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Speaker 1: Hey, alyssa sale and this is John. Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast game show.

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Speaker 2: The show where you can hear the greatest stories on

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Speaker 2: ours and.

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Speaker 1: Luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the best

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Speaker 1: stories your ears could listen to. All you have to

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Speaker 1: do is wait for two minutes through these messages from

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Speaker 1: our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: My father Blue Company, profits on his mistress while I

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Speaker 3: sweat building it.

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Speaker 4: Well, that's just not fair. Some background.

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Speaker 3: My dad started his own business a little over twenty

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Speaker 3: years ago. It started as a one man band and

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Speaker 3: has grown slowly. It is a small but profitable manufacturing

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Speaker 3: operation in a fairly niche market with quite a bit

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Speaker 3: of room to expand. I've been working there ever since

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Speaker 3: I was old enough, and began full time as soon

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Speaker 3: as I completed college.

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Speaker 4: Literally the day.

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Speaker 3: Of my final exam, I went into work in the afternoon.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from underdad's thumb, And if

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Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 3: r slash Okay Storytime.

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Speaker 4: Separate it.

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Speaker 3: So I started encountering some issues with my dad and

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Speaker 3: some serious clashing of heads pretty much as soon as

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Speaker 3: I started working full time. It took an age for

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Speaker 3: him to get around to moving me onto a salary package,

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Speaker 3: and the first one he presented me with was disappointing.

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Speaker 3: It was very small, maybe twenty percent lower than a

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Speaker 3: starting salary for any entry level job. He didn't believe me,

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Speaker 3: thinking it was a competitive wage. It took his accountant

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Speaker 3: to actually convince him of what the minimum I should

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Speaker 3: be getting paid was. And that's what I got, the minimum.

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Speaker 3: That's why to pay your own child like the minimum,

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Speaker 3: right and not mark.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 4: Well, at the time, I kind of just grinned and

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Speaker 4: bored it.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't ideal and it barely covered the cost of living,

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Speaker 3: but I reminded myself that the long term goal of

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Speaker 3: eventually owning the place would be worth it. Once I

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Speaker 3: moved into full time hours, he began to travel extensively.

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Speaker 3: I got about two weeks of training in the day

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Speaker 3: to day operation of the business. Previously I handled all

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Speaker 3: the manufacturer, and off he went. The first year was

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Speaker 3: pretty brutal. I was swimming in the responsibility of maintaining

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Speaker 3: a business for the first time, and Dad was securing

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Speaker 3: new contracts and distributors. I was getting swamped from learning

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Speaker 3: on the fly while still being the prim manufacturer some

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Speaker 3: weeks for twelve plus hours a day and a lot

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Speaker 3: of weekends, and you're still not getting paid for like properly.

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Speaker 3: Yikes that I like at that point you got a

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Speaker 3: self advocate. Yeah, you know, like if someone's not regardless

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Speaker 3: of whether or not other family, if they're not paying

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Speaker 3: you what you deserve.

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Speaker 4: HM say, hey, I need more money than this, right.

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Speaker 3: It eased off a bit when I convinced him to

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Speaker 3: hire some more full time employees. I became more comfortable

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Speaker 3: in the extensive list of responsibilities I had, and it

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Speaker 3: felt like things for me started to stabilize after about

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Speaker 3: the third year. To give you some perspective, in the

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Speaker 3: first eighteen months, he was probably around for maybe six.

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Speaker 4: To eight of them.

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Speaker 3: Wow, as of right now, he's probably out of the

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Speaker 3: country or interstate for a minimum of thirty to forty

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Speaker 3: percent of the year. After the first three year stint,

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Speaker 3: I started to feel quite a bit of financial pressure.

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Speaker 3: I felt undervalued, was essentially making just enough to pay

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Speaker 3: rent in utilities and wasn't saving a dime. Throughout this period,

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Speaker 3: I received no increase to my salary. I had to

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Speaker 3: fight him for over six months to recognize that. At

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Speaker 3: the very least salary adjustment for inflation needed to be made.

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Speaker 3: Once again, it took the account and to confirm that, yes,

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Speaker 3: inflationary adjustments are a thing. This is why all of

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Speaker 3: your meetings with them about finances. Accountant should be there.

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Speaker 3: I think, I like, if I were to give you advice,

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Speaker 3: it seems like this story is you know, going to

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Speaker 3: continue for sure.

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Speaker 4: God, this is my advice.

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Speaker 3: But in this moment, if I were to give you advice,

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Speaker 3: I think, get a meeting with the accountant, show them

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Speaker 3: what you like, what finances you're paying for, what you need,

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Speaker 3: all the work that you're doing.

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Speaker 4: Just like lay it all out for like a mediator. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I think the account Yeah. Yeah. This was about the

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Speaker 4: time that I first caught wind of his shutter mistress.

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Speaker 4: Uh oh.

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Speaker 3: He had been spending a lot of time visiting one

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Speaker 3: of our suppliers overseas. This was the primary destination of

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Speaker 3: most of his travel. I didn't really think much of

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Speaker 3: it as they were being right bees. I was under

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Speaker 3: the impression that we were gearing up to drop them

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Speaker 3: in favor of someone else that was already secured. But

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Speaker 3: this process dragged on for what was eventually years. Every

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Speaker 3: time he was in the country and I would come

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Speaker 3: into his office. I could hear him talking to someone

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Speaker 3: on Skype, and he would bang his laptop lid down

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Speaker 3: with a start of look on his face every single time.

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Speaker 3: That's not suspicious at all, not at all. On one

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Speaker 3: of those days, I needed a file off his computer

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Speaker 3: while he was out. He told me where to find

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Speaker 3: it over the phone, so I stopped upstairs and opened

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Speaker 3: it up. He forgot to close Skype, or even minimize

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Speaker 3: it for that matter. What I was presented with was

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Speaker 3: a chat history that was very incriminating.

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Speaker 4: I was furious.

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Speaker 3: This was family destroying stuff, considering he is still married

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Speaker 3: to my mother. I confronted him about it and absolutely exploded.

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Speaker 3: I don't think he's ever truly seen me so angry before.

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Speaker 3: Without going into too much detail, he managed to convince

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Speaker 3: me that I was just a close friend and that

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Speaker 3: nothing spicy related was going on. He managed to convince you, bro, dude,

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Speaker 3: you need to.

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Speaker 4: Both advocate for yourself and also like trust yourself.

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Speaker 3: Trust your gut, because come on, that was the most

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Speaker 3: obvious cheating that you.

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Speaker 4: Already confronted him for it. Yeah, you don't try to

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Speaker 4: like slam the computer down and hide. Yeah, just a friend.

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Speaker 4: The explicit stuff that I saw was just joking around you.

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Speaker 3: He convinced you there was explicit stuff, and he convinced

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Speaker 3: you that it was just a friend that they were

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Speaker 3: joking around with.

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Speaker 4: Oh no, Op is so deeply in denial.

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Speaker 3: He's like, I'd rather not be true, So I'm just

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Speaker 3: going to believe that really bad lie, I think, in

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Speaker 3: a desperate attempt to not see the family torn apart,

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Speaker 3: I accepted his explanation, along with a mention that anything

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Speaker 3: spicy related is literally impossible for him now due to

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Speaker 3: some health issues slash old age. So like a chump,

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Speaker 3: I ate his crap and buried it in the back

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Speaker 3: of my mind. A couple more years past, and life happened.

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Speaker 3: I got engaged than married. Oh dude, wait, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: You just like never followed back up on that.

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Speaker 4: You were like, well, he says, he's not cheating, So

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna put the blindfold on for a bit. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: just go live my life.

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Speaker 2: He's not cheating.

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Speaker 3: He continued to travel extensively, always winding up in the

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Speaker 3: same place. My hackle started getting up as the issue

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Speaker 3: with one of our suppliers dragged on and on. I

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Speaker 3: simply couldn't even understand why he was continuing to even

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Speaker 3: entertain doing business with them. He started making some weird decisions,

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Speaker 3: like setting up an overseas office and renting a small property.

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Speaker 4: For storage storage so that.

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Speaker 3: We could ship immediately from a supplier we were going

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Speaker 3: to trump, a supplier that we continued to purchase from

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Speaker 3: despite them jacking up prices that nearly pushed it past

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Speaker 3: the point of profitability. It turns out the property he

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Speaker 3: has been renting for the past two years is just

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Speaker 3: an apartment, one that I have a fairly educated guess

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Speaker 3: is for his mistress. He also kept talking about getting

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Speaker 3: a visa for a few people to come over and train.

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Speaker 3: I ended up finding a visa rejection letter for who

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Speaker 3: I'm certain is the mistress. Anyway, About a year ago,

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Speaker 3: I once again started feeling some pretty extreme financial pressure.

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Speaker 3: I'd found my own place with my wife, and we

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Speaker 3: were barely covering rent and utilities with three jobs between us.

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Speaker 3: I requested a salary increase, which would be my first

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Speaker 3: ever raise. Dad wasn't having a bar of it. After all,

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Speaker 3: when he's in the country, I'm just a grunt, right,

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Speaker 3: All I really do is basic manufacturing, What worth this

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Speaker 3: or in increasing my salary. Besides, he hasn't even yet

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Speaker 3: seen me step up to that plate. To his satisfaction,

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Speaker 3: not to mention then asking for a comparable salary that

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Speaker 3: I showed him evidence of industry standard for basic workers

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Speaker 3: in manufacturing may not be financially valuable. It's really about

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Speaker 3: what the business can afford, and high salaries just aren't affordable.

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Speaker 3: I bit my tongue hard at that remark, considering his

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Speaker 3: twelve plus international trips per year, plus half as many interstates.

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Speaker 3: He assured me he looked into it, though, and a

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Speaker 3: few months later I received a very modest pay bump.

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Speaker 3: I'm pissed at OPI. I'm pissed, like one, you're staying

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Speaker 3: in this business, right, you're not getting paid in too. Right.

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Speaker 3: You know about this affair, regardless of whether or not

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Speaker 3: you're willing to like actually recognize that it's happening.

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Speaker 4: You know about it, right.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 3: And even if you're not gonna tell your mother, which

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Speaker 3: is already a messed up, Yeah, you should at least

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Speaker 3: be freaking blackmailing him. I don't know if you're not

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Speaker 3: gonna tell your mom, which is so stop using your advantage. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Like you're just sitting there with your blinders on, right.

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Speaker 4: Being like, can I have a little bit of a race.

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Speaker 3: And your dad's like no, and you're like, well, I

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Speaker 3: guess I'm gonna stay here forever.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, honestly, just get another job.

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Speaker 3: I like why, Like he's like, do I want to

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Speaker 3: stay here because I want to like take over the business?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Do you have any proof that he's going to give

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Speaker 4: you the business?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: So far does not seem like that's gonna happen. Nope.

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Speaker 3: So like you're just waiting in this like dead end

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Speaker 3: job with your cheater father doing nothing about either thing.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: To the present and my predicament, it is now extremely

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Speaker 3: obvious that he's traveling overseas exclusively to visit this mistress.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't even give excuses as to why he's going

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Speaker 3: overseas anymore, just says, go in to ex country.

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Speaker 2: For why weeks?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because he thinks, you know, and that you're just

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Speaker 3: like ignoring it for him. Right, we don't even do

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Speaker 3: business with the supplier of the country he was Slash

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Speaker 3: is going to anymore. So here I sit managing a

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Speaker 3: business that pays me pennies to fund my dad's extravagances.

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Speaker 3: I have their very little capacity to save, and as

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Speaker 3: it stands, it will take me over six years to

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Speaker 3: save for a house deposit in a housing market that

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Speaker 3: is increasing in value at a rate of over fifteen

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Speaker 3: percent per quarter. Having children is an impossibility, as even

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Speaker 3: a month out of work for my wife will see

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Speaker 3: us in debt. Of the small number of employees we have,

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Speaker 3: every one of them works a second job. No one

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Speaker 3: except the boss man is earning a comfortable living. The

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Speaker 3: difference between my salary and our general office worker is

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Speaker 3: about one hundred dollars per week. She's been working here

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Speaker 3: for two years. I've been here since I was sixteen.

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Speaker 3: What has brought this to a head is a little

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Speaker 3: digging into my very limited access to the business's finances.

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Speaker 3: It's the one aspect he has absolute control over, and

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Speaker 3: I have a feeling it's to mask his own excesses.

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Speaker 3: He is now taking the mistress on international and local

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Speaker 3: holidays regularly, all on the company's dime. Is continuing this

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Speaker 3: relationship is handicapping the financial security of the employees of

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Speaker 3: this business, and he has made poor decisions over a

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Speaker 3: number of years in an effort to maintain the charade

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Speaker 3: that every trip is in the best interests of the business.

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Speaker 3: We haven't had any new customers in two years that

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Speaker 3: was supposed to be a big part of his travel.

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Speaker 3: In fact, I recently learned that he had a conversation

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Speaker 3: with our office worker and he's stopped effing looking for

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Speaker 3: new business because we're now making enough money and we're

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Speaker 3: in a comfortable place. To be clear on this point,

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Speaker 3: He's right. I don't have much access to the finances,

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Speaker 3: but I know without going into too much detail, that

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Speaker 3: we make very good amount of money for the size

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Speaker 3: of the business.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And also because he's not paying his workers.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like, yeah, we're comfortable because if I pay

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Speaker 3: all of you under what you're supposed to be paid, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: then the business is profitable.

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Speaker 4: Right, But it's like, what's the point of it being

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Speaker 4: profitable if no one's gonna actually like reap the benefits

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Speaker 4: besides you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how all giant businesses operate. Like, that's why

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Speaker 3: places like Amazon and like those big places are profitable

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Speaker 3: because they rely on really really cheap labor, most times

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Speaker 3: labor abroad, so you can get around labor thing. And

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Speaker 3: that's like to a much smaller extent. That's what he's doing.

