WEBVTT -  FISHING FOR CLARITY 

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, hear me?

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, I Ken. What's your name?

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<v Speaker 1>My name is Chase, Chase.

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<v Speaker 2>What's going on?

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<v Speaker 1>Chase?

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<v Speaker 2>How's life?

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<v Speaker 1>Life is? Uh? You know, it's it's life, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>Mm.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't know either. I don't know either. You've

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<v Speaker 2>caught me at an interesting time. I'm in a rant

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<v Speaker 2>for a second. Is that cool?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm in a So it's funny. I titled the

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<v Speaker 2>most one of the more recent episodes the Existential Dread episode.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, I've been in a weird headspace for

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<v Speaker 2>like the whole month of February. I've been thinking about

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<v Speaker 2>like life purpose, I've been thinking about like inevitable death.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been thinking about isolation. I've been. I've been, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>I I looked up like existential depression on the end

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<v Speaker 2>and I found this Healthline article and it and it

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<v Speaker 2>gave me all these like symptoms and I was like, oh, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>this is exactly what's going on with me right now.

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<v Speaker 2>And uh but that was kind of cool because I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, all right, well, I'm not a completely insane individual.

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<v Speaker 2>Who is you know, undergoing some kind of uniquely difficult

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<v Speaker 2>life experience, Like this is what I am undergoing. Is

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<v Speaker 2>is a documented phenomenon. Here's this article that that shows

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<v Speaker 2>that this is again a documented phenomenon, which leads me

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<v Speaker 2>to believe that this documented phenomenon has ways out of it,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean. I talk a lot on

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<v Speaker 2>the on the podcast about you know, like life being

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<v Speaker 2>how you see it and all this stuff. And it's

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<v Speaker 2>funny I talk about a lot of these things on

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<v Speaker 2>the podcast, but you know, then when then it comes

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<v Speaker 2>to time for me and my own personal life to

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<v Speaker 2>like actually actually go and live it, you know, and uh,

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<v Speaker 2>this is this is kind of one of those times.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm trying to have, you know, Chase, I have

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<v Speaker 2>within me this like corner stone. It's in my balls, Chase.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's it's this corner stone of optimism. It's a

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<v Speaker 2>corner stone of of of my soul that A likes people.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think I would, you know, the Gecko universe

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<v Speaker 2>gets difficult sometimes, but I don't think I would do

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<v Speaker 2>it at all if I didn't fucking like people, if

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't like life. You know, I just I know

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<v Speaker 2>that in my gut right that I like people, I

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<v Speaker 2>like life, I like the world. And then I'm and

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<v Speaker 2>and and and it's so it's that knowledge that in

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<v Speaker 2>my gut is a guy who likes people, likes life,

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<v Speaker 2>likes the world, is curious, desires more, you know. And

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<v Speaker 2>then also is is kind of this cornerstone of again

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<v Speaker 2>optimism for the future. Things will get better. This is

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<v Speaker 2>a documented phenomenon that people have gone through before, and

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<v Speaker 2>I believe that it. Things will will get better. I

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<v Speaker 2>will live to see uh more days where I'm engrossed

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<v Speaker 2>in life, you know what I mean. I feel this

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<v Speaker 2>podcast as a whole has definitely become a lot a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of I think me uh using it for therapy

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<v Speaker 2>at this point. But it's good. I like it. I

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<v Speaker 2>was a little bit resistant to that for a little bit,

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<v Speaker 2>but now you know, I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying I'm

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<v Speaker 2>enjoying getting to it. Kind of it makes me feel

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<v Speaker 2>less insane to publicly share these thoughts and feelings with

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<v Speaker 2>other people and then to hear what's going on with

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<v Speaker 2>other people's thoughts and feelings, and sometimes it spooks me,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, every time I see like a like a

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<v Speaker 2>crazy whatever Reddit person or whatever, I'm like, oh man,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm putting myself out there on the internet. And everyone

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<v Speaker 2>on the internet is crazy. But I'm just I don't care.

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<v Speaker 2>I gotta keep, you know, sharing of myself and allowing

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<v Speaker 2>other people to share of themselves, you know, because it's

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<v Speaker 2>it's it's like it means something, or because if I don't,

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<v Speaker 2>because if I don't document these this is this is

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<v Speaker 2>this is. I guess the medium the people have h

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<v Speaker 2>by which people have come to uh uh you know

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<v Speaker 2>who I am or whatever. And so I'm like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I guess I owe it to the medium, or I

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<v Speaker 2>owe it to the I don't want to. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know if I should call podcasting in an art form

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<v Speaker 2>or whatever, but I'm like, I feel like I just

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<v Speaker 2>feel like I owe this thing some form of of

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<v Speaker 2>my honest thoughts and feelings, or maybe maybe my thoughts

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<v Speaker 2>and feelings are just kind of bursting. They're just there's

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<v Speaker 2>hell fucking tight in my fucking brain. I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 2>gotta get this out there to someone, you know, and

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<v Speaker 2>that that someone might as well be the people who

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<v Speaker 2>are listening to this show. You know, hopefully it is

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<v Speaker 2>helpful in some regard to someone. But I also I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to, you know, I talked a little bit

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<v Speaker 2>about on the other episode with that guy mo About, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, there's this weird thing of when you kind

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<v Speaker 2>of keep talking about your fucking problems, you're you kind

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<v Speaker 2>of ingrain them within yourself, and it's like, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>want I don't want to view myself as like a

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<v Speaker 2>depressed guy.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>Is then that becomes your identity, that becomes how you live,

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<v Speaker 2>that becomes whatever you know. So it's like, what's the line, right,

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<v Speaker 2>what's the line between uh, a sharing of yourself in

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<v Speaker 2>a way to to feel better and to kind of

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<v Speaker 2>heal and and whatnot, versus like, you know, spiraling in

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<v Speaker 2>a fucking hamster wheel loop of your own stuff. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>because because sometimes the it's it's helpful to talk through stuff,

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<v Speaker 2>but other times it's like, well, you just got you

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<v Speaker 2>got to get out of your own head and you

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<v Speaker 2>got to fucking go build a cuckoo clock out of wood.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>Like you think all you think that you're going to

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<v Speaker 2>solve your problems by talking about them and thinking about

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<v Speaker 2>them until you find some perfect answer. But really all

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<v Speaker 2>you had to do is build a cuckoo clock out

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<v Speaker 2>of wood.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>That's why people do anything. That's why is because it

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<v Speaker 2>gets you out of your own head. It gets you

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<v Speaker 2>into life. You participate in something instead of being in

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<v Speaker 2>your own fucking insane brain. I just got back from

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<v Speaker 2>walking for like four days through rural Japan kind of

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<v Speaker 2>in an attempt in a way to kind of escape

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<v Speaker 2>this line of thinking by by doing stuff, by being

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<v Speaker 2>out in the world, so I'm not spiraling in my

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<v Speaker 2>own weird head. And I'm working on making a video

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<v Speaker 2>about that I'm excited about. I'm gonna, oh, this is

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<v Speaker 2>another thing I'm show that. This is now I'm self promoing,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm gonna fucking I'm doing an art gallery. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>displaying a bunch of trash from around my room on

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<v Speaker 2>March fourteenth in Brooklyn, New York. I'm actually gonna put

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<v Speaker 2>a link to that in the description of this episode.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a self promo within this existential rant chase. That's

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<v Speaker 2>a little self promo in the existential ants, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's gonna be good. I'm doing these just doing

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<v Speaker 2>these things to be like, Okay, I don't know if

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<v Speaker 2>life has some kind of a linear direction or whatever

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<v Speaker 2>the fuck, so let me just start doing random things

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<v Speaker 2>that I think would be cool or interesting, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>So so, Yes, I'm so. So, I'm so, I'm I'm so.

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<v Speaker 2>That's why I'm putting a That's why I'm gonna put

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<v Speaker 2>an empty water bottle in a in a glass case

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<v Speaker 2>and invite people to look at it, Chase. That's why

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<v Speaker 2>I'm doing That's why I'm talking. That's why I'm talking

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<v Speaker 2>to you right now. That's why I'm doing anything, Chase.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like you said earlier, you said different ways to

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<v Speaker 1>like blow off steam as essentially as what you were

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<v Speaker 1>talking about. Yeah, I'm not a I'm not a kind

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<v Speaker 1>of guy that will go and talk to somebody about it. Right. So,

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<v Speaker 1>like I'll I have a journal, I'll write in my journal,

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<v Speaker 1>or I like write about stuff that happens in my

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<v Speaker 1>day or whatever. Or I like fishing, so I'll go fishing.

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<v Speaker 1>I like being alone and like in the like in

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<v Speaker 1>the woods or like at the lake. I'm more of

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<v Speaker 1>a I like I like being alone, you know, mm

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<v Speaker 1>hmm hmm.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. How is uh? How has fishing been for you?

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<v Speaker 2>Is that like a good? Like when you're fishing, do

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<v Speaker 2>you feel very very in the moments?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, Yeah, there's not a lot going on, like

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<v Speaker 1>in my head. You know, it's just uh it's calming.

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<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm.

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<v Speaker 2>Have you have you always liked being alone?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Like I'm like, I like, I like, uh, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>hanging out with friends or you know, doing social activities.

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<v Speaker 1>But sometimes, you know, I just I want to just

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<v Speaker 1>chill out, be be uh be alone. M hm m hmm.

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<v Speaker 2>What what What are some of your other favorite things

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<v Speaker 2>to do alone?

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<v Speaker 1>I like fishing. I camp a lot. I'll go camping, hikes,

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<v Speaker 1>like hiking. Uhh I'm more of a outdoor kind of

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<v Speaker 1>kind of guy. Mm hmm.

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you why do you think you like being

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<v Speaker 2>alone so much?

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<v Speaker 1>I like, there's not silence. It's it's silent, like I

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<v Speaker 1>don't need to hear any uh any bullshit that goes

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<v Speaker 1>on in other people's life. Like like I like hart

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<v Speaker 1>to explain, you know, Like I have friends, like I'll

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<v Speaker 1>go hang out them, I'll go do whatever the fuck.

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<v Speaker 1>But sometimes when I'm not feeling the best, I'll just

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<v Speaker 1>go do stuff myself.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you do you feel like you're happiest when you're alone.

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't say happiest. I'm more it's like a state

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<v Speaker 1>of mind, you know. It's like I'm I'm calm mm

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<v Speaker 1>hmm hmm. If nothing's nothing bad is going on, like

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<v Speaker 1>in my heart. So mm hmm.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you I do you feel like you've like always

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<v Speaker 2>kind of had that state of calm within you.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's since I've gotten a little bit older.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hm.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>How old are you now? I'm twenty, You're twenty Yep,

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<v Speaker 2>you're twenty years old, yes, sir man, I thought you

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<v Speaker 2>were like thirty seven.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I hear that.

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<v Speaker 2>Man, Wow, interesting what what uh?

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<v Speaker 1>What are you?

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<v Speaker 2>What are your hopes and dreams for life?

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<v Speaker 1>Chase like a future future, like where I want to

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<v Speaker 1>be in the future. Yeah, yeah, I wanna. I want

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<v Speaker 1>to I want to live on a farm. I want

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<v Speaker 1>to have a wife, two two three kids. Mm hmmm.

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<v Speaker 1>Financially comfortable?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you in Are you in school or do you

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<v Speaker 2>work or something like that?

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<v Speaker 1>I work?

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<v Speaker 2>What do you do?

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<v Speaker 1>I work on little pieces for satellites.

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<v Speaker 2>Like you work on little pieces for satellites.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like thousands of a millimeter? Thank you. You use

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<v Speaker 1>like you know this water pressure machines that like cut

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<v Speaker 1>metal and ship Yeah yeah yeah, program it and then

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<v Speaker 1>you can program it to a size and then you

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<v Speaker 1>cut it and then we send it off to nasty.

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<v Speaker 2>Where are you right now? What are you doing.

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<v Speaker 1>In my room? It's two am?

