Speaker 1: Episode four sixty nine, Getting your partner on board with
Speaker 1: your debt payoff goals.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 2: save money, embrace simplicity, and live a real life. Here
Speaker 2: your hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen,
Speaker 1: my name is Jill, and today we are talking about
Speaker 1: a question that we get asked, probably second most in
Speaker 1: our arsenal questions. Firstus how do I save money on groceries?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And the second is how do I get my partner
Speaker 1: on board with debt payoff?
Speaker 3: And I feel we like to talk about food.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like we've put off the question and
Speaker 1: with enough episodes about food, that will finally ten days
Speaker 1: before the end of the year, tackle this one.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Why not?
Speaker 1: Well, it is something that both of us have experience
Speaker 1: with either you know, being I'm not one hundred percent
Speaker 1: sure on who was first for you, Jill, I take
Speaker 1: a guess, but.
Speaker 3: That's the vulnerability round Yeah wait right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: So we're going to speak from our unique perspectives on
Speaker 1: it to try to help you lead with grace and
Speaker 1: hopefully make twenty twenty five the year that you really,
Speaker 1: really make some headway in your debt payoff goals. But first,
Speaker 1: this episode is brought to you by buying what you
Speaker 1: Love without going bro. You may have heard this sponsor before,
Speaker 1: or it's our book that comes out in just a
Speaker 1: few short weeks, two weeks, I think at this point,
Speaker 1: and it is time for you to preorder it. In
Speaker 1: nine days, we will be having our next live class
Speaker 1: where we are walking you through how to make a
Speaker 1: one year meal plan, and then on January twenty ninth,
Speaker 1: we'll walk you through how to make a one year
Speaker 1: spending plans. You don't want to miss either of those
Speaker 1: live classes, and you only get access to them by
Speaker 1: pre ordering the book, So head to buy what you
Speaker 1: lovebook dot com. In addition to how this book is
Speaker 1: going to change your spending habits and behavior for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life, pre order the book, join us
Speaker 1: at the classes and we'll see you there. Buy what
Speaker 1: you lovebook dot com.
Speaker 4: I love this one, especially right ahead of the holidays,
Speaker 4: right before the new year. Now we're never baby.
Speaker 1: Throw it into your car. You know you're making a
Speaker 1: couple other purchases, Just throw them in, OK, you got prime,
Speaker 1: throw it in. Throw it in is the only time
Speaker 1: I will ever tell you to do that. I promise you.
Speaker 1: I can make you that promise unless we write another book, yeah,
Speaker 1: which won't be for a very long time.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 1: So we have done several episodes about relationships. I don't
Speaker 1: consider myself a relationship expert, so I feel very uncomfortable
Speaker 1: talking about that. Jill can speak to a lot more
Speaker 1: than I can, so.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't call myself an expert at anything. It's just
Speaker 4: the season I'm in. But yeah, I have worked with.
Speaker 1: Couples, licensed clinical social worker and someone who has counseled couples.
Speaker 1: She's got Yeah, let's let's say, let's take credit where
Speaker 1: credit's due.
Speaker 3: Thanks, thank you.
Speaker 1: But we do have a few episodes in our archives,
Speaker 1: is what I'm trying to say. We've got episode three
Speaker 1: seventy one managing money with a partner with Lilly, who
Speaker 1: is a certified financial planner, so she's got her expertise
Speaker 1: in there and working with couples on their financial plans.
Speaker 1: And then episode three eleven, Keeping financial Secrets from your
Speaker 1: Spouse with Caroline Venzl. I wasn't here for that one.
Speaker 1: That was a maternity leave episode with one of my Oh,
Speaker 1: she's just Funke. That was one of my best friends,
Speaker 1: Caroline Venzil, who came while I was on maternity leave
Speaker 1: and yeah, out having a kid.
Speaker 3: It was she.
Speaker 1: She has a fantastic story, so I'm sure that episode
Speaker 1: was fantastic. But today we're talking specifically about getting your
Speaker 1: partner or spouse on board with a debt payoff.
Speaker 4: Okay, so this article comes from experience, and listen, we
Speaker 4: don't love needing to get advice from the credit bureau.
Speaker 3: Agency, but it's the best.
Speaker 4: We could find, honestly, on the first page of Google.
Speaker 4: How to get your spouse on with paying off debt,
Speaker 4: And that's.
Speaker 3: What we're all about.
Speaker 1: We take the first page of Google because that's what
Speaker 1: you're going to be looking at, and then we talk
Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, and it's sad when you can't find
Speaker 1: something good on the first page of Google.
Speaker 4: It has enough that we can launch off of. But
Speaker 4: here's the thing, and potentially one of the reasons why
Speaker 4: we don't do an episode like this very often is
Speaker 4: every person is different, every relationship is different. The nuances
Speaker 4: and circumstances and barriers are unique, and it is really
Speaker 4: hard to give one size fits all advice here. And
Speaker 4: because this podcast really is for the masses, it's a
Speaker 4: little bit more of a tenuous one. With that said,
Speaker 4: I think that there are some foundational pieces that we
Speaker 4: could latch onto. They might be helpful for you. But
Speaker 4: just know, if you are running into barriers with getting
Speaker 4: your spouse on board with payoff for other financial goals,
Speaker 4: there's probably more happening that this is not going to
Speaker 4: be your.
Speaker 3: Last stop point.
Speaker 4: This is hopefully a launching point to help give you
Speaker 4: some of the resources, some of the ideas, some of
Speaker 4: the questions to maybe launch off of and identify what's
Speaker 4: going to work for you. But you are the expert
Speaker 4: on yourself. You as a couple are the experts on
Speaker 4: you as a couple, what works, what doesn't, the hiccups
Speaker 4: you find yourselves in. So take this in context with
Speaker 4: what you know about your relationship and what's going to
Speaker 4: fit and what's just nah that's not going to work.
