.360
<v Speaker 1>started doing more work business and ended up in a relationship.

0:13:58.460 --> 0:14:01.410
<v Speaker 1>And So he never kept his word. You would think, well,

0:14:01.470 --> 0:14:04.670
<v Speaker 1>how do you still want love from him after he

0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.140
<v Speaker 1>tried to kill you? But there was this little girl

0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:09.160
<v Speaker 1>in me that was like, well, I'm daddy's little girl

0:14:09.179 --> 0:14:11.980
<v Speaker 1>and I love him. I love him besides the fact

0:14:12.020 --> 0:14:15.040
<v Speaker 1>that he did that to me. And so when he

0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:18.300
<v Speaker 1>left for me, it was like, okay, I wasn't mad

0:14:18.570 --> 0:14:20.210
<v Speaker 1>at the fact that you almost killed me. I'm mad

0:14:20.250 --> 0:14:23.010
<v Speaker 1>at the fact that you abandoned me. And so I

0:14:23.070 --> 0:14:26.370
<v Speaker 1>started becoming very angry. And so I would pick fights

0:14:26.430 --> 0:14:29.750
<v Speaker 1>in school and Started hanging around with the wrong friends.

0:14:29.830 --> 0:14:31.850
<v Speaker 1>I grew up in the hood. So I picked that

0:14:31.970 --> 0:14:36.150
<v Speaker 1>side of society. Like I just wanted people who wouldn't

0:14:36.190 --> 0:14:38.790
<v Speaker 1>let themselves. And, you know, in the hood, it's like

0:14:38.810 --> 0:14:41.680
<v Speaker 1>you look for family. And I was looking for family,

0:14:41.740 --> 0:14:44.660
<v Speaker 1>although I had my brothers. But it was like I

0:14:44.700 --> 0:14:47.400
<v Speaker 1>wanted protection because I didn't get that from my father.

0:14:47.700 --> 0:14:49.760
<v Speaker 2>Interesting. Who ironically was a boxer.

0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:53.400
<v Speaker 1>Exactly. And then mom, you know, like I for a

0:14:53.420 --> 0:14:56.300
<v Speaker 1>long time I was mad at her, you know, for

0:14:56.360 --> 0:15:00.680
<v Speaker 1>like everything that we went through. But it was like, now, obviously,

0:15:00.740 --> 0:15:02.500
<v Speaker 1>on the other end, I'm like, my mom did the

0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.000
<v Speaker 1>best she could. And, you know, like, I wouldn't be

0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.860
<v Speaker 1>sitting here today if she wouldn't have sacrificed to work

0:15:07.860 --> 0:15:10.040
<v Speaker 1>16 hours a day so that we could remain in

0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:10.640
<v Speaker 1>this country.

0:15:11.060 --> 0:15:11.380
<v Speaker 2>Okay.

0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:12.060
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so.

0:15:12.100 --> 0:15:14.240
<v Speaker 2>So your dad gets out of prison after nine months.

0:15:14.780 --> 0:15:16.900
<v Speaker 2>And instead of coming back home.

0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:17.380
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:19.440
<v Speaker 2>Did he divorce your mom when you say, like, he

0:15:19.500 --> 0:15:20.060
<v Speaker 2>went off with?

0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:22.120
<v Speaker 1>No, he just went off and did his things. They

0:15:22.140 --> 0:15:23.710
<v Speaker 1>didn't get divorced till later on.

0:15:23.850 --> 0:15:24.090
<v Speaker 2>So.

0:15:24.630 --> 0:15:28.830
<v Speaker 1>There was obviously adultery always in the relationship. Like my

0:15:28.890 --> 0:15:30.729
<v Speaker 1>mom went through a lot of stuff with my dad.

0:15:30.770 --> 0:15:33.570
<v Speaker 1>She really wanted to make it work. Yeah.

0:15:33.930 --> 0:15:36.890
<v Speaker 2>Okay. So he basically just left even though technically he

0:15:36.930 --> 0:15:37.840
<v Speaker 2>wasn't even divorced.

0:15:38.010 --> 0:15:38.220
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:38.960
<v Speaker 2>At that point.

0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:39.400
<v Speaker 1>Correct.

0:15:39.740 --> 0:15:43.580
<v Speaker 2>And so then you turn to find acceptance and protection

0:15:44.140 --> 0:15:47.690
<v Speaker 2>from other people. Now, did you... get involved with gangs

0:15:47.830 --> 0:15:50.670
<v Speaker 2>or just, was it the barrio, the neighborhood, the kids,

0:15:50.790 --> 0:15:52.270
<v Speaker 2>or what did that look like?

0:15:52.430 --> 0:15:56.770
<v Speaker 1>I got like very involved, like infiltrated, but I didn't

0:15:56.890 --> 0:16:00.720
<v Speaker 1>personally become a member, but I did hang around a lot. And,

0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.620
<v Speaker 1>you know, that led to obviously like getting into fights.

0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.440
<v Speaker 1>I started smoking weed. And from that, I made friends

0:16:06.500 --> 0:16:09.080
<v Speaker 1>that would, you know, do ecstasy. So I started popping

0:16:09.140 --> 0:16:12.260
<v Speaker 1>pills and then, you know, it just kind of kept going.

0:16:12.990 --> 0:16:15.530
<v Speaker 1>And slowly but surely I got introduced to meth, which

0:16:15.630 --> 0:16:18.770
<v Speaker 1>meth later on in my life became my go-to drug.

0:16:19.310 --> 0:16:21.610
<v Speaker 2>Okay, how old were you roughly when you started to

0:16:21.650 --> 0:16:23.550
<v Speaker 2>get into drugs and this whole scene?

0:16:23.580 --> 0:16:28.560
<v Speaker 1>So I started smoking weed around maybe 13. And then

0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:33.340
<v Speaker 1>one of my best friends got murdered the year after.

0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:37.000
<v Speaker 1>And then I started kind of drinking because I didn't understand, like,

0:16:37.420 --> 0:16:39.960
<v Speaker 1>why would anybody kill a 15-year-old? You know, like, this

0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:43.060
<v Speaker 1>makes no sense. So my environment was a lot of

0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:47.520
<v Speaker 1>like pain, hurt, suffering, murder. Like, why am I experiencing

0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.500
<v Speaker 1>all these things? We should be having fun. And so

0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:53.690
<v Speaker 1>it just kind of opened the gateway to all the

0:16:53.730 --> 0:16:57.070
<v Speaker 1>other things. I don't have like recollection of when I

0:16:57.110 --> 0:16:59.330
<v Speaker 1>did the first time I did math, but you know,

0:16:59.370 --> 0:17:03.610
<v Speaker 1>like it was already in high school and maybe like 10th,

0:17:03.950 --> 0:17:07.439
<v Speaker 1>11th grade. So maybe 15, 16 years of age. And

0:17:07.460 --> 0:17:10.990
<v Speaker 1>then it just became like, um, you know, recreational use,

0:17:11.030 --> 0:17:13.150
<v Speaker 1>like every time we'll go to a party or then

0:17:13.190 --> 0:17:15.470
<v Speaker 1>it became on the weekends. But then later on in

0:17:15.490 --> 0:17:18.970
<v Speaker 1>my life, it just became a habitual thing. So I

0:17:18.990 --> 0:17:20.310
<v Speaker 1>was like a functioning addict.

0:17:20.369 --> 0:17:23.310
<v Speaker 2>I was going to say you became an addict, functioning addict. Okay.

0:17:23.350 --> 0:17:23.730
<v Speaker 1>Correct.

0:17:24.050 --> 0:17:27.490
<v Speaker 2>Can I ask you just some details, like how were

0:17:27.510 --> 0:17:30.390
<v Speaker 2>you to obtain in high school? I can imagine like

0:17:30.430 --> 0:17:33.280
<v Speaker 2>it's accessible, but it still costs money. And so how

0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:34.449
<v Speaker 2>did you support your habits?

0:17:35.180 --> 0:17:38.120
<v Speaker 1>Um, you know, good question. Um, one of my friends,

0:17:38.420 --> 0:17:41.220
<v Speaker 1>his mom used to actually give it to us. Wow.

0:17:41.260 --> 0:17:45.140
<v Speaker 1>And so, yeah, so it was just available. And then

0:17:45.180 --> 0:17:48.630
<v Speaker 1>I started working, you know, later on when I was

0:17:48.650 --> 0:17:51.450
<v Speaker 1>like 17, 18. And then obviously you just, you know,

0:17:51.490 --> 0:17:53.990
<v Speaker 1>buy your own thing. And at some point I was

0:17:54.070 --> 0:17:57.629
<v Speaker 1>actually dealing stuff. So since I was dealing it, it

0:17:57.670 --> 0:17:59.530
<v Speaker 1>was already accessible to me as well.

0:17:59.609 --> 0:18:00.050
<v Speaker 3>Oh, wow.

0:18:00.650 --> 0:18:03.470
<v Speaker 2>Okay. So when you say you were dealing like you,

0:18:04.530 --> 0:18:07.129
<v Speaker 2>You were like the middle person. I don't even know.