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<v Speaker 2>Interesting? Yeah, thanks for listening to my rand to the

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<v Speaker 2>beginning of this phone call.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, all right, Well.

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<v Speaker 2>Was there any was there anything that you wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>call in to talk about?

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<v Speaker 1>Honestly, I didn't think I was gonna get on on

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<v Speaker 1>the phone. I was your luck. I've been listening to

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<v Speaker 1>the show for a little bit now, so no, not exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>Cool man, cool. Well, uh, you're you're a chill guy.

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<v Speaker 2>Chill guy. Pretty good, all right, man, Well, uh, good luck,

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<v Speaker 2>good luck, Chase. You're gonna be You're gonna be fine.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't you don't even need me to say that

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<v Speaker 2>to you. But I'm not saying that to you because

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<v Speaker 2>you need I'm not saying that to you because you

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<v Speaker 2>need me to say that to you. I'm saying that

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<v Speaker 2>to you because it's just a feeling that I felt

0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:00.160
<v Speaker 2>the need to express while we were on the phone.

0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:06.520
<v Speaker 1>H Yeah, all right, man, you know, I appreciate it.

0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:07.840
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else you want to say to the

0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:09.040
<v Speaker 2>people in the computer before we go?

0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:27.240
<v Speaker 1>Be be kind? You know, don't uh, don't be one

0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:31.320
<v Speaker 1>of those people that go around and just try to

0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.080
<v Speaker 1>start problems with other people, you know, just be your

0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.880
<v Speaker 1>own person. I like that. I like that.

0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:44.960
<v Speaker 2>All right, man, I'll i'll uh, I'll see you. I'll

0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:49.800
<v Speaker 2>see you again one day in another in another life maybe. Yeah,

0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:52.240
<v Speaker 2>all right, take our chests.

0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:57.360
<v Speaker 1>Bye bye, bye bye. Oh wow.

0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:02.760
<v Speaker 2>That was uh that was pretty good. That was pretty good.

0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:08.600
<v Speaker 2>I honestly forget what I've I was on such an

0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:14.280
<v Speaker 2>impassioned rant for a good ten minutes.

0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:16.720
<v Speaker 1>Uh, and I.

0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:22.360
<v Speaker 2>I forget what I was ranting about. Yeah, Okay, that's good.

0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:24.040
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I got that all out of my system.

0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:28.560
<v Speaker 2>What the hell was I talking about? Okay, all right,

0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:32.800
<v Speaker 2>all right, let's let's take some phone calls. Let's keep.

0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:35.440
<v Speaker 2>Let's keep, let's keep taking some phone calls. That was good.

0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:41.320
<v Speaker 2>That was good. Hello, Hi, Hey, what's up man? What's

0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:41.680
<v Speaker 2>your name?

0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:43.640
<v Speaker 1>Isaiah?

0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:45.800
<v Speaker 2>Isaiah? What's going on? Isaiah? How you doing?

0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:50.320
<v Speaker 4>I'm just on my bed calling up in my bed.

0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:55.600
<v Speaker 2>Very cool, very nice. You know, I'm feeling good. I

0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:59.640
<v Speaker 2>kind of I'm feeling like being a gecko today, you know,

0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.000
<v Speaker 2>I was. I went to last caller. I went on

0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:08.320
<v Speaker 2>an insane rant about existential dread. And I think the

0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:13.320
<v Speaker 2>best way to get away from existential dread is to

0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:18.800
<v Speaker 2>do stuff. And I think I'm pretty sure that being

0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:23.960
<v Speaker 2>a gecko is doing something. So I'm feeling good about

0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:27.560
<v Speaker 2>it in this moment. So you know, let's talk, let's

0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:29.760
<v Speaker 2>get into it, let's uh, let's do some.

0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:34.080
<v Speaker 4>Do some wild things.

0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:35.480
<v Speaker 1>Be just talk.

0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:39.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, is there is there anything in particular you

0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:41.000
<v Speaker 2>called in to talk about.

0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:44.720
<v Speaker 4>I'm just like the last caller, I never really spent

0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:49.240
<v Speaker 4>the beyond here, but maybe may be talking about dreams,

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:49.880
<v Speaker 4>I guess.

0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:52.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, what kind of dreams you've been having lately?

0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:54.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:58.840
<v Speaker 4>My god, like late light one time? It was the

0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:01.520
<v Speaker 4>years ago now, but like been dreaming about this. I

0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.280
<v Speaker 4>was in a car meeting, like one of those like

0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:06.840
<v Speaker 4>drive by car meetings, like you see like fancy cars

0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:11.679
<v Speaker 4>and whatever, and I just I just look up and

0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:14.800
<v Speaker 4>I see like terrat that was just flying by, flowing,

0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:20.560
<v Speaker 4>streaming and yelling, and I just see at a meetia

0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:26.359
<v Speaker 4>or just falling down and just all bowed red and

0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:30.159
<v Speaker 4>just everything. I'm crazy. And I just walk up and I

0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:31.760
<v Speaker 4>just wonder what that means?

0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:34.960
<v Speaker 2>Mm hm m hmm. What do you what do you

0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:35.760
<v Speaker 2>think it means?

0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:36.520
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.320
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything like flotting around in your in your

0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:41.159
<v Speaker 2>subconscious that you think it could be related.

0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:48.240
<v Speaker 4>To I'm just stressed honestly, or it might be paranoid.

0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:51.920
<v Speaker 2>What do you what do you stress slash paranoid about?

0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:54.359
<v Speaker 1>Uh?

0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:58.199
<v Speaker 4>This word trying to be something I want to be

0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:01.479
<v Speaker 4>but I can't kind of thing like that.

0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, what is it? What is it that you

0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:06.600
<v Speaker 2>want to be that you think you cannot be?

0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:11.680
<v Speaker 4>It's like, I just want to be an animator kind

0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.480
<v Speaker 4>of thing you want to make film, and I just

0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:18.200
<v Speaker 4>it's I don't know if y'all want to be too,

0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:22.600
<v Speaker 4>d but it's like it's like something like I want

0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:24.240
<v Speaker 4>to do for a while, but it's kind of give

0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:27.679
<v Speaker 4>me in dread this past for three years.

0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:32.639
<v Speaker 2>M m m hm. Is it? What is it? What

0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:34.760
<v Speaker 2>is it about these past four or three years that

0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:36.080
<v Speaker 2>have been giving you dread with it?

0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:43.320
<v Speaker 4>I guess like a burnout worrying about being an adult

0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:49.760
<v Speaker 4>and following my dreams quote unquote, I guess that.

0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:52.840
<v Speaker 2>Was if that made sense, Yeah, that makes sense.

0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:58.520
<v Speaker 4>But I'm better now. I'm trying to get things better,

0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:00.399
<v Speaker 4>going back to my roots.

0:20:01.680 --> 0:20:03.440
<v Speaker 2>What are your roots?

0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:08.040
<v Speaker 4>Actually? Like making stuff online? But I just I just

0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:09.760
<v Speaker 4>started doing it like last week.

0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:16.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, what what kind of stuff? What kind

0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:18.680
<v Speaker 2>of stuff are you making online?

0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:21.720
<v Speaker 4>I just make like just drawings right now, but I

0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:25.000
<v Speaker 4>want to make like short cartoons and stuff like that.

0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:30.000
<v Speaker 2>It's interesting. I'm kind of curious what that landscape looks like,

0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:34.520
<v Speaker 2>right because I think we're we're kind of past like

0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:43.600
<v Speaker 2>traditional network television era cartoons being super popular like adult Swim,

0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:46.600
<v Speaker 2>cartoon network, Nickelodeon. Shit, I feel like we're kind of

0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:49.239
<v Speaker 2>past that and now we're in and we're also a

0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:53.680
<v Speaker 2>little bit past like you know, like Ego wraptor new

0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:59.679
<v Speaker 2>Grounds YouTube Animator Universe, and I don't know where we

0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:03.560
<v Speaker 2>are now with it. If it's like, you know, still

0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:07.560
<v Speaker 2>heavily segmented, and there's people on shorts and Instagram and

0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:12.639
<v Speaker 2>TikTok that are kind of dictating the the meta of

0:21:12.680 --> 0:21:15.919
<v Speaker 2>the Animator universe. I mean, what do you what do

0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:17.399
<v Speaker 2>you think? What do you think the landscape is?

0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:20.720
<v Speaker 4>Like? Yeah, I feel the same way, because you can't

0:21:20.760 --> 0:21:23.320
<v Speaker 4>find a way, and like, you can't make anything too

0:21:23.359 --> 0:21:24.879
<v Speaker 4>short because it's not gonna be a lot of people

0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:27.040
<v Speaker 4>watching it, or anything too long it's going to be

0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:29.600
<v Speaker 4>too boring and to just ignore it, you.

0:21:29.560 --> 0:21:34.800
<v Speaker 1>Know, if that makes sense totally. Yeah, And it's like.

0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:37.680
<v Speaker 4>You got to work for like some kind of company

0:21:37.800 --> 0:21:41.600
<v Speaker 4>or something that works, like I don't know, Like let's

0:21:41.600 --> 0:21:44.359
<v Speaker 4>say you work for like some YouTuber on Patreon. You

0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:46.720
<v Speaker 4>get to put yourself out there for that or then

0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:49.680
<v Speaker 4>put yourself out there on YouTube or anything like that.

0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:55.359
<v Speaker 2>M what kind of what kind of like animations do

0:21:55.400 --> 0:21:57.760
<v Speaker 2>you do you want to make? Like are you telling stories?

0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:00.719
<v Speaker 3>Uh?

0:22:00.920 --> 0:22:05.959
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Like I want to want to make like just

0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:08.439
<v Speaker 4>like like little movies and stuff like that. But that's

0:22:08.800 --> 0:22:11.960
<v Speaker 4>that's adding to the dread. Like I can't make stuff

0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.240
<v Speaker 4>for me. I have to make stuff for people something

0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:19.480
<v Speaker 4>else in a way. But but right now I'm trying

0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:21.840
<v Speaker 4>to figure that out as I'm working on it.

0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:23.960
<v Speaker 2>When you said, when you said you can't make stuff

0:22:24.000 --> 0:22:28.120
<v Speaker 2>for you, like as in do you mean that as

0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:30.960
<v Speaker 2>in like for your job you have to make stuff

0:22:30.960 --> 0:22:33.400
<v Speaker 2>for other people, or as in you have to make

0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:36.400
<v Speaker 2>stuff that you think other people will like for yourself.

0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:39.280
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I think it's like that.

0:22:39.520 --> 0:22:39.840
<v Speaker 1>Just like.

0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:43.159
<v Speaker 4>I'm trying to make sense of this, Like where I live.

0:22:43.280 --> 0:22:45.360
<v Speaker 4>I live in Texas, right and I have to make

0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:50.560
<v Speaker 4>like something with western or cowboys with fucking cows or

0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:53.840
<v Speaker 4>something and I want to make like something with punch. Huh.

0:22:54.600 --> 0:22:57.840
<v Speaker 2>Well wait, hold on, I hears. Why do you why

0:22:57.880 --> 0:23:01.280
<v Speaker 2>do you have to make certain stuff because you live

0:23:01.280 --> 0:23:03.400
<v Speaker 2>in Texas? Oh?

0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:05.680
<v Speaker 4>Because where I live, you have to make to something

0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:07.560
<v Speaker 4>you make for like m Let's say you want to

0:23:07.560 --> 0:23:10.160
<v Speaker 4>make a punk band kind of them, and they're like, oh,

0:23:10.200 --> 0:23:13.520
<v Speaker 4>I can't, we can't use that. We just want Western

0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:14.639
<v Speaker 4>landscape and stuff.

0:23:15.440 --> 0:23:16.040
<v Speaker 2>But who's we.

0:23:18.200 --> 0:23:21.600
<v Speaker 4>Oh, like people where I live, like in Texas, in

0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:26.200
<v Speaker 4>my small town. It's kind of hard. But I think

0:23:26.240 --> 0:23:28.560
<v Speaker 4>that doesn't even make sense because I'm talking about like

0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:29.600
<v Speaker 4>internet stuff.