Speaker 1: And if you don't feel seen in this episode, don't
Speaker 1: feel discouraged that it's not for you or not possible.
Speaker 1: Do what you can with the advice that we have
Speaker 1: for you, and then again move from there in a
Speaker 1: way that feels right for you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So assuming that you are the person who wants
Speaker 4: to pay off debt and maybe you've got a reluctant partner.
Speaker 4: The first piece that is listed on this article is
Speaker 4: to start the conversation, and they list off some really
Speaker 4: simple things about avoiding assigning blame, which I would absolutely
Speaker 4: agree with, choosing a good time to talk. Then they
Speaker 4: talk about staying firm. I'm a little bit iffy on this,
Speaker 4: but maybe more so looking at knowing where you're coming
Speaker 4: from and the things that you want to say and
Speaker 4: communicate is maybe how I would reword that one. I
Speaker 4: also think before starting the conversation, this is me adding
Speaker 4: in some pieces that it's important to identify what the
Speaker 4: situation is first, and this can be done on your own,
Speaker 4: you don't have to do this together. But looking at
Speaker 4: what is the debt made up of? How much debt?
Speaker 4: Are we talking Where did this debt originate? So while
Speaker 4: we're not assigning blame, we do still want to work
Speaker 4: within the realm of reality and where are the facts.
Speaker 4: Is the debt primarily student loan debt? Is it auto
Speaker 4: loan debt? Is it credit card debt? Did one of
Speaker 4: you come to the relationship with more debt than another?
Speaker 4: Was the debt accumulated since you've been together, was it
Speaker 4: before you got together? The context of the debt I
Speaker 4: do think matters in the way that you move forward,
Speaker 4: whether you are the one who brought in the debt
Speaker 4: and you are the one who wants to do it
Speaker 4: and your partner is just, I don't know, maybe ambivalent
Speaker 4: about it is different from your partner. It has credit
Speaker 4: card debt, ongoing, racking it up, you don't have any,
Speaker 4: and you're trying to get them to change. Some behaviors
Speaker 4: do very different situations, but still coming to this place
Speaker 4: of I want us to work on the debt. So
Speaker 4: while while the goal can be similar for you, the
Speaker 4: reasons for being there can have a lot to do
Speaker 4: with how we're going to tackle this thing. And then
Speaker 4: I think it's important to identify what you believe to
Speaker 4: be behind some of the hesitancy. What are the barriers
Speaker 4: that you've seen so far as you've tried to broach
Speaker 4: this topic, or provide some sort of parameters or intervene
Speaker 4: this too, will help to inform how that conversation is
Speaker 4: going to go. What you're going to say in it?
Speaker 4: Is it just ambivalence?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Okay, that's fine, but then you kind of never
Speaker 4: talk about it again, and so you don't really know
Speaker 4: what to do from here, or is it we've talked
Speaker 4: about it, they get very defensive and mad about it,
Speaker 4: they are not interested at all. Again, very different and
Speaker 4: is going to inform how you approach it, the context
Speaker 4: in which you approach it, the things that you're going
Speaker 4: to end up saying. So much of what I'm describing
Speaker 4: right here is so individualized, and I would say if
Speaker 4: it is very be heated and usually ends in a fight,
Speaker 4: you're probably going to want to bring in more than
Speaker 4: just this podcast episode. That could mean that you are
Speaker 4: seeking trusted friends to help you talk through it. It
Speaker 4: could mean it's going to a counselor not for a
Speaker 4: super long time. I think a lot of people think
Speaker 4: when they hear the word counseling that it's because there's
Speaker 4: this super big problem and we're gonna have to pay
Speaker 4: hundreds of thousands of dollars or just hundreds of dollars even,
Speaker 4: and we're gonna have to go for forever. And that's
Speaker 4: not necessarily the case. If there's a very specific issue
Speaker 4: that you are looking for a solution on, you can
Speaker 4: look for counselors who can help you move through that
Speaker 4: with a very time limited kind of solution focused goal
Speaker 4: in mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think I'll just draw from like my
Speaker 1: own experience in talking through like as we go through
Speaker 1: these steps. So for me, when we started the conversation
Speaker 1: and we had just gotten engaged and I was ambivalent,
Speaker 1: like I, Travis said he wanted to pay off his
Speaker 1: student loans, and he didn't necessarily say he needed to
Speaker 1: pay off mine or that I needed to pay off mine,
Speaker 1: but he said that's what he wanted to do and
Speaker 1: that he was going to do it. And I was like, cool, peace,
Speaker 1: like have fun. That's a bummer, Like you're not going
Speaker 1: to have a lot of fun for the next couple years.
Speaker 4: And you were thinking I'm going to keep paying it
Speaker 4: off but just paying the minimum payment, or were you like, well,
Speaker 4: even cares if this goes into default?
Speaker 1: I had no I was going to pay it, but
Speaker 1: I had double the amount of debt that he had,
Speaker 1: and I made less per year than what I had
Speaker 1: in total debt, like significantly less. So I didn't see
Speaker 1: a path forward for me. And so he in starting
Speaker 1: the conversation, he didn't make me feel bad about what
Speaker 1: I didn't see that I didn't see a way forward
Speaker 1: from me, and I didn't state that. I didn't say
Speaker 1: that out loud. I didn't know. That's why, Like I
Speaker 1: wasn't open to it, yeah at the time, So he
Speaker 1: didn't place blame on me for what I was feeling,
Speaker 1: and it was like it was a good time to talk.