0:18:07.250 --> 0:18:09.170
<v Speaker 2>This is a world that my dad has kind of

0:18:09.190 --> 0:18:10.870
<v Speaker 2>shared a little bit with me. So I have some

0:18:10.930 --> 0:18:15.919
<v Speaker 2>familiarity with it. But I'm very like not familiar with this.

0:18:16.100 --> 0:18:20.480
<v Speaker 2>But were you like the one selling it at your school?

0:18:20.619 --> 0:18:23.820
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, not necessarily at school, but like to people that

0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:27.400
<v Speaker 1>lived in the neighborhood, you know, around like close friends

0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:29.510
<v Speaker 1>that I knew would do it. And I did that

0:18:29.530 --> 0:18:31.810
<v Speaker 1>for a time. It wasn't like forever, but I did

0:18:31.850 --> 0:18:32.390
<v Speaker 1>it for a time.

0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:36.600
<v Speaker 2>But the whole point is that you were supporting a habit.

0:18:36.619 --> 0:18:36.939
<v Speaker 1>Sure.

0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:40.570
<v Speaker 2>And this is a hardcore drug. Tell me a little

0:18:40.609 --> 0:18:43.510
<v Speaker 2>bit about, like, what is this? Because, again, I'm trying

0:18:43.530 --> 0:18:46.149
<v Speaker 2>to understand your world or the world you lived in.

0:18:46.270 --> 0:18:46.510
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:18:47.270 --> 0:18:50.590
<v Speaker 2>Where does that take you when you do meth? First

0:18:50.630 --> 0:18:52.230
<v Speaker 2>of all, I'll just ask a very basic question. It's

0:18:52.250 --> 0:18:54.250
<v Speaker 2>all good. I know people listening are like, God, you

0:18:54.290 --> 0:18:56.490
<v Speaker 2>don't know that? But does it give you a high?

0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:57.540
<v Speaker 2>Does it give you a low?

0:18:57.660 --> 0:19:00.320
<v Speaker 1>It's definitely an upper. Okay, so it's an upper. Yeah,

0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:03.169
<v Speaker 1>it's an upper. So I think for me... since I

0:19:03.210 --> 0:19:06.630
<v Speaker 1>had gone through so many dark things, doing math was

0:19:06.670 --> 0:19:09.350
<v Speaker 1>kind of like, oh, I can actually do things. Like

0:19:09.990 --> 0:19:12.980
<v Speaker 1>I can get more done in a small amount of time, right,

0:19:13.140 --> 0:19:15.560
<v Speaker 1>than I would if I wasn't on the drug. So

0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:18.200
<v Speaker 1>like I would even go to college and me and

0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:19.920
<v Speaker 1>my best friend would be in the restroom, you know,

0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.940
<v Speaker 1>snorting lines, and then we'll go back into class and,

0:19:23.140 --> 0:19:27.649
<v Speaker 1>you know, like nothing happened. So, yeah, it became a very–

0:19:28.130 --> 0:19:31.390
<v Speaker 1>habitual functioning addict thing. And it came in seasons because

0:19:31.430 --> 0:19:33.870
<v Speaker 1>there was times where we would stop, but it would

0:19:34.170 --> 0:19:35.580
<v Speaker 1>always come back around again.

0:19:35.660 --> 0:19:36.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Okay.

0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:41.880
<v Speaker 2>And were there any ramifications, side effects? Did you notice

0:19:41.880 --> 0:19:45.129
<v Speaker 2>anything happening to you the more you started to use it? or?

0:19:45.150 --> 0:19:48.750
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So I want to say that didn't start happening

0:19:48.830 --> 0:19:52.869
<v Speaker 1>till the last year that I was on it because

0:19:52.910 --> 0:19:55.659
<v Speaker 1>I was like really, you know, just heavy using at

0:19:55.700 --> 0:19:58.260
<v Speaker 1>that point. Like I wasn't even doing it with my

0:19:58.300 --> 0:19:59.879
<v Speaker 1>best friend at that point. It was just like, I

0:19:59.900 --> 0:20:03.400
<v Speaker 1>was on my own and I just felt broken and empty.

0:20:03.460 --> 0:20:06.020
<v Speaker 1>And so whatever it was, I'll just do it. And

0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:11.139
<v Speaker 1>so at that point I started, you know, like angry,

0:20:11.300 --> 0:20:13.760
<v Speaker 1>having sort of like really bad dreams. And at some

0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:17.000
<v Speaker 1>point I started having delusions. And I remember looking in

0:20:17.020 --> 0:20:19.440
<v Speaker 1>the mirror one day and thinking like, you know, what

0:20:19.510 --> 0:20:21.910
<v Speaker 1>if like I'm the crazy one? Because I used to say, oh,

0:20:21.950 --> 0:20:24.410
<v Speaker 1>my family is crazy, you know, because, you know, at

0:20:24.430 --> 0:20:26.869
<v Speaker 1>that when you're on drugs, you're not thinking about the

0:20:26.930 --> 0:20:29.410
<v Speaker 1>other people. You're being selfish. You're only concerned about what

0:20:29.490 --> 0:20:32.389
<v Speaker 1>you need and what you're experiencing. And so I'm like, oh,

0:20:32.430 --> 0:20:34.530
<v Speaker 1>they're just crazy. They're always on me, you know. And

0:20:34.990 --> 0:20:36.030
<v Speaker 1>and one day I looked in the mirror and I

0:20:36.050 --> 0:20:40.090
<v Speaker 1>was like, what if they're not crazy? And I'm the

0:20:40.150 --> 0:20:42.879
<v Speaker 1>one that's crazy. And I remember feeling like I glitched

0:20:42.910 --> 0:20:46.820
<v Speaker 1>with reality and I felt like I had lost my mind.

0:20:46.980 --> 0:20:50.260
<v Speaker 1>So I would hear stuff like that. And one time

0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:52.520
<v Speaker 1>I was driving to my best friend's house. I got

0:20:52.540 --> 0:20:54.680
<v Speaker 1>into a really bad fight with my mom and a

0:20:55.220 --> 0:20:57.430
<v Speaker 1>thought hit me like, might as well just run this

0:20:57.490 --> 0:21:00.170
<v Speaker 1>car into the corner, you know, like into post. So

0:21:00.190 --> 0:21:02.770
<v Speaker 1>there was moments where it started affecting me in that way,

0:21:03.230 --> 0:21:05.180
<v Speaker 1>you know, where it was like, it was starting to

0:21:05.220 --> 0:21:06.640
<v Speaker 1>make me think that I was losing my mind.

0:21:06.810 --> 0:21:13.230
<v Speaker 2>Mental condition, mental ramifications, suicidal ideation, at least at.

0:21:12.970 --> 0:21:14.390
<v Speaker 1>That one time.

0:21:14.950 --> 0:21:18.520
<v Speaker 2>And so you now went, first of all, I just

0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:21.820
<v Speaker 2>want to kind of get a background around this time

0:21:21.859 --> 0:21:24.440
<v Speaker 2>of your life. Was your dad present at all during

0:21:24.460 --> 0:21:27.200
<v Speaker 2>this time? So at this point, he had divorced your mom.

0:21:27.300 --> 0:21:27.820
<v Speaker 2>He was gone.

0:21:28.060 --> 0:21:28.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:21:28.580 --> 0:21:29.790
<v Speaker 2>No communication, nothing.

0:21:29.900 --> 0:21:34.990
<v Speaker 1>Nothing. So I stopped talking to my dad in 2012

0:21:34.990 --> 0:21:38.129
<v Speaker 1>because even though he left, we'll communicate somewhat, but we

0:21:38.170 --> 0:21:42.389
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't see him. But in 2012, it was my graduation time,

0:21:43.140 --> 0:21:45.480
<v Speaker 1>and I almost got kicked out of high school because

0:21:45.520 --> 0:21:47.399
<v Speaker 1>I would just fight and ditch and all this stuff.

0:21:47.540 --> 0:21:51.060
<v Speaker 1>And one of the principals who had cancer at the time,

0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:53.899
<v Speaker 1>I remember this very clearly, he advocated for me with

0:21:53.940 --> 0:21:56.240
<v Speaker 1>all my teachers that they would let me stay and

0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:59.719
<v Speaker 1>not do continuation school. So he did. And I was like,

0:21:59.740 --> 0:22:01.240
<v Speaker 1>you know what? I'm going to work hard. I'm going

0:22:01.260 --> 0:22:03.520
<v Speaker 1>to make my dad proud and I'm going to graduate.

0:22:03.660 --> 0:22:07.400
<v Speaker 1>So I was like the third to last student that

0:22:07.420 --> 0:22:11.540
<v Speaker 1>got admitted to graduate. So I barely almost made it.

0:22:11.660 --> 0:22:14.600
<v Speaker 1>So that ended up happening. We contact my dad and

0:22:14.619 --> 0:22:16.980
<v Speaker 1>it's like, hey, like I'm going to graduate. You should come.

0:22:17.420 --> 0:22:19.740
<v Speaker 1>And he said, I cannot have business in Nicaragua. And

0:22:19.760 --> 0:22:22.370
<v Speaker 1>that's when he finally left to Nicaragua. So he didn't

0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:25.590
<v Speaker 1>come to my graduation. And that's when I just lost it.