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Speaker 3: He's getting his workers nothing for massive amounts of work. Right,

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Speaker 3: How in holy heck am I supposed to navigate this?

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Speaker 3: I've sunk my career building years into this business, and

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Speaker 3: the inevitable confrontation that will result after I bring this

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Speaker 3: cluster f to light with him could spark him to

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Speaker 3: just up and sell the business from under us. Over

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Speaker 3: the past couple of years, he off handedly mentioned how

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Speaker 3: tempting it would be to take an offer on the

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Speaker 3: sale price this business would attract.

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Speaker 4: Then why are you here? He's gonna sell it. You're

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Speaker 4: not gonna get it. He's not gonna give it to you.

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Speaker 3: Right, I'd be left with my button the breeze, with

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Speaker 3: very few transferable skills and a degree that has been

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Speaker 3: collecting dust in a field that would be extremely difficult

267
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Speaker 3: to break into. As it stands, I have no stake

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Speaker 3: in the business, there's no way to realistically force him out,

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Speaker 3: and his total lack of interest in teaching me the

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Speaker 3: few critical aspects of running the place that are left

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Speaker 3: means that if he just vanishes or says ef it

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Speaker 3: and dumps into my lap, there's a high risk of

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Speaker 3: seeing the place collapse if I'm not on top of

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Speaker 3: my game. And always in the back of my mind,

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Speaker 3: which I have barely acknowledged, is the followut that will

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Speaker 3: occur with my family and my poor effing mother. I

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Speaker 3: can barely even process this side of it. Even if

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Speaker 3: I don't confront him, I don't really know how he's

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Speaker 3: going to repair our relationship. My resentment is building, my

280
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Speaker 3: furious absolute I mean.

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Speaker 4: Do you guys even really have a relationship?

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Speaker 3: Like he's gone six to eight months of the year, right,

283
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Speaker 3: she's paying pennies and cheating on your mother? Like, do

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Speaker 3: you have a good relationship in general?

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Speaker 4: Sound like it.

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Speaker 3: The only consolation I can take is that without this

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Speaker 3: ridiculous situation, I would have never met my wife. Truthfully,

288
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Speaker 3: if I had my time again, I'd still put myself

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Speaker 3: through this effing Gautlant. She is the shimmer at the

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Speaker 3: end of this dark void, the lip candle that prevents

291
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Speaker 3: me from cursing the darkness. As always, any advice will

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Speaker 3: be appreciated and there is an update.

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Speaker 4: But do you all be thoughts? I just I feel like,

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Speaker 4: you know, you know, oh, he is like asking what

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Speaker 4: should I do? What I need to do? I feel

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Speaker 4: like you know, I agree ts your gut. You know

297
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Speaker 4: that what he's doing is wrong. So yeah, he needs

298
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Speaker 4: to be confronted about it, and that can be uncomfortable,

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Speaker 4: but it's necessary.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, come front him, Quit all of them, all of

301
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Speaker 3: the above, all of the above.

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Speaker 4: Man, I just can't stay here.

303
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Speaker 3: Update well read it. This is a not so happy update.

304
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Speaker 3: A few days after I put up the op, I

305
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Speaker 3: brought all the evidence I had to my mother. She

306
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Speaker 3: was mortified, and we spent the next week while he

307
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Speaker 3: was overseas collecting evidence.

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Speaker 4: Oh weit.

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Speaker 3: Also, I wonder, depending on whether or not they signed

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Speaker 3: like a prenup, she might be able to get the business. Yeah,

311
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Speaker 3: in which case we can just take over, right, I

312
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Speaker 3: mean he said he doesn't know how to run ashore.

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Speaker 3: You've been there since you were sixteen.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Turns out he wasn't as smart as I thought he

316
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,839
Speaker 3: was and was barely covering his tracks. Over a three

317
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Speaker 3: year period, he spent probably one hundred K on various

318
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Speaker 3: trips in salary for his mistress, including joint travel to

319
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Speaker 3: various countries.

320
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Speaker 4: Flying business class.

321
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Speaker 3: Mom took the evidence and brought it to a lawyer,

322
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Speaker 3: putting all the pieces into place, for a possible divorce.

323
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Speaker 3: I was told explicitly not to interfere, as she wished

324
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Speaker 3: to preserve the relationship I had with my father.

325
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Speaker 4: Doesn't have one.

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Speaker 3: From phone calls over the course of several days, I

327
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Speaker 3: found out that she was trying to make it work

328
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Speaker 3: and salvage the marriage. What salvage what? He's been cheating

329
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Speaker 3: for at least three years, probably more.

330
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Speaker 4: He has no desire, like he's not. He doesn't feel

331
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Speaker 4: bad about that at all. Everyone is just so hopeful

332
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Speaker 4: every Yeah.

333
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Speaker 3: I learned fairly quickly that despite the boatload of evidence,

334
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,960
Speaker 3: he had managed to convince her that it was merely

335
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Speaker 3: a friend.

336
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,360
Speaker 4: You and your mom are exactly alike.

337
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:32,760
Speaker 3: These poor people, these poor silly people, These poor silly

338
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,480
Speaker 3: dum dumbs. She promised me that she was still suspicious

339
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,360
Speaker 3: of everything he had said, but told me to keep

340
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,160
Speaker 3: out of it and said she was working through it.

341
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:43,360
Speaker 3: A week later, I received a substantial salary increase. See

342
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:49,200
Speaker 3: that's what I said, dude, blackmail ages ago for the

343
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,800
Speaker 3: first time in my life, pushing me into middle income.

344
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,400
Speaker 3: It was still pissed off and incredibly angry, and kept

345
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,320
Speaker 3: my head down A couple of months past where I

346
00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,160
Speaker 3: was monitoring what was happening, continuing to collect evidence in

347
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 3: stance that the friendship was done did nothing for my

348
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,040
Speaker 3: state of mind, as I could clearly see the opposite.

349
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,400
Speaker 3: He was still interacting with her on a daily basis.

350
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Speaker 3: When this was brought to mom again, nothing happened, and

351
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,520
Speaker 3: I realized I was on my own.

352
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Speaker 4: I was like, what I mean, it kind of makes sense.

353
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Speaker 4: Why a little bit?

354
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 3: Whyop He never brought this to the mom until he

355
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,200
Speaker 3: had like, really really solid proof, because she probably wouldn't

356
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,360
Speaker 3: have done anything at all. Then Yeah, if Opie was like, hey.

357
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Speaker 4: I saw these like explicit messages and she was like.

358
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Speaker 3: Oh no, he said it was a friend right, Like

359
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:32,360
Speaker 3: even mountains of proof doesn't change her mind, I Yeah,

360
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,480
Speaker 3: the anger got the better of me, and I sunk

361
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,800
Speaker 3: into a pretty bad lethargy. I was procrastinating at work,

362
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,880
Speaker 3: not being all that productive. I should have been more

363
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,840
Speaker 3: proactive in my planning, but I was acting with my

364
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,920
Speaker 3: head so mad that I just felt like I was

365
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,240
Speaker 3: falling into a pit with no way out. Fast forward

366
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,520
Speaker 3: to two weeks ago. I uncovered evidence that he was

367
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,720
Speaker 3: making moves or had already succeeded in getting the mistress

368
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,480
Speaker 3: to my country here. That snapped me out of my

369
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,680
Speaker 3: funk pretty hard well in either a move a blinding stupidity,

370
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,400
Speaker 3: or rage, I confronted him. It quickly turned into a

371
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,760
Speaker 3: crap fight, with most of it being me standing there

372
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,240
Speaker 3: listening to him rage. He basically told me that I

373
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,400
Speaker 3: was in Shane, was overthinking things and making connections on

374
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,640
Speaker 3: my head that weren't really there. I interrupted a few

375
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,040
Speaker 3: times to refute this, and it then turned into him

376
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,440
Speaker 3: screaming into my face that his personal life was none

377
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,800
Speaker 3: of my business. I told him that when his personal

378
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 3: life affects our business, then I absolutely have the right

379
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,520
Speaker 3: to say something. I expressed my belief that his personal

380
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,120
Speaker 3: life was leading to and has led to, poor decisions

381
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,120
Speaker 3: for this business, and that he didn't really care about

382
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,800
Speaker 3: its development as long as the money was rolling in

383
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 3: for him to do whatever the heck he wants. He

384
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,200
Speaker 3: called me ungrateful and said that all the things he's

385
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,360
Speaker 3: done for me gives me no right to speak to

386
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 3: him like this, that the reality of the business was

387
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,280
Speaker 3: far removed from what I believed it to me, and

388
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,800
Speaker 3: that I'm basically a clueless kid who makes assumptions because

389
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 3: I've never been at our real job and don't understand

390
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,240
Speaker 3: how businesses work.

391
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,080
Speaker 2: I won't go.

392
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 3: Into detail, but the argument evolved pretty rapidly from there.

393
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,520
Speaker 3: It turned into him going on at length about my

394
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,640
Speaker 3: personal failings and criticisms of me being a happy husband

395
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,800
Speaker 3: to my wife because of hobbies. I chose to pursue

396
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,320
Speaker 3: how he should command and respect being my dad, and

397
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,439
Speaker 3: then I am no right to I even speak to

398
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,879
Speaker 3: one with a raised voice, and mostly kept my cool,

399
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 3: but I won't lie. I went off a few times

400
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,760
Speaker 3: refuting some of the more ridiculous things that he said,

401
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 3: making sure that he understood that some of the crap

402
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,399
Speaker 3: he said was completely unacceptable. I don't think there's anything

403
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,280
Speaker 3: I said in the moment that I regret. I was

404
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,200
Speaker 3: strangely calm after the fact. I was expecting a mountain

405
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,640
Speaker 3: of stress and anger to crush me. By the way,

406
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,639
Speaker 3: you know what will crush you? What the amount of

407
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 3: full episodes and stories that we have waiting for you

408
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,880
Speaker 3: on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio.

409
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 4: Just search up.

410
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,040
Speaker 3: Okay, storytime. Get crushed by all this episodes, but there

411
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 3: is a little bit left to the story. You have

412
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,680
Speaker 3: any final thoughts.

413
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,359
Speaker 4: I thought it was really funny when he said, like,

414
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,119
Speaker 4: you've never had a real job in your life, and

415
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,919
Speaker 4: it's like, I've been working for you, like since I

416
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,399
Speaker 4: was sixteen, been working in your company. So what do

417
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 4: you mean. Either's your job fake? Yeah, either you're totally

418
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 4: discounting like your own job or admitting that you haven't

419
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,280
Speaker 4: been giving me a real job this whole time exactly.

420
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:05,960
Speaker 4: He's like, you don't have the skills, like you haven't

421
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:06,760
Speaker 4: taught me anything.

422
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, like there's been no I think a good

423
00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 3: job teaches you new skills like you start off with.

424
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 3: Of course you have to have some skills when you

425
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,240
Speaker 3: start off with show. Sure, but it's all about like

426
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 3: your learning, Like why would you.

427
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 4: I don't know. You can learn so much. That's like,

428
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 4: you know, especially if you're not getting paid that much,

429
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,200
Speaker 4: Like if you're learning something, then that's like that's almost

430
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:26,840
Speaker 4: as good.

431
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 3: Agreed, But there is a little bit more. As it stands,

432
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,040
Speaker 3: I have no idea if I have a job on Monday.

433
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,359
Speaker 3: The last thing he said to me before storming out

434
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,760
Speaker 3: was that I better effing apologize for the thing, so

435
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,119
Speaker 3: I shed to him, so, yeah, I think my world

436
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,120
Speaker 3: just exploded.

437
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,680
Speaker 4: PS. Probably the best one liner I heard from him

438
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 4: was an anecdote where he believed the most successful people

439
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 4: in business get to a point where they don't have

440
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 4: to do anything. I laughed at that.

441
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,679
Speaker 3: Okay, yikes, I mean, like, I think to an extent,

442
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,880
Speaker 3: that's true. Like, at a certain point you do want

443
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,480
Speaker 3: you you've delegated so much that you can kind of

444
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:03,960
Speaker 3: just let you know your underlings, Yeah, run the business.

445
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,680
Speaker 3: But you were not there yet, Bud, Yeah, you were

446
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 3: not anywhere near there.

447
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,840
Speaker 4: Bake it till you'll make it, doesn't look in this situation.

448
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,679
Speaker 3: It's also just like other tasks that you then have

449
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 3: to take over once you like let the more menial

450
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 3: labor tasks, Yeah, you give those off to someone. So, yeah,

451
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 3: you're never doing nothing. But that is the end of

452
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 3: that story.

453
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:32,360
Speaker 4: My sister's actions make everything unbearable. It's tearing the family apart.

454
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,679
Speaker 4: Tell her to knock it off. I'm one of four girls.

455
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 4: Our childhood was great, and up until about two years ago,

456
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,120
Speaker 4: I thought I was lucky to be part of such

457
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,800
Speaker 4: a perfect family. I have two younger sisters, Bela fifteen,

458
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,320
Speaker 4: Daisy seventeen, and an older sister, Lena, twenty one. By

459
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Square circles and if you

460
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,360
Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories or the our lash

461
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,439
Speaker 4: okay story time separated it so growing up, Lena and

462
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 4: I never got along. I did not find it much

463
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,240
Speaker 4: of a problem, despite many arguments over our shared bathroom

464
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 4: and her purposefully excluding me from everything that she would do.

465
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 4: She would purposefully exclude me from everything that she would

466
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 4: do because they had my two younger siblings to play with.