0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:35.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, why if you're you're you're not making

0:23:35.320 --> 0:23:36.960
<v Speaker 2>stuff for the people in your small town of Texas.

0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:39.520
<v Speaker 2>You're making stuff for the people of the Internet.

0:23:41.240 --> 0:23:51.879
<v Speaker 4>Mm hmm. Yeah fuck I oh just to say, you

0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:55.800
<v Speaker 4>know that, Well, I'm trying to see what I don't

0:23:55.800 --> 0:23:57.120
<v Speaker 4>even fuck.

0:23:57.760 --> 0:23:58.520
<v Speaker 2>What's the matter.

0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:01.959
<v Speaker 4>Now, I'm just shaking a little bit.

0:24:02.440 --> 0:24:07.480
<v Speaker 2>Told let me think. Yeah, I guess I still don't

0:24:07.560 --> 0:24:11.399
<v Speaker 2>understand why you have to make western ship you know,

0:24:14.880 --> 0:24:17.480
<v Speaker 2>mm hmm you want to make punk things?

0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:23.439
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, they make stuff like fun and creative where they

0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:26.280
<v Speaker 4>want to be just playing Jane and boring.

0:24:26.880 --> 0:24:28.960
<v Speaker 2>Who is that well, hold on when you keep saying

0:24:29.000 --> 0:24:30.800
<v Speaker 2>like we and they? Who is they and we?

0:24:32.920 --> 0:24:36.520
<v Speaker 4>It's just these people in my hometown. But I'm I'm

0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:40.159
<v Speaker 4>I'm rambling nonsense right now. I'm sorry.

0:24:40.600 --> 0:24:42.040
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't no, no, no, don't be all right,

0:24:42.080 --> 0:24:47.520
<v Speaker 2>don't what's your name again? Ideah, Isaiah? No, don't be sorry, Isaiah.

0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:48.919
<v Speaker 2>I want to I want to get to the bottom

0:24:48.960 --> 0:24:51.480
<v Speaker 2>of this. That's the that's the only reason I'm asking.

0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:54.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm asking because uh, I want to make you feel

0:24:54.359 --> 0:25:01.719
<v Speaker 2>bad or anything. Mm hmm okay, I mean, yeah, man,

0:25:01.720 --> 0:25:03.320
<v Speaker 2>you're making stuff for the Internet. Why don't you just

0:25:03.320 --> 0:25:06.159
<v Speaker 2>make whatever it is you want to make. It's not

0:25:06.200 --> 0:25:10.680
<v Speaker 2>like you're it's not like you're trying to pitch cartoons

0:25:10.760 --> 0:25:14.400
<v Speaker 2>to the local newspaper or anything like that.

0:25:16.520 --> 0:25:19.760
<v Speaker 4>Now I'm thinking about it, maybe I'm just I don't

0:25:19.760 --> 0:25:23.160
<v Speaker 4>want to see traumatized. But maybe I'm a little nervous

0:25:23.160 --> 0:25:25.159
<v Speaker 4>to putting myself out there. Maybe I'll get late the

0:25:25.160 --> 0:25:28.439
<v Speaker 4>same reaction when it's an Internet as I'm putting on

0:25:28.720 --> 0:25:29.359
<v Speaker 4>my hometown.

0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:30.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh.

0:25:31.520 --> 0:25:34.399
<v Speaker 4>Oh, interesting, I think that's what I'm trying to say.

0:25:34.800 --> 0:25:41.639
<v Speaker 2>Oh interesting, interesting, interesting? Do you I mean, but you

0:25:41.840 --> 0:25:43.680
<v Speaker 2>understand that that's irrational, right.

0:25:44.880 --> 0:25:47.359
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, I try to think the thing like that

0:25:47.480 --> 0:25:50.440
<v Speaker 4>in a way, but it was rambling nonsense.

0:25:50.960 --> 0:25:56.919
<v Speaker 2>Mm hm m hmm. Do you do you think you

0:25:56.920 --> 0:26:02.920
<v Speaker 2>you will eventually gain the courage or perspective or whatever

0:26:02.960 --> 0:26:08.480
<v Speaker 2>the hell it is that you need to to put

0:26:08.480 --> 0:26:09.200
<v Speaker 2>yourself out there.

0:26:11.040 --> 0:26:13.359
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, because right now I have to tell myself to

0:26:13.480 --> 0:26:17.040
<v Speaker 4>just do it, other then just wait and see. Right,

0:26:17.200 --> 0:26:18.720
<v Speaker 4>So that's why I learned you just have to do

0:26:18.760 --> 0:26:20.520
<v Speaker 4>it and figure it out.

0:26:21.160 --> 0:26:23.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to. I don't know if you

0:26:23.800 --> 0:26:27.960
<v Speaker 2>heard me ranting to Chase earlier, but I'm trying to. Yeah,

0:26:28.000 --> 0:26:33.280
<v Speaker 2>in my kind of current bout of existential whatever, you know,

0:26:33.800 --> 0:26:36.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to be more action bias. I'm trying to

0:26:36.760 --> 0:26:42.560
<v Speaker 2>just do shit, like go for a long walk or

0:26:42.680 --> 0:26:45.800
<v Speaker 2>do a trash art gallery, just try shit. Because I

0:26:46.200 --> 0:26:48.000
<v Speaker 2>was realizing I'm like, oh, I might do this trash

0:26:48.040 --> 0:26:51.320
<v Speaker 2>gallery and then be looking around and go why the

0:26:51.320 --> 0:26:54.119
<v Speaker 2>fuck did I do this? But it won't matter. You

0:26:54.119 --> 0:26:56.600
<v Speaker 2>know why, it won't matter because at least because I

0:26:56.640 --> 0:26:58.040
<v Speaker 2>can go, Okay, I don't know why the fuck I

0:26:58.040 --> 0:27:01.840
<v Speaker 2>did this, Let's do something else. This is keep doing

0:27:02.320 --> 0:27:04.600
<v Speaker 2>shit because I get in this. I get in this

0:27:04.680 --> 0:27:09.000
<v Speaker 2>habit where I'm always like planning to do stuff. I'm

0:27:09.000 --> 0:27:11.960
<v Speaker 2>always I love, I'm writing down to do lists, I'm

0:27:11.960 --> 0:27:14.399
<v Speaker 2>writing down things that would be a good idea to

0:27:14.480 --> 0:27:17.800
<v Speaker 2>do instead of just like actually like being willing to

0:27:17.880 --> 0:27:22.119
<v Speaker 2>like try doing random ship. And I'm and I and

0:27:22.160 --> 0:27:24.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm honestly I'm even even the fact that I'm going

0:27:24.560 --> 0:27:27.720
<v Speaker 2>on this rant to you right now is a version

0:27:27.920 --> 0:27:32.840
<v Speaker 2>of me procrastinating on doing shit because I'm reinforcing to

0:27:32.920 --> 0:27:36.240
<v Speaker 2>myself in my head that I'm going to try to

0:27:36.280 --> 0:27:41.240
<v Speaker 2>be more action bias without actually becoming more action bias.

0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:47.600
<v Speaker 2>You know, that's the trap, as Isaac or Isaiah, Isaiah, Isaiah,

0:27:47.800 --> 0:27:50.680
<v Speaker 2>that's the trap, Isaiah. We can't, we can't. We can't

0:27:50.760 --> 0:27:55.639
<v Speaker 2>let ourselves be trapped. We gotta do random ship constantly.

0:27:56.240 --> 0:27:57.960
<v Speaker 2>But it's not it But it's not a bad But

0:27:58.000 --> 0:28:00.159
<v Speaker 2>it's not even a bad thing because you like like

0:28:01.480 --> 0:28:04.480
<v Speaker 2>making the stuff. If you just like making the stuff,

0:28:04.520 --> 0:28:07.480
<v Speaker 2>then it's not a bad reality to live in where

0:28:07.520 --> 0:28:10.560
<v Speaker 2>you have to just keep trying. You know, sorry, you

0:28:10.600 --> 0:28:11.280
<v Speaker 2>were gonna say something.

0:28:11.280 --> 0:28:13.199
<v Speaker 1>I cut you off now.

0:28:13.680 --> 0:28:16.520
<v Speaker 4>I just feel like it's like a sharp kind of mentality,

0:28:16.640 --> 0:28:19.160
<v Speaker 4>like you gotta keep moving if you die or something

0:28:19.200 --> 0:28:19.560
<v Speaker 4>like that.

0:28:19.760 --> 0:28:23.399
<v Speaker 2>Yes, of course, yeah, yeah, that's how Yeah, but no,

0:28:23.480 --> 0:28:25.840
<v Speaker 2>and it is it's true because I'm I think I'm

0:28:25.880 --> 0:28:32.280
<v Speaker 2>experiencing the death of not moving. It feels like a death.

0:28:33.200 --> 0:28:36.680
<v Speaker 2>You know. Do you feel that way when you when

0:28:36.680 --> 0:28:37.359
<v Speaker 2>you're not moving?

0:28:38.880 --> 0:28:42.880
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, because I, like I said, light, this past week,

0:28:43.080 --> 0:28:46.760
<v Speaker 4>I've been trying to just do it, keep at least

0:28:46.800 --> 0:28:50.120
<v Speaker 4>try to do it and like do something else other

0:28:50.160 --> 0:28:53.440
<v Speaker 4>than stay in my house and just watching TV, right

0:28:53.560 --> 0:28:55.200
<v Speaker 4>and twitch and stuff like that.

0:28:55.680 --> 0:28:58.000
<v Speaker 2>Right, And that's the thing, right, is that I feel

0:28:58.000 --> 0:29:03.840
<v Speaker 2>like the the joy is in the attempt more than

0:29:03.920 --> 0:29:07.760
<v Speaker 2>it is in like, oh, you know, my cartoon got

0:29:08.000 --> 0:29:12.480
<v Speaker 2>X amount of views or oh I got the whatever.

0:29:12.520 --> 0:29:17.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean, there's joy in that too, but it's like, oh,

0:29:17.240 --> 0:29:19.479
<v Speaker 2>there's a bit of there's a joy and there's an

0:29:19.600 --> 0:29:24.320
<v Speaker 2>escape from dread in in the attempt itself, I think,

0:29:25.360 --> 0:29:29.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, yeah, yeah, so so that's good. And that's

0:29:29.520 --> 0:29:31.800
<v Speaker 2>good also because the attempt is like within because I

0:29:31.840 --> 0:29:33.800
<v Speaker 2>think when you're when you're trying to count on like

0:29:33.960 --> 0:29:37.040
<v Speaker 2>views or likes or whatever the fuck you're.

0:29:38.720 --> 0:29:39.440
<v Speaker 1>You're you're.

0:29:41.520 --> 0:29:43.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean, those things are nice. I'm not gonna pretend

0:29:43.320 --> 0:29:47.600
<v Speaker 2>like they're not. It's nice, Like success feels good, feels

0:29:47.640 --> 0:29:50.080
<v Speaker 2>good to have things work out.

0:29:51.880 --> 0:29:55.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's to be yeah in that situation.

0:29:55.960 --> 0:29:58.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's a good it's a thing. It's understandable that

0:29:58.560 --> 0:30:01.240
<v Speaker 2>people want that and that people you know, it feels

0:30:01.240 --> 0:30:03.120
<v Speaker 2>It feels better when like when you make a fucking

0:30:03.120 --> 0:30:04.680
<v Speaker 2>cartoon and you put it on the internet and it

0:30:04.680 --> 0:30:09.920
<v Speaker 2>gets likes, It feels better than when it doesn't. But again,

0:30:09.960 --> 0:30:12.280
<v Speaker 2>I feel like the joy is in the attempt.

0:30:14.000 --> 0:30:14.360
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm.

0:30:16.160 --> 0:30:17.960
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try it.