0:22:25.619 --> 0:22:27.040
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, I don't want to have you

0:22:27.060 --> 0:22:29.179
<v Speaker 1>in my life. Like I'm mad. I blocked him off

0:22:29.260 --> 0:22:31.859
<v Speaker 1>of my social media. I started coming at him and

0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:36.110
<v Speaker 1>his marriage, you know, like I became very toxic because

0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:38.950
<v Speaker 1>I was so hurt that, okay, here you are again,

0:22:39.550 --> 0:22:41.690
<v Speaker 1>rejecting me when all I want is your love.

0:22:42.030 --> 0:22:44.210
<v Speaker 2>Right. And it was a pivotal time of your life.

0:22:44.230 --> 0:22:47.159
<v Speaker 2>You're graduating and you worked hard to even make it.

0:22:47.470 --> 0:22:50.490
<v Speaker 2>And so he, so that was, And can I ask,

0:22:50.550 --> 0:22:52.550
<v Speaker 2>is that the last time that you had communication?

0:22:52.750 --> 0:22:53.530
<v Speaker 1>We talk now.

0:22:53.869 --> 0:22:55.970
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so we'll get to that part. We'll get to

0:22:55.990 --> 0:22:58.600
<v Speaker 2>that part. It's not the end of the story. Okay, so,

0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:02.460
<v Speaker 2>but during that time, your dad wasn't present. You're abusing drugs.

0:23:02.560 --> 0:23:08.379
<v Speaker 2>You're having these somewhat mental conditional ramifications and all this.

0:23:09.300 --> 0:23:12.359
<v Speaker 2>And what else was going on in your life? Can

0:23:12.380 --> 0:23:15.020
<v Speaker 2>I ask, were you in a relationship? What was that?

0:23:15.060 --> 0:23:18.750
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I had long-term relationships. So I was... In

0:23:18.790 --> 0:23:23.020
<v Speaker 1>a couple. And I'm thinking from age 15 to age 25, right?

0:23:23.060 --> 0:23:26.160
<v Speaker 1>That's 10 years. That's how long I was using drugs.

0:23:26.380 --> 0:23:29.700
<v Speaker 1>And like the whole maybe five years, the first five

0:23:29.740 --> 0:23:32.880
<v Speaker 1>was recreational. The next five, it was a little more in-depth.

0:23:33.060 --> 0:23:35.280
<v Speaker 1>And the last three was when it was like more

0:23:35.359 --> 0:23:38.340
<v Speaker 1>consistent with the math, more consistent with the mental stuff.

0:23:39.300 --> 0:23:44.379
<v Speaker 1>But yes, I had relationships. Towards the end, I was

0:23:44.440 --> 0:23:47.250
<v Speaker 1>in one that I really fell in love. And I

0:23:47.290 --> 0:23:50.350
<v Speaker 1>was in that relationship for five years. And in that relationship,

0:23:50.390 --> 0:23:53.960
<v Speaker 1>we experienced a lot of stuff. And then the other

0:23:54.040 --> 0:23:57.340
<v Speaker 1>ones too. So I ended up obviously being in fornication,

0:23:57.400 --> 0:24:00.480
<v Speaker 1>living the life of sin. And I even had two

0:24:00.540 --> 0:24:04.720
<v Speaker 1>abortions in the process of all these years. And so, yeah,

0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:07.340
<v Speaker 1>it was like I was going deeper into deeper holes.

0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:09.830
<v Speaker 1>And every time I was just losing more and more

0:24:09.890 --> 0:24:13.050
<v Speaker 1>parts of myself when all I really wanted was love.

0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:15.340
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Thank you for sharing that.

0:24:15.420 --> 0:24:15.660
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:24:15.840 --> 0:24:21.310
<v Speaker 2>That's not a light subject. Could I ask, during that

0:24:21.369 --> 0:24:27.590
<v Speaker 2>time of abortion, what was that like for you? Did

0:24:27.609 --> 0:24:29.430
<v Speaker 2>you feel like forced to do it because your boyfriend

0:24:29.490 --> 0:24:31.570
<v Speaker 2>asked you? Do you feel like it was mainly your decision?

0:24:31.830 --> 0:24:34.740
<v Speaker 2>Did your mom know about it? Walk me through that

0:24:34.760 --> 0:24:36.060
<v Speaker 2>a little bit, if that's okay with you.

0:24:36.100 --> 0:24:38.679
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's fine. So I had one very early, maybe

0:24:38.680 --> 0:24:43.800
<v Speaker 1>16 or so. That one was more of my, well,

0:24:44.080 --> 0:24:46.940
<v Speaker 1>both were my decision, right? Like I chose to do them.

0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:48.919
<v Speaker 1>But the first one I thought I did it out

0:24:48.960 --> 0:24:51.639
<v Speaker 1>of selfishness because I was like, well, I'm still going to,

0:24:52.030 --> 0:24:53.770
<v Speaker 1>you know, get high and I'm too young. What am

0:24:53.810 --> 0:24:55.489
<v Speaker 1>I doing? Like I ain't even going to last with

0:24:55.530 --> 0:25:00.550
<v Speaker 1>this guy. And so my engagement that time was more

0:25:00.750 --> 0:25:04.010
<v Speaker 1>selfish than it was like anybody told me to do

0:25:04.050 --> 0:25:06.580
<v Speaker 1>it or anything like that. On the second one, it

0:25:06.619 --> 0:25:09.520
<v Speaker 1>was more of I was experiencing in that relationship. I

0:25:09.540 --> 0:25:12.270
<v Speaker 1>was being cheated on. And we were at the end

0:25:12.390 --> 0:25:17.730
<v Speaker 1>of this stuff. And I actually didn't want to have it.

0:25:18.490 --> 0:25:21.170
<v Speaker 1>But I wouldn't want to say I was encouraged, but

0:25:21.210 --> 0:25:26.910
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't talked out of it by relatives. And so

0:25:26.950 --> 0:25:30.660
<v Speaker 1>I just felt like I went for it. And because

0:25:30.680 --> 0:25:33.399
<v Speaker 1>I actually wanted it, this one actually really hurt me.

0:25:33.820 --> 0:25:36.980
<v Speaker 1>Because after it happened, I felt like, oh, I actually

0:25:37.040 --> 0:25:39.780
<v Speaker 1>feel part of me is missing. And so that's when

0:25:39.820 --> 0:25:42.410
<v Speaker 1>I started really just diving in deeper in the drugs.

0:25:42.530 --> 0:25:45.470
<v Speaker 1>And to the point where my best friend was like, dude, like,

0:25:45.670 --> 0:25:48.260
<v Speaker 1>I don't recognize you. You're kind of scaring me right now.

0:25:48.990 --> 0:25:52.379
<v Speaker 1>But again, it was like all my decisions were taking

0:25:52.400 --> 0:25:53.320
<v Speaker 1>pieces of myself.

0:25:54.119 --> 0:25:56.919
<v Speaker 2>As you're sharing that, I was thinking of, you know,

0:25:56.940 --> 0:25:58.919
<v Speaker 2>the phrase, of course, hitting rock bottom.

0:25:58.960 --> 0:25:59.180
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:25:59.760 --> 0:26:05.440
<v Speaker 2>And sometimes we hit the bottom so hard that it

0:26:05.500 --> 0:26:08.520
<v Speaker 2>feels like you can't go any lower. I mean, obviously,

0:26:08.540 --> 0:26:11.970
<v Speaker 2>you could even mention the possibility of taking your own life.

0:26:12.050 --> 0:26:15.090
<v Speaker 2>But it sounds like, and correct me if I'm wrong,

0:26:15.109 --> 0:26:18.149
<v Speaker 2>but you were at the lowest of low. You hit

0:26:18.510 --> 0:26:21.310
<v Speaker 2>rock bottom. And even to the point where your friend,

0:26:21.330 --> 0:26:24.350
<v Speaker 2>or at least one of your friends, couldn't even recognize you.

0:26:25.170 --> 0:26:28.470
<v Speaker 2>So if it's okay with you now to talk a

0:26:28.490 --> 0:26:31.600
<v Speaker 2>little bit about, was this where you cried out for help?

0:26:31.900 --> 0:26:34.680
<v Speaker 2>Was this what happened around this time?

0:26:35.240 --> 0:26:37.060
<v Speaker 1>I would love to say that's when I actually cried

0:26:37.080 --> 0:26:41.920
<v Speaker 1>out for help, but I didn't. That was kind of like, 2017, 2018,

0:26:41.920 --> 0:26:46.950
<v Speaker 1>I got saved in 2020. So I would write letters

0:26:47.010 --> 0:26:49.909
<v Speaker 1>to God in journals and not realize that I was

0:26:49.930 --> 0:26:53.170
<v Speaker 1>having conversations with him. But I would write letters to him.

0:26:53.190 --> 0:26:55.770
<v Speaker 1>And in that relationship, I remember one day just saying like,

0:26:56.410 --> 0:26:58.630
<v Speaker 1>you know, if I'm not supposed to be with this guy,

0:26:58.650 --> 0:27:00.440
<v Speaker 1>then you give me the strength to let him go.

0:27:00.460 --> 0:27:03.639
<v Speaker 1>And one day I just left my stuff at the

0:27:03.660 --> 0:27:04.879
<v Speaker 1>house and I never went back.