Speaker 1: We were engaged. We probably should have had it before
Speaker 1: we got the conversation before we got engaged. But he
Speaker 1: is just like a super chill guy who was like,
Speaker 1: I love this person and I'm going to marry them,
Speaker 1: you know, regardless, because he had seen how my actions
Speaker 1: spoke about how I spent money responsibly and the debt
Speaker 1: was all student loan debt, not consumer debt. So and
Speaker 1: but he also he was firm in that he didn't
Speaker 1: let me sway him in what he wanted to do,
Speaker 1: and he his first thing was to try to encourage
Speaker 1: me to want the same because he realized he wasn't
Speaker 1: going to force me to do this with him, but
Speaker 1: to make him to think about why he wanted to
Speaker 1: pay off his debt and make me understand the same
Speaker 1: opportunities that would present themselves to me if.
Speaker 3: I did it.
Speaker 1: As well, Yeah, cool so, which leads into the next part,
Speaker 1: which is pick a why.
Speaker 4: So.
Speaker 1: Typically in personal finance talk, I kind of hate the
Speaker 1: remember your why all this it's a very it's not tangible,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't help when you're making right. It's sand
Speaker 1: through your fingers, and it doesn't do a lot to
Speaker 1: help in the day to day. But in instances like
Speaker 1: this is when it is useful. Because this was the
Speaker 1: conversation that we had when he was saying, what do
Speaker 1: you really want to do with your life? Like, if
Speaker 1: you could do anything with your life, what would you
Speaker 1: want to do? And I said, ultimately, I don't want
Speaker 1: to be beholden to an employer. I want to have
Speaker 1: the I want to have the opportunity to choose whether
Speaker 1: I work or not because I'd like the flexibility to
Speaker 1: a stay home with my kids and be foster and
Speaker 1: fostering takes a lot of time in like in addition
Speaker 1: to parenting, it takes a lot of time in you know,
Speaker 1: meetings and courts and all of this additional stuff, right,
Speaker 1: and I want to have the time freedom to do that,
Speaker 1: which means I can't be beholden to an employer. And
Speaker 1: so he pointed out that that was my why. It's
Speaker 1: like the thing that you want can be yours so
Speaker 1: much easier if you pay pay off your debt. This
Speaker 1: is one thing that which, by doing it, can make
Speaker 1: the things you truly want that much easier to obtain.
Speaker 1: And that was my first ever experience with the one
Speaker 1: thing concept, and he didn't even know he was doing it.
Speaker 1: But it's why when I read about it in the
Speaker 1: One Thing book, I latched onto it so strongly because
Speaker 1: I had already experienced how powerful it was well.
Speaker 4: And it's also I think a little bit of a
Speaker 4: foreshadowing of values based spending really being able to identify.
Speaker 3: I think that's where there's some.
Speaker 4: Really great partnering marrying pun intended with values based spending too.
Speaker 4: Getting our partner on board with this effort is not
Speaker 4: making it feel like deprivation, right, I know you talk
Speaker 4: a lot about for your circumstances, how that's what it
Speaker 4: felt like. I don't want to live under a rock
Speaker 4: for the best part of my twenties. I want to
Speaker 4: be able to live and yet realizing you don't have
Speaker 4: to sacrifice the one or deprive yourself on the one
Speaker 4: in order to get the other. But that there could
Speaker 4: be a third option here where yeah, we're reining in
Speaker 4: our spending and we're tackling this goal, but not totally
Speaker 4: abandoning other things that we enjoy in life.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So that's where I think any other episode about values
Speaker 4: based spending can help in this too, which.
Speaker 1: Is why I don't love the things that they put
Speaker 1: down as a why in this article. To provide generational
Speaker 1: wealth and to feel safe in this face of financial
Speaker 1: emergency these again, it's sand through your fingers. Your why
Speaker 1: has to be almost tangible. It has to honestly be
Speaker 1: tangible to be strong enough. Because our minds want instant gratification,
Speaker 1: they want to spend. Our minds do not want the why,
Speaker 1: and so the why has to be powerful enough and
Speaker 1: tied to enough meaning and value that it'll win out.
Speaker 4: Honestly, for me, I think I go the other way
Speaker 4: with some of my whys, like so that the next
Speaker 4: time a catastrophic hurricane comes through, I have the money
Speaker 4: that I need to feel degrees of safety and security
Speaker 4: to know that I'll still put a roof over my
Speaker 4: head somehow, some way, because I don't have all my
Speaker 4: money tied up in loans.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, and that's tangible.
Speaker 3: Right right, yours like I want to be able to
Speaker 3: foster kid.
Speaker 4: Some my mind is like I just want to be
Speaker 4: able to survive, and I feel like everything's coming for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, things are trying to destroy your.
Speaker 1: Why it has to be tied to something tangible. It
Speaker 1: cannot be something so elusive.
Speaker 4: As you know, a generational way, whether you're a gen
Speaker 4: or a Jill and you go more hopeful or doomsday,
Speaker 4: there could be a reason for you somewhere in there.
Speaker 4: The third thing that they recommend on here, and I'm
Speaker 4: gonna put my own spin on it, but I'll tell
Speaker 4: you what they say, have a budget date night. Woo
Speaker 4: Now if that doesn't just sound like the worst evening
Speaker 4: and I even like budgeting, but a budget date night,
Speaker 4: these words are so hard to put together.
Speaker 1: I can't see Eric at a budget date.
Speaker 3: No Eric.
Speaker 4: Eric would rather do so many other things with his
Speaker 4: time than a budget date.
Speaker 1: If the date night is budgeting, he's going to play
Speaker 1: music somewhere with the dudes.