467
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 4: Lena is extremely diligent about her academics and has little

468
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 4: to know social life. She went to a prestigious boarding

469
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 4: school at fourteen, in a fantastic university after that, and

470
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 4: graduated in three years with the four point zero GPA.

471
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 4: Look at her go the resume man. Immediately after her graduation,

472
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 4: she moved back to our small town and got a

473
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,080
Speaker 4: summer job at one of the local businesses. This was

474
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,840
Speaker 4: last summer. She then decided that she wanted to stay

475
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 4: for the entire year, which I didn't care about because

476
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,119
Speaker 4: I was about to leave for my freshman year in

477
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,959
Speaker 4: college and would not have to be around her. However,

478
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 4: she recently decided to stay for yet another year, and

479
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 4: I don't know what to do as she is ruining

480
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 4: our family. Wait, boy, oh, what she doing, what she doing,

481
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 4: So I am her polar opposite. I've also been academically successful,

482
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,120
Speaker 4: but like to balance my life and prefer to get

483
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 4: grades that are not perfect in order to do everything

484
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 4: else that I love. I held leadership phosicians in high school,

485
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,440
Speaker 4: had three serious boyfriends who spent a lot of time

486
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 4: in our home, and was surrounded by tons of friends.

487
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 3: Okay, brag. Oh, he's like, yeah, I know. I was

488
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,640
Speaker 3: also good at school, but my life was more fun.

489
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 4: Yeah exactly. I also like to go out and did

490
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,920
Speaker 4: your typical teenage things, such as sneaking out or sleeping

491
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,439
Speaker 4: at my boyfriend's house when I was not supposed to.

492
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 4: Lena has never had a boyfriend, and I'm convinced that

493
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,880
Speaker 4: she's never had Spicy City. She is extremely judgmental of everyone,

494
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 4: in addition to being discriminatory and oh, okay, okay, hello,

495
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 4: not good. She does not trust anyone outside of our

496
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 4: family and has two friends who don't live in our

497
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,120
Speaker 4: town that she sometimes remains in contact with. She has

498
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 4: no social media accounts and has a strange fear that

499
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 4: anything about her online will somehow affect her later in life.

500
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 4: We had a slightly crude slash and inappropriate name for

501
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 4: our family group chat for example. But we are a

502
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 4: funny family, except she freaked out and made us change it.

503
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 4: So after coming back home, she does not realize how

504
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 4: our family has changed and how we have grown up.

505
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,639
Speaker 3: It seems like she's like gotten in this very like

506
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 3: modesty like purity culture.

507
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

508
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 3: I don't know, like maybe she's like like it seems

509
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 3: like she like the family is not like that. Yeah,

510
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,359
Speaker 3: and somehow she's kind of like because Opie said sexist,

511
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 3: And I'm wondering if she means like, oh, like she

512
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 3: doesn't like men, or if it's like she ought like

513
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 3: she thinks women should do you know this, this and this.

514
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 4: Like like you know, fake feminism where they're like women

515
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:27,639
Speaker 4: are better than men, that kind of.

516
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 3: Oh well, no, I'm wondering if it's like the massandry

517
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 3: or if it's like she's saying like traditional values for women,

518
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 3: you know, like because maybe if she's doing the traditional

519
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 3: values for women thing, that could kind of go in

520
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 3: line with the purity right where.

521
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 4: She actually maybe she resented all of my boyfriends, and

522
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,359
Speaker 4: when she would be home for breaks, she would complain

523
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,399
Speaker 4: to my parents how they would give her a look

524
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 4: or how she felt that they didn't treat her correctly.

525
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 4: They never did anything to her though. Additionally, she is

526
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 4: extremely jealous of the relationship I have with my two

527
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 4: younger sisters. They are my best We've seriously made an

528
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 4: effort to include her whenever she would be home, but

529
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 4: she is honestly no fun to be around. You just

530
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,640
Speaker 4: kind of shot it. Sorry, but it's like, well, yeah,

531
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 4: if you're gonna, you know, exclude them from doing things

532
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 4: with you, yeah, because you're just like pushing all of

533
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 4: your younger siblings together. But it's like, yeah, they're gonna

534
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 4: be closer exactly.

535
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,719
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, your whole life, she's done this, and

536
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 3: now every time you guys try to have fun, she's like, now.

537
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 4: That's stop it. Yeah, it's kind of on you, man. Yeah.

538
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,119
Speaker 4: I will take drives of my little sisters to get froyo,

539
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 4: for example. And here is one of two scenarios. One,

540
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 4: if I invite Lena, she will first check with my

541
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 4: parents if this is okay. She will also need about

542
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 4: a day's notice, as she very specifically plans the time

543
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 4: of day when she does things, even though she does

544
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 4: not do much outside of work downtown, so obviously if

545
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 4: I invite her twenty minutes before, she will get mad

546
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 4: and say that she would have come if I told

547
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 4: her sooner because she needs to get ready. We will

548
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 4: then proceed to leave for Froyo without her, and she

549
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,920
Speaker 4: will tell my parents that we didn't tell her in advance,

550
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 4: and now she feels excluded. My little sisters and I

551
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,120
Speaker 4: will get yell by my parents.

552
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 3: Oh, so you're supposed to plan all of your Frodo

553
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 3: trips like a week in events.

554
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I put on the calendar Froyo right. Yeah.

555
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 4: And another likely scenario if I do not invite Lena,

556
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 4: she will later find out that we went to Froyo

557
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 4: without her and will cry to my parents about how

558
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 4: excluded she feels. She's twenty one, alas, my little sisters

559
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 4: and I will still get yelled at. This happened over

560
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 4: and over again in the summer, and there came a

561
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 4: point where we'd have to sneak around both of my

562
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 4: parents and my sisters. I feel relieved that I do

563
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 4: not live at home anymore, but the way in which

564
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 4: she has terrorized my sisters makes me furious. Here are

565
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 4: some examples of what she does. One she refuses to

566
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 4: give my sister's rides to school, even when promised that

567
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 4: she would. My parents and Lena have a rotation. Keep

568
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,399
Speaker 4: in mind, my school is a seriously three minute drive away,

569
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 4: and even on the way to her work, she has

570
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 4: refused to drive them because she was quote about to

571
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 4: make her oatmeal or because she had to focus on

572
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 4: preparing for work. Her work involves sitting behind a desk.

573
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 4: She's like an intern who gets paid really well because

574
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 4: she ended up staying after summer. Her work does not

575
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 4: involve preparation outside of the office. Another example, she will

576
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 4: refuse to let my younger sister, who is seventeen, take

577
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 4: a car when she needs it for tennis practice, and

578
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 4: she will hide her keys. She brainwashes my parents into

579
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 4: thinking that this is okay by telling them she's only

580
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 4: seventeen and can't be trusted on the road. My sister

581
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 4: has had to walk to tennis because of this or

582
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 4: beg my parents for a ride. Three. Lena used to

583
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 4: be overweight and is now more towards a normal way. However,

584
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 4: she body shames me even though I have no reason

585
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 4: to be insecure, and body shames my younger sisters constantly.

586
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 4: Whenever we eat. She says that we need to stop

587
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 4: stuffing our faces, and she will just stand and linger

588
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 4: in the kitchen to watch what kind of snacks we

589
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,919
Speaker 4: eat and if we will clean up after ourselves, she

590
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 4: will yell at us constantly to clean things or do things.

591
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 4: My parents, though, still think that she's an age for

592
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 4: Lena even went to quote parents stay at my sister's

593
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 4: school and accompanies my parents to all adult events that

594
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 4: they attend, such as cocktail parties, dinners, or other events.

595
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 4: She even polices my mom's booze and takes all these

596
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 4: responsibilities upon herself even though no one wants her to.

597
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 4: She eats dinner with my parents every night, does not

598
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 4: go out, does not have friends, and gossips about us

599
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,679
Speaker 4: to our parents. Lena also has an irrational fear of

600
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 4: bad things happening. She triple checks that all of our

601
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 4: doors are locked at all times, even though we live

602
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 4: in a town with virtually no crime and my parents

603
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 4: like them open. It sounds a little bit like OCD.

604
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 4: That's what I was thinking too.

605
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 3: I think sounds like she's undiagnosed. Yeah, yeah, And it

606
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,160
Speaker 3: sounds like a lot of your problems would go away

607
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 3: if you talk to your parents about getting her diagnosed.

608
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,640
Speaker 4: Right when I came home for Christmas, there were signs

609
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 4: all over my room. Don't forget to turn the lights

610
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 4: off when leaving and one's in the bathroom. Unplug everything

611
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 4: when done, because she thinks that the house could set

612
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 4: on fire. Like I mentioned earlier, she has an extreme

613
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,119
Speaker 4: distrusted outsiders as well, and will treat someone differently heavily

614
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 4: based on their appearance. She once refused to eat ice

615
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 4: cream inside of an ice cream store because a black

616
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 4: man was sitting there. Yikes, that's just that's not OCD.

617
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 4: My guy, that's that's just plain yeap. What your parents

618
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 4: are just fine with this? Yeah? What, dude? The heck?

619
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 4: There are so many more things that she does, but

620
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 4: it comes down to her being a wanna be mom,

621
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 4: but a terrible one. She just yells at my sisters,

622
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,160
Speaker 4: yells at me, and then has mental breakdowns about how

623
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 4: we exclude her. I'm sorry, and I know this is harsh,

624
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 4: but she has no life. We live in a very

625
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 4: small town. There is nothing for her here, yeap, and

626
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 4: she really needs to leave. I get angry when I

627
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 4: think about how she's basically free loading off my parents

628
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 4: for another year. She doesn't contribute any gas of food

629
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 4: or anything for free housing. She takes up space and

630
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 4: causes a lot of stress. She has all these strange

631
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 4: routines and ways in which things have to be done

632
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 4: or else she will freak out. You would think she

633
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,679
Speaker 4: is OCD or something. Yet her room is always disgustingly messy,

634
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 4: and that does not seem to fit the profile. There

635
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 4: are different things. It's not OCDA. I feel like OCD has.

636
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 3: Like this repetition of everything has to be neatly in order,

637
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 3: but it can also just be like, uh, like invasive

638
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 3: thoughts is a lot of from what I know of it,

639
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 3: it's like, oh my god, if I don't do this,

640
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 3: it's got like someone's gotta pass away. Oh my god,

641
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 3: if I don't do this, I'm gonna get like you know,

642
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 3: the house is gonna go on fire.

643
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 4: So it's it's more invasive thoughts. Yeah, And I wonder

644
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 4: if it's like if if the messy room could still

645
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 4: fit into OCD, if it's like it could, Yeah, if

646
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 4: it's like the kind of thing where it's like she's

647
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 4: in control of that, but then when she's she gets

648
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 4: really freaked out when she's not in control of everyone

649
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 4: else's yeah stuff and like what everyone else is doing

650
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 4: or eating or anything like that. But I mean, I

651
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 4: don't I don't think, yeah, I don't think flying with

652
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 4: the messy room keeping a clean room. I think it

653
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 4: can be, but I don't think it's like the textbook

654
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 4: definition because it's just obsessive compulsive disorder. So it's right, right,

655
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,479
Speaker 4: you obsess over things. So yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't

656
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 4: rule it out because of that. It almost feels like

657
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 4: like you don't have ADHD because you can sit grades

658
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 4: and you can sit still. Yeah, yeah, it's like, no,

659
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 4: there are different types of ADHD, right, But anyway, I'd

660
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 4: like to note that when she was in college, she

661
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 4: called my parents every day. She would get furious if

662
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 4: they didn't make time for her and needed their divided

663
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 4: attention for about forty five minutes daily. My parents just

664
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,479
Speaker 4: think it's sweet and that she means well, but her

665
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 4: obsession with our family in a sense is really driving

666
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 4: me and my sister's crazy. When my parents and sisters

667
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 4: came to visit me in college for a long weekend,

668
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 4: all she did was mope around. I invited her to

669
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 4: go out with me to parties et cetera, but she

670
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 4: always refused. When I asked my dad what was up

671
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 4: with her, he told me that I needed to stop

672
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 4: rubbing it in her face how amazing my college experience is,

673
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 4: and that we need to let her be a little upset.

674
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 4: This is crap. I made my college experience amazing because

675
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 4: I wanted it to be. She could have done the same.

676
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 4: Her behavior towards us is so awful that I'm spending

677
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 4: the summer in my college town and I'm not going

678
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 4: on our annual trip to Florida. I know it sounds stupid,

679
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 4: but this is a big deal for my family. My

680
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 4: little sisters have expressed interest in staying with me, which

681
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 4: I would love, but my parents need to be on

682
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 4: board with this and financially support them, as I only

683
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 4: have the money to sustain myself at the moment. The

684
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 4: worst part is that my parents are brainwashed. They think

685
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 4: she's perfect, and when she comes to them crying about

686
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 4: how we exclude her, they actually I agree with her

687
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 4: and we get punished and reprimanded. My parents' marriage is

688
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 4: going to crap as well, as she constantly points out

689
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 4: what my dad isn't doing and sides with my mom

690
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 4: and everything my dad is too afraid to stand up

691
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 4: for himself as he does not want to deal with

692
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 4: more criticism from my mother. He now goes out of

693
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 4: town three days a week for business and stays with

694
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 4: his best friend. I have been in therapy as a

695
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 4: consequence of Lena's abuse towards me. I was painted as

696
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 4: the impulsive, overacting sister, as I would stand up against

697
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 4: the things that she did and said, but was always

698
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 4: seen as the bad guy. I have never seen Lena smile, laugh,

699
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 4: or simply let go. She is so uptight that it

700
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 4: really is making her life hard to live. But she

701
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 4: seems comfortable being angry and upset with things all the

702
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 4: time and a lack of friendship or romance in her life.

