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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. Okay, so you are a

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Speaker 1: counter terrorism professional. Even saying that title is difficult for me.

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Speaker 1: But your turn career, career coach, spokesperson, and author of

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Speaker 1: best selling book You Turn, Get Unstuck, discover your direction

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Speaker 1: and design your dream career. And I was just telling

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Speaker 1: you that I have been reading your book for the

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Speaker 1: last week and a half and I'm still not finished

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Speaker 1: because I'm taking so much soul searching or really challenging

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Speaker 1: me to do some soul searching about my path at

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Speaker 1: this moment. And I feel like you really kind of

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Speaker 1: mail what a lot of people are probably going through

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Speaker 1: with this pandemic. I know a lot of my friends

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Speaker 1: have just kind of hit this wall where they're like,

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Speaker 1: am I doing the right thing with my life? Am

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Speaker 1: I living my purpose? Um So, anyway, the book is amazing,

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Speaker 1: and I just want to talk a lot about that,

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Speaker 1: but kind of also give your story to the listeners

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Speaker 1: because it was super helpful to me to You're about

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Speaker 1: a person rising to the top, falling and then picking

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Speaker 1: themselves back up. So let's just start here. I know

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Speaker 1: you found yourself at a really early age in a

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Speaker 1: pretty prominent job. Like we just said, so how did

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Speaker 1: you get there? Yeah? I mean I feel like so

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Speaker 1: many people I went to the career services office for

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Speaker 1: those who are listening, who went to school and and

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Speaker 1: whether you went to college or not. It's like we

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Speaker 1: all have this moment of like what are we supposed

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Speaker 1: to commit to? And it's so interesting because I feel like,

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Speaker 1: as a society, what we're doing to each other is

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Speaker 1: the equivalent of whoever your first crushes, marry them. That's

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Speaker 1: what we're doing in our careers. Like whatever you pick first,

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Speaker 1: you better grow it, and you better climb the ladder

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Speaker 1: and and don't lose There's this whole concept of losing time,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like what we fail to realize is

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Speaker 1: that you're losing time when you're seemingly stepping forward in

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Speaker 1: your life and yet you're actually stepping backwards, whether you're

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Speaker 1: marrying the wrong per sin or you're committing and growing

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Speaker 1: a career that you don't even want. It's like, on

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Speaker 1: the surface, we look like we are moving forward, and

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Speaker 1: yet at some point who we are is always gonna win,

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Speaker 1: It's always going to shine through and it's always going

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Speaker 1: to demand us to listen to the truth. And so

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Speaker 1: for me, I was kind of lost, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I had some interests, but I didn't really understand. And

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Speaker 1: I grew up in the era like everybody did and

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Speaker 1: follow your Passion. And there's this really weird tool called

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Speaker 1: the Google and Graham and if you go and Google.

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Speaker 1: Basically what it does is you can type in a

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Speaker 1: phrase and it lets you know how ingrained it is

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Speaker 1: in society based on how ingrained it is in Google.

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Speaker 1: So if you type in follow your passion from the

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Speaker 1: eighties up into the millennium, you see it's skyrocket, meaning

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Speaker 1: that mentions of it on Google become very present and

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Speaker 1: it becomes a part of culture. And so I grew

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Speaker 1: up in that time and I just thought to myself, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm passionate about food and fashion and movies and politics,

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Speaker 1: Like how am I supposed to make sense of all

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Speaker 1: of this? So I went to the career services woman

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what do I what do I

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Speaker 1: do with my life? And how do what do I

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Speaker 1: major in? And she said all of the three worded tirades,

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Speaker 1: you know, like follow your passion, I love you know,

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Speaker 1: And I was I just left the office more loss

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Speaker 1: than I came in. And I committed to three majors.

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Speaker 1: Not because I was an overachiever, but because I was

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Speaker 1: having commitment issues of like what to even commit my

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Speaker 1: life to? I was reading so into it. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I grew up in a house where the news was

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Speaker 1: always on, and from a young age, my dad was

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Speaker 1: always fighting with my uncle's about politics every Sunday for

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Speaker 1: Sunday dinner. So for me, I thought, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm just going to study politics because I'm I'm around it,

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Speaker 1: I'm interested in it. I love culture. I'm really good

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Speaker 1: at learning languages. I learned Spanish when I was young. Um,

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Speaker 1: in seventh grade, I started learning French, and the professor

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Speaker 1: asked me, or the teacher asked me, like have you

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Speaker 1: learned this language before? Like why are you so fast

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Speaker 1: that this? And that was what actually got me spiritually

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Speaker 1: believing in past lives because I spoke a language that

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Speaker 1: didn't make sense for me to know. Yeah, And so

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Speaker 1: you know, I've had all these experiences, and yet when

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Speaker 1: I went to college, I just kind of committed to

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Speaker 1: a path and held on to a plan for the

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Speaker 1: sake of it. Everything to get to where I wanted

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Speaker 1: to go. You know, my family was on the East

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Speaker 1: Coast during nine eleven, and so that also really affected

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Speaker 1: me my decision to work in national security. And once

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Speaker 1: I got the fancy degrees and learned the languages, it

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Speaker 1: was the recession and I just kind of ran off

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Speaker 1: the cliff of the recession and slept on my parents

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Speaker 1: couch for months and ended up becoming the most overqualified,

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Speaker 1: underpaid administrative assistant with you know, master's degrees and foreign

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Speaker 1: language skills. And I mean it's not to say it's

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Speaker 1: not a great job. I think for some people it's

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Speaker 1: the perfect job. But for me, I wanted to do

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Speaker 1: something with politics, and I ended up buying into the

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Speaker 1: myth that I had to take what I could get,

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Speaker 1: and so I started at an ad agency and after

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Speaker 1: about six months, I just remember going to U c

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Speaker 1: l A at night, taking Arabic classes and thinking, like

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Speaker 1: something there has to be something better. And I know

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Speaker 1: that the human experience is really too dynamics. Often it's

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Speaker 1: fear of the unknown and misery in your current situation.

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Speaker 1: And I think the way people work is more often

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Speaker 1: than not, we won't go into the fear of the

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Speaker 1: unknown unless we are so miserable in our situation that

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Speaker 1: we don't care anymore how the unknown feels, and we

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Speaker 1: don't seem to be a species that works when we

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Speaker 1: feel lukewarm, like that's not when we make a change.

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Speaker 1: So I was miserable. I emailed my university. I said,

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Speaker 1: do you have a list of alumni who have moved

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Speaker 1: to d C. They sent me two thousand names and emails,

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Speaker 1: and I worked my way through that list for I

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Speaker 1: think it was six months. In my job. I called,

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Speaker 1: I called, called, and cold emailed every single person. And

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Speaker 1: you can only imagine what cold networking is like with

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Speaker 1: random people who work in intelligence, Like it's a whole

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Speaker 1: another layer of they don't want you to call right,

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Speaker 1: They're like, do not contact me please? Yeah, And I

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Speaker 1: just sounded like this chaotic, like college graduate, like I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm Ashley, and I'm in my early twenties and I

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Speaker 1: graduated from the same school as you, and can you

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Speaker 1: help me? And I'm like a lot of people hung up,

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Speaker 1: but some people didn't. And I ended up out of

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Speaker 1: that two thousand people maybe getting like eighty two hundred

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Speaker 1: of them who helped me. And I moved to d C.

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Speaker 1: I got multiple job offers through networking and talking to people.

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Speaker 1: I learned how to talk about myself after really not

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Speaker 1: succeeding at it and falling on my face and on

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Speaker 1: the periphery of my way into national security. I learned

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Speaker 1: how to be a good job seeker and friends started

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Speaker 1: asking me once I accepted my position running a program

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Speaker 1: for the Pentagon, which was insane after being an admin

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Speaker 1: assistant at making minimum wage, so I tripled my salary.

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Speaker 1: I got this opportunity I met, I networked with a

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Speaker 1: lot of people who helped me, and on the sidelines

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Speaker 1: fronds were saying, how did you get all these job offers?