0:30:18.160 --> 0:30:20.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm having fun. I'm having fun talking to you about

0:30:20.040 --> 0:30:24.440
<v Speaker 2>this because I'm gonna try to fucking go back into

0:30:24.480 --> 0:30:28.680
<v Speaker 2>like my luh normal non geck life and be like

0:30:28.800 --> 0:30:31.640
<v Speaker 2>remember and be like I told that guy that the

0:30:31.720 --> 0:30:33.320
<v Speaker 2>joy was in the attempt. So I'm gonna try to

0:30:33.480 --> 0:30:35.200
<v Speaker 2>uh feel away myself.

0:30:35.240 --> 0:30:35.440
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:30:37.160 --> 0:30:40.360
<v Speaker 4>No, it's awesome, awesome.

0:30:41.160 --> 0:30:44.560
<v Speaker 2>Well, before we go, do you you want to plug anything?

0:30:44.600 --> 0:30:46.040
<v Speaker 2>You have something you want to plug, go ahead and

0:30:46.160 --> 0:30:49.280
<v Speaker 2>plug your fucking ship. Dude, if you got something to.

0:30:49.200 --> 0:30:53.080
<v Speaker 4>Plumb, at least try Instagram. Like I think it's called

0:30:53.240 --> 0:30:57.760
<v Speaker 4>pro p r O understand underscore stupid.

0:30:58.680 --> 0:31:00.840
<v Speaker 2>Pro underscore Cupid, that's pretty simple.

0:31:01.400 --> 0:31:04.080
<v Speaker 1>Hold on, yeah, let me that's what it is.

0:31:04.760 --> 0:31:11.200
<v Speaker 2>Let me pro underscore simple. I'm gonna look at your ship.

0:31:12.440 --> 0:31:18.800
<v Speaker 2>Uh pro underscore simple? Oh no, Cupid, why do I

0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:19.840
<v Speaker 2>say simple? What the fuck?

0:31:20.800 --> 0:31:21.120
<v Speaker 1>All right?

0:31:21.160 --> 0:31:25.680
<v Speaker 2>Here we go pro Cupid? Oh cool? Oh oh oh

0:31:25.840 --> 0:31:30.600
<v Speaker 2>hell yeah, dude, you drew and you drew you drew naked.

0:31:31.240 --> 0:31:39.200
<v Speaker 2>Marge Simpson, Yeah coolm I like, I like, I like,

0:31:39.240 --> 0:31:42.760
<v Speaker 2>I like I like this. I like the style. It's

0:31:42.920 --> 0:31:46.200
<v Speaker 2>very renn and renn and stimpy vibes.

0:31:47.680 --> 0:31:49.840
<v Speaker 4>Oh my god, that means a lot from coming from

0:31:49.840 --> 0:31:51.080
<v Speaker 4>you come back.

0:31:53.720 --> 0:31:56.960
<v Speaker 2>Well, thanks for having this conversation with me, Isaiah. Good

0:31:57.040 --> 0:32:01.840
<v Speaker 2>luck to you and all your fucking crazy life endeavors.

0:32:02.240 --> 0:32:03.120
<v Speaker 4>Yeah you too, Man.

0:32:03.240 --> 0:32:05.160
<v Speaker 1>I love you, Man, I love you.

0:32:05.240 --> 0:32:07.920
<v Speaker 2>Hey, Hey, I love you too, Isaiah. All right, I

0:32:08.000 --> 0:32:09.720
<v Speaker 2>love you too. I love you too. In this moment,

0:32:10.320 --> 0:32:15.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling I'm feeling hopeful for your future. I'm feeling

0:32:15.920 --> 0:32:21.760
<v Speaker 2>hopeful for the future of ah man, feeling hopeful for

0:32:21.800 --> 0:32:27.000
<v Speaker 2>the future of of stuff. And I bless you, I will,

0:32:27.160 --> 0:32:33.720
<v Speaker 2>I will, I bless you with with hope, optimism, and

0:32:33.720 --> 0:32:36.440
<v Speaker 2>and forty two million dollars.

0:32:38.360 --> 0:32:41.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, God, bless man, all right, take care Isaiah.

0:32:41.680 --> 0:32:45.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that was Isaiah. I used to I kind of

0:32:46.320 --> 0:32:49.560
<v Speaker 2>I used to have a thing where I was I

0:32:49.800 --> 0:32:52.239
<v Speaker 2>for a second, I was like I used to not

0:32:52.440 --> 0:32:56.240
<v Speaker 2>like saying I love you to people on the internet.

0:32:56.240 --> 0:33:00.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why. It felt strange, but in that

0:33:00.240 --> 0:33:03.320
<v Speaker 2>but but it's weird because in that moment I did

0:33:03.400 --> 0:33:06.080
<v Speaker 2>feel it. You know, I was like, I don't fucking

0:33:06.320 --> 0:33:08.560
<v Speaker 2>like obviously like the people I talked to on the show,

0:33:08.560 --> 0:33:10.960
<v Speaker 2>it's like I don't know them, and it's like a

0:33:11.000 --> 0:33:16.040
<v Speaker 2>little interaction with a stranger. But but but I felt that,

0:33:16.400 --> 0:33:18.000
<v Speaker 2>you know what, Like I was like, oh, I do

0:33:18.080 --> 0:33:21.680
<v Speaker 2>love this guy. I do love again. I told you

0:33:21.720 --> 0:33:26.520
<v Speaker 2>I was ranting fucking earlier in the episode to Chase.

0:33:26.960 --> 0:33:32.800
<v Speaker 2>I was ranting about knowing that I love people, you know,

0:33:32.960 --> 0:33:36.640
<v Speaker 2>like that's in my soul. I love people. And just

0:33:36.760 --> 0:33:38.720
<v Speaker 2>now I was like, I was like, I think I

0:33:38.760 --> 0:33:43.080
<v Speaker 2>love Isaiah, dude, even just in that moment, like what

0:33:43.240 --> 0:33:47.120
<v Speaker 2>like four months from now, I don't like, like, realistically,

0:33:47.160 --> 0:33:48.800
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I'll be thinking about Isaiah unless

0:33:48.800 --> 0:33:51.800
<v Speaker 2>if Isaiah is like, you know, hey, I was the

0:33:51.840 --> 0:33:53.400
<v Speaker 2>guy you talked to with the thing and the art

0:33:53.400 --> 0:33:56.080
<v Speaker 2>thing like, oh, fuck, you're fucking Isaiah, you know what

0:33:56.080 --> 0:33:58.000
<v Speaker 2>I mean. But I don't know if that I think

0:33:58.040 --> 0:33:59.880
<v Speaker 2>that's that's that could be how love works.

0:34:00.480 --> 0:34:00.680
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:34:00.760 --> 0:34:05.640
<v Speaker 2>Love can kind of be this weird thing of the moment,

0:34:05.880 --> 0:34:08.000
<v Speaker 2>you know. I mean, I've had friends in real life

0:34:08.080 --> 0:34:13.400
<v Speaker 2>that I've known for like not that long, and I'm like,

0:34:13.560 --> 0:34:16.839
<v Speaker 2>you know, like I love you. I love you, man,

0:34:17.719 --> 0:34:19.680
<v Speaker 2>you know, I don't know. That's a weird. It's a

0:34:19.680 --> 0:34:23.480
<v Speaker 2>weird thing. I'm exploring the like, like what is what

0:34:23.520 --> 0:34:26.920
<v Speaker 2>does it mean to say I love you to someone?

0:34:27.520 --> 0:34:30.160
<v Speaker 2>Like I've I've had times where I was fucking in

0:34:30.440 --> 0:34:33.279
<v Speaker 2>the grocery store and I was looking at an old

0:34:33.360 --> 0:34:36.480
<v Speaker 2>lady in line ahead of me, and I was like,

0:34:36.520 --> 0:34:39.880
<v Speaker 2>I think I love this old lady. I don't know her.

0:34:39.880 --> 0:34:41.919
<v Speaker 2>I've never talked to this old lady. I just she's

0:34:42.000 --> 0:34:45.640
<v Speaker 2>on the fucking she's on the planet Earth at the

0:34:45.760 --> 0:34:51.520
<v Speaker 2>same time that I am. Miraculously. That's insane. I think

0:34:51.520 --> 0:34:54.440
<v Speaker 2>I have to love this old lady. That's just what

0:34:54.640 --> 0:34:57.759
<v Speaker 2>it's just in my gut. I don't know her. She

0:34:57.880 --> 0:35:02.719
<v Speaker 2>might be a crazy person, but I guess I'm a

0:35:02.719 --> 0:35:04.160
<v Speaker 2>crazy person too. I don't know why I just love

0:35:04.200 --> 0:35:07.719
<v Speaker 2>this old lady. I love Isaiah, I love the old

0:35:07.800 --> 0:35:14.840
<v Speaker 2>lady at the grocery store, and I love drinking a

0:35:15.000 --> 0:35:16.320
<v Speaker 2>lot of coffee.

0:35:18.040 --> 0:35:20.960
<v Speaker 1>How you doing, I'm good man.

0:35:22.160 --> 0:35:23.040
<v Speaker 2>What's what's up?

0:35:23.080 --> 0:35:23.279
<v Speaker 1>Dog?

0:35:23.600 --> 0:35:24.880
<v Speaker 2>What's up dog? How's life?

0:35:26.520 --> 0:35:31.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm just trying to bring the stream up, baby life.

0:35:32.040 --> 0:35:33.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, go ahead and go ahead. How's life?

0:35:33.840 --> 0:35:39.799
<v Speaker 3>Well? We talked, We talked like last year. Like I

0:35:39.880 --> 0:35:45.239
<v Speaker 3>was like, man, everything sucks. It still sucks, but you know,

0:35:46.640 --> 0:35:48.440
<v Speaker 3>here we are trying to figure it out. I was

0:35:48.440 --> 0:35:51.560
<v Speaker 3>listening to you earlier when you're on your rants about

0:35:52.920 --> 0:35:57.400
<v Speaker 3>existential stuff, and yeah, I think that's only your only option. Really,

0:35:58.040 --> 0:36:00.120
<v Speaker 3>you just got to think about it and get through it.

0:36:00.280 --> 0:36:02.600
<v Speaker 3>Sometimes yeah, and then it still sucks.

0:36:02.680 --> 0:36:05.719
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, yeah, why does every Why do you think

0:36:05.760 --> 0:36:07.319
<v Speaker 2>everything still sucks after a year?

0:36:11.800 --> 0:36:15.000
<v Speaker 3>I think it's because I keep working and I have

0:36:15.040 --> 0:36:17.600
<v Speaker 3>no money at the end of the day, even though

0:36:17.600 --> 0:36:20.799
<v Speaker 3>I'm make enough, and then it's all gone and then

0:36:21.000 --> 0:36:23.399
<v Speaker 3>there's nothing to do. But then every once in a while,

0:36:23.440 --> 0:36:26.319
<v Speaker 3>you get hang out with your buddies or you know,

0:36:26.440 --> 0:36:29.719
<v Speaker 3>do something fun. Like you're in Japan right now. That

0:36:29.800 --> 0:36:30.400
<v Speaker 3>sounds fun.

0:36:30.840 --> 0:36:33.960
<v Speaker 2>I am in Japan. It's been nice well, who are

0:36:34.040 --> 0:36:35.319
<v Speaker 2>these buddies that you're hanging out with?

0:36:36.480 --> 0:36:39.760
<v Speaker 3>I saw my buddy just turned forty. I'm thirty seven.

0:36:40.320 --> 0:36:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Cool, it's nice.

0:36:42.080 --> 0:36:47.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, after all these years, still got my homeboys from

0:36:47.800 --> 0:36:49.759
<v Speaker 3>the neighborhood that I grew up with. So it's kind

0:36:49.760 --> 0:36:52.239
<v Speaker 3>of nice getting out, get out of the house. So

0:36:52.560 --> 0:36:53.399
<v Speaker 3>nice for a little bit.