703
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 4: I have never met anyone like her, and I really

704
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 4: find her personality absurd, and I'm looking for some insight.

705
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 4: What is her deal? How can I help my little sisters?

706
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 4: They call me several times a week and I always

707
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 4: get a news story or two about Lena. My parents

708
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 4: do everything for her, and I think that she needs

709
00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 4: to leave and get on with her life. I got

710
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 4: a big scholarship to my college, work two jobs for

711
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 4: pocket money and long term saving money. Signed my own

712
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 4: lease for a house next year, get good enough grades,

713
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 4: and rely less on my parents than she does. She

714
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 4: seems like an alien to me, as I don't understand

715
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 4: her at all and have never met anyone with such

716
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 4: extreme tendencies or rules that people around her need to

717
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 4: abide by. If she really is so upset about having

718
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 4: such a horrible relationship with her younger sisters, she needs

719
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 4: to look at herself instead of blaming it on us.

720
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 4: So what should I do? I should add that despite

721
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 4: the difficulties she brings, I want her to live a

722
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 4: happy and fulfilling life. I want her to be freed

723
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 4: of whatever this is because she deserves to be happy,

724
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 4: and I will always be open to trying to build

725
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 4: a relationship with her if she tries to work on

726
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 4: these issues and we do have an update. But what

727
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 4: should OPE do?

728
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 3: I think that op is kind of coming at this

729
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 3: from a very neurotypical standpoint. She's like my sisters weird.

730
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 3: I don't understand her. How do I fix her? And

731
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 3: it's like, yeah, there are things that you can elements

732
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 3: you can fix, like hopefully the U and like the

733
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 3: other's like other little things that you can work through

734
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 3: with her in therapy or like if she was medicated.

735
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 3: But I think, like a lot of these you know,

736
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 3: things about her might be something like I am also

737
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 3: just kind of guessing here, but it might be something

738
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 3: that she needs to go to like a or a

739
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 3: psychologist for her.

740
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we do have an update. So first of all,

741
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 4: I don't think words can show how grateful I am

742
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 4: for the time that so many of you took to

743
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 4: comment and give me insight and advice that I had

744
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 4: never considered. Thank you so much. It gave me clarity

745
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 4: and a much clearer approach to take rather than just

746
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 4: assuming that my sister is incredibly annoying. So I called

747
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 4: my dad last night and in a very nice way,

748
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 4: explained how I was concerned about Lena exactly what we

749
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 4: should and outlined some of the behaviors to him and

750
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 4: explained how it isn't simply annoying to us. There has

751
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 4: to be some inner turmoil that she's dealing with. He

752
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 4: then revealed to me that she saw a therapist when

753
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 4: she was about twelve years old because a compulsion associated

754
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 4: with cheese. Dude, we freaking nailed it.

755
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 3: I think also, just probably because Ope was basing this

756
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 3: off of like assumptions about about disorders like OCD, Like

757
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 3: that's I think it's really I mean, like, I really

758
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 3: do think that people should be more educated even if

759
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 3: you don't have.

760
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 4: Like those diagnoses.

761
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you, like, people should be more educated

762
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 3: on the behaviors and stuff that go along with these

763
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 3: diagnoses because like when you just base it off of

764
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 3: stereotypes of like oh clean, yeah, it's so.

765
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 4: Much harder to catch. Oh yeah, absolutely, there's so many

766
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 4: more nuances to all of them.

767
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

768
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 4: Apparently, whenever she saw cheese and our refrigerator, she had

769
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 4: to eat it. She could not go to bed and

770
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 4: fall asleep, or continue any daily routine without finishing the

771
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 4: cheese she had seen in the fridge. This explains why

772
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 4: she once physically hit me because I ate some of

773
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 4: her mozzarella balls last summer. I didn't know that they

774
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 4: were hers. They were just in the fridge. If in

775
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 4: the fridge, I think, I think it's hers. I think

776
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 4: we've established So I explained that I didn't think this

777
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 4: issue was resolved and had manifested itself in many different

778
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 4: ways that go far beyond cheese. Unfortunately, my dad was

779
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 4: not as receptive as I thought. He would be. Despite

780
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,880
Speaker 4: my best efforts to make this come across as a

781
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 4: concern from a loving sister, I think he still interpreted

782
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 4: it as me trying to find fault and flaw in Lena.

783
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 4: He quickly turned the conversation to my younger sister, Bella fifteen,

784
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,839
Speaker 4: and how her academic performance is his main concern right now,

785
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 4: and that Lina will figure out what path she would

786
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,919
Speaker 4: like to take. I'm in a different state for about

787
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 4: two more weeks until finals are over. I am going

788
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 4: home for two weeks to see old high school friends,

789
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,280
Speaker 4: et cetera. But I am then returning to my college

790
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 4: town for the summer as to avoid this toxic family

791
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 4: dynamic during those two weeks. I'm going to do this

792
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 4: one not instinant Lena in anyway. I know this will

793
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 4: require a lot of tiptoeing and being very careful, but

794
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 4: I really want to observe her behavior and watch how

795
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 4: she reacts to others. I texted her yesterday and asked

796
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 4: if she wants to go to dinner with me when

797
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,359
Speaker 4: I'm back home. She agreed, and we set a date,

798
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 4: time and location and discussed what we were going to wear.

799
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 4: This is totally in her comfort zone. And I'm glad

800
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 4: that we have this setup two with Lena. I'm just

801
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 4: going to ask how everything is going, but am also

802
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 4: going to tactically ask some questions. Any help or ideas

803
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 4: with this will be appreciated about how certain things my

804
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 4: sisters do make her feel. I want to hear her

805
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 4: side of things. Hopefully during this conversation I can give

806
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,879
Speaker 4: her a sense of my genuine concern for her well

807
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 4: being that comes from a good place. Hopefully she can

808
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 4: come to realize that her anxiety and routine is stopping

809
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 4: her from living a happy life and that she has

810
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,760
Speaker 4: to seek help. But you know what you should seek

811
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 4: is full episodes with stories just like this one so

812
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 4: freaking true. Just go to Spotify, iHeart Radio or Apple

813
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:38,359
Speaker 4: Podcasts or whatever your favorite podcast app is, do it

814
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 4: and searge Okay, story time, come on, seek it out.

815
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 4: Seek But there is a little bit more to the story.

816
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 4: But man, but I think that's a good idea what

817
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 4: we said. Yeah, I just want to point out nailed it,

818
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 4: but uh, there is a little bit more to the story.

819
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 4: My parents have never been ones to believe in mental

820
00:35:55,360 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 4: illness necessarily. Yike, yeah, kinda saw coming.

821
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,320
Speaker 3: I mean, like the fact that she has such obvious

822
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 3: symptoms and they were.

823
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 4: Like, well, it's just Lena, She'll just figure it out. Yeah. Yeah,

824
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 4: like that was pretty obvious. We are estranged from both

825
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,800
Speaker 4: sides of our family because they are, according to them, crazy.

826
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 3: Now.

827
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 4: I have no proof to back that up, but I

828
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 4: think if my parents are in denial about how problematic

829
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 4: our family dynamic has become. My mom has no tolerance

830
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,319
Speaker 4: for talk about mental illness. So if my dad didn't

831
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,959
Speaker 4: see this as a priority, my mom would honestly laugh

832
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 4: at me. This is why Lena needs to realize for

833
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 4: herself that she needs help, and I don't know what

834
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 4: else to do but to have a mature, one on

835
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 4: one conversation with her. Again, thanks so much for all

836
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,760
Speaker 4: the comments. So many of you came from different angles,

837
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 4: and it was very helpful to see different sides of

838
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 4: the situation I had not considered. If any of you

839
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 4: have ideas about how to carry this conversation with Lena,

840
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 4: that would be greatly appreciated. And that's the end of

841
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 4: that story.

842
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:48,879
Speaker 2: Yeah.

843
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 3: I think approaching it from like I love you, from

844
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 3: I want to help you, and just like yeah, treating

845
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 3: her like the adult that she is. Yeah, and saying that, like,

846
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 3: especially if your parents aren't supportive of like any mental

847
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 3: illness talks, I think you have to go to where

848
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 3: and say like hey, like once that conversation comes up,

849
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 3: saying like hey, I know that our parents have never

850
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 3: been very supportive, but I want you to know that

851
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 3: I'm here for you, yeah, and that I care a

852
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 3: lot about you, and there's nothing to be ashamed of.

853
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 3: This is just like a diagnose. Like I think people

854
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 3: have this weird fear of di like of getting diagnosed,

855
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 3: because they're like, oh, this litill change how people see me.

856
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 3: But it's like and it I mean there is a

857
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 3: lot of there's a lot of stigmas around diagnosis, but uh,

858
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:32,879
Speaker 3: you have not changed at all.

859
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 4: You just have a label now. Yeah, yeah, I'm still

860
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 4: the same. I think what comes along with it too,

861
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 4: is like, especially if you have parents that are invalidating

862
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 4: of your mental illness, then you kind of internalize that

863
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,800
Speaker 4: too and think like no, like it's just a problem

864
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,320
Speaker 4: with me. It's not like because my brain is different.

865
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,879
Speaker 4: It's because like I just need to figure this out.

866
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 4: I'm too lazy, I'm too yeah whatever. So that's definitely

867
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 4: a struggle too.

868
00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 3: So you're on a good track, incredibly validating to get

869
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 3: that diagnostic.

870
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely have someone that's supporting you in the family.

871
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 4: I think that's very big of you, very mature, and

872
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,280
Speaker 4: I think you've got it. Yeah, you got this. Ope,

873
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 4: good luck to you. But that is the end of

874
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 4: that story. John here, we're gonna get back to this

875
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 4: juicy story.

876
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 2: But a quick three minute break of ads from our sponsors.

877
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 4: My doctor illegally exposed my medical information. It made my

878
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 4: family turn a candst.

879
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 2: To me, Uh, who's this doctor and why are they

880
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 2: still doctoring?

881
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 4: My oldest sister's lifelong best friend has been my doctor

882
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 4: for a couple of years. Initially, my doctor, doctor A,

883
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 4: was a colleague of hers from the same clinic. But

884
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 4: after my doctor, doctor A was away on maternity leave,

885
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 4: I temporarily switched to my sister's friend, doctor B as

886
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 4: my primary physician, and it's been that way since the

887
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,759
Speaker 4: pandemic began, and I never switched back. By the way,

888
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 4: this comes from Jukebox Rocks on the ur slash ookey

889
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 4: story Time separad it. So I have ADHD and get

890
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 4: prescription meds for it and have been for a few

891
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 4: years now. Something I haven't shared with any of my

892
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 4: family members for fear of backlash, since I come from

893
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 4: a long line of type A overachievers who don't believe

894
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,320
Speaker 4: in ADHD and write it off as laziness.

895
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 2: Oh brother, do I have news for you. Spend an

896
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 2: afternoon with me.

897
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 4: Yeah. A few days ago, my siblings and I were

898
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 4: hanging out of my sister's house watching the Matthew Perry

899
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 4: Diane sawyer episode where he shares his history with substance

900
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 4: about and I made a comment about how skinny he

901
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 4: looks during one of the seasons of Friends. My sister,

902
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 4: then out of nowhere, says to me, well, it started

903
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 4: with prescription medication, so I hope you don't get hooked.

904
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:37,720
Speaker 4: I was initially gripped with a feeling of absolute horror.

905
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 4: My other siblings were confused and looking at her for

906
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 4: further clarification, but she didn't say anything more. I spent

907
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 4: the whole night just frozen and with a deep pit

908
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,720
Speaker 4: in my stomach. Later, when I found some time alone

909
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 4: with her, I had to pry the information out of her.

910
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 4: She had just gotten back from a girl's ski trip

911
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 4: and they were extremely wasted. Her friend, my doctor Bee,

912
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 4: slipped up and mentioned that she saw me recently for

913
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 4: an increase in my dosage and basically revealed to my

914
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 4: sister that I have been taking prescription Vivance for a

915
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 4: few years now. I am so livid I for your

916
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 4: utterly betrayed and have a strong urge to report her

917
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 4: for breaking HIPAA regulation hippo relations.

918
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 2: I thought I was going to be so firmly against

919
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 2: that doctor, but now m M, I just of course

920
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 2: she shouldn't have said that. But it's not like she

921
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 2: was out here like yeah, oh they're taking this and

922
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 2: it's for that and blah blah blah. She's just like, oh, yeah,

923
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:29,840
Speaker 2: I just saw your sister recently. She came in and

924
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:34,359
Speaker 2: get more vivance something right, right, Just a complete one off,

925
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 2: drunken sentence. It's not even thinking about it.

926
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 4: It sucks because it's like, it wouldn't be so bad

927
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 4: that the doctor did that, if the family wasn't so bad, you.

928
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 2: Know, right, Yeah, that wouldn't really be a problem.

929
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 4: Oh my sister won't stop texting and calling me about it,

930
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 4: literally all day long, begging me not to ruin her

931
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 4: friend's life forever. After years of hard work. She's obviously

932
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 4: worried about losing her friend, but she couldn't care less

933
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 4: about how disrespected I feel and how my privacy was violated.

934
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 4: And more than any thing, I worry that my sister

935
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,399
Speaker 4: will share it with my parents, and my family will

936
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 4: never look at me or my achievements the same. So

937
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 4: ed to add a little more info. I've known doctor

938
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 4: B my entire life as long as my sister has.