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Speaker 1: And later that turned into an online business with courses,

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Speaker 1: a podcast, my book, my practice, and my my work

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Speaker 1: as a spokesperson. And I think what I really learned

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Speaker 1: during that time is when you follow something that feels right,

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Speaker 1: what's going to happen is on the periphery of it,

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Speaker 1: or even right in front of it, You're going to

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Speaker 1: figure out what's best for you. You're going to figure

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Speaker 1: out what's truly right for you. And I mean, it

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Speaker 1: sounds crazy to think I discovered being a career coach

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Speaker 1: like that was the weirdest thing to me back in

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Speaker 1: the day, like what I even know what a career

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Speaker 1: coach was, you know, But I'm so grateful for the journey,

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Speaker 1: and if anything, it taught me to trust your journey,

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Speaker 1: trust what's on the sideline, trust what's in front of you,

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Speaker 1: trust it all. I love that about the sadeline because

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Speaker 1: you know, there's a couple of points you made that

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Speaker 1: I really want to hit on right now. But the

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Speaker 1: sidelines is so interesting because we get so laser focused

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Speaker 1: right on the big pieces or the big job, or

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Speaker 1: the direction we think we're supposed to be going. And

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Speaker 1: I think, exactly like what you said, what you're learning

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Speaker 1: in the meantime is often what ends up helping you

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Speaker 1: excel in the future. I always thought it was so

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Speaker 1: bizarre though, that at the age of eight, team are

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Speaker 1: supposed to decide what we're going to do for the

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Speaker 1: rest of our lives. Right Like, I didn't even have

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Speaker 1: a clue what I was good at or any sort

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Speaker 1: of skill set. So when you got to d C

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Speaker 1: and you were working in counter terrorism, I mean, what

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Speaker 1: are some of the obstacles that you started to bump

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Speaker 1: up against in that position? Yeah, I mean I opened

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Speaker 1: up my book well, first of all, just on the

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Speaker 1: note of you know, being eighteen, It's like, the thing

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Speaker 1: I've learned about clarity is that it comes from engagement.

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Speaker 1: You can't think your way there. And you know, it's

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Speaker 1: it's like what Albert Einstein said that you have to

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Speaker 1: do something new to be somewhere new. And if we

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Speaker 1: have the same level of thinking, we're going to create

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Speaker 1: the same level of results. And so it's it's interesting

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Speaker 1: because there's so many people who come to me and

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Speaker 1: say they need clarity. And when I think about the workforce,

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Speaker 1: the majority of the workforce, I think it's around at

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Speaker 1: any given time, they're not engaged in their job and

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Speaker 1: they're looking for a new job. And what I really

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Speaker 1: believe about that group is that they're not looking for

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Speaker 1: a new job, they're looking for clarity. They're not job

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Speaker 1: hunting their clarity hunting. They're thinking to themselves, is the

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Speaker 1: next thing going to feel more right? And so, you know,

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Speaker 1: my book opens up in my first day at the Pentagon,

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Speaker 1: and I was a defense contractor. So I worked for

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Speaker 1: a private company who got this huge government contract, and

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Speaker 1: the only difference between me and a government employee was

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Speaker 1: the color of my badge. Otherwise, I was really filling

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Speaker 1: a temporary government role, temporary meaning it could be five

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Speaker 1: to ten year role. And I remember walking in and

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Speaker 1: this guy kind of walking down the hall and I

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Speaker 1: was I was assigned to a program on Afghanistan. And

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Speaker 1: it was when US troops were in Afghanistan. We were

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Speaker 1: working with NATO to withdraw and it was really tense

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Speaker 1: for a country like that to have so many troops

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Speaker 1: creating some form of stability to leave. And the consensus

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Speaker 1: was that Afghanistan would potentially be a blood bath if

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Speaker 1: the US left, and yet it wasn't our role to

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Speaker 1: stay there forever. And I was being walked down the

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Speaker 1: hall to my desk, or what I thought was my desk.

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Speaker 1: And one thing that I wrote about in my book

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Speaker 1: was that moment where you kind of get where you

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Speaker 1: always worked to get. And for me, it was such

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Speaker 1: a gift to be able to get my dream, like

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be carry in homeland. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: catch Osama bin Laden, like that's what I wanted to do.

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Speaker 1: And to get so close to my dream at such

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Speaker 1: a young age, it's like, I see now why so

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Speaker 1: many like celebrities, for example, they have a breakdown because

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Speaker 1: I think what happens is you hustle, you think you

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Speaker 1: want to be somewhere. You you're chasing a goal, but

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Speaker 1: really you're just chasing a feeling. You're just chasing how

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Speaker 1: you think the goal is going to feel. And and

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Speaker 1: some people spend ten twenty years trying to get there,

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Speaker 1: and once they get there, doesn't feel the way they

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Speaker 1: breakdown because it's like what have they even been working for?

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Speaker 1: And so for me, it was a blessing. I got

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Speaker 1: to the Pentagon and I got my dream early and

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Speaker 1: this guy pointed me to my desk, but it wasn't

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Speaker 1: a desk, it was a chair. And I remember sitting

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Speaker 1: in the chair and saying, well, where's my desk? Like

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Speaker 1: I can't write on my laptop on my knees, Like

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Speaker 1: where's my desk? And he made a joke that you

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Speaker 1: know things like you know, working with him is going

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Speaker 1: to be a lot like being an Afghanistan because I'm

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Speaker 1: a girl. I need to earn my desk. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I just remember thinking to myself like, there's got to

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Speaker 1: be more for me. And I also, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I had the mindset at the time to realize maybe

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Speaker 1: this was just this guy. And that's something I learned

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Speaker 1: early on that I teach now is that there's really

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Speaker 1: two dynamics in anybody's career. There's the what of what

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Speaker 1: you're doing. There's the skill set you're using, how you're

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Speaker 1: harnessing your energy throughout the day, and then there's the

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Speaker 1: how of how you're operating. And given that we know

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Speaker 1: fift of people leave their job because they don't like

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Speaker 1: their boss, what we know is that how your job

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Speaker 1: looks matters just as much as what your job is.

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Speaker 1: And that guy on my first day was just a

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Speaker 1: part of how my job was going to look. And

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Speaker 1: so the how was off. And I think the how

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Speaker 1: of your job and your career is tied to your values.

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Speaker 1: It's tied to the non negotiable principles by which you

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Speaker 1: live your life, by which you you know you hold dearly.

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Speaker 1: And I also think for what was off? You know,

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Speaker 1: I remember going into that job thinking, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I love writing, I love words. They're gonna have me

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Speaker 1: write intelligence reports. But what I realized in retrospect, and

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Speaker 1: even the work in my book you probably saw I

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Speaker 1: wrote about the ten different core skill sets that I

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Speaker 1: think exist in the workforce. Yeah, I want to talk

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Speaker 1: through those in a minute too, for sure. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: i'm the words core skill set and we can definitely

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Speaker 1: go through those. I think those are helpful. And what

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize was at the Pentagon, I was actually

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Speaker 1: being expected to operate out of analysis, which is a

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Speaker 1: totally different core skill set. You know, I'm more of

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Speaker 1: a poet, I'm not an analyst, and for me to

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Speaker 1: put my creative writing self into a role of writing

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Speaker 1: intelligence reports, that was a much more analytical, robotic role.

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Speaker 1: And it was just a misunderstanding of myself. And I

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Speaker 1: think most people are just a couple millimeters off in

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Speaker 1: their career because they misunderstand themselves. I think that's exactly right.

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Speaker 1: It's making me think about you know, I kind of

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Speaker 1: just mentioned and you pick your major when you're eighteen.

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Speaker 1: But I went to a school that didn't offer the

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Speaker 1: career that i'm in currently or and I just didn't

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Speaker 1: even know that was an option. And so I did

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Speaker 1: what I think a lot of people do, which is fine.

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Speaker 1: The next best thing. I was like, oh, I love

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Speaker 1: to communicate with people. I love communications. So I did

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Speaker 1: mass communications, public relations, finished my degree, got all that,

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Speaker 1: moved to Nashville to do that job, and just hated

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Speaker 1: the actual job. Like I did the over I knew

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Speaker 1: the overall piece of I love to communicate and I'd

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Speaker 1: love to connect, but just like what you're saying, the how,

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Speaker 1: the why, all of that was off in that position

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Speaker 1: for me. So I think that happens to a lot

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Speaker 1: of people because one we do the best we can,

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Speaker 1: Like you're just like, oh, I gotta pick a major, um.

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Speaker 1: But then too, I don't think we ask ourselves the

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Speaker 1: right questions as far as what our values are. I

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Speaker 1: love the skill sets. I want to talk through that. Um, So,

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Speaker 1: what if you find yourself or what if people are

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Speaker 1: listening right now and they find themselves in this position

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Speaker 1: that you kind of found yourself in where everything is off,

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Speaker 1: you think you're in your dream career and you eventually

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Speaker 1: end up leaving that job, right, But so what if

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Speaker 1: people find themselves in these positions? You call that a

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Speaker 1: U turn, a y oh you turn? So can you

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Speaker 1: tell people kind of what happened to you and that

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Speaker 1: part of your journey and then also what a U

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Speaker 1: turn is? Yeah? I love that. So I feel like

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Speaker 1: a lot of people are very reactive, and we're like

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Speaker 1: pendulums in our career and in a lot of ways

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Speaker 1: are lives. Like we've all had the girlfriend or the

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Speaker 1: guy friend who's dating some guy who's like in a band,

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Speaker 1: and it's there's something going on where maybe the relationship

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Speaker 1: is not stable because the person is always traveling, and

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Speaker 1: then they break up and they go date somebody who

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Speaker 1: like never leaves their house and it's like the most

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Speaker 1: stable person ever. We're all pendulums, and so I think

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Speaker 1: there's two things at play when you don't like what

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Speaker 1: you're doing, and it's really important to be able to

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Speaker 1: diagnose what those are. So we talked about the what