0:27:05.260 --> 0:27:06.880
<v Speaker 2>Was this the serious relationship you.

0:27:06.820 --> 0:27:07.920
<v Speaker 1>Were telling him? Yeah, this was the one where I

0:27:07.920 --> 0:27:09.760
<v Speaker 1>fell in love and all this stuff. Yeah, I just

0:27:09.780 --> 0:27:11.659
<v Speaker 1>didn't go back. One day I woke up and I

0:27:11.700 --> 0:27:14.020
<v Speaker 1>was like, yep, I'm done here. Like I'm tired of

0:27:14.060 --> 0:27:17.240
<v Speaker 1>being cheated on. We're not going anywhere. And I just,

0:27:17.680 --> 0:27:20.220
<v Speaker 1>I left. Oh, before I left, I trashed the room

0:27:20.320 --> 0:27:23.440
<v Speaker 1>and then I left. And then, um, and my mom

0:27:23.460 --> 0:27:25.939
<v Speaker 1>made a space for me at home and which I

0:27:26.020 --> 0:27:28.000
<v Speaker 1>was thinking my mom was going to hit me with, uh,

0:27:28.400 --> 0:27:30.570
<v Speaker 1>I told you so, you know, so for a long

0:27:30.609 --> 0:27:32.550
<v Speaker 1>time I didn't want to go home cause I didn't

0:27:32.570 --> 0:27:35.130
<v Speaker 1>want to hear it from her, but she didn't do that.

0:27:35.250 --> 0:27:37.850
<v Speaker 1>She took me in, she built me my room, we

0:27:37.869 --> 0:27:40.520
<v Speaker 1>painted it. And, um, I kind of went into a

0:27:40.540 --> 0:27:44.699
<v Speaker 1>depression because, you know, like I actually wanted this relationship

0:27:44.740 --> 0:27:47.240
<v Speaker 1>and I wanted this baby and, you know, everything that

0:27:47.260 --> 0:27:49.040
<v Speaker 1>I wanted, I actually kind of just gave it up.

0:27:49.080 --> 0:27:51.919
<v Speaker 1>I felt like I had to in my mind. And

0:27:52.020 --> 0:27:56.290
<v Speaker 1>so that's when I just, you know, still drinking, still partying.

0:27:56.609 --> 0:27:58.830
<v Speaker 1>Then I met another guy and I got with him

0:27:59.070 --> 0:28:02.450
<v Speaker 1>and we were together for two years before I got saved.

0:28:02.609 --> 0:28:05.630
<v Speaker 1>And then two years after I got saved. Yeah. But

0:28:05.810 --> 0:28:08.470
<v Speaker 1>in the process of that, he kind of helped stabilize

0:28:08.510 --> 0:28:11.139
<v Speaker 1>me in a way. but I never stopped doing drugs.

0:28:11.340 --> 0:28:13.780
<v Speaker 1>And he didn't even know I, he didn't even know

0:28:13.820 --> 0:28:14.740
<v Speaker 1>that I was doing drugs.

0:28:14.859 --> 0:28:16.810
<v Speaker 2>Oh, really? So it wasn't like he was doing it

0:28:16.850 --> 0:28:18.050
<v Speaker 2>with you or anything like that?

0:28:18.390 --> 0:28:21.390
<v Speaker 1>No, that relationship was so toxic because we were kind

0:28:21.410 --> 0:28:24.070
<v Speaker 1>of like rebounds for each other. So, you know, I

0:28:24.090 --> 0:28:26.450
<v Speaker 1>would treat him bad because of what I went through.

0:28:26.930 --> 0:28:29.050
<v Speaker 1>So I would like kind of abuse him, never give

0:28:29.090 --> 0:28:32.800
<v Speaker 1>him his place as a leader. And once I got saved,

0:28:32.840 --> 0:28:36.360
<v Speaker 1>that changed. And I changed, but it was almost like

0:28:36.420 --> 0:28:39.160
<v Speaker 1>he was still engaging me from the place of that

0:28:39.220 --> 0:28:42.360
<v Speaker 1>girl that was hurting him. So we weren't going anywhere

0:28:42.380 --> 0:28:44.920
<v Speaker 1>for like two years. I just felt like he had

0:28:44.980 --> 0:28:45.920
<v Speaker 1>resentment towards me.

0:28:45.940 --> 0:28:46.720
<v Speaker 3>I see.

0:28:46.760 --> 0:28:47.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:28:47.340 --> 0:28:51.239
<v Speaker 2>Okay. So, so much is going on and you were

0:28:51.280 --> 0:28:54.720
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship that was serious. You broke that one off.

0:28:54.800 --> 0:28:55.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:28:55.160 --> 0:28:56.560
<v Speaker 2>Not verbally, but just by leaving.

0:28:56.620 --> 0:28:56.820
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:28:56.900 --> 0:28:57.870
<v Speaker 2>After trashing his room.

0:28:57.940 --> 0:28:58.180
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

0:28:58.270 --> 0:28:59.180
<v Speaker 2>You were still doing meth.

0:28:59.350 --> 0:28:59.590
<v Speaker 3>Yes.

0:28:59.960 --> 0:29:03.410
<v Speaker 2>You had an abortion. Mm-hmm. You got into this relationship

0:29:03.450 --> 0:29:06.900
<v Speaker 2>with this other guy. Mm-hmm. And so what was the

0:29:06.940 --> 0:29:09.480
<v Speaker 2>turning point for you in the midst of all this

0:29:09.550 --> 0:29:17.050
<v Speaker 2>despair and addiction and craziness? You mentioned the word salvation.

0:29:17.110 --> 0:29:19.729
<v Speaker 2>And for those who are listening, that is the crux

0:29:19.870 --> 0:29:22.110
<v Speaker 2>of really our faith is when we get saved, right?

0:29:22.250 --> 0:29:25.489
<v Speaker 2>When we meet Jesus. How did you meet him? And

0:29:26.150 --> 0:29:28.780
<v Speaker 2>by the way, you mentioned you would journal. So you

0:29:28.820 --> 0:29:33.120
<v Speaker 2>had some background or some understanding of God or church?

0:29:33.140 --> 0:29:33.280
<v Speaker 3>Yes.

0:29:33.880 --> 0:29:35.890
<v Speaker 1>We didn't grow up going to church or anything like that.

0:29:36.490 --> 0:29:39.410
<v Speaker 1>But I think my dad actually put it in us

0:29:39.470 --> 0:29:43.650
<v Speaker 1>to actually pray. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So his mom was Christian.

0:29:43.950 --> 0:29:46.730
<v Speaker 1>And I remember she used to pray over me in

0:29:46.780 --> 0:29:48.500
<v Speaker 1>tongues because I used to get sick a lot from

0:29:48.540 --> 0:29:52.739
<v Speaker 1>my stomach. So I have memories of her praying for

0:29:52.760 --> 0:29:55.860
<v Speaker 1>me in tongues. But Um, so there was some seed

0:29:55.880 --> 0:29:58.260
<v Speaker 1>in my life and I didn't know it till now

0:29:58.280 --> 0:30:00.200
<v Speaker 1>that I'm saving, I look back and I'm like, oh God,

0:30:00.240 --> 0:30:03.900
<v Speaker 1>you were always there. And so what ended up happening

0:30:03.960 --> 0:30:07.630
<v Speaker 1>was in 2020, um, my sister-in-law who comes from a

0:30:07.650 --> 0:30:11.530
<v Speaker 1>Christian household invited me to church and, um, I had

0:30:11.570 --> 0:30:13.690
<v Speaker 1>told her yes, but I ended up leaving to go

0:30:13.730 --> 0:30:16.470
<v Speaker 1>do drugs and she made a second attempt. And on

0:30:16.510 --> 0:30:19.430
<v Speaker 1>the second attempt, she invited me again. I told her yes.

0:30:20.110 --> 0:30:22.550
<v Speaker 1>And in my heart, to be honest, I was not

0:30:22.610 --> 0:30:24.750
<v Speaker 1>going to go. But I ended up picking up my

0:30:24.770 --> 0:30:27.190
<v Speaker 1>best friend and we're already getting ready. We're in the car.

0:30:27.230 --> 0:30:28.900
<v Speaker 1>We're cracking the meth. We're about to snort it.

0:30:29.700 --> 0:30:31.760
<v Speaker 2>So you're cracking meth on the way to church or

0:30:31.860 --> 0:30:32.780
<v Speaker 2>right before going to church.

0:30:32.980 --> 0:30:35.380
<v Speaker 1>Yes. But I was going to cancel. So I was like, well,

0:30:35.440 --> 0:30:37.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to hang out anyway. So, you know, whatever.

0:30:37.940 --> 0:30:41.150
<v Speaker 1>So me and my best friend are there. We're cracking

0:30:41.170 --> 0:30:44.050
<v Speaker 1>the meth. Not even five minutes from picking her up,

0:30:44.510 --> 0:30:47.490
<v Speaker 1>the fear of the Lord falls on me. And I just,

0:30:47.710 --> 0:30:50.030
<v Speaker 1>my heart just starts beating out of my chest. And

0:30:50.480 --> 0:30:53.360
<v Speaker 1>My hands get so clammy. I can literally see water

0:30:53.440 --> 0:30:55.820
<v Speaker 1>on them. And I look over and I said, you know,

0:30:55.860 --> 0:30:57.660
<v Speaker 1>if I don't go to church, I am going to die.