939
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 4: She was my sister's friends since they were in first grade,

940
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 4: and they've remained close, and we've hung out with our

941
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 4: families on multiple occasions over the years. We've got on

942
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 4: trips together, including my sister's bachelorette. I always looked up

943
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 4: to her and found her cool growing up. She and

944
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 4: my sister both have kids around the same age and

945
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 4: they're close as well. She currently brings in the bigger

946
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 4: chunk of the income in their family and they rely

947
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 4: on it. And my sister keeps reminding me that I'm

948
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 4: also ruining two innocent children's lives in the process, which

949
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 4: is the only thing I feel guilty about. I adore

950
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,760
Speaker 4: those kids and they don't deserve that, but I also

951
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 4: cannot get over how betrayed I feel. I always keep

952
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,879
Speaker 4: a safe distance between personal and professional relationships, and would

953
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:50,840
Speaker 4: have never picked her to be my doctor had the

954
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 4: circumstances not unfolded the way it did. She was the

955
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 4: next best doctor and was the obvious choice because I

956
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 4: wasn't really looking to switch to a new clinic during

957
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 4: the pandemic. We have some relevant comments, Opie on her

958
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:06,720
Speaker 4: sister's personality. Doctor B doesn't know that my sister told

959
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 4: me yet. So far has just been conversations between my

960
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 4: sister and I. She's making it seem like they were

961
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 4: so sloppy wasted that it was a slip up and

962
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 4: a complete, one time, total accident. But I don't understand

963
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 4: why that would even come up at all, and don't

964
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 4: believe that my older sister flaunting sensitive info about my

965
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,840
Speaker 4: siblings and I is a tale as old as time.

966
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 4: When we were kids, she would hold onto a secret

967
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 4: she found out about one of us till the perfect moment,

968
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 4: and would thrive on dropping the bombshell to our parents

969
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 4: during a road trip or in the interval of a

970
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 4: great movie and ruin the entire thing. It was her thing,

971
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,320
Speaker 4: and I fear she hasn't fully gotten over that habit

972
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,279
Speaker 4: as an adult. I feel like we've seen that though

973
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 4: she did that in front of everyone pretty much, right,

974
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 4: a very slight mention, but it would raise my brothers.

975
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 4: My older sister considers herself our parent too and has

976
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 4: always knocked or used stuff as leverage against us. I

977
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 4: used to fear her growing up and would hide my

978
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 4: journals at my friend's house because she would snoop. Definitely

979
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 4: lacks empathy. We do have an update. It's okay, wows up.

980
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, It's just a lot to have, like responsibility wise,

981
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,759
Speaker 2: I know chat everyone's flaming me right now because I

982
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,440
Speaker 2: was like, eh, I'm not saying she didn't do anything wrong.

983
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 2: I'm not saying she didn't violate HIPPA and she can't

984
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 2: be sued or anything, right, But it's like it's a.

985
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,839
Speaker 4: Little more complicated of feeling well, yeah, it's really grey,

986
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:28,280
Speaker 4: like yeah, because you're blowing up someone's entire life.

987
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:30,920
Speaker 2: They have kids, You're blowing up those kids' lives, and

988
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 2: I know that you're not doing it. She did it

989
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 2: when she said your medical information out loud.

990
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 5: M Yeah.

991
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 2: But it's just a lot to It's a lot of

992
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 2: responsibility to be put in your hands where it's like

993
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,320
Speaker 2: you're now essentially responsible for the trajectory of three different

994
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 2: people's lives, but we do have.

995
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 4: An update three months later. Thank you for all the

996
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 4: advice and support on my original post. After reading the feedback,

997
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 4: I reached out to a close lawyer friend for advice

998
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 4: as well, and he, like most of you, agreed that

999
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,280
Speaker 4: I should report it, and to do it without informing

1000
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 4: anyone else. He said it was better for me to

1001
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 4: do it sooner to have it on record. They prefer

1002
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,439
Speaker 4: any complaint to be filed within one hundred and eighty

1003
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 4: days of when you knew that the act or a

1004
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 4: mission complained of occur. Two days after that, I reported

1005
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 4: to doctor B to ocr for violating HIPPA and a

1006
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,879
Speaker 4: Patient Safety Act in breaching my fundamental right to health

1007
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,879
Speaker 4: information privacy. I didn't tell my sister or anyone else,

1008
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,240
Speaker 4: but a few days later I saw my entire family

1009
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 4: when I went home for the holidays. I haven't heard

1010
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 4: anything back yet on my complaint, so I wasn't sure

1011
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 4: if doctor B was aware yet, let alone tell my

1012
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 4: sister that I had reported her, so I didn't say

1013
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 4: a word. Turns out that wasn't my biggest issue at

1014
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 4: that moment, though my sister had already told my parents

1015
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 4: that I was on an extremely high dose of controlled substances.

1016
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,839
Speaker 4: I knew that my parents wouldn't take this news well,

1017
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 4: but they were far more upset about it than I

1018
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 4: could have imagined. My dad doesn't believe in ADHD and

1019
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 4: thinks it's merely an excuse for those that allow themselves

1020
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 4: to get easily distracted, especially since the age of social media.

1021
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 4: He even remarks that he noticed that I was quite

1022
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 4: slow with my responses since dropping out of my chess

1023
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 4: club really absurd and offensive comments. I can't even remember

1024
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 4: a lot of it because I was frozen. I just

1025
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 4: sat there, nausea's and livid, with tears in my eyes,

1026
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 4: just listening to the three of them, my parents and

1027
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 4: sister take turns going off at me. My mom wanted

1028
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 4: me to stop all medications immediately and that I'm better

1029
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 4: than this and smarter than this, and even threatened to

1030
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 4: tell your professors that you're on substances if you leave

1031
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 4: us with no choice. But when she said that, it

1032
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 4: hit me I had a choice. I could choose. I

1033
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 4: could choose to never have to deal with this again

1034
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,320
Speaker 4: and to not let them treat me this way anymore.

1035
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 4: So I did. Oh hell, yeah, yeah, exactly what my

1036
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 4: take was going to be.

1037
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 2: At the end, I was gonna be like, oh, p,

1038
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 2: did you ever consider that you actually didn't have to

1039
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 2: sit there get dreamed by your entire family right over

1040
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 2: something that they don't understand.

1041
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:50,799
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1042
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:52,399
Speaker 2: You could have just gone up and said, I'm actually

1043
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 2: not going to take this.

1044
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, get left. Exactly.

1045
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 2: I'm glad you know that.

1046
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 4: Exactly. I chose to say nothing and allowed them to

1047
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 4: interpret my silence as agreeing and submitting to their ways,

1048
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 4: as I have done so many times before. And then

1049
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 4: I went to my room, chose to book a flight

1050
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,439
Speaker 4: and pack up most of my stuff. My books would

1051
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 4: need buses of their own to be transported anywhere. The

1052
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 4: next morning, I chose to call an uber a few

1053
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 4: hours before my flight while they were still asleep, and

1054
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 4: flew back to my university. Look at that, now she

1055
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 4: is doing what you're doing. I choose me. In January,

1056
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,399
Speaker 4: I found out that doctor B had prior complaints from

1057
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 4: patients against her, and my report had opened an investigation

1058
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:32,359
Speaker 4: that is currently ongoing. WHOA, So you can't even feel

1059
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 4: bad about it, because it's already gonna happen next one

1060
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:34,839
Speaker 4: way or another.

1061
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 2: She was already bad doctors.

1062
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, she's been placed on temporary leave till

1063
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 4: the case is resolved. I can't share more details on

1064
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:43,720
Speaker 4: that for now, but I will come back and update

1065
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 4: once it's done. And we do have some relevant comments.

1066
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 4: Let's go comment to number one says, I also have

1067
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 4: ADHG and I studied neuroscience partly because I wanted to understand.

1068
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 4: I also come from a family that things like ops

1069
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,240
Speaker 4: and I got the same bs from them all my life.

1070
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 4: We now finally come to be able to make ADHD

1071
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 4: visible and MRI scans what that's so cool and predicts

1072
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 4: the presence of symptoms with an accuracy of up to

1073
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 4: eighty percent. We can make visible the ways ADHD brains

1074
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 4: are different from normal brains, not in their structure, but

1075
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 4: in the way they make use of it. We can

1076
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 4: see where our bodies use more oxygen at neurotransmitters, and

1077
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 4: ADHD brains are visibly different from normal ones in a

1078
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 4: way that is congruent with the symptoms. We can even

1079
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 4: tell a part the inattentive type and the hyperactive type

1080
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 4: with an accuracy of up to seventy five percent. This

1081
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 4: is crazy. I want to give an MRI scans. Who's

1082
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 4: going on up there? See where my ad issue is

1083
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 4: shown up.

1084
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 2: I've got inattentive me too, for sure.

1085
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 4: People who say ADHD patients are lazy and their symptoms

1086
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 4: are their own choices and a character flaw are as

1087
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 4: ignorant and backwards as someone still believing that the flu

1088
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,359
Speaker 4: is caused by bad air or cancer is God's will.

1089
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,840
Speaker 4: If this family is so smart, they are doing a

1090
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 4: really good job at remaining ignorant with all the evidence

1091
00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:59,919
Speaker 4: out there. They have to really choose not to read

1092
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,320
Speaker 4: and educate themselves and become advocates for their child and sibling,

1093
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 4: but instead actively avoid the newest scientific evidence that their

1094
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 4: opinion is stupid and they have been crappy people all along, Opie.

1095
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 4: It took me thirty years to make the step that

1096
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 4: you made. Kudos on being so brave and mature while

1097
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 4: still being in college. I'm still trying to come to

1098
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 4: terms with self doubt, imposter syndrome, and depression. If you

1099
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 4: can afford it, do some therapy. Growing up in such

1100
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,240
Speaker 4: a negative environment takes its tolls, even after you cut ties.

1101
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 4: I'm proud of you. Yes, the hurdles together where you

1102
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 4: are today were huge, and you did it all by yourself.

1103
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 4: Never forget that here's an article about it. I want

1104
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 4: to know that article. This is just a small study

1105
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 4: in China, but they are happening everywhere and they all

1106
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 4: come to the same conclusion. Opie responds, I have tears

1107
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 4: in my eyes. Yeah, that really was I really needed

1108
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 4: to read every single thing that you typed out here.

1109
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 4: I'm so tempted to send this to my family, but

1110
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 4: I don't want to interact with them right now, so

1111
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 4: I won't. I love science just as much as they do.

1112
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 4: Studying physics brings me so much purpose. I just know

1113
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 4: I need some help in staying ahead of my course

1114
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 4: and completing my assignments. And I'm finally okay with that,

1115
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 4: Ohpi continues. In the short time that I've been away

1116
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 4: from my family, I've felt so much more freedom in

1117
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,840
Speaker 4: accepting who I am, that I'm still smart and capable,

1118
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 4: and that I will still become a scientist even if

1119
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 4: I do it my own way. And I'm okay with

1120
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 4: the fact that my family doesn't approve of my choices.

1121
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,600
Speaker 4: If they can't be bothered to listen to me, let

1122
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 4: alone attempt to learn anything about my diagnosis, and try

1123
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 4: to be there for me. They aren't worth worrying over.

1124
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 4: I have spent far too much of my life doing

1125
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 4: that already. I have no more time or energy to

1126
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 4: give to that anymore. I'm channeling all of that towards

1127
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 4: me achieving my goals and healing my trauma. Thank you

1128
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 4: for listening and for sharing. I am so grateful for you.

1129
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 4: And Opie comments on her family, it's their whole image.

1130
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 4: We come from a long line of scientists, and many

1131
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 4: of my family members have a PhD, and as far

1132
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 4: as I know, none of them have been officially diagnosed

1133
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 4: like I have, or maybe they struggled with it secretly,

1134
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 4: but their work, ethic, and achievements are everything to them.

1135
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 4: They would never reveal anything that would show otherwise. It's

1136
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 4: the way we were raised, and I didn't know anything

1137
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 4: else for the most of my life. Anyone who couldn't

1138
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 4: pay attention was distracted in their eyes. Nothing more. Commentre

1139
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:13,760
Speaker 4: Number two says, sad thing is I get the feeling

1140
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:15,800
Speaker 4: that you could show all of this to Opie's family

1141
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 4: and it wouldn't make much of a difference. Opie responds,

1142
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,320
Speaker 4: it wouldn't. You're right, I considered it for a second.

1143
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 4: But you are so very right. I was seriously so blind.

1144
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 4: For years. All I wanted was to be good enough

1145
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:30,240
Speaker 4: for them. Therapy is now making me realize so many things.

1146
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,959
Speaker 4: It's so bittersweet. My heart aches. And we do have

1147
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:40,280
Speaker 4: another update. But what do we think about those comments?

1148
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:41,280
Speaker 4: Those were some good ones.

1149
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,600
Speaker 2: There was that first comment I really liked. Yeah, sees

1150
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:47,879
Speaker 2: a lot of discourse going on in the chat right overall.

1151
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 2: It's like if your family is the kind of family

1152
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 2: who's like, we don't even believe in like mental health

1153
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 2: disorders in any way. Yeah, it's just your lit it's

1154
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 2: a character flaw, yeah, which is like I've had to

1155
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 2: deal with my own processes of going getting through shame

1156
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 2: and guilt and you know, because nia's not helpful at all. Yeah,

1157
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 2: And a lot of times when you're reinforced with that,

1158
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 2: you're actually just lazy, you're actually just distracted, you're just bad,

1159
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 2: You're just wrong. It really is a way for those

1160
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 2: negative loops.

1161
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, and you you you really internalize it and

1162
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 4: it just makes it all so much worse, so much worse.

1163
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 2: So it's good to be out of there. It's good

1164
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 2: that you don't care, don't you don't have to worry

1165
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:28,320
Speaker 2: about these people's opinions about how you're living your life.