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Speaker 1: your skills and the how you know how your job

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Speaker 1: looks your values. Usually um people who are low on

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Speaker 1: energy in their work, they're just usually just kind of

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Speaker 1: low on purpose. It's not usually they think, oh I'm

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Speaker 1: so unmotivated. It's like, well, if you give that person

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Speaker 1: some purpose they feel alive with what they're doing. Suddenly

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Speaker 1: they become this well of energy. And so I think

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Speaker 1: the first thing is like me at the Pentagon, are

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Speaker 1: you working outside of your course skill set? And we

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Speaker 1: could talk about those and then the second thing is

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Speaker 1: are your core values? Because there's two sensations when it

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Speaker 1: comes to core values. The first feeling in your career

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Speaker 1: is this nine feeling of like something's missing, Like it's

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Speaker 1: decent I'm making you know, I'm making a living and

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Speaker 1: I'm stimulated most days, but something isn't. I feel like

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Speaker 1: there's something more for me. That's one sensation. The other

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Speaker 1: one is a lot more visceral. It's I'm miserable. I

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Speaker 1: need like I hate this. And what that usually is

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Speaker 1: if you're not you know, if it's not a skill

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Speaker 1: set issue, it's that perhaps you're violating one of your

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Speaker 1: core values in your job. And that can look like

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Speaker 1: if you value integrity and you're selling something you don't

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Speaker 1: believe in, that's going to create visceral pain. Um. So

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Speaker 1: that's the first thought. I think the second thought is,

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Speaker 1: you know, we're often just a couple of millimeters off.

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Speaker 1: And like I'm saying, you know, for me at the Pentagon,

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Speaker 1: I love writing, and I ended up in analysis. That's

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Speaker 1: just a misunder standing and of my skill set, and

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Speaker 1: and I could have easily been reactive and and maybe

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Speaker 1: I was at the time and said, you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: not meant for writing anything anymore, you know, because I

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Speaker 1: was in that analysis mind space. But it's like really

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Speaker 1: being careful that we're not reactive. And I think there's

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Speaker 1: this period that we all existed in between purposes where

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Speaker 1: a lot of damage can happen where we hold onto

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Speaker 1: something because we feel groundless and we want to have ground.

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Speaker 1: But our decision to just grab for something often we're

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Speaker 1: going to have to undo that if it's really not

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Speaker 1: true for ourselves. And one thing I've kind of discovered

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Speaker 1: with this concept of U turn, which I think making

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Speaker 1: a U turn is that critical moment of self honesty,

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Speaker 1: that critical moment of transformation where you realize you've gone

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Speaker 1: off course and instead of just choosing a different path,

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Speaker 1: you need to come home to yourself. And instead of

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Speaker 1: saying I need clarity out there, I need information out there,

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Speaker 1: you come back to yourself. You reconnect to yourself. And

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Speaker 1: what that looks like is doing things, going places, being

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Speaker 1: with people that make you you, that make you feel alive.

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Speaker 1: In my case, it's going to the ocean, putting my

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Speaker 1: feet in the sand. It's a couple of girlfriends I have,

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Speaker 1: it's Paris. If I can travel like certain places bring

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Speaker 1: me back to me. And when I'm me, I get

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Speaker 1: so much clarity because I'm so in touch with what

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Speaker 1: feels expansive and what feels like my stomach is sinking,

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Speaker 1: feels like a no, and what feels like a yes.

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Speaker 1: And you know, one thing I talked about in my

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Speaker 1: ted talk is how the gut, which is now called

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Speaker 1: the second brain, has two million neurons, which is the

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Speaker 1: size of a catter dog's brain. It's so there's such

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Speaker 1: an intelligence to butterflies in our stomach, to a sinking

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Speaker 1: feeling in our stomach, and we haven't been taught to

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Speaker 1: simply trust the feelings. And so I think that there's

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Speaker 1: a lot and there's also not a lot at play.

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Speaker 1: When you don't like your work, usually it's quite as

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Speaker 1: simple as you're working out of the wrong course skill set,

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Speaker 1: one of your core values is being violated, or you're

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Speaker 1: not listening to your body. There's a certain feeling and

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Speaker 1: it's demanding you to make a y O U turn

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Speaker 1: to come back home to yourself. And you know, I

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Speaker 1: realized now through my work that there's three lily pads. Really.

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Speaker 1: The first one is I don't like what I do

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Speaker 1: and I don't want to figure out what's next because

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Speaker 1: it's too inconvenient. I don't want to deal with it.

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Speaker 1: It feels scary, and a lot of people hang out

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Speaker 1: there and that's okay. The second lily pad is kind

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Speaker 1: of where I try to get people with my book

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Speaker 1: and my podcast, anything I put out there, and that

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Speaker 1: is my message of don't just follow your passion and

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Speaker 1: do what you love, do what you are, figure out

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Speaker 1: who you are, figure out where you're gifted, and when

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Speaker 1: you can hop onto that second lily pad, which is

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Speaker 1: truly what my book is written for us to get

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Speaker 1: somebody at least there, you get into a current, it's

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Speaker 1: like a river current where you're working in a zone

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Speaker 1: of genius. You're working in a zone of your gifts,

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Speaker 1: and people notice it. Because it's actually quite challenging to

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Speaker 1: do the own sell fork and reflection to get onto

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Speaker 1: that lily pad, figuring out who you are, being happy.

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Speaker 1: It's inconvenient. It requires a lot of honesty, requires a

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Speaker 1: lot of undoing and unraveling poonful. So if you're willing

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Speaker 1: to get to that second lily pad, you get into

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Speaker 1: the river current of working where you're gifted, and people

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Speaker 1: start noticing you. People start seeing like, oh wow, that

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Speaker 1: girl is really good at words like did you see

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Speaker 1: that you know, marketing grocer she did. If you're in

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Speaker 1: pre did you see that email she wrote? Or if

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Speaker 1: she's an HR, maybe she's a communications doing internal communications.

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Speaker 1: You know, wow, she's just okay at fielding resumes. But

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Speaker 1: did you see the emails she's writing? People are so

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Speaker 1: moved by how she's you know, connecting. That's when you

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Speaker 1: start to move into your skill set. People see you

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Speaker 1: and you get opportunities on the sidelines. So this idea

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Speaker 1: of the sidelines again comes up. And when you are

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Speaker 1: able to sift, because life is a numbers game, your career,

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Speaker 1: your love life, it's all a sifting process. When you're

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Speaker 1: able to sift and say yes to opportunities, when you're

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Speaker 1: willing to fail and fall on your face, try things on,

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Speaker 1: hold your career more lightly and be in an experiment.

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Speaker 1: What happens is you start to take opportunities that help

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Speaker 1: you go up, that help your soul ascend in some

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Speaker 1: way where you're truly working in an area and in

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Speaker 1: a lens where you're gifted. And when you start accepting

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Speaker 1: those opportunities, you get the chance and not everyone can

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Speaker 1: get there to go from the gift, the lily pad

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Speaker 1: of your gift, the second one to the third one,

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Speaker 1: which is your dharma. And this book. Writing this book,

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Speaker 1: for me was my first taste of dharmic work, of

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Speaker 1: doing something that is so much bigger and deeper than me,

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Speaker 1: that is beyond money, that is beyond time, that is

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Speaker 1: beyond this world. And as I was writing this book,

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Speaker 1: it was like an emptying and tears were streaming down

431
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: my face on so many occasions, and it felt like

432
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 1: my head was just open to a portal. And my

433
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 1: wish for anyone who's listening to this show would be

434
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: for them to get themselves the opportunity, whether they read

435
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,280
Speaker 1: my book and want to or not, to just get

436
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 1: into where they're gifted so that they have a shot

437
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 1: at experiencing that type of purpose. Yeah, and I love

438
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: in the book when you say what you resist gets

439
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 1: louder because that is that's kind of sums up exactly.

440
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: I think what a lot of the stuff you just

441
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,680
Speaker 1: said is we can try to kind of push down

442
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 1: our actual skills or values, that's whatever it is. But

443
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 1: if you find yourself in the reactive place, which I've

444
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 1: found us of multiple times where my body it's like

445
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 1: my body knows something before my head can wrap my

446
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: mind around it, you know, and it just you cannot

447
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 1: escape those types of things. I just don't think you can. Yeah,

448
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 1: And it's it kind of reminds me of Romeo and Juliette.

449
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 1: It's like two lovers that can't be together. That's the

450
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,439
Speaker 1: loudest thing in the room, like people in an elephant

451
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,360
Speaker 1: in the room. It's a stampede in the room. And

452
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,399
Speaker 1: and it's the same with yourself. It's like and I

453
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 1: think a lot of people are in that who are creative.

454
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 1: Like I grew up hearing the term struggling with the

455
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 1: word writer, and I've made an incredible living being a writer.

456
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 1: And even though a lot of my work doesn't look

457
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: like it's the work of a writer, Like if I

458
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: make a video, I write scripts for a lot of

459
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 1: my videos, Like I'll be a YouTube channel, it's all words.