Speaker 4: I cannot put that word on it in no way. No,
Speaker 4: how so here you go. I do think that it's
Speaker 4: gonna take two right. This is about getting your partner
Speaker 4: on board, not just like you doing things behind your
Speaker 4: partner's back and make hoping it sticks and works. It
Speaker 4: is important to talk about it. But this is where
Speaker 4: what we were describing at the top of the episod,
Speaker 4: sort of knowing who you're with and knowing yourself and
Speaker 4: figuring out what's going to be the best context to
Speaker 4: broach this topic. How will it best be delivered to them?
Speaker 4: Is it going to be over a meal fantastic? Is
Speaker 4: it going to be when we're out on a walk,
Speaker 4: go for it. Is it going to be when I
Speaker 4: pull things, pull out the computer and I'm able to
Speaker 4: kind of show real numbers and talk about some of
Speaker 4: the risks and financial instability that our patterns right now
Speaker 4: could lead us to. Fine, but not everything's going to
Speaker 4: work for everybody. I have learned over the years that
Speaker 4: for Eric, if I love the spreadsheets, I love pulling
Speaker 4: out the pen and paper, I enjoy the highlighters. For me,
Speaker 4: this is oh, We're going to get to the nitty gritty.
Speaker 4: He is, he's pacing, he wants to be there. It's
Speaker 4: not that he doesn't like me or love me. It
Speaker 4: just is not his language. It doesn't ex cite him.
Speaker 4: He couldn't care less about the pennies. He just kind
Speaker 4: of wants the bird's eye view and then just help
Speaker 4: me understand what I need to shift as a result
Speaker 4: of that. So I've learned that, so I'm not come
Speaker 4: into these conversations with my budgets and my spreadsheets and
Speaker 4: my highlighters. It's just a conversation where I've identified the
Speaker 4: top two to three things that I want his take on,
Speaker 4: I want his buy in on, I want his opinions on,
Speaker 4: I want him to be a part of And that
Speaker 4: took me a while to learn that and get there.
Speaker 4: But knowing what's valuable to him, how he ticks and operates,
Speaker 4: has helped me tremendously and being able to have these conversations.
Speaker 4: So I would venture to say that a lot of times,
Speaker 4: that's probably for a lot of us where the hiccup
Speaker 4: happens is we're not taking the time to speak in
Speaker 4: the language of our partner or identify the correct context
Speaker 4: in which to do it, and also check our own
Speaker 4: levels of regulation. Am I coming to this stressed, angry, blamey, irritable,
Speaker 4: or have I kind of come to my own place
Speaker 4: of here's how I would like to solve this problem,
Speaker 4: but also leaving room for some of the question marks
Speaker 4: of I'm willing to shift and bend on these things
Speaker 4: because I want to hear what they have to say wherever.
Speaker 4: It can also be collaborative and fit to your partner, yourself,
Speaker 4: you guys as a couple. These are some of the
Speaker 4: key items that are going to help make this work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think this one and the last one are
Speaker 1: the most important when you're talking about getting a reluctant
Speaker 1: partner on board. Is first figuring out both of your whys.
Speaker 1: And if you're the person trying to get your partner
Speaker 1: on board, you're going to have to do a really
Speaker 1: good job of honoring your partners why. And it's in
Speaker 1: this quote unquote budget date that you continually continually check
Speaker 1: in to make sure you're doing that in the way
Speaker 1: that your partner receives it best. And you're continuing to
Speaker 1: make sure like, we're doing this so we both get
Speaker 1: what we both want most in life. And if you're
Speaker 1: with a good partner, like it's going to excite them
Speaker 1: as much that you're getting what you want as it
Speaker 1: should excite you that they're getting closer to what they want.
Speaker 1: Next is to choose a payoff strategy. So this one's
Speaker 1: the rest is really just like nuts and bolts, right,
Speaker 1: this is this is the fun stuff, and it's not
Speaker 1: supposed to stress you out. I remember when we started
Speaker 1: paying off debt, I was very adamant that we had
Speaker 1: to use the debt snowball method because that's what I
Speaker 1: was told I had to do to be correct. And
Speaker 1: Travis was like, we will save more money if we
Speaker 1: use the debt avalanche here, and I was like, I can't,
Speaker 1: I can't, I can't. I've already you told me to commit.
Speaker 1: I've committed, I've listened. I'm not emotionally stable enough to
Speaker 1: pivot yet. But with his support, I did get there
Speaker 1: very quickly. And we use the debt avalanche method for
Speaker 1: most of our payoff, but some of it when they
Speaker 1: had similar interest rates, we use the snowball. So we
Speaker 1: used to interchangeably. And it's up to you to figure
Speaker 1: out what's going to be best for you. Avalanche snowball,
Speaker 1: back and forth. When do we go back and forth?
Speaker 1: As always, like we recommend if you've got high interest
Speaker 1: credit card or personal loan debt, that takes precedence over
Speaker 1: everything else, that that high interest stuff is very high.
Speaker 1: Luckily for most people it's usually the smallest amount too,
Speaker 1: but if you're not in the lucky half and then
Speaker 1: it's one of those should probably Grand and Barrett sort
Speaker 1: of things. But again it's up to you. That's just
Speaker 1: our recommendation. And this is don't forget this is the
Speaker 1: fun part, because changing your behavior is not fun, but
Speaker 1: planning how to pay off your debt is the most
Speaker 1: fun you'll have paying off debt.