0:30:58.280 --> 0:30:59.740
<v Speaker 1>And she tells me, do what you got to do.

0:30:59.860 --> 0:31:01.840
<v Speaker 1>I mean, even her to respond to me in that way,

0:31:01.860 --> 0:31:03.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, like just like do what you got to do.

0:31:03.860 --> 0:31:06.520
<v Speaker 1>It's all good. So I end up, you know, picking

0:31:06.540 --> 0:31:08.370
<v Speaker 1>up my family. We go to church. As soon as

0:31:08.420 --> 0:31:13.160
<v Speaker 1>I walk in there, the pastor's preaching Psalm 91, Psalm 91,

0:31:13.150 --> 0:31:15.710
<v Speaker 1>which is the only Psalm that I know. you know,

0:31:15.870 --> 0:31:19.130
<v Speaker 1>from a childhood. So I walk in and I just,

0:31:19.630 --> 0:31:22.030
<v Speaker 1>you know, started crying and I didn't understand why I

0:31:22.070 --> 0:31:24.930
<v Speaker 1>was crying, but I was crying and I didn't really

0:31:25.390 --> 0:31:27.520
<v Speaker 1>understand because for so long I had backed up my

0:31:27.580 --> 0:31:30.460
<v Speaker 1>feelings and my emotions and became really hard and tough.

0:31:31.180 --> 0:31:34.040
<v Speaker 1>So it was something different for me. But then the pastor,

0:31:34.080 --> 0:31:37.500
<v Speaker 1>she was so spirit led. She said, hey, like I

0:31:37.540 --> 0:31:40.200
<v Speaker 1>want us to before we get into the message, I

0:31:40.220 --> 0:31:41.930
<v Speaker 1>want you to walk up to someone who you didn't

0:31:41.970 --> 0:31:44.350
<v Speaker 1>know or you don't come with and tell them that

0:31:44.390 --> 0:31:47.840
<v Speaker 1>you're happy they're there. And so there was this African-American

0:31:47.880 --> 0:31:50.280
<v Speaker 1>lady with a beautiful afro on the front. And I

0:31:50.320 --> 0:31:52.160
<v Speaker 1>went to walk up to the lady in the front pew.

0:31:52.240 --> 0:31:54.050
<v Speaker 1>But next thing you know, I ended up at the altar.

0:31:54.810 --> 0:31:57.930
<v Speaker 1>And the pastor hugs me and I just started crying.

0:31:58.050 --> 0:32:00.630
<v Speaker 1>And what I really heard was, you're home. You don't

0:32:00.670 --> 0:32:03.270
<v Speaker 1>have to be strong anymore. And she prayed for me.

0:32:03.430 --> 0:32:05.750
<v Speaker 1>I get slain in the spirit. I'm like on the

0:32:05.790 --> 0:32:08.670
<v Speaker 1>ground for maybe like 10 minutes, just getting wrecked by

0:32:08.710 --> 0:32:13.300
<v Speaker 1>the Lord. She starts singing songs over me, prophesying over me. And,

0:32:13.800 --> 0:32:15.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, once I got up, like towards the end,

0:32:16.000 --> 0:32:17.380
<v Speaker 1>I ended up receiving Jesus.

0:32:17.500 --> 0:32:20.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh, my goodness. Wait, so this is even before the sermon?

0:32:20.520 --> 0:32:22.120
<v Speaker 2>This is just during the greeting time?

0:32:22.160 --> 0:32:24.810
<v Speaker 1>Just in the greeting time. She was possibly going to

0:32:24.830 --> 0:32:29.250
<v Speaker 1>do announcements. I don't know. But it was like right

0:32:29.270 --> 0:32:30.450
<v Speaker 1>before she started preaching.

0:32:30.590 --> 0:32:33.990
<v Speaker 2>It's almost as if the Holy Spirit said, pause everything.

0:32:34.050 --> 0:32:34.270
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

0:32:34.970 --> 0:32:36.650
<v Speaker 2>He did that. I'm going after my daughter.

0:32:36.730 --> 0:32:37.770
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, 100%.

0:32:37.770 --> 0:32:38.810
<v Speaker 2>She's coming home today.

0:32:38.910 --> 0:32:39.130
<v Speaker 3>Yes.

0:32:39.410 --> 0:32:40.990
<v Speaker 2>Everything else can wait.

0:32:41.370 --> 0:32:42.270
<v Speaker 1>Exactly. Yeah.

0:32:43.130 --> 0:32:45.890
<v Speaker 2>And you had this encounter with Jesus.

0:32:45.970 --> 0:32:49.219
<v Speaker 1>Yes. And I didn't even understand what was happening to

0:32:49.260 --> 0:32:52.040
<v Speaker 1>me because even when I went home that night, I

0:32:52.080 --> 0:32:54.140
<v Speaker 1>stood up to like four in the morning trying to Google,

0:32:54.540 --> 0:32:56.959
<v Speaker 1>why did I cry when I went to church? And

0:32:57.000 --> 0:32:59.000
<v Speaker 1>why did I fall when I was at church? Because

0:32:59.020 --> 0:33:03.190
<v Speaker 1>I don't have reference to what I'm experiencing. And so

0:33:03.430 --> 0:33:06.530
<v Speaker 1>I wish I could say I got clean right away.

0:33:07.240 --> 0:33:09.480
<v Speaker 1>I got clean for like two weeks and then I relapsed,

0:33:09.680 --> 0:33:13.300
<v Speaker 1>which made the whole month of February probably the worst

0:33:13.380 --> 0:33:15.740
<v Speaker 1>month of my life. Because what I now know is

0:33:15.780 --> 0:33:18.560
<v Speaker 1>I was experiencing warfare, but I didn't know it then.

0:33:18.620 --> 0:33:21.940
<v Speaker 1>But I was getting sleep paralysis. I couldn't sleep. You know,

0:33:21.960 --> 0:33:26.140
<v Speaker 1>I was like doing more drugs than usual. And I remember,

0:33:26.290 --> 0:33:30.310
<v Speaker 1>you know, the pandemic was coming up. And on March 16,

0:33:30.310 --> 0:33:32.690
<v Speaker 1>they were saying like, no, everybody stay home or whatever.

0:33:32.710 --> 0:33:34.890
<v Speaker 1>But my pastor, you know, she's my spiritual mama now.

0:33:35.410 --> 0:33:37.790
<v Speaker 1>She's radical. So she was like, we're still having church.

0:33:37.810 --> 0:33:39.830
<v Speaker 1>You know, you guys want to come? And I went.

0:33:39.990 --> 0:33:41.990
<v Speaker 1>And I remember she said, like, if you're just tired,

0:33:42.050 --> 0:33:44.350
<v Speaker 1>come to the front. And on the screen, it said,

0:33:44.410 --> 0:33:46.750
<v Speaker 1>come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden,

0:33:46.810 --> 0:33:49.250
<v Speaker 1>and I will give you rest. And I walked straight up.

0:33:49.450 --> 0:33:51.430
<v Speaker 1>And I just, you know, raised my hands up. And

0:33:51.470 --> 0:33:53.610
<v Speaker 1>she said, there's a shift coming into your life. And

0:33:54.110 --> 0:33:58.070
<v Speaker 1>I end up getting slain again. But this time, I

0:33:58.130 --> 0:33:59.990
<v Speaker 1>felt like something came out of me. Like, all I

0:34:00.050 --> 0:34:03.870
<v Speaker 1>felt was like, like a breath left. And I just

0:34:03.920 --> 0:34:06.110
<v Speaker 1>fell out in the power, you know, the Holy Spirit.

0:34:06.150 --> 0:34:07.550
<v Speaker 1>And when I got up, I got on my knees.

0:34:07.610 --> 0:34:09.150
<v Speaker 1>And for the first time in my life, I said

0:34:09.170 --> 0:34:11.610
<v Speaker 1>to the Lord, if you just take this addiction from me,

0:34:11.770 --> 0:34:13.410
<v Speaker 1>I will serve you for the rest of my life.

0:34:13.850 --> 0:34:16.029
<v Speaker 1>And I heard someone say yes. But when I looked up,

0:34:16.110 --> 0:34:18.630
<v Speaker 1>nobody was there. And when I looked over to the

0:34:18.670 --> 0:34:21.180
<v Speaker 1>other side, my family was slain at the altar too.

0:34:21.800 --> 0:34:24.900
<v Speaker 1>And so I'm just praising God. My sister-in-law gets baptized

0:34:24.940 --> 0:34:28.439
<v Speaker 1>in the Holy Spirit. And I actually entered that day

0:34:28.640 --> 0:34:32.700
<v Speaker 1>as an addict and walked out Free. I literally got

0:34:32.719 --> 0:34:35.239
<v Speaker 1>delivered from addiction that day, instantly.

0:34:35.260 --> 0:34:47.990
<v Speaker 3>I'm getting the chills. You can't see this on camera, but.

0:34:58.969 --> 0:34:59.489
<v Speaker 2>I'm getting goosebumps.