460
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 1: And so it's really about locking in with that skill

461
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: and being able to translate it into what you're doing. Yeah.

462
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 1: So in the book, you really break down how people

463
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,680
Speaker 1: can get there. And there's the core nature, the core

464
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 1: skills that in the core of use and that's the

465
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 1: three things that you really challenge us to ask ourselves

466
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 1: about ourselves, to get to know ourselves better. And so

467
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: I want to kind of go through those because that's

468
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 1: the part that I've been spending so much time on,

469
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 1: like I was telling you, and it's been actually interesting

470
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: to me how much I could not answer some of

471
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: the questions, Like I was like, I don't know, I

472
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: don't know this about myself, and it's made me really

473
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: think just about you know, what I actually find my

474
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 1: joy in what comes easy to me. Those are the

475
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,919
Speaker 1: things that really really stood out to me, because I

476
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 1: think we all have passions. I think we all have

477
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: things we like. But just like you said earlier, you know,

478
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 1: you can have as many degrees as you want, but

479
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 1: there are things that we are just born being good

480
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 1: at and so knowing those things about ourselves. So let's

481
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: start with core nature. Just because that's the way you

482
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: laid it out in the book. Can you tell people

483
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: what core nature is? Yeah? And even what you're sharing,

484
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 1: by the way, is really this concept I also share

485
00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 1: in the book of being a producer versus being a consumer.

486
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 1: There's a big difference between I love consuming cupcakes and

487
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: being a producer of it I'm going to be a

488
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 1: baker where I love fashion, I'm going to be a designer.

489
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 1: You know, I love movies, I'm going to be an actress.

490
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 1: It's there's a difference, and you're The discrepancy is really

491
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: about knowing what your gifts are, and it is really

492
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 1: hard to know what's easy for you because it's so

493
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,400
Speaker 1: obvious that I think we're wired to assume it's obvious

494
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 1: to everyone else, right, it's not at that point in

495
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: the book, Yeah, yeah, And I relate to that a lot.

496
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 1: It reminds me of relationship research. I was reading a

497
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 1: book on marriage and it was talking about how your

498
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 1: friends statistically know if your relationship is going to last

499
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 1: better than the couple because their neutral parties and they're

500
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 1: just watching you and they have no self interest in

501
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: it working out other than your happiness. I think it's

502
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 1: the same thing with your career. In a way. It's

503
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: like we don't really know where we're gifted because we're

504
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 1: just busy doing what we do. And it's when we

505
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: can ask for feedback from other people that we start

506
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 1: to learn more about ourselves. And it's not about borrowing

507
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:13,119
Speaker 1: other people's insights or advice and not trusting yourself, And

508
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 1: it's about consulting with people and then checking back in

509
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 1: with yourself and asking people that you do feel have

510
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 1: a good pulse of who you are. So the concept

511
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: of core nature for me is about your essence. It's

512
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: about how you feel when you walk into the room.

513
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,879
Speaker 1: And I write about in my book how because I

514
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: learned a lot of these concepts in retrospect at the Pentagon.

515
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,920
Speaker 1: And you know, ten years later, when I wrote this book,

516
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: it was really me making sense of all these moments

517
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 1: in my life to serve other people and making sense

518
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 1: of their lives and their careers. And I remember at

519
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,639
Speaker 1: the Pentagon finding this mentor. Her name was Janette, and

520
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 1: well that's actually not her name, but that's what I

521
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: call her in the book, just to protect her. But

522
00:26:54,480 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 1: she was this beautiful energy, and I remember her supporting

523
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: me and being a mirror to me and reflecting back

524
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: what she saw in me, because my worthiness felt so

525
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: low at the Pentagon, and it wasn't anybody else's reason

526
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: but mine that it was that way. It wasn't anyways fault.

527
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:17,119
Speaker 1: And I remember she came up to me and she said,

528
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 1: you are communicative, You're bold, You're wise, you're funny. She

529
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 1: used all these adjectives to describe me when I was

530
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 1: really feeling low about not having a desk and not

531
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: feeling good enough. And she had been in that role

532
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 1: at the Pentagon for a while and it meant a

533
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 1: lot that she said those things to me, and she said,

534
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 1: that's your essence, and I remember thinking, yeah, those words

535
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,959
Speaker 1: do feel like who I actually am, and I'm just

536
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: not being those words when I don't feel safe to

537
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: be me. You know, when I'm in a room and

538
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 1: I don't feel like people are going to receive me,

539
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: I get really quiet. I get the opposite of who

540
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: I actually am. It's just a coping mechanism, and we

541
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: all have different coping mechanisms. And that's something I also

542
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 1: talk about a lot in the book, is you know,

543
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,439
Speaker 1: sometimes when we're in our coping mechanism, it becomes like

544
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: a full time job. So for me, I go into

545
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: quietness or go into anxiety, and that distracts me from

546
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: actually having to deal with the thing that I'm dealing

547
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 1: with at hand. And my core nature was really what

548
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 1: I unlocked there at the Pentagon through her feedback, and

549
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 1: it was good for me to realize when I'm not

550
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: in those words. I need to start asking questions. Is

551
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: that the environment? Is it that the job is demanding

552
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 1: me to be someone else, to be in a different energy.

553
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: So I would advise anybody who's listening to just ask

554
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 1: people in their lives that they trust. It could be

555
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: a colleague that's always a really good one in a workspace.

556
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: It could be a friend, It can be you know,

557
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: your parents, but just ask them, how does the room

558
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: change when I walk in? What's different? And honestly, Kelly,

559
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 1: like even just getting on this podcast or even emailing

560
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: with you, you have a nurturing presence, you have a softness,

561
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: you seem sensitive, um, you have a lot of feminine energy,

562
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: like in my experience, which is actually quite impressive because

563
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, having read that you've worked

564
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 1: in television and pr like, that is a profession that

565
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 1: demands masculine energy sometimes, like pushing your way through people

566
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: who eat nails for breakfast. You know, well, that's probably

567
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: why those careers did not work out for me. But

568
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 1: that's something to celebrate. Like when something doesn't work for you,

569
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: that is liberating. And I think what people suffer is

570
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 1: they're just like they don't want to respect who they are.

571
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: They don't want to honor their nature and say, these

572
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: adjectives are me, and they don't mesh with this path.

573
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: And if you don't honor that, you're going to suffer.

574
00:29:55,520 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 1: And I think your core nature is the foundation of

575
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: your career. It's it's it's the ground that you stand on.

576
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 1: So if I look at my core nature of being,

577
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: you know, communicative and funny, and I didn't, and you

578
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: knew nothing else about me, I knew nothing else about

579
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: me bold, I would say, maybe this person is a

580
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 1: talent agent or a real estate or just somebody who's

581
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 1: bold and funny and using using their ability to people

582
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: it up and connect with people to turn it into

583
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 1: money and opportunities, not because they have an agenda, but

584
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: because it's who they are. It's just what happens as

585
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 1: a thing on the sideline of them being them. And

586
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: so I would say your core nature is a starting

587
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: place and asking people how does the room change when

588
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 1: I walk in? And then taking those adjectives. And I

589
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: love texting people because it allows you to read the

590
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 1: feedback and not just hear what they said, and it

591
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: kind of passes through your ears and and to reflect

592
00:30:54,560 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 1: So that's the first concept that I talked about. It's

593
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:04,719
Speaker 1: so true about hearing the words when someone describes you

594
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 1: to you and it resonates. I mean what I asked

595
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 1: my mom and I asked one of my best friends

596
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: those questions that you have in the book. And when

597
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: I said the question about, um, what what is what

598
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: shifts in the room when I walk in? They both

599
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 1: responded with there's more love in the room when you

600
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 1: walk in. And it made me start sobbing, you know,

601
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: and I could cry right now even what you just

602
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 1: said about me, Um, it just yeah, it hits me

603
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: in the gut and makes me emotional because and that

604
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: to me communicates that it's true and that is who

605
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: I actually am, even if it's not always how I

606
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 1: present myself to the world or feel like I should

607
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: present myself to the world, like what you're talking about.

608
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: With the certain industries I was in, I would try

609
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: to adopt more of a masculine nature and it just

610
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: did not work for me. Like I would feel like

611
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: my life is falling apart in some capacities because you know,

612
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: maybe the job went away or whatever, and it can

613
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 1: so scary. But the more I'm getting into accepting myself

614
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: as I am. The more I'm like, oh, no, wonder

615
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 1: that didn't work, And what a gift that it was

616
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: actually taken away, because now I can shift into something

617
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: that is true to my soul. Yes, yes, And I

618
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 1: think also that's the thing about the truth is and

619
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 1: not something I write about in the book, and I

620
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: really hope to get out as a message like I

621
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: was in a relationship for five years and I don't

622
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: write about this in my book, but really, good guy

623
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 1: and I called off our wedding. We were engaged because

624
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 1: something in me just I didn't feel like it was right.