0:36:54.000 --> 0:36:59.160
<v Speaker 2>Nice. Where'd you grow up in Atlanta?

0:36:59.520 --> 0:37:00.600
<v Speaker 3>Just outside of Atlanta?

0:37:00.719 --> 0:37:01.920
<v Speaker 1>To a and are you.

0:37:03.880 --> 0:37:07.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Just put some coffee on, cool, getting ready to

0:37:07.160 --> 0:37:11.080
<v Speaker 3>do some word cool. I'm gonna hate my job more

0:37:11.600 --> 0:37:16.880
<v Speaker 3>and then just like a cycle, just a cycle of ship.

0:37:17.239 --> 0:37:17.520
<v Speaker 1>Uh.

0:37:20.160 --> 0:37:22.439
<v Speaker 3>I always struggle to answer that question. But I work

0:37:22.480 --> 0:37:28.000
<v Speaker 3>in it infrastructure, a botomation stuff for a little company

0:37:28.000 --> 0:37:28.880
<v Speaker 3>outside of Atlanta.

0:37:29.440 --> 0:37:29.800
<v Speaker 2>Yahm.

0:37:31.000 --> 0:37:32.839
<v Speaker 3>But you know I called last year. I was just

0:37:32.920 --> 0:37:37.120
<v Speaker 3>like everything is just our like time for myself. I've

0:37:37.160 --> 0:37:41.120
<v Speaker 3>lost myself. I you know, I have the same struggles

0:37:41.160 --> 0:37:44.200
<v Speaker 3>that some of your other colors do with. I mean

0:37:44.360 --> 0:37:47.359
<v Speaker 3>the dude that has for to uys, I have zero

0:37:47.440 --> 0:37:51.680
<v Speaker 3>du guys. I'm very lucky for that. But you know,

0:37:51.800 --> 0:37:56.800
<v Speaker 3>this is the cycle of like alcohol, it beating yourself

0:37:56.920 --> 0:38:01.960
<v Speaker 3>up and stuff kind of sucks, man. But I do

0:38:02.040 --> 0:38:08.520
<v Speaker 3>find that as long as I can try my best

0:38:08.600 --> 0:38:17.520
<v Speaker 3>to remember that it's better to be here and kind

0:38:17.520 --> 0:38:19.880
<v Speaker 3>of suffered through this shit than not to be. I

0:38:19.880 --> 0:38:23.320
<v Speaker 3>don't know, man, I just kind of felt like calm

0:38:23.320 --> 0:38:25.840
<v Speaker 3>and just like saying that stuff.

0:38:26.360 --> 0:38:26.719
<v Speaker 1>Have you?

0:38:27.200 --> 0:38:28.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, when was the last time you had a

0:38:29.040 --> 0:38:39.280
<v Speaker 2>period in your life that felt particularly prosperous.

0:38:39.960 --> 0:38:43.640
<v Speaker 3>Five to ten years ago? What I feel like I've

0:38:43.640 --> 0:38:44.960
<v Speaker 3>been paidchecked bag for.

0:38:46.800 --> 0:38:47.520
<v Speaker 1>Moved.

0:38:48.960 --> 0:38:52.120
<v Speaker 3>My wife and I bought our first house that probably

0:38:52.160 --> 0:38:54.760
<v Speaker 3>would have been the thing, and then we moved about

0:38:54.840 --> 0:38:56.960
<v Speaker 3>six years ago, but then we moved somewhere. I don't

0:38:56.960 --> 0:39:01.920
<v Speaker 3>really want to be just like a suckhole of suckery,

0:39:02.560 --> 0:39:08.120
<v Speaker 3>but you know, it's just because I want to like

0:39:08.600 --> 0:39:11.319
<v Speaker 3>just open a sandwich shop and like ski in the

0:39:11.320 --> 0:39:14.160
<v Speaker 3>mountains every day. But that's just not the reality, because

0:39:14.840 --> 0:39:19.400
<v Speaker 3>it's just not the reality. One day maybe as I'm older,

0:39:20.440 --> 0:39:24.360
<v Speaker 3>if I stay positive, right, But then I also find

0:39:24.360 --> 0:39:29.040
<v Speaker 3>myself falling into that hole of suck doing stuff I

0:39:29.040 --> 0:39:35.760
<v Speaker 3>shouldn't do and not working all night and having beers

0:39:35.800 --> 0:39:39.520
<v Speaker 3>and instead of working, And then now I'm gonna feel

0:39:39.560 --> 0:39:42.680
<v Speaker 3>like shit when my boss is giving me that side eye.

0:39:43.320 --> 0:39:46.480
<v Speaker 2>What do you mean by doing things you shouldn't do.

0:39:51.560 --> 0:39:55.960
<v Speaker 3>Debatable just drinking. Man, I have I struggle with alcohol

0:39:56.560 --> 0:40:01.120
<v Speaker 3>and tobacco. Those are my vices. You know. I'm lucky

0:40:01.120 --> 0:40:05.640
<v Speaker 3>that I don't have worse vices than that, because I

0:40:05.719 --> 0:40:08.040
<v Speaker 3>know that those are out there. I've just never been

0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:13.680
<v Speaker 3>luckily and I've never found myself in that situation to

0:40:14.080 --> 0:40:17.399
<v Speaker 3>have anything harder than that. But alcohol and tobacco are

0:40:17.640 --> 0:40:23.560
<v Speaker 3>not easy either, so and it weighs on me right

0:40:23.600 --> 0:40:26.600
<v Speaker 3>because I'm always like, Man, I can go buy two

0:40:26.640 --> 0:40:29.319
<v Speaker 3>more beers right now at two in the morning, but

0:40:30.080 --> 0:40:36.960
<v Speaker 3>here I am driving to the store. Uh and uh,

0:40:38.480 --> 0:40:42.840
<v Speaker 3>you know, starting work at four in the morning, and

0:40:45.239 --> 0:40:50.520
<v Speaker 3>instead of sleeping, sleep would probably be good, but I

0:40:50.600 --> 0:40:54.200
<v Speaker 3>stress about it and then it's just a cycle of suck.

0:40:55.560 --> 0:40:58.520
<v Speaker 2>How long, man, How long? How long have you as

0:40:58.960 --> 0:41:00.640
<v Speaker 2>like alcohol and stuff a thing for you?

0:41:04.719 --> 0:41:07.680
<v Speaker 3>Probably about the same amount of time that it's been

0:41:07.920 --> 0:41:13.160
<v Speaker 3>felt prosperous, probably more like longer than that. I feel

0:41:13.160 --> 0:41:17.640
<v Speaker 3>like I feel like seven eight years ago. But even

0:41:17.680 --> 0:41:19.920
<v Speaker 3>before then, I was drinking a lot. I feel like

0:41:19.960 --> 0:41:22.440
<v Speaker 3>once I started drinking, I go hard on everything that

0:41:22.520 --> 0:41:25.279
<v Speaker 3>I do, which is why I'm glad. I don't never

0:41:25.760 --> 0:41:32.760
<v Speaker 3>gotten addicted to harder stuff. I've never never done anything

0:41:32.800 --> 0:41:39.680
<v Speaker 3>too crazy. I like, must of the fun. But yeah,

0:41:39.840 --> 0:41:42.120
<v Speaker 3>it's been a long time. Then. I've been in a

0:41:42.160 --> 0:41:52.400
<v Speaker 3>cycle cycles of pretty depressive. I feel like I'm manically depressed,

0:41:53.120 --> 0:41:58.759
<v Speaker 3>but maybe not maniacally, so not quite there yet. I'm

0:41:58.800 --> 0:42:03.920
<v Speaker 3>trying to avoid it, but I feel like I'll.

0:42:03.719 --> 0:42:05.880
<v Speaker 2>Go go ahead, go ahead.

0:42:06.480 --> 0:42:08.279
<v Speaker 3>I was just gonna say sorry and then I'll let

0:42:08.320 --> 0:42:11.920
<v Speaker 3>you take over there. I mean, I feel like I'm like, don't,

0:42:12.080 --> 0:42:15.279
<v Speaker 3>don't do it. Don't drink because like one beer man,

0:42:16.800 --> 0:42:22.279
<v Speaker 3>two beers, it's like five beers, you know, and then

0:42:22.320 --> 0:42:23.760
<v Speaker 3>it's like I'm losing.

0:42:23.440 --> 0:42:24.160
<v Speaker 2>Hours and.

0:42:25.719 --> 0:42:29.160
<v Speaker 3>Shit, I gotta do and just I just fucking don't

0:42:29.160 --> 0:42:33.160
<v Speaker 3>want to do it. And then I just drink more

0:42:33.200 --> 0:42:35.040
<v Speaker 3>beer at that point, and then I'll wake up at

0:42:35.880 --> 0:42:38.480
<v Speaker 3>three or five in the morning or pass out at

0:42:38.520 --> 0:42:43.680
<v Speaker 3>seven at night, and she like, shit, my body doesn't

0:42:43.760 --> 0:42:46.520
<v Speaker 3>like it. I'm just it's just like I'm just addicted

0:42:46.560 --> 0:42:49.600
<v Speaker 3>to it, so I'll just fall back into it.

0:42:50.239 --> 0:42:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. Why uh uh oh. I remember I was

0:42:55.360 --> 0:42:57.719
<v Speaker 2>gonna say, have you have you talked to a real

0:42:57.840 --> 0:43:00.440
<v Speaker 2>therapist about this? And if so, what have they told you?

0:43:03.000 --> 0:43:05.799
<v Speaker 3>I have gone to therapy, but I just did like

0:43:05.840 --> 0:43:09.400
<v Speaker 3>the better helth thing right, I didn't. I felt like

0:43:09.520 --> 0:43:12.520
<v Speaker 3>because it was like covid fish times, you know, So

0:43:12.560 --> 0:43:15.080
<v Speaker 3>it's just like I feel like I would do better

0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:17.600
<v Speaker 3>in person. And then I also went to a psychiatrist

0:43:17.680 --> 0:43:23.319
<v Speaker 3>and got onto some form of antidepressant for the first

0:43:23.400 --> 0:43:26.200
<v Speaker 3>time a few years ago, a couple of years ago.

0:43:26.239 --> 0:43:31.799
<v Speaker 3>But actually, and some people have this effect, it just

0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:35.640
<v Speaker 3>made me kind of like very angry, like irrationally angry.

0:43:35.840 --> 0:43:38.239
<v Speaker 3>And I did not enjoy that at all, because I'm

0:43:38.280 --> 0:43:43.319
<v Speaker 3>not I'm not an angry person except to myself. Isn't

0:43:43.520 --> 0:43:47.880
<v Speaker 3>gonna fuck. I'm very angry with myself, but I'm not

0:43:48.120 --> 0:43:56.000
<v Speaker 3>angry outwardly towards like my friends and family. Probably more

0:43:56.120 --> 0:43:58.200
<v Speaker 3>just people that don't know how to drive.

0:43:59.600 --> 0:44:03.759
<v Speaker 2>They Okay, that's not as bad as outwardly angry to

0:44:03.840 --> 0:44:04.800
<v Speaker 2>your friends and family.

0:44:06.120 --> 0:44:10.680
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, of course, if I drink too much, then I

0:44:10.760 --> 0:44:13.360
<v Speaker 3>might say something dumb, and then I gotta feel like

0:44:13.400 --> 0:44:17.239
<v Speaker 3>I gotta I'm just joking, but it's not. It's not

0:44:17.360 --> 0:44:19.719
<v Speaker 3>very fun if you're you are affecting those around you

0:44:19.760 --> 0:44:22.759
<v Speaker 3>that actually care about you when you're not trying to.