Speaker 4: This article doesn't mention it, but I will also add
Speaker 4: here when we're talking strategy, I think it would also
Speaker 4: be worthwhile to talk about how you're going to stick
Speaker 4: to it. What will be the game plan to keep
Speaker 4: you both on the same team as you're doing this,
Speaker 4: and maybe some of the shifts that are going to
Speaker 4: need to happen that are heavy hitters. And I wouldn't
Speaker 4: say try and throw everything at it yet, identify some
Speaker 4: of the top things that you're going to shift or
Speaker 4: change or stop buying in order to help put more
Speaker 4: money towards debt. But also what's going to keep you
Speaker 4: on track? What do you know about yourself as going
Speaker 4: to be helpful to continuing to stay on this journey
Speaker 4: and not fall off. For many people, it is finding
Speaker 4: a community and resources that will help keep your mind
Speaker 4: on this goal. So of course that's books and podcasts,
Speaker 4: and it doesn't mean that this is forever and always
Speaker 4: what you have to be reading and listening about. But
Speaker 4: if you're in a heavy debt payoff season, now is
Speaker 4: the time to be downloading all of those personal finance
Speaker 4: debt payoff podcasts, hopefully that are still a.
Speaker 3: Little entertaining like yours.
Speaker 4: Truly, just to keep your brain on this because it
Speaker 4: is so easy to forget how we had that really
Speaker 4: important conversation. We changed a couple of things for a
Speaker 4: few weeks, but I don't really know what happened. Our
Speaker 4: routine changed, and so it's kind of out the window.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 4: There's going to be a lot of different seasons that
Speaker 4: happen through an entire debt payoff season. You're going to
Speaker 4: go through summer and the holidays and unexpected life events,
Speaker 4: and it's not always going to look the same. So
Speaker 4: identifying some of these through pieces will be helpful. Maybe
Speaker 4: even telling your friends so that they know what's happening.
Speaker 4: They can help keep you on track to what you're doing,
Speaker 4: and even check ins what types of check ins are
Speaker 4: going to be helpful, which leads to the final point
Speaker 4: on here number five, which is to set milestones. So
Speaker 4: this can be part of that strategizing of identifying this
Speaker 4: is the huge goal, but what are the miniature goals
Speaker 4: within here that we can feel a sense of accomplishment
Speaker 4: once we got there. Identify ways that we want to celebrate,
Speaker 4: whether that is free or a little bit of money
Speaker 4: that you're going to allow yourselves to spend when you
Speaker 4: do reach these different milestones along the way, whether you
Speaker 4: want a visual tracker to kind of help you keep track,
Speaker 4: some people will call in balloons, or you know, if
Speaker 4: it is a college that you're paying off your color
Speaker 4: and in the graduation.
Speaker 1: Hat had a thermometer.
Speaker 4: The thermometer that's fun too. I had a chain paper
Speaker 4: chain that we like hung through the house. I did
Speaker 4: that for a couple of things. I did that for
Speaker 4: how many days left of my bachelor's degree I had,
Speaker 4: and then when we were in towards more towards the
Speaker 4: end of our debt payoff. But I want to say
Speaker 4: each each link represented about one hundred dollars, so as
Speaker 4: we remove them, we could kind of see the chain
Speaker 4: getting smaller. So that's just it's fun. It's a reminder
Speaker 4: to everyone in the household of what it is that
Speaker 4: we're doing. But you pick what's going to work for you,
Speaker 4: and you pick how you want to celebrate, because celebrating
Speaker 4: is going to be so important. It's another thing that's
Speaker 4: going to be bonding to you and your partner as
Speaker 4: you're working on this together. I also recently saw friends
Speaker 4: of ours paid off their mortgage, which is so amazing,
Speaker 4: and they had a sign in their kitchen, like a
Speaker 4: chalkboard sign, and so every day they'd write down, like
Speaker 4: I think it was the amount that they had left
Speaker 4: to go, and maybe a day counter as well, so
Speaker 4: they'd kind of take turns putting the new number on
Speaker 4: the board as this visual reminder. And just whatever way
Speaker 4: is going to help you get on the same team,
Speaker 4: be excited about it, have things that you're looking forward
Speaker 4: to as you are doing something that can feel like
Speaker 4: sacrifice can be helpful. Yeah, do you know what else
Speaker 4: is helpful to me in a way that we kind
Speaker 4: of keep track of our episodes.
Speaker 1: And it's never it's never difficult, like changing your spending behaviors,
Speaker 1: but it is bonding.
Speaker 4: Yes, The bill of the week.
Speaker 6: That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 6: entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name
Speaker 6: is Williams. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage. Maybe your
Speaker 6: car died and you're happy to not have to pay
Speaker 6: that bill anymore. Dust bills, Buffalo bills, Bill clion. This
Speaker 6: is the bill of the week.
Speaker 5: Hello ladies, let's get right to it. For a very
Speaker 5: long time, I have wanted a full body mirror, and
Speaker 5: not one of the five foot back of the door mirrors.
Speaker 5: I wanted one of the ornate, borderline, gaudy, lean against
Speaker 5: the wall, takes up way too much space kind of mirrors.
Speaker 5: And you can get those new for anywhere from sixty
Speaker 5: dollars up from Walmart or Target. But I'm in the
Speaker 5: by user die camp, so I haven't scoured face with
Speaker 5: market Place for a very long time. I decided this
Speaker 5: was worth forty dollars to me. I put aside the
Speaker 5: cash and negotiated, negotiated, negotiated away on Facebook Marketplace. Now,
Speaker 5: if you know anything about mirrors, apparently they go really quickly.
Speaker 5: They're really high demanded, people will pay for them. So
Speaker 5: it was a long time of fruitless searching until one day,
Speaker 5: one faithful afternoon, a girl posted a mirror for twenty
Speaker 5: dollars that fell within my parameters of what I was
Speaker 5: looking for. If you remember from four seconds ago, I
Speaker 5: allotted forty dollars for this, and knowing how quickly mirrors
Speaker 5: go and in what high demand they are, I went
Speaker 5: ahead and offered all of my forty dollars, knowing I
Speaker 5: had set it aside for that purpose.