625
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: And the thing about that was that for months as

626
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: we were planning the wedding, I had so much anxiety.

627
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: And there's an anxiety to not being in alignment with

628
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: who you are in some way, or not making decisions

629
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: that match your nature. And when I finally stopped that

630
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 1: inner child inside of me that was kicking and screaming

631
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: and anxious, when I finally listen and I got into

632
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: the truth and I was just deeply honest with myself,

633
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 1: I just looked in the mirror and said, I don't

634
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: think this is the person I want to spend my

635
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 1: life with. And he's a really good guy, and I

636
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: don't know why, I just don't think this is what

637
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: I want. And it was like this weird moment where

638
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: all the anxiety disappeared. And the thing about the truth

639
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: is it can be so sad and painful to look

640
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: at it and say this is the truth. But the

641
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 1: sooner you're willing to get there and feel the sadness.

642
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: Even according to the field of psychology, the suffering you'll

643
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: feel in the sadness is so much shorter term than

644
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: the suffering you feel and denial, because it's like pushing

645
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,719
Speaker 1: down a beach ball under the ocean, and you just

646
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: don't allow yourself to be where you're at, to be

647
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 1: who you are. And my wish for anyone is to

648
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: cut the ship sooner, like get to the truth sooner,

649
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 1: be more bold. And I think a lot of people

650
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: are suffering because they actually do know who they are.

651
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,240
Speaker 1: And sometimes, as I was writing the book, I almost

652
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 1: just wanted to call a chapter or even the whole

653
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: damn book you already know, like that's what I wanted

654
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,440
Speaker 1: to call, because I think in the corners of all

655
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 1: of our minds, somewhere there's a knowing. And then we

656
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: just live in anxiety because we know what we know

657
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: all day long, and we just try to unknow it

658
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 1: because it's inconvenient, because we don't think we can make

659
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,879
Speaker 1: money doing that thing. Because our survival mechanisms, which are

660
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: eons old from being counter gatherers, like our desire to

661
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 1: be in um tribe, to be in connection for people

662
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: to like us. It used to be wired for our survival.

663
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: We needed a tribe um so to get approval from people.

664
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:52,720
Speaker 1: That's like wired in ourselves to survive and make money

665
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 1: and to be liked and to look good. It's in ourselves.

666
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 1: It's our survivals. So I think listening to the truth

667
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 1: can feel very threatening for that, I agree with that,

668
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 1: but I love what you pointed out about knowing you

669
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 1: know we do know, and when you're actually accept your truth.

670
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: As sad as it can be, it's also one of

671
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: the most peaceful moments like that I've ever experienced. And

672
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: even if that could be in a relationship ending like

673
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 1: you're saying, or maybe leaving a career, if you just

674
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 1: know inside of your gut that's not the right thing,

675
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 1: it could be scary, it can be sad, but you

676
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: also if it's your truth feel so at peace knowing

677
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: it's the right way. Yeah, definitely. And and I think

678
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 1: that coming home to yourself and this idea of making

679
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: a U turn is is really that key decision that

680
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: anybody makes, and you have to make that decision. And

681
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: that's why on the dedication page of my book it says,

682
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 1: who you are on Monday has nothing to do with

683
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,720
Speaker 1: who you can be by Friday, because in any moment

684
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 1: we can change our life. We can make a decision

685
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 1: to make that that change. Yeah, okay, let's talk about

686
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: core skill sets. So you say, when we face failure,

687
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 1: we usually tell ourselves or something wrong with us are

688
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,439
Speaker 1: that we're not capable. But that's just not the case.

689
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,359
Speaker 1: The reality is that this sort of failure is just

690
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,919
Speaker 1: feedback telling us it's time to reconnect to our core

691
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 1: and make a U turn. So this is really the

692
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:14,760
Speaker 1: challenge of getting to know what your actual core skill

693
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 1: set is because it could be like what you said

694
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 1: about the you know, the baker. You could love eating cupcakes,

695
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 1: but maybe you're not supposed to be a baker in

696
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 1: your life. So can you talk us through the skill sets? Yeah,

697
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 1: so I discovered in my past decade of career coaching

698
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 1: and and putting content out there. That there's a ten

699
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 1: pretty much ten core skill sets that I believe exists

700
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 1: in the workforce, whether you're in corporate or you're an entrepreneur.

701
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 1: And they're not just skill sets, they're kind of energies,

702
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: is the way that I think about them, because it's

703
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: how you're using your energy to UM. The first one's innovation,

704
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 1: So for I guess our notetakers. My podcast has so

705
00:36:55,320 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 1: many notetakers, I feel like yours must too. Um innovation.

706
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:04,359
Speaker 1: So that one is for the entrepreneur, the creative self

707
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: starter or the entrepreneur, the person who created the idea.

708
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: So the entrepreneur is within a company, and I think

709
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: the decision of whether you work for a company or

710
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: you're that highly creative person or you're a business owner

711
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 1: usually has to do with your relationship to freedom and

712
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: also and that that's on many levels, so that can

713
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: mean a lot of entrepreneurs. I think they want all

714
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 1: out creative freedom. They want the freedom to come up

715
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 1: with their idea, they want the freedom to work when

716
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 1: they want to work. Versus entrepreneurs they might not need that. Also,

717
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 1: financial risk, I think the entrepreneurs like staying in corporate

718
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,800
Speaker 1: for them is so much more painful than the financial

719
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 1: risk of risking at all. And I think entrepreneurs they

720
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 1: have a relationship to financial risk where that's not going

721
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:58,360
Speaker 1: to work for them. Usually they're motivated by commission or

722
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: something like that. Not ways, but these are the high

723
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: level visionaries that are solving problems in the world. And

724
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 1: the second course skill set is the builders. So these

725
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 1: are people in building energy. So it can be construction workers,

726
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,320
Speaker 1: you know, quite literal, or it can be more of

727
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: a metaphor, like somebody who's designing a website building a website.

728
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: And the third core skill set I talked about was

729
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 1: me at the Pentagon was words. And this skill set

730
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: brings up the question of are you an introvert or

731
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 1: are you an extrovert, Because if you're an introvert, the

732
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 1: way you harness that skill set is going to be

733
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: very internal. So I'm a little bit more of an

734
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 1: owner deep down, Like I'm really happy at a coffee

735
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,720
Speaker 1: shop and I do a lot of keynotes, like especially

736
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 1: before COVID, and you wouldn't know, like I am, my

737
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 1: smile is on and I am having a good time,

738
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: but my battery is like starting to go down to

739
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 1: zero by the end of an event, even though I

740
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 1: love it and I sleep in my hotel room for

741
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 1: like twenty four hours after an event because I'm such

742
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 1: an introvert. So I would say knowing if you're an

743
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 1: introvert or an extrovert is super important because you might

744
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 1: get so far through this podcast episode, through reading my

745
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,320
Speaker 1: book whatever. I'm saying, this is my core skill set.

746
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 1: But then from there, it's like, if I'm an introvert

747
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: and I'm a salesperson because that's how I'm choosing to

748
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 1: use words, I'm gonna be miserable because I'm tired because

749
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 1: it's demanding me to use my skill set with a

750
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 1: level of energy that doesn't match how I operate in

751
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 1: the world. So I say, ask yourself this question for

752
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 1: all of these core skill sets, whichever one you are,

753
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: Like am I more internal? Am I more external? Um?

754
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: Can you be both? Yeah? There's a lot of research

755
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: on being an ambivert and that also plays out. That

756
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: also plays out and asking yourself, like what jobs am

757
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 1: I looking at? What kind of business do I want

758
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: to start? So, if I'm an ambivert, if I do

759
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 1: sometimes really thrive in social scenarios, which I do, but

760
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 1: I also need time alone to recharge. That just means

761
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be the speaker who's on three

762
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,800
Speaker 1: hundred stages a here, like I have colleagues who do that.

763
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 1: That's too far. So you still need to use it

764
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:09,320
Speaker 1: to kind of modulate yourself. Yeah, I feel confused because

765
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,399
Speaker 1: I am an impath, and so I love being around people,

766
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 1: and especially if it's a positive energy. I absorbed that

767
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 1: and it gives me so much energy. But then I

768
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,520
Speaker 1: can also get really sucked dry if I'm picking up

769
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 1: on too many people's emotions. If it's a very just

770
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 1: like a feeling situation where I'm picking up other energies

771
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,400
Speaker 1: all the time, I'm like you, I could go sleep

772
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 1: for a day by myself, and that would be the

773
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:38,919
Speaker 1: only way to actually recharge. Yeah, I think that's why

774
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 1: I like I have. I'm an EmPATH as well, and

775
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,840
Speaker 1: I think a lot of empaths we have anxiety because

776
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 1: it's incredibly anxiety inducing to walk into the room and

777
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 1: feel what people are feeling. And it's and that's a skill, Like,

778
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 1: that's a skill that can be used, you know, like

779
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 1: and and that is actually part of what got me

780
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: wanting to be a spy, was can I use my

781
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 1: ability to connect with people and feel people too for

782
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: a good cause? And later I realized, no, this, I

783
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 1: am so sensitive. I can't do this, And so it

784
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 1: was a misunderstanding as well. But I would say, um, empaths,

785
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,399
Speaker 1: it's kind of like I I write about in the book,

786
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 1: where we're driving and sometimes we have a mucky windshield,

787
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: and our mucky windshield is our stuff. It's our limiting beliefs.