0:34:59.510 --> 0:35:01.140
<v Speaker 1>I'm going on six years now. Right now in March,

0:35:01.200 --> 0:35:02.560
<v Speaker 1>six years of being sober.

0:35:02.880 --> 0:35:03.100
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:35:03.140 --> 0:35:03.980
<v Speaker 2>Congratulations.

0:35:04.000 --> 0:35:04.270
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

0:35:04.360 --> 0:35:07.060
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to give you a little extra toast there. No,

0:35:07.100 --> 0:35:10.120
<v Speaker 2>that's a huge deal, Karen. You know, it's interesting because

0:35:10.140 --> 0:35:12.500
<v Speaker 2>you said someone said yes, but it wasn't anyone near you.

0:35:12.520 --> 0:35:15.060
<v Speaker 2>It was obviously the Holy Spirit saying yes, but it

0:35:15.120 --> 0:35:18.779
<v Speaker 2>also took your yes. It was you saying yes, I'm

0:35:18.820 --> 0:35:22.160
<v Speaker 2>done with this lifestyle. I'm done with the addiction. I'm

0:35:22.180 --> 0:35:25.279
<v Speaker 2>done with going around the mountain or you know, going

0:35:25.320 --> 0:35:28.370
<v Speaker 2>back and forth. Right. And so your yes led to

0:35:28.430 --> 0:35:32.850
<v Speaker 2>his yes, but his yes was a supernatural deliverance. So

0:35:32.930 --> 0:35:35.050
<v Speaker 2>let me ask you just to be clear, just to clarify,

0:35:35.489 --> 0:35:38.140
<v Speaker 2>no withdrawals, no going back. That was the last time,

0:35:38.680 --> 0:35:39.919
<v Speaker 2>like you didn't take drugs after that.

0:35:39.940 --> 0:35:42.600
<v Speaker 1>Nothing. I didn't even think about it. I didn't, I

0:35:42.640 --> 0:35:46.850
<v Speaker 1>just went on with life and No withdrawing, nothing, nothing,

0:35:46.930 --> 0:35:47.750
<v Speaker 1>absolutely nothing.

0:35:47.790 --> 0:35:48.510
<v Speaker 2>Not even weed?

0:35:48.810 --> 0:35:50.590
<v Speaker 1>Nothing, completely free.

0:35:50.710 --> 0:35:52.730
<v Speaker 2>It almost sounds like I'm offering it to you. Like

0:35:52.750 --> 0:35:53.549
<v Speaker 2>not even a little weed?

0:35:53.590 --> 0:35:56.330
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't want anything. I think I

0:35:56.370 --> 0:35:59.089
<v Speaker 1>took an edible once like years later and I had

0:35:59.110 --> 0:36:01.069
<v Speaker 1>like the worst trip and I never again did it.

0:36:01.310 --> 0:36:03.890
<v Speaker 1>But it was like, I don't care for it. Like

0:36:03.969 --> 0:36:08.720
<v Speaker 1>it was like the hunger, the desire was gone instantly. Yeah,

0:36:08.840 --> 0:36:12.340
<v Speaker 1>and even recently I was checking like statistics. Pastor David

0:36:12.360 --> 0:36:15.090
<v Speaker 1>mentioned like the percentage for people actually getting off of

0:36:15.250 --> 0:36:17.790
<v Speaker 1>meth without a program is very low. Yeah. So it

0:36:17.830 --> 0:36:20.690
<v Speaker 1>made me like, look, and it's like 5% or less

0:36:21.070 --> 0:36:23.250
<v Speaker 1>for people to stay off of it without actually going

0:36:23.330 --> 0:36:27.029
<v Speaker 1>to a program. And I was like shook because I'm like, God,

0:36:27.070 --> 0:36:29.669
<v Speaker 1>you really did that in my life, you know?

0:36:29.830 --> 0:36:32.149
<v Speaker 2>That is incredible. Yeah, I have because I do some

0:36:32.190 --> 0:36:35.130
<v Speaker 2>life coaching and counseling on the side of I've had addicts,

0:36:35.590 --> 0:36:38.830
<v Speaker 2>meth addicts specifically, and it is very, very hard.

0:36:38.870 --> 0:36:39.049
<v Speaker 3>Yes.

0:36:39.350 --> 0:36:42.430
<v Speaker 2>And so they have even some prescription drugs, I think

0:36:42.469 --> 0:36:43.830
<v Speaker 2>it's Subutex or something like that.

0:36:43.850 --> 0:36:44.670
<v Speaker 1>To get off of it.

0:36:44.690 --> 0:36:47.010
<v Speaker 2>To help you get off of it. But the fact

0:36:47.070 --> 0:36:51.110
<v Speaker 2>that you were clean, stayed clean, and the withdrawals never came.

0:36:51.210 --> 0:36:51.850
<v Speaker 1>Never came.

0:36:52.090 --> 0:36:54.910
<v Speaker 2>It is the power of the Holy Spirit. It's the

0:36:54.950 --> 0:36:57.890
<v Speaker 2>power of God's love. But I know that's just part

0:36:57.930 --> 0:37:01.670
<v Speaker 2>of the miracle, right? Because you talked about forgiveness. You

0:37:01.710 --> 0:37:04.710
<v Speaker 2>talked about a little bit of reconciliation. You're sitting here.

0:37:05.489 --> 0:37:07.969
<v Speaker 2>Not 20 minutes ago did you tell me that your

0:37:08.050 --> 0:37:10.469
<v Speaker 2>father tried to burn you alive and hold two knives

0:37:10.530 --> 0:37:15.009
<v Speaker 2>to your neck. But it seems like there's no animosity,

0:37:15.030 --> 0:37:20.500
<v Speaker 2>no ill will, no resentment toward him. What happened with that?

0:37:20.660 --> 0:37:21.340
<v Speaker 2>How did that happen?

0:37:21.540 --> 0:37:25.320
<v Speaker 1>So I encountered Jesus the Savior when I get delivered

0:37:25.340 --> 0:37:29.380
<v Speaker 1>from the drug. But the Lord obviously had to restore

0:37:29.480 --> 0:37:31.470
<v Speaker 1>the way I saw my father because that's the way

0:37:31.489 --> 0:37:34.910
<v Speaker 1>I saw him. So the Lord begins my healing process.

0:37:35.150 --> 0:37:37.550
<v Speaker 1>And at my spiritual mom's church, she brought one of

0:37:37.590 --> 0:37:39.890
<v Speaker 1>her friends to come and she started singing this acapella

0:37:39.930 --> 0:37:42.339
<v Speaker 1>song where she was saying like, come and be what

0:37:42.380 --> 0:37:44.540
<v Speaker 1>he couldn't be to me and come remove this nail

0:37:44.600 --> 0:37:46.980
<v Speaker 1>out of my chest. She's singing this song and I'm like,

0:37:47.560 --> 0:37:49.399
<v Speaker 1>I feel like this is for me, but you know, like,

0:37:49.940 --> 0:37:52.720
<v Speaker 1>I don't know church, you know, dynamic or church culture.

0:37:52.760 --> 0:37:55.759
<v Speaker 1>I just know I'm feeling something. And she goes, this

0:37:55.800 --> 0:37:58.140
<v Speaker 1>is for you. This is for you. And Well, she

0:37:58.160 --> 0:38:00.549
<v Speaker 1>was talking to the camera girl, but I was like, oh,

0:38:00.570 --> 0:38:03.710
<v Speaker 1>my God, she's talking to me. And so I let

0:38:03.790 --> 0:38:06.770
<v Speaker 1>out this like deep groan in the spirit and I

0:38:06.810 --> 0:38:09.989
<v Speaker 1>just began to like cry. And I was having an

0:38:10.050 --> 0:38:12.509
<v Speaker 1>encounter with the Lord where every bad memory that my

0:38:12.550 --> 0:38:15.650
<v Speaker 1>dad did for us was flashing before me was coming.

0:38:15.690 --> 0:38:17.969
<v Speaker 1>It was like it was rising up. It was like,

0:38:18.070 --> 0:38:19.950
<v Speaker 1>look at it, face it and let it go. Look

0:38:19.969 --> 0:38:21.260
<v Speaker 1>at it, face it and let it go. I was

0:38:21.300 --> 0:38:25.140
<v Speaker 1>receiving healing from my father wounds in that way. And

0:38:25.180 --> 0:38:28.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm just groaning like Roman eight says, like sometimes we

0:38:28.320 --> 0:38:30.120
<v Speaker 1>don't know how to pray, but the spirit of God, right?