Speaker 3: Did I overpay?
Speaker 5: Technically, I guess, but at value based spending my friends, yes. Also,
Speaker 5: my name is Meg. I was so psyched to hear
Speaker 5: my review read on the podcast a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 5: Meg akaa megalog It was awesome. Y'all are awesome. Keep
Speaker 5: up the good work. Oh I love you guys.
Speaker 3: Meg, You're awesome. No, you're awesome. Awesome.
Speaker 5: Guy.
Speaker 7: Was such a hyped of scene because I also have
Speaker 7: one of those full length mirrors that sits on the
Speaker 7: floor and it is very tall, and I got.
Speaker 1: It from Facebook Marketplace, but I got it from a
Speaker 1: hotel that was going out of business, and so they
Speaker 1: had like fifty of them. Oh that's yeah, So I
Speaker 1: think I got like three of them.
Speaker 4: Amazing, and then resold to you're just a ball of fun. Also, Meg,
Speaker 4: this was very very true frugal friends. People say we
Speaker 4: feel like it's talking with our friends. This felt like
Speaker 4: I was listening to a voicemail from a friend, which
Speaker 4: is all of our Bill of the weeks. But I
Speaker 4: just feel like you especially get us, Meg, and you
Speaker 4: made us chuckle and we love that you just got
Speaker 4: right to the chase on this amazing story. Just a
Speaker 4: you're a really great storyteller. I'm just here to compliment,
Speaker 4: you know. And I bet you look phenomenal as you
Speaker 4: stare back at yourself and that full body mirror that
Speaker 4: you values based spent on bought used god on Facebook
Speaker 4: marketplace with money you saved up. Did I already say
Speaker 4: that I'm just stoked for you? Well done, so excited
Speaker 4: if you all are listening to this and you have
Speaker 4: a bill about potentially paying double for something, but it
Speaker 4: didn't matter because you had the money and it meant
Speaker 4: you could get the thing that you've been patiently waiting for.
Speaker 4: Or your name is Bill Frugal friendspodcast dot com slash Bill,
Speaker 4: leave it for us.
Speaker 3: And now it's time for politening.
Speaker 1: Around, all right, how did you discuss debt matters with
Speaker 1: your partner, Jill, Okay, it's storytime for you, because I've
Speaker 1: already said most of mine.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I was the one with the debt.
Speaker 7: WO.
Speaker 4: I came into our marriage carrying about thirty three thousand
Speaker 4: dollars of debt student loan debt, and we since we
Speaker 4: were babies when we got married that, Yeah, that was
Speaker 4: what I entered into with and we had talked about
Speaker 4: it before we got married, so he was aware. My memory, honestly,
Speaker 4: it's not that great. I'm trying to remember if we
Speaker 4: knew from the start that we were going to be
Speaker 4: trying to pay off debt. I think so, like I
Speaker 4: can't ever remember a time when I didn't care about it.
Speaker 3: It did feel weighty to me.
Speaker 4: And he was certainly on board, and I think as
Speaker 4: I talked about the beginning of the episode, that situation
Speaker 4: mattered in the context of paying it off because I
Speaker 4: felt kind of sole responsibility for this debt and I
Speaker 4: was really amazed, and it's probably part of why I
Speaker 4: married this band that he viewed it as our debt
Speaker 4: our responsibility, something he was totally willing to help pay off.
Speaker 4: That this was a financial responsibility for both of us.
Speaker 4: Now that we were married. So that was so kind
Speaker 4: and I think I felt, yeah, really like seen in it.
Speaker 4: But it it was a factor for me to know
Speaker 4: I'm the one who brought this, You did not bring this.
Speaker 4: I really want it gone. I really want to be
Speaker 4: able to start. In my mind, it was kind of
Speaker 4: starting our financial life together with this gone, like I
Speaker 4: can't wait till we can get to that point and
Speaker 4: build beyond together, rather than you know, me bringing this
Speaker 4: thing in and here's where we're starting from.
Speaker 3: But this more like collaborative piece. So he was there
Speaker 3: for it.
Speaker 4: But as you all know, we did not make a
Speaker 4: lot of money when we were first married. Oh yeah,
Speaker 4: so this is interesting. I was still finishing up my
Speaker 4: final year of my bachelor's degree, so Eric was the
Speaker 4: only one working. I was going to school full time.
Speaker 4: And then just like stripping any extra electrical wire he
Speaker 4: brought home to get money for the copper life. It
Speaker 4: sounds like we were married in like the nineteen twenties
Speaker 4: if I were to describe like the way that we lived,
Speaker 4: but truly on a revolving basis. I think we had
Speaker 4: about fifty dollars in our checking account, like no joke,
Speaker 4: we were I don't know who let us get married.
Speaker 3: We were such children, but I would agree you we children.
Speaker 4: We figured it out, I mean truly living on love and.
Speaker 3: Here we are tet free.
Speaker 4: But so I I don't think we you know, they
Speaker 4: give you. I think twelve months at least at the time,
Speaker 4: that was the case before you have to start paying back.
Speaker 4: So I definitely, we definitely did wait to begin paying
Speaker 4: it off until I got a job. And yeah, at
Speaker 4: that point I was pretty ready to tackle it. But
Speaker 4: within the context of I'm making twenty four thousand dollars
Speaker 4: a year and Eric maybe eighteen thousand a year he
Speaker 4: was bringing home with his electrical business, it was just.