1166
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 2: Just worry about getting good grades in college setting yourself

1167
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 2: up for a nice career exactly.

1168
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 4: But we do have a second update three weeks later.

1169
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 4: The worst part about going no contact with your sister

1170
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 4: missing out on getting to hang out with your niece

1171
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 4: and nephew.

1172
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:42,600
Speaker 2: All.

1173
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 4: I don't know how many of you have actually gotten

1174
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,319
Speaker 4: no contact with your family, especially to the extent that

1175
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 4: I have currently, but I'd love to hear any advice

1176
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:51,919
Speaker 4: you might have. At this point, I don't have any

1177
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 4: form of communication with my parents and older sister, and

1178
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 4: haven't since December. The most awful part about this whole

1179
00:51:57,239 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 4: thing is my inability to reach out to my youngest nephew,

1180
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 4: who I'm so close to. Every year I received a

1181
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 4: Valentine's Stake card from them, and this year I got none.

1182
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 4: It's incredibly lonely and I don't wish this on anyone.

1183
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 4: I'm always wondering why they think I haven't called them.

1184
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 4: As much as I'm growing and healing from this, I'm

1185
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 4: also dealing with a lot of trauma and it's rough.

1186
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,799
Speaker 4: And there are some more relevant comments to that.

1187
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:19,880
Speaker 2: Definitely some therapy to help with that.

1188
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 4: Yeah she's in it.

1189
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:23,640
Speaker 2: Yeah you're so.

1190
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 4: Young, Opie comments on learning about herself. I think it's

1191
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:30,360
Speaker 4: so hard for me right now because for years, so

1192
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 4: much of what mattered to me was getting approval and

1193
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:35,879
Speaker 4: being good enough for my family, especially since they're all

1194
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 4: overachievers and place a lot of value in academic excellence,

1195
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:41,319
Speaker 4: and to feel no support from them at a time

1196
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 4: when I could really use it, I've never felt so

1197
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 4: alone and just out of place in this world. But

1198
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:48,320
Speaker 4: I'm also learning a lot about myself and how codependent

1199
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 4: I was and relied too much on their opinions to

1200
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:53,759
Speaker 4: ever even form strong ones of my own. So the

1201
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:57,280
Speaker 4: bright side to this is figuring myself out. And Opie

1202
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 4: on losing her sister, I've been having an extremely hard

1203
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 4: our time the last few days dealing with this. I'm

1204
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 4: also looking forward to when I can say my life

1205
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 4: is much healthier and happier without my sister. I know

1206
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 4: it will come, but right now I'm just experiencing so

1207
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:11,759
Speaker 4: much sadness. As a younger sister who looked up to

1208
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,799
Speaker 4: my sister so freaking much, all I wanted was to

1209
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:16,400
Speaker 4: be good enough for her to be proud of me

1210
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:18,840
Speaker 4: or think that I was worthy of her time and attention.

1211
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:21,440
Speaker 4: But I'm not, and coming to terms with that is brutal.

1212
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 4: Comment Number one says, it really is like grieving the

1213
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,880
Speaker 4: death of a left one. Therapy helps, having support helps,

1214
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:29,439
Speaker 4: and being kind to yourself helps. For me, a big

1215
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 4: issue with second guessing myself. Maybe I'm blowing these things

1216
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,799
Speaker 4: out of proportion. I should just apologize again. Those thoughts

1217
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 4: were hard to get past. Opir responds, I'm having those

1218
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 4: exact thoughts. I'm currently in therapy and it's not easy.

1219
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 4: It seems like so much of the affection I thought

1220
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 4: I felt for my family wasn't real at all, and

1221
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:47,360
Speaker 4: most of it in my head. Thank you for sharing

1222
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 4: with me. It might not seem like much, but it

1223
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 4: really does help to know that there are others out

1224
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:55,720
Speaker 4: there dealing with similar situations. It is so hard comgre

1225
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:57,839
Speaker 4: number two says, could I make a suggestion to you

1226
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 4: create an email address for them, something like I love

1227
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,839
Speaker 4: Nephew at Gmail and I love Nissa at Gmail. Then

1228
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 4: email them every time that you would have sent a

1229
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:09,879
Speaker 4: card or reached out, send emails that say happy Valentine's Day.

1230
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 4: I miss you guys. Hey, I saw pictures or heard

1231
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 4: through the grape friend that you did this. That's awesome

1232
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 4: and I'm proud of you. This reminded me of you

1233
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 4: today and I wanted to share. I would have the

1234
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 4: first email to the account be a this is what

1235
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:23,359
Speaker 4: happened between your mom and dad and I and why

1236
00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 4: I'm no contact. It was never about you, guys, and

1237
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 4: I'm always here when you're ready to contact me.

1238
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 2: That's a cute idea.

1239
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 4: Then when they're old enough to decide for themselves, maybe eighteen,

1240
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:33,920
Speaker 4: maybe you're earlier or later, depending on circumstances. At that point,

1241
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:36,440
Speaker 4: you can give them the password. Ope responds, this is

1242
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 4: a wonderful idea, and I might actually do this. It

1243
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 4: feels like a good way to express my feelings without

1244
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 4: bottling them up. Thank you. Op comments on trusting herself.

1245
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,319
Speaker 4: It feels so awful to know that they don't really

1246
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:48,359
Speaker 4: have your best interests at heart, and it's a very

1247
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:50,839
Speaker 4: raw kind of pain. But you are right. I do

1248
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:53,319
Speaker 4: feel more confident in my decision as each day goes by,

1249
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 4: and I know I did the right thing. And guess what, Dakota,

1250
00:54:56,280 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 4: We've got another up day. Oh all right? Update number three.

1251
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:05,560
Speaker 2: Hopefully it's more positive.

1252
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 4: Hopefully.

1253
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:10,279
Speaker 2: Man, this is right after it happened, and now it's like, yeah, yeah,

1254
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 2: you're gonna be really emotionally raw after such a big

1255
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 2: kind of change or upheaval in your family life. So

1256
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 2: it makes sense. But as you get more time in

1257
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 2: between when it happened and where you're at now, it's

1258
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 2: probably gonna be a lot easier to cope with, especially

1259
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:26,680
Speaker 2: after you see positive changes happening in your mental health

1260
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 2: right now.

1261
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:28,960
Speaker 4: Because you know you made the right decision long.

1262
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:32,400
Speaker 2: And you're not carrying a lie anymore. Yeah, exactly, Carrying

1263
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:34,879
Speaker 2: that lie forever gets real heavy after a while.

1264
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:37,839
Speaker 4: Oh yeah. So update number three two weeks later. Thank

1265
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 4: you to every single person that has commented, reached out

1266
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,960
Speaker 4: via DM, or shared any advice with me. My ADHD

1267
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 4: in current anxiety has me extremely overwhelmed, so please excuse

1268
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:47,799
Speaker 4: me for not being able to respond to each of

1269
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 4: you individually. I get quite a few questions every day

1270
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 4: about any update with the case. I'm not sure how

1271
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 4: many of you are still finding this post, but I

1272
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,880
Speaker 4: really appreciate everything you've said to me to help me

1273
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,120
Speaker 4: get through this. I'm sorry I can't answer any questions

1274
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:01,319
Speaker 4: right now. Please know that once I have enough to

1275
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 4: share or any real information, I most certainly will, but

1276
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:06,440
Speaker 4: for now there isn't much. The only thing I can

1277
00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 4: share is that I'm currently working with an attorney well

1278
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 4: versed in hip of violations who is handling the matter

1279
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 4: on my behalf. We have received a notice regarding the

1280
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 4: outcome of the investigation from the ocr which I am

1281
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 4: not allowed to share yet. I'm not sure if we,

1282
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,800
Speaker 4: along with the other patients who faced breach of privacy

1283
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:23,440
Speaker 4: from the same doctor, will be suing, because that's usually

1284
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 4: the most unlikely outcome since it almost always falls on

1285
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:28,840
Speaker 4: the employers rather than the doctors. I've been told we

1286
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:30,880
Speaker 4: might proceed with the civil claim. There's a lot of

1287
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 4: bureaucracy involved and it seems quite complicated, so I don't

1288
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:36,200
Speaker 4: have a timeline on what to expect it. I'm just

1289
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:38,479
Speaker 4: grateful to have a lawyer that knows what they're doing.

1290
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:41,400
Speaker 4: Thank you for your support. It's been the most hardest

1291
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 4: and loneliest period of my time, and your kind words

1292
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 4: help me get through it. And we do have some

1293
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 4: relevant comments. Commented Number one says, Hey, it sounds to

1294
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:52,360
Speaker 4: be a good update so far. How did the situation

1295
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:54,319
Speaker 4: with your family turn out? Did they contact you? I

1296
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 4: hope you're emotionally okay and have time to heal. Opie responds,

1297
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 4: my mom has tried to contact me a few times,

1298
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 4: but I have answer. My dad and sister haven't. I

1299
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 4: have checked in with my other two siblings a few

1300
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,799
Speaker 4: times when I've just been so incredibly lonely that it

1301
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 4: feels like the world is ending. I am not emotionally

1302
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 4: okay at all. I am going to therapy and getting

1303
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 4: help for it. But processing trauma is a very hard

1304
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 4: and painful process. I can't explain to you in words

1305
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 4: how it feels to have a stranger It make you

1306
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 4: realize that your family has never loved you at all.

1307
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:24,640
Speaker 4: As much as my older sister was a bully to

1308
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 4: me in some twisted way, she was my idol growing up,

1309
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 4: and all I wanted was to make her proud of me.

1310
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 4: I never felt worthy of her time or attention back then,

1311
00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 4: and never did even as an adult with many achievements,

1312
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 4: and to know that she would pick her friends and

1313
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,680
Speaker 4: a heartbeat over me, it really was such a painful

1314
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 4: stab in my back. I know things will get better.

1315
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 4: I feel it in waves. I am finding confidence in

1316
00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:51,080
Speaker 4: things every day. And we have another update, update number

1317
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 4: four problem. I just found out that my family cut

1318
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 4: me out of their insurance plan and I no longer

1319
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 4: have access to health coverage, including my prescription meds for

1320
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 4: ADHD or therapy, both of which I really need right now.

1321
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 4: What are my options?

1322
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 3: Oh?

1323
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:12,640
Speaker 2: Wow? Ooh, dang, Well that's kind of a dang that well, wow.

1324
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 4: That is a really aggressive approach on their end.

1325
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, parent, your parents stuck a little bit more now.

1326
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 4: They don't want their insurance to be covering your medication. Dude,

1327
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 4: do what you can to send them that MRI information.

1328
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 4: Try your best to convince them if you can. I

1329
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:30,200
Speaker 4: know that's like a lot of heartache, but like I mean,

1330
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 4: this is this is gonna be. This is affecting your

1331
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 4: health at this point.

1332
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:38,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, that's a terrible like FAFO moment. Yeah, f

1333
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 2: around and find out if you're not familiar with.

1334
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 4: Was not sure. I'm a full time student under the

1335
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 4: age of twenty six, and my health insurance so far

1336
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 4: had been included in my family's plan under dependent coverage extension.

1337
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 4: A few months ago, I win no contact with my

1338
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,440
Speaker 4: family after they found out that I was on prescription

1339
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:55,360
Speaker 4: five AANS for my ADHD, something they absolutely do not

1340
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 4: believe in and they refuse to support me. But I

1341
00:58:57,600 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 4: haven't been able to get my meds this month and

1342
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 4: it has been awful. Since I study full time, my

1343
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 4: only means of income is a part time TA job

1344
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:07,520
Speaker 4: on campus which is currently on hold since the semester

1345
00:59:07,560 --> 00:59:10,240
Speaker 4: has ended, and some tutoring I do during my very

1346
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:12,720
Speaker 4: limited free time. I'm struggling and on the verge of

1347
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 4: a mental breakdown and could use any advice I can get.

1348
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 4: What options do I have to get some health insurance

1349
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 4: or any assistance whatsoever? Sorry if this has been hard

1350
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:23,880
Speaker 4: to read. My eyes fill up with tears anytime I

1351
00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:25,440
Speaker 4: try to type this out. We do have some more

1352
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 4: relevant comments. What QLI did they use to drop you?

1353
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 4: Is one not required on the marketplace plans to experience

1354
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 4: a life event to drop an inrollly mid year OPIE

1355
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 4: dependent no longer eligible because of full independence, is what

1356
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 4: I was told. I am currently involved in an ongoing

1357
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 4: lawsuit due to hip a breach by my doctor. It's

1358
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 4: caused a major rift between my family and me since

1359
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 4: the doctor is the best friend of my older sister.

1360
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 4: Hence the no contact and probably why they did this

1361
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:53,080
Speaker 4: common tre Number two says, you will most likely be

1362
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:55,480
Speaker 4: able to get medicaid. Do you have a local department

1363
00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:57,880
Speaker 4: of social services that you can go to? Opie responds,

1364
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:00,400
Speaker 4: would I be able to qualify for Medicaid independence even

1365
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 4: though my family has a high deposable income. I am

1366
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:06,080
Speaker 4: financially independent, but have been on their plan my whole

1367
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:08,439
Speaker 4: life until last month. I've reached out to a few

1368
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 4: that were recommended by a university, but since my official

1369
01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:13,680
Speaker 4: address is out of state where my parents are, I'm

1370
01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 4: having to get that sorted. First comment to number three says,

1371
01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:18,520
Speaker 4: make sure that they're not claiming you as a dependent

1372
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 4: on their taxes still, but generally yes, it's not based

1373
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 4: on your family's income since you're not a minor and

1374
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 4: don't live with them. OPI responds, I hadn't even considered this.