0:44:22.880 --> 0:44:24.480
<v Speaker 3>And then I feel bad again, and then I'm like,

0:44:24.520 --> 0:44:26.360
<v Speaker 3>I got to drinking of beer because now I'll feel

0:44:26.400 --> 0:44:32.040
<v Speaker 3>like shit, I really want. What I really really wish

0:44:32.800 --> 0:44:39.160
<v Speaker 3>go ahead is that I could afford to go somewhere

0:44:39.239 --> 0:44:42.200
<v Speaker 3>for you know, twenty one days or a retreat of

0:44:42.280 --> 0:44:47.719
<v Speaker 3>fucking recovery, something where I can just get away if

0:44:47.719 --> 0:44:51.960
<v Speaker 3>I did not have access to alcohol and tobacco. And again,

0:44:52.120 --> 0:44:56.640
<v Speaker 3>it could be worse, or everyone has their struggles, right,

0:44:56.800 --> 0:44:58.719
<v Speaker 3>could be something else, but like if I could just

0:44:58.880 --> 0:45:01.239
<v Speaker 3>get away from it, but I can't, I can't afford it.

0:45:01.280 --> 0:45:03.120
<v Speaker 3>I got it, don't worry.

0:45:03.840 --> 0:45:06.880
<v Speaker 2>What about those like well, I don't know. I'm curious

0:45:06.920 --> 0:45:09.799
<v Speaker 2>because like we have talked to some people. Remember talking

0:45:09.800 --> 0:45:12.800
<v Speaker 2>to a dude about uh work away or I forget

0:45:12.800 --> 0:45:15.319
<v Speaker 2>the fucking name of the website, but like all these

0:45:15.360 --> 0:45:18.840
<v Speaker 2>places where like you can go uh to kind of

0:45:19.160 --> 0:45:21.759
<v Speaker 2>uh work in exchange for I mean, you got to

0:45:21.800 --> 0:45:24.120
<v Speaker 2>save up I think for the plane ticket, but there's

0:45:24.120 --> 0:45:26.200
<v Speaker 2>a lot of places you can go to like work

0:45:26.360 --> 0:45:30.239
<v Speaker 2>in exchange for housing and food. You know what I mean?

0:45:30.280 --> 0:45:31.960
<v Speaker 2>You ever thought you ever thought about something like that?

0:45:33.360 --> 0:45:36.320
<v Speaker 3>So what do you mean I would work for someone

0:45:36.440 --> 0:45:37.720
<v Speaker 3>else during that time?

0:45:38.760 --> 0:45:39.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:45:39.239 --> 0:45:40.759
<v Speaker 2>Like I mean I don't know, man, you're talking about

0:45:40.760 --> 0:45:42.560
<v Speaker 2>like trying to go away for twenty one days or

0:45:42.560 --> 0:45:44.920
<v Speaker 2>go away for an extended period of time to do

0:45:45.000 --> 0:45:47.359
<v Speaker 2>some shit. There's there's these websites where you can go

0:45:48.040 --> 0:45:54.360
<v Speaker 2>to again like find some shit abroad or even maybe

0:45:54.440 --> 0:45:59.479
<v Speaker 2>domestic where you can go and yeah, like like work

0:45:59.520 --> 0:46:06.279
<v Speaker 2>on like a farm or like a fucking uh what

0:46:06.680 --> 0:46:11.319
<v Speaker 2>is it. Yeah, there's just kind of like opportunity or something, yeah,

0:46:11.440 --> 0:46:13.719
<v Speaker 2>co op something like that. You know, again, you got

0:46:13.719 --> 0:46:18.840
<v Speaker 2>to kind of save up for a a plane ticket

0:46:18.960 --> 0:46:21.120
<v Speaker 2>to get there or gas or whatever it is. But

0:46:21.160 --> 0:46:23.880
<v Speaker 2>once you're there, you know, you might maybe you'll be

0:46:23.880 --> 0:46:27.040
<v Speaker 2>able to find something that you're looking for. Uh, maybe

0:46:27.040 --> 0:46:28.520
<v Speaker 2>you'll be able to find what you're looking for there.

0:46:29.920 --> 0:46:32.040
<v Speaker 3>I will kind of look into some more of that

0:46:32.160 --> 0:46:34.680
<v Speaker 3>because I feel like that would solve some of my problems.

0:46:34.680 --> 0:46:37.080
<v Speaker 3>And I bet other people would benefit from something like

0:46:37.120 --> 0:46:39.239
<v Speaker 3>that too, So that's probably good. We're even talking about it.

0:46:39.719 --> 0:46:40.040
<v Speaker 1>M M.

0:46:41.640 --> 0:46:44.200
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, you know, sad.

0:46:44.080 --> 0:46:46.759
<v Speaker 2>Guru, Yeah, sure, I know who that is.

0:46:47.719 --> 0:46:49.960
<v Speaker 3>They have I'm in Atlanta, so there, and they have

0:46:50.000 --> 0:46:52.800
<v Speaker 3>a headquarters in Tennessee and they have a spot. But

0:46:53.000 --> 0:46:55.640
<v Speaker 3>that's extensive too, and it's like, man, I gotta work,

0:46:56.160 --> 0:47:03.360
<v Speaker 3>like I'm literally I can't afford to. I have to support,

0:47:03.560 --> 0:47:05.719
<v Speaker 3>you know, some kids and stuff like that and pay

0:47:05.760 --> 0:47:06.680
<v Speaker 3>my bills or whatever.

0:47:06.760 --> 0:47:08.799
<v Speaker 2>So it's just how many how many kids do you have?

0:47:08.920 --> 0:47:10.240
<v Speaker 2>How many kids are some kids?

0:47:10.560 --> 0:47:14.000
<v Speaker 3>I have three kids, have three kids, and they are

0:47:14.080 --> 0:47:17.520
<v Speaker 3>all young, and they are expensive. And it's only gotten

0:47:17.560 --> 0:47:21.480
<v Speaker 3>more expensive since I started having just like the economy

0:47:21.480 --> 0:47:29.040
<v Speaker 3>and everything. That's just like that's tough, man, because you know,

0:47:29.920 --> 0:47:32.879
<v Speaker 3>being let me get a few beers and I'm like, yeah,

0:47:32.920 --> 0:47:37.799
<v Speaker 3>that's twenty bucks. I probably should put towards their retirement

0:47:37.920 --> 0:47:41.200
<v Speaker 3>funds or whatever. Then I feel bad about that, so

0:47:41.320 --> 0:47:44.520
<v Speaker 3>then whatever. But you know, that's that's one of the

0:47:44.520 --> 0:47:47.480
<v Speaker 3>struggles that I have, is trying to find the right time.

0:47:47.520 --> 0:47:49.640
<v Speaker 3>And I actually did take off a few weeks of

0:47:49.760 --> 0:47:53.560
<v Speaker 3>work in December and I thought, hey, i'll clean my

0:47:53.640 --> 0:47:56.040
<v Speaker 3>house up, you know that I'm I did do some

0:47:56.160 --> 0:48:02.520
<v Speaker 3>of it, and then like kids got fig or it's

0:48:02.520 --> 0:48:05.799
<v Speaker 3>just a lot going on. So then I'd almost made

0:48:05.800 --> 0:48:08.840
<v Speaker 3>the opportunity. I talked to my parents because they're nearby

0:48:08.880 --> 0:48:11.600
<v Speaker 3>at least a few hours a couple hours away. That

0:48:11.680 --> 0:48:13.120
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I'm gonna go stay up there with

0:48:13.160 --> 0:48:15.120
<v Speaker 3>you guys for a few weeks, just to get away.

0:48:15.239 --> 0:48:18.400
<v Speaker 3>Like I was open, openly talking to him about the

0:48:18.480 --> 0:48:21.520
<v Speaker 3>same kind of stuff we're talking about, but then time

0:48:21.600 --> 0:48:23.680
<v Speaker 3>passed and I didn't do it. Now we're back into

0:48:23.680 --> 0:48:28.319
<v Speaker 3>the whole cycle of like, you know, school stuff and

0:48:29.760 --> 0:48:32.799
<v Speaker 3>softball feyball stuff, and I don't want to miss my star.

0:48:32.960 --> 0:48:35.120
<v Speaker 3>I just don't want to be an assent dad. I'm

0:48:35.120 --> 0:48:36.680
<v Speaker 3>trying to do my best, but then I'm off of

0:48:36.719 --> 0:48:40.359
<v Speaker 3>struggling and I'm just like, man, what the fus what

0:48:40.360 --> 0:48:40.799
<v Speaker 3>do I do?

0:48:41.239 --> 0:48:46.880
<v Speaker 1>What do I do? What do I do?

0:48:47.480 --> 0:48:50.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't know, man, I try your best. I

0:48:50.080 --> 0:48:51.400
<v Speaker 2>guess I don't know what the hell you do?

0:48:51.520 --> 0:48:54.240
<v Speaker 3>I mean, that really is the point that I wanted

0:48:54.280 --> 0:48:56.280
<v Speaker 3>to make. That's really why I wanted to call, because

0:48:56.520 --> 0:48:58.279
<v Speaker 3>it's what you gotta do. You gotta do your best.

0:48:58.320 --> 0:49:00.319
<v Speaker 2>Man, Just try your best, man, I mean, I I mean,

0:49:01.480 --> 0:49:05.959
<v Speaker 2>with like alcohol, it's like I don't, I don't, I don't,

0:49:06.000 --> 0:49:07.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, man, I mean, you just have to

0:49:07.440 --> 0:49:12.880
<v Speaker 2>fucking decide. It's just a thing of like deciding to

0:49:12.960 --> 0:49:17.040
<v Speaker 2>change and deciding to prioritize ship and deciding to fucking

0:49:19.680 --> 0:49:22.400
<v Speaker 2>do do better on it. You know, I don't know, man,

0:49:22.440 --> 0:49:24.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't have any I don't have anything for you.

0:49:24.520 --> 0:49:31.200
<v Speaker 2>That's yeah. I mean, you seem like you care about life.

0:49:31.640 --> 0:49:34.200
<v Speaker 2>You seem like you care about your kids, or because

0:49:34.200 --> 0:49:35.919
<v Speaker 2>if you didn't care about your kids, you'd be gone

0:49:36.600 --> 0:49:40.920
<v Speaker 2>by now. You wouldn't even be in anywhere or any

0:49:40.920 --> 0:49:42.600
<v Speaker 2>you wouldn't be on the phone with me right now,

0:49:42.640 --> 0:49:46.960
<v Speaker 2>you'd be in like a I don't even know. But

0:49:47.160 --> 0:49:50.560
<v Speaker 2>you care enough about life and enough about bar be

0:49:50.600 --> 0:49:51.000
<v Speaker 2>in a bar.

0:49:51.080 --> 0:49:51.279
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:49:51.440 --> 0:49:54.480
<v Speaker 2>You care enough about life, You care enough about your family,

0:49:54.520 --> 0:49:57.799
<v Speaker 2>You care enough about yourself that you're trying. You know,

0:49:58.000 --> 0:50:02.680
<v Speaker 2>you still give a shit about yeah, existing on the

0:50:02.719 --> 0:50:07.560
<v Speaker 2>plan about that stuff, and you know, and go ahead.

0:50:07.640 --> 0:50:12.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm a nice guy man, like making people happy. I

0:50:12.480 --> 0:50:15.000
<v Speaker 3>just kee said, I'm fucking so unhappy all the time.

0:50:15.880 --> 0:50:16.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:50:16.239 --> 0:50:18.160
<v Speaker 3>I went on a date a couple of weeks ago.

0:50:18.239 --> 0:50:21.080
<v Speaker 3>My wife is like, you know, you're like you kind

0:50:21.080 --> 0:50:23.200
<v Speaker 3>of hot, but like you're too mad all the time,

0:50:23.680 --> 0:50:25.759
<v Speaker 3>Like how you think I'm hot? I don't think I'm

0:50:25.800 --> 0:50:26.200
<v Speaker 3>out by.

0:50:26.120 --> 0:50:28.520
<v Speaker 2>The way, I'm sorry you went. You went on a

0:50:28.600 --> 0:50:29.520
<v Speaker 2>date with your wife?

0:50:30.560 --> 0:50:32.360
<v Speaker 3>My wife, Yeah, we got a date A couple of

0:50:32.400 --> 0:50:35.880
<v Speaker 3>weeks ago, which is very far few and far in between,

0:50:36.000 --> 0:50:38.640
<v Speaker 3>so it was it was pretty good.