0:38:30.260 --> 0:38:33.180
<v Speaker 1>Praise through groanings that we don't understand. Well, that was

0:38:33.360 --> 0:38:36.060
<v Speaker 1>what I was experiencing. I walked out of there completely

0:38:36.120 --> 0:38:38.799
<v Speaker 1>healed from my father wounds. I called my dad and

0:38:38.820 --> 0:38:42.069
<v Speaker 1>I actually repented to him for all the stuff that

0:38:42.280 --> 0:38:44.750
<v Speaker 1>I did to him when he left, you know, like

0:38:44.790 --> 0:38:46.880
<v Speaker 1>called him out of, you know, called, called him out

0:38:46.920 --> 0:38:49.299
<v Speaker 1>of his name and came against his marriage, against my

0:38:49.340 --> 0:38:51.690
<v Speaker 1>little brother, which I didn't even know. You know, I

0:38:51.710 --> 0:38:53.870
<v Speaker 1>was so hurt. So I called him and I repented

0:38:53.890 --> 0:38:58.450
<v Speaker 1>to him because I knew what forgiveness looked like. You know,

0:38:58.469 --> 0:39:01.090
<v Speaker 1>I knew what forgiveness was because I walked in a church,

0:39:02.010 --> 0:39:05.129
<v Speaker 1>a mess, and God extended his forgiveness to me, which

0:39:05.210 --> 0:39:07.630
<v Speaker 1>is why I'm here today. And so how can I

0:39:07.710 --> 0:39:12.160
<v Speaker 1>withhold that against my father? And so I extended that

0:39:12.180 --> 0:39:14.489
<v Speaker 1>to him. My whole family was upset. Like, Why are

0:39:14.510 --> 0:39:17.109
<v Speaker 1>you doing that? Like, you know, he left. And now

0:39:17.150 --> 0:39:19.960
<v Speaker 1>we all chat. Now my mom and him talk every

0:39:20.000 --> 0:39:22.440
<v Speaker 1>now and then, you know, like my brother also gets

0:39:22.480 --> 0:39:23.379
<v Speaker 1>in contact with him.

0:39:23.500 --> 0:39:28.350
<v Speaker 2>So you just shared two amazing testimonies of how there

0:39:28.370 --> 0:39:31.440
<v Speaker 2>was now not this doesn't happen to everyone yeah and

0:39:31.480 --> 0:39:34.219
<v Speaker 2>every story is different every person is different but completely

0:39:34.260 --> 0:39:39.100
<v Speaker 2>delivered from drugs and completely delivered from unforgiveness and bitterness

0:39:39.140 --> 0:39:41.940
<v Speaker 2>to your father yeah where you walked out of church

0:39:42.060 --> 0:39:45.380
<v Speaker 2>but in both occasions completely free yes and that is

0:39:45.560 --> 0:39:49.810
<v Speaker 2>again the power of god um i think what is

0:39:49.870 --> 0:39:54.860
<v Speaker 2>impacting me right now through your story is I feel

0:39:55.460 --> 0:39:58.799
<v Speaker 2>in this conversation the love of God. I feel his love.

0:40:00.200 --> 0:40:03.460
<v Speaker 2>And although I can't relate to your background or your upbringing,

0:40:05.100 --> 0:40:07.560
<v Speaker 2>I can relate to the love that I'm describing to

0:40:07.600 --> 0:40:14.279
<v Speaker 2>you because it's the same love. And that's what I'm

0:40:14.380 --> 0:40:16.969
<v Speaker 2>still wrapping my mind around even though I've been saved

0:40:17.930 --> 0:40:20.470
<v Speaker 2>since the age of four, I've been saved for 41 years.

0:40:20.630 --> 0:40:23.160
<v Speaker 2>And so 41 years of walking with the Lord, it's still,

0:40:24.180 --> 0:40:28.660
<v Speaker 2>I still can't fathom and understand the measure of God's love.

0:40:29.560 --> 0:40:33.100
<v Speaker 2>But even if it's just a glimpse or a taste

0:40:33.340 --> 0:40:37.280
<v Speaker 2>or an understanding through someone else's story of what that

0:40:37.320 --> 0:40:40.669
<v Speaker 2>love is, it's enough to change my life. It's enough

0:40:40.690 --> 0:40:43.690
<v Speaker 2>to change anyone's life. And so I think right now

0:40:43.870 --> 0:40:47.350
<v Speaker 2>I'm just It's one thing to hear, it's another to feel.

0:40:47.450 --> 0:40:51.750
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm feeling the love of God through hearing your story.

0:40:51.790 --> 0:40:55.069
<v Speaker 2>And so I just want to encourage you. And if

0:40:55.130 --> 0:40:57.170
<v Speaker 2>I could be prophetically led even right now, I just

0:40:57.210 --> 0:41:04.719
<v Speaker 2>feel like this door that you've stepped through and being

0:41:04.780 --> 0:41:09.900
<v Speaker 2>as vulnerable as you've been today, it's just the beginning.

0:41:11.900 --> 0:41:12.620
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I'm sorry.

0:41:14.360 --> 0:41:14.799
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

0:41:14.940 --> 0:41:22.140
<v Speaker 2>I feel you were born, Sharon, you were born to

0:41:22.200 --> 0:41:26.860
<v Speaker 2>bring the good news through your testimony, but also through

0:41:26.960 --> 0:41:34.319
<v Speaker 2>your life. And so do not be surprised if more opportunities,

0:41:34.400 --> 0:41:38.500
<v Speaker 2>more doors, and I even see you speaking on stage,

0:41:38.780 --> 0:41:42.360
<v Speaker 2>which may feel very daunting to even fathom.

0:41:42.560 --> 0:41:42.779
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:41:44.140 --> 0:41:46.620
<v Speaker 2>You were born to preach and you were born to

0:41:46.660 --> 0:41:51.560
<v Speaker 2>share the good news, not just on a stage through

0:41:51.580 --> 0:41:56.000
<v Speaker 2>a microphone, but the way you live your life. And

0:41:56.040 --> 0:41:58.919
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, because we haven't talked about this pre-recording

0:41:58.960 --> 0:42:01.640
<v Speaker 2>or even during the recording, if there's anyone else in

0:42:01.680 --> 0:42:04.100
<v Speaker 2>your family that you're still contending for. But I feel

0:42:04.140 --> 0:42:09.190
<v Speaker 2>that even something today through your testimony is going to

0:42:09.210 --> 0:42:12.629
<v Speaker 2>be released. Amen. And those who you have prayed for

0:42:12.730 --> 0:42:15.610
<v Speaker 2>and contended for in your family, they will be saved.

0:42:15.830 --> 0:42:16.170
<v Speaker 3>Amen.

0:42:16.610 --> 0:42:18.590
<v Speaker 2>And you just watch and see starting from today.

0:42:18.610 --> 0:42:20.189
<v Speaker 1>I receive that.

0:42:21.170 --> 0:42:22.029
<v Speaker 2>I bless you with that.

0:42:22.230 --> 0:42:22.890
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

0:42:23.010 --> 0:42:25.720
<v Speaker 2>And whoever else is listening that wants to receive that

0:42:25.780 --> 0:42:27.450
<v Speaker 2>same word, I encourage you to just receive it.

0:42:27.940 --> 0:42:28.220
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

0:42:28.520 --> 0:42:31.799
<v Speaker 2>Everyone, the Bible says you and your entire household will

0:42:31.820 --> 0:42:32.100
<v Speaker 2>be saved.

0:42:32.120 --> 0:42:32.940
<v Speaker 1>That's right. Yes.

0:42:33.200 --> 0:42:37.219
<v Speaker 2>So even in my own family, relatives that we're contending for,

0:42:37.920 --> 0:42:38.540
<v Speaker 2>it's going to happen.

0:42:39.080 --> 0:42:39.340
<v Speaker 3>Yes.

0:42:39.719 --> 0:42:41.120
<v Speaker 1>Amen. Amen to that.

0:42:41.219 --> 0:42:41.500
<v Speaker 3>Amen.

0:42:41.800 --> 0:42:43.620
<v Speaker 2>There's so much more we could talk about. Maybe we'll

0:42:43.800 --> 0:42:46.050
<v Speaker 2>have you on again because I just feel like there's more.

0:42:46.250 --> 0:42:48.609
<v Speaker 2>I feel like we're just scratching the surface here. But

0:42:49.190 --> 0:42:52.750
<v Speaker 2>what would you say to someone who's listening who can

0:42:52.770 --> 0:42:55.670
<v Speaker 2>maybe identify a part of your story or maybe not

0:42:55.739 --> 0:42:59.320
<v Speaker 2>even at all but says, well, Sharon, that's good for you,

0:42:59.520 --> 0:43:03.279
<v Speaker 2>but you don't understand my situation or my wounds are

0:43:03.340 --> 0:43:05.500
<v Speaker 2>way too deep. There's no way that God can heal them.

0:43:05.620 --> 0:43:09.009
<v Speaker 2>Or my unforgiveness toward my parents is way too strong.

0:43:09.050 --> 0:43:11.790
<v Speaker 2>There's no way. What are some things that you can

0:43:11.850 --> 0:43:14.740
<v Speaker 2>encourage people who are listening to do that maybe has

0:43:14.780 --> 0:43:18.080
<v Speaker 2>helped you? Because this is, yes, these are defining moments

0:43:18.120 --> 0:43:20.660
<v Speaker 2>where you walked out in freedom. But we also know

0:43:20.700 --> 0:43:24.600
<v Speaker 2>that freedom has to be continued. You have to continually

0:43:24.920 --> 0:43:27.160
<v Speaker 2>walk it out. Because I know the enemy will try

0:43:27.200 --> 0:43:30.120
<v Speaker 2>to come and lie or something else comes up or

0:43:30.140 --> 0:43:33.450
<v Speaker 2>another thought or another reminder. So how have you stayed

0:43:33.469 --> 0:43:37.090
<v Speaker 2>the course of your freedom? And what would you encourage

0:43:37.150 --> 0:43:38.150
<v Speaker 2>those who are listening to do?