Speaker 1: How much were you making stripping wire? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Well, since I was only doing that just like outside
Speaker 4: our front door, it didn't bring me much.
Speaker 3: Had I gone to like an.
Speaker 4: Established place to strip wire, maybe maybe there would have
Speaker 4: been more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you did get it paid off in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty at my house.
Speaker 3: At your house, I clicked that final button. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it took seven years.
Speaker 4: And I will say too, we took on more debt
Speaker 4: together Eric and I. Even in the midst of our
Speaker 4: debt payoff journey, we got a car like a private
Speaker 4: car loan for a vehicle for Eric's electric business. We
Speaker 4: took out a loan for part of the RV that
Speaker 4: we lived in, and I don't regret that we knew
Speaker 4: we wanted to be debt free. I did not like
Speaker 4: having debt, but I, even looking back, don't see another
Speaker 4: way around trying to accomplish the financial things that we
Speaker 4: were trying to accomplish. Ultimately, we paid back we got.
Speaker 4: It was a very low interest rate, at least on
Speaker 4: the RV. We paid that back very quickly, and we
Speaker 4: sold the RV at a profit. The first time we
Speaker 4: sold the RV, it paid for my master's degree out
Speaker 4: of pocket. The second time it was the down payment
Speaker 4: on our house. So I do think that we were
Speaker 4: able to leverage debt.
Speaker 3: Well. I do have some.
Speaker 4: Regrets about the debt that I took on for my
Speaker 4: undergraduate degree, but I was eighteen.
Speaker 3: But the debt that I took.
Speaker 4: On in my mid to late twenties, I knew, we
Speaker 4: knew what we were doing, and I do think it
Speaker 4: helped us accomplish what we wanted to accomplish quicker. Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 4: so that's how that went for us. But I will
Speaker 4: say I think I am very I don't know, lucky.
Speaker 4: It's not the right word, but I don't know, for
Speaker 4: lack of a better word, I do. I'm grateful to
Speaker 4: have a partner who hasn't been pulling teeth with these things.
Speaker 4: I have had to learn how to have these conversations,
Speaker 4: how to get on the same page, how to negotiate.
Speaker 4: But I am not coming from a position where he
Speaker 4: was absolutely against it, So yeah, I can't exactly speak
Speaker 4: to those circumstances, other than to say, beginning to massage it,
Speaker 4: begin with some of the values rather than just the numbers,
Speaker 4: would probably be best.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think throughout our debt payoff it was for us
Speaker 1: a lot. I guess since I've already talked about the
Speaker 1: first part, I'll talk about the ongoing. It was a
Speaker 1: lot of checking in and a lot of grace because
Speaker 1: I didn't want to stop spending money and he didn't
Speaker 1: want to spend anything. He still doesn't really like to
Speaker 1: spend anything.
Speaker 3: So we were at odds.
Speaker 1: I think, just in our spending habits, we wanted the
Speaker 1: same thing, but I it took me a lot longer
Speaker 1: to It took me a lot longer than like, even
Speaker 1: after we paid off our debt, to figure out how
Speaker 1: to spend money without feeling guilty or without just being like,
Speaker 1: f it, I'm just gonna go crazy. So that that
Speaker 1: was something I struggled all two years.
Speaker 3: All two years we were paying off debt.
Speaker 1: It is when you're starting something like a debt payoff,
Speaker 1: it's usually the beginning of your financial journey. And as
Speaker 1: a beginner, you will make more mistakes than any other time.
Speaker 1: And we will internalize these mistakes like we're not meant
Speaker 1: to have success or that we're just not the type
Speaker 1: of person that you know that experiences that, and it's
Speaker 1: just untrue. It's getting through the mistakes, getting through the
Speaker 1: learning experiences and learning from them that is what separates
Speaker 1: people who pay off debt from those who do not.
Speaker 1: And we had a lot of that over two years,
Speaker 1: and we I remember one time, this is probably the
Speaker 1: most vivid memory I have, at least spending related, is
Speaker 1: that I bought a this is gonna sound so bad,
Speaker 1: I bought a bottle of vodka and it was from
Speaker 1: Saint Pete's first local distillery and it was like the
Speaker 1: first run from the first distillery, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is historic, yes, And I bought a bought a bottle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how much do you think the bottle was forty?
Speaker 3: You think forty? Okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Yeah, it wasn't cheap yeah, uh huh.
Speaker 3: And I but I.
Speaker 1: Wasn't buying it to drink like I was buying it you.
Speaker 4: Oh, I want you to finish your story, but I
Speaker 4: am going to cut in here to say this is
Speaker 4: an interesting thing about you and the ways that you
Speaker 4: like to show support, because you have a similar story
Speaker 4: through the pandemic about wanting to support local print and
Speaker 4: how you purchased a subscription to like Saint Pete Tribune
Speaker 4: or something times. Yeah, and so that there's something deeper
Speaker 4: here for you in the meaning attached to some of
Speaker 4: these purchases at supporting local business.
Speaker 3: It's the first roun.
Speaker 4: This is historic, Like I'm supporting local journal effort.
Speaker 1: Not just local, it's like local to my city. It's
Speaker 1: Saint pe local.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I get your money.
Speaker 1: I am, yeah, fiercely passionate.
Speaker 4: You're wearing your shirt right now about being local.
Speaker 1: You've pinned me. You've got me. That's how I yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how I spend my money. And so I bought it,
Speaker 1: but I didn't tell Travis, because I knew he wouldn't
Speaker 1: approve same thing.
Speaker 4: You didn't tell him about the Tampa Bay Time subscription either.
Speaker 3: Does he know about the shirt you're wearing? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: keep going. This is our name thrilling to me.