788
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:30,320
Speaker 1: It's our personality traits that maybe are happening by default

789
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 1: and not by design. Maybe their personality traits we got

790
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 1: from our upbringing or from our our origins, where it's

791
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 1: a coping mechanism that we learned to be a certain way,

792
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 1: and it makes it hard for us to drive through life.

793
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: And that's part of making you turn. It's cleaning off

794
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 1: that wind shield. And I would say it's being an

795
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,319
Speaker 1: EmPATH is on your windshield, and it's not muck, but

796
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 1: it's definitely it's a gift that has to be harnessed.

797
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 1: I would say a lot of the work with that,

798
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: and for anybody listening who identifies as an EmPATH is

799
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 1: to work on your You're you're kind of your psychic protection, Like,

800
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: how do you commit to putting that kind of like

801
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: energetic astronaut suit on so that when you are in

802
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 1: a room of people who feel like they're sucking on

803
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 1: your energy, you can protect your energy and you can

804
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 1: have energetic boundaries around you. Um. That takes work. Um,

805
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 1: there's a lot of books. I think there's one called

806
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: Psychic Protection that helps with that, and that's been work

807
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: for me as a career coach. Like in my practice,

808
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: I've worked with all sorts of different engagements, whether I'm

809
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: doing spokesperson work, which luckily for me being a spokesperson now,

810
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 1: it's so far they're like the nicest group of people

811
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 1: I've ever worked with, But that's not always the case.

812
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 1: And when I'm in a corporate engagement, if I feel

813
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 1: that it's been so much work for me to put

814
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,399
Speaker 1: energetic boundaries around myself, and so I would say it's

815
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 1: so important to work on that for all of us

816
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:57,439
Speaker 1: because that keeps us from our purpose sometimes because if

817
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 1: these people are sucking our energy in a way, they're

818
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 1: robbing us um of opportunities and we don't want to

819
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: be victims of that. So it's like, how do we

820
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 1: put on the space suit and still on our skill set,

821
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: still on our nature. And granted, if you're in an

822
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 1: industry where pretty much everybody is requiring you to put

823
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 1: on that space suit all the time, it's probably the

824
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: wrong industry. But I would say kind of finding that

825
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,839
Speaker 1: that line is so important for everyone. If that makes

826
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 1: sense totally, that makes total sense to me. I'm gonna

827
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: go get that book like tomorrow. It's a really good

828
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 1: and I think, um, I and I think a lot

829
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,919
Speaker 1: of visualization, Like when I walk into a room where

830
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 1: I feel like, whoa, um, these are these feel like

831
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,800
Speaker 1: sharks to me, Like I feel like I feel like

832
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 1: a refrigerator and they're about to take the food out.

833
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 1: Like I just I visualize myself walking and do a

834
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 1: space suit and zipping it up, and I feel a

835
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 1: boundary between me and them, and I picture their vibes

836
00:43:56,719 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 1: bouncing off of my space ya. Um. But yeah, I

837
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 1: mean innovation building words. All of these matter with um,

838
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:09,359
Speaker 1: whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, And I think

839
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,439
Speaker 1: harnessing whether you're an EmPATH. That's a really good question.

840
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 1: Nobody's ever asked me that, and it's so true. Um.

841
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 1: And then the fourth one's motion so that could be

842
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 1: quite literally like a tour guide on their feet all day,

843
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 1: a fitness trainer. There's a gift to being able to

844
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:27,840
Speaker 1: just be out and in motion. Um and even hair stylist,

845
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 1: you know, like I think you're you're on your feet.

846
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 1: It could be a different course skill set and this

847
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 1: is actually something really interesting. Another course skill set in

848
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: my book is beauty, which could also be a hair stylist.

849
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 1: And so I think what you have to realize is

850
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 1: that people reside in different core skill sets. Each skill

851
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 1: set doesn't define every job title. You could have one

852
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: job title in many different skill sets. So for example,

853
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 1: you can somebody can be a hair stylist and they

854
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 1: can be pretty good at it because they like to

855
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 1: be on their feet all day, they like to be out.

856
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 1: They could also be hairstylist because they're true artists and

857
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 1: they value beauty it. You know, somebody could be a

858
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:07,399
Speaker 1: psychologist and be really good at words, and that's how

859
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 1: they heal people. They put words to what somebody is

860
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: experiencing versus other. Psychologists are kind of like that other

861
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,839
Speaker 1: skills that I mentioned at the Pentagon analysis, where their

862
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: gift is an analyzing and sharing what they're seeing through

863
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 1: that way, Maybe their words aren't poetic and emotional and

864
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,320
Speaker 1: spiritual for that person, but the way that they analyze somebody,

865
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 1: they're able to heal someone. So it's not to say

866
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 1: that these skills that's lock you in to one job.

867
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: It is to say that they're the energy you reside

868
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 1: in there, how you can make your money best there,

869
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 1: how you can make an impact best, And they're probably

870
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:44,880
Speaker 1: how I would say you want to use sevent of

871
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: your time in your work. So after innovation, building, words

872
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 1: and motion is service. These are the people pleasers um.

873
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes if they're in their wounding, they're the supporters, the nurturers,

874
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 1: the helpers when they're at their best. And I would

875
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: say a good question for this person and any person

876
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: is is this coming from wounding or inspiration? Like are

877
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 1: you a service person because you grew up in a

878
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 1: house where you needed to be a people pleaser as

879
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:16,360
Speaker 1: a coping mechanism to exist in your family unit? Or

880
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,879
Speaker 1: are you a helper? And it could be both. There's

881
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that, It's just important to know. And

882
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 1: I think asking that question of are you wounded or

883
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 1: inspired with all of these skill sets is super important

884
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: UM And the sixth one is coordination. That's my I mean,

885
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 1: thank God for the coordinators, like this is my least

886
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: skill set. Same the detail oriented like across the teeth,

887
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 1: dot the eyes, like the wedding planners. You know, everybody

888
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 1: good at coordinating. And then we talked about analysis, the researchers.

889
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 1: The analyst numbers is number eight, so and they're not

890
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 1: ranked in any particular order. I just you know, have

891
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:55,279
Speaker 1: them written down, but you know the number crunchers, the bookkeepers,

892
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: the investment bankers. Number nine is technology. These are the

893
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: artificial intellig creators, the tech trouble shooters, tech wiz is.

894
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,879
Speaker 1: And then number ten we talked about his beauty and

895
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: this could be a lot of things. This could be

896
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: a jewelry designer, a makeup artist, a hair stylist, a musician. Um,

897
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,880
Speaker 1: it's the artists. It's the true artists who make art

898
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:18,439
Speaker 1: of the world around them. So these are the ten.

899
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 1: And kind of on the note we talked about with

900
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 1: core nature, asking people is always really powerful, So I

901
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: would recommend anyone as they're reflecting on these and I'm

902
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 1: sure people you know resonate with two or three of them.

903
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 1: Ask somebody in your life, your colleagues, you know, when

904
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: have you seen me at my best? And I think

905
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 1: when you can ask people that you can start to

906
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 1: look at what core skill set am I using? Especially

907
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 1: in the workforce, when people think I'm making a real

908
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: impact and I'm at my best, and what where do

909
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 1: I think I'm at my best? So? How many skill

910
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 1: sets do we each have? Can you have more than one?