1375
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,640
Speaker 4: I need to look up how to check if they're

1376
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 4: claiming me as a dependent. Thank you for pointing this out.

1377
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:32,800
Speaker 2: I assume they can't if they've taken you off of

1378
01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 2: their insurance on the basis of independence. Yeah, then you can't.

1379
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 2: Then then claim it can't be a dependent dependent on

1380
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:40,000
Speaker 2: your taxes.

1381
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 4: You think I would assume yeah, but I.

1382
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 2: Don't know, and that they would fact check each other

1383
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 2: qualifying life experience. It's like a reason why, which would

1384
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 2: probably be them being like she came over and she

1385
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 2: smashed all our windows and said I hate you all.

1386
01:00:55,720 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, you could hers, which is not what happened. Yeah,

1387
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 4: number five my final update. Farewell and thank you for

1388
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:05,760
Speaker 4: your support. I hope you read this. Hello everyone. I

1389
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:08,160
Speaker 4: want to express my deepest gratitude to all of you

1390
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 4: who have reached out, offered advice for a safe space

1391
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 4: for me to be heard, and providing unwavering support during

1392
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:15,439
Speaker 4: my time here. Your kindness has been a guiding light.

1393
01:01:15,720 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 4: It has been the absolute darkest time of my life.

1394
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:20,680
Speaker 4: I was so incredibly lonely after making the difficult decision

1395
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 4: to go no contact with my family. However, admitst to

1396
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:26,240
Speaker 4: this awfully painful period that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

1397
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:29,360
Speaker 4: I discovered a newfound sense of belonging provided by all

1398
01:01:29,400 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 4: of you compassionate strangers of Reddit. To those of you

1399
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 4: that were proud of me, I cried a long cry

1400
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,080
Speaker 4: for every single time I read those words, and I

1401
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 4: will carry them with me till the very end. Science

1402
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 4: is my purpose here I will rise again and hopefully

1403
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,880
Speaker 4: help change this world for the better someday. By the way,

1404
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 4: you can change our world by checking us out on Spotify,

1405
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 4: Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio. We've got full episodes, so as

1406
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 4: just like this one. Just so story, Okay, story, Tom,

1407
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 4: That's why I got search.

1408
01:01:58,080 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 2: I gotta search and then we'll be bango. The world's

1409
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 2: in the palm of your hand.

1410
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, we've changed your life. You're welcome. But there is

1411
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:07,120
Speaker 4: a tiny bit more to the story. Do we have

1412
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 4: any final thoughts?

1413
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:11,240
Speaker 2: All the same thoughts I had before me too.

1414
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 4: As I embark on a healing journey, I've decided to

1415
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:17,040
Speaker 4: take a step back from here. As someone navigating ADHD,

1416
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 4: I can sometimes become overwhelmed with the feedback. Therapy has

1417
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,720
Speaker 4: taught me the importance of focusing on my mental well being,

1418
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:26,400
Speaker 4: and given the financial challenges I'm facing an ongoing legal issues,

1419
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:28,400
Speaker 4: I will be working two jobs to make ends meet

1420
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:31,120
Speaker 4: and afford the healthcare and stability that I need while

1421
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 4: I'm off from school. I cannot express how much your

1422
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:35,920
Speaker 4: support has meant to me, but at this time I

1423
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:39,120
Speaker 4: must prioritize my responsibilities and take care of myself till

1424
01:02:39,120 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 4: I'm back. I want to leave you with a quote

1425
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:44,640
Speaker 4: that resonates deeply within me. Pass on the kindness of strangers,

1426
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 4: for they have the power to mend the broken and

1427
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:49,880
Speaker 4: inspire the lost. From the bottom of my heart, I

1428
01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:51,880
Speaker 4: thank you for becoming the family I needed to when

1429
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:55,400
Speaker 4: I felt most alone. May your lives be overflowing with happiness,

1430
01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:57,600
Speaker 4: love and success. Take care.

1431
01:02:57,920 --> 01:03:01,880
Speaker 2: Oh well, Saga, we did it.

1432
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:04,400
Speaker 4: Sweet how sheet she did it?

1433
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:07,160
Speaker 2: We did it, she did that, We have collectively done it.

1434
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

1435
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 5: Wow.

1436
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:12,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's still a lot to go through. Yeah, but

1437
01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 2: we're we're looking.

1438
01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:16,040
Speaker 4: It's looking run the right path. It's looking better run

1439
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 4: on the right path. And someday, you know, I'm sure

1440
01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:20,680
Speaker 4: she already feels a little bit grateful for this happening.

1441
01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:23,480
Speaker 4: But someday, once all the like grief of it has passed,

1442
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 4: she'll feel really grateful that she did this for herself.

1443
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 4: And yeah, consider her life changed. Boom, I think you

1444
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:32,920
Speaker 4: already knew that changed life, changed life right ahead of us.

1445
01:03:32,960 --> 01:03:34,560
Speaker 4: But yeah, that's the end of the stories. At the

1446
01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:34,840
Speaker 4: end of the.

1447
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 2: Episode, Hey it's sam og host.

1448
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:39,680
Speaker 4: We're Gonnet.

1449
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:41,160
Speaker 2: Back to these delectable stories.

1450
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to

1451
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 1: help support the show.

1452
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:48,440
Speaker 2: My family mistreated me after I came out as queer.

1453
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a part of them anymore.

1454
01:03:50,920 --> 01:03:52,320
Speaker 5: Sounds like you need to hit the highway.

1455
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 2: I thirty three female. Am struggling with so many things

1456
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:58,560
Speaker 2: that have happened and are happening between me and my family.

1457
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:00,920
Speaker 2: This year has been a very rough but great year

1458
01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:02,640
Speaker 2: for my kids and me. By the way, this comes

1459
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:05,520
Speaker 2: from user a Malanka thirteen and if you want to

1460
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1461
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:11,000
Speaker 2: Storytime Summer. So I met a woman out of left

1462
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 2: field and fell in love. My family, on the other hand,

1463
01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:17,320
Speaker 2: did not approve of me coming out. My mom pushed

1464
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 2: me away and stopped communicating with me as much. We've

1465
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 2: always had a strained relationship as an mother and daughter

1466
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:26,360
Speaker 2: relationship where I could never do good enough. When I

1467
01:04:26,440 --> 01:04:29,240
Speaker 2: came out to my Baba, my grandmother, who I had

1468
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:31,880
Speaker 2: a very close relationship with. Her reaction came out of

1469
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:34,840
Speaker 2: left field and she completely cut me out of her life.

1470
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 2: She refused to respond to my text but I saw

1471
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:39,400
Speaker 2: she opened and read them the night I was there

1472
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 2: with my kids for dinner, and I tried to have

1473
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:43,880
Speaker 2: a conversation with my baba about my new partner. She

1474
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:46,520
Speaker 2: told me she never wanted to hear about her, meet her,

1475
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:49,560
Speaker 2: and she would never be family. When leaving that dinner,

1476
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:53,320
Speaker 2: I went to my partner and I drank until blacked out,

1477
01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:55,760
Speaker 2: went for a walk, slipped and fell and broke my

1478
01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:58,040
Speaker 2: foot in two places. And kids, let that be a lesson.

1479
01:04:58,320 --> 01:04:59,600
Speaker 2: Don't drink doingscess.

1480
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:01,080
Speaker 5: Drink and walk.

1481
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:04,920
Speaker 2: Guys, don't drink to excess when you're upset. I'm just

1482
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:07,360
Speaker 2: gonna break your foot in two places. My family got

1483
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:09,520
Speaker 2: more and more distant. I ended up moving in with

1484
01:05:09,560 --> 01:05:12,720
Speaker 2: my now fiance a couple of months after moving because

1485
01:05:12,760 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 2: one we had a really hard time not being together,

1486
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 2: and two my parents were pushing me out of their

1487
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,360
Speaker 2: house before school started and I wasn't able to find

1488
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 2: anywhere to go. I was living with my parents after

1489
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:25,960
Speaker 2: I separated from my abusive ex husband, going through workers'

1490
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:29,400
Speaker 2: compensation due to workplace PTSD, and fighting for coverage for

1491
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:32,040
Speaker 2: two and a half years with no income, finally winning

1492
01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:35,160
Speaker 2: my battle just as I met my partner. Oh wow, one,

1493
01:05:37,240 --> 01:05:40,360
Speaker 2: but yeah, it's a lot to deal with here. Certainly

1494
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 2: you've got a full full plate. My mom kept making

1495
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:46,920
Speaker 2: comments about my partner, saying that she was only with

1496
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 2: me for the money I won, and trying to find

1497
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:51,880
Speaker 2: reasons other than her loving me for her to be

1498
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:54,120
Speaker 2: with me, trying to put crap in my head convincing

1499
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 2: me to break up with her. It took me a

1500
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:57,479
Speaker 2: couple months after moving in with my partner to find

1501
01:05:57,480 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 2: somewhere to move my stuff from my parents' house for

1502
01:06:00,560 --> 01:06:02,920
Speaker 2: storage due to us moving into a townhouse and not

1503
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,880
Speaker 2: having enough room for everything. I constantly updated my mom

1504
01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:08,280
Speaker 2: on the situation and told her ahead of time when

1505
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:10,200
Speaker 2: I was going to stop by and get stuff, but

1506
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:13,280
Speaker 2: that apparently wasn't good enough. I had full access to

1507
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:15,880
Speaker 2: their house and property, yes, but I never showed up

1508
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:18,080
Speaker 2: without a heads up after moving out. However, the moment

1509
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:20,240
Speaker 2: I started moving everything out with a truck and trailer,

1510
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:24,400
Speaker 2: things started going insane. They locked me out of the house.

1511
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:26,280
Speaker 2: They didn't tell me they did this, and I had

1512
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:28,120
Speaker 2: to find out when going to the house to get

1513
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,480
Speaker 2: stuff after telling them I was going. Then, once I

1514
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:32,200
Speaker 2: found that out, they told me I had to make

1515
01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:34,480
Speaker 2: appointments to come and get my stuff. When one of

1516
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:37,440
Speaker 2: them was home. I asked what I did for things

1517
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:39,040
Speaker 2: to change, and they never answered me.

1518
01:06:39,120 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 5: Well, they got a lie. I saw it before you

1519
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:42,280
Speaker 5: get there, and then li, I saw it after you

1520
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 5: get there. Yeah, makes sense.

1521
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:47,720
Speaker 2: Your parents don't support you being gay. That's all this is.

1522
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:49,680
Speaker 2: Your parents are bigoted.

1523
01:06:49,800 --> 01:06:51,720
Speaker 5: That's so sad man. That's tough.

1524
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:54,480
Speaker 2: It's one I feel is pretty much virtually impossible to

1525
01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:56,720
Speaker 2: come back from as well. But I digress. It took

1526
01:06:56,760 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 2: me three months from August to October to get most

1527
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:01,960
Speaker 2: of my stuff out, and ended up leaving some big

1528
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:05,240
Speaker 2: furniture because they chose to take my mattress without asking

1529
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:07,840
Speaker 2: and refused to give it back. Out of all the

1530
01:07:07,840 --> 01:07:11,040
Speaker 2: stuff they would hold hostage, they'd take your mattress, the

1531
01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:12,800
Speaker 2: grossest thing you own.

1532
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,960
Speaker 5: Maybe because they don't want to support her and give

1533
01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 5: her the thing that she will do the bad things on.

1534
01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:22,560
Speaker 2: She's like, I don't want you committing sins on this match.

1535
01:07:22,680 --> 01:07:24,880
Speaker 5: I'm not going to give you the support to commit

1536
01:07:24,920 --> 01:07:25,480
Speaker 5: those sins.

1537
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:28,040
Speaker 2: Then they told me and my friends who came to

1538
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 2: help to get out. I made the decision to just

1539
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 2: walk away from what was remaining. This was the last

1540
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:35,680
Speaker 2: day they were allowing me to get my stuff, and

1541
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:38,960
Speaker 2: they insisted I bring my kids, yet hovered while we

1542
01:07:39,040 --> 01:07:41,320
Speaker 2: did things. My partner was not allowed on the property

1543
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:43,800
Speaker 2: because she called the cops one time while moving stuff

1544
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 2: as my mom blew up. My mom locked my helpers

1545
01:07:46,520 --> 01:07:49,480
Speaker 2: outside and me inside the house to yell at me,

1546
01:07:49,680 --> 01:07:52,120
Speaker 2: and my partner was concerned for my safety. My mom

1547
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:55,000
Speaker 2: initially threatened to call the cops before they were called

1548
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:57,440
Speaker 2: over the fact that we wanted to prop the door

1549
01:07:57,480 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 2: open to make moving easier, and I offered fifty for

1550
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:03,560
Speaker 2: hydro as that was an issue for her. I had

1551
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:06,640
Speaker 2: to put my dog of fourteen years down, which broke

1552
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:09,320
Speaker 2: my kids and me as he was a huge part

1553
01:08:09,360 --> 01:08:12,240
Speaker 2: of our family, My Bob, I didn't respond to my text.