Speaker 1: I don't like I had forgotten about the Tampa Bay
Speaker 1: Times subscription.
Speaker 3: We didn't, I didn't wow.
Speaker 1: Uh. And so he found it. Obviously, we lived in
Speaker 1: a one bedroom apartment. Where am I going to hide
Speaker 1: a bottle of vodka? And we had like.
Speaker 4: I just like not hiding it, so you can like
Speaker 4: take swigs in secret hiding because you just don't want
Speaker 4: him to know that he s about forty dollars on
Speaker 4: something that wasn't debt.
Speaker 3: Pat Absolutely, yes, okay.
Speaker 1: Yes, I still it's still I don't think I've drank it.
Speaker 3: It's no.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you're.
Speaker 4: Still keeping it just like a memento. Yeah, oh that's interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's artwork to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, Okay.
Speaker 1: So he finds it, he's upset, and we had like
Speaker 1: a really he was more upset that I didn't tell him,
Speaker 1: And so that was a big turning point in the
Speaker 1: journey in being willing to have hard conversations and not
Speaker 1: so much more guilt and anxiety and shame comes from secrecy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so so that was a huge turning. So being completely
Speaker 1: transparent now well.
Speaker 4: And I I think you're highlighting the importance of being
Speaker 4: able to discuss the barriers for both of you. What
Speaker 4: makes you nervous about debt payoff and for you it
Speaker 4: sounded like restriction, not being able to spend any money
Speaker 4: ever on anything that isn't for this one goal. And
Speaker 4: there's not much longevity to that. So it is important
Speaker 4: even if you are a person like a Travis who
Speaker 4: very well could say no to everything else and just
Speaker 4: buckle down. If your partner isn't, where is their wiggle room?
Speaker 4: And that could just include a certain amount of money
Speaker 4: that you give each other. You kind of a lot
Speaker 4: in the spending plan to do whatever you want with
Speaker 4: And I think for we did do this even early on,
Speaker 4: even making such minimal amounts of money, even as low
Speaker 4: as like ten dollars, like you get ten dollars a week,
Speaker 4: because there might have been months or it was only
Speaker 4: ten dollars for the month, but there was something for
Speaker 4: us to be able to spend on. Hopefully you can
Speaker 4: allocate more than that for you listeners, but you are
Speaker 4: going to need that wiggle room if, especially if debt
Speaker 4: payoff is going to take you as long as it
Speaker 4: did for us again seven years. Anyways, thank you all
Speaker 4: so much for listening. We hope that there was something
Speaker 4: helpful for you in this We hope it's a launching
Speaker 4: point for you, gives you some ideas, and we also
Speaker 4: love listening and reading reading. Really, you're going to be
Speaker 4: listening to it now. These kind reviews, especially this one
Speaker 4: from Gabby Maher says, amazing and inspiring five stars. Great
Speaker 4: podcast with such relatable content. I've been following along for
Speaker 4: a few years now now that my husband and I
Speaker 4: are able to say we're debt free, each episode hits
Speaker 4: differently now that we're on the other side of it all.
Speaker 4: Thank you for always making such helpful content. Congratulations, Gabby
Speaker 4: mar I'm so excited that you and your husband are
Speaker 4: debt free. If you've got any tips for us on
Speaker 4: how that happened, send an email, call it a bill
Speaker 4: of the week, yeah, call it d Yeah, we'd love
Speaker 4: to know. Kind of add on to this episode, how
Speaker 4: did it work for you? Because again, it's not a
Speaker 4: one size fits all everybody's story.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you so much for listening, and if
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this show, if you have any tips, please
Speaker 1: take a minute to leave a rating and review on
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps potential new listeners know
Speaker 1: what they're getting into and what I like buying and
Speaker 1: what Jill likes buying.
Speaker 3: See you next time.
Speaker 1: Bye. Gorugle Friends is produced by Eric Siriani.
Speaker 3: Okay, what will Travis spend money on?
Speaker 4: Is there anything? Okay, I'm going to make it even
Speaker 4: more specific. What will Travis buy? Guilt free? Like immediate?
Speaker 3: Yes? For him, no problem. Clothes.
Speaker 1: He loves to thrift clothes and he'll buy if it
Speaker 1: fits him and it's at the thrift store and he
Speaker 1: likes it. He gets it, no questions asked. So that's
Speaker 1: his thing.
Speaker 3: How often do you think he's doing that?
Speaker 1: Not often, but he does have a lot of clothes
Speaker 1: and he shops way more than I do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, nice, Yeah, that's his thing.
Speaker 4: For Eric, it's eating out. That's the hardest part for
Speaker 4: him about spending plans and about efforts in reducing food
Speaker 4: costs and food waste is how much we eat at home.
Speaker 3: He's gotten really good.
Speaker 1: At it though he doesn't think your cooking is good enough.
Speaker 3: No, he does. And that's the thing.
Speaker 4: And it's taken me some time to kind of separate
Speaker 4: the two things that he can love both, and the
Speaker 4: one isn't throwing shade on the other. He's like, I
Speaker 4: do love the things that you make, but I like
Speaker 4: getting out.
Speaker 3: Of the house.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys don't leave the house much.
Speaker 4: I do think a big part of it for him
Speaker 4: is getting out of the house. And I think he
Speaker 4: really does pair that with he likes to get out
Speaker 4: of the house to get food. I've tried to kind
Speaker 4: of introduce other ways of getting out of the house
Speaker 4: that doesn't require.
Speaker 3: Us eating out. But I like it too. I like
Speaker 3: to not cook sometimes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we all have our things.
Speaker 3: Yeah he can value that too. That's good. I'm hungry now.