0:43:38.530 --> 0:43:40.330
<v Speaker 1>I think I would encourage people to fall in love

0:43:40.350 --> 0:43:45.190
<v Speaker 1>with Jesus. Just fall in love with Jesus because it

0:43:45.210 --> 0:43:48.180
<v Speaker 1>doesn't matter how hard or what you've gone through. I can't,

0:43:48.700 --> 0:43:51.060
<v Speaker 1>you know, like the word says that we, our thoughts

0:43:51.120 --> 0:43:53.420
<v Speaker 1>are not like his thoughts. So we'll never really understand

0:43:53.460 --> 0:43:55.560
<v Speaker 1>why we go through what we go through. But when

0:43:55.600 --> 0:43:59.700
<v Speaker 1>we encounter his love, none of that matters. None of

0:43:59.719 --> 0:44:01.680
<v Speaker 1>that matters. So I would say, call out to him.

0:44:01.739 --> 0:44:04.360
<v Speaker 1>The word says, knock and the door shall be open.

0:44:04.440 --> 0:44:06.299
<v Speaker 1>Seek and you will find. And so what I would

0:44:06.320 --> 0:44:09.330
<v Speaker 1>say is, Seek, knock, call out in the name of Jesus,

0:44:09.410 --> 0:44:11.750
<v Speaker 1>and he's going to encounter you. He's going to encounter you.

0:44:11.790 --> 0:44:13.850
<v Speaker 1>He's going to transform you. I know because I wouldn't

0:44:13.870 --> 0:44:15.490
<v Speaker 1>be sitting here today if that weren't the case.

0:44:15.870 --> 0:44:20.590
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so good. Even right now, because this is a

0:44:20.640 --> 0:44:23.380
<v Speaker 2>moment that I really feel is being led by the Spirit.

0:44:23.680 --> 0:44:29.940
<v Speaker 2>If you're listening to this and you're saying, what do

0:44:29.960 --> 0:44:32.400
<v Speaker 2>I have to lose? I've tried everything else. What do

0:44:32.420 --> 0:44:34.069
<v Speaker 2>I have to lose? Okay, I'll do it. I'll do

0:44:34.110 --> 0:44:35.569
<v Speaker 2>it right now. I'll call out to God. I just

0:44:35.610 --> 0:44:36.290
<v Speaker 2>want to encourage you.

0:44:36.350 --> 0:44:37.230
<v Speaker 1>Call. Yes.

0:44:37.730 --> 0:44:40.410
<v Speaker 2>The Bible says, whoever calls on the name of the

0:44:40.489 --> 0:44:43.150
<v Speaker 2>Lord will be saved. And so those who are listening,

0:44:43.830 --> 0:44:47.990
<v Speaker 2>you're in your desperate hour, you're in your rock bottom state,

0:44:48.010 --> 0:44:51.100
<v Speaker 2>whatever it may be, whether you can identify with Sharon's

0:44:51.120 --> 0:44:54.200
<v Speaker 2>story or not, if you just call on him, I

0:44:54.260 --> 0:44:56.600
<v Speaker 2>really believe he will answer. And we're going to leave

0:44:56.620 --> 0:44:58.759
<v Speaker 2>some time at the end of this episode also to

0:44:58.800 --> 0:45:01.860
<v Speaker 2>lead people in a prayer of salvation, similar to the

0:45:01.940 --> 0:45:03.410
<v Speaker 2>one that you prayed at that altar.

0:45:03.430 --> 0:45:03.700
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

0:45:04.610 --> 0:45:06.680
<v Speaker 2>But I will also add to what you say that

0:45:07.260 --> 0:45:09.960
<v Speaker 2>there's no sin that is too great.

0:45:10.200 --> 0:45:10.460
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:45:10.980 --> 0:45:14.680
<v Speaker 2>There is no relationship that is too unrepairable or irreparable

0:45:14.980 --> 0:45:19.480
<v Speaker 2>that God can't restore. And you're living, walking testimony that

0:45:19.500 --> 0:45:21.680
<v Speaker 2>that is true. And so I want to encourage those

0:45:22.850 --> 0:45:24.340
<v Speaker 2>who are listening, never give up.

0:45:24.590 --> 0:45:24.810
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

0:45:24.969 --> 0:45:25.960
<v Speaker 2>Because he never gave up.

0:45:26.290 --> 0:45:26.730
<v Speaker 1>That's right.

0:45:26.870 --> 0:45:27.549
<v Speaker 3>On us. Yeah.

0:45:27.830 --> 0:45:30.969
<v Speaker 1>And it's like, you know, I wasn't looking for him.

0:45:31.670 --> 0:45:34.839
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't looking. I didn't know. So if God can

0:45:34.880 --> 0:45:37.219
<v Speaker 1>come after someone that doesn't know, how much more when

0:45:37.280 --> 0:45:38.480
<v Speaker 1>you're actually being intentional?

0:45:38.500 --> 0:45:38.959
<v Speaker 2>So good.

0:45:39.040 --> 0:45:40.360
<v Speaker 1>You know, so, yeah.

0:45:40.880 --> 0:45:41.480
<v Speaker 2>That's so good.

0:45:41.540 --> 0:45:41.739
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:45:42.260 --> 0:45:47.200
<v Speaker 2>Well, Sharon, thank you for not just sharing your testimony

0:45:47.239 --> 0:45:47.810
<v Speaker 2>but living it.

0:45:48.140 --> 0:45:48.379
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:45:48.560 --> 0:45:51.020
<v Speaker 2>And you're an example every time we come in to

0:45:51.080 --> 0:45:54.120
<v Speaker 2>shoot and film here or I see you at the front.

0:45:54.640 --> 0:45:56.830
<v Speaker 2>And I was just saying this with one of my producers.

0:45:56.870 --> 0:46:01.030
<v Speaker 2>You carry the peace of God, the shalom of God.

0:46:01.090 --> 0:46:06.100
<v Speaker 2>And so continue to walk. that freedom out. And just

0:46:06.160 --> 0:46:08.800
<v Speaker 2>like you did today, I know lives will be changed

0:46:08.820 --> 0:46:12.000
<v Speaker 2>through your story. So bless you and thank you.

0:46:12.280 --> 0:46:13.120
<v Speaker 1>Amen. Thank you.

0:46:15.739 --> 0:46:18.780
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for joining us on the Honest Podcast. Listen,

0:46:19.000 --> 0:46:22.560
<v Speaker 2>if today's conversation impacted you and you would like to

0:46:22.600 --> 0:46:25.680
<v Speaker 2>have a personal relationship with Jesus, or if you'd like

0:46:25.719 --> 0:46:28.340
<v Speaker 2>to rededicate your life to Him, I want to invite

0:46:28.360 --> 0:46:31.140
<v Speaker 2>you to pray a simple prayer. Just repeat after me.

0:46:32.040 --> 0:46:36.980
<v Speaker 2>Heavenly Father, Thank you for sending your son, Jesus, to

0:46:37.020 --> 0:46:40.020
<v Speaker 2>die on the cross for me. I repent of all

0:46:40.060 --> 0:46:43.360
<v Speaker 2>my sins and I ask you to be Savior and

0:46:43.400 --> 0:46:47.650
<v Speaker 2>Lord of my life. By your grace, I will follow

0:46:47.670 --> 0:46:50.390
<v Speaker 2>you and love you all the days of my life.

0:46:51.810 --> 0:46:56.410
<v Speaker 2>In Jesus' name, amen. If you pray that prayer for

0:46:56.450 --> 0:46:59.380
<v Speaker 2>the first time or as a rededication, I just want

0:46:59.390 --> 0:47:02.680
<v Speaker 2>to say congratulations. This is the best decision you could

0:47:02.700 --> 0:47:04.500
<v Speaker 2>ever make. I want to encourage you to do three

0:47:04.580 --> 0:47:07.700
<v Speaker 2>things now that you've prayed this prayer. Number one, spend

0:47:07.719 --> 0:47:10.000
<v Speaker 2>time with God. The more you spend time with him,

0:47:10.340 --> 0:47:11.759
<v Speaker 2>the more you get to know him and the more

0:47:11.780 --> 0:47:14.239
<v Speaker 2>you become like him. We're also going to leave some

0:47:14.280 --> 0:47:17.640
<v Speaker 2>resources below in the description to help you on your journey.

0:47:18.300 --> 0:47:21.799
<v Speaker 2>Number two, get plugged into a local church. You want

0:47:21.820 --> 0:47:23.799
<v Speaker 2>to find community and you want to do life with

0:47:23.860 --> 0:47:27.980
<v Speaker 2>other brothers and sisters in Christ. And number three, continue

0:47:28.020 --> 0:47:30.890
<v Speaker 2>to tune in to the Honest Podcast as we're going

0:47:30.910 --> 0:47:33.259
<v Speaker 2>to discuss many topics together that are going to help

0:47:33.320 --> 0:47:36.370
<v Speaker 2>you in life, but most importantly, in your journey and

0:47:36.390 --> 0:47:39.200
<v Speaker 2>your walk with God. God bless you, and we'll see

0:47:39.219 --> 0:47:39.700
<v Speaker 2>you next time.