0:50:38.520 --> 0:50:41.759
<v Speaker 2>Timing and how's your how's everything going with your wife?

0:50:43.200 --> 0:50:43.560
<v Speaker 1>Good?

0:50:43.800 --> 0:50:48.040
<v Speaker 3>I mean good, And you know, honestly, it is probably

0:50:48.040 --> 0:50:49.920
<v Speaker 3>better than it was last year this time when I

0:50:50.000 --> 0:50:54.880
<v Speaker 3>told you, we spoke crazy for me to think you

0:50:54.920 --> 0:50:57.919
<v Speaker 3>would remember the conversation and I don't even actually remember

0:50:58.040 --> 0:51:02.279
<v Speaker 3>that well because I was pretty drunk. But you know,

0:51:02.440 --> 0:51:05.320
<v Speaker 3>things are good, so you know, that was one of

0:51:05.400 --> 0:51:07.800
<v Speaker 3>the main points. Like I said, I want to I

0:51:08.120 --> 0:51:11.600
<v Speaker 3>got the opportunity to get dirty too, and just you know,

0:51:11.800 --> 0:51:13.959
<v Speaker 3>we just we just got to keep keep our heads

0:51:14.000 --> 0:51:16.400
<v Speaker 3>up and keep learning and keep thinking and keep trying

0:51:16.440 --> 0:51:21.000
<v Speaker 3>and just trying to do better. I think m hm hm.

0:51:21.080 --> 0:51:25.520
<v Speaker 3>And you know, we people do like having these conversations,

0:51:25.280 --> 0:51:28.400
<v Speaker 3>and in general public it's just harder these days and

0:51:28.480 --> 0:51:34.320
<v Speaker 3>everything so technology related and computers, computer nerds stuff behind

0:51:34.360 --> 0:51:37.120
<v Speaker 3>the you know, you get stuck in this cycle behind

0:51:37.120 --> 0:51:41.279
<v Speaker 3>the keyboard and in your own heads and stuff. It's

0:51:41.280 --> 0:51:55.000
<v Speaker 3>hard to break out of it sometimes. But uh yeah, yeah.

0:51:53.080 --> 0:51:54.120
<v Speaker 2>What's your name against, sir?

0:51:55.560 --> 0:52:01.920
<v Speaker 3>My name is Keegan, Yeah, Keegan, Keegan, Keegan.

0:52:04.560 --> 0:52:08.520
<v Speaker 2>You know what, man, I'm gonna have optimism for you, Keegan.

0:52:09.520 --> 0:52:11.839
<v Speaker 3>I've got optimism optimism for me.

0:52:11.880 --> 0:52:14.880
<v Speaker 2>Too, that's all. That's it. As long as you have that,

0:52:14.920 --> 0:52:17.480
<v Speaker 2>you're gonna be uh, you know, as long as you

0:52:17.560 --> 0:52:21.240
<v Speaker 2>actually truly, genuinely have a little bit of optimism, hopefully

0:52:21.320 --> 0:52:27.080
<v Speaker 2>things will be on a trajectory. I fucking hope, man, I.

0:52:26.960 --> 0:52:34.080
<v Speaker 3>Hope continues to hope to help that. That's not religious. Uh,

0:52:34.360 --> 0:52:36.239
<v Speaker 3>it doesn't even matter. And I did not have to

0:52:36.239 --> 0:52:40.239
<v Speaker 3>bring that up. But I think if we just stay on,

0:52:40.800 --> 0:52:43.960
<v Speaker 3>stay on the right path, and continue thinking and just

0:52:44.040 --> 0:52:46.400
<v Speaker 3>trying to do better, we'll get there one day, right.

0:52:48.280 --> 0:52:51.480
<v Speaker 2>You know. Uh, there's a better chance. At least is

0:52:53.680 --> 0:52:58.320
<v Speaker 2>a better chance at least. I'll say that much. All right,

0:53:00.040 --> 0:53:01.279
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else you want to say? The people

0:53:01.280 --> 0:53:05.240
<v Speaker 2>of the computer before we go? Keep your head up, baby,

0:53:06.840 --> 0:53:09.040
<v Speaker 2>rock and roll, rock and roll, all right, take care

0:53:09.080 --> 0:53:16.480
<v Speaker 2>of Keegan, Good luck man, Thanks brother man oh Man.

0:53:17.040 --> 0:53:19.000
<v Speaker 2>The more I do this podcast, the more I'm like,

0:53:19.040 --> 0:53:21.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't have answer. I mean I don't. I don't

0:53:21.680 --> 0:53:25.360
<v Speaker 2>necessarily advertise myself as having answers to the questions of life.

0:53:25.480 --> 0:53:30.600
<v Speaker 2>I sometimes sometimes I want to folks, listeners, help me

0:53:30.640 --> 0:53:32.279
<v Speaker 2>out here. I tell me, you know what, I'm just

0:53:32.280 --> 0:53:33.879
<v Speaker 2>gonna say this. Do you guys, Do you guys think?

0:53:35.000 --> 0:53:39.080
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I wonder if doing this podcast makes me depressed

0:53:39.280 --> 0:53:41.640
<v Speaker 2>or if it makes me better, Because on one hand,

0:53:41.680 --> 0:53:46.640
<v Speaker 2>it gives me, you know, it gives me like some

0:53:46.760 --> 0:53:50.560
<v Speaker 2>purpose to do this show and have these conversations, and

0:53:51.680 --> 0:53:57.920
<v Speaker 2>people enjoy listening to it, and people enjoy hearing it,

0:53:58.040 --> 0:54:03.040
<v Speaker 2>and people people enjoy this kind of curation of other

0:54:03.120 --> 0:54:07.560
<v Speaker 2>people's lives and stories and problems, and I do too.

0:54:07.760 --> 0:54:11.200
<v Speaker 2>I do too, And I enjoy getting to express myself,

0:54:11.239 --> 0:54:16.640
<v Speaker 2>and I enjoy kind of a lot of aspects of

0:54:16.680 --> 0:54:18.920
<v Speaker 2>doing this. But then sometimes I wonder, I'm like, am

0:54:18.960 --> 0:54:24.799
<v Speaker 2>I is repeated exposure to all of the lives of

0:54:24.920 --> 0:54:34.480
<v Speaker 2>other people driving me insane, whether consciously or unconsciously, And

0:54:34.560 --> 0:54:40.160
<v Speaker 2>then is having an audience of people watching in real

0:54:40.239 --> 0:54:44.600
<v Speaker 2>time as I slowly go insane? Is what is that?

0:54:45.520 --> 0:54:49.080
<v Speaker 2>But also am I going insane? Or am I actually

0:54:50.560 --> 0:54:55.279
<v Speaker 2>doing a good thing by doing this show? Five It's

0:54:55.280 --> 0:54:58.719
<v Speaker 2>been almost this summer, it'll be five years of doing

0:54:58.760 --> 0:55:02.279
<v Speaker 2>this show. But I don't know. I only I only

0:55:02.320 --> 0:55:05.439
<v Speaker 2>know this show from this end of it. I don't

0:55:05.440 --> 0:55:09.719
<v Speaker 2>know it from the listener end, I don't. I only

0:55:09.760 --> 0:55:12.520
<v Speaker 2>I only know my life from my own end. I

0:55:12.520 --> 0:55:15.920
<v Speaker 2>don't know it from the end of anyone observing it.

0:55:16.600 --> 0:55:18.960
<v Speaker 2>So I have to kind of ask myself these questions.

0:55:19.920 --> 0:55:22.680
<v Speaker 2>I have to wonder that I was thinking. I selfishly

0:55:22.800 --> 0:55:25.640
<v Speaker 2>was thinking about that a little bit through some of

0:55:25.680 --> 0:55:29.920
<v Speaker 2>the calls today. I was like, is this is is

0:55:30.760 --> 0:55:37.520
<v Speaker 2>dressing as a gecko and talking to people on the

0:55:37.600 --> 0:55:43.560
<v Speaker 2>phone about all of the infinite because I because about

0:55:43.600 --> 0:55:47.880
<v Speaker 2>about like all the infinite both joys and sorrows of

0:55:47.960 --> 0:55:53.239
<v Speaker 2>life a good thing? Or is it detrimental to my

0:55:53.360 --> 0:55:57.000
<v Speaker 2>own health? I even feel like it's kind of crazy

0:55:57.120 --> 0:56:02.360
<v Speaker 2>for me to be thinking out loud about this, but

0:56:02.480 --> 0:56:06.120
<v Speaker 2>I can't not. I've tried. I've said to myself, I'm like,

0:56:06.120 --> 0:56:09.600
<v Speaker 2>I gotta stop thinking aloud so much. I gotta stop

0:56:11.719 --> 0:56:16.080
<v Speaker 2>sharing so much on the podcast. I gotta protect myself

0:56:16.120 --> 0:56:20.919
<v Speaker 2>a little bit. But then I'm like, I think it's

0:56:20.960 --> 0:56:24.239
<v Speaker 2>just my nature and not like in my own life

0:56:24.280 --> 0:56:27.720
<v Speaker 2>and in this podcast, I think it's just my nature.

0:56:27.719 --> 0:56:32.799
<v Speaker 2>I don't think I cannot do it, but I mean,

0:56:32.840 --> 0:56:35.960
<v Speaker 2>that's what it is, and I'm gonna keep doing it

0:56:36.480 --> 0:56:40.200
<v Speaker 2>because it's Yeah, it's I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm

0:56:40.239 --> 0:56:43.800
<v Speaker 2>going to keep being a Gecko and taking phone calls

0:56:43.920 --> 0:56:48.240
<v Speaker 2>and making this podcast because I actually really do enjoy

0:56:48.320 --> 0:56:52.239
<v Speaker 2>doing it. Ultimately, I think I scroll the I think

0:56:52.280 --> 0:56:54.080
<v Speaker 2>I talked about this before, but I scroll through my

0:56:55.040 --> 0:56:59.640
<v Speaker 2>Spotify sometimes, like like I'll like look at all the

0:56:59.680 --> 0:57:02.200
<v Speaker 2>episodisodes and I'll look at the titles of them, and

0:57:02.239 --> 0:57:04.879
<v Speaker 2>I'll remember the conversations and I'll be like, I really

0:57:05.000 --> 0:57:07.799
<v Speaker 2>enjoyed having that conversation. I really enjoyed. I Like, I

0:57:07.880 --> 0:57:09.600
<v Speaker 2>look at all the episodes and I'll be like, all

0:57:09.640 --> 0:57:12.680
<v Speaker 2>of the like all of the episodes that I post

0:57:12.719 --> 0:57:15.920
<v Speaker 2>on Spotify, like remember having that conversation, and I'll be like,

0:57:16.120 --> 0:57:20.200
<v Speaker 2>I enjoyed having that conversation. But I do wonder if

0:57:20.240 --> 0:57:25.520
<v Speaker 2>it's driving me insane. But I am going to keep

0:57:26.680 --> 0:57:31.160
<v Speaker 2>doing it. But I guess I guess I should also

0:57:31.240 --> 0:57:39.800
<v Speaker 2>do other things, like I think I'm going I'm also

0:57:39.840 --> 0:57:47.760
<v Speaker 2>going to do other things, such as do an art

0:57:47.800 --> 0:57:53.600
<v Speaker 2>gallery where I display my trash. Okay, yeah, this is

0:57:53.600 --> 0:57:56.200
<v Speaker 2>a perfect time for me to I'm probably gonna put

0:57:56.200 --> 0:57:59.480
<v Speaker 2>an ad somewhere at the beginning of the podcast for

0:57:59.560 --> 0:58:04.440
<v Speaker 2>this to talk about it again. I'm going to display

0:58:04.560 --> 0:58:07.960
<v Speaker 2>my trash. I'm trying to do things outside of what

0:58:08.000 --> 0:58:09.800
<v Speaker 2>I normally do, and one of those things that I'm

0:58:09.800 --> 0:58:14.840
<v Speaker 2>gonna do is take my trash and display it in

0:58:14.920 --> 0:58:18.080
<v Speaker 2>an art exhibition because it's funny. And I'm gonna do

0:58:18.160 --> 0:58:23.440
<v Speaker 2>that in Brooklyn, New York on March fourteenth from seven

0:58:23.480 --> 0:58:26.680
<v Speaker 2>pm to ten pm. That'll be the gallery opening, but

0:58:26.720 --> 0:58:30.280
<v Speaker 2>then the work will be on display at the gallery

0:58:30.800 --> 0:58:34.320
<v Speaker 2>from March fourteenth to the twenty second. And if you

0:58:34.480 --> 0:58:38.520
<v Speaker 2>want more details on this, I'm gonna include them in

0:58:38.640 --> 0:58:43.560
<v Speaker 2>a link in the episode description. So that's my life is.