911
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 1: I find a lot of people tend to have three

912
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: core skill sets, but the number one one is what

913
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:04,480
Speaker 1: matters the most significantly, Like out of a skill of

914
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 1: a hundred, like your course skill set is like a

915
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 1: ten out of ten, you know, hundred out of a hundred,

916
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 1: that's the one that matters. I think your secondary and

917
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: your tertiary one, those are just something to consider. Their interesting,

918
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 1: they're good to know um and and they do kind

919
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 1: of have a fun blend. So if you take a

920
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:24,759
Speaker 1: motion person who's a fitness trainer and their secondary skill

921
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 1: set is innovation, they're probably going to create like a

922
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 1: fitness training app or something like that. And yet your

923
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,919
Speaker 1: secondary skill set doesn't dictate how you're going to spend

924
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 1: your day. That's really a primary skill set, and it

925
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 1: takes a lot of time, energy, and commitment to have mastery,

926
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 1: and so I really think honing in on that one

927
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: gift is where the r O I truly is in

928
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 1: your career. Okay, that's so interesting because and maybe I'll

929
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 1: schedule a session with you individually to work through this

930
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 1: because I'm like very confused about my skill sets. But

931
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 1: I resonated with three and uh, analysis was an interesting

932
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 1: one I've never thought about for myself, but especially because like,

933
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 1: I'm not an analyst in the way that I want

934
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:08,720
Speaker 1: to just you know, read a bunch of facts about

935
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: random I don't know the stuff you were talking about

936
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 1: the Pentagon like that doesn't appeal to me at all. However,

937
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 1: when it comes to what people why people do what

938
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: they do, I mean I could read and read and

939
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: read and I'm so curious, Like I'm just like this endless,

940
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:26,880
Speaker 1: bottomless pit of just wanting to know more information and

941
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 1: understand in all of those things. And so that was

942
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 1: the one that kind of threw me. And then the

943
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 1: words piece and the beauty, so I was like, wait,

944
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 1: because they all play into what I do now. But um,

945
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: I think you're right that one of them probably is

946
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 1: the thing that just comes the easiest to me that

947
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: I don't really have to work at I actually didn't

948
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 1: realize I was good at like the words and communicating

949
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 1: piece of it until recently. I thought everyone was just

950
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,839
Speaker 1: able to do that, you know. Yeah, and that's those

951
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: are the things that like with the beauty stuff, I

952
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,920
Speaker 1: have to work at that constantly taking classes. I'm you know,

953
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 1: but it's a part of me and there's a part

954
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:07,879
Speaker 1: of me that sees it. Um. But the things that

955
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 1: really resonated that you say, we're just the things that

956
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 1: you think everyone does. And I've started to realize I

957
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 1: would be told by people in my life, hey, you're

958
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 1: really good at that, and I'm like, wait, what, Like

959
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: that's a that's a thing, you know, which is so yeah,

960
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:25,360
Speaker 1: so fascinating. Yeah. And I think in order to really

961
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: get that clarity, your career is really an iterative process,

962
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: you know. And whenever I'm looking for more clarity, I

963
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: want to have more conversations because conversations are where magic happens.

964
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 1: Conversations is where you learn new information. And if you're

965
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: trying to get clarity and you're listening to this or

966
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:44,239
Speaker 1: thinking about this, it's like, who can you talk to

967
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:47,759
Speaker 1: today that could give you some insight that can move

968
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 1: your mind forward um and and so I think in

969
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:54,520
Speaker 1: your case, it's like those conversations and are gold nuggets,

970
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 1: like people being like, you're so good at this. And

971
00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: I just think life. Life is beautiful, but it can

972
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:05,320
Speaker 1: be hard sometimes. And why would we make it harder

973
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:09,319
Speaker 1: because we like a skill set so much that we

974
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,839
Speaker 1: want to push a river or push a mountain and

975
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: force ourselves to be Because in every skill set there

976
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 1: are people who are at the best, and when they're

977
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 1: in that skill set, they are gifted, they're ingenious level

978
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 1: with that. I think you can see that, right, because

979
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 1: it's just like someone is just so naturally good at

980
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 1: it that it's like wow, it's yeah, you have just

981
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 1: this like shock and all thing happening. Yeah, and there

982
00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 1: is a form of like nature versus nurture. I think

983
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 1: all that research is really insightful. And I still think

984
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:41,439
Speaker 1: going where you're gifted is such a more inspiring way

985
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: to live your life. And it just depends on the person.

986
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 1: But for me, I just love I love ease, and

987
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: actually some people love challenges and that's that's fine, but

988
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: I like life to be easy. And you know, I

989
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:57,359
Speaker 1: think being in my zone of genius is just one

990
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 1: of many ways to really give yourself permission in And

991
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:02,280
Speaker 1: that's the thing. Actually, I think a lot of people

992
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 1: don't just need to figure out what they want to do.

993
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,439
Speaker 1: A lot of people actually know, like we were talking about,

994
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 1: they just need permission to know what they know and

995
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 1: be who they want to be and do what they

996
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,400
Speaker 1: want to do. And and some sometimes the permission is

997
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 1: letting your career be experimental. Like we really struggle to

998
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 1: be experimental with our career. It feels risky to say

999
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go try this job on that I think

1000
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 1: is right, but maybe it's not, and people really get

1001
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 1: in their head about it. But it's like follow what

1002
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:34,280
Speaker 1: feels good. That's a muscle you flex, that's a pattern

1003
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,239
Speaker 1: that you commit to, and that puts you on that

1004
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: second lily pad we talked about from because there's a

1005
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 1: journey between the two. There's a journey between I don't

1006
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:44,359
Speaker 1: know what I want to do and I don't want

1007
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: to find out and I know what my gift is.

1008
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 1: Those two lily pads require so much iteration. And if

1009
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 1: you talk to any of the world's best thinkers, um

1010
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: movers and shakers, people who have started businesses that have

1011
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 1: changed the world especially, they just have a really nice

1012
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,839
Speaker 1: conversation in their head going on about failure because they

1013
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 1: couldn't have survived, they couldn't have created what they created

1014
00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 1: unless they held failure lightly and they held their career

1015
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 1: as an experiment. It's just too hard, it hurts too much. Yeah.

1016
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:18,320
Speaker 1: I love that point because I always really get stuck

1017
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 1: on the failures, you know, and then I internalize it,

1018
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 1: as you say in the book, about something's wrong with me,

1019
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,399
Speaker 1: versus like no, no, no, that just wasn't in line

1020
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 1: with my skill sets or maybe my values, which let's

1021
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,320
Speaker 1: talk about that now, let's get to core values, because

1022
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 1: you can be operating in your skill set right and

1023
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,799
Speaker 1: bump up against something that does not line up with

1024
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:41,800
Speaker 1: your values, and so then that becomes a problem. Yeah.

1025
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 1: So the thing about core values, I think everybody has

1026
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,839
Speaker 1: maybe five and now that we kind of talked about

1027
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 1: core skill set, that's the what how you spend your day,

1028
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: what your energy and responsibilities look like. When you go

1029
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,799
Speaker 1: over to your core values, that's the how, that's the

1030
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: container in which you're working. And I think every having

1031
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 1: more than five core values makes things really tough, and

1032
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 1: it's really important to know what core values include you know,

1033
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:16,000
Speaker 1: and there's a list in the book, but family, balanced, integrity, authenticity, humor, fun, uh, friendship, connection,

1034
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:21,320
Speaker 1: you know, um, culture, like whatever those values are for you, wellness, balance,

1035
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 1: And it's so important to know what those words are

1036
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 1: for you, and not just what those words are for you,

1037
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 1: but what they mean to you. Because I had a

1038
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 1: client a while back and he was a lawyer in

1039
00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:33,440
Speaker 1: New York, and I said, what's a value for you?

1040
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 1: And he said adventure. And then I had another woman

1041
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 1: in Miami and she said adventure. And when I asked

1042
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 1: the guy, he's like, my core you know, adventure for

1043
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 1: me means skydiving and like adrenaline, and for her she's

1044
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,399
Speaker 1: like trying new restaurants. And it was just like, oh

1045
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 1: my gosh, And we actually do this in our love life.

1046
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,399
Speaker 1: We're like we have the same values. Like we both

1047
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 1: are a Christian, for example, but there's a big difference

1048
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,279
Speaker 1: between somebody who is Christian and wants to go to

1049
00:54:57,360 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 1: church every single day and somebody Christian in and that

1050
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 1: means that they celebrate Christmas. So it's like so important

1051
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:07,439
Speaker 1: to understand how these core values play out for ourselves

1052
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 1: on all levels. And I think they show up in

1053
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 1: our career and in our lives. So for a lot

1054
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 1: of us, we know we're going to core value when

1055
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:18,720
Speaker 1: we are in pain, when we're not getting it. And

1056
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: I think the mistake people make is they pick core

1057
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:25,280
Speaker 1: values that are aspirational. They pick words like For example,

1058
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:27,399
Speaker 1: I had a client who said a value of hers

1059
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:30,320
Speaker 1: was peace and I'm like, man, you're not that peaceful,

1060
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 1: like and she's like, yeah, you're right, that's just something

1061
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 1: I want to be more of. And I'm like, that's

1062
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 1: great information, but it's not your core value. And so

1063
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:40,920
Speaker 1: I think picking words that are the key ingredients of

1064
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: who you are, and it's different than your core nature.

1065
00:55:43,320 --> 00:55:45,399
Speaker 1: Your nature is your energy you bring to the room.

1066
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,800
Speaker 1: Your values are what you hold dearly. It's really different.

1067
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:53,239
Speaker 1: And so for me, a value is self expression. Like

1068
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:55,879
Speaker 1: and you'll see that in everything I do. Like you're

1069
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:58,399
Speaker 1: reading my book right now, you see like I am

1070
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: emptying myself out in that book. Everything I know, everything

1071
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 1: I feel, everything I have to share, it's all self expression. Um.

1072
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 1: And at the end of the book you haven't finished yet,

1073
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:11,720
Speaker 1: but you'll see that it wins like that core value

1074
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: dictates my decisions. Um. The second core value has humor,

1075
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 1: which I feel like I'm being very serious on this podcast.