1554
01:08:12,440 --> 01:08:14,600
Speaker 2: My mom was happy she got to hold him the

1555
01:08:14,680 --> 01:08:16,800
Speaker 2: day before, and then she was more concerned about me

1556
01:08:16,880 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 2: signing my snowmobile back into my dad's name. Fast forward

1557
01:08:20,120 --> 01:08:22,160
Speaker 2: to December, when I got a message from a cousin

1558
01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:25,599
Speaker 2: I don't talk to through her mom's Facebook messenger regarding

1559
01:08:25,760 --> 01:08:28,639
Speaker 2: my Gigi, my grandfather. She told me that my Gigi

1560
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:32,559
Speaker 2: was put into pallative care due to pancreatic cancer that

1561
01:08:32,600 --> 01:08:34,360
Speaker 2: had spread to his liver and that he had been

1562
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:37,720
Speaker 2: declining very fast. She told me she wasn't sure if

1563
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 2: I was aware, but it wouldn't have been fair if

1564
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:42,600
Speaker 2: I didn't know. She said she was in town and

1565
01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:44,760
Speaker 2: had helped him listen to a voicemail of mine, but

1566
01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:46,800
Speaker 2: wasn't sure if he had called me back due to

1567
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:48,920
Speaker 2: his lack of ability, and that his phone had now

1568
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:53,080
Speaker 2: been disconnected. I completely broke down and ran to him immediately.

1569
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,800
Speaker 2: At that point I had left him two voicemails and

1570
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:58,880
Speaker 2: no response. I went and visited him every day or

1571
01:08:58,920 --> 01:09:00,880
Speaker 2: every other day, half the time with my kids and

1572
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:03,720
Speaker 2: the other half without. He loved every single visit. He

1573
01:09:03,800 --> 01:09:05,880
Speaker 2: lit up and told us how much he loved us.

1574
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:08,280
Speaker 2: I cried so much over the two week span, but

1575
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:11,479
Speaker 2: also saw his decline really fast. One night I went

1576
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:13,320
Speaker 2: to see him and they were changing his diet to

1577
01:09:13,439 --> 01:09:15,640
Speaker 2: minced food and had put a needle in his arm

1578
01:09:15,680 --> 01:09:18,360
Speaker 2: as he was having difficulty chewing food and swallowing his

1579
01:09:18,439 --> 01:09:21,400
Speaker 2: crushed meds in apple sauce. Was there for over two hours,

1580
01:09:21,439 --> 01:09:23,600
Speaker 2: just helping him get comfortable and calming him as he

1581
01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:26,200
Speaker 2: woke from sleep every five minutes, reaching to the sky

1582
01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:28,920
Speaker 2: and mumbling. I had a very hard time leaving him.

1583
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:30,920
Speaker 2: He would calm when I spoke to him and would

1584
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:32,320
Speaker 2: grab and hold my hand.

1585
01:09:32,400 --> 01:09:37,760
Speaker 5: Dang ah, wow ah, that's hit a little close. Oh man,

1586
01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:40,000
Speaker 5: that's hardang.

1587
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:44,440
Speaker 2: Hard being around It's hard. That's hard. That's just difficult.

1588
01:09:45,200 --> 01:09:47,400
Speaker 2: Just letting that simmer for a second. I made a

1589
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:50,519
Speaker 2: post about my Gigi, how sad we were about his condition,

1590
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:53,120
Speaker 2: but also how we were enjoying as much time as

1591
01:09:53,120 --> 01:09:55,800
Speaker 2: we could while we still could. The aunt, whose daughter

1592
01:09:55,840 --> 01:09:58,560
Speaker 2: had reached out through her messenger, then contacted me, or

1593
01:09:58,640 --> 01:10:01,120
Speaker 2: rather attacked me over the fat that I was going

1594
01:10:01,160 --> 01:10:03,800
Speaker 2: against my Gig's wishes and that I was risking my

1595
01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:07,719
Speaker 2: Baba denying me any access to Gigi due to making

1596
01:10:07,760 --> 01:10:10,559
Speaker 2: that post. I lost it because I didn't know any

1597
01:10:10,600 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 2: of his wishes or really any information. No one had

1598
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:15,720
Speaker 2: told me anything. How was I supposed to know this?

1599
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:18,439
Speaker 2: She told me to contact my parents, to which I responded,

1600
01:10:18,479 --> 01:10:21,080
Speaker 2: you even made a comment about your daughter not caring

1601
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:23,760
Speaker 2: if my mom ever spoke to her again when she

1602
01:10:23,880 --> 01:10:26,360
Speaker 2: told me about my Gigi. So what do you mean

1603
01:10:26,479 --> 01:10:29,360
Speaker 2: talk to my parents when I have no contact with them.

1604
01:10:29,439 --> 01:10:32,040
Speaker 2: I'm still confused as to what it was that the

1605
01:10:32,120 --> 01:10:35,000
Speaker 2: Gig did not want, probably what Baba didn't want, which

1606
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:39,280
Speaker 2: I think is what just having your having Op's girlfriend around?

1607
01:10:39,920 --> 01:10:41,080
Speaker 5: Can't we have it on that? Well?

1608
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:44,679
Speaker 2: Guess what turns out Gigi still loves Opie, doesn't that? Oh? Really,

1609
01:10:44,760 --> 01:10:46,720
Speaker 2: that's what it sounded like. She was there taking care

1610
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:49,400
Speaker 2: of her. The following day, I received a message from

1611
01:10:49,520 --> 01:10:52,439
Speaker 2: my cousin, whom I had started messaging through her profile

1612
01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:55,880
Speaker 2: to keep her updated on Gigi after she initially told

1613
01:10:55,880 --> 01:10:58,040
Speaker 2: me about him. She told me that he had passed

1614
01:10:58,080 --> 01:11:00,320
Speaker 2: two hours ago and wasn't sure if any one had

1615
01:11:00,320 --> 01:11:02,680
Speaker 2: told me, But after consoling her mother, she reached out

1616
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:04,880
Speaker 2: to me. The moment I read the message, I yelled

1617
01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:07,639
Speaker 2: to my partner and then collapsed to my knees crying.

1618
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:10,400
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to get the chance to go see

1619
01:11:10,439 --> 01:11:12,519
Speaker 2: him before he was taken to the morgue. I wasn't

1620
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:14,400
Speaker 2: going to have time to pick my kids up and

1621
01:11:14,439 --> 01:11:16,559
Speaker 2: then take them to say they're goodbyes, and none of

1622
01:11:16,560 --> 01:11:20,840
Speaker 2: my family had the decency to tell me. My Gigi's niece,

1623
01:11:20,880 --> 01:11:23,479
Speaker 2: whom I have been in constant contact with, admitted to

1624
01:11:23,479 --> 01:11:25,599
Speaker 2: knowing about him, but waited to hear from my dad

1625
01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:28,479
Speaker 2: if it was okay to tell me. Despite knowing everything

1626
01:11:28,479 --> 01:11:30,439
Speaker 2: that was going on, she kept things from me, even

1627
01:11:30,439 --> 01:11:32,200
Speaker 2: when I asked her to keep me up to date

1628
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:34,880
Speaker 2: on my grandparents. I have a brother who wasn't really

1629
01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:37,240
Speaker 2: a part of my kids and my life due to

1630
01:11:37,280 --> 01:11:39,920
Speaker 2: his choices. We had a big falling out over lots

1631
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:42,759
Speaker 2: of things, and instead of taking accountability for his actions,

1632
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 2: he chose to double down and blame me for everything.

1633
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:47,439
Speaker 2: He also chose not to allow me to meet my

1634
01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:49,799
Speaker 2: niece and told me i'd see her at family gatherings

1635
01:11:49,840 --> 01:11:52,480
Speaker 2: a couple times a year. I'd asked to make arrangements

1636
01:11:52,479 --> 01:11:54,479
Speaker 2: to see her once a month, which he denied. I

1637
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:57,080
Speaker 2: blew up on him because he hadn't told me anything

1638
01:11:57,240 --> 01:12:00,439
Speaker 2: and chose to block me on Facebook instead. Partner has

1639
01:12:00,479 --> 01:12:02,559
Speaker 2: been absolutely amazing through everything.

1640
01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:03,080
Speaker 5: Let's go.

1641
01:12:03,280 --> 01:12:05,960
Speaker 2: She keeps blaming herself for breaking up my family, but

1642
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:08,519
Speaker 2: it's not her fault. It's the fact that after people

1643
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:11,200
Speaker 2: pleasing my whole life, I finally found the real me

1644
01:12:11,479 --> 01:12:13,720
Speaker 2: instead of being what everyone else wanted me to be.

1645
01:12:14,640 --> 01:12:17,000
Speaker 2: Well yeah, no, no no, But like if you take

1646
01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:19,520
Speaker 2: that like at face value, it's like, yeah, it's theoretically

1647
01:12:19,560 --> 01:12:23,360
Speaker 2: it's Opie's fault because OPI is now living their truth.

1648
01:12:24,320 --> 01:12:28,439
Speaker 2: But what you gain out of living in truth so

1649
01:12:28,640 --> 01:12:31,160
Speaker 2: much better than what you're losing because you're finding out

1650
01:12:31,160 --> 01:12:33,479
Speaker 2: that you're losing, you're just losing a bunch of people

1651
01:12:33,600 --> 01:12:36,840
Speaker 2: who wouldn't have accepted you anyway. So really you're kind

1652
01:12:36,880 --> 01:12:39,400
Speaker 2: of like not even losing anything. You're just making space

1653
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:43,519
Speaker 2: for more positivity to enter your life. But on a

1654
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:47,639
Speaker 2: very real level, it's the bigoted family's fault for gutting

1655
01:12:47,680 --> 01:12:49,559
Speaker 2: you out. That's his fault. It really is, You're on

1656
01:12:49,600 --> 01:12:52,559
Speaker 2: the right track. My family is fully refusing to accept

1657
01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:54,679
Speaker 2: me for who I really am. My kids absolutely love

1658
01:12:54,720 --> 01:12:56,479
Speaker 2: her more than they do their own dad. And by

1659
01:12:56,520 --> 01:12:59,160
Speaker 2: the way, if you love us, you can listen to

1660
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:03,320
Speaker 2: more stories like this in the full episodes that we

1661
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:07,920
Speaker 2: have waiting for you on Spotify and iHeartRadio and Apple

1662
01:13:07,960 --> 01:13:11,000
Speaker 2: podcasts and wherever you listen to podcasts. What they have

1663
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:12,000
Speaker 2: to search Riley.

1664
01:13:11,920 --> 01:13:13,360
Speaker 5: Okay, story time.

1665
01:13:13,439 --> 01:13:14,760
Speaker 2: Okay, we do have a little bit more story left.

1666
01:13:14,840 --> 01:13:17,800
Speaker 2: Let's finish it off. When my partner picked up my

1667
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:21,000
Speaker 2: kids from my ex on Christmas Day, the kids made

1668
01:13:21,000 --> 01:13:23,000
Speaker 2: a comment that my brother had reached out to their

1669
01:13:23,080 --> 01:13:25,439
Speaker 2: dad to wish them a merry Christmas and my daughter

1670
01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:28,160
Speaker 2: a happy birthday. This hurt because my brother didn't like

1671
01:13:28,240 --> 01:13:30,439
Speaker 2: my ex and had stayed away from my kids because

1672
01:13:30,479 --> 01:13:33,559
Speaker 2: of a comment my ex made to his now wife

1673
01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:36,280
Speaker 2: before we got married. They were holding that comment against

1674
01:13:36,360 --> 01:13:39,599
Speaker 2: my kids and even me after we separated, which they

1675
01:13:39,640 --> 01:13:42,519
Speaker 2: admitted to me. I am huge on family and being

1676
01:13:42,560 --> 01:13:44,880
Speaker 2: close to them, but with everything that has happened, I

1677
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:47,679
Speaker 2: don't think I can continue trying to be a part

1678
01:13:47,720 --> 01:13:50,200
Speaker 2: of such a toxic family. I don't think I can

1679
01:13:50,280 --> 01:13:52,679
Speaker 2: keep trying to connect with them, please them, or continue

1680
01:13:52,680 --> 01:13:55,479
Speaker 2: subjecting my kids to such a toxic environment. Am I

1681
01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:57,559
Speaker 2: the a hole for not wanting to have anything to

1682
01:13:57,600 --> 01:14:00,799
Speaker 2: do with my family after everything that has happened? And honestly,

1683
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,040
Speaker 2: that's going to be a big fat no from me

1684
01:14:03,320 --> 01:14:06,320
Speaker 2: when there's like bigotry involved and like, of course you

1685
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:08,559
Speaker 2: don't want your kids around that. Imagine the stuff they

1686
01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:11,320
Speaker 2: could say about you and your partner to your kids,

1687
01:14:11,360 --> 01:14:14,879
Speaker 2: like while you're not around, you know, like, I don't know, man.

1688
01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:17,240
Speaker 4: Like, especially if like the kids grow up to be

1689
01:14:17,560 --> 01:14:19,760
Speaker 4: part of the LGBT community, you know what I mean,

1690
01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:21,000
Speaker 4: They're not going to be accepted.

1691
01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:23,559
Speaker 2: Either, right, It's like, I just don't want if I

1692
01:14:23,680 --> 01:14:27,280
Speaker 2: had hypothetical kids, I wouldn't want them being influenced by

1693
01:14:27,320 --> 01:14:31,360
Speaker 2: people who have like bigoted beliefs about someone who's literally

1694
01:14:31,400 --> 01:14:34,760
Speaker 2: their daughter, who was in an abusive relationship with a guy,

1695
01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:38,479
Speaker 2: broke up with him and then realized maybe I like girls.

1696
01:14:38,760 --> 01:14:42,080
Speaker 2: And now it's like, no, you're your tainted meat. You know,

1697
01:14:42,280 --> 01:14:45,040
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think you are better off without

1698
01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:48,680
Speaker 2: trying to please these people who you fundamentally won't be

1699
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:52,120
Speaker 2: able to please because they have a core belief that

1700
01:14:52,160 --> 01:14:55,760
Speaker 2: you are just incorrect. Yeah, so that is the end

1701
01:14:55,760 --> 01:14:56,360
Speaker 2: of that story.