0:58:43.640 --> 0:58:46.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna keep talking to people on the phone as

0:58:46.480 --> 0:58:49.600
<v Speaker 2>a gecko. I'm gonna do an art exhibition where I

0:58:50.240 --> 0:58:55.120
<v Speaker 2>show off my trash. And you know, I'm trying to

0:58:55.160 --> 0:58:58.720
<v Speaker 2>have optimism for myself, and therefore I just feel like

0:58:58.800 --> 0:59:02.600
<v Speaker 2>I have to have optimism for other people. It's maybe

0:59:02.680 --> 0:59:04.800
<v Speaker 2>like a d it's a danger. It might be like

0:59:04.840 --> 0:59:13.040
<v Speaker 2>a dangerous amount of it's so douchey to be like

0:59:14.760 --> 0:59:17.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm an EmPATH or whatever, but like I like if

0:59:17.720 --> 0:59:22.880
<v Speaker 2>I I just I have to be optimistic for everyone

0:59:23.120 --> 0:59:25.040
<v Speaker 2>and everything or else. I don't know how I'm gonna

0:59:25.040 --> 0:59:27.600
<v Speaker 2>be optimistic for myself. But that might be that might

0:59:27.640 --> 0:59:31.160
<v Speaker 2>just be unrealistic. I don't know. Isn't it weird? After

0:59:31.240 --> 0:59:34.920
<v Speaker 2>five years of doing this, I have way more questions

0:59:35.480 --> 0:59:39.880
<v Speaker 2>than answers. I had way more confidence and answers I

0:59:39.920 --> 0:59:45.560
<v Speaker 2>think when I started than now. But I'm enjoying. But

0:59:45.640 --> 0:59:49.080
<v Speaker 2>it's similar in the sense that it's therapeutic for other

0:59:49.120 --> 0:59:53.600
<v Speaker 2>people to come on and call and talk about these

0:59:53.640 --> 0:59:58.440
<v Speaker 2>things with an audience to hear them. It's therapeutic for

0:59:58.480 --> 1:00:00.800
<v Speaker 2>me to do it too, And that's why I'm doing it.

1:00:01.200 --> 1:00:04.680
<v Speaker 2>That's why I'm putting this on the internet in a

1:00:04.760 --> 1:00:08.280
<v Speaker 2>podcast for other people to listen to. Just a big,

1:00:08.360 --> 1:00:12.000
<v Speaker 2>long rant about what's going on in my brain. It's

1:00:12.040 --> 1:00:15.680
<v Speaker 2>helpful even though it's on the internet forever, and like

1:00:15.800 --> 1:00:18.480
<v Speaker 2>in five years, someone will be like, Hey, I heard

1:00:18.480 --> 1:00:21.960
<v Speaker 2>you ranting like a crazy person on a podcast five

1:00:22.040 --> 1:00:24.360
<v Speaker 2>years ago. What's up with that? I had? All I'm

1:00:24.520 --> 1:00:26.920
<v Speaker 2>just gonna All you really can do in that moment

1:00:27.000 --> 1:00:30.560
<v Speaker 2>is just go, you know, yeah, yeah, but what's how

1:00:30.600 --> 1:00:33.520
<v Speaker 2>you doing? What's what's the weather like today? What am

1:00:33.560 --> 1:00:36.160
<v Speaker 2>I gonna eat for lunch today?

1:00:36.280 --> 1:00:36.520
<v Speaker 1>You know?

1:00:37.320 --> 1:00:43.120
<v Speaker 2>How am I feeling right now? In this moment. Right,

1:00:44.480 --> 1:00:48.520
<v Speaker 2>that all makes sense. Right. I'm enjoying this format of

1:00:48.560 --> 1:00:55.240
<v Speaker 2>the podcast where I just rant incessantly my thoughts from

1:00:55.240 --> 1:00:58.720
<v Speaker 2>my own brain. I'm trying to think of I have

1:00:58.760 --> 1:01:07.120
<v Speaker 2>anything else to share or say before we end the episode.

1:01:07.560 --> 1:01:10.640
<v Speaker 2>Sunlight is good. It's good to get sunlight. I've been

1:01:10.720 --> 1:01:14.640
<v Speaker 2>every morning I've been talking. I talked about my excidential

1:01:14.720 --> 1:01:18.960
<v Speaker 2>dreadale at this episode. Every morning, I feel great, the

1:01:19.040 --> 1:01:21.880
<v Speaker 2>sun shines, I take a walk, I do some pushups,

1:01:21.920 --> 1:01:25.680
<v Speaker 2>I feel great, and then at nightfall, as I'm recording

1:01:25.680 --> 1:01:30.280
<v Speaker 2>this right now, it's nightfall, and then at nightfall, I

1:01:30.400 --> 1:01:38.120
<v Speaker 2>feel more despirally. So how do I create morning in

1:01:38.160 --> 1:01:43.200
<v Speaker 2>my brain at all times? I'm not sure? For me,

1:01:43.400 --> 1:01:48.920
<v Speaker 2>people helps like real having interactions with real human beings,

1:01:49.560 --> 1:01:51.760
<v Speaker 2>being out of my house, being out of my brain.

1:01:52.360 --> 1:01:58.560
<v Speaker 2>Walking always feels great. I like activity. I was in

1:01:58.600 --> 1:02:04.080
<v Speaker 2>a crowded restaurant the other night at ten pm. That

1:02:04.160 --> 1:02:06.400
<v Speaker 2>felt amazing. It's one of the things I like about

1:02:06.480 --> 1:02:08.320
<v Speaker 2>New York. One of the things I like about Tokyo

1:02:08.440 --> 1:02:11.160
<v Speaker 2>is that there's always crowds and people, and I know

1:02:11.200 --> 1:02:14.439
<v Speaker 2>everyone's kind of different. Some people they they feel much

1:02:14.440 --> 1:02:17.560
<v Speaker 2>better alone. But I always feel better when I'm surrounded

1:02:17.560 --> 1:02:19.920
<v Speaker 2>by like activity and things and stuff. I think it's

1:02:19.960 --> 1:02:27.320
<v Speaker 2>like an ADHD thing. But yeah, that's it. That's the

1:02:27.400 --> 1:02:31.240
<v Speaker 2>end of this rant. Tell let's say some stuff. And

1:02:31.400 --> 1:02:34.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't I read all the Spotify I mean, I'm crazy,

1:02:34.640 --> 1:02:37.960
<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't do this, but I read all the Spotify comments.

1:02:37.960 --> 1:02:42.960
<v Speaker 2>I read all the YouTube comments. So talk to each

1:02:43.000 --> 1:02:46.440
<v Speaker 2>other in the YouTube comments and in the Spotify comments,

1:02:47.120 --> 1:02:50.600
<v Speaker 2>say say some things to each other, say some things

1:02:51.240 --> 1:02:55.000
<v Speaker 2>for yourself. I don't know. I don't know anything. I

1:02:55.200 --> 1:02:59.000
<v Speaker 2>I I am on a search. For all I know

1:02:59.160 --> 1:03:03.919
<v Speaker 2>is I feel good ranting into this microphone right now.

1:03:05.000 --> 1:03:08.720
<v Speaker 2>And so thanks for listening to this podcast and for

1:03:08.920 --> 1:03:13.400
<v Speaker 2>listening to the me ranting into this microphone. I hope

1:03:13.400 --> 1:03:15.520
<v Speaker 2>it was helpful for it was helpful for me. I

1:03:15.560 --> 1:03:17.680
<v Speaker 2>hope it was helpful for you. I hope it was

1:03:17.720 --> 1:03:21.760
<v Speaker 2>good for you. And let's keep doing it. But for now,

1:03:21.800 --> 1:03:24.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to go to sleep. So thanks for listening

1:03:24.320 --> 1:03:34.320
<v Speaker 2>to this podcast. Good luck, fucking try your best, and

1:03:36.680 --> 1:03:39.880
<v Speaker 2>that's it, man, Try your best. It's all you can do.

1:03:40.200 --> 1:03:43.560
<v Speaker 2>Try your best, it's all you can do. So you

1:03:43.560 --> 1:03:45.760
<v Speaker 2>can do go to good. If you're if you're listening

1:03:45.800 --> 1:03:49.120
<v Speaker 2>to this podcast at like one o'clock in the morning

1:03:49.160 --> 1:03:52.360
<v Speaker 2>and you're spiraling, you're going insane, Just drink some water,

1:03:53.760 --> 1:03:56.840
<v Speaker 2>go to bed, and then try again tomorrow. That's the

1:03:56.880 --> 1:03:59.440
<v Speaker 2>thing about thoughts is every time I have a thought,

1:03:59.480 --> 1:04:01.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, this is it. This is the per every

1:04:01.120 --> 1:04:03.000
<v Speaker 2>time I have a negative thought, I'm like, this is

1:04:03.040 --> 1:04:07.080
<v Speaker 2>it now, this is the permanent status of my brain forever.

1:04:07.680 --> 1:04:10.000
<v Speaker 2>And then that makes me spiral more. And I just

1:04:10.000 --> 1:04:12.080
<v Speaker 2>gotta always remember. I just gotta remember. No, it's the

1:04:12.240 --> 1:04:14.640
<v Speaker 2>kind of the feelings and the especially when you have

1:04:15.040 --> 1:04:17.560
<v Speaker 2>like ADHD or whatever, the feelings in your brain, they

1:04:17.640 --> 1:04:20.000
<v Speaker 2>just cycle, they cycle, and they cycle. So if you're

1:04:20.040 --> 1:04:22.600
<v Speaker 2>feeling good, it's not gonna last forever. If you're feeling shitty,

1:04:22.840 --> 1:04:30.840
<v Speaker 2>it's not gonna last forever. So just just will let

1:04:30.880 --> 1:04:34.840
<v Speaker 2>it pass. Let it flow like water. I feel like

1:04:34.840 --> 1:04:40.360
<v Speaker 2>people say that a lot. Let the feelings flow like water.

1:04:40.400 --> 1:04:45.560
<v Speaker 2>If you're feeling insane, just let it fucking pass. It's

1:04:45.600 --> 1:04:48.760
<v Speaker 2>not gonna be forever. If if someone's mad at you,

1:04:48.840 --> 1:04:52.240
<v Speaker 2>they won't be mad at you forever, or maybe they will,

1:04:52.280 --> 1:04:57.560
<v Speaker 2>but you won't feel it forever. It'll be all right,

1:04:58.520 --> 1:05:02.400
<v Speaker 2>all right, good luck, thanks for listening.

1:05:03.320 --> 1:05:06.480
<v Speaker 3>There. Rep Ken goes on the line, taking your phone

1:05:06.520 --> 1:05:07.440
<v Speaker 3>calls every night.

1:05:07.840 --> 1:05:08.959
<v Speaker 2>The repin Can goes.

1:05:09.000 --> 1:05:11.960
<v Speaker 3>Doory's right, he's teaching you to loud to live your life,

1:05:12.320 --> 1:05:14.520
<v Speaker 3>but he's not really an expert.