1076
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 1: But I'm a character and I know it, and I

1077
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 1: get it from my dad, like he's insane and if

1078
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 1: if if, And here's how I know it's a core value.

1079
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 1: If somebody comes over and we're hanging out for a

1080
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,279
Speaker 1: couple of hours and I don't do anything funny or

1081
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:37,879
Speaker 1: say something silly, people will think something's wrong, like like, oh,

1082
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 1: are you okay? Like you seem very not yourself, you

1083
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 1: seem so serious. And so it's that's how I know

1084
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 1: this is my core value. And so I think having

1085
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 1: a list of core values, whether you look at one

1086
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,880
Speaker 1: in my book or you google it on the internet

1087
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,840
Speaker 1: and you have conversations with your friend, I think talking

1088
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: to a friend of like circling maybe your top ten

1089
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:58,319
Speaker 1: and trying to narrow it down and talk about what

1090
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,480
Speaker 1: they mean to you and get feedback for your friend

1091
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 1: of do you see me honoring this core value? Do

1092
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 1: you see me living this out? Is a really powerful

1093
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 1: conversation to have. When I was reading that part of

1094
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 1: the book, so much about relationships was coming into my mind.

1095
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:15,560
Speaker 1: I mean any kind of relationship, friendships, work relationships, love relationships,

1096
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 1: because I think so many times if you especially like

1097
00:57:19,440 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 1: I don't. I didn't really I don't really know still

1098
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 1: what all of my core values might be. But it

1099
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 1: kind of dawned on me that any sort of fight

1100
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 1: I'm getting into your thing, I'm bumping up against in

1101
00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 1: a relationship is probably a misalignment of core values and

1102
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:38,560
Speaker 1: maybe even that I'm not able to express my need

1103
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 1: for certain things because I'm not aware. Like even when

1104
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:44,040
Speaker 1: you were just describing the self expression piece, I thought

1105
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 1: authenticity would be one of my core values, but it

1106
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:50,600
Speaker 1: might be a self expression as I listened to that,

1107
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 1: like just hearing it's so important for me to say

1108
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 1: my truth to people, especially the people I'm in close

1109
00:57:56,920 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 1: relationships with, and also to hear their's because that how

1110
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 1: I feel seeing that's how I feel like I know someone.

1111
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,440
Speaker 1: Um so, yeah, it's just interesting. I've got a lot

1112
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 1: of also the intimacy, you know, intimacy or it could

1113
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 1: be connection, like that's what my core values and you know,

1114
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:16,919
Speaker 1: kind of talking about earlier in this conversation, how I said,

1115
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 1: I get quiet when I don't feel like my core

1116
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:21,920
Speaker 1: nature is like welcome or their space for it in

1117
00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:24,960
Speaker 1: a room, I get quiet and it also comes back

1118
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 1: to my core values, like if I don't feel like

1119
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 1: I can connect, and you know, I read A. Ray

1120
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 1: Dalio's book Principles, and one of the arguments he makes

1121
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:36,760
Speaker 1: in the book is that authenticity allows you to be

1122
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:40,040
Speaker 1: more effective because if somebody is not being authentic, you

1123
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 1: have to do like a whole monkey dance to like

1124
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 1: get through to them, and sometimes it contain hours, years, weeks,

1125
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 1: and it's just not that productive, like you're trying to

1126
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 1: get through to someone. So I have connection and authenticity

1127
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 1: are really deep values for me. Whether they're my top

1128
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:58,160
Speaker 1: five core values or not, they matter to me. And

1129
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 1: that's when I get really quiet because I'm so discouraged.

1130
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 1: It's so deep in the makings of who I am

1131
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 1: that I don't know what to do with people if

1132
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 1: I can't connect. And so I think it's good to notice,

1133
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 1: like which one's changed you, which one's just want you

1134
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 1: so deeply that you can't be you note that as well. Yeah, okay,

1135
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 1: I love that. I mean, there's so many things in

1136
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:24,080
Speaker 1: this book. I had multiple aha moments. As I told

1137
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:25,919
Speaker 1: you earlier, I'm not even done yet, so I'm really

1138
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:28,240
Speaker 1: excited to keep going. I do want people to go

1139
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: read it those I'm not going to ruin anything else.

1140
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 1: The book is called You Turn, Get Unstuck, Discover your direction,

1141
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 1: and find your dream career. I also find a lot

1142
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 1: of these notes very helpful for relationships, So if people

1143
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:42,720
Speaker 1: are bumping up against either, I think these are really

1144
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 1: important things to just learn about yourself to function in

1145
00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:48,200
Speaker 1: your life and build the life you want. I really

1146
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 1: do believe that. You also have a podcast called the

1147
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:53,840
Speaker 1: You Turn Podcast with Ashley Stall. I was listening yesterday

1148
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 1: to the one with um I can't remember the lady's name,

1149
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 1: but you were talking about self sabotage and I was like, oh, yeah,

1150
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:03,760
Speaker 1: so many things right, so many things that I just

1151
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 1: am unconsciously doing in my life that are sabotaging, you know,

1152
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 1: whether it's a relationship, a job, anything. It's so interesting

1153
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 1: what we do to ourselves if we have this unhealed trauma.

1154
01:00:15,640 --> 01:00:17,760
Speaker 1: But what other kind of things can people find on

1155
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 1: the podcast? Honestly, first of all, you're welcome on it

1156
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:26,480
Speaker 1: any time. Yeah, and um My, some of my favorite

1157
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 1: guests so far on the show. There's a woman named

1158
01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 1: Annie La La and she's a love expert and I

1159
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 1: have her on twice and there's also a love expert

1160
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 1: named Mark Groves, and the love episode seemed to really

1161
01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 1: be crushing it on the show. Okay, and those two

1162
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:43,080
Speaker 1: like your my brain just can't even handle them, Like

1163
01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:47,280
Speaker 1: they're so innovative, Like the way both of them communicate.

1164
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:49,480
Speaker 1: Mark Grooves in any law law for anybody who checks out,

1165
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 1: they just say things I've never heard before and it's

1166
01:00:52,560 --> 01:00:56,600
Speaker 1: so transformative. And then also, um, Chris Harder, he came

1167
01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: on and talked about money and and mindset with money. Um,

1168
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,840
Speaker 1: there's a guy named David Nagle who talked about money.

1169
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:05,480
Speaker 1: I just think there's there have been. And then also

1170
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 1: Margaret Paul she came on and talked about relationship with

1171
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:14,520
Speaker 1: your mother and healing relationships with your mom and whoa

1172
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 1: like that. So I just love that show. I feel

1173
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:20,040
Speaker 1: like it's really just my free coaching hour with a

1174
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:23,840
Speaker 1: bunch of experts, you know. Yeah. I try to ask

1175
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 1: questions that I know I'm deeply wondering, and I try

1176
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 1: to like check my ego out the door, because I

1177
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 1: know that if I'm falling apart with some something, somebody

1178
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 1: else's so absolutely it seems very in line with kind

1179
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 1: of the stuff that we dig into on the Velvet

1180
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:38,840
Speaker 1: Edge podcast, So you guys go check it out. I

1181
01:01:38,880 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 1: feel like you would really enjoy what Actuley brings to

1182
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 1: the table. There Where else can people find you? I mean,

1183
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,560
Speaker 1: if you guys are reading the book, it chips everywhere

1184
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:49,560
Speaker 1: and it's at you turn book dot com. It's y

1185
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 1: O U t U R in book dot com. It's

1186
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:55,040
Speaker 1: on Amazon, but sometimes if you're international, you have to

1187
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:57,400
Speaker 1: find it there. And then I would say, I'm on

1188
01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:00,520
Speaker 1: the Instagram webs but I'm not like the best in grammar.

1189
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:04,439
Speaker 1: I'm good at the d m s, but I only

1190
01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:06,400
Speaker 1: post when I have a lot of feelings. So if

1191
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:08,520
Speaker 1: anybody sees me posting, it's because I'm feeling a lot

1192
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 1: that day. As an impath, I know that can that

1193
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 1: can be up and down. It's totally different every day.

1194
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, what am I going to feel like today?

1195
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,800
Speaker 1: Who knows? Well? Thank you so much for being here.

1196
01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:23,720
Speaker 1: I'd love to come on your podcast. Let's do it.

1197
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:26,560
Speaker 1: Let's that would be a really fun conversation. Um, you

1198
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:29,160
Speaker 1: guys go check out Ashley. It's is it at Ashley

1199
01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 1: Stall on Instagram? Yeah, it's s T A h L

1200
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:34,760
Speaker 1: awesome And go get the book. It's called U Turn.

1201
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:37,320
Speaker 1: Listen to the podcast. It's helping me a ton, so

1202
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 1: I know it'll help you guys. To Ashley, thanks so

1203
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:42,880
Speaker 1: much for doing this my pleasure. Thank you. Thanks for

1204
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:45,919
Speaker 1: listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where

1205
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 1: we believe everyone has a little velvet and a little edge.

1206
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:53,440
Speaker 1: Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships.

1207
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 1: Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.